Forbidden
by RainandFlames
Summary: Derek Shepherd took a job.  It was supposed to be easy.  How hard could it be to guard of the richest seventeen year old in the world?  But is was. What happens when their feelings grow stronger?  He can't have her.  She is Forbidden.
1. Chapter 1

**So here it is... It starts out slow. But It's AU, so I have to build a foundation. **

**Oh Yes- A DISCLAIMER: This will have a lot of sex. It will have drug use. And addiction issues. I DO NOT reccomend it for everyone. You have been warned! **

**So here it is... **

Derek drove down the road in his rental car. Emilia-Romagna. He had no idea what he was doing here. This was never in his plan. Since he was a child he always had a plan for his life. But it seemed the more he tried to stick to it, the more foiled it became. Life it seems had been unfair. He wasn't fortunate enough to have it easy. So he had given up. Just temporarily, he told himself. But that creeping feeling of doubt was always around the corner. The one that told him his dreams had long since flown out the window. Like a caged bird, they were never to return.

It was crazy how it all came about. He had convinced himself that this was just an avenue to his dreams. This would help him get what he wanted. The pay was more than ample. The job didn't seem as if it would be too hard. It would be a foreign vacation. And the experience should be life changing. He was all for trying something new. Doing something to further his life experience and help him in the future. He could do that.

Derek's eyes got wide as he pulled up to the large iron gates. A brick wall seemed to border the whole property. It had to be many acres. The immaculately landscaped lawn went on as far as his eyes could see. He pulled up to the gate and pushed the button on the intercom.

"Your name." The voice asked simply in italian. Derek listened hard, pulling what he had learned in high school, and the little bit that he had been studying in the recent past together to figure it out.

"Derek Hanson." He responded as he sat in his car. "I'm here to see Thatcher Grey." Derek explained.

"Please pull forward." They said as the large gates opened.

Derek had never seen anything like it. It was breathtaking. The lawn was landscaped with natural shrubbery and flowers. The grass was just freshly cut. He could still see a few damp clumps. He was sure by the look of things that it would be unacceptable if noticed. A glance across the property revealed several workers trimming back the large shrubs that surrounded a large building on the backside of the property. The house was larger than any he had ever seen. He would think it considered a mansion. It was old, but well taken care of. He pulled the car to a stop as a guard put his hands out.

"You need to be searched." The guard said in his deep Italian accent as he walked to the open car window. "Step out, please."

"Is this necessary?" Derek asked as he climbed out of the car.

"Of course it is." The man said as Derek stood there. Derek stood there as he patted him down. "That is not a weapon!" Derek said as he grabbed his crotch.

"Okay, clear." The guard said as he stood and walked Derek up to the door. He pressed the bell and they both stood there until the door opened.

"Welcome. I'm Cristoforo." The well dressed man said as he opened the door. "I'm assuming you are Derek Hanson?"

"Yes." Derek said with a nod. Derek looked at the woman crouched on the floor, polishing the marble. The only marbles he had ever seen what what came in a bag, and they were round.

"Mr. Grey is waiting for you." He said as he walked away. "Please, come this way." He said as he waved his arm.

Derek was in shock as he looked around the home. It was full of antiques. Heirlooms. The items in the main entrance were undoubtedly worth more than he would see in a lifetime. He swallowed hard as he followed Cristoforo. As he looked around, he began to have a bad feeling. Part of him wanted to turn around and leave. But he didn't.

"Derek Hanson..." Thatcher said as Derek walked into the large office.

Derek was ready to laugh. Everyone had warned him about Thatcher Grey. He was a fierce man. A man that most people feared. And the most was truly all people. There were a small handful that chose to pretend that they weren't fearful of this man. Yes, many feared him. But Derek, Derek found him humorous. At first glance he was a squirrel-y man. Not a man that looked intimidating or powerful. He wondered in the back of his head if anyone who had been fearful had actually met this man.

"Mr. Grey." Derek said with a nod as he gave him a conscious firm handshake.

"How was your trip?" Thatcher asked, more out of necessity than actual interest.

"Uneventful." Derek said simply as he sat in the chair that Mr. Grey had motioned to.

"Well, I have to say you come with great references as much recommendation." Thatcher said as he looked up over his reading glasses. "Of course you know that we did a full background check on you, and everything came out clear. I was shocked to see not even a speeding ticket. Perhaps you have just been lucky?" Thatcher joked as he looked up.

"Perhaps." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Well, as I'm sure you've heard, my previous employee was let go, and I need to fill this position as quickly as possible." Thatcher explained. "You would be on a salary. And of course to would reside here, seeing as you are on call at all hours. All of your costs will be covered in full. And you will have one day a week off when your position will be covered by one of the other guards."

"Okay." Derek said with a nod.

"Do you have any questions?" Thatcher asked.

"I don't speak perfect italian..." Derek said with concern.

"Don't worry about that. You will pick it up. We speak english in the home, and if you must, a translator will join you when you venture off of the property." Thatcher explained.

"And I will go with you wherever you go?" Derek asked, wondering if he had to be ready to pick up and leave.

"Oh. No. You're not here for me. I have my own personal guards who have been with me for years..." Thatcher explained. "I thought you knew... No, you are here to be a bodyguard for my daughter, Meredith."

"Oh." Derek said in shock. "You're daughter? And how old is she?"

"Yes, Meredith. Meredith is seventeen." Thatcher said with a smile. "So, is this something you would be interested in?" Thatcher asked.

"Um. Yeah. It sounds great." Derek said with a nod.

He sat there, wheels spinning. He was supposed to be a body guard for Thatcher Grey, one of the most powerful business men in the world. He was going to travel with him, become his right hand man. But no. He was going to protect his daughter. He sat there for a second and thought. He was actually getting the sweeter deal. How hard would it be to protect a seventeen year old?

"So where are you staying? I can have someone collect your things..." Thatcher asked as he looked up.

"The Hotel Marconi." Derek replied as he looked across the desk.

"I will send Cristoforo." Thatcher told him as he stood. "Sofia has prepared a room for you."

"So when do I start?" Derek asked quickly as he stood.

"Today." Thatcher said quickly. "I believe that Meredith will be staying in tonight. But if she decides to go out, you will accompany her. You are never to leave her side."

"May I ask why?" Derek said with a wince.

"I am a very powerful man. A very successful man. I didn't get that way by backing down. This is a fierce business. There are no friends. And I have made quite a few enemies. There are many people who would go after my daughter to get to me. And that is where you come in." Thatcher explained.

"I understand." Derek said with a nod as he followed him to the door.

"I'm sure you will be needing to turn your car in soon. I BMW will be provided for your use." Thatcher told him. "Franco can get you the keys." Thatcher stopped in his tracks at the closed door and looked Derek square in the eyes. "There is one more thing."

"Okay." Derek said with a nod.

"My daughter is a very beautiful girl. I love her. But she very... Tempting. You are to stay away from her. She will go far, and I don't need anyone bringing her down. And I will not have anything compromising her safety." Thatcher said frankly as he opened the door.

"I understand, Sir." Derek said as he followed him to the main stairway.

"Cristoforo. I need to you pick up Mr. Hanson's things from the Hotel Marconi, and I will also need you to get him the keys to the black BMW." Thatcher said quickly.

"Right away, Sir." Cristoforo said as he marched off.

"Sofia!" Thatcher said loudly to the woman crouched on the floor. "Derek needs you to show him to his room."

"Of course, Sir." Sofia answered as she looked up. "If you'll come with me."

"I hope you find this experience enjoyable." Thatcher said with a nod as he walked away. "Oh yes. I must be leaving town for a few days. Someone will be around if you need help."

"Thank you, Sir." Derek responded as he watched him walk away.

Derek stood there for a moment. The door was definitely looking like a great idea. He wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but Thatcher made him feel inadequate and inferior. He wasn't interested in his daughter. This was his job. This girl was not going to be a problem, he was sure of that. But Thatcher made it sound as if Derek wasn't good enough. And he did not like that.

"Sir." Sofia said loudly as she motioned for Derek.

"Sorry." Derek said as he looked up at her.

Derek went to walk forward when something caught his eye. He gazed up the marble staircase. His heart rate quickened. His breathing ceased. He watched as a petite pair of manicured toes come softly down the stairs. His eyes travelled up the long legs that went with those perfect feet. Her legs never seemed to stop as he reached her waist. His eyes were drawn to her perfect perky breasts, a hint of cleavage peaking out of her tank top. His heart stopped at his blue eyes met her light green ones.

Meredith walked down the hall. She heard voices. She had to assume that it was one of her father's new men. She never had any idea what was going on. She didn't even pretend to. She looked down the stairs at the man. She had never been drawn to anyone like this. Her heart stopped beating as she looked down at his dark curls. She could see his muscular body wrapped in a deep blue polo shirt. She took a deep breath and began to descend down the stairs. Her heart began to flutter when her gaze was met with a sea of blue.

"Hey." Meredith croaked softly as she passed him and continued to go down the stairs.

"Hey." Derek said as he looked up at her in shock. She was not what he was expecting.

"Meri! How many times have I told you to wear socks. My floors don't like your dirty little feet on them! I spent two hours!" Sofia shouted as she looked down at her.

"Yeah, yeah." Meredith said with a smirk as she continued to walk away.

"Ungrateful girl..." Sofia said as she shook her head as they continued up the stairs.

Meredith quickly made it around the corner and squealed. Her head peeked around as she watched him disappear down the hallway. She couldn't believe the butterflies in her stomach. She had never had butterflies in her stomach. She quickly walked to the kitchen with a skip in her step. Now she was wondering just why he was here.

----------------

Derek looked around his room in shock. He had never seen anything so lavish in his life. He had grown up in a lower-middle class neighborhood. His dad was a factory worker. His mom is a school teacher. They got by, but they weren't used to comfortable living. When his dad died, things got even tighter and any hopes for a future for him were pushed aside as the money was used up to live on.

Derek laid back on the huge bed and stared at the ceiling. He honestly had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He didn't do this kind of work. He pretty much heard about it through the grapevine. He was working out at the gym, and he heard the talk. No one was in the situation and able to pick up and leave. No one except him. Normally he wouldn't have even considered it, but the money was no joke, and he couldn't turn that down. And when he began to follow through, he never thought anything would come of it. He never thought he would be laying in the guest room of Thatcher Grey's estate. In one of the biggest houses in Emilia-Romagna.

Derek's thoughts drifted off to the girl. To glow of her honey colored hair, shining in the sunlight had enthralled him. Her erect nipples pressing through the thin material of her spaghetti strap tank top. Undoubtedly she was not wearing a bra, and there was definitely no need. And he found that incredibly sexy. Her adorable little navel peeking out above her shorts. He couldn't get her long legs out of his head. They never stopped. He laid there thinking about how it would feel to have them wrapped tightly around him, as he pounded into to her, over and over.

[_iFuck, Derek. You've got to stop this... You are not here for that. And that would definitely get your ass fired.[/i_

"So you're the new guy." Meredith said as she put one hand on her waist and the other on the door frame. Derek jerked in surprise as he heard her soft voice.

"I am." Derek said as he sat up.

"Yeah, well, you aren't being paid to lay around." She said as she put her hands on her hips and looked into his eyes.

"Oh. I'm not?" Derek said with a smirk as he walked towards her. "And what exactly am I being paid to do?"

"Well, I would think if you need to ask me, that you probably shouldn't be here." Meredith said smartly as she stared him down.

He looked into her green eyes. He could read them like none he had ever seen before. They say the eyes are the window to a person's soul. And in her case, it was definitely true. She was fierce. He could tell by the look in her eyes that this had worked before. She intimidated. She put up a front. But her eyes were soft underneath it all. It was incredibly sexy. She liked to take control.

[i_So you like to take control... I can show you something you can control...[/i_

"Well then, I guess it's a good thing that I don't really need to ask you." Derek said in her ear.

His hot breath teased her flesh. He would see her tense up and it only caused the smirk on his face to grow. Their bodies touched softly as his hip rubbed against hers.

Meredith felt the sparks as their bodies connected. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She could smell his masculine scent. She had never had a scent draw her in like this before. She wanted nothing more than to stand there and inhale all day. Something about him was comfortable. Almost perfect.

Derek took a deep breath as he walked by. Soft, flowery. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he had smelled it before. She smelled so clean and feminine. As he brushed by her, he could feel her soft flesh on his arm. He had never felt softer skin in his life. He could only imagine the treasures that lay beneath her tight little clothes.

"Well then." Meredith said as she stood straight. "And where are you off to?"

"Oh, me?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes.

"You are the only person around here, so... You would be the one I am speaking to." She said smartly.

"I am off to work." He said with a grin as he marched down the hallway.

"Off to work! But you are here for me!" She said loudly. He quickly turned on his heel and walked swiftly toward her.

"Am I?" He asked as he marched up to her face. "And what exactly am I supposed to _do_ with you?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"Oh! You are an ass!" She said loudly as she spun around and walked off. "Ass!"

Derek smiled as he walked away. She was trouble. That was for sure. She was strong willed. She knew just how to get under your skin. She knew just how to temp a man. And just how to dominate. And so he smiled. Because he like to be dominated.

**Okay. That is the first chapter. This is kind of my spare time fic. I have 18 chapters written, so you should get daily ones for awhile. It's updated daily on the On-Call Room. So enjoy... And of course, please, please review!**


	2. Apparent Attraction

Derek looked at the bags of luggage that were sitting in his room. Five. Five large bags. Most of this things. Those bags were overwhelming. It was so much at once. To come across the ocean. To stand in a place where you don't even understand most of they they were saying. To be an employee of one of the most powerful businessmen in the world. And of course, having to protect a seventeen year old that gave him a boner every time he looked at her. That was definitely a problem.

He threw his bags up on the bed with ease and unzipped him. He looked over at the large armoire in the corner of the room. Sofia had given him strict instructions to put his clothes in there. She also explained that she would clean his room and that his dirty clothes were to go in the bathroom. She felt like his mom. Maybe a little tougher version of his mom. But he could tell she was really a sweet woman underneath it all. Even as she glared and seethed at everyone. Derek looked up when he heard a knock on the door.

"So you're the new guy?" A man asked as he looked up.

"Derek..." Derek said as he stuck his hand out.

"Tony." Tony said as he shook his hand. "I'm basically the guy in charge when the boss isn't here. Which is often..." He said with a nod. "So, do you have any questions?" Tony asked as he stood there.

"Well... Not really, I guess." Derek said with a shrug.

"Well, you already know that you have to follow Ms. Grey where ever she goes..." Tony pointed out. "And I'm sure Sofia gave you the gist of how the house works. I hope she told you that dinner is at five. She gets a little crazy about that." Tony said with a laugh.

"I will keep that in mind." Derek said with a smirk. "So how many employees does Mr. Grey have?" Derek asked.

"Oh. Probably twenty. But you and I are the only ones that stay on the premises. The others are locals. Most have families at home." Tony explained.

"I see..." Derek said with a nod.

"Shit..." Tony said as he looked at his watch.

"What?" Derek asked quickly.

"It's time for the show." Tony said as he crossed Derek's room and opened the balcony door, stepping out.

"Show?" Derek asked as he followed him.

Both men stood there as Meredith opened the door and walked across the courtyard and toward the pool. Derek immediately felt his pants tighten as he looked down at her. The tiny black bikini she was wearing left very little to the imagination. His eyes followed her sculpted legs and he perfect ass. She threw her towel and sunglasses on a table to the side. Derek watched as she dove into the blue water gracefully. She came up for air at the other end. The sun shown on her honey colored hair as she wiped her face.

"Same time everyday." Tony said with a wink.

"Oh. I'm not really..." Derek trailed off as he forced himself to walk away.

"Ah... You're interested." Tony said with a nod. "And you aren't the only one." Tony said with a grin as he continued to stare. "She turns eighteen soon. There are a lot of people waiting for that."

"I'm not interested." Derek said as he walked into the room. Walking away was even harder than he thought it would be. "She's not my type."

"Meri is everyone's type." Tony said with a smile as he continued to watch.

"So how long have you been working here?" Derek asked as he pulled clothing out of one of the bags.

"Ten years." Tony said with a nod. "Started when I was nineteen."

"Wow..." Derek said with a nod as he walked his things over to the armoire.

"Yeah. Mr. Grey came here about fifteen years ago." Tony explained. "So what did you do back home?"

"I was in college. And I was working for my Uncle's construction company." Derek explained.

"Oh..." Tony said with a nod. "Well, when you're done here, we can take a walk around the premises. You need to know the ins and outs of this place."

"Sounds good." Derek said as he shut his bag and followed Tony.

They walked down the hallway and both looked up when they saw Meredith walked towards them. Derek felt the lump in his throat grow as he looked up at her. Up close her tan body was perfection.

"Done already, Meri?" Tony asked as she walked past them.

"Why do you ask? You want more?" Meredith asked as she looked over her shoulder.

"Want more of what?" Tony returned.

"You think I don't see you watching me? You pervy old man!" Meredith said as she turned and looked at him.

"Goodbye, Meredith." Tony said as he shook his head and they walked off. "I'd say we're both interested." Tony muttered as he looked down at the bulge in both of their jeans.

---------------------

Tony spent the day showing Derek around the property. He was showing him the ins and outs of the place. He also filled him in on the backgrounds of most of the workers. The one thing he didn't do... The thing that Derek wanted the most... Was talk about Meredith. He pried. He tried. And yet, nothing. Derek was relieved when they finished their tour and they returned to the house. Derek heard the doorbell ring as they walked through the side door of the house.

Derek and Tony both looked up as Meredith came flying down the stairs as quickly as she could. Both men looked at each other in confusion as she ran. Of course, Derek's eyes caught the gentle bounce of her breasts as she went down each and every stair. She ran straight to the door and opened it.

"Hey baby..." The twenty year old looking man said as she opened the door.

"Hey you." She said with a giggle as she jumped into his arms.

"I missed you." Paulo said as he pulled her close.

"I missed you too." She giggled.

Derek felt the the jealousy grow as he looked at the two of them. He didn't know who he was, but he knew that he didn't want him touching her. The had no right to have his hands on her. He didn't know the guy, but he could just tell that he couldn't appreciate a woman. He quickly cleared his throat and rushed over.

"Excuse me." Derek said as he pulled the guy away from her.

"Hey, Jackass! What do you think you're doing?" Meredith asked as she shoved him.

"Protecting you." Derek said as he pulled Paulo away from her. "Spread them."

"What? You are searching me?" He asked as he turned and faced him.

"I am." Derek said with a nod.

"He's my boyfriend!" Meredith spat loudly.

Tony watched with a smile on his face. He had to laugh. For not being interested, Derek sure seemed concerned about her safety. He could see the jealousy on his face. It was apparent to everyone. Except Meredith.

"Look. This is not your job. Patting my boyfriend down is not your job!" She yelled as Derek patted his leg, Derek shoved his legs apart, making sure to hit his crotch with his knee, just a little too hard.

"Okay." Derek said with a nod. "Thatcher said everyone gets patted down." Derek told her frankly.

"Not everyone." Meredith growled. "Come on." She said as she grabbed Paulo's hand and dragged him away.

"Man... You didn't tell me your bodyguard was gay." Paulo said as they walked away.

"What?" Meredith said angrily. "He's not gay."

"They way he just felt me up, you'd never now it." Paulo said with a laugh.

"He did not feel you up. He was doing his job." Meredith defended.

"Oh. Well aren't we all concerned?" Paulo said quickly.

"I am not." She said as she hit him playfully.

"So he's American?" Paulo asked with a raised brow.

"Apparently." Meredith answered with a shrug.

"So... What do you say we go to your room?" Paulo asked with a smirk.

"Is that all you think about?" She asked with a giggle.

"Most of the time... Yes." He said with a nod.

Meredith glanced over her shoulder at Derek. She couldn't take it. Why did she give a damn about him? Why was she so drawn to him? As she looked over, their eyes met. She quickly looked away. She couldn't look into that sea of blue. Every time she looked at him, she could feel him reading her. She felt like her whole life was there for him to watch. Like a sad movie. And he was the only one she had ever felt do that. It was a sad movie... And he was the only one that took the time to watch.

--------------

Meredith took her seat at the table. Paulo sat down next to her. She looked over at Paulo. It was almost time. It had been too long. To long for her to be with him. It was true, she couldn't commit. She wouldn't. She had tried a long time ago. But she learned early on that it was easier for her to hurt before someone hurt her.

Sofia brought the various pasta dishes into the room. This is how she had grown up. Thatcher wanted her to have someone around. So she ate dinner every night with Sofia and Tony. She frowned as she looked up, seeing Derek walking in.

"You're late!" Sofia said loudly as he sat at the table.

"I'm sorry." Derek said with a nod.

Meredith looked up at him. He was freshly showered. She could smell the intoxicating scent that was him, from across the table. Her eyes travelled to his strong arms. Then to his broad chest. Her gaze was broken as Sofia began to talk.

"So, Derek..." Sofia said as she sat down. "How was your first day?"

"Good." Derek said with a nod.

"That's good. Where is it you say you're from?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Maine." Derek said with a smile.

"Well, welcome to Italy." She told him happily as she began to eat her food. "Meri! You need to eat more than that." She said as she looked at the small amount of pasta on her plate.

"I'm really not that hungry." Meredith said as she pushed her food around on her plate.

"That isn't much." Derek said with a nod.

"Do you think she looks this way from eating fried American food?" Paulo said quickly.

Everyone at the table rolled their eyes at his stupid comment. They all knew he was controlling. But Meredith wasn't easily controlled. She just wanted to keep everyone happy. That was how she had lived most of her life. Sofia and Tony knew that it didn't matter, because Paulo would be gone in no time.

"So Paul, where are you from?" Derek asked.

"It's Paulo." Paulo said as he glared at the man. "And Bologna." He said as he looked over at Meredith and smiled.

"Baloney?" Derek said with a laugh.

"Bologna. Not baloney. Baloney is what Americans eat." He said nastily.

"Not all americans eat bologna, Paul." Derek said with a smirk.

"Paulo." He said again as he turned away from him.

"So, Sofia, how long have you been working here?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Since the Grey's moved here." Sofia said with a smile. "I've taken care of Meri since she was a little lady."

"We were both here when they came... Meri has changed." He said with a chuckle.

"I remember when she was a skinny little thing. The boys wouldn't even look at her. When she'd run she'd kick her own butt with those long legs." Tony laughed. "She was built like a pencil. That's what I always called her..."

"Yeah. Pencil. The funny this is, that's what we called you too... But for an entirely different reason!" Meredith said with a giggle. "Pencil dick." She muttered under her breath.

"Not very nice..." Tony said as he shook his head.

"Meri! Be a lady!" Sofia said loudly.

"She doesn't know how." Tony said quickly.

"Well, I think Meredith knows I don't have that problem." Paulo said with a smirk.

Meredith felt sick. She didn't even know why. Maybe it was because Paulo had made a stupid comment. A stupid comment in front of Derek. She looked up at Derek, and her eyes were met with his. She felt like she was suffocating.

"You are an idiot." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes at Paulo. "And I am done." She said as she pushed her plate away. "I'll call you later." She told Paulo as she stood up from the table and left him sitting there. She smiled as she walked away. Tonight, she was going to teach Derek a lesson.

**Oh... Lesson teaching time. jealous Meredith is always fun! Review please!**


	3. Pushing Away

Meredith stood in front of her full length antique mirror. She had put on a short black skirt and a halter top. She wasn't technically old enough to go to the clubs, but she did. And she always got in. She was a bit of a celebrity in her area. She was the daughter of the of the richest men in the world. But yet, she managed to keep herself on the down low. People in the United Stated would have no idea who Meredith Grey was. And that was exactly how she wanted it.

Meredith placed her hair in a cute up-do and looked in the mirror. She had already called several friends. Derek was going to love it. Picking up all her friends. Playing chauffeur. He was going to rue the day he met her. She had to get rid of him. She found it too hard to be around him. It was going to be too easy to break down around him. So she had to get rid of him.

"I'm leaving." Meredith said loudly as she passed his room. He italian heels clicked loudly on the marble as she walked down the stairs.

"What? Where are we going?" Derek asked as his eyes locked on her as he followed her down.

"Out." She said loudly. "Go get the car." She ordered. He looked up at her and begrudgingly went to the garage. Several minutes later she climbed in the passenger seat of the vehicle.

"Go right." She said as they approached the end of the driveway.

"Where are we going?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"I already told you... Out." Meredith said quickly. "And who taught you to drive? You could go a little faster."

"I have no idea where we are going." Derek said quickly.

"I will let you know." She said as she motioned for him to speed. "In plenty of time. Oh shit! Here." She said quickly as she pointed left.

"See." Derek said loudly as he turned the car.

Derek's eyes travelled over to her legs. He loved her legs. He was beginning to think that was her greatest attribute. He looked at their perfect bronze color. So smooth. So soft. So long.

"You know, I could have you fired for that." She said frankly.

"For what?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Looking at me like that." She spat as she looked out the window. "Don't. I don't like it."

"Well I'm not. And besides... For someone who doesn't like it... You sure flaunt it." He said frankly.

"Whatever." She said as she turned the radio on loudly, drowning him out.

"Turn that down!" He said as he leaned forward and turned it off.

"Hey!" She shouted as she turned it back on.

"I can't drive with that shit on." He said as he turned it off.

"It seems you can't drive either way... So what's the difference?" She asked smartly.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the back of the car?" He asked as he glared at her.

"I sit where ever I want." Meredith said rudely.

"You should be in the trunk..." He muttered under his breath.

"Oh... By the way, you were supposed to turn left back there." She said smartly.

"You know. I don't think this job is worth the money." Derek said as he turned the car around.

"Then maybe you should quit." Meredith replied as she turned the music back on, but to a more manageable level.

"Maybe I should." He agreed with a nod.

He couldn't quit. He needed the money too badly. He wanted to go to med school. He wanted to make something of himself. And minimum wage wasn't going to make that easy. But the twenty thousand a month that Thatcher Grey paid him would definitely make a huge difference. He frowned. He knew he would have to just grin and bear it. He was stuck.

"Down that driveway." She said softly, after a long silence. Derek pulled down the driveway and up to a large house.

"What's here?" Derek asked.

"Oh, a friend. We have a few to pick up." She said with a smirk.

Derek rolled his eyes as he sat there. Before too long, he saw a dark haired girl come running out of the house and to the car. She quickly jumped in the back and began speaking to Meredith in italian. He had no idea what she was saying. Most of it was in slang, and he wasn't that fluent with Italian. He just shook his head as he drove.

They went to another house and picked up a guy and a girl this time. Derek was getting irritated. He wasn't her driver. He was there to protect her. And at this point she had made him into a stooge. He was beginning to realize that he really didn't like it here. Everyone was treating him like the help. And even if he was the help, that didn't mean he wanted to be treated like it.

After another forty minutes of driving, he pulled up to another estate. He was secretly relieved. This was the last one. It had to be. There was only room for one more person in the car. His eyes got wide as three people came out of the house and began piling in the car.

"No! No way. There is not enough room." Derek said as he looked back.

"Relax." Meredith said quickly. "They can sit on each other's laps."

"No they can't. This car is made for five people. Not eight! It's not safe. And it's not legal!" He said loudly,

"This is not America." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"I'm fairly certain that piling humans into a car like sardines is not legal here either!" Derek said loudly.

"Live with it." She said as they climbed in.

"I'd really like to know who you think you are. You are not above the law. Or anything else for that matter." Derek said as he drove off. "A spoiled bitch, I guess."

"You are an uptight asshole. And of you say that to me again, I will beat you to death." She spat.

"Yep. Definitely a spoiled bitch." Derek said with a nod.

That was it. The rage in Meredith took over. She could be a pain in the ass. She could be rude. But she was not a spoiled bitch. Not but any means. Even having everything she could want, she still knew that there are others who are going without. She raised up her fist and punched him in the arm.

"Oh... That's right! Beat me to death with your tiny ineffectual fists!" He laughed as she hit him. That only fueled her fire. She quickly pulled back, and hit him with all her might. "Ouch! Stop!" He yelled as he pulled away.

"Asshole." She spat as she glared at him.

"Hey. I'm not the one who is endangering her friends by having them piled in a car. Not to mention they are so loud I can't hear a damn thing! And then the radio is on..." He said in a huff.

"Relax... Big boy..." The dark haired girl from the back said as she reached between his legs and rubbed him. Derek's face turned to shock as he closed his legs and hit the brake.

"No! I will not relax! And if you grab me like that again, I will leave you on the side of the road!" He yelled as he took off again. "Crazy fucking people." He said quickly.

He could hear them talking quickly in Italian. He knew that they were talking about him. He could make out when they would say "Derek" or "American". Of course they would all laugh. They were making jokes about him. He could see Meredith out of the corner of his eye. This was all part of her plan. What that plan was, he had no idea.

He followed her directions and kept driving. Any attraction he had for her, was gone at the moment. Right now he just wanted to leave her on the side of the road with all of her friends and drive to the nearest airport. He frowned as they drove through the city. Meredith smiled and pointed to the club. Derek immediately felt sick. How much worse could it get?

"Just let us out by the door. You can go park the car." Meredith said as she flipped the visor and looked at herself in the mirror.

"Oh. Yeah. Yeah right. I am your body guard. I'm not going to dump you off in the road. I know what you're up to. And it's not going to work." Derek said quickly.

"That's what everyone else had always done." She lied as she looked at the long line of people in front of the club.

"Well, not me. They better have a valet." He said as he pulled up in front of the club. The valet looked at Meredith and nodded. They all piled out of the car when Derek stepped out.

"And you better let your friends know that they need to find a way home. I am not their fucking employee." Derek spat.

"But you are mine." She added with a smirk.

"I don't like you." He said as they walked up to the door. Meredith quickly pushed in front of him, followed by her friends. He heard her say something in italian to the bouncer. He nodded back. Meredith walked past him with her friends. Derek looked up in shock as the man stopped him.

"I need to get in there." Derek said loudly. The bouncer laughed at him and shook his head no. "Look... I am her body guard. I have to get in there." The bouncer obviously didn't speak english. "Fired... Would you like to get fired?" Derek spat loudly as he pushed him. That only made the bouncer angrier. "This place will be shut down. You will lose your job!" He said loudly. "Does anyone speak english?" Derek yelled loudly as he looked around. "What the hell kind of club is called Dadaumpa, anyway?" He muttered.

Derek continued to yell loudly. At least if they wouldn't let him in, he could drive the guy crazy. He knew she had said something to him. She said something so they wouldn't let him in. And now she was going to get raped or murdered and he would be out of a job. He continued his loud ranting until a man walked out of the club.

"Problem?" He asked as he looked up.

"Yes. I need to get in there. My client is in there." Derek said quickly.

"Sure." The man said, not believing him.

"Look. I can call Thatcher Grey. Explain to him that his daughter is in there. And that you guys won't let me in. I can do that." Derek said with a nod. "And I'm sure this building wouldn't even be standing by morning." He said frankly.

"Did you say- You're here for Meredith Grey... I'm so sorry, Sir." He said as he let Derek in. "Anything you want from the bar is on us tonight." He said quickly.

Derek walked in. Chaos. It was total and utter chaos. He had never been to a club. He had been to bars. And he had been to frat parties. But this was different. There were so many people. He couldn't see anyone. The music was so loud that he couldn't even think. He wandered aimlessly through the droves of people.

Derek started asking people where she was. Of course they would ignore him and walk away. Of course. Just his luck. He actually considered just going to the car. She would have to leave eventually. She would have to get home. Finally, after an hour of searching, he spotted her in the middle of a group of men. He clenched his jaw and walked right up to her and the two guys she was grinding against.

"Funny. Really fucking funny." Derek said as he grabbed her arm.

"Hey!" She said as she smacked him. "What do you think you are doing?"

"You are going home. You're a kid. You shouldn't even be here." He said as he pulled her away from everyone.

"No. I"m not done." Meredith said as she planted her feet.

"And I don't care." Derek said strongly as he tugged her. "You ass is going home."

"That is not your decision." She said as she twisted her arm and walked away. He quickly stalked after her and followed her up to the bar. "Tequila." She spat.

"You're kidding, right? You can't handle that." He said with a laugh.

"Bullshit." She said as she threw the shot back. "Another." She told the bartender as she looked up.

"That will kill you. You will hate life in the morning." He said as he watched her. She quickly slammed the second one back.

"I won't try to get away from you. But I'm not ready to leave." She said with a sigh.

"Is this a truce?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"Whatever you want to call it." Meredith said as she walked onto the floor.

Derek kept close attention on her. She shouldn't be here. She was a kid. And there was no way for him to protect her around this many people. He watched each and every person around her. Everything seemed okay. But he wasn't happy that she put him in this situation.

Derek watched as the guys flocked around her. It made him sick. Just a kid. And there she was, intoxicated with guys all over her. They had their hands on her. He knew he should stop them. But then that would start another war. The guys were like bees. They were predators. He watched them closely, making sure they didn't step out of line. As Derek watched he actually started to feel bad. It was almost like she had to do this. He just didn't know why.

"I'm ready." Meredith slurred as she finally wobbled up to him.

"You are drunk." Derek said as he grabbed her arm and helped her walk.

"I am." She said with a giggle as they walked out the door and into the fresh air. They stood there as the valet brought the car around.

Derek helped her into the car and began to fasten her seat belt. She giggled and smiled at him and he bent over her.

"You're cute." She said with a giggle as she scrunched her nose. Derek felt a smile cross his face. "And brotherly." And then it was gone. He snapped her belt and went around to the other side of the car. They drove in silence for a few minutes.

"You shouldn't be drinking. You're too young." Derek warned.

"I've been drinking a long time." She said with a yawn as she looked out the window.

"And for the record... Never again! I will not risk your life. Or mine. We are never doing this again! I was sexually harassed!" He spat.

"We were so not sexually harassed." Meredith said as she shook her head. "You need to lighten up!" She giggled.

"I will lighten up... When I feel light!" He said loudly. He looked over at her tired face.

It hurt. She did this for relief. Maybe for attention. It was obvious that she didn't get any attention at home. And from what he had heard, Thatcher Grey was never around. And he never had been. He sighed as he finally spoke, without looking over at her.

"You hurt, don't you? That's why you do it... You look fine from the outside. But you aren't. It's not as easy as it looks... You try to drown out your pain. Am I right?" He asked. "Meredith? Mer?" He looked over to see her passed out, her face plastered on the window. "That was fun..." He muttered to himself.

Derek drove home quickly. He couldn't wait to get in his bed. He was exhausted. She nearly killed him today. He pulled the car into the garage. Derek wasn't even sure what the protocol was for this situation. He attempted to wake her up, several times with no avail. Finally he shrugged and walked to the side of the vehicle. He would have to carry her.

He was surprised at how light she was as he carried her up the stairs. He was also surprised that no one noticed them come home. No one was waiting up. No one was worried. He gently pushed her bedroom door open and looked into her gorgeous room. The moonlight shown on her large bed. He laid her on the bed. He flipped the light on and walked to the other side, pulling the covers back. He picked her back up and laid her on the soft linens. He looked at her, laying there, fully dressed. He thought about pulling her shoes off. He knew if he was caught in her room like this, he would lose his job.

He rubbed her soft feet as he pulled the shoes off. Her perfectly pedicured toes looked adorable. Derek placed her shoes on the floor. She looked like and angel laying there on her bed. Her soft honey colored hair was spread around her face. He smiled as he pulled her covers up and flipped the light off. As much of a pain in the ass as she was... He couldn't leave. He was there to protect her. And he felt like she needed it.


	4. Bonding

Derek woke up with the bright sunlight shining on his face. He slowly rubbed his face and opened his eyes. Last night was too much. He didn't realize it would be that hard. He didn't think there would be people working against him, instead of with him. He slowly turned on his side and glanced at the clock. He nearly fell on his face as he jumped out of the bed. It was ten o'clock. He hadn't slept until ten o'clock since college. Since the all-night parties with Mark.

He quickly made his bed and rushed into his bathroom. He flipped the shower on and climbed into the hot water. A shower had never felt so good. The water in Italy just felt better. Or maybe it was the five hundred dollar shower head. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Usually he would have eaten breakfast by now. And of course he would have done his morning run. He liked to work out in the morning. It got his blood pumping and started his day. And now it was ten o'clock and he was sure everyone was wondering where he was.

He looked down at his watch as he stepped out of his bedroom. Ten minutes. Not bad for going through his entire morning routine of brushing, flossing, shaving and doing his hair. He had become quite anal over these things in the last few years and didn't like to get out routine. He slowly walked be Meredith's shut door. He paused when he heard loud moaning coming from inside.

Panic set in as he stood there. He knew he shouldn't go in her room. That was definitely against every single rule that Thatcher had explained. But he was concerned. What if she was hurt? What if someone had hurt her? He was there to protect her. And leaving her in there to die was not part of that plan. He lightly tapped on the door. No answer. He took a deep breath and turned the handle.

"Meredith?" Derek asked as he looked around the room.

He looked around the room and didn't see her. Her bed linens were all over the bed and floor. The curtains were tightly drawn, barely letting in any light. He took a deep breath. His eyes got wide when he smelled the lingering scent of vomit in the air. Derek kicked her bed sheets out of the way and walked around the large room. He had to shake his head, her bedroom alone was bigger than his and Mark's apartment. He glanced over at a door, he had no idea where that one went. He turned the corner and walked up to the dark open room. A smirk crossed his face as he saw her.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he flipped the light on.

"Ah! The light. Turn it off! Turn it off!" She yelled as she covered her face.

"Okay. Okay." Derek muttered.

Derek quickly flipped the light back off. He could see her vomit covered clothing from last night, in a pile on the floor. She sat on the floor next to the toilet. He had to laugh. Even with all her money, she was still next to the toilet, just like anyone else. Except it wasn't a regular toilet. It was a very clean, immaculate toilet. No, she had no idea how good she had it. She didn't know what it was to wake up in the place where you fell the night before. And then to cling to someone else's toilet that may not be so clean. The toilet where if you weren't feeling so shitty, you might just wonder what exactly was caked on it. And then if you were unfortunate enough to feel halfway decent, then what was caked on that toilet would be enough to make you retch until your insides came out. No, in this case, she had it good.

Derek stood there looking at her. Even in the dark, he could see her pale skin. He tried to hide his laughter as she retched again. He smiled as she bent over. He had never seen anyone so sexy when they vomited. She was in a cute pair of boy-cut panties and a camisole top. He slowly made his way over to her and held her hair back. His eyes travelled down her back and to her cute ass.

"I warned you about the tequila." Derek said with a laugh.

"Quit yelling!" She moaned as she sat back down and wiped her face.

"I'm not yelling." Derek said in a quieter tone.

"I have drank tequila a lot. It has never done this to me." Meredith said with a sigh. "Not this bad."

"Well, it probably didn't help that you didn't eat yesterday." Derek pointed out as he stood up.

"I ate." Meredith said softly as she stood.

"I hardly think two bites of pasta in twenty-four hours constitutes eating." Derek said as he shook his head. She closed her eyes and grasped the toilet as she wobbled. "Are you okay?" Derek asked as he grabbed her arm.

"Besides the fact that I feel like I am dying?" She asked as she weakly walked over and turned the bath water on.

"You know, you really shouldn't do this to yourself." He said as he cocked his head.

"I'm fine." Meredith told him.

"Last night you were not fine." Derek said quickly. "Last night you looked like you were trying to drown things out."

"Look. I don't need you to psychoanalyze me." Meredith said quickly. "Turn around." Derek looked at her and turned around. "I need to hold your shoulder." She said as she grabbed his shoulder and began to undress.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he stood there.

"Getting naked." She said quickly. Derek's eyes got wide as he saw her panties fall by his feet. He felt his cock start to grow and press against his jeans.

"What? What? Why are you- Naked?" He said in a panic. He wanted to spin around and drive his hard cock deep into her. He wanted to make her scream. He felt her let go of his shoulder.

[i_Derek quickly unzipped his jeans and let them fall to the floor. His hard, thick cock poked out from his boxers. It just needed, it wanted to taste her. It wanted to feel her tight hot folds around it. He ripped his boxers off and let them fall. As he turned around, he pulled his shirt over his head. _

_Meredith looked up at him. He studied her perky, rosy buds. His hands covered her breasts as he massaged them gently. He squeezed her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He pulled her close, his cock pressing against her belly. His mouth trailed down her neck as his hands slid down her sides and grasped her ass... _

_Shit! What are you doing?[/i_

"Okay." She said as she looked up from her bubbly water.

"I have to go." Derek said quickly, realizing that he could not be in a room with her when she was naked.

"Shy are we?" Meredith said with a giggle.

"Shy? No. Definitely not shy." Derek said frankly as he walked out and shut the door.

Derek took in a deep breath as he left the room. This was going to be hard. Really hard. She was too tempting. And innocent in a way that was incredibly sexy. She knew she was sexy, but he wasn't positive that she knew just how sexy she really was.

Meredith closed her eyes and sunk under the water. It seemed that he was unfazed by her stunt last night. He had to go. He needed to go. He seemed to care. He was the first guy in a long time. The first person, who actually seemed to care. And that scared her. So he had to go.

-------------------

"Ah, Derek. You finally come down." Sophia said as Derek stepped into the kitchen. His eyes fell over the stainless steel appliances and the granite counter tops. This was a kitchen his mom would love to cook in. Nothing like what he was used to.

"I'm sorry, I-" Derek started as he looked up at her.

"No need to explain. Are you hungry?" Sophia asked as she pulled out a few pans.

"I can make something." Derek said with a nod.

"No." She said as she shook her head. "Nonsense. I cook." She said with a nod. "Breakfast or lunch?"

"Breakfast is fine." Derek said with a nod. "Meredith is-" Derek started to explain where she was.

"Oh, that girl... Don't worry. She will be fine." Sophia said as she began pulling things out of the refrigerator.

Derek was shocked. She didn't seem to care. It seemed to be a pattern around here. He had only been here two days, and it was apparent to him that Meredith was either brushed off, or ignored completely. He didn't even get a chance to explain what was going on. To explain that Meredith was sick. She was up there puking her guts out. She had been out drinking all night. He was going to explain. But now he was figuring, why bother?

"You finally wake up... Late night?" Tony asked as he marched into the kitchen.

"Eh." Derek muttered as he watched Sofia cook. He glanced over at a calendar on the counter that Tony was looking at. He saw the red circle around a date.

"The eighth is coming." Tony pointed out.

"The eighth?" Derek asked as he looked up. He wondered if that was a day that he was supposed to know about.

"Not much longer... Six days?" Sofia asked as she looked up at Tony.

"I say three. She is already tired of him." Tony said quickly. "Three days and you bake a pie..."

"And what do I get?" Sofia asked as she glanced up at him

"What?" Derek asked again. "Three days?"

"Until Meri dumps Paulo." Tony explained. "She will dump him soon. She always does..."

Derek felt angry how could they do that? How could they wager on when Meredith would end a relationship? It was like it was a big joke to them. Like she was some stupid pawn. Like they could control her life. Like they didn't care about her happiness.

"Maybe she won't. Maybe they will be together for two more months. Or years. Hell, maybe they will get married..." Derek pointed out angrily. They both started laughing hysterically.

"Or not." Tony said as he walked away. "A pie." He yelled to Sofia. "And if you win, I wash your car."

"Fine." Sofia said with nod.

"This is completely insane. Instead of supporting her... You joke about it." Derek said, shaking his head in disgust.

"You don't understand." Sofia said quickly.

"Understand what?" Derek snapped.

"Meri- She can't commit." Sofia said with a frown. "It's not her fault... Poor girl."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked as he sat down.

"She was twelve years old." Sofia started. "She fell in love. Or as much in love as you can fall when you are twelve. I don't even remember the boy's name. I should, she cried about him for weeks. She really did like him... They were together for about two months. Well, almost exactly two months. Hence, they two moth rule. She gave him her little heart. And he smashed it. She found him kissing her best friend. And that was it. After that, she never let it get past two months. It's her way of protecting herself..." Sofia explained as she handed him his breakfast.

"Oh." He said as he dropped his head.

There was no arguing. They didn't get it. They would never get it. Instead of helping her. Instead of trying to fix her problem, they bet on it and laughed at her. It had obviously affected her strongly. It changed the way she looked at relationships. It changed the way she looked at life. It changed her.

Derek finished his breakfast in silence. Sofia went off to clean, and Tony disappeared. He was happy to be alone. He just couldn't get over it. As he had driven into the driveway that first day, he expected perfection. He expected them to live the perfect life. And the more he looked around, the more he saw a mess. If the house represented their life, it would be a pile of rubble.

Derek sat his plate and sliver wear in the sink. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Making his way to his room, he decided he would have to take care of her. He would have to make this work. He looked around in his bag, and grabbed the aspirin. Next thing he knew he was standing at her door, knocking.

"Come in." She said softly. Derek pushed the door open, and was careful to make sure it would shut on it's own.

She was laying back with her arm over her head. Her hair was still damp from her bath this morning. It didn't even look as if she had brushed it. She had just toweled it and climbed into bed. Her covers were too far up for him to get a better look, but that wasn't why he was there.

"I thought you probably needed these." Derek said as he handed her the aspirin and water.

"I'm fine." She said as she clenched her jaw.

"I would say laying in bed, makes you not so fine." Derek pointed out.

"Don't! Just don't. I am fine. I don't need your help." She said as she rolled away. "You are my body guard. Not my friend. Not anything else. Hired help. Shut the door on your way out."

Derek didn't say anything as he sat the water and aspirin on the table and walked out. He clenched his jaw. He couldn't believe she said that. Hired help. It made him mad. It make him sick. It made him feel the size of a thimble. Now he was wondering if he should try to help her. Maybe she was happy just the way she was.

**So, that was pretty harsh of her to say. But she didn't mean it... Honest!**

**Review!**


	5. Jealousy

Meredith looked out the window. She could see him off in the distance. He was running. She had found that this was his usual routine. He ran. She had no idea why. She herself had no desire to run. In fact, she thought it was stupid to run. To pound your knees and joints. To barely see what was going by. To huff and puff. Definitely not for her.

But to watch him run, now that she could do. He didn't know. He didn't know that she made it a point to get up extra early to watch him. To see his silhouette in the rising sun. He ran gracefully. On leg in front of the other. Some would say it was perfect form. Like a gazelle. An impala. Yes, watching him was a secret pleasure. And then when he returned, that was even better. To smell his salty sweet smell when he walked into the house. Most would be turned off. Not her. She just wanted to drag him to her room and make him even more sweaty.

Derek had been cold towards her after her hired help comment. She couldn't blame him. Not at all. That would have definitely pissed her off. And that was the point. That was what she had been hoping for. She was hoping he would leave. That he would run away. That he would leave her and her secret pain. She didn't want him to know. She didn't want anyone to know.

"Are you doing anything today?" Derek asked numbly as he walked in the back door of the house, and into an area where he could remove his soiled shoes and shirt.

"I don't know." She said as she casually walked by. It was purposely, but she made sure it didn't appear that way. "Why?" She asked as she paused and looked at his chiseled chest.

"Well, I'd like to know what my duties are." Derek snapped. They both looked up when the doorbell rang.

"I will let you know with plenty of notice." She said quickly. "Don't you worry. I'd hate to screw up your plans..."

"Meri!" She heard a voice squeal from behind.

"Mia." Meredith said in almost a moan.

"You look- Oh wow. Who is this?" She asked as she pointed to Derek and raised her eyebrows. "Is this your new boyfriend?" Meredith looked up at her and laughed.

"Oh yeah. This- I don't think so. No. He's my guy." Meredith said quickly. "Um, Derek."

"Your guard..." She said with a smile. "Very nice." Mia said with a nod. "I'm her best friend." Mia said with a giggle as she laid her hand on his chest.

"Mia, Derek. Okay, Mia..." Meredith said quickly as she grabbed her arm.

"So you're American..." Mia trailed off as she looked at his chiseled chest.

"I am." Derek nodded.

"Is it true? American men fuck like animals?" Mia asked as she looked into his blue eyes. "That's what I've heard."

"Mia!" Meredith said as she clenched her jaw.

"What? I need sex..." Mia said with a grin. "And he-"

"All right." Meredith snapped.

"Hey, I know... You have a day off once a week, right? I could show you around." Mia said happily.

"That would be great." Derek said with a smile after looking at the look on Meredith's face.

"Whatever. We have to go..." Meredith said as she dragged her away. Derek's eyes got wide as Mia blew him a kiss.

"Geez, Mer. I was just having a little fun!" Mia said quickly. "Besides, he's hot! Is he single?"

"Um, yeah. No. I don't know. So why are you here?" Meredith asked as they walked outside.

"I can't come visit my best friend?" Mia asked.

"Actually, I am very busy. Yeah, busy. Packing. Paris, I'm going to Paris." Meredith said as she opened the door.

"Paris? Why?" Mia asked.

"I like it." Meredith spat. "In fact, I'm going to be gone for a month. So, I have to go. I'll call you when I get home." Meredith said quickly.

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?" Mia asked.

"I'm not!" Meredith said quickly. "I'm just busy. So... Yeah. Gotta go!" she said as she slid in the door and began to shut it.

"But I want to say goodbye to Derek!" she said as she pushed against the door.

"See you later." Meredith said as she shut the door and locked it.

"Now that wasn't very friendly." Derek said as he shook his head.

"I'm not friendly." Meredith snapped as she walked away.

-------------

Derek threw on his swim suit. He was going swimming. He looked down at his watch. Meredith was due to swim in an hour. That was plenty of time for him to get in and out. Plenty of time to avoid her. It seemed like everyday was another day of insults and animosity. So he would swim. If he was going to be working here, he was going to at least enjoy the perks. Even though the only real perks he was really craving were Meredith's perky breasts in his hands.

Derek walked down the long hallway and to the main staircase. He crossed through the house and opened the french doors that led to the courtyard. He frowned when he saw Meredith laying on a chair in her bikini. This one was white. Barely tied on. Soft. Innocent almost. So innocent that he just wanted to take it all away.

"Oh." Derek said as he looked up. "I'll come back later." He said as he stopped and looked down at her, ready to flee.

"You can swim, Derek." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes and then closed them. "Don't let me stop you."

Meredith opened her eyes so that they were tiny slits. They looked unopened to him. She watched as he turned around. His muscular back shown in the sunlight. She looked at his swim trunks, hung loosely on his hips. She sighed deeply as she put her dark sunglasses on and watched him dive into the pool. He made several laps in the blue water, as she secretly watched.

"You know it goes both ways, right?" Derek said as he came to the side of the pool.

"What's that?" Meredith asked as she sat up.

"You can swim too." Derek said with a smirk.

"Maybe I like laying in the sun." Meredith offered as she laid back.

"You know, you say it's not true...but I'm not so sure." Derek said as he swam off. He was taunting her. Egging her on.

"What?" She asked loudly.

"I think you really are a spoiled bitch." Derek said with a chuckle.

"You really want to piss me off, don't you?" Meredith spat as she stood.

"I try." Derek said with a smirk.

"Oh..." She growled as she shook her head.

"Oh no! I think I pissed the princess off!" He said as he mocked her.

"Damn it! Don't make me--" She started as she clenched her fists.

"Are you going to beat me to death with your tiny ineffectual fists?" He joked as he shook her head.

"I might." She seethed.

"I'm so scared." Derek laughed. "You don't want to get wet. You look like a drowned rat."

"Oh... Now I am so going to beat you to death." She yelled loudly.

She jumped into the pool, right on top of him. Her plan was to clobber him to death. To smash him with all of her 120 pounds. Derek threw his arms up and flung her into the water. She held her breath and grabbed on tightly to his leg as he tried to shake her off. He felt her hand grab tightly as he pulled her up.

"Should I be swimming away in fear?" He asked with a laugh as the both floated in the deep water.

"I think you should." She said as she swam after him.

She quickly grabbed the back of his swim shorts, almost uncovering his ass. With her other hand, she grabbed his side, and pulled hard, propelling herself onto his back. Meredith wrapped her legs around him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He somehow spun around and they both ended up underwater grasping and pushing. Their bodies rubbed against each other. She could feel his cock hit her leg at one point. Derek came up for air. His eyes got wide when he saw her scantily covered breasts in his face. He gently pushed her away.

"Someone need to teach you a lesson." He said as he pinned her to the side of the pool wall. He felt her hard nipples press against his chest.

"Do they? An just who do you think can do that?'" She asked as their eyes locked together. He could feel himself leaning towards her. Her hand ran down his side and to the front of his shorts. She could feel his hard cock press against the short, begging for freedom. It wanted her. It wanted her light pussy around it. It wanted to dive into her abyss. There was nothing he wanted more than to taste her sweet flesh. She closed her eyes as his lips came closer to hers.

"Hey babe!" They heard a voice yell loudly.

Both pulled away in shock. In shock of what almost happened. It was close. There was no question that their lips would have ended up in a tangled mess had they not been interfered.

"Paulo!" She yelled happily as she pulled away and swam over.

Derek looked up in shock. Bad timing. Horrible timing. He was so close to tasting her. So close to feeling her soft skin against his. And now he was here. That asshole. Her boyfriend walked up. He quickly swam away. Maybe it was the best possible timing. Because they were in the middle of the courtyard. In the middle of three sides of the house. And had he been caught. He'd be dead.

Derek watched as Paulo quickly pulled his clothes off and stripped to his shorts. He felt a ping of jealous. That was one lucky guy. He had her. Albeit not for much longer. But he experienced her. He tasted her flesh. He was sure that he got to rub her body. He got to moan her name. And there he stood, all tall dark and handsome for her.

Paulo dove into the water and immediately swam over to her. Her face lit up. But from Derek's view, it was more a look of expected happiness. It was an act. Derek clenched his jaw as Paulo's lips covered Meredith's. He wanted to smash him as he hand slid on her ass and squeezed. As he began grinding his swim suit clad dick against her.

"Stop." Meredith said uncomfortably as she pushed Paulo away.

"What, babe?" Paulo asked as he looked up at her.

"Not here." She said as she dropped her voice.

"Oh come on..." He said as he sucked her neck.

Derek had to smile as Meredith pulled away from him and swam to the middle of the pool. He chased after her. It wasn't a sweet, innocent looking chase. It was like predator and prey. About midway, his face softened and he got a playful look. When he rushed up to her, he picked her up and tossed her in the water. She giggled as she swam away.

"Hey, Derek, some help over here!" Paulo said as he attempted to control Meredith.

"You are all on your own there." Derek said as he swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out.

It made him sick. His only solace was knowing that Paulo would be out of her life soon enough. He would be gone. But Derek lived in fantasy land. He couldn't have her either. There was no way. It would never happen. Thatcher Grey made that quite obvious. No, all he could do was look. Not touch. And not even looking was permitted. You could only do that, if you didn't get caught. Nope, no pussy for him. Just long nights with closed eyes and his hand.

**Poor, poor Derek, LOL. Review please!**


	6. Ending It

Derek left. He went away. He couldn't sit there and watch them. He tried. But it was just too hard. Too hard to see her with him. The Grey house was actually quite boring. Derek had always been active. He and Mark went to the bar. He was in college. He would work. But he never sat around. But that was what he did here. He was always sitting around. Occasionally he would find a spot in the sun and poor over medical books, hoping for a future. In medicine. Not in the confines of the Grey home.

Today that was what he did. He grabbed one of his medical journals and sat on the balcony. Every time he tried to do this... Every time he tried to concentrate, Meredith popped into his head. He could understand her not being happy. How could you be happy when you are stuck in a prison? And even when you go out, the guards are still there.

The sounds of splashing soon disappeared. Derek watched as Meredith wrapped her body in a towel and walked out of his view. He listened as he heard voices coming down the hallway. He heard Meredith's infectious giggle followed but Paulo's deep voice.

"You can't come in here." Meredith said quickly as she neared her door.

"Like I haven't been in there before." Paulo said with a chuckle.

"Sofia is downstairs. And Tony is everywhere." Meredith said in a huff. "And..." She nodded to Derek's room.

"Fine. I'll wait out here." He said unhappily. "Hey man." He said as he poked his head in Derek's room.

"Hey." Derek responded as he glanced up and flipped the page.

"A medical journal, huh?" Paulo said as he walked out to the balcony.

"Uh huh." Derek answered without looking up.

"Why are you reading that?" Paulo asked.

"I'm planning on going to medical school." Derek said dryly.

"Really?" Paulo said as he looked down him. "Hmm. Maybe you should talk to Meri."

"Why is that?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"She wants to be a doctor. A surgeon. She'll never do it." Paulo stated frankly.

"Why would you say that?" Derek asked quickly.

"She's hot. But she isn't that smart." Paulo said with a shrug. "I mean, look at her. Look at her life..."

"I'm done." Meredith said as she leaned on the door frame. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Paulo replied. "Are you ready to watch that movie?"

"I am." Meredith told him with a smile.

--------------

Meredith sat down softly on the large sofa. Being in the sun had taken the life out of her. She was completely exhausted. Paulo sat down next to her. This was how it always went. She started at one end, he at the other, then he would creep in. She sighed as she felt his arm wrap around her.

"You should be watching the movie." Meredith muttered as she looked at the screen.

"The movie isn't very interesting. I would rather watch you." He said as he kissed her neck. "You are so beautiful..."

"Well, I want to watch the movie." She said as she pulled away from him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked smartly as he looked at the side of her face. She refused to look at him.

"What?" Meredith asked with irritation in her voice.

"Ever since that body guard started working here, you've been different." Paulo said loudly.

"I have not." She said as she finally turned looked him in the face with a glare.

"What did I walk in on today?" He asked coldly.

"What?" Meredith asked innocently, knowing just what he was talking about.

"You. And him. In the pool. I saw it, Meredith. He is your help. Don't forget that. He isn't even near your level!" Paulo said loudly. "Not to mention he is older than you."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Meredith lied as she rolled her eyes and looked away.

"You want to fuck him." He said quickly. "That's what it is. You want to feel his cock in you, don't you? It won't happen, baby. Thatcher would never let that go on. That guard- Derek... he has no interest in you. It's all a joke. And if he did fuck you... It would just be for an easy lay. I love you. He would never love you."

"Whatever. I'm not even- Whatever." She said as she quickly stood up.

"Meri..." Paulo said as he pulled her back down. "I love you. And I want you. Is that not enough? To be desired?" Meredith sighed as she stood up. "Where are you going?"

"To the pool. I'm hot. And I need-" She stopped talking as she walked off. "Whatever."

Meredith stormed into her room. She really liked Paulo. He could be a jerk, but he was for the most part a good guy. Especially when no one was around. When they were alone, he really was a sweet guy. And now things were going down hill. It was time.

Derek ran. She did laps. That was what they did. She needed to do some laps to blow off steam. Paulo could see it. He could see her attraction for Derek. She began to wonder if everyone could see it. And now the time was closing in on her relationship with Paulo. She didn't have much time. She had to get rid of him, before she was hurt again.

Derek laid in his bed reading a book. He was already in his pajamas. Getting paid to sit on his ass and read. Now that was a perfect job. It was a warm night. The perfect night to have the doors open and let the warm breeze blow in. He slowly rose out of bed when he heard a door open downstairs. He had excellent hearing. He always had. He walked over to the empty balcony, just in time to see Meredith diving in the pool.

She looked angry. She looked irritated. He could tell by her body language. He watched as she made several quick laps. She was a great swimmer. She made it look like an art. The way she flipped and turned around. Then she was off again. Derek walked over to sit back down on his bed as he heard Paulo. Of course he had to see what was going on.

"Meri! Meri... I'm sorry." He said as he walked to the edge of the pool.

Meredith continued making her laps back and forth. There was a good chance that she didn't hear him as she came up for a quick breath and took off again. Derek stood there. His attention was definitely piqued now. Why would Paulo be sorry?

Paulo stood there at the edge of the pool for awhile, just watching her. Finally when she neared, he dipped his arm into the water and grasped hers, pulling her out swiftly.

"What the fuck?" Meredith shouted as he pulled her up.

"Such a mouth." He said with a chuckle. "Look..." He said as he held her arm. "I was an ass. I'm sorry about that. I just... I like what we have. And I don't want to lose that. And I miss you... I miss the old you." He said as he grabbed her face and kissed her. Derek clenched his jaw as he watched.

"Paulo..." Meredith said in a huff.

"You are just so beautiful. So perfect." He said as he ran his hands down her sides. His hand caressed her face.

Derek stood there and painfully watched as Paulo led Meredith over to a lounge chair on the side of the pool. His hands were on her. His hands were not supposed to be on her. His mouth was an her. That was definitely no right. Derek closed his eyes and released his hard member from it's confines. His hand wrapped tightly around it. One could wish.

[i_He stood there and looked at the perfection that was her body. He had never seen anything so perfect. Her curves were just right. He ran his strong hands over her perky breasts, feeling their firmness in his hands. Her taunt little abdomen felt sinful as he ran his tongue down and sucked on her belly ring. He twirled his tongue around it over and over._

_His hands fell to her sides as he bent down closer. The tiny strings that held her bikini on, fell so easily as he pulled them. He quickly flipped her bottoms down. She moaned softly as he feathered his hand over her wet pussy. He dropped to his knees and let his tongue tease her perfectly waxed bikini line._

_"Please..." She moaned as he teased her moist folds._

_His tongue quickly delved deep into her hot folds. He ran his broad tongue over her clit, teasing and licking. He changed between figure of eights and licking it quickly. He glanced up, seeing the look of pure pleasure on her face as she grabbed the sides of the chair. He began sucking hard as he felt her near the edge. He felt her foot twitch against him as she fell over the edge, flooding his mouth with her hot cum. [/i_

"Oh..." Derek moaned as his cum poured out onto his hand.

"Oh... Oh God!" Meredith shouted as she bucked her hips. "Oh..."

Derek continued pumping his hard member as he looked at her face. He focused on the way she was tossing her head. He closed his eyes and pumped harder and harder, imaging her tight pussy around him.

"Oh..." Meredith moaned loudly as she laid back and went limp. Paulo began kissing her abdomen.

"Now it's my turn..." Paulo said with a smile as he pulled his jeans down and let them fall. "I just want to feel you... You feel so perfect around me."

Meredith opened her eyes as she came down form her high. She looked up at Paulo. She couldn't do this. Maybe she should. She should be nice. Fuck him one last time before she sent him on his way. But she couldn't. All she could think about was Derek.

"We need to talk." Meredith said as she sat up.

"Oh we can talk. We can talk while we're coming." He said as he laid over her. She could feel his hard member waiting at her entrance.

"No." She said as she pushed him. "We need to talk."

"What?" He said in shock as he looked at her.

"Look... I- It's over." She said frankly as she tied her swimsuit on.

"What!" He said loudly as he looked at her.

"I just- You and I- It's been great. But- You and I we aren't- It's over. You and I are over." Meredith said as she stood up.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He said as he grabbed her arm. "You fucking whore! I go down on you. I suck your cum. And now it's over?"

"I'm sorry." She said as she ripped her arm away from him and walked away. "Sorry..."

"You are a bitch, Meri. A real fucking bitch. A tease." He yelled. "And I hope you realize, some day that teasing will come back to haunt you. And It's going to be bad." He said as he chased after her. He stopped as she slammed to door in his face.

Meredith ran up the stairs as the tears fell. She hurt him. He yelled at her because she hurt him. And now she was hurting. Now she was alone. She hurt him. She ended it for he could hurt her. But still, in the end, she was still hurt.

Derek heard her rush down the stairs. He could hear her cries as she shut the door. Paulo was an ass, and Derek was glad to see him. But not to see her suffer. He didn't want to see that. Meredith was damaged. From the outside, she was beautiful. She looked perfect. But on the inside, she was falling apart.

**So Paulo went bye bye! And Meredith... She has major issues. Review... PLEASE!**


	7. Sabotage

Derek looked up from his plate of eggs as he heard Meredith walk in. She looked rough. More than rough. Her eyes were puffy and blood shot. Her hair wasn't brushed. She was still in her pajama pants and a black camisole. She looked both physically and emotionally exhausted.

"Here you go, Meri." Sofia said as she sat her breakfast in front of her. "Good morning."

"Whoa... Don't we look rough?" Tony said as he walked in and looked at her. "Late night?" He asked with a smirk.

"Go away." She moaned as she looked down at her plate.

"Start baking." He said to Sophia with a smirk. "Meri dumped Paulo."

"Guys." Derek said quickly as he looked up at them both. They both looked at him and went on with what they were doing.

"See you later. Have fun on kiddy patrol." Tony said with a chuckle. "Oh, by the way, Thatcher is coming back this evening." He said as he walked out.

"So do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked as he looked up at her. She hadn't taken a bite, just pushed the food from side to side on the plate.

"Talk about what?" Meredith asked softly.

"Last night." Derek offered as he took a bite of his eggs.

"What happened last night?" She said with a deep sigh.

"You dumping Paulo." Derek stated frankly.

"I don't need to talk about anything." Meredith said as she took a bite of her food.

"Well, thanks for waking me up." Derek said, feigning irritation.

"Waking you up?" Meredith asked as she glanced up.

"Well, generally when you have screaming orgasms in the courtyard, someone will hear." Derek said as he shook his head. "I just can't believe that you get away with that. If my mom saw that, she's kill me. Dead."

"First of all, what are you, twelve?" Meredith asked as she looked up. "No one is ever around." Meredith said as she took another bite.

"You should be careful." Derek stated simply.

"Of what? Sex?" Meredith said with a chuckle.

"You are a kid." Derek said quickly.

"I am not a kid. I haven't been a kid in a very long time." Meredith said quickly.

"So that was pretty harsh. I have to say, I have never seen it done so cruelly." Derek explained as he raised his brows. Meredith didn't answer as she sat there. "So where is your mom?"

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"Your mom... Where is she?" Derek asked.

"Don't talk about my mom." Meredith said as she stared at her plate. "Ever."

"So there is a subject that actually gets a reaction." Derek said as he looked at her. He could see her hurt, and decided to drop it. "So are you planning on doing anything today?" He questioned as he took his last bite.

"If you mean am I planning on leaving my prison... Where would I go?" She said with a frown as she pushed her plate away and stood. "Maybe I will go shopping. That's what spoiled rich girls do." She said with a shrug. "I'll let you know."

"You know, not all relationships end in hurt." Derek said as she walked away.

"How do you know?" Meredith said as she continued on.

Meredith cried as she walked up the stairs. He was wrong. They always ended in hurt. She didn't know one happy couple. That was her proof. No happiness. And now she was choking. The walls around her were closing in. She was alone once again. She hated alone. It was the only feeling she had ever felt, and she would do anything to get rid of it. Even if two months at a time.

Meredith slid on her tight jeans. Paulo was right about one thing, there was no future between her and Derek. Nothing was going to come of that. It couldn't. There was no way that she would be able to live happily ever after with her help. Not to mention, there was no such thing as happily ever after. Meredith pulled her top on and descended down the stairs. She stopped in her tracks as she heard someone talking. Mia.

That bitch was here. Meredith had a ton of friends. So called friends. But in actuality, she had no friends. They were all people who used her to raise their social status. They used her for her amenities. They were users. She hadn't had a real friend in five years. That one screwed her over. And she didn't want another one.

"Mer!" Mia said as Meredith walked by, her black boots clicking on the floor.

"Mia." Meredith said with a sigh. "Are you ready, Derek?" Meredith asked as she stopped in the doorway.

"Mer... I thought you were going to France?" Mia asked as she looked over.

"Change of plans." Meredith replied with a sigh as she threw her purse over her shoulder.

"Oh. Well that's great!" Mia responded happily. "Now we can hang out."

"Oh. Uh, actually I have stuff to do today." Meredith said quickly.

"I could come. Where are we going?" Mia asked.

"Mer said something about shopping." Derek chipped in. Meredith shot him a dirty look.

"Oh. Let's go!" Mia said happily.

"Yes." Derek said as he glanced at Meredith. "Let's."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she waited for Derek to pull the car around. Mia was talking nonstop. Meredith quit listening shortly after she started. She was really beginning to dislike Mia. She knew the only reason she was there was because Derek was there. Meredith walked towards the car, she felt Mia shove her out of the way as she neared the front passenger door. This was battle she knew she couldn't even fight.

"So, Derek... When is your next day off?" Mia asked from the front seat as they drove down the road.

"Monday." Derek said as he glanced back at Meredith. She was sullen. She wasn't even listening.

"We are so going out on Monday." Mia said happily. "Say yes..."

"I could do that." Derek said with a smirk.

"Good! It will be so much fun. I am so much more fun than Meredith. She is dull. Dull and lifeless. Oh don't look at me like that. She knows it." Mia said quickly. "Last year when I was in Paris..."

Meredith closed her eyes and put her face up to the glass. She was just too tired to care. She was jealous. She really was. But why fight? Why even bother? No future. She would be a quick lay. No future. She didn't see any possibilities. It felt like everything was the same everyday. And she just wanted to break free.

Derek glanced back at Meredith. Her face was up against the glass. He didn't say a word. He didn't think she was sleeping, but she definitely wasn't there. Not mentally. Not spiritually. She was just a shell. A tired, lonely, sad shell.

-----------------

Derek sat in the chair and watched as the women grabbed clothes off the rack. This he didn't like. This was that thing that boyfriend's got stuck doing. It was torture. It was something you only did if you thought you had the possibility of getting laid. And just like every time he got apprehensive, he had to remember the money. He needed the money.

"What do you think?" Mia asked as she walked out in a low cut green dress.

"That's nice." Derek said with a nod, he quickly looked back down at the magazine in front of him.

"Mer... Let's see yours." Mia said quickly.

"No... I don't like it." Meredith said quickly.

"Oh come on." Mia said as she opened the door. "Oh my God..." Mia said in shock. "Come out here."

Meredith walked out of the dressing room. Derek looked up and did a double take. He had never seen anyone so beautiful. She was wearing a shimmery black floor length gown with slit up the side. Her long leg showed every time she took a step. Derek felt the lump in his throat get bigger as he looked at her.

"How does she look?" Mia asked Derek.

"She looks goo... good." Derek stammered. "You look amazing." Derek glanced up, and quickly stood as a man walked up.

"Excuse me." Derek said as he stepped in front of him.

"Der... He's fine. I know him." Mia said with a smile. He began speaking quickly in Italian. He wasn't sure what he was saying, but Meredith began blushing. He ended up handing her a piece of paper and walking away.

"What was that?" Derek asked as he walked away.

"Nothing." Meredith said as she disappeared into the fitting room. Derek looked at Mia.

"He wants to photograph her." Mia said with a smile.

"Photograph?" Derek said as he looked at her.

"She would never do it. She flaunts it at home... But she really is very self conscious." Mia explained as she disappeared.

Meredith walked back out of the fitting room in the jeans, sweater and black boots that she came in with. She plopped down next to Derek as closed her eyes.

"You aren't happy." Derek said with a frown.

"Why do you have to do that?" Meredith asked as she glanced up.

"Do what?" Derek asked.

"Ruin silence." Meredith replied.

"You know, silence can be deadly." He told her with a laugh.

"One could hope." Meredith said with a nod.

"I've tried to understand you, but I can't. You have your moments. You're confident, you act like nothing could stop you. And then next thing I know, you're down lower than the floor." Derek said sadly.

"I'm hungry." Meredith said nonchalantly, ignoring his comment.

"Well, then... Let's go eat." Derek said with a smirk as they walked out, forgetting all about Mia.

"Derek... What do you think about this? Derek?" Mia said as she looked around.

Meredith and Derek grabbed a table in the back of the small cafe. Meredith didn't want to sit up front. She wanted to be in the back, where is was quiet. Where it was private.

"You know, you aren't my therapist. I don't have one. And I don't need one." Meredith said quickly. "And I really don't like you. You seem to think that you can talk to me like a friend. We are not friends. You know nothing about me. And no matter how hard you try, you will never know me. So just stop." Meredith said quickly.

"I'm not leaving." Derek said as he looked up.

"Look. Mia is a spoiled bitch. And she likes you. I'm sure you would have a good time with her. And she has money. I'm sure she would hire you. She might even pay more. So why don't you try that? Maybe then we would both be happy." Meredith said quickly.

"Mer... I am not leaving." Derek said quickly. "You can push, but I am not leaving."

"Why?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the plate of food the waitress sat in front of her.

"Because you want me to." Derek said with a grin.

"Why do you insist on being an ass?" Meredith huffed.

"You know, if you were pleasant, we would both be happy." Derek said quickly.

"Mmmm." Meredith said with a nod. "I doubt that. I could never be happy around you."

"You say that now." Derek said with a laugh.

Meredith and Derek ate the rest of their lunch in silence. Mia called about halfway through their meal. Meredith somehow convinced her to keep shopping and get her own ride home. Neither would say it, but they were both relieved.

"I need panties." Meredith said with a grin as they walked down the street. "What's the matter, Derek? You don't want to go in the women's boutique?"

"I have no problem going in there." Derek huffed as he paused at the door.

"So you don't have a problem looking at panties with me?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"I am here to protect you. Choosing lingerie is not my job." Derek said frankly as he stood there.

"Oh... I see." She said with a giggle. "I just thought you would like to offer your opinion."

"On what will be covering your ass? I doubt that is appropriate." Derek said quickly.

"Hmm. Well, this is our last stop. Then I want to go home." She said with a sigh. "What do you think about these?" She asked as she held up a red lace demi and matching thong.

"I never was a fan of red." He said frankly.

"More of a reason to get it." She said with a smile. "I like the hipster panties occasionally. "

"That's nice." Derek said quickly.

"But I tend to rip them. I can't get them off fast enough." She said with a sigh.

"Oh God..." Derek said as he shook his head.

"What do you like?" Meredith asked.

"I don't wear women's lingerie." He said as he looked up.

"No... What do you like to see?" Meredith asked as she held a variety up.

"I'm walking away now." He said as he glanced at the door and walked away.

"I knew I could get rid of you." She said with a giggle.

Derek watched as she looked through the lingerie. He couldn't believe he was here with her. He basically know what was going to be underneath her clothes. And now that would be the only thing he would think about. Is she wearing the pink and green or the red. Either way, he would always want her out of them.

They drove in silence. This time, because of Mia's absence, Meredith got to sit in the front seat. Rather than try to drive him crazy, she was quiet. She didn't tease him. She didn't turn the radio up as loud as it could go. But she did occasionally pull out her new stash of sexy underwear. And she had to smile when she caught him looking.

Being good was oh so hard. Being good was something Meredith could only take in small doses. She had to irritate. It got her that much needed attention. Derek watched as she waved the panties back and forth.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"No. I just think this green thong would look great on you." She said with a smile.

"It's a little too small." Derek said, playing along. "And I like blue. Not light blue. Indigo. Dark."

"I'll have to remember that." She said with a grin. "When I go to buy you your panties..." She clarified quickly. "Not for- For you. Not me."

"I didn't think anything else." He said with a smile.

That was a lie. He liked the panties. In fact, he loved the panties. And that was a hint. He wanted to see dark blue on her. Just the tiniest bit of lace covering up her assets. And only covering her, so that he could take them off. His mind drifted to the dirty thoughts that always seemed to come when she was around.

[/i_Meredith sat there with a big grin on her face. Derek could see it out of the corner of his eye. It wasn't a sweet innocent grin. It was a dirty grin. He knew what was to come. And what was to come was pure pleasure._

_Derek ran his hand up he bronze leg with his free hand. He watched as the black fabric of her skirt gathered into folds as he raised it up. A smile covered his face as he glanced over at her scantily clad feminine mound._

_"See something you like?" Meredith asked as she grabbed his hand._

_"I do." Derek said with a smile as he let her drag his hand over her._

_Meredith rested his hand right over her. He could felt the wet spot growing through her dark blue panties. His fingers worked as he rubbed her from the outside. His hand crept underneath them as she let out a faint moan. His fingers played with her clit as she bucked her hips and squealed. Every nerve in her body was tingling as she cried out._

_"Oh god... Derek..." She cried as she felt herself on the edge._

_Derek began stroking hard and fast as he felt her begin to tighten up._

_Oh...OH..." She yelled as she flossed his hand with her hot cum. "Oh...thank you." She moaned._

_"No, thank you." Derek said as he stuck his fingers in his mouth. He grinned as Meredith's head dropped to his lap. Within seconds, she freed his hard member, and placed it deep within her mouth... [/i_

"Meredith..." Derek half moaned.

"Yeah?" She said as she looked over at him.

"Oh. Uh... Home, right?" He stammered as he looked over at her.

"Yeah. I think I told you that already." Meredith said quickly. "Oh my God... You're hard." She said as she looked at him with wide eyes.

"What? No." He said as he threw his hand over himself.

"You so are." She said with a giggle. "Wow... What the hell were you thinking about?"

"I wasn't. I'm not- Why were you looking?" He said in embarrassment.

"I'm a girl. I always look." She admitted. "If you need to- We can pull over."

"What?" He said as he glanced over at her.

"If you need to relieve yourself." She said as she pointed.

"I'm fine." He grumbled.

"You are just the slightest bit cute when you are embarrassed." She said with a laugh.

"I am not embarrassed. Nothing is- I'm not-" He finally gave up.

"It's okay, you know. I get horny too. You just can't tell. We with the boobs don't rise to the occasion." Meredith said quickly.

"Wow... Are you? Is this you being friendly? I thought you didn't do friendly." He said, turning the tables on her.

"I am not friendly. And you have an ugly nose." She said with a smirk.

"Oh. Really. Well, you have a big ass." He said with a nod.

"I do not!" She said as she unbuckled and half stood, trying to see. She grumbled as she sat down. "Well, you have overly moused hair."

"I- There is nothing in my hair. I don't mousse." He said as he ran his hands through it. She leaned over and sniffed it.

"Oh, there is product in there. Don't lie." She said quickly.

"Better than brittle hair." He pointed out as he glanced over.

"Well, okay, Mr. Dead tooth." She huffed.

"Okay... I do not have a dead tooth. And if I do. You have dead teeth. Several. And your boobs are lopsided." He said with a nod.

"They are not!" She shouted as she put her hands on them. "No, these babies are even. Small balls."

"Cave pussy." He shouted.

"Pencil dick." She cried out. They both huffed and looked straight ahead. "My boobs are even." She whined.

"Okay. You are perfect." He said with a sigh.

"No one is perfect. But if they were, you would be close." She teased.

"You know, we dumped your friend off. That wasn't very nice." He said frankly.

"She isn't- I don't have any friends." She said with a sigh.

"It sure seems like you do." He said frankly. "Lots."

"They use me. They aren't friends. They are backstabbers. They are rude. And I don't care. I don't want any friends." She said sadly.

"Everyone needs a friend. Mark is my best friend. Since kindergarten. I can't imagine not having him. Everyone needs a friend." He told her. "Didn't you have any friends in school?"

"I didn't go to school. I had a tutor." She said with a frown.

"You need a friend. I could be your friend." He said with a smile.

"We can not be friends." She said frankly.

"Why? Because I am not at your status?" He asked with a frown.

"No! No... Because we are not the same. We are... We're opposites." She explained.

"You know, opposites attract." He pointed out.

"Well. I don't want to be your friend. But I would be civil. If I have to. I guess. If you insist on staying around." She said begrudgingly.

"Are you calling for a truce?" He asked as he looked over.

"I may be. I guess." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"Interesting..." Derek replied. They both sat in the quiet for awhile longer. Meredith finally spoke.

"I don't know my mother." She said, out of the blue. "You asked me earlier. I don't know her."

"Oh." Derek said in shock. "Where is she?"

"I don't know. My father. He always said when I was older he would tell me." She said with a shrug. "I have no mother."

"Well, you're older. Maybe it's time to ask." He pointed out.

"You're right." She said with a nod. "He will be home today. Maybe it's time..."

"I'm your friend..." He sang out. He was shocked that she opened up to him.

"Are not." She said with a giggle.

He was right. It was time to talk to Thatcher. She wanted to know about her mom.

------------------

Meredith walked into the busy house. That was the only time it was busy. When Thatcher was around. And that wasn't very often. Meredith quickly carried her stash of clothing up to her room. She was quickly losing her nerve. She was afraid to talk to him about it. She wasn't afraid of him. She was afraid of what he might say.

Meredith walked down the staircase as paced in front of his closed office door. Tony looked over at her in confusion, but kept on walking. That was how it was around here. Everyone wrote her off. They never took her seriously. She was the spoiled daughter. An idiot. Just looks. No feelings. That was how they all felt. She slowly turned the handle and walked in.

"Meredith." Thatcher said with a smile as she walked in.

"Hey daddy." He said as she walked around the desk and pecked him on the cheek.

"I heard you went shopping." He pointed out as she walked around the desk and sat in a chair.

"I did." Meredith said with a smile.

"Did you get everything you wanted?" He asked her as he looked down at his paperwork.

"Uh huh. How are Beijing?" She questioned as she wretched her hands.

"It was good. Productive. I needed to be there. How is the new guard, Derek?" Thatcher asked.

"He's okay." Meredith replied with a shrug.

"Just okay?" He asked as he glanced up.

"He's a guard. Overly protective. Pain in the neck. Won't let me have fun." She sighed.

"Good. That is what I like to hear." He said with a nod. "So, I have to go back to Beijing tomorrow." He told her.

"Oh." Meredith said, with a knowing nod.

"But I will be back. I'm just very busy right now." He explained.

"Where is my mother?" Meredith asked frankly out of the blue.

"What?" Thatcher said as he dropped the papers he was reading.

"I have to have a mother. Where is she? Who is she?" Meredith asked exuberantly. "You always said when I got older you would tell me. I'm older now. And I want to know."

"I guess I did tell you that..." He said sadly. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I just... Curiosity." She told him.

"Well... Your mother and I met in college. I fell in love. We were happy. Really happy. We got married, bought a house. Then things changed. She got pregnant with you. And she was so focused on her career... Your mother was driven. A force to be reckoned with. She didn't want the family life. She didn't want us. You or I. She left you with a nanny or me all of the time. No interest. She said that her career was the one that mattered. Not mine. She had an affair with a coworker, and I left. I left with you. She had no objections. She just... She wasn't the family kind." He said frankly.

"My mom... She- She didn't want me?" Meredith croaked out. Thatcher's phone rang and he picked it up.

"I have to take this. I'll see you later." He said as he waved her out.

Meredith burst into tears the minute she shut Thatcher's door. Everyone watched as she ran up the stairway. No one attempted to help her. No one asked what was teh matter. She cried loudly as she covered her face and ran. Derek glanced up in shock as she disappeared around the corner. Everyone heard her door shut.

Meredith collapsed on her bed in tears. Her mom didn't want her. All these years, and she never cared enough to look for her. She didn't care enough to wonder about her daughter. How could someone hold their child inside them for nine months and have no attachment. Her mother was a monster. So much for the fantasies.

**Yeah. Thatcher is an ass. Eventually you will learn more about Meredith's mother. And Derek is having fantasies...OH MY! Review please!**


	8. Friends

Derek watched as Meredith ran out of Thatcher Grey's office. He didn't need her to tell him what had happened. Thatcher finally talked to her about her mom. This was just one more thing. It seemed she was always getting hurt. Hurt and written off. He waited for Thatcher to come out of his office. He expected Thatcher to rush up and console his daughter. That didn't happen. His door remained shut. And everyone went about their business.

"Isn't anyone going to see what's wrong with her?" Derek said quickly as he heard her bedroom door shut.

"It's not our job." Tony said simply as he looked up from the paperwork he was looking over.

"What?" Derek said in totally shock. "How can consoling another human being not be your job?" He asked angrily.

"Look. This happens. Meri throws her fits. She hides away, then she gets over it. The boss doesn't like us to get close to her. And we don't want to. We need our jobs." Tony said matter-of-factly.

"I'm going to check on her." Derek said as he started to walk off.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Tony told him as he grabbed his arm.

"And why is that?" Derek asked as he looked into his brown eyes.

"Like I said, Mr. Grey doesn't like us to get close. You don't want to know what happened to the last guard that got involved with Meri." Tony stated with a nod. "You either want your job, or you don't. But you need to think about how you want to go here. Because I can tell you... You and her, it won't happen. It won't be allowed to happen. I'm just trying to be your friend." Tony said quickly.

Derek didn't respond as he walked away. He had nothing to say to that. Was it a threat? Possibly. Was it jealously? That was probable. Tony made no effort to hide that he was physically attracted to someone almost thirteen years his junior. A girl that he watched grow up. Derek shook his head as he climbed the staircase. Maybe Meredith was right... It was better to not have friends. At least not the ones that were around here.

Derek listened as intently as he walked down the long hallway. He looked over at the painting on the wall. It was probably a painting worth more than the borrowed BMW he was driving here. It looked so perfect on the wall. If only everything else had followed suit. But it hadn't in this house of broken dreams and empty promises.

Derek could hear her faint sobbing as he neared. Whatever Thatcher said had crushed her. It broke her down. All he could think while he stood outside her door was how wonderful she would be if she were happy. If she actually got to feel real happiness, how would she act? Would she even know how?

"Mer?" Derek said as he tapped softly on the thick wood door. "Meredith... It's Derek."

"Please. Please just go away." She said weakly as she covered her head. "Please."

"I'm here if you need me." Derek said sadly as he walked away from her door.

Derek made his decent down the long stairway. He tried. Even of she didn't accept his attempt at kindness, he had tried. He saw Tony's glare as he stepped off the last step. A glare. It was a glare from no good reason. Derek stopped in his tracks as Thatcher crossed his path.

"Derek. How are you liking it here?" Thatcher asked as paused.

"It's nice." Derek said with a nod. "It's good."

"I'm happy to hear that. Something has come up. I have to be leaving town tonight. So, is there anything you need before I go?" Thatcher asked.

"No. I think I have everything I need." Derek said with a fake smile. He breaks his daughter's heart, and doesn't even attempt to pick up the pieces.

-----------------------

Derek sat down at the dinner table. He had to assume that this was Thatcher's pathetic way of assuring a family life for Meredith. Dinner every night with her help. Help that didn't even care whether is was happy, sad, alive or dead. Well, dead they may have a problem with. Because if she were dead, they wouldn't have a job.

"Where is Meredith?" Derek asked as he sat down at the table.

"In her room." Tony said quickly. "Throwing another one of her tantrums again."

"That girl... She needs to learn to control her emotions." Sofia said quickly.

"Control her emotions? He heart is broken." Derek said quickly.

"Is it?" Tony said as he looked up. "And how would you know that?" Tony asked.

"She should eat. I'm sure she's hungry." Derek pointed out.

"She would just come down and pout. Leave her be." Sofia said frankly.

Derek remained silent for the rest of the meal. In fact, he remained silent for the rest of the night. He went to his room and hid away. He could see why Meredith did it. Around here, it made life so much easier. Derek listened from his room. From what he could hear, she was silent. Probably sleeping. Maybe there she found peace.

Derek awoke abruptly. He glanced over at the clock next to her bed. It was one in the morning. One in the morning, and she was awake. He listened as he door opened. He could hear her footsteps disappearing down the hallway. He quickly threw on his pajama pants and walked into the hallway. He crept behind, seeing that she walked in the kitchen.

Derek watched her from the doorway. She looked so cute in her panties and camisole searching for a snack. Apparently her stomach had finally battled her head and won. She looked completely out of sorts as she looked around the kitchen.

"Hungry?" Derek asked as he stepped in.

"Shit! You scared me." Meredith said quickly. "And yes... Starving." She said with a nod.

"What sounds good?" Derek asked as he began looking through the pantry with her.

"Something sweet. But not too sweet. Not like chocolate. And not something I have to cook." Meredith said with a faint smile. "Because I can't..."

"Hmm... Let's see." Derek said as he began moving things out of the way. "Do you like peanut butter?"

"Uh huh." Meredith replied with a nod.

"What about honey?" He asked as he held it up.

"I love honey." She told him with a grin.

"Then I have the perfect thing." He told her as he grabbed the honey and peanut butter.

Meredith watched as he cut the crust off the bread. He filled it with peanut butter and honey, and then pinched it together.

"You do one." He said as he handed her the ingredients.

"I've never cooked before." Meredith said with a smile. "And if Sophia saw me in her kitchen, she'd kill me."

"She need to lighten up." Derek said with a nod as he put the butter covered sandwiches in the pan.

"She's always been like that." Meredith replied with a shrug. "Too old to change now."

"You are never too old to change." Derek said frankly.

"Well, not many people would agree with you. Especially people named Sophia." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

"Try this." He said as he held the sandwich out for her to taste.

"Mmmm... That is so good." Meredith said with a big smile. "Give me that!" She said as she grabbed the sandwich and took another bite.

"My mom always made these for me when I was a kid." Derek said with a grin. Meredith sat down at the counter and looked down at her plate.

"She didn't want me." Meredith said sadly.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"My mom. My father said- He said she didn't want me. Or him. She didn't want a family. And she had an affair." Meredith said as she looked at him with tear filled eyes.

"Oh Mer..." Derek said as he put his hand on her back. She flinched at his touched. She flinched like she had never been touched in her life. Not with kindness. Not by someone who cared.

"I had these fantasies. I pretended she hated Italy. That was why she wasn't here. But she loved Paris. So she stayed there. She wanted to come get me. She wanted to take me with her. And I would pretend that she would come take me away. And she would teach me how to be beautiful. How to be a woman. That was so much better than this." She said as she cried.

"Meredith..." Derek said softly. "You don't know. You don't know everything. There are two sides to every story. Maybe your mom really is in Paris. Maybe she's not. But I'm sure she cared. And I'm sure she loved you."

"Really?" Meredith asked as she looked up. "You think so?"

"Really." Derek said with a nod. "And yes, I do."

"You're a good friend. And a good cook." She said with a smile.

"I hardly call that cooking." He said with a smirk.

"It's good enough for me." Meredith replied. "Can you make me another one?"

"They are rich... You'll get sick." Derek explained.

"I don't care. It's worth it." Meredith told him with a nod.

"So are you okay?" Derek asked.

"I think so." Meredith said with a nod. "Not perfect... But... I think I'll live."

"Good." Derek said with a nod. "So you just said I was your friend..."

"I did not!" Meredith said, flabbergasted.

"You did." Derek argued.

"Crap. I did." Meredith said with a sigh as she thought back.

"So are we?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"Uh... No." Meredith said with a grin.

Derek laid his head on his pillow. They were friends. She opened up to him. She wasn't a spoiled rich girl. She was a sad girl. A hurt girl. But tonight she opened up. She was on her way to repair.

Meredith laid her head on her pillow. He was different. He was nothing like any of the other guards. He seemed to care. He seemed to really care about her. About everyone. This wasn't just a job. She wasn't just a client. He treated her like she was alive. And she liked it.

**Oh wow... They are "friends"**


	9. Mistakes

Meredith's eyes opened wide when the sun came up. It was six am. She had no good reason to be up. She had nothing she had to do. But then again, she never had anything to do. She lived in the prison. She did as the guards instructed. She laid there listening intently. She could hear him moving around in his room. He was up. She quickly jumped out of her bed.

Meredith smiled at herself in the mirror. She quickly pulled her hair back in a tight ponytail. She was dressed in a sport tank top and her yoga pants. She was going jogging. Jogging with Derek.

"Hey." Meredith said as she stepped out of her bedroom, almost coming face to face with him.

"Hey." Derek said, shock apparent in his face. "You're up early. What are you doing?"

"Going running." She said simply as she began to walk down the hallway.

"You- You don't run." Derek said as he walked up next to her.

"I run." She said frankly. "I run..."

"You do not. Look at your shoes. Your shoes are white. They're clean. You don't run." He said with a chuckle.

"They're new. And I run." She replied as she went quickly down the stairway.

"I see... I've worked here how long? And nothing... No running..." He said with chuckle. "This should be interesting..." He muttered under his breath.

"What's that?" She asked as she looked up.

"I didn't say anything." He said with a smirk. Derek walked out onto the grass and began stretching. He smiled when he looked up, seeing her mimic his movements. "You're not doing it right." He said as he walked over to her.

"I am too." She said quickly.

"Here... Let me help. You do need to stretch correctly." He said frankly.

Derek walked over to Meredith. She stood there, pulling her foot up with her hand behind her back. Derek grinned as he stood next to her.

"Here." He said as he put a hand on her abdomen, and a hand on her lower back to steady her. "Stretch farther." He said as she nodded to her. He watched as she stretched her leg up. "You are flexible."

"You have no idea." She said as raised her eyebrow and grinned. Derek quickly pulled his hands off of her and walked away. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I- I have to stretch too." He replied quickly.

Derek nervously looked around. He was hoping that no one had seen their encounter. He liked her. She was great. More than great. But Tony was right. He needed to keep his distance. Maybe not all of the time, but he definitely couldn't have any encounters with her in front of any of the help.

"Okay... Are you done stretching?" He asked with a grin.

"I am." Meredith said as she took off down the path.

"So your dad left last night..." Derek pointed out as he ran with her.

"Yeah." She said with a sigh. "Imagine that." She said with a chuckle. "He's home maybe fifty days out of the year."

"That's sad." Derek told her as he shook his head.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She said with a shrug.

"So what's on the itinerary today?" Derek asked as they entered a more secluded area on the property.

"Uh... Nothing today. But tonight I want to get a drink." She pointed out.

"You don't need a drink." He said with a sigh.

"I do. And you don't get to tell me." She said in a huff. "Besides, I'm almost eighteen."

"I think I heard something about that..." He said with a chuckle. "When?"

"In a few weeks." She said quickly. "Not a big deal."

"Eighteen is a big deal." Derek said with a smile.

"If you don't live in a prison." She said as she heaved. "And I am getting a drink tonight."

Your choice, but I'm just saying..." Derek told her quickly.

"I want to have a good time. I need to have a good time." She told him softly. "I'm not taking anyone. No friends. Just you, me, and tequila. And I won't leave you outside."

"Oh, thank you." He said sarcastically.

"Besides, you need to get laid." She said as she looked over at him.

"I do not." Derek said quickly.

"You so do." Meredith said with a giggle. "You are getting laid tonight."

-----------------

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek walk down the stairway. He looked good. He looked more than good. He looked tasty. Yummy. Good enough to eat. His hair looked perfect. His shirt was just tight enough to show off his perfect chest. His jeans hung perfectly on his hips. Even his shoes looked good.

Derek spotted Meredith sitting in a chair in the main entrance. She was flipping through a magazine. Even though she looked completely wrapped up in it, he did see her peek over the top. His eyes followed her legs up to the hem of her skirt. She looked absolutely amazing.

"Tell me again why we need to go out?" Derek said as he walked towards her.

"Because you need to get laid." She said with a nod. "Badly." She clarified as she looked him up and down.

"I do not. And neither do you." He said firmly.

"Oh, I always need to get laid." She said with a grin.

"You are a child. You shouldn't be-" Derek said quickly.

"Okay. You are not my dad. My dad took off on a plane for Beijing last night. I don't think I need you telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing." She said gruffly. "I can only imagine how you were." She said with a giggle as she shook her head.

"You have no idea." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Oh... You probably studied the weekends away." She said with a chuckle.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he attempted to ignore her.

"Yeah." She said as she shook her head exuberantly.

'I'll go get the car." He said quickly.

"You do that." She replied with a smile.

Meredith climbed into the car as Derek pulled up in front of the house. She was quiet as she sat in the passenger seat. It had gotten weird. Not weird, just different. She felt like of she talked to him, he would judge her. Or at the least, he would feel even more sorry for her. And that made her feel pathetic.

"So why are you here? Why come to Italy?" Meredith asked as she looked over at Derek.

"Honestly?" He asked as he glanced over. "For the money."

"Oh." Meredith said with and understanding nod.

"I'm saving up for medical school." Derek said quickly. "I want to be a surgeon."

"You do?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"I always have. A neurosurgeon. Ever since I was little. The brain, it just amazes me." He explained. "So I am going to make enough money here to continue."

"So you don't plan on staying here?" Meredith asked sadly.

It hit her. He wasn't staying. Most of the people that came in and out of her life. Most of the help that was hired didn't have dreams. They didn't have hopes. There were there for the paycheck. And with Sofia and Tony, they were here to stay. And now, Derek was moving on. He was going to leave her.

"No. I mean, I will for awhile. A year. Maybe two. But eventually, I will be going home." Derek confirmed with a nod.

"Oh." Meredith said softly as she turned her head and looked out the window.

"So you want to be a surgeon..." Derek pointed out as he glanced over at her.

"Um. Where did you hear that?" She asked without looking at him.

"Paulo told me." Derek explained.

"It's just a dream. A stupid dream. I'll never do it." She said as she shook her head. "Wake me up when we get there." She said as she closed her eyes.

Derek sat there with a frown on his face. No confidence. No self worth. After years of no one believing in her, she no longer believed in herself. He knew she wasn't asleep. She was avoiding. In the short time he had been here, he had figured that out. She was an avoider.

--------------------

"Wake up." Derek said quickly as he pulled up to the front of the club.

"Oh..." Meredith said as she lifted her head and looked up.

They stepped out of the car and made the walk into the club. Derek watched as people standing outside started rolling their eyes and pointing. Derek gave them an apologetic look as he followed her. She didn't even pause as she walked in. Her path was direct. Right to the bar.

"Tequila." Meredith said as she sat down on the stool.

"Of course, Ms. Grey." The bartender said with a nod as he poured her shot.

"And whatever he wants." Meredith said as she pointed to Derek.

"I'm fine." Derek said with a nod as he glanced up.

"Derek, you can have a drink." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"I'm working." Derek said frankly.

"Derek, you can have a drink. One drink." She said with a sigh.

"I'll have a beer." Derek said with a nod.

"No he won't. Scotch. Single malt." She said with a nod. "It's you."

"One." Derek replied as the bartender slid the drink over to him.

"Hey do you want to dance?" A handsome blonde asked Meredith in italian. He slid himself between Meredith and Derek. Derek looked at him in confusion.

"Sure." She said with a smile. "I'm going to dance." She explained to Derek as she slammed her shot and walked away.

Derek watched as she danced. She was so perfect. So sexy. The way she moved on the floor was amazing. She didn't act the same as she did the last time they were there. She was more confident, more in control of herself. And she was dancing. She wasn't letting the guys feel her up in the middle of the floor.

Derek looked up as brunette walked up to him. She was good looking, but she wasn't Meredith. She began talking very quickly in italian as sat down next to him. He had absolutely no idea what she was saying as he sat there, talking and smiling at him. Finally Derek looked at her and shook his head.

"American." He told her as he shrugged.

"Ah." She said as she shook her head. She quickly stood up and motioned for him to dance with her.

"I can't." Derek said quickly as he pointed at Meredith.

"Ah... Bitch." The girl said as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

Derek got wide eyed as he watched her walk away. It was apparent that she knew and did not like Meredith. In fact, as he watched the room, he noticed that there were a lot of women here who felt the same way about her. He couldn't help but think they wouldn't be so jealous if they walked a day in her shoes.

"Hey." Meredith said with a grin as she walked up.

"Hey." He said as he sipped his same glass of scotch. She was right, it was very him.

"Do you want to dance?" Meredith asked.

"I can't." Derek said frankly. "I'm working."

"I know." Meredith said as she downed her tequila. The bartender walked up.

"So it's going to be good." The bartender said with a smile.

"What's that?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"The party. Your party." He said quickly.

"What party?" Meredith asked.

"Your eighteenth birthday party. Don't think we didn't know..." He said with a grin. Meredith started to talk. "Nope. You're coming. You'll make sure she comes, right?" He asked Derek.

"I suppose I will." Derek said with a nod.

"Good." He said as he walked away.

"So?" Derek asked.

"We are not coming. I don't do birthdays..." She told him frankly. "So this dancing..." Meredith said with a grin.

"I told you-" He started.

"Derek. I want you to dance with me." Meredith said with a smile.

"Oh..." Derek said in shock. "I- I don't dance in public." Derek said as he turned away from her.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"Seriously." Derek answered without looking over at her.

"Fine." Meredith answered with obvious disappointment. Her eyes quickly darted around the room. "Oh yes... You need to get laid. See that girl over there..." Meredith said as she pointed at the woman. Derek didn't notice her wink at the brunette. "She wants you."

"Mer... I am not-" He started.

"You are. Please?" Meredith said as she pouted.

"Why do you want me to have sex so badly?" Derek asked with a puzzled look.

"Because you are horny. Don't think I don't see. Half the time you look like you are ready to explode in your pants. And you are uptight. Probably form the lack of sex. Come on, it's just meaningless sex in the bathroom." She said with a shrug. "Live a little."

"Meredith. I am not that guy. I don't do that." Derek said firmly. "Plus I am working right now."

"Yeah right. You so are that guy. I can only imagine you and that Mark guy..." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "And I promise I won't leave the bar. I'll sit right here."

"Mer-" Derek said slowly.

"Here... Don't forget this." She said as she dropped a condom on the bar, and pushed him off the stool. "Cover it up."

Derek looked up at the brunette across the bar. She was definitely good looking. She definitely wanted him. But he wasn't that guy. He didn't screw girls in the bathroom. Well, maybe he was. She hit the nail on the head. He and Mark did have their share of good times. But he wanted to change. He didn't feel right about it. Not with Meredith around.

Before he knew it, the brunette was leading him into the bathroom. He looked back at Meredith, who winked at him. He sighed as he followed her. She was right. Meaningless sex. He could do that. He could do that and imagine Meredith's tight little pussy around him. The girl shoved him back against the wall as she ravaged his mouth. She quickly pulled away and stuck her hand out.

"What?" Derek said as he looked at her. "Oh." He said as he handed her the condom.

"No." She said as she shook her head. Derek looked at her with confusion as she began spitting out words in italian. "Money." She finally said.

"Money? Money? I'm not paying you for sex!" Derek said loudly as he stood there in shock. "Are you kidding me? You're a whore?" He asked as he looked up at her. His eye was met with her large fist. "Fuck!" He yelled as he grabbed his eye.

"Bastard!" She yelled as she stomped on his toe and walked out.

Derek rushed over and looked at himself in the mirror. That woman had man hands. He had never seen a fist that size fly at his face in his life. He looked at the red mark that was already forming around his eye. Meredith flashed in his head. He had to get back out there. His jaw clenched as he walked out. He had a feeling she knew exactly who that woman was.

His eyes met Meredith's as he walked out. She was there. He was shocked. A small part of him figured she'd run off like she had the last time. But she was there. And she had a small smirk on her face.

"Not funny." Derek said as he walked up to the bar and sat beside her.

"What?" Meredith said with a smile. "Oh my God! What did she do to you?" Meredith asked as she grabbed his face. "Ice. We need ice." Meredith told the bartender as she touched his swollen eye with her finger.

"That was bullshit." He said as he accepted the ice and looked away. "You knew she was a prostitute."

"What happened?" Meredith asked as she gave him a sympathetic look.

"Things were going fine. Until she asked me for money." Derek told her with a clenched jaw.

"She asked you for money?" Meredith said in shock.

"Oh... Like you didn't know she was a prostitute." Derek said as he rolled his eyes.

"No. I knew." Meredith said quickly. "That bitch!"

"What?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"She asked you for money. And I already paid her!" She yelled loudly as she jumped off her stool.

Derek dropped his head. Everyone was looking at him. She had basically told the whole club that she bought him a prostitute. He couldn't believe this. He was beginning to hate this place. Every time he came here, something bad happened.

"Give me my money!" Meredith shouted loudly as she got in her face.

"Like you need it!" The brunette said as she stood up.

"I'm not paying you." Meredith told her loudly. Derek quickly jumped off the stool and ran over to Meredith.

"Come on, Mer. This is not important." Derek told her with a sigh.

"I want my money." Meredith yelled again.

"Come on." Derek said again as he grabbed her arm and pulled her away. "I can't believe you did that." Derek said as he shook his head.

"She robbed us." Meredith spat.

"Not that! I can't believe you paid someone to have sex with me." He spat as he shook his head.

"She is disease free and good at her job. Even if she is a bitch!" Meredith yelled. "I just thought you'd like a good time..."

"I don't need you to pay people to sleep with me." He grumbled. Derek glanced up to see the blonde guy that Meredith was dancing with earlier.

"Ciao, bella. Posso offrirti qualcosa da bere?" (Hello, beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?) He said with a smile.

"Si." (Yes.) Meredith said with a smile.

Derek sat there and rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe this guy. Maybe it was because he was speaking italian, but he sounded completely pathetic. Meredith hung on his every word as he spoke softly. Derek felt sick as he watched the guy place his hand on Meredith's thigh. He wished he could stop it. He wished he didn't have to sit and watch it. But he was stuck.

"You siete la donna che più bella ho visto mai." (You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.) He said as he placed his hand on her cheek.

"Grazo." (Thank you.) Meredith answered as she blushed.

"Voglio vederti stasera." (I want to see you tonight.) Franco said as he looked her up and down. Meredith gave him a seductive smile as she looked into his eyes.

Derek looked away as he listened to them. It was ridiculous. From what he could understand, this guy was using every pick up line in the book. And the sad thing was, it was actually working. Before he knew it, Meredith was standing up wobbly.

"Let's go." She said as she grabbed Franco's hand and motions for Derek.

"You are trashed." Derek said as he stood.

"I am not trash!" Meredith yelled as she shoved him.

"No. Drunk. Intoxicated." Derek said frankly.

"Oh..." Meredith said with a sour face. "I'm ready. Marconi." She said with a nod.

"Marconi?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. "The hotel?"

"Uh huh." She replied with a nod as she walked to the car.

Derek felt horrible as he drove along. She was a slut. He hated to think it. But she was. The hatred he felt towards her at the moment was strong. He hated her. He hated her for making him want her so badly. And he did want her badly. And now she was in the back seat of his car with her clothes almost off. And she was drunk. She got drunk and turned into a whore.

Meredith handed Derek her credit cards and instructed him to get a room. He ended up getting a suite with two bedrooms. He obviously couldn't lay in a bed next to her as she fucked some guy. He handed her the keycard and made his way towards the stairs. He didn't want to see anything. He was hoping they would be in the room before he got up there.

The night was a sleepless one. He hated this. He was in a hotel bed. Albeit a very nice hotel room. He was still sleeping in his clothes. He was still not in the comfort of his own bed. He didn't have his toothbrush. His pajamas. He was not happy.

Derek rolled from side to side. He could hear the moans. So feminine and light. He could hear her cries. Like an animal in heat. Like she was experiencing pure pleasure. He pounded the pillow with his fist and covered his head. He shouldn't care. She was a client. Just a client. A client who happened to be having hot sex in the next room. Hot sex that he wasn't having. Finally late into the night, he heard silence. Finally.

"Buongiorno." (Good Morning.) Franco said as he walked out of their room in his boxers.

"Buongiorno." Derek grumbled as he looked up from the paper he couldn't read.

"Morning." Meredith muttered as she walked out of the room.

"Morning." Derek said as he glanced up.

She looked horrible. She was exhausted. Exhausted from sex. Seeing her exhausted just made him mad. How could she do that? Why did she have to be that girl? What did she have to be that girl who would sleep with just anyone? He didn't speak with her the rest of the morning.

Finally they were alone in the car. He needed to keep it in. He should keep it in. But he couldn't. He wasn't the type to not say anything. Even if she was his boss, he still had to speak his mind.

"I can't believe you." Derek said as he shook his head in disgust.

"What?" Meredith snapped as she looked up.

"I had to sleep in a fucking hotel room last night. In my clothes." He said as he clenched his jaw.

"Well, at least you had a place to sleep." She said quickly.

"Do you do that often? Drag men back to hotels like a-?" Derek started loudly. "I got no sleep last night. No fucking sleep! Do you know why? The moaning The yelling. Oh god, oh god... Come on! No one has that many orgasms."

Meredith didn't say anything. She turned her head and looked out the window. Derek sat there in silence. He looked forward as he drove along. Then he saw her out of the corner of his eye. Her shoulders were shaking. She was crying.

"I'm sorry." Derek said softly. "Meredith... I'm sorry. I should have said that."

"Do you think I like that? Do you think I like having to go to hotels? And thinking of you... So you think I like to think about you while I have sex?" She asked as she cried.

"You think of me during sex?" Derek asked with a grin.

"Not like that!" She half giggled, half cried. "No... I know you are there. You have to be there. It's your job. But I can't take it. I know you can hear me." She cried loudly.

"I-" Derek started.

"When I lost my virginity, Tony was there. He was outside my door. Do you know what that was like? One of the biggest things in my life. It was supposed to be special. And he was there. He teased me forever. I don't know what it's like to be alone. Not like that. I am all alone inside. But I am surrounded by people. So if you think I want to drag you to hotels so I can have sex... You are so wrong!" She cried loudly as she sobbed.

"I'm so sorry." Derek said as he rubbed her arm. "I never- I didn't look at it that way."

"I just want to be normal. Why can't I be like everyone else?" She asked softly.

"I wish I could change things, Meredith. I'm sorry." Derek said as he rubbed her back.

He never thought of it like that. She was right. It was his job. She didn't do it to torture him. He could never imagine what it would be like to have someone around all of the time. To not be able to do anything without someone knowing. She was living in hell.


	10. Potato Pudding

Derek pretty much dropped the issue of Meredith and the hotel room. She laid her heart out to him. She told him how it felt for her. Everyday she felt like she was up on a pedestal, but yet no one cared. It was like she was expected to act a certain way, but no one noticed if she did. And in the off chance that she was noticed, then it came down on her like an iron fist. She lived her life in a straightjacket, and she just wanted to be free.

Meredith walked out of her room. She yawned as she she passed Derek's room. Her eyes got wide as she caught him in her peripheral vision. He was putting on a tie. A tie. She was in shock as she stood there watching him. He was in dress pants and a tie. He was wearing italian leather shoes. She swallowed hard as she remained frozen.

"Where- Where are you going?" She asked as she looked up.

"Oh. With Mia. Tonight is our date... Thing." He said as he looked across the room.

"What!" Meredith asked in shock. "Date? Tonight?"

"Yeah. Why?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"No. You can't go tonight! I have a date." Meredith lied as she stood there.

She did not have a date. But there was no way that she could let him go out with Mia. There was no way she could sit at home and think about the two of them. Her heart started to beat quickly as she thought about them.

"What?" Derek asked in shock as he turned to her.

"I have a date. Tonight. With Franco. I need you." She whined as she looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry. It's my day off, Mer." Derek replied with a shrug as he turned away.

"You're not going to cancel?" She pouted as she looked at his back.

"Why would I cancel?" Derek questioned as he turned and walked towards her.

"Because I have a date. And I need you!" She said quickly.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I made plans. Life doesn't revolve around you." He said as he approached her. "And if you don't get rid of this." He said as he tugged her bottom lip. "You might trip."

"Derek..." She pouted as she looked into his blue eyes.

"It's cute. But it does not work." He said quickly.

"Fine." She grumbled as she stood there.

"So you are canceling?" Derek asked as he grabbed his jacket.

"I am not canceling." Meredith said frankly. "I guess- I guess Tony will have to take me." She said in a huff.

"Oh. I see." Derek replied with a nod.

"You can't sleep with her." Meredith said quickly.

"What?" He asked in shock.

"Mia. Don't sleep with her." Meredith told him with a nod. "She gets around."

"And you don't?" Derek said as he began laughing.

"Ass!" Meredith said as she walked up and smacked him on the arm. "I do not- Never mind." She told him as she shook her head. "But seriously. The prostitute... She is probably carrying around less disease."

"Is that so? Hmm. Well, I have to go." Derek said with a smile. "You know... For someone who has a date, you don't look very ready." He said with a chuckle, knowing her game.

"Oh... I'm ready. You have no idea." She told him with a nod.

Meredith quickly hurried back to her room. she grabbed the phone and began dialing several different area restaurants. She had to find out where they were eating. She needed to find out where their reservations were for. Finally she found the reservations for Hanson at Ristorante Pappagallo.

"Nice choice, Derek. Nice choice." She muttered with a smile.

Meredith quickly dialed up Franco's number. She let out a huge sigh of relief when he agreed to go with her. Now all she had to deal with was Tony. And he was nothing. She ran him all over the place. She knew just how to make him do what she wanted. She had been doing it for years, and it only seemed to get easier.

Meredith took a quick shower and rushed into her large closet. She grabbed a dress. Not really a dress. The dress. It was a dark blue version of the one that she had tried on in front of Derek. The one that took his breath away. She had never seen anyone react that way to her before. As she slid it on she smiled. It was perfect. She had to grin as she put on some light makeup. This was going to be a fun night.

"Tony..." Meredith said in her typical I want something voice.

"Oh god." Tony answered as he shook his head. "What, Meri?"

"I need you to take me to Pappagallo." She replied with a smile.

"What? What about Derek?" Tony asked with a frown.

"It's his day off. And I already have reservations. Please?" She asked as she stuck her lip out.

"Fine." He said as he rolled his eyes. "Wait! Who are you going with?"

"Franco." She said with a smile.

"Who is Franco?" Tony asked as he looked up at her.

"A friend. Let's go... My reservations are in an hour. And we have to pick Franco up." She said with a smile.

"Ah... Meri... You are a pain in the ass." He said as he shook his head.

"I know." She said with a grin.

Meredith climbed into the back of the car. She never sat in the front with Tony. She never had. It just seemed odd to her. But with Derek, she always sat up front. Right next to him. That just felt like the right place to be.

"Ciao." Franco said as he climbed into the car and kissed her cheek.

"Ciao." She replied with a grin.

Meredith looked straight ahead as Tony drove. She could see him looking back at her in the rearview mirror. Franco was talking a mile a minute, but she wasn't listening. All she could think about was what Derek and Mia were doing at the moment. She knew Mia well enough to know what her plans were. And Meredith was just hoping that Derek would not go along with them.

"Okay, Tony, you know the drill." She said with a chuckle.

"Yes. Stay in the corner and don't talk to you." He said with a smile. "I know."

"Good." She said with a smile.

-----------------

Derek followed Mia around. Literally. This was the worst date thing he had ever been on. He wasn't interested in her. Not in the least. She was not his type of woman. She was too high maintenance. She was too gossipy. She was too unlike Meredith. The whole time they walked around, that was all he thought about. He thought about her.

"So Derek... Where did you say you were from?" Mia asked as she sipped her wine.

"Oh. Uh, Maine." Derek replied with a nod.

"Oh, is it nice there?" She asked as she gave him a smile.

"I like it. I plan on going back. Not necessarily to Maine. But to the states." Derek explained.

"Oh. You don't like Italy?" She asked with a sad face.

"I do. But I am just here for the job." He said frankly.

"Oh. I see. How is the job?" Mia asked quickly.

"It's good. Meredith is easy to follow around." Derek said with a shrug.

"Really? Hmm... That's not what I heard." Mia said nonchalantly.

"Oh. What do you mean?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Oh. She's been through a lot of body guards." Mia pointed out. "But the last one was the problem."

"The last one?" Derek asked with a wince.

"Aleeo." Mia told him quickly.

"Oh." Derek said, not even sure if he wanted to know. "What happened?"

"She fell in love with him. It was a big mess." Mia pointed out.

"Oh." Derek said as he shook his head. "So have you always lived her?" Derek asked, changing the subject.

"You're changing the subject." She said with a giggle. It definitely wasn't Meredith's giggle.

Derek sat there with Mia. He couldn't help but think that he would rather be in the prison with Meredith. She was so light and free when she was happy. He liked to see her like that. He hoped that someday she would feel like that everyday. But he knew better.

Derek glanced up as he saw the door open. His heart stopped when he saw her. She looked amazing. She was wearing a shimmery dark blue gown. It looked just like the gown that she had tried on the day they went shopping. She was absolutely breathtaking. He tried to look away, but he couldn't. He had to look at perfection. She was like looking at the sun. He knew it was bad, but for some reason he couldn't stop.

Derek watched as Meredith giggled and joked. His heart sank as he watched her. She seemed to be having a good time with Franco. Unlike him, she was enjoying herself. His eyes got wide as she looked up and him and smiled. They shared a look. For a minute, he could swear he saw into her soul. Then she dropped her gaze.

"What are you- Oh." She said as she glanced over. "Did you know she was going to be here?" Derek didn't look up. He didn't even acknowledge her. "Derek?"

"Oh... What?" Derek asked as he turned to look at her.

"Did you know Meredith was going to be here?" She snapped as she looked at him.

"No. I mean, no. I didn't." He said with a shrug.

"But she knew..." Mia said as she looked back at her. "Baldracca!" (Whore)

"What?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"She knew. This is how Meredith works. She sabotages everyone and everything." Mia said as she clenched her jaw.

"Meredith isn't like that." Derek told her frankly.

"You have no idea. If she wants something... She just takes it." She snapped. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Derek asked with concern.

"You want her." She replied as she shook her head.

"No. No I don't." Derek quickly replied.

"You do. Well, join the crowd. Hell, you probably won't have a problem. She gets around." She grumbled. "I knew she would pull this."

"She didn't do this on purpose. She said she had a date." Derek pointed out. They both looked up as Meredith walked over to the table.

"I didn't know you were coming here!" Meredith said with a giggle as she walked up.

"Oh, Meri... I think you did..." Mia said as she shook her head. "Quit being a Puttana."(Bitch.)

"Only when you quit being a Faccia da culo donnaccia." (Ass faced slut.) Meredith said quickly.

"Fregna de vacca!"(You have a cow pussy!) Mia yelled loudly.

"Se il cazzo avesse le ali, la tua fica sarebbe un aereoporto!"(If a dick had wings, your pussy would be an airport!) Meredith yelled back as she stepped forward.

"Whoa." Derek said as he stood up. "What are we doing? Mia, you need to calm down. Meredith is just here on a date."

"Why are you defending her?" Mia asked loudly. "You are being an idiot! You will lose your job. She will use you and drop you in nothing flat. You will end up like Aleeo."

"Excuse me, I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down." The waiter said in italian as he walked up.

"Mia!" Derek said as he motioned for her to sit. "You are acting ridiculous!"

"Vai a cagare!" (Go fuck yourself!) She shouted to Derek. "Puttana." She spat at Meredith as she walked out.

"Um. That wasn't good." Derek said with a shrug.

"Are you kidding? She just told you to go fuck yourself. What did you do?" She asked with a giggle.

"Apparently the wrong thing." He said as he stood up.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"Home." He said quickly.

"You can't go home! You didn't eat." She said with a frown.

"You know what... I'm not that hungry." He said as he walked away.

Meredith frowned as she watched him leave. She wanted to make him jealous. But she didn't want him to look like that. It wasn't that he was sad. It was more like he was embarrassed. But she had no idea why. She looked down at her plate. All of the sudden, she wasn't so hungry herself.

-------------

"What the hell happened?" Tony asked Meredith as they pulled out of Franco's driveway.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked as as she glanced out the window and into the dark.

"Are you kidding me, Meri. The scene you caused... Ring a bell?" He asked.

"Oh. I don't know. Mia flew off the handle." Meredith said with a sigh.

"She called you a cow pussy. I'd say she did more than fly off the handle." Tony pointed out.

"Yeah, well... I don't know." Meredith replied quietly.

"Is it true?" Tony asked frankly.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked at the rearview mirror.

"Does Derek want you?" He said grimly.

"No." She said firmly. "Mia is a bitch."

"So this whole naive, innocent thing... Do you think you are fooling anyone?" she asked with a chuckle. "You really need to be careful, Meri. Thatcher wouldn't be happy."

"Nothing is going on." She spat. "Why don't you just shut up and drive?"

Meredith and Tony remained silent for the rest of the drive. She was worried. Nothing was going on. But people were talking. And around here, talking was a bad thing. Talking led to Thatcher. And once that happened, he stopped it. He stopped whatever he wanted. He held all the power.

Meredith could see a tiny bit of light peeking out from under Derek's door. She knew he was awake. She quickly rushed into her room and changed into a tank top and shorts. She was feeling bad. She knew that he was humiliated by she and Mia at the restaurant. And now she wanted to make it right. She walked up to his door and tapped lightly.

"Come in." He said softly.

"Hey." Meredith replied as she pushed the door open and shut it. He was sitting on his bed, reading a book. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. And to bring you this..."

"What's this?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"It's potato pudding with orange caramel. From the restaurant. Their specialty." She said as she handed it to him and sat on his bed.

"Oh. You didn't have to." He said with a smirk.

"Try it." She told him quickly. Derek opened the container and took a bite.

"Oh. Wow..." He said in shock. "This is good. Here" He said as he fed her a bite. And then another. "Oh yeah... So why are you sorry?"

"Oh..." Meredith drew in a deep breath. "For what happened." She said as she shook her head.

"Mer... You didn't-" He started.

"I knew. I didn't have a date. I found out where you were going, and I made reservations." She told him as she dropped her gaze.

"Oh." Derek said as he placed the container on his table.

"I was jealous." She admitted.

"Jealous?" Derek asked with a chuckle. "Of what?"

"I don't know... I just- I don't know." She muttered.

"It's okay. I think you saved me anyhow." He said quickly. "Mia is a nut."

"She is." Meredith agreed with a giggle.

"I have to admit, the italian was interesting. Even though I have no idea what you said." He said with a grin.

"You like that?" She asked as she turned and looked at him.

"I do." He said with a smile.

"Leccami la mia figa. Bevi la mia sborra. Sborrami in faccia." (Lick my pussy. Drink my cum. Cum on my face.) She said seductively as she looked into his eyes.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked as he looked into her green eyes.

"Hmm... Wouldn't you like yo know?" She said with a smile.

"It was very sexy." He said with a smile.

"Was it?" She asked as she leaned towards him.

"It was." He agreed.

"Yeah?" She said soft as she licked her lips.

"Yeah." Derek muttered as he leaned in.

Their lips crashed together softly. Derek had never tasted anything sweeter. He heard her moan softly as he licked her lips. She finally parted them, letting his tongue slide in deeply. Derek felt her fingers run through his hair as she pulled his head close. He grabbed her thigh with his hand and pulled her into his lap. Their tongues danced erotically as their bodies pressed against each other. Derek could feel her hard nipples through the fabric of his shirt. She could feel his hard erection pressing against her. She was already hot. She was already on fire. That just pushed her farther. She rocked her hips gently as she tasted him. She finally came up for air and gasped.

"Oh god!" She said as she jumped off of him. "I'm sorry! I'm so-"

"I- I didn't mean to-" Derek said in shock as he covered himself up.

"I'm- Oh wow. I should have-" She stammered.

"You? Me. I-" Derek said as he looked at her.

"Okay. Goodnight." She said nervously.

"Okay. Yeah. Goodnight." He said with a nod.

Meredith rushed out of his room. She was so foolish. To think that he would want her. Why did she so that? She quickly jumped into her bed and pulled up the covers. She was humiliated. She was on him. She was on him, sucking his face off. Then she laid there and thought about it. He pulled her onto his lap. They made mistakes. But no matter what, that was one hell of a kiss.

Derek quickly turned the lamp off. That was a great way to get fired. He couldn't believe he did that. He wanted her. He wanted her so badly and in a moment, he almost gave in. He couldn't get her taste out of his mouth. So perfect. So sweet. He just wanted more. As he laid there his cock began to throb harder and harder. As he pumped he could only think one thing. That was one hell of a kiss.

**Yeah...Poor Derek had to take it in his own hands. :P Potato pudding is a new found aphrodisiac you know... Review!**


	11. Shut Up And Drive

Running was fun. It was a good time. She liked to be next to Derek as they ran down the path. Just them. Just them in a perfect silence. And when they talked, it was the most comforting thing in the world. When they talked, she always felt a lot better. Yes, she was beginning to like the idea of running. Was. But not today. Definitely not today.

Meredith laid in her large bed. Her sheets were warm and soft. The breeze blowing in the window was heavenly as she smelled the flowers in the courtyard. It was later in the morning. Much later than she had been getting up. She was getting up to run. And today she had been laying there for hours. Perfectly awake, just listening.

Did it happen? She asked herself that so many times. Did she really kiss him? She did. She remembered. There was no forgetting it. She had never connected like that with a person in her life. Their bodies reacted to each other. She had never felt so hot or in touch with herself in her life. Yes, it was an amazing kiss. But yet she was hiding. She had to hide. She couldn't face him.

Derek woke up at his usual hour. He laid there listening for her. He was wondering if she was up. He wondered if she was going to meet him for their usual morning run. He was hoping not. After last night, he was still unsure how he would be able to control himself around her. So he listened. Silence. He finally got up.

As Derek ran down the path, all he could think of was her. Even from the beginning, he wanted to hate her. She and her smug little smile. And her perfect little ass. He wanted to just do his job. But that was impossible. He was learning that quickly. He could always feel something there. He wasn't sure if it was just on his end. But either way, there was an attraction.

As the house came in view, Derek started to panic. Derek Hanson never panicked. But Meredith Grey made Derek panic. How would he talk to her. He did know that it was going to be hard. The hardest. This was his job. He was risking his job. He was risking a lot. He could not do it. He simply had to stop all the thoughts and feelings he was having. She was forbidden. Period.

The kiss last night was amazing. He had never felt anything like it. He wasn't even sure what happened. One minute they were talking, then the next minute she was on him. He wanted her on him. The way her perfect little breasts felt pressed against his chest was enough to give him a permanent erection. They fit together perfectly. It was as if their bodies were moulded for one another. The taste of her sweet mouth was unforgettable. The way her fingers ran through his hair was amazing. Yes, this was going to be very hard.

Derek came in the door and pulled off his running shoes. He could hear Sofia and Tony talking in the kitchen. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but his own paranoid conscience was trying to convince him that they knew. They knew about the kiss. He tried to shake it out of his mind as he jogged up the large marble staircase. They couldn't know. There was no way. Unless they had cameras...

Meredith came down the stairs slowly. She didn't know where he was, but she wasn't looking forward to meeting up with him. She knew they would have to talk. There was no way that he could continue working here without them seeing each other. Eventually something would have to be said. Eventually.

"Meri... You finally get up!" Sofia said as she placed a plate of egg whites and toast in front of her.

"I was- Um... Tired. Very tired." She said quickly. [i_Smooth. Very smooth...Dumbass.[/i_

"That is generally why people sleep. Because they are tired." Tony said with a quick chuckle. "And by the way... I think I heard someone say Thatcher was coming home. You've been warned."

"Thanks." Meredith muttered as she picked at her eggs.

"Ah... Derek." Tony said as he glanced up at a freshly showered Derek.

"Morning." He said to everyone as he walked in. Meredith quickly dropped her head and looked at her food. This did not go unnoticed by Tony or Sofia.

"Here you go..." Sofia said as she sat his plate down on the table. She and Tony watched Meredith and Derek. One would look up and the other would look down.

"What is going on here?" Sofia asked as she looked at the two of them.

"Oh... Meri made a fool of herself last night at Pappagallo." Tony said smugly. "She was quite vulgar. She ruined Derek's date."

"Oh. Shame you you!" Sofia said as she smacked her with a towel.

"So aren't you guys going to kiss and make up?" Tony asked with a laugh.

"Kiss?" Meredith said quickly.

"I hardly think that that would be-" Derek started nervously.

"Relax! I meant figuratively." Tony said with a laugh. "You two are definitely... Odd." He said as he walked towards the door. "I have to run some errands."

"And I must clean your father's office." Sofia said as she marched out of the room.

They both sat there in a silence. An uncomfortable silence. Neither wanted to be the first to talk. Neither wanted to make excuses for what happened. Neither really regretted it, l but they could never admit that.

"So last night was-" Derek finally said, breaking the silence.

"A mistake." Meredith said with a big sigh.

"Yes! A huge mistake." Derek answered with an exuberant nod.

"Yes, huge." Meredith agreed.

"It was just tired. And I guess my brain wasn't functioning." Derek pointed out nervously.

"Me too. Me too. I think I was just- A lot happened. I'm not sure-" She stammered.

"It was the potato pudding." Derek laughed.

"Yeah. It's an aphrodisiac. Never again." She replied quickly.

"Yes. No more potato pudding." Derek said with a chuckle. "So we're-"

"Good. Yes... We're good." She told him with a grin.

"It doesn't have to be awkward. It was just a mistake." Derek said quickly.

"Exactly." Meredith answered as she took a bite of her toast.

"So we're-" He started.

"Friends. Just friends." Meredith said with a smile.

"Yes. Friends." Derek replied with a cheesy grin.

Derek was laughing in his head. Friends. Not that they couldn't be friends. That wasn't what was funny. He could do friends. He could do friends well. Very well. He could hide his feelings from her. No, the funny part was that she suggested it. That she admitted they were friends. She said friends. This was a huge thing. When they were friends, they were not. And now she said they were friends. So what did that mean?

--------------

"So... Do you have anything planned today?" Derek asked as he walked up to Meredith.

"Nothing planned. But I have to get out of this prison." She said frankly.

"Well, I'm here. To take you. Obviously." He said as he shook his head.

"I don't know what I want to do..." She said with a shrug.

"Shopping?" Derek asked quickly.

"I am actually not fond of shopping." Meredith replied with a giggle.

"Hmm... Well, I think you know the area better than I do." Derek said with a laugh.

"We could go to that cafe in Parma. Maybe stop at one of the parks. Anything to get out of here." Meredith said with a shrug.

"Fine with me..." Derek said with a shrug. "Are we picking up Franco?" [i_Say no! No! No! No! You ass, he is her boyfriend. Job. This is your job.[/b_

"Franco? No. No, I don't think so. Besides, I think he is busy today." Meredith said quickly. [i_I hope her is. Because I'm not calling him...[/i_

"Well, I guess I will pull the car around." Derek said with a smile.

"Sounds good." Meredith agreed with a nod.

Meredith smiled as she stood she stood there. It would be awkward. She knew that. But she really did have to get out of the house. Anything to get out of there. Anything to get away from there. She quickly walked out the front door as Derek pulled the car up.

"So... Have you ever been to Parma?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him.

"No. When would I have time?" Derek replied with a laugh.

"Well, I guess you're right. But you are going there now." Meredith said with a giggle.

She sat there silently as the wind blew through her hair. Derek looked so in control of the car. He looked like he was made for the BMW as he gripped the steering wheel. Her eyes travelled down to his feet on the pedals. No one had ever made driving so sexy.

"I lied." Meredith said quickly.

"You lied? Lied about what?" Derek asked as he glanced over,

"You're a good driver. You don't drive like an old man." She said with a chuckle.

"Oh... Now we are complimenting me?" He asked with a grin.

"No. I just..." Meredith trailed off.

"I like to drive. And I like cars. My dad always had a thing for cars. He had a 1965 Mustang that he completely restored." Derek explained.

"Oh. That's... Interesting." She finally said.

"You don't have an interest in cars..." He said with a laugh.

"I've never driven." She told him frankly.

"You've never driven?" He asked in shock. "Ever?"

"No. I have never driven. My dad never let me. I always wanted to." She said with a shrug. "But it's fine..." She said simply. "What are you doing?" She asked as he pulled over.

"Letting you drive." He said with a smirk.

"No! No... I can't- I can't drive. I can't- I don't know how." She said as she sat planted in the passenger seat.

"I am going to teach you." He told her with a smile as he began to open his door.

Meredith watched nervously as he walked around the front of the car. She had never driven anything. She had always wanted to, but her father insisted that she not drive. What was the reason? They had drivers. They had people to do that. He considered it an unnecessary thing in life. Especially for his daughter.

"Climb over." Derek said as he opened her door.

"No. Derek... I don't-" She started.

"Come on... Live a little." He told her as he nudged her gently.

"But what if I kill us?" She asked with concern as she climbed over to the driver's seat.

"Then we'll be dead." Derek said with a shrug. She looked like she was ready to cry. "I'm kidding... You will be fine." He told her reassuringly.

"You're sure?" She asked nervously.

"Yes. Now turn the key and start the car." He said with a smile. She quickly started the car and looked over at him.

"I'm scared." She said as she put her hands on the steering wheel.

"Don't be scared." Derek said as he rubbed her arm. "Okay. Put your foot on the clutch."

"Clutch? I didn't bring my clutch." She said nervously.

"That pedal there... That is the clutch." He laughed as he pointed to it. "Everything has to be fluid. Clutch, gas, clutch, brake. Fluid or you will stall. You have to shift the gears. This is a sports car. It isn't automatic."

"Okay." Meredith nodded as she looked over.

"No one has passed us for miles. You are in the middle of no where. You will be fine." Derek told her with a nod. "Okay. Foot on the clutch. Gently press down on the gas, and let your foot off of the clutch." Meredith did as Derek said and the car jumped forward and stalled.

"Okay. Let's try again." Derek said as he shook his head.

"No. I can't. I can't do this!" She huffed.

"Meredith. All your life people have told you that you can't do things. You can do this. Look at me. You can do this. Do what I told you." He said softly.

Meredith followed Derek's instructions and the car went forward. He had never seen a bigger smile on anyone's face. It was as if she accomplished something great. Derek had a feeling that for the first time in her life, she had actually done something. Rather than giving up, or someone giving up on her she had succeeded. And he had never been prouder. As they drove down the road, Derek was shocked at how easily she picked it up. Before he knew it, she was driving down the road like she had for years.

"This is fun!" She said happily as she glanced over. And she looked at him, the car went in the same direction.

"Whoa! Whoa... Look at the road." Derek said quickly as they made a curve on the country road.

"No one has ever given me the chance." She giggled. "How can you not want to do this all of the time?"

"Because I have been doing it for almost eight years. You will always remember your first time." He said happily.

"You're right about that!" She said with a laugh. "You were my first!"

"Hmm... Your first." He laughed along with her.

"Who was your first?" Meredith asked as they drove.

"My dad. It was my dad. I was fifteen. In that Mustang." Derek said with a smile.

"Do you still drive that Mustang?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him. "I mean when you're at home."

"No. No... We had to sell the Mustang. It helped send me to college." Derek said sadly.

"Oh..." Meredith replied with a frown. "Do you miss it? The car?"

"I do." Derek said with a nod. "But everything changes."

"For you. But not for me." She told him frankly.

Derek watched her. There was something about her. For having everything, the littlest things made her happy. It didn't take much to delight her. At this moment, she was in control. This was one of the few times that she was in control of something. Of herself. It made him happy to see her this way. It made him so happy that he wished he could do this everyday. He just wanted to see her happy.

"So when are you going to college?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"Oh... Uh... College. I don't think I will. I can't really- My father has never said anything and I just-" Meredith went on sadly.

"Well, you can't go to med school without college. So you better start thinking about it." Derek pointed out.

"I'll never be a surgeon. It's just a dream. That's all it is..." She said with a shrug.

"Meredith. If you want to be a surgeon, you need to be a surgeon. You are the only one that can do what you want. No one will do it for you." He said frankly. "You should. You could do it. You will do it."

"Maybe..." She said with a nod. "We're getting close to town."

"Yeah. You better pull over." He said with a nod. Derek watched as she concentrated and pulled the car to the side.

"So how did I do?" She asked with a grin as she looked over at him.

"You, my dear, did very well." He said with a smile as he looked over at her.

"Because I had a good teacher." She said softly as leaned in towards him.

Derek looked into her bright green eyes. They were so deep. So full of so many emotions. He could see everything so clearly. The hurt she felt was right there in the front. But covering that up was happiness. She was so excited over her new accomplishment.

Before her knew it, their lips collided. Derek could taste her sweet tongue in his mouth. She let out a moan as he ran his fingers through her soft honey blonde hair. He leaned forward and put her hand on the back of his head. Derek quickly pulled away.

"Figlio di puttana!" (Son of a bitch!) Meredith said loudly as she turned away. "Minchia." (Shit.)

"Friends." Derek said wide eyed.

"I know. Crap. It was the excitement. I'm sorry. Too much excitement." Meredith said as she looked straight ahead.

"You're right. The excitement. That is exactly what it was. We have to be dull. No more excitement." Derek said with an exuberant nod.

"Yes. Dull. Here, you need to drive now." She said as she quickly pushed the door open. They passed each other awkwardly at the front of the car.

"Okay. Parma." Derek replied with a nod.

"Yes. Parma. I am starving." Meredith told him as they sped off.

"Yes. Food." Derek agreed as he looked at the road.

"No potato pudding." She clarified.

"Definitely no potato pudding." Derek agreed.


	12. Getting Closer

Derek pulled up to the quaint little cafe that she pointed out. The drive had been awkward. Once again, he slipped up. Once again, he gave in. He knew he had to stop doing it. It was bad. It was how you got fired. It was how whatever happened to Aleeo happened. He didn't want to know what happened to Aleeo. He didn't want to know what would happen to him if he screwed up again. He had to stop.

Meredith sat in the car in silence. She did it again. She did it a lot. But with Derek, it was different. She had kissed guys before. She had kissed random guys many times. Hell, she had even fucked random guys in moments of drunken sadness. But Derek was different. This was different. And it scared her. She was losing her self control.

"Benvenuto!" (Welcome!) The hostess said as they walked in the door of the quaint cafe. "Come stai?" (How are you?)

"Bene, grazie!" (I'm Fine, Thanks!) Meredith answered quickly, realizing Derek didn't know what she was saying. The hostess quickly walked them to a small table by the large window. She ordered their drinks and looked at him.

"You don't know Italian..." She said in shock.

"I know a little. Okay. Fine. Actually not much at all. Everything I know is what I learned in the two years of Italian I took in high school. And I don't really remember that." Derek said with a sigh.

"That's not so good." She said simply. "You need to learn. I can teach you."

"Is this a trade of skills we are doing? I teach you to drive, you teach me to speak Italian." He said quickly.

"Hmm. That could work." Meredith said with a satisfied nod.

"It could." Derek agreed. "So your father may be coming back today?"

"That's what they say. Not that it matters." She said simply.

"I see what you mean. He doesn't make it a point to acknowledge you." Derek pointed out sadly.

"No. Not anymore. He did when I was young. Then he just got busier and busier. I was spending more time with my body guards and the help than him." She told him simply as the waitress brought their drinks.

"That's really sad. I just can't imagine not having my family around." Derek said quickly. "I would even miss my sisters if I didn't see them again."

"How many sisters do you have?" Meredith asked as she glanced across the table.

"Four." He said with wide eyes. "I know. Too many."

"That is a lot." Meredith agreed. "I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings. But I don't think it would make a difference."

"It may have." Derek said with a shrug and a nod. "But you had your other family."

"Yeah. I guess. Sophia is actually a lot more compassionate then she looks. We have just grown apart since I have gotten older." Meredith pointed out.

"So have you been through a lot of guards?" Derek finally asked nervously.

The waitress walked up and Meredith helped Derek order his food. They went through it several times before Derek pronounced it correctly. He sighed when the waitress walked away. That was his in. He had finally asked her about the guards and the damn waitress had to show up. Now he was sure she would avoid it.

"A lot." Meredith finally answered.

"A lot what?" Derek asked quickly.

"Of guards. I've had a lot." She said with a sigh.

"What happened to the last one?" Derek asked as he took a bite of bread.

"Tony. Tony got to you, right?" Meredith said with a smile.

"He may have mentioned him. Along with Mia." Derek admitted with a shrug.

"And what did they tell you? I fell madly in love with him and went nuts?" Meredith asked. "Or that I was pregnant with his child? Or that we went on a crime spree and raided the northern half of Italy?" She asked with a giggle.

"Seriously?" Derek asked in shock.

"I have heard it all." Meredith said quickly.

"Well, from what I understand, you fell in love with him. And something happened. I just don't know what." Derek said simply.

"Well... Do you want the truth?" Meredith asked him.

"If you want to tell it." Derek replied as he took a sip of his beverage.

"Busone." (Gay.) Meredith said simply. Derek looked at her in confusion. "Aleeo was gay."

"Oh..." Derek said in shock.

"He was a nice guy. Twenty two. He was good looking. But he didn't want it to get out. He knew if the other guards found out, they would give him a hard time. They are merciless. So, I played along. I helped him out. We pretended something was going on. It definitely kept the rumors at bay. At least the ones about him being gay." Meredith explained.

"So what happened to him?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he went off to college." Meredith explained. "So no. I was not in love with him. I have never been in love with any of my guards. Nothing bad happened to Aleeo. So don't listen to Tony. He's an ass. A trouble making ass." Meredith told him with a smile as the waitress sat their food down.

"Any more questions?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Actually... Cameras." Derek muttered as he took a bite of his chicken.

"What?" Meredith asked with confusion.

"Are there cameras in the house? Because I-" Derek started nervously.

"No one knows." She stated simply. "About the kiss. In your room. No one knows. There are no cameras in your room."

"How did you know what I was going to say?" Derek asked in shock.

"Well, you were paranoid this morning. And now you are bringing up cameras. There are cameras in the house. In the library. And in my father's office. They are all over outside. But don't worry, you aren't being filmed in the shower. Or while you are sleeping. They are pretty much in the high risk areas." She told him simply. "But if you were being filmed in the shower, I would definitely have a live feed!"

"Would you now?" He asked as he shook his head.

"Yeah. I probably would." She said simply. "But there aren't. You are safe."

"Good." Derek said happily.

"It was a mistake, Derek. A two-time mistake... But, a mistake. You aren't going to go to hell for kissing me." Meredith said with a giggle. "And you won't end up dead."

"They say a lot of things..." Derek mentioned.

"About my father? I know... He's an ass, but he is pretty harmless." She told him frankly.

"Good to know." Derek said with a nod. His eyes travelled to the cleavage peeking out from her low cut top. [i_Oh god... Look at that... Two perfectly perky breasts. They just want to come out and play. And I would play. Oh... Shit! Stop. She is 17. A kid. And you are a dirty man! And I bet her pussy is tight. You really have to stop now.[/i_

"So... "Cuzzo de cavallo," (You have a horse dick.) Meredith said with a smile. [i_I bet you do have a cock the size of a horse. Maybe we do need to install cameras in the shower. All angles. I want to see every inch of that body. I want to see that big cock... Okay, you have to stop. If you keep this up, you will never be able to resist him.[/i_

"What does that mean?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Oh. Horses are beautiful." Meredith said with a shrug.

"I thought beautiful was bella?" Derek asked with confusion.

"Oh. Yeah. Just a variation." Meredith said with a smirk.

"That was a random statement." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yeah. I do that. Manico." She said with a laugh.

"I have a feeling you aren't being honest with me." Derek said with a smirk.

"Oh. I'm honest." She said with a giggle as she pushed her plate away.

"Uh huh." He said as he shook his head and tossed down two tens. "What now?"

"I have no idea." Meredith said with a smile. "We could shop."

"Oh. Wonderful." Derek said with a fake smirk.

"Or you could let me drive around the countryside." Meredith suggested.

"Now that sounds like more fun." Derek agreed as he climbed in the car.

"Wait a second. I'll be right back." Meredith said as she quickly walked away.

Derek watched as she walked away. He looked at her cute little ass and long legs. The legs never ended. Perfect legs. He always liked long legs. Long legs that he could twist and manipulate around him. Meredith quickly disappeared into a tiny shop. Derek sighed as sat there. This was so bad. So very bad. He wasn't supposed to be interested in her. She was supposed to be someone he couldn't stand. She was everything she wasn't supposed to be. He watched as she walked back out with a bag.

"What's that?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Bras and Panties." Meredith said with a smirk.

"You have a thing for underwear, don't you?" Derek said with raised brows.

"They are fun. Yes, I suppose you could say I do. But that is not why I bought them. I bought so that everyone won't wonder why we were gone all day but came home with nothing. They can't know I was out driving." She told him frankly.

"Ah... You are a smart girl." Derek said with a smirk.

"You have no idea." Meredith said with a grin as they drove away. Just down the road she would take over. And he would let her.

---------------

Derek remained silent as he drove the rest of the way to the house. She was in her element when she had been driving. She drove like she had done it for years. She was brave. She was smart. There was no doubt in his mind that she could be a surgeon. He just had to help push her in the right direction. He pulled up to the big iron gates that she so unaffectionately referred to as her prison.

"I wonder if your father is home..." Derek said softly as the gates opened and he drove through.

"Who cares." Meredith said frankly with a shrug.

"You're still mad at him." Derek stated with a nod.

"Of course I am. He acted like that fact that my mother didn't want me was nothing. Like it was the most simple, insignificant thing." Meredith said quickly.

"Maybe he-" Derek started.

"Don't make excuses." Meredith warned as she crossed her arms.

"I'll drop you at the door." Derek said as the car winded around the driveway and stopped at the front door.

"I had fun. Thank you." She said with a smile as she stepped out of the car.

"You're welcome." Derek nodded as he put the car in first gear and drove off to the garage.

Meredith walked into the busy house. Thatcher was home. It was obvious by the increase in bodies that he had once again returned to the home he rarely occupied. She shook her head as she stood at the doorway. She couldn't move. All she could think about was how mad she was at him. How much she wanted to scream at him. How she wanted to force him to tell her every detail of her mother. Then she saw him. Out of the corner of the eye, she saw him.

"Meri..." Thatcher said with a smile as he started to walk up.

Meredith didn't acknowledge him. She ignored his presence. No one ever ignored Thatcher Grey. It just simply wasn't tolerated. But she did. She didn't care about what she was or wasn't supposed to do. She was doing what she wanted. She looked forward and marched straight up the marble staircase.

"Meredith Elisabeth Grey!" He said loudly as she kept walking away from him.

Thatcher stood there. All were looking at him. He was a man of power. A man of strength. A man that wasn't turned down. And yet his daughter, for the first time, just did. She was the first one that left him standing like a fool.

"Sir, maybe you should-" Derek started and quickly dropped his head.

"What?" Thatcher asked as he looked over at Derek.

"Nothing." Derek said softly.

Just what he needed. To undermine Thatcher Grey probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world. To tell him what to do, would be a very foolish decision. A very good way to lose his job. For his dreams to fly out the window. And yet here he was.

"Go ahead. Say what you were going to say..." Thatcher said with a nod. Derek drew in a deep breath.

"I was just going to say... Maybe you should go talk to her." Derek suggested. She- Maybe she-"

"You're right..." Thatcher said as if it was something he had never thought of.

Meredith laid back on her bed. It was the perfect day. A day with Derek. A day where she got to do one of the most amazing things. She got to drive. She got to feel in control of something. Sex had been the only thing she had been able to control. Sex had been her release. And now she was realizing that there was more. She could do it. She could control her own life.

"Meredith..." She heard her father say from the outside of her door. "Please, let me talk."

"Not now." Meredith said as she rolled over.

"Damn-it! Meredith open your door!" Thatcher said loudly. Meredith clenched her jaw as she swung the door open violently.

"What?" She shouted loudly.

"I'm... Sorry. For the other night. I'm sorry." He mumbled as he looked at her. "But I don't think you should know. You don't need to know. You have everything you need here."

"I don't have everything I need." Meredith said as she began to cry. "Not even close."

"Oh, Meredith. Stop being such a child. Your mother was a vile woman. You don't need to think about her." Thatcher said quickly.

"Was... You said was. Is she dead?" Meredith asked with a worried look.

"Okay. This is over. This conversation is closed." He said as he clenched his jaw.

"Why? Why!" Meredith said loudly. "This is how it is! You need to stop treating me like a child!" She cried out. "Just go! Go!" She yelled as she slammed the door and locked it.

She threw herself down on her bed. She wasn't really upset. She was more angry than anything. He wouldn't talk to her. Everything was a secret. Everything in their lives was kept quiet. She was so tired of it. The prison. The rules. The secrecy. She was tired of it all.

**Derek has a reason for his name being Hanson. You will find out why. It is Shepherd in the summary so that you did know that it is really him. It will be revealed!**


	13. Stipulations

Meredith pulled on her shorts and a tee shirt. She needed to run. It was funny. She used to laugh at runners. It was a waste of time. It was a waste of energy. But now she was gaining a new found respect for it. It was a release. Her release. As she walked out her door, she looked in Derek's room. He was already gone.

Meredith quickly made her way down the marble staircase. Thatcher was still there. His office doors were shut, but the familiar faces that accompanied him everywhere he went were walking around acting busy. She frowned when she didn't see Derek's face anywhere. Meredith did a few quick stretches and looked off into the distance. He already started.

"Hey!" She said as she ran up as quickly as she could.

"Oh, hey." Derek replied as he glanced over.

"You left without me." Meredith said with a frown as she jogged along.

"I didn't think you would come. With your dad here." Derek pointed out.

"Why? What difference does he make?" She asked innocently.

"I didn't think you would want him to see us together." Derek said simply.

"What's the difference? Nothing is going on. You are my body guard. We run. That's it." She told him. Meredith took another step and quickly fell to the ground. "Ow! Ow..." She moaned as she laid there holding her leg.

"Oh, Mer. Are you okay?" He asked as he bent down alongside her.

"Oh god. It's hurts." She cried as she began rubbing her leg.

"It will go away." He said as he helped her rub. She quickly laid back and rested her leg on his knee. "Charley horse." He said as he kneaded her calf.

"Oh..." She moaned softly. "It's starting to go away."

"You didn't stretch, did you?" He asked as he looked up at her face.

"Not enough." She admitted with a frown as she sat up.

"I think we should walk back." Derek suggested with a smile.

"I don't want to walk." She argued as she looked into the sea of blue that were his eyes. "Your hands are soft." She muttered as she closed her eyes and let her body feel his touch.

Derek's massage ceased as he looked into her eyes. He melted. He couldn't look into them. Every time he did, he felt himself succumb to her. It was something he had no control of. Her skin was too soft. Her eyes were too bright. Her lips tasted too sweet.

Meredith leaned forward and grabbed the back of his head. Before he knew it, she was on her back. He placed his hands on either side of her small body in the leaves and dirt. His mouth ravaged her as he forced his tongue deeply into her mouth. He heard her moaning as their tongues played in their newfound playground. Derek groaned softly as her knee rubbed his cock. Derek's lips trailed down to her neck. He knew he shouldn't. But he couldn't stop.

"Shit!" Meredith said loudly as she jerked away.

"Fuck!" He said as he pulled himself up.

"We can't do that." She told him as she sat up.

"Shit. I know..." He agreed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not just you. It's me too." She said as she shook her head and pulled herself to her feet.

"Pain. You were in pain." Derek said quickly.

"You're right! Pain. That's what happened. I have to make sure I don't hurt myself. No potato pudding. Or pain." She said quickly.

"Or excitement." Derek added.

"Yes." Meredith agreed. "No excitement."

"Oh... Wait. You have leaves and crap in your hair." He said as she stood there. "Let me get them." He said softly as he ran his hands through her hair. Meredith took in a deep breath as she felt his hands run down her back. She quivered when she felt his hand graze her ass.

"Shit!" She said quickly as she wheeled around.

"What?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"This." She said as she shoved him up against the tree.

Derek felt his back slam into a tree. Her mouth was on his as she ran her fingers through his hair. His lips were so soft against hers. She felt his hands slid down her hips. Derek moaned as he slender fingers ran through his hair. Every possible inch of her body was pressed against his as they tasted each other.

"Okay." Derek said as he pulled away. "I think we have a problem."

"Yes. Because now you can't touch me. Apparently that is a problem too." Meredith said with a nod. "Okay. Never again." She said with a nod as she marched off.

"Wait! Leaf." He said as he pulled it out.

"No touching!" She said quickly.

"Oh yes." Derek said as he jogged alongside her. They remained silent as the ran along the path. "So... Your birthday is coming."

"Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it." Meredith muttered. "But. After my birthday... I want to go to the Italian Riviera."

"Oh. Do I have to go?" Derek asked.

"Do you have to go? God, you act like it is a chore. It's the freaking Italian Rivera!" She said quickly.

"No... I mean I can go. I just- Franco is coming, right?" Derek asked.

"Franco. No. Why would he come?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"He's your boyfriend." Derek said with a shrug.

"Oh. Yeah... I guess he is. Um. No. He isn't coming. I learned a long time ago that the best vacations are by yourself. And a week in the Riviera... It doesn't get any better." Meredith said as she ran off quickly.

Derek took in a deep breath. A week. A week in the Italian Rivera. The beach. The sun. With Meredith. A week of just him and her. This could be bad. Really bad. But at the same time... Oh so good.

-----------------

Thatcher Grey sat in his office. He felt uneasy. What he said to Meredith was not sitting right. He wished he hadn't been so cold. But at the same time, he didn't want to talk about Ellis. He didn't want to tell Meredith all the details. He didn't want to hurt Meredith anymore that he had. And he didn't want her mother to either.

Thatcher looked out his office window. He had everything. But it seemed, he never had the time to enjoy any of it. He wasn't sure if that made him happy or sad. He had made it far. Farther than anyone else. But he was learning that it wasn't everything. Thatcher thought. He had feelings. They never lasted long. Then it was back to stone. As he sat there, he saw two figures appear in the distance. He didn't have to squint to see. It was Meredith. And Derek. And she was laughing.

"Tony!" Thatcher yelled loudly. It wasn't long before Tony was in the large office.

"Yes, Sir?" He asked as he walked up to the desk.

"What is that?" Thatcher asked as he pointed out the window.

"Meredith and Derek?" Tony asked as he squinted.

"Yes. Meredith and Derek. What exactly are they doing?" He asked as he looked out.

"I would say they are running, Sir." Tony told him simply.

"Meredith doesn't run." Thatcher said frankly.

"She does. She has been for awhile. In fact, she started when Aleeo worked here. I think even before that." Tony lied as he stood there.

"Is something going on? With them?" Thatcher asked with a stone face.

"Meredith and Derek?" Tony asked with a deep breath.

"Yes, Tony!" Thatcher said with irritation in his voice. His fuse was definitely growing short. "What is going on?" He asked loudly.

"No. I can say, without a doubt that there is absolutely nothing going on between Meredith and Derek." Tony said with a straight face.

"Good." Thatcher said with a smile. "You can go."

Tony walked out of the office as quickly as he could. He felt sick. He lied. He honestly didn't know what was going on with Derek and Meredith. He hoped nothing. He assumed nothing. But then again, he saw the occasional looks. He heard the way they talked. Tony felt sick as he walked out. Because he knew things. He knew things he wished he didn't.

"Meredith!" Tony said loudly as he walked up to her and pulled her around a corner.

"What?" She asked as she looked into his fearful eyes.

"We have problems. No. You have problems." He said as he clenched his jaw.

"Why? What's going on?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Your father... He just asked me about you and Derek. I told him nothing was going on. Please. Please tell me I did not lie to him." Tony asked in desperation.

"You did not lie. Nothing is going on. I have no feelings for Derek." She said simply as she looked into his eyes.

"Good." Tony said with a nod as he walked off. She could hear him expel all the air from his lungs in relief.

"Meri!" Sofia said as she walked up with flowers in her hand. "These came for you." She said as she held her hands out. Derek raised and eyebrow as he watched.

"What are they?" Meredith asked as she looked at them.

"Flowers, my dear." Sofia said frankly.

"I know that. Why?" Meredith questioned as she sat them on a table.

"No! That table is two hundred years old!" She yelled as she swiped them off. "The flowers are from Franco. And the chocolates and the teddy bear are from Paulo."

"Paulo?" Meredith asked in shock. "Oh no. You have a niece, right?" Meredith asked.

"Yes." Sofia said with a nod.

"Give her the bear. And you can have the chocolates. The flowers can go where ever." She told her with a shrug as se pulled her shoes off.

"But the bear says I love you." She said quickly.

"You love your niece, right?" Meredith asked with her a laugh.

"Of course. But generally when someone sends you that, it means they love you. You should keep it. Here, there is a note too." Sofia pointed out.

"I don't want it..." Meredith sang out as she walked away. Too many men.

"So... You aren't accepting the gifts from your suitors?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Shut up!" Meredith said with a laugh.

"I thought you kicked Paulo to the curb." Derek said with a shrug.

"I thought so too." Meredith replied with a shrug. "Apparently not. Or at least he doesn't think so."


	14. Surprise

A lot of people don't like their birthdays. They know the day is coming and they dread it. Another year older. And then their are some people that love their birthdays. They love the attention that comes from it being their day. They love the gifts. And the singing. Being the center of attention. And everything else that comes with it. And then there are the people who pretend that they hate it, but deep down they enjoy every minute of it. Meredith Grey was the type that hated it. Period. Not a pretend hate. A true hate. And she wished she could stay in bed all day.

Meredith laid in her soft bed and looked at the clock. She was supposed to meet Derek for their daily jog almost two hours ago. She didn't go. She didn't want to get out of bed. She didn't want to go down and eat the belgian waffle breakfast that Sophia made for her every year.

"Yeah?" Meredith moaned when she heard someone knock on the door.

"Meri... Are you getting up?" Sophia asked softly from outside of the door.

"Eventually." Meredith muttered as she covered her head.

"What's going on?" Derek asked as he walked next to her room.

"Meri hates her birthday. She does this every year." Sophia pointed out with a grumble. "Ungrateful."

"Why does she hate it?" Derek asked dumbly.

"I don't know." Sophia said simply as she walked off.

Derek watched as Sophia rounded the corner. He could hear her light footsteps going down the marble staircase. He didn't understand. He would think her birthday would be great. She could have anything she wanted. She could do anything she wanted. But then it hit him. That was everyday for Meredith Grey. Derek raised his knuckle up to the door and knocked lightly.

"Sophia! I told you, I will be down later." Meredith snapped loudly.

"It's not Sophia." Derek responded softly.

"Oh. Sorry." Meredith said quickly. "What do you need?"

"Can I come in?" Derek asked as he looked side to side to see if anyone was around.

"I guess." She responded from under the blankets. She heard the door click open and shut. Derek footsteps moved across the floor.

"You missed your morning run." Derek said matter-of-factly as he sat down in the antique chair.

"I'm sorry." She said quickly. "I just..." She trailed off quietly.

"So... Happy Birthday." Derek said with a grin.

"Thanks." She responded as she poked her head out from under the covers.

Derek looked over at her as her head popped out. She was adorable. Her hair was in a complete mess. She looked like she had the best sleep of her life. Her tee shirt was crumpled and she had the tell-tale red marks on her face from the pillow. She looked radiant. She looked real.

"Wow... That is not what I thought you would look like in the morning." He joked with a grin.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Meredith asked with a laugh. "Did you think I woke up stunning everyday?" She joked.

"So, why aren't you up?" Derek asked as he cocked his head.

"It's my birthday." Meredith said quickly.

"I know that." Derek said with a smile.

"I hate my birthday." Meredith responded quickly.

"Why?" Derek questioned as he studied her eyes.

"You are the first one to ever ask me that." She told him in shock. "I'm another year older. And yet, nothing changes. Always the same. Not moving forward. Or backward. I have never seen my mother on my birthday and she has never even tried to contact me. And my father... I have seen him three times on my birthday. I just hate it. No one cares. And I hate it. I just hate it." She said with a sigh.

"Not this year. This year you will love it." Derek said with a grin.

"What makes this year any different?" Meredith grumbled as she fell back on her pillow.

"Believe me. It will be. Now get up and get dressed. We have to go." He said as he pulled her blankets off.

"I could have been naked under there." She said frankly.

"It's a chance you take." He said with a smirk and a shrug.

"Well, what should I wear for this surprise?" Meredith asked him as she climbed out of her way to comfortable bed.

"Something comfortable. And it's hot... So you decide." He said as he walked towards the door.

"This better be good." She warned as he walked out and shut the door behind him.

Meredith would never admit it, but a small part of her was excited. She had no idea what Derek was up to, but she was ready. He seemed adventurous. He seemed like the kind of guy that liked to try new things. Meredith quickly jumped in the shower. She was hoping he was right. She was hoping it would be something she wouldn't forget.

Meredith opted for a pair of jean shorts and a halter top. It was a warm day, and she had no idea where they were going, so she didn't want to be too hot. She rolled her eyes and she walked into the kitchen and Derek gave her a hurry up signal behind Sophia's back.

"So you finally come down. Happy Birthday, Meri." Sophia said as she walked up and kissed her on the head.

"Thank you, Sophia." Meredith said with a smile. Sophia sat Meredith's strawberry covered belgian waffle down in front of her.

"Ah... Happy birthday, Meri." Tony said with a smirk as he walked into the kitchen. "you know... There are a lot of men that have been waiting for this day..." He muttered.

"Vecchio sporcaccione."(Dirty old man.) Meredith said quietly as she rolled her eyes.

"Hmm. So what are your plans for the day?" Tony asked as he looked between the two of them.

"Um... Stuff. Shopping." Meredith responded quickly.

"Oh..." Tony answered. "Have fun." He said as he walked away. "Oh yeah... Your father said he would be back tonight." Tony told her as he looked back.

"Sure he will." Meredith muttered as she rolled her eyes and pushed the waffle away. "Let's go."

Derek was getting annoyed. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. She was like a small child. She was forever asking where they were going and if they were there yet. Derek would roll his eyes. If they were there, she would know. And a surprise is a surprise. It was cute. He had to admit that she was completely adorable when she acted like a five year old.

"So where are we going?" Meredith asked as she looked over.

"If you ask me that one more time, you will be going home. Hitchhiking." He pointed out as he looked at the side of the road.

"You wouldn't." She said in shock.

"No. But I fantasize about it." He told her with a chuckle.

"You are an ass!" She said, feigning hurt.

"I know." Derek agreed as he shook his head. "We are almost there."

"Where?" She asked with a smirk.

"There." He answered with a smile of his own.

"Where there?" She questioned as she looked over at him.

"There there." He told her quickly.

"You are no fun!" She spat as she looked away and out the window.

"Wrong. I am. See, that's why you like me. I am fun. Tons of fun." He told her happily.

"Who said I liked you?" She asked as she tipped her head.

"Well, you have kissed me three times." He pointed out.

"Oh no! You kissed me." Meredith clarified as she glared at him.

"Let's see. You mounted me in my bed..." He started with a smile.

"Mounted? Mounted? Oh no. There was no mounting. I did not mount. You pulled me over. On you." She argued as she looked at the side of his face. His growing smirk just angered her.

"And then, I am helping you. Rubbing you leg, and you attack me. And then you shove me against a tree and attack me. I am sexually harassed daily on this job." He told her with a grin.

"I- You- No. No. No. You didn't seem to fight it." Meredith pointed out.

"Hey. I said you initiated. I never said I stopped you." He told her quickly.

The car got uncomfortable. They both said too much. They both enjoyed their stolen moments and forbidden kisses. They just admitted without admitting. They both wanted more. But neither would tell the other. No they were silent. Better than saying the wrong thing. Meredith's eyes lit up as she looked at the sigh before her.

"We're here!" Derek said happily as he pulled up.

"Gardaland? Oh my god!" She said as she nearly bounced out of her seat.

"Have you ever been?" Derek asked as he looked over.

"No! Never." She said happily.

"I didn't know what to get you for your birthday. So here it is. A day at the amusement park." He said happily.

"It's perfect..." She told him as they parked.

"You have never been here?" Derek asked again in shock.

"No! I have never been to any place like this..." She said as she bounced around happily.

"Why?" Derek asked.

This didn't make sense. All the money in the world was in Thatcher Grey's bank accounts. She could do anything. And yet she had never been to an amusement park. She had never driven. There were so many things that she hadn't done. So many things that she had yet to experience.

"I don't know... My father... He is really strict. I have never understood it. He thinks everyone is out to get us. I don't even understand why I have a guard. I have no reason. No one knows who I am. There aren't people that are out to get us. I just feel so restricted. He had never let me come here because there are too many people." Meredith explained as they walked up.

"So you shouldn't be here?" Derek asked with concern as he looked at her.

"Technically no." Meredith said with a shrug. "But I am eighteen now."

"That you are." Derek said with a smile as he put his hand on her back.

"Besides, my dad has given up. He knows he can't control me. Not like he used to. I want to live. I want to experience things. I don't want to live alone in that house. I want to be free." Meredith said as they walked up to the entrance. She quickly grabbed her money.

"Nope. This is on me. Your gift." He said with a smile as he handed the man forty euros.

"Are you sure?" She asked as she watched him pay.

"Of course. I had no idea what to get you. What do you get for someone who can have everything they want?" He asked simply.

Meredith was different. She understood what he was saying. He didn't even know how. He knew that from the beginning of her life, she had everything she wanted. He knew that she never hurt for anything. He had no idea how it was that she knew about life. How would someone that lived in a house like hers... Someone who went on vacations where ever they wanted... How could she understand what it was to want? But she did. What she wanted was just different. She wanted to be free.

"No one has ever done this for me." She said with a smile as they walked into the park. "They get me things... I don't want things. I want fun. I want to live."

"You can do that. You can live..." Derek said with a nod. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving!" Meredith said with a big nod. They walked up to a stand and Derek ordered fries for both of them. "Thank you." She said as she took a bite of the hot fry and almost burned her mouth.

"They are hot!" Derek said with a chuckle.

"I see that!" Meredith answered with a giggle. "So have you ever been to an amusement park?"

"Oh yeah. A lot." Derek said with a smirk.

"Hurry up!" Meredith said as she began shoving fries in her mouth. "I want to ride that." She said happily as she pointed to a big roller coaster.

"That. Hmm... Looks scary." Derek joked as he looked up.

"I like scary." Meredith said with a smile as she ate her last fry.

"So do I." Derek said with a nod as he threw the rest of his fries away and started walking with her.

"This is a long line." Meredith whined as they stood at the Blue Tornado.

"This is the way it is. Maybe if you told them you were Meredith Grey we would get right in." He joked as he looked at the people around them.

"Funny. Like I said. No one knows who I am. In fact, most people don't even know my father has a daughter." She said with a sigh. "And I don't even care..."

"Maybe that is a good thing. Fame isn't everything." Derek pointed out smartly.

Derek watched the smile on Meredith's face. She was so excited. It was reminiscent of the excitement she had the first time her let her drive. He never thought it would be so rewarding to see someone like this. The line shortened and they finally made it up to the front. Meredith was quiet as she strapped herself in and looked around.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as they began to climb the hill.

"I don't think I like scary after all!" She cried out.

"You're okay." He said as he grabbed her hand. "Open your eyes."

"I'm afraid." She said as she squeezed his hand tightly. "Oh my god!" She screamed as they began to twist around. "Oh my god! My feet." She yelled as she looked down, her feet close to the ground before that went up again.

"So?" Derek asked as they came to a stop.

"That was... Wow!" She said with a smile.

"You liked it?" Derek asked as they climbed out.

"I loved it." Meredith said happily as they walked. "We were flying."

"We were." Derek said with a grin.

Meredith and Derek rode every ride in the park. She wanted to go on every ride over and over again. She was like an addict. Derek had to chuckle at her eagerness. She seemed to get braver and braver with every new ride they went on.

Meredith and Derek walked up to the games. Meredith could see the look on the girl's face. She saw those looks a lot. Woman noticed Derek. They were always noticing him. And a small part of her was jealous.

"I want that bear!" Meredith said as she pointed to a gigantic stuffed animal.

"And you will get it." Derek said with a grin as he began throwing a ball at the targets. Meredith noticed the smirk from the italian girl behind the stand. They began talking back and forth in Italian as Derek kept hitting his mark.

"Oh my god!" Meredith said loudly as the girl handed her the gigantic stuffed animal. "How did you-"

"I played baseball in high school." Derek said with a smile.

"Thank you!" She said as she gave him a big hug.

"So... She thought I was your boyfriend." Derek said as they walked along, Meredith struggling to hold her gigantic bear. "Here... I will take that." He said as he handed her the cotton candy.

"She did. How did you pick up on that?" Meredith asked as she began shoving the sugary mixture in her mouth.

"I'm learning." Derek said with a smile as the grabbed some of her cotton candy. "And you didn't correct her."

"Um... I- Do you really want girls attacking you mercilessly? The flirting... It's no fun." Meredith said quickly.

"Ah... So you were saving me?" Derek said with a smile as they walked out the gate.

"Exactly." She said with a grin.

"I see." He said with a nod. "So... We shouldn't tell your father about our day?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't really care what he says." Meredith said frankly. "Because this was the best birthday ever. Ever, ever. Thank you." She said with a genuine smile.

"You are very welcome." Derek responded as he opened the car door for her and she climbed in.

**So Derek gave Mer the best birthday ever. But tonight... That will be bad. Really bad. Just warning you!**


	15. The Start of Something Bad

**Okay... That discalimer at the beginning of this fic, go back and read it. This chapter is rough. It's not for everyone. And I DO NOT promote the use of drugs. With that being said...**

Meredith laid her head back on the seat. She was tired. They were at Gardaland for hours. They spent the whole day there. It was a full day of the most fun she had ever had in her life. For that day she was free. She was a normal person. Not a stereotypical girl living in the biggest house in Italy. She wasn't the girl that had to shop. She didn't need designer bags and shoes.

"So are you going to the party tonight?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"What party?" Meredith asked as she leaned her head over and looked up at him.

"Your birthday party. At Dadaumpa." Derek explained as he looked at the road.

"Oh. No. I don't think so." Meredith said with a shrug. "I'm pretty tired."

"You should go." Derek told her frankly. "It's your birthday party."

"I don't want to. Why should I?" Meredith asked as she closed her eyes.

"All of your friends will be there. They are doing this for you." Derek said quickly.

"I told you. I don't have friends. And I'm sure they have some type of ulterior motive." Meredith said simply.

"It's up to you." Derek returned simply. Derek sat there in silence.

"My father isn't there." Meredith muttered with closed eyes.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked as he glanced over at her.

"He's not home. I'm not surprised. I mean, he is never there for my birthday. But a small part of me thought that maybe, just maybe he would. It's my eighteenth birthday. I just thought he would try." She said with a sad sigh.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I wish he were." Derek said as he looked back at the road.

"The funny thing is, I'm not sure that I care. He's my dad. I love him. But I am so angry at right now. But he is still my dad. But how much can you forgive? It's the same thing every year. The blue box with the white ribbon. Some custom made jewelry. I don't even like jewelry. In fact, I have come to hate it." Meredith grumbled. Meredith moaned as Derek pulled up to the gates of their estate.

"We don't have to go home." Derek said simply.

"No. It's okay." She answered as the gates began to open.

Derek dropped Meredith off at the door. She grabbed her over sized bear and all of the small items she had collected and walked to the door. As she pushed the door open, she saw emptiness. No, Thatcher was definitely not home.

"What is that?" Tony asked as Meredith began climbing the stairway with her big, fluffy friend.

"A bear." Meredith said frankly as she kept walking.

"Where did you get it?" Tony asked as she stood there.

"A Place. What do you want?" Meredith questioned as she put her hand on her hip. She glanced up as Derek rounded the corner and looked up at her.

"Oh. To give you this. It's from your father. He said to tell you that he loves you and he wishes he could be here." Tony explained as he climbed the stairway and held it out.

"Why couldn't he be here? He can fly from China to France and back, but he can't come home for a day? And why couldn't he call me? Why do you have to tell me?" She asked as she began to tear up.

The anger grew inside of her. Another thoughtless gift. Not even bought by him, most likely. She quickly ripped the box from his hand and whipped it across the huge entrance. It flew through the air and crashed into the wall. Derek eyes got wide as the top came off and the settings fell all over the floor.

"You tell him I don't want it. And Derek... We are going to Dadaumpa tonight." She said as she marched away.

"Wow." Derek said as he walked over and placed all of the stones in the box.

"You are picking up eighty thousand dollars there. The girl has no appreciation." Tony said as he shook his head.

"Well, I think she would rather have his time than his money." Derek stated as Tony walked off.

--------------------

As he had done time and time again, Derek sat in the chair by the entrance. It was late. It was already ten o'clock. Quiet honestly he was tired. He would much rather be in his bed by now. But Meredith was upset. And she needed to get out. As much as he didn't agree with her going out and getting drunk. He knew that crying herself to sleep in her bed wasn't going to help her either. So there he sat, until she came down.

Derek's heart jumped into his throat as he looked up. She was in the most perfect indigo dress. It hugged her every curve. It showed off all of her assets. The dress showed off her long legs, but at the same time showed off her perfect chest. She looked amazing. Literally breathtaking.

"You look nice." Derek said as he attempted to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a grin. "You look great too." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at him.

He was wearing a red shirt. A very good looking red shirt. He jeans were hanging perfectly on his hips. He even made his black leather belt look sexy. He was the perfect picture. The look of a man who had it all. She smiled as she followed him to the car.

They were quiet on the ride to the club. He knew she was upset about her dad. He understood why she was upset. He couldn't imagine his dad doing that to him. He couldn't imagine feeling the way she did. And that was why he didn't say a word.

"What the hell is that?" Meredith asked as they pulled up to the front of the club.

"It looks like-" Derek started as he looked in shock. "The paparazzi."

"Oh my god... There must be someone important here." She said in shock. "Oh my god! What if they got a celebrity to come?" She asked in shock. "This is probably a joke."

"We shall see." Derek told her as he pulled up in front and put the car in park.

"There she is!" They heard the paparazzi yell.

Derek and Meredith both walked out of the car. Meredith gasped as the men with cameras rushed her. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like they were attacking her. She couldn't get free. She couldn't get away from them. It was chaos. They were running and yelling. And the flashes were blinding her. Derek quickly rushed over to her and started yelling at them. He shielded her as they walked up to the door.

"Oh my god!" Meredith said as she started to cry.

"It's okay." Derek said softly. "Calm down."

"Happy birthday!" A group of people yelled as she walked in.

Derek watched as Meredith stood there in shock. She looked so confused. She looked so scared. She was smiling. And she was gracious. But she was terrified. She looked up at him and he smiled softly. At they moment she looked like she started to relax.

"Tonight you drink." Meredith said with a smile. "We can take a cab if you want."

"I have to be able to take care of you." Derek yelled over the music.

"I know everyone in here. I'll be fine." She said loudly as she made her way to the bar. Derek had to grin as she threw back her signature tequila.

"Hey!" Franco said as he walked up. "I missed you." He told her as he leaned in and kissed her.

"Oh. Yeah. I missed you too." She told him softly.

"Let's dance." He said as he pulled her away. "So, you're eighteen..."

"I've been eighteen a long time." Meredith said frankly as she danced.

"But now it is official." He said with a smile. "And apparently the paparazzi know is too."

"Why are they here?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Are you kidding. You are practically a celebrity. You are an heiress. And now that you are eighteen... They have been waiting." He yelled as he rubbed up against her.

"Meri!" Meredith heard the voice of her friend say.

"Anna." Meredith responded with a faint smile.

"Come on..." Anna said as she dragged her along. "I have something you have to try."

Meredith quickly climbed the stairs. The amount of people there was crazy. They were all people she knew. They were all people that were supposedly her friends. She felt happy and sad at the same time. It was bittersweet. She knew they weren't truly friends.

Derek watched Meredith walk away. He quickly followed. He had to watch her. He had to make sure he was okay. He made his way through the droves of people. As he climbed the stairs, he watched her walk into a room. Derek quickly rushed up as the door shut.

"You can't go in there." A man said as he stood outside.

"I'm her guard." Derek said as he reached for the knob.

"That area is secure. But it is by invitation only." He told him frankly. Derek took a deep breath and sat down. His stomach knotted. What the hell was going on?

--------------

Meredith's eyes got wide as she walked into the room. Everyone was sitting around. There were a few people bent over tables in the back. She saw two of her friends fucking in one of the chairs. As she walked farther in, she saw what everyone was doing. It all came to light.

"Is that-" Meredith started as she pointed at the white powder laying in perfect symmetrical lines.

"Yeah. You've go to try it. I swear, you have never felt anything like it." Anna said with a big smile.

"I- I don't know... It's dangerous. I could die- I don't think so." Meredith said as she shook her head and swallowed hard.

"Oh come on, Meri. Just one line. Just once." Anna said as she dragged her over.

Meredith looked around the room. She knew all of these people. She had known them a long time. They were her unfriendly friends. And yet, they were as close to friends as she had. They all looked like strangers. They all acted oddly. As she glanced up, she saw Calvino walking towards her. Calvino was that guy that everyone wanted. Everyone except her.

"Meri!" Calvino said as he walked up. "How are you tonight?" He asked as he sucked on her neck.

"Hey!" She said as she shoved him away.

"I don't know why you and I never hooked up. We would be great together." He said as he threw his arm around her shoulder. "So... Are you gonna do a line?"

"I don't-" Meredith started as she looked around.

"Just one." Anna said with a smile.

"Oh... Okay." Meredith said with a nod as she walked over with her.

She watched them. It was crazy. She knew it was crazy. She knew she shouldn't do it. But they were right. Just once. She could do it just one. It would make them happy. She would never do it again. She could do this. She watched what they did. They all looked up and smiled at her. Just once.

"This is the purest stuff you will ever find." Alberto said as he pushed the plate in front of her. "Just do a bump. You're not used to it."

Meredith pulled out a fifty and rolled it up, just as she had seen them do. It was right there. The white powder was there. She had watched them cut it. She had watched as they separated it into perfect lines right in front of her. She took a deep breath as she covered her nostril and paced the bank-note up to her other. Just once.

Meredith gasped as she pulled away. Her heart started to beat rapidly as he sat there. She felt super charged. She felt like she was on top of the world. Everything had a false sense of perfection as she looked around. Things were clear. Her problems flew out the window. She watched as Franco walked in. She watched as he and Calvino both did their own respective lines. And then all control was lost.

**[iWhen the wind blows and the rain feels cold**

**with a head full of snow**

**with a head full of snow**

**In the window there's a face you know**

**Don't the night pass slow**

**Don't the night pass slow[/i**

"God, Meri... You are so beautiful." Franco said as he pulled her back onto a stuffed chair. "How are you feeling?" He asked with a smile.

"Good." Meredith said with a grin as she laid against him.

"I want to fuck you." He said as he undid his pants.

"Meri..." Calvino said as walked up from behind. "Fuck... You are gorgeous." He said as he slid his hands down her arms.

**[iThe sound of strangers sending nothing to my mind**

**Just another mad mad day on the road**

**I am just living to be lying by your side**

**But I'm just about a moonlight mile on down the road[/i**

"I want to fuck you..." Calvino said as he kissed her neck. Franco looked at him and nodded.

"I want to fuck you too." She said with a nod as she straddled Franco.

**[iMade a rag pile of my shiny clothes**

**Gonna warm my bones,**

**Gonna warm my bones**

**I got silence on my radio**

**Let the air waves flow,**

**Let the air waves flow**

**For I'm sleeping under strange strange skies**

**Just another mad mad day on the road**

**My dreams are fading down the railway line**

**I'm just about a moonlight mile down the road[/i**

Everything became a blur. Meredith had never felt this way in her life. She wanted Franco. She wanted Calvino. She wanted Derek. She wanted every guy that was in that bar. She was horny. She was turned on. She lost control of herself. Her impulses were too much. She closed her eyes and moaned as she felt the sensations taking her over.

**[iI'm hiding sister and I'm dreaming**

**I'm riding down your moonlight mile**

**I'm hiding sister and I'm dreaming**

**I'm riding down your moonlight mile**

**There I go now coming home now baby**

**Yeah, there I go now coming home now baby**

**Yeah, I'm coming home 'cause[/i**

"Oh fuck!" They began yelling loudly.

Meredith rolled her head back as she laid there. She laid there motionless between them as they used her as they wished. She didn't fight. She didn't stop them. In her right mind, she wouldn't want this. But she wasn't in her right mind. She was somewhere else. She was stuck in a false pleasure. Her heart beat frantically as she felt the drugs streaming through her body.

**[iI'm just about a moonlight mile on down the road**

**On down the road, down the road [/i**

"I always thought you would be that good." Calvino said as he looked at her.

Meredith laid there as they collapsed beside her. She had no idea where her panties were. She had no idea where Derek was. She was too wrapped up in what had just happened to react at all. They all laid there as they came down from their double highs. Franco and Calvino stood up and walked over to the table.

"More?" Franco said with a smile.

---------------

Derek sat there as people walked out. They were fucked up. He could see it as they streamed pass him. Tons of people. People kept coming out. But not Meredith. Meredith was still in there. Derek began to feel uneasy. He began to feel sick. Then the door opened. He watched as Meredith walked out with two guys. His heart sank. What had she done...

"Hey!" Meredith said exuberantly as she grabbed Derek's hand.

"What is going on?" Derek asked her with a clenched jaw.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him. "We're just having a good time. Dance with me." She said as she pulled him to the middle of the floor. "Tequila!" Meredith yelled to someone.

As quickly as she said it, someone brought her a hot of tequila. Derek stood there as she threw the shot back as danced around him. He was angry. Angry at her. Angry at everyone who has been in that room with her.

"What is your problem?" Meredith snapped as she looked at him.

"You are fucked up." Derek said as he shook his head in disgust. "And I have to go to the rest room." He said as he walked away.

Derek walked up to the bar and ordered a single malt scotch. As he sat there and sipped it, he thought about what he had gotten himself into. He was so mad. He didn't want to be here. She didn't want to come. It was Thatcher. It was all that asshole Thatcher Grey's fault. Derek turned away as he saw Meredith dancing. He couldn't watch it. He couldn't watch her.

"Hey..." Meredith said as she bounced up to Derek. She grabbed his drink and threw it back. "Eww..." She muttered as she swallowed it down.

"What?" Derek snapped as he looked at her. "What do you want?"

"Why are you being so mean to me?" Meredith said as she began to tear up.

"I'm not in the mood." Derek said as he stood up and walked away.

"Hey baby... Why are you crying?" Franco said as he pulled her against him.

"No reason." She said as she looked at Derek. She sucked it up and marched off with Franco.

Hours went by. Derek wanted to go home. He was more than ready to go home ten minutes into this horrible party. He regretted trying to talk her into coming here. He never thought it would be like this. He had watched her walk away with several guys doing god knows what. He had even watched her dance on the bar. He couldn't take it. He had to find her. He had to go home. He searched everywhere. Finally he decided to go to the bathroom. He felt sick as he walked in.

Meredith was up against the wall. Her eyes were closed as some guy was slamming into her. She was moaning as her eyes rolled back. This was the last straw. He wasn't going to watch this. Not anymore. She was doing things that she would never do. Not in her right mind. And he didn't want her to regret more than she already would.

"Get off of her!" Derek yelled as he ripped they guy away.

"Leccacazzi!" (Cocksucker!) The guy yelled as went to hit Derek. Derek raised his fist and cracked the guy in the face, sending him to the floor.

"We are going home." Derek said as he grabbed her arm.

"I don't want to!" She said as she stumbled along.

"I don't care!" Derek said frankly. "You aren't doing this." He said as he pulled her.

Meredith submitted. Maybe it was all the tequila. Or all the coke. Everyone just watched as she walked past them. Derek walked her out the front door. The paparazzi was still there as they walked out. The flashes started going off like crazy. Derek quickly helped Meredith in the car and they sped off. With some quick and tricky driving, he managed to evade them.

Meredith looked over at Derek. He was perfect. He truly was. She could see his strong arms. She could imagine his tight muscular chest underneath the fabric of his shirt. And then there as that cock. The horse sized cock she knew he had. She had to have it. She quickly leaned down as unzipped his pants in one motion.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked as he pushed her away. Her hands lost the grip of his hard member.

"I want to suck your cock." She said with a grin. "I want to feel it slide in and out of my mouth."

"No! No." Derek said frankly as he shoved her.

"Why?" She asked as she leaned down again and grouped him. He felt himself start to react. Derek flew off the side of the road and stopped.

"Back seat." He said as he pointed.

"What?" She asked in shock.

"You need to get in the back seat. Now!" He shouted angrily. Her eyes got wide. Instead of getting out, she climbed back. Her tight ass flew into Derek's face. God he wanted her.

Derek clenched his jaw as he sped off. He couldn't believe her. He wanted nothing more than for her to suck his cock. But not under these circumstances. He could tell she was mad at him. He thought she would fall asleep, or at least pass out. But she sat in the back, pouting. As Derek pulled into the garage he sighed. At least they made it home.

"I need help." Meredith admitted as she opened the door. "I don't think I will make it up the stairs."

"Fine." Derek said as he walked around and put his arm around her.

They walked stair by stair. Derek watched her. She had to think about every step she was taking. She was off. She was so off at this point. He pushed open her bedroom door and shut if behind them Meredith stood there in the dark. The moonlight was just light enough for them to see each other. Meredith was still in her state of euphoria as she looked into his eyes.

"I want to fuck you." She said as she ran her hand down his chest.

"Mer... You aren't in your right frame of mind right now." Derek said quickly.

"No, Derek... I have wanted to fuck you since the first day." She said as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

"No." He said as he pulled away.

"Yes." She said as she ripped his shirt, buttons flying.

"No, Meredith." Derek told her as he pushed her away.

"You don't want me..." She cried out. " I knew it. No one wants me." She cried as she looked at him.

"Meredith!" Derek said as he started to feel bad.

He watched as she pulled her dress off. She stood there in front of him with her black lacy bra, and tiny black thong. She gave him one last broken hearted look as she climbed in bed. She pulled her covers up as the tears began to fall harder. Derek felt his body reacting to her.

"Just go..." She cried out.

"Mer..." Derek said as he cocked his head.

"Go!" She yelled loudly.

Derek walked out. His body screamed for her. He wanted it. But not like this. He couldn't do it like this. He had been mad at her, but now he just felt bad. It was just one more thing. Meredith Grey had it bad. For someone who had it so good, it was bad. She was a tortured soul. Tonight was just a release for her. As he laid his head down on the pillow, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. As he laid there he felt a wave of nausea rush over him. He couldn't do this. Not again.

----------------

**Don't hate me! I always make everything okay... **

**Review. And no hating, please:P**


	16. The Morning After

Derek was worried. Worried about the day to come. It was the day after. The day after a lot of bad shit went down. He was worried about how Meredith would act. He wondered if she would remember what she had done. His stomach was sick. He couldn't believe this had happened. He couldn't believe she had done what she had done.

Meredith rolled over in her bed. Her head was pounding. It felt like there were Irish step dancers in there. She felt nauseous. And she hurt. Her body physically hurting. She was aching and she was having pains in places she was not accustomed to having pains. Then it hit her. Last night's events popped into her head. She quickly rushed out of bed as she felt the nausea take over.

As Meredith leaned over her toilet she began to cry. She remembered. She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn't have tried it. Her whole life she had known better. She knew it could kill her. She knew it was bad. And yet she tried it. Just once. But it wasn't just once. It was just once the first time. But she went back. Line after line. Chasing her high.

Meredith began to sob as she remembered her encounter with the men. Franco and Calvino stuck out. She remembered them both. Both at the same time. She couldn't believe she did that. She couldn't believe she allowed someone to use her that way. And then the string of men afterwards flowed in like waters from a broken dam. She couldn't even remember their names or faces. She just remembered it. The actions. Over and over.

She moaned as she climbed up from the floor. She flushed the toilet and began running a bath. She felt dirty. She needed to be clean. She was ashamed of herself. She was sickened by her actions. She was a whore. Last night she was a whore. She let men fuck her up the ass and didn't even try to stop them. She slowly and painfully walked to the large marble countertop. As she looked in the mirror, she realized she couldn't look at herself. Meredith cried out as she grabbed the soap dish and threw it at the mirror. Glass flew. Glass flew and she was happy. She didn't have to look at herself anymore.

Meredith stripped off her bra. She felt so disgusting as she looked down. Then she pulled off the thong. She gasped when she saw dried blood all over it. It wasn't time. Not that time. She shouldn't be bleeding. She looked at the blood on her leg. As she lowered herself into the water, she cried.

Derek panicked when he heard it. The crash was deafening. But he was sure he was the only one that did hear it. It came from her room. What had she done? Every possible scenario came through his head as he rushed to the door. He didn't care, he had to go in.

"Meredith?" Derek asked as he looked around. "Mer?" He asked softly as he heard her crying get louder. "Oh Mer..." Derek said as he walked into the bathroom.

Derek looked at the mirror in shock. He didn't care that he shouldn't be in there. He didn't care that she was naked under the bubbles and jets that were flowing. All he cared about was making sure that she was okay. His face softened as he watched her tears flow. And any feeling of anger he had was gone completely.

"Oh my god... Are you okay?" He asked as he looked at the pink tinted water and her bloody panties.

"I couldn't look at myself." She said as she glanced over at the glass. "I'm so filthy. I- I hate myself."

"Oh Meredith..." Derek said as he leaned on the side of the bathtub.

"I- The things I did last night... I feel so sick." She said as she sobbed.

"Meredith..." He said as he stroked her arm.

"I can't believe I did it. That wasn't me. I don't do that. I don't do that..." She cried out.

"Meredith, are you bleeding?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes.

"I hurt. I hurt _everywhere_." She muttered. "I didn't stop them. If I said stop... They would have stopped. I let them do it. I knew it was wrong, but I let them. And I wanted it. I wanted it then. But now... Now I know I-" She cried out.

"Meredith. Are you bleeding?" Derek asked firmly.

"I was. I think I was." She said as she dropped her gaze. "It was too rough..."

"We need to take you to the doctor." Derek said quickly.

"I don't- What do I say? I'm a whore. Look what happened to me because I am a whore?" She asked as she cried.

"You're not a whore." Derek told her softly. "You just made a mistake. People make mistakes. You weren't in your right frame of mind." Derek said as he laid his hand on her cheek.

"There were a lot of guys... I don't know if- Condoms. I'm not sure." She said as she sobbed harder. "Diseases..."

"You're going to be okay. We'll take you in. They will check you out. You will be okay." Derek said with a nod. "But you really need to go. Please, Mer. Please let me take you."

Meredith looked up into his eyes. She wanted to cry harder as she looked at him. He was disappointed in her. She could read it in his eyes. But he was truly the only one that cared. He cared about what was going on. He cared about what she was doing to herself. He was right, she needed to go. She looked into his eyes, she knew that at least she had him.

"Okay." She said with a soft nod. "Okay..."

---------------

Meredith and Derek decided to sneak out of the house. Sophia was off cleaning somewhere, and Tony was doing something for Thatcher. She and Derek snuck through like stealth as the made their way to the garage. Meredith was dressed in comfortable clothing. He had never seen her so dressed down. Derek's heart broke as he looked over at her. She was so sad. She felt so sick, mentally and physically.

Nothing was said. Not one word. Not during the ride there. She couldn't talk. He could tell she was nervous. She was scared to death. And when they got there, she didn't speak. Just simple yeses and no's when he asked her questions. Then they called her name. Derek watched as she disappeared. They shouldn't be here.

As Derek sat there he felt so guilty. If he had done a better job. If he had kept her from going in that room. If he had kept better track of her. Maybe he could have stopped the whole nights events from falling like dominos. She had such a happy birthday until Thatcher, until that party. He would have never guessed that is would end the way it did.

Meredith had an indifferent look on her face as she walked out. She smiled slightly as she walked up to him. He nodded as he stood up. They both walked out to the car quietly. Derek didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to ask her. He didn't know what to do.

"So..." Derek started as he looked over at her. "Are you feeling better?"

"Tearing." She said simply as she looked out the window. She wondered why she told him. But she went on. "The blood was from slight tearing. They did tests. They came up negative. Some will take longer. I have to go back..."

"Oh." Derek responded simply.

He felt even worse. Tearing. How rough did it have to be for there to be tearing? All he could think about was how painful that had to be. He thought about what his penis would be like if it was torn. His mind quickly changed subjects as that thought began to traumatize him.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked as they drove along.

"I just want to go home." Meredith said with a frown. "I want to watch movies and lay around. Pretend that I am someone else."

"That sounds like a plan." Derek said with a smile.

They were both quiet as they went home. As they snuck out, they snuck back in. Meredith wasn't ready to face anyone. Not that they would know. But she did. She knew. And Derek was afraid she would break down. He knew that would ask how her birthday was, and he didn't want her to have to answer. Meredith crashed down at the sofa and stared at the huge t.v. screen.

"It was the best birthday I ever had." She muttered softly.

"What?" Derek asked in shock.

"It was the best birthday I ever had. What you did... It was the best. And it even made up for everything else. No one has ever cared enough to do something like that for me. So thank you, Derek." She said as she stared forward.

"You're welcome, Meredith." Derek said softly. He looked at her. He studied her as they sat there.

"Don't..." She said as she looked over at him. "Don't look at me. I- I can almost take myself. I can almost live with myself. But you- I care what you think. I respect you. And right now, I know you are disappointed in me. I know that you find me repulsive. I know you think I am a whore. And that- That is almost unbearable. I can't take that!" She cried out as she looked away.

"Meredith." Derek said as he scooted over and grabbed her hand. "I am not disappointed. And you are not a whore. Look at me!" He said as he looked at her and cocked his head. "You made a mistake. It's okay. It's not your fault. You were hurting. You are so hurt. And you don't have anyone to help you. They brush you off. They pretend that you are not in pain. You have no one to support you. You didn't before. But you do now. I am here." He said as he stroked her cheek.

"If I disappeared. I don't think anyone would notice. They would all go on like I was never here..." She said as she took a deep breath.

"I would notice. I would notice..." Derek said as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"What is your biggest fear, Derek?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Failure. I want to succeed. I don't want to settle. I want to be a surgeon. But it's hard. And it will take so much time. And I'm afraid I will just give up." Derek said as he looked at her.

"You won't. You can do it. You will be great. You are the only one that can do it for yourself. Promise me you won't give up." She said as she looked at him. "Promise."

"I promise." Derek agreed. The both sat there in silence. "What is yours? What is your fear?"

"That I will die before I get to live." She said simply.

Derek wanted to cry. To hear someone say that. It sounded like she had given up. Like she was not going to try anymore. She was just willing to settle. She was willing to let all of her hopes and dreams disappear.

"Meredith... You will. You will feel alive." Derek said quickly. "Ten years from now... Where do you see yourself?"

"I want to be in an OR. I want to be standing over someone, saving their life." She said quietly. "But I won't be. Ten years from now, I will be right here. I will be sitting in this chair. I'll be reading about some amazing procedure you did in the medical journal. I'll be married to some client of my father's because that is what he wants. I'll have kids that I regret because I don't love their dad. But I will still be right here. Reading about you. And feeling proud that I knew you." She said as she looked into his eyes.

"No. It won't be that way. You will be in the OR." Derek said firmly. "You will live. And you will save lives. You have to." He said as he rubbed her arm.

"You are so optimistic." She said as she wiped the tears from her face.

"One of my many qualities." Derek said with a chuckle. They both looked up when the door opened.

"Derek... " Sophia said as she walked in. "I need you to go to the market with me." She said as she walked out.

Derek looked down at Meredith. He didn't want to leave her. And if she needed him, he wouldn't leave her. She drew in a deep breath and laid her head against the sofa.

"You can go. I'll be fine." She told him as she looked at him.

"If you want me to stay...' He said quickly.

"Go. I'll be here when you get back." She said with a smile as he stood.

"I will be back." He told her as he left.

Meredith laid on the sofa. she curled herself up into a tiny ball and closed her eyes. Derek made her feel better. Not a ton, but definitely better. It was going to be a rough road. Big mistakes were made last night. A rough road indeed. But she had no idea what was to come.

Meredith flipped through the channels on the t.v. She wasn't watching. Her mind wasn't capable of absorbing anything that she as seeing. It was just something to do. As she sat there. She watched the colors as the channels flew past. Derek did make her feel better. He always did. He had a way of putting things into perspective. He was so forgiving. Almost too forgiving. Too optimistic. As she laid there, she didn't even hear anyone come in.

"Hey babe..." Franco said as he walked into the room.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she sat up.

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to go out tonight." Franco said simply.

"Go out?" She asked in shock as she tensed up. "Tonight?"

"Yeah. I mean, last night was great, wasn't it?" Franco asked like a smile.

Did he really just say that? It was great? What planet was he on? Sure, she had never felt better. It was true. The euphoria that came with her high was amazing. It made her feel alive. It made her feel good. It was what came with it. Her lack of self control. Her uncontrolable sex drive. The confusion. The mistakes. So no. Last night was not a good time.

"No! No, it wasn't!" She yelled as the tears began to fall.

"Meri... Why are you crying? Last night you were having a good time. I saw you. I saw your face. You were eating it up. You're always looking for attention. And last night... Well, last night you got it." He said with a chuckle.

"Why am I crying?" She asked. "You were supposed to protect me! He would have never let that happen. He would have-"

Meredith thought as she sat there. She said it. She was right. Derek would have never let that happen. If he had been in that room, he would have taken care of her. He would have never let her do coke. He would have never let her sleep with all those men. He would take care of her.

"He. He? Is there another guy?" Franco asked in shock.

"What? No!" She yelled defensively. "How could you? If you care about me... If you love me... You would have never let me do that to myself. I had to go to the doctor today. I had to be tested for STDs. I had to take a fucking morning after pill! You should have stopped me. You should have- You don't let other guys fuck people you love. And you don't let other guys fuck your girlfriend while you do!" She said as she began to sob.

"Meri... I'm sorry. I- I was so screwed up last night... I didn't realize. I wasn't in my right frame of mind." He explained as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"No... I can't do it. You can't be sorry. I feel so sick. I let guys do things last night... I can't do this. I can't be with you." She said as she shook her head. "Please go."

"Meredith... I made a mistake." Franco said as he pulled her close.

"So did it. I made mistake after mistake. And I don't want to make anymore." She said as she shook her head. "I really did like you... I liked you a lot."

"Please, Meredith... Give me another chance." Franco said as he stroked her cheek.

"Not after last night." She told him as she pushed his hand down. "Go..."

"Okay." Franco said with a nod as he stood up and walked out.

--------------------

Derek walked around the market with Sophia. He wanted to be with Meredith. He wanted to be home, sitting with her. Making sure that she was okay. Talking to her. Letting her talk. Letting her vent. what he didn't want to do was follow an old Italian woman around the market like a total an complete fool.

"Why did I come?" Derek asked as he looked over at Sophia.

"You need to get out of that house. And away from Meredith." Sophia said frankly.

"Oh." Derek said simply.

Did they think something was going on? Were they suspicious of he and Meredith's friendship. She made it sound like it. She made it sound like he had to get away from her before he got himself into trouble. His stomach started to flip. Had they seen the kisses? Were there cameras Meredith didn't know about?

"I know how she is. You need to get away from her. She drains people. It's not her fault, it's just her way. I was helping you out." Sophia stated simply. "Plus I had ulterior motives..." She mentioned as she walked away.

Ulterior motives? What the hell ulterior motives did she have? This did not sound good. Not good at all. This is why he liked being around Meredith. He was comfortable around her. He could be himself. But he didn't feel that way around anyone else. He didn't feel like he could relax around Tony. Or Sophia.

Derek looked up. For an old lady, Sophia had made it a great distance. In his mad dash to find out what kind of madness she was planning, something caught his eye. He stopped in his tracks. People slammed into him. He couldn't move. All he could do was stare. He made his way over to the stand. It was Meredith. Meredith was on the cover of a magazine. As he looked, it wasn't one. Two. No three. Shit. Four.

Derek quickly grabbed the magazine and looked. It was him and her. The looked okay in the first shot. It was the after shit. It was coming out of the club that was a problem. She looked disheveled. He dress was wrinkly and crumpled. Her eyes were fixed. She looked completely screwed up. Derek could barely read the headline, then he got it. "Grey heiress... Goes in looking like a million, comes out looking like ten." Then the next one... "What was she doing in there?" Or... "Sex and drugs for the billionaire princess."

Derek counted the magazines. Too many. And even if he bought them all, there were always more. This was really bad. Now she was really going to be humiliated. She was never going to show her face again. But that wasn't the worse problem. That wasn't the biggest problem. That was yet to come. And he was sure it would. That big problem... Thatcher Grey.

"Oh no..." Sophia said as she walked up and stared at the magazines. "Oh dear... I knew this would happen eventually. It was bound to happen."

"She-" Derek started. There were no words.

"She has always played with trouble. And now... Oh. Mr. Grey is going to be very angry with her." Sophia stated with a frown. "Very angry." She said as they stood in the line.

"Hello, Sophia." A young brunette said to Sophia as she looked up.

"Ah... Alessia. This is Derek. He is the one I told you about." Sophia said with a smile.

"Derek, this is Alessia." Sophia said with a proud grin.

"Um... Hi." Derek said simply as he glanced up. She was pretty enough. And she seemed sweet. But she wasn't his type. Not even close.

"It's nice to meet you, Derek." Alessia said with a smile. "So you are American?" She asked in broken english.

"I am." Derek responded.

"So I thought- Maybe you two..." Sophia stammered.

"I think she is trying to set us up." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I think you are right." Alessia said with a smile. "So why don't we humor her?"

"Are you- Are you asking me out?" Derek asked in shock.

"I guess I am." She said as she looked into his eyes. "So what do you say?"

"I-" Derek said as he looked at Sophia.

Thatcher flashed in Derek mind. Not so much Thatcher. His fist. His fist hitting Derek in the face. He thought about Meredith. He wasn't to look at her. Not to think about her. She was off limits. Period. And yet, she was always on his mind. It couldn't happen. And it never would. Derek looked between the two women. Maybe she would help. Maybe she could distract him.

"Uh... Sure." Derek said with a faint smile.


	17. The Need

Meredith was sad. Broken. But she was accepting the decisoin she just made. She broke up with Franco. She couldn't stay with him. She couldn't be with someone that she knew didn't care about her. People make mistakes, but there are some mistakes you can't undo. Some that are unforgivable. It wasn't as if he forced her to do anything. But she had hoped he cared enough to not let her hurt herself. And apparently he did not.

"Meredith Grey!" She heard a loud, deep voice say. She knew that voice. She knew it all too well.

Meredith looked up into the steely eyes of her father. He was angry. Very angry. In fact she had never seen him this way. Not towards her. She wasn't sure why he was so mad. The wheels started spinning madly as she thought about everything. This was not good.

"Um... Hi... Daddy." Meredith said sheepishly as she sat up on the sofa. "Is everything okay?"

"Is everything okay? Are you really asking me that?" Thatcher asked as he walked around the sofa and stood in front of her.

"I am?" Meredith asked nervously as she looked up.

"I had a business meeting today. With a potential client. A very important client. And you can imagine my surprise when I sit down at the desk and they tell me the first order of business." Thatcher said as he glared at her.

"Um... What was it?" Meredith asked as she swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

"This!" Thatcher said as he whipped the magazine on the sofa next to her.

"Oh my God!" Meredith cried as she gasped. She picked it up and looked at the pictures. This was definitely not good.

"Oh yes." Thatcher said as he shook his head. "This is unbelievable. You have no idea how disappointed I am in you. Everyone is going to see this. Everyone will be talking about my daughter, the whore. I know you you go to parties. I know you have a good time. But this is not alcohol, Meredith... This is- Disgusting." Thatcher spat as he pointed to the pictures.

"Oh daddy... I-" Meredith started to cry. "I'm so sorry... I didn't- Oh..." She sobbed as she looked up at him.

Thatcher looked down at his daughter. It broke his heart. As nasty and cold-hearted as he could be, she was his daughter. He loved her. He wanted to protect her. And seeing her, sitting there, sobbing. It broke his heart. He smiled faintly as he sat on the sofa next to her and pulled her into an embrace. Thatcher rubbed her head as she laid against his chest.

"Oh baby... I- You're my little girl. I just want to protect you. And seeing you like this. Seeing pictures of you in this state... This breaks my heart. You will always be my little girl. And to see you grown up- I haven't been here. I've been absent. And I know I can't do anything about that. Not now. But I still want to protect you. I want you to stay my little girl..." Thatcher said as he kissed her on her head.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." Meredith admitted as she looked into his eyes.

"Where was Derek? He is supposed to protect you. And if he isn't doing his job-" Thatcher spat angrily. "He will have to be dealt with."

"No! No. Derek is- He did his job. I did it in the bathroom. He didn't know. He was standing outside waiting for me to come out. And he was mad. He dragged me out of the club and told me how disappointed he was. He tried to stop me. It was too late. I had already done it." Meredith explained as she cried.

"So Derek-" Thatcher started.

"I hate him. He's annoying. And I feel like I am on a leash around him." Meredith grumbled as she looked into her father's eyes.

"Okay. If he is doing his job..." Thatcher said with a nod. "Then we don't have a problem..."

"You're leaving." Meredith stated as Thatcher stood.

"I have to go." Thatcher said with a frown. "Honey, I just want you to be careful." Thatcher said as he kissed her on her head.

"I will." Meredith said as she watched him walk out.

So close. Thatcher had been angry. She knew her father. When he got angry, heads rolled. And Derek's head had just been on the chopping block. He was seconds away from being back in the US and working for his uncle. So close. Maybe she was making a mistake. She was getting too attached. Too emotionally involved. Too close.

---------------

"Hey... How are you feeling?" Derek asked as he walked into the room.

"Not good." Meredith admitted as she shook her head. "Not good..." She said again as she handed him the magazine.

"I saw it." Derek told her as he grabbed the magazine and sat it down. "There are more. A lot more."

"Of course there are. How could I be so stupid?" Meredith asked as she scrunched her face, willing the tears not to fall.

"It was a mistake." Derek answered with a nod. "You will get past this."

"I don't understand. I don't understand how one day, no one knows who I am. And then the next, I am on this. People don't even know me. And now I am the spoiled rich girl who gets screwed up. I am the typical heiress. I am fitting the profile perfectly." Meredith said as she shook her head.

"You are not that girl, Mer. You know, when I came here, I thought I was working for Thatcher Grey. Imagine my surprise when I was told that I would be guarding a seventeen year old girl." Derek said as he chuckled. Meredith started giggling.

"It's a true story. My first thought was that I would be following around this whiny rich girl who whined about her Prada and Jimmy Choos. I knew I didn't fit in here. This is not me. And I knew that guarding you would be even worse. But then I met you. And you were not the spoiled rich girl. You are an amazing girl. An amazing woman. And you do not fit into that profile. You don't fit the mold. You can't be pegged. You are amazing. And I know you. They don't matter." Derek said as he rubbed her arm.

"Thank you, Derek." Meredith said as she wiped her tears. "You probably think all I do is cry." Meredith said with a giggle.

"You have had good reasons to cry." Derek pointed out with a nod.

"I guess you have a point." Meredith said with a smile.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as he looked into Meredith's eyes. "There is more..."

"I broke up with Franco." Meredith told him quickly.

"You did?" Derek asked with surprise.

"I did. He came over. You know, he acted like it was nothing. He actually asked me if I had a good time last night! Can you believe it? I mean- No. No... There is no way. There is just no way I can be with a guy like that. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't care. With someone brushes me off like I don't matter..." She said with a sigh.

"You're right. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who knows how special you are. Because you are special. You are amazing. And there is someone out there who will cherish you. There is someone out there who will love you more than life." Derek assured her as he looked into her eyes.

"Yeah..." Meredith said as she turned her head and stared off. "Maybe." She muttered under her breath.

"So... What are we watching?" Derek asked as he looked over.

"Whatever you want." Meredith said as she handed him the remote control. "So... How was the market?"

"What a pain. You know... I'm not even sure why I had to go. Well, I guess I do know. But that is-" Derek stopped when he realized what he was saying to her.

"What? That is what?" Meredith asked as she looked over.

"Well... Apparently Sophia took me there to set me up." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Seriously? Oh god... I hope you told her to buzz off!" Meredith said with a giggle. She looked over at Derek's face. "Oh. You didn't." Meredith muttered as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"She seemed like a nice girl. And I was on the spot..." Derek said defensively.

"So you are going on a date..." She choked out.

"Yeah. I guess I am." He replied with a shrug.

"Oh. That's good." Meredith told him as she faked as smile as turned away.

She wasn't happy. In fact, she felt ill. She should not care. But that jealousy. The jealousy she felt went Derek went out with Mia, it was rearing it's ugly head. But this was worse. It was stronger. It wasn't so much jealously. It felt like her heart was breaking. This was foolish. It was crazy. She should not care. She had to get ahold of herself. This was a good thing. She could never be with Derek. She knew what would happen. She would ruin his life.

Derek was watching her. He was watching her out of the corner of his eye for what seemed like an eternity. First it was tense look on her face. He could tell that the wheels were spinning in her head. She was distracted. She was not watching the movie. Then she started nervously twisting her earring. Just a little, then it turned into an obsession. After that came the leg shaking. Her foot was moving. It was moving enough to move the sofa. He knew what this was. She was fiending.

[i_I could call Calvino. He could get me some. I only need a line. Just one snort. I acted crazy last night. But that wasn't the coke. That was me. And this time I will control myself. This time I won't go out. I just need one line to make me feel better. Just one will do it. I don't need it. It's not like I am an addict...[/i_

"I'll be back." Meredith said quickly as she stood up. "Right back..."

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Um... Yeah. Fine. I just need to go to the bathroom." Meredith muttered as she walked away.

"There is a bathroom right there." Derek told her as he pointed the opposite direction.

"Maybe I don't like that bathroom." She snapped as she walked out.

Derek knew it was wrong. But he couldn't help it. He knew she wasn't going to the bathroom. He knew she was lying. He quickly jumped up from the sofa and prowled behind. Derek stayed back just far enough that she didn't know he was there. And then his suspicions were confirmed. He stood around the corner and listened to her on the phone.

"Um... Hey. It's Meredith." She spoke quietly into the phone as she nervously looked around.

"Oh. Hey Meri. How is everything going?" Calvino asked quickly.

"Good. Um, hey. I was just wondering... Do you think you could get me some of that from last night? Not a lot. Just a hit." Meredith asked softly.

"Do want a gram?" Calvino asked swiftly.

"Um. Isn't that a lot?" Meredith questioned.

"Enough for a few hits. Then you can have some for later." Calvino suggested.

"Sure. Okay. A gram. How much?" Meredith asked as she looked around.

"Two." Calvino told her quickly. "I'm on my way."

"I'll be waiting." Meredith said as she hung up the phone and walked over to the door.

Derek's heart sank. He was hoping that the amount she did last night would be forgotten. He was hoping that she wouldn't have the lingering want for it. All his hopes were gone when it was confirmed. Someone was coming over to sell her drugs. And he had to stop it.

"What's going on?" Derek asked as he nonchalantly walked into the main entrance.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" Meredith asked nervously as she looked out the door.

"No reason." Derek lied as he walked away.

He was definitely putting a stop to this. As he got around the corner, he notified the guards at the front gate. They were to call him the minute this guy showed up. He of course did not make them aware of the situation. And he made sure they didn't want to send him away. He wanted to see this guy face to face.

Derek hung out around the corner. She was a wreck. The anticipation on her face showed it all. She needed it. She needed it so badly. She continually wretched her hands and ran her fingers through her hair. He didn't like seeing her go through this. As his pocket vibrated he knew. It was time for the next course of action.

"Hey, Mer... Sophia is looking for you." Derek said as he walked in.

"Oh. Well, in a few." She said as she looked out the window.

"She's out in the garden and she is pissed. Something about your father. Something he said pertaining to you. I don't know. She started rattling off in Italian. But I think It was something about you not leaving the house." Derek lied. "Ever again." He hated to lie. But he had to get her away. Sophia wasn't even home. No one was around.

"Okay. Uh. Okay." She said as she jogged off.

Derek stood with a face of stone at the door. He watched the Mercedes pull in front of the house. This guy was most likely one that Meredith screwed. Derek had already figured out Calvino's plan. He was sure he would come in, do a line with Meredith and then fuck her again. Not today. Meredith was a beautiful woman. A woman that any man would want. And it seemed most would try to take advantage of her. For being so strong and opinionated. She was so unbelievably innocent and naive. Who did this guy think he was? As he opened the door, blue met brown. and anyone could see the hate. Calvino knew it was bad.

"You need to leave." Derek said frankly as he glared at the man.

"I'm here to see Meri..." Calvino said with a smile.

"I know why you are here. And you need to leave." Derek told him with a clenched jaw.

"I-" Calvino started.

"How do you think Thatcher Grey would feel if he knew you were here? I have a feeling you would be eating your balls for dinner." Derek stated as he stepped forward.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You are hired help. You have no right to talk to me that way!" Calvino said as he stepped up. "Meri is a big girl. Meri is a very good girl." He said with a chuckle. "Very good..."

That was it. The boiling point was met. One hundred degrees Celsius. Two hundred and twelve degrees Fahrenheit. That was it. He had just thrown what he did to Meredith in Derek's face. Derek quickly raised his fist and cracked Calvino as hard as he could in the jaw. Calvino flew backwards out the door and skidded across.

"I think you need to fucking leave." Derek growled as he walked out. "Unless you want to die today. And if you come back... If I see you around her... You will."

"Uh... Sorry." Calvino said as he quickly ran to his car. As Derek shut the door and turned around, he saw Meredith running towards him. But the time she rushed the window, all evidence of Calvino was gone.

"You lied to me!" She spat.

"He's gone." Derek said as he stopped her.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Your friend. He has left." Derek told her with a frown. "Meredith... You don't need it. Your body is telling you yes. But you don't. It's just going to hurt you. You have to stop. You don't need it." Derek said as he tipped her chin.

He was waiting for one of her tiny fists to fly at him. He was waiting for her harsh words. He was waiting for the worst. But that wasn't what came. Meredith's eyes began to well up as she looked into his. Before he knew it, she collapsed against his broad chest. Her sobbed shook his body as well as hers.

"Oh God... What was I thinking..." She cried as he wrapped his arms around him.

"You're okay..." Derek muttered as he rubbed her back. "You will be okay."

**So Meredith is dealing with addiction... She will be okay. Derek it there:)**


	18. Dinner With a Friend

Meredith walked up the steps in her bathing suit. They had a pool house. They had an area to change and shower. And yet she never used it. It drove Sophia completely crazy. It was her version of nails to a chalk board. Meredith would leave her tiny wet footsteps all the way through the house, up the marble staircase and down the hall.

She paused outside his door. He was picking out a tie. It felt like deja vu. It wasn't that long ago that he was preparing for his date with Mia. The date that she so horribly ruined. Complete sabotage. Not this time. This time she wasn't going to do it. She was going to stay idle and protect them both.

"Hey." Meredith said with a smile as she walked into his room. She softly laid her towel on the chair and walked up to him. "You look nice." She muttered as she neared him. "Definitely the blue." She said as she looked at the two ties in front of him.

"You think?" He asked as he held it up.

"Definitely." Meredith nodded as she grabbed it and lifted his collar. She pulled the tie around his neck and began tying his tie. "Blue looks good on you." She said as she eyed him.

"Thank you." He said as he looked at her.

"I used to tie my father's ties for him. I was young, it fascinated me. It's just a tie. But i thought if I could do it... If I could master it. That is would amaze him. That is would make him proud." She said as she tugged on it.

"Thanks." He told her as he looked into the mirror.

"Here..." Meredith muttered as she ran her fingers through his hair, fixing it. "Better."

"You know... You shouldn't swim in that." He motioned to the tiny white bikini that she was wearing.

It was enough to nearly send him over the edge. Her body was perfect. Perfect hips. Perfect legs. The perfect shape. She was just tan enough. She was a soft bronze tone. She was enough for him to lay down and taste her. Just as taste of that sweet skin would be perfect.

"No?" She asked as she looked down at herself.

"They look at you. The guys- They stare." Derek said frankly.

"They do not." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "The gardener, maybe." She said quickly.

"No. They all do. Tony too. Noon. Why do you think everyone is around at noon?" He asked as he looked into her eyes.

"You are so funny." She said as she rolled her eyes. "Well, it looks like I threw them off, because it is six." Meredith said with a big giggle.

"I'm serious, Mer." Derek told her with a frown. "They just..."

"You don't like it." She stated frankly. "That they look."

"I don't." Derek admitted. "Because they are way too old."

"They are dirty old men." Meredith said with a shrug.

"They shouldn't look." He muttered.

"Well... I guess- It doesn't matter." She said as she looked away. "So... Have fun tonight." She said as she looked into that deep sea of blue. The sea of blue that begged her to swim.

"I will." Derek said happily.

"She's lucky. Not many girls from the market go to Pappagallo." Meredith stated frankly. "Tell her... Le tue ascelle puzzano!" (Your armpits stink!) Meredith whispered into his ear.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"You look amazing." Meredith said with a sigh.

"Really..." Derek said with a shrug. "Le tue ascelle puzzano... Le tue ascelle puzzano" He repeated to himself.

"Yep... That's it." She said with a smile.

"So... No sabotage?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"No." Meredith whispered as she looked down. "No sabotage..." She said softly as she looked into his eyes.

"Hmm..." Derek muttered as their eyes locked.

Meredith leaned forward as they crashed. It was soft. It was light. Just a taste as Derek sucked on her bottom lip. She moaned as she felt his tongue slid into her parting mouth. Their tongues touched softly as he sucked on her. Meredith quickly pulled back when she heard loud footsteps.

"So! This weekend. Period. And you better tell whoever it is that you are going out with tonight that you aren't going to be around. Because I don't really care if you don't want to go. You have to. I am your boss!" She spat as she pointed at him.

"Hmm... Meri... It doesn't sound like you are being very nice!" Tony said loudly as she marched toward him.

"I am not nice." She groaned as she walked down the hall. As she walked she wondered if Derek was right... Were his eyes really on her?

"So... I hear you have a date. With a normal person. Not one of these spoiled bitches." Tony said with a smile.

"I guess I do." Derek agreed as he grabbed his wallet.

"Have a good time." Tony said as he shook his hand and placed a condom in his hand. "Working in this house... You need to."

"Thanks..." Derek muttered as he walked away.

He felt a pang of guilt as he walked down the hallway. He was hoping she was truly okay. He was worried that she would call him. And if not him, someone else. There were plenty of people that would be more than willing to come and deliver whatever it was she needed. But the need seemed to have dissipated in the last several days. She hadn't used. Derek smiled as he walked out. She would be okay. She had dodged a bullet.

----------------

Derek pulled up to the restaurant. They were meeting there. He liked that. He liked that it made it less formal. It made it less real. Not so much a date. Alessia was nice. But she wasn't Meredith. Derek had never had Meredith. And yet, everyone was compared to her. Dating Alessia didn't sit right with him. But he had to do it. He had to distract himself.

"Derek..." Alessia said as she walked up to the table. Derek quickly stood up.

"How are you?" He asked as she looked around.

It was apparent that she had never been in this type of setting. She had never experienced the finer things that Meredith had. She was a beautiful girl. But she lacked the class that Meredith had. Meredith made a room light up. Alessia blended in with the background. Meredith was beautiful, but flawed. Alessia seemed sweet and innocent.

"I am good." She said as she sat down. "So... You are from the US..."

"I am. Maine, actually." Derek said with a nod.

"Are you going back?" Alessia asked quickly. "To Maine."

"I am. I'm here to save for med school. And then I am going home." Derek explained.

"Oh... So you aren't a Grey lifer... That's what we call them." Alessia explained. "They never leave. Well, except for Meredith Grey's guards. They are always leaving..."

"Oh." Derek muttered. Meredith was not one he wanted to talk about. Not tonight.

"So. How do you like her?" Alessia asked as she sipped her wine.

"She's great." Meredith said with a genuine smile.

"Really! That is one I have never heard." She said in shock. "I heard she was horrible."

"No. Definitely not. People don't give her a chance. She is kind. And caring. And smart. And she has this... We're not here to talk about Meredith." Derek said.

He was saying too much. He was defending her. He couldn't let anyone know what he was thinking. He couldn't let his true feeling come to light. He was being reckless. But he couldn't sit there and listen to her say that. To say that Meredith wasn't anything but great.

"So... Le tue ascelle puzzano!" (Your armpits stink!) Derek said with a smile, thinking that it meant she looked amazing.

"Oh my... You don't know italian." She said with a giggle.

"No... I don't." Derek admitted.

"You just told me that my armpits stink." She said as she raised her eyebrows.

"Oh. Wow. I definitely didn't mean that." Derek said as he turned red. "I'm so sorry."

"No big deal." She said with a smile as she picked at her salad.

"That was really smooth, I have to say." Derek laughed.

"Smooth?" She asked with a frown.

"Yes. Like slick. Very...smooth. Well done. Cool." Derek said quickly. "Well, anyway... It wasn't."

They went through the rest of the dinner in a simple conversation. Neither touched any subjects that were important. It was a good time. Derek was enjoying it. Alessia was a very down to earth sweet girl. She was that girl you took home to your mother. She was everything anyone could want. But she wasn't Meredith. No one was.

"So... I had a good time." Derek said softly as they stood my their cars.

"Me too. It was great." Alessia said with a smile. "I would love to do it again."

"Yeah. That would be great." Derek agreed with a nod.

"Well, goodnight." She said as she leaned in for a kiss.

Derek leaned in and gave her a soft peck. She wasn't Meredith. Her lips weren't as soft. She didn't taste sweet. She didn't smell as good. She wasn't as delicate. She wasn't Meredith. Period.

"Goodnight." Derek said as he pulled away.

"Goodnight." Alessia said as she climbed into her car.

Derek pulled into the garage. The house was dark. He wondered if she was asleep. He wondered if she laid awake as he did. He wondered if she thought about him like he thought about her. He wondered if she laid awake at night and longed for him like he did her. As he walked down the hallway he heard it. The beast. The beautiful beast. She was snoring. He had to laugh as shake his head. Such a big noise.

--------------

Derek lazily pulled on his running shoes. He was exhausted. It wasn't really that late of a night. He and Alessia stayed fairly late at the restaurant talking. Just talking. It was good talking. They talked about everything. Everything except Meredith. He didn't want to talk about her. He couldn't her there in that room with him. She was too tempting.

Derek walked into the grass and began do his stretching ritual. He was stiff. But not from sex. The condom that Tony had placed in his hand was still in his wallet. Alessia was nice. And she wasn't that girl. She wasn't a girl that you had sex with on the first date. And Derek didn't want to. Not yet. He wasn't counting her out. But he also wasn't gung-ho about it either. As he did his last stretch he looked off in the distance. Meredith was already running.

"Now it is you who didn't wait for me!" He said as he jogged up.

"You were late." She grumbled as she continued on, not looking at him

"I guess I was." He agreed as he looked up. "Sorry. But in my defense, I was waiting for the boat to come in."

"What boat?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Well, I kept hearing this boat horn. Actually it was coming from your room." He said with a loud chuckle. "Matter of fact, it kind of sounded like snoring. But louder. much louder."

"What!" Meredith gasped. "I do not snore!" She yelled.

"Oh honey, you snore." He said with a smile. "Loudly. In fact, louder than I have ever heard."

"I do not. I'm a lady. ladies don't snore." She giggled.

"Well, if you are a lady..." Derek started.

"Don't even say it." She warned as she looked at him. It was time for a subject change. "So how was your date?" Meredith asked out of courtesy. It was out of necessity. She was supposed to ask.

"It was nice." Derek said with smile. "She's a really nice girl."

"I bet she is..." Meredith said nastily.

"What?" Derek asked in shock.

"Oh... Nothing. I'm just saying... She is probably wonderful." Meredith said softly.

"You went to bed early." Derek said as he glanced over.

"Well, you came home late." She said as she quickened her pace.

"By the way, that armpit comment... Nice, Mer. That was a nice touch." He said with a chuckle.

"I thought so." She giggled as she looked over. "I had to make sure you humiliated yourself at some point." She said with a smile.

"I should have known better. At least Alessia thought it was an honest mistake." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Alessia." Meredith muttered as she swallowed. "What a nice name..." She said with a chuckle.

"There is nothing wrong with her name." Derek said simply. "So how was your night?"

"I was alone. How do you think it was?" Meredith grumbled as she looked up.

"Were you okay? Did you-" Derek stumbled on the right words.

"Did I snort coke and get fucked up?" She asked sarcastically. "No, Derek. I can control myself." She said with hurt.

"What is wrong with you?" Derek asked angrily.

"Nothing, Derek. God." Meredith snapped.

"You know, the world does not revolve around you." He said as he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"What?" She asked as she ripped her arm away.

"The world... This isn't Meredith's world. Everyone has a right to do what they want. To be happy." Derek told her.

"Derek... I don't care what you do!" She said as she rolled her eyes and ran off.

"I didn't have it." Derek said as he jogged up beside her.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him.

"Potato pudding. I didn't have any." He said with a smile.

"Why would I care?" Meredith asked simply.

Derek knew. Meredith knew. They both knew that she did care. It was peace offering. It was him saying that it was a good time. But it wasn't their good time. It didn't really mean anything. At that point, Meredith knew that Derek didn't have sex with her.

"I'm just saying." He said as they approached the house.

"Okay." She said softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be- I'm just-"

"It's fine Mer." Derek said with a nod. They both looked up at Sophia as she walked up.

"I'm making a big dinner tonight. You should invite your friend." Sophia said quickly.

"Oh. Yeah. That would be... Good." Derek said with a nod.

Meredith glared at Sophia's head. She wanted to kill her with her laser eyes. Now Meredith would have to eat dinner across from this girl. Now she would have to see it. As she pulled off her shoes, she thought. This was good. Maybe this would put out the fire. She needed to put out the fire that was burning uncontrollably. For him.

-----------------

Meredith stewed. She stewed all day. She was not happy about Alessia. Every time she thought about him with this unknown girl, her blood boiled. And then she would remind herself that she had to get control over herself. Derek was just a guy. A guy that worked for them. A guy that she was not supposed to have feelings for. He was just a guy. A guy that she had to forget.

Nonetheless, she could not forget. She could not help but want to entice him. It wasn't hard. She felt it. When they were alone, he would lean in. He would smell her. He would breath her in. When they walked, his hand was on the small of her back. And when she ran, his eyes were on her. Just a little bit of her lavender scent, and he was gone.

Meredith rummaged through her walk in closet. It was a closet that was larger than most people's living room. So many clothes. And yet, she couldn't figure out what to wear. Not that it mattered. Anything she had a much nicer that the poor girl from the market. She had to chid herself. This girl was poor. She had nothing. And Meredith was on the attack. And she didn't even have to be.

She heard the doorbell ring. She couldn't believe that this girl was coming here for dinner. She couldn't believe that she would have to sit across from her and speak to her. It wasn't the girl. It wasn't that she was poor. It wasn't that Meredith thought she was better than her. It was that Alessia wanted Derek. And Meredith did too. Even if she couldn't have him.

"Hey." Meredith said softly as she walked down the marble staircase.

Her black boots clicked with every step. Her jeans hung perfectly on her. They were her favorites. They were the pair that hugged her just right. They made her ass look perfect. The top was just low-cut enough. Just tight enough. Her hair laid softly on her shoulders and bounced gently with every step. Yes, she was tempting.

"Hey." Derek said as he stared at her. He watched every step as he slim figure walked up to him.

"And you are..." Meredith asked Alessia. She knew her. She knew her name. Like the name hadn't been burned into her head.

"Uh..." Alessia started. Derek was supposed to do this. He was supposed to introduce her. But he left her hanging. He was too interested at staring at the perfection that was Meredith Grey. "Alessia."

"Oh. Sorry..." Derek said quickly. "Alessia, this is Meredith. Meredith, Alessia." He said as he looked between the two women.

"Nice to meet you." Meredith said with a smile.

"You too." Alessia agreed as she looked into Meredith's green eyes.

"Drink!" Meredith said after a long silence. "Would you like something?"

"Oh... Uh... Water would be great." Alessia said with a smile as they walked through the house. Her eyes darted around in amazement.

Meredith came walking out with drinks. That truly surprised Alessia. She was expecting some servant to come out and bring their things to them. But it was Meredith. Little did she knew that Sophia shouted at Meredith to get off her lazy ass and do something. It wasn't that Meredith wanted to help... She had to.

"So... Do you go to college?" Meredith asked as she sat down softly. Her eyes stared into Alessia's.

"I just work at the market right now." Alessia said softly. "And the coffee shop."

"Oh... I see." Meredith replied with a nod. "So. How did you like Pappagallo?"

"Oh. It was wonderful. I have never-" She stopped herself. "It was nice."

"That's good." Meredith agreed with a nod.

They all sat there in an uncomfortable silence. It was actually more like Meredith stared at her glass of wine. Derek undressed Meredith with his eyes and Alessia watched Meredith. Her heart sank. She liked Derek. He was a nice guy. And last night she thought they had a good time. But seeing him today... Seeing him around Meredith... She realized that he didn't feel the same way. There was someone else.

"Dinner is ready!" Sophia shouted as she walked in.

"Good. I'm starving." Meredith said with a smile as she jumped up and walked away. Of course, Derek's eyes followed her perfect ass.

They all sat down at looked at the various pasta and meat dishes. Sophia had gone all-out tonight. Meredith had no idea why. Sophia had no reason to push Derek to Alessia. She had no reason to impress the woman. Alessia watched in amazement and Meredith delicately began picking at her food. Everything she did was so light and graceful.

"Meredith is going to be a surgeon." Derek said with a smile as he glanced up.

"Oh... You are?" Alessia asked as she looked up.

"I would love to be. But I doubt that would ever happen. But Derek, he wants to be a neurosurgeon." Meredith pointed out.

"Oh..." Alessia said as she looked up at him.

There was a look. A look between Meredith and Derek. A small smile played at both of their lips. Their eyes were locked. It went on this way. It was like it was just them in the formal dining room. She was an outsider. They were nothing but courteous to her. But at the same time, they were so locked into each other.

"Do you ever go to the clubs?" Meredith asked as she looked across the table.

"No. I don't have time. After the market, I go to my other job at the coffee shop." Alessia explained. "Besides, I hear it is next to impossible to get in."

"Meredith can get in anywhere." Derek said with a smile.

"Maybe you could come some time?" Meredith asked with a light smile.

"That would be fun." Alessia agreed.

The rest of the dinner went the same way. Derek would praise Meredith. And then Meredith would say something about him. They talked about jogging. They talked about shopping. And Meredith talked about how they were going to be going to the Riviera. Alessia felt like a third wheel on a perfect two wheel bike.

After dinner, they sat around. She wanted to leave. She wanted to get out of this house that she didn't fit into. She wanted out of the shadow that Meredith Grey cast. She wanted out from under Meredith's pedestal. It wasn't as if Meredith was treating her badly. She was Meredith Grey. She was amazing. She was nothing like they had said. She wasn't cracked out and crazy. She seemed perfect.

"Well, I really need to get going. Meredith, it was very nice meeting you." Alessia said with a smile as she stood up.

"I'll walk you out." Derek said with a smile as they walked to the front door. "I had a good time. We should get together soon." Derek said as he shut the door behind him.

"Well... I don't think that is necessary." Alessia said with a soft smile.

"Why? Did I do something wrong? Did you not have a good time?" Derek asked in shock.

"No. I did... It's just- Even a blind man could see it. You worship her. She is the only person in your eyes. Three of us were in that room, and all you saw was her. And that's fine. It's great even. I don't know how that works. I imagine it is frowned upon. But you really like her. And what I can see, she has feeling for you. So I think you should give it a shot. Maybe it would work out." Alessia said with a smile.

"Meredith and I- We are just friends." Derek said quickly.

"As soon as you admit your true feelings, you will both feel a lot better. Goodnight, Derek." She said as she let go of his hand and walked away.

Derek stood there in shock. He liked Alessia. But she was right. He didn't like her the way he should. It was Meredith. She was the one he wanted. The one he pined for. But now he had no idea what to do. He had no idea where to go from here.

**Friends... Yeah. We know how that goes!**


	19. Decisions

Meredith watched Derek. It had been a few days since the dinner. He didn't say much about it. He told her that they had decided to just be friends. But he never told her why. He never told her that Alessia had figured it out. He never told her that it was she that he wanted. He never told her that she was the one that he wanted to sleep next to every night. She was the one he wanted to hold. She was the one he wanted to touch.

Derek sat on the sofa in the study. He was on his phone. Meredith watched him. She was always watching him. He looked sad. He looked horrible. She could see the strain on his face. He was talking about something serious. He looked very concerned. Meredith's heart sank as she watched. Something was wrong. He flipped his phone shut and rubbed his face.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she walked in and shut the door.

"Yeah..." Derek drifted off distractedly. "Yeah... I'm okay." He said with a simple nod.

"No you aren't." She said as she sat down next to him and grabbed his hand. "Talk about it. Maybe you will feel better."

"Oh god... My sister is having surgery tomorrow. She's having a lump removed from her breast." Derek told her with a frown.

"Oh my god!" Meredith said in shock. "Is she- Oh... I'm so sorry." She said as she took a page from his book and stroked his hand.

"Yeah... I'm just so shocked. She's only thirty." Derek muttered as he stared off.

"You need to go home." Meredith said sadly.

The last thing she wanted was for him to go home. She wanted him to stay with her forever. But she could tell by the look on his face that family was everything to him. He needed to go be with her. He needed to support her in her fight. Meredith swallowed hard as she looked into his eyes. He needed to leave.

"What... No. I'm fine." Derek told her with a nod. "I don't need to go."

"She is your sister. And your family needs you. You need to go home. It's okay." Meredith explained with a nod.

"But you need protection. You need a guard." Derek said quickly as he looked into her eyes. "And you want to go to the Riviera."

"The Riviera can wait. I don't have anywhere I have to go. And I have Tony. I'm fine. It's you. You need to go home an make sure everyone is okay. Everything is is under control here." Meredith told him softly as she put her hand on his shoulder. "My dad won't care. I'll call him. You can use our jet. You could be there tomorrow." Meredith said with a nod as she walked off.

Meredith walked outside the door as she called her father. Of course she didn't get him. But she did get one of his many assistants. Within a few minutes all the plans were made. They were going to prepare the jet. Derek was leaving.

"Okay." Meredith said as she walked back in.

"Okay what?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"You need to go pack. The jet should be ready in an hour. You are leaving." She said softly.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he stood up.

"Yeah. My father is in agreement. This is important to you. You need to do this." Meredith said softly. "Have a safe flight. And thank you, Derek. Thanks for everything."

"Mer... Don't do it, okay. You really don't need it. Promise me you won't." Derek asked as he looked up. She swallowed hard and nodded as she walked off.

Derek was in shock as he walked up the stairs. Just like that. Just like that and he was on his way. All he had to do was throw some things in a bag. He couldn't believe how quickly everything moved. As he threw his things in a bag, he frowned. Derek glanced out the balcony. Meredith was doing furious laps in the pool. He really did hate leaving her. He quickly pulled his bag down the stairs. He was going home.

Meredith swam back and forth. She didn't want him to leave. He was her air. And now, she was suffocating. All she could think about was how great it was. She had felt alive. She hadn't even realized it. And now that he was gone, she realized she was dying. And she wasn't even sure he would come back. Meredith grabbed a towel and made her way in the house.

"Cristoforo took Derek to the jet." Tony said as he looked up.

"Good." Meredith said with a nod.

"You know he probably won't come back." Tony said frankly.

"I know." Meredith said as she walked up the stairs, tears willing their way out.

She didn't go into her room. She went into his. It was clean. Everything was gone. There were a few unimportant items left. Things that proved he was here, but they weren't things that guaranteed his return. She felt her heart breaking as she ran her hands over his shirt. He may not return. He had no reason to. He would probably decide that life was easier there. And if his sister was sick, he needed to stay. Meredith grabbed the red shirt. It still kind of smelled like him. As she laid down in his bed, she held it to her nose and sobbed. She never told him. She never told him how she felt.

---------------

The ride in the jet was uneventful. Derek had never experienced anything like it. It was so much better than commercial airlines. The whole time he was flying, he thought about Meredith. He left her. He left her and it broke his heart. He wished he had told her that he cared for her. He wished that he had taken a whiff of her flowery scent. He wished that he had tasted her soft flesh. But he didn't. He didn't do any of that.

The guilt got stronger as the jet neared the United States. He left her. She was vulnerable. He was hoping that she wasn't going to go back to it. He didn't want her to go back to the mess. Back to the clubs. Back to the coke that drowned out her pain. He prayed that she would be okay. He prayed that life would treat her fairly. When he saw her doing the laps in the pool, he knew she was upset. But she was the one that told him to go. She had been selfless.

"We should be landing in about twenty minutes, Mr. Hanson." Derek heard the pilot say.

Derek hadn't even had time to call his mom. And he wanted to surprise her. He wanted to surprise the whole family. It felt so good to be back in the US. As Derek grabbed a cab, he heard english. A lot of english. No heavy Italian accents. He could understand everything they were saying. Although he missed Meredith's soft Italian accent. He missed that sweet giggle. The cab driver dropped him off at his apartment, the one that he shared with Mark.

As Derek looked around the apartment, he was shocked. It looked the same. And it was clean. It was actually clean. He couldn't help but think that Mark had some girl that he was screwing keeping the place up. He threw his bags in his room and looked around. It had been untouched.

Derek quickly grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a note for Mark, explaining that he was home for Nancy's surgery. He grabbed the keys to his truck and made his way to were it was parked. The Ford started right up and he was grateful that it had a full tank of gas.

Derek drove the familiar route to the hospital. He knew where everything was. This was his home. He missed it. He was so glad to be back. He found a close spot to the entrance as made his way up to the surgical waiting area. He grinned when he saw his family sitting together.

"Mom..." Derek said as he walked up to her.

"Derek!" Linda said in shock as she jumped up. "What are you doing here?"

"Meredith arranged everything. She got the jet. I wanted to be here. For Nance." Derek said with a smile.

"You mean the rich bitch let you leave?" Elaine said with a chuckle as she stood up and hugged him.

"Meredith is not... She's great. Anyway, how is Nancy?" He asked as Kathleen gave him a hug.

"She is in surgery right now. Should be another hour." Jen said with a smile as she hugged him.

"Is she- How bad?" Derek asked as he looked at his mom.

"They think that they will be able to get it out." Linda said with a weak smile. "We will know afterward."

"How is she? Mentally, I mean." Derek asked anyone who would answer.

"She is Nancy. She is fine. She's stronger than all of us combined." Elaine said with a smile.

"You have a point." Derek replied with a smile as they all sat there.

"So what is it like... Working for the richest people in the world?" Jen asked with a smirk.

"It's good. They are... It's good." Derek told her with a nod. He sat back and sighed. So much, so fast.

"Oh my god! Derek!" A black haired girl squealed as she ran up and threw her arms around him.

"Ruby..." Derek said quickly. Now this, he had not thought about. As he thought. So much, so fast. And this was too fast. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I came here for Nancy, silly!" She said with a giggle as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh... " Derek muttered as he pulled away and sat down.

Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Bad. Bad. This was not good. In other words, bad. He should have known that this was going to come back and bite him in the ass. This is what you get. This is karma. He comes home to make sure his sister is okay, and he had to come face to face with his ex-girlfriend. But that wasn't the problem. She wasn't so much his ex. She was more his current.

He left. She was great. A little high maintenance. She was a little more about herself than anyone else. But she was a nice girl. A nice girl who had been having dreams of the white wedding. The white weeding with the lavender bridesmaid dresses. And tulips. She even had the china picked out. He hadn't given her a ring. In fact, he hadn't even offered. No, she was just ready for that next step, and she made it quite clear.

So he left. Literally left. He called her up, and when she didn't answer, he left a message. To his defense, everything pertaining to Thatcher Grey had come so quickly. And Thatcher wasn't a patient man. So when he said jump, Derek did, on the next flight out. So he left her that break-up message. And sadly, it wasn't even a break-up message.

[i_Derek rushed around his apartment. He was running out of time. He never thought that Thatcher Grey would want him in the next flight out. In fact, Thatcher had footed the bill and made arrangements for him to be picked up. It was perfect. The perfect arrangement. He needed to make the money for college. And he needed to clear his head. He needed to ensure that he was still free. Even if he wasn't feeling it. _

_Just as Derek pulled his bag out of his room, she flashed into his head. It was horrible. What type of person forgets about their girlfriend? But she had been so clingy. And pushy. And needy. At the moment, he was looking for a cool escape, and it seemed he had found it. He quickly picked up the phone. He hoped she wasn't there. But how shitty it would be if she wasn't._

_"Hey, Ruby..." Derek said to the answering machine. "It's Derek... Look, I have kind of gotten a job offer. I am heading to the airport now. I had to get on the next plane out. I'm heading to Italy. I'm not really sure when I will be back... So. I guess this is goodbye."_

_Derek pulled his suitcase out to the cab. He was leaving. _ [/i

Derek sat there and thought. His eyes gazed up to hers. She looked at him as if nothing had changed. As if they were still together. Her blue eyes looked so sweet. How could she not be angry? Derek felt irritated as he looked at her. The more he thought, the more he wondered what he had done.

Everyone looked up as the surgeon walked up in his scrubs. He had a smile on his face. That was good. It was supposed to be good. And it was. They all embraced as he explained that the lumpectomy went well. Surely his sister would be fine... He knew it.

Nancy was in recovery. She wasn't even close to up for visitors. They all stayed until they knew that she was okay. Tomorrow they would visit. Tomorrow, they would tell her how much they love her and how she was going to be just fine.

"So... I thought I could come over to your place and we could talk..." Ruby said with a smile as she grabbed his hand.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess we could do that." Derek said with a nod as they walked out of the hospital.

"I will follow you there." She said with a grin as she walked up to her car.

Derek drove quickly. He wasn't sure what he was doing. When he went to Italy, things were so complicated. But then when he got there... As he talked to Meredith, as they got closer, he realized that his life wasn't such a mess. Italy made things a little clearer. But it didn't fix anything. And now he had to deal with this mess.

"So..." Ruby said as she sat down on the chair in the living room.

"Yeah." Derek muttered as he sat down in the other chair.

"Look... I'm not sure what happened. Was I pressuring you? Was I pushing you too quickly?" She asked quickly. "If I was, I'm sorry. I was just so happy. And I was so ready to move on. And I have missed you. And I want you. I want you with me. You belong here." Ruby said with a faint smile.

"I'm... I need that job. I need to make the money for med school." Derek said frankly as he looked into her dark blue eyes.

"No. That was what I was going to tell you, Derek! My father is willing to give you a job. Twenty dollars an hour. You could do this. That would be enough to pay for the med school, and then you would be here with me." She said as she stood up and sat on his lap. "I have missed you so much... Please... Say yes."

"I-" Derek started before Ruby's lips pressed against his.

This was easier. This was so much easier that dealing with it. She was leading him to his room. He watched as she undressed him. And he watched as she stripped down in front of him. She had always been the best. She had always been amazing. But now, she was just her. She wasn't amazing. His standards had risen. He looked at her, but wanted Meredith.

Derek moaned as she rolled the condom on and straddled him. Sex was simple. He could do this. He could play this game. He could avoid the topic. As they moaned and he felt her around him, he knew that she was not Meredith. Even trying to pretend did not work. Before he knew it, they were done, and she was snuggled up beside him. He prayed she would fall asleep soon.

Derek laid there in his bed. This shouldn't be hard. A great woman was right there. Right there next to him. And yet, he wanted her. Meredith. He wanted the one that smelled like the softest, sweetest flowers. He wanted to one with the perfectly perky breasts. He wanted that honey-blonde hair between his fingers. He wanted the one that was forbidden. The one he could not have. So now he had to just settle.

----------------

"Derek Michael! You came all the way here for me?" Nancy said with a grin as he walked into her room.

"I did, Nance. All the way from Italy." Derek said with a smile as he hugged her slightly. "Just for you."

"So... Italy. Why the hell would you want to go to Italy?" She asked with a smile.

"The money." Derek said frankly. "It's too good. So how are you feeling?"

"Fine." Nancy said as she glanced up at her family. Luckily, Ruby had gone to work. "And do you like Italy?"

"It's beautiful." Derek told her with a smile.

"So what is it like working for the richest people in the world?" Elaine asked with a smile.

"It's good. Great. Meredith is... She's normal. As normal as she can be." Derek explained.

"Meredith, huh?" Linda asked. "You don't have to call her Miss Grey?"

"No! Most of the time I just call her Mer." Derek said quickly.

"She what is she like?" Kathleen asked out of curiosity.

"She's nice. She's a lot of fun. A little devious, but it's cute. And she is always jealous. And that is hilarious. She almost always sabotages herself. And then she will make herself look like a fool. But she doesn't seem to care. And of course she is smart. But she doesn't believe it. And she wants to be a surgeon. And she will be." Derek explained.

"Wow... You really like this girl." Nancy said happily.

"Yeah. She's okay." Derek muttered.

"It sounds like she is more than okay. You just said more nice things about her than any other girl you have ever dated. And you know more about her than you ever did about Ruby." Jen chipped in.

"Oh my god!" A nurse said as she walked in and looked at Derek. "It's you!" She said as she ran out.

"What is that about?" Jen asked with a chuckle. "Do not tell me you hooked up with her."

"No. I don't know who she is." Derek said quickly.

"I can't believe it!" The nurse said as she returned to the room with a magazine in her hand. "You work for Meredith Grey!" She said as she held the magazine with Meredith's unflattering cover. "This is you."

"It is." Derek said with a nod. Kathleen snagged the magazine out of her hand.

"She's hot." She said with a smirk as she looked up. "No wonder you think she is so great."

"What does she- Is she?" Linda asked as she pointed at the picture.

"She just had too much to drink." Derek lied as he watched them pass it around.

"Wow... She's gorgeous. How old is she?" Nancy asked as she studied the pictures.

"Eighteen." Derek told them quickly as he took a glance at the pictures.

"Will you sign it?" The nurse asked as she took it back.

"What? Sigh it? Are you kidding me?" Derek asked in disgust. "No. Absolutely not!"

"Oh..." The nurse responded with hurt in her voice.

"Derek! Sign that." Linda demanded as she pointed at the magazine.

"No. I'm sorry. I would love to. But not that. I am not going to support her exploitation." Derek said frankly.

"Oh. I see..." The nurse said with a frown as she walked off.

"Wow..." Nancy said with wide eyes.

"Don't say it." Derek warned her.

"You like her..." Nancy pointed out with a smile.

"So son..." Linda started, changing the subject. "When are you going back?"

"To Italy?" He asked as he looked at her. She nodded her head yes. "Well, actually, it seems Ruby's father has made me a job offer." Derek said quickly. "I may just stay. Maybe work things out with Ruby..."

"So you aren't going back?" Kathleen asked in shock.

"I haven't decided yet. I just- Everyone is here. And the only reason I went there was for the money." Derek pointed out.

"I don't know, Derek... As much as I want you here... I'm not sure how I feel about you working for Ruby's father. Those situations never work out." Linda warned. "You could get another job here... But I know her father. He would treat you like he was doing you a favor. And that's not always worth it..."

"I'm just- I'm not sure yet." Derek muttered as he looked off. And he wasn't.

"Well... You can't leave either of them hanging. I'm sure Mr. Grey is expecting you back sometime soon." Linda said frankly.

"I kind of left it in the air. I didn't tell him specifically when I would be back." Derek explained.

"Well, it sounds as if you are quite fond of this Meredith girl. And it doesn't seem like you are hating your job." Elaine pointed out.

"I am. And I do like the job. It was refreshing to go over there. But my family is here. And I don't want to leave you all. This situation... It's woken me up. And I don't want to regret any of it." Derek stated frankly.

"Well, Derek... I am fine. I'm so glad you came back to see me, but you didn't need to. And it seems that they got it all out. I will be okay. And I think you should do whatever makes you happy." Nancy said as she rubbed his hand.

"And we all know you and Ruby were not in a good place. She is the most annoying, clingy person in the world." Kathleen stated frankly. "And you know as well as I do that she was really pushing you."

"She wasn't that bad. I just- I don't know." Derek said as he shook his head.

"You don't have to stay in Italy. But this is an experience of a lifetime. You should do whatever makes you happy, son." Linda stated happily.

"So I should go back?" Derek asked quickly.

"That is your decision." Elaine pointed out. "But I think I would."

"And honestly Derek... Ruby's voice makes me want to shoot myself. But if you really love her... I can accept it. But if you don't... Please don't torture us!" Nancy said with a giggle.

"Nance... You are such a pain in the ass!" Derek said as he shook his head.

-------------------

Derek sat back in the chair of his apartment. It was his apartment. He loved this place. It had been home to him for quiet awhile. It was he and Mark's bachelor pad. Mad especially for unattached men. It was decorated for man. Useful for man. And Ruby absolutely hated it. Yes, it was his home. But strangely enough, he felt out of place. This didn't feel like home. Not anymore.

It was true. He could make enough money working for Ruby's father to pay for med school. That was what all of this had been about. He was doing everything for the money. He was doing it for his future. He was just so sure about himself. But now his world was upside down. Settle or risk having himself killed because he couldn't keep his hands to himself... That was the question.

"Hey! You're here..." Mark said as he walked through the door.

"Yeah." Derek muttered as he looked up. "How's it going?"

"Oh, you know... Making my way through town, a girl at a time." Mark said with a chuckle as he grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator and handed Derek one.

"Some things never change." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Man. You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders." Mark pointed out as he slumped in the chair next to Derek. "What's going on?"

"Oh. It's just this thing with Nancy. And now Ruby's dad has offered me a job. And I don't know whether I should go back to Italy." Derek muttered.

"I thought things were over with Ruby. I mean, the girl did call here for a week after you left. But I figured she had gotten the point that you were dumping her ass by now." Mark told him with a chuckle.

"Yeah. Well... I don't know. Maybe Ruby was the one." Derek said as he tipped his beer back. It wasn't scotch. He wanted scotch.

"Are you kidding me? She made you fucking miserable. Just shoot me. Because I will not be your best man at the wedding from hell." Mark muttered.

"Thanks, man." Derek said as he shook his head.

"I am so pissed at you right now." Mark said as he waked off and then came back. "If I had known this would be your job, I would have taken it. Holy shit she's hot." Mark said as he flipped through the magazine. "I just about shit when I saw you on the magazine rack."

"I was just as surprised. I never thought I would be guarding Meredith." Derek said with a nod as he grabbed the magazine.

That was all it took. He looked at her. He studied her perfect curves. All the feelings came rushing back. His heart quickly sank. He wondered what she was doing. He wondered if she was sad. He worried that she had went back to the club. What if she was getting high again. He was in a near panic as everything rushed through his head. The first time she drove. The promises he made her. She needed him. She needed him to protect her.

"Give that back. I might need that tonight." Mark said with a smirk.

"That is not cool, man. Don't do that." Derek said angrily.

The thought of Mark stroking his hard member while looking at Meredith was enough to send him over the edge. She was his. Not Mark's. Mark had no reason to think that way about her. He had absolutely no right to look at her. And he did not deserve to whack off to her.

"What... You know it's funny. Never heard of the girl and then here she is. I don't know what it is about her... But she is smoking hot. I mean, look at those legs. And that rack... Shit, man. I bet she has a tight pussy. She has gotten me through a night or two. But I always cover your face." Mark said with a chuckle.

"Fuck you!" Derek spat as he jumped out of the chair and stalked into the kitchen.

"Whoa, man. What is your- Oh shit..." Mark said as Derek walked back in with two beers. "You want her."

"I do not." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Okay. I have known you your whole life. You want her." Mark said quickly.

"Shit. I do. I work with her everyday. And I can't help it. First it was at the club. And then when she was in her underwear, I thought I could handle myself. But when I saw her in the bathtub... That was it. And the kissing... That was amazing. Fuck!" Derek grumbled as he thought back.

"Wait a minute... Kissing? Bathtub? You have seen her naked?" Mark asked exuberantly.

"Damn close." Derek told him with a grin. "What the fuck am I doing. Thatcher Grey told me to stay way from her."

"Oh man... You are so fucked." Mark pointed out. "If Grey finds out, he's going to cut your dick off. You know... I bet he will make you hold it while he saws. Maybe he will stuff it in your mouth."

"Don't say that shit!" Derek said as he looked down.

"It's true." Mark said with a sigh.

"So I shouldn't go back. I should stay here with Ruby. I should stay safe..." Derek said quickly.

"Are you asking me what I would do?" Mark questioned as he looked over.

"Yeah." Derek responded.

"Well... I would go back. I'd fuck that hot little pussy. To me... It would definitely be worth it." Mark said with a nod. "But you know me... So what are you going to do?"

"You're right, man. I- I'm going back." Derek said happily over his new epiphany.

Derek could hardly sit there. He was going back. He couldn't wait to see her. He couldn't believe that he ever considered any other option. He almost thought about abandoning her. He almost left her to the wolves. But now, now he was going back. He was going to make things right. he was going to be there for her.

"Shit." Mark muttered as he looked at the door. Someone was knocking.

"Worried?" Derek said with a chuckle.

"I accidently brought one home last night. She was a little nuts. I should have never brought her back here." Mark told him nervously.

"I'll get it." Derek said with a chuckle as he shook his head.

Derek placed his hand on the handle. Turning it slowly, the thought never crossed his mind that it may not be some girl. It may be that girl. The girl that he needed to get rid of. He drew in a deep breath as he looked into her blue eyes.

"Hey! I thought you would call!" Ruby said as she made her way in. "Mark." She muttered as she looked down on him, both figuratively and literally.

"I- Look, we need to talk. Mark, can you go for a second?" Derek asked as Mark jumped up and walked off.

"What is it?" Ruby asked with concern.

"When I left... When I went to Italy... I was really shitty to you. And I apologize for that." Derek said as they sat down.

"Oh Derek... It's fine. I-" Ruby started quickly.

"Let me finish. I was really crappy to do that. But what was worse it that I wasn't fair. I didn't make myself clear. Look, you are great. But... It's over. It's been over for a long time. And I don't want to fix it. And I can't accept your father's offer. You and I, we have different dreams. And you aren't in mine. I'm sorry." Derek told her as he stood up.

"You asshole! I'm not in your dreams? I am not in your dreams! I can't believe you are doing this. There's someone else, isn't there?" She asked in shock as she looked up. "Oh my god. It's her!" She spat as she held up the magazine and yelled at him.

Derek was really beginning to hate these damn magazines. If they weren't exploiting and embarrassing Meredith... Then nurses were asking him to sign them. Then Mark was getting his rocks off at her pictures. And now it had it shoved in his face by Ruby. He was definitely going to look into burning down any place where these magazines were printed.

"It's her!" She yelled.

"No. No, it is not her." Derek lied as he clenched his jaw. Ruby was just the type to make trouble. And Meredith didn't need that.

"You're lying." Ruby said as she smacked him in the face.

"There is a girl. It's not her. This- Alessia works at the market. She's great. And I think I have fallen in love with her." Derek lied as he looked at her. "It's over, Ruby."

"Oh. So you are dumping me for some skanky whore that works in a market?" She screamed.

"It would appear so." Derek muttered as he opened the door. "Goodbye, Ruby."

"You're an asshole, Derek!" She yelled as she walked out.

"So I've been told." Derek retorted as he shut the door.

"Wow... That was harsh." Mark said with wide eyes as he walked in.

"To harsh?" Derek asked him, not really caring.

"For her... Nothing is too harsh. I loved it. And nice lying by the way." Mark grinned as he sat his beer on the counter.

"No one, can know, Mark. You can't tell anyone. About us. Mer and I. Please, don't say a word." Derek pleaded.

"I won't. I would feel too guilty if my friend lost his balls and dick because of me." Mark laughed whole heartedly.

"Okay. I'm going to call Grey. And then I am going to sleep. I'm going back." Derek told him with a cheesy grin.

Derek laid down in his bed. This was going to be the last night here for quite awhile. He called his mom and sisters. They all were more than supportive of his decision, and that made him feel ten times better about it. The call to the Grey's went well. As far as he knew, Meredith didn't know he was coming back. Cristoforo said that Meredith had been moping around since he had left. She hadn't been off the property the whole time. As Derek closed his eyes, all he could think was that he wanted to open them to her green ones.

**So Derek went home... And being with Mer is definitely a thought in his head. A reminder that all three of my fics, Without a Moment's Notice, Forbidden, and the sequel to Lonely in a Crowd (called Almost Doesn't Count.) Are all on the Ga On Call Room, and are father ahead than this site...**


	20. Coming Back

Meredith lazily crawled out of bed. As much as she hated to, she had to get up. The last few days had went along at a snails pace. She actually felt like she was in her own personal hell. She could leave, but then she had to leave with Tony. She missed the freedom she had with Derek. Maybe it wasn't so much the freedom. Tony did allow her to do as she wished. In fact, he was generally too busy trying to pick up girls to even notice her. Someone could easily drag her off kicking and screaming, and he would still be trying to get a number. So, it wasn't the freedom. It was the companionship.

Meredith glanced at the clock as she stood. It was almost eleven. A far cry from the early hours that Derek had enforced. If she wanted to run with him, she had to be down there. And she had run. She ran every morning he was gone. But not this morning. This morning the reality was setting in.

As the water poured down her body, she felt the urge to let the tears flow with it. As she stood there holding them back, it hit her. He was not coming back. She was alone. She was truly alone in the world. It was something she had never noticed before Derek came. It wasn't until she had someone around that she could talk to. Someone who actually listened to what she was saying. Everyone else seemed to listen to the noise, but not the words.

Meredith wiped her face as she looked in the mirror. She was a mess. She just looked bad. It was a mixture of the worry and the betrayal she felt. She really thought that Derek would be there. And now that he wasn't, she was learning what it was to experience a great loss. As she looked in the mirror at the empty eyes before her, she fought the urge. Derek made her feel alive. And now that he wasn't there, there was one other thing that could take her there. But she promised. She promised Derek she wouldn't do it. But he said he would be there for her. So what the hell does a promise mean anyhow?

Meredith pulled on a pair of jeans and a top. She could do it. She could return to her happy place. It was like the ultimate orgasm. And it was something she could have. She could go get it now. And she was guaranteed to feel good. She grabbed her purse, and quickly jogged down the stairs. She made the decision. But was it the wrong one?

As she hit the bottom stair in the empty house, her eyes looked at the door. She didn't have to open it. She knew. Her heart began to beat just a little quicker. Cristoforo should be opening the door. Someone should be opening the door. Where was everyone? As the door opened she held her breath. And as green hit blue, her heart stopped.

"Derek!" She yelled as she ran up to him.

Derek's eye got wide as she came running. He dropped his bags in shock as she neared. Before he knew it, she was literally in his arms. She had jumped to him. He took a deep breath. He missed that scent. He needed that scent. As it filled his lungs, he felt alive. He felt rejuvenated.

"Hey." Derek said softly as she pulled away.

"Hey." Meredith responded as she looked into his eyes. "I didn't think you were coming back..."

"Why would you think that?" Derek asked quickly.

"I- I just- I don't know. No one ever comes back. So... How is your sister?" She asked, changing the subject.

"She's good. She's really good. They did the lumpectomy. She is feeling great." Derek explained happily.

"Good." Meredith said with a smile. "So. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" She asked as she grabbed his bag and began dragging it up the stairs.

"You do realize that is my job, right?" Derek asked as he watched her lug the huge bag along.

"I got it..." She grunted as she got it to the landing.

Meredith smiled as she looked into Derek's room. It was so empty before he came. And just knowing that he was back, it wasn't anymore. She could hear Derek behind her as she made her way in and sat the bag by the wall. She turned around and took a deep breath.

"So it was good... The trip, I mean." Meredith asked as she sat on the bed and looked up at him.

"It was..." Derek agreed as he looked down at her.

"I missed you..." She muttered softly as she looked up into his eyes.

"I missed you too..." He agreed as he looked at her.

"I-" Meredith started softly.

"You-" Derek said as he leaned towards her.

"Me..." She muttered as she pulled his head down.

Meredith laid back on the bed. Derek came down on the bed beside her as their lips crashed. He heard Meredith moan as he tongue slid into her mouth and played with hers. Meredith's hands ran through his hair. Derek placed a hand on either side of her body as he body hovered over hers. He felt her hands come underneath his arms and rub his back. It tasted so perfect. He wanted her more than ever. His cock became hard as it pressed against her.

"Derek... Are you here?" Sophia shouted as she neared the room.

"Fuck!" Derek muttered as he pulled himself off of her.

"Merda!" Meredith spat as she rolled off the bed and underneath.

"Yes?" Derek asked as he jumped to his feet.

"Oh! I was just seeing if you were back." Sophia explained as she walked in the room.

"Well, I am." Derek said with a smile.

"Have you seen Meri?" Sophia asked with a smile.

"No. No I haven't. Maybe she is outside?" Derek suggested.

"Oh. Maybe. It's nice to have you back." She said happily as she walked out and shut the door.

Derek quickly belly-flopped on the bed and peeked underneath. Meredith looked up at him wide-eyed.

"Hiding, are we?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Not funny! What are we- If she- Oh no." She said as she laid her head down and closed her eyes.

"So..." Derek drifted off as he continued to look at her.

"So." Meredith muttered as she rubbed her face. "I am under a bed. Hiding."

"Oh... Yeah. I guess you are." Derek agreed. "Well..."

"Tomorrow. Are you ready to fly again?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Yeah. Why?" Derek asked.

"Tomorrow we are going to the Riviera. I need it." She said with a nod as she pulled herself out from under the bed.

"Just like that?" He asked as he stood up. "You say tomorrow, and we leave. Just like that?"

"Yep. Just like that. Remember who got you a private jet to the US..." She replied with a smile as she walked to the door.

"Are you going to need to pick anything up today?" Derek questioned as he opened his luggage.

"Anything I need, we can get there." Meredith told him frankly. "Although... I should make one stop." She told him with a grin.

"And what is that?" Derek asked with a smile.

It was a smile. And then the wheels started spinning madly. Where was she going? What if she was going to to get coke? Maybe a small supply. Maybe she was getting just enough to make the trip. Then he looked into her eyes. She looked happy. She was at ease. He wasn't wanting drugs. She wasn't coming down from anything. He couldn't believe that he even thought that.

"That is not important." She told him softly. "You pack. I'll have Tony take me." She told him with a smile as she walked out the door.

"Derek is back." Sophia said as Meredith walked down the stairway.

"I saw that. He was in his room, I think. Where is Tony?" Meredith grumbled.

"I think he is out talking to maintenance." Sophia said with a shrug.

Meredith looked out the door. She could see tony standing off in the distance. She didn't bother putting on shoes as she opened the door and practically skipped out. As she ran across the lawn, she felt the cool grass on her feet. It was a feeling that she had loved since she was a small child. As she came nearer, she couldn't help but look at the extremely hot guy that Tony was speaking with.

"Tooonnnyyyy..." Meredith sang out as she walked up.

"What do you want?" Tony asked with a head shake as Meredith approached.

"I need a favor." She said with a sweet smile as she glanced at the young guy who was so obviously checking her out.

"Of course you do." Tony said with a chuckle. "I'll talk to you later. But you do need to get that done." He told the lawn boy.

"Of course, Sir." He said with a nod as he looked at Meredith's legs.

"I need you to take my shopping." Meredith told him as she dragged him towards the house.

"What about Derek? I thought he was back." Tony said frankly.

"He is. But he's busy. And I need to get this done. We're leaving tomorrow." Meredith explained.

"Where are you going?" Tony asked as they walked in the house.

"The Riviera." Meredith told him smartly.

"What? You and him? What about me? I could have taken you." Tony said quickly.

"I bet you could have. But Derek is my guard. I am stuck with him." Meredith said with a shrug. "So too bad."

"Oh. Well, is Franco going with you?" He asked as he glanced over.

"Franco... Oh. Yeah. He's meeting me there." She lied as she looked up. "So. Let's go!"

This was perfect. She hadn't even realized that they didn't know about Franco. They didn't realize that she had dumped him over a week ago. This was great. Tony, Sophia and everyone else, they would think that she was in the Riviera with her boyfriend. Not that anything was going on. Nothing was going on. She knew that nothing could go on. Or at least she tried to tell herself.

Meredith and Tony made the drive to town. It was a fairly quiet one, as per usual. She didn't really speak to Tony. They had never been able to form a solid connection. She didn't care. Tony didn't feel like family to her. And now that she had Derek, he was all she needed.

Meredith left Tony outside as she went in the various shops. She needed things. Body lotion, lavender, of course. She made sure everything she bought smelled like lavender. It was her signature scent. And she knew that it drove him crazy. She chided herself as she picked things up. There was nothing going on. A few mistake kisses. That was it. And then she got to the shop that she was going for. Lingerie. She picked out several satin baby-dolls, panties, garters. Why? She had no idea. Or at least she pretended she didn't.

--------------------

Meredith began placing her clothes in her bags. She wasn't even sure why she was packing. Anything she needed, she could buy there. But she was packing. Then there would be more free time. More time to lay on the beach in the sun. More time to go out clubbing. More time to have a good time.

"What the hell?" Meredith muttered as she listened to the noise coming from Derek's room.

As she neared, she realized it was music. Or at least something similar to music. Meredith quickly shoved the door open and the sound got louder. Derek was doing something eerily similar to dancing, but much scarier. Meredith lost it as she watched. The tears fell down her cheeks as she laughed hard.

"What- What? What is it?" She laughed.

"What is what?" Derek asked as he stopped dancing and looked up at her.

"That sound. And that. That- Whatever it was you were doing." She giggled as she doubled over.

"This right here... This is The Clash. The best band in the world." Derek said with a happy nod.

"Oh my god! I hope you are kidding me!" Meredith said with a big smile.

"What? This is the best." Derek said with a nod.

"Okay, Derek." Meredith told him, rolling her eyes. "I am going to finish packing. And you should go to sleep early. We are leaving at three."

"Three!" Derek said in shock. "Why are we leaving at three am?"

"To avoid the paparazzi." Meredith said with a smile. "Nighty night."

Meredith could not sleep. There was no sleep to come. She was jittery. She was nervous. She was excited. She had never felt this way. People always talked about butterflies in their stomach. She had never understood what they were talking about. But tonight she was beginning to understand. She had never felt so excited in her life.

Meredith quickly pulled on her swimsuit. She had to do something. She had to get rid of this excess energy. Everything always felt better when she hit the water. She could swim her way out of anything. The water was soothing. The water made her feel whole. Everything became clear as she went back and forth. Meredith came up to the edge of the pool to see Derek standing there.

"Hey." Meredith said in confusion as she looked up at a full dressed Derek.

"It's two am." Derek told her as he looked down.

"What?" Meredith asked. "I just came out here." She muttered as she made her way out of the pool and grabbed the towel out of Derek's hand. "Thank you."

"Didn't you do to sleep?" Derek asked with a frown.

"No. I couldn't. But I'm fine. I'll just go take a shower. Then we can leave." Meredith told him as she walked.

"I'll put our bags in the car." Derek offered as he followed her along.

"Okay." Meredith said with a smile as she walked into her room.

Derek made the path back and forth to the car. He couldn't believe how many bags Meredith had. A typical woman, he thought as he carried back after bag of whatever it was she had packed. Just as he made it in the room the last time, Meredith emerged from the bathroom. The steam poured around her as she came out in a fluffy white towel.

"Oh." Derek said in shock.

"I just have to get dressed." She said as she walked over to her closet and opened the door. "Did you get everything put in the car?" She asked as she tossed her towel out the door.

Derek's eyes travelled to the antique mirror in the corner of her huge bedroom. His heart began to beat quickly as he looked. It was at the perfect angle. He couldn't take his eyes away. There she stood. He could only see the silhouette of her hip and leg, but it was enough. Just knowing what was there was enough.

"Uh. Oh... Yeah." Derek stammered as she walked out.

"Good." Meredith said with a smile as threw her hair up and grabbed her purse. "You ready?"

"I am." Derek said with a smile as they made their way down the hallway. This was going to be way too much fun.

**I am posting a link for the GA On-Call room on my profile. You should be able to get it there. And if you google my pen name, you can find it too.**


	21. So Close

Derek laid his head back against the headrest. Flying in a private jet was definitely the way to go. Commercial flights were ridiculous. If it wasn't crying babies and people coughing on him, then it was flight delays and security. He smiled as he listened to Meredith snore. At first it was really quiet, and as time wore on, she got louder and louder. As Derek closed his eyes, he knew she had the right idea.

Both Meredith and Derek woke up when they heard the captain say that they were getting ready to land. Meredith moaned and grabbed the Cosmopolitan magazine off of the table next to her. Derek grinned as he looked at the cover. Nothing could be hotter than her reading about exotic sex positions.

"So... What hotel are you staying at?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Hotel? Why would we stay in a hotel? We're staying in our house." Meredith told him frankly. "Oh my..." She said with a giggle as she read the magazine. "Now that is interesting..."

"Of course. I can't believe I thought otherwise." Derek said with a nod.

"There is a pool. And a private beach." She explained with a smile. "And there are some wonderful restaurants in Liguria."

"Sounds like fun. So how long are we going to be here?" He asked with a smile.

"I don't know. A week. A month. We'll see how it goes." She said with a nod.

Derek couldn't not grasp it. No matter how hard her tried, he would never get it. How could anyone go take a month's vacation in the Riviera? It was not something he was accustomed to. When he was a child, four days away was a big deal. And that was usually to some tourist attraction. Never would he have enjoyed any of Europe.

"I am so tired. But if I sleep anymore I will never sleep tonight." Meredith said with a nod.

"Well, that's what you get for staying up all night." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I wasn't up all night. Okay... I was. But I couldn't sleep. I can't help it." She told him frankly.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Derek asked as they climbed into the car that was waiting for them.

"I have no idea." She said with a nod.

She knew why. It was because she couldn't get him out of her mind. She couldn't think about anything but him and her. Alone. In the house. No one else around. And all the very dirty things they could do to each other. Yes. That was exactly why she couldn't sleep.

"So you swim when you can't sleep?" He asked quickly.

"I do. I always have. It calms me. And if we hadn't left, I would have fallen right to sleep." She said as she watched the cars go past.

"No paparazzi." Derek pointed out as they drove along.

"Good... I don't like it. I don't understand why they are around all of the sudden." Meredith said with a sigh.

"Well, the world's richest woman can be of interest, I would suppose." Derek told her. "Especially when she turns into an adult."

"I guess you're right." Meredith agreed. "With any luck, they will never know I am here."

"We can hope." Derek agreed.

As if Meredith didn't have it rough enough. Now the paparazzi had taken a huge interest in her. There were pictures of her everywhere. Pictures of her shopping. Pictures of her running. It was all Meredith all the time. Luckily only a few shots ever made it to the US. It seemed that Europe was the only place that had an interest in her.

"Wow." Derek muttered as they walked in the house.

"Yeah." Meredith nodded as she looked around. "Rosa cleaned." She muttered as she ran her finger over a table. "She comes every other day." Meredith explained. "Just so you know..."

"So where is everyone else?" Derek asked as he looked around.

"There is no one else. This place is secure. That's why I like to come here. I can actually be alone." She said as she opened the back door and walked outside. She took in a breath as the soft breeze blew over her.

"I can see why." Derek muttered as he looked out at the blue water. "The beach-"

"It's private. This place is surrounded by rocks and gates. And the beach, has a natural barrier. We're locked down." She said with a nod.

"Wow." Derek muttered again.

"Well, let's get out rooms." She muttered as she walked back inside.

"They are across from each other." She explained as she dragged her suitcase.

They walked upstairs. Derek was in awe as he looked around. The rooms were huge. His and hers was adjoined by a big sitting room. There was more antique furniture in this house. But the decor was much different. A little more exotic. Their other home was more classic contemporary. There were two other smaller bedrooms on the upper floor. Meredith showed him his room and walked to her own and they both began unpacking.

"Don't leave you stuff in the bags. We are definitely going to be here longer than living out of a bag." She explained.

Meredith smiled as she hung her lingerie in the armoire. The black satin slip was breathtaking. And the baby-dolls were gorgeous. She placed her bras, panties and garters in the top drawer. In the other one she placed her edible body butters and oils. So much trouble was to be had. And she had all the time in the world.

-------------------

Vacation was easy. This job was too easy. It was like living the perfect life. Derek never woke up and thought he needed to get out of this. He never felt that he had to escape. How many people get to follow a beautiful woman around? Derek looked around the house. Nothing to do. And that fit him just fine.

Derek stood in front of the mirror and buttoned up his dress shirt. They were going to dinner. He couldn't help but feel a little awkward. Not because he was going with her. He could go anywhere with meredith and feel completely comfortable. It was because he was her guard. And he was deathly afraid that is would be perceived the wrong way.

"You look nice." Meredith said with a smile as she walked in.

Derek's voice was gone. He now had a lump in his throat. He was looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. She was wearing a navy knee length dress. Shimmery. The light bounced off of her every curve. She was showing just enough cleavage that she was still tasteful. She seemed to wear navy a lot. He couldn't help but think that is was because of him. She knew he loved the color.

"You look stunning." Derek said in shock as he voice finally returned.

"Thank you..." She muttered as she walked up and put his tie on.

Derek watched as her slender fingers worked on his tie. She was so sophisticated. Everything she did was so soft and light. He had never known a woman like her. He wasn't sure if it was because she had been taught that way, or whether it came naturally. Either way, he was happy to go anywhere with her on his arm. Even if it was just pretend.

Apparently the paparazzi were confused. They were no where to be found. Derek was so relieved. There was never a time when he felt more helpless than when they were attacking her with flashbulbs. It was overwhelming, and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"Right there..." Meredith pointed. "La Campagnola." She said with a smile as she spotted the restaurant. "I hope you are hungry."

"Starving." Derek said with a smile as he parked the car. Derek walked around and opened the door for her. He took a deep breath as he looked at her long leg stepping out. Derek watched the people around them as he walked her up to the door.

"Ah... Miss Grey." They said as she walked in. "Right this way."

Derek and Meredith walked through the crowded restaurant. Meredith smiled as they led she and Derek out onto the candle lit balcony. They both sat down at table and smiled as the waiter began pouring them both wine.

"This is strange. Everyone is going to think this is odd. You and I. At dinner." Derek told her as he nervously looked around.

"You worry too much. Who cares what anyone thinks?" Meredith said with a smile as she looked into his blue eyes.

There were looks. The whole way through dinner, there were looks between the two of them. Smiles. Seductive gazes. One could blame it on the wine. Or the sound of the surf crashing against the rocks. Meredith could feel the heat burning between her legs. Her need for him was growing. She wanted him so badly.

After several hours of dinner and walking around the city, they decided it was time to get home. Meredith was tired. And she could see by the look in Derek's eyes that he was too. As they walked in the door, Meredith looked at him. She gave him her look. The look she had used for years. And all she saw from him was doubt.

"So... Goodnight." Meredith said with a smile as she disappeared into her room.

She chickened out, It wasn't the right time. She wanted him. But it didn't feel right. And he didn't feel right about it. She could tell as the night wore on, Derek lost her nerve. And reality set in. What they were thinking about, it had been crazy.

Meredith tossed and turned. They were rough. The sheets were too rough. She could feel the coarseness against her silky smooth legs. She tried to get comfortable, but she couldn't. Finally she climbed out of bed with a groan. She walked to the other bedrooms. Rough sheets. She hated it. Ever since she was little she hated it. She raised a brow as she looked at Derek's room.

Derek was quiet. She could tell by his steady breathing that he was asleep. She walked up and rubbed her hand across the bed. She knew her father's bed would have nice soft sheets. She pulled the covers back and crawled beneath them.

"Oh my god. What are you doing?" Derek said in shock as he rolled over at looked at her.

"Soft sheets." She moaned as she pulled the covers around her. "Mine... Rough... Yours better. Goodnight.." She moaned as she closed her eyes.

"I will... Uh. I'll go." Derek said quickly.

"You can stay..." She muttered as she drifted to sleep.

Derek took a deep breath. He should go. He should get out of the bed. But he didn't. He laid there in the moonlight. He laid there in silence. He could get up and move to another room. But this one was warm and comfortable. Not to mention she did say he could stay. She he did. He stayed.

Derek couldn't sleep. He couldn't close his eyes when she was that close. He could smell her. The soft scent of lavender wafted into his nostrils like a light breeze. He smirked when he heard the light sound of her snores begin. She was asleep. At first, he thought it was a joke. He thought she was giving him a hard time, but seeing how she was actively snoring, he realized she really did have a sheet issue.

Derek wanted to move. He was uncomfortable. He was getting stiff. But he was afraid to move. He had never been a back sleeper, and here he was, on his back. If he moved, she may wake up. So he stayed still, catching glimpses of her out of the corner of his eye. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. He turned. He twisted to the side. And then her saw her soft shoulder peaking out from the bed sheet. He just wanted to touch it. He wanted to touch her soft flesh.

Derek stopped breathing when she moved. Once he realized she was still sleeping, he took a deep breath in. She pulled her covers off slightly and rolled to her back. A lump formed in his throat as he looked at her. She was in a black satin nightgown. The tops of her soft breasts peeked out. Derek watched their gentle rise and fall. He could only imagine what laid beneath. He just wanted to touch her.

As Derek's eyes travelled down her gentle curves, he felt his body react. His cock began to rise at the need. He had a desire that was burning for her. It was stronger than anything he had ever felt. His cock was begging for her. And he just couldn't deliver. His need only grew as he heard her moan softly. It was so light. So feminine. She was dreaming. Her hand ran to the bare asking on her chest. As he watched her, his hard cock began to bob. He wondered how distasteful it would be for him to pump himself for relief. Something. To emulate her sweet hot pussy and he drove in and out. He groaned as he rolled over and looked away. He was just asking for trouble.

Derek was awake. The sun was shining. He could feel the light on his face. He could feel the warmth on his body. But there was something else. There were other feelings. He could feel her leg wrapped around his. They were in each other's arms. He could feel her breath grazing his face.

Meredith was awake. She could feel the soft sheet beneath her body. They felt perfect underneath her soft skin. But there was more. She could feel something else. She could felt the hairy leg of a man beneath hers. She could feel the muscles of his back on her hand. She could feel his breath on her.

Both opened their eyes slowly. They both became wide as blue met green at such a close distance. There was a second where they were completely content. There was a second when they felt like that was the perfect place to be at the time. And then reality set in.

"Oh my god!" Derek said as he pulled away.

"Oh- I... Um..." She muttered as she jumped out of the bed. "I- You..."

"I don't know how-" He said in shock as he looked around.

"Me- You- Bed..." She said as she looked.

"You are the one that was in my bed!" Derek finally spat.

"I- It was the sheets. My sheets were rough. So were the other rooms. You had the soft sheets. I can't sleep on anything else!" She told him quickly.

"Are you kidding me?" He said in shock as he stood across the bed from her. "Oh my god..."

"I think I need breakfast." Meredith said quickly as she looked around.

"Yeah. Breakfast. Good idea." Derek agreed as he glanced down. His morning wood was making it's presence known. Meredith's eyes got wide as she looked down.

"I'm going to go..." She said as she wheeled around and walked out.

Awkward. Yes, very. But at the same time, both understood how the other felt. both had the uncontrollable need for each other. Both went through their morning routines only thinking about what had happened last night. Derek rushed into the kitchen with his clothes on. Meredith was standing at the coffee maker in confusion.

"Trouble?" He asked as he looked at her.

"I'm not sure how it works." She finally admitted in defeat.

"You, my dear, are so sheltered." He said as he quickly made the coffee. "So... Breakfast. You can't cook."

"No. I can't." She said with a sigh.

"Eggs?" Derek asked as he looked in the refrigerator.

"That's fine." She said with a sigh as she grabbed a cup of coffee. "How do you want your coffee?" She asked as she glanced over.

"Meredith Grey... Making me coffee? I feel so honored!" He said with a chuckle as he cracked the eggs.

"Funny." Meredith responded, obviously not amused.

"Black." He said with a smile.

"Yuck." She spat as she poured the cup and pushed it to him. "So... I need to get sheets today."

"You're kidding, right?" He asked with a chuckle.

"No. No I am not kidding, Derek. I don't like rough shit against my body." She told him as she sat down at the kitchen counter.

"Such a lady you are." He muttered as he stirred the eggs. "Here you go." He said as he handed her a plate.

"Thanks." She muttered, not looking away from her magazine.

----------------

"Twelve-hundred thread count sheets. I can't believe it." He laughed as they walked into the house.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"You know there are people who don't even have sheets, right?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, Derek. I know that. And I feel horrible. Are you happy? Maybe I should just sleep on a fucking coco mat? How would that be? That would solve all the world's problems!" She spat as she looked up at him.

"I'm just saying... For what you paid for those sheets... There are people who could use the money." He suggested as he looked at her.

"That is none of your business. What I do with my money- I- You have no idea, okay! You have no idea the things I do!" She yelled as she stomped up the stairs.

"Meredith!" He yelled after her.

He shook his head as he stood there. She got upset. She truly got upset. He had no idea why she could react that way. You have no idea. What was that supposed to mean. He began to feel guilty as he stood there. He knew she didn't flaunt her money. He shouldn't have said it. He stood there like a fool for several minutes before she came down.

"I have a problem." She muttered as she looked up.

"What is that?" He asked quickly. "Besides your obvious sheet issues."

"These need to be washed." She said as she looked at them.

"And you don't know how." He said with a smirk.

"Yes." She said as she shook her head and stood there.

"Give them to me." Derek ordered as he grabbed them from her hand and walked away. "The things I do for you!" He said loudly as he went into the other room. "Maybe you should follow me. And then you could learn."

"Or I could just let you do it." She giggled as she ran upstairs.

Derek was standing at the bottom of the stairs when she made her decent down the stairs. She was breath taking in her barely there bikini. Her bronze legs looked longer than ever as walked down each stair. Derek smiled as she neared him.

"I'm going swimming." She said as she smirked and walked past him. "You coming?" She asked as she looked over her shoulder. Derek watched her firm little ass she she walked away.

"Of course." He said happily as he ran up the stairs. Derek pulled out is suit and slid it on.

Derek looked out the back door. She wasn't in the pool. He looked around in confusion as he yelled for her. Then it hit him, she must have went to the water. He made his way down the dozens of steps. About halfway down, he saw her out in the light blue sea. He quickly swam out to where she was floating.

"You should have waited for me." Derek said as he swam up to her.

"Should have." She giggled as she looked up. "Boogie man might get me..." Derek smiled as their faces came closer. "Your hair is cute when it's wet." She said as she tugged on it.

"Is it..." Derek muttered as he looked into her eyes.

"It is." She told him as she ran her hand down his cheek. "Very."

Meredith pulled his head to her as she kissed him. It was full of need. All of the frustration she had felt in the past few weeks came out in that one kiss. Her tongue slid into his mouth. She could taste that delectable taste that only belonged to him. She moaned as they floated back towards the shore. Meredith fell back into the sand as Derek kissed her neck. His body hovered over hers as he neared her breasts. They both looked up when they heard a plane. Derek rolled off of her and looked at the sky. Neither saw a thing.

"We should-" Derek stammered.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed as she rolled onto a towel. They both stared at the sky. "Um... Can you put some on me?" She asked as she handed him the lotion.

"Or course." Derek said with a smile as he reached for it.

Derek's eyes got wide as she reached behind her back and untied her swimsuit top. It fell to the sides and her perky breasts pressed against the towel. He could see the slightest bit of her chest as she laid there. He finally snapped back to reality and quickly began massaging her back. He moved to the sides of her back and then down to her thighs. As he continued you, he will his cock to behave. She was far too tempting.

"Thank you." She said as she glanced up.

"Anytime." He said with a grin as he looked down at her.

"Mmm..." She moaned with a smile.

"So you can sleep in your own bed tonight..." Derek said nonchalantly.

He didn't want her to sleep in her bed. Last night was amazing. Just to lay there and feel her so close was amazing. And he didn't want to lose that feeling. He had never felt that way in his life. Never had a girl connected with him on this level. It felt amazing. And tonight, he was hoping she had another sheet issue. Hoping.

**As titled...So very close!**


	22. Taking the Plunge

Meredith rolled over in her bed. The sheets were soft. In fact, the sheets were the best she had laid on in a long time. They should have allowed her t have the most comfortable, peaceful sleep in the world. But she couldn't sleep. It was Derek. She wanted Derek. She wanted to lay beside him again. She wanted to wake up in his strong arms again. She tossed again, this time throwing herself violently.

She couldn't get him out of her head. The look of his morning wood was enough to make her cream. She could only imagine what his rock hard member looked like unclothed and uncovered. Her twat was starting to beg her. Her clit, throbbing. She needed relief. She needed him. She could feel the heat building as she laid there thinking about his muscular chest. She softy feathered her hand over her feminine mound. She could feel the wetness growing through her panties.

"Damn it!" She grumbled as she climbed out of her bed. She couldn't take it. She had to get some fresh air.

Derek laid his head back on the pillow. He had just finished punching it into fluff for the umpteenth time. He couldn't stand the insomnia that was taking him over. He couldn't get the way her legs felt against his out of his head. All he could think about was her soft, firm thigh underneath his hand. The way her bikini bottom only covered a portion of her ass. The way her breasts pressed against him when they touched. He couldn't take it. He needed a glass of water.

As Derek walked out of his room into the moonlight, he looked up to see Meredith doing the same. She was wearing an indigo mid-thigh length satin slip. He looked at the way the moonlight hit the shimmery material. He could see the brightness of her green eyes. Their eyes locked as they walked forward.

"I couldn't sleep..." Meredith muttered as she walked up to him.

"Neither could I." Derek said with a sigh as he stared into her green eyes.

Derek tipped his head to the side as he looked at her. She was pleading with him. His body knew it. His mind knew it. His body was more than willing to accept her pleas for the pleasure she so desperately wanted. He needed to satisfy her needs. For her. For him. Derek felt his body lean in towards her. He looked in her eyes and they fell. Their lips crashed together softly. Derek was becoming accustomed to her sweet taste. He heard her moan softly as he licked her lips, begging her to part them. She finally parted them, letting his tongue slide in deeply. Derek felt her fingers run through his hair as she pulled his head close.

Their tongues danced erotically as their bodies pressed against each other. Derek could feel her hard nipples through the fabric of his shirt and her slip. She could feel his hard erection pressing against her thigh. Derek ran his hands down her back. They slid smoothly over the satiny fabric. He covered her ass and massaged softly before advancing down. His hands dropped to her firm thighs. He worked his way back up, but underneath the slip this time. A smile grew on his face as his hands ran over her bare ass.

"I want you..." She whispered in his ear, before biting it. Derek's mouth sucked on her neck. He gripped her upper thighs and pulled her up off the ground. She wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to his bed. He laid her back softly as his body hovered over hers.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked softly as his blue eyes looked into her green.

"Yes... I'm sure." She said with a smile. "Since the first day I saw you..." She moaned softly.

"Me too, baby. Me too." He agreed with a smile.

Meredith gripped the hem of Derek's shirt. He quickly moved out of her way as she pulled it over his head. Derek hurriedly grabbed the bottom of her slip and pushed it up. His smile grew. He was wrong. He thought she had went pantyless. Not so. The tiny matching g-string that she was wearing barely covered her hot, wet lips. He feathered his hand over the growing wet spot.

"I need you to fuck me..." She shouted as he ran his fingers down her thighs. "I need your cock."

"In due time..." He muttered. "God... You are so beautiful." He said in awe.

Derek hooked the stings of her panties and pulled them down over her thighs, she lifted her legs as he advanced down and pulled it off. His smile grew at the presence of her pink wet lips. The moonlight shown on her glistening pussy, a spot that was made for him. Derek gently eased two fingers into her sweet pussy and finger fucked her gently. He heard her take in a deep, gasping breath as he pressed and rubbed her. Meredith squealed and panted, as he rubbed up and down, stimulating her clitoris into a swollen state. His tongue continued to play with hers as he looked into her eyes.

"Derek..." She moaned as she bucked her hips. The sensations were taking over as he continued to stroke with just the right amount of pressure. Derek pulled her mouth away and quickly replaced his fingers with his tongue. He flicked the tip of his tongue over her clitoris, causing her to yelp.

"Derek...Oh god! Please...stop! I'm going to- I'm cumming." She shouted as he pushed her over the edge. She felt herself release her hot creamy fluid into his awaiting mouth.

"Bevi la mia sborra..." (Drink my cum) She muttered.

Derek groaned as he sucked and slurped her essence. She tasted just as sweet as he assumed she would. He needed her. This was his candy. He would be more than happy eating her pussy for the rest of his life. Derek lapped until he had licked her clean.

"You taste so good..." He moaned as he pulled his face away.

"Oh god... Thank you." She moaned as she laid her head back.

"That was nothing." Derek said with a smile as he pushed her slip up over her breasts.

Derek pushed her slip over her head and tossed it to the side. His cock began to throb. He looked down at her rock hard rosy nipples. They were quickly transforming into raspberries. They were begging for his mouth. He ran his tongue up her rib cage and over her plump breast. She shrieked as he took her nipple in his mouth and bit down. Meredith ran her hands down his back and pushed his pajama bottoms down as far as she could. Her hands grasped his ass and squeezed hard.

"Porca troia! (Fuck me) I can't wait... I want your cock inside of me." She told him as she ran her fingers down the crook of his hip and to his hard cock. "Oh god..." She moaned as she felt it's girth in her hand.

"Do you like it?" He asked as he looked up.

"It's as big as I thought it would be. So big..." She grinned as she fingered it's velvety head with her thumb. Meredith grasped the base of his cock and began pumping vigorously. Derek groaned and bucked his hips with her motion. She looked into his eyes before she stopped pumping and dropped her hands.

"What?" He asked in shock as he opened his eyes.

"Condom." She moaned. "Top drawer in my room." She said as she pushed him away. "Go get one."

Meredith sat up and smiled as she watched Derek's ass quickly skip away. As he returned, her eyes never left his cock. He returned with several tiny packages. Meredith grabbed it from his hand and ripped it open. He watched as her petite fingers rolled the condom over the head of his penis, smoothing it out to the base.

"Please fuck me." She moaned as she gripped his hips and pulled him down onto her. He ran his hand over her face and looked at her.

"Bella... Bella..." Derek moaned with as smile as he pushed her knees up. "You're sure?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"Yes. Please..." She muttered as she spread her legs. Derek slowly thrust himself into her.

"Oh god..." She moaned as he felt what she assumed to be at least ten inches of cock slide into her. She had never felt that girth before. Her walls spread with resistance to allow his size entrance. "You're so big... I've never... Big... So big. This is the biggest ever..."

Derek continued to pump into her. Every bit of frustration was apparent. They had been feeling so many feelings. They had so much passion that had been pent up for so long. Each thrust was a mixture of pleasure and perfection. Neither could stop the amazing physical and emotional feelings that was rushing over.

"Fuck." He grunted as the thrust into her. "You're so fucking tight." He groaned as he pushed and pulled.

If he hadn't known better, he would think that she was a virgin. A smile crossed his face as the thought about her statement. So much for the supposed italian stallion. His hands rested on the sides of her body as he forced himself in and out of her. His mouth covered hers. His tongue thrust in and out, mimicking the rhythm of his hard cock. She wrapped her legs tightly around his hips as he pressed his thick cock to her pussy lips. Her dripping cum allowed him slide himself all the way.

"Oh god!" She shouted as the head of his cock hit her cervix. Derek continued to fuck her mouth with his tongue. Meredith threw her hips against him as she rode his rock hard pole. She yelped into his mouth as her body began contracting. Hot cum poured onto his hard cock as he continued to pound her over and over.

"Oh fuck!" Derek yelled as he felt himself near the edge. Derek tensed his ass as he pumped his hard cock over and over until his balls exploded. Meredith bit down on his shoulder as she yelped, spilling her hot cum again. In a last stitch effort, Derek pounded again. His tongue fucked and licked her as her walls clamped down on his cock. He pounded into her creamy pussy without a pause. Her body shook at the pounding force he had bestowed on her. Meredith's breasts bounced and her head tossed. She whimpered as he pushed her once again to her ultimate pleasure. She shook as her body continued to spasm over and over again. Derek groaned as he quit pumping and collapsed on top of her.

"Fuck... That was-" He started and stopped, catching his breath.

"I think that was the best fuck I have ever had." She admitted as he laid his head down between her breasts. "You are... Thank you... Oh god...thank you. That was the best."

"Yeah." Derek agreed as he shook his head breathlessly. "You are amazing. So beautiful. So beautiful." He said as he ran his hands over her body.

Derek laid there with his head between her breasts. It just felt like the perfect place to be. He wanted to remain there forever. He had never seen so much perfection. She was everything he dreamed of and more. She was an extreme version of everything he had ever experienced in his life. Derek slowly pulled himself out and discarded his condom. He laid on his back with his head turned to her. They didn't need to speak.

Meredith ran her fingers through his hand. His face was laying softly on her chest. The whole moment was so surreal. It felt so perfect. She had never felt those sensations before. It wasn't just sex, it was so much more. It was the most satisfying thing she had ever experienced. She had never connected with anyone like that before. As she laid there, she could feel him shrinking inside of her. He gently pulled out and threw his condom in the trash. As they locked eyes, it felt perfect.

"Again?" She moaned as she ran her slender finger down his chest.

"You're in charge." Derek told her with a nod.

Meredith and her fingers down his chest. She swirled around his naval, and tested the tiny strip of hair. She smiled as he hand ran down his hip. She gently placed her hands on his balls and began massaging. He grin grew as she watched him grow in front of her.

"I want to suck your cock..." She said with a smile as she wrapped her hand around his thick shaft.

Meredith ran her thumb over his deep red velvety head and smeared the tiny droplet of pre-cum around. The tip of her tongue ran softly over his slit. She didn't take her eyes off of his as she placed the tip in her warm mouth. His cock was soft over hard meat. Her tongue traced around and around and she softly began sucking. She scraped her teeth up and down as fast as she could, her head bobbing as her eyes closed. Derek placed one hand over her cheek and the other behind her head. His head bounced off the back of her throat as she swallowed hims down, continually taking more and more.

"Suck me harder, baby...," Derek breathed throatily "Your mouth feels so fucking perfect..." He moaned.

She paused and began tonguing his large member. Derek smiled as her warm moist mouth ran over the sensitive head. She carefully traced her tongue around the velvet head and closed her lips again over his heavy erection. He watched her soft lips laying around his cock as they slid the length of his erection up and down over and over. His cock shown wetly in the moonlight, wet from her saliva. She gently massaged his balls in one hand. She felt them tighten up in her grasp. Never did he think he would have Meredith Grey's perfect little mouth so happily around his cock. Never did he think that she would be greedily sucking him dry.

"Meredith... I'm getting ready to cum, baby. You have to... stop... unless you want... " He yelped. "Fuck!'

He held her face as he began to fuck her mouth hard. His white creamy load shot into her mouth while she happily sucked. Meredith continued as the load slid down her throat, it's excess pouring from her mouth. Meredith continued to suck his cock until it softened. She finally sat up and wiped her mouth on her arm.

"Mmmm... Derek." She moaned as she crawled up his body and kissed him with a deep need.

"You are amazing." He said with a grin as she pulled away. Meredith grabbed a condom off the table with a smile. "And you never tire..." He mused as he looked at her bright eyes.

-------------------

Meredith laid there until his breathing steadied. He was asleep. She had tired him out. She knew she would. She could admit it, when it came to sex, her need was insatiable. At least she thought had been to a point. She enjoyed it. Who didn't enjoy sex? But what she experienced last night was more than amazing. She had feelings that she had never felt before. She felt things in places she didn't know she could have feelings in. It was all consuming. It was a high that she never wanted to come down from.

As she laid there, the guilt started to pour in. What had she done? It was her, definitely her. Derek was a nice guy. He would never take advantage of anyone. She was the one that wanted it. She took a big step. Was it a mistake? No. The sex was definitely not a mistake. It was the feeling that she had hurt Derek. She hoped that she hadn't put him in a dangerous position.

Meredith quietly crawled out of the bed. There was still a chance to fix this. She crept around his room, picking up her discarded and scattered lingerie. This had all been what she wanted, but now she was so scared. So scared that Derek would wake up and regret it all. So scared that he would look at her differently. Afraid that he would would consider it a mistake.

As she crawled into her cold bed, she wiped the stray tear from her eye. She felt alone as she pulled the covers over her body. This was how it went. She didn't sleep with guys. She fucked them. She enjoyed them. But she didn't allow them to stay in her bed. It was too personal. Too close. She had slept with Derek the night before, but that was different. That was just sleeping. But after what they had just experienced, it was different. And she was afraid to sleep beside him. Afraid that he would regret, and she didn't want to see that in his eyes.

Derek moaned as he stretched into an awake state. He ran his had over the bed. The sheets were cold. His eyes opened quickly as he looked around. She was no where to be found. She wasn't there. Then it hit him, maybe it had all been a dream. Derek lifted the sheets and looked down at his cock. Definitely not a dream. It was looking like he had a night of hot sex. His memories were confirmed as he looked over, seeing the torn condom wrappers. He noticed the used condoms in the trash can. They definitely had sex. And if his memory served him right, it was never ending.

As he crawled out of bed, he was definitely feeling the over sexed. Derek pulled on his pajama bottoms. He quickly walked in and brushed his teeth. His hair was a mess. As he looked in the mirror, all he could think about was her hands tugging on it as she came. And the feeling of her soft mouth on his rigid cock was a vivid memory.

Derek jogged down the stairs, expecting to see her standing there. She wasn't. Nothing in the kitchen had been moved. The coffee wasn't made. He filled the pot with water and walked out the back door. The pool water was quiet. A soft breeze blew as he looked out at the water. With a sigh, he made his way back upstairs. As he walked through, he looked through her slightly cracked bedroom door. She was sitting in her bed, staring off into space.

"Mer?" He asked as he pushed the door open.

"Oh hey..." She said softly. Her voice was barely above a whisper. Maybe it had a touch of sadness in it.

"You left me." He stated frankly as he stood there. "I expected to wake up with you in my arms. Instead I woke up to a cold bed. You left me." He repeated, feigning hurt.

"I-" Meredith looked off out the window at the blue water. "I ruin everything. And last night... It was great. But I- I didn't mean to put you in the position I did. I thought that if you woke up and I wasn't there, you would have the out. You could just forget. It's okay... We'll pretend nothing happened. I will never say a word. I'm so sorry for doing this to you." She said as she began to tear up.

"Hey... Stop that..." Derek said as he sat beside her on the bed. "You do not ruin anything." Derek said as he wiped her tear with her thumb. "Last night was amazing. It was... It was so perfect. And I don't want to pretend that it didn't happen. Because it did. And you are the most beautiful amazing woman I have ever known." He said happily.

"You don't regret it?" She asked in shock as she looked at him with hope.

"No. I don't regret any of it." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly. "And you, Meredith Grey, have pulled me in."

"Oh Derek..." She said as she let the tears fall. "Derek... No one has ever... Cared."

"I care." He told her and he rubbed her arm. "And one more thing."

"What?" She asked with concern in her voice.

"You sleep with me. After a night like that, I want to wake up with you. Do you understand?" He asked as he cocked his head.

"Really?" She asked with a smile.

"Oh yes." He said as he laid her back and kissed her softly. "So beautiful..." He muttered and he ran his hand down her body. "I want to wake up with you in my arms."

"And I want to wake up in your arms." She agreed as she looked up at him.

"So... Now that we have that straight, what exactly would you like to do today?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"I have no idea." She responded with a shrug. "Brunch maybe?"

"Does this mean I won't have to cook?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"I think that is exactly what it means." She told him frankly.

"Sounds good to me. I just need to take a shower." He told her as he stood.

The first thing that popped into her head was shower sex. Amazing. Dirty. Hot. Shower sex. But she quickly decided that she had to get that out of her head. Derek was a nice guy and she didn't want to use him for sex. And she had never done that before. As hard as it was to believe, she was self conscious. She could go anywhere in anything. But when it came to being completely nude, all confidence was lost.

"Okay." Meredith agreed with a nod. "I'll be down in a bit."

"Okay." Derek smiled as he walked out of her room.

As the water fell down Derek's ripped body, he finally let everything come into focus. He had sex with Meredith Grey. With Meredith Freaking Grey. That was something that he never thought would happen. And it had been amazing. In that moment that he had looked into her eyes... In the moment when he knew that they were going to follow through the dance that they had been practicing... In that moment, it all seemed perfect. It was as if they had been preparing for it all their lives. In that moment, Thatcher Grey's warning wasn't even a thought in his mind.

And now he wondered. He wondered how big a mistake he had truly made. Meredith was no mistake. It wasn't her. It was having one of the most powerful men in the world after him that made him worry. He wanted to keep going. He wanted to pursue the endeavor that had begun. And he would. He would just have to make sure that he was extra careful to cover his ass.

"Oh coffee! Good. I was worried that you wouldn't make any." Meredith said happily as she sat down.

"I need it." Derek said frankly. Especially after last night. After last night he needed more than coffee.

"Me too. I'm a bit...tired." She said with an infectious giggle.

"I'd imagine so." Derek said with a nod.

"Buongiorno!" (Good Morning!) Rosa said loudly as she walked in the house.

"Ciao!" (Hi!) Meredith and Derek said happily. "Rosa, Signor Hanson. Derek, Rosa."

"Ciao." Derek repeated.

"è un piacere conoscerla! Di dove sei?" (Nice To Meet You! Where Are You From?) Rosa asked Derek as she looked up.

"What did she say?" Derek asked Meredith.

"She said nice you meet you, and then she asked where you are from." Meredith said as she looked between them.

"Bene, grazie! Vivo Maine." Derek said with a nod.

Derek watched as Meredith started speaking very quickly and loudly at Rosa. She was speaking italian, and he had absolutely no idea what she was saying. She seemed slightly irritated as she pointed around the house and then tugged at her clothing. Rosa quickly scattered away.

"What was that?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"My clothes are like paper. They should be soft. And she has got to get the sand off the rugs. I hate it when I get sand on my feet in the house." She said as she clenched her jaw.

"You weren't being very nice." Derek said with a raised brow. "Although I have to admit, when you speak italian it is incredibly sexy."

"Yeah?" She asked with a giggle.

"Oh yeah." He said as he leaned in and sucked on her neck. His mouth quickly trailed down her chest. Meredith looked around nervously.

"I think we need to get going." She said with a smile as she looked at him.

------------------

Meredith felt perfectly comfortable and safe in the seat next to Derek. She loved to be close to him. Even if it just meant breathing his air in the car. He was always calm. Always quiet. And caring. He never spat out words. Everything was well thought out. He amazed her. He didn't speak as he reached for her hand with his. A small smile crossed her face as he squeezed it.

"What does this mean?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"What does what mean?" Derek questioned as he looked into her green eyes before looking back at the road.

"This. That. Last night. What exactly happened last night? What are we doing?" Meredith asked. "I mean... Last night was phenomenal. And wonderful. And life changing... But I don't want you to risk anything. So I'm asking where do we go from here?"

"Sex. Hot grinding sex... That's what happened last night. And last night was wonderful. And I don't know where we are going to go from here. In fact, I was hoping you would tell me." Derek said with a shrug.

"Well, I'm sure my dad gave you the whole spiel about not looking, touching. smelling or listening to me." Meredith muttered as she looked up.

"Of course he did." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Well... He's not here. He's not here now. No one needs to know while we are here." Meredith said softly.

"You're right... No one needs to know. We'll do it now. And then... We'll deal with going home when that comes up." Derek stated with a look of question on his face.

"That's good. I think so. That- We'll just do what we're doing. Have a good time now. Then we can go back to the way we were." Meredith suggested.

"Perfect. Yes. That's what we'll do." He said with a smile as he looked into her eyes.

Derek drew in a deep breath. That would never work. After last night there was no going back. After tasting Meredith Grey, you couldn't stop. She was the forbidden fruit. Before he wanted a taste, now he wanted the whole damn thing. He wanted every edible bite of her. But if that was her suggestion, he could go along with that. Or at least pretend to.

Meredith glanced over at Derek. Why had she said that. She said it because she had to. She didn't have and option. There was no way to have a good time out in public with Derek. That was against the rules. That was not aloud. And that was not something that was going to change anytime soon. Thatcher Grey had rules for a reason. So now, they would have their fun. And they would have to deal with going back when it came along.

"So where are we going?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"Just keep driving, you'll see." Meredith said with a giggle. "So. How is you sister?"

"Nancy... She's doing great. She went home. Of course my mom is taking care of her." Derek stated frankly.

"Oh. Your mom... She's like that?" Meredith asked with and undertone of jealousy.

"Yeah. She is. She is great. Always there for us. It almost gets annoying. Almost." Derek told her with a nod.

"And your Dad... What is he like?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"He died six years ago." Derek said softly as he looked forward.

"Oh, Derek... I am so sorry." Meredith told him genuinely.

"He was a great dad. And now he's gone. But I'm okay." Derek agreed with a nod.

"Good." Meredith replied softly as she squeezed his hand. "We're here."

"What- We're taking a boat?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Yep. To San Remo." She said happily.

"I love boats. Ferry boats. I love them." Derek said happily. "It is said that I have a thing for ferry boats."

"Really? Not everyone likes boats... I was really hoping that you did." Meredith told him with a happy nod.

"Love them." He repeated as they climbed out of the car.

Meredith looked up at the smile on Derek's face. He loved boats. She loved boats. This was going to be fun. Any time she ever had with Derek was fun. San Remo was a fun place to go. Yes, more fun. As he grabbed her hand, they walked onto the boat. Now boats, they can be fun too...

**Hell yes! They did it. They really needed to! Review so that I can write my 98972498375847 chaps a day, lol.**


	23. Rock The Boat

Meredith and Derek stood on the top deck of the boat. There were a few people standing on the edge looking out. Most everyone else was on a lower deck hiding from the strong winds that were blowing across the water. There really weren't many people on the boat. It wasn't the busiest part of the tourist season and it was a weekday to boot.

Derek looked so content as he stood by the railing, looking out. Meredith watched as the wind blew through his hair. She smiled as she grabbed his hand and looked out with him. As Meredith grabbed his hand, Derek glanced over. Her honey blond hair was blowing around her face. She looked absolutely radiant as she stood there.

"I think it's starting to rain." Derek said as he looked up at the sky.

"It is." Meredith agreed as she looked at the tiny droplets of water on the blue railing.

"Maybe we should go downstairs." He said as he dropped her hand and looked as a few people disappeared.

"It's not raining that hard." Meredith said as he laid her hands over the rail and looked down. Just as she did that, the rain began pouring heavily from the sky. "I guess I spoke too soon." She said with a giggle.

"Come on..." Derek yelled as he grabbed her hand, ready to follow everyone else who had left.

"No." She said with a nod. "I love the rain."

"You want to stand out here is this?" He asked in shock.

"I do. But you can go down if you want." She said as she closed her eyes and let the rain pour on her face.

"The rain never bothered me." Derek muttered with a shrug.

Derek walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her body . Meredith looked around. She smirked when she noticed that everyone had abandoned the deck, and they were alone. Meredith's hands wrapped around him from behind as she pulled his crotch against her ass.

"Fuck me, Derek." She said as she spun around and covered his mouth with hers.

Meredith forced her tongue in his mouth. She had never been so eager to taste anyone in her life. Her hands ran through his wet hair as she pulled him deeper in, fucking his mouth with her tongue. Derek's hands ran down her ass and squeezed it gently. He pulled away breathlessly.

"We can't... No here. At home, that's one thing. Here... We can't." He muttered as he looked around at the open water and the empty boat.

"We can. No one is going to come out in this rain. There are no there boats around... We are in the middle of the water. The boat is rocking. Come on, Derek... You know you want to." She said with a grin. "Stick that big cock inside me."

"Meredith..." He muttered as he looked down. She wasn't wearing a bra. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed that. Her breasts were so firm and perky she didn't need one. He felt his hard member growing in the confines of his jeans and he looked at her hard nipples poking through her soaking wet shirt. "Fuck." He moaned as he looked into her eyes.

"Sborra for me." Meredith moaned in his ear as she bit it. Her fingers were working nimbly on his jeans. "I want you..." She said as she released his cock with her hand.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he looked into her eyes.

"Condom..." She told him as she worked on her own jeans. Her jeans barely slide from the rain.

"You have no panties on." He said in shock as he looked at her. "Did you go rogue this morning?" He chuckled.

"Something like that." Meredith giggled as she ripped the condom open and began rolling it on. "You are so big." Derek smirked at her comment.

"Wow..." He muttered as she pumped his erect cock a few times before wrapping her legs around him.

"Fuck me hard, Derek. Show me what you've got..." She said with a dirty grin.

Meredith yelped as he slid his length into her hard. As the rain poured from the sky, Derek pushed at pulled his big cock from her wet and warm pussy. His cock was at home in her warmth. Each time he pulled out, the breeze and the cold rain bit him.

"Harder, Derek!" Meredith squealed as she felt him shove her into the railing and drive home. Derek laid his head back, letting the rain pour on his face.

"Oh god, Mer... You are so tight. Fuck, baby... You are amazing." He moaned as he felt her warm tight walls pressing on him. Meredith squeezed her inner muscles, teasing him more. "Cum for me, Mer... Cum for me..." He groaned as he picked up his pace and drove in her harder and faster.

"Oh god, Derek! Oh! Your big cock...it feels so good! Oh you feel so good." She cried as he hit her. "Oh god...I'm cumming. I'm cumming!" She shouted as her walls clenched down on her thick cock.

"Oh, god, Mer...Oh God!" He shouted as he felt his hot cum shoot out.

"Oh..." Meredith moaned as she felt his condom clad dick twitching inside of her.

"Wow..." Derek moaned as he pulled out and peeled the condom off and tossed it in the trash. "Did I ever tell you how much I love ferry boats?" Derek asked as he zipped up.

"After that... Yeah, ferry boats are fun." She said with a giggle as she zipped up her jeans.

They both began laughing as the sun came back out and people started coming up from the bottom deck. They both stared off at the water, looking at what everyone was pointing at. Derek squeezed Meredith's hand as the both looked out at the double rainbow over the water. So perfect.

------------------

Meredith and Derek spent the whole day in San Remo shopping and going through the gardens. It was a good time. It was quality time. And there was no paparazzi. Neither of them said anything about the lack of photogs. Not a word. They didn't want to jinx themselves. They needed all of the good juju they could get.

As Derek drove along, he couldn't help but look over at her. She really was amazing. And on the ferry, she was breathtaking. He couldn't get over it. She pulled him in to the point where he had no control. What they had was strange. He couldn't figure out exactly what it was. He did know that is was not a relationship. But is wasn't just sex. It was something uniquely them.

"So did you have a good time?" Derek asked as he looked over and grabbed her hand.

"I did." Meredith agreed with a smile. "But the ferry was the best part."

"There, I have to agree with you." Derek agreed with a nod.

"My dad needs to buy a ferry. Then we could have ferry sex whenever we want." Meredith told him with and exuberant nod.

"Fairy sex... You do realize how strange that sounds, right?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Funny. Ferry. Not fairy!" She said sharply. "I need a drink."

"Do you want me to stop... We are almost back..." Derek stated quickly.

"No. A drink drink. Tonight we drink." She said with a nod. "I have plans."

"Plans... I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing." Derek told her frankly as he pulled into the driveway.

"Good. Definitely good." Meredith told him as they pulled into the garage. Meredith walked in and looked around the clean house.

"Welcome back, Miss. Grey." Rosa said in italian as Meredith walked in.

"Hello, Rosa." Meredith replied with a faint smile. "Rosa... Did you wash the clothing I left for you?"

"I did." She said with a smile.

"Soft. They better be soft!" Meredith warned rather nastily.

"There are." Rosa said with a smile as she stood there. "I also cleaned the upstairs bedroom. And emptied the trash." She stated frankly, emphasizing the trash.

"What does that mean?" Meredith snapped as she looked up.

"I emptied all of the contents out of the trash cans." Rosa repeated with wide eyes.

"Is there something you think you need to tell me? Because Mr. Hanson had a guest over last night... Is that okay with you? Do I need to clear things with you? I may have a friend over. Is that okay with you?" She shouted loudly. "You work here. The only concern you have is your job. And may I remind you that you are replaceable. We pay you a good deal of money, and I think it wise of you to keep your mouth shut!" Meredith screamed in italian as she pointed at her.

"Yes Miss Grey." Rosa said meekly as she grabbed her things. "I understand. I am done for the day. I will be back in two days."

"Thank you." Meredith muttered with a clenched jaw. Meredith stood there with her hands on her hips as she watched Rosa walk out the door.

"What the hell was that?" Derek said loudly as he glared at her.

"What was what?" Meredith asked as he face softened.

"You. Screaming at her. You had no reason to yell at her." Derek spat. She does a good job.

"She was pointing out the condom in your trash can. I wanted to make it clear to her that you had a visitor and she was not to say a word. She's the help, Derek. I am her boss. She needs to learn her place." Meredith said simply as she looked in the refrigerator.

"I can't believe you just said that." Derek said as he shook his head. "Help. That is what she is? Well, you know... I have always believed that no one is the boss of anyone else. And she is the help, not a slave. You know, Meredith if you treat people with respect, they will treat you with respect. Maybe your clothes would be soft if you went about it differently. They hate you. And now I see why. That was unbelievable. I'm going to take a swim. Don't go anywhere. See, I am here to protect you. I wouldn't want to lose my job, seeing as I am the _help_." He spat as he turned on his heel and marched off.

"Derek! Derek!" Meredith yelled, falling on deaf eyes. "Sono nella merda..." (I'm in big shit!) She muttered as she fell back on the sofa. "Merda." (Shit.)

What had she done? She had offended him, that is exactly what she had done. But she was Meredith Grey. She was the boss. She was the domineering one. As much as she knew Derek was right, she still didn't like anyone talking back to her. and she definitely didn't like anyone insinuating.

"Derek!" Meredith said loudly as he jogged down the stairs. "Derek..."

"Not now." Derek said frankly as he walked out the door.

Meredith's eyes followed him as He walked out and dove in the pool. His body was perfectly muscled. His whole body. Every time she looked at him he heart beat a little faster. The butterflies in her stomach began to dance around. Derek did that. Meredith quickly walked out and watched him do a few laps.

"Derek!" She shouted as he came up for air. He ignored her and continued on. "Derek! Damn-it, Derek!" She yelled loudly. Meredith scowled as she watched him go away again. "Derek!" She yelled as he neared. "Ahh!" She growled as she dove in the pool and grabbed him.

"What the hell!" Derek spat as he popped his head out of the water.

"Don't ignore me!" She shouted as she punched him in the arm.

"What, Meredith? What the hell do you want?" He spat as he looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, okay! Are you happy? I am sorry, Derek!" She grumbled angrily.

"No. No, that is not how this goes. I am not the one you should be apologizing to. You are a spoiled brat, Meredith Grey." He said loudly.

"So what exactly do you want me to do? Beg for your forgiveness?" He asked loudly.

"No. Not me. You need to apologize to Rosa. You need to call her and apologize. That is what you need to do!" He said frankly as he looked at her.

"You don't tell me! Who do you think you are? I am the boss. Me. I don't need to apologize." She spat in his face.

"Yep, Meredith Grey. The spoiled bitch." He said as he shook his head. "I guess they were right."

"Minchia! Bus del cu! Testa di cazzo!" (Dick! Asshole! Dickhead!) She yelled loudly as she punched him in the chest.

"If you are going to say something nasty to me, at least have the cogliones to say it in english so I can respond!" Derek said with an taunting smirk.

"Ahhh!" She yelled as she beat him with her fists.

"Is something hitting me? I think I feel something..." He laughed loudly.

"Il tuo cazzo è minuscolo! "Il tuo cazzo è un brufolo!" (Your dick is tiny! Your dick's a pimple!) She spat in his face.

"Fregna de vacca!"(You have a cow pussy!) He spat back. Meredith's mouth quickly went agape.

"What?" She asked in shock.

"Oh yeah, I have been learning." He said with a smirk.

"Bastardo!" She yelled as she smacked him square across the face.

"I deserved that." He said with a nod as he went to the pool and climbed out. "But you really need to call her."

"And what if I don't?" She asked smartly.

"Do you really want to know?" He asked as he looked at his bathing suit clad crotch.

"Like that is- I don't- You wouldn't!" She yelled as she looked at him.

"Would. Or should I say, no wood?" He said with a chuckle as he looked up at her.

"I don't have her number." Meredith lied with a smirk.

"Now that, I can't believe. Are you saying you have no way to beckon your slave?" He mocked as he looked at her.

"I don't- Fine!" Meredith let out a loud growl as she walked away. She quickly marched to the phone and began dialing.

Derek watched as Meredith stood there. She was obviously mad at him. But she was doing the right thing. And that was all he wanted. he felt horrible that she had degraded the poor woman right in front of him. She had a permanent scowl on her face as she spoke in italian to the woman. She quickly hung up the phone and looked at him.

"There." She spat quickly as she glared at him.

"But how do I know that you really called her?" Derek joked as he looked at her.

"Just call her back if you don't fucking believe me." She spat as she turned on her heel and walked away.

"Oh. I know you did. I could tell by the painful look you had on your face." He said with a laugh as she disappeared.

--------------------

Derek sat on the balcony. The sun was nearly ready to set. He had never seen anything so beautiful as the colors splayed across the crystal waters. It was something he could look at for the rest of his life. He knew that Meredith was mad at him. But he knew her. She was a spoiled brat. And he knew if he waited long enough, she would get over it.

"Here." Meredith said grumpily as she handed Derek a bottle and a glass.

"Thirty year old single malt." She said as she sat down in the chair with her own bottle.

"Thanks." Derek said with a nod as he looked at the amber liquid. "You're still mad at me."

"I'm still mad at you." Meredith concurred as she poured herself a shot.

"That's okay. I can take it." He said frankly as he poured his scotch in the glass.

"You aren't my boss. You aren't my dad. And you aren't my brother. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I can handle things myself. I don't need you bossing me around and telling me what to do!" She grumbled as she threw her shot back.

"Would you? If I hadn't pressured you, Meredith, would you have done it? Would you have apologized to her?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"No." Meredith muttered as she looked up. "No, I wouldn't."

"You still don't see what you did wrong..." Derek told her sadly. "That's okay. You will understand eventually. I hope."

"I don't! Ahh... Never mind." Meredith grumbled as she threw another shot back. "Whatever."

"Not whatever." Derek said quickly.

"Fine. Okay. I did treat her badly. But I felt under attack. I just- You're my friend. And I like what we had. And I felt like she was attacking that. And I wasn't going to let her. I would take her down before she ruined the best thing I have ever had." She said as she looked off into the sunset. She quickly walked over to the railing and looked out.

He couldn't believe it. As wrong as it was, he understood it. She felt threatened. She was worried. And it seemed when push came to shove, she protected him. She was concerned about his future. He couldn't believe he didn't see it that way. And had she really just said what he thought she did?

"I'm the best thing you have ever had?" Derek asked in shock.

"Yes. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She said with a deep breath as she turned around.

"Really?" He asked in shock as he looked at her.

"Really." She muttered as she walked over to the chair where he was sitting. "And I am sorry. To you. When I attacked her. I was in effect attacking you too. And I am sorry for that. Because Derek, you are definitely more than help." She said with a dirty smirk as she walked over and straddled his lap. "You are not just my help..." She muttered as she pressed her lips against his.

Derek's eyes and faced softened as his tongue delved into her mouth. He could taste the bitter burning sting of the tequila. Derek felt his cock become hard beneath her. The only thing that was separating them from pure joy was their thin clothing.

As Meredith ground her pelvis against his cock, she played with the hem of his tee shirt. Derek moaned softly as he felt her hot pussy pressing into him. He needed her. he needed her now. As Meredith pulled his shirt over his head, he began working at hers.

"You are gorgeous." Derek said happily as he sucked hard on her chest. "So hot..." He said as he unclasped her bra. "And these were made for my mouth." Derek muttered as he took her nipple in his mouth and ran his tongue around and around.

"I want you." Meredith said happily as she climbed off of his and they pulled the reaminder of their clothes off. "Get back on the chair." She demanded as she pushed him down. She quickly reached over and grabbed the bottle of tequila off of the table and a condom. She rolled the condom on his thick meat and smiled.

"Oh god, Mer... I need you." He told her as he pulled her down, guiding himself inside of her.

"Oh Derek." She said softly as she closed her eyes and laid her head back, her hips doing all of the work. Her hands grasped his for balance. "Oh baby..." She moaned as she took a long drink out of the tequila bottle. "Here." She moaned as she poured some down his throat.

"Mer... You are so fucking tight." He shouted as he thrust himself into her hard.

"Oh god!" She shouted as he pressed her walls with his cock. She looked down at his cock as it slid in and out. Derek sucked her breast as she continued to rock herself back and forth, taking another drink.

"Fuck!" Derek shouted a he felt himself ready to explode. In his moment of need, his tongue thrust in and out of her mouth orally fucking her.

"Oh god...oh god..." She yelled as she ground into him harder and faster. She felt her body start to tighten and contract.

"Oh fuck! Oh baby... Fuck, Mer!" He yelled as he pounded into her. "I'm cumming, baby. I'm cumming."

"Oh god...Derek!" She spat as she felt herself release her hot creamy fluid around his thick cock. His dick continually twitched inside of her, releasing his hot cum into the condom.

"Oh..." She moaned as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Oh god..."

"You truly are amazing. Inside and out." Derek said softly as he pecked her neck. "I'm so lucky I met you..."

"Yeah. Me too." She moaned as she pulled herself off of him and pulled the condom off.

Derek poured himself another scotch and savored in as he looked at her. He watched her tiny ass bend over to pick something up. It was like a perfect bulls-eye was there just for him.

"Oh god..." He muttered as he felt himself start to rise again.

"You know what I love?" Meredith asked softly.

"What?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"Your penis. It's a good penis. A beautiful penis." She said drunkenly.

"It is, isn't it?" Derek answered, slightly tanked himself.

"It is. I like it even more in my mouth." She said with a grin as she knelt down in front of him.

"I like it in your mouth too. You have such a perfect mouth." He said with a smile.

Meredith swirled her tongue around his naval, and teased the tiny strip of hair above. She gently placed her hands on his balls and began massaging. She loved they way they felt in her tiny hand. His grin grew as she watched him grow in front of her. She wrapped her hand around his thick shaft and pumped gently.

Meredith ran her thumb over his deep red velvety head and smeared the tiny droplet of pre-cum around. Her broad tongue ran softly over his slit. She didn't take her eyes off of his thick cock as she placed this head in her warm mouth. His hard meat stretched her tiny lips apart as she let it slide in and out. Her tongue traced around and around his thick mass and she softly began increasing suction. Meredith's teeth ran up and down as fast as she could, as her head bobbed. Derek placed his hands behind her head. The head of his big cock bounced off the back of her throat as she pulled more and more of him inside of her.

"Suck it! Suck it!" Derek yelled throatily "Your mouth feels so fucking good... Suck it harder, Mer. Harder!" He yelled as he pulled her head in and trust into her.

Meredith quickly began tonguing and lapping his large hard member. Derek smiled as her hot moist mouth ran over the sensitive head. She carefully traced her tongue around the velvet head and closed her lips again over his heavy erection. Her lips laid around his cock as it slid it's length up and down over and over. Meredith grasped her thick shaft and squeezed, milking it.

"I'm going to come!" He yelped as she pushed him harder and faster. "I'm cumming!" He shouted as he shot his hot, sticky load into her happy awaiting mouth. She continued to suck and swallow him down as he shot into her over and over. Finally she drank him dry. Meredith quickly grabbed her bottle of tequila and washed his cum down.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he laid his head back.

"I just had a tequila sunset." Meredith said with a giggle. "I drank you. I drank the tequila and the sun is setting. The perfect fucking tequila sunset!" She said with a giggle as she looked up into his ever so satisfied eyes.

**All I can do is giggle...**


	24. A Gift

Meredith laid in the bed with Derek's arms around her. This is how it had been. Them waking up together every morning. She didn't know about him, but every morning she woke up in his arms, the feelings she had for him grew more intense and stronger. There was something in the comfort of his arms. It was a a feeling of complete serenity. It was a place she could stay in for the rest of her life.

"Mmm... Are you awake? She moaned softly as she turned towards him.

"Uh huh..." He muttered in a monotone voice. "Good morning." He said softly as he kissed her.

Meredith looked into his eyes. He was sad. Truly and completely sad. She had never seen him look that way. He looked as if he had lost everything that mattered to him. His eyes were just a little grayer. His face was looking a little more weathered. Meredith ran her soft hand over his cheek and looked into his eyes.

"You're sad..." She said quietly. "What's wrong Derek? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Mer... You could never do anything wrong. You are so perfect." He told her as he kissed her forehead.

"Derek... I can see it in your eyes. You are so sad..." She pointed out as she began to tear up herself.

"Today is- It's just a really bad day for me." He said softly as he pulled her near him.

"Oh..." She said softly as she curled up against him and ran her hand over his arm. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked quietly as she pulled away and looked up at him.

"No. No, I don't..." He told her kindly yet frankly.

"Okay. That's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to." She said as she laid her head back down.

"Thank you. Thank you for understanding." Derek said as he closed his eyes.

"Rosa is off. Today we will just stay right here. We will lay here and just be..." Meredith whispered softly.

"You don't have to do this, Meredith..." Derek told her as he rubbed her shoulder softly.

"I do... Il mio cuore è per voi..." (My heart is for you...) She said softly, knowing he had no idea what she was saying.

"That sounded nice... Il mio cuore è per voi..." He repeated. "What does it mean..."

"Don't worry about it. It's not important. Not yet..." She muttered as they laid in each other's arms and fell back asleep.

Meredith laid beside Derek feeling just as broken as he was. She was broken because he was broken. She felt such a strong connection with him. It was a bond that was stronger than anything she had felt. And every single bit of sadness he felt, went right into her. As she drifted in and out of sleep, she heard Derek's stomach growling. Meredith quietly crawled out of bed and wrapped a bed sheet around herself.

"Mmm... Where are you going?" Derek asked as he realized her absence.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." She said with a faint smile as she walked out.

Meredith walked around the kitchen, trying to figure out just what she was doing down there. She grabbed the bread, honey and peanut butter. He said his mom always made them for him. He said they always made him feel better. So it was her feeble attempt to make him happy. Meredith followed they instructions she remembered and went to work. Before she knew it, she was walking back in his room with a tray of sandwiches and milk.

"What's this?" Derek asked as he sat up.

"You're hungry." Meredith told him with a smile as she crawled in their bed.

"You cooked. You cooked for me." Derek said in shock as he looked at her.

"I thought it would make you feel better." She told him softly.

"Thank you, Meredith." He said as he grabbed a sandwich off of the plate. As soon as he took a bite, he knew that is wasn't right. She forgot something. She forgot something major.

"What's wrong?" She asked sadly. She quickly took a sandwich and tasted it. "Oh! What is wrong with it?" She asked as she spit it out and dropped it.

"Baby... I think you forgot the butter." He said sheepishly.

"Oh my god! Butter. Butter before you put it in the pan!" She said quickly. "I can't do anything..." She whined as she began to cry.

"Oh no... It's great. In fact, I think you found a new way to make them. This is better than anything I have ever tasted." He said as he kissed her softly.

"Really?" She asked as she looked through her tears.

"Really." He said with a smile. They slowly choked the sandwiches down, helped by the milk. She knew he didn't like them. But that was Derek. Derek was kind. Meredith took their dishes down to the sink and crawled back into bed with him.

"You've never taken care of anyone before, have you?" He asked as he held her close.

"No. This is the first time." She muttered into his side.

"You did good. You did great. Thank you, Mer... Thank you so much." He said as he kissed her softly.

As they laid in each other's arms, Derek felt more connected to her than ever. He couldn't believe what she had done. This was big for her. Today she showed her true colors. She cared. She really cared about him. And now he cared. He more than cared. He was falling in love.

-----------------

Meredith woke up early and decided to take a jog. A much as a jog as she could without Derek around. She didn't dear for her life. Nothing had ever happened that made her fear for her life. But she had promised Derek she would never just take off. So off she jogged up and down the private beach and the steps.

As she jogged, she wondered about Derek. She wondered why yesterday was a bad day for him. She could respect him not wanting to talk about it. There were definitely things that she didn't want to talk about. But yesterday he was so sad. And she knew whatever it was, was really bad.

Meredith walked into the house sweaty and dirty from the sand. She attempted to make the coffee and was elated when the dark substance poured out looking just as it should. She smiled at her accomplishment as she stood there watching in amazement. She made coffee.

"Are you feeling better today?" Meredith asked as Derek walked into the kitchen.

"I am. You're up early... In fact, I woke up cold and alone this morning." He told her with a smile.

"I jogged on the beach. I just needed to run." She told him quickly.

"Well, as long as you had a reason. I would hate to wake up and find you in your own bed again." Derek said with a smirk as he kissed her. "You taste salty."

"That reminds me. I need to go up there and tear my bed apart so Rosa thinks I slept in it..." She told him as she jogged off. "And then I am going to take a shower. I would ask you to join me, but Rosa will be on her way..."

"Not nice... Or fair." Derek told her as he shook his head. Just as he heard Meredith shut her door, He head Rosa come in the front.

"Mr. Hanson." She said with a smile.

"Rosa, Boungiorno." Derek said with a smile as he walked out to the balcony and looked out at the water. It was so calming to watch the waved crash into the shore over and over again. He could sit there all and never think about time.

"Hey..." Meredith muttered as she walked out. "Watching the water?"

"Yeah..." Derek said with a smirk as he looked over at her.

"I love to watch it. It's just so consistent. It goes in and comes out. It never stops. I like that. I like consistency. I like that I know it won't stop. I can count on the waves. They never let me down." Meredith mused as she looked out at the water.

"I know what you mean." Derek agreed as he looked out. At that moment there was nothing more he wanted to do than grab her hand. But he knew he couldn't. Not with Rosa there. "I don't ever want to disappoint you, Mer. I want to be someone you can count on. I never want to let you down."

"I know you don't, Derek. But that is a really hard promise to keep." She said as she stood up. "And we are getting too deep for morning talk. Let's go... Somewhere..."

"Where?" Derek asked as he stood alongside her.

"Where ever we want." Meredith said as she stood up and walked into the house. "Rosa... A presto." (See you soon.) Meredith said with a smile as she walked away. Derek had to grin. She was nice to her.

"So where are we going?" Derek asked as he climbed into the driver's seat.

"Town. We need to eat breakfast." Meredith told him with a happy nod.

"We do." Derek agreed. "A good day starts with a good breakfast."

"Yes it does. Waffles. And pancakes." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Or an egg white omelet." Derek told her with a nod. "Much healthier."

"That may be. But I want to be happy. Eat what I want." She told him frankly.

"And you would die if you never had syrup laden pancakes again?" He chuckled.

"Exactly." Meredith told him with a hearty giggle. "You know... Someday I would like to drive again."

"Would you?" He teased as he pulled out of the driveway.

"I would." She said with a giggle.

"Someday you will drive again." He muttered as he looked over at her disappointed face. "Someday soon. When I am ready to risk my life."

"You ass!" She spat as she swatted him playfully.

"That was nice of you, Meredith." Derek said with a laugh. "You are always the lady..."

"I am. You are so right." She giggled as she looked out the window.

"So when are we going back?" Derek asked, dampening the mood.

"You had to ask that, didn't you?" Meredith said sadly as she looked over at him. "Eventually. I'm not ready yet. We will go back. Eventually."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Eventually is good." Derek agreed as he grabbed her hand.

As Derek drove down the road, it ran through his head. They would have to go back. They couldn't stay in the Riviera forever. But he did want to stay there forever. He wanted to stay there with her. He wanted to wake up in her arms. He loved the way her naked body pressed against hers. And now that he felt that, he couldn't imagine it any other way.

Meredith and Derek enjoyed a nice breakfast. Derek was of course shocked by the amount of food that she ordered. He never thought she would eat it. He was in total shock when she did. They were both just happy to be around each other. They were basking in each other. they both knew they couldn't do it forever.

"So now what do you want to do?" Derek asked as they walked out into the street.

"I don't know... We could do some shopping." Meredith suggested with a shrug.

"I thought you didn't like to shop..." Derek muttered as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Every once and awhile." Meredith told him happily. "Sometimes. I just want to walk. Be out in the fresh air."

"Okay." Derek whispered as he walked down the sidewalk, wanting nothing more than to hold her hand. As they walked Derek paused in front of a shop.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked at the store display in the window.

"Nothing." Derek muttered as he started to walk away.

"You were looking at the watches. Do you want to try one on?" She asked as she looked at them.

"No. No, I can't afford one." Derek said frankly as they began to walk.

"Come on." Meredith said quickly as she turned around and opened the door.

"Benvenuto! Come stai?" (Welcome! How are you?) The salesman asked as he walked up.

"Boungiorno! Bene, Grazi!" (Good Morning! I'm Fine, thanks!) Meredith said quickly. "I am actually interested in some of the watches in your window."

"Ahh... Which ones?" He asked as he walked up.

"Let me see all of your men's watches." Meredith said with a smile as she stood at the counter.

"Mer! I don't- We need to leave." Derek said quickly as he looked down at the price tag.

"We are not going anywhere." Meredith said with a smile as the salesman walked back up. "Grazi!"

"Which are you interested in?" He asked Meredith.

"Hmm... I don't know. What do you think he would like?" Meredith asked as she looked at Derek.

"Oh, Meredith. I-" Derek started quickly.

"Which ones? I just want your opinion. If you had to choose." Meredith said quickly. "Personally, I like the platinum and the stainless steel."

"Those are nice." Derek agreed as he looked at her.

"Try them on. The recipient is pretty much the same size." Meredith said with a faint smile.

Derek didn't want this. He didn't want her spending money on him. But Meredith wanted to. She wanted to get him something that he wanted for himself. She wanted to do things for him. Derek reluctantly tried the watches on and looked at them. He liked the platinum one, but there was no way he could buy it. And there was no way that he wanted her to.

"I like the platinum. It looks good." Meredith agreed.

"Yes. It is a very nice watch." The man agreed with a smile.

"So, Derek? Do you think he would like it?" She asked.

"If he had to choose, he would choose this one. But I don't think he would want you to spend the money." Derek told her.

"Well, it's a gift. And I want to do it. I'll take it!" Meredith said as she pulled it off of his wrist.

Meredith quickly handed over her credit card and signed the slip. Derek shook his head as he watched the man box the watch up. How could she do that? He couldn't imagine being able to buy anything he wanted.

"I can't believe you did that. You just bought a twenty six thousand dollar Cartier watch!" Derek said in shock.

"Correction... I bought you a gift. And it doesn't matter what it cost. And I bought a french watch in italy. How funny is that?" She giggled as they walked down the street. "Put your watch on." She said with a smile.

"Mer-" He started.

"Now." She said firmly. "You don't want to hurt my feelings, do you? You just might have to make it up to me!" She giggled as she scrunched up her nose.

"I might like that." Derek said frankly.

**Okay, this site is giving me major trouble. I cannot login from my laptop anymore. Nor can I read fics. All pages are blank. If you are reading this, I did it from the desktop. And that thing hates me. So anyhow... We have big problems here. You can read updates on the other site (which is my homepage.) Hoping it will work.**

**Review!**


	25. Return of a Pest

Meredith knew her days in the Riviera would be numbered fairly soon. She had no good explanation as to why she needed to spend so much time there. She did what she wanted. Everybody knew that. But she also knew that her father would question her spending a month in the Riviera with her supposed boyfriend. It was her father that would wonder... When he finally noticed.

As Meredith walked by the upstairs window, something caught her eye. She immediately felt sick as she looked out. The paparazzi. They were slow. It took them forever. But they were there. Her stomach knotted up as she stood there, looking out. She wanted to cry. They knew where she was. And now the vacation was over.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as she rushed around shutting the curtains and blinds.

The house was pretty much off the road. The driveway was long and the property was surrounded by a large stone wall and natural rock. But she knew how sneaky they were. She knew with a telephoto lenses that they could see anything. And she didn't want them to see her.

"They're out there." She said as he began to tear up. "They know I am here..."

"Who?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"Bastardos. The paparazzi." She spat. "I know they are doing their job..."

"Oh, Mer..." Derek said softly as he pulled her close.

"I feel like they can see me everywhere. Why do they care? Why can't they just leave me alone?" She asked as she cried lightly.

"Because you are amazing. And they don't even know the real you. They just know that you are a very wealthy, very beautiful woman. People have to have something to obsess over. And here, you are it." Derek told her frankly as he stroked her cheek.

"I don't want to be. I just want to be... Normal." She said as they sat on the sofa and laid her head against him.

"Mer... Normal is overrated. You are perfect just the way you are." He told her as they sat there.

"Do you think someday they will quit caring?" She asked as she looked up.

"Who knows..." Derek said with a shrug. "All you can do is live your life the way you want to."

"I don't want to go out tonight. I'm not ready to go out there. I just want to stay here." Meredith told him softly.

"We can do that. There are some steaks in the refrigerator. I could make dinner. And we could hang out here." Derek told her as he pulled her close.

"That sounds perfect." She agreed as se snuggled into his side. Meredith laid there for awhile and finally spoke softly. "I think my mom is dead, Derek."

"What?" Derek questioned, thinking he heard her wrong. It had come out of the blue.

"My mom, I think she's dead. I think that's why my dad doesn't talk about her." Meredith told him sadly. "I just wish I could have met her. I wish I could have known her. I don't understand how he can just leave me in the dark. And why? Why would he do it?"

"I don't know Mer. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. But I am sure no matter what, that she cared about you more than anything." Derek told her as he kissed her head. "And you have people that care about you."

"Yeah. My dad. He really cares..." Meredith said simply. "Deep down, he does. He does love me. But he just doesn't know how. He doesn't know how to express it."

"He loves you, Meredith. He wouldn't be so worried about protecting you if he didn't care. And I care about you." Derek told her softly.

"I care about you too, Derek." She said with a sigh as she looked into his blue eyes. "I care." She muttered as she lifted her head up and kissed him softly. Her lips parted as he tongue slide in, scraping the roof of his mouth. Their tongues danced lightly and softly. She moaned as the pulled away. Nestled in her side, she felt like nothing could hurt her.

---------------

"Tell me about you, Derek." Meredith said as she sipped her wine and leaned back in the chair.

"What do you want to know?" Derek asked as he stood in front of the grill.

"Everything. Everything." She said with a smile as she looked at him. "When is your birthday?"

"March 20." Derek told her with a grin.

"What were you like in high school?" She asked as she watched him work the grill.

"A little awkward. I wasn't popular. And I wasn't not. I was somewhere in the middle. I had my own group of friends. Mark has always been my best friend. He was popular. He managed to work his way through every girl in the school..." Derek mused as he shook his head.

"What about you... Were you popular with the girls?" She asked as she looked at him. "Where you a puttana?" (Whore.)

"A what?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"A puttana. A whore. Were you a man whore?" She giggled.

"No. I was not a man whore. Far from it. I was a little awkward. The girls were definitely not interested." Derek told her frankly.

"I have a hard time believing that. You are far from awkward. In fact, you are pretty good." Meredith said with raised brows. "And very fortunate to possess what you do..." she said as she looked at his crotch.

"Am I?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Oh yes..." She told him as she licked her lips. "So lucky."

"What about you? How were you in school?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes. "I bet all the guys followed you are like puppies. I'm sure they flocked."

"No. No they didn't. I didn't go to school, Derek. I had tutors. I've never even been inside a school." She said sadly.

"Oh Mer..." Derek said sadly. She truly did not have a chance to be normal.

"It's okay. I mean... You don't miss what you don't have. The tutors were good. I had a really hot one once." Meredith said with a giggle.

"I don't think I want to know..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Probably not. definitely not." She said with a chuckle as she looked out at the water. "The tide is high."

"It is." Derek agreed as he looked out. "Maybe we should go swimming tonight..."

"That could be fun." Meredith agreed as she looked at the water.

"How do you want your steak?" Derek asked as he looked at the meat.

"Medium." Meredith told him as she looked up.

"Time to flip, then." He said as he tossing it over.

"I think it's going to rain. It usually doesn't last long." Meredith said with a smile.

Derek watched Meredith as she stared at the water. Every time he learned about her, the more broken he realized she was. It broke his heart. But she wasn't beyond repair, and that gave him hope. She hadn't suffered a tragedy. Just a life of sadness and loneliness. All she needed was someone to care. Someone who could show her how much they cared. Someone to love her. And he wanted to be that guy. Derek's quickly shut the grill as the rain began to pour from the sky.

"Oh!" Meredith yelled as she jumped up from the table.

"I thought you liked the rain?" Derek yelled over the loudly pounding of the rain hitting the table.

"I do! But not on my food." She yelled as she hit the button for the retractable awning. "I'm going to get our plates and a towel." She yelled as she ran in the house.

Derek grinned as she walked out with all of their stuff and placed it by the grill. His grin only got larger as he looked at her perfect ass, as she leaned over the table and dried it. He immediately walked over and ran his hand down it and between her legs.

"You are so beautiful." He said as he leaned over her and kissed her softly.

"Derek... Stop." She said as she stood up and grabbed their silverware.

"What?" Derek asked with shock at her tone. "Did I do something wrong? I didn't-"

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. I just... I don't like that. That's all." Meredith said as she blushed.

"What?" He asked again.

"The beautiful thing... I don't like it." She told him as she looked at him. "Just don't say it anymore."

"Meredith... You know you are beautiful. I know that you know that. How could you not?" Derek asked her as he pushed the hair out of her face.

"I'm ordinary. That's all. I'm not special." Meredith told him. "So many woman are prettier."

"You have an aire that they don't have. You are beautiful. And I don't care what you say. I am going to tell you that everyday. Because you are. I love to just watch you. To watch the way you move. You are just so light and delicate. And you need to realize that you are extraordinary. Because you are." Derek told her as he kissed her softly. "Not to mention the way you prance around in your bathing suit."

"What? I do not!" She said in shock.

"Oh. You definitely do." Derek told her frankly.

"It's your fault. I wasn't like that. It's you. I was confident. I was surrounded by old men. Old men will look at anything. Tony will look at anything. But once I saw you, I realized that- I don't know." She said as she cut her steak. "Never mind."

"I made you shy?" Derek asked in shock.

"A little." She admitted. "I'm just. Clothes mask imperfections. And bathing suits are okay. But-"

"Your body is amazing. And around me, you definitely don't have to be self conscious." Derek told her with a smirk.

-------------

Derek laid back on his bed, reading a book. Their plans of taking a moonlight swim in the water were ruined by the rain. Meredith as still on deck and ready to go, but he insisted that swimming in the lightning was not such a great idea. So Meredith opted to take a bath, while Derek took some time to relax. Derek was just getting ready to flip his page when he looked over top the book, seeing only the top half of Meredith.

Derek's body almost immediately reacted as he looked at the perfection that stood before him. Meredith was standing before him in a light blue baby doll nightie. It was the perfect mixture of sexy and innocent. He looked in her hands, seeing her carry two containers.

"Take your shirt off, Derek." She said softly as she walked towards him.

Derek's blue eyes met her green ones as she stood beside the bed. He hastily peeled of his clean white tee shirt and tossed it to the side. Meredith climbed onto the bed and straddled his lap. Her hand reached over to the edible body oil on the table. Strawberry. She loved strawberry.

"Mer... You look amazing." He muttered as he looked at her soft tan skin, and her wet hair laying on her shoulders.

"Close your eyes, Derek." She said softly as she began to drizzle oil on his chest.

Meredith rubbed it gently with the tips of her fingers. She loved the way his perfectly muscled pecks felt under her soft fingers. Meredith rubbed oil on her lips. She bent down to his mouth and sucked on his lower lip before placing her tongue in his mouth. Derek moaned as he tasted the strawberry flavor. Derek's mouth quickly moved down to her neck.

"Not yet." She moaned as she pulled away and sucked on his neck.

Her tongue ran down his chest, taking in the strawberry deliciousness that now covered him. She slowly rocked her hips as she moved her mouth around his body. She could feel his hard member growing beneath her, pressing just the right buttons against her wet, panty clad slit. She slowly scooted back onto his knees and began to work at his boxers. He lifted his hips as she pulled them off. Meredith drizzled oil over the head of his erect penis, watching it drip down his shaft and falling down to his balls. Meredith gently began massaging his jewels as she ran her hand up and down his shaft. Her tongue lapped at his deep red, strawberry head. She giggled as she pumped harder and harder, tracing the vein with her tongue.

"Mer... I'm going to cum..." He yelped as he began thrusting his hips into her hands.

"Fuck my hands." She moaned as she looked down at the head of his penis.

"Oh god..." Derek groaned as he shot his hot load out all over them both.

"Oh, Derek... You are such a big boy." She said with a grin as she sat on his chest. She slowly leaned over and flipped the light off. Her eyes widened as the lights came back on.

"I want to see you." Derek told her frankly.

"No... Just turn it off, Derek." Meredith said softly as she leaned over.

"I want to see you." He told her again as he flipped her back onto her back. "I want to see all of you." He told her as he lifted up her baby doll and revealed her tiny matching panties. His hands quickly worked at pulling her panties off. He reached back and grabbed the cherry flavored body butter. He ran a trail of it from the top of her foot, up her leg and to her hot pussy. Derek quickly ran his tongue up, following the trail. Derek pulled her legs apart and bent her knees.

"Derek... Please. Just turn the light off." Meredith pleaded with a sigh as she leaned up and looked at him.

"I like to see you. To see perfection." Derek said as he looked at her glistening pink lips, spread before him.

"Der..." She whimpered. "Please..."

"Shh..." Derek told her as his mouth dove down to her wet pussy.

Derek thrust his tongue deep inside of her. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to ravage her warm, wet core. His tongue lapped at her juices as she moaned loudly. His nose breathed in a mixture of cherry and her unique sweet scent.

"Oh god!" She yelped as he flicked her clit and nipped at her gently. "Oh, Derek! Derek!" She yelped as he continued to push her. His tongue felt so perfect as he lapped at her. "Derek!!" She shouted as she bucked her lips and released into his suction. "Oh thank you..." She moaned as she laid her head back. Derek tugged at her baby doll nightie and began to smear body butter on her abdomen.

"I love to look at you." He said as he pulled the nightie over her head and threw it to the side. "I love to smell you..." He muttered as he breathed in her scent. "And I really love to taste you." He said as he licked her nipple with his broad tongue. Derek sucked her hard nipple into a hard peak. He took as much of her breast into his mouth as he could. As his body leaned over hers, she could feel his hard cock at her entrance.

"Condom..." She moaned as she ran her hands down his ass.

"Condom." Derek agreed as he went over to the table. He felt Meredith hover over him as she bit his shoulder. He could feel her wetness pressing against his thigh. They both lost their balance and fell too the floor. Derek smiled as he laid over her. As quickly as he could, he rolled his condom on and placed her legs over his shoulders. Derek bent his knees as he thrust his cock into her moist hot core.

"Oh...wow..." She moaned as she felt the deep penetration of his shaft sliding in and out. "Oh... It's so deep..." She cried out as he filled her core.

"Oh baby... You are so wet... And so tight." He cried as he pounded into her over and over.

"Faster! Faster!" She shouted as he obliged and hit her over and over.

They both let out loud cries as they hit their climaxes simultaneously. Derek continued to slide in and out, milking another orgasm for her as he shot his hot seeds over and over again. Her could feel Meredith pulsating as her body threw another orgasm at her. She cried out as she laid her head back and panted. Derek ceased motion and took breaths in as he began to shrink inside of her. Neither spoke as they came down from their highs. Derek pulled out and pulled Meredith to her feet. They never lost eye contact as they laid onto the bed. Derek pulled her close, their wet, sticky, slick bodies touching as much as flesh could touch, until they fell asleep.

----------------

Derek woke up abruptly. It was loud. Shrill. Like a suffering animal. Meredith's screaming forced him into an immediate panic. His concerns were somewhat waved as he realized that she was sleeping. She laying flat on her back thrashing around. The only thing that was covering her body was the deep red bed sheet. She was sobbing. She was literally sobbing in her sleep.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!" She cried out as the tears ran down her cheeks. "I didn't know! I am so sorry!"

"Meredith! Meredith!" Derek said softly as he shook her awake.

"Oh my god!" She cried out as she continued to cry in her sleep.

"Meredith!" Derek said again softly as he rubbed her arm.

Meredith's eyes flashed open as she looked up at him. His heart broke as he looked into her bloodshot green eyes. She had tear stains down her cheeks. Her face was bright red from all of the crying she had been doing. As she looked into Derek's eyes, she quieted down, but the tears continued to roll.

"Hold me, Derek. Please hold me." She muttered as she pushed herself against him.

"Are you okay, Meredith?" Derek asked as he rubbed her shoulder.

"Please, just hold me." Meredith told him as she sniffled. Derek quickly wrapped his arms tightly around her thin body.

Meredith felt more comfortably as she laid in Derek's arms. This happened a lot. Always the same dream. Or at least the same message. A true story. A tragedy. Something that she didn't want to talk about. Something that haunted her everyday. As she laid in Derek's arms, she knew he was expecting her to talk about it. And she was not ready. And she wouldn't be.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Derek asked as he rubbed her shoulder.

"Bad dream." She muttered as she sniffled again and buried her head deep.

"You're okay. I have you." Derek reassured her softly as he continued to rub her soft flesh. "I'm sorry you had a bad dream." Derek told her softly as he began to climb out of bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked in a panic.

"To get you a glass of water." Derek said softly as he pulled his boxers on.

"No. Just come back. Just lay with me, please." Meredith pleaded as she looked into his eyes. "I need you."

"Okay." Derek said with a nod as he climbed back into bed and laid with her. He looked at her face as he laid beside her. His thumb immediately went to her cheek and swiped away her tears. "You're okay, Mer."

"I don't want to go back to sleep." She admitted as she latched onto him.

"We don't have to. I'll just hold you. We'll just lay here." Derek told her softly.

She shouldn't have gotten so upset over a dream. Not like she did. She was terrified. She was upset. He could feel her heart rapidly beating when she awoken. She was in a panic. And even now, she was holding onto him for dear life. Something was not right. It seemed Meredith Grey had secrets. Or at least one or two skeletons in her closet.

**Still using the desktop computer. Life is not fair!**


	26. Dance Naked

Meredith woke up early. Much earlier than Derek. Derek had always been a morning person. He had always been the first person awake. But now, he wasn't. He had to admit it was his recent night activities that was causing him to stay in his state of slumber. Meredith as just plain tiring him out every night, and he loved every minute of it.

Meredith took advantage of her alone time. She took a nice long shower and shaved her legs. Normally she would get them waxed. But being on vacation, she didn't have a place to go to. And with the paparazzi outside her door, she wasn't going to go anywhere. Meredith dried her skin and fluffed her hair with a towel before she pulled on her matching pink and green low cut hipster panties and bra. They weren't sexy. They were cute with the little monkey peeking on the front.

As she looked in the mirror, she started dancing. She loved to dance. And at the moment, she didn't have a reason not to. At the moment, her life was going better than it ever had. It was so close to perfect. She never imagined that life could be so great. So there she danced to her own beat, right out of the bathroom.

Derek pulled on his pajama pants and stood up. He heard Meredith singing some song from inside her bathroom. She was in a trance as she danced out of her room and into the room separating theirs. Derek grinned at the site. There she was, dancing around in her underwear, no idea that he was there. He quickly sat down in the chair and watched.

_[iI want you to dance naked_

_So I can see you_

_I'd like to get to know you_

_You don't have to act naughty[/i_

_[iSpin it round and round_

_Spin it round and round and round[/i_

Meredith danced around happily, her hips swinging and swaying to her own beat. Her eyes were closed as she spun around and twirled, raising her hands over her head. As she opened her eyes, she looked up at Derek in shock.

"Oh my god!" She spat as she covered herself shyly with her hands.

"Don't stop. I like to watch you." Derek said softly. "Dance for me."

_[iI want you to dance naked_

_I promise I won't touch you_

_I promise to tell no one, no_

_I want you to dance naked[/i_

_[iSpin it round and round_

_Spin it round and round and round_

_Spin it round and round[/i_

"Please?" Derek asked as he cocked his head.

How could she possibly deny that? She could never deny the head cock that he did. It was so adorable. It made her melt. She smiled softly as she started to dance around. She definitely wasn't comfortable, but she was trying to be. A smile covered Derek's face as he watched her.

Meredith began to relax a little when she closed her eyes and pictured his pleased face. Derek smiled when she bent her knees and began wiggling around. She looked so cute as she shook her tiny ass around. Her hands began to swing around freely as she hummed a soft beat.

_[iI want you to dance naked_

_If you like I'll join you_

_I want to enjoy your body_

_I want to hear all your secrets_

_I want to know if you like me_

_As much as I like you_

_I want you to dance naked_

_But only if you want to[/i_

_[iSpin it round and round_

_Spin it round and round and round_

_Spin it round and round[/i_

"Dance with me, Derek." Meredith said softly as she pulled on his hand.

"I-" Derek started as he looked up at her. She gave him a pout and he quickly stood up.

"Dance with me... Please?" She asked as she pulled him close and bumped her hips into him.

Derek began dancing with her. And had never felt so free. He hated dancing. But somehow, dancing with her was amazing. It just felt perfect. As they spun around, the world felt like it was in just the right place. It felt as if they were meant to be no where else. Everything was right. It was innocent and light. Everything was happy and perfect. And in that room, it always would be.

_[iI want you to dance naked_

_So I can see you_

_I'd like to get to know you_

_But only if you want to_

_Spin it round and round_

_Spin it round and round and round_

_Spin it round and round_

_Spin it round and round and round_

_I want you to dance naked[/i_

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand and pulled her down into his lap as he sat in the chair. he smiled as he looked at her. She giggled loudly as he pecked kisses all over her face. At that moment, she didn't feel self-conscious. She didn't worry about her imperfections. All she worried about was looking into his eyes and melting in the moment.

"You danced with me." Meredith said with a pleased smile.

"I never dance. But for you, I dance." He told her as he kissed her softly.

"Thank you." She said as she kissed him on the cheek.

-----------------

Meredith laid on her stomach on a blanket. The hot sun was beating down on her as she flipped the pages of her magazine. Derek was in a chair under the umbrella reading a book. It was such a perfectly ordinary moment. They were normal. They were just enjoying the day.

Derek looked over at Meredith. She hadn't left the house since the paparazzi sat in front and refused to leave. She wasn't comfortable being in the spotlight. She didn't like the flashbulbs in her face. She didn't like the suffocating feeling that she got when they swarmed her. And she really didn't like the way they exploited everything she did.

"Do you think they will leave? Those jerk photographers, I mean." Meredith asked as she glanced up.

"Probably not." Derek said honestly as he looked at her.

He couldn't help but look at her. He loved the little white bathing suit she had on. It looked perfect against her bronze skin. The way it just barely covered her made his cock harden and his balls tighten. He could follow her with his eyes no matter where she went.

"But I haven't been out. They haven't seen me." Meredith said frankly as she glanced back up.

"No. But the people in town have. And they have seen Rosa go in a out. They know you are here. And I'm sure everyone has been talking about it." Derek pointed out.

"I just want to walk down the road. That was so nice." She mused as she thought back. "When we walked down the sidewalk."

"It was. Except that I didn't get to hold your hand." He said with a smirk.

"Yeah. Except for that. That would have been nice." Meredith agreed with a nod. "Oh... This is interesting." Meredith mumbled with a giggle.

"What's that?" Derek asked as he glanced over. "Oh... That could be very interesting." He agreed as he glanced at the intriguing position.

"Something we will have to test for ourselves." She said with a giggle as she flipped the page.

"I'm all for testing. I love testing. More testing, I say." Derek said with a smirk. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Mmm... Yeah. Something tropical. See, if we were on the public beach, we could get that." She told him happily.

"Well, I don't see that happening anytime soon." He told her with a frown.

Derek went into the kitchen and whipped up drinks for both of them. He wished they could go on the public beach. Even he was feeling a little lonely. He was feeling cut off from the rest of the world. But if he had to choose between being out there, or by her side. Well, there was no choice. He knew what he wanted.

"So how many guards have you had?" Derek asked as he sat her drink down beside her.

"What? Why do you ask?" She asked as she looked up.

"I was just wondering what number I am." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Um... A lot." She said with a shrug. "I'm not sure." She added nervously.

"Tell me about them..." Derek said as he laid down on the blanket beside her.

"I don't want to. I'm reading!" She said as she turned the page and looked down.

Meredith didn't do that. She always wanted to talk to Derek. She tensed up at his question. It was a difficult one. In fact, he had asked her about Aleeo, and she didn't even flinch. Something was not right. He knew better. She was avoiding. She didn't want to talk about them. But why? That was the question of the day.

-----------------

Derek laid back on the sofa. Meredith was so comfortable in his arms. She laid her head back on his chest as they looked up at the movie screen. Derek took in a deep breath as he stuck his nose in her hair. He loved to breath her in. She was like sitting in the middle of a field full of lavender on a warm spring day.

"What are you doing?" She asked with a giggle as she looked up at him.

"Breathing you in." Derek told her with a smile as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Breathing me in..." She mused as she looked at the screen.

"You smell good. It's comforting." Derek admitted as he wrapped his arms around her tiny body.

"You feel good. I like the way you feel." She told him as she snuggled her body harder against his hard body.

"So when are we going back?" Derek asked simply as he watched the movie. He was watching, but she wasn't absorbing anything.

"I don't know yet. Never. I think I want to just live here forever." Meredith told him with a giggle. "Right in this house."

"I think that is a good idea." Derek agreed with an exuberant nod.

Meredith glanced out of the window. She could see the full moon shining through. It was a nice night. A perfectly warm night. She slowly wiggled out of Derek's grip and sat up. Derek looked at her with confusion as she stood up and looked down at him.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked as he watched her peel off her top.

"I." She stated as she threw the top in the floor. "Am." She muttered as she unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off. "Going." She told him as her socks came off. "Swimming." She giggled as she took off in her bra and panties to the door.

"Wait for me." Derek said quickly as he jumped up and peeled his shirt off.

Derek followed Meredith's trail of underwear as she ran down the long set of stone steps to the water. He could hear Meredith's giggles as she jumped into the crashing dark waves. There was just enough light under the moon to see each other. Derek quickly dove under and swam over to her.

"Good idea." Derek told her as he looked into her eyes.

"I thought so." She told him with a giggle as she placed her stray hair behind her ears.

"You long beautiful tonight." Derek told her softly.

Derek leaned into Meredith as he ran his tongue over her lips. Meredith parted her lips as Derek ran his tongue past her teeth, their tongues played gently. He ran his tongue along the roof of her mouth, sliding it over the lingual surface of her teeth. He could hear her moan as she pressed her chest into him. She wanted him. She needed him. She couldn't stop herself. And neither wanted to.

"Beach." She said simply as she wrapped her legs around Derek and he carried her to the sandy shore.

"Oh god..." Derek mutters as he laid her back into the sand.

"I need to feel you inside me, Derek." Meredith said softly as she looked up at him.

She quickly forced him onto her back, laying him in the sand. She took in his body, wet from the salt water. She could see the definition of his muscles in the moonlight. This thick, hard cock was standing at attention, just begging her to take a ride into pure pleasure.

She straddled Derek and grabbed the base of his shaft as she climbed on. Meredith looked into his deep blue eyes that are so dark with desire and need. Meredith let out a loud satisfied moan as she lowered herself onto large erect cock.

"Oh…" Derek moaned softly at the sensation of her warm, wet walls wrapped around his length.

Meredith closed her eyes as she absorbed the feeling that had taken her over. She took in a breath before she rocked her hips slightly. His hands ran down her back and grasped her hips as she ground on him harder and harder. He didn't care that his ass is deep down the the sand.

"Oh... You are so tight and wet, Mer." He said softly as she begins to rock a little quicker.

Derek moved his hands up Meredith's abdomen before taking both of her breasts in his hands. He rubbed them both with the palm of his hands. He loved the way her erect nipples feel running over his hands. Her ran his hands back down her sides as her breasts bounced and swayed in a rhythm matching her motion.

"Oh god, Derek... You feel so good." She moaned as she laid her head back and looked up at the bright stars above her. She could hear the waves crashing hard on the shore. They are getting nearer. They are getting closer.

"Fuck!" He shouts as he feels her walls tightening around him.

"Oh God!" Meredith yelps as she feels his length sliding in and out, her creamy juices flowing and dripping.

The feelings that Meredith was feeling were strong. So strong that she was close to a panic. She hears him moan loudly. Meredith moved a little quicker as the thoughts flowed in. She felt her walls clamp tightly as she rode him hard. This was bad. This wasn't just sex. She was falling in love.

"Fuck..." Derek spat out as his balls tightened against his body. "I'm cumming..." He yelped as he tensed up, trying desperately to hold it back.

"Oh...God! Oh...Fuck... Fuck me, Derek!" She cried out loudly as he thrust upwards into her. She felt her body tense up. Her walls clamped down hard on his enormous meaty cock. Meredith cried out loudly as she milks his cock.

"Oh God... Mer...you are...Oh..." Derek grunts as he releases himself. His hot cum floods her walls as he spills into her. He could feel her tight walls pulsating. Milking him dry. Their fluids mixed as he continued to spill and pulsate inside of her.

"Oh..." She moaned and she collapsed onto his chest.

They both laid there, fluids mixing. Their bodies twitched and spasm as the aftermath of their strong orgasms continued to wrack their bodies. Meredith smiled she laid her cheek on his chest as listened to his heartbeat. She gasped loudly as a wave washed over them.

"Oh my god!" Meredith said loudly as she pulled herself off of him.

"Shit!" Derek said as he jumped up.

"Wow..." Meredith muttered as she stood there and looked in his eyes as the waves crashed over their legs.

Panic quickly washed over Derek's face. He started to feel really sick as he looked into her eyes. They forgot a condom. Panic. No condom. It was in the heat of the moment. She pulled him in. He didn't even realize.

"We... Uh... No condom." Derek said quickly as he looked at her.

"Relax, Derek. I'm on the pill. And I was tested. No STDs here." She said as she kissed him softly.

"Oh... Good." Derek said as he let out a sigh of relief. Oh how Thatcher Grey would have loved it when Meredith informed him that she was pregnant with her guard's child. He was so lucky that wasn't happening.

----------------

Derek was worried about Meredith. He was worried about her dream. She acted like it was an insignificant thing that happened all the time. But he knew better. He knew that it was significant. She was too shaken up. It meant something. And he was hoping someday she would tell him.

"So... What are we doing today?" Derek asked as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Mmm... I don't know. I don't want to go out there." Meredith told him firmly as she looked at the floor.

"You do realize you will have to go out there eventually." Derek said with a frown as he tipped her chin.

"Eventually sounds so much better than now." Meredith agreed with a nod. "Besides, I'm hungry. Are you?"

"Uh... Yeah, I am." Derek told her with a grin.

"So what were you thinking? For lunch, I mean." Meredith said as she looked into his eyes.

"Well... I was kind of thinking about having some Meredith for lunch." He told her with a dirty smirk.

Meredith could feel the heat inside her start to boil. She needed him. She needed him so badly. She craved Derek all day. All night. She went through withdraws when she couldn't have him. But as much as she loved to have him, she loved it more when he had her.

"Hmm... Me for lunch... And how exactly would you like me served?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"Like this..." Derek said with a smirk as he pulled her shorts and panties down.

"Like that, huh?" Meredith asked as she raised her brows.

"Well, not completely. I need to do this..." Derek said as he grabbed her softly and sat her on the counter. "And then I would have to do this..." Derek muttered as he pushed her knees apart. "Oh god..." He muttered as he stared at her perfectly pink center. "You are so perfect."

Meredith gave Derek a smirk as his head disappeared between her legs. She had always been a little uncomfortable about sex. Not having. Having it wasn't the problem. The problem was when people looked at her. It was when all of the attention and judgment was on her. That was what she didn't like. But Derek was making her far more comfortable with herself. And she liked that.

"Posso leccarti la figa?" (Can I eat your pussy?) Derek asked with a smile.

"You speak italian now? Dirty italian... I like. Si! Leccami la mia figs!" (Lick my pussy!) Meredith told him with a satisfied giggle.

Derek gently eased two fingers into her sweet pussy. His smile only grew as he felt her wetness growing as he finger fucked her gently. He heard her take in a deep, gasping breath as he pressed and rubbed her. Meredith squealed and panted, as he rubbed up and down, stimulating her clitoris into a swollen state.

"Derek..." She moaned as she wiggled around. Derek quickly replaced his fingers with his tongue. He flicked his tongue over her clitoris, causing her to yelp and buck her hips.

"Cum for me, Meredith... I want my lunch!" He said with a chuckle as he went back to work.

"Derek...Oh god! Please...stop! I'm going to- I'm cumming." She shouted as he pushed her over the edge. She felt herself release her hot creamy fluid into his awaiting mouth. "Bevi la mia sborra..." (Drink my cum) She cried out loudly.

Derek's mouth eagerly sucked and slurped her hot cum. He loved the was she tasted. He loved that she was so open to him. She was very adventurous. He loved it. He loved the way they meshed together perfectly.

"You taste so good..." He moaned as he pulled his face away.

"Oh... Thank you." She moaned as she laid her head back.

Meredith sat there, coming down from her powerful high. He made her feel pleasure that she didn't even know excited. As she opened her eyes slowly, her green ones met Derek's blue. Derek pressed his lips over hers gently as he sucked on her bottom lip. Both pulled away when they heard a noise. It was a definite beep. It was the driveway gate opening. They both jumped up and ran to look at the monitor. Their eyes got wide as the looked. And unexpected visitor. This was not good.


	27. Blindsided

Meredith and Derek both stared at the screen in shock. Derek felt sick as he looked at it. This was bad. Beyond bad. He didn't understand what was going on. Thatcher Grey was never around. So why did he decide to to come to the Riviera and ruin their amazing sex fest?

Meredith felt ill as she stood there. It was a shock. She never saw her father. And he never came around. And now he shows up here when Derek is eating her pussy. Now the fun would end. It was over. Everything was over. And things weren't right. Things were left a mess.

"Oh my god! What is he doing here?" Meredith said in shock as she started running around nervously in circles.

"Your father... It's your father!" Derek responded in a shocked panic as he stared at the screen.

"Bedroom. You are staying in his bedroom." Meredith yelled as she rushed up stairs. "Clean... Condoms... This is- Oh my god! Is that- Is this cum on the sheets?"

"Oh my god!" Derek yelled as he looked over. "I think it is." He said quickly as he grabbed the trash can and transfered it's contents into another. He quickly began moving his clothes around.

"I- I don't- This is bad. This is his room and I don't know if he's staying..." Meredith muttered as she ripped off the sheets and threw clean ones on.

"Your father's room... This is your father's room. I have been fucking you in your father's bed?" Derek said in shock. "You and I- The nasty nasty... In his bed. He is going to cut my dick off!"

"Relax!" Meredith said as she ran into her room and began tearing her clothes off. "Watch... Take off the watch." Meredith told him as she slid her bathing suit on. Meredith grabbed the watch as placed it into her drawer.

"This... How?" Derek asked as she looked at her.

"Okay. We have been doing normal stuff. You and I have been visiting the gardens, and eating out. And not that kind, Derek... Don't think I didn't see that smirk." She warned as she shot him a glare. "Normal stuff. Not porny hot sex every night. And you have been staying in his room. I told you that you could. We can do this. We can. He won't stay long, he never does. We can do this!" She said as she walked out to the balcony.

"What are you doing? Oh my god, I am in your room. Shit. This is going to be hard. Okay. Wait! Mer- What are you doing?" Derek asked as he watched her climb in the railing.

"Going swimming. Meet me down there." Meredith said quickly as she dove off the side.

"You can't do... That." Derek muttered as he ran over, seeing her come up for air.

Now Derek was scared. He didn't want to see his dick served up as a main dish. In a hot dog bun. He could see Thatcher Grey cutting his penis off and then serving it on a bun with mustard and ketchup. Derek grabbed his book off the table and hauled ass down the steps and out to the pool. Just as he sat down in the chair, he heard the front door open. He never even realized that the book in front of his face was upside down. This was going to be fun.

Derek looked up from his book as he heard someone clear their throat. Derek quickly jumped up to his feet and sat his book on the table. He stood there in front of Thatcher Grey and his drove of guards. As he stood there in front of Thatcher, he was praying that Mr. Grey couldn't read his mind. Because if he did. He wouldn't like what was in there.

"Upside down reading? Is that a new skill of yours?" Thatcher asked.

"Mr Grey!" Derek said as he stuck his hand out. "Actually is it said to improve brain function." Derek said swiftly.

"Is that so..." Thatcher said with a surprised nod. "I can see that... Mr. Hanson. How are you?" Thatcher asked as he firmly shook Derek's hand.

"I am wonderful. Yourself?" Derek asked with a smile.

"I am great. So has Meredith been behaving herself? Have you been taking care of her?" Thatcher asked with a smile.

As Derek stood there, he couldn't keep the thoughts out of his mind. Oh... Meredith was being bad. She was such a bad, naughty girl. She was so bad, that on occasion he had to spank her. And Derek was taking care of her. Good care. He was sure to stuff her with as much cock as her tiny body could handle. Yes, Derek was taking care of Meredith Grey.

"Oh, yes. Everything has been good." Derek croaked out as he glanced at the pool.

"Good, good. I hope you are enjoying yourself here. We have always loved it here." Thatcher said as he looked around.

"It's a beautiful home." Derek agreed with a nod.

They both looked over as Meredith climbed out of the water. All eyes were on her. They always were. She was a girl that no one could keep their eyes off of. Any moan noticed. It was hard not to. She was beautiful. And she had a way about her that demanded your attention and respect. She sauntered up to them in her tiny white bikini. She was so focused on Derek, she didn't even notice the other men that had their jaws on the floor.

"Daddy." Meredith muttered as she walked up.

"Meredith... Hey darling." He said with a smile as she wrapped a towel around herself, much to the men's dismay.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked with obvious disappointment in her voice.

"I came to see you. Can a father not spend time with his daughter?" Thatcher asked with a frown.

"You never have before." Meredith said frankly.

"I'm here on business. I'm leaving tomorrow. I just thought I would spend the evening with you. And your friend... Where is he, by the way?" Thatcher asked as he looked around.

"Where is who?" Meredith asked dumbly.

"Franco." Derek suggested quickly.

"Oh. Yes. I am not very happy with him, daddy. He is not a nice guy." She pouted as she looked up. "I sent him home. Besides, I want time to myself. But then there is Derek. Do you think you could take him with you when you go?" She asked, throwing him off.

"Of course I cannot." Thatcher warned. "He seems like he is doing a fine job here."

"Yeah. Too fine." She grumbled as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

"So... Will my lovely daughter do me the pleasure of joining me and a client for dinner this evening?" Thatcher asked with a smile.

"I suppose." She said with a sigh.

"I will have a gown delivered for you. Something nice. This is an important meeting." Thatcher pointed out.

"Yeah. Okay." She said quickly as she continued up the stairs. "Oh. And by the way, Derek is staying in your room."

"Is he?" Thatcher asked as he looked over.

"I thought it was safer. Closer." Meredith said quickly. "Although it was probably a bad idea. He should be on a cot outside."

"Meredith! Don't speak that way." Thatcher warned as he looked over at Derek.

"It's fine, Sir." Derek muttered, knowing what she was doing.

"It is not. And I must thank you, Derek. You seem to be doing a wonderful job." Thatcher said with a nod as he walked off.

"Look who has it bad." Tony said with a smirk. "It must be nice to live in the Riviera for a month."

"Not as nice as you'd think." Derek complained.

"Yeah, Meredith Grey will do that to you." Tony said with a laugh as he walked off.

----------------

To say it was uncomfortable was an understatement. Derek was more comfortable in the mansion, than he was here. This house was smaller. And Thatcher was everywhere. He couldn't possibly make himself at home while Thatcher was there. And he had no idea what to do. He had no idea how to act.

"So... Derek are you still enjoying the job?" Thatcher asked as he sat down on the large sofa and flipped the television on.

Okay that was weird. Sitting on a sofa next to the richest man in the world was odd. It was uncomfortable. Derek had no idea where Meredith had disappeared to. And he couldn't care. He wasn't allowed to care. And he had to pretend that there was nothing going on. And he never thought it would be that hard.

"I am. It's definitely a learning experience." Derek told him frankly. "Before I came here, I had never been out of the US."

"Yes, Italy is amazing. The first time I came here on business, I knew this was where I wanted Meredith to grow up. And think she has enjoyed it." Thatcher pointed out.

"It's a beautiful country." Derek agreed as he pretended to be into the game that was playing on the television.

"I have a business dinner tonight. Meredith is going to accompany me. But it's not necessary for you to join us. Feel free to take the night off and enjoy yourself. I know you haven't had a day to yourself in a while." Thatcher explained.

Derek felt sick. Now he was expected to just walk off and do something. He wanted to spend the evening without Meredith. This newfound attachment he had to her was slightly scary. It was scary because he knew it couldn't last. Fairly soon they would have to go home. And this was just a trial run.

"Here you go, sir." Tony said as he carried a bag into the living room.

"That must be Meredith's gown..." Thatcher said with a smile. "Can you take it up to her? I believe she is in her room."

"Of course." Tony said with a nod as he disappeared up the stairs. He tapped lightly on her door.

"Hey." Meredith said softly as opened the door.

"Your dress, my lady." Tony said with a smirk as he handed it to her.

"Thanks." Meredith told him as she grabbed the package and pulled it out. She smiled at the strapless shimmering silver gown.

"So, the house has been quiet without you there." Tony said simply.

"Oh. You mean someone actually noticed that I was gone?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"We all notice, Meredith. We all notice when you are gone. Too quiet. No complaining." He said with a chuckle.

"You're an ass." Meredith spat as she smacked him playfully. "And I have to get ready. So get your ass out of here."

"Fine..." Tony feigned hurt as he walked away.

Derek could hear the soft tapping of Meredith's heels as she came down the stairs. He looked up to see Meredith making her descent. She looked beautiful as she slowly walked down, her long leg peeking out from the slit in her floor length gown. She had just a tasteful hint of cleavage peeking out from her gown. Her hair was in a soft up-do, showing of her beautiful face. Derek felt a lump form in his throat as he looked at her. She looked like walking perfection.

"Meredith, honey... You look beautiful." Thatcher said as he kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed her wrap.

"We really should get going." Thatcher said with a smile. "I'm sure Matt is waiting."

"Matt?" Meredith asked with concern in her voice.

"Yes. My client. He is definitely someone I want you to meet." Thatcher said as Tony opened the door.

Both Meredith and Derek exchanged a glance. This was bad. This was not what they wanted to hear. It sounded as if this was a date. It sounded as if Thatcher was trying to set Meredith up with someone. They both felt blind-sided, and there was nothing they could do about it.

-----------------

"When you say Matt is someone you would like me to meet, what exactly do you mean?" Meredith asked as she looked over at her father.

"Just someone I would like to do a merger with. I figured since you weren't seeing Franco anymore, he would be someone for you to meet." Thatcher said with a faint smile. "You look beautiful, darling."

"Thank you, daddy." Meredith said as she accepted the kiss on the cheek that he gave her. "Daddy... What do you think about me learning to drive?"

"Where is that coming from?" Thatcher asked with a puzzled face as he looked at her. Tony raised an eyebrow as he looked over.

"I don't know... I just want to. Everyone else drives. I want to drive." Meredith said with a shrug as she looked out the window.

"Meredith... I don't see any reason why you need to drive. The paparazzi has been chasing you like crazy. I would hate to see you get hurt. Besides, we have a driver that can take you wherever you need to go." Thatcher explained as he rubbed her hand.

Meredith didn't look at him. It was just one more of his little ways of holding her back. She was tried of him doing that. He didn't want her to move forward. He wanted her stuck. He wanted her locked in the house like a prisoner. She just wanted to live. She wanted to be normal. As she sat there, she thought. It wasn't really up to him.

"I'm eighteen." Meredith muttered frankly.

"What's that?" Thatcher asked as he looked over, unsure if he heard her right.

"I'm eighteen. It's not up to you." Meredith told him as she glanced over.

"Meredith Elizabeth. You just may be eighteen, but you are still a child. You do not know what it is to live in the world. And I have a feeling if you did, you wouldn't like it. You need to listen to me... You do not need to drive. I am not losing you over something stupid." Thatcher told her frankly.

"I am not a child. And if you would let me do things, you would see that." She grumbled as she turned her whole body away from him and looked out.

The car was dead quiet as they drove along. Meredith's jaw was permanently clenched in anger. Her father did not listen to her. There was no rebuttal. He wouldn't argue, because he didn't have enough respect for her to listen to a thing she said. As they pulled up to the restaurant, she looked out at the paparazzi. This was not making her happy.

"Come on, honey." Thatcher said as a guard opened the door and Tony climbed out.

"I hate this." She said under her breath as she followed him out.

Meredith gasped as they rushed them. They took her breath away. They made her feel like she was trapped. Thatcher smiled for the camera as he held his daughter on his arm. He was parading her. He was using her for a pretty picture and good publicity. Meredith looked at the ground as they walked up. She didn't like this feeling.

As they walked through the busy restaurant, Meredith looked around. It was as if they were celebrities. But they weren't. They did nothing great. They hadn't done anything to change the world. Make it worse, maybe. Her father was in the business of lying and cheating. But they were not important. Not in her eyes. She glanced up as they made their way to the corner of the restaurant. Her green eyes caught his dark green.

"Hello, Mr. Grey." Matt said as he put his hand out.

He was impressive. His suit fit his body perfectly. It was obviously tailored. His blond hair sat perfectly on his head. He had a nice soft face with a chiseled jaw-line. He looked to be about Derek's age. If she were in the business of looking, he would be right up there in line. But she wasn't. She was happy with Derek. And the guilt was coming in that she had to leave him home.

"As I told you, call me Thatcher." Thatcher said as he shook his hand. "And this is my daughter, Meredith. Meredith, this is Matthew Tomlinson."

"Nice to meet you." Meredith said softly as she stuck out her hand and he kissed it softly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Matthew said with a soft grin.

"Shall we sit?" Thatcher said as he motioned to the table

Meredith and Matt finally broke their gaze as Thatcher stepped in. Matt was charming. And he seemed like a nice guy. But Meredith knew exactly what her father was doing, and she didn't like it. She wasn't more than a pretty face to get someone to seal the business deal.

Meredith looked around the restaurant as Thatcher ordered wine for the table. She was avoiding Matt's stare. She could feel his emerald green eyes on her as she pretended to look off out the window into the dark. The longer she sat there, the more angry she got that she was stuck there with them.

"So... Meredith, tell me about yourself." Matt said with a smile as he looked at her.

"Nothing to tell." Meredith said frankly. "I am a prisoner in my own home."

"Meredith Elizabeth!" Thatcher said, flabbergasted. "She is- Meredith, honey..."

"I am not at all interesting. In fact, I am very boring." Meredith muttered as she looked up at Matt. "You don't want to hear about me."

"Oh, I doubt that." Matt told her with a grin. "You look like a very interesting lady."

"So, Matt, have you given any thought to my offer?" Thatcher asked with a smile.

"I have. But I am still mulling it over. This is a big decision." Matt said frankly. "We are talking about selling a company that my grandfather built from the ground up."

"Very true. But I think Grey Enterprises could turn your grandfather's company into a worldwide corporation." Thatcher said with a smile.

"What do you think about all this, Meredith?" Matt asked with a smile.

"I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Business was never my strong suit." Meredith told him frankly as she sipped her wine.

Meredith stayed silent, listening intently to their conversation. Her dad was such a snake. She had always known it. But seeing it first hand made her slightly ill. She loved her father. She knew deep down that he loved her. He wanted only the best. He just didn't know what that was. Meredith sighed as her father walked away, heading to the restroom.

"So... What do you really think about all of this?" Matt asked with a smile. "Do you think I should do it?"

"Well, I think you already know what will happen." Meredith said with a smile. "My father will rob you of the business for an unfair price. Then he will flip it and make millions. And if you don't agree, he will find some underhanded way to take it from you. So you are totally screwed." Meredith said with a sad frown.

"I like you, Meredith Grey. You are honest and straightforward. That is something I rarely see." He said with a smile.

"There is no other way to be." Meredith said with a nod.

"You are a real pistolini. My grandfather always used that word. It suits you perfectly. You are refreshing. I'm going to be in the Riviera for another few days. Join me for dinner..." He asked with a big grin. "Not one of this ridiculous business dinner. A real dinner. You and I. I want to get to know you."

**Not much longer until I get the new laptop and all my problems will leave, lol.**


	28. Trouble Sleeping

Meredith sat there in shock. He wanted to go out with her. To dinner. She drew in a deep breath. This was not happening. A perfectly nice guy was asking her to go out with him. But there was no way she could do that. Not with Derek. Not when she was in love with her body guard. And she was. But he didn't know that. She was so confused. She didn't know what to do. She knew that what she and Derek had was great. But she also knew that it couldn't last.

"Um... Dinner. With you." Meredith said quickly as she looked up at him. She swallowed hard as their eyes met.

"Yes. Dinner. Food, drink and conversation." He said with a cheesy grin.

"I can't." Meredith said frankly as she looked at him.

"Oh. I didn't realize you were seeing someone." Matt said with confusion in his voice.

"I'm- I'm not seeing anyone per say. I just-. I'm not available. You seem like a great guy. But right now it's- It's just not the time." Meredith told him with a sigh.

"So there is another guy." Matt questioned as he looked into her eyes. "Oh. I see... There is another guy. You're not seeing anyone. But you aren't available. You're waiting."

"In a way. I guess you could say that. It's a very complicated situation." Meredith told him nonchalantly as she sipped her wine.

"He's not free. He is with someone else." Matt said quickly. "Oh wow... He's married. You are a nice girl, Meredith. Don't get yourself into that mess. He's not worth it. If he is with someone else... You don't deserve that." Matt said kindly.

"No. He's- He's not married. Like I said. Complicated." Meredith explained. "But thanks. For the offer. You seem like a great guy. Just bad timing, I guess."

"Well, this guy must be pretty special. If you are waiting for him. Girls don't wait for guys. Not girls like you. You-" Matt said quickly.

"You don't know me." Meredith said quickly.

"You're right, I don't. But I do know that I can see in your eyes that you are not what everyone thinks you are. There is a lot more to you than meets the average person's eye." Matt said softly.

"Uh..." Meredith muttered as she looked around nervously. "So you are above average?" She asked.

"Maybe... Don't be afraid. I just- Dinner. You and I. Not a date. Just food and conversation. I want to know you. There is a guy. I can respect that." Matt said softly.

Meredith liked him. He was kind. And honest. He wasn't like the other guys that she knew. He wasn't that typical guy that only thought about one thing. He was intuitive. He made her smile. He was a nice guy. But he wasn't that guy.

"I don't think so. It just wouldn't feel right." Meredith told him again.

"Okay. Well, I will be in town for a few days. Like I said. So... I'll contact you. Maybe something will change." Matt said with a smile. "I'll wait in the wings." He said with a wink as he looked at his watch. "Okay. I need to go. I'm sure your father is working his evil somewhere. Just let him know-"

"That you are still mulling it over." Meredith finished his sentence.

"Yes. I'd like to hold it off for as long as I can." Matt said frankly. "Any ideas?"

"Avoid the destruction. If I were you, I'd hide out in a remote location. Somewhere where you can't be found. A cave, perhaps." Meredith said with a giggle.

"I will keep that in mind. It was a pleasure meeting you, Meredith." He said as he kissed her had. "Thank you for the company."

Meredith sat there alone at the table until Thatcher came back. Once Matt had left, Thatcher had no reason to be there. He was ready to go. Meredith told him what Matt had said, sugar coating it to the max, of course. He seemed like a nice, honest guy that was really going to be screwed. It just wasn't fair. She was ready to go home. She was ready to get away from this uncomfortable mess.

Meredith walked out of the restaurant on Thatcher's arm. As she walked, all she saw was white spots in her eyes. White spots from the flashes of the cameras surrounding her. She could hear them yelling at her. They were begging her to talk to them. And she wasn't going to. She just wasn't.

"How was dinner?" Thatcher asked as they climbed into the car.

"It was fine." Meredith muttered as she looked away.

"What's wrong, sweet-pea?" Thatcher asked as he rubbed her hand.

"Nothing." Meredith said simply as she continued to looked out the window.

"You're mad at me. You're mad about me not allowing you to drive." Thatcher said as he looked at her.

"I'm just tired. And not in the mood to talk." Meredith said without looking at him.

"You look beautiful in your mother's diamonds." Thatcher said as he looked at the necklace and earrings she had on.

Meredith ran her fingers over the diamond necklace. He had given them to her when she was young. He told her they were her mother's. He said that she wanted her to have them. And so she cherished them They were the only piece she had of her. The only link.

"Tell me about her. Something. Anything." Meredith said as she looked up.

"Honey... Let's not ruin this." Thatcher said with a sigh.

"Something. Is she alive? Is she dead?" Meredith asked. "Where is she..."

"Meredith. It's- It's just too painful. I don't want to talk about it." Thatcher told her frankly.

"Why? Why can't you just tell me? She is my mother! I have no idea where she is! Who she is..." Meredith cried out.

"Sometimes knowing is more painful than not." Thatcher told her as she looked up at him.

"No. Not knowing is hell! Not knowing is... I just want to know. I want to know what happened." Meredith said as she began to cry.

"No, Meredith. It is- I will not hurt you. Just- Forget it. Forget all about it." Thatcher said frankly as he closed the topic.

Meredith had never been so happy to be home in her life. She didn't want to talk to Thatcher. She was beginning to realize that it wasn't worth it. It got her absolutely no where. What was the point. She was hoping that Derek was still home. Even if she couldn't be with him. She could still be around him.

Derek was jealous. Insanely jealous. Meredith was out with another guy. He didn't have the right to be upset. But he was. He really was. His feelings for her were strong. Maybe too strong. Maybe it was because she was forbidden. He knew he couldn't have her, so he wanted her more. Whatever the reason, he found it impossible to do anything but sit in the sofa and stew.

"Mr. Grey." Derek said with a smile when they walked in.

"Derek. How was your evening?" Thatcher asked as he walked in and began pulling his cuff links off.

"Relaxing." Derek said simply as he looked over. "Meredith." Derek muttered as he looked up at her.

She still looked beautiful. But sad. She looked sad. He was sure that she had another fight with her dad. He hated to see her that way. It broke his heart. If her could, he would take all her pain from her and make sure she was happy for the rest of her life.

"Hey." Meredith muttered before heading upstairs.

"I need to turn in. I have a very early morning. Thank you, Derek. Thank you for everything." Thatcher said as he shook his hand.

"No problem." Derek said simply as Thatcher walked away. Tony smile as he walked over and sat on the sofa. "So how was dinner?"

"It was great. Interesting, you could say." Tony replied with a chuckle.

"Why is that?" Derek asked, pretending to be interested. But he was. He was dying to know what happened on that supposed date.

"He was quite a guy. Young. Probably in his mid-twenties. Owns a very successful business. He was definitely interested in Meri." Tony said with a chuckle.

"Oh." Derek said nonchalantly. "That's nice."

"Yeah. He was definitely into her. Who wouldn't be? But I think she has lost her mind." Tony suggested as he glanced over.

"Why is that?" Derek asked with a raised brow.

"Well, he asked for a second date. She told him no. I couldn't hear what she said. But it was a definite no. Poor guy." Tony said with a chuckle. "It wasn't for lack of trying. He was definitely trying. Oh well." He said with a shrug as he looked up at the clock. "Shit. I need to hit the sack. Early morning."

"Night." Derek said as he watched him walk out.

So Meredith said no. Interesting. She said no to a second date. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that a good looking successful guy was turned down by his girl. Yes, she was his girl. No matter what, she would always be his girl. Derek looked up at the clock. He should go to bed too. No reason to stay up. Just a lonely night.

As Derek walked by her room, he sighed. He wanted to be in there with her. He needed her. She was his oxygen. But it was just one night. One night without her. He could handle one night. He brushed his teeth and climbed into bed. Oh how he wanted to wrap his arms around her.

Derek laid there willing himself to go to sleep. He tried everything. Counting sheep. Counting anything. Thinking about the past. Thinking about the further. Derek tossed his body as huffed loudly. He never had trouble sleeping. That's what she did to him. Derek's eyes flashed open as he felt the side of the bed go down. He looked over in shock as his blue melted into her green.

"Mer... What are you doing in here... Your father!" Derek whispered.

"He's sleeping. And I couldn't sleep." Meredith told him as she drew in a deep breath. "I needed to be with you." She said as she burrowed her head underneath his arm.

"Are you okay, honey? You looked so sad earlier." Derek pointed out as he kissed her softly.

"Yeah. I- You're here. I'm fine." She said as she looked up and kissed her. "Were you okay? What did you do while I was gone?"

"Watched t.v." Derek said simply.

"I'm sorry. You know I would rather be with you." Meredith said with a faint giggle as she looked up.

"Would you?" Derek asked with a grin.

"I would." Meredith said frankly as she leaned in and kissed him.

Derek licked Meredith's bottom lip softly before pressing his lips against hers. Meredith parted her lips as Derek's tongue slid in past her teeth. Their tongues meshed gently as Meredith rolled over on top of Meredith. She loved the way he tasted. She loved the way he smelled. It was all so perfect. Meredith moaned as she felt his hard member press against her.

"Oh Derek..." She moaned as he kissed her neck. Derek abruptly quit kissing her neck and looked up. "What's wrong?"

"We can't. Your father is right down the hall. We can't. I like my dick attached." Derek said frankly.

"He's a sound sleeper." Meredith said as she pulled away. "Besides, I like your dick attached too. Do you think I would do anything to endanger it?" She asked with a giggle as she bit his ear and stood up.

Derek watched as she pulled the drawer open and pulled a condom out of the box. She sat it down as she pulled her silky nightie over her head and pulled it off. There she stood, in all her glory in front of him. It was the first time that she allowed him to look at her fully without apprehension.

Derek felt his cock start to twitch. It needed her. He needed her. Her sweet pussy was his cock's home away from home. He felt so comfortable and perfect inside of her. They meshed in sweet harmony. Two odd puzzle pieces cut for one another. Derek pulled his shirt off and shimmied out of his pants. He leaned over and undid the condom wrapper and rolled it on.

"You have to be quiet." Derek whispered as he pulled her down on top of him.

"I can do quiet." Meredith said softly as she felt his warm flesh press against hers. Derek rolled her gently onto her back and covered her body with his.

"Sure you can." He said, unconvinced.

Meredith moaned softly as he ran his hand down her body. She loved the way his mouth felt around her sensitive nipple. Her heated core was screaming for him as he kissed her abdomen gently. Meredith gasped and arched her back as he touched her clit with his finger. Her slowly slid two into her moist heat.

"You are so wet." Derek said with a smile as he made his way back up to her neck and sucked.

"I just need to feel you Derek. I need to feel it." She moaned as she ran her hands down her back.

"Okay, baby..." Derek agreed as he gently parted her legs and slid his length deep inside. "Oh Mer..."

They paused and looked into each other's eyes. It felt so perfect as his large cock pressed her walls to their brink. His cock was seated deep inside of her. Their warm bodies felt perfect laying against one another. Derek leaned down and placed his tongue deep inside of her mouth as he gently pulled in and out.

It wasn't sex this time. It was a deep emotional connection that was firing faster and harder than ever. Derek's tongue mimicked his cock as he dove in and out out of her. They remained quiet as he laid against her, feeling her hard nipples press against his muscular chest. Meredith ran her hands down his back and rested on his ass as he plunged his length into her hot creamy core.

"Oh..." Meredith moaned as she felt herself begin a strong powerful climax.

"Mer... Baby." Derek said softly as he continued to plummet.

Meredith's tight walls began to strangle Derek's large girth. She could feel him pulsating inside of her. His cock was threatening to explode. She moaned and bucked her hips with his motions. As she began to climax, her nails dug into his back. She moaned as she felt herself right there on the brink. They remained silent as the waves of their orgasms began to run over them like a hot rain. They were so wrapped up in each other. So wrapped up in the unspoken passion that consumed them. Derek collapsed on top of Meredith as he came down from his high. They both closed their eyes and panted quietly.

"I need this to go on forever... I'm not ready to give it up." Meredith said in an almost silent whisper.

"What's that?" Derek asked, knowing what she said.

"Nothing." Meredith said as she cuddled against him. "I just... I just want to lay here with you. Just for awhile."

"Okay." Derek agreed as he tossed the condom and pulled her close.

As Derek laid there, he thought about what she said. I'm not ready to give this up. What did it mean? What was going on? What was she up to? The thought of it ending was enough to make him sick. So he held her. He had to. He wasn't giving it up.

Meredith and Derek fell asleep in each other's arms. They didn't mean to. Meredith had intentions of going back into her room after she had her little visit with Derek. But she couldn't pull herself away from him. She could never pull herself away. He made her feel whole. And that was a feeling she wasn't willing to let go of.

Thatcher Grey woke up bright and early. He had already said goodbye to Meredith last night. He was feeling uneasy about how things went the night before. He was feeling guilty that he had been so cold with her. He always told himself no to be. But it seemed it never listened. As he walked by Meredith's door, he paused. His hand turned the knob as he stood there. He wanted to go in and say goodbye. He contemplated. Soon he decided that last night's goodbye was enough and he wouldn't bother her so early in the morning. His hand dropped as he walked away.

So there Thatcher went. He rode off with his entourage. With his little henchman. Meredith and Derek were still in their peaceful sleep. They had no idea just how close they were to being caught. Derek smiled in his sleep as he smelled her lavender hair in his face. It was all so perfect.


	29. Rearing It's Head

Meredith and Derek woke up to the soft sun peeking into the large windows in Derek's room. At first it was a moan as they rolled into each other, feeling their warn naked bodies touch. Meredith rolled onto Derek, feeling his hard morning wood against her. She felt her core heat as she thought about his hard cock inside of her. Then their eyes opened wide.

"Shit!" Derek said quickly.

"Oh my God! I never went back to my room. Oh my God!" Meredith said in shock as she sat bolt upright. "You need to-"

"I need to check. I need to see if they left. Hide." Derek said quickly as he pulled his pants and tee shirt on.

A sigh of relief washed over him as he looked around the empty house. The beds were still in a mess. But the luggage was gone. The cars that were previously in the driveway had long since left. They were most likely gone before the morning sun rose on the horizon. Derek went ahead and jogged downstairs to make the coffee.

Derek looked around the house, seeing it was a mess. They were lucky they got up when they did because Rosa was due to come today. The last thing she needed to see was Meredith and Derek walking out of the same bedroom. Especially when all Meredith went to bed in was a tiny nightie. As he flipped the coffee pot on, he looked down on the counter. Thatcher had left Meredith a note. He quickly snatched it up and made his way upstairs.

"All clear." Derek said loudly as he watched her crawl out of the closet. "You know we have a problem when you are crawling out of closets, right?"

"I know." Meredith agreed as she looked up. "But we can't-"

"I know, Meredith. I know." He agreed as he held the letter out. "Your dad left this on the counter."

Meredith quickly grabbed the envelope and opened it up. She sat down on the bed as she read over her father's familiar handwriting.

Meredith,

I contemplated waking you up this morning

to say goodbye. I know you are grumpy in

the mornings like your mother always was,

so I decided against risking my life. Yes,

that was a small tidbit of information

for you to nibble on. I apologize for our

conversation in the car. You are my little girl,

and my sole purpose in life is to protect you.

And I will do that until the end. I hope you had

a good time last night.

Hope to see you soon,

Dad.

"Is it-" Derek started as he looked at her.

"You don't have to worry, Derek. He doesn't know. He has no idea what is going on. I would never put you in danger. If he knew, we would know. He doesn't hold back." Meredith told him as she tossed the letter in the trash. "I need to take a shower. I'm sure Rosa will be here soon."

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Meredith told him softly as she walked out.

Derek quickly grabbed the note from the trash. It was genuine. But at the same time, it wasn't. He knew why she was upset. He was treading her. Almost taunting her. Probably not on purpose, but that was what it was. He gave her little insignificant fact about her mom. But he refused to tell her her name. Thatcher was a cruel man to his daughter. Just as he was saying he would protect her. Little did he know that protecting her was worst than letting her do as she wished. He was hurting her in the long run.

As Derek let the hot water fall down his body, he was slight disappointed in himself. He fell asleep with her last night. He put them both in danger. If Thatcher Grey found them together, who knows what would have happened. But he had a feeling that he wouldn't be the only one that suffered. Meredith would pay too. He just didn't know how.

Meredith went down the stairs smelling breakfast. It never smelled so good. As she made her way to the kitchen, she could hear the loud banging of pots and pans. She had to smile when she walked in, seeing Derek cook. She had never seen anyone make cooking look so sexy.

"I hope you are hungry." Derek said with a grin as he looked over at her.

"Always." Meredith told him as she sipped her coffee.

"I'm glad your father went back." Derek said with a smile as he placed Meredith's omelet on her plate.

"Me too." Meredith agreed with a smile. "So glad. You have no idea."

"I'm sorry, Mer." Derek told her as he sat down across the table.

"For what?" Meredith asked, taking a bite.

"I'm sorry that you didn't have a family. You missed out. I'm sorry for that." Derek told her softly.

"You don't miss what you don't have." Meredith said with a smile as she heard the front door open.

"Miss Grey, Mr. Hanson. Boungiorno!" Rosa said with a big smile as she came in.

"Ciao." They said simultaneously as they looked up at her.

Meredith and Derek remained silent as she went through the house cleaning. Derek could tell that she wasn't happy to be cleaning the extra mess that Thatcher's army had left. She would mutter one or two Italian swear words, and grumble something or other and march away.

"I'm going to go watch the water." Meredith muttered as she walked out the back door. Derek saw her disappeared down the stone steps towards the water.

He knew she was unhappy. That bubble that they had created, was gone for the moment. It was gone because Thatcher marched in and popped it with the biggest pin her could. As Derek sat the dishes in the sink, he was thinking about what he could do. Just as he went to the back door, he heard the intercom for the gate. Who was here? And what did they want?

"Yes?" Derek said as he pushed the button on the wall.

"Yes. This is Matt Davis. I'm here to see Meredith..." Matt said quickly into the intercom.

"Matt Davis? Is she expecting you?" Derek asked, questioning the man.

"No. But we had dinner last night. And I was just stopping to see her." Matt said happily.

Oh. That was who is was. That asshole that she had dinner with last night. The guy that was so perfect. Tony said he was great. Who the hell did he think he was showing up here? He wasn't allowed to walk in and wipe his feet all over his turf. She was his. And this was his bubble. It may have been popped, but he was on his way to repair and re-inflation. No. This was not permissible.

"Okay. Pull up to the house." Derek said as he pushed the button for the gate and allowed him in.

"Thank you." Matt said as he pulled into the open gate.

Derek scowled as he stood there. Matt Davis. Who did he think he was? She told him no. And now he was here. At her house. In the morning. Without calling. Derek didn't like this guy on principle. As he opened the door, his hatred only grew when the man climbed out of his car. Of course he was good looking. Of course.

"Hi, Matt Davis." He said as he stuck out his hand.

"Derek Hanson." Firm handshake. Or course. "I need to pat you down before I can let you in."

"But Meredith knows me." Matt said with a grin.

"Well, I don't." Derek said frankly as he began to pat Matt down roughly. Possibly a big package. Of course. "Okay. Come in. I will go get her."

Derek was fuming as he stormed out the back door. He wanted to toss everything that stood in his way. There wasn't supposed to be competition. No. He was hers. Except for the little fact that they never stated that. That could be a slight problem. As he saw her sitting on the steps looking out, he only got more upset.

"Your friend is here." Derek spat as he looked at her back.

"What?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"Your friend, Matt. He's here to see you." Derek snapped as he turned away.

"Matt. Why is he here?" She asked as she stood up and followed him.

"How the hell should I know." Derek grumbled as he walked into the house, with her on his heels.

"Meredith..." Matt said softly as he looked at her. "Even out of the gorgeous dress, you still look phenomenal." He said as he walked up and kissed her hand.

"You are too kind." Meredith said with a giggle as she looked into his green eyes.

Derek looked up at her angrily. Too kind. Who says that shit? He didn't like the kiss on the hand. Or the comment. Even out of the dress. What did that mean? He wanted her. His competition was right there in front of him. And this wasn't even supposed to be his battle. This was going to be hell. Hell and he knew it.

"Oh... Matt, this is Derek." Meredith said with a smile as she motioned to Derek. "Derek, this is Matt."

"Derek... Oh. The guard. Nice to meet you." He said as he stretched his hand and shook Derek's.

"Nice to meet you." Derek said cordially, but with an undertone of anger.

"So. What are you doing here?" Meredith asked as she sat down at the kitchen counter.

"Well, I said I would get ahold of you. I was hoping maybe things have changed?" Matt said with a grin.

"In less than twenty-four hours? You expected a change in less than a day?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked up at him.

"Well, I was hoping." He replied. "Waiting in the wings, you know?" He said with a smile as he glanced at Derek, wondering why he was standing there.

"Well, it was nice meeting you. I have some reading I must do." Derek muttered as he walked away.

He was angry. More than angry. As soon as he got in his room he began punching his bed pillow. He couldn't do anything else. He wanted to flip the room upside down. This was bullshit. This was the problem with what they were doing. He had feelings. Strong feelings. They both did. Or at least he assumed they both did. But they didn't talk about it. And they couldn't. It was a secret. And now she was downstairs talking to some asshole.

Derek ripped his book off of the table. He went down the stairs quietly, trying to hear what they were saying. As he hit the landing, he looked over to see Rosa leaving for the day. He had no idea how she worked so quickly, but she did. Derek paused behind the wall and listened.

"So... This guy. What's he like?" Matt asked as he sipped his water.

"He's- He's great." Meredith said softly.

"Great. But unavailable. You know, sometimes you can't wait forever." Matt said frankly.

"I know that. But he is- He's- You know what. We don't need to talk about this." Meredith said softly. "I told you I was unavailable. And here you are. I don't get it. Why are you here?"

"I don't know. I had no intention of stopping by. Last night when I laid in bed, I figured I would never see you again. But when I woke up this morning, all I could think was that I couldn't have that. I have to see you again. You are like the sun rising on the horizon. So beautiful. So bright. You are a fresh start. And I had to see you." He said as he grabbed her hand and stroked it.

"Uh..." Meredith muttered as she looked at him in shock.

"Meredith... One date. Dinner. Not date. Dinner. Come on. You should keep your options open. I'm sure this guy wouldn't care. And maybe he would. But I know that I can't leave here until you agree. Because I can't not try this out. I don't know why... But I look in you eyes and..." Matt said as he leaned over.

It was so fast. Meredith didn't even see it coming. Not until his lips were pressed firmly against hers. She closed her eyes as he tongue slid into her shocked, open mouth. She could taste him tasting her. Then reality set in and she pulled away with a gasp.

"You- You- You can't do that! What- What are you- No. You can't. That was unacceptable." Meredith said as she stood as stepped back. "That was wrong."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't- I didn't mean to do that. I just looked into your eyes and fell." Matt said with a smile. "I'm sorry."

"You really should go." Meredith said quickly. "I have a lot to do today." She said as she walked towards the door. Derek quickly dodged out of the way.

"Dinner. Please? I won't take no for an answer." He said with a grin.

"Goodbye." Meredith said as she opened the door.

"I won't take no!" He said quickly.

"It looks like you have to." Meredith told him as she shut the door.

Meredith couldn't believe it. He kissed her. It was a big, bold step. And it was a shock. But at the same time, it wasn't. He wasn't Derek. But it didn't bother her. She had no interest in him, but she had to admire his boldness.

As Meredith turned around, she looked up to see Derek. He was standing there, glaring at her with a clenched jaw. He was mad. Angry. She had never seen him like that. He looked like his head was ready to blow clean off of his shoulders. Her eyes got wide as she looked into his angry blue ones.

"What the hell was that?" Derek spat as he looked at her.

"What was what?" Meredith asked innocently as she walked by him.

"Him. Here." Derek spat, making hand motions.

"He came by to visit, Derek." Meredith muttered as she took a sip of his water.

"Why?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"Why does it matter? He just showed up. Unless... Oh my god! You are jealous!" She said in shock as she looked at him.

"I am not fucking jealous." Derek said as he slammed things around in the refrigerator.

"You are pathetic, Derek." She said as she rolled her eyes. "Jealous. That it too funny."

"Pathetic? What the hell happened, Meredith? Between you and him? I know that he fucking came in here kissing your hand. And then he was talking about how great you looked." Derek said frankly.

"Oh get a life... You are ridiculous." Meredith said as she marched off.

"I mean, come on... When I woke up this morning, all I could think was that I couldn't have that. I have to see you again. You are like the sun rising on the horizon. So beautiful. So bright. You are a fresh start. And I had to see you. A little pathetic, don't you say. Who says that shit? I bet he stayed up all night rehearsing it." Derek said with a hearty laugh.

"You were standing there listening?" Meredith asked as she marched up to him and looked into his eyes. "Who do you think you are?"

"He wants you because you are Meredith Grey." Derek said with a laugh.

"Oh. I see. Did you ever think that he wants me because I am me? Of course not. God, Derek. Do you want to make me feel like shit? Because you are!" She yelled as she got in his face.

"I didn't say that. But his intentions are not good." Derek said frankly. "Unless you want him. Do you want him? God! Mi hai rotto i coglioni!" (You're breaking my balls.) Derek said quickly. Oh yeah, he was picking the language up.

"Fottiti!" (Go fuck yourself!) Meredith spat as she glared at him. "You jealous bastard. At least I know how to piss you off!" She yelled with a laugh.

"Fammi un bocchino." (Suck my dick.) Derek muttered as he looked at her.

That was it. Who did he think he was? Meredith lifted her hand and cracked Derek straight across the face. He looked into her eyes. They were red with fire. She was so hot when she was angry. Looking at her, all he wanted to do was fill her so far with cock that she cried out. He wanted to fill her up until cum poured from every orifice. He wanted her. He needed her. Derek grabbed her wrists and looked into her eyes.

"Ti metto il cazzo in fissa e te lo faccio uscire dalla bocca." (If I put my dick in your pussy, it's going to come out your mouth.) He said angrily as his eyes bore holes in hers. "You don't want that..." He said with an evil smirk.

"Oh..." Meredith growled as she looked at him.

It all boiled over. Derek pressed his lips angrily against hers. Meredith sharply bit down in his lip as he sucked her hers. She watched as blood trickled down his chin. His tongue slid into her mouth with force as he fucked her with it. He heard her moan softly as she attacked his tongue with hers. Derek shoved her forcefully against the counter and dropped her hands.

Meredith began angrily undoing his jeans as he continued to kiss her. She needed him. She needed him when he was like. So angry. So pent up. She watched as his pants and boxers fell to his ankles and his rock hard cock stared at her. She pulled off her own shorts and ground her pussy against his hard cock.

"Is this want you want?" She asked as she rubbed herself against him. "I said, is this what you want, il pistolino?" (Prick.) She yelled as she grasped his hard cock in her hand and squeezed.

"Oh god... Porcoddio." (Goddamn.) Derek moaned as she held his manhood in his hand. "Puttana." (Bitch.)

"You bet your ass." Meredith growled as she clawed at his back. "Fuck me! Come on, you little pussy." She growled as she grabbed his face with her hands.

Derek looked into her eyes. She was so hot when she was angry. He felt her lips crash against his, as she threw her legs around his waist. Derek swiftly slammed his hard cock into her tight, wet, core. He pounded into her as he slammed her back against the counter.

"Is that all you have? Isn't that a joke..." She asked as she laughed evilly.

"Oh.. You want it harder, you little whore?" He asked as he pounded into her with more force.

"Like you have anything to give." She laughed as she squeezed his shoulders.

Derek clenched his jaw as he pounded his thick cock into her over and over. Push. Pull. Shove. Withdraw. Slam. She winced as her back hit the counter. Derek spun around and shoved her against the refrigerator. Meredith cried out as she felt his cock forcefully hit her cervix. He looked down as dropped to the floor. He leaned back as Meredith threw her legs onto his shoulders. Her wide open, tight pussy spread open for him as he slammed her harder than ever.

"Fuck!" She shouted. "I'm cumming!" She yelled.

"Sure you are..." He laughed as he continued to milk her. "Oh... Oh god!" Derek moaned as he worked his cock inside of her.

"Oh god... Oh God... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh..." Meredith moaned as she released her hot cum and her walls pulsated violently.

"Oh fuck." Derek grunted as he pushed his dick into her tight pulsating walls. He moaned as he cock began to twitch and release his come into her, filling her up. "Oh..." Derek moaned as he pounded her one last time before collapsing.

"Oh god." Meredith moaned as she felt the sweat between their bodies.

Her heart was racing. His heart was racing. Their sweaty bodies laid against each other as they come down from their powerful climaxes. Meredith felt Derek twitching inside of her as they laid there, still connected. He gently pulled out and rolled over.

"Wow." Derek muttered as he looked at the ceiling.

"That was the hottest sex I have ever had." Meredith told him frankly.

"No kidding." He replied as he laid there.

"You learned some dirty italian." Meredith said with a raised brow.

"Yeah. I- I didn't mean it. The things I said... I-" Derek said apologetically.

"I know... Me either. I was just so..." Meredith started.

"Angry." They said simultaneously.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed.

"What did he do?" Derek asked as he glanced over.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Matt... You said he couldn't do that. What did he do?" Derek asked.

"Oh. Uh. Nothing." Meredith said as she stood up and pulled her pants on. "It was nothing."

"You can tell me." Derek said softly. "Please tell me."

"No big deal. Just forget about it." Meredith said with a sigh.

"No. I want to know. You didn't like it. What was it?" Derek pried as he did his belt.

"Fine. He kissed me. Okay? Are you happy?" She asked quickly.

"He what?" Derek asked in shock. This was war.

**You guys are getting caught up fast. And I don't get a full hcapter of this written everyday. This is not a good thing!**


	30. Whorish Ass

Meredith laid over the stack of pillows with her ass not so innocently in the air. She was on the business end of Derek's so purposeful game. Pleasure washed over her body like a tropical waterfall as he slid in and out of her heated core with ease. Meredith moaned and closed her eyes as he so savagely used her body as he wished. Not that she minded. It was just as she herself wished. She never felt freer or so complete than when his length was seated deep inside of her.

"Oh God... Derek...Oh." She moaned as his muscular abdomen smacked against her sticky, wet flesh.

"God Mer... Oh." He moaned as his balls slapped into her.

Never did he feel better than when he was stuffing her with his cock. She made him feel things he never imagined. It was a soft place. It was a place in his mind where everything went white. It was pure and quiet. Just him and her as he slid. His orgasm built as he remained in the thoughtless pleasure that flooded his head.

"Harder, Derek. I need it harder. Fill me." Meredith shouted as he so eagerly pumped her.

"Oh God... You are tight." He grunted as he struggled to push and pull his girth. "Cum for me, sweetheart. Flood me." He moaned.

"Oh... Oh God..." Meredith moaned as she waited for her release. It was there. It was so close. She could feel it. Just a little more. "Oh God!" She yelled loudly as it shook her body. Everything quivered as he continued to work himself. Her feet twitched. Her walls clamped. She pulsated in strong, heavy contractions. She squeezed his cock. She strangled it as she contracted and released.

"Fuck... Oh. Fuck!" Derek spat as he felt his balls tighten and pull against his body. "Shit!" He shouted as he shot hard and deep inside of her. His seeds came out of him with force as he slowed his pumping to a standstill and laid against her back. "Oh, thank you, baby." Derek moaned as he kissed her salty back.

"I think we just keep getting better at this!" Meredith said with a giggle as she let herself collapse onto the stack of pillows.

There was no way to explain how she felt when he was inside of her. She couldn't tell about it. She couldn't tell him what it meant. It was so deep. So emotional. It wasn't about his cock filling her to the brink. It wasn't hot sex. It was them being intertwined in a deep passionate connection that she had never felt before. And she didn't want to give it up.

"I think you are right." Derek said with a smile as pulled himself out of her and peeled the condom off. "And this ass is so cute!" He laughed. "It's begging me to smack it."

He said as he reached his hand back and smacked her playfully but firmly on the ass.

"Hey. Stop that!" She spat as he did it again.

"It's too cute." He told her again as he kissed it and then chomped on it with his teeth.

"Leave my ass alone!" She giggled as she rolled off of the pillows and pulled him with her.

"But it's such a nice ass." Derek said as he laid over her and kissed her softly.

"It's a self conscious ass. And it doesn't like to be bitten." Meredith grumbled as she looked into his eyes.

"It does. It told me." Derek said with a chuckle as his placid penis rubbed against her leg.

"So my ass speaks now?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Oh honey... Your ass speaks. And you do not want to know what it says." Derek told her with a chuckle.

"Maybe I do." Meredith said as she rolled over on top of him.

"Well. It's always saying look at me. To everyone. Your ass is a whore." Derek said with a nod.

"I have a whorish ass?" She asked with wide eyes.

"Oh yes. But for me, it says squeeze me, touch me, spank me, kiss me, bite me... Do whatever you want to me." Derek explained.

"Really, all that?" Meredith asked.

"Oh yes." Derek said with a smile.

"Okay. Well it sounds like I can't make it stop." She giggled as she laid her head on his chest. "Apparently it likes you." She said groggily.

"So. This kiss. What kind of kiss are we talking here?" Derek asked nervously. He had to know. He wanted to know.

"Derek. I don't- Who cares. It meant nothing." She mumbled without opening her eyes.

"Was it just a peck?" Derek asked quickly.

"Derek." Meredith said again.

"So it was more than a peck. Tongue. Oh God was there-" Derek started.

"Derek. Who cares? I kiss you. I only want to kiss you." She said as she kissed him softly. "Just drop it."

"What are we doing?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked quickly.

"This. Us. I- I don't know what it is? What are we? What are we doing? Because I know that I am feeling-" Derek started.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Meredith said as she jumped off of him and ran away.

Derek laid there. At first he thought she did have to go to the bathroom. Then she didn't come back. She was avoiding. She was avoiding his question. He didn't think he was asking too much. He just wanted to know where they stood. He wanted to know what they were doing and what it meant. Apparently that was too much.

Meredith sat on the toilet seat. Why did he have to do that? What did he have to ask those questions? It was just too much too fast. She was free falling so fast that she felt sick. It would be so easy to be hurt. She was in the position to have her heart blended and served up as a nice smoothie. So she ran. It was the only thing she knew to do. Her eyes teared up as she sat there. She just wished she could be normal.

"Mer..." Derek said as he tapped on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute." She mumbled as she laid her head in her hands.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked softly as he laid his forehead on the door.

"I'm- I'm fine." She told him quickly.

"You're avoiding." Derek said frankly. "You are avoiding me."

"No I'm not!" Meredith lied as she sat up.

"You are. You are definitely avoiding. I hear no bodily functions going on in there." Derek said with a smirk.

"Eww... That's gross." She said quickly as she turned the water on in the sink. "See... Peeing. I am peeing." She told him.

"No you aren't. That is the faucet. You are not peeing." Derek said with a chuckle. "So when are you coming out?"

"When are you going to bed?" Meredith asked softly.

"As soon as you come out." Derek told her quickly as he leaned against the door.

"Well, then it looks like you are staying up tonight." Meredith told him.

"So you aren't planning on coming out at all? Because I have to say, you are breaking all urinating records. Your bladder must be record size." Derek told her with a chuckle.

"I'm not coming out." She said with a sigh as she flipped the water off.

"Because you are avoiding." He pointed out.

"I'm not- Okay. I am avoiding." She finally admitted as she stood up and looked in the mirror. "But I'm still not coming out."

"But you are talking to me. Through the door. You could do that out here." Derek told her frankly. "Mer... I don't understand what is wrong. Just come back out here. We don't have to talk." He finally muttered. She remained silent as he stood there. "Okay. well, I'm going to bed."

Derek walked over to the bed and laid down. She was terrified of commitment. He had already known that from the past she had. The two month rule she had was definitely failure to commit. She was afraid to give her heart away. As he laid there, he heard the door open. Meredith quietly snuck into the bed.

"I don't know what this is." She said as she looked at him. "And I- I just want it to be what it is. Nothing more. I just want to act. Just do what we want. No rules. No expectations. Just living and doing what feels right. I can't talk about it. I'm not ready to. So this is what it is. What we have had the last month, that is how I want it to be."

He didn't want to hear that. He wanted her to say she was madly in love and they needed to spend every waking moment together. But instead she wanted things to stay the way they were. No commitment. No rules. No expectations. In other words, no promises to each other. No relationship. Sex. Sex and companionship. That was not what he wanted. But if he had to chose that or nothing... There was no choice.

"Okay, Mer." Derek said with a smile as he looked down at her. "Just do what we want. No rules. No expectations. Just living and doing what feels right. Sounds good." Oh what a lie.

--------------------

There was no sleep for Derek. Not a wink. He didn't understand how she could do that. She said she didn't want commitment. She said that she wanted sex. No rules. He was pulled in. He was pulled into her web. His heart was taken by her. She was holding it, and she never even knew it. If she said the right words, she was his. forever. But she didn't. She rolled over and went to sleep. And he spent the bight watching her. And not understanding how she could do it.

Meredith rolled over in the bed. Derek had covered her with the blankets. She pulled them up and looked around. He was no where to be found. She knew he wanted everything on the table. He wanted to know her thoughts and feelings. But she had never been that girl. She didn't give her heart out. She didn't take the risk.

Meredith climbed out of the bed and grabbed the first articles of clothing she saw. She pulled on Derek's plaid pajama pants and white tee shirt. She rolled the too large waist down so that it sat on her hips. Her hard nipples pressed against the thin fabric of his comfortable, worn tee shirt. As she walked down the stairs, she could smell food.

"You're up early." Meredith muttered as she walked into the kitchen.

"And you have never looked sexier." Derek said with a smile as she pushed her against the counter and kissed her softly. "How did you sleep?" As if he didn't know.

"Good. Really good. How about you?" She asked as she looked into his tired eyes.

"I slept well." Derek replied. Such a lie. "I hope you like crepes." Derek said as he flipped the thin pancakes.

"I do. With strawberries." She told him with a smile.

"And strawberries you will have." He said as he turned around.

"You are too wonderful. You cook. You clean. You are amazing in bed." She told him with a giggle. "You are perfect."

"You're not so bad yourself." Derek told her with a smile as he kissed her again softly. Derek placed his hands on her hips and sat her on the counter. "You have a thing for strawberries, don't you?" He asked as he placed as berry in her mouth. Meredith ran her tongue over the strawberry before talking a bite out of it.

"I do. They taste good." She muttered as she licked the juice off of her lips.

"You missed some." Derek told her as he ran his tongue up her chin before sliding into her mouth. Meredith closed her eyes and melted as their tongue grazed each other softly. "Got it." Derek muttered as he pulled away from her.

"Thanks." Meredith returned softly. "What time did you get up?"

"Oh... Early. Five? I took a run on the beach." Derek said with a smile. "The paparazzi was out in full force."

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"Oh. I took a run down the real beach." Derek explained. "You would never believe it, but there is actually more sand beyond that big stone wall."

"You're an ass. And I'm jealous." Meredith said as she smacked him in the arm. "You got to go out of the prison yard."

"I'm sorry... I have to say, the sand really is whiter on the other side." Derek said with a laugh.

"Not nice. Not nice at all." Meredith pouted as she pulled herself off of the counter.

"Where are you going?" Derek asked as he watched her walk away.

"To get my bathing suit on. I think I need a swim." Meredith told him as she looked up at him.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Derek asked as he placed the food on her plate.

"I'll be down in a minute. Let's eat outside." Meredith told him as she disappeared up the stairs.

Derek carried their plates and drinks out to the table. The warm breeze felt perfect as it blew over him. He listened to the steady crash of waves coming in and going out. The sun was bright and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

"Looks great." Meredith told him with a smile as she sat down.

"Sure does." Derek said with a smile as he looked her up and down.

"I was talking about the food. You know... The edible stuff on the table." Meredith said with a smirk.

"Well, I was talking about the food. You know... The edible girl sitting in the chair." Derek said with a smile.

"Funny." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

"You are so tasty." Derek said with a grin.

"You're not so bad yourself." Meredith told him happily.

They said those things. They flirted. They had hot sex. And then that. And then she says things like no commitment. Just sex. No rules. Just act and live. As he sat across and watched her eat, all he could think of was the emptiness. The emptiness that would be there if she wasn't around. He needed to convince her. This was far more than sex.

**Yay...This is the right chapter!**


	31. Grazed Knees

They were in the car. Derek was quiet. He wasn't sure what to say. He had so much internal conflict going on that he didn't even know if he could talk. Every once in awhile he would glance over at her. She looked so content. He had no idea how she could be. He was anything but content. All he could think of was her. All he could think of were his feelings.

He wanted to shout it out to her. He wanted to pour everything out. Derek wanted to place it all on the table so they could look at it. So that is was known. But at the same time, he was afraid. When it came to relationships, she was reserved. She was quiet. All he could think about was what would happen if he did tell her how he felt.

Deep in his heart he knew. He knew that if he told her he was in love with her, she would run. She'd end it in a second. She was too afraid of commitment. She was too afraid to be hurt. He wanted to sit her down and tell her what she meant to him. He wanted to tell her that he would never hurt her. He, himself was fearful. The feelings that were coming over him were stronger than he had ever known. He didn't know what to do with them. He knew that he was riding a fine line. And he had to stay on it.

"You need clothes." Meredith pointed out quickly.

"I need clothes?" Derek asked as he glanced over.

"You do. You need clothes. Not that your clothes aren't fine. But yeah, we need to shop. I want to go somewhere nice for dinner tonight. Since we are leaving soon." Meredith told him as she looked into his eyes.

"When are we leaving?" Derek asked as he looked at her. She hadn't spoken a word of it.

"Tomorrow. The jet will be ready tomorrow night." Meredith told him.

"Tomorrow... I didn't realize so soon. Are you ready? To go home?" He asked as he drove down the road.

"No." She told him frankly. "But it doesn't matter. You can't live in a fantasy forever."

"Yes you can." Derek said quickly. "You can live in a fantasy. If you want it bad enough, you can have it."

"I don't believe that." She muttered as she looked out the window. She remained quiet for a long time before she spoke. "The diamonds are my mom's. The ones that I was wearing the other night, they were my mother's."

"Oh. Well, they were very nice." Derek said, not knowing what she was getting at.

"Maybe she is dead. That would explain why I got them. Or she gave them to my father as a parting gift." Meredith said with a nod.

It had been going through her mind a lot. She couldn't figure out why her mom would leave her. It was bothering her. To think that a mother would just forget about her daughter. But at the same time, she could be dead. It killed her. The not knowing made her sick. She just wanted to know. No matter how bad it was. Either way, she did know one thing. She was never having kids.

"I'm sorry that you don't know." Derek told her as he squeezed her hand.

"Me too." She muttered as she looked off. "There! That's the store." Meredith told him as she pointed.

"Okay." Derek nodded as he pulled in front of the shop.

The minute they pulled up to the shop, the paparazzi stormed her. She had never spoken to them. Ever. They begged her. The called her name. They told her how beautiful she was. But she wouldn't give it to them. It made her sick. She hated it. Derek shielded her as they walked in.

"I hate that." She grumbled as they walked into the store. At least the glass was tinted.

"I know you do." Derek said sadly as he looked around. Meredith began buzzing around the store.

"Oh! Look at this shirt." Meredith said as she held up a red one.

"I don't look good in red." Derek pointed out.

"In this one you would." She said softly as she handed it to him. "Try it on."

"Mer. I really don't like this. If I want it, I buy it." Derek told her frankly.

"Go." She said as she pointed.

"Your boyfriend?" The shop owner asked as he came up.

"Oh god no, he's the help." Meredith said with a chuckle. Inside it made her sick. To say that made her sick.

"Oh, I see." He said, slightly taken aback.

"If he has to follow me around, he had to look halfway decent." She muttered as she looked towards the fitting room. "Go find something that would look good on him." She said as she waved him off.

"Right away, miss." He muttered as he walked away.

When Derek came out, Meredith's voice was gone. She had a huge lump in her throat. She was speechless. He looked amazing in the shirt. He looked amazing in everything he tried on. They both spent the day trying on clothes. Meredith ended up buying Derek several outfits. She loved buying things for him. She knew he could never afford to do it on his own.

Derek hated it when Meredith bought him things. He felt poor. He felt pathetic. He wouldn't tell her. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. But he felt like he owed her. He knew she didn't feel that way. But he was not raised like this. He was beginning to feel like a leech.

----------------

This was the difficult part. Dinner. Dinner out. She had to eat. That's how she looked at it. It wasn't a date with Derek. Not to everyone else. She was hoping it was just her. Eating. And he had to come along. But in her heart it was quality time. It was her enjoying his company. And she loved that.

"You look tired." Meredith said softly as she looked across the candle-lit table at Derek.

"I am. That's what hours of shopping does to you." He replied with a chuckle as he sipped his wine. "I thought you didn't like shopping."

"I don't like people to stereotype me. To say I am the ditsy rich blond who likes to shop. I like it once in awhile. But I don't do it daily. But yeah, occasionally I enjoy it." Meredith explained.

"You really shouldn't buy me things, Mer. If I need something, I can buy it. It's not your responsibility to fund me." Derek told her frankly.

"First of all, I am not funding you. And secondly, I enjoy it. So be quiet and like it." She told him as she grabbed a piece of bread out of the basket.

"I can pay you back." Derek explained as he also too a piece of bread.

"No. No. They were all gifts." Meredith said as she looked up.

"But I can't-" Derek started.

"Derek, I don't expect you to buy me anything. I hate gifts. Everyone sends me gifts. You do something more. Something much more important." She said with a faint smile as she looked down at her bread.

"Okay. But no more. Do you understand?" Derek asked.

"Uh huh..." She said with a giggle. "Okay, Derek." She said, unconvinced.

"So did you enjoy it here?" Derek asked as he looked into her sparkling green eyes.

"This is the best time I have ever had." She said honestly. "I wish I could stay here. If I could stay here in this moment..." She trailed off as the waitress placed their food in front of them.

"Did you enjoy it?" Meredith asked him.

"I did. I really did." He told her with a smile.

Meredith and Derek stayed fairly quiet through dinner. They couldn't quit thinking about it. Neither wanted to go home. They were full of dread. Nether notice that the other was quiet because they were both so distracted by their own thoughts. It felt as if something big was ending. It was slipping. And they were losing their grip. The had lived a fantasy. And they had to return to reality.

-------------------

Derek laid back on the bed. He wished it would never end. Meredith went in to take a bath. He offered to take one with her, but she declined. She was still too self conscious. But it didn't matter. He needed to think. He needed to figure what he was doing. He needed to figure out how they would make this work when they went back to the house. They had to. He needed it to.

Derek heard the door open quietly. He glanced up, seeing Meredith walking towards him. Her wet hair was twisted up on her head. Derek felt his cock start to grow as his eyes followed her perfect body. His pants began to tighten as he looked at her full breasts inside the black demi-bra. He tensed up as he looked at the tiny matching panties. But nothing was better than the thigh-high stocking and garters.

"Wow..." Derek muttered as he looked at her in shock.

"I thought for our last night I would do something special." Meredith whispered as she walked up, holding a container.

"Yeah?" Derek asked as he looked up at her in amazement.

"Oh yeah." She muttered as she walked to the bed and climbed up.

"What's that?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"Potato pudding." Meredith told him with a grin.

She spooned a small bite of the potato pudding covered in orange and caramel sauces. Derek opened his mouth and eagerly tool the bite into his mouth. Meredith smiled as she continued to feed him. She gently rocked her hips arousing him as he ate.

"You know... They say that potato pudding is an aphrodisiac." Derek told her with raise eyebrows.

"Is that so?" She asked with a smile.

"It is." He told her as he grabbed the pudding and fed her a bite.

"Mmm... I think you're right." She said with a giggle as she leaned in and licked his lips. Meredith pulled away and fed him another bite. Meredith licked Derek's lips again, but this time she stuck her tongue in his mouth, tasting the sweet orange and caramel sauces.

Derek grabbed the container from her hand and placed it on the table next to the bed. She smiled as she looked into his blue eyes. Eyes that gave her immediate comfort when she melted in them. Meredith leaned forward and slowly pulled his shirt over his head. Her hands went to work on his muscular chest. She loved the way his tight muscles felt beneath her soft fingers.

"You are so beautiful, Mer." Derek said with a smile as he ran his hands over her body. "So perfect..."

Meredith closed her eyes as she felt his hands run down her arms. She let a soft smile cover her face as he cupped her bra-covered breasts. His hands trailed down her abdomen, where he then grasped her hips. She moaned as he ran his hands up her back and unclasped her bra. She moved her arms as he slid it down.

"You feel so good, honey." He told her as his palms rubbed her erect nipples. He finally grasped a breast in each hand and squeezed.

"Derek... I want to feel you. I need to. I need to know- Please, just let me have you." She moaned as she moved back off of him and worked on his pajama pants. Derek lifted his hips as she pulled them off of his body. A smile covered her face as she looked at his perfect manhood. She gently placed her hands on his balls and began massaging. Her heart rose as she watched him grow in front of her.

"I want to taste your cock, Derek..." She said with a smile as she wrapped her petite hand around his thick, throbbing shaft.

Meredith ran her fingers over his velvety head. Her tongue ran softly over his head, and she gently tongued his slit with the tip of her tongue. She didn't take her sparkling green eyes off of his deep blue as she placed the tip in her warm mouth. Derek groaned as the feeling of her hot saliva on him. Her tongue traced around and around and she softly began sucking and lapping. Derek placed his hands behind her head. His cock bounced off the back of her throat as she swallowed him down, continually taking more and more.

"Mer... You have a perfect mouth." Derek breathed throatily "The perfect cock sucking mouth." He moaned. She gently massaged his balls in one hand, feeling them tighten up in her grasp. "Meredith... I'm getting ready to cum. I'm...cumming... " He yelped. "Shit!'

He held her face as he began to fuck her mouth hard. His white creamy load shot into her mouth while she happily sucked and swallowed him dry. When his cock began to soften, she pulled away and looked up at him with a satisfied smile.

"I need a minute..." Derek moaned as he laid his head back.

"You taste so good." She told him as she ran her tongue over his body.

When Derek finally came down from his high, he laid Meredith back on the bed. He hooked the stings of her panties and attempted to pull them down over her thighs. Her garter was stopping him. He looked at her and then at the panties and finally tore them off. He loved the stockings. He wanted to fuck her in her stockings. Derek's grin grew at the presence of her wet lips. It was his sweet spot. Derek gently eased two fingers into her and finger fucked her gently. He heard her gasping for breath as he pressed and rubbed her in the spots that he had learned sent her over the edge. Meredith yelled and panted, as he rubbed up and down, stimulating her clit with his thumb until it was swollen.

"Derek... Please... Make me cum. Make me cum now." She moaned as she bucked her hips. The sensations were taking over as he continued to stroke with just the right amount of pressure. Derek dropped his head down to her hot lips and flicked the tip of his tongue over her clitoris, causing her to scream out loudly.

"Derek...Oh god! Please...keep going! I'm going to- I'm cumming." She shouted as she fell into a deep, powerful climax. She felt herself release her hot cream into his awaiting mouth.

Derek groaned as he sucked and slurped her essence. He needed her. This was his candy. Her cum tasted sweet like candy in his mouth as he drank her down.

"You taste so good..." He moaned as he pulled his face away and looked up at her.

"More..." She moaned as she got on her knees and looked up at him. "Lay back." She demanded. Derek looked up at her. "Now." She told him forcefully as she pulled out a condom from the table next to him.

Derek laid back and watched as she rolled the condom onto his dick with such perfection. His arousal only got stronger as her petite fingers ran his length, smoothing out the latex that was covering is hard shaft.

Meredith smiled as him before she turned around and straddled him. Derek moaned as he looked at her perfect apple shaped ass right in front of him. Both cried out as she sank down onto him. Derek placed a hand on either cheek as she rocked her hips. Her long legs lay beside him as she sat up on her knees and sunk down over and over again. Her feet lay beside his head as he looked at his cock plunging in and out over he sweet pussy. Meredith reached her hand down and massaged his balls as she rode him hard.

"Fuck... Oh shit!" Derek spat as he felt himself ready to cum. "Oh...Mer!" He spat.

"Oh god, Derek!" She shouted as she bounced, her breasts swinging wildly as her head tossed. Derek watched her hair fall to her shoulders as she continued on.

"Oh god..." Derek spat as he started to pulsate harder and harder.

"Oh...Oh...OH, OH, OH!" She yelled as she felt it coming hard and fast. "Oh...Fuck me!" She shouted as he drove himself into her.

"Oh." Derek grunted loudly as his hot sticky load shot out.

"Oh...God..." She moaned as she ceased movement and let herself feel the sensations.

"Thank you..." Derek said with a smile as he laid his head back and panted.

Meredith and Derek had several rounds. Derek couldn't stop. Exhaustion was taking him over. But he couldn't stop. He needed her. He needed her so badly. He wanted to feel her one last time while they were still happy and free. Meredith laid beside him naked, as he laid there and took her perfection in. He could see a tiny tear dropping from her eye as she looked away.

They both laid back on the bed. Meredith looked over at him and contemplated. He could tell something was on her mind as she laid there deep in thought. Finally she pushed the words out.

"Der- Derek..." She said softly.

"Yeah?" He asked as he glanced over.

It was deep. This feeling he had for her was deep. So deep. At that moment he wanted to pour it out. He could feel in his heart that she felt the same. But she was scared. Too scared to admit it.

"This... It was it." She spat out quickly.

"What?" Derek asked with confusion as his worry started to take over.

"That was the last time. We can't- We can't do this anymore. I don't know what we were thinking. We should have never started this. It's over. This is all over." She said as she turned away and pulled the covers up.

Derek laid there in shock. He didn't even know how to respond to that. Over. He didn't see it coming. Over. He didn't think that would happen. He thought they would try. Just try to hide it when they went back. It never dawned on him that it could end so abruptly.

[iI'm trying not to stare, it's too late

The blankets over there, if you like

I'm broken and I'm colder than hell

I should've said I'd not come back here[/i

He felt sick. Actually nauseous. He was the guy. The guy doesn't care. But he did. He couldn't say how he felt. He couldn't even form words. His voice was gone. His heart was breaking. He had been so worried about her feelings. About breaking her. And she broke him.

[iYour breakfast will get cold

I really have to go[/i

She laid there silently as the tears streamed down her face. She had to end it. She ended it to protect him. She ended it so they wouldn't get caught. She ended it before she had to tell him how she felt. She couldn't put herself out there. No matter how she felt, they were two different people. It could have never worked out.

[iIt's easier to lie and be safe

Time and time again I'm half stalled

One giant leap of faith is easy

When everyone you ask is so sure[/i

A wave of regret washed over Derek. He almost wished it had never happened. It was a cruel joke. To give him a taste and then deny him for the rest of his life was the cruelest joke that could ever be played. If Mark could see him now. Now he was a pathetic mess.

[iJust give a second thought

What if we don't get caught[/i

Derek looked over at her. She was quiet. He wondered if she had any idea what she had just done to him. He wondered if she regretted what she said. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take not talking to her. She needed to know how he felt. He needed to tell her. He finally turned over and faced her.

[iJust say you love me now

And forget this whole row

Just save your energy

For making up with me [/i

"Mer?" Derek asked softly. No response. She was asleep. He could hear the soft snoring. The snoring that he found adorable. Hours had passed. Hours where he had laid there and thought. She had silently cried herself to sleep. And he quietly died inside. "I just wanted to tell you... I love you. I am in love with you. I don't know when it happened, but I- I can't not have you. The thought makes me sick. I can't go back to that house and watch you. I can't go back and not have you. We have to make this work. I need this to work. I need you." He was only answered by her snores. That's what he had to say. If only had it not fallen on deaf ears.

**So sorry that I posted the wrong chapter yesterday! I posted the chapter for Without A Moment's Notice. There is no Kristy in this fic! Sorry if I confused anyone! I am posting my fics on four sites. It ends up being almost sixteen times... So, again, sorry!**


	32. Spill It

The bad dream that Derek was sure he had. It wasn't a dream. Dot even close. He came to that realization as he opened his eyes and looked over. The bed was empty. All of Meredith's things from last night were gone. His stomach flopped as he thought about it. He wasn't even sure how he had even fallen asleep. He stayed up most of the night trying to figure it out what exactly happened.

He knew she was quirky. There was no question about that. She was afraid to commit. That stemmed from her first boyfriend. And she had that damn two month rule. But none of that really applied to what they had. Not at all. He didn't understand it. They were fine. And then they weren't.

Meredith felt sick all morning. She was broken. She felt like she was dying. But she was protecting him. Even if it was killing her, she was saving him. Saving him from her father. Saving him from herself. She regretted it. She wanted to go back and change it all.

The more she thought, the more confused she got. She wished she could go back. Her grand plan, quiet frankly, it sucked. If she had been smart, she would have waited until today to tell him. Now that had a full day solely together. And chock full of awkwardness. But if she did go back, it would be for her own selfish reasons. She just couldn't do it. It was the right thing to do. He would understand. He would forget all about it. It was just hot sex. That's all it was. They would both move on and be fine. Or so she told herself.

She could hear his footsteps on the stairs. She couldn't do it. She wasn't ready. She quickly stood up from her chair and made her way around the back of the kitchen. Thank god for the house's open floor-plan. Otherwise she would have never been able to escape around the back and sneak upstairs.

Derek walked into the kitchen. Her looked down at her half empty coffee cup. He touched it with his hand. It was still warm. He slowly walked outside and looked out and around. From where he was standing, he didn't see her anywhere. Derek shrugged as he grabbed his cup of coffee and sat down.

Meredith locked her bedroom door and collapsed on the bed. She was dying. If she had ever thought about it, this had to be the closest she had ever felt to dying. This was death. Maybe death would be easier. Death was almost welcomed in comparison.

She had done this before. Several times, in fact. She was a natural. A heart-breaker. But it never felt like this. This was cruel. It was sickening. She was in real physical pain over it. Her chest felt like someone was sitting on it. Her head hurt. Her stomach was flipping. This was not fair.

Derek sat downstairs. She didn't come down. He waited and waited. And she never came downstairs. He was getting worried. Finally he trudged up the stairs and to her room. Her door was shut. All it needed was a no trespassing keep out sign. With a big sigh, he raised his knuckle and knocked on her door.

"Ye- Yeah." She said softly.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked softly through the solid wood door.

"Yeah. I'm just not feeling well. That's it. I'll be down in a while." Meredith said as she buried her head in the pillow.

"Do you need anything?" Derek asked as he leaned against the door.

"No. I'm okay. I just need to rest." She muttered as she pulled the blankets over herself.

"I'm here if you need me." Derek told her softly.

"I know." She said as she began to cry.

Derek walked away and into his own bedroom. He didn't understand. One minute his cock was deep inside of her. And the next, it was all over. Never had he been this torn up over a girl. He was physically ill. As he laid on his bed, he wondered how she was feeling. He knew she wasn't feeling well. But was it because of this?

So they suffered in their respective rooms. Feeling dead. Feeling crushed. And both wondering how they could ever go on again.

-----------------

It was a day spent in silence. Meredith laid in her room all day. They were supposed to get on the jet that night, and she couldn't bear to spend the day with Derek. He tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't. Most of the time she pretended she was sleeping. She didn't eat. She didn't drink. She just laid there in a self-induced stunned silence.

When it came time to leave, Meredith sat her bags out. Without her asking, he carried them to the car and pulled it around. She didn't say a word as she glanced around the house. It had been a month that she would never forget. It was a month of pure fantasy. It was perfection. The only bite of normalcy she had ever tasted. She gazed out the back and looked at the water, remembering the nights that Derek cooked dinner for them. She perfect. So over.

"We didn't break up." Meredith muttered meekly as she looked out the passenger window.

"What?" Derek asked in shock. Was it not over? Was there still a chance? His mind was going a mile a minute as he thought of the possibilities.

"We were never together. So we didn't break up. It doesn't have to be awkward. It was sex. No big deal. People do it all of the time. So let's just get over it and move on." She said with a deep sigh.

"Yeah." Derek muttered in agreement. Such a lie. He was shot down, laying on the ground, bleeding out.

Derek drove along in silence. How could this happen? If he could have just kept his dick in his pants he wouldn't be feeling the pain that was so evident. If she actually looked into his eyes, she would see a broken man. A man with deep grey-blue eyes full of sadness and regret. He didn't want to regret it. But how could he not? He ruined a good thing. They were friends. She was opening up to him. Maybe if he had let the friendship grow stronger and held off on the sex she would have trusted him enough to not let this happen.

They didn't speak on the jet. They each took their respective seats. Derek read a book and Meredith stared off. She was an empty void. The sparkle in her eyes was gone. The bright light that surrounded her was now missing. As he looked at her, he knew she regretted her decision. But she would never admit it because she was too afraid.

The ride home wasn't much different. If felt slow. It was painful. To drive along, knowing what they were going back to. It was like being allowed to experience the greatest pleasure in the world and then being forced back into hell. It would have been better to not know what that pleasure was.

The iron gates looked overwhelming as they drove up. Back to the prison. Meredith laid her head back lifelessly like she had the whole trip. Paparazzi had taken pictures of her and she didn't care. She was hurting too bad to care about anything. As Derek pulled up in front of the large house, Meredith opened her door and walked up to the house without uttering a word.

"Cristoforo, my bags." She ordered as she waved her hands towards the car.

"Ah... Meri, you're back." Tony said with a grin as she walked into the entrance, her boots clicking on the italian marble floor.

"I'm not feeling well." She said as she continued walking right up the stairs and towards her room.

Derek slowly walked into the house. Coming back after the vacation made Derek realize how Meredith felt. It did feel like coming back to prison. Tony watched as Derek walked in, noticing his broken silence.

"What's wrong with Meri?" Tony asked as he looked at Derek.

"She's not feeling well. Too much sun, perhaps." Derek said with a shrug as he walked up the stairs.

So there they were. Once again. Back in their respective rooms, laying on the bed. This was going to be hard. Going back to reality was nearly impossible when you knew what was out there. Going back to reality was hell. And that was their new residence.

---------------

Something wasn't right with Meredith. It was obvious to everyone. She was barely eating. And all she did was lie around in her room. She didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to go anywhere. Finally everyone chalked it up to her being on her period and bitchy. So far from the truth. The truth was that she broke her own heart. And she made a huge mistake.

Derek was feeling pretty bad himself. But he was doing a much better job of hiding it than she was. He could put up the front and then at night feel horrible. He was not feeling so bad for himself. He was feeling more sorry for her. Sorry that she hurt herself. Sorry that she didn't know how to be loved. Sorry that she was so afraid.

Meredith heard Sofia call her for dinner. She couldn't do it. She couldn't go down there and sit across the table from Derek. It was much harder than she ever thought it would be. It had been almost a week since they were back and she still wasn't okay. She just didn't get it. How could she not be okay? She had kicked so many guys to the curb. But this definitely sat wrong in her stomach.

"Meredith... Are you coming?" Derek asked softly as he tapped on her door.

"No." Meredith muttered as she laid there. The sound of his voice brought both comfort and pain. It was hard to hear him. She knew she hurt him. She didn't until she really looked in his eyes and when she did, all she saw was hurt.

"Mer... You need to eat." Derek told her as he spoke through the door. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry." She muttered as she rolled over.

"Okay..." He said with a sigh. "You're hurting me..." He muttered as he walked away.

With those words Meredith felt sick. She was hurting him. She was hurting him and she was hurting herself. She slowly pulled herself out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. She looked a mess. Her hair was a mess. She had bathed, but not brushed her hair in days. She finally walked out of the bathroom. She was hurting him. She didn't want to do that.

Meredith dragged her feet as she walked down the hallway. Everything felt heavy. It was her mental anguish turning into physical pain. As she entered the dining room they looked up. Tony didn't think twice before jumping on her case.

"Meri you look like shit." Tony said frankly as she sat down.

"Thanks." Meredith responded in a monotone voice.

"Meri... Do you need to see a doctor?" Sofia asked as she looked at her with concern.

"I'm okay." Meredith choked out as she glanced up.

"You don't eat. You don't drink. You never come out of your room." Sofia pointed out with a frown.

"It's Matt." Tony pointed out.

"Who is Matt?" Sofia asked with a smile. "Meri, did you meet a man in the Riviera?"

"She did. A nice guy. She told him she wasn't interested. But I have a feeling that wasn't the case, was it?" Tony said with a smirk.

"It's not Matt. It's- It's nothing. I'm fine." Meredith spat as she pushed her plate away and got up from the table.

"That went well." Derek muttered as he looked up.

Meredith walked back to her room. Her heart was broken. That was what was wrong. She was hurting. As she laid in her bed, she knew what the problem was. She was in love. She was one-hundred percent completely, totally, madly in love with Derek. She loved it. It never hit her until now how she really felt. And now it was over. The best thing that ever happened. Over.

Meredith walked in her bathroom and took a sleeping pill. It was five in the evening, but she couldn't stay awake. She didn't want to be awake. As she swallowed the pill down with a glass of water, she willed it to work faster. To put her out of her misery.

Derek laid in his bed. There was no sound coming from her room. There was no sign of life. It appeared that she was sleeping. But he didn't hear her usual snoring. He was suffering. He needed her. He truly needed her and he didn't want to hurt like this anymore. They were a mess. They were already broken beyond belief. So why not? Why not tell her how he felt? Why not just spill it out? He had to.

**No pain here...I shall fix this!**


	33. Green Eyes

Derek pulled himself out of his bed. He had to tell her how he felt. He had to do it for him. He was suffering. And if this made it so that he would have to return home, he didn't care. But she had to know. She had to know that there was someone out there that cared for her more than anything in the world. She had to know she was loved. And just how much.

Derek listened as he walked into the hall. Going into Meredith's room in the middle of the night was probably cause for him to have his balls cut off and shoved down his throat. But this was Meredith. His Meredith. He had seen it all. Every inch of her glorious perfection. He had to see her. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, hoping this was the right thing to do.

As he walked in, his eyes struggled to adjust to the dark. The moonlight was pouring in through the balcony door. He could see her silhouette in the pale light. She was standing on the balcony looking out. He could tell by her body language that she was distraught.

"Mer." Derek said plainly and softly as he walked up.

"Derek! What are you doing here?" She asked in a whisper.

"I- I need to talk to you." Derek said quickly as he grabbed her hand.

"Derek... We can't. You shouldn't be in here. You need to go." She said as she pulled his hand.

"No. I can't. I need to tell you. I need to talk to you first." Derek said softly as he looked into her green eyes.

"Derek. I can't. We can't." Meredith said sadly.

"I have to say this. I have to say it for me. And I don't want to scare you. And I don't want to make you panic. But I have to get this out because I can't sleep without letting you know. I can't go on like this." Derek told her as he cocked his head.

"Derek..." Meredith said in a whimper.

_[iHoney you are a rock,_

_Upon which I stand_

_But I come here to talk_

_I hope you understand[/i_

"Siete la donna che più bella ho visto mai." (You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.) Derek said softly.

"Please." Meredith replied sadly.

"You are amazing. So perfect. I know you don't see it, but it's true. I look at you, and you make me feel alive. You make me feel complete. I don't know when it happened, Mer. But I fell in love with you. I am in love with you. I am so in love with you, it's pathetic. The last few days have been hell. To see you so sad. It broke my heart. And my heart is broken. It's broken because I can't imagine my life without you." Derek explained softly.

_[iGreen eyes yeah the spot light shines upon you_

_and how could anybody deny you_

_I came here with a load_

_and it feels so much lighter now I met you_

_and honey you should know_

_That I could never go on with out you_

_Green eyes[/i_

"I need you how much I care. I need to be around you. I know it's stupid. I know that your father doesn't approve and I know that it will be hard. But I don't care. I want you. I need you, Meredith Grey. And I will sneak for the rest of my life, as long as I am sneaking with you. I love you." Derek said as he placed his hand on the side of her face.

_[iHoney you are the sea_

_Upon which I float_

_and I came here to talk_

_I think you should know[/i_

"I want to take care of you. I know that you are scared. Don't be. I will take care of you. You never have to worry. I won't hurt you. I could never hurt you. I have never felt this way in my life. It has taken me over. And I don't care. I enjoy every minute of it. Every second with you is perfect. You make me want to be a better man. You give me hope. You make me feel like I matter. And I want you. I want you because you are my forever." Derek told her as he wiped the stray tear running down her cheek.

_[iGreen eyes_

_You're the one that I wanted to find_

_And anyone who tried to deny you,_

_Must be out of their mind_

_Because I came here with a load,_

_and it feels so much lighter since I met you_

_Honey you should know_

_That I could never go on without you[/i_

"Please say you will let me love you. Please say that we can do this. I need you to say that you will love me. I need you. I need you to feel alive. And I can't imagine going on without you. Say you'll love me." Derek said as he grabbed her hands. He looked into her eyes as she remained silent. "Mer?" He asked as he cocked his head.

_[iGreen eyes_

_Green eyes_

_uh oh oh oh_

_uh oh oh oh_

_uh oh oh oh_

_uh oh oh oh[/i_

"Oh, Derek..." She said as she cried softly. "No one has ever said that. No one has ever told me they loved me. They've said it, but they didn't mean it." She said as he looked into his eyes. "I love you... I love you so much..." She said as she looked at him.

Derek leaned in. Meredith felt his tongue run along her lip. She took in a deep breath as his soft lips pressed against hers. They were so comfortable. So perfect. So natural. She parted her lips and allowed his tongue to slid in. Their tongues meshed as Derek placed his hands on the sides of her face. Meredith ran her fingers through his perfect hair. So much passion. So perfect. It just felt right.

_[iHoney you are a rock_

_upon which I stand...[/i_

Meredith pulled away and looked into Derek's eyes. She couldn't believe she even tried to deny how she felt. She was so in love with him. She hadn't been able to function, just thinking about what had happened. Meredith drew in a deep breath as she looked looked at his face. He had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And now he looked completely relaxed. Completely fulfilled.

Derek looked at Meredith. His Meredith. She was no one else's. She was his person. His girl. She was a mess. He had never seen her hair so unruly and tangled. She was wearing a tee shirt and pajama pants. As he looked down, he realized it was his tees shirt and his pajama pants. She just looked so normal. So average. So perfect.

Meredith grabbed Derek's hand and slowly pulled him to her bed. At first, he was hesitant. But the need in her eyes was far too great for him to deny her. He pulled her white tee shirt over her head and smiled as he looked at her perfect body. Meredith smiled as she pulled his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor. They each pulled off their pants, abandoning them on the floor.

Meredith laid back on the bed. Derek looked at her hair, it was laying gently around her face. He eagerly crawled on the bed and covered her body with his. It had been a week. And it felt like forever. He just wanted to touch her. To feel her soft skin. He ran his hand up her long leg as he covered her mouth with his. She could feel his hard cock pressing against her thigh as his hand grasped her breast and rubbed her nipple gently.

"You are amazing." Derek moaned as he began kissing her neck.

His tongue felt so perfect as it ran down her neck. He sucked gently, but was sure to leave no marks that could be noticed. Derek placed his hand on her hip as he nipped at her collarbone. Meredith could feel the heat building in her core. Her warm essence began to run down her thigh in anticipation.

"Derek... I missed you." Meredith muttered as his hand feathered over her soft mound.

"I missed you too, baby." He said as he ran his finger along her wet slit. "You're so wet..." He said as he licked his finger. "I want to taste you." He said as he shimmied down her body.

Meredith drew in a breath as he gently pushed up her knees and and spread her legs. He had missed this. He missed her. Derek's tongue ran down her thigh as he neared his destination. He took a breath in, smelling her unique scent. He ignored his cock as it begged to feel her. Derek rubbed his cheek along her soft mound before running his tongue down her slit.

"Oh!" Meredith gasped as the tip of his tongue grazed her throbbing clitoris.

Derek ran his tongue over her slick folds. Her pink lips tasted delectable as he lapped her fluid. Derek prodded his tongue deep inside her before pulling it out and running back and forth over her clit. She thrashed her hips as he continued to push her to the edge. She let out several quiet yelps as he pressed on, causing her to flood his mouth. She could hear him slurping as he took in her essence.

"Oh..." She cooed softly as she let the waves of her orgasm run over her.

She closed her eyes as Derek ran the length of her body pecking her with kisses and licking her with his tongue. Her eyes opened as he pressed his lips against hers and pressed his tongue through her lips. Green and blue melted as he laid across her, his hard member pressing against her opening.

"I need you." She said as she ran her hand down his smooth muscular back.

"I need you." He said as he kissed her deeper.

"Condom... Top drawer." She moaned as she pointed.

Derek leaned over and slid her drawer open. He grabbed the tiny square packet and ripped it open. He laid on his back as he rolled it onto his thick cock, being sure to smooth it out. A smile crossed his face as he rolled back to her and laid across her once again.

"I want you." He said with a grin as he pressed himself against her clit. He cock bobbed and rubbed against it, causing her to roll her eyes back.

"Please... Fill me. I need to be connected." She said as she pressed herself against him.

Derek placed his cock into her tight hot folds. He let out a grunt as her walls spread around him, barely allowing entrance. He slowly withdrew himself and pushed back into her. It was slow. It was purposeful. It was sweet. It was full of passion. No rush. Just their bodies connected. He looked into her eyes as he continued to push and pull.

Meredith spread her legs farther apart and pulled them up, laying them on Derek's shoulders. Derek moaned at the new depths that he was exploring. His cock was wrapped in her warmth. Meredith's hands held onto his ass and he worked. His hands lay on either side of her body and he forced himself in and out.

"Oh... Oh... Oh..." Meredith moaned softly as she neared her climax. She let out several soft cries as he continued to pump into her. He had to fill her. It was a void that only his cock could satiate.

"Oh... Mer..." Derek groaned as he continued to work her. Their bodies began to sweat as they pressed and rubbed. Meredith could feel the softness of her Egyptian cotton sheets against her bare ass and back.

"Oh... Oh god. Oh god!" She spat as she flooded his cock with her hot cum. Derek picked up the pace as he felt his own orgasm coming.

"Shit..." He muttered as he pounded into her one last time as spilled himself. "Oh..."

Meredith pulled her legs down and laid beneath him. Their hearts beat rapidly as their bodies came down from their climaxes. She could smell his familiar perfect scent. He could feel the softness of his skin. She could feel his cock shrinking inside of her. Derek pulled out gently and peeled the condom off. He tossed it in the trash and laid against her.

"Derek?" She finally muttered after a long silence.

"Hmm..." Derek asked groggily.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I just didn't want to get you in trouble. I care too much to see anything happen." She said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Don't worry about me." He said as he kissed her softly.

"This week has been hell." She said with a giggle.

"It has been for me too. But not anymore. Never again..." He told her as he pulled her close. He felt her relax in his arms. It's where they should be. Together.


	34. How We Have Fun

Derek woke up bright and early in the morning. He should have been exhausted from the late night with Meredith, but he wasn't. It seemed that she actually recharged him more that she used him up. They both knew that if there were going to do this, they had to err on the side of caution. That meant no sleeping in each other's rooms and no having sex where they could be caught.

The more they thought about it, the more they knew that this was what they wanted. Being apart wasn't an option. It wasn't even close. They couldn't be apart. Sure, they were unable to be together completely, but they both thought that what they were going to have was better than nothing.

Derek quickly pulled on a pair of pants and a tee shirt. For the first time in awhile he was going running. He was in the mood to run. He was in the mood to do some serious thinking. Reflecting on the past month was enough to entertain him for a lifetime. Every time he thought about the way Meredith looked that first night, he immediately got hard. He never had a girl that could do that to him. Not to that extent.

Meredith opened her eyes and smiled. Her smile faded slightly as she looked to the side of her bed and didn't see Derek. But she had him last night. She fell asleep in his arms. Apparently he had left after she had fallen asleep. Meredith looked at the bright sunlight just coming up over the horizon. It was a good morning for a jog.

Meredith pulled herself out of her bed and walked to her closet. She pulled out her favorite pair of shorts and a tee shirt. As she walked towards the bathroom, her eyes got wide. She saw the used condom in the trash. She definitely had to get rid of that. She looked around in a panic, trying to find a way. She walked into the bathroom and continued to think about what she was going to do. As she brushed her teeth, her eyes travelled to the trash can. There was an empty bottle of conditioner in the trash. When she was done, she quickly grabbed the bottle and walked to the other trash can. Her nose wrinkled as she fished the used condom out of the trash. Somehow is was much more disgusting the next day. As she stuffed it in, she let out a satisfied sigh. She was so smart.

Meredith quickly jogged down the stairs and out the back. She looked up with a big grin as she saw Derek outside stretching. She stood there for a second admiring what she had. She had the best. She had the perfect guy. Good looking, smart and sensitive.

"Hey." Derek said with a big smile as she walked out.

"Looks like we had the same idea." Meredith told him with a grin.

"Sure does." Derek agreed as she continued to stretch. "And I am going to leave now." He said with a little smirk as he jogged off, knowing that there may be someone watching.

"See you out there." Meredith told him with a smile as she continued to stretch.

Meredith began jogging down the path. She knew that there was always someone watching. Or at least there was always the possibility. As she made it to the wooded area of the property, she saw Derek standing just out of view.

"You waited for me." Meredith said as she ran up.

"Of course I did." Derek said with a smile as he ran beside her.

"We have to be smart about this." Meredith told him frankly.

"Luckily we are both smart." Derek said with a big grin.

"So true." Meredith agreed.

As she jogged, she couldn't stop it. It was taking her over. It was the overwhelming feeling to have him. She could feel the heat building in her core. All she could think about was his thick cock buried deep inside of her. All she could think of was his tongue in her mouth as he hit her g-spot. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to have some. She had to have him.

"Oh god!" She shouted as she stopped.

"What?" Derek asked with concern.

"I can't take it." She moaned as she jumped to him and covered his mouth with hers.

"Mmmm." Derek moaned as he shoved her against a tree. Moans escaped from both of them as their tongue winded around each other's in a passionate dance. Derek sucked on her bottom lip as he pushed her harder against the tree.

"Merda." Meredith muttered as he began kissing her neck. Her knee quickly began rubbing his crotch. Her smile grew at the presence of his hard member.

"Fuck..." Derek muttered as he began playing with her pants.

"No condom." Meredith whined with disappointment in her voice.

"Just because we don't have a condom, doesn't mean we can't have a little fun." Derek said as he pulled her pants down with her panties. Derek spread her legs and placed them on his shoulders in a quick motion.

"And how do you expect to- Ah!" Meredith gasped as his tongue attacked her clitoris. She moaned as he ran the tip of his tongue over it, flicking gently. He varied his motions, then began to lap her with his whole tongue. "I- Oh, god... Oh, Derek." She cried as his tongue delved deep inside and then her ran her length. "Derek! I- Oh- Oh-" She cried out as she squeezed his head with her thighs.

"Don't do that, sweetheart!" Derek said quickly as he pulled away and then went back to work.

"Oh god!" Meredith yelled loudly as her head rolled back and she flooded his mouth. Derek quickly sucked her dry with satisfaction. Meredith kept her eyes closed as she attempted to come down from her high. "Oh..." She said as she opened her eyes and looked down at him.

"I'm going to let you down." Derek said with a smile.

"Okay." She said with a nod. Meredith felt her feet hit the ground. She quickly pulled her pants back on and looked at him. "Now it's your turn." She said with a smile.

Derek undid his pants and let them fall to his ankles. Meredith quickly dropped to her knees into the leaf covered ground. She smiled when she saw his big cock, erect and ready for her. She ran her thumb over it's head and smeared the tiny droplet of pre-cum around. The tip of her tongue ran softly over him before she placed the tip in her warm mouth. His cock was soft skin over his hard meat. Meredith scraped her teeth up and down as fast as she could, her head bobbing as her eyes closed. Derek placed his hands behind her head. Meredith pressed her lips tightly against his shaft as she pulled and pushed. She greedily swallowed him down, causing his head to bounce off the back of her throat.

"Fuck, Mer! Suck it..." Derek breathed throatily "Your mouth feels so fucking good..." He moaned.

She paused and began tonguing his large member. Derek watched her soft lips laying around his cock as they slid the length of his erection up and down. She gently massaged his balls in one hand as she held his base with the other. She felt them tighten up in her grasp.

"Meredith... I'm getting ready to cum, baby." He said with a satisfied gasp.

He held her face as he began to fuck her mouth hard. His hot load shot into her mouth while she happily sucked it down. Meredith to swallow, letting the excess pouring from her mouth. When she was satisfied with her work, she pulled away and wiped her mouth with her hand.

"That's how we have fun?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Yeah." Derek said breathlessly. "That's how we have fun."

Meredith stood there as Derek came down from his high. He laid his head back as he stood there, exposed to the word. Meredith was amazing. She was a goddess when it came to sucking cock. Her mouth performed miracles. She made him cum harder and faster than anyone ever had. He wasn't sure how much experience she had, but he was sure that whomever she had pleasured in the past was a lucky bastard indeed.

Meredith couldn't think about Derek without creaming like a naughty schoolgirl. He had a talent. His tongue inside of her was the best feeling. He knew every spot. It was like he had a secret map that not even she knew about. He could send her over in a second. But he didn't he knew just when to give and just when to take. And that outcome was always the most powerful orgasms she experienced.

"Honey... Your mouth is amazing." Derek told her as he pulled his pants up.

"I'm happy you think so. And I love your tongue. Your very long tongue." Meredith told him with a grin.

"I have to say that is something that we do very well." Derek said with a smirk and a nod. "Are you ready?" He asked as he motioned to the path.

"Definitely." Meredith agreed as she began to jog off. "I have to admit, the sneaking is very hot."

"Very." Derek agreed as he jogged along.

"So what are you planning to do today?" Derek asked her simply.

"Uh. Meeting you in the laundry room and having grinding sex on the washing machine. I knew that thing was good for something. Or thought we could fuck in the pool. How long can you hold your breath? And my bed... I love my bed..." She trailed off.

"With the soft sheets." Derek pointed out.

"Yes, of course with the soft sheets. See now you have a thing for them." She said quickly.

"You have ruined me." Derek said with a chuckle.

"You bet your ass I have." Meredith replied with a giggle. "I have to say, I love the way those sheets feel against my naked ass. When you are pounding into me, I would love to nothing else but those sheets."

"Are you trying to make me hard?" Derek asked as he looked down. "Because you are doing a great job. "If you don't stop, I am going to have a wet spot the size of Texas on my crotch!"

"You don't know how much I love that I do that to you." Meredith replied with a giggle.

"Honey. You have no idea how many men you do that to." Derek told her frankly.

"That's just- Eh." She grumbled. "You are delusional."

"And you are naive, and beautiful. And so fucking sexy." Derek told her as they picked up their pace, knowing they had to make up time.

"You know, if you keep saying these things, I will expect it." Meredith told him as she giggled.

"And I will give it to you." Derek said with a smile. "Oh will I give it."

"And I will take it. I will take it all. Deep. Very deep." She said with a laugh.

"You are cruel." He said as he looked down at himself.

"I know. And you better go. I will see you later." Meredith said with a smile as she nodded.

Any time with Derek was perfect. She literally enjoyed every second. She instantly felt at ease with him. She never felt like she had to watch what she said or did. She was just her. And he was just him. As she slowed to a walk, she thought about everything. She was afraid of getting caught. She didn't care what happened to her. It was him she was worried about.

As she walked into the house, she pulled off her sweaty shoes. She was more hot and sweaty from her earthshaking orgasm than anything else. She looked up, seeing Tony standing there.

"That must have been a damn good run." Tony pointed out frankly. "Because you are soaked."

"You bet your ass I am." She said with a smile as she walked away.

Tony stood there dumbfounded. She was okay. Yesterday, she was held up in her room. And today she was running. He wondered what exactly changed her tune. He shrugged as he watched her walk away. She was Meredith Grey. No one got into her business. And even less could get into her head.


	35. Things To Do

Meredith laid against Derek. She loved the way their sweaty bodies felt against one another. It made her feel comfortable. She felt safe. In his arms, she felt like no one could hurt her. She never wanted to leave. But she had to. She had to go back to her room. She stirred slightly and looked up at him.

"Tomorrow I have some things to do." Meredith told him with a smile. "I need some shoes. And I have an appointment."

"Okay. Shoe shopping. How fun." He said with a chuckle as he rubbed her arm.

"Oh, you know you want to. Besides, I need some new boots. If that bitch Mia saw me in my boots from last season I would be the laughing stock." Meredith grumbled.

"I hope you are kidding. If you are not kidding-" Derek said as he shook his head.

"I am not kidding. Eh... Never mind. Mock me, I can handle it. Anyhow, shoe shopping." Meredith told him as she looked up.

"Mmm... Good. It doesn't matter. As long as I am with you." He said as he kissed her shoulder softly. "I love my spoiled Mer."

"I am not spoiled!" She said quickly as she looked at him. "Privileged maybe. Okay, most likely." She told him with a smile.

"I don't want to go back to my room. I miss this." Meredith sad as she pushed her body closer to his. "I miss sleeping next to you."

"I do too. Even your snoring. And hogging the covers." Derek told her with a chuckle.

"I get cold!" She told him as she patted him softly. "Okay. Fine. Obviously you want me to go." Meredith grumbled as she moved slightly.

"Oh honey, I think you know better than that." Derek said as he rolled his eyes. "We could have a little more fun..." He said as he ran his hand between her thighs. She was finally getting comfortable with him. Instead of tensing up, she moaned and basked in his touch. Meredith closed her eyes as he rubbed her feminine mound gently.

"We've had fun two times tonight. We could go for three, but then your balls would be sore. And I would not be able to walk. And we wouldn't wake up early to go shoe shopping." Meredith said with a giggle as she pulled away and climbed out of the bed.

"Oh yes. The shoe shopping. Again, I cannot wait." He said with a smile as he watched her pulled her pajamas on. It wasn't the sexy ones. They were a baby tee and matching pants. No more did she wear the tiny baby-doll nighties. Meredith smiled at him and went to walk off. "Where do you think you are going?" Derek asked as he jumped up and pulled her back onto the bed with him.

"What?" She asked with a giggle as she gazed into his eyes that were just inches from hers.

"You didn't say goodnight." He told her as he ran his hand over her cheek and kissed her softly.

"Mmm... Goodnight." She said with a smile as she kissed him back. "And I do need to go to sleep." She pouted as she pulled herself out from under him. "Run in the morning?"

"Of course, you don't think I would miss a treeathon, do you?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Of course not!" Meredith told him with a smile.

Meredith slowly crept across the room. She wished that there was a special super secret door from his room to hers. There was not. Luckily Sofia went home at night and Tony's bedroom was at the far end of the residence. Not to mention the house was like a fort and nearly sound proof. And Tony was such and idiot, she and Derek could be grinding in the hallway, and he wouldn't notice. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. He would notice. Because it was sex.

As she laid down in her bed, she felt completely satisfied, besides the fact that Derek was missing. He had a way of filling the never ending void she had. He made her feel complete. He satisfied her sexual appetite. He eased her mind. He made her feel loved. He made her happier than she could ever imagine.

Derek smiled as he laid back on the bed. Oh how he see her go, but he loved to watch her leave. There was something about her that turned him on like no other woman. She had an aire about her that had him coming back for more. He couldn't get his fill. She was an addiction. He was really having to watch himself because he had a tendency to act irrationally around her. As she laid there and closed his eyes, he knew that even though he was technically alone, she was in his heart.

---------------

Meredith came down the stairs slowly. One foot after another. So tenderly. Her hand gently touched the handrail. Her hair bounced on her shoulders ever so slightly. That was how she always did it. And everyone noticed. It was light and airy The tapping of her boots on the marble was soft and sophisticated. The help always watched like she was the most amazing thing they had ever seen. And then she would hit the last step, and everyone would scatter.

"You are happy." Tony said as he walked by.

"Hmm?" Meredith asked as she glanced up.

"You. You are happy. A week ago you were miserable and how you are fine. That's just a little odd, you know." Tony pointed out.

"Well, maybe. But you always say I am odd." She pointed out. "Where is Derek?"

"I don't know, why?" Tony asked quickly.

"Because I need shoes. And I have an appointment. And that is his job." Meredith grumbled as she walked through the main entrance.

"I could take you. I have nothing better to do." Tony said as he followed her.

"That is not your job." Meredith grumbled. "Do you think Derek is getting paid to sit on his ass?" She spat.

[i_No, he is getting paid to spank your ass. Oh, and it is such a great ass spanking. But nothing is better than that hard cock... Buried so deep-[/i_

"Hmm?" Meredith asked as she snapped back to reality.

"I said. I will take you." Tony told her as he grabbed a set of keys.

"Oh." Meredith said, trying not to freak out. "Okay."

[i_Great. Really freaking great. This is what you wanted. Yeah. Hot car sex with Tony. No. Ew. I can't believe you just said that. Okay, you thought it. I can't believe you thought it. That's just- Yuck. That's yuck.[/i_

"Okay, I'm read- y." Derek muttered as he looked up in confusion.

"Oh. You finally come down. I've got in from here." Tony muttered. "I'll go get the car." He said as he walked towards the garage.

"What the fuck?" Derek whispered loudly as soon as Tony was out of earshot.

"I don't know. He's freaking insistent on taking me." Meredith growled. "I hate him."

"This is- We can do this. I will just... I will hang out." Derek said with a smile. "I'll hang out. Here. I will stay. Here." He muttered as he looked around.

"Yeah. I guess. I mean. We have tonight. I guess. Shit. Here he is. I-" Meredith said sadly as she looked out and then back. "Bye."

"Bye." Derek said with a frown.

"Where is Tony? The maintenance men have gone crazy!" Sofia spat.

"Well, he's right outside. Ready to take Meredith somewhere. I bet you could catch him." Derek said with a hopeful smile.

"Ah!" Sofia yelled as she ran off out the door.

Derek smiled as Sofia shot out the door and began chasing the car down the driveway. For a little old Italian woman, she was running fairly fast. Derek tensed up when he saw the brake lights. And he nearly ran out, when Tony pulled back up and got out of the car, following her in.

"Can you take her?" Tony grumbled as he walked in.

"Yeah." Derek fake grumbled as he walked out.

"Oh thank God." Meredith said happily as she watched Derek get in. "That was not going well."

"No it wasn't." Derek agreed as he drove off quickly, hoping Tony didn't come back out.

As soon as they drove out of the driveway and away from view, Meredith crawled from the back seat to the front. Derek grabbed her hand as she fastened her seat belt and sighed.

"So where to?" Derek asked with a smile as he looked over.

"Well, I have an appointment at one. It's right by the shops." Meredith told him as she glanced over.

"An appointment? What kind?" Derek asked with a frown.

An appointment. Worry washed over him, wondering what it could be. What kind of appointment would she need to go to. Every thought ran through his head. Was she sick. Oh my god, was she pregnant. That was not the kind of appointment he wanted her to have.

"Relax, Derek! God. Breathe." She giggled as she squeezed his hand. "I have an appointment to get waxed. Like my body"

"Oh. Oh...God. Whew..." He said with a deep breath. "Waxed. What the hell do you have to get waxed?"

"Seriously? Derek, I look like I crawled out of the amazon. I can't believe you can even screw me. My leg hair is... Oh my god... How could you not notice." She said with a chuckle.

"You were a little prickly. But then it got better." Derek said with a smile. "Ouch. Why the hell would you want to do that? Why not just shave?"

"Okay... American woman shave. I don't shave. It doesn't last long. And me with a razor... No. Only when I have to. It's nothing. And it doesn't take long." She said with a shrug.

"No way. I would never let someone rip the hair off of my legs." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Try your manhood." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Eh... Oh god. No." Derek said with shiver.

"Yeah, well that is the part I don't look forward to." Meredith said with a sigh.

"Whoa... What? Did you just say- Someone is going to- No. No way." Derek told her frankly. "No."

"No what?" Meredith asked.

"Is it a man or a woman?" Derek asked.

"A man, why?" Meredith asked.

"A man. A man is going to be down there. In my playground. No. Some guy can't play around down there." Derek grumbled. "No one should be down there but me."

"Derek! You are being absurd. I get this done all of the time. It's nothing. They just groom. They don't- It's fine." She told him.

"But he is down there." Derek whined.

"And he is gay." Meredith added.

"I don't like this, Mer. I don't like this. That sweet little pussy is mine. Just mine." Derek told her as he ran his hands between her thighs.

"That may be. But if I don't go, that sweet little pussy will be a jungle." Meredith told him quickly as they neared.

"I'm Tarzan." Derek said with a chuckle.

"You are a pain in the ass." She giggled. "I don't know whether to smack you or kiss you." Meredith looked up at the building as he parked.

"You could do both. I like a little pain with my pleasure." Derek said with a smile.

"I bet you do." Meredith said seductively as she opened her door.

"Meredith! Meredith Grey!" A paparazzo yelled as he ran up. "Is it true? Are you and Matthew Tomlinson together?"

"What?" Meredith asked in shock.

This was big. This was the first time she ever said a word to the paparazzi. She would never give them what they wanted. She would never give them the time of day. But today was different. Today they were asking her if she was in a relationship with Matt. A guy she had met twice. And she wanted to make things clear. For her and for Derek.

"So is it true?" He asked with a hopeful smile.

"Matt and I- No." Meredith muttered as she walked away.

"Oh come on. That's all you're going to give me?" He asked as he followed her.

"Leave her alone." Derek said as he shielded her as they walked inside. "That was- You-"

"Where are people coming up with that..." Meredith mused as she walked up to the desk. Derek couldn't help but stare at her perfect ass as she stood there.

"Ah... Miss Grey. Alessandro will be ready for you in a moment." The girl at the desk said with a smile. Meredith smiled and made her way back to Derek.

"I don't like this." Derek grumbled quietly.

"What?" Meredith asked as she glanced up.

"This. Any of this. People thinking you are with him. And this. This guy down there by your- None of this." Derek said with a frown.

"None of this means anything." She told him with a smile. "You know what is important to me. Whatever they think is immaterial."

"I know, baby. I know." He said softly with a sigh as he watched her flip through a magazine.

"Miss Grey..." The girl called softly.

Meredith smiled faintly as she walked away. He really didn't like this. But this was her life. It was all her decision. She had been doing things before he came along. He didn't have a right to tell her that she couldn't get waxed. And he didn't have the right to tell the paparazzi that she was not involved with Matt. He didn't have any rights. Everything they did was a secret. And they is how it would stay. And he wouldn't say anything. He was happy to have her at all.

Meredith laid back on the table. She felt bad about Derek. She wished that he didn't have to be hidden. She didn't want to hide their relationship. But she knew her father. And Thatcher didn't care that he was raised in a middle class home himself. He wanted the best for Meredith. He had standards. And she couldn't tell him. She had him wrapped around her finger, but not by much. She just wished she didn't have to hide Derek away like she was ashamed of him.

"What's on your mind, Meredith?" Alessandro asked ash he ripped another strip off of her leg.

"Hmm... Oh, nothing." Meredith muttered as she flipped another page of the magazine.

"So, I have you to ask..." He said quickly.

"Go ahead. You ask whatever you want anyway..." Meredith replied with a sigh.

"This Matt guy... Nice. Very nice. Although not as hot as that guard of yours. But anyway, what's going on?" He asked her quickly.

"You are such a whore!" Meredith giggled quickly.

"I know." Alessandro sad with a smile. "And?"

"Nothing. Nothing is going on. I met him twice. That's it." She explained with a shrug.

"You are in the tabloids. But not shots of you together. They are already picking out the china for your wedding." He said with a chuckle. "A rose pattern."

"You're kidding me." Meredith stated frankly.

"No. Of course not. You know how they are. They have to obsess about someone. And honey, with these legs, who better?" He asked as he ripped another strip.

"I suppose so." Meredith muttered.

As she laid there, she couldn't help but laugh to herself. She and Matt. They actually thought that she and Matt were getting married. They were so out there with their stories. She didn't even know him. She had no interest in him. And yet she was supposedly marrying him. She was hoping her father didn't have the same idea.

"Okay." Meredith told Derek as she walked out.

"All done?" He asked as he opened the door for her.

By now, more paparazzi had shown up. Meredith covered her face as they rushed her like a pack of hungry wolves looking for dinner. Derek quickly walked them down the road to the shop that she had pointed out earlier. This is how it always happened. She would start out happy and then they would bother her. He knew how much she hated it. And that made him feel horrible.

Derek sighed as they walked into the shop. A tall leggy saleswoman walked up and smiled as Meredith walked in. She was pretty enough, but Derek didn't notice anyone anymore. There was only one woman he noticed.

"Ah... Miss Grey. I figured you would be in." Carmella said as she walked up.

"Carmella. Of course. Like I could wait another week." Meredith said with a giggle as she sat down in the chair. "What do you have for me?"

"I have a pair of Pradas that came in yesterday." Carmella said with a smile. "Your size."

"And Mia?" Meredith asked with a raised brow.

"She was in two days ago. And she missed out." Carmella answered.

"Cow." Meredith seethed. "Bueno."

"These should fit you like a glove." She told her as she walked out and placed a pair in front of her.

"Oh... Those are nice." Meredith answered as she slid them on. "What do you think?" Meredith asked as she strutted around.

"Look like shoes to me." Derek muttered as he looked at her.

"Are you kidding me, Derek? These are gorgeous. And the just came in. One one has these. I love them!" Meredith said exumberantly.

"We also have the new python boots." Carmella told her with a grin.

"Eh... That's not my thing." Meredith answered quickly.

"Well, Mia bought a pair." Carmella stated frankly, knowing Meredith's competitive nature.

"I'll try them on." Meredith said with a nod as she slide on a pair off Jimmy Choos and walked around, looking at handbags. "Oh this one is nice..."

"It's a purse." Derek said frankly.

"It's a Fendi bag. And it is absolutely gorgeous." She told him as she held it up. "Definitely."

"Ah. I knew you would notice that." Carmella said as she walked out.

"Of course." Meredith nodded as she walked back over.

"I have to say you have the best taste of any customer." She told her.

"Maybe because she has the most money." Derek said under his breath.

"These Jimmy Choos are slipping. Do you have another half size smaller?" Meredith asked as she slid them off.

"I do. But I think you would do better with a different shoe. You have always had issues with Jimmy Choos." Carmella pointed out.

"I know. But these are so pretty." Meredith whined.

"I'll see what I can do." Carmella muttered as she walked off.

"So are you having a good time?" Meredith giggled as she sat down next to Derek.

"Are you kidding? This is hell." Derek told her with a frown.

"Aww... You poor baby. What can I do to make it all better?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"I think I could think of a thing or two." Derek said with a smirk.

"You let me get my shoes, and I will fuck you in them. Just them. And I will do all of your favorite things." Meredith said with a smirk as she touched his leg softly.

"Don't think I won't hold you to that." Derek told her as his pants began to tighten.

"I'm hoping you do." Meredith said seductively as she grazed his crotch.

**I loved the whole waxing thing...**


	36. Like Father, Like Daughter

Derek could barely hold it together. The whole time they were in the shoe store, all he could think about was Meredith's long legs wrapped around him. His mind drifted to the changing room. He looked around. but didn't see one. Had there been one, they would have been in it. At least in his mind they would be.

On the way home his cock twitched in his jeans. No relief. No there would be no relief. Because the damn paparazzi were around. Everywhere. At least they were being halfway decent and not trying to run them off the road. But there were there. Taking shots. Taking notes. Meredith sat quietly and didn't talk as they drove. Neither did he. They couldn't.

For the first time ever, the big gates of the Grey estate looked welcoming. Shelter. Solitude. Derek drove up and the gates opened slowly. If they crosses that line, it was no holds barred. If they crossed that line it was open season. Derek watched as they slammed the brakes and watched the BMW disappear down the long winding driveway.

"That was hell." Meredith grumbled as she stuck out her bottom lip.

"Hell, you are the one with a hard on and no relief in sight." Derek stated frankly.

"You poor guy. I will make it up to you later." Meredith told him as she rubbed his thigh.

"Eh." Derek muttered as he pulled up to the door. "I will bring you your twelve thousand dollars worth of shoes and accessories." Derek told her as he shook his head.

"And I would like that." Meredith said with a smile.

Meredith walked into the busy house. Her stomach knotted up. A busy house. Thatcher was home. Thatcher was in the house. Of course. As if the day couldn't get worst. Meredith needed him. She had creamed over and over at his touch. The fire was burning between her legs and now her dad was there. This was indeed hell.

"Meredith..." Thatcher said with a smile as he walked up. "How are you, dear?"

"Good." Meredith said softly as she accepted her father's kiss on the cheek.

"You were shopping?" Thatcher asked quickly.

That was his daughter. To him, that was her. A girl who shopped. A shallow girl who didn't know anything about what was going on in the world. To him, she was his daughter. A lady. A true lady who was to look and act like a lady. Nothing more, nothing less. She should learn her place and look good doing it. Her place was on a rich man's arm. That's they way it should be.

"I was. I bought some shoes." Meredith said frankly.

"That's wonderful, darling." Thatcher told her. "So what are your plans for the night?"

"Well, I was going to go out tonight." Meredith said quickly.

"She wasn't. She was planning on staying home. She was planning on going to bed early. To Derek's bed. Very early. She was going to do all of the naughty things that he loved. Why on earth had she said that. Because if she had plans, then she wouldn't have to do anything with her father.

"Oh. Where to?" Thatcher asked with a smile.

"Oh... The club most likely." Meredith said as she looked around.

"Wonderful. I have the son of a client here. I bet he would love to go out to the club with you." Thatcher said with a smile.

"Oh. I- I was planning... Uh. Okay." Meredith finally said with a sigh.

"Great! That would be great. He's out with Tony right now. But I will let him know." Thatcher said as he turned and walked away.

Great. Wonderful. Fan-freaking-tastic. Why did she agree? Why? She was an idiot. Meredith scowled at herself as she walked towards the stairway. Derek walked in from the other room carrying her bags. She dropped her head as she walked up the stairs. She could hear him walking behind her. With him so close, it only made her want him more.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as he brought the bags in and sat them down.

"I just screwed myself." Meredith grumbled.

"Why?" Derek asked as he pushed the hair out of her face.

"The door is open." She said as she stepped away from him. "And we have to take my father's whatever to the club tonight. Fucking fantastic." She said with a frown.

"So no hot sex?" Derek asked.

"No hot sex." Meredith said with a sigh.

----------------

Meredith looked in the mirror. This was not what she had planned. But if she had to choose between entertaining this guy at home or at the club, she chose the club. She would dump him off. She would ditch him off and focus on something else.

Meredith ran the straightening iron over her hair. With the little tight black dress that she was wearing, her hair would look much better straight. She applied some light make-up and nodded. She looked good. Really good. Maybe too good.

Meredith was nervous. She had been to the club since that night. The night of her eighteenth birthday. The night when everything changed forever. She was secretly afraid. She was afraid of what would be said. Afraid of what would be offered. But she had to go. She had to throw herself back into it so that she could stop herself. She had to go on. She had to make it okay.

Derek's jaw dropped as Meredith walked by his room. She looked amazing. He had never seen her with her hair straight. He was wondering if she was doing this on purpose. If she was teasing him because she knew he couldn't have a taste. He finished buttoning up his shirt and followed her.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she walked down the stairs. The guy as a dork. She couldn't believe that her father was sending her anywhere with this guy. He looked like a fetus. He was a baby. He couldn't be more that fifteen years old. He looked wimpy. Everyone was going to tear him up at the club.

"Where is Tony?" Meredith snapped to the boy as he looked at her with a gaping jaw.

"Uh...Uh... Ton- Tony?" He asked nervously.

"Yes. That is what I said." She snapped. "Ah! Forget it. I will find him myself!" She spat as she stormed off.

"Wow..." The boy muttered as he watched her walk away.

"Derek Hanson." Derek told him as he stuck out his hand.

"Tommy. Tommy Brown." The guy said as he shook his head. "Nice to meet you. I'm assuming that was Miss Grey?"

"Oh yes, that was Miss Grey. And I use that term loosely." Derek said with a chuckle as he winked at her.

"She seems very- Never mind." Tommy said with wide eyes as they walked the direction that Meredith went.

"Tell me again why I am going?" Tony asked with a frown.

"Because tonight is Derek's night off. And I have been kind enough to allow him to use my status to get into the club! So you have to work. You can do it, Tony. Work. It's not that hard." She spat as she looked at him.

"And you would know." Tony answered with a chuckle. "So basically Derek gets to have a good time. And I don't."

"Basically." Meredith grumbled as she stalked off. "Get the car." She ordered.

Derek shook his head. He couldn't believe the way she was acting. She was being rude. At first it was to throw them off, but then she was just being ridiculous. She didn't even introduce herself to the kid. She was just acting like everyone said she did. A spoiled bitch.

They all climbed into the BMW. No one said a word. Tony wasn't in the mood to put up with Meredith's over abundant attitude. He hated when she got this way. Although this was truly the only way he saw her. Tommy was terrified of her. She was very intimidating. He sat in the the back seat, next to Derek, completely silent. And Derek was quiet. He had nothing to say to her, even if he could. He just shook his head and stared out the window. Finally he said something. Someone had to say something to the poor child.

"So, Tommy... How old are you?" Derek asked. It was a good question to ask someone that you were taking to a bar.

"I'm 25." He answered as he looked up.

Meredith snorted. It was definitely a snort. Loud. Very loud. That snort was followed by laughter. It was evil. It was mean. She was taunting him because he definitely didn't look his age. He was awkward. He was at a strange place in his life.

"You're kidding me!" Meredith said loudly as she looked back.

"No." He said frankly as he looked at her.

"Oh. I just- Uh..." Meredith muttered as she turned and looked out the windshield.

"So what do you do?" Derek asked, trying to be friendly.

"I go to Harvard. Law School." He said quickly.

"Interesting." Derek said with a smile.

Meredith listened to the casual conversation that Derek and Tommy were having. From what she could gather, he was incredibly intelligent. It seemed as if he had lived a rather sheltered life. He had lived for his education and never had any fun. Tonight he would have fun. Tonight he would learn what it was to be around Meredith Grey. Tonight Meredith was going to rock his world.

"Holy shit, Meri!" Tony said as they pulled up to the club. "The paps are everywhere."

"The paps are always everywhere." Meredith grumbled as the car came to a stop.

"Never like this." Tony pointed out.

"Wow." Tommy said in shock as he looked up.

"Meredith! Meredith! You look gorgeous tonight, honey. Who are you here with?" They yelled as she walked up.

"Leave her alone." Tony said quickly as he shielded her. "She just wants to have a good time."

"Are you going to have a good time like you did on you birthday?" They yelled loudly. "Where is Matt? When is the big day?"

Meredith rushed into the club. It was packed as always. Everyone was yelling and calling for her as she walked in. Derek found himself irritated with her. Much more so than usual. She was strutting around like she owned the place. Truthfully she was not worse than she usually was. It was that she was his. She was all his. And he didn't like they way everyone was looking at her.

"So, Tommy... What do you drink?" Meredith asked as they walked to the bar.

"Drink? Oh, I don't." He said frankly as he looked at her.

"Tonight you do." Meredith said with a smile as waved the bartender down. "Three shots of tequila." She said with a grin.

"Starting heavy, huh?" He asked her with a chuckle.

"For me and my friends." She told him as as she motioned to Derek and Tommy.

"Tequila?" Tommy said with wide eyes.

"Meredith..." Derek warned quickly.

"Here you go." The bartender said as he slid the shits over.

"Here you go. Drink up." Meredith told him as she handed it to him. All three of them looked at each other before slamming the shots back.

"Oh my god!" Tommy yelled as he choked. "How do you drink that?"

"You get used to it." Meredith told him with a grin.

"So, Derek... Are you going to get lucky tonight?" Tony asked as he looked over.

"Me? Uh, no. No, I don't think so." Derek stammered as she looked around.

"Well, that brunette is looking at you. I would take a shot." Tony told him with and affirmative nod.

"Uh. Not my type." Derek muttered as he looked off.

"You ready for another one?" Meredith asked Tommy.

"No... Not yet." He said quickly.

"Well come on. You need to dance." She said as she shoved him off onto the floor.

Derek felt his stomach tighten as Meredith danced around. She wasn't being flirty. It was all innocent. But it still bothered him. He felt his jaw clench as he watched the guys. He'd like to take every one of them out and beat their asses into the ground.

"Meri looks hot tonight, doesn't she?" Tony said with a smirk.

"She's not my type." Derek said as he looked away from her.

"That again... She is everyone's type, Derek. If you aren't into her you're gay." Tony said with a chuckle.

"Don't you think it odd, that you are attracted to your boss' daughter? Someone who is over ten years younger?" Derek snapped nastily. "You were around when she was a kid."

"Well, I have more appreciation for what she has become. I knew her when she was nothing but a gangly, long legged stick." Tony said with a chuckle. "Just because I look, doesn't mean I play." He said with a smirk as he turned away. "How are you, sweetheart?" He asked the girl sitting next to him.

"Tequila!" Tommy said as he came to the bar.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked with concern.

"Hell yes, I have never had this many girls dance with me in my life." He said with a big grin as he drank the shot and disappeared.

Meredith was dancing by herself along the wall when she felt someone touch her arm. She felt sick as her eyes met a dark brown pair. Her heart started to beat quickly. Her breathing increased. She felt her stomach knot up.

"Meri!" Calvino said with a smile. "How are you?"

"Fine." Meredith said frankly as she turned away from him.

"Where are you going, sweetheart? I have something you may be interested in." He told her with a grin.

"I'm not interested. I don't need that shit." She told him as she stared into her eyes.

"Last night I was thinking about you..." He said with a chuckle. "We had a good time, didn't we?"

"You call that a good time?" She snapped. "No. That was not a good time."

"Oh... You sounded like you enjoyed it. Come on... My cock deep in your ass. You liked it." He said as he ran his hand down her back.

"If you ever say anything... I swear you will-" She started as she glared at him.

"That... I don't kiss and tell, babe. It's not my style. I won't tell. But you can't take it from me. It's all in here. And I like to revisit it." He said as he pointed to his head.

"I swear if you- You won't have to worry about revisiting. You won't have a head on your shoulders." Meredith threatened.

"Ah... I see. You are getting more and more like you father everyday. Insanely hot, I might add. I won't tell. But I would love a repeat." He said as he squeezed her ass.

"Never." Meredith spat as smacked him, spun around and walked away. "Tequila." Meredith said loudly. The bartender delivered her drink. She slammed it quickly and looked over at Derek. "I want to fuck you." She said in his ear seductively.

"Mer... Did you-" Derek asked with concern.

As he looked at her, he felt sick. She looked wild. She looked horny. She wanted him to have sex with her. He asked with first thing that came to his mind. Was she high? She disappeared and he wondered if that was where she was.

"No! I can't believe you would even- Look at me. No, I would never do that. No again. I said I wouldn't, Derek!" She said quickly and defensively.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I just don't want you to fall into that trap." Derek said sadly.

"I just want to fuck you, Derek." She said again. "Please..."

"We can't- Not here." He told her.

"Mens room. Last stall. Go there." She told him as she walked away.

Derek looked at her and sighed. Stupid. Bad idea. Train wreck. Those words all came through his head. If they got caught, he would surely be a dead man. And he felt sick. He shouldn't have doubted her. The look of hurt in her eyes broke his heart. Derek watched as she walked away. Should he stay or should he go? He knew what his cock was telling him to do.

Derek nonchalantly walked from the bar. No one was looking. It was dark. It was loud. No one could hear themselves think. When he thought about it, Tony had disappeared. What kind of guard would go off on his own and leave her? It worked out for Derek, but he still couldn't believe that Tony left her.

The bathroom was loud but empty. He walked to the end stall and knocked gently. Meredith opened it up and pulled him in. He looked at the need in her eyes. He needed her just as badly as she needed him. He felt her hands reach in his pants and handle his hard member.

"Oh, god, Mer." Derek moaned as she unzipped his pants and freed him.

"Derek, you are so fucking hot tonight." Meredith moaned as he slid his hand up her dress. "You wore the red shirt."

"Just for you, baby." He said with a smile. "You have no panties on." He said as he gently fingered her wet core.

"I did." She told him as she slid her tiny panties into his pocket.

"How bad do you want it, Mer?" Derek asked as he ran his finger over her clit, causing her to gasp.

"Oh... Please, Der. Please." Meredith cried as she spread her legs. "Just fuck me, please."

Derek quickly grabbed a condom out of his pants and rolled it onto his hard throbbing dick. Meredith felt her body tense up with needs. Derek grabbed her behind the thighs and lifted her to his cock. She groaned as he slid it in and threw her up against the wall.

"No names. We can't say names." Derek told her and she nodded. "We need to be quiet."

"Yeah. Oh!" She cried out as he pounded into her. "Oh... Oh god..." She whimpered.

"Fuck." Derek said quietly as her back crashed into the door. She was riding him as hard as he was working her. He could see her cleavage rise and fall with every thrust.

Derek bit Meredith's lip as he pounded into her. She felt his tongue trace her strawberry flavored lips before he slid it in. Derek's tongue thrust into her as hard and as fast as his cock was sliding. Meredith couldn't take it as her walls started to clamp down around him.

"Oh...Oh..." Meredith whined as someone walked into the restroom.

Meredith rolled her eyes back as she rode his iron rod slid, feeling it slide in and out. She never heard anyone. She was in the fog. She was too wrapped around the feeling of him inside of her. Derek had a satisfied grin on his face as he pressed her hard against the wall.

"Oh! Oh! Oh..." She shouted as her walls clamped down and he body went into violent spasms.

"Oh!" Derek grunted loudly as his hot cum shot out with force.

"Oh..." Meredith sighed as she laid her head back.

Derek shrunk inside of her as she began to let go. Her feet hit the floor and and she looked into his eyes with a smile. She pecked a soft kiss on his lips and listened, hearing no one. She took in a deep breath before she snuck out, unnoticed. Derek threw the condom in the trash and washed his hands.

The club was wild when Derek came back out. He saw Meredith standing by the bar, bouncing her ass to the beat. She slammed back a shot and looked over. Derek came up and ordered a shot without a word. Tony meandered over, not even noticing she had been gone.

"I just walked in on someone getting it on in the bathroom!" Tommy said with a cheesy grin as he walked up. Derek almost choked as he stood there.

"Really! Did you see anything? Did you listen? I would have listened." Meredith said with a big smile.

"You would, you big whore." Tony joked with a smile.

No, I didn't listen." Tommy said with a shrug. "I left."

"So true. I'm a gutter-whore." Meredith said with a nod. Derek and Meredith shared a smile. "So true..."

Meredith, Derek and Tommy all stood at the bar, downing shots. It was more than obvious that the kid, as he was now affectionally known as, was quite a lightweight when it came to liquor. He would down a shot and start yelling and acting more and more foolish every time. Derek was feeling more than buzzed, and Meredith was just feeling giggly.

"Tony!" Meredith said with a laugh as she held Tommy up. "I think you need to get the car. Bring it around back. He's a little... Out there." She said as she snorted.

"He can't even stand." Derek said as he waved his arms around and stumbled.

"And you are doing such a great job of that yourself!" Tony muttered as he rolled his eyes.

"Did you have a good time?" Meredith asked as she teetered.

"The best time ever." Tommy said with a smirk as he leaned against the bar.

"Good." Meredith told him with a big smile.

"Hey Meredith..." Tommy asked with a smile.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked with a smile.

Meredith looked at him in shock and then at Derek. She would never waste her time on someone like him. Maybe she was shallow. But she went for hot guys. Guys that were ripped. Guys with chiseled jaw lines and perfect faces. But he was different. He was kind and sweet. She could be the bigger person.

"On the cheek?" He clarified.

"Eh... On the cheek. Okay." Meredith said as she turned her head and let him kiss her on the cheek.

Derek just smiled and shook his head. He likened Tommy to a horny pre-teen. He was unexperienced to say the least. It was almost cute. He was so awkward with woman. But he had potential. And Meredith was being nice. She was being herself. Her real self.

"You are so soft." Tommy said with a big grin. "Thank you."

"No problem." Meredith said with a chuckle as she helped hold him up. She scowled when she saw a familiar face walk up.

"Making the rounds, I see." Paulo, Meredith's ex-boyfriend said as he walked up.

"Shut up." Meredith muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"It's sweet. A little pathetic. I knew eventually you would make it through all of the decent guys in the area. But this is a new low!" Paulo said with a chuckle as he pointed at him.

"Oh... He's good. Great, even. Better than you ever were." Meredith said with a chuckle as she looked and him a shook her head. "You and your six inch-"

"Meredith! I think Tony has the car." Derek said quickly, cutting her off. He motioned to the door with his head.

"Have fun with that pencil of yours. Don't tire out your hand. It seems I must go. As if I have time to speak to someone like you anyhow. Go back to your shack." Meredith said with a smile as she began to walk Tommy to the back door with Derek on the other side.

"You have claws." Tommy said with a chuckle. "My woman has claws."

"Yes, it seems your woman does." Derek said with a smile as he looked over at Meredith. "She sure does."

Meredith, Derek and Tommy all poured into the back seat of the car. Tommy seemed genuinely happy. Meredith was slightly fearful that she may have created a monster. But at least he had a good time. She liked his innocence. He was sweet. He was fun. And Derek didn't seem to mind the playful conversation that she made with him. She looked over at a sleeping Tommy and then at a smiling Derek.

"Your father is going to kick your ass, Meri." Tony said as he looked back.

"Why? He said to take him with me. I did. I can't help what he did. He drank just as much as I did." Meredith explained with a shrug.

"But you are an old pro." Tony said smartly. "And he is just a rookie."

Tony pulled up in front of the house. Meredith and Derek both exited the vehicle, and walked to the same side where they pulled a passed-out Tommy out of the car. Meredith struggled to pull him along and up the stairs to the front door.

"He needs to go to a guest room." Meredith grunted as Derek opened the door.

"Okay." He agreed as they dragged him across the marble floor.

They were both slightly tipsy themselves. And Meredith was more giggly than anything else at this point. Derek kept trying to get her to quiet down, but she continued to laugh loudly as she struggled. They both grabbed Tommy under each arm and went up one stair at a time.

"Meredith Grey!" Thatcher said loudly as he walked out from his office in his pajamas and robe.

"Daddy!" Meredith said over-exuberantly with hand motions. "We're home!"

"I see that." Thatcher grumbled. "What the hell did you do to him?" Thatcher asked.

"I think he's a little drunk." Meredith explained with a giggle as she scrunched her nose. "Me too!"

Tony quickly marched in and looked at Thatcher. He could tell by the look on his face that he was less than happy with Meredith. He was just about ready to blow his top. Tony looked back and forth with concern.

"Why the hell is my daughter carrying a man up the stairs? Tony, get your worthless ass up there and help Derek take him to his room. Meredith, get your ass down here!" He yelled at her.

"Okay." Meredith said happily as she dropped Tommy and went down the stairs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He asked as he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. "I asked you to take him out, and you do this. He is an Ivy league student. He has a clean record. His father- He can't find out about this. And you- When the fuck are you going to grow up?" He questioned as his grip tightened.

"When you let me!" She growled as she ripped her arm away from him.

"You are disappointing me, Meredith. Am I going to see you on another cover, acting like a whore?" Thatcher asked as he glared at her.

"Fuck you!" Meredith yelled as she slapped him across the face with force.

She could see the red in his eyes. He was angry. It was boiling over. He quickly grabbed both of her arms and held her tightly. His jaw clenched as he got in her face and began yelling.

"You don't hit me, Meredith. Don't you dare think about doing that again, young lady. Ever." He warned her as he released her arms, shoving her away.

Derek watched in shock. He and Tony were just getting Tommy to the top when Thatcher shoved her away. He couldn't believe he did that to her. He called her a whore. He couldn't believe she smacked him. No one did that to Thatcher Grey. She overstepped her boundaries. When it came to Thatcher Grey, she went way over.

Derek watched as she stormed passed him. She wasn't hurt. She was angry. He could see the fire in her eyes. She had a temper. Thatcher had no right to speak to her that way. But she too had a temper and it seemed she was more like her father than she knew.

**Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!**


	37. A Lesson

Derek laid in his bed. He hadn't had a headache like this in a long time. He never really liked tequila. Tequila was good if you wanted to get the job done good and fast. Tequila was good if you were in college and partying hard. But that was it. And last night he solely drank tequila with Meredith. And now he was paying for it.

Derek couldn't wrap his mind around last night's events. Meredith was different. She fit in everywhere. But she also had different sides. Different sides, some of which he was learning he did not to like. She was was nice to Tommy. He was thankful for that. She was kind and sweet. She was the real Meredith last night. Until she wasn't.

And Thatcher, that was a different story. Thatcher didn't technically call her a whore. He said she was acting like a whore. Maybe the same thing. Maybe not. Either way, he did get rough. But for Meredith to talk to him like that. For her to slap him. He couldn't believe it. If he had done something like that to his own father, he would have been laid out. Meredith liked to push it to the limit and that was never a good thing.

He loved her. That was the problem. He loved her and all he could do was try to fix her. She had so much outside influence. She was conditioned to act the way she did. When it was him and her, she was the sweetest person in the world. But when she was around her own people, she was a commanding, demanding bitch.

Derek ran a hand over his tired face. He could hear the pouring rain on the roof of the house. No running today. And honestly he wasn't in the mood to run. He was in the mood to hide in his room. Because he had a feeling it was going to be a rough day.

Meredith laid in her bed. She was mad. Unbelievably mad. Who did her father think he was talking to her like that? She clenched her jaw as she listened to the rain. She was the boss. When were people going to realize that?

Meredith walked out the door in the rain. She didn't care that is was a downpour. She didn't care that it was a little chilly. She did her stretches and she jogged away from the house. She had to do something to get rid of the frustrations she was feeling. She could felt the rain soaking through her clothes. Her feet were inside the puddles that were her shoes. She ran. She ran hard.

"Meri!" Sofia screamed as Meredith walked into the house with her muddy shoes. "You are getting mud all over the floor!"

"Then clean it up." Meredith grumbled as she slid them off and left them lay.

"Meredith Grey!" Thatcher said in shock as he looked at her.

"What?" Meredith growled as she glared at him.

"I don't have the patience for you today." He said as he shook his head and walked away.

Thatcher liked the good life. And against popular belief, he did remember what it was like to have little. He hadn't forgotten that Ellis had most of the money and it was really she who got him where he was. He didn't have much. And seeing Meredith treating Sofia like that disgusted him. It was one thing if they weren't doing their job. But it was another to treat them like shit for no reason.

"You know what... Come here." Thatcher told her as he spun around.

"What?" Meredith asked as she walked up.

"I could have done a better job... I could have made sure you realized what you had." Thatcher mused. "I don't know what your problem is, but the last two days you have been unbelievable. No more. You will learn respect and you will learn it fast. Get a bucket!" Thatcher yelled loudly.

"What?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"I said, get a bucket. Sofia, show Meredith where the cleaning supplies are. She is going to clean her mess." Thatcher said frankly.

"The hell I am!" Meredith spat in his face.

"Oh, I think you will, Meredith. I think you will." He warned with and evil smile. "Unless you want to learn what the real world is about."

Everyone gathered around. The help was mocking her. There she was, on her knees cleaning the mess she made. Sofia felt bad. Deep in her heart, she loved Meredith, and she knew how demeaning this was for her. There she knelt, scrubbing angrily. They would rue the day.

"You look good on your knees, honey!" Tony said with a smirk.

"Mer, honey... Give me the brush." Sofia said as she knelt down next to her. Thatcher quickly walked up.

"No, Sofia. Meredith has made this mess. She can handle it." Thatcher said as he walked off.

Meredith didn't let them see the tears falling down her face. She was on her knees. She was being treated like the help. She couldn't believe her father was doing this. Her payback. Like this was going to make a difference. They gathered. Thatcher's posse gathered and laughed at her, reducing her to nothing.

"Leave her alone, guys." Thatcher yelled as he yelled from his office.

Derek walked up in confusion. He frowned as he looked down at her. He had no idea what was going on, but it looked bad. He stood there and Meredith glanced up and him and dropped her eyes back to the floor.

"What's going on?" Derek asked Sofia.

"Thatcher is making Meri clean her mess up." Sofia pointed out.

"Now you know what it's like to be the help." Derek said with a sad sigh as he walked away.

That was a low blow. He knew her. He knew how she was. And now he was saying that shit. She saw red as anger washed over her. He could have left that out. He could have smiled and walked away. No, he had to get a dig in.

"Fuck you!" She yelled as she threw the scrub brush at him and hit him in the back. Derek shook his head and kept walking. Her temper was getting the best of her.

---------------

Meredith spent the whole day stewing. If Thatcher thought that he had taught her a lesson, he was greatly mistaken. She was now on a war path. Anyone who was supposed to be working, had damn well be working if Meredith walked by. She was never going to put up with them taunting her again.

And Tony. He was a dirty old man. She knew that. She had always known that. It had always gone in one ear and out the other. She didn't care. She just ignored him and went on with her business. But she was getting tired of it. She was getting tired of him saying the things he said to her. She was just getting ready for dinner when she walked by his room.

"You thought it was funny, didn't you?" Meredith asked as she walked into his room and behind him as he looked into the mirror. She ran her fingertips along his arm.

"What, you on your knees like a slave? Yes, that was very funny." Tony said with a chuckle as he buttoned his shirt. He looked back at her in the mirror. "You on your knees, a sight I will never forget. But yet, you are good on your knees, aren't you?" He asked with a chuckle.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Meredith asked with a dirty grin. "Me on my knees... Looking up... Getting ready... My mouth watering in anticipation..." She said as she ran her hands down the front of his pants. Tony gasped as he felt her hand graze his manhood. "In your dreams." She growled as she squeezed him, causing him to cry out. "And if you ever talk to me like that again..." She told him as she squeezed him tightly. "This will have felt good." She said as she released him, then turned and walked away.

"You crazy..." Tony growled as he looked at her. She didn't say a word as she walked out of his room and down the hall.

"What were you doing in there?" Derek asked as he walked up behind her.

"What I do is none of your business." Meredith said quickly.

"Meredith... What I said-" Derek tried to apologize.

"Was a low blow. And you- I don't want to look at you right now." She said as she shoved him back with her elbow and walked down the stairs.

Meredith walked into the dining room. Thatcher, Tony, Tommy, and Derek were all seated. She glared at them all before she sat down in her seat. She had no interest in them. In men, at this moment. Thatcher never took his eyes off of her as she pushed her food from one side to the other on the plate.

"Tommy and I will be leaving for New York after dinner." Thatcher told them as he looked around the table.

"Thank you all for being so great." Tommy said with a smile.

"I hope you enjoyed Italy." Thatcher said with a smile.

"It was the best time I have ever had." Tommy told them all. "Thank you Meredith, for taking me along."

"Yeah." Meredith muttered as she sat her fork down. "Sofia, can you get me some wine?" She asked softly as she sat there.

"Of course." Sofia answered with a smile as she looked up at her. "What would you like?"

"Red. Whatever you pick is fine." Meredith muttered.

"She isn't drinking it to enjoy the taste along with her food." Thatcher said frankly. "She's drinking it because she thinks it will solve all her problems."

Meredith didn't answer as she sat there. He was right. She didn't think it would solve all of her problems, but she did want it to take the edge off. Sofia sat the glass down in front of her and Meredith quickly took a sip of it.

"You know what, my father is right. Why don't you just leave the bottle." Meredith suggested. Sofia looked at Thatcher and he looked at Meredith.

"If you are going to do it, Meredith, you may as well do it right. Skip the wine. Get something stronger." He suggested.

"You know what, I like how you think." She said as she raised her glass to him and drank it down. They watched as she rose to her feet and disappeared.

"She strong willed and difficult, just like her mother." He said as he took a sip of his drink.

Everyone sat at the table and ate in complete silence. Thatcher did that to her. He made her crazy. Recently, it seemed he brought out the absolute worst in her. Whenever he was around, all she did was act out. Everyone ate as quickly as they could, trying to get out of the uncomfortable situation.

Thatcher frowned when he walked out into the courtyard. Meredith was sitting back in a chair, drinking her favorite expensive tequila out of the tiny bottle. He didn't want to see this. He drew in a deep breath as he sat next to her.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I shouldn't have done that to you. I humiliated you. It was wrong. I was mad, and I took it out on you. I know I haven't been a good father. I had no idea how to raise a little girl. And now you have turned into a woman. I can't start now. It's too late. But you're okay. Despite my lacking effort, you have turned into an amazing young woman. But you have got to learn to treat people with respect. And you have to watch that mouth of yours." He said as he rubbed her arm. "I love you. And I make mistakes. And lately it seems like I am making more mistakes than doing things right. But I love you. You're my baby." He said as he stood and kissed her on the head. "I have to go." He muttered as he walked away.

Meredith took another sip of the tequila, draining the bottle dry. She slowly pulled herself up and walked into the house. Sofia, Derek and Tony watched as she dumped the empty liquor bottle into the trash. Derek frowned and walked away. Meredith walked behind him, trapping him in a quiet corner.

"I need a good fuck." She said as her hot breath grazed his skin. "And I think you may be the only person to help me with that. Tonight..." She said as she walked away.

---------------

Derek didn't want to go to her room. He did. His body was screaming that it wanted her. But she was drunk and depressed. And he didn't want to go in her room and help her drown out her pain. He didn't want to cause her anymore. He was trapped. He quickly went into his bathroom and began getting ready for bed. He wasn't going to meet her. He would have to tell her he fell asleep.

Derek was in shock when he opened the bathroom door and looked up. Meredith was sitting in a chair in her new Prada heels. Just heels and nothing else. She sat there with her leg crossed and her hands on her leg. A lump forming in his throat as he looked her her. Her perfect, firm body was begging him. She was on fire. And he had the hose.

"You didn't come..." She pouted as she looked up at him.

"I- I..." Derek muttered as he looked at her in shock.

Meredith slowly rose to her feet and sauntered over to him, placing one foot in front of the other. Derek watched her long legs walk so gracefully. He could see her creamy wetness shining in the moonlight. She had droplets on her leg. It made him hot. He made her wet. Her hands moved at her sides as her hips flowed from side to side.

"You didn't come. But I think you're ready to cum now, aren't you?" She whispered into his ear. "Here." She said as she held up the condom between her two fingers.

"Uh..." Derek stammered as he grabbed it from her hands. She slowly walked around him, taking him in with her eyes. She stopped behind Derek and pulled at the hem of his shirt. She quickly peeled it off and tossed it to the side.

"I want to feel that big cock of yours slid in and out, Derek... Don't you want that?" She asked as she ran her hands inside of his pajama pants. Derek took in a breath as she grasped his member in her hands. "I want you to fuck me, Derek. You're the only one that can do it right. You're the only one that can drive me over the edge." She told him as she pulled his pants down. Derek stopped out of his pants and she pulled him over to the chair. She grabbed the condom out of his hands as she sat before him and rolled it on.

"Awful quiet tonight... That's okay. I like it that way. I can make you scream." She said as she ran her finger down his chest. Meredith sat down on the floor and laid her back flat against the carpeting.

"Mer... What are you doing?" Derek asked her in shock.

"No talking." She said with a smirk as she put her feet up on the seat of the antique chair. "Come on, Derek. Give it to me. Show me what a bad girl I am. Teach me a lesson." She said as she spread her legs.

Meredith motioned for Derek to straddle her. She grinned as he lowered his perfect ass before her. She moaned as she felt the tip of his cock tease her. Derek straddled her, a knee on either side of her. Meredith ran her hands down his strong back and then gripped his ass.

"Give it to me, Derek. Show me what you have. Come on, Derek. Teach me a lesson. Fill me up." She demanded as she smacked his ass.

Derek moaned as she attempted to push her hips to him. His cock throbbed as he looked at her Prada clad feet laying on the chair before him. His eyes traveled down her shins, to her knees. With a moan, he quickly sank his cock deep into her creamy pussy. She cried out loudly as she felt his girth spread her walls. Derek leaned forward and placed his hands on the chair, driving himself in and out of her.

"Mer... You are so fucking tight." He shouted as he thrust himself into her hard.

"Oh god! You...You... You aren't supposed to be talking!" She cried out as he pressed her walls with his cock. She looked down at his cock as it slid in and out. She leaned forward and massaged his balls as he banged her. "You are so big..." She cried as she released his balls as ran her hands over his back.

"Fuck!" Derek shouted a he felt himself ready to explode. He ran his tongue over her leg and sucked on her knee.

"Oh god...oh god..." She yelled as she ground into him harder and faster, trying to drive her hips. She clenched her inner muscles down on him hard. She felt her body start to tighten and contract.

"Oh fuck! Oh baby... Fuck, Mer!" He yelled as he pounded into her. "I'm cumming, baby. I'm cumming." He yelled as he slid freely through her creamy channel.

"Oh god...Derek!" She spat as she felt herself release her hot creamy fluid around his thick cock. His dick continually twitched inside of her, releasing his hot cum into the condom.

"Oh..." She moaned as she ran her hands down his sweaty back.

"Oh... Fuck..." He moaned as he laid his head on the chair.

"I told you I would make you scream." She smiled as she moaned breathlessly, his cock twitching inside of her. "Told you..."

The minute Derek come down from his high, he regretted what he had just done. He quickly pulled himself out of her and climbed to his feet. Meredith looked up at him in shock. She wasn't done. She wanted more. She quickly climbed to her own feet and stood in front of him.

"I made you scream." She said with a smile as she ran her tongue over her teeth.

"You made me moan. And we shouldn't have done that." He said as he pulled his pants on.

"What do you mean? Why are you getting dressed?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"We shouldn't have done that. You're mad at me, remember? And You- You drank tequila. And you were mad. And upset. And it was a really stupid thing to do." Derek told her as he pulled on his shirt.

"Having sex with me is stupid?" Meredith asked with hurt apparent in her eyes.

"No. Having sex with you when you are sad is stupid." He told her quickly.

"I'm fine, Derek. And... I'm not mad at you anymore. I mean, I was. But I can't stay me at you. One look at your-" She started before he stopped her.

"Stop." Derek told her quickly. "Just... Mer, you drank. And it wasn't to have a good time. It was to drown things out. That doesn't work. And sex doesn't either." He told her frankly.

"Derek..." She said with a an irritated sigh. "My fight with my dad... That was nothing. We've had worse. And I'm horny." She said as she traced her hand over his muscled chest through his shirt.

"You need to talk about this. You acted... Your father can be a jerk, but you shouldn't have talked to him like that. And to hit him- You shouldn't be hitting anyone. And it was wrong what he did. He shouldn't have made you scrub the floors in front of everyone. But you have got to stop that. You have to stop treating people the way you do. They are people too! No matter where they came from or how much money they make, they are people. Mer, honey... I love you. But you have to start thinking about things. There is a rough world outside of this house, and you have been lucky enough not to experience it. But these people, they have. And I don't expect you to know what we have gone through, but you could at least pretend to try." He explained softly.

"Well aren't you a buzz kill." She said with a giggle. She quickly placed her hand on his face.

"You are missing the point completely." He said as he pushed her hand down and looked away. "I was poor. Middle class. But we lost everything- And... When you insult them, you are insulting me too. And that's fine. But I can't do this... I can't pretend to- You can't use me. I know you can't change overnight... But Mer, you need to start thinking before you talk." Derek said frankly.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I don't know why I do it." She said as she laid her head against his chest. "I don't mean to hurt you. And you aren't- You aren't like them." She said simply. "I don't care if you are poor. That has nothing to do with it. Them either. It's the way you look at me. You make me feel special. You make me feel like you care. And they- Well, they look at me differently. Like I'm not even human. Like I am a joke. And I get mad. I show them who's boss. Then they know. Then they remember who the boss is."

"Mer, it's not about who the boss is. It's about being human." He said with a frown.

"I'm sorry. I- I'll try." She said sadly. "Derek?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Hmm?" He asked as he rubbed her head.

"Can I lay with you? Just for awhile?" She asked softly.

"Of course you can, baby... Of course." He told her as he walked her over to the bed and they laid down. She felt perfect in his arms. His little less than perfect woman.

**Our Mer can be a real spoiled bitch... That will always be an issue, I fear.**

**Review, please!**


	38. True Feelings?

Derek sat back in the chair in the corner of the study. Mark had called him several days back, and he had been meaning to return his call. There never seemed to be time to do anything. He was too busy following Meredith around. Not that he had anything he would rather be doing. He looked at his watch and dialed the phone.

"Yep..." Mark muttered into the phone as he answered.

"Hey... It's Derek." Derek said quickly as he laid his head back.

"Oh, hey man. How's it going?" He asked happily.

"Good. It's going great." Derek answered as he grabbed a magazine from the table and flipped it open.

"So what's been going on in Italy?" Mark asked quickly.

"Oh... We just came back from the riviera. Meredith and I." Derek said with a smile, knowing Mark would be jealous.

"No shit? Man, I knew I should have taken that job. How long were you there?" Mark asked.

"Oh, it was over a month. Right on the beach. Man, you really don't know..." Derek joked with a laugh.

"You lucky bastard." Mark muttered with a chuckle. "So how has it been... Did you do it?"

"Did I do what?" Derek asked quickly.

"Did you fuck her? Did you fuck Meredith yet?" Mark asked with a laugh. He listened to Derek's silence. "Holy shit! You did. You fucked her." Mark said in shock. "I- Wow."

"Why are you so shocked?" Derek asked simply.

Mark was his best friend. They had shared every secret and every experience in their lives. It wasn't odd that he was telling him this. He trusted Mark Sloan with his life. He was like a brother. He had been there through the roughest times of his life. This was nothing.

"Man... You are going to get your dick cut off. Sleeping with the boss's daughter. That is definitely a big no-no. I can't believe you'd be so stupid." Mark told Derek frankly.

"What!" Derek returned in shock. "You told me to! You encouraged me. You told me if you were me, that you would." Derek said quickly.

"I never thought you'd have the balls to do it! Damn, Der... You are playing with fire. I hope you only did it once. Once is a mistake. Once you can look past." Mark pointed out with concern. He listened to the silence again. "Oh shit... How many times?"

"Uh... I don't know. Um... Pretty much daily. A few times a day." Derek said with a big smile.

"Shit... You aren't kidding... You're an idiot. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm jealous. So... How is she?" Mark questioned.

"I am not talking about this with you." Derek told him frankly.

"You like her." Mark said quickly. "You are pathetic. You like her."

"I do. But she's- I do like her. I love her. She's just a little difficult. She can be a little pushy. And little-" Derek went on.

"Did you- Did you just say you love her?" Mark asked in shock. "Oh man... You did it. You can't love her. She's Meredith Grey. You can't- You are sabotaging yourself. You really did it..."

"Did what?" Derek asked with a sigh.

"You put your dick in some poisonous pussy." Mark said with a chuckle. "Enjoy that while it lasts. Or until you dick falls off."

"You're an ass..." Derek said as he looked up, seeing Meredith standing there. "And I have to go."

"Happy rotting." Mark said as he hung up the phone.

Derek looked up at Meredith with a smile. What did Mark know. He had no idea. He didn't know Meredith. He knew nothing. Meredith was special. Meredith was important to him. And he didn't care what he was getting himself into. He was already there. And he wasn't going anywhere.

"Hey..." Meredith said with a smile as Derek stood up and walked towards her.

"Hey. I was talking to Mark." Derek explained as he looked into her green eyes.

"Oh. Your best friend." Meredith said with a nod. "Um... Sofia needs you to help Tony move something. She is on a crazy cleaning kick. So watch out." Meredith told him as they walked through the main entrance and into the dining room.

"You need me?" Derek said with a smirk as he looked at the little italian woman.

"I do. This buffet needs to be moved. Carefully! It's over two-hundred years old. Handle it like you would a woman." Sofia warned them.

"Don't tell Tony that! He'll drop it." Meredith returned with a giggle.

"Funny, Meri... I'll have you know, I am very gentle with the ladies." Tony said with a smile.

"Let's just get this thing moved." Derek grumbled as he bent down.

Meredith watched Derek move the buffet. She couldn't help but study his strong arms. She knew what was underneath those clothes. His perfect pectoral muscles. That ass. The more she looked at him, the more she felt the fire between her legs begin to burn. She wanted him. She needed him.

Derek glanced over at Meredith. She was wearing a pair of shorts. They were just a little too short. Not for him. But definitely too short for anyone else to be looking at her in. He could see just a hint of cleavage peeking out from her top. Her tongue ran over her lips as she looked into his eyes. He could feel his cock growing hard. He needed her. And he needed her now.

"I have to-" Derek started as he walked away. "If you need me, I'll be-" He stammered as she rushed off and upstairs.

"What was that about?" Tony asked as he glanced over.

"I don't know. He was on the phone earlier. Maybe his sister." She said with a shrug.

Meredith knew what it was. She could see his cock getting rock hard. She could see the need in his eyes. She was teasing him. Not purposely, but she was. And he had to go before he shot a creamy load into his jeans. She did that to him. She gave him wet dreams. She made him uncontrollable. She was trouble.

"Mmm... You know, I'm a little tired. I think I need a nap." Meredith said with a fake sigh.

"Have a good nap." Sofia said as she watched her walk away.

"I will." Meredith said with a smirk.

She quickly rushed up the stairs. She could feel her creamy white fluid flowing. She needed him inside of her. She needed to feel that high. Her feet pattered on the floor as she made it down the hallway. She did a quick one two look before she walked into his room.

"I need you." She said as she rushed up to him.

"I need you." He said as he covered her lips with his. Meredith moaned as she felt his tongue slide in. She pressed her tongue against his, feeling him press against her. She ran her hand through his hair as he placed his on the sides of her face.

"Oh god... Now." She said as her hands quickly went to his jeans and unfastened them. They quickly fell to a pile on the floor. "Oh god you're hard." She said as she ran her hand over him. "Condom."

"Pocket." He moaned as she dropped to her knees and fished it out of his pocket. "Shit..."

"God I want to taste you." She said as she ripped his shorts down and ran her tongue up his shaft.

"Oh!" He gasped as he felt her warm, soft tongue tasting him. "Oh god..." He groaned as he felt her warm mouth encompass his cock.

"Mmm..." She moaned as she ran her teeth up and down him. They both looked up when the doorbell rang. "Ignore it." She said as she pulled her mouth off of him.

"Miss Grey!" Cristoforo shouted loudly. "There is someone here to see you."

"Damn-it!" Meredith spat as she pulled his cock out of her mouth and climbed to her feet. "I am so sorry." She told him as she pecked a kiss on his lips and walked out.

Derek quickly took matters in his own hands. He needed to feel her. Even if it was a pseudo Meredith. Her hand grasped his cock firmly as he pumped himself, imagining her warm hot core wrapped tightly around her. He groaned and moaned as he worked himself harder and harder. Derek let out a loud grunt as he shot out his warm load.

"Who is it?" Meredith grumbled as she walked down the stairs. Her eyes glanced up and she let out a groan. "Oh."

"Oh? Is that how you treat me?" Matt said with a grin as she walked down the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked as she hit the floor and walked up to him.

"Ha. Are you kidding me? I've come to see my future bride." He said with a big laugh.

"Oh. Yeah. You're bride." Meredith said with a giggle. "I have to say... At first, I thought it was funny. But now, it's getting a little annoying. So yeah, funny joke. Now make it stop."

"Me? You. You're the one that told them that." Matt said in shock.

"Why the hell would I tell the tabloids that you and I are getting married. I have no reason to say that. You told them!" She said as she pointed at him.

"Oh, yes. It was me. I was on a date. A good date. With a hot girl. Smoking hot. Not Meredith Grey hot... But yes, hot. We just got done eating, and we walk by a newspaper stand. I swear I have never been hit harder by a woman in my life!" Matt said quickly. "So no, it was not me."

"I was getting waxed. They were pulling hair off of my- And they were discussing china. Rose pattern. I have to tell you, a rose pattern is not a good idea. I hate roses!" Meredith told him quickly.

"Well, I will have to remember that on our anniversary." Matt said with a chuckle. "Hmm... So it wasn't you. I really thought it was. I figured you realized what a horrible mistake you had made in refusing to date me. I figured this was a ploy to get me back."

"Get you back? I never had you! And even more so, I never wanted you!" She said as she scrunched her nose. "How the hell did they come up with this?"

"You know that paps... And anything to do with Meredith Grey is a hot commodity," He said frankly.

Derek could hear the talking. A man and Meredith. He didn't know who the man was, but he sounded somewhat familiar. As he walked down the hall he heard her giggle. It made him jealous. A man was making her giggle. As he walked towards the stairs, his stomach dropped. Matt. What was he doing here. The anger built as he giggle and placed her hand on his arm. He walked heavily down the stairs with a clenched jaw.

"Oh! David..." Matt said as he glanced up.

"Derek! It's Derek." Meredith told him quickly.

"Oh... Oh yes, Derek. How are you?" Matt asked as he stuck his hand out.

"Fine." Derek grumbled. "And yourself?" He asked out of necessity.

"I am great. Even more so now that I am here. Here in front of the most beautiful woman in the world." Matt said as he ran his hand down her arm.

"You are too kind..." She giggled. "So why are you here again?"

"Yes. Why are you here?" Derek grumbled as he glared at him.

"I came to see Meredith... I'm hoping she will finally grant me a date. So will you, Meredith honey?" Matt asked with a big smile.

"Are you kidding me... Seriously, what brings you to Italy? More importantly, Bologna." She asked again.

"I was in the area. I figured I would visit my fiance. So what do you say, dinner?" Matt asked again.

"You obviously don't understand the word no." Meredith told him with a raised brow.

"And apparently, you are the queen of avoidance, because you won't answer my question." Matt pointed out as he looked into her green eyes.

"Lunch. Now, because I am hungry. That's all you get." She said as she started to open the door.

"Okay... But you don't plan on wearing that, do you? Not to mention the lack of shoes you are sporting." He said with a chuckle as he looked down. "And I doubt your father would allow you to leave the premises without your guard, I sure have you flustered, don't I, my dear?" Matt asked with a wink.

"No." Meredith muttered frankly. "And Derek, can you find Tony? See if he is willing to go along?"

"Tony?" Derek asked frankly.

"Yes, Tony." Meredith spat as she ran up the stairs.

Anger. That was all Derek felt. Why the hell would she want Tony to take her? Did she want to fuck him? Was his cock not enough for her? Now she wanted someone else's? He clenched his jaw and fists as he looked over at Matt, who was so obviously watching her ass as she trotted away. He shot Matt a look before he ran up the stairs.

"What the fuck?" Derek spat as he walked into her room.

"What?" Meredith asked as she buttoned her jeans.

"First of all, why are you going to lunch with him? And secondly, why the fuck don't you want me to come along?" He asked with a glare.

"Oh! You are so cute when you are jealous. You wear it nicely." Meredith said with a giggle as she grabbed his face.

"I am not jealous. And you didn't answer my questions." Derek said as he pulled her hand from his face.

"And the anger... That is unbelievably hot. Makes me want to tear your clothes off and fuck you right now." She told him with a giggle as she ran her hand over his manhood. "If only there were time." She muttered as she walked away.

"Mer!" Derek said loudly as he walked behind her.

"Tony!" Meredith yelled loudly. "I need you." She said as she jogged down the stairs in her heels.

"What do you need?" Tony asked as he looked over at her.

"I need you to accompany me to lunch." Meredith said with a smile as she opened the door.

"What's wrong with Derek?" Tony asked as he looked over.

"He has a bit of a sour attitude today." She muttered as she walked out.

Derek stood there in anger. Had he been in his own apartment, he would have broken something by now. She was going on a date. Was she trying to rip his balls off with her hands? Maybe Mark was right. Maybe she did have poisonous pussy. And maybe his dick was going to fall off and rot. At least that was how it felt.

It was lunch. Just lunch. She wasn't doing it to hurt Derek. She wasn't trying to make Derek jealous. She was trying to get it over with. Just lunch and then he would stay away forever. That was the plan. Not to mention, Derek was being foolish. If she had let him come along, he would blow their cover in an instant with his jealousy.

"So, Meredith... How are things?" Matt asked with a charming smile.

"Good. They are good. And you are wasting your time." Meredith said frankly.

"Oh... I don't think so. See, I got you here, didn't I?" Matt asked with a grin.

"It was purely coincidence. I was hungry. You showed up. That's all it was." Meredith explained in a huff.

"You intrigue me, Meredith Grey." Matt said with a chuckle. "You are awful guarded."

"Maybe." Meredith agreed with a smile.

"So.. How goes this grand adventure of yours?" Matt asked as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"And what would you be referring to?" She asked quickly.

"The guy. The guy that has you so wrapped up that you won't even acknowledge me..." Matt asked. "I am an amazing guy. No... No, I'm not kidding. I am great. And good looking. And charming. And good in bed. You would be lucky. As lucky as I would be to have you. And yet you are wrapped up. So how goes it?"

"Oh. That. That is- That is none of your business!" Meredith snapped frankly.

"So, not so well. When are you going to tell me who this is? Who could possibly have Meredith Grey on her knees?" Matt asked as he looked across the table.

"Everyone. She's on her knees for anyone." Tony muttered under his breath.

Matt looked over in shock. He could not believe that Tony had just made that remark. The anger boiled as he looked at the squirrel-y man before him. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to pounce on him and beat him to the ground.

"Get the fuck out of here." Matt spat quickly as he spun around.

"What?" Tony asked in shock.

"You- You don't talk that way. Not to her. Not to anyone. Who the fuck do you think you are? Get out!" Matt yelled as he got in his face.

"Matt, it's okay." Meredith said with a sigh.

"No. No it is not." Matt said frankly. "Get a cab. Walk. I don't care. But you need to get the fuck out of here."

"I- I-" Tony said in shock. He quickly gulped down the lump in his throat and scurried out.

"He's-" Meredith said quickly.

"I hope you don't let him talk to you like that." Matt said with a frown.

"He doesn't mean it. He's just an ass." Meredith said with a sigh. "But he is good at what he does."

"You are far too great to put up with that. He's- What an asshole!" Matt said in shock as he shook his head.

"Thank you..." Meredith muttered softly.

"You don't have to thank me. That's what friends do for one another." Matt said with a smile. "And someday, I will convince you to go on a date with me."

"Keep dreaming." Meredith said with a giggle.


	39. While The Cat's Away

Derek sat in the chair fuming. Tony came home. He came home without Meredith. He said that Matt kicked him out. He didn't say why. No good reason. And then he muttered something about wanting to get in her pants. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do a damn thing about it. It wasn't in his right. All he could do was sit and fume as Meredith sat with some asshole in a two-hour lunch. With an asshole who probably just wanted a good fuck.

Meredith walked into the house. The lunch was nice. It was friendly. That was the feeling Meredith got. It wasn't that Matt wanted in her pants. He was interested. He was more than interested in her. But he was respectful of the no that she told him. But he was persistent. She found it funny and laughed it up. It was cute, and it kept Derek on his toes.

Meredith could see Derek through the french doors of the study. He was out in the pool. He was swimming laps furiously. She drew in a breath and hurried upstairs. She was hoping that he didn't take any of this to heart. He was the only guy. He had to know that by know. She pulled on her knew bathing suit and jogged downstairs.

"Hey." Meredith muttered as she walked out to the pool. Derek didn't look up at her as she walked down the steps and into the water. "Not talking to me... Fine." She said as she rolled her eyes and swam off slowly.

Derek was pissed. He couldn't look at her, because the anger was too strong. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. And so many wrong things were on the tip of his tongue. They both caught a glance of each other. Meredith clenched her jaw and swam off.

Derek was seething He quickly swam the length of the pool. Now it was on. Meredith was not going to let him beat her. He couldn't swim faster than her, and she wasn't losing to him. She wasn't losing this battle. Over and over they swam, side by side, anger hot enough to evaporate the water from the pool. Derek clenched his jaw when he came up from his final lap and she was already there.

"So, are you going to tell me what your problem is?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"If you don't want me, Mer... Just- Don't string me along. It makes me look and feel pathetic." Derek said frankly.

"Derek! I know you are kidding me. I know you are. Because if you can't tell by now, there is no one else. There will be no one else... I can't imagine being with anyone but you. And this lunch... That's all it was. I thought that maybe he would see once an for all how uninterested I am. And he knows there is someone else, Derek. He's a friend. And I didn't want you to come, because I knew how you would be. You are acting foolishly, Derek. I love you. And there is no one else. Period. And if you can't act rationally, you are really going to screw this all up." Meredith said with a frown.

"I'm sorry- I- I just don't like it. You're mine. And I don't like that other guys don't know that. I don't like that we can't say anything." Derek told her with a frown.

"I know. And I'm sorry that we can't say anything. But in here... In my heart, you are mine. I hope I am in your heart. And I hope I am yours." She said as she moved away.

"You know you are." Derek said with a smile. "And we need to back away from each other."

"We do. But tonight... Tonight we will be close." Meredith said as she swam off.

Meredith climbed out of the pool and laid down on a chair. She was tired. She was mentally exhausted. Between her father, Matt and Derek, she was all over the place. She still couldn't get what Matt did out of her mind. He and Derek were the only men that had ever stood up for her. To everyone, she was just a pretty face. And it was starting to feel good that there were some people knew better.

"Meri?" Tony asked as he walked up to her.

"What do you want, Tony?" Meredith grumbled without even opening her eyes to look at him.

"Earlier... You know I was joking, right?" Tony asked as he sat down on a chair beside hers. "You're not going to do anything, are you?"

"If you asking me if I am going to cut your balls off while you are sleeping, I'm not really sure yet." Meredith told him frankly. "That's about the only chance you will ever have of me putting my hands on your manhood, by the way."

"You're kidding, right?" Tony asked quickly.

"Well, you would deserve it." She said as she opened her eyes and looked up at his brown eyes.

"That may be." Tony said with a nod. "But I- I say shit I don't mean."

"Well, maybe you should think before you talk." She grumbled. "Whatever. I am busy. Get out of here, will you?"

"Of course." Tony said quickly as he jumped up and walked off.

Meredith had to smirk. Tony was scared. He was her dad's main man. He was a guard for her. He was a guard for Thatcher whenever he went along. He pretty much held the Grey Estate together. He knew how everything worked. He was in charge of all the there help, including the cleaning and maintenance workers. And he was compensated more than generously for his work. He had been there forever. And now he was worried that Meredith Grey was going to bring him to his knees.

"What was that about?" Derek asked as he sat down in his towel and grabbed his book.

"I think that was asshole's form of apology." Meredith said with a giggle as she glanced up at Derek.

"What did he do?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"It's really not important." Meredith explained as she closed her eyes.

Meredith didn't want to tell Derek. She knew he would get mad. And as much as Meredith loved the angry Derek. As much as she loved the angry sex. She knew it was trouble. And she didn't need Derek acting foolishly or potentially blowing their cover.

"What the hell did he say to you now?" Derek asked quickly.

"He just got mouthy at the restaurant. Matt sent him away." Meredith said frankly.

"Well, Tony was your guard, and Matt had no fucking right to send him away. Do you know how pissed your father would be if he found out you didn't have anyone with you?" Derek asked frankly.

"I am well aware of that, Derek. But I was okay. I'm a big girl." She said with a smile. "Tony needed to have his ass taken down a few notches."

"Oh... So you will tell me that, but you won't tell me what he said?" Derek questioned.

"He just made another own of his lewd comments. It was typical of him." She muttered.

"You are a difficult woman." Derek grumbled as he read his book.

"Meri... Derek... I bring you tea." Sofia said as she sat the tray down on the table beside him.

"Thank you, Sofia." Derek said with a smile.

"Yes, thank you." Meredith told her softly as she took a sip.

"Dinner will be in two hours. I have to be home early tonight." Sofia told her frankly.

"Okay." Meredith said with a nod.

"And Tony is leaving." She added quickly.

"What?" Meredith asked in shock as her eyes flashed open.

"Your father has called for him. He's leaving for the jet in an hour. So it looks like you will be on your own. Will you be okay, Meri? Do you need me to come back and stay for the night?" Sofia asked with concern.

"You're going to leave me here with Derek? Oh yeah. What fun that will be." Meredith whined as she looked up.

"Thanks." Derek grumbled as he looked up at Sofia.

"Meri... Be nice! Do you need me to come back?" She asked again.

"No, Sofia. I should be fine." She told her softly.

"Okay." Sofia said softly.

Meredith felt the butterflies grow in her stomach as she watched Sofia walk away. Tony was leaving. And this wasn't the first time this had happened. Whenever Tony left to help Thatcher, he was usually gone for a few days. That meant a few days of she and Derek. Alone. It was going to be like the Riviera.

Derek felt his shorts tighten at the thought. He and Meredith would be alone. In the house. That meant he could make her scream. That meant he could fill her with cock and they wouldn't need to worry about anyone being around. He couldn't take the anticipation. He could not wait.

"Do you know what that means?" Meredith asked with a big giggle.

"You bet you ass I do." Derek said with a big nod and a smile.

------------------

Dinner was a challenge. The wait was a challenge. The whole time, all they could think about was each other. All they could think about was sweaty hot flesh. Sweaty hot flesh, causing their bodies to glide over one another until Derek's cock filled her to the brink. She couldn't take it. Her lips were wet. Her core was hot. She needed him.

"You stay here... Yell when they leave." She whispered as she walked up.

Derek didn't know what she was up to, but he knew it was trouble. She only knew trouble. And she was amazing at thinking up any and every thing erotic. Derek sat in the study with a clear view of the door. The condom in his pocket was screaming. His cock was begging. And all they needed was the little Italian woman to get the hell out of the house and leave them alone.

"Goodbye, Derek." Sofia shouted as she walked through the door.

Derek jumped up and watched out the window as her car disappeared down the driveway. The large iron gates opened and then closed. He could barely see them in the distance, but she was gone. More importantly, they were alone.

"She's gone!" Derek shouted as he jogged towards the stairs.

"Stay there!" Meredith yelled loudly. "Sit in the chair by the door." She muttered.

Derek quickly walked over to the victorian arm chair in the corner. It was probably not a chair that should be sat in, but he didn't care. His mind was far to full of his crazed sex fog to think rationally. He felt his pants tighten more than they ever had as she appeared. She took his breath away.

"Holy shit." Derek muttered as he looked at her with wide eyes.

Meredith stood at the main staircase. She held the feather duster in her hand and swept the handrail, not looking up at him. Derek nearly died in that moment as he looked up at her in her french maid uniform. It wasn't a cheap one. He could tell that. She had on her tiny white apron and Jimmy Choo heels. The fishnets climbing up her long slender legs. Her hair was swept up in a bun, and she had a tiny cap on it.

Meredith walked slowly, one stair at a time as she swept. She quickly stopped as turned around. Her ass went in the air as she bent over and swept the stair. Derek looked at the tiny black thong that was barely covering her. She wiggled her ass as she dusted. As she turned around and stood, her eyes caught Derek's.

"Ah!" She gasped as she held an innocent hand over her mouth. "Monsieur! Ah dear me! I did not know you were home!" She squealed as she looked up at him and smiled.

"Ah... Meredith." Derek said with a smirk. "I believe you missed a spot on the stairs there, honey." He said as he pointed.

"Ah... You notice. I fix." She said in her best french accent.

Derek gasped as she once again threw her ass op in the air. All he could thing about was his hot, thick, wet cock sliding deep inside until she cried out his name. He could feel his erection grow at the sight. He needed her. He knew her pussy was soaking wet. He knew she was as ready for him, as he was for her. Meredith quickly looked between her legs as him.

"Better?" She asked with a giggle.

"Oh... I don't think so." Derek muttered as he shook his head no. "Try harder."

"Yes, Monsieur!" She said quickly as she went to work again.

Derek couldn't take it. She stood on the stairs, legs spread, dusting away. He quickly unzipped his pants and pulled his hard member out of his boxers. His hand grasped the base as she worked. He stroked it softly as it grew in his hands. His mind imagined her tight hot core wrapped around him. He stroked harder and faster, feeling the pressure build. She was so sexy. So tight. So hot. Derek let out a loud grunt as he shot out his white creamy load all over the marble floor. He laid his head back and groaned as he continued to pulsate.

"Oh! Monsieur! You made a mess!" Meredith said with a giggle as she stood and raised her hands in the air, feigning shock.

"It seems I did." Derek said with glazed eyes as he looked up at her.

"Oh no!" She said as her heels clicked on the floor. "What a mess..." She muttered as she looked down and covered her mouth. "Well, I must dust." She giggled as she threw her hands up in the air and walked around the room, dusting the tables and shaking her ass. "Monsieur?" She asked as she looked up.

"Yes?" Derek asked as he watched her, having come down from his high.

"How am I doing?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Oh, honey... I think you need more work on your technique. Would you like me to help you?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Would I ever!" She said with a smile as she wiggled her body. And oh would he show her. "What now, Monsieur?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Hmm... I think we need to work on this dusting problem of yours." Derek muttered as he laid over her her from behind. His risen cock pressed firmly into her behind as he held her hand, moving it in a dusting motion.

"Oh! Monsieur! You are... Oh!" She said in shock as she turned and looked at him. "I think you are a very dirty... Dirty-" She started.

"Than maybe I need cleaned?" Derek suggested as he turned her around and pushed her against the table.

"Oh! You are so naughty!" She giggled as she pushed him away. "I must get away." She spat as she threw her hands and the air and ran off, her heels clicking.

"Miss! Where do you think you are going? You are being naughty! Do you want a spanking?" Derek spat as he chased after her. Derek laughed when he pulled her down onto the stairs. Meredith giggled loudly, while half-heartedly pushing him away.

"You have been a bad girl." Derek said frankly. "And you need to be spanked." He told her as he threw her over his knee.

"Oh!" Meredith cried out as his hand came down firmly on her ass. "Ah!" She yelped again as he cracked her harder.

"Are you going to be good now?" Derek asked as he grabbed her face gently.

"No Monsieur!" She said as she shook her head no.

"So you need another spanking?" He asked as he raised his hand.

"Yes, Monsieur." Meredith told him with a nod.

"Okay then." Derek told her as he whacked her firmly over and over again. Meredith could feel her moist heat growing. She moaned softly as her hot fluid ran down her thigh in anticipation. "Oh... You are a bad girl." Derek said frankly as his hand grazed her feminine mound. "Very bad indeed. Getting hot and wet without my permission." He said as he shook his head. "There is only one way to fix that." Derek told her as he pulled her off of his lap. "Put this on me." Derek told her as he handed her the condom.

"Yes, Monsieur." Meredith said with a nod as she got on her knees.

Derek groaned as Meredith gently rolled the condom on his thick cock. He had never been more turned on in his life. She had him ready to explode. He wanted nothing more than to ram her with his big cock until it came out of her tiny mouth.

"On your knees." He said as he pointed to the stairs and looked at her. "Such a sexy little maid." Derek muttered as he ran his hand over her tight ass. "And I think my sexy maid needs some cock. Does she?" He asked as he ran his hand over her panty-clad wet slit.

"Yes--" She gasped at his touch. "Yes, she does."

"Good." Derek said firmly as he tugged at her fishnets. In frustration, he quickly took his hands and ripped them apart. He heard Meredith moan loudly as he pulled off her thong. He gave her a big, hard smack on the ass. He could see the fluid dripping from her wet core. He gently patted her mound while she moaned and writhed. "Do you want this cock inside of you?" He asked as he rubbed it's head against her clitoris.

"Please... Oh god yes, Monsieur!" She cried out. "Please! Now! Now!" She shouted as she pushed herself towards him.

"Not yet." He said as he pulled her uniform off, leaving her bare and open, except for her tiny white cap.

"Please! Now!" She demanded as she looked up.

"As you wish." Derek said as he quickly thrust himself deep into her core.

"Oh! Oh my!" She yelped as she felt her walls reacting to his cock pressing against him. She was stretched to her limit and enjoying it.

"Fuck..." Derek moaned as he laid across her back, his cock planted deep inside of her, his balls resting against her firmly. He pecked several kissed on her back as he pulled out and slammed himself back into her.

Derek continued to pump into her. Every bit of frustration was apparent. Frustration from not being able to be with her freely, whenever he wanted. Frustration from Matt showing up. Frustration from Tony. They had so much passion that had been pent up night after night. They had to be quiet. Each thrust was a mixture of pleasure and perfection. Neither could stop the amazing physical and emotional feelings that was rushing over. He was tired of quiet. Fuck quiet.

"Fuck!" He grunted loudly as the thrust into her. "You're so fucking tight, my little maid." He groaned as he pushed and pulled. His tongue licked and tasted her flesh. He could taste the salty sweet taste of sweat and body butter on her skin. He ran his cock in and out of her tiny pussy, her dripping cum allowed him slide himself all the way.

"Oh god!" She screamed as the head of his cock hit her cervix. She screamed and her cried filled the house. Meredith threw her ass against him as she rode his rock hard pole. She yelped as her body began contracting. Hot cum poured onto his hard cock as he continued to pound her over and over.

"Oh fuck!" Derek yelled as he felt himself near the edge. Derek tensed his ass as he pumped his hard cock over and over until his balls exploded. He didn't notice the intense pain of the hard stairs underneath him. He didn't notice anything but her tight pussy, encompassing him with cum and heat. His cock pulsating and exploded over and over again. Meredith bit down on her lip as she yelped, spilling her hot cum again. Derek pounded again, he had to get the most out of her. He had to give her the most pleasure. His tongue licked her back as her walls clamped down on his cock. He pounded into her creamy pussy without a pause. Her body shook at the pounding force he had laid upon her. Meredith's breasts bounced and her head tossed wildly at the brunt of his body pushing her. She whimpered as he pushed her once again to her ultimate pleasure. Her hands laid on the cold stair as her body continued to spasm over and over again. Derek groaned as he quit pumping and collapsed on top of her, hands resting beside hers.

"Fuck... That was fucking amazing." He started, gasping for breath.

"Oh...Oh God... Derek..." Meredith cried. "I think- I think- I think you split me in two." She cried out.

"Oh, baby, are you okay?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"Perfect." She said with a big grin as her lips met his.


	40. The Mice Will Play

Meredith rocked her hips harder and faster. She could feel his cock ready to explode. So big. So thick. So hard. And so hers, and only hers. She could feel her own walls clamping down, only driving him further into the pool of pure ecstasy. Meredith held her arms up as Derek grasped her hips tightly. Her breasts swayed and bounced as she worked him harder and faster. Both let out cries as they released, nearly simultaneously.

Meredith collapsed on Derek's chest. Her rock-hard nipples pressed into his muscular chest. She had just finished riding his hard cock until it exploded with force. If she paused, if she took a moment to think, she would realize that she was in pain. Her legs had been stretched. Her walls hand been pulled. Her core had been pounded. She listened to his heartbeat as she struggled to breathe.

"Oh, baby... You are so amazing." Derek said with a sigh as they came down from their respective highs. He kissed her sweaty head softly. She was working so hard. He was working so hard. They were near exhaustion as they laid there on top of each other.

"Thank you... Thank you." Meredith moaned as she dismounted and laid on her back. "You are the best lover... But you know that's not all it is, right?" She asked as she looked over.

"It's not?" Derek asked with a smirk. He knew it wasn't.

"No... I have never felt so connected to anyone in my life. You make me happy, Derek. Everything stays away when I am with you. All the sadness. All the anger. Everything stays away. You protect me. And I don't ever want you to stop." She said softly.

"I won't, Mer." He told her as he kissed her softly.

"I don't want to leave tonight." She muttered as she pulled her wet body against his.

"Oh, honey... You can't stay." Derek told her as he kissed her head. Meredith rubbed her leg against his.

"Please... Please don't make me go." She said softly.

"Mer... I don't want you to go. But if someone came in..." Derek said quickly.

"I know." She said as she stuck her lip out. "I will just lay here... Just for awhile." She moaned as she closed her eyes.

Derek was tired. If he closed his eyes, he would be out in a moment. But he couldn't. He wasn't going to risk it. He laid there and stroked her hair as she drifted off to sleep. She moaned I loved you before she feel into a perfect silence.

She was amazing. It was these moments that made it all worth while. Mark may be right. He may be getting himself into trouble. But these moments when Meredith Grey laid in his arms, they were what it was all about. He kissed her softly. He had to take her to bed. He pulled himself out from under her and walked to the side of the bed. With one motion, he pulled her naked body against his and walked her to her bed. Her hair pooled around her face as she laid there with a smile.

"Mmm... I love you." She moaned as kissed her lips softly.

"I love you too, Mer." Derek said as he kissed her forehead and walked out, closing the door behind him.

As Derek laid in his bed, he made a mental checklist. He was hoping that everything was picked up. They had checked. Before they retired to his room, they had made sure that every item was away and in Meredith's closet. Derek drifted off into a somewhat sore, but completely peaceful sleep.

It was a cry out. Meredith was sobbing. Derek had awoken to it in the past. It wasn't a cry of fear. It was a cry of regret. He didn't know why she did it. Sometimes she would wake up. Other times she would just lay in her bed and cry in her sleep. He looked over at the clock and jumped out of his bed. She was laying in the bed crying lightly when he walked in.

"Mer... Talk to me." Derek said as he looked up at her.

"I'm okay." Meredith told him with a faint smile as she looked up at him.

"No you aren't. Talk to me. I'll listen and maybe I will make you feel better." Derek said as he laid down next to her as kissed her softly.

"I don't want to. I'm afraid." Meredith said with a nod.

"Don't be afraid." Derek told her as he kissed her head.

"I think it's a dream. But maybe it's not. It's not. I know it's not." She finally admitted as she buried her face in his chest.

"Okay. So it's not a dream." Derek said as he stroked her hair. "You're okay. I'm here. If you want to tell me."

"I was just a little girl. It was so long ago that I don't know what is real and what I have imagined up over the years. I don't know. I just don't know..." She said into his shirt. "I was little. Five or six. Maybe more. Maybe less. I don't know for sure." She said as she drew in a deep breath.

"Okay." Derek told her, letting her know that he was listening.

"Frank was great. He was the best. He was like my dad. In a lot of ways, he was better than my dad. He used to take me everywhere. My dad would tell him I needed to be a lady. And Frank would laugh. He would always say, "Meri, you need to have fun. You can worry about being a lady when you get older." And he was right. He used to take me to play baseball. I would get so dirty. But my dad usually didn't know because Nina would get me cleaned up and in a dress before he saw me. Nina was my nanny." Meredith explained.

"So Frank was your first guard?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"He was. He was american. He married an Italian woman when he came over several years before he worked for us." Meredith told him. "I loved him."

"What happened, Mer?" Derek asked into her hair.

"We were at the park. I was just a little girl..." She cried. "Nina went to get ice cream..."

[i"_I have to go potty!" Meredith cried as she wiggled around._

_"You have to wait until Nina comes back. She will take you in there." Frank told her with a smile._

_"I have to go now!" Meredith cried as she held her legs together._

_"Can you go by yourself?" Frank asked as he looked into her little green eyes._

_"Uh huh... I can!" Meredith said with a nod as she rushed into the bathroom. _

_Frank followed Meredith into the ladies bathroom. She rushed into a stall and slammed it shut as she fumbled with her jeans. Jeans that he father would never approve of her having. Jeans that she loved. She tried over and over to get them, but she couldn't get the zipper down._

_"I can't do it!" Meredith cried as she opened the door, revealing her zipper stuck with her material from her panties stuck between the teeth._

_"Oh... Nina should be here. Just a second, Meri." Frank said as he looked around._

_"I have to potty now." Meredith whined as she bounced around._

_"Okay." Frank said with a nod as he got on his knees and began working on the zipper. _

_"Oh my god!" Nina cried out loudly as she walked in._

_Meredith jumped when she looked up at Nina. She looked afraid and shocked as she stood there, the three ice cream cones she was holding now splattered across the tile. Meredith looked down at the urine spot on her jeans. She began to cry, realizing that she had an accident when she heard Nina scream._

_"It's not what it looks like!" Frank said as he stood up._

_"Come one, Meri. Come now." Nina demanded as she pulled her arm off, dragging her out of the restroom.[/i_

"They kept asking me. I told them the truth, Derek. He didn't- He didn't hurt me. He would never hurt me. But they asked. And they yelled. I was so scared. I just wanted to go play. They were scaring me. Daddy said to tell the truth. If I just said yes, I could go. I could go play. So I-" Meredith began to cry harder. "I said it! I said yes. I lied." Meredith sobbed into Derek's shirt.

"Oh, honey... That wasn't your fault. You were a little girl." Derek said as he kissed her head.

"That's not it." Meredith said as she struggled to breath. Derek stroked her head until she stopped crying. "I was playing in the yard..."

[i_Meredith was playing the yard. She loved to kick the ball around. She loved to play rough and tumble. But she loved to play these things with Frank and Nina. And now Frank was gone. Meredith sat down in the grass as picked at it as she stared at the car pulling in the drive._

_She went in. She wasn't in there long. But long enough. Meredith watched as the middle-aged woman walked up to her. She wasn't smiling. She was scowling._

_"You liar! You lying little bitch! Frank would never touch you. You have ruined my life. Now my children are going to suffer. They will suffer because of you. They don't have a father because of you! You ruined our lives. And you will pay. You will pay, Meredith Grey." Frank's wife yelled before security pulled her away._

_Meredith sat there, her tiny mind trying to absorb what had just happened. And she wouldn't understand it until much later.[/i_

"He killed himself, Derek. He killed himself." She sobbed loudly. "He left them without a father. Without a husband. Because I lied. And I- I can't- I try. I try so hard to make up for it. I give them money. Anonymously. Once a month. Their oldest daughter is in college. And I bought them a tiny house. They lost there's when he dies. It's all I can do. It's all I can do to make up for ruining their lives..." She said as she cried.

"Oh, Mer... You were far too young to know the ramifications of your actions." Derek said with a frown. "And it's not your fault. You did it under duress. This is not your fault, honey. You have to drop this. You have to let it go. You don't owe them the world. He killed himself. You didn't." He said as he rubbed her shoulder and kissed her on the head.

"Thank you, Derek. Thank you for listening. It was nice. I feels so much better to get it out." She said with a sigh.

"You are okay. You have me." Derek told her with a smile.

---------------

Nothing more was said about their conversation. Derek had a small feeling that Meredith may have regretted telling him. He wasn't sure why. She did nothing wrong. It was a sad situation, but completely not her fault. Not to mention, she did not pull the trigger. Well, that's how he assumed he did it. Either way, it was probably best not knowing. Not to mention, Meredith may have morphed it all through years of thought and confusion.

Meredith didn't regret telling Derek. But she was worried. She was putting herself in a bad position. She was putting herself in the position to be hurt. She told Derek something that she never shared. It was something that she was afraid to talk about. She had always thought that if she didn't talk about it, it either wasn't real. Or it would go away. And now here she was. She was just hoping it would go away and be forgotten.

Meredith avoided Derek for the moment. She just needed some time to think about it. She slowly crept down to the kitchen. She didn't see him anywhere. She was actually feeling guilty about the avoidance. She looked up as Sophia as she neared.

"Meri... What did you get on the steps and in the foyer?" Sofia asked as Meredith walked through the kitchen.

"Hmm?" Meredith asked quickly.

It all flooded back. The dirty, erotic little game she had played with Derek. Him bending her over the stairs and and sliding his gigantic manhood deep into her core. All of the hot cum that she was releasing. The cum that shot out of Derek with force as he took himself in his had. Yeah, she remembered that. Crap.

"Oh! Shoot... I am so sorry, Sophia. Milk. I had some milk last night. I must have spilled it." Meredith said with a frown.

"Oh you... It's okay. But try not to do that again. It's not good for the marble." She warned as she looked up.

"And cum is better..." Meredith muttered under her breath.

"What's that?" Sofia asked as she glanced up.

"I was just- Don't know how I missed that..." Meredith said with a sigh as she walked out.

"Hey..." Derek muttered as Meredith passed by him.

"Hey..." Meredith said with a smirk as she walked by. "I'm going to go take a nap. I need to rest up. For tonight." Meredith said with a smirk as walked off and jogged upstairs.

A nap. Now that was exactly what Derek wanted to hear. Last night had been the most amazing sex he had ever had. The first time with her was great. But last night had been over the top. Last night was the height of erotic for him. And she was thinking that she would need a nap. Yep, this was looking good for him.

The day went slow. Incredibly slow. It was like a painful slow motion. Derek spent his day doing nothing. Nothing but thinking about what his cock was going to be doing. Maybe he was slightly addicted to her. But she was addicting. She was like a drug. She was always leaving him wanting more and more. His drug. His crack. His candy.

Meredith laid in her bed. This was getting ridiculous. She shouldn't want him this bad. But she does. She wants him so bad it's killing her. The waiting. The need. It had taken over. Taken over her mind and body. Just one tiny thought about what they did and would do was enough to make her cream. He made her wet just by giving her the dreamy look that he gave her.

"Meri..." Sofia shouted from the downstairs. Meredith grumbled and pulled herself out of the bed. She had spent all day thinking about what they could do tonight.

"Yes?" Meredith moaned as she walked into to hallway.

"Do you need me? If not, I think I will get going..." Sofia asked quickly.

"Sofia... Do you have a boyfriend?" Meredith asked with a giggle, wondering why she was going home early lately.

"Ahhh... Meri." Sofia said as she rolled her eyes. "I am leaving."

"That's fine." Meredith said with a nod as she watched her gather her things.

Meredith watched Sofia walk out the door. She had nothing planned. Nothing big. Nothing exciting. Nothing amazing. Just him and her. She shook her head as she walked to his room. It was like a toy. They had the complimentary parts, and they just had to play.

"Hey..." Meredith muttered as she walked into Derek's room. "She's gone..."

"Is she really?" Derek asked with a smirk as he looked up at her,

Meredith was in a pair of jeans and a short sleeved top. Nothing intentionally sexy, but completely amazing. She made everything amazing. He had been thinking about her all day. And now he could have her. And boy did he want her.

"She really is... So what do you plan on doing with me, Monsieur?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Oh... I'm sure I can think of a thing. Or two. Or three..." Derek muttered as he walked over.

Meredith wasn't into it. She was, but it was half-hearted. She just wasn't feeling right. Talking about everything the night before had trudged it up again, and she didn't want to think about it. Derek could see the frown on her face as he put his hands on her cheeks.

"Are you alright, baby?" Derek asked with a smile.

"I'm okay." Meredith said with a nod.

"You aren't your usually sexy self." Derek told her as he ran his hand down her arm.

"I don't feel sexy." Meredith admitted with a frown. "I just- Don't."

"Oh, but you are..." Derek said as he kissed her softly on the neck. "Lay down on the bed." Derek told her softly.

"Okay." Meredith said with a nod as she walked over and laid on his bed. Derek disappeared and quickly came back with a video camera. Meredith gave him a puzzled look and laid there. "What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she rolled her eyes.

"I want you to see how beautiful you are." Derek said with a smile. "You are beautiful. You are perfect." He said as he zoomed in to her. "You have no idea how amazing you are, Mer."

"Come here..." Meredith said with a faint smile as she laid her head back.

"Hmm?" Derek asked as he flipped the camera off.

"I love you." She said with a smile as he laid beside her. "I want to forget it, what I told you last night, but I can't. And I'm just not myself. I'm trying to be, but I just can't-"

"That's okay." Derek told her as he leaned on his elbow and smiled at her.

"No... I want to forget. Tonight, I want to forget. Make me forget, Derek." She said with a faint smile.

"I could do that." Derek agreed as he sucked on her neck. "I could make you forget." He said as he kissed her cheek. He looked at her as she pulled away.

"Come on!" Meredith said loudly as she jumped out of the bed.

Derek jumped up and quickly followed her down the hallway. He nearly fell over the clothes that she was peeling off of herself and tossing onto the floor. He took a page from her book and began tossing his own clothes. Meredith stopped in her tracks, outside of a closet.

"I'll be right back." She said as she went in and shut the door. "Okay." She told him as she walked back out. "Let's go." She giggled as she ran over and stopped at her father's office door. A naughty smirk covered her face as she opened the door.

"Mer... What are you doing?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Come on, Derek." Meredith said with a smile as she walked into the office.

"Cameras." Derek said as he stood in the doorway.

"I just turned them off. They don't check them unless there is a problem. I'll just say there was a power outage or something Or nothing. I will say nothing. Come on, Derek. Don't you want me?" She asked as she pulled things off of her father's desk one at a time and lid them on the floor. "Because if you don't..." She muttered as she climbed atop of the two-hundred year old antique desk. "I will have to do it myself." She warned him as she spread her legs before him and stroked her clit.

Derek's mouth watered as he watched her warm juices running down her leg. Her white cream dripped out and pooled on the desk as she rubbed herself harder and faster. Derek swallowed hard as his cock began to swell and twitch as he watched her warm pink center with his eyes. Meredith writhed under her own touch and bucked her hips as she began to cum hard and fast. Her walls clamped tightly as she tossed her head and cried out.

"Oh! Oh..." She cried out as she laid her head back and collapsed.

Derek stood there in shock as he looked at her. God, she mad him hot. She made him nearly cum as he watched her. He had never seen anything like it. She had been so reserved in the beginning, but around him she was growing and blossoming. She was getting more and more confident with herself and her body. She was exposed and pink before him. Her clit was red and swollen. His cock was begging him to take her. And that was all he wanted to do.

"Fuck me, Derek. Fuck me on my daddy's desk." She pouted as she stuck out her bottom lip and looked up at him.

"Shit." Derek muttered. He couldn't not do it. He couldn't. "Mer..." Derek moaned as he walked across the desk. "I could be killed for this." He muttered as he looked at her.

"When are you going to realize that I would never do anything to endanger you?" She asked with a dirty smile. "Here..." She muttered as she handed him a condom.

"Fuck." Derek spat as he rolled his on his big cock. "The things you make me do."

"You have no idea how bad I want this." Meredith said with a grin.

And she did. It was her dirty little desire. She wanted Derek to fuck her on her father's desk. The best revenge. And the best revenge was always the secret stuff that no one ever knew about. What a way to fight the power. She was fucking someone who her father would forbid her to be with. And she was doing it where she wasn't supposed to.

"You get bottom." She told him with a smirk. Derek nodded his head. He didn't care if he got bottom, top sideways or upside down. He just wanted her. He quickly laid back on the desk and looked up as she stood above him. Her pink center was waiting for him. He could see the shimmer of her cum that had run down her leg. Derek quickly grabbed her behind the knees and pulled her down.

"Come up here, baby." Derek said as he pulled her close. Meredith dropped to her knees, hovering her pussy above him. "Let me taste those sweet lips." He said as he grabbed her ass with his hands, and dove his face into her mound.

"Oh...God, Der. You have a magic tongue." She moaned as he licked her up one lip and down the other.

"And you have a very tasty pussy." Derek muttered as he ran his cheek against her.

Derek ran his tongue up and down her slit several times before licking her clit hard. She came harder when he put pressure on her. The flicking just made her writhe. He knew just how she liked it. He knew just the moves to make to send her over the edge. He ran tiny circles around her with the tip of his tongue. He delved his tongue into her core and then rubbed her clit again. Meredith rocked her hips on his face as he worked her harder and harder.

"Oh... Oh, God, Derek... Oh." She cried out. "Don't stop... Please, don't stop!" She shouted as she came fast all over his face. Derek smiled as he pulled away and looked up at her. He licked his lips once before lifting her up and sinking her down on his hard cock. He could make her cum quick, drawing off of her recent orgasms. She had an amazing relay time, and god knows he was ready to cum just looking at her. Derek bucked his hips up into her hard.

"Oh!" She let out a painful gasp as his cock hit her hard.

"You okay?" Derek asked as he did it again.

"Uh... HUH!" She shouted as he did it again.

It hurt, but the pleasure was starting to take over as she rocked with his motion. She was painfully close. Too close. She was praying that he would drag it out. She wasn't ready for it to be over. Meredith began to slow her pace and pull him out slightly, sinking down softly.

"I'm not ready yet..." She told him softly.

"Okay." Derek said with a nod as he laid quiet.

His hands ran up and down her back. He loved the way her soft skin felt beneath his hands. He grabbed her hips firmly as she rocked slowly. Meredith laid her head back and let her hair fall. Derek's hands travelled to her gently swaying breasts. Derek fondled them gently as she continued to take it slow.

"Oh... I'm... I'm ready." She said with a nod as she began to rock harder on his iron rod.

Derek grunted as she rode him faster and faster. Her could feel her tightening down on him. Her cum was abundant as she ran along her legs and covered him. Derek watched her firm breasts bounce heavily as she worked him. Derek smiled. He had the ability to make her cum immediately. The power he held, it made him feel amazing. Derek inserted his finger and stroked her clit twice.

"Oh my god!" She yelled loudly as she immediately came. Derek could feel the contractions taking her over as she cried out over and over. His cock began to pulsate before shooting his hot cum into the condom. Derek rubbed his finger over her clit again, sending her over the edge. "Oh...Oh!" She squealed as she pulled away from him. "Oh..." She moaned as she laid her head back and felt the contractions of their bodies. They remained silent as they come down from their highs.

"Oh my god..." Derek said quickly. "I just fucked you on your father's desk."

"You did." Meredith said with a big smile. "Thank you."

"He would kill me." Derek said with a slight bit of fear in his voice.

"Derek. Never. Never. I would never let you get caught. I would let myself fall, trying to hold you up." She told him as she climbed off of him.

Derek was amazed at what she said. She really meant it. He had never met a woman like her. Someone who cared. Someone who had so much passion for him. Their connection was strong. And he felt the same way. He quickly wiped off Thatcher's desk with a tissue and followed her out. He stood outside of the closet.

"Fuck!" Meredith said quickly. "This is- Fuck!"

"Fuck? What do you mean, fuck?" Derek asked in a panic.

"Fuck. You know, fuck. Bad, unimportant, annoyance, surprise. It means to have sex. Dirty, hot, porny sex. Grinding sex. Or fuck! You know, the good fuck. Like oh fuck, that's great. Not in a sarcastic way. In a good way. And that leaves oh fuck. As in oh fuck, I messed up." Meredith said quickly as she looked around in a panic.

"I know what fuck means, Mer!" Derek said in shock as he looked at her. "Which one! Which fuck? And why?" Derek asked with increasing concern.

"The latter." Meredith said with a sad, pathetic nod.

"The latter? As in you fucked up. Fuck! What did you do?" Derek asked quickly.

"I thought it was off. It wasn't off, Derek." Meredith said in shock as she looked at the machines and monitors before her.

"What wasn't off, Meredith? I swear- I hope to god you do not mean the camera. Because if you are saying that you forgot to turn off the camera, then that means I fucked you on your father's desk. That would mean that there is proof. That would mean that there is a hard copy of this. That I fucked you in the stupidest place in the world, and now your father will know. I know that isn't what you are referring to. Because if you were, that would mean you were pretty damn stupid. And that my cock will no longer be mine. It will be somewhere else. Disconnected from my body." Derek said loudly.

"I am not stupid, you asshole!" Meredith spat as she punched him in the arm.

"Hey! Hey!" Derek said quickly as he put up his hands. "I didn't mean it. I just... This bad, Mer. This is incredibly bad. This is catastrophic. I'm not kidding around here."

"I know. I can fix this. Let me think." Meredith shouted as she stood there staring.

"Oh... And that did us a lot of good in the first place." He said with a chuckle as he looked up at her.

"If you don't stop!" She said as she raised her arm.

"You will beat me to death? With your tiny ineffectual fists?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"You are a grade-a, top of the line... Ah!" She shouted as she walked in the room and slammed the door in his face. Derek stood there in silence for several minutes.

"Did you figure it out, hon?" Derek asked with a chuckle. It wasn't funny. But it was so bad it was becoming funny very quickly. Meredith rolled her eyes as she opened the door.

"It loops. After so long, two days, I think, it loops and re-records over it's self. I'll pull out the old one and put a new on it." Meredith said with a nod. "They will never know. And no one can prove it." Meredith said with a smile as she looked around the room for new media. "Ah ha! Here..." She said with a smile as she held it up. She quickly flipped the two.

"Mer..." Derek said with a raised brow.

"They will never know, Derek. Believe me." Meredith said quickly.

"And what if that isn't the right one?" Derek asked simply.

"It is." Meredith said with a nod as she walked away.

"What are you doing with it?" Derek asked as he followed her.

"Well, I'm going to watch it." She said with a giggle as she walked into the room where the big screen t.v. was.

"Mer!" Derek said in shock as he watched her.

"Nope. We need to make sure that this is the one. But I know it is. I know all of this stuff. I used to purposely follow Tony around and pay attention. The cameras are grouped. This is it." She said as she placed in the the player. Derek watched as she skipped back.

"Oh! Oh... I'm- I'm ready!" Meredith's voice filled the room. Derek looked at the screen in shock. There were six different angles of them. It was hot. He felt his cock begin to twitch.

"So?" Meredith asked with a giggle. "I so did it." She said as she watched them on the t.v. It was hot. She could feel her pussy lips begin to drip. She could feel the white cream forming.

"That was good. You did good. But now-" Derek muttered as he looked at her, at the screen and down at himself. "Now I just want to fuck you."

"Sounds like a plan..." Meredith giggled.

**Happy New Year!!**


	41. Perfect Moment

Meredith and Derek picked at their dinner. This is how it had been. It had been them eating dinner and wishing Sophia away. The best part was, Sophia was more than happy to leave. Meredith was sure that Sofia was meeting a man. She had been single since her husband died twelve years ago, and now she seemed strangely happy.

"Oh, Yes... Meredith, Tony will be home tomorrow morning. Just thought I would let you know." She said with a smile as she looked at Meredith. "Meri! Eat your dinner. You will wilt away to nothing!" Sophia warned Meredith.

"Oh... Sofia." Meredith muttered as she poked her chicken.

"It is not good?" Sophia asked with concern.

"No, Sofia, it is great." Meredith told her as she took a bite of it as Sophia walked away. "Great... He comes back." Meredith muttered as she looked across at Derek.

"You knew he would come back." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yeah... It's just been so nice, you and I." Meredith said with a smile.

"I can agree with that." Derek told her with a nod as he took the last bite off of his plate. "And you do need to eat." He told her as he went into the kitchen.

"You don't need to do that." Sofia explained as she grabbed the plate from his hand.

"My mother taught me better." Derek explained as he helped her.

"This is not your job..." Sofia said with raised brows.

"Are you going to refuse my help?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"I said it wasn't your job. I did not say you couldn't do it." Sofia explained with a grin.

Meredith sat back at the table. She hated this. She hated that Tony was coming back. She hated it because she got comfortable with Derek. This is what happened in the Riviera. She got attached to him and then it was taken away from her.

"Meri... You're still out here." Sofia stated in shock.

"I'm done." Meredith said with a sigh as she pushed her chair away from the table and walked away.

Sofia quickly finished her work and made her way out the door. Derek smiled as he watched her go. He quickly climbed the stairs and walked into Meredith's room. She was in a leather bustier, with stockings and high heels. Derek could feel his cock growing as he looked at her creamy skin covered with black leather.

"Mer... You-" Derek stopped himself as he looked at her hitting her leg with the leather riding bat.

"Take off your clothes and get on the bed, Derek." Meredith told him as she looked over at him.

"Uh..." Derek muttered as he pulled off his clothing, one piece at at time. He quickly laid on the bed and looked up at her. Meredith grabbed two satin strips of fabric and climbed on the bed with him.

"Oh my god, Mer." Derek moaned as her looked up at her, standing above him.

"I've never done it like this before." Meredith admitted as she ran the riding crop over his chest. "I'm not sure how... But I want to experiment with you." She said happily. "If you are game..."

"Yeah... Yeah." Derek said with a nod.

"Okay then, give me your wrist." She told her as she leaned down and tied his wrists to the bed. She grabbed another strip of fabric and covered his eyes. "You must be a god boy, Derek... If you aren't I may have to spank you will this bat. You don't want that, do you?"

"I think I do." Derek said with a faint smile.

He could feel the smooth italian leather of the crop run down his chest. Meredith flicked his nipples with the popper and ran it down his abdomen. Derek bucked his hips as she ran it gently over his erect cock.

"Have you been a bad boy, Derek?" Meredith asked softly. "Have you been having naughty thoughts?" She questioned as she ran it over him.

"I have." Derek agreed as he shook his head, looking into her green eyes.

"Hmm... I will have to punish you, then." She said as she trailed the bat down him and whacked him hard in the chest. "Are you going to be good now?" Meredith asked.

"No." Derek muttered defiantly as she continued to tease him.

"You leave me no choice." Meredith told him as she whacked him over and over again. She could see the raised red welts all over him. "You are a bad boy, getting hot for me. Are you sorry? Are you going to be a good boy now?" Meredith asked as she looked at his red chest.

"I'm not sure I want to be." Derek told her with a smirk.

"Yes or no, Derek. Are you going to be a good boy?" She demanded.

"Yes." Derek agreed with a nod.

"Okay then..." Meredith told him softly. "What would you like me to do, Derek?"

"Suck my cock. Please." He mentioned as he looked down. Meredith knelt down to his cock, the toes of her heels, pressing into the bed. Meredith wrapped her moist, hot mouth around his thick shaft. With ease she sucked strongly on Derek's hard cock, holding the base as tightly in one hand. He tasted salty on her tongue as she sucked him. Meredith's heart beat rapidly as she listened to his humming moans coming from his mouth.

"Oh god, Mer..." Derek said with a load moan. "Suck me harder, baby...," Derek breathed. "Your mouth feels perfect . That feels fucking perfect. " He muttered throatily as he grabbed her head.

Meredith scraped his cock up and down with her teeth as fast as she could, her head bobbing wildly, hair tossing. His cocked bounced off the back of her throat with each bob, Meredith taking more and more in with ease motion. Meredith pulled out slightly, attempting to breathe as she delicately traced her tongue around the velvet head. His cock glistened with traces of her saliva. Her tongue circled the knob, caressed the ridge and then lapped his thick shaft. She lapped his testicles and gently rubbed them in one hand.

"Meredith... I'm cumming, baby." Derek moaned. Meredith smiled and quickly took him in her mouth as he lost it. He shot his white load into her petite mouth over and over, while she gulped greedily. Meredith continued to kiss and suck his cock until it softened. "Oh god..." Derek moaned as he laid there breathlessly.

"Mmm... You taste so good." Meredith groaned as she licked her lips and uncovered her eyes. "Now it's my turn." She told him as she untied his wrists. "I just need a good fuck." She told him flatly.

"I won't hit you with that." Derek told her frankly as he tossed the bat to the side. "I could never touch you with that."

"I want to be spanked, Derek. With your hand. I've been a bad girl Last night, when you were in your room, I had to do it by myself. I couldn't wait. I was so bad, Derek. Please spank me... Show my how bad I was." She pleaded him as she laid on the bed and looked at him. "You're the boss, Derek. Teach me. Tempt me. Torture me..."

"Take your clothes off, Mer... I can't fuck you with that on. Take it off over there." He told her as he pointed across the room.

Meredith climbed off of the bed and stood before him. Derek laid back and looked at her. She slowly unsnapped the clips and put her leg on the bed. Derek moaned as she rolled her stocking down, showing more and more if her slender leg. She slowly did the other, torturing him with the sight. Meredith let out a sigh as she placed the stockings on the chair. Derek watched the rise and fall of her cleavage as she began to breath quickly in anticipation. Her breasts were being pushed up so high with the bustier.

"I need you to untie me." She told him as she turned her back to him. She felt Derek's strong hands untie her.

"Okay. Undress." Derek told her.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she slowly undressed herself. Derek watched as she tossed her bustier to the side and stood there in her heels.

"Oh honey..." Derek moaned as his cock rose quickly.

"Oh no..." Meredith muttered innocently. "I just can't help myself..." She cried out as she placed her foot on the chair and began stroking her clitoris.

"Oh no... No. No. That is bad, Meredith. Very bad!" Derek told her. "Come over here."

"What are you going to do to me?" Meredith asked as she bit down on her finger.

"You need to learn you a lesson. You don't do by yourself, what I can do for you.." He told her as he bent her over the bed. "Have you been bad?"

"Yes." She said meekly. "Please. Teach me."

"Okay. If you insist." He told her as he raised his hand and came down on her ass.

"Harder! I've been so bad." She whined.

"Have you?" Derek asked as he smacked her again, causing red handprints to form.

Meredith felt her core heat up to an almost unbearable degree. She could feel her hot cum building. Something about him spanking her caused her to throb and pulsate to an amazing level. She cried out as he came down on her over and over again. Meredith groaned and writhed as he caused her ass cheeks to turn cherry red.

"Oh! Oh! Enough!" She cried out as it became unbearable. "Oh god... Just fuck me, Derek. Fuck me with the big cock of yours." She begged as she spread her legs and opened herself up for him.

"How can I not?" Derek asked as he thrust his finger in her and pulled it out seeing it's creamy covering. He slowly licked it, savoring her unique taste.

"Damn-it, Derek! Quit fucking around!" She yelled as she backed her ass into him hard. "Ah!" She gasped as his girth pushed her walls violently. It was hard, and rough, and all her fault. She cried out in pain as he rammed her over and over again. "Oh god... I-" Meredith moaned as Derek withdrew himself from her. "What are you doing?" She demanded.

"Don't you worry." He shouted as he smacked her ass hard and thrust deeply into her.

"Oh! Oh!" She screamed as she felt him slide into her. "Again."

"You like that, baby?" Derek asked as he once again pulled out and spanked her.

"Oh god. Yes! Yes! Yes! Again." She shouted. Derek did it over and over again. With every withdraw, his cock glistened more and more with her sticky wet load. She was wet. Her hot cum was pouring out in abundance and running down her thighs.

"Oh god..." Derek grunted as he walls began to tense. "Fuck... You are the tightest little thing I have ever fucked." He shouted as he rammed her over and over. It was fast and slick. Rough and slippery.

"Oh... God... I am so close... Oh... Oh... There... Right there... Harder. Harder, damn-it... Oh god... Oh god... Oh... OH!" She screamed as he thrust into her over and over. Meredith laid there in silence as she came over and over again. Derek thrust his hard cock as his own orgasm built to an unbearable level.

"Oh..." Derek grunted as he thrust into her one last time, cumming hard into her already soaked pussy.

"Oh..." Meredith whined as she laid her head on the bed and panted.

"I think we get better and better at that." Derek told her as he came down from his high.

"Yeah. I think you're right." She agreed as she laid in the same position, her body a very satisfied, very sticky mess.

-----------------

Meredith looked into Derek's blue eyes. Sometimes she liked it hard. Other times, she wanted it soft and gentle. It was their last free night together. Tony was supposed to come home in the morning. It was their last night and she wanted to end it on a soft, slow swing. In perfection not to be forgotten.

"Derek..." Meredith moaned as she rocked slowly and gently on his rock hard cock. "I don't want him to come back." She whined as she rubbed her chest.

"There is nothing you can do to stop it." Derek pointed out as he ran his hands down her back.

"I could have him whacked." Meredith moaned as she rocked slowly and laid her head back. Derek's hands rested on her firm breasts as she moaned.

"Seriously?" Derek asked as he flicked her nipples with his fingers. He quickly twisted her nipple and watched the mixture of pain and pleasure on her face.

"No... As good an idea as it is, it would never work. I would get stuck with some other... Oh!" She moaned as he went deeper.

"At least we have now." Derek said with a raised brow.

"Oh... Oh... Yeah. We have now..." She cried as she clenched her walls around him.

"You are... Fuck. I have never felt this way." He told her as he grabbed her ass and squeezed. "Perfect body, perfect pussy. You are the best fuck ever. And so much more." He told her as he thrust upward into her.

"You... You... Oh... You aren't a... bad... fuck." She cried out as she picked up her pace. "Oh god..." She spat as he rammed her, tossing her hard.

"Oh god, Mer..." Derek shouted as he lifted his ass off of the bed. She was a featherweight and it was nothing to throw her upwards. That only caused him to go deeper, making her cry out.

"Oh god... Do it, Derek. Do that... Oh god yes... That... That is perfect!" She yelled as she rode him. Meredith hastily bounced on his cock, her breasts swinging and swaying freely for him. "Oh god... Baby you are amazing!" She praised.

"Oh fuck... I'm cumming already... Fuck..." He spat as he came fast and filled the condom.

"Oh... Shit!" She yelped as he continued to thrust, sending her over the edge. Even in his own fog, he managed to stroke her clit, stimulating her further, to make up for his lack. "Oh... Ah! Ah!"

"Shit... That's what you do to me." He told her as he laid his head back and panted.

"Oh... Derek. Thank you, thank you so much." She moaned with a satisfied sigh.

"Tu sei una stella...la mia stella..." (You are a star...my star...) Derek whispered as he took her face in his hands. "Ti amo con tutta l'anima." (I love you with all my heart.)

"Ti amo..." (I love you.) She told him as she kissed him softly.

Meredith sat a top him, their sweaty sticky bodies connected in perfect harmony. There was a moment. During her climax when everything went blank and only pleasure washed over her. That was the moment she chased like a high. But the best moment was after. It was when they were still connected. When they were perfectly satisfied. And now it was ruined. She heard the buzz of the main gate. Someone was home. They screwed with her perfect moment. And that pissed her off.


	42. End Of The Fun

Meredith felt sad as Derek walked out. Their fun was all over now. Tony was back and the freedom was gone. She knew that only meant that they had to be more creative in the sexual adventures. There were plenty of places where they could meet their desires. But only the physical ones. It was emotional ones that were left ignored.

Meredith was hungry. Starving, actually. Her appetite was piqued from the marathon sex that she and Derek had incured. She waited until she heard Tony's bedroom door shut before she pulled on her red satin robe and slid on her slippers. She took a quick peek out the door before silently going down the back stairs and into the kitchen. She shuffled through the cabinets and then spotted cookies that Sophia had made. She grabbed one of the triple chocolate chunk cookies and sat back.

"Mmm... Oh God..." Meredith moaned as she tasted the dark, milk and white chocolate chips on her palate.

"I thought I was the only one that could do that to you." Derek said with a dirty smirk as he grabbed a cookie himself.

"You do it better. But chocolate has it's moments." She admitted as she took another bite.

"Good know... Maybe next time chocolate and sex. What do you think?" Derek asked with a smile.

"I think that is the perfect combination." Meredith agreed with a nod.

"So... Meredith Grey..." Derek muttered as he walked behind her and rubbed her back. "How are you feeling?" He asked as his hand slid into her robe and he touched her right breast softly.

"Mmm... Good." Meredith moaned as she felt him graze her nipple.

"Yeah?" Derek asked as he slid his hand down her bare thigh that was peeking from the split in her robe. His hand traveled inside and she sucked back as he slid his fingers over her clit. "Are you wet again? You naught girl..."

"Hmm... I am." Meredith agreed with a sigh. "So wet. So wet for you."

"Hmm... What can I do for you?" He asked as he rubbed her gently. "Shit!" Derek whispered as he hit the floor and hid around the island, crawling out of the kitchen on the other side. Meredith did not notice Tony coming, but Derek did.

"Mmm... Oh God." She whined before he disappeared.

"That good, huh?" Tony asked with a smirk as he walked in.

"What! Oh, I thought you were in bed." Meredith moaned as she rolled her eyes. She was praying that Derek had gotten away.

"Nope... Just got home and unpacked." Tony explained. "And you..."

Tony studied her. A red satin robe. She rarely wore that robe. Most of the time she stumbled around the house in her pajamas. He could tell by looking at her that she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. He could see her perky nipples pressing against the fabric. Her hair was matted and sweaty, hanging limply. Tony walked over and sniffed her.

"And you had sex." He pointed out with a sniff.

"Now why would you think that?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him and shook her head.

"Because I am a man. And I know what sex smells like. And you, you smell like fresh sex. So who is the guy?" Tony asked as he looked around.

"That is not your business. And don't bother looking. He went home. It seems I have perfect timing." She told him with a smirk as she walked away.

"No welcome home?" Tony shouted after her.

"No. More like thanks for coming back and making my life hell." She said as she disappeared up the stairs.

So close. But that only made it hotter. She could hear Derek in his room. He made it out in time. As Meredith laid down in her bed, she felt great. Derek did that to her. He made her feel amazing. And she needed to feel amazing.

---------------

Meredith laid back with her eyes closed. The warm sun shown on her golden skin as she laid in silence. She could hear people moving around. Her eyes opened into slits, as she looked around, seeing it was the pool maintenance men. Two of them. To hot muscled guys in tight white tee shirts and shorts. They were looking at her, and they had no idea she was looking at them through her dark sunglasses.

She felt a pang of guilt as she raised a brow and studied them. Derek flashed in her mind. This had never happened. Never had she felt guilty over looking at another man. Or men, for that matter. But she was. As much as she would like to sample what they were offering, she had Derek. And Derek was more than enough for any woman.

"See something interesting?" Derek asked as he walked up. He knew she was looking at them.

"Uh..." Meredith muttered with a smile as she looked up.

"It's okay. Window shopping is okay. As long as you don't taste the goods. And you know... I know that you know what you have." Derek said with a smile.

"I do... I have a God in the bedroom." Meredith said with a smile. "And that is all I need."

"So true... Only matched by my goddess. I'm thirsty. Do you want something?" Derek asked as he stood up.

"Mmm... Can you see if Sofia can make me a smoothie?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Of course... " Derek agreed as he walked away.

Meredith gasped as she laid there. Just before her was a perfect ass. Maybe not Derek perfect, but definitely noteworthy. She felt her breathing quicken as she looked at him. He quickly turned his head and looked at her with a charming smile.

"How are you today, Miss Grey?" He asked with a smirk.

"I'm fine, thank you. And yourself?" She asked with a nod.

"Quite well..." He said as he obviously checked her out. "Quite well..."

"Good." Meredith agreed with a nod.

Derek hated that. He hated the attention she got. He hated that she was so beautiful that people had to stare. She was his and only his. And he couldn't say a word. He couldn't mark his territory. He couldn't give her any affection. All her could do was stand there and suck it up.

"Your drink..." Derek said as he handed it to her.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up and accepted it. "Mmm yum."

"Not a problem." He told her as he eyed the pool guy, sending him away with his intimidation. "You look smoking hot."

"Oh, Derek!" She giggled as she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"You do... I could fuck you right now." He told her softly.

"Don't do that. You do that, and I- And I can't. So just stop before I have to change." Meredith told him frankly as they watched the pool guys leave.

"Now that is hot. So... Did they turn you on? Did they get you hot for me?" Derek asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"Derek, there is only one man that can make me hot. And I think you know him well." Meredith said with raised brows.

"Ti amo... Tu sei mia amore vietato." (I love you. You are my forbidden love.) Derek told her with a smile. The tapes he had been listening to were paying off.

"Gradisco voi di più e più. Un milione di baci." (My heart is for you. Love and kisses .) She muttered softly as she looked into his blue eyes. "And I think we need a vacation."

"Do we?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"Oh yes... How do you feel about Paris?" She asked with a smirk.

"Hmm... Paris. Never been." He told her.

"You will be. Just me and you..." She explained with a smile as she looked up and winked.

"Now that is the best idea I have heard all day." Derek agreed.

---------------

Meredith didn't need to ask her father for anything. She could technically do and say whatever she wanted, and he had no rights to or over her. Their relationship was a strange one. Most people wouldn't understand. Even being an adult, Meredith Grey would always be under his rule. He was Thatcher Grey, and that was how it was. That was how it would always be. Thatcher Grey reigned supreme over everyone. And everyone learned to let him.

He wanted to be there for her. Thatcher had tried his best, but somehow life got busy through the years. Days turned to months, months turned to years. And before his eyes, she was all grown up. And now it was too late. Now he just let her be. For the most part he gave her whatever she wanted. That was all he knew to do.

Meredith got along with Thatcher. She had her moments of rebellion and hate, but she loved him unconditionally. He was her only family. He had done things for her. And she would never know how hard they struggled to get where they were. As much as Meredith disliked Tony, there would always be a soft spot in her heart for the pervy guy. He would always take care of her if she needed it. And Sofia was the closest thing to a mother that Meredith had. That was her dysfunctional family. And she made it work. Even if it was a mess.

"Daddy..." Meredith muttered sweetly as she walked to his office door.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Thatcher asked as he looked up at her.

She was grown up. He remembered when she was five years old and would sit on his lap as he worked. Things didn't start out perfectly, but he tried his hardest to make sure she had everything she needed. And now she was a woman. A gorgeous woman that men desired. He saw the way men looked at her. There was no way he couldn't.

"Daddy... I want to go to Paris." She said as she sat down in the chair across from his desk and looked at him.

"Do you?" Thatcher asked her as he looked at her smiling face.

"I do. It's been awhile. I'd really like to go." Meredith explained.

"And would you like to take someone with you, perhaps?" Thatcher questioned.

"I don't think so. Not this time..." Meredith said as she feigned sadness.

"You are more like me than you know. You crave alone time, just as I do. And unfortunately we never get it. I'm sorry honey. I tried my best. In giving you everything, I took things away. Things that you needed." Thatcher said sadly.

"You did the best you could." Meredith reassured him as she looked up.

"So, are you staying in Paris, or would you like to stay at the chateau?" Thatcher asked.

"Hmm..." Meredith thought. "Both, maybe. A week in Paris and a week at the Chateau?" She suggested.

"Whatever you want baby. You say the word, and the jet will be fueled and ready." He told her with a grin.

"Thank you so much, Daddy!" Meredith told him with a giggle as she made her way around the desk. Yes, the desk. The fuck desk, as she now thought of it.

"Of course." Thatcher replied as he kissed her softly on the cheek. "I love you, darling."

"Love you too." Meredith muttered as she walked out.

Paris. France. A chateau. How much better could it get? She and Derek together. It was pure heaven. Living in a normal place. Acting like normal people. And fucking non-stop. As she left the office, she thought about their recent escapades. And as she made her way up the stairs, thinking of Derek's hard cock, she knew she had to change her panties. He did that to her.

**as someone said "I think he does that to all of us." She may have a point!**


	43. Flying High

Meredith pulled it off. She had at least two good weeks with Derek. It was amazing. It was these little stints that kept her going. It was the alone time with him that made her happy. That was the only time she felt alive. When she was with him, it was magic. And going back to the way she lived before... She couldn't imagine it.

Meredith was looking out the tiny window as they flew through the thick clouds. She had been on their private jet more times than she could count. It was comfortable with it's buttery leather seats and mahogany wood accents. There were sleeping quarters in the back that she rarely used. And right now, she wanted nothing more than to drag Derek back to them.

"So let me get this straight... We are going to Paris. And then we are staying at a chateau?" Derek asked as he looked across at her.

"You would have that correct." Meredith said with a smile. "Just imagine it... You and I in a hotel in Paris. We'll be looking out at the Eiffel tower. You can fuck me on the balcony of the suite." Meredith mused as she looked out the window.

"You are far too tempting." Derek told her with a smile.

"I strive. I need some champagne. This is definitely cause for celebration." Meredith said with a nod as she pushed the button.

"Yes, Miss Grey?" The lone flight attendant asked as he walked out from the front of the jet.

"I need some champagne." Meredith said with as mile.

"One glass or two?" He asked as he looked over at Derek.

"Well, I guess I have to let him have some." She huffed as she rolled her eyes. "Two glasses."

"You really are a bitch, you know that?" Derek asked with a smirk. He wasn't offended. He knew what they had to do.

"Yeah, I know." Meredith agreed as she looked over, seeing him come back.

"Anything else?" He asked with a smile.

"Oh... Do you have any of the french truffles on the plane?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"Hmm... French truffles... I think we do. Let me check." He told her as he walked off again.

"You are going all out." Derek replied with a smile.

"Maybe." Meredith agreed as she took a sip of the champagne. She had been drinking it for years. She was no stranger to having a drink for celebration.

"Here you go, miss." He said as he handed her a small silver tray.

"Thank you... You can go." She told him as she waved him off. "And I would like to be left alone for the remainder of the flight."

"As you wish." He said with a nod as he walked out and shut the door.

"Mmm... Oh God!" She moaned as she took a bite of the chocolate.

"So, being that we are going to France... You didn't happen to bring your uniform, did you?" Derek asked with a wink.

"I guess you will have to wait and see, won't you? Where's your Cartier?" She asked as she looked at his wrist. "If you don't wear it, you will hurt my feelings." She told him with a frown.

"It's in my bag." Derek told her with a smile. "And I will wear it."

"Good." Meredith told him as she took another sip.

"So, why France?" Derek asked as he took his own sip. He had never tasted champagne. This was all new to him. And the chocolate truffles were richer than any chocolate that had grazed his palate.

"First place that popped into my head. As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go." Meredith told him with a grin.

"I feel the exact same way." He admitted with a smile.

"So... There is one think you should know about champagne." Meredith said as she raised her brows.

"And what is that?" Derek asked as he glanced over.

"It..." She started as she grazed his manhood. "Makes me..." She moaned as she felt it rise at her touch. "Very horny."

"And how to we relieve this feeling?" He asked with a smile.

"Oh, I have an idea. Or two." She told him with a smirk as she rose to her feet.

Derek followed Meredith back into the sleeping quarters. She was wearing a light dress. She looked gorgeous. She was always gorgeous, but she was looking particularly sophisticated. Climbing off of a jet in Paris, did warrant this type of attire. Derek looked at the bed with it's custom embroidered pillows. It was a site. Over the top.

Meredith stood before him and turned around, lifting her hair. Derek undid the back of her dress and she let it fall softly to the floor. She had on her expensive lingerie. Derek had noticed that she had several different types, and this was the good stuff. She undid her bra and panties. Meredith smiled seductively as she laid back on the bed.

"I want you to make love to me Derek." She told him softly. "Not fuck... I want you to make _love_ to me."

She didn't say that. It was always fuck me. But today she wanted it soft. They did it soft occasionally. But this was different. She looked so beautiful and innocent as she laid there with her hair flowing around her head. Derek quickly peeled off his own clothing and let it fall with hers. He bent down, grabbing a condom out of his wallet and rolled it on in front of her.

"Simple... I just want it simple." She told him with a smile.

"I can do that." He told her as he laid with her.

Derek ran his hands down her soft flesh. She felt softer than any woman he had ever touched. She was like a flower petal. So delicate and beautiful. Her firm perky breasts felt incredible in his strong hands. Her nipples perked in his fingers and he touched them softly. Derek feathered his hand over her smooth abdomen and traced along her soft pussy.

"Please, Derek." She moaned as she ran her slender fingers over his shoulder.

Derek slowly came up to her mouth and kissed her softly. She pulled him in as she ran her tongue over the roof of his mouth and finally played with his tongue. She could taste the chocolate and champagne as she licked and tasted him. She could feel the head of Derek's penis laying in the valley of her moist lips.

Derek slowly and softly slide his thick cock into her tight walls. She was so warm and perfect as he slid in and out of her. Her ass pumped gently as she ran her delicate fingers over his flesh letting out soft melodious moans. Derek closed his eyes, taking in ever feeling that his nerve endings were experiencing. Her warm tight core. Her hard nipples pressing against his chest. The feeling of her firm breasts as he thrust into her. Derek groaned. With their bodies entwined, Meredith legs wrapped gently around him, he pressed her harder and farther.

"Oh, Derek..." She moaned as he slid into her. "Oh..." She mewled.

"Meredith... Oh God..." He soughed as he quickened his pace, cumming quick.

"Oh! Ah! Oh...Oh...Oh..." She cried as she closed her eyes, taking the brunt of his assault. "Oh god!" She spat softly as he came quick, flooding his cock with her juices.

"Oh..." Derek grunted as his motioned ceased and his orgasm took over. They laid there, feeling the aftermath of what they had just done.

"That was perfect." Meredith said with a smile as Derek pulled out and laid next to her.

Derek wrapped his arms around her and laid there, listening to her breath softly. She began the slow, steady breath of sleep as he laid there, stroking her hair. He looked over at the door, knowing he could not be caught in there. He placed a pillow by her naked body and covered her with a soft blanket. He gave her one lat look before he dressed and took his seat outside. It was perfect. They knew nothing else. Only perfection.

-------------

Derek left Meredith asleep in the sleeping quarters. He laid his head back against the headrest of the plush seat and closed his eyes. He figured he would wake Meredith up when they were ready to land. Not to mention, she would then be well rested, and wide awake. And now so would he. How much better could it get?

"The captain is ready to land." The flight attendant said as he peeked his head in the door.

"Thank you. I will let Miss Grey know." Derek told him with a smile.

Derek waited until the door shut before he stood and walked across the plane to the back. He didn't bother tapping on the door. He had absolutely no reason to knock. When he opened it, she was just were he left her, sleeping softly. She wasn't snoring. He just heard the soft hum of her breathing.

"Mer..." Derek muttered as he kissed her neck. "They're going to be landing soon..."

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she looked up and him groggily and kissed his lips softly.

"Did you have a good nap?" Derek asked her as he kissed her softly.

"I did." She said softly as she stretched her arms and moaned.

"Good..." Derek told her as he kissed her again. "You need to get dressed."

"No... Lay with me." She told him with a faint smile. "I just want to lay with you."

"As much as I would love to lay with you, you need to get up. And I need to leave this room. There will be plenty of time to lay with you when we get to the hotel." He explained as he kissed her again.

"You, Derek, are absolutely no fun!" She whined.

"I think I may have heard that before." Derek admitted with a nod. "Many times..." He muttered as he walked out of the room.

Meredith pouted as she pulled on her dress. Just as she got it on, she realized she couldn't zip it. She slowly worked at the zipper with her long arms, bending and stretching until she was contorted in such a way that she couldn't move. She stumbled backwards and fell through the door. Derek and the flight attendant looked at her as she laid on the floor looking up.

"Um... Hi." She muttered as she glanced up at them both. "I...Uh..." She stammered as she stood up and snuck back inside. "Damn-it."

She put the dress on. She did the damn thing herself. So why the hell was it such a problem now? Maybe it was the sleep. Her stupid asleep arms wouldn't work. Her stupid asleep brain wasn't working. Finally she worked her hands from the top to the bottom.

"Ah!" She cried out as she sighed and walked out.

"Is everything-" The flight attendant asked.

"Everything is fine." Meredith told them happily as she took her seat and looked out the window.

The ride to the hotel was silent. Meredith and Derek had a driver. It was someone that her father used regularly. She was hoping that they would have a car for them once they got settled into the hotel. Paris always had a bittersweet feeling for her. It was the place where she always imagined her mother was. And somehow it was a disappointment when she got here, and saw that her mother really wasn't. It was just another city. And her mother was still missing.

As they pulled to the door, the help came out of the Four Seasons George V and immediately began collection their bags. Derek was on high alert as he stepped out and looked around. They were there. The paparazzi was already there. Derek held out his hand, as Meredith stepped out. The flashes began going off the minute her foot hit the pavement. Derek was actually beginning to wonder in the back of his head why there had pulled up in such a public area. Either way, they had obviously known she was coming.

Derek looked around in awe. It was so lavish. It was actually somewhat like the Grey home. Derek watched everyone as they walked along, heading towards their room. He heard them say something about the Royal Suite as they walked along. Derek just kept his eyes open in amazement as he looked around. They quickly walked into their room, and Meredith tipped them as they dropped tehir bags and left. Meredith smiled and nodded as she looked around.

"Wow, Mer... This is amazing." Derek muttered as he looked around.

"Uh huh." Meredith agreed simply. "It's nice... The bedroom is... Well, it has a bed. But if it didn't, I'm sure we could find a way to improvise" She giggled as she laid down the on bed.

"I think we could." Derek agreed and he laid on the bed beside her and looked into her eyes.

Meredith was used to this. This was where she and Derek were different. She had seen the best of the best. And all of this was still amazing and new to him. It was times like this, that he felt foolish. Like a young naive boy who was embarrassing himself in front of everyone. This was where you could tell how different they really were.


	44. One Less Wall

Derek laid beside Meredith and stared at her. She was so different than anyone he knew. She was comfortable. She was laying there in Dolce and Gabbana dress, head on the pillow, like everything was just so simple. She wasn't out of sorts here. She was relaxed. She looked pleased. She looked happier than she had been in a long time. Since they left the Rivera.

Derek couldn't resist laying his head on her stomach. She felt wonderful beneath him, the gentle rise and fall of her chest so rhythmic and perfect. He felt her hand go to his curls and rub his head gently. She wanted it to always be like this. She wanted to lay here with him for an eternity.

"So what are we going to do?" Derek asked with a smirk as he looked up at her.

"Well, I'm hungry. What about you?" Meredith asked softly.

"Starved." Derek admitted as his stomach growled.

"For food or sex?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Both." Derek told her happily. "And you?"

"Like you have to ask..." Meredith said with a faint giggle. "Hmm... I am not leaving this room. Room service for sure. What shall we have?" She asked softly. "How does Seasonal Mushrooms Ravioli with Asparagus Broth, Lobster Caesar Salad, Chicken Fricassée with Aged Vinegar. And Crème Brûlée with Bourbon Vanilla for dessert sound?"

"That sounds amazing." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Then that is what we will have." Meredith told him as she picked up the phone and ordered.

"How long?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"About an hour." Meredith said with a smirk, matching his.

"Just long enough." Derek told her with raised brows.

"You have a point." Meredith agreed as he moved closer to her.

Derek watched as Meredith licked her lips seductively. She bit her lip as her eyes met his. Derek leaned forward and ran his tongue over her lips. Meredith pushed into him and parted her lips, allowing his tongue to slide into her mouth. Derek traced her teeth with his tongue, relishing in her familiar, sweet taste. Her tongue frantically followed his, begging him to play with her. Derek laid her back on the bed and covered her body with his as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Oh..." Meredith moaned as she pulled away.

Derek looked into her eyes as she began unbuttoning his shirt. He leaned as she slid it over his shoulders and pulled it off. Derek leaned back and pulled off it white tee as she leaned up with him. He quickly unzipped her dress, and she stood, letting t fall to floor as she already had one today. Derek stood with her and began taking his own clothing off.

He looked at her perfectly naked body. His eyes followed her curves. Not long ago, she would have hide from him. She wanted to have sex in the dark. And now she stood before him, seemingly perfectly comfortable. Her breasts were perfect, just right for her frame. He loved her tiny navel. And her long legs. He loved it all.

Meredith smiled before she laid back on the bed. She rolled onto her stomach and crawled onto her hands and knees. She felt Derek crawl onto the bed. Her was there. He was ready. He was ready to take her whenever she gave the nod.

"Perfect, baby... Perfect." Derek told her as he ran his hands down her curves. "So perfect..." He muttered as he ran his fingers along her wet slit.

"Come on, Der." She moaned as she parted her legs as scooted.

Derek rubbed her clit softly as he neared her. He placed his condom clad cock at her slit and teased her. He knew she hated it. She would get so mad, she nearly spat. It always went the same way. More ended the same way. She made him take her. She pushed into him, not being able to stand the wait.

"Oh..." She said, taken by surprise with her own action. Derek's cock slide freely inside of hot core.

"Shit, Mer... You were more than ready." He said with a chuckle.

"Uh huh..." She moaned as she felt him slide in and out, teasing her clit with his finger. "You know... I have been bad. I had naughty, naughty dreams about you last night."

"Did you?" Derek asked with raised brows. She wanted to be spanked He knew he game. Without waiting for an answer, he pulled out and whacked her hard.

"Ow!" She spat, not being prepared. "That was not nice."

"And you didn't want it?" Derek asked as he felt her tiny pussy growing tighter and tighter.

"No, I- Ow!" She yelled as he did it again.

"You want it." Derek said with a nod, feeling her begin to cum. She was dripping her white cream in anticipation for her discipline.

"Oh god... Derek... You're cock... It's- Oh! God... I'm cumming. Fuck me! Harder. Oh...Don't stop. Oh, don't stop, Der...Ah! Ah! Oh..." She cried loudly as she buried her face in the pillows and drew in quick breaths. Her head went into a fog as she felt her walls milking him. Derek continued to drive into her. She couldn't feel him pulsating against her own strong contractions.

"I'm cumming, baby. I'm cum- Oh..." He grunted as he ceased movement and felt himself spill.

Derek pulled out and rolled to his back. Meredith collapsed face first and didn't move. They laid there panting heavily and moaning. Derek finally mustered up the strength to rub her back gently. He frowned when her heard the knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Derek told her as he rushed off of the bed and put his clothes on. He watched as they quickly took the food into the dining room and exited. "Mer..." He said softly as he walked in.

"Coming." She moaned as she looked around for something to throw on. She finally settled on a robe and walked to the table. "Mmm... Looks great."

"It does." Derek agreed as they picked at the Mushroom Ravioli with Asparagus Broth. "Wow... It is good."

"Uh huh... Maybe because we just had sex?" She asked.

"No... Its good. Just good." Derek agreed.

They sat and quietly ate their lobster caesar salad, and chicken fricassée. But the time to came to eat the crème brûlée, they weren't even hungry. Meredith let out a satisfied sigh and pushed her plate away. They both looked at each other and smiled. Both had the same thought on their mind... Would they ever leave this room.

Derek placed their plates on the cart and quickly shoved it into the hallway. When he came back in, he didn't see Meredith anywhere. Derek pushed their chairs in and took a deep breath. Before looking for her, he decided to take a look outside. A look of awe covered his face as he gazed out at the historic art deco fountain of of the Three graces. It truly was amazing. And right outside their room.

"Derek..." He heard Meredith's soft voice say from the bathroom. "Are you going to join me?" Derek walked into the bathroom and looked at her in shock. Her body was resting in a steaming hot bath. Her hair was wet and she had a seductive grin playing on her lips.

Bathroom[img Derek said with a grin as he looked at her.

This was big. Meredith had always been different about the bath. He had tried over and over again to get her in the shower. She was just odd about it. But it seemed now she was getting more comfortable in her own skin. He couldn't believe it as he stood there and looked at her.

"Well... Are you going to stand there all day, or are you coming in?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Coming in." Derek told her with a nod as he began peeling off his clothing for the third time that day. "Oh..." He moaned as he climbed into the hot water and let it soak into his skin. Meredith stared back at him as he placed his legs on the outside of hers.

"This is good. Alone time with you..." She told him as she drew in a deep breath. "It's a good thing."

"Yeah..." Derek agreed as he laid his head back and looked up at her.

"So what would you like to do tomorrow? You've never been to Paris... What would you like to do while you are here?" Meredith asked him softly.

"Whatever you want." Derek told her simply.

"This is your first time, Derek. I didn't come here for me. I came here for you. To spend time with you. I know you don't want to shop all day. We could go to the Louvre, the Luxembourg Gardens, Montmartre, the Eiffel Tower, of course... Anywhere you want." Meredith told him with a nod.

"I don't know how well I can protect you in these public places." Derek admitted. It was one thing when they weren't aware that she was around. But it seemed France was ready for her.

"Derek, don't worry about me. No one is out to get me." She said with a smile and a giggle as she looked up. "I say we go to the Louvre tomorrow night."

"Sounds good. I's like to see the Arc de Triomphe." Derek admitted.

"We can do that. Anything you want Derek. We can do anything you want." Meredith told him softly.

"Come here." Derek said as he grabbed her hand. "I want to hold you." He told her as he wrapped his arms around her in their large bathroom.

"Mmm... You make me feel good, Derek. You make me forget everything else." Meredith told him as she laid her head back. "This is where I used to imagine my mom living. Here in Paris. She's not. I know that. But when I came here, when I was a child, I looked around at faces. I always wondered if I passed her, would I even know? Every time I come here, my heart drops. I don't know why. I don't really know what I am missing. But I still feel sad... You know?"

"Oh, Mer... I'm so sorry. I wish I could change it all for you. I would. I would change it all for you. I wish you could meet my mom. She would love you. And I think you would love her." Derek said with a smile.

"Yeah. That would be nice." Meredith said with a frown.

She knew it would never happen. There was no way she would ever meet Derek's mom. She would probably never make it to the US. Not to mention she had no reason to Meet Mrs. Hanson. They had no ties. No visible ties. It was just one more fantasy to add to her collection.

"I'll always be here." Derek told her as he kissed her neck. "You know that, right?"

"Mmm..." She muttered as she closed her eyes.

Derek laid his head back and closed his eyes. It was the truth. He wasn't sure how it could all work out, but he couldn't leave her. His dreams of being a surgeon... He would give them up if it meant a lifetime with her. And if he had to be her guard for all eternity and sneak around, he would. He was in too deep. And if he had to choose the world, or her. He would choose her.

**I have NOT been getting many reviews... That's all I'm saying.**


	45. Caught

The sun shown in through the large windows. Meredith was asleep. And Derek was laying there, still in shock over just where he was. He was in Paris. Staying in one of the the most beautiful places he had ever seen. He was actually there. Meredith's warm naked body was pulled tight alongside his. Her soft hair, resting on his shoulder. She was drooling. Derek let out a snicker. Drool on his chest.

"Mmm... Why are you laughing?" Meredith asked sleepily as she looked up at him.

"You drool." He said with a chuckle.

"What!" She said in shock. "I do not!" She told him with a frown.

"Oh honey, you do." Derek told her with a frown. "The pool on my chest says you do."

"No... Nope. That is not from me!" Meredith told him frankly. "Nope. That is you. Drooling on yourself."

"Oh yes, in the middle of the night, I cocked my head in such a way that I drooled all over myself. Just so that I could say you did. That's exactly how I payed it." Derek pointed out with a smirk.

"I don't drool... That's gross." Meredith said was a sad sigh. She was embarrassed. Derek could feel her face turning red.

"I think it's adorable. And it's nothing you should be ashamed of." Derek told her as he kissed her head. "I taste your drool all of the time."

"Yeah, well, you smell." She told him frankly. "I thought I was going to have to leave the room last night."

"What!" Derek asked in shock.

"Yeah. You smell. Apparently an animal died inside of you. It was trying to crawl out. Horrible. I don't know what you ate..." She told him quickly.

"So apparently we both have bodily issues..." Derek told her with raised brows.

"Apparently." She agreed with a sigh. "And you- You have some bodily issues right now." She told him as she ran her hand down his abdomen. Her hand hit hit hardened cock and she let out a happy giggle as she played with his balls.

"I do." Derek groaned as he felt her petite slender fingers touching him.

"Maybe we will have to do something about that..." Meredith suggested as she reached over and grabbed a condom out of the table where she had placed them the night before.

"Maybe." Derek agreed as he sat up and ripped the tiny package open. Her fingers nimbly worked the condom down his ample shaft, smoothing it from tip to base. "Oh..."

"Definitely have to do something about this." She nodded as she ran the tips of her fingers over it's head. "What, I do not know..." She giggled as she looked at him.

"Well then I will have to show you!" Derek told her as he quickly lifted her light body up and set her on his chest. He could feel her warm juices pooling and his chest, her soft hair tickling him. Her firm, smooth thighs pressing against his sides.

"And now what?" Meredith asked as she cocked her head.

"You get on there, and you ride, baby." Derek told her with a smirk.

"Well if you say so!" She told him as she raised herself up and sunk down around him. She watched Derek's eyes close as her walls enveloped him. Derek's eyes opened when he felt her lean away.

"What are you doing?" He asked as she picked up the phone.

"Multitasking. We will be hungry." She pointed out as she rocked her hips against him.. "Yes, this is Meredith Grey." She told them as she felt Derek's hands run down her back and grasp her ass. "I need breakfast. French crepes with jam, fruit salad, coffee and carrot juice. Yes, that's it. Two, yes." Meredith said before she hung up the phone. "Oh!" She moaned as he thrust into her. "Is that...Oh... Is that okay?"

"Oh...yeah, baby... Oh God yes. That feels perfect." Derek muttered as he slid his fingers in and rubbed her clitoris.

"No, Derek... Breakfast... Oh god! Is that okay?" She asked as she bounce heavily on his thick pulsating cock.

"It's- It's- Yeah. No carrot juice." Derek spat. "Fuck..." He shouted as her core became tighter and warmer, washing over him. "Oh god..." Derek yelled as he grabbed her bouncing breasts and and thrust her up hard.

Carrot juice is- It's good for you... Oh god... You are fucking amazing!" She yelled loudly as she came down hard on him.

"You... No! You... Are amazing!" He yelled as he leaned up and took as much of her breast in his mouth as her could. Meredith rolled her eyes back as he ran his warm wet tongue swirl around her nipple before biting down.

"Oh..." She moaned as she laid her head back.

"You like that, don't you?" Derek asked as he went to the other.

"Mmm... Oh god yes." She admitted as she felt herself coming to the edge.

"Harder baby..." Derek told her as he abandoned her breasts and began thrusting harder and faster. "Fuck... Oh god!" He yelped as the head of his cock hit her cervix.

"Oh Derek...Oh Derek!" She shouted as he placed her hands on his sweaty chest and bounced heavily. "Oh, oh, oh! Oh my god...Your cock... Oh god, big... Big!" She yelled as her walls came crashing in. "I'm there... Oh god, I'm there!" She yelled as she flooded his cock with her warm sticky fluid. "Oh... She moaned as she stopped rocking.

"Not there yet." Derek told her as he thrust into her hard over and over again. His finger rubbed her clit, causing her to fly over the edge again. "Oh yeah... Fuck!" He spat as he came hard. Derek laid his head back as their bodies contracted and mixed.

"Oh..." Meredith sighed as she laid on him.

"Yeah. Oh..." Derek agreed with a nod.

----------------------

Meredith and Derek ventured outside of their hotel room. While neither truly wanted to, it seemed it was a must. Meredith Grey and her bodyguard hold up in a hotel room wasn't exactly what the paparazzi needed to be talking about. Derek went to the see the Arc de Triomphe, and then they did some shopping on La rue de Rivoli. Yves Saint Laurent, and Dolce and Gabbana weren't Derek's idea of fun. Not to mention he had never dreamed of spending that kind of money on clothing. Especially when all they did was tear it off.

Derek wasn't exactly having the time of his life, but then again, he wasn't technically supposed to be. He wanted to lay all day in the hotel room. It wasn't just the sex. It was the comfort of her in his arms. It was her sweet scent, her warm touch. That was what he longed for. Seeing the sights was amazing. But she was the best sight of all.

Getting away from everyone was proving to be the real issue. They were having a harder and harder time evading away the paparazzi. They were following them down the street. Meredith wasn't even getting a breath in before shots were taken. The chaos was insane. And Derek was beginning to realize that he wasn't really protecting her at all. Not with everything that was going on. And if that wasn't the worst, it seemed every question out of their mouth was about Matt. No one knew why they were so hell-bent on thinking that there was something going on.

Meredith stood in front of the mirror. The new dress that she purchased from Dolce and Gabanna hung perfectly on her body. She bought it for Derek. She could tell by the look on his face that he liked it. There was a sparkle he got in his eyes. And the minute she slid it on and walked out, she knew that the indigo dress was a keeper.

Meredith wanted to spend time with Derek. She wanted to look beautiful for him. She wanted to walk right down the middle of the street on his arm. But she couldn't do it. It didn't really matter. All that really mattered was what they felt. And more importantly that they both knew it. Meredith brushed a stray strand of hair from her face and smiled at herself. She looked over at the ringing phone. It had to be the front desk. She quickly picked it up.

"Hello?" Meredith asked softly.

"Miss Grey, this is Jaques at the front desk. You have a visitor requesting you, Matt Tomlinson." He explained.

"Oh... Um... Okay, go ahead and send him up." Meredith said with a weak smile.

Meredith liked Matt. He seemed like a good guy. He seemed to be respectful of her and of pretty much everyone else. He made her feel comfortable. He had the same sense as Derek. She felt that she could pretty much sit down with either of them and talk comfortably without having to worry what to say. No one compared to Derek, it was a different sense of comfortable. Matt was just nice. Brotherly. And now he was on the way to her room. Derek would love this.

Meredith heard the door open. She wasn't ready to go out there. She could tell that Derek was irritated. He was slightly rude as he invited him in. He was courteous as he asked him if he wanted a drink. But Meredith knew better. That's not how he wanted to be. He most likely wanted to knock his face in.

"Meredith, you have a visitor." Derek grumbled at her door. There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Okay, thank you." Meredith responded softly.

That made Derek angry. Pissed. Irate. Apparently she knew he was coming. She never asked who it was. She never asked what was going on. It was just a smile okay. That was it. She knew. She knew that Matt was on his way, and she didn't tell him.

"Matthew..." Meredith said with a big grin as she walked out of her room.

"I've told you before, call me Matt." He told her with a nod. "Don't you look beautiful." Matt said with a huge smile as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh, you are too kind." Meredith responded with a light giggle. Derek hated that. She didn't say that. Never. Only to him.

"Where are you off to?" Matt asked with a smile.

"The Louvre and dinner." She said with a nod.

"Oh, so you have a date?" Matt asked with surprise as he looked around.

"Oh... Uh, no. No date." Meredith said quickly. "Just me. Derek and I."

"I see. Well, I could go with you..." Matt suggested with a smirk. "I mean there is no reason to waste that amazing gown on no one."

Meredith saw the look. That was Derek's dress. She was wearing it for him. It wasn't wasted. As much as she wanted to be nice to matt, she couldn't be. She had to do it for Derek.

"Why are you here again?" Meredith asked him frankly. "I'm beginning to think you are a stalker. I doubt you just dropped in to visit. I'm sure you have no reason to be in Paris."

"I have to admit, I may have ulterior motives." He explained as he looked up.

"And what would those be?" Meredith asked with a smirk.

"Maybe we could talk about that over dinner?" He suggested as he looked her up and down.

"Uh... Well, I suppose. I guess I didn't really have any plans." She muttered as she looked over at Derek standing in the corner boring a hole into the back of Matt's skull. "Yeah, that would be good."

"Good." Matt said with a nod. "Let me use the restroom, and then we will go."

"Sound good." Meredith said with a smile.

Meredith didn't want to look up at Derek. She knew that he was looking at her. She knew what he was thinking. She knew how he was feeling. He was feeling cast aside. And he was being cast aside. She finally glanced up at his hurt eyes and looked at him sympathetically. Her heart melted as their eyes met.

"I'm sorry." She muttered as she walked over and placed her hand on his strong chest.

"You knew." Derek said frankly as he looked up at her. "You knew he was coming."

"Only when the front desk called me." She told him with a sigh. "It wasn't like I knew he would be showing up in Paris."

" You let him come up..." Derek replied angrily. She could see the hurt. It was anger covering hurt.

"And what exactly did you want me to say, Derek? Oh, you can't come with me because I am going on a date with my body guard? Come on..." Meredith said quickly. "You have no idea how bad I want to say that, Der..." She whimpered.

"Damn it... I know. I know, baby. I just love you. And I hate this." Derek muttered as he leaned in. "This is-" He said as he placed his hands on her face.

"Yeah." She answered as she leaned in and put her hands behind his head. Meredith's lips pressed her lips against his. She quickly slid her tongue into his mouth. She needed to. She needed him. He needed to tell her it was all okay.

"I'll be damned." The both heard from across the room.

**Yep... That is what happens when you get caught up in the moment! REVIEW!**


	46. Cashew Catapult

Matt stood there in a state of semi-shock. Never had he imagined that the secret guy was Derek. But looking at them in an embrace, it was more than obvious. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. Meredith was playing with fire. And he was in shock that she would be that stupid.

"Matt! It's- It's not what it looks like!" Meredith said quickly. "We were..."

"Joking. Funny, right? It was a joke." Derek told him quickly.

"Yes, a joke. Did we get you?" Meredith asked as she backed away from Derek.

"You know... I couldn't quite figure it out. You wouldn't date, but you weren't in a relationship. And you were always uptight. You acted like you were being watched. At first I thought you were in love with a married man. I have to be honest, this scenario never crossed my mind. Makes sense. He was always around. And I was stepping in his territory. Wow, Meredith... I never would have imagined. Not that Derek- Derek there is nothing wrong with you. But you have to know that you are playing with fire here..." Matt said with a chuckle as he walked up.

"No. No, you have it all wrong. It was a joke." Meredith told him again quickly.

"Meredith. I feel like a fool. Chasing you all over the world. The funny thing is, hindsight is 50/50 and you were never even close to available. I don't know how I missed it. Looking at you two, the sparks are flying." Matt said with a sigh.

"No..." Meredith said in almost a whimper. "You... We... You can't say anything!" She growled. "If you say anything, I will cut your balls off. I will cut your balls off and feed them to my dog." Meredith growled.

"Your dog? Honey, you don't have a dog." Matt said with a laugh. He couldn't take her seriously. She was just too cute.

"I might... Get one." She stated firmly. "And after I cut your balls off, I'm going to put you in cement. Maybe make a statue out of you." She said with a big nod. "Do you want to be a statue?"

"So you are saying that my body is good enough that you want to put me on display?" He asked with a grin.

"Ah! You- I'll do it." Meredith told him as she got in his face.

"Hmm... I don't have any doubts about that." He agreed, looking into her eyes.

"You are being very stupid." Meredith warned him.

"Mer... Derek... Look, I like you Mer. I did from the first second I saw you. And I- I'm not going to say anything. Why would I? I like you... And if you like Derek, I can respect that. If they found out, you'd both be eaten alive." Matt pointed out. "And that is why this could work out perfectly."

"What?" Derek asked with skepticism. "What could work out?"

"Well, I look at it this way... I won't step on your territory. That's not my style. And Mer, don't give me that look." He said as he looked at her. "No one owns you, I know that. My point is, you have claimed her. She seems happy. I don't go taking women. I don't cheat, and I don't steal. So you don't need to worry about that. But I need you as much as you need me." He explained.

"Why would you need us?" Meredith asked as she pointed to them.

"Well, as you know, your father has been out to get my company. And I can't lose it. I just can't. We worked too hard to have it taken away. And the way I look at it, if I am with you, he won't take it. I'm not saying we have t be together. This isn't blackmail. I wouldn't rat you out if you don't agree. But if everyone thought we were together, no one would think you were. I keep my company. You keep your relationship secret. I live in Australia, so it will be long distance. It will be easy to pretend. Everyone wins." He explained with a smile.

"I- Um..." Meredith stammered nervously.

"He knows. We need to just get that out. There is no denying it." Derek told her with reservation.

"How do I know you won't tell anyway?" Meredith asked softly.

"Mer... This isn't blackmail. I have no reason to tell. What would I gain? Not a damn thing. It would just fuel your father's fire. I don't care what you do. I was interested, but I can respect what you two have something going on. I just thought I would throw it out there." Matt said with a shrug.

"It's not fair to Derek. It's bad enough that we have to sneak. But it's not fair to him if we flaunt our fake relationship in front of him." Meredith said with a frown as she looked at Derek.

"It's fake. No feelings." Matt told her. "Look, why don't we all go to dinner... And we can talk about it. No pressure." Meredith looked over at Derek.

"Fine with me." Derek said with a sigh. What else could he say?

The car ride was silent. Meredith had to laugh. Matt came to their room in a suit. As if he was expecting something. Apparently he thought that he would be able to convince her to go to dinner. He was persistent, she could give him that. They all looked around at each other, but stayed quiet. This was something that had to be kept in the strictest of confidence.

Meredith had been to the Restaurant Du Palais-Royal several times. She always longed to eat outside. The view was amazing. But that never happened. Her father never allowed them to eat out in the open. She thought he was insane. He acted like there were snipers on all buildings, waiting to get them at any moment. She longed for the day when she could walk down the street by herself.

Of course the paparazzi was out in full force as they pulled up. And Matt was there. That was the only thing they were interested in. And did they bite. She could hear them yelling questions about their supposed nuptials. She could hear them yelling at her. She continued on, giving Derek a sideways glance of apology. He was too focused on guarding her to even notice that she was looking.

They quickly sat at a secluded table in the back. No view. All she wanted was the view. But tonight wasn't about that. Tonight was about how she was going to cover her ass. Tonight was about doing some major clean up. Meredith knew what she was thinking. She thought it was a great idea. But she did not what to hurt Derek. She wanted to do whatever she had to to protect him.

"Derek had no idea what to think. It was so stupid. They had been having sex on every surface in the Grey house. They were having sex in the woods. On ferry boats. And of all things, they got caught kissing. In an obvious place. It was the passion. In the heat of the moment. This was not how he saw it happening. And he would love to trust Matt, but how could he? How can you trust anyone who holds such a powerful secret. But it looked like he would have to.

"We'll have a bottle of 1983 Castle Ducru Beaucaillou Holy Julien." Matt told the waiter as he looked at the list.

They all looked over their menus. Derek was ready to gag at the choices. It was bad enough that Meredith had tried to get him to drink carrot juice this morning. Now she wanted him to eat ox tail, calf kidney or farm pigeon. He wanted chicken. Or steak. Farm pigeon and kidneys were not the equivalent. Not even close.

"Get the Brenton lobster and Butters Coraillé." Meredith told Derek with a weak smile. She knew he wasn't going to be fond of the menu selections. They all looked up when the waiter walked up.

"I will have the black risotto with the ink of cuttlefish and lobster." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up. The waiter nodded and looked at Derek.

"I'll have the brenton lobster and butters coraillé." Derek said simply, taking her advice.

"I'll have the Saint-Jacob roast with the curly kale." Matt explained. The waiter quickly walked away. "So... have you put any thought into it?" He asked them as he looked around.

"I- Like I said before, I will not do that to Derek." Meredith told him frankly as she took a sip of their wine.

"And Derek... How would you like to have a say in the matter?" Matt asked with a chuckle, knowing how bossy Meredith was.

"Mer... If you- I am comfortable with it." He lied. "If that is what you want to do, that's fine. We can do this. You and I. It's not real. What's the difference?"

"Derek... Only if you are sure." Meredith said softly.

"What do we have to lose?" Derek asked with a sigh.

"Okay then... Meredith, my lovely girlfriend..." He said with a smile. "I'm kidding. Only out there. Only when we need to." Matt said quickly. "I'm not out to hurt you. You were honest to me. When I asked you about your father, you were completely honest. I'm happy for you. You seem happy." He pointed out.

"I am. I am happier than I ever have been." Meredith said as she gave Derek a soft smile.

Meredith, Derek and Matt ate their meal quietly. They all felt like they were in an okay spot. Derek was concerned, but at the same time, he didn't really have a choice. Matt felt good. He felt confident abut Meredith helping save his company, and keeping her secret. But at the same time, he knew that it was only a temporary thing. It couldn't last. But it would give him some time. They all decided that they would go to the Louvre, but Matt would get a call partway in and have to leave. That way Meredith and Derek could have their free time. Maybe it could work. Maybe it was a good thing. They were all hoping so.

--------------

"Meredith! Meredith! So when is the wedding?" One of the paparazzi asked as they stepped up.

"Wouldn't you like to know..." Matt said with a chuckle.

"So there is a wedding? You are confirming this?" They asked quickly.

"Of course not." Matt said with a smirk.

"What are you two doing in the city of love? Are you getting married here?" They yelled.

"No one is getting married. And we would appreciate it if you let us enjoy the remainder of our evening." Matt said frankly as they stepped into the car.

"Wow." Meredith muttered as she climbed in.

"They are ridiculous." Matt said with a sigh.

"Sorry, Derek. I hope that I didn't say anything..." Matt stated as he looked up.

"There is no good way to deal with them." Derek told him with a sigh. "And they have gotten so much worse."

"They have." Meredith admitted. "I swear, since I turned 18, they are everywhere."

"They have been awoken." Matt said with a chuckle. "So, I will pretend to get a call and leave you guys about twenty minutes in. How does that sound?"

"Good." Derek said quickly.

"Perfect. I want Derek and I to see the Louvre. Together. He's never been." Meredith explained with a smile as she grabbed his hand. "I want to be your first, babe."

"And I want you to be my first." Derek said with a chuckle.

"So how long?" Matt asked out of curiosity.

"How long what?" Meredith asked with confusion.

"Have you two been... Together?" Matt questioned.

"Well... Since the Rivera." Meredith said frankly. "I felt- I- I wanted Derek before. But things started in the Riviera."

"Oh... Wow. Man, you must have really hated me." Matt said with a frown.

"Not really." Derek lied with a sigh

"He's lying. He was pissed. Made for hot sex though." Meredith said with a shrug.

"And we are here." Derek said as he looked up, ending the awkward conversation.

"Yes we are... Ready?" Meredith asked as the driver opened the door.

"I am." Derek agreed as he stepped out and looked around. The same paparazzi had followed them down.

Meredith, Derek and Matt all made their way inside. Matt and Meredith held hands as they walked in. Luckily they had managed to leave the paparazzi outside the doors. Derek looked around in awe. He had never seen anything so amazing. He had been to the art museum in grade school. But the was the Louvre. The home of the Mona Lisa. It was amazing.

"Wow..." Derek muttered as they walked through the droves of people.

"I know. It's amazing, right?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"It is." Derek agreed with a smile as he looked at the walls of artwork. They walked through the museum, finally making it to the Mona Lisa.

"She calms me. Something about her makes me feel calm." Meredith said with a sigh. "She's smiling, but she's not. I can feel for her. That is how I feel. Well, how I felt. Now I feel amazing. Like all I will ever do is smile for the rest of my life. Because of you..."

"Mer... I love you." Derek said softly.

"You too." She told him with a nod.

"I never thought I would see this in person. And I am so glad it is with you." Derek said softly.

"I wish you guys could kiss right now. You look like you need to." Matt said with a chuckle.

"You have no idea." Meredith said with a smile.

It went just as planned. Matt looked over at the two lovers and nodded. He gave Meredith a soft kiss on the cheek and Derek a nod. It was going well. Matt was going along with his plan. They were alone. Maybe it would all work out for the best. Maybe they could make this work. Derek was feeling better. They could do this.

-------------

"So how bad was it, Der?" Meredith asked as they walked in their room.

"It was good." Derek responded with a smile.

"You hated the food..." Meredith muttered with a sigh.

"I hated the food." Derek agreed as he pulled his shoes off. "The wine was good."

"The wine was good." Meredith agreed. "I'm sorry about the food. I thought you would like it." Meredith told him as she began peeling her clothes off.

"It was fine, Mer. Really. The food doesn't matter. You are what matters." Derek told her as he walked up and placed his hand on her cheek.

"You want sex." Meredith responded with a giggle.

"Okay, I always want sex. But right now, I just want to look at you." He said with a smile.

"So you liked the Louvre?" Meredith asked as she looked into his blue orbs.

"I did. It was amazing. But the best artwork is right here in front of me." Derek told her as he leaned in and kissed her.

"You are so getting laid." Meredith told him as she unbuttoned his shirt. "Are you sure you are okay with this whole Matt thing?"

"I'm okay. I mean, I'm not. But... I just hope it works Mer. Not for me. For you. I don't want you to get hurt. But if you trust him, I will too." Derek said softly.

"I trust him, Derek. I do." She said with a smile.

"Okay." Derek told her with a nod and a smile. "That is good enough for me." He said with a smile as she pulled his shirt off.

"Good." She said as she turned around for him to undo her dress. He unclasped her strapless bra and let it fall. "I can't wait for the chateau. I like it here... But I want to go there." Meredith said with a nod. "Just you and I."

"Yeah." Derek agreed. He loved being alone with her. Just him and her. "It's our only sense of normalcy."

"It is." Meredith agreed as she turned around and looked at him in his boxer briefs. "You look ready." She told him as she pulled odd her panties.

"I am always ready." Derek said with a grin as he pushed her back in the bed. Derek dropped his boxers quickly in a pile on the floor.

"I like ready." She told him with a grin. Derek laid over her and looked at her hair sprawled around her head.

"I know you do." He said with a chuckle as laid above her.

"Oh god I do..." She moaned his thick cock lingered above her. "Fuck... Condom. You never know..."

"You're right." Derek grumbled as he laid on his back and leaned over to the table.

"Here." Meredith said with a smile as she pulled it form his hand. Meredith ripped open the package and rolled the condom on his awaiting cock. "There." She said with a smile as she slowly straddled him. "Oh god... You are so perfect." Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his chest. "You are so hard... God... So hard. Everywhere!" She shouted as she grabbed his cock. "And big..." She moaned as she grasped him tightly and stroked him with force.

"Oh..." Derek gasped as she held her hands on his big cock. Two hands. Not even he could do two hands. But she mastered it perfectly. "Just... Come on, Mer..." He spat as he grasped her hips. "Get on me. Now." He demanded as he held her tightly. Meredith nodded at his urgency. Derek lifted her up on his hand cock as she released the grip on his cock. He drew in a deep breath as felt the tightness of her walls. "Fuck." He shouted. "You're tight. Too tight." He spat as he thrust into her.

"I'm trying." She moaned as she spread her hips and rocked. "Oh..." She muttered as she grasped what she could of the headboard. "Oh... Derek... God." She cried at his size.

"Babe, you are too fucking tight. This is not working." He spat as he thrust into again. She cried out as his force. "Definitely not working." He repeated as he rolled her over and threw her on her back.

"God, Derek... What is wrong with you?" Derek asked as he pounded into her.

"You are tight... Spread your legs." Derek told her as he pushed them apart.

"I am..." She whined. "It hurts..."

"I'm- I'm sorry." He said as he pulled out slightly. He slowly stroked her clit with his finger. "I didn't mean to be so rough."

"Oh god... Oh god." She whined as her body reacted to his touch. "Oh...oh..."

"There you go..." Derek moaned as she began to relax. "Oh..." He moaned as his cock slid deeper.

"Oh... Derek!" She cried out as he fingered her clit, while sliding in and out. "Oh god... I'm cumming quick." She yelped as he continued to thrust into her with force. He was needing her. She was in shock at his haste.

"Cum. Just do it, cum. Cum and I will make you cum more." Derek told her quickly.

"I'm cumming. Oh god, Derek. I am. I am... OH! Oh... Fuck... I... It... OH..." She moaned as she laid her head back and panted.

"Oh god, Mer..." He yelled at her strong contractions. "Fuck... Cum again, Mer..." Derek spat as he stroked her throbbing clit.

"I can't... I can't... I- Oh... Oh...oh...oh... Fuck!" She yelled as she flooded him again.

"You are fucking amazing!" He yelled as he quickened his pace. "Fuck... I just want to fuck you all night!" He yelled as he felt his orgasm coming.

"Oh god... And you can." She yelled as she felt him spray into the condom.

"Fuck yeah... Fuck." Derek spat as he pounded her several times before stopping and collapsing. Meredith could feel the force of his heart on her chest. They were both beat. They both put in so much effort.

"Derek?" Meredith whimpered as she looked at him.

"Hmm..." Derek gasped as his eyes met hers.

"Promise you'll only fuck me forever." She said as she closed her eyes.

"I will only fuck you forever." He promised. And Derek, he never backed out on a promise.

"Okay." Meredith said with a smile.

"Okay." Derek said with a nod as he stroked her hair.

Derek couldn't help it. His hands had to be on her. He grasped her shoulder softly and began rubbing. His smooth hands travelled down her petal soft skin. He loved the way she felt. So firm and silky. So light. And her smell. She always had the sweetest aroma wafting around her. As their skin touched, he could only feel good. And of course his body reacted. It always did.

"Nuts." Meredith said with a giggle as she looked over at the table.

"What?" Derek asked as he jumped up.

"Nuts. I love nuts." Meredith admitted as she grabbed the bowl of nuts and placed them on the beside table.

"I know you do." Derek responded with a chuckle.

"Eh, you dirty boy... Eating nuts. I love the taste." Meredith explained as she popped a macadamia in her mouth.

"Like I said, I know you do." Derek repeated with a chuckle.

"You are incorrigible!" Meredith spat before she began giggling.

"I like nuts too." Derek agreed as he grabbed a couple an popped them in his mouth.

"I like macadamia nuts." Meredith said with a smile.

"I like cashews." Derek told her with a snicker. "I love them. In fact-" Derek quickly stopped himself.

"What?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Nothing. It's just a stupid- It's nothing." Derek told her frankly.

"Come on Derek... What is it?" She asked as she kissed his chest. "Please..."

"It's not so much the nuts. It's what you can do with the nuts." Derek explained. "But I- It's one of those things you don't share."

"Derek... You can tell me. You show me yours, I'll show you mine." Meredith said as she licked his face.

"Eh... Okay. Okay. When I was younger... I was... Adventurous. I guess you could put it that way. My mom always had nuts. Especially around the holidays. Anyway I was- Never mind." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Oh yeah... You are so not stopping there. Not unless you never want sex again." She warned as she looked into his eyes.

"Oh... You're going to play that card, huh?" He asked quickly.

"Of course." Meredith told him with a nod.

"Fine. One day I was bored. The big guy and the twins were more than ready for action. But I was a little less than desired at the time. I was watching t.v. and he was standing at attention. I had some cashews and some imagination... So I started this little game." Derek explained.

"Oh my god... Do I want to know?" Meredith asked as she covered her face. "I do! I do!" She said quickly.

"I put the cashew on my cock, and kind of tossed it up." Derek told her. "And into my mouth."

"What! No... That's impossible." Meredith told him quickly. "I know you. You don't get hard that fast. And how does it stay there? You are lying, Derek!" Meredith spat. "It's impossible."

"Mer... It's not. I've done it... More times than I will ever admit." Derek argued.

"What are you, the man of steel? No. It's doesn't go like that. Show me. If you are so sure. Show me." Meredith told him quickly.

"Mer... I don't think you are getting it..." Derek explained.

"Show me." Meredith demanded. "Show me now!"

"Okay." Derek said with a nod as he grabbed a handful of cashews, thanking god he was harder than a steel rod.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as he spun around on the bed and laid his head by her lap. "You didn't say anything about laying down!"

"What did you think? It just shot up?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"Well, yeah. That's why I didn't believe it." Meredith told him with a sigh.

"Okay... I will show you." Derek said with a smile as he grabbed a cashew. "It has to be a cashew. It's the crescent shape." Derek explained with a smile. "Anything else rolls off."

"I see..." Meredith muttered, unable to take her eyes off of his cock. "Do it already!"

"Okay, okay." Derek said quickly.

Meredith watched Derek's strong hand grab ahold of his thick cock. She wanted her hand on him, not his. He slowly pushed it from it's erect position and down towards his balls. She watched as he grabbed a nut and methodically placed it near the head of his throbbing member. He quickly released it and Meredith gasped at it flew, Derek bending forward to catch it in his mouth.

"Porca vacca!" (Holy shit.) Meredith spat loudly. "Oh my god... I have to try."

"What!" Derek asked in shock.

"My turn. You cock is a catapult." She giggled as she laid her chest across his face and opened her mouth. "Come on!" She spat.

"Fire in the hole!" Derek shouted as he flung a nut towards her mouth. Meredith bust out with laughter as he said it. The nut quickly hit her in the face.

"You made me miss it! Sabotage!" She yelled. "I want to catch a nut."

"Sabotage..." Derek said as he shook his head. "Call it what you want."

"Come on, Derek... I want to catch it." She whined.

"Okay, babe... Anything for you." Derek told her as he loaded up his weapon. He quickly let go of his grip and a cashew when smoothly sailing into Meredith's mouth.

"Mmm... Now that is a good nut." Meredith said with a giggle. "Again... Your turn."

"Okay... But I only get so many good throws." Derek warned with a chuckle. Meredith watched as Derek had another good catch.

Meredith leaned forward again. Derek could feel her rock hard nipple pressing into his cheek. He couldn't take it. It drove him wild. He placed the cashew on his hard cock and quickly took her nipple into his mouth. Meredith gasped and moaned as he milked more and more of her breast in, swirling around it with his tongue.

"You're not playing fair. Its two to... Oh... One." She groaned as he tasted her flesh. Meredith watched as he flung the nut towards her. She quickly caught it in her mouth and let out a cry as he bit down. "Oh god..." She moaned as she felt her core heating. "This isn't working..." She spat as she crawled down the length of his body and placed her tongue on his cock.

"Fuck, Mer... Way to be rash." He said with a chuckle as she thrust her hot dripping core towards his mouth.

"Suck me, Derek." Meredith moaned.

"Only if you suck me, babe." Derek taunted as he flicked her clit lightly with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh god... Derek... Come on!" She yelped as she fucked his face and enveloped his hot pulsating cock in her mouth.

Meredith could feel Derek's tongue running up and down her slick, creamy lips. She couldn't fight the urge to moan around his cock as she thrust her hips into his face. She could feel his tongue delve deep into her core as she forced more and more of him inside of her. His thick long tongue made short work of her hot pussy.

Derek groaned into Meredith's wet pussy. Nothing felt better than his sweet girl's mouth on his cock. She had the perfect mouth for sucking cock. Her hot lips ran up and down the thick shaft. Her teeth grazed it's surface. Her tongue traced the thick vein with perfection. Derek lapped her quickly as she lapped his sensitive velvet head. He was near climax. He was ready to fill her perfect little mouth full of his hot cum. He was ready for it to pour out of her lips like the over indulgence that it was.

Meredith mewed as her walls began to tighten down around his tongue. He paid special attention to her clit. He knew just how she licked it. They both began rapidly fucking each other's faces in a moment of need and pleasure. Simultaneously their bodies released in violent contractions, cum pouring out and flooding their mouths. The sucking and slurping could be heard from a far as they drank each other down.

Meredith collapsed, her cheek resting in his flaccid cock and balls. She was exhausted from the effort she put forth in blowing him in perfection. Derek smiled as she fell and her tight little pussy laid on his chest, just before him. They both panted as they laid there.

"I like cashew catapult." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Me too... Especially when it ends like that!" Derek told her exuberantly.

**I hide my face in total and utter shame...**


	47. Rough

Meredith laid on Derek forever. He remained in a perfect silence until her realized that she was making noise. Snoring noise. She had fallen completely asleep on his balls. Her soft cheek was nestled in his manhood like it was the only place she was meant to be. Derek gave her ass a softly little rubbing, hoping to stir her. She didn't. She moaned softly as she rubbed her cheek on him. He didn't have the heart to wake her. Derek laid his head back and closed his eyes. Besides, she would wake up. When the morning wood gave her a wake-up call.

Meredith stayed in her perfect restful state. Derek always made her feel at ease. She had never felt so comfortable around anyone in her life. There was nothing he could do to ever make her feel self-conscious. As she laid there and fell into a deep sleep, a smile crossed her face.

"Mmmm..." Meredith moaned as she woke up to Derek's cock pressing against her face. "Oh my god..."

"Now that's a wake up call, isn't it?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Funny." Meredith said with a giggled as she pushed herself up on his chest and rolled off. "I can't believe I slept like that!" Meredith said in shock.

"I have to admit, I have never seen anyone fall asleep like that in my life." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I was tired..." Meredith muttered as she laid her head on his chest.

"So was I." Derek admitted with a grin. "By the way... I showed you mine... And you never showed me yours. Well, you did. But not the way you were supposed to."

"Oh..." She giggled. "Mine is nothing like yours." Meredith said with a sigh.

"Nonetheless, I want to hear it." Derek told her with a smirk.

"Well... My bathtub is amazing... You've seen it." Meredith pointed out with a smile.

"I have." Derek said with a nod.

"Well, I was like fourteen. And I realized it had a magic jet." Meredith said with a smile.

"Ah... The magic jet." Derek said with a chuckle, knowing what she was talking about.

"Yes. And I have to say... The first time I experienced it was... Merda... It was amazing. And I couldn't stop." Meredith explained with a giggle.

"Oh my god..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yeah.. Sofia thought something was wrong with me. She came running in. She saw me thrashing around." Meredith admitted with a laugh. "She thought I was going crazy. I pretended I was singing. She couldn't figure out why on earth I needed three baths a day. But then sex came. And better sex. And now... Well I don't think I have to explain anything about that. Mind blowing, I'd say. And I don't need that damn jet."

"Three times a day... Huh?" Derek asked with surprise.

"Yep. I was addicted. Still am. To the orgasms." Meredith explained. "So there is my dirty little secret. I was obsessed with my bathtub jet."

"You're right... It doesn't touch the cashew..." Derek said with a chuckle. "So, are you hungry?" Derek asked.

"Starving." Meredith explained. "But I need to take a bath."

"You take a bath. I'll order breakfast. And then we can-" Derek started.

"Shop!" Meredith said loudly.

"Oh. Yeah. Shop." Derek agreed with a sigh. "Who doesn't love to shop?" He asked with a chuckle.

Meredith climbed into the hot bubbling water. Derek had drawn her the most perfect bath. The lavender colored rose petals were floating around the hot water. She could smell the soft scent of lavender in the air. He had poured a generous amount of her minerals into the water. Meredith laid her head back, half expecting him to come and join her, but knowing her could because of breakfast.

Meredith and Derek ate a normal breakfast. That made Derek more than happy. Finally he had a choice of real food. Eggs. He loved eggs. And this morning, he was having them. He loved her. He had never loved anyone so much in her life. As he looked across the table at her, he knew, that he could look across the table at her for the rest of his life.

"So where are we going today?" Derek asked as he took the last bite of his food.

"Christian Louboutin." Meredith told him as she looked across the table at him.

"And what would that be?" Derek asked with a smile as he looked up.

"You don't want to know..." Meredith warned him with a frown.

"Oh god... Don't tell me it's shoes." Derek muttered with a frown.

"Okay, I won't." Meredith replied as she gave him a soft smile.

"Oh god... Seriously?" Derek asked in desperation.

"Seriously." Meredith told him with a seductive smile. "I may have a thing for shoes."

"I've noticed." Derek grumbled as he placed their plates on the cart.

"The car should be here by now." Meredith explained with a smile, just as the phone ring. Meredith quickly answered. It was the front desk letting her know that their car had arrived. "Are you ready?"

"How could I ever be ready for shoe shopping?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Oh, baby... It's not that bad." Meredith said with a faint grin. "You will love it." Meredith told him as she walked out of their room and towards the main lobby.

Derek sat in the back of the car with Meredith. The paparazzi was alive and wide awake this morning. They quickly followed behind their car as they made the drive to Christian Louboutin. The car quickly pulled in front of the store on Rue Jean Jacques Rousseau and came to a stop. Derek protected her as they made their way into the store.

It was hell. For Derek this was the equivalent of hell. The red soled shoes. Like he knew what that meant. Red soles. Big deal. But apparently it was a big deal. Derek watched as Meredith did her usual shoe shopping ritual. It seemed they had ever pair of shoes in the store at her feet. And all she did was ask him over and over. Which one?

"So... The satin peep-toe, or the sequin peep-toe pump?" Meredith asked as she stood in front of him, one on each foot.

"Sequin." Derek muttered as he looked down.

"No. Satin. Definitely satin." Meredith told him as she pushed the sequin aside.

"Okay." Derek responded with a shrug. Meredith slid on two boots. A pair of brown ankle length and a full calf length black pair.

"Which ones?" Meredith asked as she stood there.

"Both." Derek said quickly, knowing there was no right answer.

"Good idea." Meredith said with a nod. "Great idea." She reiterated.

Derek sat there and rolled his eyes. He could not believe the small pile that was forming before his eyes. Boxes and boxes. And then came the handbags. A tortoise clutch, a satin clutch and a tortoise patent leather satchel. He had no idea what she was spending, but even if they shoes were cheap, she had a large pile.

"Hey." Matt said as he quickly walked in holding a large coffee. "I thought you could use some company..."

"Oh my god..." Derek muttered with a sigh, thankful to see another man.

"I heard she was bad about the shoes. And by the looks of things, it's all true." Matt explained in astonishment.

"It's insane." Derek told him with a nod.

"Well... I like I said, I thought you would need a friend. Men have to stick together. Especially when it's a woman like her." He said as he pointed across the boutique.

"Matt!" Meredith said with a smile as she walked towards them. "How are you?"

"Wonderful, dear..." Matt told her as he kissed her cheek. "Having fun?"

"I am." Meredith said with a smile. "Just a few more pairs..." She told them as she walked off.

"How long have you been here?" Matt asked with a frown.

"Oh... About two hours." Derek told him as he looked down at his Cartier watch.

"From Mer?" Matt asked as he looked down at the watch.

"Uh... Yeah." Derek said with a nod. "I told her no..."

"She doesn't know the meaning of the word." Matt told him with a chuckle. He wasn't surprised that she bought him expensive gifts. "So... You're from Maine?"

"I am. Australia, right?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Yep." Matt told him quickly.

Matt and Derek made friendly conversation as Meredith continued to shop. Derek was finding himself liking Matt. Matt really was a nice guy. A good friend. He got good vibes from him. They both sat there as she walked up to pay. Their eyes got wide when they heard the whopping seventeen-thousand dollar bill. Derek couldn't fathom that. That much money on shoes. He nonchalantly glanced at the prices. Seven hundred dollar pair here, a thousand dollar handbag there. He couldn't believe it. It was ridiculous.

The paparazzi swarmed as the trio walked out. They were interested in what she bought. And more so in how much she spent. She ignored them as they yelled at her. That was until Matt started talking.

"Meredith! How much did you spend? You seem to have an addiction to shoes!" They yelled loudly.

"Meredith Grey has enough pumps to shoe a small nation." Matt said with a chuckle. Derek looked up at her with wide eyes. Meredith let out a knowing smile.

"Maybe she should consider donating them for charity!" Someone yelled loudly.

"Silly! Any nation that would need my shoes couldn't walk on their terrain in four inch heels! Besides, they don't need Prada or Christian Louboutin." Meredith told them with a giggle. Derek and Matt looked at her in astonishment. They couldn't believe she had just made such a stupid and insensitive comment.

"I think they meant sell the shoes in an auction and donate the money to a charity." Derek told her quickly.

The paparazzi was eating up Meredith's foolishness. Meredith glared at him as she climbed in the car. They quickly climbed in behind her. She was giving them the silent treatment. She was pissed. They humiliated her in front of everyone.

"Derek is right... I think an auction is a good idea. No one needs that many shoes. Besides you could really help someone in need. You could help a nation." Matt said with a nod.

"You could. Do you know how many people would want Meredith Grey's shoes?" Derek asked with raised brows.

"No! NO! They are my shoes. I like my shoes. We donate plenty of money each year..." Meredith warned. "I want my fucking shoes! We donate. That is enough!"

"As a tax write off." Matt said with a frown. "You do not need them. No one needs that many."

"Hey!" Meredith yelled at the driver. "Stop the car!" They felt the car come to a quick stop. "Out. Get out of the car." Meredith yelled as she pointed.

"What?" Matt asked in shock.

"I said out. Now!" Meredith yelled. "You won't talk to me that way!"

"Mer... You can't do that! He didn't do anything wrong... All he did was speak the truth..." Derek said frankly as he looked at her.

"Oh really? Out. You... Out with him! Get your asses out!" Meredith spat as she opened the door and began kicking them in the legs with her heels.

Derek and Matt got wide-eyed as they jumped out of the car. It was funny. At first it was hilarious. They couldn't believe that she kicked them Literally. It was funny. Until she left. Until the black car took off down the road, leaving them standing there.

"Did she just fucking leave us?" Matt spat as he stood there in shock.

"Yeah, I think she did." Derek said with a chuckle.

"What a- Oh my God!" He told Derek in shock. "I can't believe she did that!"

"I can. We humiliated her. And now she is humiliating us." Derek said with a frown as he began the long walk down the road. "Vindictive..."

"This is unbelievable." Matt spat quickly. "But I'm doing it... I'm fucking walking."

"You aren't alone. And apparently we aren't either." He said as he motioned at the paparazzi stopping beside them.

"What happened? Did Meredith Grey kick you out of the car?" They yelled in shock.

"No! We are walking for our health." Derek spat as he looked over at them.

"Do you think these buff bodies come from sitting on our asses?" Matt asked as he pointed at his chest, continuing on his way.

"Would you like a ride..." One of the paparazzi offered.

"No. And Miss Grey is most likely at her hotel." Matt offered up as he pointed in the distance.

"She's the one sitting in her car because she has no guard to escort her in." Derek told them with a chuckle, in which Matt quickly joined in. They watched as the paparazzi quickly sped off.

"You do realize that Meredith is going to be pissed at you." Matt said with a chuckle.

"I'm kind of hoping so." Derek admitted with a smirk.

"Ah... Angry make-up sex..." Matt said quickly.

"Uh huh..." Derek agreed with a smirk.

"You gotta love that." Matt replied with a chuckle as they picked up their pace. "I have to admit, I never thought Meredith would act like this..."

"You have no idea." Derek told him with a smirk. "She goes in waves. It all depends on where she is, and who is around."

"I'm not surprised that she is shifty. She has been groomed to be who she is." Matt told him frankly. "And it seems that she is the most herself around you."

"When we're together, you'd never know she was Meredith Grey." Derek told him. "And I wish she would show that side to the whole world."

"She would never be able to be herself. They would never accept her. They want her to be Meredith Grey. They want her to throw tantrums and say stupid things. And they do whatever they can to get her to to look like a fool. And that will never end. So you need to enjoy her when it is just you two. At least you know who she is." Matt told him happily.

"Yeah." Derek agreed as they continued on their way.

A smirk covered Derek's face as he saw Meredith's car sitting outside of the hotel, swarmed by paparazzi. She was still there, just as he thought she would be. He and Matt hurried along and shook their heads as they approached the vehicle. Derek opened the door with a sigh and looked in.

"Forget something?" He asked with a smirk as he looked into her green eyes.

"No." She spat as she climbed out of the car. "Nothing."

"Meredith! Meredith!" A very pushy paparazzo yelled as he got near.

"Back off!" Derek yelled as he pushed him to the ground. "She has no comment. On anything." He warned as he looked around.

They all walked up to the room, with her various bags and boxes following behind. She wasn't talking to him. She was giving him the cold shoulder. She was doing her famous Meredith brush off. As the door opened, she looked around. They placed the bags in the corner and walked out. Her eyes met Derek's blue orbs as she glared.

"You have no reason to be mad..." Derek told her with a smirk.

"Fuck you, Derek! You humiliated me!" She shouted a she stormed towards him. Derek began to laugh heartily in her face, only making her angrier. "Bastardo!" She yelled as she smacked him hard across the cheek.

"I wouldn't do that..." Derek told her as he cocked his head.

"You don't tell me!" She shouted as she slapped him again and laughed. "Vaffanculo! Vai in culo!" (Fuck it! Fuck off! Fuck you!)

"So that's how you want to play it, huh?" Derek snapped as he grabbed her arms and forced her up against the wall with a hard thud. She quickly began thrashing her body around as she attempted to stare him down. "How does it feel to lose control?" He asked with an evil smile.

"Oh god... Stronzo!" She yelled as she wrapped her legs around him and ravaged his mouth. Derek let go of his grip, allowing her to wrap her hands around his head and play with his curls. He felt her tongue dive into his mouth and fight his for power.

"So I will be... I'll just go." Matt said with a chuckle as he nonchalantly pointed to the door and walked out in shock.

"You are-" Derek started as he dragged her across their sweet and threw her down on the bed. "Did you think you were being cute?" Derek asked with raise brows.

"Maybe." Meredith growled as she clawed at his clothing.

She was like and animal as they began ripe each other's clothes off. Derek could hear fabric tearing and buttons popping as she dug her nails into him. Derek hovered his body over hers in animalistic fashion and glared into her eyes.

"Bastardo." She growled as she clawed his back, scratching it deep. "You don't rule me..."

"I think I do." Derek laughed as he ran his fingers along her wet pussy. "Because I doubt that you get this wet for no good reason. You want my cock. And maybe I won't give it to you." He said with a shrug as he flicked her clit with his index finger and then climbed off the bed and walked away.

"What!" She screamed. "No!" She shouted as she jumped off the bed.

"You, Meredith Grey... Do not own me." He said with a chuckle, without turning around.

"Ti ammazzo!"(I'm going to kill you!) She yelled as she jumped on him from behind, pummeling him.

"Ah!" He yelled as he felt her feather weight on his back.

"Il tuo cazzo è minuscolo!" (Your dick is tiny.) She spat in his ear.

"Ti metto il cazzo in culo e te lo faccio uscire dalla bocca..." (If I put my dick in your ass, it's going to come out your mouth.) He told her angrily as she began hitting him. Meredith finally got the better of them and they went crashing to the floor.

"Fuck me!" She yelled as she rolled over and spread her legs.

"Like you fucking deserve it." He said nastily as he drove his rock hard cock into as hard as he could. She let out a cry of pain as he hit her hard, driving in over and over again.

"Ouch... Fuck... Oh god!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

"You can't handle it?" He questioned with a smirk.

"You don't know hard. This is... Ah! This is a... Ah! Joke!" She shouted as she clawed crescent marks deep into his flesh.

"Fuck... You-" He shouted as he felt the pain in his back. She quickly bit his shoulder and clawed at his ass. That only fueled his fire as he drove into her with such force that they slid across the rug on the floor.

"Oh god... That is... Oh God!" She yelled loudly as she grasped his ass cheeks and rocked her hips with her motion.

"Ah!... Fuck." Derek yelled as he felt his cock pulsating deep in her wet core.

"Oh..oh...oh...oh...OH!" She yelped as she felt her walls crash down on his cock, milking it into a rock hard pulsating member.

"I'm cumming... Fuck... I'm already..." He yelled as he pounded into her, ignoring her orgasm and worrying about his own.

They both panted heavily as they laid there. Meredith let her head lay back on the floor and struggled to breath. She could feel Derek's cock still deep in her core, shrinking as he came down from his high. He finally let out a groan and pulled himself out of her.

"Oh my God!" Meredith cried out loudly.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, scared to death that he hurt her.

"You're bleeding!" She cried as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "I hurt you." She whined as she looked at the blood on her hands. "I hurt you... Oh god... I am so sorry." She sobbed.

"It's okay, Mer. I was just as rough with you. We let it get too far. It's not your fault. It's okay." He said as he crawled to his feet and held her against him.

"I love you... I didn't mean it." She apologized.

"I love you too. And I know you didn't mean it." Derek said with a nod. They quickly headed to the bathroom. They had to tend to their wounds.

**They got a little too rough...**


	48. Scared

Meredith began stuffing her clothes in her bag. This was one thing that she was able to do all on her own. She always done her own packing. Part of it was because she could. And the other part was because other people didn't need to see what she was packing. The last thing she needed was Sophia seeing her lingerie and toys that she stuck in her super secret compartment. There were things Meredith Grey could do on her own. And Derek was willing to teach her some more.

Derek stood in the living room with his bags. He rolled his eyes at Meredith. She had brought enough clothing to stay for months. But that was Meredith. She couldn't be seen in the same thing twice. Especially when the paparazzi was following her all over the place. It was the whole status thing. He couldn't understand it, because he was never involved. And he would never get why she cared. What's the difference if she wore something twice. So there he stood. Waiting.

Derek sat down in the chair. Standing was not going well. She was taking too long. As he leaned back against the arm chair, he realized how much his back was hurting. She scratched him hard. She had no idea how much it really did hurt. It had gotten far too rough. Not just on her end, but his too. They went overboard. They were angry and in the heat of the moment, they let it get a little crazy.

"Are you ready?" Meredith asked as she walked in, her heels clicking loudly. His eyes always fell to her legs. he loved her long slender legs.

"I am." Derek told her with a smile as he stood up.

"I can't wait for the chateau. Paris has been great. But you and I... alone...together. Nothing gets better than that." Meredith pointed out with a smile.

Yeah." Derek told her as he leaned in and kissed her softly. "Just you and I..."

Derek loved their alone time. The hotel was fine. But there was something about being in a hotel room that made him uncomfortable. They still had room service and the help came in and out. He liked to cook her dinner. He liked to live like a normal couple. He liked to take things nice and slow. The chateau was a perfect place for them to be alone.

The help came to their room and gathered their items. Taking Meredith's recent purchases was no small feat. In fact, it took several trips up and down the elevator and to the car. She had gone overboard, but he decided not to chid her for it. The last thing she needed was a hard time. He knew that in her heart, she wasn't that way. Before he knew it, the help was tipped and they were riding in the back of a car.

Meredith was giving him the eyes as they drove along. He could hardly restsit the eyes. She would look at him through slits as a smile played upon her soft lips. Derek looked back at her and bit his lip, a habit she had that was quickly brushing off on him. He finally broke his gaze and looked out teh window. The countryside in France was amazing. Derek couldn't believe all the amazing places he was seeing. He could have still been at home. At home in Maine. But he took a chance. He made a big step. And he had never been more happy in his life.

Derek looked up with wide eyes. The chateau was amazing. It was once again nothing like the Grey mansion, but it was still amazing. It was surrounded by a large brick wall, like many of their homes. The security had to be top-notch to protect such an importanat family. They pulled up to the large main gate and Meredith keyed in the password, causing the large iron gates to open.

"We're home." Meredith said softly as they approached.

"Yes we are..." He muttered into her ear.

Derek and Meredith remained silent as they driver carried in their bags one after another. The house was large. It was perfect. It was a bit cozier than the house in the Riviera. He really liked the country feeling of home. It made him feel comfortable. As the driver nodded and shut the door, Derek looked up at Meredith. Before he knew it, her mouth was covering his, her tongue tangled deeply with his. Derek wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her close. Meredith moaned softly before pulling away.

"Mmm... Two uninterrupted weeks." Meredith muttered as she laid her head against his chest.

"Two? I thought it was just one." Derek said as he looked at her.

"I changed my mind. Maybe more. It depends on what you do to entertain me." Meredith said with a giggle.

"I think I can think of a thing or two..." He said with a chuckle as he grabbed her hand. "Where is the bedroom around here?" He asked as he pulled her up the stairs.

---------------

Nothing felt more perfect to Derek than Meredith's body beneath his. There was something about the power he had over her. Something about the vulnerable position. Not that he wanted to dominate over her, but it was one of the few times that he felt like he held some control in a world that she ruled.

Their sweaty bodies slid across each other free of friction and loss of motion. Meredith liked to grasp Derek's ass as he thrust into her. It made her feel powerful. Derek laughed, knowing it did nothing. He outweighed her and she could in no way control him when he was taking control.

"Oh God, Derek." Meredith whimpered as she felt his full length penetrate her and bump her cervix.

"Mer... Fuck, honey." Derek shouted as her tight walls pressed against his rock hard cock

Derek tightened his ass and pumped into her over and over again. He could feel her hard nipples pressing against his chest as he laid across her. Meredith slowly ran her hands down his back, moaning as she felt the scratch marks that she had given him. Derek groaned as his balls crashed against her body, only heightening his pleasure.

"Harder... Fuck me harder, baby." Meredith cried out as she thrust her hips towards him. Derek pumped harder, feeling himself ready, though she was not.

"Oh god, honey... I'm going to cum." He spat as he slowed his pace, trying to get her there before he did.

"Oh... Oh..." Meredith moaned as she laid her head back. "OH!" She cried out as she felt Derek insert a finger inside of her and play with her clitoris. "There...there..." She told him with a satisfied nod. "Oh yeah... Right there." She muttered as he swirled around and around her throbbing clit.

"You like that, baby?" Derek asked her with a smirk.

"Oh god yes!" She yelped as he rubbed her up and down, holding himself up with one hand, and pumping his hard member deep inside.

"Oh baby... Fuck! Cum for me... Cum for me, honey." Derek begged, barely holding it together.

"I'm- I'm... I'm cumming, Der. I'm cumming!" She yelled as she bucked her hips into her and released her warm creamy fluid.

"That's it..." Derek groaned as he felt her warm flood his hard cock, her walls tightening around him, contracting hard. "Here... I'm cumming!" Derek shouted as he thrust into again, causing her to scream his name over and over again.

"Oh... Wow." Meredith moaned as she laid her head back and panted heavily.

"That was a good welcome home." Derek told her as he pulled out and and laid beside her.

"I'm glad we're here. I'm glad I'm here with you." She told him as she pulled the sheet over them and snuggled into his side.

"Yesterday we were way too rough, baby." Derek told her softly.

"I know." Meredith agreed with a frown. "I'm sorry about that."

"I know you are. You didn't do anything wrong. But I'm not happy about it You mean too much to me to have that kind of stuff happen to you. I shouldn't have gotten so rough. I know you like it a little rough, but I don't want to hurt you. And you don't deserve it." Derek told her as he kissed her on the head. "I just- I'm not comfortable with that."

"Okay." Meredith agreed as she buried her head under his arm. "We won't let it get like that again."

"Good." Derek told her with a nod. "Rough. Just not that rough."

"Yeah. Not that rough." Meredith agreed with a nod.

"So what are we doing for dinner?" Derek asked with a smile.

"I was kind of hoping you would cook for me." Meredith told him with a nod.

"And I would love to." Derek told her as he kissed her on the head. Noraml life was great.

--------------------

Meredith never liked steak. But since the Riviera when Derek cooked for her she loved it. Everything tasted great when Derek made it. He had a way with the grill. He had a way in the kitchen. She loved to watch him cook. More true, she loved to sit at the counter and watch his ass as he cooked.

"Do you want some red wine with the steak?" Meredith asked as she watched him pull it out of the marinade.

"That would be great." Derek agreed with a nod.

"I'll go down to the cellar and find something." Meredith told him with a smile as she walked away.

Meredith looked at the full wine cellar. She knew a little bit about wine. She liked red more than white. And red was perfect with red meat. She pulled out bottle after bottle before grabbing a bottle of 1905 Romanee Conti. She quickly jogged back up the stairs and sat the bottle on the counter.

"Wow... That's old, baby. Maybe we should have something else." Derek suggested.

"No... I think this will be good." She said as she read the label.

"I'm sure it will be great. But that is an awfully old bottle. And I am sure your father wouldn't be too happy to see that you drank it." He warned as he read it.

"Nonsense. I'm sure he won't even notice. Besides, it's you and I. We deserve something special." She told him frankly as she pulled out wine glasses from the cabinet.

"It's up to you." Derek said with a sigh. "I will drink whatever you give me." He told her as he gave her a soft kiss.

"Do you need any help?" Meredith asked as she looked around.

"I'm making garlic mashed potatoes. Do you want to peel?" Derek asked with a hopeful smile. That was something that he hated to do since he was a kid. He hated doing it at Thanksgiving.

"Um... I never have. But I guess I could try. I guess..." She muttered reluctantly.

"If you don't want to, I can do it." Derek moaned as he looked over at her.

"No. I can. I will." She said with a nod as she looked through the kitchen for the correct tool. Not that she really knew what that was. After she found a knife, she started peeling the potatoes over the sink. Derek shook his head. She was completely out of sorts, but he was going to let her be. It was fun to watch her struggle.

"You doing okay over there?" Derek teased with a laugh.

"Fine." She snapped, definitely frustrated. "I am doing just fine. Do your own work." She grumbled as she began hacking at the potato furiously.

"Okay then..." Derek responded with a chuckle as he turned away from her.

"Fuck!" Meredith cried out as she flipped on the water.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as he rushed over to her side, seeing the blood.

"I fucking cut myself." Meredith whimpered as the tears began to fall. "Oh..." Derek didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She was acting like it was the end of the world. She was acting like her finger was laying on the floor.

"Don't cry... You will be okay." Derek said as he kissed her softly.

"It hurts." She whined as she let the cold water run over it.

"Let me see it." Derek told her as he pulled her hand away.

"No!" Meredith yelped. "It's bad. I think I cut my finger off. Oh Derek..." She cried as she buried her head into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears.

"Oh my god!" Derek said dramatically as he looked at her finger.

"I knew it! Oh my god... How bad is it?" She cried into his shirt without looking.

"It's a scrap." Derek chuckled as he looked at it.

"No it's not!" She yelled as she opened her eyes. "Oh."

"Yeah." Derek said with a chuckle. "You are a bit of a baby."

"And you're not nice." Meredith pouted. "And I am never doing this again." She told Derek frankly as she threw a potato into the sink.

"Good excuse. Nicely played." Derek said with a chuckle. "Let's clean this gaping wound out."

"You are an ass!" She spat as she swung at him.

"I know." Derek agreed as he began cleaning out her cut. "Now no sex. There can't be any sex." Derek warned her as he placed the band-aid on her finger.

"What? Why!" Meredith said quickly.

"Well, this wound is big... If your blood pressure goes up, you may bleed out." He joked as he looked into her eyes.

"You are mean!" She yelled as she shoved him. "But you're right. No sex. Too dangerous." She told him as she walked away.

"Wait! What?" Derek asked in shock as he ran after her.

Meredith and Derek sat down and enjoyed their dinner. But Meredith was distracted. Derek could see it in her eyes. She looked scared. She looked afraid. He would wait. He would wait and eventually she would share whatever it was that was bothering her.

Meredith felt sick. She was starting to worry. It had been in the back of her head. She had been trying to push it out. She had been trying to act normal even though she was really scared. She was trying to put on a happy face. But she was worried. She was scared to death.

-------------

Meredith laid awake in the bed. She could feel the coolness of the soft sheets against her skin. She hadn't slept. She couldn't sleep. She was so worried that she couldn't even think straight. She and Derek were always having sex. It was a game. It was a hobby. They loved it, and they were damn good at it. But not last night. Last night she snuggled into him and insisted they sleep. She couldn't do it.

Derek was sleeping peacefully. She glanced over at his sleeping form. She had so many feelings for him. It was too deep for her to even understand. It was like he was the most perfect thing in the world. She felt things for him that she had never even felt in her life. Every bit of him was perfection. She stared at his face, and he made her feel safe. He made her feel alive.

Meredith looked around the room. There it was. She had a temporary moment of happiness. A temporary moment when she looked at Derek and forgot about her troubles. She slowly pulled herself out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and held her stomach. She was so worried. Meredith flushed the toilet and let a tear slid down her cheek.

She crashed. She crashed to the floor in a pile. Her face landed against the tile as the tears fell hard and fast. Sobs wracked her body. Her life could be over. His life could be over. It could all be over in a second. All because they were stupid.

Derek slowly opened his eyes. He thought he heard crying. He stopped breathing and listened for it. It was. Meredith was crying. Panic set it and he quickly jumped out of their bed and rushed into the bathroom. His heart broke as he saw her on the floor in her boy cut panties and a camisole top.

"Mer... Oh god... Honey, what's wrong?" Derek asked as he fell to the floor with her.

"Oh, Derek..." She cried out as she laid her head against him.

"Baby... What is wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me what is wrong." Derek said as he pulled her into his lap and cradled her body.

"I- I-" She cried as she looked at him.

"Meredith... It's okay." Derek told her as he stroked her cheek.

"No... It's not. Oh my god..." She yelped as they tears began to fall again.

"Honey. Just tell me. No matter what it is, it will be okay." Derek told her, looking at her red-rimmed green eyes.

"No. No it won't. Our lives are over." She wailed, grasping his shirt with her hands.

"Our lives are over? Why?" Derek asked with confusion.

"I'm late, Derek." She finally spat out loudly.

"Late... We didn't have anything to do..." Derek said quickly.

"No, Derek... Late. Late, late." She explained as she looked into his eyes.

"Late?" Derek asked in a panic. "Girl, late? Period late?"

"Yes." She said hesitantly. "A week. I am never late. Ever. It's like clockwork."

"Oh fuck!" Derek spat loudly. "I mean... I- I'm not- I just- It's okay."

"No, It's not okay. It is not okay. I could be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. I can't have a baby." Meredith said quickly.

"We can do this. It's okay. You don't even know for sure. We'll be okay." Derek said with a nod as he rubbed her arm and kissed her.

"No! It's not. We can't have a baby. I can't have your baby. I can't have any baby. Derek, we can't have a baby. I- If I am... I can't keep it." She said frankly.

"What do you mean, you can't keep it?" Derek asked in shock.

"I can't have your baby. How would we explain? We can't. I am not a mother. We would need to get it aborted." Meredith said as she looked at him.

"No. Huh uh... No. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in killing an innocent life. No. You can't do that." Derek snapped. "I will not let you kill my baby."

"I can't do this, Derek. I can't. It's my fucking body. I will do what I want." She yelled defensively.

"It's my child and I will not let you kill an innocent life. It didn't ask for this. And it doesn't deserve to die!" He argued.

"It's not even a baby. It would be an embryo." Meredith shouted angrily.

"It's a baby. And you will not kill it." He said as he stood up.

"I could never tell anyone that it was yours. I would have to lie. You would have to watch your child grown up and you could never acknowledge it. You would have to suffer everyday, knowing the truth. My father would kill me. Or worse, disinherit me. We can't... Derek would couldn't do that. Abortion is the only option." She explained as she cried.

"And it's not even an option." He yelled as he looked into her eyes.

Meredith broke down before him. She laid in a pile, sobbing her heart out. He didn't understand what this would do to her. He didn't understand that she couldn't take care of a child. He didn't understand what her father would do to them

"I'm sorry, Mer." He said as he bent down. "We need to... We need to make sure before we go crazy."

"Yeah." She agreed as she nodded. "Can you-"

"I will go get the tests. Far away. So that no one sees me." Derek told her with a nod.

"Okay." Meredith said with a nod as she looked up. Derek bent down and picked her up, carrying her to the bed.

"It will be okay." He said with a kiss on the head.

"Don't let anyone know who you are." Meredith said as he covered her up and walked away.

"I won't." Derek agreed with a sigh.


	49. Close

As Derek climbed into the BMW, he felt ill. This was a major problem. Their happiness was gone at the moment. The thought of being a father scared him sick. He wanted kids. He was hoping for kids. But in the future. When he was married. When he was settled down. Not with the woman that he guarded. Not with the richest girl in the world. She was right, this could break them.

As he drove along the streets, all he could think about was what she said. She couldn't have a baby with him. As much truth as there was in the statement, it hurt. It was almost like she didn't want to ever have his children. Not that it was even an option. They couldn't do that. And everyday, he realized more and more how far fetched that really was. How could they ever be happy?

She would get an abortion. That really bothered him. Maybe it was in a heat of the moment thing. Maybe she was just terrified and that was the only thing she could think of. But it did hurt. He was not raised that way. He was raised to be responsible. To deal with his problems. A life was a life, and she had no right to take it away.

Derek managed to avoid the paparazzi. They followed him for awhile, but once they realized Meredith wasn't with him, they dropped it. Derek was of no interest unless he was with her. But if they had known just what he was doing, they would be following. And it would be front page.

He drove several towns away. He didn't need anyone finding this out. He put on a hat and sunglases. Even looking at himself, he was sure they wouldn't be able to tell. As he walked into the store, he looked around. Derek was actually embarrassed to be buying them. But it was beyond that. It was beyond embarrassment. They were to desperation. He would steal the thing if he had to. This was something he had never had to do. There had never been a pregnancy scare in his life so far.

Derek walked down the skinny aisle and looked around. They had several different brands. He was scared. He didn't know which one was the best. So he took one of each. And then he looked down and grabbed another one of each brand. Ten should be enough. Ten should be good.

Derek's eyes fell to the tabloids. There they were, right on the front page. Meredith was being quoted about shoes in the jungle or some nonsense. He was praying he wasn't looking like himself. The cashier looked up at Derek with wide eyes. Derek wasn't even sure if he spoke english. He decided it best not to speak, seeing as an American buying pregnancy tests may throw him for a loop. The man rang up all of the test and gave him the dollar amount in euros.

"Avez-vous un problème monsier?" (Do you have a problem, Sir?) He asked with a snicker.

"Peut-être." (Possibly.) Derek said, not even knowing how he knew what to say.

Derek left. He didn't even wait for his change. He let the man keep the bills. He just wanted the hell out of there. He stashed the tests in the back seat out of view. The drive was quick. He had to get back there. He hated leaving her in a mess. And even more so, he hated not knowing. Before he knew it, he was keying in the code as the paparazzi rushed him. He ignored them as he drove in and directly to the garage.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he ran upstairs.

"Did you get one?" Meredith asked as she sat up.

"I did." Derek said as he poured them onto the bed.

"Merda!" She spat, in shock of the amount. "How many did you think you would need?"

"I wanted to make sure. And don't worry, I went far away." He said as he helped her out of the bed.

"I'm scared." She admitted as she grabbed a few and made her way into the bathroom.

"It will be okay." Derek said. And he never lied to her. "I am here for you."

Derek left the room when she sat on the toilet. He didn't want to bother her. He could be there for her later. But to stand there while she did one of the scariest things in her life, when she was the most vulnerable, he couldn't do that to her.

Meredith cried as she peed on stick after stick. She lined them all up on the sink and pulled her panties up. Derek didn't say a word as she crawled up into his lap and laid her head against his chest. He led her and didn't speak. There was nothing to say. Not yet.

They watched the time click by. Their lives could change. They could change drastically. He didn't care. He would do whatever he had to to take care of her. He would die to make sure that she lived. As they waited for the moment, they held each other tighter than they ever had. So much could change.

"Okay." Derek said as he looked at the clock.

"Okay." Meredith said hesitantly with a nod as she pulled herself to her feet.

As she walked into the bathroom, she was shaking harder than she ever had. Her father would kill her. She could never say it was Derek's. She would have to say it was some random guy's. She would have to spare him. And that was if she didn't abort it. She didn't know what she was going to do. Her hand picked up the stick. Derek watched as it shook to an almost unreadable degree. He looked at the stick, and then at her. A smile covered her face. She quickly grabbed test after test, throwing them down, before jumping around.

"No?" Derek asked with a smile. "Negative?"

"No!" She cried out as she jumped into his arms. "No baby! Oh thank god!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Derek said as he kissed her head.

"This is... Wow." She said quickly as she hugged him. "We need to be more careful."

"Definitely." Derek agreed as he breathed her in. Not yet. That was something they never could have handled.

--------------

The day went along. Meredith felt so much better now that she actually knew. She had been suffering for a week. All she had thought about was the possibly of being pregnant. She was never late. Since she was young, she was like clockwork. The first day, she didn't think much about it. In fact, she hadn't really noticed. But day three, she was getting more concerned. By day five, she was in full panic mode. All she could think about we being a mom. And that was something she did not want.

She had been so afraid to tell Derek. She didn't want him to worry. But as it went on, she was finding it harder and harder to act normally. All she could think about is the facade. They were living a facade. And she couldn't imagine telling her father that she was pregnant. And he would have never been able to admit he was the father.

Meredith walked into the bathroom. She was comfortable. She was happy. She was sure that the missed period was stress related. She had been under a lot of stress, and she and Derek sneaking around didn't help anything. She loved Derek. She could admit it. After what happened this morning, she was more in love with him than ever.

"Derek!" Meredith yelled loudly from the bathroom.

"Yeah..." Derek yelled as he trotted up the stairs. "Is everything okay?" He asked as he stood outside the door.

"I was thinking about taking a shower. I was hoping you'd join me." She suggested as she peeled off her top.

"Really?" Derek asked with a smile as he stepped into the bathroom. "I thought you didn't do that..."

"There is a first time for everything." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up at him. She walked over to the shower in her jeans and flipped the water on. "I want you... And I know you have been wanting this... So here it is. If you want it, I want it."

"Mer..." Derek replied with a big smile as she worked on his jeans. His hands played with her nipples as she unzipped him.

"I want this." She said with a nod as she watched his jeans fall to the floor taking his boxers with them. "And you do too." She said with a giggle as she looked at his hard cock.

"I do." Derek agreed as he released her from her clothing. "You are so beautiful." He told her as he ran his hands down her back and grabbed her ass.

"And you need a condom." Meredith said with a nod. "And be careful with the freaking thing." She warned as she walked away, shaking her ass.

"If you keep doing that, we may have a problem!" Derek warned her as he rushed behind her. "I won't have time to get it on!"

Derek quickly rolled the condom on and rushed into the shower. He knew she was wet. She was always wet. And he knew that he had to get inside of her, before risking any condom issues. As he climbed in, the hot water running over his body, the steam enveloping them both, he felt her jump up and wrap her legs around him.

"I hope you're ready." Derek told her with a smile as he thrust his member deep inside.

"Oh!" Meredith groaned as she felt his full length penetrate her and bump her cervix. "Thank you." She moaned as he thrust up into her. Derek's mouth nipped at her neck and collarbone, his tongue lapping at the flesh.

Derek quickly shoved her up against the glass wall. Her ass left perfect marks on the steam covered glass as he used it against his blows. Meredith happily bounced on his cock as they rubbed against the wall. Their bodies slipped and slid against each others in an orgasmic passion. Derek moaned as her breasts rubbed against his rock hard chest. He firmly held her ass cheeks, helping to bounce her on his hard pole.

"Fuck! I'm cumming baby... I'm already cumming!" He warned as he instinctively thrust harder and faster.

"It's okay... Oh god! I am... I'm- Oh... Cumming! I'm- Oh fuck.. Fuck, Derek! Ah!" She yelled as violent contractions took over her body. As he rubbed her clit with his body, she felt herself lose control. Her eyes rolled back as she went limp and began to spasm.

"Oh fuck!" Derek yelled as he shot out his seeds, his balls ramming into her. Their pelvises clashing. "Oh god..." He groaned as he thrust into her on last time and they leaned against the wall. They stayed there quietly as they panted. Derek slowly lifted her off of him and sat her down. Her feet hit the floor, but she had to lean against the wall from exhaustion.

"Wow..." She muttered through hooded eyes. "That was amazing."

"Yeah." Derek agreed as he peeled the condom off and tossed it onto the trash, via the open door.

"We have to do that again soon." Meredith said frankly.

"You're bendy... That was nothing. Wait until next time." He panted as he laid back against the tile and tried to come down from his respective high. "Big fun..."

----------------

Meredith opened her eyes. She opened them wide. Derek was still sleeping. She had worn him out the night before. She wore him out every night. But for some reason, the girl who always slept late, had picked up his schedule, and was now the girl who woke up early. She quickly jumped out of bed. She had to get to the bathroom and fast.

Meredith rushed to the toilet. Her stomach was crampy. She was achy. But she was happy. She had never been so happy to see blood in her life. She let out a loud woot. Her period. It was here. And it brought good news. Baby free news. She had never been more relieved in her life.

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked as he ran in.

"Everything is perfect." Meredith said as she danced over to him. "I got my period... I got my period!" She sang as she danced around him with her hands in the air.

"Thank god!" Derek said with relief. Even after taking the test, he wasn't completely satisfied.

"I got my period..." She went on loudly.

"Wow." Derek mouthed in disbelief as he watched her. He had never seen her act so foolishly.

"Oh come on... You are as relieved as me." She sang as she continued to dance. "Cause I got my period. I got my period! Come on... Sing it."

"I am not singing that." Derek said frankly as he shook his head.

"If you love me you will." She told him as she cocked her head, his signature move. "Pease?" She said, leaving out the L.

"Uh..." He moaned. "You got your period... You got your period..." Derek sang with a dull tone, his faced covered in an embarrassed grin. She rubbed against him, and he pathetically danced with her.

"You sang it! You do love me." She said as she kissed him softly.

"I do. To do that, I must." Derek agreed with a chuckle. "You know, you should be a little embarrassed."

"I should be." Meredith agreed. "But I'm not." She giggled.

"And that is why I love you." Derek agreed with a chuckle.

"Eh..." Meredith moaned as she grabbed her stomach.

"Do you want to lay back down?" Derek asked as he rubbed her back.

"I think so." She agreed as they walked to the bed.

Meredith snuggled deeply into Derek's side as she ignored her cramps. She was so happy to know for sure that she wasn't pregnant. She was so happy to have Derek by her side. She had never felt so comfortable with anyone in her life. Nothing she did could embarrass her in front of him.

Derek had a lot on his mind. In fact, it had been on his mind since yesterday. He couldn't get rid of it. He'd love to drop it, but he was concerned about what would happen if he didn't make his views known. So he was taking the step. Communication.

"Mer..." Derek said softly.

"Hmm?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"I need to talk to you. About the abortion thing." Derek said frankly.

"Okay." Meredith muttered meekly as she looked at him with concern.

"I don't believe in it. Life is a gift. No one has the right to take it away. And the fact that you do... It bothers me." He told her with a frown. It did bother him. It really bothered him.

"I-" Meredith started and then stopped.

"I could never imagine doing that, Mer." Derek pointed out.

"I wouldn't have done it, Derek. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't do that to you." Meredith told him with a frown. "I couldn't kill your baby."

"I just- If we created something, I can't imagine killing it." Derek told her.

"I was just scared, Derek. I was so scared. But I could never kill your baby. I was just scared. I couldn't do that to you..." Meredith said as a tear ran down her cheek. "I think a woman should be able to decide for herself. But I could never do it to you, no matter what I believe." She said softly.

"I just- Okay." He said, satisfied with her answer. "I just love you so much. And I can't see ending a life. Not something that was a piece of you. I love you too much."

"I love you too, Derek. More than anything." She said as she kissed him softly. "So much. And I'm really careful. I never miss a day of my birth control. I would never-"

"I know you wouldn't." Derek agreed with a nod. "I trust you."

"I trust you too... With my life." She said softly as she closed her eyes.


	50. Three is Trouble

**Okay... This chapter... It's Interesting. Adult for sure. So you may not want to read it. Things happen. Things that some people may not like. So... Up to you.**

Meredith ran to the door. She heard Matt buzzing at the front gate. She hadn't been sure he was actually going to come, but she she and Derek had planned on him. As long as she and Derek weren't busy, she liked having him around. They had went out and bought some stuff for dinner and some liquor. It was a good night to hang out. They all liked to have a good time together.

"Hey!" Meredith said happily as she swung the door open.

"Hey you." Matt replied with a smile as walked in and kissed her on the cheek.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming." Meredith said frankly. "Derek and I were actually getting bored. Either that, or he is just getting tired of me."

"Definitely the second one." Derek joked as he walked in. "How's it going?"

"Great. Ready to have a good time. When does the threesome start?" He joked with a smile. "Kidding. I see the look."

"You wouldn't mean Derek's famous look, would you?" She asked with a grin. "The one that he gives a second before he ends your life..."

"That would be the one." Matt agreed with a chuckle.

"I have no such look." Derek told them quickly. "I was actually going to say I was game for a threesome."

"You were not, you ass!" Meredith spat as she hit him in the arm. "We are so never doing that. I like my men one at a time. And Derek is more than enough."

"Good to know." Matt said as he gave her a too-much-information look.

"It's true." Meredith giggled with a smile. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Do you have bourbon?" He asked as he followed her.

"Maker's Mark from Kentucky." Meredith said with a smile.

"Ahh... You know what I like." Matt pointed out as he looked at Derek.

"And I have the 40 year old Glenfiddich for Derek.." Meredith said as she winked at Derek.

"That was pathetic, you do realize that, right?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"What?" Meredith asked in shock.

"You cannot wink." Derek pointed out. "Your whole face scrunches, and both of your eyes shut."

"They do not!" Meredith replied quickly.

"Let me see..." Matt said with a chuckle. Meredith quickly winked. "Oh my god... He's right."

"What!" Meredith shouted as she ran to the mirror. "Merda! You're right!" Meredith said sadly. "I cannot wink."

"So true... But I love it. It can be our secret wink. We'll share it. I'll do it too... I will just have to close my eyes." Derek laughed as he looked at her shocked face.

"You are mean. And if you don't stop... You won't get any. How do you like that?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Don't you love how they always throw sex in your face?" Matt asked as he shook his head in disgust.

"Well, the worst part is, it freaking works." Derek replied.

"That is pretty pathetic." Matt agreed with a frown. "So what are we doing?"

"We are eating. And drinking. I like to drink." Meredith said with a smile as she disappeared. "A lot." She said as she returned with a variety of bottles.

"So it seems." Matt said with a smile.

"Tequila." Meredith said as she opened the bottle and took a long sip.

"Whoa there..." Matt said in shock.

"Eh... I've seen her drink the whole bottle before." Derek pointed out. "It's when she drinks other things that everything goes awry. Burgers good for you?" Derek asked as he pulled the plate out of the refrigerator.

"Of course. We are going all-American tonight." He pointed out as he looked around.

Derek, Matt and Meredith stood around outside while Derek grilled the burgers. They all got along. They were fast friends, you could say. They all felt immediately comfortable with each other. Matt and Meredith continued to taunt Derek as he cooked.

"Baby... Do you think next time you could grill with just the apron on?" Meredith suggested with a smile. She quickly snuck up behind Derek and snaked her hands around his waist, playing with his crotch.

"That really isn't cool..." Matt said with a frown.

"The sad part is... She's sober." Derek replied as he looked over his shoulder.

"That is sad." Meredith said happily. "So sad. But Derek loves it." Meredith told them with a giggle.

"I will never admit to that." Derek said with a chuckle. "They're done." Derek sat they burgers down on the table. All three friends looked at each other as they sat down. This was going to be a fun night.

"So... What are we doing after we eat?" Matt asked with raised brows.

"Well, if you get enough liquor in me, I may actually do that threesome." Meredith told them with a big giggle.

"Or not." Derek said quickly as he looked around. "I am not good at sharing."

"So I've noticed." Matt said with a chuckle as he pushed his plate away and sat back.

"So... Matt. Are you dating anyone?" Derek asked as he looked over at him.

"Are you kidding, The world thinks I am marrying Meredith Grey. If they saw me with another woman, I would be walking around without balls right now." Matt told them with a frown.

"Wow..." Meredith muttered. "I am screwing up your life."

"No, Mer... No you aren't. I need to save this company. My personal life...It's not important right now. It's not your fault, Me. I made this decision. And it suits me." Matt pointed out.

"What about the sex... Don't you need sex?" Meredith asked frankly.

"Mer!" Derek said in shock. "Well, I guess it is a valid question..."

"I'm fine. If I need it, I'll find a way. Don't you worry, honey." Matt joked as he took a sip of his bourbon. "I just have to make sure Thatcher Grey doesn't find out. But I guess that is how the whole world operates."

"Fuck him." Meredith said angrily.

"I agree." Derek nodded as he took a drink of his scotch.

"Yes... Me three. Fuck him." Matt yelled, slightly blitzed.

"Not literally, guys." Meredith said quickly.

"We knew that!" Derek told her loudly as he raised his glass. Meredith quickly took it from his hand. "Hey!"

"I want to try it." Meredith said quickly. "Have some of this."

"Like I want to induce pain..." Derek said as he pushed it away.

"This is... Manly." Meredith said as she took another sip. "What about yours?" She asked Matt as she grabbed his glass. "Oh... I like yours better." She said as she drank the glass down. "More." She said with a nod as she poured more into the glass and drank it down.

"This is trouble." Derek stated frankly. "She is about ready to go wild."

"Am not!" Meredith spat as she stood up and carried their plates to the kitchen.

"She's a good little worker." Matt chuckled.

"With a nice little ass." Derek muttered drunkenly. "And I'm hitting that."

"Yes you are." Matt said with a chuckle.

"Let's play cards." Meredith said as she threw the deck down. "Never have. But that's what people do, right? Drink and play cards."

"We could do that." Matt agreed with a smile. "Some poker."

"Sounds good to me." Derek agreed as he grabbed the deck and began to shuffle.

Matt and Derek did a quick explanation of how the game was played. Meredith was a quick learner, but she was insistent that no matter what, she was the winner. Even if she had seven mismatched cards, she won. And the guys thought she was too cute to let her lose. Meredith watched as Matt became more and more unconscious.

"I think you're on your way out." Meredith pointed out with a giggle.

"Am not." Matt stammered before sawing around. Before she knew it, his face hit the table.

"Now what do we do?" Derek asked with raised brows.

"I can think of a thing or two." Meredith said with a smile as she shoved everything off of the table and licked her lips. "Get the condoms." She said quickly as she looked over at him.

"Okay." Derek said like a giddy schoolboy as he ran off.

Derek quickly ran back to the kitchen and smiled as he held a handful of condoms before her. Meredith grabbed them out of his hand and tossed them on the table. She was full of need, heat and desire. He could see it in her burning eyes. She wanted him more than she ever had. Maybe it was the fact that both of them were blitzed and near blacking out, but he was feeling the same way.

Derek grasped her hips and sat her on the table next to Matt's sleeping head. He slowly crawled up on the table, and hovered his body over hers. She could feel his hot breath on her neck as he laid on top of her and moaned. She ran her hands down his back and back up under his shirt. Derek began greedily sucking at the delicate flesh of her collarbone.

"Starting the threesome without me?" Matt asked drunkenly as he looked up.

"Of course not." Derek said with a smirk and dark eyes.

"Seriously?" Meredith slurred as she looked up at them both.

"Uh huh..." Derek moaned as he climbed off of the table and pulled her down, stumbling backwards.

"Hmm..." Matt mumbled as he stood in front of Meredith, Derek behind her.

Meredith looked back and forth between the two men. Derek played at the hem of her tight top. She moaned as she felt the softness of her fingers grazed her warm skin, sending chills up her spine. Matt stood in front of her and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off. Meredith looked in shock as his bare chiseled chest, just a tiny treasure trail making it's presence known.

Derek turned Meredith around and faced her as he slid her top off. Meredith played with the buttons on his jeans and watched as they fell into a pile around his ankles. Matt looked at Meredith's perfect back and at Derek, who nodded. Matt walked up from behind and pressed his jean-clad cock against her ass. She let out a faint moan and she felt his hands snake down her bare sides. He gently unclasped her bra as he sucked on the soft skin of her neck. She could feel his tongue trailing up and down her neck and shoulder as her core heated to an unmeasurable degree.

Meredith ran her hands over Derek's boxer covered cock. It's hardness proved it was more than ready for her. She slid her hand on the inside of his shorts and gently massaged his balls. Matt reached around her abdomen and played with the zipper of her jeans. She could feel his hands play with the strings of her thong and then rub her wet spot gently. Her jeans fell to the floor along with Derek's. Derek slowly slid her bra off of her arms and let it fall as he took as much of her breast into his mouth as he could.

Matt played with his jeans, dropping them to the floor. He could feel his hard cock twitching violently in his boxer briefs, begging to get a taste of her. He slowly slid his hands down her bare, thong covered ass, once again running his hands to her abdomen as he pressed his cock against her ass. Derek released the hold on her breast and made his way to her mouth. His tongue slid in and Matt ran his hands over her hard nipples and tweaked them hard. She could feel it deep in her core as he sucked at her back and dry fucked her ass.

"I need you, baby." Derek said as he licked her ear.

"Oh god, yes." Meredith moaned as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

Derek reached over and grabbed a condom off of the table. In his drunken haze, he looked up at Meredith who had turned around to Matt. He never thought he'd find it so hot to see his woman with someone else. He only felt his need rise as she stuck her tongue and played with Matt's, flicking it gently. Matt leaned in and fucked her mouth with his tongue as his hands ran up and down her back. Matt could feel her perfect breasts rubbing up and down his chest as his hard member pressed and rubbed her abdomen.

"Okay, babe." Derek said as he rubbed her ass with a firm hand. "Bend over." He said as he peeled her thong off.

Meredith obliged as she slowly bent over at the hips. She could feel Derek running his hard cock up and down her ass, playing with her clit and teasing her. The juices dripped slowly down her thigh in anticipation for his hard member. She looked up to see Matt's boxer-brief covered cock staring it her. She reached over with a free hand and grabbed a condom off of the table.

"No glove, no love." She moaned as she handed it to him.

A smile covered her face as he slid off hid boxers and let them fall. His thick eight inch cock smiled back at her with need. She watched his nimble fingers roll it on slowly and rub out the air. Derek smiled as he gasped her hips and thrust his girth deep inside her soaking wet pussy. Meredith leaned forward and lapped at the tip of Matt's penis as he held her shoulders to stabilize her.

"Fuck, Mer... You are so fucking tight." Derek moaned as he slide his member in and out freely, the lubrication flowing in abundance.

"Mmm..." Meredith groaned as she felt his length slid and bump her cervix. "Give it to me!" She yelled as she she felt him tighten his grip on her hips.

Meredith ran her tongue up and down Matt's length, tasting the strawberry flavored condom on her palate. She looked up at his dark eyes as she slowly pulled his thick member into her mouth and sucked. She felt Matt's hands play with her hair as she greedily took inch after inch into her warmth. Derek began frantically spanking her ass as she happily blew Matt.

As Derek hit her from behind with force, more of Matt's dong slide deep into the back of her throat. Matt let out moans and groans of pleasure as he felt her perfect mouth around his hard cock, Derek pushing and pulling her farther and closer. Matt grasped her face tightly as her cheeks swelled.

"You have the mouth of a goddess." Matt moaned as he felt her teeth scrape against his length hard and fast.

"Fuck, Mer... You are so perfect." Derek yelled as he felt his cock swell and pulsate violently.

Meredith's body shook with force as Derek pushed and pulled, followed by Matt frantically fucking her mouth. She could feel Matt's cock begin to twitch in her mouth as she increased her suction and struggled to breathe. Derek laid over her back and began sucking hard, lapping at her skin with his tongue. Meredith gently began playing with Matt's boys as she felt them begin to tighten, ready to release their load.

Meredith cried out loudly as she felt herself coming close to the edge. Derek leaned down and played with her throbbing clit, causing her to shake uncontrollably. Matt could feel her shake as her mouth tightened around his cock. Meredith mewed and shook as a strong wave washed over her, causing her whole body to contract and release aggressively.

"Oh, fuck, Mer! Fuck!" Derek yelled loudly as he barbarically shot his load into his girl. He fucked her harder and faster, milking it for all that it was worth.

"Oh fuck, Mer..." Matt yelled out loudly as she continued to suck him. His cock began to pump as he released a hot load into the condom, filling Meredith fully.

All three stayed in suspended animation, trying to come down from what they just experienced. It was strong. Derek was turned on, seeing her bent over, taking in from both ends. He could see the satisfied look on Matt's face, just being blown by the perfect mouth. After they came down, they all looked at each other with smiles. They couldn't stop yet.

After a short resting period, Derek gave Meredith a big smirk as he grasped her hips and placed her on the table. He spread her legs as he and Matt both looked at true perfection before them. Derek crawled onto the table and straddled her face with his ready, hard, cock. Matt leaned on the table and began gently licking her cum soaked thighs.

"I want to taste you, Derek." Meredith said with a grin. "I want to taste your hot cum." She moaned as she leaned up and frantically lapped at him. Derek pulled away as he teased her. "Now." She warned angrily.

"Fine." Derek grumbled as he looked down at her.

She didn't take her eyes off of his as she placed his velvety head in her warm mouth. His cock was soft skin over rock hard meat. Her tongue traced around and around and she softly began sucking. She scraped her teeth up and down as fast as she could, her head bobbing as her eyes closed with satisfaction. His head bounced off the back of her throat as she swallowed him down, continually taking more and more.

Meredith moaned around Derek's cock as she felt Matt's tongue run up and down her wet pussy lips. She spread her legs farther, begging for him to taste her. She let out a muffled yelp as he flicked her clit hard. She thrust her hips upwards as he sucked her tight little pussy hard.

"Suck me harder, baby...," Derek breathed throatily "Your mouth feels so fucking perfect... You little cock-sucking goddess." He moaned.

She paused and began tonguing his large member. Derek smiled as her warm moist mouth ran over the sensitive head. She carefully traced her tongue around the velvet head and closed her lips again over his heavy erection. She grasped his ass and sucked hard. He watched her soft lips laying around his cock as they slid the length of his erection up and down over and over. His cock shown wetly from her saliva. She gently massaged his balls in her hands. She felt them tighten up in her grasp.

"Meredith... I'm getting ready to cum, baby. Get ready to drink! " He yelped loudly. "Fuck!'

He held her face as he began to fuck her mouth hard. His white creamy load shot into her mouth while she happily sucked. Meredith continued as the load slid down her throat, it's excess pouring from her mouth and running down her cheeks. Meredith continued to suck his cock until it softened. She could feel Matt happily licking and teasing her clit and he went back and forth, fucking her with his fingers, and sucking her clit hard.

"Oh god! Oh...Oh! More...Right there...don't stop!" She yelled loudly as she felt herself on the edge. "Oh goooooood!" She yelled as she felt herself flood his mouth. She panted loudly as he sucked and lapped her dry. Derek climbed off of her and looked at Matt greedily sucking on his girl.

"Fuck, Mer... You taste good." Matt told her softly. "You are so fucking beautiful."

"You are, baby." Derek said as he kissed her mouth softly as she let her eyes roll back. Matt took one last lick before he went silent. Meredith and Derek both looked at him, laying back with his eyes closed.

"He's out." Meredith slurred as she looked at him.

"Weak fuck." Derek smirked as he pulled off of the table.

"Let's drag him to the sofa." She moaned as she grabbed and arm.

Meredith and Derek placed his naked body on the sofa before gathering their own clothing ad struggling to make it to their room. Derek laid back and pulled her against him as she stumbled backwards.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned with satisfaction as she closed her eyes. "I love your cock."

"Mmm... I'm glad you do." Derek chuckled as he rubbed her breast.

"You have the prince of penises. NO! The King of Cocks. Your cock is a King among penis peasants." Meredith said with a giggle. "It needs a crown and scepter."

"Well, if I have the King of Cocks, you must have the Princess of Pussies." Derek said with a big smile.

"Eh...Night, my King." Meredith groaned before passing out.

"My princess." Derek slurred before his head went back and he was out.

**Okay. The people on the other boards LOVED this. They have been begging me to do it again. So please review. And I hope you aren't traumatized!**


	51. Always

Matt rolled over on the sofa. His head was killing him. It felt like someone had placed him in the wood splitter and had a good time with him. He grumbled at the cold air rushing over his body. He fumbled around until he felt a throw blanket and pulled it over himself. Sleep came for awhile until the sun shown through the windows. He quickly opened his eyes, realizing he was naked. His eyes got wider as he looked at his clothes across the room. Instinctively, he grabbed his cock. It was slightly sore. Something happened. He jumped off of the sofa, nearly falling on his face. It seemed the bottle of bourbon got him good this time around. He messily threw his clothes on and looked around. His head was pounding as if there were Irish step dancers inside. He wasn't ready to face the world. He quickly laid back down on the sofa and closed his eyes. If he could only remember what on earth he had done.

Meredith groaned ass she rolled over into Derek's side. Her head was killing her. Alcohol never did that to her. She never woke up wishing she were dead. Bt this morning she did. Maybe is was the heady mixture of tequila, bourbon, scotch and forgotten hot sex. She opened her eyes, feeling the pain that shot through her head. Her eyes quickly shut, realizing the pain dulled when she didn't have the sun in her face. Derek was sleeping heavily, and that was a very good idea.

Derek could feel the sun on his face. Meredith was snoring loudly beside him. It seemed whenever she drank, she snored louder than ever. That ungodly sound didn't help the profound headache that was creeping in like a not-so-silent fog. He grasped the blankets tighter and pulled Meredith's warn naked body to his.

"Mmmm..." Meredith groaned as she opened her eyes and kissed Derek's chin.

"Tired, baby?" Derek asked with a raspy voice as he opened his eyes and looked into her green.

"No... My head. What the hell did I drink last night?" She asked as she grabbed it.

"I don't know. But I don't think I feel much better." Derek said as he kissed her forehead. "Looks like we had sex. I hope it was hot."

"You don't remember?" She feigned shock as she looked up at him. "Oh...Wow. If you could remember. I mean...wow. It was amazing. I would love to do it over and over again. You were so- And I- Oh my god!" She said dramatically.

"You don't remember either." Derek chuckled as he looked at her.

"Nope." She said with a chuckle before grabbing her head and moaning. "Hope we used a condom."

"Birth control is ninety-nine percent, right?" Derek asked frankly.

"One percent doesn't provide me with comfort, you?" Meredith asked.

"No... I guess not." Derek agreed with a sigh. "So, are you ready to get up?"

"I don't know if I can. But it's late... So I guess so." Meredith mumbled as she rolled atop him and laid her head in his chest. "Oh my god! It's two. Two in the afternoon! Matt is down there."

"Matt. Shit, I forgot." Derek said frankly as he looked at her.

"We need to get up. You need to get rid of your friend." She said as she rubbed his cock.

"Well, I know of a great way to get rid of my friend. My friend wouldn't mind getting some use." Derek pointed out with a chuckle.

"That may be. But I think if we did that, my head would pop off of my shoulders." Meredith pointed out as she grabbed it. "I will make some coffee."

"Okay. But put some clothes on, okay?" He asked with a laugh.

"I was planning on it!" She said as she hit his chest playfully.

Meredith stumbled out of the bed and looked around. Surely it was poison that she drank last night. It had to be poison. She noticed Derek's pajamas, a dark blue tee-shirt and matching checked pajama pants laying to the side on the chair. She quickly slid them on and made her way down the stairs.

"You look rough." Meredith pointed out as she walked next to Matt, seeing him staring off into space.

Matt glanced up at Meredith. She looked so incredibly sexy, standing there in a man's pajamas. He knew they were Derek's. She looked so simple and normal. He had always imagines her in satiny slips. Not men's pajamas and hair sticking up wild.

"Feel rough." He muttered as he followed her to the kitchen and sat on a stool. "So Derek has you making coffee?"

"Eh... I'm learning." Meredith said frankly as she poured the water in. She glanced up when she saw Derek walked up. "Good morning."

"Again." Derek said with a smile as he kissed her softly. "You look like shit." Derek pointed out to Matt.

"Feel like shit." Matt told him frankly. "Man last night was-"

He was terrified. He was sure he had done something hugely humiliating. Why else would his clothes be scattered all over the house? All he could think of was himself doing some crazy naked ritual in front of his friends.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed with a sigh.

"Do you remember?" Matt asked them.

"Nope." Meredith and Derek answered frankly.

"Damn, Mer... What did you give us?" Matt asked in shock. "The last thing I remember was playing cards."

"And Meredith kept insisting she was winning." Derek pointed out. "And then...black."

"You guys are light weights." Meredith said with a shrug. "I remember." She said with a smirk.

"What?" Derek asked frankly.

"Well, I sent you for condoms. I think we had sex on the table by Matt's head." She giggled.

"Thanks for that. Even if I was out..." Matt said with a frown.

"No problem. I bet we had a good time." Derek chuckled as he nonchalantly grabbed Meredith's ass.

"I bet we did." She agreed as she kissed his cheek.

"I don't know... But I'm sore." Matt muttered as he looked down.

"A little too rough with the hands?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Funny. Very funny." Matt grumbled. "I guess I will have to be gentler next time." He laughed.

"That's always a good idea." Derek told him frankly.

"You men are sick." Meredith said as she shook her head.

"We all do it." Derek said with a shrug as he looked at her. "And I know you do."

"So... What are you planning on doing on your last night in France?" Matt asked, changing the subject.

"You never know." Meredith said with raised brows.

-----------------

Matt and Derek sat in the living room with their suits on. They were going to dinner. It seemed like the right thing to do on their last night in France. They would get something good to eat, be seen by the paparazzi. All was good in their world. As long as they all kept the secret, everyone was happy.

"So how did you convince my sexy girlfriend to go to a formal restaurant?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"All I said was dress and shoes." Matt chuckled. "Same sentence. She was game."

"I bet she was." Derek said as he rolled his eyes. "But you know, she really isn't like that." Derek pointed out.

"I have noticed that. I saw her make coffee. And she even picked up the dishes. You have yourself a real little housewife there." Matt said with a big chuckle.

"Oh yeah." Derek said with a smile as he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"She's a good girl." Matt told him frankly.

"I know she is." Derek agreed. "She just- It's crazy, man. One minute I am just taking a job. Next thing I know, I am in love. I never expected it. The physical part was there, but it always is, right?"

"Well, yeah... Look at her." Matt said with a snort. "But she only has eyes for you. Right from the beginning, she made that clear. How does it feel to have someone that only wants you? Especially when the world wants her..." Matt mused.

"It's horrible." Derek said frankly. "But I love her. And nothing else matters."

"That was deep..." Matt said with a chuckle.

"Yeah. I guess it was." Derek pointed out with a smile.

"What's deep?" Meredith asked as she descended down the stairs.

"What do you think?" Derek asked with a wink.

"You and me... Very deep." Meredith said seductively.

"And that sounded vaguely dirty." Derek told her with a nod.

"It was supposed to." Meredith told him as she tugged his earlobe with his teeth.

"You two are horrible." Matt said with a chuckle. "You are lucky that I can handle it."

"Oh, you couldn't handle it." Derek said frankly. "This is... Hard to handle."

"Derek...you better just shut your mouth." Meredith said as she grabbed his ass. "If you know what's good for you."

"Oh, I know." Derek told her. "Sorry, man." He said with a chuckle as he looked at Matt. "I'm not allowed to kiss and tell."

"You look nice, Mer." Matt said with a smile as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

[img was no denying it. Matt was physically attracted to her. Any normal person was. She was breathtaking. She stood there in front of both of them in her satin black floor length Versace gown. Her hair was laying on her shoulders and on her feet, she had on her favorite Christian Louboutin pumps.

"Sexy." Derek whispered into her ear, before licking it.

"Well, if you are a good boy, you will get to take it off tonight." She muttered as she snaked her arm around his waist. "All off... Just the shoes, Der... Only my shoes."

"Mer... You have got to stop." Derek warned her. "I can't have you doing this. You know what happens."

"I can't take you two anywhere." Matt said with a chuckle as he looked at the two of them.

"That's okay. We'd rather just stay home anyhow." Meredith stated frankly.

"We can..." Matt said with a shrug.

"No. We need to go out and have a good dinner. I like to see Derek squirm when he looks at the menu." Meredith replied with a giggle.

"You are a cruel, cruel woman." Derek stated frankly.

"I try to be." Meredith muttered with a giggle. "Boy do I try."

Meredith, Derek and Matt all climbed into the BMW. Derek drove, of course, while Matt and Meredith sat in the back. It was best for Meredith to be in the back where the windows were darkly tinted anyhow. And seeing how they were all good friends, there was no animosity felt amongst them.

They drive to the restaurant for what seemed like forever, but it didn't help that the paparazzi was weaving in and out of traffic trying to get good shots. Meredith sat back and closed her eyes. As long as she lived, she would never understand why they cared. She would never understand what made her so special.

Getting out of the car was fun. The paparazzi was going crazy, eating up the supposed couple. Shots were talking. Matt even kissed Meredith on the cheek for dramatic appeal. Matt, Meredith and Derek all sat at a table off to the side in the restaurant. It was quiet, and everyone was focused on them. It seemed even the high class people were interested in Meredith Grey. She was so interesting as she sipped her wine. She rolled her eyes at how pathetic they were.

"Oh... I really don't want to go back home." Meredith told them with a frown.

"I bet you don't." Matt said with a sigh. "I can't imagine living a lie."

"You have no idea." Derek said frankly. "You have no idea what it is like."

"I'm sorry. I wish that we lived in a different world." Matt told them sympathetically.

"You mean one where Thatcher Grey isn't God?" Meredith asked with a frown. "Me too." She mumbled as she took another sip of her wine. "I need to visit the ladies room."

Meredith quickly stood and walked towards the restroom. It seemed she was finally noticing. All her life she went on. And now she was noticing just who saw her. She was noticing the never ending attention that was always on her. And it seemed it was making her more and more uncomfortable. And more and more unhappy.

"She's not happy." Matt pointed out. "About going back."

"She is always like this when it is time to go back. It kills me." Derek admitted. "I hate going back there too."

"You do realize that it will never change. I don't mean to be frank, but it won't. Thatcher Grey has mad it clear just who is right for his daughter. It's not you, and it sure as hell isn't me. Not unless I release the company to him forever. This working now... Maybe a couple of years. But he has a hold on her. On everyone." Matt said with a frown.

"I know. I know what this is. And it makes me sick. I don't want to be having midnight meetings in my room when she's married to a guy her father insisted she be with. I don't know. I would. I would do it, if that was the only choice. I know any normal person would run. But I can't. I love her. I love her so much. And I couldn't leave her." Derek muttered as he looked up, seeing her coming near. "You okay, baby?"

"I am." Meredith agreed as she took a long sip of her wine.

Matt got a lot of insight, talking to Derek. And all it did was make him feel worse. He felt bad for Derek. A man who was so in love with someone who was truly unattainable. He had no idea how Thatcher was. He had no idea that Thatcher had plans for Meredith. And neither did Meredith. And Derek was so in love, he would sit on the sidelines just to be nearer to her. And it may just be a very lonely life for Derek. A very lonely one.

Meredith sat quietly as their entrees were sat down in front of them. She watched as Matt dove into his pasta. The way he sucked the noodles. A feeling came over her. A warmth covered her body. Something about his mouth tasting that pasta made her core heat up like she was on fire. She closed her eyes and moaned faintly, thinking about his mouth on her wet lips. Thinking about the perfect suction on her clit. His tongue running up and down, lapping. It seemed far too familiar.

"Are you okay, Mer?" Derek asked softly. "Your face is red."

"What? No it's not!" She said quickly, her voice full of embarrassment as she covered it.

"It is. What were you thinking about?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Nothing." Meredith muttered meekly as she looked down.

Matt looked at Meredith with confusion as she sat there. She was embarrassed. He gave her a funny look, wondering what was going through her head. As he watched her eat her breadstick, a lump formed in his throat. Her mouth enveloped the bread as she took more and more of it in. He lips sliding softly. He felt his pants tighten as he watched her mouth. He could almost feel her lips on his cock. He let out a groan as he closed his eyes. It felt too familiar.

"What is going on?" Derek asked with confusion as he looked around.

Derek watched Meredith's tongue slid out of her mouth as she licked the white sauce off of the fork she was holding. He felt his pants tighten as his cock began to rise. He could see her tongue paying with Matt's. Tonguing so softly and gently. Just the tips, before sucking his tongue in causing it to disappear into sweetness. He could feel his own cock sliding into her wet pussy as Matt filled her mouth with his cock. A lump formed it his throat as he tried to clear it. These were definitely unsettling thoughts. And way to familiar.

Meredith, Derek, and Matt all looked around the table at each other. It didn't feel right. Each had the visions and thoughts of a sinfully delicious night in their minds. Derek could feel his balls exploding. He could feel them hitting Meredith's face. He could hear Matt slurping the cum from her wet pussy. Matt could taste Meredith's juices in hiss mouth. He didn't even know how, but he could. And Meredith faintly remembered the taste of a thick eight inch strawberry favored cock in her mouth. They all looked around and began laughing. What a joke. They never would have done that.

"What's so funny?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"I don't know..." Matt said with a laugh.

"It's the wine." Meredith said quickly.

"Yes, definitely the wine." Matt agreed as he took a sip.

"I think you're right." Derek agreed with them. The wine. Yeah. That's it.

-----------------

Dinner was comfortablly awkward. Derek had a feeling. He didn't like teh feeling he had. Something was off. He trusted Meredith. That was not an issue. He knew she didn't do anything wrong. No, it wasn't that at all. It was himself. It was teh thoughts of him filling her while someone else did. He shouldn't even be fanitazing about that. He would never want to put her in that posiotion. Not to mention, he had no interest in another man with his girlfriend. And yet he was picturing it. Out of the blue, it was in his mind.

Matt sat in the back seat next to Meredith. It was odd. Completely off the wall. He was imagining himself with her. They weren't together. They had never been together. And yet she was on his mind. He felt like a bastard. He felt like he was betraying his friendship with Derek. He didn't want to love her. He just wanted to fuck her. As he followed perfection that was her body with his eyes, he felt himself tense up. He could taste her in his mouth. Sweet. Salty. Like candy. And her softly lips in his cock. He could feel those too. But he wasn't sure why.

Meredith closed her eyes. She was disgusted with herself. She loved Derek. More than anything. She couldn't figure out why she was even thinking about her mouth on Matt. She couldn't figure out where it came from. Derek was the man of her dreams. He was the only man she wanted. And she had to block the thoughts from her head.

"So... Are you staying?" Meredith asked as the car pulled into the garage.

"Um." Matt muttered as he looked around. "I think I will just go back."

"You sure, Man? There is the spare rooms." Derek pointed out.

"No. I think you guys need this place to yourself." He said with a chuckle.

"It's a pretty sound proof house." Meredith said with a shrug. "I mean, if you don't want to drive back to your hotel."

"Eh... Fine." Matt said with a sigh. "I really don't feel like driving the hour to the hotel."

"Good. We can hang out for awhile. As long as Derek can last." Meredith said with a big smile.

"Me. I think you are talking about yourself, honey." Derek told her as he pulled his suit jacket off.

"Am I?" Meredith asked as she discreetly slid her dress up her leg.

"Seriously?" Derek asked softly in her ear.

"What's the matter?" Meredith asked as she licked his earlobe and sucked. "You want to taste it? Do you want to fuck it? Mmmm... Derek... You know you want to slid that big cock of yours inside of me." Meredith said with a smile. "Tight little pussy. So wet, Der...So wet." She muttered softly.

"Sorry, man... You are on your own!" Derek said as he grabbed her arm and they rushed off.

"Just like that?" Matt asked in shock.

"Just like that." Meredith giggled as she ran up the stairs and away from him.

Meredith could feel Derek on her heels. Her core was heating up in anticipation. She could almost feel his hot breath on her neck as he chased after her. She almost made it to their bed when she felt him grasp the side of her dress. Just as she made her next step, she stepped on it, tearing it off.

"Ah!" Meredith shouted with frustration as she spun around. "Do you know what you just did?"

"Um.. I think I just got you out of that dress." Derek said with a chuckle.

"That was my Versace gown. Made just for me!" She whimpered as she looked at it.

"Are you really that upset over it?" Derek asked as he tipped his head.

"When you do that... No." She admitted with a smile. "Not anymore."

"You look gorgeous." Derek said as he looked at her full breasts heaving.

"You get naked." Meredith said with a giggle. "Now." She giggled as she ran away in her bra, panties and Christian Louboutins.

Derek smiled as he walked over to the door and pushed it shut. He threw her gown over a chair, feeling bad about ruining it. He peeled off his own clothes and let them fall. Derek pulled back the soft sheets and laid back with a grin on his face. His hand instinctively rubbed his balls. He could feel his cock starting to rise as he took grasp and imagined her around him.

"I'm back! Oh... You are starting without me." She pouted as she looked at him.

"Never." Derek said with a nod as she came near. Meredith threw a pile of things down on the bed and climbed in with him. "What is this?" Derek asked with a smile.

"That is a tongue vibrator." Meredith told him happily as she turned it on.

"And what would you do with this?" He asked with raised brows.

"It's not what I can do. It's what you can do for me." Meredith said with a nod as she climbed to her feet. Her sharp heel dug into the bed. "And I think you know just what you are going to do with it." She told him as she peeled off her bra and let it fall on his face.

"Fuck, Mer..." Derek said with a smile as he looked up at her. She quickly pulled her panties off and let them fall. Derek looked up in awe at the warm juices trickling down her leg. He grabbed her calves and rubbed them gently. He pulled behind her knees softly, pulling her down to him.

"Do it." She moaned as she dropped and handed him the vibrator. "Do it." Derek grabbed the vibrator out of her hand and slid it on. The feeling took a second to get used to.

"Not yet." Derek said forcefully as he threw her onto her back. "First we have some fun..."

"Derek!" She moaned as she looked at him.

Derek ran the vibrator over her cheek. He quickly parted her lips and delved it deep inter her mouth. She laid her head back as he traced it down her neck and collarbone. Derek swirled it around and around her nipples, turning them into hard peaks. He ran it down her abdomen, tracing her navel. Derek ran the vibrator over her thighs, tickling her clit before pulling away.

"You ass!" Meredith yelled before he yanked her back up to her original position.

"Oh God..." Derek moaned as he took a breath in, smelling her sweet scent fill his nostrils. He couldn't take it. His tongue delved up and licked her softly. She let out a moan, feeling his touch.

The smell of her pussy took him over as he slowly ran his tongue up one lip and down the other. He could hear her mewing loudly as she tossed her head back. He knew to keep it easy. Too much work on her clit, and she would fly over the edge. He slowly delved his vibrating tongue deep inside of her, feeling her nails did into his flesh.

"Oh my god! Oh God.. Oh!" She yelped as she frantically rocked her hips. Derek continued to fuck her deeply with his tongue.

"Like that..." Derek tried to get out as he panted.

"Oh god yes." She whimpered as he tongued her clit. "Oh...oh...oh...OH! I'm cumming!" She yelped as her walls clamped down and she began thrashing. Her fierce orgasm swept over her as he kept on pressing her over the edge. She rode wave after wave until she couldn't anymore. She fell back onto his hard member and cried out.

"Damn, baby... That was dramatic." He joked as he began slurping her juices.

"Oh god..." She moaned as her eyes rolled back.

"Baby...you are so fucking amazing." He told her as he licked her thighs.

"The fun hasn't even started yet." Meredith said with a giggle as she sat up, resting her wet pussy on his chest.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked with a grin as he felt her reach behind and stroke his penis.

"It means that we are going to play a little game." She told him frankly as she grabbed the body paint. "I am going to draw something on you. And then I am going to lick it off. And I want you to tell me what it is. You get two chances. The one when I draw and the other when I lick."

"Okay." Derek said with a nod as he looked at her.

"Close your eyes" Meredith muttered as she pulled out the chocolate body paint and stuck her finger in it, tasting it. She quickly grabbed out the brush. "Okay..." She said softly as she slowly began drawing. She swirled her fingers around his chest and slowly licked it off. "What was it?" She asked him as she looked up.

"Um..." Derek said quickly. "I- I was too busy thinking about your tongue."

"It was a stethoscope!" She pouted. "You have to pay more attention!"

"Okay, okay... I need a hint though." Derek told her quickly.

"Fine. This is and animal..." She told him as she began to draw a cat.

"A pussy!" Derek spay quickly. "...Cat."

"Yep... Your turn." Meredith said with a nod.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Derek said as he rolled her onto her back.

Derek smiled as he ran his hand over her hard body. He slowly dipped the brush into the chocolate and began painting on his perfect canvas. Her body tensed as he ran the cold paint over her. He gently made a stem with leaves and a flower top, being careful to make it just perfect. He ran his tongue over the paint and licked it off, ending at her soft pussy.

"What was it?" Derek asked softly.

"A flower." Meredith answered as she opened her eyes.

"A flower growing out of the bush." He said with a smirk.

"You are dirty... What's next?" Meredith asked as she grabbed the pain and smeared it on his nose, licking it off.

"Whatever you want." Derek said with a smile as he touched her tongue with his own. "I think I just want to fuck you." He admitted as he rubbed her wet pussy lips.

"I think I just want you to fuck me." Meredith agreed as she looked into his eyes. "Lay back." She told him with a smile as grabbed the paint. Derek laid back and watched as she painted his cock, swirling it around and around. He groaned as she ran her tongue around and around while massaging his balls.

"Just getting you ready, baby." Meredith said with a smile as she pumped his cock, making sure it was hard and ready for him. She quickly slid the condom on his cock and giggled.

Derek watched as Meredith bent in front of him. She spread his legs, before turning and facing away from him. Meredith bent her knee, standing on her feet and slowly sinking herself down on his hard erect cock. She raised up and down pushing and pulling him out of herself.

"Oh god, baby!" Derek said as he grasped her hips and helped her in the difficult position.

"Oh, Der... Oh god...Baby!" Meredith panted as she worked herself on him.

"Oh fuck, Mer... Fuck me baby." Derek yelled loudly as he smacked her ass.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck!" Meredith screamed as her juices slid, causing him to go deeper.

Derek smiled at the sight of his thick cock sliding into her tight sweet pussy, coming out wetter than before it went in. He squeezed her breasts hard as he let out a grunt and thrust deep into her. She cried out as he hit her with force. Meredith yelled out as she lost control and tumbled forward, breaking their connection. Derek quickly lunged forward and ran himself back into her, pumping harder than she was. She let out cry after cry as he pushed her over the edge. Derek shouted out as he released with a grunt.

"Oh thank you!" Meredith whimpered as she laid back and closed her eyes. Derek looked at her as her muscles twitched from the effort she put forth. She continually breathed deep as she laid there. "I need water."

"I will get you water." Derek said with a smile as he pulled himself out of the bed and threw a pair of pants on.

When Derek came down the stairs, he saw Matt sitting on the sofa, watching television. He had his bourbon in his hand and took a long is before turning his head. Derek quickly poured Meredith a glass of water and looked up.

"She deserves that. After the effort she put out." Matt said with a chuckle.

"What?" Derek asked in shock as he looked at him.

"Fuck... You guys are loud. I do not shit you. Loud." Matt said frankly. "I don't know how you do it in her house, because it sounds like she's being attacked." Matt said with a sigh.

"I guess she is a little loud." Derek said with a chuckle. "But she's good. You have no idea. I swear she is... Sorry." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Well, have fun with that." Matt said with a chuckle. "I'm heading for bed."

"Night." Derek said as he raised the glass of water.

Derek quickly trotted up the stairs and to their room. It was their last night. He wanted it to be great. He wanted it to last forever. As he pushed the door open, he looked at her with wide eyes. She started without him. She looked up at him with hooded eyes as she ran the vibrator over her soaking wet lips. Derek watched as she cried out and thrashed, her orgasm taking her over. He quickly rushed to the bed, feeling his cock already beginning to rise. Meredith dropped the vibrator as she laid there, feeling the aftermath of what she had just done. Derek quickly picked it up and ran his tongue over it, licking it clean.

Meredith was only turned on by the vibrator sliding in and out of Derek's mouth. She felt her core heat up as he licked and lapped at the purple toy that she loved to play with. Meredith pushed him on his back and got into his face, causing it to drop.

"I think you ought to get on your hands and knees if you know what is good for you." Meredith warned as she looked into his eyes.

"Yeah?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah!" Meredith said with a dirty grin. "Now."

Derek quickly climbed to his hands and knees. Meredith grinned as he stayed in the vulnerable position. Her hands stroked his hard ass. She quickly laid on her back and laid her legs on his back as she scooted closer. The backs of Meredith's knees rested just around Derek's perfect ass. Her hand gently grabbed his cock as she thrust her hips and into him. Derek cried out at her warmth wrapping around his hard cock. She tightly grasped his hips, helping her to pump into him.

"Fuck, Mer... This is... Fuck, baby!" Derek yelled as she pushed and pulled on him.

"Oh god, Derek... Oh God- I- Oh- I... Wow." She shouted as she felt his cock press against her in just the right spot, causing her to cry out louder.

Meredith and Derek continued to ride their erotic position, bodies sliding and slipping from the sweat that trickled out of their pores. Meredith could feel Derek's balls gently hit her as they collided over and over again. Meredith clawed his ass as she felt her orgasm growing. Her walls were tightening. Her clit was throbbing. She was there. Her body shook as she stopped and laid her head back. Derek continued to pump until he himself released with a groan.

"Fuck, baby. That was fucking amazing." Derek told her as he pulled out.

"It was." Meredith agreed as she crawled to the end of the bed with him and laid on her side She wrapped her leg around him and pulled her body close to his. "I love you. Always." She said as she snuggled into his chest.

"Always." Derek agreed as he nestled his head into her hair and closed his eyes.


	52. Secret Wink

Matt didn't get much sleep. As much as he tried not to be, he was jealous. His friend was getting some major action. With his other friend. Which in his mind actually made him slightly ashamed of himself. But yet, he was jealous. To hear their out cries of pure pleasure made him harder than he had ever been in this type of situation. And he had to use it to his advantage.

Matt frantically pumped his cock. He thought about the women he had in the past. He wasn't that guy that slept around. But he was the guy that took pride in his work. He was an excellent lover and he chose to fine tune it almost to and obsessive compulsive level. And now here he was, listening to moans and relieving himself in his own hand. It was better than nothing.

Matt groaned when the sun came into his widow. He had slept. Not all night. It was next to impossible to sleep all night. But he was a heavy sleeper. When he fell asleep, he was asleep for the night, no matter what went on. He slowly rolled over in the comfortable bed and looked at the clock. Derek and Meredith were supposed t be on the plane in and hour. And it took a half an hour to get there. He quickly rolled out of bed, wanting to say goodbye and leave when they did. He was hoping they could all enjoy a breakfast out before they all returned to their lives.

Matt was surprised when he went out into the hallway and saw their door shut. He quickly walked downstairs, looking for them. He was half expecting Meredith to be sitting in the kitchen in Derek's pajamas. But she wasn't. And the coffee wasn't even made.

Matt quickly ran up the stairs. They were going to be late. He knocked softly on the door as he stood there. No answer. He said their names. Still no answer. He wasn't really sure what he should do. His first thought was to call. But he didn't know the number. He knocked harder and nothing. He winced as he opened the door. He knew them well enough to know that he didn't know what he could be stepping in on.

A faint smile crossed his face. Meredith was snuggled deeply into Derek's side. They were naked, covered with their bed linens. He could see Meredith's shoulder, and Derek's chest. Meredith had her head on his chest and a smile on her face. And Derek had his arm around her. Seeing that, he knew how close they really were.

"Um... Guys." Matt said softly as he looked up.

"Mmm... What..." Derek muttered as he slowly opened his eyes. "What?" Derek said again in shock as looked at Matt.

"What's going on, baby?" Meredith moaned as she stretched slowly and kissed his cheek. "What are you doing in here?" She asked, looking up at Matt.

"I think you guys are late..." Matt said quickly.

"What time is- Oh my god! We're late!" Meredith spat as she grabbed the bed sheet and jumped out of bed. "We are fucking late! Damn-it Derek!"

"Me! What the hell did I do?" He asked defensively.

"You had me all strung out." She spat. "Shower. Me. I smell like sex!" She shouted.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"Ugh..." She groaned as she walked over. "Good morning." She said as she kissed him sweetly. "You have morning breath. And you need to take a shower. Use the other one. You are too distracting. Oh... Good morning, Matthew." She giggled as she walked away with her sheet.

"You guys kill me." Matt said with a chuckle.

"Why?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he leaned down and grabbed his pants.

"Normal. Who would have thought Meredith Grey could live a normal life. You're good for her." Matt explained.

"I try." Derek said with a chuckle as he climbed out of the bed.

"I'll make the coffee." Matt said with a nod as he turned and walked out.

Matt sat at the kitchen table. They had fruit available to eat. There really wasn't time to cook a breakfast. So he grabbed it out and placed it in a bowl and waited. Finally after several minutes, he wondered where they were at. He made his way around the corner and shook her head at the two of them.

"Too much, Mer. This is ridiculous." Derek said as he dragged more bags down. "No one needs this much shit!" He said as he raised his voice.

"I do. Need that much stuff. Things. Items. My shoes. My clothes. Not shit. I would not expect you to carry shit around." She growled as she looked at him.

"You are killing me, Mer. A little each day." Derek joked as he pulled her close. "Shaving time off of my life..."

"I try, baby. I try." She giggled as she kissed him softly. "Oh..." She muttered as she looked at the bags.

"I know. I'm sorry." Derek told her softly.

"What?" Matt asked with concern.

"Time to go back." Derek explained with a frown.

"Oh." Matt said, understanding why.

They went on. Trying to be normal was impossible. Even Matt was in a happy bubble when he was around them. They were all happy. And now it was back to prison. Prison for Derek. Prison for Meredith. And Matt, he was back to juggling the mess that Thatcher wanted to take from him. No one was ready to go home. No one.

--------------

Meredith was sick. She was always sick about going back. But this time it was worse. This time she spent the whole time in the bathroom vomiting. It shouldn't be that way. She shouldn't have that much tension. She shouldn't have that much anxiety over going home. He couldn't help but think part of it was his fault. She was worried about getting caught. She was worried about not being able to give him the affection that he needed. And that hurt.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly as he looked at her.

"Yeah..." Meredith moaned as she held her stomach. "Yeah..."

"Do you need something?" Derek asked as he grabbed her hand.

"A new life." She moaned as she closed her eyes and squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry. If I could, I would in a minute." Derek said with a frown.

Meredith and Derek laid their heads back. It was the dread of going back that was so hard on them both. It drained them dry. It took out all of their life. They quickly drifted off to sleep. Meredith in a quiet, comfortable state. Derek was in a dream. A dream he wished was real.

[i_Derek pulled up to the house that seemed so familiar to him. It was perfect. Four bedrooms. The perfectly manicured lawn. In a quiet community. The kids loved to play with the other kids in the neighborhood. Derek groaned as he looked at the bike in the driveway. He had warned them about that time and time again. Next time he would run it over._

_"Mer?" He yelled as he walked into the noisy house. The kids were running wild. He didn't like that, but she was tired, and he knew it. The hospital had been kicking his ass. "Mer?"_

_"In here..." Meredith yelled back from the kitchen. "I can't do this!" She spat as she pushed the spaghetti away. "It tastes horrible."_

_"That's okay. The kids and I are used to it." He said with a chuckle as he looked around. _

_"Hey... How are you feeling?" He asked as he walked up and kissed her._

_"Like your son wants to kill me." She giggled as she rubbed her huge stomach. _

_"Wow... He is kicking hard today." Derek said with a smile as he placed his hand on her stomach._

_"That's want I'm saying. He has only sent me to the bathroom every ten minutes." SHe told him with a frown. Derek took a spoonful of her sauce and his eyes got wide._

_"Eh... I think we will order out." He told her as he tasted her spaghetti sauce._

_"Thanks! Thanks a lot!" She said as she punched him playfully._

_"I still love you..." Derek told her happily._

_"You should. You really should. You so overachieved with me." Meredith pointed out._

_"So true, so true." Derek agreed as he kissed her on the cheek._

_"Oh god... Here he goes again!" She said as she waddled off to the bathroom. Derek couldn't help but chuckle at the movement she was making. He had only gone through this three times before._

_"Not funny!" She shouted. "Kids... Daddy wants to wrestle!" She yelled, hearing them run in and pummel him._

_"Not nice, Mer!" He yelled back as they took him to his knees._

_"Stop!" He heard his little green eyed girl yell to her brothers. "Daddy is a doctor. He can't go see the doctor. He would be embawassed. Don't hurt him... Mommy! They're hurting daddy."_

_"Oh... Daddy is fine. He has stamina." Meredith said with a smile._

_"Yes he does!" Derek said with a chuckle and a wink. "Lots."_

_"What is stamina?" One of the kids asked quickly._

_"Daddy never stops... So keep beating him up." Meredith giggled as she watched the kids playfully wrestle with Derek._

_Derek looked up and smiled at his perfect wife. She was everything he had ever dreamed about. Even standing in the kitchen wight months pregnant, she was breathtaking. His perfection. The mother of his children. His wife. His lover. His friend.[/i_

Derek quickly jerked awake. She was sleeping with a smile on her face. He wondered if she was having the same dream as he was. A frown came over him quickly. He would never have that. He would never have what he truly wanted. But he would have her. Even if in secret, he would have her. And that was enough.

------------------

She was quiet. Scary quiet. The whole way home. Literal silence. Derek didn't even know what to say to soothe her. It took a few days. It was like a shock to the system. But once she actually got home, she was better. Not perfect, but better. It took days for her to get back to reality, back to realizing that she could only have Derek in secret.

"How was your trip, Meri?" Sofia asked as she walked up and gave her a hug.

"Good, Sofia. It was good." Meredith said with a smile.

"Good, dear. I made your favorite pasta." Sofia told her with a smile. "And fresh bread."

"Thank you." Meredith muttered meekly as she made her way up the stairs.

"Is she okay?" Sofia asked Derek with a bit of concern in her voice.

"She must be tired." Derek said with a sigh as he walked up the stairs, carrying as many bags as he could.

Derek carried the bags upstairs. Cristoforo followed him with the last of them in his already full arms. Derek knocked twice before walking into Meredith's open room. Meredith was standing on the balcony, staring outside. She looked over at the two of the and walked to them.

"That's good, Cristoforo. Right there. Derek, can you put the shoes in the closet?" Meredith asked softly.

"Sure." Derek said quickly as he walked into the closet. She watched as Cristoforo walked down the hallway.

Derek looked around in shock. He had never really be in the closet. It was incredible. The shoes. It almost made him sick. It was true, she could give a whole nation footwear. He couldn't help but laugh. His sisters would kill to get in this closet and have a good time. He sat the boxes in front of the others and stood up. She was blue. She was down. They looked into each other's eyes before he pulled her in. She laid her head softly on his chest and let out a sigh.

"I am here. That's all that matters." Derek said as he kissed her head. "You need to calm down."

"It kills me, Derek. I hate it!" She said loudly.

"I know you do... I know." Derek told her as he kissed her again and pulled away. "I have to go..."

"I know you do." Meredith replied with a faint smile on her lips.

"Love you." Derek told her as he kissed her cheek softly and walked out.

Meredith walked over to her bed. She wished she could get out of the funk that she was in. But she couldn't. She was stuck in a spot that she couldn't seem to crawl out of. A year ago, she was unhappy, but not like this. Now it was up and down. Derek made her happier than she ever was. And then when they had to be apart, she dropped through the floor.

Meredith laid there forever. It seemed like forever. And it probably was, because next thing she knew, it was time for dinner. Meredith looked down at herself. They were going to know. She came in the house wearing a Gucci boatneck dress. And now she was in her pajamas looking like she had been for days.

Meredith quickly pulled herself out of her bed and threw on a pair of her True Religion jeans and a top. She had to pull herself together if she was going to put on a decent show. She was doing this too often. She couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't come home like it was the end of the world. She didn't need people to notice.

"Meri..." Sophia said with a smile as she looked up.

"Mmm... Smells good." Meredith replied softly as she sat down.

"So how was France?" She asked with a smile as she sat down at the table.

"It was great. Paris was wonderful." Meredith replied with a smile.

"How did you like it, Derek? Have you ever been?" Sophia asked quickly.

"No, I have not. And it was great. Really nice." Derek agreed as he took a bite of his salad.

"Oh... Meri!" Tony said with a big smile as he walked in.

"Eh." Meredith groaned as she looked up at him.

"What a nice way to say hello." Tony told her curtly. "But then again, I know you're not nice."

"You have a point." Meredith said frankly as she looked over at him.

They all ate dinner quietly. Meredith and Derek were talking. It was a silent language. they were both thinking about the amazing time they had together. Meredith let her mind drift off to the mornings when she would wake up in his arms. She wanted to wake up in his arms like that every morning. Her face dropped at she thought about it. Then she looked up. Derek gave her the slightest smile. But that wasn't the impertinent thing. It was the wink. He closed both of his eyes. Their "secret" wink. A loud giggle escaped her lips.

"What are you so happy about?" Tony asked as he looked at her.

"I'm just happy... That's all." She replied as she glanced up. It was good.


	53. Waking To Trouble

They were good. They had been on their best behavior. No sex in the woods. No sneaking sex around the house. In fact, there hadn't been sex in his room. Thatcher had been home. And even Meredith and Derek were smart enough to not take that chance. But now Thatcher was gone. It have been far over a week. And in both of their minds... A week too long.

Meredith slowly crept through the hallway. Her core was beyond hot. The mercury was rising. The thought of Derek did that to her. She wanted him. Her core wanted his thick cock deep inside of it. She needed to feel the release. She needed to feel their bodies together.

Meredith slowly pushed the door open and looked inside. He was sleeping. She could tell by his steady breathing that he was sleeping soundly. She couldn't have that. She wouldn't have that. She slowly and quietly crept to his bed. She pulled off her clothes and left them in a pile before crawling beneath the covers. Derek stirred slightly and rolled onto his back. Meredith took that as her cue and climbed atop him.

"Whoa." Derek said in shock as he opened his eyes.

"I need you tonight." Meredith said as she rocked her hips, pressing her wetness into his fabric covered hardening cock.

"Oh god, baby. You keep doing that, and I will cum all over you." He groaned loudly.

"That's okay." Meredith giggled as she continued. "Oh god... Oh god..." She moaned, her body on high alert.

"No. we need to do this right." Derek said with a nod. "I want to take care of you." He told her as he rolled her on her back and quickly peeled off his clothes.

"I just want you inside of me. I need it." She begged as she spread her legs. "Bad."

"I know you do." He said with a chuckle as laid above her.

"Oh god I do..." She moaned his thick cock lingered above her. "Me on top!" She said as she pushed him. "There." She said with a smile as she slowly straddled his thighs. "Oh god... You are so perfect." Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his chest. "You are so hard... God... So hard!" She shouted as she grabbed his cock. "And big... You are huge, you know that, right?" She moaned as she grasped him tightly and stroked him with force. "You are the biggest man I have ever felt."

"Oh..." Derek gasped as she held her hands on his big cock. Two hands. Not even he could do two hands. But she mastered it perfectly in unison. He quickly pinched her nipples hard, causing her to gasp. "Just... Come on, Mer... A minute ago you wanted this. Now you are teasing?" He spat as he grasped her hips. "Get on me. Now." He demanded as he held her tightly. Meredith nodded at his urgency and released her hands. Derek lifted her up on his hand cock and allowed her to sink slowly. He drew in a deep breath as felt the tightness of her walls. "Fuck." He shouted. "You're tight. Too tight." He spat as he thrust into her. "It's been too fucking long."

"I'm trying." She moaned as she spread her hips and rocked. "Oh..." She muttered as she grasped the headboard. "Oh... Derek... God." She cried at his size. "You're huge baby."

"Babe, you are too fucking tight." He spat as he thrust into again. She cried out as his force, he rolled her over and threw her on her back.

"God, Derek... " Meredith moaned as he pounded into her.

"Spread your legs farther." Derek told her as he pushed them apart.

"I am..." She whined. "Oh god...Big..."

"I'm- I'm sorry." He said as he pulled out slightly.

"Sorry? Fuck that. Give it to me harder!" She yelled. He slowly stroked her clit with his finger. "Oh god... Oh god." She whined as her body reacted to his touch. "Oh...oh..."

"There you go..." Derek moaned as she began to relax. "Oh..." He moaned as his cock slid deeper.

"Oh... Derek!" She cried out as he fingered her clit, while sliding in and out. "Oh god... I'm cumming...Fast!." She yelped as he continued to thrust into her with force. He was needing her. It had been too long without her.

"Cum. Just do it, cum. Cum for me Mer... Flood that sweet pussy of yours." Derek told her quickly.

"I'm cumming. Oh god, Derek. I am. I am cumming You're big... OH! Oh... Fuck... I... It... OH..." She moaned as she laid her head back and panted.

"Oh god, Mer..." He yelled at her strong contractions. "Fuck... Cum again, Mer..." Derek spat as he stroked her throbbing clit. "Cum again. Now... Cum again!"

"I can't... I can't... I- Oh... Oh...oh...oh... Oh God, Yes...Yes!" She yelled as she flooded him again.

"You are fucking amazing!" He yelled as he quickened his pace. "Fuck... I have wanted you... Fuck you are amazing!" He yelled as he felt his orgasm coming.

"Oh god... Oh God yes..." She yelled as she flooded her.

"Fuck yeah... Fuck." Derek spat as he pounded her several times before stopping and collapsing. Meredith could feel the force of his heart beating heavily on her chest.

Meredith curled up against his body. That was more than enough. That was enough for the night. end on perfection. She could feel his hands rubbing her head. She pecked soft kisses on his chest. He needed her just as she needed him. Meredith wasn't leaving his room. She needed him. Tonight she needed him.

-----------------

Derek pulled Meredith farther into his side. There was nothing more perfect than her naked body against his. He loved the way her petal soft skin felt. She made him feel perfect. When she was there, the world felt like nothing could go wrong. And that was why it was so easy for her to stay there. Way too easy.

Sofia opened Derek's door. She knew that he went for morning runs. She was sure that he was up and already off. Today she had laundry and bed linens to wash. She slowly pushed the door open and looked across the room. When she got about midway, she looked in shock. Derek had a woman in his bed. The bodyguards were not to do that. It was one thing to sleep with or date a woman. But they were never to stay in the Grey mansion and be a possible distraction.

Sofia's heart sank. She liked Derek. She loved Derek. He was a nice guy. She couldn't believe he would make such a stupid decision. She stood there and contemplated what to do. She could go over and wake them up and help him get her out. Or she could leave them and let him deal with it. She saw the soft honey hair and bare shoulder of the woman. Just as she was ready to back out of the room, the woman rolled over and snuggled against Derek. Her heart stopped.

Meredith didn't awake to the sound of the birds chirping. The warm sun that was covering her body did nothing but make her feel more comfortable. Derek's steady breathing made lulling into a deep sleep even easier. None of the things that should wake her up did. No, something else entirely did.

Sofia crept up to the bed. Her eyes had to be deceiving her. That could not be Meredith in that bed. Not her Meredith. Not the little girl she had known since she was little. Not the little girl that she cleansed scrapes and kissed knees for. She was like her little girl. And the thought of her little girl having sex made her sick.

It hit her. She wasn't just having sex. She was having sex with someone who was forbidden. She was taking advantage of Derek. Derek was one of the nicest guys in the world. And Meredith was putting him in danger. Meredith was trouble. As much as Sofia loved her, she was trouble. Meredith Grey was a heartbreaker.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned softly as she rubbed Derek's leg. "You awake baby?" She asked as she stretched and opened her eyes. "Oh my god!" Meredith squealed as she looked up into the brown eyes of Sofia.

"Meri!" Sofia spat in disgust as she spun around.

"Hmmm... What?" Derek asked as he opened his eyes. "Fuck!" Derek shouted as he looked up, seeing Sophia.

"Sofia! Wait!" Meredith shouted as she pulled the sheet off of Derek and chased after her. Meredith followed her into the hallway. "It's not- It's-"

"What are you doing, Meri?" Sofia questioned as she looked at her.

"I- Please. You can't tell anyone. You can't! Please don't..." Meredith said as she began to bawl. "He will kill him."

"Meredith... What the hell are you doing? Do you think this is some kind of joke? Do you think he is a toy? Just like all of the other men. You can use him and play with him and then dump him off? This is real. If your father finds out... Derek is a good man. And you are being incredibly selfish! You are endangering him. He is honest and you are ruining his life!" Sofia yelled loudly, knowing Tony was out.

"I- I-" Meredith stammered as she looked at her and let the tears fall.

"You are so ungrateful. I love you, Meredith. God knows you are like a daughter to me. I love you with all of my heart... But you are being cruel to him. He wants things. He wanted to go places. And here you are, using him. You know you can't do this. And what about when the two months is up? Then will you just dump him off?" She demanded as she stood there.

Meredith stood there in shock. It was true. She had a two month rule. But Derek changed that. She had been with him for far over two months and hadn't even realized it. He made her life brighter. He changed her world. Nothing could stop their love. Sofia had no idea. No idea.

"He is the love of my life." Meredith said frankly. "I love him. Don't tell my father. Don't tell Tony. I love him. And if he gets hurt, I will never forgive myself. He is the love of my life. I am begging you." She cried.

"Oh Meri..." Sofia said as she pulled her into an embrace and kissed her softly. "I would never tell. I love you." She said as she held her closely.

"I love him." Meredith repeated as she cried.

"Your secret is safe." Sofia told her with a nod. "Don't you dare hurt him."

"I could never hurt him." Meredith said frankly.

"Tony is out for an hour. You get back in there, talk to him, and pull yourself together. You guys need breakfast." She told her with a nod.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile.

"You never have to thank me." Sofia said with a smile as she walked away.

Meredith drew in a deep breath. She never meant for that to happen. She never meant for them to get caught. Alt least it was Sofia. Sofia was rough on her. But she loved her. But she would go to bat for her in a second. The problem with Sofia is that she held Meredith at a high standard. Too high.

"Fuck. I can't believe I fucking did this. What the fuck was I thinking? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Derek spat to himself as he began getting dressed.

"You say fuck a lot when you are upset." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Yeah. When I am minutes away from dying..." Derek growled as he looked up. "How can you stand there and giggle, Mer? Your father will cut my balls off..."

"Yeah. Bronzed. They would make an excellent paperweight." She joked as she looked up at him.

"Not funny. Not fucking funny!" Derek snapped.

"Derek... It's fine. She's fine." Meredith said softly as she walked up. "She sent me in here to calm down. She won't say anything. She likes you too much. In fact, I think she likes you more than she does me. Kind of sad, really..." She muttered as she looked off.

"Mer... How do you know that she won't say anything?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes.

"She won't. When are you going to realize that I would die for you?" Meredith asked meekly. "I won't endanger you. I'll fall first." She explained as she pecked a kiss on his lips. "Besides, if you were going to die today, don't you think I would send you off a happy man?" She asked with a giggle as she grazed his man hood.

"You will be the death of me." Derek told her firmly as he pulled her into a deep kiss.

"Probably." Meredith agreed as she pulled away. "We need to get ready. Tony will be back in an hour. And we need to get down to breakfast."

"Shower?" Derek asked with a raised brows.

"Hmm... A minute ago, certain death. And now sex?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"Of course." Derek said with a chuckle. "We're not having sex. I just want every minute I can get with you." He told her as he grabbed her hand. Meredith quickly dropped the sheet and followed him into his bathroom. "Besides, any morning wood I had was gone the minute I saw Sofia in my room."

"I bet it was." Meredith giggled as she turned the water on. She felt Derek's strong hand rub her ass. "You keep doing that and we will have problems." She said as she looked over her shoulder at him.

"No problems. I just want to be with you. Besides, not much time..." He told her as he peeled his clothes off and followed her into the shower.

Meredith let the hot water cascade down her body. Derek watched as the steamy hot water trickled down her chest and over her rosy nipples. He wanted her. But not now. He had to show some restraint. He grabbed the body wash and gently smoothed it over her petal soft skin.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned at his touch.

"You like that?" Derek asked as he pushed himself against her back and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her abdomen with soap.

"Oh yes..." Meredith muttered as she laid her head back against his chest.

Derek rubbed her thigh with his hand as his mouth sucked on her neck. Meredith reached behind herself and ran her hands up and down his thigh. Their wet, soapy bodies rubbed against each other's. She quickly spun around as he shoved her back against the wall and kissed her deeply. Her leg reached up and rested on his ass.

"I need you..." She muttered as she pulled away.

"Oh god... We shouldn't." Derek pointed out as he sucked on her collarbone.

"Just a quickie." She said breathlessly as she grazed his hard cock. "Quick. We can do- Oh God!" She spat as Derek shoved his hard cock into her wet pussy. "That's good..." She moaned as she raised her leg even higher and pushed her hips into him.

"Oh god, Mer..." Derek moaned as he pulled out and slid himself into her.

Meredith closed her eyes as the water spray hit her face. Derek watched as beads of water trickled down her forehead and over her eyelashes. She moaned softly, ringing through the shower as he pumped his cock into her over and over again. He clit began to throb and swell as his large member slid over it time and time again. He felt Meredith's body tense up as she clawed his back. Derek let out as gasp as he poured himself into her. Her walls clamped down around him as her body contracted. The hot water poured over their connected bodies as they gasped for much-needed air.

"That was..." Meredith moaned as he pulled out.

"A good morning." Derek pointed out as he let the water fall over his expended body.

"Yeah." She agreed as she laid back against the wall.

Meredith and Derek quickly got ready to go downstairs. Meredith managed to inconspicuously sneak into her room and get dressed. She decided on a pair of her tightest Frankie B's and a light pink Frenzii waist dress. She pulled on her black Prada boots and headed down the stairs.

"Good morning." Sofia said as if she hadn't seen her.

"Morning." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed a cup of coffee.

"You get your own coffee now? Wait... You drink coffee..." Sofia said in shock as Derek walked up and got his own cup.

"Good morning, Derek." Sofia said happily.

"Good morning." Derek responded as he looked at her with reserve.

"It's fine." Sofia told him softly. "It is fine. Your secret is in the vault."

Derek smiled as he and Meredith sat down. Sofia said their stuffed crepes down in front of them and walked away. Derek looked up at Meredith and smiled. It all seemed so perfect. They were in a perfect place. As scary as it was, it was liberating that Sofia and Matt knew. Two people that could share their secret with them.

"So... Please tell me it really was milk that I cleaned up that morning." Sofia said as she looked at them with a raised brow. Meredith sucked her lower lip in and looked at her food. "Shame!" She yelled as she hit them both with the towel. "To be young..."


	54. A Deal

Meredith laid in Derek's bed. She could now. As long as Thatcher wasn't home, she could do it. Tony never went into anyone else's room. And Sofia already knew about the two of them. It helped. It made their relationship a little better knowing that they could be a little freer. Meredith was feeling more at ease, knowing that every night she could lay in Derek's warm arms and be happy.

"Derek... Der... Hey, Der... Are you asleep?" Meredith asked as she nudged him gently, knowing he was.

"I was." Derek groaned as he looked over at her.

"But you're not now?" She asked as she looked into his blue eyes.

"Well, seeing as I am talking to you... I would say it's safe to say, no I am not sleeping." He said with a chuckle as he kissed her forehead. "What's the matter? Can't you sleep?" He asked with a smile.

"No..." Meredith whined as she rubbed his bare chest.

It was a warm night. They had the french doors to the balcony open and the draperies were floating softly in the breeze. As the cool wind came in, Meredith felt her nipples harden. The moon shown on Derek's skin, radiating a soft glow. That only made her want him more.

"No?" Derek asked as he cocked his head. "And why is that?"

"I'm horny." She told him in a throaty voice as she rolled onto him. "I need sex."

"Do you?" Derek asked as he kissed her chest.

"I do." She said with a nod as she sat on his cock and ground her boy-cut panty clad pussy against him. "So badly." She moaned as she slide her camisole over her head and revealed her bare chest.

"I guess we will have to do something about that." Derek told her frankly as he grabbed a breast in each hand and squeezed gently, thumbing her nipples.

"Like what?" She asked with a giggle as he released her breasts and leaned forward, pulling his shirt over his head. Meredith shimmied her ass down to his knees and pulled his pajama pants down and off.

"You are hard, baby!" Meredith giggled as she rubbed his erect cock.

"For you." Derek said with a smile as he felt her tiny hand run up and down his soft skin.

"I just need it in me." Meredith told him with a big nod as she grabbed a condom out of the drawer and tore to open. "Deep." She added as she rolled it on. "There." She told him with a smile as she slowly sat up and sank down on him. "Oh god... You are so hard. I think you needed this as much as I did." Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his chest. "You are so big... God... So hard...Thick!"

"Oh..." Derek gasped as he felt her walls wrap around him. Derek grabbed her hard ass firmly with his hands and squeezed tight.

"God, Derek..." She moaned as he leaned up and took a mouthful of her breast.

"Spread your legs farther." Derek told her as he grabbed her thighs and pushed them.

"Okay..." She moaned. "Oh wow..."

"Oh god, babe!" He shouted softly as she pulled up. He slowly stroked her clit with his finger. "You feel good, baby. Perfection...Oh!"

"Oh god... Oh god." She whined as her body reacted to his touch. "Oh...oh... Right there. Please don't stop. Please... Go!"

"There you go..." Derek moaned as her clit turned plump and ripe. "Oh..." He moaned as his cock slid deeper into her.

"Oh... Derek!" She cried out as he fingered her clit faster, while she rode his pole hard. "Oh god... I'm cumming..." She yelped as he continued to thrust into her with force. She was in shock at his sudden haste.

"Cum. Just do it, Mer...Release that cum for me." Derek told her quickly as he stroked her clit again..

"Oh god, Derek. I- I- Oh my... My- God!" She spat as she sat still and and panted.

"Oh god, Mer..." He yelled at her strong contractions against him. "You have to fuck me...Babe. I'm not there yet!" He spat as he thrust into her. She rocker her hips as waves came over and over her. "Fuck... Cum again, Mer..." Derek spat as he stroked her throbbing clit.

"Oh...oh...oh... Der!" She yelled as she flooded him again and continued to rock.

"Here I- Oh!" He yelled as he felt his orgasm coming.

"Oh god..." She yelled as she felt him fill the condom. "Thanks. That should...Suffice."

"Yep." Derek agreed as he rolled her over onto her back and pulled out. He quickly went down and began breathlessly eating her. Meredith moaned at the feelings of his mouth on her wet lips. He smiled when he came up and laid with her. "You know I like to taste you."

"You do." She agreed with a giggle and a nod.

Meredith laid there quietly. It had been on her mind all day. She was hearing people talk when they were out shopping. The university was going back. That meant Derek should be going back. She couldn't help but think she was holding him back from his dreams. He was suppose to be a surgeon. And now he was fucking her and accompanying her to town. This wasn't the way it was meant to be. And it wasn't right.

"Parma goes back soon." Meredith pointed out as she looked over.

"That sounds about right." Derek agreed as he looked into her eyes.

"You should be going." Meredith muttered.

"Don't worry about me, Mer." Derek told her as he kissed her softly. But she did. She really did.

--------------

Thatcher came home in the afternoon. As much as he cramped her style, today Meredith was very happy to have him back. It helped her mood that she and Derek had a great night, and they woke up in each other's arms. That always made her day. She loved the way it felt when Derek breathed softly into her hair when he was sleeping. And he loved the scent that filled his nostrils as he drifted off to sleep.

Meredith had a plan. She wasn't sure if it would work, but it was worth the try. She needed to make sure that Derek was happy. She needed to make sure that she didn't hold him back. She never slept the night before because she was so focused on her plan. She was so focused on saying just the right things to get what she wanted. And Meredith Grey always got what she wanted. Always.

Meredith walked back and forth in front of her father's office. That was part of her tactic. He had to call her in. It had to be his idea. That was her way of outsmarting him. If he thought it was his idea, he was already in charge. And Thatcher Grey always had to be in charge. Meredith ignored the looks of the help eyeing up her long legs and perfect ass. She just strolled. A conniving, nonchalant stroll.

"Meredith..." Thatcher muttered as he looked up. "Come in here."

The first of the plan was going well. She was in his office and it was her idea. Meredith crept around the desk and gave her father her signature kiss on the cheek. Thatcher smiled as she walked around the desk and sat in the antique leather chair. It was amazing that the leather was still soft. But that was only due to Sofia's excellent care and knowledge of her work. Meredith felt the soft leather on her thighs as she sat back.

"I've missed you. How are you, honey?" He asked as he looked over his reading glasses at her.

"Great daddy. How was Japan... You go there a lot." Meredith said sweetly.

"Japan was great. We have a very big client there." Thatcher explained. "What's on your mind, sweetheart?"

"Nothing, really. I was just wondering..." Meredith trailed off, hooking him in.

Part two of the plan was now in action. She hooked him in. She was sweet and kind. She was letting him know there was something. But she held it. She drew him in. He would be so proud of himself as he drug it out of her. And that left her in control, and him thinking he was.

"What were you wondering darling?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Oh... Nothing really." Meredith lied obviously as she looked away, drawing him in.

"Say it, Meri... What's on your mind?" He pressed, his curiosity killing him.

"Well... I was just wondering when you were going to start looking for a new guard." She said frankly.

"A new guard? Why would I be looking for a new guard? All of the guards are fine." Thatcher told her quickly.

"Not for you, silly. For me." Meredith explained with a giggle.

Part three. She would leave him hanging. She remained silent as she grabbed a book off the desk and began reading it. Now he was at her mercy. He had no idea what she was talking about. And she would let him stew before jumping back into it.

"You?" Thatcher asked in shock. "You have Derek Hanson."

"Oh daddy... You know that Derek will be leaving." Meredith told him as she waved her hand.

"Why would Derek leave?" Thatcher asked with confusion.

"Well, he did say he wanted to go to college. So... I'm sure he will be doing that." Meredith told him with a shrug. "That's good. Derek annoys me anyway. He is always on top of me. I can't get away from him. It's time to find someone else." Meredith told him.

Meredith could barely hold it together. Derek was always on top of her. Well, not always. Last night, she was on top. Last night she was grinding her wet pussy into his thick cock. She had to hold it in. Derek had a way of being on top. And it was not what her father thought.

Now that was part four. Part four was huge. That was the part where she really hooked him in. She put Derek down. Now Thatcher would be thinking of ways to keep Derek no matter what. He didn't want to loose the best guard his daughter ever had. That was exactly what she was hoping for. Now she was on top and staying there. This deal was nearly sealed.

"Oh... I forgot about that little wrinkle." Thatcher explained. He sat there for a second thinking. "Hmm... Well... What do you think about Derek going to Parma?" Thatcher asked. "He could take a few days off during the week, and Tony could take over when he is off."

"No... Derek was going in the U.S. That was his plan, he already had a university picked out, I think. Besides, Parma is far to expensive and he is poor. I guess he will have to go back home. Oh well..." Meredith told him with a sigh.

"Nonsense. Derek is the best addition to our company. He does and excellent job. We can't lose him. Parma is an excellent univeristy. We will make him and offer that he can't refuse. We will make it far too sweet for him to leave." Thatcher said with a nod. "If you see him, send him in."

"Fine." Meredith grumbled with a sigh. "I will."

--

And the plan was in motion. She couldn't believe it. She was fairly certain that she had pulled it off. She made it so that Derek could go to college and stay here with her. It was perfect. She could have the best of both worlds. She could have him, and he could have what he wanted.

Meredith rushed right out. She wasn't going to tell Derek what was going on. She knew him well enough to know that he would put up a fight. He would insist that everything was fine and he was happy. He would put off his dream, to keep her happy. She wasn't going to tell him. She would let her father sabotage him. That was the plan.

As Meredith walked through the entrance, she glanced out the window. He was outside helping the lawn maintenance men with something. His shirt was wet with sweat. It pulled tightly against his muscular chest. She wanted nothing more than to lay him down in front of everyone and fuck his brains out. She seductively strolled up to him, teasing him with her walk.

"Derek." She said softly as she bit her finger. She knew that drove him wild. "Daddy needs to talk to you."

"Your father? Is everything alright?" Derek asked with concern as he looked into her eyes, trying to read them.

"Like I know." She muttered with a shrug as she turned and walked away, adding and extra shake in her ass.

"Wow..." One of the workers said as he looked up. "That is walking sex." He muttered in italian. Derek understood it, but barely.

"Hmm..." Derek muttered, avoiding the conversation completely. "Looks like I have to talk to the boss."

Derek was concerned. Not overly concerned. If it was bad, Meredith would have had panic in her eyes. Her eyes turned hard when she was worried. They were soft. She was in a playful mood. This wasn't a time for him to be terrified for her life. He slowly walked up to the office door. Thatcher waved from his desk for Derek to come it. It was now or never.

"Derek... How are you?" Thatcher asked as he motioned for him to sit down.

"I am fine, sir." Derek said with a nod as he sat down. "And yourself?"

"I am excellent." Thatcher said with a nod. "Now... I have been doing some thinking. And it seems to me that you were speaking about college when you started at this job. Are you still planning on going back?" Thatcher asked as he looked up.

"I am." Derek replied with a nod.

He was. He just wasn't sure when or how. But he was planning on going back. He wanted to live his dream. He wanted to be a successful neurosurgeon. But he wouldn't be doing it anytime soon. There was no way he could leave Meredith. So it was back burner. Back burner until he could figure something out.

"Well, I have an offer to present to you. How would you like to attend The University of Parma?" Thatcher asked with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, well... I don't think I could afford that. And I'm working six days a week." Derek explained as he looked at him.

"We can change that. We need you. I need you. I feel that my daughter is safe when you are around. That is why I am willing to do this... I would like to pay for your education. As long as you are working here, I am willing to pay. You will go to the university the days you need to, and Tony will take over when you are away. Your pay will remain the same, even though you will not be working the same amount of hours. I think you were due to get a raise, anyhow." Thatcher said frankly. "So what do you think?"

"I think it is a very generous offer, Mr. Grey." Derek started.

"But-" Thatcher said, waiting for his response.

"Well, I want to take the offer. But there is something else I want to propose." Derek told him.

"And what is that?" Thatcher asked with intrigue.

"I think Meredith should go too. I know that she wants to get an education. I think she should be able to attend." Derek pointed out. "She would not be in my classes. I am much farther ahead. But I would be willing to go there on her days to guard her."

"My daughter is fine. She doesn't need an education. She is Meredith Grey. She doesn't-" Thatcher started to ramble on.

"With all due respect, Mr. Grey... Meredith does not share anything with me. Your daughter is anything but open. And that was one of the few things she offered to me. I think it is important to her." Derek expressed with just the right amount of pressure to keep the wound from bleeding out.

"Too dangerous. I will not have my daughter in that situation." Thatcher told him quickly.

"I think it would make your daughter very happy. You should consider it." Derek told him with a nod.

Thatcher sat there at his desk. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Meredith in college. He couldn't even see how it could work. How could she sit in class with a group of people who knew who she was. It would never work. They would want to talk to her. they would be taking pictures. She would induce chaos.

Meredith Grey was a pretty girl. All she needed to do was parade around in Gucci and Versace. She didn't need to become a business woman. She needed to be Meredith Grey. She needed to be the girl that intrigued everyone. She couldn't live a common life. And she was never going to be a doctor. Not if Thatcher had anything to do with it.

Thatcher drew in a deep breath. He could do this. He would let her learn. If that's what she wanted, she would get it. She would learn on her own just what it was like. Meredith Grey didn't belong anywhere but in the safety of her own home. And she would find that out. She couldn't hack it. He knew she couldn't

"If Meredith wants to try this out, I am willing. But if it gets dangerous, she is out. Period." Thatcher said firmly. "So what do you say?"

"We have a deal." Derek told him with a nod. Thatcher stuck out his hand and Derek shook it firmly. This was huge.


	55. Good News

Meredith had a shit-eating grin on her face that would not go away. She was doing something great. She was making things perfect. She worked her dad. He never saw it coming. And now Derek was going to be able to move forward. He was going to move forward with his dream and stay with her.

Derek emerged from Thatcher's office with his own grin. He had managed to get Thatcher Grey to side with him. He wasn't even sure how. It was perfect. He did it just right. It was okay for Derek to be concerned for what Meredith wanted. That just showed that he was doing his job. That just made Thatcher respect him.

Derek quickly walked through the house, looking for her. He had to tell her. He knew she would be excited. He knew that this is what she wanted. As he walked through the kitchen, he looked out the window, seeing her outside by the pool. Derek quickly strode across the courtyard and sat next to her in a chair.

"Hey." Meredith said with a knowing grin. "So..."

"So... How do you think you will like Parma?" Derek asked as s smirk grew on his face.

"Me? I'm not going to Parma. It's you, silly! You are going to Parma, Derek Hanson!" Meredith told him quickly. "And you are going... Even if I have to drag you there by those adorable curls of yours."

"Ah... I may be going. But you are too, Meredith Grey. You too are going to Parma." Derek told her happily. "Your father agreed to let you attend with me."

"What?" She asked in shock. "He is letting me go?"

"He is. I told him that you wanted to. I told him that you needed to get out there. He agreed to try it out. But only if-" Derek started.

"If I am safe, blah blah blah, blah blah..." Meredith muttered. "He really said yes?" She giggled.

"He did. I will accompany you to class, and if I can't, Tony will." Derek explained.

"Derek..." She said softly as she looked into his eyes. "If my father wasn't here... I would show you just how grateful I am." She said seductively.

"You can show me... Later. You could show me all night long. And I will let you." Derek told her as he looked into her eyes.

"Is that so?" Meredith asked as she parted her lips and ran her tongue over her teeth.

"Is it." Derek groaned, feeling his need rise.

"Hmmm..." Meredith moaned as she laid back and closed her eyes. "So what is it like?"

"What is what like?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"College. What is college like?" She asked with a smile. "What do you do?"

"You learn." Derek teased as he looked over at her.

"I know that!" She said in shock. "When... How often?" She asked happily.

"It depends on how many classes you take." Derek explained.

"I want to take them all. I want to do it all!" She said exuberantly. "When are we going?"

"Well, I will have to look into that." Derek told her with a nod. "But I need to get out of here..." He told her, remembering that Thatcher was home.

"Thank you, Derek. Thank you." She repeated as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

Derek walked away. She was so excited. And he didn't know how to feel. He was going to an Italian college. An old university. A place where everything was in italian. He was slightly worried about it. And then he thought of Meredith. She was so happy. But it hit him. What about her? How would she be treated? Could she handle being in the middle of everything? Could they handle her?

Meredith beamed as she laid there. She was going. For once she was doing something that she wanted to. She was doing something meaningful. Something to move herself forward. She was heading farther away from Thatcher's rule and closer to independence. She couldn't wait. She laid there with a smile on her face. She couldn't wait.

"Meri!" Thatcher said as he walked up. "I suppose Derek told you?"

"He did." Meredith said with a smile. "Thank you, daddy! I can't wait! I can't wait daddy... You will be so proud." She said happily.

"This is on a trial basis, Meri. I'm not happy about it. I want you to be happy. But I will not risk your safety. I just won't. I love you, darling, you know that." Thatcher explained.

"I know, daddy." Meredith agreed with a nod.

"I will be leaving later. Just for a few days." Thatcher explained and he leaned in and kissed her.

"Thank you daddy. For letting me be me... For letting me go." Meredith explained.

"I can't ever let you go, Meri... You are my baby." He said frankly, not speaking about college, but life. "And honey... Cover yourself... The help is ogling you."

"Okay, Daddy." She said with a giggle. "I will try."

Meredith felt nervous. Her father really didn't want her going. She didn't understand why he was letting her if he was so against it. She had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to let her be happy. He didn't want her to succeed. He just anted her forever in his grasp. She would show him she could do it. She had to.

----------------

Meredith thought all day. She was plotting her seduction. That was how she liked it. She liked to plan out every single little thing. And yet, she was coming up dry. With Tony in the house, they had to be very careful with what they did. Meredith knew she was loud. She knew that she lost all sense when Derek was deep inside her core. So it would have to be simple. But simple could still be erotic.

The clock ticked. Thatcher had left. Tony had went to bed. She was sure that Derek was either sleeping or reading. She didn't tell him what she was up to. She didn't tell him that she was planning on visiting him. In fact, he wasn't even sure if Thatcher was leaving for sure. She was going to get him when he least expected it.

Meredith stood in front of the mirror, she quickly zipped the hidden zipper up the side of her corset. Derek would die. It was a red and black satin flocked bustier. The ruffled lace edges at the hem accentuated every curve. The red and black matching thong and stockings fit perfectly. She spritzed perfume on her soft skin and fluffed her hair, this was going to be a good night.

Meredith pulled on her robe. If anyone was around, they would wonder why she was wearing black pumps with her pajamas. She knew Tony was asleep. He woke early. And he slept like a rock. They were in no danger getting caught under normal circumstances. As long as the noise level was kept down. Meredith turned the doorknob to Derek's room and stepped inside. It was pitch black. She quickly flipped the lock and stood there, tossing her robe to the side.

"Derek..." She whispered softly across the dark room. "Derek..." She said again, this time more seductively.

"Hmm...Huh?" Derek moaned as he sat up.

"Take your clothes off." Meredith said softly.

"Isn't your father here?" Derek asked softly with concern.

"Derek... My dad is gone, and I am dripping wet for you. Take off your clothes and then turn on the light." She whispered as she stood there.

She could hear Derek hastily undressing. She knew him well enough that he was in a rush. She was positive that he was already hard. She didn't have to see it to know it. The man got harder than anyone she had ever seen. After a minute Derek flipped on the light and his eyes got wide as he looked at her.

"Uh... Wow." He muttered, without blinking.

"I told you I would show you how grateful I was." Meredith said with a nod. "And here I am." She muttered as she strode over to the side of the bed. "Here I am... And you are more than ready, you bad boy."

"Meredith... You look amazing." He said in shock as he stared at her in awe.

"You have seen nothing." She warned him as she crawled on the bed. "Lay your head back." She told him as she pulled out a feather tickler and ran it down his chest. "I hope you realize how thankful I am..." Meredith muttered as she flicked his nipples with the feathers. "Such a perfect man..." She moaned as she ran it down his chiseled chest and to his hipbone. "So big..." She explained as she ran the feathers around his cock.

Meredith grabbed his balls with her free hand and began massaging gently. She watched as Derek moaned and laid his head back. Meredith tickled the head of his penis gently as she continued to massage his balls.

"If you are going to play..." Derek groaned as he looked at her.

"Patience, Derek. Patience." She told him as she ran the feather down his thigh and shin, moving to the other leg.

"I just want you Mer..." Derek begged as she sat up and pulled her.

"Ah, ah, ah!" She warned. "I get to play. And I'm not done." She said as she pulled away.

Meredith leaned down and tongued his nipple. Derek took in a deep breath, feeling her soft tongue on his hard flesh. She grabbed it with her teeth and squeezed until he moaned loudly and winced. She took it in her mouth and sucked while tonguing him, as her hand traveled to his shaft and teased it with perfection.

"Not nice..." Derek whined as she run her tongue up his neck and to his ear, her body laying over his.

"I'm not nice." She told him softly as her tongue slid in. "What exactly is it that you want?"

"I think you know, Mer. Please..." He asked as his mouth went to her neck. "I think you know." He repeated as he sucked hard, tonguing her soft flesh.

"Hmm... Maybe." She said as she pulled away and sat on his chest.

Derek could feel the wetness through her satin thong. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to taste her sweet flowing juices. The wanted them to run down his mouth as he greedily ate her. Meredith ground her wet pussy into his chest and let out soft whimpers.

"We can't have that." Derek said frankly as he reached to the side and quickly unzipped the corset in one motion. "Fuck." Derek spat as her perfect breasts fell out, her rosy nipples hard from the cool air. He wanted her. He had to have her.

Derek quickly unclasped the corset from the stockings. He could fuck her with stockings. It just turned him on. His hands ran down her sides and rested on her hips. Their eyes locked. She wanted it just as badly as he did. Derek gave her a smirk before he shoved her backwards and slide off the thong. His cock pressed needfully onto her back. Before she could say anything, he had her back on his chest.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He told her as he felt her warm juices begin to flow.

Derek ran his hands over his hip bones and inserted a finger inside of her. He was amazed at how wet she really was. Her little red clit was throbbing hard for him. He withdrew his figure and placed it in his mouth, tasting her succulent juices. Meredith smiled at him tasting her with such enthusiasm. He quickly slid his his finger back inside and played with her clit.

"Oh god, Derek." Meredith gasped as he teased her. She was more than ready. She had been needing to relieve herself since she saw him in his tight wet shirt. She held it in. She let it build to and uncontrollable level. Derek continued to stroke her clit just how she liked it. He knew just what buttons to push and when. "Oh god...Oh god..." She panted as her orgasm quickly took her over, causing her to grind her pelvis into his chest. Derek released his hand and pushed her back. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her to his mouth where he sucked her fluid, covering his face with the nectar of her core.

"Oh...Derek." She moaned as she shook violently at his tongue sliding over her sensitive clit.

"You taste like honey." He told her as he ran his tongue over thigh. Meredith laid there in a post-orgasm fog and let out loud whimpers. Her head relaxed and she let out a soft sigh. Derek rubbed her legs, feeling his need grow.

"I want to feel you, Derek...inside of me. Please." She moaned as she sat up.

"You know, I can't take you seriously when you are in my face." He told her as he nibbled on her wet lips.

"Ouch, you shit!" She spat as she looked down at him.

"You know you like it." He teased as she pushed her back. "But I think you would like a good fuck better..." He suggested as her grasped the cheeks of her ass and squeezed.

"Oh, I think you are right..." She agreed with a big nod as she moved back and climbed to her knees. "But I think you want the fuck more than I do..." She said as she hovered dangerously above his cock.

"Hmm... That may be." He agreed with a chuckle as he hastily thrust himself into her.

"Oh!" She gasped at his sudden penetration. Meredith let herself fall on his thick cock and began pumping gently on top of him.

Derek ran his hands from her hips, and up her back. He raised himself up and gently took her breast in his mouth. Derek gently squeezed her nipple between his teeth until she felt it in her core. He continued as she let out whimpers, followed by his own moans. Meredith rocked her hips back and forth, feeling him grow inside of her.

"Oh...Mer..." Derek moaned as he licked her chest.

"Ah!" She cried out she leaned back, causing his penis to rub her g-spot. "Oh god...Oh God... Oh my god!" She gasped as she felt her walls clamp down and begin contracting violently.

"Oh... Mer... Damn." He groaned as she swiveled her hips frantically for him.

"Damn, baby... I'm cumming." He spat as he thrust up into her. Meredith shook as her body pulsated. Derek looked her in the eyes before he grabbed her and flipped her onto her back. Meredith looked at him in amazement at the charge he was taking. Derek pressed her knees up as far as they would go before he thrust his full length in her over and over again. "Fuck... I'm cumming... I'm...Uh..." He groaned as he released hard into her.

Meredith laid there lifelessly as he collapsed on top of her. He could feel their sweaty bodies together as one. Derek could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest. It felt so right. No one had ever done that to him. No one made him feel the way she did. Their bodies fit perfectly as they remained connected.

"I'm so excited Derek. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am going somewhere. And it's all because of you." She said as she kissed him on his sweaty forehead.

"I love you, Mer." Derek said with a smile as he looked up at her. He gently kissed her chin as she looked down at him.

"I love you too, Derek." She told him with a smile. "Lots."

**You guys are only 5 chaps behind. That means soon you won't get daily updates!**


	56. The Enemies

They were forty-five minutes away from Parma. That was part of the reason why Thatcher was so willing. They would both live in the Grey mansion and drive there everyday. There was no way that Thatcher would be able to let her stay anywhere. She would never live in a dorm, and she would never move away. Not unless he had all control.

Meredith was nearly ready to jump out of the car. She was so excited. Derek shook his head. She was mature. She was unbelievably mature for her age. And yet, she had her moments of complete and utter immaturity. This was one of this times. She was being stupid-giggly and all over bouncy. But Derek like bouncy. He was all for bouncy.

"I can't take it!" Meredith said as she began to giggle.

"Calm down." Derek teased as he looked over.

"I'm excited. We are actually going there. To get out books and stuff. I am going to school. A real school. And- Wow..." She said in shock as she took in a breath.

"Parma is from the 11th century." Derek pointed out. That amazed him, it completely amazed him.

"Old. Really old." Meredith agreed as she looked into the distance. "Oh my god... There it is."

"Wow." Derek said as he shook his head and laughed. "This is funny."

"No it's not!" Meredith spat. "Don't tease me."

"I'm not, honey. It's adorable." Derek told her as he grabbed her hand.

The paparazzi was behind them. They were always behind them. Everywhere she went, they were there too. It was horrible. They were stuck to her shoe and she couldn't get away from them. She tried, and it never worked. It was dangerous. They had no regard for anyone's safety. They were reckless.

Meredith's grin only grew when Derek pulled into one of the many parking areas. She was ready for this. She was ready for the new experiences that were to come. Derek quickly walked around the car and helped her out. The swarming paparazzi chased after them as she rushed to the building. There was no one there to stop them from coming in.

It was a mess. Total chaos. She went through and got all of the necessary paperwork. They figured out that Meredith would be attending. As she collected her books, all of her glory was stolen by the media frenzy. She couldn't even enjoy it. And to make matters worse, the other students were getting angry with her. They couldn't do anything without being bumped into or pushed around by a reporter.

"What is she doing here?" Meredith heard someone say nastily as she looked over.

"Apparently she thinks she can make it." Someone else spat. "She is Meredith Grey for god's sake." They laughed.

"Well, I better not have to be in class with her." Another person said.

Meredith felt sick as she stood there. She didn't know whether to get angry or cry. So she stood there. Derek looked at her in shock. He could heard the comments. Apparently she hadn't figured on this happening. She was Meredith Grey. People hated her because she was Meredith Grey.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Yeah. I guess I am." Meredith muttered sadly, her bubble was burst.

"Meredith! Meredith! Are you planning on attending?" A paparazzo asked as he ran alongside her.

"Are you staying here?" Another yelled as they ran alongside her.

Derek rushed with her and opened the car door. Meredith climbed into the car and looked down at the books in her hands. She was sick. Completely ill. She didn't think it would be like this. She thought she would breeze in there and live a normal life. Now she was seeing that wouldn't happen. She was seeing what her father meant.

Derek quickly jumped into the car and sped off. He was feeling sorry for her. One of the happiest days in her life, and it was ruined just like every other day. Just another let down. Typical for her. Derek nonchalantly placed his hand on hers.

"It will be okay." Derek told her with a smile.

"I know. I just- Yeah..." Meredith muttered as she laid her head back and closed her eyes.

------------------

Meredith didn't know what it was going to be like in the real world. And Derek had no idea how to show her. He had no idea how to prepare her for what was to come. She didn't know how people could act. She was used to people bowing down to her. She was used to treating people badly. And she would see very soon what it was really like.

Meredith was nervous. She would never admit it, but she was seriously wondering of she could handle it. She always wanted to be a surgeon, but she never realized the work that went into it. She wasn't used to working for what she wanted. She was used to putting her hand out so that she could be given what she needed. And a scalpel usually wasn't something that was handed over for nothing.

"So... How did it go?" Sofia asked as Meredith walked into the kitchen.

"I need a cookie. Or ten." Meredith grumbled as she sat down on the stool and placed her arms on the granite countertop. Her head fell and her cheek laid against the cool surface.

"That bad, huh?" Sofia asked with a frown.

"Yeah. That bad." Meredith agreed as she picked up the chocolate peanut butter cup cookie and ate it. "I was serious." She said with a sigh as she shoved the last bite in her mouth. "I really need ten. Ten of them."

"Oh honey..." Sofia muttered as she handed her the jar.

"It was horrible." Meredith told her as she pulled out nine cookies and stacked them before her.

"You are going to make yourself sick." Sofia told her frankly.

"No I won't." Meredith moaned as she took a bite. "Can I have some milk?"

"Of course." Sofia told her as she walked over and poured her a glass "So how bad was it?"

"They never leave me alone. I am not special. They follow me everywhere. I just want one day alone. No paparazzi. I want to be able to walk down the middle of the road." Meredith complained as she looked up.

"Honey, if you did that, they would institutionalize you." She joked as she looked at Meredith's frown. "I'm sorry."

"You don't know. No one does. He does. He's the only one. You see me as Meredith Grey. That's all." Meredith told her as her eyes welled up.

"That not true. I know you." Sofia told her as she walked over.

"You say you do. But you don't. No one does. No one loves me. Not like- At least I have him." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"Meri... I love you like you are my own." Sofia told her as she kissed her head.

"Mmm..." Meredith muttered softly, knowing it wasn't true.

"I do. I know I am hard on you, but I do." She told her firmly. "I just want you to be exceptional."

"I just want to be me." Meredith said with a sigh as she took another cookie.

"You are you." Derek said with a smile as he walked in. "Where is Tony?"

"Outside." Sofia said quickly.

"And that is why I love you." Derek added as he kissed her temple. "Don't worry about them."

"Meri worries. She pretends she doesn't. But she worries." Sofia explained. Derek nodded and grabbed one of her cookies.

"Hey!" She spat as she looked up. "I need that."

"You need five cookies?" Derek asked in shock.

"I do." Meredith told him frankly.

"That is nothing compared to the five she already ate. I have to say she is the luckiest woman in the world. The things she eats... And look at that body." Sofia said as she shook her head and went to the sink.

"Yes... Look at that body." Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

"I heard that." Sofia said frankly.

"She hears everything." Meredith warned him as she looked over at him. "Good ears. Unlike Tony..."

"What about me?" Tony asked as he walked in.

"You're an idiot." Meredith muttered as she took another cookie and ate it.

"In your eyes only." Tony told her as he went to grabbed one of her cookies.

"Huh uh!" She spat as she punched his hand to the counter. Derek looked at her with wide eyes. "Get your own."

"Fuck! God damn it, Meri!" He yelled as he looked at his hand. "What the fuck was that."

"Oh, I should have warned you... Meri is having a bad day." Sofia told him with a laugh. "And when Meredith is having a bad day..."

"Everyone does." Tony added. It was true.

----------------

Meredith laid back breathlessly. Derek did that to her. Orgasm number four. He did that to her. At least she had that. At that time, there were no thoughts in her head. She went to that perfect place. The place where everything turned white and remained in a short-lived perfection. She smiled as she looked over at Derek. He had that post-coital glazed eyes look going on.

Thoughts were flowing in and out of her head. She was truly scared to go to school. The closer it got, the more she pulled back. She knew if she decided she couldn't do it her father would be more than happy. But she wanted to prove him wrong. She wanted to show her father she could do it. But she didn't think she could.

Derek could tell she was worried. He had seen it all day long. She was quiet and reserved. She was eating everything in sight. She was scared. She had good reason to be scared. The students were brutal, at least the ones he saw. To them, she was Meredith Grey. She was miss perfect. She was someone who got everything. They didn't expect her to make it on her own merit. And they assumed she would just be a distraction. Meredith couldn't escape. It's who she was.

"It will be okay, Mer." Derek told her as he rolled to his side and looked at the side of her face.

"They were really mean, Derek. They hate me." She told him as her face scrunched up.

"They don't even know you. Besides, it was stressful for them too." Derek pointed out. "The paparazzi is horrible. If you aren't used to it, it takes your breath away. They suck the life out of you. When they are focused on you, Mer... They don't even notice the people they are pushing over and knocking down. They were just trying to do what we were doing, and they couldn't. It wasn't fair to them."

"Well, It's not fair to me either! It's not like I told them to follow us in. I couldn't stop them, Derek." Meredith spat quickly.

"I know you couldn't. I'm not saying you could. I'm just saying that it affects everyone. And then they take it out on you." He told her as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Everyone will get used to it. Maybe they can bump up security. If the paps can't get in..."

"That's a crutch. Just one for thing for Meredith Grey. She's such a pain in the ass. Everything has to be special for her. They hate me for it, Derek. I hate this. Maybe I can't do it. I should just give up." She told him with a nod.

"No! That is not an option." Derek warned as he rolled onto her. "I am pinning you here until you tell me that is not and option."

"Derek... How can I learn? I'm stupid. I've never even been to a real school. I don't know anything. All I know id the difference between shoes." She said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"That is bullshit and you know it. What happened to you? You don't do this. You are a fighter. Hell, you smashed Tony's hand. You don't roll over and let people drive over you." Derek told her frankly.

"I'm so scared Derek. Not of going. I'm scared that I won't succeed. Just like everyone says I won't." She said as she closed her eyes.

"Then you have to prove them wrong, Mer. You have got to show them that you, Meredith Grey, are every bit as amazing and I know you are." Derek told her. "And I will be there by your side."

"Promise?" Meredith asked as she opened her eyes and looked into his.

"Of course. When I don't have class, I will be there. And I have been through this. We are going to kick their asses, Mer. We will serve their asses up on a platter." Derek told her with a happy nod.

"Yeah." She agreed with a smile as he kissed her nose. "I can do this. And I can definitely do this..." Meredith told him with a big nod as she grabbed a condom out of the drawer and tore to open, then rolled it on. "There." She smiled as she climbed aboard him.

"Oh god... You are so tight, babe." Derek told her with a big nod as she sat on his hard cock and smiled. I think you needed this... For the third time."

"This is five for me." She boasted. Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his chest and fingered his nipples. "You are so big... So hard... It's amazing!"

"Oh..." Derek gasped as he felt her walls mold around his member. Derek grabbed her hips firmly as she rocked forward and backward slowly. "Five? Really?" He asked in shock.

"Uh huh...God, Derek..." She moaned as he leaned up took a nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around and around.

"Oh wow..." Meredith moaned as Derek slid father in. She quickly swirled her hips milking him hard.

"Oh god, babe!" He shouted softly as she pulled up and sank down over and over again. "You are perfection..." He muttered as he slid his finger over her swelling clit.

"Oh god... Oh god." She whined as her body reacted to his touch. "Oh...oh... Oh my freaking god! There. Right there! Faster! Please don't stop. Please..."

"Such a nice little clit you have..." Derek moaned as her clit turned plump, ripe and throbbing. "Oh..." He moaned as his cock slid even deeper into her.

"Oh... Derek!" She cried out, her breasts bouncing quickly. Derek smiled as he raised his hands and held the firm mounds. "Oh god... I'm cumming..." She yelped as he continued to thrust up into her with force as she bounced.

"Release that cum for me..." Derek told her quickly as he stroked her clit again.

"Oh god, Derek. I- I- Oh my... My- God!" She spat as she sat still and and panted breathlessly.

"Oh god, Mer..." He yelled at her strong contractions against him. He could feel her walls milking his cock. "I have to fuck you..." He spat as he thrust into her. She rocked her hips as waves came over her again and again.

"Oh...oh...oh... Der!" She yelled as she flooded him again and continued to rock in a dazed fashion.

"Here I- Oh!" He yelled as he felt his orgasm coming.

"Oh god..." She yelled as she felt him fill the condom. "I can do it..."

"You just did." He chuckled. He knew that wasn't what she was talking about.


	57. Showing Them

Meredith stood in her closet. She was completely frazzled. She couldn't take it. She had no idea what to wear. Derek had class yesterday. It seemed it came easy for him. They did a lot with students that spoke another language. They were open to it. He was in his element. And Meredith was freaking out. Why? Because she had no idea what to wear.

"Ahhh!!!!!!" She screamed as she began tossing things around.

Tony heard her scream. Panic set it. All he could thing was that something horrible happened. He was there to protect her. Even if she was a huge pain in the ass, he didn't want to see anything happen to her. He quickly sprinted down the hallway. Derek was in the study. He never even heard her scream. Tony rushed into her room and threw opened the door.

"Are you- Oh my!" He spat as he spun around away from her.

Meredith was standing there scantily clad in her Brazilian cut panties and a matching lace bra. It truly wasn't anything less than what she would wear out to the pool. But he knew. As much as he had always wanted to see her in her underwear, he wished he hadn't. It was amazing. She looked amazing. But the second he saw her, he felt dread. Deep dread. Like Thatcher knew. Even if he didn't.

"Why are you in here? What are you doing?" She yelled at his back.

"I'm sorry, Meri! I'm sorry! I heard you scream. I thought you were hurt!" Tony said apologetically

"Hurt? I can't find any fucking thing to wear." Meredith cried out as she stood there. "Go! Get out." She spat loudly.

"I am so sorry." Tony told her as he dropped his head and rushed out.

Meredith wanted to be casual. She couldn't go in there like she usually did. She couldn't go in a Gucci dress. She couldn't let them think that what they had suspected was truth. She wanted them to see the real her. Meredith flipped through her jeans. She finally grabbed a dark indigo pair of her low-rise True Religions and a Deep purple henley top. She looked in the mirror and smiled. She looked just right.

Meredith grabbed her Chloe Edith messenger bag and her Gucci handbag and walked down the stairs. She was ready. She could do this. She could show them. She slowly walked into the study, seeing Derek studying his book intently. The minute their eyes locked, she felt a renewed sense of confidence that could not be taken away. He made her feel like she could change the world.

"You look ready." Derek stated frankly as he looked up at her.

"I am. I mean, As ready as I can be." She admitted as she smiled at him.

"Shit... We need to go." Derek told her as he threw his books in the bag and jumped up. "I didn't realize how late it was."

"We'll make it, right?" Meredith asked with concern as they walked to the garage.

"Of course we will." Derek told her with a nod as they climbed into the car.

As if it wasn't chaotic enough on the first day back, today it was worse ten-fold. Meredith Grey had created a frenzy. The media was all over it. As the paparazzi followed her up to the door, she could hear people yelling at them. They didn't want them there anymore than she did. Derek gave her a faint smile of reassurance as they approached the building.

Once they got inside, she could hear the administrative personal yelling at the paparazzi that were trying to swarm in the doors. They held them off for a few minutes before the lot of them rushed right in and ignored who was holding them back. Meredith quickly made her way t the lecture hall that Derek led her to. Once she was inside, she was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, until she looked around.

It was full. She was nearly late. Derek felt so bad. She looked frozen. He wanted to pull her close and hold her tightly. He couldn't do anything. All he could do was be her bodyguard. Meredith walked down towards the front. Derek muttered something about going off to the side so that he could see all the way around her.

She could feel her body tensing up. She almost felt sick. She could feel the eyes on her. Every eye in the room was on her as she walked. Her hells clicked loudly on the floor as she walked. They were judging her. They were eyeing up the perfect Meredith Grey. She was shaky. But even through her shakiness, she did her walk. She walked the Meredith Grey strut that everyone knew. She could hear the whispers as she took her seat. They were talking about her. Everyone was talking about her.

She could barely listen as she sat there. Normally she could handle it. Meredith Grey was used to attention. But she was out of her element. If she were in a place she was used to, she was in control. But here, they were. She couldn't focus. She kept hearing it. Meredith Grey. What is she doing here? She couldn't think. Not with them boring holes into her.

Derek wanted to yell. He wanted to jump up and tell them they had no idea what they were doing. He wanted to tell them who she was. He wanted them to know how special she was. They had no idea. She was amazing. She was the love of his life. And he couldn't tell them. All he could do was watch the suffering.

It was uncomfortable for everyone. Everyone was feeling the pressure of having her there. The paparazzi was camped outside the door. She was trouble. She was making it impossible for the day to go normally. Not even the other students were safe from their prying questions. It was bad. They were jealous. The guys wanted her. And the girls, they just wanted to be her.

---------------------

He could see them looking at her. The guys were looking at her like she was meat. Derek didn't like it. He wanted to write "Derek's" on her forehead with a sharpie. It wasn't even just being jealous. It was that they weren't seeing her for her. They were seeing her a a pretty girl. As a nice piece of ass. And that only fueled the anger of the girls. The rage of jealousy.

It was over. She made it through the class. She only had one. Derek thought it was wide for them to hang out until the lecture hall was nearly empty. It was horrible. She didn't talk as she sat there. The tears were starting to sting her eyes. She wouldn't let them fall. She wouldn't.

"I'm sorry." Derek muttered under his breath, as he pretended to read his book.

Meredith nodded. That was all she could do. If she spoke, the tears would fall like rain. She couldn't have that. Not with the paparazzi right outside her door. Things were bad, and she could feel it. There was a small group mingling off to to side. They were walking over. Meredith felt them near. It was a storm.

"Why are you here?" One of the girls snapped in italian.

"You have no reason to be here. You bring them." Another girl said as she pointed to the door.

"I'm here for the same reason you are." Meredith croaked as she stood up and began to walk out. Derek got wide eyed as he followed her.

It was a swarm. They were there. They were waiting to see how her first day went. She would never let them though. But she was sure everyone else did. She was sure that the disdain they felt for her was spread across the land in every magazine for all eternity. Meredith didn't talk as she rushed out. She couldn't breathe. Derek did his best to get them away, but they were persistent.

"I'm really sorry, Mer. But I think that is probably the worst it will ever be." Derek told her frankly. "It can only get easier."

"They hate me. They actually hate me." Meredith said as she let the tears fall. "And I don't care. I don't care..."

"You care. You care, or you wouldn't be crying." Derek told her as he sped down the road away from the paparazzi.

"I need you, Derek. I need you right now. I need you to hold me, because I can't breathe and I feel like I'm going to die." She admitted as she sobbed.

Derek's heart broke. He drove as quickly and as skillfully as he could to get away from them. It worked. It seemed they lost them, or they lost interest. They knew that once they arrived at the Grey mansion, there was no getting any information. Instead of going down the road to the house, he turned off. He parked in an area off the road and away from sight.

"Oh... Derek..." She cried out as she laid against him.

"Meredith, I know you don't see the light right now, but you have to fight." Derek told her as he kissed her head. "The Meredith I know would never do what you did. You froze up. You let them bully you. Meredith Grey doesn't do that. She never does that." Derek told her frankly.

"They're smarter than me. And they know what they are doing. And I'm just a big dumb-ass." She pouted as she looked up at .

"You know none of that is true, Mer. You know it. You are smart. You are smarter than any of them. They are jealous of you. Those girls are insanely jealous. You are drop-dead gorgeous. Everything about you is sexy and they have a hard time dealing with that. It's hard to be around someone who intimidates you." Derek told her with a smile as a kiss on the forehead.

"Me? I can't intimidate them." She said in shock.

"Honey, you are walking sex. You have an air around you. You walk like you own the place. They are jealous and they are lashing out. And tomorrow, you will show them. Do you understand me?" Derek asked as he looked into her bloodshot eyes.

"I'll try." She said as she collapsed against her chest. "Try..." She pouted.

--------------

It was day two. Day two of hell, as Meredith liked to think of it. Derek was right, the number of paparazzi was cut down by half. She wasn't as intimidated. And she was going to show them all. She was going to show them just how Meredith Grey was. She was going to teach them a lesson. She was tired of being treated badly. She was done.

"So you are going to be yourself today, right?" Derek asked as he squeezed her hand.

"I will." Meredith agreed with a smile.

"And you will show them what's up?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"I will." Meredith told him with a smile. "I won't let them bully me anymore."

"Good. Meredith Grey isn't like that. She's strong." Derek told her as he nonchalantly leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, checking before that no one was around. "I love you."

"I know you do." She said with a giggle. "I just hope today is better, Derek. They were looking at me. They wouldn't stop. I felt like I was in a zoo. I don't want to be in a zoo cage." She explained, while Derek laughed loudly. "What the hell is so funny?"

"A zoo cage. I don't know. That sounds hilarious. A zoo cage..." Derek continued.

"It's not funny, Derek! That's what it is... A zoo cage." She spat as she hit him in the arm. "Not funny at all."

"I thought it was. My little Meredith... In her cage." He laughed again.

"You know... I love sex. I love it. I love to have sex. I love the way it feels when your big hard cock slides in... Too bad it won't be anytime soon. I'll miss that. I really will." She said with a giggle as she looked up at him.

"You aren't funny." Derek muttered frankly.

"Oh, did that hit home... Derek?" She said sarcastically.

"Yes. Especially since I got no sex last night." He pouted as he slid his hand up her thigh.

"Oh, you didn't? Then who the hell was that last night?" Meredith joked as she glanced over at him.

"Funny. But I think you would know if it wasn't me..." Derek pointed out as he looked over at her chest. He wanted her. He wanted her now.

"Oh... I'd know. I would know..." She reiterated as her hand slide down and grazed his jean covered cock. "There isn't much that can compete with that." She told him frankly.

"You aren't telling me anything." Derek chuckled as they pulled into the parking lot.

"So you study cocks now?" She asked with a giggle.

"You know... You- You're going to be late." Derek settled on as they climbed out of the car.

Once again the paparazzi rushed them, screaming questions. Meredith wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Derek pushed the paps back, and quickly walked alongside Meredith, rushing into the building. Security had been bumped up. The paparazzi was no longer allowed to come into the building, without the possibility of prosecution.

Meredith was early this time. She walked into the nearly empty room and Derek led her tho their seats. She loved being alongside Derek. It was like she was with her protector. She saw them the day before. She saw the girls eyeing him. But they had no idea. Absolutely no idea. Meredith's claws were in for now. For now.

The room quickly filled. Derek's eye brows raised. He was observing the social behavior of the group. The day before, Meredith came in and sat where she had to. She and Derek had to take a seat where there was room. But today, she was there when it was empty, and it was amazing. Most of the guys were flocked around her. And the girls, they were on the other side, and they wanted nothing to do with her.

Derek couldn't help but have a pang of jealousy. He didn't like them eyeing her up. He didn't like them looking at her the way they were. It was like she was a nice piece of ass, that any of them were ready to tap. Derek looked up with wide-eyes as someone approached.

"Meri..." She heard a familiar voice say.

It hit her like a ton of bricks. Calvino. Calvino who introduced her to the land of sinful pleasure. A pleasure that she had enjoyed and still thought about often. A pleasure that she fought off and would never go back to. He took advantage of her state of mind. He seduced her when she couldn't control herself. And she wanted him gone.

"Calvino." She sneered as she looked up at him.

"So how have you been?" He asked as he sat down next to her.

"I don't want you to sit there." She told him frankly. "Please get up."

"Oh, Meredith... You should know this is a public place, I can sit here. Why don't you want me to sit by you? You and I have always had a good time." Calvino told her with a smile as he looked into her eyes.

"You did. I did not have a good time." Meredith said frankly as she looked around.

"I don't know... I have never heard you moan like that." He told her with a smirk.

"Get your ass up, now!" She spat angrily. She looked over at Derek, and he realized where he knew him from.

"Go. Get out now. _Now_." Derek said angrily as he looked into the man's brown eyes.

"You can't make me go." Calvino spat as he looked up at him.

"Do you really want to test that?" Derek asked as he stood.

"Leccacazzi..." (Cock-sucker.) Calvino spat before he stood and took a seat farther down.

"Thank you." She muttered under her breath.

"Not a problem. I'm sorry he's here." Derek told her with a sigh.

The class went well. Meredith was on top of her game. She was out to show everyone. And she did. She was amazing. She knew everything they were talking about and she wasn't afraid to say it. Derek was beaming with pride. She was his girl. He could tell that everyone was shocked. Meredith Grey, the pretty girl. Meredith Grey, the self-absorbed girl. Meredith Grey, the rich bitch. Well now she was Meredith Grey, the smart girl.


	58. Last Season Prada and Chicken Head

Meredith was showing them. She was amazing. The quarter was almost over, and she was still kicking ass with the highest grade point average in all of her classes. Derek always knew she was smart. She liked to play dumb occasionally for some people. But she hadn't fooled him. She hadn't even come close.

Meredith rolled over in the bed. Derek was smiling at her. He was already awake and he had a huge grin on his face. As her green eyes met his blue, she began to giggle. It wasn't perfect, but they had made it work. She stayed in his bed most of the nights. They had a more than active, creative sex life than most open couples. Everything seemed as perfect as it could be.

"Why are you smiling?" Meredith asked as she yawned and stretched.

"Why am I smiling... Let's see here... I somehow tricked the most beautiful girl in the world into my bed. If that isn't a reason to smile, I don't know what is." Derek chuckled as he pulled her onto him.

"I actually think it is I who tricked you." She teased as she leaned down and kissed his face.

"Eh... Possibly. Either way I look at it, someone was tricked." Derek told her with a smile.

"Yeah, I think I can agree with that." She giggled as she kissed him again. "Exams start Monday. I really need to study today."

"You do. Although I am positive that you will have absolutely no problem." Derek told her frankly. "You are a fucking genius."

"I am not a genius." She said as she rolled her eyes. "Not even close. Do you think you can help me study today?"

"Of course I can. But I think I need to take a run this morning. I've been getting out of the habit lately, and you know I don't like that." He told her with as smile as he ran his hands down her back and rubbed her ass.

"Me too. But I love weekends. I love them. Sleeping. In the bed. Sleeping." She repeated as she snuggled into his side.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he looked up.

"Um... Possibly." She giggled as she closed her eyes.

"You are finally realizing what it is like to be busy all week..." He laughed as she moaned.

"I love school. I do..." Meredith muttered as she rolled over and covered her head with the pillow.

"Well, the bed is about to get a lot colder. Because I am going for a run." Derek told her as he crawled out.

"Eh. You are no fun. If you get up, I have to get up." She moaned as she looked up at him. "Fine. I will run. We will run." She grumbled as she crawled out of the bed. "I will see you out there." She muttered as she snuck out of his room.

Meredith crept out of the room and looked down the hallway. Her bare feet pattered across the soft carpeting. She had tossed her own bed apart before she made her way to Derek's last night. That was generally how she did it. She fought the urge to climb back into the bed, and instead went into her closet and pulled out her running clothes.

The air was crisp. It was beginning to get cold out. Meredith was going to miss the warmth of summer. She always liked spending her day by the pool in the hot sun. Meredith laid out and began doing her stretches, looking up as Derek walked out onto the grass. She didn't say a word as she stood up and walked off, making her way to the path.

"Imagine seeing you out here..." Derek joked as he ran alongside her, catching up.

"I know... It's been so long." She joked as she ran along.

"How was Calvino yesterday?" Derek asked with a wince as he glanced up at her.

Calvino had been a bit of a burr in her side since the first day of class. He wasn't overly pushy. He didn't make her uncomfortable. He was just persistent. He always had a thing for her. He was the guy that waited. Everyone always said they would be great together, but she never had the interest in him to be anything. And then that night happened. It wasn't really anyone's fault. It was a drug induced euphoria that took them all over. And now she regretted it. But he didn't want to let it go.

"He was fine." Meredith said with a shrug. "Tony kept everyone away... When he wasn't too busy ogling the girls."

"That man is a bigger whore than Mark." Derek joked with a chuckle.

"You have no idea." Meredith muttered as she ran along.

She could feel him looking at her. She could feel the gaze. She knew what he wanted. She knew what he was up to. Meredith giggled as she ran a little faster and then looked over. Derek shook his head. He was persistent.

"Stop looking at me like that." She teased as she looked over at him.

"Like what?" Derek asked with a chuckle. "I have no idea what you are talking about..."

"Sure you don't." Meredith answered as she looked up and into his blue eyes. "...Fine."

Derek grabbed her arm, pulling her back mid-stride and against his chest. They couldn't help it. He couldn't help it. Last night they slept. He could tell that she was tired from a busy week at school. But now he needed her. Right now he had to satiate the burning desire that grew inside of him. Derek's mouth covered hers and he quickly slid his tongue inside. He loved the way she tasted. He could taste the sweet flavor of her lip balm. Cherry. Definitely cherry. His tongue ran over her lips, before he sucked her lower lip in.

Meredith worked at Derek's pants. He had on running pants. Not zipper. In haste, she tore them down to his knees, along with his boxers. He was more than ready. His erect cock stared up at her as her hand went to the shaft and massaged it gently.

"Not yet, Mer." Derek told her as he pulled her pants down to her and looked at her with a smile. "Someone didn't wear panties..."

"No, someone did not. Because someone knew what was coming. Because someone, knows someone else too well!" Meredith said as looked down at him. "And someone's ass is getting cold. So if you want to get fucked, fuck me fast!" She spat loudly.

"So glad you said that." He told her as he pushed her back against and elm tree.

"Fuck me, Derek. Show me what you have." She groaned as he lifted her hips and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, resting on his ass. "Give me a good fuck."

"Oh... I'll give you a good fuck alright!" Derek spat as he trust his member deep into her hot hot. "Fuck, babe... You were wet."

"You bet you ass I was." She said as she placed her lips on his.

Derek pumped his hips, sliding himself deep into her core. He liked to look. As her tongue slid in and out of his mouth, he looked down. Nothing turned him on more than to see his glistening cock slide in and out of her. He liked to see himself give her so much pleasure. He liked to hear her moan as he filled her so deeply.

Meredith laid her head back against the tree as her body took the brunt of Derek's assault. His mouth covered her neck as he tongued her softly flesh. She could feel her hair, a tangled mess, not rubbing into the bark of the tree. She didn't care. Derek was filling her with pure pleasure as his long, thick cock was inserted and withdrawn into her creamy wetness.

"Oh... God, Derek. You are ama- Ama- Amazing!" She yelled as he went back to her mouth and fucked her with his tongue.

Derek moaned at the feeling of her moist core wrapped around his cock. It was the perfect mold. Her tiny core had a way of handling the mass bestowed upon it. She greedily took it, inch by each, moaning every bit of the way. Derek could feel her walls beginning to clamp down. he opened his eyes and looked at her closed once. She was close, he could feel it, physically and mentally.

"Babe... You feel fucking perfect." Derek told her as he rammed her over and over again, willing her to cum for him. "Come on, baby. Cum... Let it go. I know you are ready." Derek told her frankly as he looked into her eyes.

"Oh." She groaned loudly as she released her fluids around him. "Oh god..."

"Good girl." Derek smiled as he continued to slid in and out, ready to cum himself.

Derek reached his hand down and began stroking her clit, willing her to cum again and send him over the edge. She screamed out as he teased her already sensitive clit, sending her over again. Derek felt himself begin to pulsate as he came. Meredith moaned and laid her head back as he sprayed her warm walls with his hot seeds. They both ceased all motion and laid back, drawing in deep breaths. Meredith dropped her feet and felt her ass run down the truck of the tree.

"Ah! Fuck!" She yelled as she stood there. "That fucking hurt."

"Let me see." Derek said as he spun her around. "Oh fuck, Mer... You are so red... You are bleeding." He said as he placed his fingers on her.

"Ah! Don't touch." She said as she pulled away.

"You need to get back and clean that out. I'm so sorry baby. You are really raw." He told her as he touched it again, receiving a smack from her.

"Stop!" She spat as she pulled her pants up and stood there.

They jogged back quickly. Meredith was feeling the burn in her ass, and it wasn't from running. It was from the tree assault to her bum. As soon they got to the house, Meredith slide off her shoes and ran to her room. She ripped off her pants as she ran across the room. As she stood in the mirror, she frowned. How would she ever sit down? And would people wonder? Just another sex injury to add to the list.

----------------

Meredith shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her ass was on fire. She was in pain. The night before, Derek had to slather her in antibiotic ointment. Just her luck, she would end up with and infection on her ass, and just how would she explain that? So she was being careful. She was being safe. She rolled to her side and sat with a frown on her face.

"Are you okay, baby?" Derek asked with a sigh as he looked over at her.

"No, Der. You were too rough. You almost killed me." Meredith said nastily.

"Me! You said fuck me fast, babe! What do you want me to do? Give it to you nice and easy on the mattress in the wilderness?" Derek asked with a frown.

"You are an ass!" She spat loudly. "You're not the one with ass burn!"

"No... I am not." He said with a smile as he looked forward.

"How am I supposed to take an exam when I can't sit in a fucking seat? Can you tell me that?" Meredith asked as she tried to sit again.

"I'm sorry, Mer... You know I am." Derek pointed out as he rubbed her thigh.

"I know you are. I did this to myself." Meredith muttered.

"It takes two. And I am sorry." Derek told her again.

"Eh... I just need you to rub my ass tonight." Meredith moaned as she shifted again.

"Of course I will rub your ass." Derek said suggestively.

"In a completely non-sexual way, of course." Meredith told him frankly.

"Of course." Derek agreed with a nod. "Non-sexual, all the way!"

"Okay... That was a little too exuberant for me." She giggled as she looked over.

Derek pulled up into the parking lot. There were a few paparazzi outside waiting for her. There were always the regulars. She didn't know their names, but she knew their faces. They called themselves her followers. And they were. They followed her everywhere. Meredith rushed passed them. For the first time in a long time, she had the closest thing to granny panties on. The fabric of her jeans rubbing against her ass was too much. She had to have a soft cover. And now, she was sure everyone would see. Meredith Grey was wearing big gigantic panties.

Meredith hurried into the room and took her painful seat. They were allowed to leave when the exam was done, and she was seriously thinking of tanking it, just to get out sooner. She couldn't do that, but she couldn't stand the burn of her raw skin against any surface. She was think she would never have sex against a tree again. No matter how good it was.

"You will do fine." Derek reassured her as he sat down next to her.

"I just- Did you know what they are saying?" She asked him quickly.

"Who saying what?" Derek asked in confusion.

"Last season Prada and Chicken head." Meredith said as she pointed across the room.

"Last season Prada and Chicken head?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"Well, yeah, I mean... She wears old Prada. And every time the other one reads anything, his head pecks like a chicken." Meredith grumbled.

"That is- Wow... That is why I love you." Derek said in a very low tone. "So what are Prada and Chicken saying?"

"That my dad is paying them off so that I pass." Meredith grumbled as she looked over. "Can you believe it? My did wants me to fail... Hello!" She said loudly.

"That is bullshit, Mer. Just ignore them." He said frankly.

"Mr. Hanson, I am going to need to ask you to move over three seats while Miss Grey takes the exam." The professor said in Italian. Derek nodded and quickly moved over.

"Good luck." He said softly as he opened his book.

Meredith breezed through it like it was nothing. She couldn't believe how easy it was. Derek gave her a proud smile when he watched her walk up and turn it in. She nodded at him and made her way to the door, followed by her enemies. She didn't say a word as she walked into the hallway.

"So how do you think you did?" Last Season Prada asked as she walked up to Meredith.

"Are you seriously talking to me?" Meredith asked in shock. "You have been treating me like shit for how long? And now you want to be decent. My father didn't even wnat to pay for me to come here. He is waiting for me to fail. So him paying them off... That's a joke. Get a life. Don't talk to me, Last Season Prada. You either, Chicken head." She spat as she walked away.

"Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?" Prada girl asked loudly.

"Look at your shoes." Meredith spat as she looked down. "Last season. Vintage is acceptable. You are wearing summer shoes in the fall... Last season shoes. God, last year is no much better." Meredith quickly walked away with Derek on her heels.

"Snap." Derek said with a chuckle. "But really, you were harsh, Mer."

"No. They were harsh, Derek." Meredith told him frankly. "And they will really get the slap in the face when the grades come out."

"That's my girl." He said with a chuckle.


	59. Control

She nailed them to the wall. Nothing was better than when grades were posted. Meredith Grey was on the top, all the way. Derek was so proud of her. He could tell that it made her happy. It boosted her confidence. She was on top of the world. She was on top of her game. She was amazing.

Meredith snuck into her room. The burn was gone. But it was now replaced with itch. She couldn't take it. The healing of her skin was sending her over the edge. Meredith smiled when she laid down on the bed and watched Derek walk in. Derek quickly clicked the lock and walked over, grabbing the moisturizing cream off of the table.

"Mmm... Where did you tell them you were going?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"To study." Derek told her as he pulled her pants down and rolled her over.

"That was stupid. We are on break." Meredith quickly.

"I have study. I need to study, Mer. It doesn't matter if you are on break. I need to get ahead." Derek told her frankly.

"So... You really need to study. So why are you in here?" Meredith giggled as she looked up.

"To study the female anatomy." Derek told her with a wink as she smoothed the cool cream over her ass.

"Oh god... That feels so good, Derek." Meredith moaned as she closed her eyes.

"It's looking a lot better." Derek told her as he continued to massage it in.

"Good." Meredith muttered into the pillow.

Derek smirked as he ran his hands over her ass, and moved them up her back, rubbing softly. Meredith moaned as he paused her shirt up and rubbed harder and harder. Derek moved his hands up farther and unclasped her bra, freeing her from the restraint. Meredith smiled softly as she rolled onto her back and looked up at him.

"And just what do you think you are doing?" Meredith asked as she ran her hands over her abdomen and licked her lips.

"Possibly soliciting sex?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"Oh really?" Meredith moaned as she feathered her hand over her soft pussy. "And what makes you think you will get it?" She asked as she rubbed her clit and arched her back. He felt his pants tighten as she plunged two fingers deep inside herself.

"Oh, I have a feeling you won't be able to resist." Derek told her as he grabbed her hand and stuck her fingers in his mouth, sucking them hard. "Mmmm... You taste good, sweetheart."

Meredith gave him and evil smirk as she lifted her shirt and bra, and revealed her plump breasts. Derek groaned as she rubbed her hands over herself, raising her nipples into hardened peaks. One hand worked on her tight pussy, while the other one worked on teasing her breasts. She could feel the heat rising in her core as she closed her eyes.

"That has been enough teasing out of you." Derek told her as he laid across her body, placing a hand on either side of her tiny body.

"Oh really? And what are you going to do about it?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"Give you a good fuck. Teach you your lesson." He told her frankly as he went to work on his jeans.

"I think that is an excellent idea." Meredith muttered as she leaned up and licked his lips. Derek smiled as he parted them and let her take over. He quickly shimmied out of his jeans and boxers before she threw him onto his back and straddled him. "How do you like this studying?" She asked with a smile.

"I like it." He told her as he felt her warm juices begin to pool on his abdomen. Derek leaned up and took a nipple in his mouth.

"I need to feel that cock inside of me." Meredith groaned as she ground her hips into his abdomen, milking herself. Her body was on high alert. It had been far too long without them.

"You know I like to give you what you want." Derek told her with a smile as he looked up at her. Her breasts bounced as she bounced on his abdomen, reaching behind her back to tease his cock. "Fuck, babe. It wants you. Now..."

"Oh god, Derek... You are so hard." Meredith groaned as she looked up.

Just as Meredith began to scoot her ass back, she heard the ominous sound of the doorbell. Derek looked up at her and sighed. There was no point in starting it if they wouldn't be able to finish. Meredith let out a sigh as she paused.

"Meri! Someone is here for you." Cristoforo yelled from downstairs.

"Whoever it is... They are fucking dead." Meredith spat as she climbed off of Derek and dressed.

Meredith looked over at Derek and pulled her jeans on. She was mad. Irate. Some asshole just walked in when she was getting ready to get the best fuck of her life. Maybe not the best, but good. Damn good. She quickly stomped down the stairs. She wanted to stomp this someone into the ground. Whoever it was, they would be stomped.

"Matthew!" She spat as she marched down the stairs and walked up to him. His eyes got wide as she raised her hand and smacked him across the face.

"What the hell was that for, sweetheart?" Matt asked in shock as he looked up at her. Meredith looked over seeing that there was no one around.

"You are an asshole!" She spat as she looked up at him. "You interrupted sex!"

"Oh... Fuck. Like I knew, Mer... If I had known..." He said apologetically. "And you are pretty serious about that. I'd imagine I am dangerously near death at this point."

"You have no idea." Meredith growled as she looked at him. "And I may have to be rude and leave your ass down here, so I can finish what I was doing!"

"Oh aren't you a nice fake girlfriend?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"Hey... You don't mess with sex!" Meredith spat as she turned to walk away. She frowned when she looked at Derek walking down the stairs. "Thanks."

"Hey, Matt." Derek said nonchalantly as he neared.

"He knows what he has done. And I think that he knows punishment will come." Meredith spat as she looked into his eyes.

"I can take it." Matt said with a chuckle.

"So why exactly are you here?" Meredith asked as she started to walk into theatre. They all walked in and she shut the door behind them.

"Well, first I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. I heard you totally kicked ass at school!" Matt said with a smile.

"She is fucking awesome." Derek agreed with a happy nod.

"Okay, that's great. You can go now..." Meredith said as she grabbed his arm.

"Aren't you sexed up?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"Hey... Shut up." Meredith grumbled. "Don't you wish you were sexed up?"

"Not nice, Mer... Not nice! Actually, there was something else... Another reason I am here."

"What?" Meredith said with a sigh as she turned on the t.v. and sat down with a frown.

She hated this. She was a bit of an addict. She didn't know she had a problem. But she did. She had a major problem. She liked a good fuck. She loved it. It was a hobby. It was a passion. It was the moment when she was the happiest, when she and Derek were connected. And now Matt ruined that.

"Well, you have two weeks off, from the university, right? How would you two like to come to Australia? Good for media. Good for me. Good for you. It's a win win." Matt said with a nod.

"Two weeks in Australia..." Derek said with a smile. "I'm game."

"Yeah. We need a vacation!" Meredith agreed as she squeezed Derek's ass. "Oh god do we need it..."

--------------

It didn't take much to get Meredith and Derek to agree to get away. They were always looking for a reason. Meredith like to take Derek to different places. She knew that he hadn't experinced a lot, and she wanted to. And Derek liked to get away so he could be with her when she was herself. It was a win win for both. And they were both ready.

Meredith was busy packing. She was excited about going to Australia. It wasn't about going to the place, it was about going with Derek. She was going with Derek, and Matt knew about them. That meant she could be completely comfortable. That meant that she could relax and be herself with her two favorite guys.

Derek threw his things in a bag. It seemed like this was all they ever did. Not that he was complaining. He didn't know anyone that had the ability to do this. He didn't know anyone who could pick up and go anywhere they wanted, whenever they wanted. They needed some free alone time. Not to mention, he was looking forward to the different view.

Meredith grabbed her bags and started down the stairs. When she got to the third step from the top, she felt her foot slide. She looked up with wide eyes as she fell, atop her bag, and slid down the stairs like an expert bobsledder. All that could be heard through the entire house was the thump, thump, thump sound of her designer suitcase hitting each and every marble step.

"Shit!" Meredith yelled as she hit the bottom and went face first into the floor.

"Meri! Are you okay?" Cristoforo asked as he ran over and helped her up.

"I'm fine." Meredith said with a sigh as she stood up and looked around.

"Why didn't you tell me! I would have brought your bags down." He said as he grabbed the bag and dragged it across the entrance to the doorway.

"It's fine. You were busy." Meredith explained with a smile as she looked around.

Meredith wasn't like that. Before she met Derek, she was demanding. The help was the help, and she treated them as such. But without even realizing it, Derek had changed her way of thinking. Derek had molded her somewhat into a better person. Derek opened her eyes. She was a new Meredith Grey, new and improved.

"Meredith..." Thatcher said loudly from his office.

Meredith didn't even know he had come home. She rarely pais attention. All she ever thought about was Derek. He was mer main concern. He was her addiction. He was her drug. She was so wrapped up in him, she didn't even know there was anything else. She sighed as turned and walked to the office. She didn't really want to deal with Thatcher at the moment.

"Daddy... I didn't even know you were here." Meredith said with a smile as she walked up and gave her him a soft kiss.

"I just got in. I hear you are going to Australia with Matthew... Are you sure that is a good idea?" Thatcher asked with a frown.

"Why not?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked at him.

"Meri... I know you are young... I hope I don't have to explain the sex without-" Thatcher started as he looked at her.

"Oh god! Stop! Daddy, stop. Not now. Not with you!" She said as she hid her face. "I- Don't worry about it. Not a problem." She lied as she looked up.

"So you're-" Thatcher started quickly.

"Not talking about it." She said frankly. "Please. Don't- It's too- Just don't!"

"Uh... Okay. Well... I see I got this in the mail." He told her as he held up an envelope from Parma. "And I have to say, I am impressed. This is wonderful, Meri." He said as he read the paper again. "I am so proud of you."

"Thank you, daddy." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed the paper out of his hand and began reading it. Genius. Yep, that's right. Maybe not. But close...

"So what do you plan on doing with this education of yours?" Thatcher asked with raised brows.

"Well, I- I want to be a surgeon, daddy. I want to major in human biology and then go on to med school. That's what I want to do... My dream." Meredith told him frankly.

"No. Absolutely not. My daughter will not be a doctor. Not a surgeon. No way." Thatcher said frankly as he shook his head.

"Why?" That is what I want to do!" Meredith said loudly. "Why can't I be a doctor?"

"Meredith, I will not have my daughter being a surgeon. No way. You don't understand... Just- This is not acceptable." Thatcher grumbled.

"It's not up to you." Meredith yelled as she threw the paper down on the desk and jumped up. "Nothing is."

"I think more is than you will ever know, young lady." He said as she rushed out.


	60. Her Guys

Meredith was mad and it was quite apparent to both Matt and Derek. She was slamming things, she was grumbling. But more importantly, she was not talking. She was silent as she sat in the seat of the private jet. Derek frowned as he sat there. He didn't like seeing her like that. He didn't like unhappy Meredith. It seemed as if that always happened like that. They were fine and ready to go, and then it was sabotaged.

Meredith was more than upset. She didn't like that Thatcher was still trying to run her life. She was trying to make him proud. But he didn't seem to care. It broke her heart to think that her father didn't want her to succeed. She looked over at Matt and Derek, who seemed genuinely concerned about her. She had to look away as the tears began to fall. She couldn't take it.

"Um... Nap." She said quickly as she rushed to the sleeping quarters of the cabin.

"What happened?" Matt asked as he looked over at Derek.

"I'd imagine what always happens." Derek said frankly.

"Thatcher Grey?" Matt asked with a sigh.

"You've got it." Derek agreed with a nod.

"I don't know what he could have to complain about. Meredith is amazing. She is- Wow. She is a good person. Deep down, she is a great person. And smart. I heard that her grades are amazing." Matt pointed out.

"Meredith is the most amazing woman I have ever met." Derek agreed with a nod. "And I am going to check on her..."

Derek walked into the dark room. She had the lights off, and the tiny shades on the windows were closed. He could hear the faint cries escaping her mouth. The minute she realized Derek was in the room, she sucked it up and went silent. She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She didn't want to make him worry.

Derek crawled into the bed with her. She was stiff as a board until she felt his body against hers. He did that to her. She immediately lost it. Meredith rolled in the bed and buried her head in his chest as she cried. She needed him to hold her. She needed him to tell her everything would be okay. even if it wouldn't.

"It's okay, Mer... Whatever it is, I am here. And you are okay." Derek told her as he kissed her head. "It will be fine."

"Derek... He- I just want to be something. I want to be something more than Meredith Grey!" She cried out loudly.

"You are. Meredith, you are amazing..." Derek reassured her.

"Derek, I will never make it. I have been pre-programed to be unsuccessful. I can't do it." Meredith said frankly as she looked up at him.

"What do you want, Meredith? In this world, what would make you happy. what do you want?" He asked her.

It was a big question. It was a question that never meant anything. It was a question that she had never been asked. Not frankly. It was always just assumed or brushed off. And Derek wanted to know what it was she wanted. At first she wasn't sure. But truly, she did know.

"I want to be a surgeon. I want to be someone that saves people. I don't want to sit around and look pretty. I don't want to be on the cover of a magazine. i want to be on the cover of a medical journal. I don't want to be the shallow person that everyone expects me to be. I want to major in human biology and I want to go to med school. I want to succeed. I want to shock the world. I just want to be me." Meredith told him as she looked up.

"That is what we will do. If that's what you want, that's what you will get. I won't stop fighting for you, Mer. I will not stop for you. I will bulldoze everyone I need to. I will do whatever you want to make make you happy. You will make it. And I will make sure." Derek said with a smile as he looked down at her.

"Thank you. Thank you for taking the job, even if I was a bitch to you. And thank you for putting up with me. And thank you for always being there for me. And thank you for being the perfect friend. And thank you for being a perfect lover. And thank you for loving me. And thank you for being you. And thank you-" She went on before Derek cut her off by covering her lips with his. Meredith drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes as Derek slid his tongue into her mouth and played gently.

"I think you needed that." Derek said as he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"I did. I so did." She agreed as she laid her head against him. Sleep came. And she needed it.

----------------

Meredith and Derek climbed into Matt's car. It was refreshing to be somewhere els. She had been to Sydney before, but never Brisbane. Matt had grown up in Australia. They didn't have anything until his grandfather's company really took off. That was when their lives changed. And that why why Derek and Matt got along so well, they both knew what it was to want.

Matt knew both worlds. He had been on both ends of the scale. He had wanted, and now he had more than enough money in the bank and in company stock to live on for the rest of his life. That was what Derek liked. He liked that Matt was so down to earth. And he liked that Matt wasn't afraid to admit that.

"How are you feeling, Mer?" Matt asked with a smile as he looked a her in the rearview mirror.

"Better. So much better." Meredith said with a smile as she looked over at Derek.

"That's good. You just- Don't ever forget what you are worth, Mer. You are worth so much. And you know I don't mean financially. You, Meredith Grey have a ton of worth. And I know that I will never forget that." Matt told her frankly as they drove around.

Meredith looked at her guys and smiled. They never ceased to amaze her. They always made her feel so much better. Derek, mentally and physically, and Matt always said a good work to lift her spirits. She was happy to have them. She was happy that she would be spending time with them. It felt good. To be there for them as they were for her. That was the greatest feeling in the world.

"So, Mer... From what I hear, you are pretty damn intelligent." Matt told her with a smile. "So... There is something under that sparkling exterior!" He joked as he looked back at her.

"You are an ass!" She spat back, knowing he was playing with her.

"Eh... I really am, I guess. But seriously, what do you plan on doing? Are you just going to spite your father?" He asked her in confusion.

"I am going to be a surgeon. I have this insane need to cut and to save people. It's always interested me." Meredith told him. "So I want to major in human biology and go to med school."

"And if that is what you want to do, you will." Matt said with a nod. "Although I don't envy you. That much school makes me a little ill. I was never a fan of it myself. My four years was enough. The company wants me to go back. I really would rather not."

"You have no idea... You should, Matt. You will feel better about yourself." Meredith told him frankly as he drove down the road, approaching what she assumed to be his house. The penthouse, she was sure of that.

Meredith smiled at the modern home. Derek looked at her, knowing what she was thinking. She was an addict. But it was an addiction that he really didn't mind that she had. As Matt drove into the four car garage, it revealed his myriad of sports cars. Derek was impressed. That was one thing that he was interested in.

Matt and Derek both helped carry the bags into the house. Meredith always packed more than she needed. She couldn't be seen twice in the same outfit. Not to mention she had a special bag for her toys and naughty clothes. He loved her naughty negliges. He loved everything about her, the good and the bad.

"Wow..." Meredith said with a giggle as she stared around at the house. "It's exactly what I expected."

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"It's beautiful, Matt. It's great. Thanks for inviting us." Meredith told him with a smile.

Meredith walked out the back door and looked around. She loved the view of the river. It was amazing. And then she saw the hot tub. She wasn't sure how Matt would feel about it, but she knew that would be getting some action. She would have to push him away. Surly he would have to work eventually. She loved the barbecue area and the openness of the home. It was perfect. A perfect getaway.

"You can have any of the rooms upstairs." Matt said with a smile. "But I prefer you take the one at the very farthest point to my room. I learned my lesson in France." He said with a chuckle as he thought back to Meredith and Derek's loud sex sessions.

"Okay." Meredith agreed with a giggle as she grabbed her bags and Derek grabbed more. The quickly walked up with smiles on their faces.

Meredith and Derek threw their bags to the side and smiled. She had dirty in her eyes. She always had dirty in her eyes. But today it was persistent. Today she wanted him. Today she needed him. Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed the door shut and walked over to the bed. Derek laid her back and covered her body with his.

"We can't do this." Derek pointed out. It wasn't right to walk into someone's house and fuck. "It's rude."

"When are you going to realize that I am rude. And that I get what I want. I'm horny..." She muttered as she pulled her shirt over her head. "I am getting naked..." She told him as she hastily pulled off her clothes. "And I am spread for you." She told him as she spread her legs, showing him her glistening pussy. "So you can either man-up and fuck me, or I will do it myself. And you have no idea how bad I want you to do it for me..." She groaned as she rubbed her clit. "Oh baby... It wants you." She growled as she pulled him down by his shirt. "And you will give it to me!"

"Damn you!" He growled as he stood and ripped his shirt off. She did always get her way.

"I knew you would see it my way." Meredith told him as she pulled his naked body down in hers. "Now fuck me good, and fuck me fast. I need it, and you need to give it."

"You are awfully demanding today, Miss Grey." Derek told her with a chuckle.

"Yes I am." Meredith said frankly as she nodded her head.

Derek quickly ran his tongue down her naked flesh. He needed to taste her. He needed to have her. When she was willing and ready, he couldn't help but take it. Her back arched as he took a nipple in his mouth. She had extremely sensitive nipples, and he loved to take advantage of that.

"Now it is you being rude, Derek." She said frankly as she looked up at him.

"Eh... If you are going to do it, do it right!" Derek told her as he went to her other nipple, knowing he was heating her core.

Meredith ran her hands down his muscular back. His flesh was smooth over the rock hard muscle. Her hands ran down to his ass. She loved to grasp a hand full of ass in each hand a squeeze. Derek moaned as she wrapped around his hipbone and played gently with his balls.

"I will quit playing, if you don't play back." She told him as she grabbed his cock. "In me."

"Okay." He teased as he rubbed his hard member up and down her slit.

Her wetness was abundant, and it trickled down her leg. She was more than ready for him, and he was more than ready for her. He drew in a breath before he gently guided himself deep inside her hot pussy. Meredith closed her eyes and let out a moan as she felt herself wrap around him in heated passion.

"Ah... Thank you..." She moaned as she laid her head back.

Before he had a chance to pull out and slide in, she thrust her hips up into him. He knew she wasn't the biggest fan of missionary. She liked it crazy. She liked to play around and find the best way to please herself. And he was all for that. He liked missionary, he was in control. He laid over her in complete control. Maybe that was why it wasn't her favorite, she lost her control that she so desperately needed.

"Are you guys fucking up there?" Matt yelled in a knowing disbelief.

"Ah... Oh... Oh god yeah!" Meredith yelled as Derek rammed into her pussy, his balls crashing hard.

Derek pulled and pushed in the perfect motion. He knew just when and how to do her the way she needed. The sparks flew as he quickened his pace, knowing that she was close to cumming. He couldn't let her have it. Not yet. He wanted to draw it out and really throw her for a loop. Derek played with her little throbbing clit. She was ready. He was ready.

"Oh god, baby." Meredith spat as she came hard. Her whole body began to twitch as contract as her eyes rolled back and shivers took over. Every nerve was on edge.

"Oh fuck!" Derek shouted loudly as he felt her cum around him, sending him quickly over the edge. "Damn..." He groaned as he continually shot his hot seeds into her, spurting and spraying her walls. They laid there feeling the perfectness of their bodies combined.

"Oh yeah." Meredith agreed with a nod. "Welcome to Oz!"

"Yeah." Derek agreed as he pulled his slippery cock out of her and smiled.

Meredith and Derek quickly dressed and looked at each other. At least it was Matt. He knew how they were. This was nothing out of the norm. It was Meredith. She was the horny one. She was the one that couldn't control herself. She was the sex fiend.

Meredith had a shit-eating grin on her face as she walked down the stairs. She was satisfied. She felt like she could go on. Matt looked at her and shook his head. He looked at Derek and laughed. He knew it was her. It had to be.

"You two are pathetic." He told her frankly. "You were her for uh... Less than five minutes, and you went right to banging in my guest room. I have to say, I am ashamed!"

"Ah!" Meredith spat as she shook her head no. "Not ashamed. Jealous. You are jealous."

"Possibly." Matt agreed with a nod. "So... Would you guys like to do something? Are you ready to do something?"

"After that... I am ready for anything!" Meredith told him with a giggle as she grabbed her purse.

---------------

Matt, Derek and Meredith piled in the car with no certain destination. They were all just happy to be in the same place. They all got along so well, and it was the only time that they could really be themselves and one-hundred percent comfortable. Derek looked over at Meredith. She was so satisfied from their little romp, she still had the sex glaze over her eyes.

"So, Mer... What do you want to do?" Matt asked as he looked over at her.

"Hmmm... I want to see a koala bear! Last time I was here, I had to stay in the hotel suite. I wanna see a koala bear." She told him with a big nod.

"Well, we could go to Lone Pine. I've never been there, but I think they even have some koalas you can hold." Matt told her with a nod. "Is that what you want to do?" He asked her as he looked back.

"Yep. I want to see a koala." She told him with a nod as she discreetly grabbed Derek's hand.

She loved the way his hand felt with hers. It was so comfortable. So perfect. His strong hand, holding her petite one. Something insignificant, and yet it meant so much. It was something they rarely got to do in this secret love affair that they had. It was something that they both cherished.

"Ti amo, amore vietato..." (I love you, forbidden love.) Derek said softly as he looked over at her.

"Il mio cuore è per voi." (My heart is for you.) Meredith told him softly as she looked into his eyes.

"Sei la mia anima gemella." (You're my soulmate.) Derek countered.

"That isn't right! I have no idea what you are saying." Matt whined as he looked back.

"It's good stuff..." Meredith told him happily. "Love stuff."

"Oh..." Matt said quietly. He didn't want to ruin their perfect moment. He knew these were moments that were rare. He knew that they deserved this.

"Derek is just learning. When he came to Italy, you should have heard the things I said to him without him knowing." Meredith explained with a giggle.

"Like what!" Derek said in shock.

"I was always saying cuzzo de cavallo." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Are you kidding me?" Derek asked with a little bit of embarrassment in his voice.

"What does that mean?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"That Derek has a cock the size of a-" Meredith started before Derek covered her mouth.

"What!" Matt asked quickly.

"Eh... Never mind." Meredith grumbled as she looked up.

"That's not fair." Matt said as he shook his head. "You guys are no fun."

"We know." Meredith agreed as Matt drove along.

They drove along quietly. Meredith was just enjoying her freedom. She loved to be away from the house and with her guys. She had dubbed them her guys. She loved Matt like he was family. He was a close friend to both she and Derek. Too bad she didn't remember just how close he was.

Meredith, Matt and Derek ignored the paparazzi as they approached Lost Pine Koala Sanctuary. Meredith was like a kid in a candy store. Matt threw the money and they quickly rushed in. She hadn't had experience with animals. Thatcher didn't like any. Except her pony. She did have a prized hunter pony when she was a child that she showed at all the regional shows, but that was it. And it didn't take long for her to grow out of it.

"Oh my god!" Meredith shouted as she looked at the koalas. "They are so cute!"

"They are." Derek agreed with a smile.

They all walked around, seeing the animals. It wasn't really something that Matt and Derek had any interest in, but Meredith really seemed to love it. Nothing was better than when she got to hold one. They both had to smile at that. She looked completely adorable as she got her picture taken. After doing everything they could, they went outside and grabbed a bite to eat.

"Did you like it, Mer?" Matt asked as he took a bite of his food.

"It was great!" Meredith agreed with a giggle. "I want one."

"One what?" Derek asked with a worried expression.

"A koala. And a tasmanian devil too. Both. I want them." Meredith told them with a big nod.

"Okay... We will get you some on the way out." Matt teased.

"Okay." Meredith said happily as she sipped her drink.

"Don't tell her that. She will expect it." Derek told him frankly.

"This is good. I like this." Meredith told them exuberantly. "I like my guys."

"And your guys like you." Matt said with a smile.

**FYI... I love reviews. My inbox isn't feeling the love :(**


	61. Bullets

Matt and Derek were bonding. Meredith liked that. She liked to see Derek being a man. She knew that he probably missed Mark. From what she had gathered, they spent a lot of time together. And she was sure that that was something he wished he had. She didn't have friends. Matt was her friend, and he was a guy. And Derek was her friend, but he was her lover. She didn't have a friend. A girl friend. A person to share her feelings and secrets with. She didn't have any of that.

"So what are you guys talking about?" Meredith asked as she walked out to the barbecue area with three beers.

"Man stuff." Derek said with a smile.

"Really?" Meredith questioned. "Well, go on..."

"We can't talk about man stuff with a woman around." Matt said frankly as he looked up at her.

"Why? Maybe I could give you pointers..." Meredith explained as she took the bottle cap off and took a swig. "Ew..." She muttered, used to tequila or something much stronger, and much tastier.

"You don't like?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"It's... Ick." She groaned a she sat it down. "Well, have something else. Tequila. Then I might be able to take advantage of you tonight."

"Oh, like you have to get me drunk to do that!" Meredith giggled as she looked at them both. "But seriously... This stuff is horrible."

"I have some bourbon." Matt pointed out. "And wine..."

"Oh... I see. You know I am coming... And you can't even get ready." Meredith grumbled louldy. "Where is the wine?"

"I'll get it." He said quickly. "Derek... Watch the meat?"

"Sure." Derek agreed. Matt left and quickly returned with a bottle of wine.

"So... Pointers on women." Meredith remembered.

"I don't think so. I think I know enough about women..." Matt replied with a smirk.

"Yes, high maintenance..." Derek suggested.

"Yep. That and... Needy." Matt explained with a smirk.

"And whiney." Derek added.

They went on, knowing that they were getting to Meredith. They loved to push her buttons and watch her get mad. She was adorable when she turned red and the veins began to bulge. She was their little time bomb, and they loved to play with it. Wait for it to tick. Wait for it to go off.

"You rat bastards!" Meredith spat as she glared at them. "Apparently you don't know women, because I am none of those things."

"Ah... We were actually talking about you." Matt joked as he flipped their steaks.

"Oh really? You too, Derek?" Meredith asked with a smirk.

"Save yourself. She is going to play the no sex card." Matt said with a chuckle.

"The funny thing is, she plays that card all of the time. But then that's it. She wants it just as much as I do. If not more..." Derek pointed out as he tipped his beer to her.

"That is not true." She grumbled loudly. She sat there and stewed for a second. "I- Fine. It is true." She let out a loud sigh. "I'm a horny little whore."

"Not a whore. You are my little sex kitten..." Derek said as he walked over to her.

"So true." Meredith muttered as she rubbed her face against his neck. "Such a soft little..."

"Stop! Too much." Matt told them frankly. "You guys can't do that. Last time I almost killed him."

"Killed who?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"I think he would be talking about little Matt." Derek pointed out.

"Oh!" Meredith muttered with wide-eyes. "I would hate for your dick to be sore... Not to mention your hand." She joked.

"I have come to realize, that you Meredith are not a nice girl." Matt told her as he threw their steaks on a plate.

"Nice girls are not good. You want a bad girl. A dirty little girl." She teased as she looked at Derek. A mile wide smile covered his face. Ah... The need.

------------------

There was something about her bouncing breasts that made him lose control. It was the effort she put in. It was the effort she put into every second as she ground her tight pussy onto his hard cock. She hypnotized him. She sucked him dry, figuratively and literally. She took everything from him, and then asked for more.

Derek's hands grasped her hips tightly. He knew he was leaving hand prints, but he needed to be rough. He had to show her his need as he rammed his head deep inside her. Meredith cried out loudly. She was such a little screamer. She was such a cute little toy to play with.

Meredith needfully clawed at Derek's chest. She needed it harder and deeper. She didn't care if he topped out and hit his cock on her cervix. She needed that. She needed a little bit more pain. She wanted to take every inch in, every inch until it couldn't anymore.

Derek closed his eyes, feeling she was close. She let out yelp after yelp until she came around his condom covered cock. He only slid faster, the cum lubricating, and her contractions milking him down. Derek let out a grunt as he released, his orgasm rocking his world.

That was how it went. It always went the same. With them, there was variation, but the desired effect was always the same. They meshed together perfectly. They felt perfect. Derek was exhausted. Four times, and he was feeling the burn. It was burning, his cock was on fire. He had just spit out a fiery load and he was not enjoying the after affects. He sighed as she nestled into him and fell asleep. Tonight, he was thankful.

Derek crept out from beneath her and kissed her softly on the head. She moaned faintly as she rolled over and pulled the covers over herself. Derek pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a white tee shirt before he walked out of their room and downstairs. He was surprised to see Matt sitting on the sofa watching t.v.

"Hey." Derek muttered as he walked over and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Done already?" Matt joked as he looked up.

"Are you kidding me? I think she is trying to kill me." Derek said in shock as he plopped down on the sofa.

"Oh poor you." Matt joked as he looked over.

"Yeah. Poor me." Derek said frankly. "I love her more than anything. Really I mean, that woman is everything. But she is killing me."

"So you have the burn?" Matt asked with a frown.

"I am beyond burn. I was spitting out fire." Derek chuckled as he looked over. "Her appetite is insatiable."

"Wow..." Matt said with a chuckle.

"It's not funny. My dick is going to fall off." Derek grumbled.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Matt suggested with raised eyebrows.

"I don't have the hurt to. I mean, if it makes her happy..." Derek trailed off.

"You'll kill yourself trying." Matt said with a sigh.

"Exactly." Derek replied happily. "Whatever she wants."

"She is great. You are really lucky." Matt told him with a nod.

"I know. She is. She is nothing like everyone thinks she is. I just want to make her happy. Even if I have to do it in secret." Derek told him as he drank a swig of water.

"Well, it seems to me... Looking at the two of you, in secret is better than nothing. I think you hold her together. Thatcher is so controlling. She fights the control, but she doesn't know what to do. She has been doing what she does for years. She is conditioned to be the way she is. She wouldn't know how to make it in the real world. I think that is why I like her. She does try. But she still doesn't know. The first time I met her, she was painfully honest. There aren't may people like that anymore." Matt told him with a smile.

"You're right. I have been through girls. But there hasn't been one like her. She is so... Different. She is amazing. Completely amazing. She is the most caring person, but at the same time, incredibly self centered. And you can't not love it. Even if she is breaking me." Derek laughed.

"Eh... Maybe she will get tired. I had one like that. Although, I don't think she was that bad." Matt said with a nod.

"Speaking of that... Don't you miss out? I mean..." Derek sighed as he looked over at him.

"No... You know, I was pretty wild for a long time. And now.. I really need to keep this company. All I ever did was disappoint my family. I don't want to do it anymore. Eventually I will move on. But right now, this is working for all of us." Matt told him.

"You have no idea how glad I am." Derek replied with and exuberant nod.

"I works. And I am all for things just working." Matt said with a smile. "And I am heading to bed... You can sleep in another room if you'd like." Matt suggested.

"Eh... I think I will go back and brave the beast." Derek said with a chuckle as he stood up.

"You are more of a man than I am!" Matt said with a chuckle. "Night."

"Goodnight." Derek muttered before he stumbled back up to his warm bed.

-----------------

Meredith woke up to the smell of food. She loved the smell of food in the morning. When she rolled over to wrap her arms around Derek, all she found was a cold bed. A scowl covered her face as she sat up and stuck her lower lip out. He left her in the cold bed, all by herself. Meredith tossed back the sheets and pulled her naked body out of the bed. That was not right.

Matt and Derek both looked up at Meredith as she made her descend down the stairs. Her hair was wild. It was matted from the post-coital sweat that had covered her body from the romp they had last night. Her eyes were droopy and she was wrapped in her satin robe. She didn't say anything as she grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the table with a scowl on her face.

"Don't you look pleasant?" Matt chuckled as he looked at her.

"Eh." She grumbled as she placed both hands around the warm cup and breathed in the strong coffee scent.

"Mer... Are you okay?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"No." She pouted as she grabbed her cup and walked outside.

The view of the river was amazing. Brisbane seemed like a great place to live. She could imagine sitting out there every morning and watching the sunrise. It was so busy. She hadn't even checked to see what time it was. The truth was, for a girl like Meredith Grey, time meant nothing. Nothing at all.

"Mer... What is wrong?" Derek asked with concern as he walked out onto the deck with her.

"Eh." She groaned loudly.

"Oh... We are doing this. The Meredith Grey pout. What could I have possibly done wrong?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he kissed her on the head.

"You left me. I wanted to wake up with you, and you left me in that cold bed." Meredith grumbled as she looked up. "And no morning wood..."

"Oh my! It's a tragedy! It's a catastrophe! Meredith Grey didn't get her morning wood!" Derek spat loudly. "No cock for Meredith Grey!"

"Shut up!" Meredith said angrily.

"Oh, baby... You know I wouldn't deny you if you asked. And I promise, there was no morning wood this morning. I came much earlier than I got up." Derek explained as he kissed her on the head. "You are such a baby!"

"Be nice." Meredith whined. "I just... My morning doesn't feel right unless you are there." Meredith explained. "I have never had that. Maybe you have. But I haven't. And to me, it is everything. Don't take my everything away."

"Just because I wasn't there when you woke up, doesn't mean I won't be there again." Derek told her with a smile.

"I know... I was stupid. And emotional." Meredith admitted. "I'm a girl... Still love me?"

"Of course." Derek agreed as he leaned down and kissed her. "Matt is making breakfast. We should go in and eat."

"Sounds good." Meredith agreed as she walked in with him.

"Are you better?" Matt asked as he looked up at her.

"I am." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"That's good." Matt told her as he placed plates of food down on the table.

"This is nice, men who cook and clean..." She pointed out.

"Like you know anything else." Matt pointed out with a chuckle.

"Well, just because I am Meredith Grey, doesn't mean that I don't know how the rest of the world lives!" She told him frankly.

"Meredith knows more than she lets on." Derek pointed out as he looked over at her. "But she is still a spoiled brat."

"Would you still love me if I wasn't?" Meredith giggled as she forked the eggs on her plate.

"Uh... Probably not." Derek pointed out with a smirk.

"Good. I don't plan on changing anytime soon." Meredith said sarcastically as she looked between the two men.

It was so abnormally normal. Meredith's fake lover sitting to her left. He real lover to the right. It was the perfect moment. She loved both of her guys more than they would know. Even eating breakfast with them meant something. Matt could have rolled on them, but he was a good guy. And that was why she liked him so much.

They all ate their breakfast with light conversation. No one was sure what they were going to do for the day. The men did come to one conclusion, Meredith could not go out looking the way she was. If only the real world saw her when she was at her finest. They would die laughing. She was quite a sight.

"So..." Matt started quickly, knowing that Derek would be back downstairs soon. "You are kinda hard on Derek..."

"Hard on him? What do you mean, hard on him?" Meredith asked quickly as she looked at him.

"Well, last night... I mean, guys get tired, Mer. And I think you-" Matt stumbled, trying to figure out what to say.

"What did he say to you?" Meredith questioned in shock.

"Noth- Nothing! I just- I know what it is like. And you guys- He had to be tired. A few bullets in the chamber, Mer. That is all we get." Matt told her frankly.

"Bullets in the- Oh! Um..." Meredith said quickly as she looked at him in shock.

"He's my friend... And guys get tired. That's all I'm saying. It starts to hurt." Matt explained.

"I'm hurting him? Why didn't he tell me?" She said a she began to tear up.

"No, Mer... I'm just- He didn't say anything... But you should just know. It takes a lot out of us." Matt explained with a smile.

"Oh... I see." Meredith said with a sigh. "I guess... I should- I see..."

**Okay... I have been getting reviews and PMs saying this is dragging on... **

**With that being said, in about 4 chaps, some major shit is coming and this fic is going to roll down hill so fast, you're going to be sick. It will be a hell of a lot of angst and drama. See what happens when you whine?**

**I love my readers:) But I have to stand my ground.**

**Now send me some more nasty reviews and PMs... they just feed the fire. :P**


	62. Talking

Three days. Three days, and there had been no sex. Not even the mention of sex. Derek was concerned. He knew Meredith. He knew Meredith better than Meredith knew Meredith. He knew her cycles. He knew what she liked and disliked. He knew her. And this was very abnormal. And now he was worried. Very worried.

Matt was on his cellphone. Meredith was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine. Derek looked over at her. She was completely nonchalant about everything. She was being quiet. She wasn't all over him, but she wasn't exactly ignoring him. Derek's focus returned to Matt. It sounded like there was a problem, a big problem.

"I know we said with would go to dinner... But this is a mess guys. I really need to go to this emergency meeting." Matt explained with a frown.

"That's fine." Meredith said with a smile.

"Yeah... If you need go, we completely understand." Derek said with a big nod.

"Are you sure?" Matt asked as he looked at them both. They quickly nodded. "Well, I'm really not sure how long I will be. Could be an hour... It could be all night. If you need to use a car, the keys are in that drawer over there."

"Okay, thanks." Derek said with a smile as he looked up at him. "Good luck."

"Hopefully I don't need it." Matt said with a frown as he grabbed his bag and walked out.

Derek sat there and studied her. He was attempting to burn a hole into her, but apparently, she wasn't feeling it. She was sitting there, enthralled in what she was doing. He didn't know what was going on with her, but he was beginning to think it was him. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to know what was going on.

"What is going on, Mer?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"I'm reading. And you are sitting there." Meredith said with a sigh.

"No, with us. Something is going on here... Care to tell me what it is?" Derek questioned as he watched her place her magazine on her lap.

"Nothing. We're fine, Derek." She told him sweetly as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

"Mer... We haven't had sex in three days. Three days! What the hell is going on?" He asked quickly.

"Oh... Yeah. I haven't been in the mood. Sorry." She lied as she picked her magazine back up and stuck her nose in it.

"You are always in the mood." Derek laughed as he looked at her. "Who are you kidding?"

"Maybe I- Eh... Whatever." She sighed as she flipped the page.

"Not whatever. I need sex. And you- Mer, you need sex. I know you. What happened? Did I hurt you? You would tell me, wouldn't you? I would never forgive myself." Derek said in a panic as he looked over.

"You! No... Me. I hurt you!" Meredith said quickly, obviously getting upset. "I hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me!" Derek said in shock as he looked up at her. "Why would you think you hurt me?"

"Because... It burns." She pouted as she looked at him with sad eyes.

It burns. He told her. Derek couldn't believe that Matt had said something to Meredith. He told him not to tell her, and he still did. Meredith was much more sensitive than anyone knew, and he didn't want to hurt her. His jaw clenches as he thought about the ways Matt could suffer.

"That bastard!" Derek spat loudly as he drew in a breath. "I can't believe Matt told you that!"

"He didn't- He did. But Derek, if I hurt you, you have to tell me. Don't be mad at him. Please... He was just trying to help you out." Meredith said as she crept across the sofa and climbed into his lap. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings..." Derek said as he kissed her head. "It's not a big deal..."

"It is a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal, you wouldn't have talked about it, Derek. It was a big deal..." She told him as she looked up at him. "Why... Does it burn?" Meredith asked softly.

"It just does. Only after too much. I am feeling it. After so many times, it just gets irritated. Sometimes I don't..." Derek explained frankly.

"I don't want to hurt you, Derek. If you are in pain, I am in pain." She said as she kissed his cheek. "Promise me you will be honest."

"I will." Derek said with a nod as he looked down at her.

"Okay." She agreed with a smile.

"But seriously, Mer... I need sex." He told her quickly.

"You need sex, huh?" She asked as she climbed onto his lap and straddled him. "How bad?"

"So bad..." Derek groaned as she ground her hips against him.

"I'm hungry. No sex on an empty stomach." Meredith said with a smile.

"That was not right." Derek said with a sigh. "Not cool."

"I want pizza." Meredith said with a nod as she kissed his forehead.

"Then we will order pizza." Derek told her.

"And then, I have a plan. I have something I would like to do..." Meredith said with a smile.

"Does it involve sex?" Derek asked.

"Of course it does." Meredith said with a smile.

Derek couldn't believe how much pizza she was eating. After the fourth piece, he couldn't help but sit back and watch her in shock. Meredith just smiled and took her bite, having no idea that Derek was secretly laughing at her. He couldn't take it. He had to rib her. He just had too.

"Mer... Are you hungry, baby?" He asked with a chuckle.

"What?" She asked as she looked up.

"I just... You are adorable when you act like a pig." Derek laughed as he looked over at her.

"I need fuel..." She giggled as she looked at him. "And I am not a pig. Not close."

"Okay... Maybe not." Derek chuckled. "But it is still cute. You ate half of that pizza."

"It was good." Meredith said with a nod. "And I am going to get ready." She told him as she sat up from the table.

Derek shrugged as he picked up their plates and placed the left over pizza in the refrigerator. Meredith didn't come right down, so he decided to run up and see what was going on. A smile crossed his face as he walked in and saw her standing there in a green Diane von Furstenberg string bikini that set off her sparkling eyes. Derek quickly put his hand up and caught the swim shorts she threw him.

"Not that I think we will need them." Meredith giggled as she watched him undress.

"Are we going swimming... Or the hot tub?" Derek asked as he pulled his shorts on, his cock already begging him to taste her.

"The hot tub. It's been calling to me." Meredith told him as she grabbed his hand and began walking down the stairs.

Meredith slowly stepped into the hot tub, Derek right behind her. A smile covered her face as she felt the hot water rushing and swirling around her body. She let out a faint moan and laid her head back. Derek did the same, they were both just trying to enjoy the time they had. It came to rarely.

"The view is amazing." Meredith said as she looked down at the lit-up city.

"It is." Derek agreed as he looked off at the lights reflecting on the river.

Meredith closed her eyes and laid her head back. The lulling sound of the water moving made her body completely relax. She could feel the weight of the water pulling her hair down as it slipped out of the lose bun that it was in. She let out a moan as she she felt Derek move closer to her and gently suck on her neck.

"Been too long?" Meredith asked softly.

"Way too long." Derek agreed as he ran his hand down her chest.

Meredith leaned towards Derek and pressed her lips firmly against his. It had been too long. Way too long. She could feel the need in him as he slid his tongue deeply into her mouth, teasing her tongue. Meredith ran her hands down his slippery wet back, as he reached around her and released the ties on her bathing suit.

Derek spun around, and let Meredith sit on his lap as he began to tease her nipples with the tip of his tongue. He quickly took as much of her breast in his mouth as he could, while running his tongue around and around the aureole before sucking hard. Meredith leaned back, running her hands up and down his chest as he sucked on her.

"I just need you, Derek." She whispered as she leaned in. "Please..." She moaned as she ran her hands up and down his covered cock. "You want it just as badly."

"Oh god..." He moaned as she roughly pressed her pubic bone against him.

Meredith smiled as Derek saw it her way. He quickly untied the ties on either side of her bikini, letting the green fabric float away into the pool of swirling water. Meredith ran her hands down his hips and pulled the shorts off as Derek lifted himself, to free them. Meredith planted herself on him and gently began massaging his balls.

"Honey... Please don't do that." Derek groaned. "No playing with the boys and ignoring the big guy."

"Oh... I see." Meredith giggled as she raised her hips up and let the tip of his cock rub against her clit.

Derek smiled as he watched her eyes roll back at the sensation. Derek firmly grasped her hips and slid his hardened member into her slippery wet core. The feeling of her wrapped around him was something he had been missing for far too long. Meredith's breasts bounced and teased in front on his face as she rocked her hips and danced on his cock. Derek leaned forward and took her breast into his mouth, missing her sweet taste which was now replaced with chlorine and pool chemicals.

"Oh god... Mer... Fuck, you are amazing!" Derek growled as he drove his iron hard rod into her, bumping her cervix.

"Der... You are so big." She giggled as she laid her her back, her wet hair slapping her back as she rocked from front to back and side to side. She felt Derek's hands run down her back and grasp her ass tightly. "Mmm..." She moaned as she leaned forward and stuck her tongue out, tasting his lips. Derek stuck his own tongue out and teased the tip of hers with the tip of his. Meredith sucked his tongue in as he began to frantically fuck her with it, with driving into her core.

"Oh god... I'm ready, Der." She spat as she frantically began riding him. Derek could feel her body tensing up, and he countered her with his own thrusts. His tongue flew wildly as he felt her walls begin to tighten around him.

"Oh dear...my god...Oh..." She cried out as her violent contractions took over and caused her whole body to spasm around her.

Derek's eyes got wide as he felt his cock begin to pulsate and throb. He let out a loudly grunt as he animalistically thrust deep into her core and poured his hot seeds into her, spraying her walls with his warmth. They both let out a moan as they stayed connected, panting and absorbing the feelings overtaking them. Derek pecked soft kisses on her chest as he looked into her eyes with hooded lids. He loved the way she felt around him as they sat there and relaxed.

Meredith sat on his cock as it began to soften and relax. She let out a soft sigh before she pulled herself off of him. Just as she felt the tip of his cock come out of her, she heard Matt say hello from the front door. Their eyes both got wide and they frantically began dressing. This was bad. Really bad.

**You guys are 3 chapters behind the On-Call room people. And I am starting the chapter with the big change now... Once you get caught up, you will not get daily updates. I know it is disappointing, but I just don't have time. I wish I could do it. Hopefully it will be every other day. I'm not going to stress over it, no matter how badly I want to. Once WAMN is over, this will be up top and get daily updates...**


	63. Trust

Meredith was in a panic. Sure, she and Derek had sex. Sure, Matt knew that. But this was different. Way different. She wasn't sure how, but it was. For some reason she was really sure that she didn't want Matt to find them in his hot tub. It wasn't as if it was much better to have loud screaming sex sessions in his house. But there was something about being in his hot tub that made her feel just a little worse.

"Tie me!" Meredith said in a panic as she scooted up to Derek.

"I don't even have my shorts on!" Derek spat quickly.

"I don't give a fuck! Tie me!" She spat again as she worked on her bottoms.

"You are- Eh... Fine!" He growled as he tied her haphazardly and worried about himself.

Just as they leaned back against the back of the hot tub, Matt walked out into the patio and looked down at them. Meredith could see the worried on his face. She considered him a good friend, and she did not like to see him looking that way. Whatever went on at that meeting, she was assuming it was not good.

"Were you two fucking in my hot tub?" Matt asked frankly as he looked down at them.

"No! Why would you say that?" Meredith asked quickly as she looked into his eyes.

"Meredith, you are a terrible liar." Matt said frankly. "Horrible."

"Fine. Yes. We just had sloppy, hot, porny, ass bouncing, loud banging sex in your hot tub." Meredith admitted as she looked up. "It was good..."

"It was all her idea." Derek said defensively.

"Way to roll on your girlfriend!" Meredith said quickly as she smacked his wet arm.

"Hey..." Derek trailed off as he shook his head.

"I figured this would happen. Luckily I think the chemicals will kill whatever seeds you planned on spreading." He said as he shook his head and plopped down on the chair.

"How was the meeting?" Meredith asked with concern as she looked at his worried face.

"I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I want to drink." He said quickly. "You guys stay here. I'll be back." He told them as he walked away.

"He didn't look so good." Derek pointed out with a frown.

"I hope my father didn't do anything..." She said with concern as she leaned back.

Meredith sat there with concern boiling inside of her. She was worried about Matt. She was worried that her father was going to sabotage him because he wanted the business. They were all in this together to save themselves. And if her father was out to get Matt, he had no reason to stay in it at all.

Meredith watched as Matt walked out with cans of 7-up and a container full of something. He sat the tray on the side of the hot tub as he climbed into the hot swirling water. They all just looked at each other as he let out a deep sigh and laid his head back.

"Matt, are you okay?" Meredith asked as she looked at his closed lids.

"Need to drink. Care to join me?" He asked as he grabbed the glasses.

"Uh... Sure." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up. "What are we having?"

"Everclear Cherry bombs." Matt said with a grin. "Get it done, good and quick."

"Fuck." Derek spat as he looked up.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked at them both.

"This shit will kill you, Mer." Derek said frankly as he looked at her. "Maybe you shouldn't-"

"Hey! I can out drink you any day. Give me one!" Meredith said quickly.

"Mer... This shit is strong." Derek said again.

"190 proof, 95 alcohol." Matt pointed out. "And these babies have been sitting in it for 3 months." He told them as he plucked a cherry out and threw it into a shot glass.

Meredith watched as Matt poured 7-up in the shot glass with the cherry. She had to laugh. Like that little cherry was really going to do anything to her. She looked at Derek, who looked like the end of the world was coming. Matt just had a shit-eating grin on his face. This would be good.

"Here you go." Matt said as he handed them each a glass. "Life is fucked." He said as he clinked glasses with them, and they threw their respective shots back. And she thought she was so good with tequila. Now she was playing a different game.

"Holy shit!" Meredith spat as she felt the burning fire down her throat. "What is that, poison?"

"Damn close." Derek groaned.

"And you would know..." Meredith asked him as she looked up.

"College, Mer." Derek told her as he looked up.

It wasn't long. Not long at all, and they were all feeling the affects of the Everclear. Derek could feel himself starting to sway. His head went softly back, before he jerked awake and looked up. He looked at Matt and Meredith. Meredith had a stupid grin on her face, and Matt just looked down, even after chasing his pain with the poison.

"Another, mate?" Matt asked as he looked up.

"No..." Derek groaned as he looked at them both, closing one eye, and trying to see straight. "Fuck..." He moaned as he looked at them both.

"I don't feel that bad." Meredith admitted. "See, Der... I told you, you were a lightweight." She joked as she looked at him. "Der..." She said again. "Derek!" She shouted as she moved over to him.

"Huh..." He asked as he looked over at her through hooded eyes.

"You are passing out. You need to get out." She said as she shoved him gently. "I don't want your ass to drown."

"I'm fine..." Derek groaned as he closed his eyes and dropped his head.

"You are not fine! Get out." She shouted.

"Eh... You're not my mom, Mer. What the fuck!" He said nastily.

"Fuck you, Derek!" She yelled loudly. "Get your fucking ass out, you stupid fuck. Do you want to die?" She growled loudly.

"Fuck this." He growled as he attempted to pull himself out of the water.

"Need help?" Matt asked quickly.

"Fuck you, prick." Derek spat as he climbed out and nearly fell down.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Meredith asked.

"So you can break my dick? No thanks." He growled as he stumbled away.

"Fucking asshole." Meredith growled. "God... He can't handle his shit. I told him I could drink him under."

"Do you want another?" Matt asked with a smile.

"Of course." Meredith said happily as she handed him her glass.

"Oh fuck... No wonder. You and I got the new ones. He got the three month ones. Ours have only been soaking a month." He said in shock. "Fuck. Well, what do you want?"

"Give me the good shit!" Meredith said with a nod. "Two cherries this time. I like cherries. Do you like cherries... Popping cherries... Eating cherries... Tasting cherries... Sucking cherries..." She muttered, beginning to feel the effects of her first drink.

"I would wait a minute, Mer... This stuff is strong." He said as he handed it to her.

"Fine." Meredith said as she placed it to the side. "So how bad was it?"

"We're getting sued. It's a mess. If we settle, we're fucked. And if we don't, we're fucked." Matt told her with a frown.

"Fuck. It doesn't have anything to do with my father, does it?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"No. Not at all. But I'm sure he would help me out of this mess if I asked him." Matt said quickly.

"Well, if I were you, I'd rather lose it on my own, than lose it to him." She said frankly.

"I agree. You are such a smart girl... A beautiful girl." He said with a nod.

"If there had been no Derek, it would have been you." She told him quickly.

That was the truth. If she hadn't been with Derek, she wouldn't have thought twice about being with Matt. Matt was the perfect guy for her. But Derek was better. Derek complemented her perfectly. But Matt was a nice guy. Meredith didn't regret Derek, and she never would.

"Yeah?" He asked, somewhat surprised.

"Of course." Meredith said with a grin as she looked up at him. "But I think I would rather have you as a friend than a lover. You are the best friend I have ever had..." She told him as she held up her shot.

"Friends." Matt said as he hit her glass and they slammed them back.

Meredith couldn't believe how quickly it brought her to her knees. She was feeling buzzed, but now everything was fuzzy. She could feel herself swaying. She couldn't stop it. Either she was moving, or the whole world was. She looked at Matt through hooded eyes and she squinted. She took in a breath before she passed out, her face going down. Down deep underwater.

"Fuck!" Matt spat in shock as he drunkenly dove down to pull her up.

Meredith gasped for air as he brought her up. She opened her eyes and threw her arms around his neck as he held her up. Matt attempted to pull them both out of the hot tub. Just as he got his leg over, gravity took them down into a pile. Meredith collapsed on his chest, as he laid on his back. They were out. It was all over from there. She could handle her tequila. But that was about it.

------------------

Derek groaned at the sunlight in his face. His head was pounding like he had been beat in the head with a hammer. He groaned as he moved his hand across the still made bed. Without opening his eyes, for fear of the severe pain that came with it, he touched his body, realizing he was still in his swim shorts. As he laid there, the pounding in his head increasing, he let out a moan. This was going to be a horrible day.

Derek laid there trying to remember what the hell he had done the night before. He couldn't remember for the life of him what happened. All he remembered was waking up now, in pain. Derek slowly opened his eyes and look around. He didn't see Meredith anywhere. He attempted to crawl out of the bed, and quickly fell back down. Damn Everclear. He knew better than to drink grain alcohol.

Derek laid there for awhile longer before he managed to make it to the bathroom. Everclear played hell on his bladder. It was full to capacity. It was hurting it was so full. He let out a groan and he emptied himself, bringing instant releif. Derek tucked himself back in his shorts and stumbled to his room where he pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a white tee shirt. He had no idea if he could even make it down the stairs.

Stair after stair was hell. Derek squinted to keep the bright sunlight from burning his eyes. As he stumbled across the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of water and a handful of aspirin. He made his way to the sofa and looked over, catching the sight of them out of the corner of his eye.

There Meredith was, her cheek resting on Matt's chest. Matt had a hand over he back, but otherwise he was splattered about. Derek could almost recreate the situation. It looked like they had fallen, and passed out. Luckily, Derek trusted her. He trusted her completely. He shook his head as he sat back on the chair. Everclear. He knew he shouldn't have drank it. And someone Meredith's size could not handle much.

Derek groaned as he closed his eyes. He needed to rest. It was going to be hell. Derek heard her moan. It woke him from the light sleep that he had drifted off to. As he looked up, he saw Meredith scrunch her face and moan loudly. She slowly began pecking kisses on Matt's chest.

"Der..." She moaned as she kissed him softly, without opening her eyes.

"Mmm..." Matt moaned as he opened his eyes.

"You're kissing the wrong man, babe!" Derek said quickly as he looked over at her.

"Oh! Oh my god." She spat in shock as she attempted to get up.

"Oh!" Matt spat as he looked up at her. "Shit..." Just as she stood, her top fell to the ground.

"Fuck!" She shouted as she threw her arms over herself, to cover her breasts.

"Oh god..." Matt muttered as he covered his eyes and handed her her top. "I didn't- We didn't do anything."

"I know you didn't." Derek pointed out. "It looks like you passed out trying to come in."

"I don't remember anything... What the hell did I drink?" Meredith moaned as she tied her suit on.

"Everclear." Derek groaned. "Matt, you are a prick."

"I know. I feel the same way." He told Derek with a nod as he climbed to his feet.

"Bed." Meredith moaned as she shaded her eyes.

"Yeah." Derek agreed.

"Hell yeah." Matt muttered as they stumbled into the kitchen.

Matt grabbed a bottle of aspirin and shook several into Meredith's hand. Meredith threw them back and chased them with a big gulp of water. She stuck out her hand and Derek led her to their bedroom, Matt going to his own. Meredith stripped her suit off and left it lay on the floor as she climbed beneath the covers. She smiled as Derek wrapped his arms around her.

"How did you know? I mean, Matt and I... It looked bad. How did you know nothing happened?" Meredith asked softly.

"Because, Mer... I trust you." He told her as he kissed her head.

He did. Even if someone had rock solid proof, he knew his girl. He loved her. They were dedicated to each other. They fought so hard daily for each other. And now they were happy. He trusted her. And she gave him no reason not to.


	64. Kill Her

They all took days to recover from their adventure. Meredith swore she would never drink Everclear again. But deep in the back of her mind, she was sure that she would. She always had that wild streak in her. She always wanted to have fun. And even though it ended in her passing out, she was sure she probably did have a good time.

Derek smiled at Meredith. She looked beautiful just sitting there. It didn't matter what she wore. It didn't matter what state she was in. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Even after days and days of sitting on the sofa with them, with vomit in her hair, feeling as if they were all dying. Still beautiful.

"Are you sure you will be okay, Mer?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"I will be fine. I can just hang out. Watch some t.v. Read my magazines. It will be good to be alone." Meredith said with a big nod as she stood up and walked over to him.

"I will stay, Mer." Derek told her as he kissed her softly.

"He is going, Meredith." Matt said frankly as he walked into the room. "Don't try to stop us."

"I'm not. Derek hasn't had a day off in forever. He deserves to go." Meredith said with a smile. "Just don't hurt him. And don't let him drown."

"I won't. He's in good hands." Matt said with a grin. "Besides, Gold Coast has some good beginner waves. He will be fine."

"Don't hurt yourself, Derek." Meredith whined as she looked up at him.

"I will be fine, Mer." Derek said with a smile.

"You don't get yourself into trouble." Matt said frankly as he looked at her. "I am not kidding."

"Oh yes, there is so much trouble to get into in this house." Meredith joked as she looked around.

"You need to be careful. If your father found out we left you alone, he would kill me." Derek said frankly as he looked at her.

"God, I feel like a little kid." Meredith grumbled loudly. "Just go! I won't answer the door. Or talk to strangers. Or eat candy!"

"Fine." Derek said as he rolled his eyes and kissed her. "Love you."

"Love you more." She said as she watched them walk out.

Rarely had Meredith Grey ever been alone. In fact, as she thought about it, it was never. She had never been truly alone. She always had Sofia or a guard with her at all times. She never got to experience true alone time. She had never been able to walk through the house completely naked. She was never able to scream at the top of her lungs without anyone hearing.

Meredith looked around the house. She had no idea what to do. So she did it. She ripped off her clothes and turned the radio up as loudly as she could. The music pounded through the house as she danced and screamed at the top of her lungs. A smile crossed her face. She liked being alone. She liked knowing that no one would just show up.

It was all in fun and games for awhile. She danced. She watched t.v. She nearly cleaned Matt's cupboards and refrigerator of all snack foods. She read every magazine she owned. It was boring. Being alone was not all it was cracked up to be. And then she got an idea.

Meredith walked around the house. She could do this. She felt so nervous. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute. Her stomach was knotting up. But she had to do it. She had to try. She knew Derek and Matt would kill her if they found out. But they would never find out. She would make sure that they never found out what she had done.

She quickly jogged up to her room and grabbed a pair of jeans, sliding them on. This would be fun. A fun little game. She riffled through Derek's bag, looking for a tee shirt. He had one that was tight. It shower off his perfect chest. She found it and slid it on. It was big, too big. She looked through her own bag and found a shirt that could work. She rarely dressed down, so that made it even easier. She found one of Derek's baseballs caps tucked in his bag. She threw her hair up in a pony tail and stuck the cap on. No make-up, no glitz. Just Meredith Grey.

Meredith went over to the kitchen and grabbed a set of keys. A smile crossed her face as she grabbed her purse. This was bad. So bad. As she climbed in the car, her heart rate shot up. She was going out. For the first time ever, Meredith Grey was going out by herself. And no one had to know.

---------------

Derek sat in the passenger seat of Matt's Porsche 911 and felt the wind blowing through his hair. He was worried about Meredith. He was worried that she was bored, or that she felt alone. He couldn't get the feeling out of the pit of his stomach. He couldn't stop wondering what she was doing.

"She is fine, Der." Matt said with a chuckle as he looked at him.

"Mer... She's just so- She is bad. She's a bad girl." Derek said with a chuckle.

"So I heard. Last night. All night." Matt pointed out with a chuckle.

"Not like that. I mean... She is like a little kid. She gets bored, and she just- She is bad. i hope she doesn't get into trouble." Derek told him with a sigh.

"Man, you need to relax. You never relax. Did you relax in Maine? Did you ever have a good time at home?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"I have a good time all of the time. I never stop." Derek said frimly.

"No. You are always concerned about Meredith." Matt said with a chuckle.

"My job is to protect her." Derek told him with a nod as he took a long drink for the bottle of water he was holding.

"And you are not working right now." Matt told him as he sped along.

"Meredith is not my job. She is my- I love her. And I can't help but wnat to protect her." Derek said quickly.

"I get that. But Mer wants you to have a good time." Matt said frankly.

"I am. And I will." Derek agreed. "I'm sure she is just hanging out in the hot tub anyhow."

"Oh I doubt that. I bet she is in her room." Matt said with a chuckle. "With her little friend."

"Seriosuly, no sex jokes. Not about her." Derek said quickly.

"No?" He said as he looked at Derek, who shook his head.

"No." Derek responded with a frown. "So how are we going to surf? We have no boards."

"We'll have to get some when we get there. I didn't have room." Matt joked as he pointed to the back of the Porsche.

"You think?" Derek laughed as he looked back and shook his head. "So, do you think Thatcher will let her go through with college?"

"Oh..." Matt said as he drew in a deep breath. "I don't know. He had a map planned for her. Whether she realizes it or not, he has plans. What they are, I am not sure. But am sure if you laid his and hers down next to each other, they wouldn't even come close to matching."

"That is what I'm afraid of." Derek said with a sigh. "This whole surgeon thing... I would have thought it was a joke. But Paulo, he was her boyfriend when I met her, he told me. He laughed. He laughed at her. He thought she would never make it. Can you believe it? That is what she grew up with. No one ever believed her, and no one ever took her seriously. I want to see her succeed. I don't care what I have to do."

"You know, I never knew... I mean. You see her on the magazines. They talk about her. But no one knows her. She is that perfect pretty picture. Everyone wants to be her. And I didn't know. I had no idea. And the more I know her, the worse I feel. I don't want to be her. And like you, I think I just want to save her." Matt explained as he looked over.

"I'm glad you are my friend. And Mer's... We need you. We both need you." Derek said with a smile.

When they arrived at Surfer's Paradise, Derek's blood started pumping. He was excited. Living in Maine, he had never gotten the chance to surf. In fact, he had never been anywhere tropical in his life. No where with warm sun and sand. No palm trees. No surfing. Derek and Matt both went in and changed into their board shorts and sandals.

Derek didn't notice the girls swooning over him. He never noticed them. The only girl on his mind was Meredith Grey. And right now, she had drifted slightly. Derek listened intently as Matt explained the dynamics of surfing and what he was supposed to do. Derek nodded his head. He couldn't wait to get out there. Even if he would make a fool of himself.

-----------------

Meredith was nervous. She hadn't really driven that much. Enough to drive halfway safely down the road, but she didn't have experience in heave traffic or in multiple lanes. As soon as she got out there with everyone, she was overwhelmed. It hit her quick, that maybe she was in way over her head. Different lanes, signs and arrows. This was bad.

Meredith drove the BMW 328i sedan down the road. She decided against the sports cars. She wanted to blend it, not stand out. She was amazed at how easily it drove compared to what she was used to. She had only had experience with a stick shift, and this was so nice. That was until she came up short and nearly rear-ended another vehicle. She came to a quick panicked stop. She was thanking god for the enhanced braking system she wasn't even aware it had.

She wasn't sure how, but she made it. She pulled into a parking spot and looked up. This was her first solo experience. She was the Queen Street Mall. She liked to shop occasionally. It was different when it was all she had to do. Especially when someone was always with her. Now she was alone. She was inconspicuous. No one would ever know who she was.

Meredith grabbed her Gucci handbag and locked the doors of the car. She made her way to Queens Plaza and began looking at shops. As she walked around, she realized she couldn't use her credit cards. She knew if she did that, the paparazzi would be immediately on her tail. She made her way to the nearest cash machine and pulled out as much money as she could at a time.

Meredith made her way to Fossil and purchased a belt and wallet for Derek. It was fun to shop for him when he wasn't around. It was Derek day. She ended up buying a ton of stuff for him. First it was that perfect shirt to match his eyes. Then it was jeans that she knew would hang on his hips. She was excited to be doing it. Meredith made her way to the Brisbane Arcade. There she went to Penelope Pink. Lingerie. Derek would appreciate that. He always did.

"Can I help you?" The woman said curtly as she looked up and down at her. Just a girl in jeans and a tee shirt, wearing a ball cap.

"Just looking." Meredith said softly as she looked up.

"I see..." She muttered as she looked at Meredith. Then she caught sight of her Gucci bag. Then she saw money. Meredith obviously had money. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"I will." Meredith said quickly as she looked around.

Meredith nearly squealed when she caught sight of it. It was a matching pink and white striped set of panties, a bra and thigh-high stockings. She could just imagine them on her body. She smiled as she snatched them up and walked along. Next she grabbed a couple pretty satin baby dolls and long gowns. She couldn't stop. She grabbed a black and red lace bustier and g-string. She always had a passion for lingerie.

Meredith smiled contently as she poured the lingerie onto the counter and smiled. The woman looked up at her with wide-eyes. She knew. Meredith knew that she knew. She could just feel it. She knew she was Meredith Grey. She swallowed the lump in her throat down and nodded.

"This is it." Meredith said, trying to disguise her accent.

"Okay." The older woman said in shock as he looked for her entourage. "Your total is four-hundred thirty three dollars and sixty cents." She said with a grin. Meredith handed the woman eight hundred dollars and nodded.

"You did not see me." She said as she grabbed her bag and walked off.

"See who?" The woman muttered with a smile on her face.

Meredith had never dined alone. This was her first time. She sat down at the table and looked around. It was one of the first times that she was alone and no one knew who she was. She was sitting in the middle of a cafe, and no one was ogling her. No one cared that she was there. She was looking people in the eyes, and they had no idea. It was great. It was liberating,

After a while, Meredith felt self-conscious. Couple after couple came in, and there she was, alone. She felt somewhat like a fool as she sipped her soup. She wished Derek was there. If Derek was there, she would feel more confident. Meredith ate her meal as quickly as she could and got out of there. That was one part of freedom that she was not into.

Meredith continued on her shopping trip. She browsed through shop after shop, looking for anything. She never realized what it was to want. If she wanted it, she bought it. That was just how it was. She was grabbing things left and right, taking them to the register. She walked out of the shop with her packages and grabbed a latte. She sat on a bench and looked around.

"Hey there..." A good looking blonde said as he walked up and sat beside her.

"Hi." Meredith said with a smile.

"Looks like you have been busy." He told her as he looked at her bags.

"Oh yeah... You know... Shopping. It's so much fun." She said with a giggle as she sipped the last of her drink.

"Can I buy you another?" He asked as he looked at her empty cup.

"Uh... No. I think one is good enough for me, thanks." She said as she looked at him, trying to find an out.

"Your accent, Italian?" He asked as he looked into her green eyes.

Meredith was getting nervous. She got a bad feeling from him. It wasn't the typical flirting. He wasn't hitting on her for a date or a good time. He was studying her. He was eyeing her bags. She felt herself tense up as she looked around. There were people buzzing by, but no one to notice her.

"It is." She agreed. "I really have to go. But it was nice talking to you." She said as she quickly stood and rushed off. She saw him get up and head her way. Her heart started to race. She rushed and weaved in and out of the droves of people, narrowly evading him. She drew in a deep breath. Maybe being alone wasn't so great. As she walked along, another shop caught her eye. Too bad she didn't realize just how late it was.

------------

Matt didn't pull into the garage. He knew that he had to make a stop at the office later, so he just pulled up in front of the door. They had both had a great time. Derek had a new found love for surfing. He couldn't believe how much fun it was. Matt was shocked at what a natural he was. He picked up the knack rather quickly. He was almost making Matt look like a beginner.

"It's not that bad." Matt said as he looked at the lump on Derek's forehead.

"I can't believe the board came up and caught me like that." Derek said as he looked in the mirror.

"It happens. I saw a guy spilt his lip wide open. And I'm not talking a little cut. I swear it was an inch deep." Matt told him frankly.

"Yeah... Well, I'm sure that Mer is going to freak out about it." Derek said frankly.

"I'm sure she will. And we better get in there. I bet she is going nuts all by herself." Matt laughed as he opened his door and climbed out of the car.

"I feel bad. We were out there having a good time, and she was here locked in like a prisoner. Like she is everyday." Derek said with a sigh as they made it to the door.

"She has you, Derek. That's all she really wants." Matt said quickly as he unlocked the door. "We're back." Matt yelled loudly as he looked around.

"Mer!" Derek yelled as he walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

"I bet she is in the shower." Matt pointed out.

"Maybe." Derek said with a shrug as he sat on the stool and took a sip.

"So what do you want to do about dinner tonight?" Matt asked as he looked up.

"Maybe we should go out. I bet after the day in, Mer will be more than happy to get out of the prison." Derek said with a nod as he climbed off the stool.

"I'm going to go see what she's up to." Derek said as he sat the cold bottle down on the granite countertop and headed up the stairs. "Hey babe, we're home." Derek said loudly as he walked down the hall. "Mer?"

Derek felt ice begin to run through his veins. He didn't hear her. He would have expected her to run up and jump into his arms. But there was nothing. There wasn't even a sign of her anywhere. He had a bad feeling. A sinking feeling. He rushed around the upstairs, seeing her no where.

"Matt!" He yelled loudly. "She's not here."

"What do you mean, she's not here?" Matt asked as he looked up.

"She's not fucking here." He yelled as he rushed around.

Matt frantically rushed around the downstairs. He looked on the patio, in the lap pool, in the hot tub. There was no sign of her in any of the bathrooms. She wasn't around. She wasn't laying on the sofa. She was no where to be find.

Derek made his way to their room and looked around. A puzzled look crossed his face, seeing his bag open. He walked over to the bed and riffled through, seeing that his favorite baseball cap was missing. He looked through her things, seeing that her running shoes were gone. Meredith never left home in tennis shoes. She wore heels with everything.

"I think she went running!" Derek yelled as he rushed down the stairs, taking two at a time.

"I don't think so." Matt said as he swallowed a big lump in his throat.

Derek stood there and stared at Matt's face. It was full of genuine concern. He looked worried. Really worried. All Derek could think was that something had happened. She had been abducted. He found a ransom note. Maybe she was attacked. Maybe she was dead. Derek was in a panic.

"What do you mean, what's wrong?" Derek asked with concern.

"The keys to the BMW are gone." Matt said as he pointed to where they should be.

Both men rushed to the garage. They stood there in shock as they looked at the place where the car should be. Neither knew what to do. So many scenarios ran through their heads. What if someone broke in, kidnapped her and took her with the car. Derek was sick. This was the worse thing that could ever happen. He looked up at Matt and ran to the trash can to retch.

"What if someone took her?" Derek asked in a panic.

"I don't think so. The house is clean." He said as he looked around. "Can she drive?"

"Yeah. I taught her." Derek said with wide-eyes. "She took my hat. A disguise, maybe? And she wore tennis shoes. Oh my god! Do you think she left?"

"This unbelievable." Matt said as he paced back and forth.

"We need to call the police." Derek said frankly as he looked at Matt.

"And tell them what? Derek! Do you know what Thatcher will do if he finds out. You were surfing with me. We left her. No... We cannot call the police." Matt told him frankly.

"I don't care! She could be hurt." Derek said frankly. "Fuck! I don't- What the hell do we do?" Derek asked as he began to pace.

"I have no idea." Matt said in shock. "Not a fucking clue. But if she isn't dead... I'm gonna kill her."


	65. Worried

She was not there. It was so strange. She left no note, she left in a disguise. All Derek could think was that a delivery man came and took her. Or one of the paps got too close and she ran. He was concerned about her safety more than he was about what Thatcher would do to him.

"Derek... You idiot! Call her cell." Matt said with a grin as he shook his head.

"Holy shit... We're stupid." Derek said as he shook his head in agreement.

Derek quickly walked over and grabbed the phone. He dialed her number, hopeful that she would answer. He stood there and listened to it ring. A frown quickly covered his face when he heard it ring out loudly. She hadn't taken it. It was right there, next to the sofa.

"Fuck." Matt growled as he walked over and grabbed it. "I am going to kill her."

"She would have taken it. She doesn't go anywhere without it. If she was going out, she would have taken it." Derek said in a panic.

"We can't call the police. We can't. Not yet." Matt said with a sigh.

"Matt, if she has been abducted... She could be raped. Or murdered. I would never forgive myself. I doubt you would either." Derek said as he felt the bile raising in his throat.

"An hour." Matt said with a sigh. "Because if she is fucking with us, it's not worth you loosing your job. Or your balls."

"I don't fucking care about my balls! I would die to save her. I have a bad feeling. I don't think she would just leave. Mer is strong, but she isn't very independent. She doesn't like to be by herself. I just don't think she left..." Derek told him. "Not on her own."

"Derek, no one took her. And if they did, they would be calling for money by now." Matt pointed out.

"Holy hell... What if they did? What if they contacted Thatcher? Not only have we not called the police, but we didn't tell him. We were gone all day, and we left her. Fuck!" Derek spat. He agreed with Matt. She would die.

Meredith threw all of her bags into the trunk. She looked at her watch. She was running much later than she planned. She was only planning on going out for a few hours. It was already five in the afternoon, and Matt and Derek were due to be back around five thirty. She didn't have much time to get there.

Meredith unlocked the doors and climbed in. She started the car and looked around. It really was stupid. She had no formal driving, and here she was, in a busy area, trying to drive around. It was insane, even she could admit it. As she backed out of the spot, she didn't even realize that she was barely and inch away and nearly backed into another car.

Meredith drove down the road with her hands tightly on the wheel. Now she was ready to get home. She was going to so smoothly pull into that garage and throw those keys in the drawer with the others. But then it hit her, she had bags and bags of stuff that she had bought. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Meredith thought about how she could do it. She had to hide the stuff. She would hide it in the closet of the guest bedroom. Then she could make Derek take her tomorrow, she would mix the stuff, and no one would ever know. She hated lying about it, but she knew Derek would be upset that she had gone. It was a plan. And it would work.

The plan working... That changed really quick when she pulled in the driveway. She looked up to see Matt's Porsche right in front of the house. The wheels started spinning as she tried to figure out just how she would get out of this mess. She couldn't. There was no way to. She took in a deep breath and let it out. She was caught.

Matt and Derek sat on the sofa and thought. It could go many ways. And of those ways, the bad ones seemed most likely. Matt's attention a piqued when he heard the driveway alarm go off. They both jumped up and looked out. They saw her, in the BMW. Their jaws clenched simultaneously. Their fists clenched. She was in the deepest of deep shit.

Meredith slowly pulled into the garage. Coming home to them was a scarier thought than anything else she encountered during the day. Meredith inched in and stopped the car. She was terrified. She had half a notion to back out and get the hell out of there. Her stomach knotted and a lump formed in her throat. She looked up to see them both standing there. And they were not happy.

Meredith hit the trunk button and climbed out. As she pulled her body out of the car, her shoulders slumped. She couldn't look them in the eyes. She couldn't look at them. She walked to the back of the car and started grabbing bags. She could hear footsteps nearing. She braced herself.

"You went shopping!" Derek yelled loudly as he looked down at the trunk.

"Meredith, what the fuck were you thinking? Have you lost your fucking mind?" Matt yelled as he glared at her.

"Do you realize what you have done?" Derek yelled at her. "You just fucking went out joy-riding? Do you realize how stupid that was?"

"I'm sorry..." She muttered as she grabbed her bags and walked into the house.

"Meredith! You stole my car. I could have called the police." Matt told her frankly. "And at this moment, I wish I had."

I can't believe you went out shopping. You just grabbed a car, and took off? You didn't leave a note. You didn't take your cellphone. Do you know how worried we were?" Derek asked he as he stood in front of her.

"God, Mer... Do you even know how to fucking drive? You could have killed someone! You could have wrecked my car! You could have killed yourself. Who do you think you are?" Matt yelled.

"I was bored." Meredith whined as she looked at them both.

"You are so fucking stupid." Matt said as he threw up his hands. "I'm too pissed at you, I have to walk away."

"Meredith... I could lose my job. Did you think about that? Did you think about what you could have done to Matt and I. We trusted you, and you shit on us. I don't want to talk to you. You are- This is fucking bullshit. You need to quit acting like a spoiled brat, and grow the fuck up!" He yelled loudly.

"Fuck you, Derek..." She growled as she slapped him across the face as hard as she could. "Fuck you..." She repeated as she began to cry and ran off.

Matt and Derek watched as she ran up the stairs and down the hall. They heard the door slam loudly and they both shook their head. They were both mad at her beyond belief. Derek looked over at Matt and he looked at her. The guilt was taking over.

"She's a kid." Derek groaned as he looked to where she disappeared.

"She is. She doesn't know any better, because she has never been taught." Matt told him frankly. "She comes from a different world than you or I. Her father taught her that she could do whatever she wanted, with no consequences."

"I know... I just freaked out." Derek said frankly as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I know, me too." Matt agreed.

"I guess I should go talk to her." Derek said quickly as he looked at Matt. Matt nodded and walked away.

Derek was feeling bad. He was harsh, but at the same time, she needed it. She could not do what she was doing. She had to learn that it was wrong. She had to learn that she had to think before she acted. Her life had been so sheltered, she never realized she did anything wrong.

Meredith sobbed in their bed. She couldn't believe that they yelled at her. It wasn't even that they yelled at her, it was the words they used. They were disappointed in her. That stung. Thatcher had said it, but it never bothered her. But Matt and Derek saying it. They were her best friends and now they were upset, angry and disappointed at her. Now that hurt. And it hurt bad.

It broke Derek's heart to see her that way. She was laying on the bed, broken. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. They were supposed to be mad at her, and somehow she turned it all the way around, and they were the ones feeling like asses. Derek walked across the room and crawled on the bed with her.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he looked at her.

"Go away." She said angrily. "Please, just go away."

"Hey. I am the one that is supposed to be mad here!" Derek spat frankly.

"Well than go be mad." She growled as she turned away from him. "I don't want to talk to you. This spoiled brat doesn't want to hear your voice, Derek." She said as she covered her head with her pillow.

"Oh. I see how it is." Derek snapped as he pulled himself out of the bed. "You can do something wrong, and everyone else is the ass!" He said angrily. "Fine. Stay in here and pout. Or you could steal a car and run off. Either way, you will be by yourself!" He said as he grabbed his bag and walked out.

Derek threw his bag in the guest room and looked at the bed. He could ride the unicycle tonight. He knew that that would be her next weapon. The no sex weapon. She would try to bring him to his knees, but he could handle it. He grumbled to himself as he walked down the stairs and slumped on the sofa.

"So?" Matt asked as he looked at Derek.

"She is a grade-A pain in the ass. And I cannot talk to her." Derek grumbled. "Besides, she is the one that is in the wrong. I cannot bow down to her."

"Oh my god..." Matt said with a chuckle. "This is a mess."

"Seriously, man..." Derek agreed as he shook his head.

"Meredith Grey is in the wrong, and we're the ones feeling like asses." Matt told him quickly.

"That is Meredith Grey for you..." Derek said as he laid his head back. What a mess.

----------------

Meredith laid in her bed stewing. They were both in the wrong as far as she was concerned, and she was not going to lay down for him to steamroll her. She clenched her jaw as she laid there. Her stomach started growling. The soup she had for lunch wasn't nearly enough to sustain her for the night. She grumbled as she pulled herself out of bed. She apparently had to make herself something.

Meredith looked at Derek and Matt sitting on the sofa watching t.v. Part of her was mad, and part of her was jealous. She stuck her nose in the air as she walked by and into the kitchen. Meredith riffled through the cabinets. She couldn't find anything to eat. She grumbled loudly as she found a block of cheese. She cut off a few pieces and grabbed some crackers.

She looked over at them and clenched her jaw. She was mad. There they were, sitting around like the world was great. They each had a beer in their hand and they were laughing. Meredith drew in a breath as the anger boiled inside of her. She couldn't take it. She was just too damn mad.

Meredith took a piece of cheese and chomped it down. She quickly strode across the room and grabbed the packages that she had bought. She sat them on the coffee table and opened them up. They looked at her as she stood in front of the t.v. She pulled out things one by one and began throwing them at the men.

"Here!" She yelled at Matt. "Maybe that will make up for stealing your car."

"Here, Derek... Spoiled bitches don't usually buy forty-thousand dollar watches for their boyfriends. I hope you like your shit. I guess it's not really the thought that counts, is it?" She growled as she looked at him and threw the leather Fossil belt and watch.

"Mer..." Matt started as he looked up.

"No! Take this." She screamed as she threw a tie at him. "I thought you would like that. You know, to wear to meetings. Maybe I should hang myself with it! Since I am so much trouble!" She yelled as the tears streamed.

"That is a little dramatic." Matt said frankly as he looked at the silk tie.

"Take these. I bought them for you, Derek. I wanted to make you happy." She cried out as she threw and arm full of lingerie at him. "Maybe you can wear it, and Matt can fuck you up the ass! Since you are such good buddies and all..." She said as she began to sob. "But this stuff doesn't mean anything. It's just a shallow girl, spending her money, right? A spoiled brat that needs to fucking grow up!"

"Meredith..." Derek said as he frowned and cocked his head.

"No, Derek!" Meredith said as she stormed off.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey!" Matt said in a deep voice. "Stop right there."

Meredith was in shock that Matt took that tone with her. She momentarily paused, almost wanting them to stop her. Being at each other's throats was willing her. She couldn't take being in an argument with Derek. She slowly turned around, ready to snap again.

"You listen-" He started as he looked up at her.

"What are you, my father?" Meredith snapped.

"If I have to be." Matt said frankly. "Now come back here, and talk."

"What am I supposed to say? I'm a prisoner... The one time I get to leave, and this happens. And now I find out how you really feel about me. You guys just think I am a shallow spoiled bitch!" Meredith said as she began to sob.

"Oh, Mer..." Derek said as he rushed over and pulled her against his chest. "That wasn't it at all. I'm sorry I said that." He told her as he led her to the sofa.

"You scared the shit out of us, Mer. You have no idea what it was like." Matt said as he patted her leg.

"Mer... We thought someone abducted you! I thought you could be dead. We didn't know whether to call the police, or to look for you. We were in a panic, Mer. A fucking panic." Derek said as he kissed the side of her head and pulled her against him.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I am so sorry." She said as she cried. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to have fun. And I got carried away. I got this stuff for you guys... I was so happy. I didn't mean to be so stupid, Derek. I am so sorry."

"It's okay, baby." Derek told her softly.

"You too, Matt." Meredith said as she looked over at him.

"I wasn't mad that you took the car, Mer. I was mad because you scared the fuck out of me! All I could think of was that you were raped or murdered. I was mad at you because you made me feel like everything was out of my control. You are my friend. you and Derek are my best friends... And I can't lose you guys." Matt said with a smile.

"We're okay?" Meredith asked as she looked over at them both.

"Yep." They both said with smiles.

"Oh my god!" Meredith said in a panic. "What did you do to your head?" She asked as she ran her hand over the lump and frowned.

"The surf board." Derek said quickly. "It came up and cracked me right in the head. A monster wave."

"He kicked ass!" Matt said frankly.

"Oh, Derek..." Meredith said quickly. "You need ice."

"I'm okay." Derek said quickly. Meredith placed her hands on his face and smiled.

"You're not..." Meredith said with a frown.

"Eh, maybe not. But I could be..." He said as he held up the lingerie.

"Whoa baby!" Matt said as he looked at the peekaboo bra and panties. "You don't play around..."

"I take lingerie very seriously." Meredith said with a smirk as jumped up. "Very... Derek, are you coming? I need to kiss it and make it all better..."

"Like you have to ask twice." Derek said as he quickly followed her. "Nurse Grey."

"Hey! Don't you want this?" Matt asked as he threw the bustier at her. Meredith rushed over and shoved it all in a bag before trotting up the stairs, Derek coming quickly behind.

"Have fun..." Matt said with a smirk.

"We will!" They yelled loudly.

Derek could feel his cock lunging in anticipation as he chased her up the stairs. It wanted to feel her soft wet folds. His mouth wanted to taste her sweet skin. Her tight little ass in her perfect jeans was too much for a man to look at and not touch. Derek gave her ass a firm squeeze as they reached the top step.

"Oh!" She cried out as she jumped. "Frisky... Anticipation, much?" She giggled as she darted down the hallway, dropping clothes. Derek bent down and picked them up, not missing a step as he continued on his way.

"Hell yes." He said as he stumbled into their room and slammed the door behind him.

"So..." Meredith said as she stood there with a grin on her face. "Which of these would you like my to put on, so that you can tear it off?"

"No time." Derek spat as he ripped his shirt over his head.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked innocently.

"Mer- I was ready to blow hard just coming up those fucking stairs." He said as he ripped his pants down, exposing his hard cock.

"No shit." She said in shock, unable to take her eyes off of him. "Wow..."

"Mer!" Derek spat loudly.

"What?" Meredith said without looking up.

"Strip. Now!" He demanded as he rushed over and pulled her top over her head.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed as she unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down.

"Nice." Derek muttered as he looked at her red panties covered in back lace.

He quickly turned her around and unclasped her bra. His hand slid down the cheek of her apple ass and grasped it roughly. Derek heard her let out a loud moan as he grasped the tight flesh. He hooked the strings around his fingers and ripped them down.

"Oh god..." She moaned as she reach behind and grasped his hips. "Oh god... Here... Now!" She yelled loudly as she bent herself over the bed.

"You sure about that?" Derek asked, torturing not only her, but himself.

"Yes! Now." She told him as she scooted her ass to him.

Derek bent over her, letting his cock have just a taste. He leaned his muscular chest over her back. The flesh of her soft back rubbed against him, and he could feel his cock getting more and more impatient. He gave her several soft kisses on the back, licking and tasting the flesh. Meredith reached behind herself and attempted to pull him close, but he pulled away from her.

"Not yet..." He said with a smirk as he ran his hands over her breasts and pinched her nipples.

"Please..." She moaned as he licked her back, following her spine.

"Impatient." He pointed out as he got to her ass, and licked the cheek. Meredith squealed loudly as he took a big chomp on the cheek and left teeth marks. "Like that, baby?"

"Yeah..." She panted, feeling the need boiling inside of her.

"Bend farther and spread your legs." He told her as he shoved her face in the bed and kicked her feet apart. "Bella figa." (Beautiful pussy.)

Derek dropped to his knees so that he was directly in front of her sweet soft pink center. He wanted to taste her. His cock wanted to taste her, but he wanted to taste her on his tongue. Derek slid his tongue up one lip and down the other. She was already more than wet for him. He ran the broad length of his tongue over her clit, careful not to overstimulate her. He wanted her ready for his cock, knowing that once he hit home, he was going to explode inside of her.

"Right there! Right there!" She yelled loudly as he flicked her clit with his tongue.

Derek heard her grumble as he once again took it away and went to lapping her soft folds. She groaned as he trust his long tongue as far inside of her as he could, and flicked it back and forth. Derek loved the taste and smell of her salty sweetness on his palate. Meredith backer her ass into his face as he continued to tease her. He could feel her already starting to clamp down.

"Leccaculo." (Butt-licker.) Meredith growled.

"Seriously?" Derek laughed loudly. "Little immature. Okay... Have it your way."

Derek quickly got to his feet and grasped his hard pulsating cock. Meredith let out a wail as hie swiftly slide his hard cock into her unbelievably tight walls. She let out cry after cry as he pushed and pulling in and out of her tight twat. Derek's hands went to work on her breasts and he licked and sucked her back out of primal need.

"Oh god... Fuck, Der... I'm ready to cum!" She yelled loudly as she swung her hips against his movements. "Fuck me hard!"

"Oh god... Mer... You are so warm and tight." He moaned as he felt her soft folds sliding overtop his hard meat. Derek's balls crashed into her as he filled her to the brim. "Oh god!" He yelped as he quickened his pace, feeling himself ready to release.

"Oh god..." Meredith spat as Derek's finger played with her clit. "I'm- I'm... Oh god, baby... I'm cumming!" She yelled as her walls contracted and released violently, milking the shooting cum out of his own cock.

"Oh my god, Mer!" Derek yelled as he felt his seeds spray his walls.

"Oh...oh...oh..." Meredith whimpered as she felt their warm fluids mix, Derek kissing her back gently.

Derek pulled out and looked at his slick messy cock. He had a self-satisfied smile on his face as he looked at the fluids dripping out of her core. Her orgasm had taken so much out of her that she laid there, spread out, panting. He ran his hands all over her body before he convinced her to laid on the bed on her back.

Their eyes met. It was perfect. Derek looked into the green that he had fallen into before. She was his everything. She was all he would ever need. They would be going home soon. They would return to the mansion and to college. But it was just them in that moment. And these were the ones that he held onto. Even when times would get rough, he had those.

**Review, please!**


	66. Learning the Truth

Meredith laid in her bed. It was unbelievable. It had been over three years since she met Derek. Her heart sank a little as she laid there. Three years, and nothing had changed. Three years and they were still sharing secret kisses. Three years and they were still making not so silent love in each other's rooms. Three years and she felt the same way about him. Three years.

Meredith could feel a sense of blue coming over her. She was a little sad. Sad that they were still stuck in that situation. Sad that nothing had changed. There had been no progression other than both of them moving further into their education. One would think in three years they would have been caught, or at least exposed themselves. But they hadn't. And Meredith didn't like that.

Meredith had a busy day. Her father was having the party next week. It was a black tie event held at the Empire Hotel and Country Club. Her father hadn't done it in a few years, but this years it was going to be spectacular. Today she had to get herself a dress, and she had been ordered to help Derek find a tuxedo.

It broke her heart that she wouldn't be going with Derek. He would be there, and he wouldn't have to work. Thatcher let Tony and Derek off on that night, and would allow them to enjoy the festivities while other guards were brought in to keep the area secure. So Derek would be there, just not with her. And it wasn't quite the same.

Meredith needed to change things. She wasn't exactly sure how she could do it, but she felt she needed to do something. She rolled over in the bed and clutched the blankets tightly. Normally she would jog with Derek, but she could hear the driving rain on her balcony, and she just wasn't in the mood for it.

Meredith laid there for a good hour before she managed to pull herself out of the warm comfort of her egyptian cotton sheets. She felt her feet hit the plush carpeting as she walked towards the bathroom. Maybe a good soak in her bathtub would change everything. She turned on the water and listened to the jets hum. She pulled off her nightie and let it fall softly on the floor.

As she laid in the water, it hit her. She wasn't just holding Derek back. She was holding everyone back. It broke her heart. Three years, and She was holding Matt back too. Their friendship had only grown in those years, but Meredith couldn't help but feel her was continuing to pretend for her out of guilt. Meredith dialed his number, knowing he was in town for the party.

"Hello?" Matt asked quickly. He sounded rushed and busy.

"Hey Matt, it's Mer. Are you busy?" He asked quickly.

"Not too busy for you. What's up?" He asked as he stood there for the tailor.

"I wanted to know if you could meet me for lunch today." She suggested softly.

"Is everything okay?" Matt asked quickly.

"It is. I just- Lunch. Ristorante Belvedere Da Danilo?" Meredith told him with a sigh.

"Sounds perfect. One is good for me, you?" He asked her.

"It's good." Meredith told him quickly.

Meredith rushed around the house. She was nervous. She had no reason to be nervous, but she was. She knew that if she got Derek a tuxedo, that wouldn't take long. It was her dress shopping that would suck up all the time in the day. Before she knew it, she and Derek were at the tailors. She wanted him to have a good tuxedo. A handmade tuxedo.

"Mer..." Derek whined as the tailor worked on him. Meredith knew the tailor didn't speak a lick of english.

"You need a suit, Der." She told him frankly.

"He's on my junk." Derek said with wide-eyes as he measured his inseam. "Touching my shit."

"Yeah, they have to do that." She giggled as she looked down at her magazine.

"And why do I have to go to this?" Derek whined as he looked up.

"Because. If I have to, you have to." She told him with a smirk. "Champagne..."

"Assholes." Derek pointed out.

"Caviar..." Meredith pointed out.

"Yuck." Derek stated simply.

"Dancing." She said with a shrug.

"Suck at it." Derek laughed as he looked at her.

"Yeah, you do." Meredith agreed.

"At least with Matt there, the guys won't be all over you." Derek pointed out with a smile.

"Yeah... That's true..." Meredith sighed as she looked off into the distance.

"You okay?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Yep. Fine." She told him as she dove back into her reading.

Meredith loved exposing Derek to new things. To her, he was like a puppy. So cute and curious. But in the last couple of years, he had gotten used to things. Things were not so new, and it had become day to day life. She had even tried to send him home, and he had no interest. She was feeling bad. She was stealing everyone away from the people that loved them.

She didn't even realize that they were at the restaurant until they were there and walking in the door. She was distracted. She was lost in thought. She saw Matt at a table by the window. Of course it was a table by the window. Almost too perfect. She looked at Derek and sighed.

"Can you... Can you wait here?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Wait here? Why?" Derek asked in shock.

"Just- It will only take a second." Meredith told him as she looked up.

"Take a second. What will take a second?" Derek asked with concern.

"Stay here." Meredith groaned as she walked up.

"Hey... What's going on?" Matt asked as she sat down. The paparazzi were shooting pictures like crazy. "Why is Derek over there?"

"Matt... You are my best friend. It's been a long time. Over two years. You have been a good friend to us. And I will never be able to repay you for that. But you deserve better. you deserve a life. You deserve to meet a woman who can make you happy. It's not fair to hold you back." Meredith explained quickly.

"What are you saying?" Matt asked in shock.

"I'm saying that I am letting you free. It's time to let you go. Time for you to move on." Meredith told him.

"But... Derek. You and Derek... And the company." Matt told her nervously.

"Derek and I- It's not your problem. It's not up to you to protect us. And your company is in a great spot. I've been paying attention. My father lost interest a long time ago. You were just being kind. That's you. You are one of the kindest men I have ever known. You don't need me. I was the one that needed you. And now I am telling you to move on. There are a line of girls waiting for you. And maybe one of them will be lucky." Meredith said as she stood up and kissed him on the forehead.

"Mer-" Matt said in shock as he looked itno her eyes. She slowly began to walk away, and turned back around.

"You know..." She said as she whispered in his ear. "We may have been fake lovers, but we were never fake friends. And I expect to see you more now than ever." Meredith told him as she pulled away. "You better be at the party..." She said with a grin as she walked away.

As Matt sat there, he was in shock. It was sad. But at the same time, he had never been prouder of her. She let him go. She did a selfless act. He would have played their charade forever just to keep her safe and happy. But she stood up and did what was right. He drew in a sigh as he threw down some money and left the table. She really was his best friend.

"What happened?" The paparazzi asked him as he walked out.

"I think Meredith Grey just broke things off." He said softly as he walked past.

"Did you see this coming?" One asked him as they chased.

"Does this have anything to do with the woman you were talking to last week?" A paparazzo yelled. "Neither of you seem upset..."

"We're friends." Matt said with a smile as he climbed in his car.

Derek didn't know what was going on. He saw Meredith talk to Matt. He saw that the paparazzi were more than interested and were shooting pictures like crazy. Whatever it was, he stayed silent. He didn't say a word as they went to the car, being chased inside.

"What just happened?" Derek asked as they climbed in the car and ignored the paparazzi.

"Matt... I- I let him go." Meredith said happily. "It was time. He deserves a life too."

"You broke it off?" Derek asked in shock.

"I did. In front of the world. They took pictures. That way everyone knows. He deserves this. He deserves to be happy." Meredith told him with an exuberant nod.

"He does." Derek agreed as he drove down the road. "I'm so proud of you, Mer. That was nice."

"I feel good." Meredith admitted with a smile. "So, are you ready to get my gown?"

"Now that... That is the meanest thing you could say." Derek told her with a laugh.

"What are you trying to say?" She asked with a giggle.

"I think you know." Derek told her as he merged into another lane. "Shopping is another word for hell."

---------------

Shopping was another word for hell. He hated shopping. But because it was her, he had done it. She wouldn't let him see the gown that she had chosen. She said it was bad luck. He argued with her that that was only when you were getting married. Either way, she said no.

The house was abuzz with Thatcher's help. Sofia was running around like crazy trying to keep up with them all. It was impossible. She would scream and yell at them to stop tracking in dirt, to no avail. Derek was in a sour mood, just knowing that Thatcher was going to be there, and was not leaving any time soon.

"Now it's time to see the goons." Derek laughed as they walked into the front door.

"No kidding. This guys are such idiots." Meredith laughed heartily as she walked in.

Thatcher sat at his desk. It was chaos. The party was chaos. He didn't have anything to do with it. The help and the event planner did all the work. But that didn't mean that they were calling him every five minutes to check up on one thing or another. He took in a deep breath and rubbed his temples. Just as he went to exhale, he heard a sound. It was Meredith giggling. With Derek.

"Tony..." Thatcher said as he looked over. "What is that?"

"What is what?" Tony asked as he looked over.

"Meredith and Derek... What is going on? They are friends now?" Thatcher asked as he looked over.

"Um.. They seem to get along fine." Tony pointed out with a sigh.

"I thought my Meri hated him." Thatcher muttered to himself. "Hmm..."

Thatcher didn't like it. He didn't like that Meredith seemed to be having a good time. Especially since he heard the news. It only took minutes for him to know. She had probably just climbed in the car to leave the restaurant when he got the first call. She broke it off with Matt, out of no where. And now she was laughing and giggling with here? He didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Is there something between them?" Thatcher asked Tony frankly. Tony looked at him. He had suspected. But he was never sure. And he had definitely not seen anything. "Don't lie to me, Tony. I think you know better than that."

"I don't know, Sir." Tony told him honestly. "I doubt it."

"But you can't say for certain?" Thatcher asked him as he looked across the desk.

"No. I cannot." Tony told him with a sigh.

"Interesting..." Thatcher said as he shook his head. "Very interesting... Keep an eye on them. I expect you to report back."

"Of course." Tony said with a nod as he walked out.

Thatcher liked Derek, He seemed like a hard working, honest kid. he seemed like a nice guy. And that was great. Good for him. That was perfect for what Thatcher needed him for. But anything more. That was a different story. If he wanted anymore, he was asking for trouble. Because if Thatcher found anything out. He would make him wish he were never born.

Tony rushed upstairs. Thatcher definitely had him worried. He was worried that something was going on, and he let it slip right under his nose. Not a lot scared Tony. But there were two things that did. Thatcher. And Meredith. And right now, Thatcher was definitely the bigger fear.

"Meri..." Tony said quickly as he walked to her bedroom door.

"What?" Meredith asked softly as she looked up.

"Is there something going on between you and Derek?" He asked frankly.

"Derek and I?" Meredith asked in shock. "Why the hell would you say that?"

"I just- Your father is asking questions. And I will not lie to him." Tony said quickly.

"Nothing is going on, Tony. For god's sake, he is the help." Meredith grumbled.

"Well, I wouldn't think so..." Tony said with a chuckle.

"I can't believe you would even suggest it." Meredith said with a fake laugh.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure. I would hate for Derek to end up like Aleeo. He's such a nice guy..." Tony muttered, turning on his heel, getting ready to walk off.

"Aleeo... Aleeo is in college. Nothing happened to him." Meredith said with a giggle as she looked up.

"Oh, Meri... Sometimes you are so niave." He laughed. "You go to Parma. Have you even seen him?"

"Parma is a big place..." Mereodth explained.

"You would never find him. He didn't go to Parma. Meredith, Aleeo never stepped foot on those grounds..." Tony told her frankly.

"Well then where is he?" Meredith asked.

"Aleeo is at the bottom of Lake Garda." Tony said with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked in shock. "No he's- What do you mean?"

"Be careful... Unless you want Derek to have a matching set of cinder blocks..." Tony told her as he walked off.

**Yeah... That pretty much sucks. And no, Thatcher is not and Italian mob boss. Does he have ties? He's a powerful man, so he may...**


	67. Fear

Derek thought Meredith was acting weird. The hose day, she was in her room frantically typing away on the laptop. She was being secretive. She wasn't talking to anyone. He was beginning to assume that she was up to something. Maybe she was planning another trip. It didn't help that Thatcher was there. She always acted differently when he was around. She had to.

Meredith laid and cried for a long time. As sad as it was, and as much as she blamed herself, she knew it wasn't her fault. She didn't make her father do those things. She didn't turn him into a bad guy. It just made her sick. She did lie about Frank under duress. But Aleeo, that was innocent. She thought she was helping him. And all she did was hurt him even more. She laid in bed for hours. But she had to know more. She had to pull herself together.

Meredith was getting nervous. The more she dug, the more concerned she was. She couldn't take not knowing. There was only one way she would know for sure, and that was if She saw it happen. She had the feeling that Tony wasn't lying. And things were matching up. Times and plans. It was all fitting together. Things were fitting together. And she wished they hadn't.

Thatcher Grey lined everyone's pockets. Meredith knew that. That was how he got building permits when it was supposedly impossible. That was why everyone moved out of his way when he walked. That was why Meredith could go to the club when she was underaged and do as she please. Thatcher Grey was untouchable. Meredith knew if she dug, it would all come up empty. There were no records. They were destroyed. There were no bodies where you could find them. And police reports. That was even funnier.

Derek rushed down the stairs. He had no idea what Thatcher Grey was planning. He had no idea what was going to happen. He had no idea that Thatcher Grey was thinking and planning. He was just coming down to get a glass of water when he heard Thatcher clear his throat.

"Derek..." Thatcher said from his office.

"Yes, Sir?" Derek asked as he walked up to the door.

"Come in for a second." Thatcher said as he looked at his blue eyes. Derek quickly walked in and sat down. "I have to go out of town. I'd like you to come along. Not Tony this time. You and I. I actually have to leave in about ten minutes. I need you to go pack a bag. Enough for over night. I expect you right back down here. I don't want Meredith or Tony to know. This trip is very... Secretive." Thatcher said with a nod.

"Okay." Derek agreed as he looked up.

Derek was confused as he jogged up the stairs. Don't tell Meredith. Don't tell Tony. He didn't like that. He didn't hide things from Meredith. Meredith and he had no secrets. But then again, maybe Thatcher was planning something for her, and he didn't want the secret to get out. Either way, he rushed to his room and began packing his bags. Just as he hit the hallway, he saw Meredith.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked in shock.

"Your father needs me. He didn't want Tony or you to know." Derek said quickly. "We'll be back tomorrow."

"What! No!" Meredith said quickly as she rushed into her room.

Meredith began frantically filling her bags with clothes. Derek couldn't go with with Thatcher. Not after what she had found out. She was poking around. She should have never poked around. She was feeling sick as she threw everything she could think of in her bag. Her father was out to get Derek. She was sure of it.

Meredith ran down the hallway, dragging her bag. She had to save him. She would go with him, and he would protect him. She was sure that either Tony said something, or they tracked what sites she had been on looking for answers. As she rushed, she nearly fell over herself. As looked over when she hit the floor. Her dad wasn't in his office. She ran to the door and looked out. They were pulling away.

She couldn't call him. Not while her father was in the car. She didn't trust her father to not take the phone and look. The last thing she needed was him to see. to have solid proof that she did have something to do with him. Meredith left her bag on the floor and ran up the stairs. She couldn't do it. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't have another man in her life die.

As Meredith laid on her bed and sobbed, all she could think about was that she never got to say goodbye. In her rush to get ready, she never said anything. She never told him she loved him. She never told him how much he meant to her. She endangered the life of the man she loved.

"Meri... What's wrong?" Sofia asked as she walked into her room.

"Daddy's going to kill him... Derek. He's going to die." Meredith said softly as she cried. "I think he knows..."

"Your father doesn't know." Sofia said frankly.

"How do you know?" Meredith asked softly.

"I know. He may suspect. But he doesn't know." She said firmly. "Derek is a smart man. You don't worry about him."

------------------

Derek was seeing a problem. Meredith was definitely attached. As much as he loved it, he hated it at the same time. She was being foolish. If she went around acting like that, people would definitely begin to wonder if there was something going on. Derek didn't feel right about just leaving her. But he knew he had to, when Thatcher Grey says go, you go. Not to mention, she was not supposed to know about this special trip that he was on.

Thatcher wasn't a talkative man. Unless it was business, he really didn't care too much about anything. He wasn't particularly into pleasant, friendly conversation. He pretended he was, as a way to make a rival think he was being friendly. But friendly, that wasn't Thatcher Grey. Not even close.

Derek sat in the back of the limousine in silence. For some reason, he had an uneasy feeling. He had never had Thatcher ask him to go on a trip. Derek was Meredith's guard, not his. Derek didn't do this. And he truly didn't have enough knowledge or experience to really deal with a tricky or dangerous situation. Meredith was slightly lower risk compared to Thatcher. Derek wondered of Thatcher knew just how bad Derek was at his job.

"So where are we going?" Derek asked as he looked at Thatcher.

"Oh, you'll see when we get there." Thatcher said with a faint smile. "Would you like some scotch."

"That would be great." Derek answered with a nod, as Thatcher grabbed the small bottle out and filled a short glass.

"Here you go." Thatcher said as he handed him the glass.

The scotch went down smoothly. Derek liked the taste of it. He would never forget the first time Meredith ordered it for him. Maybe it was good. But maybe it was because she ordered it that he liked it. Because she insisted. He truly couldn't believe how far they had gotten in the last three years. It amazed him when he thought back.

_[i"Tequila." Meredith said as she sat down on the stool. _

_"Of course, Ms. Grey." The bartender said with a nod as he poured her shot._

_"And whatever he wants." Meredith said as she pointed to Derek._

_"I'm fine." Derek said with a nod as he glanced up._

_"Derek, you can have a drink." Meredith said with a chuckle._

_"I'm working." Derek said frankly._

_"Derek, you can have a drink. One drink." She said with a sigh._

_"I'll have a beer." Derek said with a nod._

_"No he won't. Scotch. Single malt." She said with a nod. "It's you."_

_"One." Derek replied as the bartender slid the drink over to him._

_"Hey do you want to dance?" A handsome blonde asked Meredith in italian. He slid himself between Meredith and Derek. Derek looked at him in confusion. _

_"Sure." She said with a smile. "I'm going to dance." She explained to Derek as she slammed her shot and walked away._

_Derek watched as she danced. She was so perfect. So sexy. The way she moved on the floor was amazing. She didn't act the same as she did the last time they were there. She was more confident, more in control of herself. And she was dancing. She wasn't letting the guys feel her up in the middle of the floor. She was beautiful.[/i_

He would have never believed that they would get to this point. He would have never believe back then that she was her. Meredith was so... Meredith. She was different than anyone on the outside would ever know. She was sweet and kind. She was caring. She was the most important person in his life. And she always would be.

Thatcher was silent as the boarded the jet. The captain didn't speak. Whenever he and Meredith went anywhere, the captain always confirmed where they were going, and how long it would take. This time, there was none of that. As Derek fastened his belt, he started to feel nervous. And he had no idea why.

"That's a nice watch, Derek." Thatcher said with a smile as he looked down.

Derek's heart stopped. It was the Cartier. He forgot to take it off. It was so comfortable, half the time he forgot it was on. The Cartier watch was on his wrist, and Thatcher Grey noticed. The twenty-six thousand dollar gift that Meredith had bought him in the Italian Riviera. He was feeling sick. He had no idea what to say. He drew in a breath.

He would lie. He would say it was a knockoff. He could say that when they were in PAris, there was a guy selling them on the street. That could work. Some knockoffs were so real looking, that unless you were trained to looked at them you would never know. He couldn't say the truth. No way.

"Can I see it? I'm quite the timepiece collector." Thatcher said as he stuck out his hand. Derek slowly slid it off and placed it in his hand.

"It's a-" Derek started. He had already thought up a story. He got it from a guy on the street. A couple hundred dollars. He kept playing that through his head.

"Original. Nice watch, I'd say what... Twenty-five grand, at least." Thatcher said as he studied it. "Nice. Where did you get it?"

Derek drew in a breath. Saying it was a cheap knock off wasn't going to cut it. Derek drew in a breath. He could not lie, but he couldn't tell the truth. He had money saved. He would have to say that he bought it himself and take the risk of Thatcher knowing or not knowing the truth. He had to lie. Or at least try.

"I bought it. In Paris. I know it was irresponsible. I didn't need to spend the money. The money from this job was for medical school. But I liked it. And I never had anything extravagant, so I bought it. It was wrong..." Derek said softly.

"There is nothing wrong with a man buying himself something nice. Every man deserves a good watch. You work for your money, it's your prerogative." Thatcher explained.

"I just- I should have been more responsible. But I have it now..." Derek said softly as he slid it back on.

Derek sat there in silence. He got out of it. Thatcher believed the story. Not to mention, by now the paper trail was probably long lost. Meredith did so much spending, he wasn't even sure that Thatcher ever saw anything. He most likely had a financial consult that dealt with all of that. He was probably only alerted when something off the wall came up. Derek laid his head back. He slid right out of that one. He let out a sigh of relief. It was good.

"So, Derek... " Thatcher started as he looked over. Derek opened his eyes and looked up. "Do you enjoy fucking my daughter?" Thatcher asked frankly, eyes cold as stone.

**Shit, shit, shit...**


	68. Big Scare

Derek felt like he was going to have a heart attack. His heart had never beat so fast in his life. Thatcher Grey was a man that knew things. He knew everything that went on everywhere. Some people would consider him the most powerful, most ruthless man in the world. The kind of men that can make or break you.

Derek was in a panic. He wondered how he knew. They had not slipped up. As far as he knew, they were clean. Anything that had ever happened, had been covered up. They were more than careful about how and when they did things. The didn't flaunt. Never had they made even a motion in public.

As Derek looked into Thatcher's stone cold eyes he could only think one thing. He had to lie. It didn't matter either way. He had nothing to lose. Not a thing. If he lied, and Thatcher knew it, he would lose his balls. If he told the truth, he was going to lose his balls. Either way, it was a losing situation, unless he came out on top.

He had to take a page out of Thatcher's book and man up. Derek had always been quick on his feet. He had always been right there with an answer. Most likely because Mark and Derek got in trouble, and someone had to cover their asses. Derek drew in a deep breath and looked into Thatcher's eyes. If you are going to do it, do it right. He wasn't going to lose eye contact, and he was going to lie better than he ever had.

"Excuse me, Sir?" Derek said frankly, feigning astonishment rather well.

"I was just wondering, how you enjoyed fucking my daughter..." Thatcher said as he looked up.

"Sir, with all due respect... When I came here, you made it quite clear that your daughter was off limits. For you to even suggest that I am having any other relations with her other than professionally is not only an insult, but a disappointment. I thought I had presented myself as someone with better morals than that. I pride myself with my commitment to honesty. And for you to say this... I just don't know how to feel about it." Derek said frankly, lying through his teeth.

Thatcher looked at him. He didn't blink. He didn't look away. Thatcher had studied many men. He had been around a lot of people. Nice times out of ten, he could spot a liar. And looking into Derek's eyes, he was shocked. How could he have been so off the mark?

"I'm sorry." Thatcher said as he looked up. "I- I saw you talking to her. And I've seen you laughing and joking..." Thatcher, a man who never stammered, now stammered.

"I try to be her friend. I cannot protect someone when they think I am the enemy. I have worked three years to get even halfway close to her. I am finally not where I can be considered a friend, but someone that she looks to and expects safety from. This job is something I take very seriously. And you being the intelligent man that you are, I thought that would be more than clear to you." Derek went on, not missing a beat.

"You are a good man, Derek. I apologize for insulting you. You must understand that Meri is my baby. She is my only daughter. She has no mother, and it is up to me to protect her from everyone that can hurt her. I have made it my life's work to do whatever I can for her. I want her to be safe. I do not want her to be hurt. And I will do whatever I have to to ensure that." Thatcher explained.

"I understand that, Sir, and I applaude you for your efforts. I just hope that in the future, you hold more stock in me than you do now." Derek said without looking away.

"You are an honest man, Derek. You are a man who just made me feel like a complete fool, and dare I say, asshole, on my own jet. But I think I deserved it. I think we have have developed a newfound respect." Thatcher said with a smile.

"I think so." Derek agreed as he nodded and grabbed an investment magazine.

Derek couldn't believe it. He pulled if off. Without a shadow of a doubt, he pulled it off. It was amazing what could be done in a pinch. He just convinced one of the most powerful men in the world. He lied flat out, and never batted and eye at it. He felt great. He felt powerful But most of all, the felt that Thatcher would not be questioning him again.

Thatcher looked over at Derek. Derek chose his words well. He had to respect the man. He was now feeling like a complete and utter fool. Not that he ever let that stay for long. But looking at Derek, he was shocked. He never thought Derek would have it in him to stand up. Most men would have crumbled. Thatcher could convince innocent men that they were guilty, and guilty men that they were innocent.

Thatcher pulled out his Blackberry. He did need to grab papers when the plane landed in Moscow. But now plans were changed. He quickly typed in a text. He wouldn't be needing anyone's services. As much of a monster as he could be, he still didn't want to dispose of someone needlessly. He was in the business to get ahead and protect his daughter. And it seemed, Derek was doing a good job of it.

Derek was satisfied as they rode on the plane. He thought about Meredith. She was worried when he told her. Before he thought that maybe it was because she was so attached. But now he was seeing it. She was worried for his safety. She was worried that he was going to be taken care of. As Derek sat there, there was no question in his mind that Thatcher was in the business of disposing of the trash that cluttered his life.

Derek pulled out his cellphone and looked at it. Occasionally they could get a signal, even in the jet. It was rare, but it did happen. Derek began typing in a text, that would be sent when he got a signal. He had to tell her that he was okay. He had to let her know that for the time being, they were safe. And after the conversation he had with Thatcher, that gave him more comfort than he could imagine.

------------

Derek didn't get off the jet in Moscow. Thatcher explained that he would be right back. At that moment, he realized the true reason for him coming along. Thatcher had been planning on getting rid of him baring the outcome of their conversation. Derek was in shock, but at the same time, he wasn't at all. There hadn't really been a question in his mind that Thatcher would do whatever necessary to get what he wanted.

Derek quickly pressed send on his phone. He was sure he would have roaming changes, but he didn't care. The thought of her sad and worried in her bed was too much for him. He drew in a breath and waited for a response.

Meredith laid in her bed and cried. She was so worried about him. She didn't want to be the reason that something happened to him. She was in a near panic. She couldn't breathe, and she couldn't share her feelings. Sofia did her best to calm to her to no avail. And Tony could not know. She wasn't sure where his loyalties lie, but she was sure they weren't with her. She rolled over when she heard her cell phone vibrate.

_[iDerek: I realized what was up. Things are fine. No worries. It is fine._

Meredith's heart soared. He was okay. Things are fine. No worried. She wondered what was up. She knew he couldn't really say too much. If her father saw that, he could say it was the plane. He could explain that he had a fear of flying. It didn't mean anything. Meredith wondered how he knew. She wondered if anything was said.

[iMeredith: _There is no way of knowing. Anything can happen anytime.[/i_

Derek's eyes lit up when his phone buzzed. He read it. She was a worrier. She was always worrying. He wished he could call her and just tell her. But he was sure there were bugs on the plane. Maybe not. But this was a different jet than the one he and Meredith took, and he was not taking any chances. He quickly typed in a message.

[i_Derek: Trust me. Things are fine. Everything is fine. Do not worry. I'm not afraid. It's been settled. No more questions. Will be back soon.[/i_

Meredith accepted that. She trusted Derek's judgement, and he seemed to think it was all okay. Meredith laid back on her bed and began laughing. She felt so stupid. So unbelievably stupid. But the more she thought, she hadn't really been. Even if Derek was safe, that didn't change what her father had done. He could not be trusted. She loved him. He was her dad. But that didn't mean she could trust him. Not even close.

Meredith took in a breath. She needed to relax. She looked out at the pool. It was chilly out, but the pool was heated. It was probably too cold to be swimming, but she had to. The pool was her solace. She quickly pulled on one of her plain black bikinis. She hadn't swam in far too long. She drew in a long dee breath. They had narrowly escaped this one. She had no idea how Derek did it, but he did.

Meredith looked at the water. The cool breeze blew across her skin. She got into position and dove perfectly into the crystal blue water. It felt perfect. It felt like home. Whenever she was under there, she felt so calm. Nothing could take that calm from her. It was silence. Complete silence. She was safe in there.

Meredith did lap after lap. She didn't been realize how many she did. She was starting to feel a bit exhausted, but she couldn't stop herself. She was running on anger and frustration. Who did her father think he was? He just walked around and pointed at who he wanted killed today. It made her sick. Completely and utterly sick.

As Meredith dove under, she wondered. Had Thatcher had her mother killed? It was always a mystery. No one would tell her anything. She didn't even know her mother's name. She knew nothing. It was like she never existed. Each lap was fueled by the fear and hate of the unknown.

Meredith pulled herself out of the water. She could barely walk. She had been in there for hours. She didn't even realize it until she went too far. She quickly made it to her room and took a shower, rinsing the chlorine off of her skin. She looked at the time. It was already late. Sofia was surely making dinner, but she couldn't eat. She pulled on a slip and crawled into her bed, drifting asleep.

Derek rushed into the house. Thatcher was already off to another destination. He had Cristoforo pick Derek up at the airport. Derek said his quick hellos to everyone. Tony was out for a few hours and Sofia was cooking. Cristoforo was already busy with some project and then he was leaving for the day. Everyone was busy. And there was no sight of Meredith.

Derek threw his bag in his room. He was glad to be back there, and alive. He needed to see her. He knew she had to be in her room. He walked out into the hallway and crept to her room. He quickly walked in and shut and locked the door behind him. He smiled at the sight of her hair cascading around her head. She was in a peaceful sleep. Derek slipped off his shoes and slowly crawled into the bed next to her.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she opened her eyes.

Green met blue in perfection. Every worry disappeared from her head. All she needed was him, and he was there. Everything that they shared was there. It was so deep. No one could penetrate it. What they had was stronger than anything else. It was stronger than suspicion. It was stronger than hate. Stronger than fear. What they had was exceptional. And nothing could sever it.

"Derek..." She whispered as relief came over her.

"Hey..." He said as he ran his hand over her cheek softly.

"I was so scared, Derek. So scared." She told him as she began to tear up.

"It's okay, Mer. It is okay. I'm here. You're okay." He said as he pulled her small body against his.

"Derek... He's a monster! I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you before you left. And you just- All I could think of was that I didn't get to say goodbye, Derek. I couldn't bear the thought. If you aren't here, I can't go on." Meredith said as she sobbed into his chest. "I would rather die than live without you." She said as she looked into his eyes.

Derek looked into her red eyes. He felt the same way. When the thought crossed his mind, he couldn't breathe. Without her, there was nothing. He had no idea how to handle or convey the love that he felt for her. He had done amazing things today because of her. To protect them. To protect them so that they could both survive. Today he not only saved himself, but her too.

"I love you, Meredith. And I don't want you to worry about this. Your father has no proof. He only suspected. It's okay, Mer. I can't do this without you. To live without you, it's not living. So I will do whatever I have to do, to protect and love you. You are the love of my life." He said as he kissed her softly.

"Make love to me, Derek. I need it. I need you. All of you." She said as she kissed him softly.

Derek nodded softly as he leaned across her body as kissed her neck softly. He could smell her soft lavender scent of her skin. He could taste the sweetness of her flesh on his tongue. He heard a faint moan escape her lips as his hard member pressed against her leg. She was so soft under his body. Her red satin slip felt amazing coupled with her skin.

"I love you, Mer." Derek said with a smile as he licked her neck.

Derek gently sucked on her ear, feeling her hands running over his back. Her hands ran around his back and began unbuttoning his shirt. A smile covered her face as she looked at his chest. She couldn't imagine not seeing that touch again. She leaned up as Derek sucked on her chest. Derek leaned up and slid his shirt off. Meredith leaned up and pulled the slip over her head.

"You are so beautiful." Derek said as he tossed his jeans and boxers onto the floor.

Derek placed a hand on either side of her body and took a nipple into his mouth. Meredith moaned loudly and arched her back as he squeezed it tightly as he ran his tongue over it, teasing her. Meredith yelped as it went straight to her core. Derek smiled happily as he switched to the other. She laid back, and Derek pulled her breast taunt. His mouth trailed along her abdomen. Meredith took in a deep breath when he circled her navel and then sucked gently.

"Please, Derek... Just... Me and you." She said as she put her hand on his arm.

"Okay." Derek said with a nod.

Derek slid his fingers in her slit. A grin covered his mouth as he felt how ready she was for him. He slid his thumb over her clit a few times before he returned to her mouth. Meredith ran her hands through his curls as he licked her lips and slid his tongue inside. Meredith's played softly with his tongue as she gripped his neck.

Derek quickly grasped his hard cock and rubbed it against her slit. She mewed softly as he slowly slid inside of her. Meredith wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed and pulled gently. Her hands played on his back as he pushed and pulled over and over in just the right tempo.

"You feel so good, Mer." Derek told her as he kissed her neck.

"Oh baby... You too." She agreed as she felt her walls press against his cock.

The amount of passion between them had never been so strong. They both realized how much they could lose. They could lose it all. Without one, there was no other. Derek could feel her erect nipples rubbing against his chest as her grazed over her, bodies sliding.

"Deeper." Meredith groaned as she attempted to push herself into him.

"Oh god, Mer..." Derek moaned into her neck as he pressed his cock deeper, bumping her cervix gently.

"Over." Meredith moaned as she pushed him.

They rolled to their sides. Meredith pulled her legs father apart, but kept her feet on his ass. Derek wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her ass for leverage. He could feel her nails clawing in anticipation. She began spiting out inaudible words as her walls clamped down.

"Cum for me, Mer. Cum for me..." Derek told her as he pushed harder and faster.

"Oh god... Oh god... Oh..." Meredith panted as she felt herself on the edge.

"Fuck... I'm ready. Oh god, I'm ready!" He yelled softly as he thrust into her one last time, both their bodies climaxing violently.

They both laid in each other's embrace as their bodies reacted to each other's. Derek's cock felt perfect inside of her. They were the perfect mold. He loved the way every inch of her soft flesh felt against his. Her fluids mixed with his, and he could feel the abundance around him. He slowly pulled out of her and rolled on his back, pulling her into him. He need her touch. And she needed his.

**More drama coming...**


	69. A Planned Life

Derek laid with Meredith. He knew that he had to leave the room, but he couldn't. He couldn't leave her when she was so upset. He wasn't sure what to do. By now, Cristoforo was gone. Sofia would be calling her for dinner soon, and Tony could be back at anytime. Derek leaned down and kissed her softly before he began to climb out of bed.

"Don't leave." Meredith whimpered when she realized that he was leaving.

"Mer... After today, I think it wise I not stay in here." He said frankly, realizing what a risk it was.

"No... Please. I'm so scared you won't come back." She said quickly.

"If I stay in here, I won't come back, baby. Your father would kill me." He told her as he leaned down and kissed her.

"I'm scared, Derek. I'm scared for you. And I'm scared for me." Meredith said as she began to tear up.

"Why are you scared, Mer?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Because he kills everyone that gets close to me. He killed Aleeo. I think he killed Frank. I can't- I'm scared for you. If he finds out, he will kill you. It's not about hurting you. He would kill you. And if he kills you... I wouldn't go on. I just don't have the fight in me to live in this world alone." Meredith said as she looked up.

Derek couldn't believe she said that. That scared him. Her saying that she would basically end her life if she wasn't with him, that really hit hard. He couldn't imagine his life without her. But that was a lot to carry. It was a lot to worry about. Her that attached that she wasn't thinking rationally. He couldn't even think about it.

"I never want to hear you say that, Mer. Ever! Do you hear me?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"It's true." She told him as she looked up.

"Meredith Grey." Derek said as he shook his head. "I can't hear you say something like that."

"You don't feel the same way?" Meredith asked as she looked into his eyes.

"I have undying love for you." Derek said as he bent down and kissed her. "This has been a horrible day. And I think we both need to step back and take a breath."

"What do you mean?" She asked in shock. "Do you want to end it?"

"No, Mer... It's just- Today, I had to do something I don't like doing. I had to lie. And it scared the shit out of me. There isn't a doubt in my mind that your father would have taken my life, and made sure no one found the body. I had to lie to say my life. I had to lie to save you. And after today... I just need to take in a breath." Derek explained as he kissed her on the head and crept out.

Meredith laid in her bed. She didn't know what to think. She felt guilty. She felt horrible. She put him in a bad position. She nearly killed him today. A frown covered her face as she buried it in her pillow. As much as she loved him, maybe he would be happier if she let him go. Maybe it was time to let him go to save his life.

Derek laid down in the bed. He couldn't get the jittery feeling out of his body. He stared in the face of death today, and spit in it's eye. He knew that Thatcher believed him. THere was no question about that. But he would have to keep himself squeaky clean to ensure that it stayed that way. The funniest part of it all, was now, Thatcher was probably less suspicious than he was the days before he confronted Derek.

"Meri?" Meredith heard Sofia say softly from outside the door. "Meri, are you awake?"

"Yeah." Meredith replied with a sigh as she rolled onto her back.

"Can I come in?" Sofia asked as she put her hand on the doorknob.

"I guess..." Meredith said unhappily.

"Oh, honey..." Sofia said softly as she pushed the door shut and walked to the side of the bed. "It's okay."

"No. No, it's not!" Meredith cried out loudly.

"Oh..." Sofia said as she pulled her close and ran her hands through her hair. "Everything is okay."

"No. I love him... I love him so much." Meredith cried into her side. "Daddy would have killed him today, and it's all my fault."

"Meredith Elizabeth, this is..." Sofia trailed off, trying to figure out what to say.

"I love him more than anything. I can't even imagine a day without him. I love him so much. He is my air. He is the reason I get up every morning. All I can think is that as much as I love him, that I am killing him. I should let him go. If I wasn't so selfish, I would let him go. I would save him. I should let him go..." Meredith trailed off.

"Meredith... If you love him that much, fight. Don't let go. Because Derek loves you. And believe me... He does not want you to let him go. Your father is a smart man. But between Derek, you and I, we are much smarter. I want you to be happy. Derek does that for you. I will lay down and die to save you, Meri. I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's not. It will be okay. You just have to follow your heart. Your heart never lies, and it will keep you safe." Sofia said as she looked her in the eyes.

"Thank you." Meredith whispered as she laid her head against her side. "Thank you..."

------------------

Meredith slept well. Somehow, Sofia made her feel so much better. Sofia's words gave her some comfort. She had never really looked to Sofia for comfort. She never thought of Sofia as the mother type. To her, she was more of a bully. Meredith always thought she looked down on her, she brushed her off. But she redeemed herself. She was there when it counted. Meredith realized that no matter how much she should, she would never be able to let Derek go.

Meredith rolled out of the bed. She was tired, but she wanted to see Derek. She should have been up much earlier. She had to go get her dress fitted. Before they took the measurements, but now the custom made gown was in and it was time to fit it to her body perfectly.

Meredith took a quick shower and ran a brush through her hair. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a top. She wasn't in the mood to dress up. After all of the stress that she had been under the last couple of days, she couldn't care less about what the paparazzi thought if she tried. She quickly jogged down the stairs and walked into the kitchen.

"Smells good." She said happily as she walked up to the island counter and sat down.

"Bacon and eggs." Sofia said with a smile as she looked over.

"That's heart healthy." Derek laughed as he walked in.

"Maybe not, but it's good." Meredith said with a smile as she took a pice of bacon off of the plate.

"Meri!" Sofia spat as she smacked her hand.

"What? I like it!" She said as she grabbed another.

"Meredith... If you keep eating like that, you will have clogged arteries in no time." Derek pointed out as he looked down at it.

"Would you rather I make you something else, Derek?" Sofia asked as she looked up.

"Of course not. This is perfect. As long as I don't eat it everyday." He pointed out as he sat down.

"Do I smell bacon?" Tony asked as he rushed it.

"Ah! Get out of here. You ate." She said as she pushed him away.

"Fine... You are no fun, old woman." Tony said quickly as he looked up.

"Tony..." Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"Yes?" He asked as he looked over at her.

"I need you to take me to get my dress fitted in an hour." Meredith said frankly as she looked up.

"Well what the hell is wrong with Derek?" Tony asked as he looked over at Derek and made a sour face.

"It's Derek's day off, I think." Meredith muttered as she looked over at Derek.

Derek was impressed. She was setting up her own little plan. She was trying to throw Tony off their trail. It was actually a smart idea. There was not a doubt in his mind that Tony would be sniffing around. Instead of being selfish and reckless, she was thinking first. Derek looked at Tony and then at her.

"I actually have to stop at Parma too. And then I have to go pick up my own tuxedo." Derek said frankly. "Sorry, man... You are stuck today."

"Plus, I have running that Derek can do. Meri isn't going to be dragged around." Sofia said quickly.

"Oh. Thanks." Tony groaned as he walked away. "Tell me when you are ready."

"Don't worry. I will." Meredith said with a smirk as she watched him walk away. They both looked up at Sofia, who smiled and winked.

"So Mer, what does your dress look like?" Sofia asked as she handed her more bacon.

"You know it is bad luck for me to tell you or let you see it." Meredith grumbled.

Ever since she was little, she had the same rule. No one could see her until she came in. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she liked to be the center of attention. She liked to come in and hear the oos and ahs. She liked the dramatic appeal.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess I forgot." Sofia said with a smile as she threw the pan in the sink.

Meredith yelled for Tony and waited at the front door. Tony rushed to the garage and drove to the front and stopped at the door. Meredith groaned as she opened the door and climbed into the car. He wondered why exactly she chose to put herself through this misery. Tony looked back at her a smirked. She rolled her eyes and looked out the window.

"I think you just wanted some alone time with me." Tony said with a smirk.

"In your dreams, ass!" Meredith growled as she looked into the rearview mirror. "But then again, you may have an idea."

"What is that?" Tony asked as he looked at her.

"Well, we could pull to the side of the road right now and fuck. Then my father would find out and kill you. That would be the quickest and best way to get rid of you, wouldn't it?" She asked with a loud giggle.

"Ah... But it would be worth it." He joked as he looked back at her.

"Yeah... You're right. I would make sure my father cut your cock off and shoved it in your mouth before he barbecued you like the pig you are." She said evilly.

"See, you hate to admit it, but you are just like your father. You will follow nicely in his footsteps." Tony said with a nod.

"I will never follow in my father's footsteps." Meredith said quickly. "Never."

"You say that now. But Meri, when it comes down to it, you don't really have a choice now, do you?" He asked quickly.

Meredith looked out the window. She was not going to say anything to that. It did no good, and then her father would hear about it. It was a waste of time. She was beginning to realize that she was best to just talk to Derek and Sofia. They were the only ones that she could trust. And she could, she really could. With her life, if need be.


	70. The Beginning Of It All

Meredith had a whole mixed bag of emotions inside of her. She always had a love/hate relationship with her father's parties. She used to like to go to them, but the older she was getting, the more uncomfortable she was at them. It was her father that made her uncomfortable. The was he paraded her in front of everyone. It had never been a big deal before. She was younger. But now that she was older, he was interested in her meeting any potentially client or business partner.

She was afraid of her father. She had unconditional love for him. She knew that he was trying to protect her. But in trying to protect her, he was pushing it too far. He had morphed into something inhuman. She knew he would never hurt her, it was anyone that she got close to. And that was worse than him hurting her himself.

Meredith crawled out of the bed. She had a busy day ahead of her. She always had someone come in to do her hair and make-up and to help get her in her gown. She was tried. Just tired from life. Tired from the stress of worrying about Derek and everyone else.

Meredith didn't take a shower. She knew that the stylist would want her clean before she worked on her. She quickly slid a robe over her slip and pulled on a pair of slippers. She made her sleepy descent down the stairs and into the main entrance. A frown covered her face. Why couldn't she just come down into a quiet house. Instead she had to come down into a crowd of her father's men.

"Sofia..." Meredith said softly as she walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, Meri." Sofia said as she handed her a bowl of oatmeal.

"I'm really not hungry." Meredith said with a sigh as she looked down at it.

"Oh, Meri..." Sofia said as she grabbed the bowl. She pulled out the dark chocolate syrup and cherries. She quickly poured some of both in the bowl. "What about now?"

"Better." Meredith agreed with a giggle.

"That's what I thought." Sofia said quickly as she grabbed the dish towel. "How are you this morning?" She asked softly.

"Eh." Meredith muttered with a shrug.

"Are you ready for the big party?" Sofia asked her softly.

"Yeah, I guess. I already know how it will go. It always goes the same way." Meredith explained. "And I- I just don't want the men around me. I love..."

"I know you do." Sofia agreed as she looked up.

"I hate doing that to him. But my father-" Meredith started as she looked up, meeting Sofia's brown eyes.

"Your father... He tries to do what's best for you. You know that. But he doesn't know that what he is doing is worse for you than letting you be. He thinks that if he controls your every move that he can keep you safe. But that isn't right. And your father, I'm not not sure that anyone could convince him that what he is doing is wrong." Sofia said sadly.

"They can't. And tonight... I just feel like I am being paraded to pull in clients. I'm not a whore. And I don't want him to treat me like one." Meredith explained quickly.

"You are not a whore, Meredith Grey. And your father... He just- He lost himself. When I first started here, he was a great man. Of of this power has taken him over. He doesn't think about feelings because he has lost his own." Sofia said smartly.

"I miss him..." Meredith said sadly. "I miss my daddy."

"I know you do, honey." Sofia said with a kiss on the head.

"What happened to you?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"What do you mean?" Sofia asked as she looked down at Meredith in confusion.

Meredith couldn't get over it. Every time Sofia was kind to her, she wondered why. Sofia and Tony had spent a good amount of time teasing and taunting her. Meredith always had that feeling that Sofia thought she was the spoiled rich girl. A girl that Sofia was never going to get anywhere in life. A shallow girl. And now, she was acting like her mother.

"You used to- You were different towards me. And the last couple of years, you have changed." Meredith explained with a sigh.

"No, Meri... You are the one that has changed. I suppose I have a little. But you have grown into a woman. You are starting to realize how life really is. We've both changed, but you have changed in leaps and bounds." Sofia said with a smile as she handed her more juice.

"Maybe." Meredith agreed as she shook her head. "What time is it?" Meredith moaned as she looked up.

"Probably time for you to get into the shower. The stylist should be here in about an hour. She's always early." Sofia explained quickly.

"She is." Meredith agreed with a sigh. "Thanks for breakfast." Meredith told her as she shoved the plate away and got up.

Meredith sighed as she walked through the guards. She should have taken the back stairs. She was chiding herself for even thinking she could go this way. She looked up to see her father coming towards her. It was so hard to not have feelings. Good or bad.

"Do you have your dress?" Thatcher asked with a smile.

"Of course." Meredith responded as she painfully kissed him on the cheek.

"Good. I can't wait to see it." He told her with a smile as he walked away.

Meredith slowly walked up the marble staircase. She wasn't in the mood for the stylist. The woman was the most sought after in the world. But to Meredith she was just a huge pain in the ass. She was always ripping on her hair and rough on her face. But was worth it, she always made Meredith look stunning.

"Hey." Derek said with a smile as she walked by.

"Hey. Are you ready for hell?" She joked as she stood in his doorway.

"Of course." Derek said with a nod as he walked towards her. "I can't wait to see you in that dress." He said with a smile as he kissed her cheek.

"I can't wait for you to take me out of that dress." Meredith said with a smirk.

"Oh... That's not going to happen. Not with your father around." Derek said quickly.

"He won't be. He stays until the last guest leaves. Usually he just stays at a hotel for the night. If you ask me, I think he gets some. But I really don't want to even picture that." Meredith responded as she made a sour face.

"Yeah... I agree with you on that." Derek told her with a nod.

"So tonight..." Meredith replied with a wink.

"Tonight." Derek nodded as he watched her walk off.

Meredith shut her bedroom door and pulled off her robe. She loved her room. She loved everything about it. She pulled her silk robe off and tossed it onto the antique arm chair. As she walked to the bathroom, she let her slip slid off of her body and onto the floor. She turned on the jets and quickly climbed into the hot steaming water.

She wasn't even in the bathtub for five minutes before she heard a knock on the door. She hated that. She was looking forward to a good long soak. She grumbled as she pulled herself out of the water and pulled a cotton robe over her body. The frown remained as she opened her door.

"Claudia." Meredith said in a monotone voice.

"Meredith... You know, if you keep that frown on your face, you are going to have the worst wrinkles." Claudia pointed out.

"Oh, I'm not worried." Meredith said with a frown. "As long as my face doesn't look frozen in time like yours does."

"If your father didn't pay so much, I wouldn't even bother with you." Claudia growled as she looked into her eyes.

"I'm sure you wouldn't." Meredith agreed with a nod. "Let's get this done. As painlessly as possible."

"Of course." Claudia answered as she had Meredith sit down.

Meredith sat in the chair as Claudia worked on her hair. Claudia had taken several glances at Meredith's pale yellow gown before she decided exactly what would look just right. She decided on a smooth up-do to show off Meredith's perfect bone structure and naturally round face.

"So, you made a mistake breaking up with that man, no?" Claudia asked quickly.

"Matthew and I were better friends than lovers." Meredith stated quickly.

"A man and woman can never be friends and nothing more." Claudia said quickly.

"Thinking that makes you a fool." Meredith snapped quickly. She had nothing else to say to the woman.

Meredith suffered through the hours that Claudia put into her. She couldn't stand the woman. She was so happy when she took one last final look in the mirror. She looked at the 15 carat white and yellow diamond earrings that hung on her ears. The nine carat ring took over her hand, but looked amazing with it's other half. And the necklace on her neck was amazing. One-hundred eighty-one carats of exceptional white, yellow and pale pink diamonds set in platinum. She smiled as she looked at herself in her pale yellow gown. She wondered if Derek would have a smile on his face, just as she did.

Everyone was gone. Meredith was always to arrive fashionably late. It added to the dramatic appeal of the whole thing. She stood at the door with her guards. Two of them, neither of whom she knew. Meredith drew in a deep breath when the limo pulled up and the guards opened the front door. Meredith walked in her four and a half inch stiletto sandal, covered in more than 500 dazzling diamonds set in platinum giving the illusion that there is no shoe, just diamonds on her foot. She placed her floor in the car when the guard opened the door. Just another day in the life of Meredith Grey.

The amount of paparazzi following the car was insane. She couldn't get over it. She was thankful for the darkly tinted glass and the expert driver that was in charge of her life. Meredith looked at her guards. They weren't like Derek. They were serious. They were stone cold. She closed her eyes, and carefully sat, trying not to wrinkle her gown.

It was chaos when they arrived at the Empire. The guards stepped out and quickly began barking at the photographers. Meredith climbed out of the car and into a sea of bright flashing bulbs. She covered her eyes as she held her diamond covered clutch. She couldn't wait to get inside and out of the blinding light.

As soon as Meredith walked in, everyone went silent. They were all looking at her. But there was only one man Meredith wanted looking at her. She searched the room for Derek, and finally saw him looking rather dapper in his tuxedo. Her eyes met his and a smile covered her face as she looked at him intently. They were quite a pair, even if not truly a pair.

"Meredith Elizabeth... You look beautiful." Thatcher said with a smile as he kissed her softly.

"Thank you, Daddy." Meredith said with a smile.

"You look ravishing, Meredith." Trevor, her father's business associate said as he walked up and kissed her on the cheek. "Stunning..." He muttered as he looked at her gown.

Meredith stood there with a smile on her face. She really didn't want to be here. But she had to be. Her father insisted. And she could handle one night of torture to keep the peace. Five years ago she would have ate it up. But now she just liked to be with Derek and their happy bubble.

Meredith nonchalantly grabbed a glass of champagne off of the tray as the man walked by. She hated talking to people. She hated the charade. She hated the people that came up and acted like they were her friends when she knew that they definitely were not. It went on like that all night. It always did.

"Hey..." Derek whispered as he walked beside her.

"Hey... You look- Incredibly handsome." Meredith said with a smile.

"You look amazing. Totally and completely amazing. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. Sexy. Sophisticated." Derek went on as he took her in. "But not as amazing as you look when you are all natural, laying beside me."

"I love you." She whispered with a smile.

"I love you too." He muttered back.

"You know... I have danced with guys all night. But there is only man in this room I want to dance with..." Meredith said softly.

"I know. Me too." Derek agreed. "And I should go. But know that I am looking at you the whole time. And thinking about you."

"Me too." Meredith agreed with a smile.

**The next chapter is intense... Prepare Yourself.**


	71. Silence

**This chapter is not for everyone. It is very emotional. It's tragic. If you are sensitive... It's just hard. The hardest thing I have written.**

Meredith had nothing in common with the young socialites from Bologna and Modena. Now that she was in college and had a goal in life, she wasn't quite as selfish and flaky as she once was. She still enjoyed shopping for designer shoes and enjoying the finest, but she had now realized that things were a lot harder than she ever knew.

"Meredith!" Mia said as she rushed up and kissed her on the cheek.

"Mia..." Meredith groaned, looking at her former friend.

"I haven't seen you in forever! How are you doing?" Mia asked as she looked into her eyes.

"Oh... Wonderful." Meredith said with a sigh.

"Your gown is breathtaking." Mia said as she looked at it.

"Oh... Thanks. Yours is nice too." Meredith said quickly. "If you'll excuse me..."

Meredith rushed off to her father. Thatcher was waving at her to come over. Normally she would have avoided him. But she wanted to get away from Mia. She still had hard feelings. The was Mia went after Derek three years ago, still made her angry. And she wasn't about to just walk right back and befriend her.

"Hi, daddy." Meredith said with a smile as she walked up.

"Meredith, this is Anton. His is Phillipe Baduae's son." Thatcher said as he introduced them to each other.

"Anton, this is my daughter, Meredith." Thatcher said with a smile.

"It's very nice to meet you." Anton said with a smile. "Would you like to dance?" He asked in his strong french accent.

"Um..." Meredith said softly as she looked around. "Sure."

Meredith danced with the man. It was just one more way for her father to set her up with someone. She wasn't sure if he did it on purpose, but she she assumed he did. He figured the pretty face would distract him from whatever it was that he was going to do wrong. Meredith would humor him. It was, after all, up to her. She was an adult in charge of her own life.

"So, Meredith. I hear you go to Parma." Anton said with a smile.

"I do." Meredith said with a nod.

"What are you going for?" Anton questioned, trying to make pleasant conversation.

"I am majoring in human biology, and then I am going on to med school. I'm planning on being a surgeon." Meredith said quickly. Anton looked at her and started laughing.

"Oh... You're serious!" He said as he quit laughing.

"And you are an asshole." Meredith spat as she pulled away and walked away.

Meredith walked boldly across the floor. She wasn't even sure if he was behind her. She didn't care. She quickly grabbed a glass of champagne and began sipping it. She hated guys. Guys were assholes. With the exception of Derek, of course. She was stewing. What made it worse, he didn't even come apologize for his comments.

"You should dance with Derek." Thatcher said as he walked up from behind.

"What?" Meredith snapped as she looked at him.

"Derek... You should dance with him. He feels out of place. I haven't seen him dance once. You should go ask him." Thatcher suggested as he looked at her.

"No! Why would I want to- He is the help!" Meredith spat quickly. She had to do it that way. She couldn't seem eager.

"Meri... Suck it up and go dance with the man." Thatcher said frankly.

"Fine." Meredith grumbled as she stalked off. She smiled as she walked up to Derek. "So... Would you like to dance?" She asked as she walked up to Derek.

"What?" Derek asked in shock.

"My father has forced me to dance with you." Meredith said with a smile. "I pretended I didn't want to. So... It's okay..."

"Oh damn." Derek joked as he took her hand and led her to the floor. "You are breathtaking." Derek said with a smile.

"I love you, Derek." Meredith said as she grabbed his hand.

"You have no idea how much I love you." Derek told her as they leaned close.

Derek breathed in her soft scent as their bodies remained close. Just close enough to be together, but far enough that no one would think anything. Lagune Waltz played softly in the background as they swayed. Meredith breathed in Derek's masculine scent, her heart breaking just a bit. She wanted to be with him in body and soul.

"I want to lay my head on your shoulder." She said softly as her voice cracked.

"I wish you could..." Derek said softly as they danced.

"In my heart, I am..." She whispered.

It may not be perfect, but it was soft and sweet. The love shared between them was stronger than either of them could comprehend. It had the ability to do things that neither of them imagined. And one day, they would test it. Like every great love, there is always a moment of question.

------------------

Their dance was too short. No matter how long it would have been, it would have been far too short. Derek wasn't having a good time, and Meredith didn't expect him to. This wasn't his atmosphere. Not to say that Derek wasn't refined enough. In the last three years he had turned into quite the gentleman. It was her world, not his.

Thatcher Grey always stayed until the last guest left. He liked Meredith to stay until at least three-quarters of the guests had left. He said it was the courteous thing to do. She never understood it. It wasn't her party. She wasn't the the reason the people were there. It was her father's way of making them think that he was a decent human being.

Meredith walked across the floor of the fine hotel. Her dress fluttered across the floor as if she were on air. Her diamond covered shoes clicked softly. She promised Derek she would let him take her dress off, and she was looking forward to making good on that promise.

"Daddy..." Meredith said softly as she walked up to Thatcher and Trevor.

"You want to go." Thatcher said with a chuckle. "You can. You look beautiful, darling. Thank you for coming." He said as he kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm going to find Cristoforo to take me home." Meredith said softly.

"Well, I'm heading back to the mansion. I have a flight to catch in two hours. I could take you." Trevor suggested as he looked up at her.

"Oh.." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"That would be great... If you don't mind. Cristoforo has been the designated driver all night." Thatcher explained as he looked between them.

"Okay. That's okay." Meredith said with a nod.

"I must get my coat." Trevor told her as they walked over to the exchange.

"I have a wrap." Meredith said quickly as she looked up.

"Here you go." Trevor said with a smile as he wrapped it around her shoulders. She felt his hands graze her flesh gently.

"Thank you." Meredith said softly as they stood there.

The valet quickly pulled Trevor's Porsche around to the door. He helped her in and made his way around to the other side. Meredith placed her seatbelt on and sat there in silence. She could feel his eyes on her. She had known him for years. He was probably as ruthless as her father, but without as much power.

"You looked radiant, tonight, Meri." Trevor said as he looked over at her.

"Thank you." Meredith answered softly.

"You were definitely the most beautiful woman in the room. You are quite a woman now. No longer that little girl." He said as he placed his hand on her leg.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him with a glare.

"Oh... Sorry." He said quickly as he ripped his hand away from her.

Meredith sat there uncomfortably. It wasn't that she didn't trust the man. She did. He was a friend of her father's. He was like a second father. He had always been kind to her, and occasionally countered Thatcher's crazy demands of her. It was a mistake. She brushed it off as they drove in silence. A sigh came from her as the pulled in front of the house. She was home to Derek.

"Thank you... For bringing me home." Meredith said softly as he opened her door

"Not a problem." He replied. "I'm going to do some packing, and then get ready to go."

"I didn't even know you had stayed here." Meredith said in shock as they walked in. "Thanks again. For bringing me home."

"Not a problem." He said as he watched her walk away.

Meredith quickly rushed upstairs. She wanted to let Derek knew that their party would need to wait until later. She didn't want to risk being stupid and getting caught. She could hear Trevor downstairs. She only had a few minutes to let Derek know. She quickly cracked the door and looked in.

"We have to wait. Someone is here... Two hours." She said quickly. "I guess I will have to keep this on." She muttered as she looked at her dress.

"No... It's fine. Take it off. I just want you." He said with a smile. "I'll be here... Studying."

"Okay." Meredith said with a smile as she shut the door and walked to her room.

Meredith slowly peeled off her dress. She was tired from carrying everything around. It was too much to wear. To much fabric. Too many diamonds. Too much of everything. She was happy to be home. Happy to be back with Derek.

Meredith looked out at the pool. It looked so inviting. She decided it was a perfect time to go fro a swim. The water would invigorate her, seeing as it was a cool night. She quickly pulled on her black string bikini. It was just scraps of nothing fabric, but she liked it, and it was good to swim in. She was going to swim, not lay in the sun. Just as Meredith walked down the hall, she heard Trevor.

"Going for a swim?" He asked her quickly.

"Uh huh." Meredith said with a nod.

"Have fun." Trevor said with a smile.

"Have a safe trip." Meredith answered as she kept on.

Meredith looked at the water. Her solace. Her favorite place to be. She got into position and did a perfect dive into the dark water. She didn't turn the lights in. There was something about swimming in the black water that drew her in. She loved the unknown below her. Meredith did several laps back and forth, not even coming up for air. Just as she come to the edge, she swam into someone. Derek... It had to be.

"Hey..." Meredith said with a smile, and then frowned when she realized it was Trevor.

"Hey, Meri." He said in a throaty voice.

Something about is eyes scared her. They were dark. They had no feeling. His hands were on her arms. He was holding her. Not tightly, firmly. She could pull away. he didn't have a vise grip on her. It felt authoritative. It didn't feel right.

"Oh..." Meredith whispered as she pulled away.

"Where are you going?" Trevor asked as he pulled her back.

"I'm- I think I am done." Meredith said quickly in a panic.

"We were just getting started." He said as he covered his mouth with hers.

Meredith felt sick. His tongue was in her mouth. A man that she trusted. A family friend. Her second father. She opened her eyes and looked into his black ones. She quickly bit down on his tongue and pulled away.

"Hey!" He growled. "What the fuck was that? Meri... I see you. I know you. And I know what you want. Quit being a bitch." He growled as he grabbed her arms tight and spun her around, pushing her back into the side of the pool.

"Get off me!" She yelled loudly. Trevor's hand quickly covered her mouth as he pinned her body with his.

"Oh Meri... I would keep your little mouth shut if you were smart." He said as he began untying her bathing suit bottom. "I know you want this."

Meredith panicked. There as no question in her mind what he was going to do. She began kicking and flailing her legs. They weren't moving. In the water, she lost all her power. She tried to rip her arms from his grasp, but he had them too tightly. She tried to bite his hand, but she couldn't. Meredith flung her head around and shouted.

"Stop! Help!" She yelled as loudly as she could before he slammed his hand in her face.

"Oh... You are going to make this hard!" He said as he grabbed his face. "You keep your mouth shut, or you will be floating in this pool." He growled as he grabbed her bathing suit bottom and tied her hands together. "Everyone knows you are a whore!" He spat as he pulled his swim trunks off and threw them on the ground above his head.

Meredith began flailing hard as he held her back. It was the fight of her life. Her legs beat against him as hard as she could. She wasn't getting anywhere. She didn't have the power. She couldn't get anywhere. Her hands were bound in front of her body. She couldn't get them free. She was trapped.

"Oh yeah..." Trevor moaned as his length entered her.

Meredith cried out as she pulled against him. She couldn't take it. They feeling of him inside of her. It made her sick. He trust himself into her roughly. Too hard. It hurt. Physically. Mentally. The mental pain took her over. Every thrust took away a piece of her innocence. Every thrust took a piece of her soul. She ripped her head out from under his hand.

"Help." She yelled loudly.

It fell on deaf ears. The house was closed up. Every window. Every door. Shut. Locked. Closed. Derek was locked away in his room. Once he got into studying, that was it. There wasn't much that could grab his attention.

"Oh you did it now!" Trevor growled as he slammed her head back and hit the cement.

Meredith saw white. For a moment it was white. She could feel the pain shooting through her head. She quickly began kicking as she came to. She had to fight. She couldn't let him win. The problem was, he was winning. He pushed a pulled inside of her. She could fell his mouth on her chest. He trailed to her breasts as he ripped her top off and began sucking.

"Please..." Meredith whimpered as she freed her mouth. "Please stop." She sobbed as the tears fell.

"You like it." He growled as he pushed himself into her violently.

She gave up. She gave up the fight and laid her head back. She couldn't do it. She didn't have it in her. He pushed and pulled his hard member in and out of her with force. A smile covered his face as he looked into her eyes. He was near release. He took it from her. Her heart. Her soul. Her future. Her past. He took it all from her, leaving a void. Leaving a shell. She leaned back motionless as he untied her hands and pulled out.

"Don't even think of telling anyone. No one will ever believe you. Your father knows you are a whore. He is so ashamed. He has to hear about it from everyone. If say anything to him, he will laugh. He knows the way you are, Meredith. He knows you are a whore." He spat as he climbed out of the pool and pulled his trunks on. He threw the used condom in the pool. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" He asked evilly in her ear before walking away.

Meredith remained in the pool. Her bathing suit floated on top of the water as she stared into space. He took it from her. He took everything. He stole from her. Her hope. Her innocence. Her joy. Her laughter. Her smile. Everything was gone. Everything that mattered. Everything that made her Meredith Grey. She was gone. Gone forever.

That was the day the pool water went silent.

**Please don't send me negative comments... I just can't deal with them. This got a lot of backlash on the boards. It's going to be tough for awhile, but things will be okay.**


	72. Unravelling

Meredith stayed in a stunned silence. An hour. Maybe more. Everything that made her Meredith Grey was gone. She felt like everything was gone forever. Like she was floating off somewhere and left this sad, broken body. As she watched the used condom float by, it hit her. The tears boiled over. She quickly jumped out of the pool, ignoring her bathing suit that was floating in the pool. She wrapped a towel around herself and ran.

Meredith blasted through the french doors and up the stairs. Her sopping wet feet pounded on the floor as she ran. She was running for her life. Running for nothing. Everything she had was stolen from her. She was ripped apart. She was torn into. She was gone. And she had no idea how to get back.

Derek was studying. His nose was deep in his book. He looked over at the clock, wondering where she was. Just as he sat his book on the table, getting ready to investigate, he heard it. Loud wails and footsteps. Pounding footsteps. It was Meredith. And she was in distress.

Derek jumped out of bed. His heart was pound through his chest. He ran across the room and flung his door open. All he saw was Meredith, right before she made it into her room and slammed the door. He looked over, seeing Tony looking out the door of his room. Derek knew whatever it was, it was bad. It was life shattering.

"What was that?" Derek asked with concern.

"Meri freaking out. She probably didn't get her way." Tony said with a shrug as he shut his door.

Meredith ran into her room. The sobs were taking her over. She couldn't take it. She couldn't stand being in her body. She couldn't stand being there. She couldn't live this way. Meredith dropped her towel and rushed into the shower and flipped the hot water on. It was burning her flesh, but she had to be clean. She had to be clean.

Derek rushed to her room. At the moment, he didn't care who saw him. He didn't care what anyone thought. He was worried about her. He was worried about her welfare. Derek rushed into her room and shut the door, locking it behind him. He saw her towel in the middle of her floor. That was unlike her. He followed the wet footprint trail into the bathroom.

His heart broke as he stood there. She was scrubbing herself. She was crying and rubbing her skin raw. She was in a panic. He had never seen her like that. She was there in front of him, but she didn't even know he was there. She was too wrapped up in trying to scrub. To clean herself of the shame as dirtiness that now covered her body.

"Meredith." Derek said softly as he stood there in shock.

He had no idea what was going on. She was obsessed. She was in a different zone. She was sobbing and scrubbing. She would rinse her body and begin to scrub again. Derek felt his stomach knot up. He was worried about her. Really worried. She was acting irrationally.

"Meredith!" He said again, louder this time. She didn't answer. Derek quickly ripped open the glass shower door and placed his hand on her arm.

"Don't touch me!" She growled loudly as she pushed him away.

He had never seen that in her eyes. Anger. Fear. She was irate. In distress. The force that she used to push him away was incredibly strong. She never pushed him away. Derek could feel the bile working it's way up and into his mouth. He swallowed it down.

"Meredith... What is going on?" Derek asked quickly. Now he was in a panic. "Mer..."

"Don't touch me!" She yelled loudly as she slid down the shower wall, pulling her knees to her chest. Derek watched as she began to sob loudly Derek flipped the shower water off and climbed in with her, pulling her close.

"I need that. I need to bathe!" She yelled as she pushed him away.

"You are clean, Mer. What the hell happened?" Derek asked in shock as he pulled her head to his chest.

"Don't!" She screamed loudly as she pulled away. "Stop!" She cried out as she climbed into the fetal position and laid on the shower floor.

"Talk to me Mer..." Derek said softly as he sat there in a pool of water. "Were you swimming?" He asked, thinking about the towel and the water on the floor.

"Stop." She said as she closed her eyes.

"Where is your bathing suit?" Derek asked as he looked around.

"Stop, Derek!" She yelled as she began to sob louder. "Get out! Get out!" She screamed loudly. "I'll call Tony. I'll call my dad. Get out. Get out! GET OUT!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Meri?" Tony yelled at the locked door.

"Go away!" She yelled loudly to him. "Just- Go away."

"Are you okay?" He asked frankly.

"GO!" She yelled. "Get out, Derek. Now." She said as she shoved him away.

Derek took in a deep breath. He had no idea why she was doing this. He waited until he heard Tony's door click. He crept out the door and down the hallway. When he got downstairs, he knew he had to go out to the pool. Something made him go down there. He quickly flipped on the pool lights and walked out. As he looked down, it felt like someone punched him in the gut. Her ripped bathing suit and a used condom. It didn't take much to realize what had happened.

Derek felt like his insides were being torn out of his body. He felt like everything he knew, was a lie. He felt like every innocent moment that Meredith had was gone. He couldn't imagine what kind of monster could do that to someone. He stared at the mess. The condom, the asshole used a condom and had the audacity to leave it. He left it in the pool where the chlorine would kill everything. Every trace.

Derek grabbed her bathing suit and ran through the house. She said someone was there. If someone was there, he was going to find them. He rushed from room to room, finding know one. He was in a panic, unsure of what his next move should be. He rushed into her room. He would help her. He would help her no matter what she wanted.

When he rushed back in the room, he found her in the shower still. She was scrubbing her flesh. Scrubbing it until it was red and irritated. Her confidence was gone. everything that he had worked so far to get, was gone. She was hunched over and in a trance. Derek rushed up to her and gently grabbed her arm.

"You need to go to the hospital, Mer." Derek told her quickly.

"No. No. No." She said quickly as she covered herself from him.

"You need to be looked at. Who was it, Mer? Who did this to you?" He asked as he looked into her red eyes.

"No, Derek. Leave." She said as she sobbed.

"Meredith, I need you to go to the hospital. They need to make sure you're okay. You need to be checked out." Derek said as he pulled her close.

"No, Derek. Please don't make me. Please. Please don't make me. Please." She begged as she sobbed into his chest. "Please..."

"Meredith..." Derek whispered as his heart broke in two right there.

"Please leave me. I don't want you to look at me. I'm disgusting. Just don't look at me." She said as she covered herself with her hands.

"Oh god..." Derek whispered to himself as he grabbed her and carried her into her bed. "Oh god, baby... I am so sorry." He said as he held her.

"Please leave me. Please leave me alone. I- You can't look at me." She cried out loudly. "I want to be alone."

"No. I'm not leaving you, Mer. I am not leaving." He said as he held her tightly.

Derek held her cold body against his. Her body shook with sobs in his arms. She needed to go to the hospital. She needed treatment. But he knew how that went. He knew that the media would find out and victimize her. Everyone would know. They would pity her. Or say she had it coming. He couldn't take it as he laid there, unsure of what to do.

Meredith laid in his arms. She wanted to run. No where in particular. Just run. Leave her body. Leave this life. To forget the pain that was consuming her. She wasn't sure where to go next. She wasn't sure how to go on. Derek offered her little comfort. Nothing offered her comfort. She was dying inside. And she was going to let it happen.

Derek heard her breathing become shallow. She was asleep. She was asleep and that didn't make him feel any better. All he could think about was the pain that she had to be feeling. Even in her sleep, she wasn't safe. She would never be safe from herself. He had no idea how he would ever bring her back from this. He had no idea what the next step was. He had no idea where to go from here.

Derek laid in the bed and breathed in her scent. It was her. Everything was her. The last three years was her. And now she was hurt, and he couldn't do anything to change it. Derek slowly and gently pulled away from her. He couldn't be laying with her when he let it all go. He walked over to her arm chair and sat down. The pain took over as sobs wracked his body. He let her down. If he had been paying attention, he would have heard her cries. If he paid attention, he would have been able to save her. To save was his only his only purpose in life. And it was the one thing he didn't do.

He had no idea where to go. He had no idea how they would go on from this. He wasn't sure if they could move on from this. Derek felt sick. He quickly rushed to the bathroom and began to retch. He couldn't believe this happened to her. Of all people, her. He knew one thing, if he ever found the guy. He was dead. He would take a page from Thatcher Grey's book, and he would throw the guy in the nearest lake or river. But not before making him pay. He wanted to make him pay.

Meredith opened her eyes. She had no idea what to do. The pain in her heart was more than she could bear. It was too much. It was too much to handle. She needed relief. She needed a release. She needed to drown out the pain and disgust she felt. If she had just fought harder. If she had stopped him. If she had changed it all. Maybe she should have kicked harder. Maybe she should have screamed louder. Maybe if she had acted differently. Maybe she did have it coming. She thought back to Paulo. One of the many men she treated like shit.

[i_Meredith opened her eyes as she came down form her high. She looked up at Paulo. She couldn't do this. Maybe she should. She should be nice. Fuck him one last time before she sent him on his way. But she couldn't. All she could think about was Derek. _

_"We need to talk." Meredith said as she sat up._

_"Oh we can talk. We can talk while we're cumming." He said as he laid over her. She could feel his hard member waiting at her entrance._

_"No." She said as she pushed him. "We need to talk."_

_"What?" He said in shock as he looked at her._

_"Look... I- It's over." She said frankly as she tied her swimsuit on._

_"What!" He said loudly as he looked at her._

_"I just- You and I- It's been great. But- You and I we aren't- It's over. You and I are over." Meredith said as she stood up._

_"Are you fucking kidding me?" He said as he grabbed her arm. "You fucking whore! I go down on you. I suck your cum. And now it's over?"_

_"I'm sorry." She said as she ripped her arm away from him and walked away. "Sorry..."_

_"You are a bitch, Meri. A real fucking bitch. A tease." He yelled. "And I hope you realize, some day that teasing will come back to haunt you. And It's going to be bad." He said as he chased after her. He stopped as she slammed to door in his face.[/i_

He was right. He was right all along. The teasing would come back to bite her in the ass. The thing was, she hadn't been teasing. Derek had changed her. He made her think differently. She had been living better. She had been thinking about people's feelings. Meredith began to cry softly. It was her fault. She had it coming to her.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked as Meredith pulled herself out of the bed.

"A drink." Meredith said softly as she stood there.

"I'll get it." Derek said as he pulled himself out of bed.

"Oh." Meredith said softly as she looked at him.

"Lay down, I'll be right back." Derek told her as he rushed out.

Meredith couldn't do it. She couldn't handle it. His caring. He was too caring. He was too concerned. Why couldn't he just see her for what she was? Why couldn't he realize that she was a whore. She was a worthless whore who didn't amount to anything. Her stomach rolled as she walked out to the balcony.

Meredith peered down. It would be so easy to lose it all. So easy to let it go. She leaned over the edge and looked at the courtyard below. Head first would be the best. She would have to make sure she did it right. She would have to make sure she ended it all. Just as she placed her toes on the railing, she remembered Derek. Those eyes. And his smile. She couldn't leave him alone. She couldn't make him feel the way she did.

"Here." Derek said softly as he handed her the water.

"Thank you." She said lower than a whisper.

They sat on the balcony in silence. Derek grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her body. It was all surreal. He had no idea how to help her. And she had no idea how to help herself. She sat there in silence, drifting in and out of a mental exhaustion fueled sleep.

Meredith woke up late into the night. She looked over to see Derek resting peacefully in a chair. She silently pulled herself from her seat. She couldn't live with herself anymore. She made herself sick. She was filthy on the inside and the outside. She was ashamed of herself.

Meredith walked into her room and looked for her purse. She finally found it on her table. She grabbed out her tiny phone book, searching for the number. She needed to call him. She needed something. She needed anything. Whatever she could do to dull the pain. She found it and grabbed her phone. She dialed the number hesitantly.

"Hello?" The male voice answered sleepily.

"It's Meredith... I- I need something. I need something tonight. Now." Meredith whispered into her phone.

"How much?" He asked quickly as he began to wake up.

"I don't know. An eight-ball." Meredith said softly. "I'll meet you at the door."

"I'll be right over." Calvino said quickly as he pulled his clothes on. They always came back for more.


	73. Terribly Wrong

Meredith looked out onto the balcony at Derek. He was asleep. Dead asleep. She was glad. She couldn't afford to have wake up and screw things up for her. She pulled her robe tight and grabbed a handful of cash out of her wallet. She needed to have it. It was the only thing in her mind that would dull the pain that was taking her over like a vine. A vine that was choking out her heart and soul.

Meredith crept silently down the stairs. That was one plus to having a marble staircase. Her bare feet didn't make a sound, and there wasn't even the tiniest creak. She slowly walked over to the arm chair by the door and waited. She needed it. She had to have it.

A sigh of relief came over her as she saw the headlights pull up the driveway. She quickly paced back and forth in anticipation. She was feeling the urge. She was conditioned to think about the release that would follow. She couldn't wait to feel like everything was livable again. She hand her hand on the doorknob as he put the car in park.

She hated this man. This was the man that she let take advantage of her. She let him in a fog. But it would never happen again. She had to think clearly. She watched as he climbed out of his car. She stepped her bare feet outside and shut the door behind her.

"How much?" She asked as she looked up.

"An eight-ball." He said as he held it up.

"I know that. How much money?" She asked nervously.

Meredith was waiting for Derek to sneak up and catch her in the act. She was terrified of what he would say or do. She didn't want him to see her so weak. She was ashamed of herself. She was ashamed that she was letting it go this way. But she was in pain. She was in way too much pain to deal with anything.

"Five twenty five." Calvino said quickly as he watched her count the cash.

"God... And thirty five cents?" She laughed as she looked at him.

"It is what it is. Do you want it?" He asked as he eld it in front of her.

"It's not about want." She told him frankly as she handed him with cash.

"I didn't think it was." He said quickly as he grabbed the money and handed her the bag. "What the hell happened to you?" He asked. "You were not interested before..."

"My life is non of your fucking business." She spat nastily.

"Okay... If you need any more..." He said as he looked at her.

"I know where you are." She said as she ripped the bag from his hands and opened the door.

"Hey Meri..." Calvino said as he looked up.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked back.

"Nothing." He said as he shook his head and walked to his car.

Meredith walked up the stairs silently. She didn't want Tony to wake up and find her. It didn't really matter, he slept like a rock. Not to mention, if he did catch her, she would threaten his life and his balls. She looked at his door and drew in a breath as he passed by. When she made it to her own open door, she was praying that she didn't come face to face with Derek.

Meredith quickly walked to balcony and looked at Derek. He was still asleep. She shut the door and walked into her bathroom. She needed it. She needed it so badly. It was cut with lidocaine, just the way she liked it. She poured a little out of the bag, for lack of better knowledge. She looked in the cabinets for something to cut it up with. Nothing.

Meredith shut the door and crept down the hall. She went in her father's bathroom and found it. A smile crossed her face as she looked at it in the drawer. A straight razor blade. She finally found a razor blade. She snatched it up and walked back down the hallway. As she walked into her bathroom, she had only one thing on her mind. She needed it.

Meredith got on her knees and began crushing up the powder into a fine dust. She couldn't wait. She needed it. She cut herself a small line and looked down at it. Derek wasn't on her mind. Trevor wasn't on her mind. Her father, not on her mind. She was just chasing numbness.

Meredith put her index finger to her nose and drew in a deep breath. Instant relief. Maybe it was a pseudo relief, but it was relief. She felt her energy surge as the drug took it's effect. She drew in a deep breath as she felt her body start to tingle. Then she heard the knock on the door.

"Mer... Are you okay?" Derek asked with concern.

She looked up in a panic. She grabbed the edges of the bag and flipped it until it was closed. She opened a drawer and nervously shoved it in the back. Energy was surging through her veins as she looked down at the white dust covered counter top. She quickly ran her tongue over and licked up the remaining powder, feeling her tongue go numb.

"Uh... Yeah?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he leaned against the door.

"Uh... Yeah." Meredith repeated as she looked around the bathroom.

"Do you want to open the door?" Derek asked softly, not wanting her to be alone.

"Uh... Okay." She said as she put her hand on the doorknob and opened it.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he pulled her to his chest. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"I'm okay, Derek... Okay." She said as she pulled away.

"Why don't you come to bed?" He asked as he looked at her.

It was dark in the room. It was dark, but he could still see her eyes. They were different. They were dark and purposeful. She was jittery. Looking at her, he could see her mind was everywhere. She looked terrible. He pulled her against him as he walked towards the bed. Derek laid down in the bed and pulled Meredith with him.

"Mer... I still think you should go to the hospital." Derek suggested as he looked at her. "We need to call the police."

"No, Derek!" She said quickly as she pulled away.

"Why?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"I don't want to. Just- Let's just forget it." She said as she laid there.

Her heart began beating wildly out of her chest. She could feel it pounded out of control. She felt everything take her over as the orgasmic effect ran through her veins. She wanted to jump out of the bed and do something. She wanted to run, to get out. Every nerve in her body was on end as it took her over, and took her up.

"Mer... Who the fuck did this?" Derek asked quickly.

He hadn't wanted to push her, but he couldn't take it. He couldn't take the not knowing. He wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch that did this to her. He had to pull himself together. He didn't want her to flip out. But he hand to know. He had to find out. It made him sick, thinking about someone else inside of her, taking her over. He couldn't stand it.

"No, Derek... No." Meredith said as she began to cry. "It doesn't matter. I just doesn't matter." She said as she sobbed. "Stop asking."

"Mer... He needs to pay. He needs to go to jail. He needs to suffer." Derek said angrily.

"You need to leave." Meredith told him as she pulled herself out of her bed. "You need to go to your own room."

"Mer... You need me." He told her frankly.

"I need you to leave. My father will be here in the morning. Go, Derek. Just go." She spat as she pointed to the door.

"I can't leave you." Derek told her as he pulled her close.

"I'm disgusting. And- Just go. I can't deal with this. You are making it worse." She spat quickly. "Please leave me... Please!" She begged as she looked at him.

"I can't." Derek told her frankly.

Meredith laid back on the bed. She couldn't hold it all together. It was killing her. The energy surging through her veins had her going crazy. The emotional mess she was in, was gone only temporarily. As she laid there, her leg started to shake. She had to move. She had to move now.

"Where are you going?" Derek asked as she jumped out of the bed.

"Running. I need to run." She said as she pulled on a pair of shorts.

"Mer... You do not need to run." Derek said as he watched her pull her shoes on. "You need to... I- Fuck!" Derek shouted as he looked at her.

"I can't take it." She said as she pulled a sweatshirt on and began to walk.

"What is wrong with you? One minute your crying and now you are fine?" Derek asked as he watched her walk out.

"I'm fine, Derek." She said as she walked down the hall.

"Wait... I'll come with you." Derek told her quickly.

"Please don't." She said as she shook her head and began to cry. "Let me be."

Derek had a bad feeling as he watched her walk off. Something wasn't right. She was hot and cold. Crying then jittery. He didn't know what to do. He had his own emotions flying through. Angry and upset. He felt like a failure. When she needed him, he was gone. Maybe he was no good for her.

Derek quickly rushed down the stairs and looked out the window. He saw Meredith running in the distance. She was running from herself. She was running to save herself from feeling the pain. She was running from the hate that she felt for herself. Derek needed to run after her. But he didn't know if he could do it. She was running too fast.

-------------------

Meredith ran as far and as fast as she could. She couldn't breathe. It felt like fire was filling her throat and lungs. She was in pain. It was pain, but nothing compared to what she felt in her heart. The trees flew by as her feet pounded on the earth. She couldn't hear. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't do anything. She didn't even notice the blackness that surrounded her. She didn't care that she was out in the middle of nowhere. She just didn't care. She gave up.

As she hit the edge of the wooded area, she stopped. The pain was taking her over. Her high was gone. All she was left with was pain. She looked up at the house. She couldn't go back up there. She couldn't take it. She collapsed against as tree and slid down. The sobs wracked her body. Her hands covered her face. Now she was feeling worse than ever.

Meredith's shoulders shook. It hurt so bad. She trusted him. He was like a father to her. That man sided with her every time. When Thatcher would say she couldn't do something, Trevor would back her up every time. He always bought her gifts. He was nice. He made her feel good. He made her feel at ease. And now she felt betrayed. He took things from her that she could never get back.

As Meredith laid there, all she could do was see his dark eyes. She had never seen him look that way. Even in the car, she had a feeling. When he placed his hand on her thigh, she could feel it. She could feel something in his touch that made her sick. He had transformed from a father-figure to someone she couldn't trust. She found him questionable at that moment, but at the same time, she wasn't afraid. She didn't want to jump to conclusions.

She could never tell. She knew that Derek would want her to, but she couldn't. She couldn't let him tell, and she couldn't take that step. Her father would never believe her. He would think she asked for it. That she wanted it and then decided to lie. Her father would be disgusted. Just like Trevor said, her father thought she was a whore. He was embarrassed of her. He was ashamed. It made her sick. Her father, one of the most vile men, was ashamed of _her_.

She couldn't stop feeling the pain. The physical pain. She slid her hand along her head. As she reached the back, she felt a bump and winced. It hurt. He hurt her. Her head was smashed against the side of the pool. She could feel the pain of him forcing himself on her. She never thought that that man would betray her. She never thought that would happen to her.

Derek was getting worried. She wasn't coming back. He didn't want to give her space. He wasn't even sure that giving her space was what he needed to do. He wanted to be at her side. He wanted her to know he was there. Even if she didn't want it. She had to know she cared and it wasn't her fault.

Derek pulled his running shoes on a rushed to the door. He was acting crazy and not even sure how to stop. She was acting like she should in her situation. He had to pull himself together and figure how and what he was going to do. He wanted to tell. He needed to tell. But he could never betray her trust.

Derek ran towards the path. Just as he went to the right, he saw her. She was on the ground, next to a tree. She was on the ground in a pool. She was a mess, in the fetal position. It broke his heart as he rushed over to her side. A tear slid down her cheek as he sat on the ground next to her. She sobbed harder as he pulled her against him.

"I can't do it, Derek... I can't." Meredith cried out as she buried her head in his chest.

"Oh, Mer... I'm so sorry." Derek cried silently as he held her. "This should have never happened. I should have been there, Mer. I should have been there."

"It hurts... It hurts so bad. My heart. I can't stop feeling it. It just won't stop." Meredith said as she pulled in gasping breaths.

"I know, Mer... I know." Derek said as he held her tightly.

Meredith was feeling bad than she had before. Coming down from the drug only increased her depression. She needed more. She needed to feel that rush again. She needed to feel the orgasmic effect on her body. She needed something. Nothing was just pain. Nothing was killing her.

"Mer... You're freezing." Derek said as he touched his face to her cheek. "Come on... Let's go." He said as he scooped her up and walked to the house.

At this point, he didn't care if anyone saw. In fact, he was praying that Tony would come out and everything would be exposed. It didn't happen. Derek quickly walked her into her room and laid her on the bed. She was asleep. The exhaustion had taken over. He pulled her shoes off and covered her body with the blankets. He gave her a soft kiss on the head and walked out of the room. Just as he got to the door, he saw it. Her dress. The one he never got to take off. All because things had gone terribly wrong.

**This fic is pretty much caught up to the other sites... That mean more infrequent updates. I am trying to keep up, but I am super busy. I'm sorry. I wish there more hours in the day.**


	74. Start of a Problem

As Meredith opened her eyes, everything was okay. It was all okay. She felt like a million dollars as the sun shown on her skin. But that quickly faded. It faded when she realized that the night before she was raped. The night before a man hurt her worse than she had ever been. As she laid there all she felt was pain. Her back, her neck, her legs, her head, her body.

It came back to her. She had relief. She had relief in her bathroom. She pulled her sore body out of bed. Everything hurt. Her legs hurt. Her chest hurt. Her head felt like it was splitting open. She tossed her blankets off and walked into her bathroom. She needed it now. She needed it before she did anything else.

She panicked when her hand reached in and found nothing. She started to get angry. She started to flip out. It wasn't there. Her bag wasn't there. In anger and frustration, she started pulling things out of the drawer and tossing them around. It wasn't there. Then she realized that it was the wrong drawer. She opened the one beneath it and smiled as she felt it in her grasp.

Meredith poured out the fine powder on the countertop. She needed it. It made her feel alive. It made her feel like she was flying. Like she was free. She was on top of the world and no one could stop her. She grabbed her razor blade and went to work. A rail. She needed more. She had to have more than last night. She had to have more to feel better. She looked around and grabbed a tampon. She took it apart and placed the applicator to the powder, and to her nose. As the power filled her nostrils she drew in a big breath. Relief.

Meredith climbed out of the shower. She was already thinking about how she would get her next fix. She looked around. She needed a place to stash it. She sighed as she thought. She was going to need something to put it in until she got something. Finally it hit her, her compact. She rushed to her purse and pulled it out. She gouged out the powder and threw it in the trash. She poured the blow inside and gently shut it. It would have to work for now.

Meredith pulled on her best Christian Louboutin boots. She found the perfect pair of fitted jeans. They were the ones that hugged her every curve. Her top looked amazing. Deep red. She looked like a million bucks. She felt like a million bucks. She jogged down the stairs and looked around. Derek was eating breakfast with Tony and Sofia was cooking.

"Ah... Meri... How was the party?" Sofia asked as she looked at her. Derek swallowed hard as he looked at her.

"Fine. Good." She said with a smile as she stood there and began to jitter around.

"So are you ready fro breakfast?" Sofia asked as she placed a plate in front of her.

"Not hungry, thanks" Meredith said as she looked at her. "I need someone to take me shopping. I need things."

"I'll take you." Derek said as he looked up.

Meredith looked at him. She could tell that he knew something was up. She could see it in his eyes. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't let him find out. She started to panic. It wasn't good. Not good at all. She looked between Sofia and Tony. She had to have Tony take her. Derek knew something was up and he would stop her. And she didn't want to stop.

"Uh... Derek, you need to study." Meredith said with a nod. "It's your day off. Tony can come."

"Oh. Thanks." Tony grumbled as he looked up at her.

Derek looked up at her in shock. It was then. Right at that moment, he looked at her dilated pupils. He watched her sniffle. She never sniffled. And she looked happy. She looked way too happy for someone who was victimized. His jaw clenched. She was high. She was fucked up.

"Are you sick?" Sofia asked as she looked up.

"No. Why?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Because you are sniffling." Derek pointe down in anger as he sat his fork down.

"I am fine. Not sick." Meredith told her with a smile, ignoring Derek.

"Meri... You should eat." Sofia said quickly as she looked up at her.

"I'm not hungry." Meredith said as she sniffled and then swallowed.

"Okay. But you will get hungry. Tony, make sure she gets some lunch." Sofia warned as she looked up.

"Of course." Tony grumbled as he stood up from his seat. "When are we leaving?"

"Now." Meredith said as she jumped around.

"Wow... Big rush for shopping, huh?" Tony said as he walked off.

"Always." Meredith said with a smile.

Sofia looked at Meredith with a sour face. Meredith didn't eat breakfast. She always ate. She was a big eater. The last time she didn't eat, it was when she was with Paulo. Sofia knew that Meredith wouldn't do that for Derek. And Derek would never allow her to. She looked up at Derek, seeing he was sharing the concern. She quickly made her way out to run interference and keep Tony away.

"Are you high?" Derek growled as he looked at her.

"What!" Meredith said in a feigned shock. "I can't believe you would ask me that!"

"You're fucking high. Look at you!" Derek said quickly as he grabbed her arm. "You are ready to fly. Coke, right? Back on the shit?"

"Fuck you, Derek. I'm not doing anything! Get your hands off of me." She growled as she looked him in the eye.

"Let me see your purse." He said as he held out his hand.

"No. That is none of your business." She said as she held the Gucci bag against her.

"Let me see it." He said again in an authoritative tone.

"Fine. Here!" She yelled as she shoved it against him. "Be my father."

It was a low blow, but Derek wasn't going to have it. He grabbed the purse and dumped it out on the counter. He searched through every item. Meredith took in a deep breath as he held the compact and then sat it down. He looked at it all in shock as he threw it back in. There was nothing.

"I can't believe you, Derek." She said as she grabbed her purse. Drug addicts, they are good liars.

Meredith rushed to the door in a huff. She was a liar. It wasn't Derek who was the liar, it was she. Derek didn't do anything wrong. But she had to be mad at him, she couldn't be mad at herself. And she definitely couldn't face that she had or was the problem. She walked to the door, seeing Tony's car waiting. She rushed to the car and climbed in the back seat.

Tony didn't say anything as she climbed in. He wondered what was going on. It was odd for her to be asking him to take her. He wasn't sure what was up, but he had a feeling it was something. He looked in the rearview mirror at her. She was jittery. She as tapping her fingers and her feet. She looked like she was ready to jump out of the car at any moment.

"So why did you have me bring you?" Tony asked as he looked at her.

"I told you. Derek needed to do shit. Quit whining and drive the car like you are paid to do." Meredith said quickly as she looked at the back of his head.

"So what do you need today?" He asked as he looked at her.

"I need to go to the jewelry store. And possibly that unique gift shop. And shoes, I guess." Meredith said quickly as she looked out the window.

"No lingerie?" Tony asked with a smirk.

"Fuck you." Meredith said as she leaned up and smacked him in the head.

Meredith always said he was a dirty old man. But most of the time, she was kidding. For her to reach up and smack him in the head so nastily came to a complete shock. He looked back at her and swallowed hard. He wasn't going to mess with her. It wasn't right. Something was definitely not right.

Tony grabbed a parking spot in front of the jewelry store. Meredith had more jewelry than anyone he knew. She didn't need any jewelry. Nonetheless, it had nothing to do with him, and was not his decision. He shrugged as he opened his door and made his way to the back. The paparazzi rushed the car as she walked out.

"Whatcha doing today, Meri?" They yelled as they looked at her.

"Shopping." Meredith said as she started to walk away.

"How was the party?" They asked loudly.

"Great." Meredith lied as she grabbed the door.

"Where is your sexy guard?" A female paparazzo asked quickly.

"He's off today. I guess I'm stuck with the second best, huh?" He asked with a smirk before she rushed in.

"What the hell was that?" Tony asked in shock as the door shut.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him. "You are the second best..."

"You were talking to them. You never talk to them." He said in shock.

"Get off it, Tony." She growled as she rolled her eyes.

Meredith looked at what they had. She wasn't looking for fine diamonds. She wasn't looking for platinum. She was looking for something to store her stash in. Something small, enough for a hit. She frowned as she looked back and forth. She wasn't seeing anything.

"Anything I can help you with?" The man asked as he looked at her.

"Just looking." Meredith said as she looked. She wasn't going to ask. She didn't need them catching on. "And I'm not seeing anything. Thank you." She said as she quickly walked off.

Meredith and Tony made their way to the next stop. It was an unusual shop. Not many people went in there. She had to be discreet. She had to make sure that no one had any idea what she was up to. She quietly walked in and looked around, avoiding eye contact. She smiled faintly when she saw a small silver keychain. She placed her fingers in it and realized it opened like a vial. Just what she needed. She picked up a few stupid odds and ends, making sure that she didn't look suspicious.

"Is that all?" The man asked as he looked at her.

"It is... I was looking for a necklace. Similar to this. Such a nice design..." She muttered as she looked at him.

"I think I may have something in the back." He told her with a nod. "Let me see." The man quickly came back with a necklace.

"That is perfect." Meredith said with a nod. "I will take that too."

"Meri... That is ugly. And cheap too." Tony said as they walked out, a small bag in hand.

"I like it." Meredith said with a shrug.

Meredith made it to the show store. She knew she couldn't make the transfer anywhere but home. She couldn't bear the thought of losing any of that precious dust. She looked around. She needed a hit. Life was coming back. She swallowed hard as she found the saleswoman she knew so well.

"Can I use the restroom?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Of course. In the back." She said with a smile. Anywhere for a hit.

**So Meredith is using cocaine as a dealing mechanism. We will see how great that works...**

**Drugs are not a joke. They bring people down. The ruin families and lives.**


	75. A Stranger

Days had gone by. Derek knew. He knew what she was doing. He knew that she was getting drugs. She knew she was doing them. But she lied. She lied and denied everything. It was like she was a different person. He actually wished that she was beaten up and broken down from the rape. To him, that would have been so much better than her destroying her body and risking her life. It was worse, because someday she would be better, and then she would actually have to deal with what had happened to her.

She wasn't eating. Everyone saw that. They thought it was some drastic crash diet. They had no idea what was really going on with her. She would go days without eating. Days without sleeping. She was in a coke induced haze. He knew she was. That was what she was on before. The no sleep, no food, coupled with the jittery behavior and the sniffling was a dead giveaway.

Derek sat in the chair in the study. His eyes never left the room sized persian rug on the floor. He got lost in the navy and red formal tribal pattern. The depth of of the colors and pile, drawing him to a place he would rather be. He wasn't really sure what to do. The love of his life was fading. She was drowning her pain with poison, and it was killing him.

The light faded from the room, the sun fading off into the horizon, and there Derek sat. The room became dark, and yet he couldn't move. He couldn't pull himself from that spot. This was his fault. He did this. He should have protected her. He should have paid attention. He should have heard her cries. No matter what anyone said, that would always be on his mind.

Derek realized it was dark out and looked up at the clock. It was late. Late into the evening. He never even noticed that Sofia had left, and Tony was in bed. He needed to check on her, but that had become something he hated to do. He hated to see her. He slowly walked up the stairs and tapped on her door. She opened in and let him in. She was getting almost as bad as he was about their confrontations.

"Mer... You can't go on like this." Derek said as he looked up at her.

"Go on like what?" Meredith asked as she threw a shoe in the pile.

"You know what." Derek said frankly. "I'm not a fucking idiot, Mer. I know what is going on. Even if they don't notice, I do, Mer. I know."

"Nothing is going on, Derek." She said sarcastically. "I am just trying to live my life."

"More like fuck it up." Derek said as he shook his head. "The coke... It's not going to help you. It won't change history. It won't make the pain go away. It's staving it, Mer. Then what? What will you do?"

"I don't have a problem, Derek." Meredith said frankly.

"I just told you I know. Quit lying!" Derek said as he climbed on the floor with her. "This is fucking bullshit, Mer. Do you have any idea what that shit is doing to you? You are being so stupid about this... You may as well just admit that you are fucking taking the shit."

"I never said I wasn't taking it. I am. I like coke. And I'm not stopping. I could if I wanted to, but I don't." Meredith said as she looked at him. "I don't really care what you want."

"You are fucking up your whole life. What about med school?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"What about it?" She asked as she looked up at him. "What about it... I am going. I fucking told you. I do. Not. Have. A. Problem!" She growled as she looked up at him.

"You say that now. But just wait. It will suck you in and take you under. I can't believe you of all people are doing this to yourself. It makes me fucking sick." Derek said as he shook his head and climbed to his feet.

He couldn't talk to her. The problem was, she was the love of his life. No matter what, he couldn't stop loving her. He had to love her. He loved to love her, flaws and all. That was what made it hurt so bad. That was what bothered him. She was killing herself, and he had no idea how to stop her.

As Derek laid in his bed, he couldn't stop thinking about it. At least she did admit that she was doing it. She admitted that she had a problem. Well, not a problem. She admitted that she was using. It made him sick to think of what she was putting her body through. Derek laid his head back and closed his eyes. Onto another sleepless night.

Meredith took in another line. That was how she lived. Line by line, hit by hit. She needed it to survive. When she got low, her throat closed up and she felt like she couldn't breathe. In her mind, that was the worst thing that could ever happen to her. To be without the only thing that kept her alive, well that made her near death.

As she rushed around aimlessly in her drug induced euphoria, she half thought about Derek. She loved him, but at the moment, she couldn't stand being around him. All he ever did was judge her. He was taking notes and watching everything she did. Nothing she did would ever be right in his eyes. She was so ashamed of herself, why shouldn't he be. Why fight? Why try? She had nothing...

--------------

Meredith was in a panic. She was irate. She felt sick. She couldn't take it. She went through her drawers. Nothing. She had burned through her stash. She felt panic sweep over her stronger than it ever had. Physical sickness was right there after it. She was in distress. She quickly rushed to her purse and pulled out her tiny vial. It was empty. She stuck her tongue on it hoping to get just a taste. She had run dry.

Meredith picked up the phone in a panic. She knew his number by heart. She could dial it hanging upside down in her sleep. He wasn't answering. One ring. Two rings. She felt her chest tighten up as she considered the fact that he may not answer. Relief washed over her when he finally answered on the sixth ring.

"Hey, Meri." Calvino said quickly.

"I need something." Meredith said nervously. She knew she needed it now. "Now. I need something now."

"Whoa... Okay. I'll be right over." Calvino said in shock of her haste.

"No. No... That won't work." Meredith said quickly. "I'll come to you."

"Do you know where I live?" He asked simply.

"I do. I just- You can't come around here. Not right now..." She told him frankly. "I'm on my way."

Meredith grabbed her purse. She looked in her wallet and spat when she realized she had no cash. She always had cash, but it was going quickly these days. Now she would have to ask her father. She was thanking god he was in town. She had a credit card to by things. And these days, a drug dealer didn't bend over so you could swipe your card in their ass.

Normally Meredith would stand outside the office and wait for her father to call her in. She would be coy. She would be nonchalant. But right now, she had a need. And right now, she needed that to be fulfilled. Meredith rushed right into her father's office and stood in front of the desk.

"I need money." Meredith said as she looked at him.

"Oh do you... How much?" Thatcher asked with a smile as he looked up at her.

"Five." Meredith said simply as she stood there.

"Five... What exactly do you need, honey?" Thatcher asked as he looked at her.

"Things." Meredith said with a fake giggle.

"Oh. I see... Things." Thatcher said as he pulled out the money and handed it over. "Have a good time."

"I will." Meredith said as she rushed off. "Tony!" She yelled loudly up the stairs. "Let's go. Now." She yelled up the stairs as she walked to the door.

"What- Where are we going?" Tony asked as he rushed down.

"I need a ride." Meredith said as she rushed into the garage.

"In a hurry?" Tony asked as he followed her to the garage and watched her climb into he front seat. "Front seat today?" Tony asked in shock as he looked over at her.

"You will need directions." Meredith explained as she pulled her seatbelt on.

"You've given me directions from the back seat before." Tony said as he looked at her.

"Just drive the fucking car, Tony!" Meredith spat as she looked straight ahead.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Tony asked her frankly.

"Nothing. I'm fine. We're going to Bologna." Meredith told him as she looked through her purse.

He knew something wasn't right. She was not acting right. She was either depressed, extremely happy or jittery. She wasn't the Meredith that he had always known. She was off the wall. She was demanding and secretive. She was not right, and he knew it.

Meredith gave Tony directions and he followed them easily. She was pushy. She was wanting him to speed. She was wanting him to do what she wanted. As they began to near, he thought he knew where they were. It seemed like they had been by there before. He quickly pulled to the door, and Meredith didn't say a word as she jumped out.

"You got it?" Meredith asked as Calvino opened the door.

"I do." Calvino said as he let her in and shut the door.

"I need some now. Where is it?" She asked quickly. Calvino walked away and came back with a back. "Oh thank you..." She moaned as she grabbed at it.

"Money." He said as he pulled it away. Meredith quickly grabbed cash out of her wallet and handed it to him. She walked over to the sofa with her back and pulled her supplies out of her purse. She laid out a quick line and sucked it up with a smile on her face.

"Here..." Meredith said as she laid a line out for him.

"Oh no... I don't do that shit." Calvino said as he held up his hands.

"Yes you do." Meredith said as she looked at him. "You did before. That night."

"I've done it twice. That shit will fuck you up. Besides, you can't sell it and do it. It doesn't work that way." He said with a chuckle. "You should... I gave it to you that day because I needed the money, and I knew you would be a good source if I could get you hooked. And then you didn't come back... But now. You're not eighteen anymore, Mer. This shit... It will bring you down."

"I'm fine." Meredith growled as she took up his line. "I don't have a fucking problem. God.. What is this? A drug dealer with a conscience?" Meredith laughed as she shoved it all in her purse and stood up.

"You should... Think about what you are doing. This isn't a joke." Calvino said with a nod.

"You're right. It's not." She agreed as she opened the door. "I'll be calling."

It was a shame. She was in over her head. She had no idea what it could do to her. She had no idea how quickly it would take her down. At the moment, she was chasing temporary high after temporary high. But eventually, it wouldn't be enough. Eventually, it would bring her down.

----------------

Meredith laid in her bed with her eyes wide open. She wasn't sleeping. She couldn't sleep. She had tried sleeping for days. She never slept because the cocaine kept her far too alert for something so foolish as sleep. She couldn't get up and do anything. That wasn't an option. People were starting to notice things. And at this semi-conscious moment, she didn't want anyone to notice.

Meredith smiled at her semi-buzzed state. She was on a high. It was like a sugar high. She was ready to bounce off of walls and run around like a chicken with her head cut off. She was horny. Derek hadn't fucked her in far too long. The rape was a distant memory at this point. She was forgetting that it even happened. It was locked up, sealed and gone forever. Or so she told herself.

Meredith threw her blankets off and crept out of her bed. She needed him. She needed him and her body was ready for him. She could feel herself dripping and she thought about him. Her father was away, and Tony was asleep. It was the perfect moment for a good fuck. She quickly snuck into his room. He was sound asleep, by the sound of his shallow breathing. She peeled off her clothes as she walked towards the bed. Meredith walked over to his bed and crawled in, prowling like a wild animal.

"Mmm... Whoa!" Derek said as he opened his eyes to see a naked Meredith before him.

"I need you, Derek." Meredith moaned as she straddled his body. "I need you so bad..." She moaned as she slid his shirt up, running her hands over his chest.

"Mer... Are you- Maybe it is too soon." Derek suggested as he looked at her.

"You don't want me." She responded, obviously hurt.

Derek was afraid that was what her answer would be. He always wanted her. No matter what, he could always have sex with her. But he didn't want to hurt her. She went through a traumatic experience, and he didn't expect her to be interested for a long time. He would never pressure her. He just wanted her to feel better on her own time.

"Oh god no, Mer." Derek said quickly. "I just- Wait. Are you high?" He asked in shock as he pushed her off of him.

Bloodshot eyes. She had a different look when she was high. It was a look that he didn't like to see. He knew how she was. It made him sick. It was like the Meredith he knew was gone now. The problem was, he would always want the old Meredith back. He would always love her, even when she broke his heart.

"God, Derek." Meredith said as she looked at him. "I- I knew it... I just knew you didn't love me anymore." She said as she began to cry. "I'm disgusting. I don't want you to look at me. I make myself sick."

As angry as Derek was with her, he couldn't let her think that. He didn't find her disgusting from the rape. He found her disgusting because she was a drug addict. She was disgusting because she wouldn't face life. That was why she was disgusting. He couldn't do it. He loved her too much to let her hurt. Even if she was killing him.

"No, Mer... You are amazing. And beautiful. There is nothing I'd rather do than to make love to you." He lied as he leaned up and pulled his shirt over his head. "Come on, baby." Derek said softly as he pulled his pants off.

"No." She pouted as she looked at him.

"Come on..." Derek said as he rolled over on top of her.

"Fuck me good, and fuck me fast. I need it, and you need to give it." Meredith growled as a smile covered her face.

"Like I know anything else." Derek told her frankly.

"Very true." Meredith said happily as she nodded her head.

Derek quickly ran his tongue down her naked flesh. Usually, he needed to taste her. He needed to have her. But right now, it didn't feel right. It felt like a chore. It didn't feel good. Her back arched as he took a nipple in his mouth. She had extremely sensitive nipples, and he loved to take advantage of that. He squeezed just a little too tightly.

"Ouch, Der!" She said quickly as she looked up at him.

"Eh... You can handle it..." Derek told her as he went to her other nipple, knowing he was heating her core.

Meredith ran her hands down his muscular back. His flesh was smooth over the rock hard muscle. Her hands ran down to his ass. She loved to grasp a hand full of ass in each hand a squeeze. Derek moaned as she wrapped around his hipbone and played gently with his balls which tightened in her grasp.

"I will quit playing." She warned him as she grabbed his cock. "I want it in me."

"Okay." He teased as he rubbed his hard member up and down her slit.

Her wetness was abundant, and it trickled down her leg. She was more than ready for him, and he was more than ready for her. He drew in a breath before he gently guided himself deep inside her hot pussy. Meredith closed her eyes and let out a moan as she felt herself wrap around him in heated passion.

Derek felt guilty. Almost sick. If he thought that refusing her would be okay, he would have chose that. She was so obviously high, and he couldn't do a thing about it. In his heart, he knew he was enabling her. He was just making her worse. But tough love couldn't work. That's what he kept telling himself.

"Ah... Thank you..." She moaned as she laid her head back.

He could see the need in her eyes and he pushed in and pulled out. She was needy. She frantically began thrusting her lips towards him. She needed him. She needed him deep inside of her. She could feel the blood beginning to pump at the cocaine took full effect. The feeling of everything was heightened.

"Ah... Oh... Oh god yeah!" Meredith yelled as Derek rammed into her pussy, his balls crashing hard.

Derek pulled and pushed in the perfect motion. He knew just when and how to do her the way she needed. It was the hardest thing he ever did. To let it all go and pretend everything was fine when it so clearly was not.

"Oh god, baby." Meredith spat as she came hard. It was the strongest orgasm she ever had. It was lie a tidal wave crashing over her body. Her whole body began to twitch as contract as her eyes rolled back and shivers took over. Every nerve was on edge. Her blood pumped harder than ever, feeling as if her heart would explode.

"Oh fuck!" Derek shouted loudly as he felt her cum around him, sending him quickly over the edge. "Damn..." He groaned as he continually shot his hot seeds into her, spurting and spraying her walls.

As Derek laid there, he had no idea what he was going to do. He could feel her heart beating so hard he thought it was going to come out of her chest. Her face was flushed deep red. As he laid there and looked into her eyes, the person that looked back was a stranger.

**My back was adjusted today and I am finding it hard to sit, stand or lay. So writing is not a good thing. I will try for a chapter tomorrow... But I am dying.**


	76. An Ally In The Fight

Thatcher Grey was home. That didn't seem to stop Meredith from her self destructive behavior. In fact, it seemed that unlike everyone else, he had absolutely no idea what was going on. Derek didn't want to do it, but it seemed nothing else worked. He had to do something. If he didn't at least try, he would hate himself forever.

As Derek walked down the marble staircase, he could feel his hands shaking. He was scared. He was afraid to tell a man that his daughter had a problem. He knew that Thatcher did love Meredith, even if he wasn't very good at showing it. And if he had no idea, it would definitely come as a shock.

"Mr. Grey?" Derek asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Derek. How are you today?" Thatcher asked as he looked up at him.

"I'm fine, Sir. And yourself?" Derek asked quickly as he stood there.

"I'm good. Is there something you need?" Thatcher asked as he looked around.

"Actually, I need t talk to you, Sir. In private." Derek said as he looked up the guards raiding the refrigerator.

"Out." He said to them as he pointed to the doorway.

Derek was glad that Thatcher didn't treat him like that. He didn't like it. It made the men feel like they were dogs. As Derek stood there, he could feel his palms ready to sweat. He was actually scared. He was really scared. He had no idea how Thatcher would react to what he was going to be telling him.

"So... What is this you need to tell me?" Thatcher asked as he looked Derek square in the eyes.

"Well, Sir... I think that Meredith- I'm sure that Meredith is on drugs." Derek said firmly as he looked into the man's eyes.

"Excuse me?" Thatcher asked in shock. "Why would you say that?"

"She has been acting differently. Her eyes have been bloodshot. She runs hot and cold. She's either really happy or really down. That is what happens when she is without it. And she never sleeps or eats." Derek told him quickly.

"My daughter does not have a problem." Thatcher said firmly as he looked at him. "For you to say that is absurd to say the least. I don't know what you are up to, Derek, I will not allow this. I will not allow you to smear Meredith."

"With all due respect, Sir. She has admitted that she is an addict. This isn't a joke. It will bring her down. I may even kill her." Derek told him as he looked up.

"Meredith doesn't have a problem. And if I hear you say otherwise... Meredith is fine. The only worry you have, is to make sure she is safe. You let me worry about this. This is... Meredith is fine." Thatcher grumbled as he stood from his chair and walked away.

Derek stood there in shock. That was not what he expected. He expected Thatcher to get upset with her, not him. He was expecting Thatcher to light into Meredith. But that wasn't the case at all. He chose denial. He chose the worse thing he could choose, and that made Derek sick.

Derek watched as Thatcher left. He was going to town. Derek didn't even know where to go from here. He was so angry at everyone. He was angry at Meredith. Angry at Thatcher. Angry at the man who raped her. And mad at himself. Derek quickly climbed the marble staircase and rushed into her room.

"Mer?" He asked as he walked in. He didn't see her. Finally he threw open the bathroom door.

As he looked in, he was sick. There she was, bent over the counter with her nose on the bill. He was so mad. He couldn't stand there and allow this to happen. He had to stop her. She had to stop the self-destructive behavior that she had acquired. As he looked at her, he wanted to smack her and cry at the same time.

"Mer... Stop!" Derek said quickly. Meredith jumped and looked up at him.

"What are you doing in here?" Meredith gasped as she looked at him in shock.

"You have to stop this... Please, baby. Stop. Please." Derek begged her as he looked into her green eyes. He grabbed her arm gently to pull her to him.

"Leave me alone, Derek." She shouted as she ripped her arm from his grasp.

"Meredith... You are killing yourself. Please, Mer... Stop." Derek said as he reached for her again.

"I don't have a problem, Derek. I just- I do it because I want to. I don't have a problem." Meredith growled. "Just- Get out!" She shouted loudly.

"No. You aren't doing this! This is bullshit!" Derek yelled as she went over to do her snort. "You aren't doing this." He said as he walked over and brush his hand over the counter, sending powder flying everywhere.

"You asshole!" Meredith yelled as she dropped to her knees and began scraping it into a pile.

"Yeah... You don't have a problem." Derek said as he shook his head.

He had to walk away. He couldn't watch her. He couldn't be a part of it. He couldn't watch her self destruct. He couldn't watch her snorting coke off the bathroom floor. He had no idea how to help her. So he walked away. To keep himself from hating her.

----------------

Meredith couldn't get out of bed. She couldn't go on. Everything hurt. She hurt. She had been up for days on end. She was tired and depressed. Calvino was out of supply. It seemed he wasn't a big time drug dealer, and he couldn't keep up with her growing habit. One or two lines didn't do anything for her anymore. It was a constant fight. More and more. Her need was insatiable, and no one could keep up.

She knew she had class today. It seemed like the things that once mattered to her, they didn't matter anymore. They were insignificant. Everything was. She just wanted to lay in her bed and feel as if she was going to die. And she did feel like she was going to die if she didn't get something in her right away.

"Meri... Are you getting up?" Sofia said as she tapped on Meredith's bedroom door.

"No." Meredith said as she laid there motionless. She didn't have the energy to pull herself out of her bed.

"You have class... You know that, right?" Sofia asked as she stood outside the door.

"Yeah. I- I don't really care. Can you leave me alone now?" Meredith snapped, finally getting irritated.

"Of course." Sofia said as she walked away with a frown on her face.

It hurt. She knew something was up, she just wasn't sure what. She had known Meredith since she was a little kid, and she knew that this wasn't normal. Meredith could have her pouty freak out moments, but she never went this long without sleeping or eating. As she walked by Derek's room, she looked in.

"Is she ready?" Derek asked as he tied his shoe.

"She's not going. She won't get up." Sofia said sadly as she looked at him.

"Damn it!" Derek growled as he stood there and shook his head.

"What happened to her? Something is not right." Sofia pointed out as she looked around his room.

"That is what drugs will do to you." Derek said with a shrug as he looked her square in the eye.

He wasn't planning on telling Sofia. He didn't want to hurt the poor old woman anymore than she was already hurting. But he had to. He was so damn tired of holding it in. Thatcher was like talking to a wall, and Tony was oblivious to anything but a nice set of boobs. He could see the hurt on her face, but it wasn't him doing the damage. It was Meredith.

"What do you mean? Meri- She isn't- Meri- She's just- Oh my god!" Sofia cried out as she looked at him. "Oh..." She said as she rushed over and put her head on Derek's chest. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea what to say. But he was shocked. Completely shocked. She seemed crushed.

"I'm sorry..." Derek said softly as he patted her back.

"She- I knew she wasn't right. But I never expected this. I never thought she would do this. Why? My poor girl." Sofia said as she cried. "What is it?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Cocaine." Derek said sadly as he looked down at her.

"Oh my..." Sofia said as she pulled herself together and shook her head. "This won't do. This... I will not allow this."

"What do you plan on doing?" Derek asked in shock at the older woman's boldness. "I already told Mr. Grey. He doesn't believe it."

"That man... He is a fool." Sofia said in disgust as she shook her head. "He- He loves Meri. Even though he is ruthless and crude, he loves her. And he will refuse to see the bad. But I- I will not!" She said as she rushed out of the room.

Sofia was running on anger as she ripped open the door and rushed in. Meredith looked up at her in shock. She couldn't believe that Sofia was in her room. She was in her room and looking angry. Sofia didn't say a word as she walked over and grabbed the sheets, ripping Meredith from the bed.

"You bitch!" Meredith spat as she looked up from the floor. She quickly climbed to her feet and stood in front of the woman. Sofia raised her hand and smacked her hard across the cheek.

"Don't you ever! Ever! Think about talking to me that way." Sofia shouted as she looked at Meredith, who was standing in shock with her hand on her cheek. "Get your ass in gear, and get ready for school." She said as she pointed to the closet. "Now!"

Meredith didn't say a word as she walked over to the closet and began getting dressed. She was in such shock, she had no idea what to say or do. So she did what she was told and pulled on a pair of her loose jeans and a top. Everything was loose. She was in a drug fog now. She was thin and never ate. At the moment, she didn't care how she looked. She was depressed. She was down. She didn't have her stimulus. So now, she would suffer.

Meredith didn't eat the breakfast that Sofia made for her. She took a bold move and grabbed the plate and tossed the food in the trash. Sofia shook her head. It wasn't going on anymore. Not as long as she could fight. She had no idea what she was up against, but she was ready for the fight.

Meredith sat silent in the car with Derek. He had nothing to say to her. Not one word. He was it his wits end. Every time he spoke, he just got mad. She seemed perfectly content in the self-induced hell that she was in. He felt better that Sofia knew. But he also knew all too well, you can't save those who won't help save themselves.

**I don't see it necessary to comment on crappy comments...**

**Thanks for reading!**


	77. Whatever You Say

Meredith hated Derek. She hated Derek and she hated Sofia. And Calvino. She hated Calvino so much she could kill him. As she sat in class, she felt like she was dying. Her leg shook uncontrollably as she thought about it. She needed it so bad, she was sick. Every once and a while she felt like she was going to vomit. It was killing her. The absence of the drug was far too much for her to handle.

"You okay?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

She was shaking uncontrollably. He could tell that coming off of it was killing her. Part of him was enjoying her pain. He didn't want to admit it, but he wanted to see her suffer. He was hoping she suffered enough to stop being such and idiot and fix her life. He was so frustrated, but he was at his wits end She had no idea how close this hit to home.

"Fine." She growled with a clenched jaw.

Derek had never seen her so mad. She looked like she could kill him. He wondered if she was having thoughts about it. This broke his heart. She was the love of his life, and he couldn't save her. There was nothing left of them. He still loved her, and he always would, but they weren't the way they were. His undying love felt like it was one sided. He had sex with her occasionally, but it was awkward. He never felt right about it.

Meredith couldn't concentrate. She had no idea what her professor was talking about. She had no idea what was going on. All she could think about was cocaine. The feeling bit at her every nerve. Her whole body ached badly for it. She just wanted a taste. Just a tiny taste. She needed it so bad she was sick. If she could get it, everything would be fine. Life would be fine.

The class ended. It ended, and Meredith had no idea that it was over. She sat there in silence as she focused on her need. It polluted her mind. She thought about a hit. Just a tiny hit. At the moment, she would snort cocaine off of anything. Any common sense or reality was gone from her now. She would cut the cocaine out of a drug mule if she had to.

"Mer... It's over." Derek finally said after minutes of observing her.

"Oh." Meredith muttered as she stood up.

"Ms. Grey?" The professor said as he walked up.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked as she stood there. Anyone who saw her could see that she looked terrible. Her body was absorbing the drug's abuse and taking on a different form.

"I usually don't do this. I usually don't care. If a student wants to sink... You are paying, and I can't make you do anything. But- You are an exceptional student and your grades have dropped drastically. Is everything going okay?" He asked with a faint smile. He knew it was not. There was no question about that.

"Everything is fine." Meredith muttered in a monotone voice.

"Okay." He said with a frown. "Okay..."

Derek and the professor made eye contact. So much was said without saying a word. It was obvious to everyone that there was a huge problem with Meredith Grey. Even if you couldn't put your finger on it, it was noticeable that something was off.

"Asshole." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

"He's concerned. You should feel lucky." Derek told her with a nod.

"Oh yeah. So fucking lucky." Meredith growled loudly. Meredith walked up to the door and went to open it. Just as she pulled, it stuck. Derek's eyes got wide as she began pounding on it as hard as she could. "God damn mother fucker!" She yelled in anger, her patience now gone.

"Calm down..." Derek said softly as he shook his head and opened the door.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Meredith growled as she walked away. He knew she was sick. He could see that telltale green look on her face.

Derek leaned against the wall and shook his head. He actually felt like his heart was breaking. She was killing him. It was too much. Any wise man would leave. They would run. But he loved her so deeply he couldn't. He would stay there and wait forever. He would suffer for the rest of his life for her. As he drew in a breath, he looked up in shock. It was Calvino.

"You son of a bitch!" Derek spat as he looked the man in his eyes.

"Whoa, man... What the hell is your problem?" Calvino asked in shock.

"You are a fucking asshole. You have ruined her life." Derek said as he shoved the man.

"Don't touch me." Calvino said as he got in Derek's face.

"She is fucked up. And it's your fault." Derek growled as he got nose to nose with him. "And I want you to stay the fuck away from her."

"I don't think it is your business who she sees." Calvino said frankly. "And Meri is an adult."

"She's killing herself!" Derek yelled. "She is in there puking her guts out because she is coming down from the shit you gave her!" Derek shouted loudly.

"Hey... She came to me." Calvino said as he held up his hand. "I- This isn't my thing. I sell to her. I get her what she wants."

"You are enabling her." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Not anymore." Calvino said frankly. "Look. I tired to get her hooked before. I was a stupid kid, and saw it as easy money. And now... I barely even come across the shit. Meri has blown throw my stash. I don't want any part of this shit anymore. She has a real problem, man. And someone needs to stop her ass."

"You're done selling to her?" Derek asked in shock. He was genuinely shocked at what Calvino was telling him. The man seemed sincere.

"I am. I can't keep up. And things are good for me now. I don't need to fuck around with that anymore." Calvino said frankly.

How much?" Derek asked as he drew in a breath. "Much much is she doing?"

"About three grams a day. Occasionally four" Calvino said as he shook his head. "I may bot be selling... But she will get it somewhere. She's going to kill herself."

"Holy shit..." Derek muttered. This was worse than he thought. Much worse.

----------------

Drug addicts can spot other addicts. It's like a gift you obtain. You can see them from a mile away. And even loved ones of addicts learn to pick up on the signs. Sometimes they are subtle subtle, and sometimes they are not. Addicts have an aura around them. And when things aren't going their way, their cover seems to go right out the window.

Meredith picked up on the signs. She had to. Calvino said he couldn't get it anymore. Italy was flowing with cocaine. Literally. The rivers are flowing with cocaine. And Calvino can't find it? She was mad. Irate. She needed her shit and he wouldn't get it. So she picked up on the signs. She let herself go. She was stupid. She found someone else. Another dealer.

Derek was away for the day. He had class, and it was one of Meredith's days off. Derek had no idea how she was getting it, but she was. She was back to the high energy amped up Meredith that he had learned to hate. She was back to using. She was able to get him to bring some over when Derek was away. He was away more than he used to be. Sofia was sending him everywhere to give him some relief. He really needed to get away from her.

"Meri..." Sofia said as she shook her head in disgust.

"What?" Meredith asked as she rolled her eyes.

"When the hell are you going to wake up and realize that you are ruining your life?" Sofia asked frankly as she shoved a plate of food in her face.

Sofia saw it. And when you know, it just makes you mad. Sofia was so full of disgust, it made her sick. She never thought that Meredith would do this. Of all things, she never believed that Meredith would become and addict. But in the back of her mind, she wondered why. She wondered what set her over the edge and made her begin to live her life this way.

"This is the best I have ever felt." Meredith snapped with a smile.

"You think this is the best. It's the drugs. It's not happiness. It's pseudo happiness. You are in hell. You're killing yourself. You're going to die. Do you want to die?" Sofia snapped as she looked at her.

"I am fine." Meredith told her. "Why don't you leave me the fuck alone?"

"Because I care. Because you are like a daughter to me. Because if you kill yourself, it will kill me. Maybe you need to lose it all. How would you feel if your daddy cut you off from your money?" Sofia threatened as she looked up.

"Daddy would never do that." Meredith responded with a knowing smirk. "I don't have a problem. It's everyone else who has a problem. I'm the only one that is sane around her. Everyone else has lost their minds."

"I don't want to see you do this, Meri. You have to stop, honey. Stop this. For me... For Derek. Please stop!" Sofia cried as she looked at her.

"Like I said... This is the best I have ever felt." Meredith said with a shrug. "Where is Tony? I have somewhere I need to go."

"If you want him, you go find him." Sofia said as she threw her hands up. "I refuse to help you."

Meredith grumbled as she walked away. She didn't have time for that woman. She didn't care what she wanted or what she thought. She had somewhere to go. A smile crossed her face as she looked around for him. She was not far from having the time of her life. She needed it. She needed it so bad.

"Tony!" Meredith screamed through the house.

"Yeah?" Tony asked as he came through the back door. Her yelling had been so loud, he heard her outside.

"I need to go somewhere. This is the address." She said as she held up a piece of paper for him.

"Meri... That is in a bad part of town." Tony told her frankly. "We don't need to be going there."

"Oh yes, we do!" Meredith snapped. "Get your ass ready now."

"Fine." Tony said with a frown as he grabbed his jacket and the keys. "Why are we going here?"

"You are the help. Your only job is to do what I say. How about you shut up and do that?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Fine." Tony said with a shrug as he got in the car. "Whatever you say, Ms. Grey."

They drove in silence. Tony could see the difference in her. There was tension between her and everyone. She couldn't seem to get along with anyone. She was always butting heads. There was so much tension between she and Sofia that when they were in the same room together, it was like the roof would blow.

As Tony arrived at the address, he got a bad feeling. He didn't like this. He should not have brought here here. He could only assume what she was doing here, and he was hoping he wasn't right. She gave him a look, telling him to stay there. His stomach knotted. He would never say anything, but this was not right.


	78. How To Be Dead

Derek had his moments. They were moments of bravery. Moments when he would think about the situation and he would attempt to do something about it. The amount that she was taking scared him. It was a lot, and he knew that it was lethal dose. Especially for someone her size. He also knew it was a matter of time before it all feel down.

Derek walked up the stairs. He would never forgive himself if he didn't try. He had to keep trying to save her. He was there to protect her. A bullet, he would take that for her. He would get knifed in an alley. He would take the world's greatest beating for her. But the one thing that he needed to protect her from... Was herself. And that he could not do.

The house was empty. Sofia was cleaning, but Thatcher was out of town. And Tony was in town out shopping. No one was around. It was the perfect time to talk to her. She could throw one of her monster fits, alert the world of her anger and no one would hear. And so he went to her room and opened the door.

"Mer..." He said as he walked in and looked at her laying on the bed. "We need to talk."

"Derek... Don't." Meredith muttered as she rolled her eyes. "Just don't. I am so tired of you doing this. Why do you have to do this? Just stop!"

**[bPlease don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth**

**No you don't know what happened**

**And you never will if**

**You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall**

**This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall**

**Where you've had me for hours**

**Till I'm sure what I want**

**But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before**

**So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way[/b**

"Meredith... I love you. I love you so much. But this is killing me. You are killing yourself, and you are killing me too." Derek said with a frown as he looked into her eyes.

"How am I killing you, Derek? You have nothing to do with any of this. This is not even important. Not even close. I can't believe you... This is so ridiculous. I do not have a problem! Of course you would bring this back on yourself. Of course you would find a way." Meredith said angrily as she looked up at him. "You you are so fucking unhappy, leave. Just leave me!"

"Mer... You are the love of my life. You are everything to me. I can't leave you. I would lay down and die right now if you asked me to. I want to let go. God knows I want to walk away from you. But I can't. I can't turn off what I feel for you, even when you insist on sucking the life out of me. You don't see it, but this is killing you. You look terrible, you never eat. Right now you are drowning out your pain, but that pain will still be there when this is all over. It's not going anywhere. It isn't. You will wake up, and your life will still be a mess and you were still raped." Derek told her frankly as he looked into her eyes.

**[bPlease keep your hands down**

**And stop raising your voice**

**It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice**

**It's a simple suggestion can you give me some time**

**So just say yes or no**

**Why can't you shoulder the blame**

**Coz both my shoulders are heavy**

**From the weight of us both**

**You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth**

**You've not heard a single word I have said...**

**Oh, my God[/b**

Derek looked into her eyes. He thought he was getting through to her. He could see the wheels spinning. He knew she was hurting. He knew something about drowning out the pain. He knew what this was doing to her and everyone else. He knew that what he was saying, probably didn't mean anything to her. But he would die trying.

"Don't! Stop! Stop!" Meredith screamed as she covered her ears. "Don't say that! I can't deal with this... Stop!" She yelled loudly.

"It's okay..." Derek said softly as he approached her and pulled into a warm embrace. "You don't need that shit, I am here." Derek told her with a kiss on the head. "Please love me... Please Mer... Let me love you."

**[bPlease take it easy it can't all be my fault**

**I haven't made half the mistakes**

**That you've listed so far**

**Oh baby let me explain something**

**It's all down to drugs**

**At least I remember taking the and not a lot else**

**It seems I've stepped over lines**

**You've drawn again and again**

**But if the ecstasy's in the wit is definitely out**

**Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride[/b**

Meredith felt so good in Derek's arms. It felt like home. She let herself succumb to his touch. She let her head rest against his chest. For a moment, a small moment, she felt okay. She felt like she was safe. Like everything was okay. She looked up into his eyes. She wanted to stop, but it felt so good. It was her ultimate pleasure. She just wanted it both. If she could have both, it would all be okay.

"I'm sorry, Derek... I'm so sorry. I'll stop. I will stop." Meredith said with a big nod as she looked up at him.

"Yeah?" Derek asked as he looked down at her.

"If you want me to... I can't lose you. I can't go on without you..." Meredith said as she began to cry. "I love you."

"I love you, baby. I love you." Derek said as he kissed her softly.

You can't just stop. You don't just stop at they drop of a hat. Meredith sighed as she looked at him. It wasn't like that. It wasn't that easy. She lied. She lied to make him happy. She wanted to have it all. Now she would have to make it work. Now she would have to be a better sneaker. She needed her drugs. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose either of them.

-----------------

Meredith was sneaking. She was sneaking and she was doing a good job of it. Derek seemed oblivious. She wasn't using quite as much. And she was trying to do it when she knew he wouldn't be around. They were both going to school and as long as she had a steady stream of coke going through her system, she was doing well.

It was late at night. Meredith told Derek she had studying to do. She really had using to do. She grabbed her stash and made her way to the bathroom. That was her favorite place to go. She poured out a bit of the white powder and laid herself out a thick rail. She needed a lot to feel the affects if it. Meredith placed her finger to her nostril and her tooter to her nose and took in a deep breath. Relief.

Meredith grabbed her book and started reading. She was learning to keep to herself instead of going out and acting crazy. She would focus her attention to her books and her studies instead of running and acting crazy. As she sat there, she felt her beloved drug take over her body. It made life bearable when it would not have been. Or so she thought.

Derek sat in his room. Tony was out of town with Thatcher. Sofia was home. And if this were any other time in their lives, they would be having crazy sex right now. Not nose deep in books. Derek flipped the page and looked up at the clock. He wanted to go in there. He wanted her. He needed sex. He needed her.

Derek thought she was making great strides. She seemed better. Not perfect, but better. He wasn't a stupid man. He knew far too much about this. He knew she was still using. But he was sure it was less. She was almost off of it, he would think. And he couldn't do it. More than anything, he wanted the willpower to walk away. But it wasn't there. He was doomed to be kicked and stomped into the ground. Derek shut his book up and climbed to his feet. He needed to see her.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he knocked on the door softly.

"Yeah?" Meredith said nervously as she moved around, unsure of how to hide herself.

"Can I come in?" Derek asked as he cracked the door open slightly.

"Uh... Yeah. What do you need?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"I'm tired of studying." Derek admitted with a shrug. "You want to watch a movie or something?"

"Yeah. We could do that I guess." Meredith told him with a nod.

"I need a break. That shit is getting to me. How is yours going?" He asked as he looked at the book in her hand.

"Good. Fine. I'm fine. Let's um... Let's go watch a movie. Or whatever." She said as she stood up and walked to him.

Derek tried to look in her eyes. When she was high, she wouldn't let him look. She dropped her head and pretending she was playing with her pant strings. It made him sick. He tried to push it off, but it was nearly impossible. He quickly spun around and walked away. She followed him downstairs and they both plopped down in front of the huge t.v. Derek looked over at her and clenched his jaw.

It was killing him. It was literally killing him to sit next to her. She was bouncing around like crazy. He felt like he wanted to either slap her, or yell. He wanted to do something. Nothing didn't help. And something didn't seem to help either. As he drew in a breath and looked over at her, his eyes got wide.

Meredith covered his mouth with hers. Before he could even react, she was straddling his lap. She wanted it. She needed it. She needed him. She hastily ground her hips into him, feeling his cock quickly go erect. Meredith forced her tongue into his mouth and rubbed against his tongue.

Derek hated this. He hated it when she did this. She got spontaneous and horny. She acted crazy. It made him sick. Derek quickly pulled his mouth away from her and gave her a shove. The minute he did it, he realized he pushed her too hard. She landed hard on the floor and looked up at him in anger.

"You're fucking high!" Derek screamed. "I am so goddamn tired of this!"

"You asshole." Meredith spat as she jumped up. "You pushed me, you fucker!"

"You are- You make me sick, Meredith. Fucking sick. You can't keep that shit out of your nose for a second. And now you do this. I'm not like the other guys. I don't fuck someone who is fucked up. I wouldn't fuck your rotten pussy if it was the last in the world." Derek screamed. "You are an addict, and you won't stop. You make me fucking sick. I can't even look at you." He said as he shook his head and stood up.

"I hate you! I hate you!" She screamed as she pounded on him. "Just- Get out! Get out of my house." She screamed as she smacked him in the face over and over again.

"Meredith." Derek warned her as he grabbed her wrists hard. "You- Fuck it." He growled as he shook his head and shoved her away.

"I want you out!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she started throwing things. She quickly picked up a lamp and threw it at him, hitting him in the back.

"You bitch!" Derek yelled as he looked at her crazy eyes. He regretted saying it, but it was the truth. "You have lost your mind..." He said as he threw up his hands and walked out. "I can't be around you."

"I hate you, Derek. I really hate you." She said as she watched him walk away. "And I want you out. Now."

Derek felt sick as he rushed up the stairs. If that was what she wanted, that would be what she would get. He couldn't be around her. And at the moment, he didn't care what happened to his job. He really didn't care. He quickly threw some clothes in a bag and rushed down. He would stay in a hotel.

Meredith was irate. She ran through the house throwing things around. She couldn't take it. She couldn't the anger that was surging though her veins. She tossed lamps and pictures. She tossed heirlooms. She was like a tornado. She finally took the time to relax and looked up to see Derek's car leaving. She couldn't take it. She needed more. And she needed someone. She quickly picked up her phone. She was not staying here. No way.

Meredith picked up the phone. There was only one person she knew to call. One guy. One person who wouldn't judge her, and could give her what she wanted. She drew in a deep breath and found the last person she called. He was always the last call sent. He was the most calls sent. Her drug dealer. The only person she thought really understood her.

"Meri..." Dante said as he answered the phone. "You need more?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I need a place to go. I need a place to party." Meredith said quickly as she ran upstairs with her phone. "And you are the only one..."

"You can come over." Dante said with a chuckle. "I have some people over. Come on over... I'll give you the address."

"I can't... I don't have a way to get there." Meredith said quickly.

"Oh... I see. I'll send someone to get you." Dante said with a smile.

"I will be down the road. On the back side of the property." Meredith explained as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head.

"Be right over..." Dante said firmly as he grabbed his keys.

Meredith grabbed her purse. She needed the money to get more. Before her father left, she made sure she got a nice stash from him. She needed to have a supply. She couldn't be without it, or it made her sick. It was more a mental sickness than a physical one. The physical withdraws were nothing compared to what went through her mind.

As Meredith ran through the back of the property she felt sick. She was sick with anger. She wanted to strangle Derek. She had never been so angry with him in her life. She felt betrayed. The things he said to her were cold. He called her a bitch. He said she made him sick. As she ran on her drug high, she let the tears fall down her cheeks. She was far too conflicted.

Meredith got to the back wall. She knew this place all too well. She had grown up in these walls. She knew how to got out. Her whole life she dreamed of how she would do it. She knew that there was a tree that was just close enough. You couldn't do it from the outside, but from the inside, you could. Meredith struggled to get her skinny legs up the tree. When she reached the branch, she looked over to see the car just down the road. Meredith leapt and fell hard onto the grass. As she brushed herself off, she looked up to see the deep brown eyes of Dante.

"Whoa there." He said with a chuckle as he helped her up. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. Let's get the fuck out of here." Meredith said as she ran towards the car.

"Why is you ass on fire?" He asked with a smile as he climbed into his Mercedes.

"I'm fucking tired of it. All of it." Meredith spat. "I just want to be me."

"You know I will let you do that." Dante said with a smile as he looked over at her. "So are you ready for some fun?"

"I've been waiting all my life." Meredith said with a grin.

"Well tonight you will live." He said as he speed off dangerously and turned the radio up as loud as it would go.

Meredith looked around. They weren't going where she normally went. They weren't going to his apartment where she had went so many times before. She looked up at him and he looked over and smiled. She was too screwed up to care where they were going. As long as it was away from them, from the condescending ones, she would be happy.

"So do you need any?" Dante asked as he looked at her.

"I still have some." Meredith told him frankly.

"Well tonight, you will be in shock. Tonight you will have more than you have ever seen in your life." Dante told her with a smile.

Meredith smiled. That was just what she wanted. It appealed to her. More than she could handle was the way to go. She wanted more than she could handle. She wanted to never wake up from her fog. Her fog was safe. Her fog was as happy as she knew happy could be. She watched as he pulled into the garage of an upscale apartment.

"Where are we?" Meredith asked as she looked over.

"You didn't honestly think I lived in that shit hole, did you?" He asked in shock. "I would never sell from where I live. This is my house." He said with a smile. "And only my trusted friends know that." He said as he climbed out. "Are you coming?"

"Oh... Yeah. Of course." Meredith said as she climbed out.

"Don't worry... You don't need to worry about anyone here knowing you. That is not a big deal." He said as he opened the door.

Meredith was in shock as they walked in. She couldn't believe all of the people in the apartment. The apartment was beautiful, but that wasn't even something she would notice. All she noticed were the piles on the table. There were piles of cocaine on the table. People were using freely, just taking a hit as they pleased.

"You want to hang out in here, or would you rather head into the back?" Dante asked as he looked at her.

"It doesn't matter to me." Meredith said with a smile.

It didn't matter. She was in her element. There was a whole house full of people that knew how she felt. They were chasing the same thing that she was chasing. They were chasing that never ending high. As Meredith took her place in front of the glass coffee table, she had no one one her mind. Derek wasn't even a thought. Any of the people that mattered to her, didn't matter at the moment. She had one goal. To drown out the pain.


	79. Crash

Derek felt sick. He left her. Of all things in the world, he couldn't stand that he left her. He quickly pulled off the road and began beating his fists on the steering wheel. He just didn't understand it. He didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this. She was dealing with things in the worst way. He knew that she thought she was helping herself. She thought this was easier than dealing with her pain. And it wasn't.

Derek sat there on the side of the road in a numb fog. He had been mean. He said things he regretted saying. But at the same time, he didn't regret it. She was hurting him, and he had no idea how to stop her. He said it so that maybe for a second she would feel an ounce of the pain that he was feeling. It didn't help. All it did was make her angry.

As he sat there, he realized he couldn't leave her. He wished he could. He wished for one night he could go to the hotel and forget about it all. He wished that for one night he could get a full night's sleep instead of the interrupted hell that he was living in. He wished that they could go back. He wished they could go back and he could kill the asshole that raped her before he had a chance to do it. But you can't go back. You can only go froward.

Derek made a quick u-turn and made his way back towards the mansion. He could not let her go. He had to fight the fight, even if he was the only one fighting. He knew that Meredith was in there. Deep down that not-so-innocent girl that he met three years ago was still in there begging to come out. Derek quickly pulled into the garage and jumped out of his car. He had to let her know how he felt.

As Derek walked in, he was in complete shock. The house was torn up one side and down the other. There were chairs flipped over. The arm chair by the door was flipped over and broken. Antique vases were shattered on the marble floor, flowers and water laying all over the floor. He saw a few paintings tossed on the staircase. She had made a wreck of the whole house.

Derek rushed through the house calling her name. She had to have been irate to do it. He knew she had a temper, but not like this. It was the drugs. It was the cocaine that was changing her behavior. It was changing everything about her. She didn't look the same. She didn't smell the same. She wasn't the same girl. Not anymore.

She was gone. Her purse was gone. She was gone. Derek was in a panic. He was supposed to protect her and now she was no where to be found. She was his job. His responsibility. His life. His love. And he let her go. He left her. He had left her to be attack by a man. And now he left her to god knows what. He had no idea where to start. He needed someone. He quickly grabbed his phone. He needed someone he could trust.

"Hello?" Matt said sleepily as he answered his cellphone.

"Hey Matt... It's Derek. I'm sorry to call you so late, man. I really need your help." Derek explained quickly. Matt knew by Derek's voice, coupled with the hour that he was calling, that there was a real problems.

"What's going on?" matt asked as he sat straight up in her bed in a panic.

"It's Mer... She's gone. She ran off and I don't know where to look." Derek muttered in defeat.

"What do you mean she ran off? What do you mean, gone?" Matt asked quickly as he sat there in shock.

"She's- We got in a fight. A big fight. She won't stop. She says she doesn't have a problem. She won't stop and she is killing herself..." Derek rambled as he walked back and forth nervously.

"Won't stop what?" Matt asked with confusion as he flipped his beside light on.

"The coke. She is so bad on it... I have no idea what to do. She won't stop. And we had the fight. I'm really worried about her. I have no idea where to look. I don't know what to do. I thought I could protect her. And I can't. I can't..." Derek muttered in a panic.

"Oh my god..." Matt said quickly. "How long has she been doing that shit?" He asked him frankly.

"Too long. Way too long. I'm not even sure. I- It's been hell. I don't know what to do... She is out there. She has no idea. She could be killed." Derek told him as he walked in circles.

"I'm in Rome. I will get there- I'm leaving now. I'm getting... I'm on my way. I'll be there, Derek. Don't leave. Do not leave." Matt said frankly. "Don't go."

"Okay." Derek agreed with a nod as he flipped his phone shut.

Derek walked backwards and sat on the marble staircase. He placed his head in his hands and began to sob. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take any of it anymore. As he sat there, he had no idea where to start. He knew that she wasn't getting drugs from Calvino. He had no idea where she was getting him. As he sat there, it hit him. He needed to search her room. He had to figure this out. Someone had to save her. And it looked like it needed to be him and Matt. Derek rushed upstairs praying he would find something. Anything.

----------------

Meredith's head flew up and away from the table as she chased her high. She drew in a deep breath, waiting for the poison to fill her body. She waited for that high she had been chasing all night. They all were. Every person in that room was. It was that thirty minutes of pure pleasure before they crashed harder and faster than they had in the beginning. As Meredith sat there, she grabbed the bottle of tequila and took a long drink.

No one was judging her. They all felt the same way. She was the most famous person in the place, and yet no one noticed or cared. She felt so great and free. So prying eyes. No paparazzi. No one wondering what she was doing. She felt truly free. Derek wasn't there. He wasn't on her mind. He wasn't going to be. He didn't matter. Not at the moment.

**[bIf you wanna hang out you've got to take her out; cocaine.**

**If you wanna get down, down on the ground; cocaine.**

**She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine.[/b**

"Hey Mer..." Dante said with a smile. "Do you want to come in the back?" He asked with a smirk as he looked at her.

"Sure..." Meredith agreed as she grabbed her bottle of tequila and followed him.

People were screwed up. People were screwing. They were laying all over. Not everyone was snorting coke. She looked in shock as she watched a guy shoot it up in front of her. There she drew the line. She could never stick a needle in her skin. Or so she told herself. As she walked by, she shook her head in disgust. She was judging him. And she was no better. Not even close.

"So what are we doing?" Meredith asked as she walked into the room and looked around.

"I have some good shit here..." Dante said as he held up a bag. "This stuff is as close to pure as you can get. You want some?" He asks with a smile.

"Fuck yes..." Meredith said as she looked at it, almost drooling.

"I get a line... You get a line." He tells her as he looks up.

"Of course." Meredith agreed as she watched that bag, never looking into his eyes.

"Lay down..." Dante told her as he pointed to the sofa. Meredith laid down and looked up at him.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked in shock.

"I want my line off of your tits." Dante told her as he knelt beside her.

"No. No." Meredith said as she shook her head. "I can't do that."

"You can... If you want it." He warned her as he held up the bag. Meredith looked at him, and back at the bag. She needed it. She really needed it.

Meredith nodded. She closed her eyes as Dante lifted her shirt up. She needed it too bad. Besides, she had lost everything. This body had nothing to do with her soul anymore. She disconnected to two when Trevor took everything from her. It was just a vessel. And empty vessel that had no worth. She never paid attention to him snorting the fine white line off of the crevice between her breasts. She felt him pull away and looked up.

"Damn!" He shouted loudly as it filled his nostrils. "This is good!"

"I want mine." Meredith said with a big nod as she sat up. "You said I could get mine. I want it."

**[bIf you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues; cocaine.**

**When your day is done and you wanna run; cocaine.**

**She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine.[/b**

"You can have yours." He laughed as he ripped his pants off. "Get on you knees."

"What? No!" Meredith shouted loudly.

"If you want this shit, you will get on your knees, and suck my cock like you were made to do." Dante told her as he looked over. "It's good shit..."

She couldn't stop herself. She couldn't think about anything else but the guaranteed pleasure in the bag. She frowned as she walked over and knelt before him. She was too far gone for morals. She was too far gone to think about anything but that bag and what she had to do to get it.

"Do it, bitch. Suck it. That's all you are good for. You know you want it." He taunted as he held the bag above her.

As Meredith knelt before him, she began to feel sick. She couldn't get it out of her mind. It was there. It was fresh. Her stomach knotted up and her heart began to beat.

_[i"What the fuck was that? Meri... I see you. I know you. And I know what you want. Quit being a bitch." Trevor growled. "Oh Meri... I would keep your little mouth shut if you were smart." He said. "I know you want this." _

_"You keep your mouth shut, or you will be floating in this pool." He growled as he grabbed her bathing suit bottom and tied her hands together. "Everyone knows you are a whore!" He spat . "You like it." He growled as he pushed himself into her violently._

_"Don't even think of telling anyone. No one will ever believe you. Your father knows you are a whore. He is so ashamed. He has to hear about it from everyone. If say anything to him, he will laugh. He knows the way you are, Meredith. He knows you are a whore." He spat as he climbed out of the pool and pulled his trunks on. He threw the used condom in the pool. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" He asked evilly in her ear before walking away.[/i_

"Stop! Don't touch me! Get your hands off of me!" Meredith screamed as she jumped up. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't take it.

"What are you talking about, you crazy bitch?" Dante asked as he looked at her.

Meredith ran out of the room in shock. She couldn't take it. She had no idea where to go or what to do. She rushed around like a crazy person. She needed relief and she needed it now. Everyone looked at her, assuming she was having the best trip of her life. Meredith ran to the table where there was a mountain of cocaine waiting for her.

Meredith placed her face to the pile. She took in a deep snorting breath and one and oned the pile. Her eyes got wide as the powder filled both nostrils and took her over. Her heart started to beat quickly. She gasped for breath. She fell back on the sofa and laid there for a second. She felt herself getting hot and sweaty. Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She took in panting breaths as she looked around in confusion.

Meredith felt a tinging sensation in her stomach as she looked around in confusion. Her heart was beating out of control. She couldn't breath. She fell to her side and started shaking violently. Everyone stopped and watched as she shook, her eyes rolling back in her head.

"Oh fuck!" Dante yelled as he looked at her. "Fuck!"

Everyone rushed around. They wanted out. No way were they going to be there when Meredith overdosed. All of her "friends", they didn't care. Not when it came down to it. They were into saving themselves. Dante rushed through the house and cleaned up the coke, leaving a pile in front of her. He grabbed his keys and rushed out. And there she laid, shaking uncontrollably. No one in the world to care.

**[bIf your thing is gone and you wanna ride on; cocaine.**

**Don't forget this fact, you can't get it back; cocaine.**

**She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine.**

**She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine.[/b**


	80. Falling

Derek went through everything. He literally tore her room up one side and down the other. It was a complete and utter mess. He didn't care. He had nothing to lose. She already hated him into the depths of her soul, so nothing he could do could make a difference. As he sifted through her bedside table for the second time, he came across a small address book.

Derek didn't hear Matt come bursting into the house. He didn't hear his feet pounding on the floor. He was so engrossed in the small book, he wasn't paying attention to anything. He had no idea who her new drug dealer was. He had no idea who he was even looking for. As he flipped the page, he looked up to see Matt running in.

"What the hell is going on, Man?" Matt asked in shock as he looked at him.

"She's gone... She's just gone. In every sense of the word." Derek said with a frown as he looked up.

"How long has she been doing this shit, Derek?" Matt asked with a matching frown. He could see by the look on Derek's face it had been long enough. Long enough to make Derek's life hell. Long enough to make Derek's face age rapidly. Long enough to hurt herself, and everyone else.

"I don't know... The party. Do you remember the party?" Derek asked, the memories flooding back to him. They made him sick. Thinking about that man inside his girlfriend. Thinking about what he pushed her into. Into a life of self-hate and misery.

"Yeah. Why?" Matt asked, knowing that they obvious answer was that she started on that day. But looking at Derek's face, he couldn't help but think there was something more. He could see it in the man's blue eyes. It was a sadness that wasn't there before. And Matt had noticed that they were both withdrawn from him. They didn't seem to have the close friendship that they once had.

"It was that night. She started using that night." Derek told him. He was careful not to tell him. It really wasn't his story to tell. It made him sick to even think about saying it aloud. He quickly looked down at the book, avoiding his questioning.

"Why did she start using?" Matt asked frankly, knowing what Derek was doing. It had been like a bag of luggage that the man couldn't get off of his back. And apparently he didn't want to.

"I need to try to find where she is. Where do drug addicts go? To their drug dealer's... But I don't know who he is. She was getting her shit from Calvino and then she switched to some other guy. I have no idea who he is. Here... You know more about these fucking people. Do you know anyone?" Derek asked as he tossed the book at him. Matt quickly picked it up and began thumbing through it.

"Why didn't you call me, Derek? The minute she started using, you should have called me. I would have- We could have fixed this before it got too bad." Matt told him as he looked up. He truly didn't mean it nastily, but he could see how it could be taken as Matt placing blame on him.

"I didn't- It was fucked up, okay. This whole thing is fucked up. I thought we could handle it." Derek told him frankly. And at first, he thought he could. But she denied she had a problem. She seemed to enjoy her own personal hell.

"I don't- All of these people are rich socialites. But this Calvino... His number is in here. He may know who her new dealer is. You could start from there." Matt suggested, not knowing what else to say. She was Meredith Grey. She had the means to go anywhere. She could do anything and no one could stop her. She could be in any house, in any part of the world. The reality was, they may not be able to figure out where she was.

"You're right." Derek said with a nod as he grabbed out his phone and dialed the number. He tapped his foot nervously as he waited for Calvino to answer his phone. He was his last resort. He was praying that this worked.

"Hello?" Calvino asked quickly as he answered the phone.

"Calvino, it's Derek Hanson. Meredith is in trouble. She ran off to get fucked up, and I have to find her. I know that you don't owe me shit... But I need to find her. Do you have any idea where she is? Any idea where she is getting her shit from?" Derek asked in desperation.

"Oh shit... She is getting it from where I was getting it, the last I heard. Dante. A real bastard. He likes to get people hooked." Calvino said regrettably. He really was feeling guilty for the mess that Meredith Grey had gotten herself into.

"Do you know... Where?" Derek asked with a worried tone in his voice.

"Well, he sells out of a shithole. But on the weekends, he is home. He runs out for people. He lives in a nice apartment in Modena. Not far from the Grey mansion. It's all a front. And he only invites his friends. And by now, I'm sure Meredith is a friend..." Calvino explained as he gave him the address. Derek scribbled it down and hung up the phone. He didn't say a word as he jumped up and ran down the stairs, Matt following close behind.

"My car!" Matt yelled as they ran out the front door. He grabbed the piece of paper and nodded. "I know just where this is."

They were silent as Matt sped along. Both men had no idea where their friend was, or what was going to come of this. Derek felt sick. He felt like this was just another let down. He was constantly not taking care of her. Matt fly up to the apartment building and slammed the car in park. The rushed up to the door together and started banging. Derek felt a sinking feeling as no one answered.

"Now what?" He asked Matt as he looked up.

"This." Matt said as he lifted his leg and began kicking the door down. Derek joined in, trying his best to concentrate his power to the door. Both men fell through when the door finally gave way. Derek looked up and felt like the life was being sucked out of him. There she laid. Motionless.

"Call for help!" He screamed as he rushed to her side. He quickly checked her pulse, feeling it racing out of control. "Holy shit..." He said as he watched her gasp for breath.

"They are on their way..." Matt said as he rushed to Derek's side. She looked horrible. He couldn't believe how bad she looked. She had lost weight, he hair didn't have the same shine. It made him sick to see such a beautiful woman go so far down hill.

"Fuck!" Derek spat in a panic he quickly put his finger on her neck again. "Oh my god. I think she is in cardiac arrest!" Derek said as he felt. He quickly began doing chest compressions. "I can't lose her... She is my everything..." Derek cried as he worked on her.

"Oh my god..." Matt said in shock as he looked at Derek, literally breathing life into Meredith. All they could do was wait. All they could do was wait for help as seconds ticked by, feeling like minutes.

Matt watched as Derek worked on resuscitating Meredith. He couldn't believe it. A young woman that meant so much to both of them was dying. A vibrant and happy girl's heart had stopped. He thought back to all the happy moments he remember. Every happy moment that Meredith ever has included Derek. Matt couldn't believe that their lives had taken such a turn. And he was praying they could get back. Even if it didn't look like they could... He knew they could.

Both men looked up at the paramedics came rushing it. It was a fog. As they looked around the apartment, seeing the cocaine in front of her, they knew. She had white dust all over her face. It was obvious that it was a cocaine overdose. Derek and Matt watched as they ripped her shirt off and shocked her heart with the defibrillator. They quickly intubated her and began manual respiration. It was all so surreal . It didn't feel like it was happening. It was just a crazy dream.

"What happened?" A man asked Matt as he looked around.

"This is the way she was when we found her." Matt admitted. At this point, he didn't care. He didn't care about anyone judging. They needed to know. He and Derek could have easily concealed the cocaine. But he wasn't Thatcher Grey, and he didn't believe in hiding things and pretending nothing was wrong.

"This is Meredith Grey..." Someone said in shock as they looked at her. Everyone paused momentarily to look at the failure. Just another spoiled rich girl following in the grand tradition or drugs and over dose. Derek and Matt watched as they administered epinephrine.

"We have arrhythmias..." They said loudly as they looked up. The quickly began administering an infusion of sodium bicarbonate to maintain the pH, and potassium to keep the serum potassium 4.0mmol. Bupivacaine was used to bind to the myocardium. Derek felt sick as he watched them insert drug after drug into her. He was interested in medicine. He was in medical school. But seeing her, actually seeing it happen, all he could do was watch and pray. She had to live. She had to live for him. He couldn't go on without her. She was his air.

"We have rhythm!" The man yelled with relief. "Let's go." They shouted as they lifted her onto a gurney and began wheeling her out. Derek had to go with her. This was when it was hard. He was just her guard in everyone's eyes. He wiped the silent tears that were rolling down his cheeks as he followed them.

"I have to go with her." Derek told them frankly as he followed them out. Everyone ignored him as they lifted her in. Derek didn't wait for them to respond. He quickly jumped into the ambulance just before they got the door shut. "I am going."

"Who are you?" They asked as they looked at him. Derek wanted to scream. I am the love of her life. She is my everything. If I lose her, I may as well die. He couldn't say any of that. All he could do was tell them what he was supposed to. He drew in a breath as he looked at her closed eyes and broken face.

"I'm her guard." Derek muttered as he grabbed her hand. "Just her guard." He repeated. Derek couldn't take it. This was too close to home. As he looked at her, it stung. She made him hate her and love her all at the same time. He hated fate for making his life hell. He hated that he was back here in this boat. And what he hated most, was that he didn't have the power to walk away.

When they got to the hospital, Derek was left. He was cast aside like he didn't matter. To them, he didn't matter. He was just an insignificant person in her life. Derek couldn't even think as he stood there in shock. Not until he felt Matt's arm around his shoulder did common sense kick it. It all rushed back. And all Derek could wonder was where to go from here. She could go either way. She could make his life hell. She could fall either direction. And he had no idea.

Derek sat in the waiting area. He sat like family that wasn't family. He had no idea what he was. He was more than thankful that Matt was next to him. He did need Matt. It seemed ironic that the man he once hated just out of principle was a man that he considered a great friend. And Matt was a great friend. When Derek needed him, he was there. Derek sat in the uncomfortable chair and stared forward. There was nothing else to do.

Matt sat next to his friend. Meredith and Derek were his best friends. At the moment, he was worried. He couldn't imagine losing her. She was one of the greatest people he knew. She had always been honest. He couldn't get over that she was now in this position. He couldn't get over that she was doing drugs. to him, that was completely out of character. He was shocked. A world without Meredith Grey would be a sad world indeed. The thought made him sick. He couldn't imagine this place without her. And he could only imagine what would happen to Derek if they did.

"How the hell did it get to this point?" Matt asked frankly. He wanted to know. He thought he deserved to know. Derek needed someone to help take all of this off of his shoulders. Matt wanted to know. He wanted to help.

"She just let it get out of control." Derek muttered simply. He wanted to pour. He wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to share his pain with his friend. But it truly wasn't his to share.

"What the hell was she doing at that guy's house?" Matt asked quickly. "I know that you didn't- I'm not blaming you, man... But how did she ever get away from you to get there? You keep an eye on her like a hawk." Matt explained. He found it hard to believe that Derek would let her slip out of sight. No to mention he wondered what Thatcher would ask about all of this.

"We were in a fight. I tried. I have been trying. She wouldn't stop. She wouldn't admit there was a problem. I couldn't take it. Looking at her made me sick. She made me sick, and then she wanted to fuck me. I couldn't look into her lifeless eyes. She made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't stay there with her. She- There was a fight and I left. I just left her there in the house. When I went back, she was gone." Derek told him as he continued to stare. He could feel the pain in his back, a reminder of the fight that they had and the lap that hit him.

"I just don't get it. Out of the blue? Mer isn't a drug addict. She is Meredith Grey. She's our Mer. She doesn't do drugs. She is the richest heiress in the world. Mer isn't the type. I would have never thought." Matt said simply as he stared at the door, waiting for someone to come out.

"Matt, drugs know no status. Anyone can become and addict. Anyone. I would think you would know that. And... This isn't the first time. She did it when she turned eighteen she did some coke. She really fucked up and regretted it. I thought she was done. She thought she was done. And then..." Derek trailed off, regretting that he had said too much. He trusted Matt. It wasn't that. He just didn't feel right telling her story.

"And then what? What happened, Derek?" Matt pried as he bore holes into the side of Derek's head.

"It's not... It's not my story to tell. And I don't even know anything about it." Derek snapped, angry that he was in this position, not that Matt was asking. He looked at his friend. He had to get it out. He had to. "Meredith... She was raped. The night of the party."

"Raped?" Matt asked in an outrage. "Raped? By who! What the fuck? I will kill that asshole..." He said quickly. He was in shock. That was not the answer he was expecting to get from Derek. Never did rape come to mind. His heart broke on the spot. He couldn't imagine anyone doing that to her.

"I don't know who. When she came home, she said someone was in the house, and she would be in with me later. She took a swim.. I never heard her scream... She was right there... And I never heard it. I tried to find out who it was. I tried to get her to tell. To go to the hospital. She refused. She wouldn't. She couldn't handle it, Matt. This is what she used as her release. She couldn't deal with any of it." Derek told him with a frown.

"How could anyone do that to her? Her..." Matt trailed off, obviously broken and hurt from the news he friend told him. He wanted to kill the man. He was sure Derek was feeling the same way, probably worse.

"I told Thatcher about the drug use. He denied it. He acted like I was lying. He said there was no way that his daughter could have that problem. He doesn't even know his daughter. He has spent his whole life worrying about everyone else. He worries about his business and himself. It makes me sick. That man is worthless. If he had stepped in, she wouldn't be here." Derek said simply. He believed that. He believed that with all of his heart. He knew that Thatcher had the means to help her and to stop the drug addict that she was dealing with.

"I think we both know Thatcher Grey is a bastard. He has been a terrible father." Matt said with a sigh. He knew his ways. He knew that Thatcher was more than willing to pimp his daughter out to whatever client was interested. He had tried it with himself. "Does anyone else know? I can't imagine if the press gets this..."

"Sofia knows. She confronted her. But we can't help her. She doesn't want it." Derek explained as he looked at his hands. That was the thing that bothered him the most. He could understand her trying and falling off the wagon. He was ready for that battle. But it wasn't a battle she was even trying to fight. "And as much as I hate to say it, maybe Mer needs some public humiliation..."

"You may be right there." Matt agreed with a sigh. "Anything to knock some sense into her." Matt agreed as he looked around. He knew in only a matter of time it would rush in. The paparazzi, Thatcher. They would bring a mess. And this would all get a lot worse.


	81. Covering Up

It was like a wave crashing in. All Derek and Matt could do was watch it. When Thatcher Grey walked in, everyone parted and came to attention. It was almost sickening to Derek. Derek went from liking Thatcher at the beginning, to learning to respect him. And now, he had a deep rooted distaste for the man. He was only a man. That was Derek's problem. He was no different than anyone else. And he would never understand how such a squirrelly man could hold the respect of so many people.

Thatcher didn't acknowledge Derek or Matt as he walked in. He had no reason to talk to them at the moment. He walked through the hospital in his custom tailored italian suit like he owned the place. He probably did own the place. He owned almost everyone and there was no stopping that.

Matt and Derek sat. They both looked at each other in disgust. they had been sitting out in the waiting area for an eternity. They couldn't get any information out of them. Not a thing. For all they knew, she was dead. They were the ones that saved her life, and it was like it didn't even matter.

"I fucking hate him." Matt finally said frankly. He was tried of it. Tired of the crap that Thatcher was putting everyone through. Derek was the only person in the world that truly loved Meredith and he was getting nothing. He wasn't even getting information.

"You aren't the only one. Get in the back of the line. It's a very long one." Derek grumbled as he looked at the floor. He had traced the lines over and over. Watching the tiles turn into patterns. He spelled her name out as he stared. He sat there basking in self hate. He should have never left her.

"You aren't kidding." Matt agreed with a frown. "I hope you realize what is going to happen. You're going to witness the biggest load of bullshit in the history of man. He is going to cover everything up." Matt explained. He knew it was coming and it made him sick. He couldn't imagine what Thatcher would come up with for his grand excuse, but he knew it would be good.

They both looked up as Thatcher walked out. They had been there for at least three hours. Three hours where people walked by and pretended they didn't exist. Three hours of wondering and waiting. Three hours of hell. And now he was coming up to them like it was nothing. Like it was no big deal.

"Derek..." Thatcher said as he walked up. His men stayed back as he approached. Now was a time for clean up. Now they had to figure out what they were going to do. "Matthew." Thatcher said with a nod. "What exactly is going on? My daughter is in intensive care." Derek looked at him and swallowed hard. He wondered just what he should say. He had played it through a thousand times, and yet now it was gone.

"She snuck out of the house." He lied as he looked at the man. It wasn't a complete lie, but it was far from the truth. "She was mad. We went to bed, and I heard crashing. When I cam downstairs, the house was torn up and she was gone." Derek lied quickly. He hated himself for becoming such and exemplary liar. "I called Matt immediately. I went through her phonebook and after several avenues, I was able to figure out where she was. I broke down the door and there she was. She went into cardiac arrest. I did chest compressions until the medics came." Derek explained with a sigh. Most of it was true. At least her had that. Partial truth.

"Where was she?" Thatcher asked as he looked at the man, apparently believing his story.

"She was at a known drug dealer's house." Derek told him as he looked the man in his steely cold eyes. "Matt and I broke down the door. If we had been any later... I think she would be dead." Derek did believe that. It was a miracle that they did get there at they time they did.

"I want you to listen to me. This does not get out. We are unsure of why she went into heart failure, but drugs were not a factor. I will not have the world thinking that my daughter is some common drug addict. I have everything under control. This will not get out. I have made sure of that." Thatcher said with a nod.

"With all due respect, Mr. Grey... Do you really think that sweeping this under the rug will help Meredith in any way?" Matt asked frankly. At this point, he was ready to go to battle. He was ready to fight over this issue.

"I think I know what is best for my daughter, Mr. Tomlinson." Thatcher snapped frankly. "And I expect both of you to handle this situation in the manner that I have presented to you." He told them with the nod. It was his nod. It was the nod that said I am the boss, and you will listen to me. They both nodded in a hesitating agreement.

"How is she?" Derek asked with concern. How could the man walk out like it was no big deal. Like it was a tiny mistake and they had to get over it. It was huge. His daughter almost killed herself and he was acting like it was nothing.

"She is stable. But she hasn't regained consciousness yet." Thatcher told him with a nod. Derek didn't get it. He would never get the way he was acting. He would never understand what was going through Thatcher's head. "I actually have an emergency meeting. I want you to go in there with her. She needs to see a familiar face when she wakes up." Thatcher said with a smile.

"Of course." Derek agreed as he stood up. He couldn't believe it. Thatcher wasn't even going to be there for his own daughter. It broke his heart, but at the same time, he wanted to be in there.

"Thank you, Derek. I will be back as soon as I can." Thatcher explained as he shook his hand and then walked off.

"Go see her. I'll be here." Matt told him with a smile and a nod as he nudged him on his way.

Derek walked down the hallway. He had never been so scared in his life. He had no idea what he was walking in on. The area of the hospital that she was in was closed off to everyone. There were security guards posted and waiting. As he made it to her room, he drew in a deep breath. As he opened the door, nothing could prepare him for the sight. It broke his heart.

Meredith laid there silently. She was pale. She looked weak. Meredith was a fraction of what she once was. When Derek met her, she was a vibrant young woman. She was full of life. She may have been slightly broken and confused, but it was nothing like she was at the moment. Derek slowly walked in and closed the door behind him.

Derek sat beside the bed and grabbed her hand. Her other hand had i.v. fluids going into it. She looked better than when they had found her. She looked alive. Nothing could ever erase that feeling that he had when she saw her looking lifeless on the sofa. Nothing could ever change the way he felt at that moment.

She hadn't woken up. That worried him. He was worried that she would never wake up. It seemed that Thatcher was not concerned in the least. And just as Matt had suspected, Thatcher had erased any chance that Meredith was a drug addict or had overdosed. Derek didn't want to see her publicly humiliated. But he didn't want to see this get swept under the rug.

Derek watched her breathe in and out. At least she was breathing. She was breathing on her own. If he had come in and saw her on a ventilator, he would have never been able to handle it. Derek sat there for hours on in as nurses and doctors came in and left. No one said a word. Not to him, and not to themselves. Just as he went to close his eyes, he felt her hand squeeze his.

"Hey." Meredith croaked softly. She was almost inaudible. She was obviously weak. Derek looked into her green eyes. They were soft. They weren't like they had been the last few months. They were the eyes that matched his Mer's. Not the monster she had become.

"Hey..." Derek replied with a soft smile as he leaned in and kissed her. "How do you feel?" He asked, knowing what her answer would be. He knew it would be like hell. There was no way she could be feeling any different.

"I hurt." Meredith said simply as she closed her eyes. "I'm so tired..." She muttered as she laid her head to the side. Derek watched her doze off for several minutes before she opened her eyes again. "I'm sorry... Derek, I'm sorry." Meredith told him softly. "I don't remember a lot. But we got in a fight, right?" She asked with confusion.

"It's okay, Mer. I'm just glad that you're alive. You have no idea how badly you scared me. When I saw you laying there, I felt like I was dying. It was the worst feeling in the world. I was helpless." Derek explained as his eyes began to tear up. "Why, Meredith... Why?" He asked in desperation as he looked at her.

"It hurt. Every minute it hurt. I couldn't breathe anymore. I could do anything. I just wanted to be numb. I didn't have to feel good, I just needed to be numb. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I felt like I was drowning. I grasped at the first thing that floated by." Meredith told him softly as she closed her eyes again. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You have to stop. The drugs have to stop. It's killing me. I can't do it again. And this was way too close. I just cannot go through that again." Derek told her as the tears fell. Meredith looked up at him in confusion. He said again. This was the first time that anything happened to her. As she looked in his eyes, she realized it was more than that. So much more.

"What do you mean, Derek?" Meredith asked as her face turned into a frown. She could see the hurt in his eyes. She had aged him. She aged him and the guilt she felt would never stop. "What do you mean, you can't do it again?" Derek looked at her. He felt sick. He didn't want to talk about it. It was something that shook him to his core. It was something he lived with everyday. It was something that made him sick. He drew in a breath. He couldn't do it again. And he had to make that clear.

"My brother, David... He was the greatest guy. I emulated him. I wanted to be him. He was a jock. Football. Everyone wanted to be him. He was cool. I always thought that if I could be half as smart as him, I would have it made. He was great to me. Occasionally he would let me hang around with him and his friends. He never gave me shit, and he never let anyone else..." Derek trailed off before he got choked up. He could feel the lump forming in his throat as he looked at the floor.

"I never knew you had a brother." Meredith said in shock as she looked at him. She thought she knew everything about him.

"The day that I always feel a little down... That is the anniversary. He overdosed, Mer. It was coke. He started at a party once. I was naive. I thought he was perfect. I had no idea. He started brushing me off and treating me like shit. He was moody. He was depressed. I never knew. I thought it was the pressure. They were scouting and he was right up there. He could have made it big. But then it happened. It was in his room. My mom waited for him to come down in the morning. He didn't come. And when she went up there, he was gone. He's been dead all night. My brother was dead in our house and we slept like babies all night long..." Derek said, trying to hold it all together. "My dad couldn't take it... He tried but it was too much. He couldn't deal with David dying and him not realizing it sooner. He hung himself in our garage... Two months and that was it. Our whole family was torn apart. We lost everything... I lost my dad and my brother. The people that meant so much..." Derek said as he sobbed. Meredith started to panic as she looked at him. She quickly leaned forward and grabbed him against her. She couldn't take it. Seeing him in pain killed her. Her heart started to beat rapidly as she cried. The machines started to beep loudly. Derek looked up in a panic.

Derek moved back out of the way as the team of doctors and nurses came rushing in. He was sick. All her could think was that he just killed her. She was breathing in and out in quick gasping breaths. He watched as they placed and oxygen mask over her mouth and shot drugs into her i.v. As she laid there, her breathing shallowed and she laid her head back, closing her eyes.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked in shock as he looked at the doctor standing there, writing on her chart.

"She is having arrhythmias." The doctor explained as he looked up at Derek. "We are going to give her a light sedation. She needs to be kept as calm as possible. Her heart is very fragile at the moment. If she wakes, up, try to keep her relaxed." He said with a smile as he sat her chart down, keeping it in the room instead of where a paparazzo could sneak in and grab it.

"I will." Derek agreed with a nod as he sat back down. He was feeling sick. He could feel the bile rising up in his throat as he looked at her. He felt partially responsible. He should have stopped her. He should have done more. He shouldn't have gotten in the fight with her. He shouldn't have just told her what he did at the worst time. He felt sick. His fault.

Derek quickly rose to his feet and rushed to the trash can. The bile rushed up his throat, it's pungent taste running along his tongue. He gagged and spat over the can, hating life. He hated life at the moment. He didn't understand how this could keep happening over and over again. He grabbed a paper towel and wiped his face. He turned on the water and rinsed his mouth out. This was too hard.

Derek sat there for hours just watching her. He couldn't do anything else. He was exhausted, but he had to stay there with her. He wanted to stay there with her. Derek grabbed her hand and rubbed tiny circles on it. Her skin was soft, but it didn't feel as soft as when she was talking care of herself. Derek laid his head back and closed his eyes.

[i_Derek laid back in his bed. It was a school day. He had spent the whole night studying. He had a huge exam and he was trying desperately to keep up with everything. Baseball took a huge amount of his time. His brother was huge into football, but he was a baseball guy. He was good. Really good._

_Derek's father wasn't rich. He worked in a factory. He didn't make a bad living, but it wasn't enough to go on exotic vacations. The best they ever got was going somewhere in the state to some tourist trap. His father always tried for one modest vacation a year, and they had all come to enjoy it. Having three girls and two boys was not cheap by any means. And it was almost impossible to keep them all happy._

_Derek was big into baseball. His father wanted him to play football, but he just wasn't made for it. He was a baseball player. His father was more than happy that his son was playing any sport. They had to. His family had no where near the money to pay for college for five kids. They needed scholarships and sports scholarships were the boy's tickets to success._

_Derek laid back on his bed. He was the type to just right up, get a good breakfast and get ready for school. But today he was tired and just wanted to lay there for a few more minutes. He heard his mom call him downstairs. He usually got about four calls before she would come up and drag him out of bed. Today he was pressing that. He heard her calling for David, and he was sure that David was doing the same thing he was. _

_"David! Derek! Get up!" Linda screamed as she walked up the stairs loudly. "Damn-it David you- Oh my god!" She screamed._

_It was shrill. It shook Derek to his core. He had never heard his mother yell so loudly in her life. It was as if she was being killed. His heart stopped. He had no idea what was going on. He assumed that David was playing some kind of prank. That was typical of his older brother. But the sound seemed more than that. She didn't stop. It was one long never ending scream._

_Derek jumped out of his bed. What ever tiredness he was feeling was now gone. It was now replaced by adrenaline. He was running on pure adrenaline as he ran out the bedroom and down the hallway. His mother was there in shock. She was white. She was shaking. Derek pushed his brother's door open and looked in horror._

_He had never seen anything like it. He had been at his grandparent's showing when they died. It was different. They had on makeup. They looked like they were sleeping. David's eyes were open. His dead eyes were looking at them. The blood was pooling around the skin near the floor. Derek could see the white dust on his nose and spread across the floor from where he had knocked it down when he fell. His brother was dead. He was gone. And he had been sleeping in the room next door._

_Derek quickly grasped his mother tight and held her close. There was nothing he could do. Not one thing. They couldn't save him. He had been dead for hours. He couldn't call for help, there was no help to call. A high school football player was dead. And achiever. A boyfriend. A friend. A son. A brother. He was gone. And there was nothing he could do._

_Derek heard his sisters run upstairs. He quickly shut the door, not wanting them to see what he would never forget. He looked up at them, his face a pale white. They knew. No words needed to be said. His mother pulled away in a daze, muttering about calling for help. But there was no help. They needed to pick up the body. It all went so quickly and slowly all at once. Derek stood there, watching them take his brother out in a body bag. And all he would ever see was those eyes. Those dead eyes._

_Meredith's dead eyes looked at Derek. She was laying on the sofa. He hadn't saved her. She had been dead for hours. Dead eyes. Glazed over. Gone.[/i_

Derek gasped as he opened his eyes in a panic. He looked up into Meredith's green ones and let the tears fall down. His brother was gone. And he was so close to losing her. And he would let her go before he watched her die. He could never be there for that. Not again.

"Derek!" Meredith said in a panic as she watched the tears slid down his cheeks. "Oh god, Derek. Don't cry. Please, don't cry!" Meredith said as she began to cry. Derek knew she wasn't supposed to be getting upset. He looked at her, unsure of how to make himself stop. Meredith motioned for him to come closer, and he did. She pulled his head against her chest and cried softly with him.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I failed you. When you needed me most, I failed you. I can't-" Derek said before Meredith hushed him. It killed her to see him in this amount of pain. It made her sick to think that he ever suffered. It broke her heart, knowing that he lost his brother and father within such a short amount of time. Meredith ran her i.v. connected hand over his back as kissed his head. At this moment, he needed her more than she needed him.

"I love you, Derek. You never failed me. You did the best you could. I love you, and that is all that matters." Meredith said softly as she held him. Derek nodded as he laid softly on her chest, careful not to put much weight on her. "What happened to me?" She asked him frankly.

"You went into cardiac arrest." Derek explained as he looked at her. "You were at someone's house. Matt and I broke the door down. You were there... You went into cardiac arrest. You were dead. You were dead..." Derek said, trying to hold it all together.

"I was at a party." Meredith said as she started to remember. "There were a lot of people there. Where did they all go, Derek?" She asked as she started to whimper. It finally hit her. She almost died. She almost died, and a house full of people left her there like she was trash. They were too worried about themselves to even think about her or that she was going to die right there before them.

"I'm sorry, Mer. That's what they do. They leave. I'm so sorry." Derek told her as he looked into her eyes.

"They were... They were... How could they leave me?" She cried. "I thought they were my friends..." The truth was, most of the people in that apartment knew who she was, and didn't care. They were too concerned about getting their own high to think about what she was doing. They weren't friends, they were people to take themselves down alongside her. A buddy to get high with. And when it came down to it, they were out to save themselves and their own high.

"They don't care, Meredith. All they care about is themselves. You have people that care about you. I care more than you will ever know. You are the love of my life. And Sofia loves you. I know she can be cold, but she does love you. And your father, he loves you, he just doesn't know how to show it. This people don't matter. We are what matters. You are what matters. You don't need that. You don't need them. And damn-it, we need you." Derek told her as he wiped her tears from her cheek. He gave her a soft kiss on her dry lips before he pulled away.

Just as Derek went to sit down in the chair, he heard the door open. He looked over his shoulder, seeing Thatcher Grey. He didn't want Thatcher there. He had all rights. He was her father. But Derek wanted him away. He didn't deserve to see her. He didn't deserve to love her. He let her down in the worst way possible.

"Meri..." Thatcher said as he walked up to her bed and kissed her softly on the head. Thatcher looked over at Derek and gave him a nod. Derek knew what it meant. Thatcher wanted him out of the room. He couldn't say a word otherwise. He drew in a breath and walked out. He needed air, and he needed to talk to Matt.

"How is she?" Matt asked as he rushed up to Derek. Derek was shocked to see the amount of concern in his friend's face. He had aged in just a few hours. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Either way, he looked horrible.

"She's okay. I mean, she isn't okay. She is stable. She did wake up. She's obviously upset. You have to keep her calm. She's having arrhythmias..." Derek trailed off with a sigh as he walked out the door. He had to have some fresh air.

"What are arrhythmias?" Matt asked in confusion as he followed Derek outside. It was raining. A soft rain. Derek loved the rain. He remembered the time that he and Meredith went jogging in the rain. Meredith was covered in mud and her hair was soaked, but she was as beautiful woman in the world.

"An arrhythmia is a problem with the speed or rhythm of the heartbeat." Derek explained, thinking about what he had read, and what he knew. "When she has an arrhythmia, her heart beats too fast, sometimes with an irregular rhythm. When it's too fast it's called tachycardia." Derek explained as he looked at Matt and sighed. It felt good to think. To push out what he was feeling and to dig into his brain for facts.

"How do they make the tachycardia stop?" Matt asked out of curiosity as he watched Derek lean back against the building.

"I need a cigarette." Derek stated simply as he looked into space. Matt reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack.

"You don't smoke." Matt said in shock as he shook the pack and gave him one. "God, you are the world's biggest health nut."

"Nope. It's a nasty habit. I only do it when I have to. And right now, I have to. Do you know what I mean?" Derek asked as he grabbed the lighter and lit the cigarette, taking a long drag. "Adenosine. They give it to her intravenously. It helps slow her heart down. Fuck! This should not be happening." Derek told him as he took another long drag and tossed the cigarette down in the rain. "They still taste like shit." He said with a sigh.

"So... What is going to happen?" Matt asked with a frown. He had no idea where they were going to go from here. He had no idea what Meredith said or what her intentions were. He was terrified that she may go back to it.

"I don't know, Matt." Derek said as he shook his head. "But I don't know what I can take. It's just too hard."


	82. No Love

Meredith closed her eyes as her father stood there. She knew it was bad. She knew it was trouble. She didn't want to deal with whatever he had to say. Her chest hurt and she was tired. All she wanted was Derek. She wanted Derek in her bed, and that was the one thing that she couldn't have. She let out a yawn and turned her head away.

"Meredith..." Thatcher said loudly. "Meredith Elizabeth, look at me." He growled as he stood beside her bed, his back straight, his demeanor harsh.

"What daddy?" Meredith asked softly as she looked him in the eyes. "What's wrong?" She questioned innocently. She knew there was a storm coming and she was determined to pretend she was innocent and sweet.

"Don't even do that, Meredith. Do not." He said as he got nearer to her. "I am so disgusted with you at this point. How could you do this to me?" He asked frankly as he shook his head and glared at her.

"To you? What the hell have I done to you?" Meredith asked in shock. She could see hurting Derek. She had really hurt Derek. And Herself. She had hurt herself both physically and mentally. But Thatcher was not phased by it. He hadn't even been there when She woke up.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me! What have you done to me? Ahh... Meri... You so spoiled. You really are a rotten girl! I have men out there now trying to cover this up. Can you imagine what this would have done to me if it had gotten out? It would have ruined me. To think, I have a worthless daughter who is a drug addict. A common everyday addict, who overdosed. You are a disappointment, Meri. In every sense of the word. If I were in my right mind, I would cut you loose and throw you ass out." Thatcher shouted loudly at her. Meredith could feel the tears pricking her eyes as she looked up at her cold hearted father.

"I had a problem..." Meredith said, not knowing what else to say. She wanted to scream the truth. She wanted to tell her father that her problem was his friend. The man that raped her and took everything away from her. That was what she wanted to say. Seeing the cold look in her father's eyes, she knew that if she told him, he would never believe her.

"No... You... You don't have a problem. You are a problem, Meri. A huge one. I don't know what to do with you. I do know that you will knock it off. I don't want my daughter playing with trash. And Meri... I am so close to sending you out to the trash." Thatcher told her coldly as he shook his head.

"Daddy! I'm so sorry..." Meredith cried as she looked up. "Don't hate me. I didn't mean it. I tried it and I couldn't stop. Please, daddy. Please do not hurt me! Don't cut me out!" Meredith said in a panic as she realized just what would happen if she did get cut out. She couldn't imagine losing it all. She couldn't imagine living the normal life that everyone else did. "I'm so sorry..." Meredith cried. "I love you..."

"Oh, Meri..." Thatcher said as he leaned down and pulled her close. "I love you too... I had such high hopes for you. Maybe my expectations were too high. But you have to stop. All of this. All of your nonsense."

"I will." Meredith told him with a big nod. She was just desperate for his love. She was desperate for anyone's love. She felt like she was drowning and she just needed someone to breath some air into her. She needed something she had been missing out on. Derek gave it in abundance, but it was a different love. All her life she just wanted to be loved by her father. And she had no idea if she ever would me.

"I have to go, Meri. I know you understand." He said as he kissed her on the head. Maybe it would have been different in the moment. Maybe if he had seen her in that room, he would have felt different. Maybe he would have realized how close he was to losing her. He had rushed in when she was better. He got there when she was breathing. He had no idea how close he was to losing his only daughter.

"Of course." Meredith said softly. She didn't understand. She didn't get it. When she needed him, he wanted to leave. He wasn't there for her. He was a jerk. And asshole. It made her sick. Sick to her stomach from upset. She didn't understand why he couldn't make some time for her and love her. That was all she ever wanted.

"Goodbye, honey." He told her as he rubbed her arm softly and walked out, shutting the door behind him. Thatcher walked purposefully, looking for Derek. he wanted Derek in there. Not to keep her safe. To keep her from screwing up again. His image couldn't handle such a mistake. "Derek..." He said as he walked up to him. "Do you think you and Matthew could go in there with her?"

"Of course, Sir." Derek told him with a nod as they quickly walked away. It was so hard to treat them with respect. Derek hated the man. He didn't wait for a goodbye as he and Matt walked away, right down the hallway. Everyone knew that he was to be there. No one said as word as he walked by the nurses station and right to her room. As they walked in, frowns covered their faces.

Meredith laid in her bed sobbing. She felt as worthless as her father portrayed her to be. She was a nothing. Just a spoiled heiress. She knew she was a spoiled heiress, but she couldn't stop. She had no idea how she would ever make it in the real world, and she didn't want to. She couldn't live this way. She felt like she was all alone.

"Oh, Mer..." Derek said softly as he walked to the bed. Derek nodded for Matt to guard the door. Derek slowly crawled up into the bed and held her close. She was so broken, and he had no idea how to fix her. Her whole body shook as she cried out louldy. She felt so weak and gaunt in his arms. She was a fraction of herself. But she was his, and she was there.

Meredith cried herself to sleep. It broke Derek's heart to see her that way. To see her so broken. He knew that at the moment, she was battling herself. Cocaine is a mental addiction. Any of the physical withdraws she would have had were being dealt with in her i.v. Right now, it was about what she wanted to do. Not about the drive that her body was demanding. He knew how hard it was. And he was hoping she could do it.

"You better get off of there." Matt said frankly. He was worried about a doctor or nurse coming in and seeing that. He knew that Thatcher already had them all in his pockets, playing with them like marionettes. But that would change a gabby nurse from saying something to the man himself. "I'm sure they will be in to check on her."

"You're right." Derek said as he pulled himself away from her. She shifted in the bed, sensing his absence. It broke his heart to look at her that way. She was a healthy young woman. Not a broken mess. "Wow..."

"Yeah." Matt said as he leaned his head back. He couldn't believe what they had been through. It was a mess. A huge mess. He would never forget the way she looked as she laid on the sofa, no life inside of her. No heart beating. "I just can't even... There are no words." He told him with a frown.

"If you need to go, you can." Derek told Matt simply. Derek knew that Matt had a life, and he didn't want to hold him back from that. They had already used him for years as a decoy. Even if he was a friend, he didn't want to feel like he was a burden to him. Derek sat back in a chair as placed his face in his hands.

"No... No way... I didn't get to see my girl yet. I'm not leaving until- I have no where importnant to go." He said with a nod as he stared at her. They were both exhausted. They were both drained physically and mentally from the hell that they had experienced.

"Okay." Derek said with as nod as he stood up and walked into the bathroom. The minute he walked in, he collapsed against the wall. He felt like he was choking. He fet like the life was now being squeezed out of him. He just needed oxygen, and it seemed there was none. Derek placed his head in his hands as he silently sobbed for her.

Derek managed to pull himself up from the sterile hospital floor. He hated the smell of disinfectant. He hated the smell of bandages and medication. He was going to be a surgeon. But at the moment, all that stuff made him sick. He didn't want to be anything. He wanted to disappear into the floor. He quickly splashed cold water over his face and walked out of the bathroom. He was sure Matt knew. But he wasn't saying a word.

"Take that chair." Derek said with a nod as he pointed to the recliner in the corner. He opted for the tiny sofa against the wall. His legs hung over it, but he didn't care. At the moment, he just needed sleep. He needed to forget everything and go to a place that was quiet and peaceful. And he was desperately hoping that he could find that place.

Derek closed his eyes and listened to the soft beeping sound of Meredith's machines. They were monitoring her. They were making sure that everyone knew she was alive and kicking. Derek closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. He could relax. For the first time in months, he could relax.

---------------------

Thatcher had stopped by the hospital several times during her stay, but it was always fruitless. Meredith was feeling the lack of love in her father's heart for her. She always knew that Thatcher wanted a son to take over the family empire. Meredith had absolutely no interest in the the family business. She had no interest in anything her father had worked to build.

Meredith was finally able to go home today. It felt like an eternity. They wanted to make sure that all of her organs were working properly. The drug overdose had done a number on her body. She was now going to have to take medication for her heart arrhythmias . Her heart had to be kept stable. She was still in a delicate stage, but she was on her way.

Derek rushed around the house. He wanted to make sure everything was ready for her. Of course on her first day back Thatcher wasn't around. He was in some exotic land doing something. His daughter coming home alive wasn't of the least bit importance to him. Derek made another quick walk through. They had been preparing for this day. The house wasn't the same without her.

Sofia cleaned the house. She would never forget it. What it looked like when she came in for work that day was a shock. It looked as if the house had been ransacked. She was minutes away from calling the police. She put it on hold as she got the call from the emergency room saying that Meredith had been brought in and Thatcher Grey was to contact them. The house had been a wreck. Broken vases were thrown throughout the marble staircase. One of her father's paintings, Massacre of the Innocents by Peter Paul Rubens was laying at the bottom of the staircase. Sofia would never forget the sigh of relief when she saw that it remained unscathed. It took her days to get things back to the way they were supposed to be.

Sofia remained hard against Meredith. She refused to go visit her. She was angry with the young woman who had no regard for her life. She was not going to allow her right back into her heart without some sort of recourse. Sofia refused to be hurt. And she refused to allow it to go on like it never happened.

Derek had been in a panic. All he could think about was Meredith going back to her old ways. He was terrified that the opportunity would present itself and she would jump right back into a life of self loathing catatonic pleasure. He had went so overboard that he had Sofia and Matt arrange for drug sniffing dogs to come in. They had scoured the house for any trace of cocaine and they were fairly certain they had gotten it all. They were shocked when the dog found it in three separate places in her room. One was even in the underneath of her bed. As foolish as it may have seemed, it did need to be done.

Tony was still in shock over it all. He couldn't believe that she had jumped off the deep end like she had. He never would have thought that she was doing that. He knew that she hadn't been acting right, but he had no idea that it was that intense. He could see the lack of concern in Thatcher's demeanor and he was a bit shocked. Thatcher had always been so protective of her. And now it seemed he didn't really care.

"So are you ready, Mer?" Matt asked as he stood at the door with her bags. Too many bags. But that was Meredith Grey and they all knew it. Derek had opted to stay at the mansion, only because Matt wanted to have a word with her about what was going on.

"Where is Derek?" She asked in a panic as she looked up. She was terrified that he was going to abandon her. It seemed her father already had.

"I wanted to come get you. And Derek is making sure that everything is ready for you." Matt told her with a nod and a smile. "They have arranged to take you through the morgue." Matt explained.

Meredith almost began to tear up. Through the morgue, she had no idea why. She felt sick as she stood from her bed. She was wondering of this was a cruel joke. Why on earth would they take her to a place that she nearly ended up in. Meredith walked towards Matt in her True Religion jeans. They were jeans that used to hug her curves. Now they hung loosely on her slight frame.

"Why the morgue?" She asked as she looked up at her friend.

"To avoid the paparazzi." Matt explained with a nod. "I actually drove the car right in there. It works out perfectly."

"I don't like that." Meredith told him frankly as she felt a knot form in her stomach. She had never seen a dead person in her life. The thought of it made her sick. Especially when she was so close to death herself.

"Mer... It will be fine. They are just dead. No big deal." Matt said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around her and they began their secret escape from the hospital. Meredith remained silent as they walked. Just as they hit the basement, she saw the black sign. Morgue. They walked slowly inside. She smelled it. Death. As they walked by, she realized there was a guy on the slab. And that was all it took.


	83. Addicted

Meredith looked at the body and then at Matt. She couldn't stop herself. That was almost her. She was almost dead on a slab. If Derek and Matt hadn't saved her. She would be in that very place. Before she could catch her breath she was crying. She was sobbing. Matt looked at her in shock as she stood there. He quickly rushed over to her side and pulled her close. He never thought that seeing that would get her so upset. Meredith laid her head against his chest and took in a breath as Matt rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry, Mer... I didn't think it would be a big deal." Matt said as he looked over at the man on the slab. For someone who almost died, he could understand why she was so upset.

"I didn't want to die, Matt. I didn't want to!" Meredith sobbed gently. Matt quickly walked her to the passenger side of his suv. He was glad that it had tinted windows where the paparazzi couldn't see her. The hospital staff and security all watched as he helped her climb into the back

"I know you didn't..." Matt told her with a frown as he climbed in with her. He couldn't dump her off in the back and then get in and drive. He couldn't leave her upset. He rubbed her arm as he listened to her. "Why, Mer... Why would you turn to that shit?" Matt asked her frankly. "You have me... And Derek. You have us both. I don't understand why you would do it."

"No one understood. No matter what, they didn't get it. I couldn't take it anymore. It was like I was drowning. I wanted help, but I didn't want to drag anyone down with me. And it's so easy. It makes me feel good. When I take that hit, I feel like everything will be fine." Meredith told him as she looked into his bright eyes.

"It only makes you think you feel better. Next thing you know, you are lower than the ground." Matt told her frankly. He didn't know a lot, but after finding out about her, he found out as much as he could.

"I know. But that high... It's perfect. It is so perfect." Meredith admitted as she laid her head back. At this moment, all she wanted was a hit. One hit. Life was good, but with that, it could be so much better. Then reality hit her. She had Derek. She needed Derek. He was all she needed. She couldn't do it to him.

"Meredith... You can't. You cannot go back to that bullshit. Do you hear me? Your body can't take it. Derek and I... We can't take it. Do you know what that did to him? He thought you were going to die. Hell, I thought you were going to die. You were there, with no heartbeat. All I could think, was how would the world go on without Meredith Grey? How do we go on without Meredith Grey? I came up with one answer. We don't." Matt said frankly. He had gotten that close to her. She meant more to him then she would ever know. He could never express to her what she meant. And that was just how he felt. That didn't touch what she had with Derek.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I am so sorry." Meredith told him as she looked up with her doe eyes. He could never deny her. Every time he looked at her, that was it. She drew him in like none other. He had a girlfriend. He had no interest in Meredith in that way. But yet, he ran when she needed him. Everything else went on hold. And she would always have that power.

"I know you are, Meredith. I know. And that is what makes it all okay. What do you say we head back home?" Matt suggested as he soon realized that she was feeling much better. She let out a faint nod, and Matt jumped out of the car. He was planning on a good scolding, but once he looked at her face, he couldn't do it.

Meredith slept during the whole ride home. She was still weak from the physical fight that she had gone through. Even after several days in the hospital, her body was still recovering. At least in sleep she found some peace. It was peace that she so desperately needed and wanted. Maybe if she and Derek could get back to where they were, everything would be fine.

Meredith hadn't dealt with the rape. It happened, and she immediately went to the first release she could find. She had managed to keep it out and away from her heart. She pretended it never happened. And even at the moment, it was a distant memory. Maybe it was just a bad dream. She left it. She buried it. Like a wound, she sewed it up. Now the question was, would the infection set in?

"Mer..." Matt told her as he pulled up to the house. The paparazzi had no idea that they ever left the hospital. It ended up being and excellent plan. Matt was mighty proud of himself.

"Mmmm?" Meredith asked as she moved around and opened her eyes. She couldn't believe that she had fallen asleep so easily.

"We're here." He told her with a smile as he looked back. She let out a loud yawn and then nodded. She was ready to go home. It may not feel like a home, but it was hers. Derek was there, and he made it home. She couldn't wait to see him. "I'll get your bags. You go in." He told her with a smile as he opened her door.

Meredith climbed out of the car. She was nervous. Really nervous. She was seeing people that she had known forever. But it felt so different. It felt different because she did wrong. She knew the minute she walked in, that everyone would be judging her. She knew that they considered her a disappointment, just as her father did. She felt Matt nudge her gently, sensing her hesitance. Meredith swallowed hard and opened the door. She had to go in and face it. All of it.

The house looked the same as it always had. The memories from that night were foggy at best. She didn't really remember what happened when she tore through the house in anger. She forgot that she tossed a multi-million dollar painting down the stairs. She forgot that the marble floors were covered with glass and powder from the vases. She forgot all that. And it all looked the same as it ever had.

"Hey." Derek said with his signature smile as he walked up. She didn't understand it. How could he continue to love her? Everyone else had stopped, and yet here he was, pulling her into an embrace. "I love you." He said simply as he pressed his lips against hers. She melts softly into him, feeling the perfection that was them. Such a simple gesture, and yet she had missed it so badly. She quickly pulled away, realizing where they were.

"Tony." Meredith said quickly as she looked around. After everything that had happened, she was sure that that was the last thing that she wanted was her father to find out. Now she was sure that not only would Derek die, but she would be right there next to him.

"He's gone. Sofia sent him to get juice." Derek explained as he kissed her gently on the forehead. Matt just stood there and smiled. He liked to see his friends so happy. He almost had that, but it wasn't the same. There was no one else that could possibly have what Meredith and Derek had.

"Oh... I see." She said as she looked at the floor. She was having a hard time looking at him. She had hurt him so badly and she couldn't bear to look into those eyes. His eyes were the key to his soul. And at the moment, his soul looked sad and betrayed.

"Sofia is in the kitchen. Why don't you go see her?" Derek asked with a faint smile. He knew in her heart that Sofia was like a mother to her.

"Why? She didn't come see me in the hospital. And she didn't come out here to see me. So I guess she doesn't care." Meredith muttered as she looked around. Sofia not coming to see her really hurt her deeply. She kept expecting to see her, and she never came. Just one more disappointment. One more person abandoning her.

"Meredith... You know Sofia. She is a tough old bird. You have to excuse her. You hurt her really bad. And she is... She's keeping her distance. It keeps her from getting hurt. You can't blame her with how she copes..." Derek trailed off. Meredith looked at him and frowned. She knew what he was thinking. She didn't cope. She turned to drugs. She swallowed hard and nodded. She just wanted to hide. Instead, she walked to the kitchen. Meredith watched Sofia peel potatoes for a long time before she spoke up.

"You didn't come see me." She finally said softly. Sofia spun around an looked at her. The tears immediately formed in her eyes.

"Meri..." Sofia replied softly as she rushed up and pulled Meredith into an embrace. Meredith let her head collapse on Sofia's chest as she felt the older woman's arms around her slight frame. "I'm so sorry, Meri.. I wanted to. I just- I couldn't do it. I tried. Three times. I couldn't. I was so afraid that you would die. And I couldn't think about it. So I stayed away." Sofia explained as she pulled away. She looked at the tears running down Meredith's face and gently wiped them away.

"You don't hate me?" She asked as she cried loudly. Sofia cocked her head gently, the female, older version of Derek's signature move.

"I could never hate you. I may get mad at you. I may want to strangle you. But I could never hate you. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see anything happen to you. You have to- Oh, look at you! So skinny. You need to eat. I am making a big dinner! And you will eat. Why don't you go take a nice rest. And we will eat when it is done. What do you say?" Sofia suggested as she looked at Meredith. She looked exhausted.

"Okay." Meredith agreed as she nodded her head and pulled away. She was tired. She never rested well in the hospital. She could not sleep when people walked in and out of her room all night long.

As Meredith walked out, she looked at Derek. He looked tired too. They all did. It had been a rough week. She felt horrible for dragging Matt into her troubles. But if the situation were reversed, she would do the same for him. She yawned again as she looked at the two of them. They followed suit, more out of exhaustion than mimic.

"I need a nap. Matt... You look exhausted. Sofia is making dinner. Why don't we all lay down for awhile?" She suggested as she smiled at them and then walked towards the stairs. "You can take the guest room at the end of the hall." She told him with a nod. They all walked upstairs and Meredith walked into her room. Derek turned towards his own. "No."

"What?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"You sleep with me." Meredith told him firmly. "I want you in my bed. I need you so I can sleep." She told him with a smile. Derek quickly pulled his door shut and followed her to her room. They walked in and shut the door, locking it behind them.

"I missed you, Mer. You." He reiterated, showing that she hadn't been her in a long time.

"I know." She told him as she pulled her jeans and her top off. She quickly grabbed a tee shirt and pajama pants, pulling them on. She pulled back the sheets of her fresh bed and climbed beneath, Derek joining her.

"I love you." He told her as he kissed her temple softly.

"I love you too." She agreed as she looked over at him. Derek smiled as he leaned over and laid his head on her chest. It was beating. She was alive. She was alive and here with him. That made life worthwhile.

Meredith and Derek slept soundly in each other's arms. It was something that they hadn't done in far too long. Derek hadn't slept well in months. He was either with her and sick about it. Or he was without her and sick about it. She smelled so perfect, her sweet soft hair against his face. Even in his sleep he was breathing her in.

Sofia hated to go up and wake them. She knew that they were probably getting the best sleep they had in a long time. But now dinner was done and Meredith had to eat. The poor girl look gaunt and all she needed was anorexia rumors going around. Not to mention, she didn't want Tony to offer to wake them up. That just spelled disaster.

"Meri... Time to get up for dinner." Sofia told her as she tapped on the door.

"Okay." Meredith said softly as she opened her eyes. She knew that they did need to get up to avoid Tony and any other problem that may occur. Meredith leaned in and kissed Derek on his chin. "Time to get up." Meredith whispered softly. He had to have been tried, because Derek was the lightest sleeper she knew.

"Mmm... Already?" He whined. Apparently they had switched roles and he was now her. She kissed him again and pulled away.

"Yes. Already." She told him as she climbed to her feet. "If you want to eat, you need to get down there. You know there is a reason she came and got us when she did. I don't think I need to remind you what that reason is..." She told him as she pulled on a pair of slippers. She planned on eating in her pajamas. She was fairly certain that no one would try and stop her.

"No. You don't." Derek told her with a sigh as he pulled his shirt over his head. In her arms he could stay for a lifetime. But even fifteen more minutes would have been more than great.

"I'll be down there." Meredith said as she walked out of the room. He could hear her slippers dragging all the way down the hallway. She was tried. Meredith Grey didn't drag her feet. She strutted.

"How was your nap?" Matt asked as he walked out of the guest room. He looked more rested than when he had gone in.

"Wonderful." Meredith said with a sigh. "You have no idea how badly I needed that. She told him as they walked down the back stairs.

"You look better." Sofia said as she walked by with a platter. "Both of you. Much better. Did you get a good nap?" She questions as she placed the platter on the table. Both nodded exuberantly as they walked over to the table and sat down.

Meredith looked up at Tony. Tony had always looked at her. The looks ranged in meaning. Many times he was trying to seduce her, and that made her sicker now more than ever. Other times he was being protective of her. But today it was different. Today he looked like he was pitying her. Like she was an sick puppy. And she didn't like that one bit.

"Don't look at me like that." Meredith said frankly as she she looked at Tony. Tony looked up at her with a puzzled look on his face. For once, he wasn't undressing her with his eyes. Derek walked in and caught the statement.

"Like what?" Tony asked, honestly wondering what she meant. He was feeling sorry for her. He wasn't being inappropriate.

"Like you feel sorry for me. Like you pity me. I'm a drug addict, okay?" Meredith asked frankly as she looked around the table. Sofia looked up at her in shock.

"Meri!" She said in shock as she looked at Meredith.

"It's true. And pretending it's not... That doesn't make it go away. I'm a drug addict and I almost died because I couldn't stop. So don't pity me. Don't feel bad. Yeah, I almost died. But I got what was coming to me. I deserved it." She said with a sigh as she grabbed a fried chicken breast. Sofia drizzled half and half with a tomato sauce and a homemade white cream sauce.

Everyone remained silent as they looked at her. It was somewhat true. She did deserve what she had coming to her. She wouldn't stop when they begged her to. She pushed harder and harder trying to get them away from her. And then she went off the deep end all on her own. They didn't think she deserved it. But she definitely wasn't innocent.

"Are you going to go back to it?" Tony asked frankly. Meredith sighed. It felt good. Someone was actually treating her normally and asking her a question. She looked up at him and then at her plate.

"I don't want to." She said simply. It was the truth. She did not want to go back to it. But she couldn't say no. It was always tugging at her shirt begging her for just a little more. Once more hit and she would be good. "I don't ever want to feel like I have to." Derek nodded his head. He was pleased with that answer. He knew that had she said no, she would never touch it again, she could be lying. At least at this moment, she wasn't lying to them or herself.

"Do you know what I think?" Tony asked as he looked up at her. "I think you need a vacation." Meredith looked at him. He had always teased her about her vacations. But right now he seemed genuine. Maybe he was right.

"I think that is the best idea I have heard in a long time." She agreed. To get away from all of the stress, pressure and judgement would be great. She couldn't wait.


	84. Getting Back

The week was going as normally as it could. Meredith was back in school, as was Derek. No one seemed to have any idea about what happened. Meredith was actually glad that Thatcher covered him this time. Meredith and Derek were getting back to what they once were. Meredith had cravings for her favorite drug, but every time she thought about it, she made herself think about life without Derek. And life without Derek wasn't worth living.

Meredith laid in her bed. She was waiting for Derek to come in. She wasn't sure if he was going to, but she was waiting and hoping. She laid her head to the side. She used to go to his room. But lately they had been sleeping in hers. They were quiet about it. Sofia knew, but she wouldn't if she didn't assume.

Derek crept down the hall and to her room. As if he couldn't sleep without her before. But since the near death experience, it was even worse. He would lay in bed, tossing and turning all night until he made it to her room. He slowly opened the door and walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming..." Meredith said sadly as she looked up at him.

"Like I could stay away." Derek laughed as he looked across the dark room to her bed. The moonlight let in just enough light to see her soft face. He made his way around to his respective side of the bed and pulled the covers back. "Tired?" He asked her as he leaned over and kiss her softly.

"Not really. All I could do was think about you." She told him softly as she leaned towards him. Derek pulled her body close and was shocked when he felt no satiny fabric between them. Derek looked at her, his attention now piqued. "Make love to me, Derek..." She whispered softly as she looked into his eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Derek questioned as he placed his soft hand on her cheek. She leaned in and kissed him softly, giving him the answer that he needed.

"I am." She told him with a smile as she pulled away. "I need to feel it. You and me. I need that feeling that we used to have" She told him softly as she touched his face.

"It's still there, Mer. It never left." He told her as he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head. "It will never leave." He told her as he threw his shirt and shimmied out of his pants, tossing them aside too.

"It never left my heart. Even at the worst... It never left." She muttered as he rolled his body on top of hers.

"Are you sure you are ready? Emotionally? Physically?" He questioned as he laid his body over her, his erect cock more than ready to make it's entrance.

"I'm ready, Derek. I need this. You have no idea how badly I need this." She told him as she spread her legs gently, opening herself for his large member to slide in.

Derek placed his lips on hers, sliding his tongue in. She tasted good. She tasted sweet. Her tongue was right there, ready to meet his. Derek took grasp of his cock and guided himself into her hot wet folds. Smiles covered both of their faces as they stayed in that moment, connected.

"Make love to me." She whispered as he pulled his mouth away and went to work on her neck. She moaned as he gently slide himself and out out slowly. It was the perfect rhythm for what they needed. Derek sucked on her chest as his body slid back and forth over hers.

Meredith closed her eyes. She couldn't help but think about how close she was to losing it all. She was so close to giving it all up for a life of drugs. She was close to letting her body go to another man just for a hit. She couldn't believe how foolish she had been. Her mouth let out faint moans as he slid in and out, over and over.

"I love you so much, Derek... So much." She told him as she kissed his face.

Derek looked up and pulled her lips in, sliding his wet tongue in and out, mimicking the motions of his cock. Meredith ran her hands down his muscled back. She knew his body by heart. She could close her eyes and see and feel every inch of him. Her hands slid down his back and onto his ass. She loved how is ass felt in her hands.

"Oh... Oh... Stop. Stop!" She cried out, needing to feel it without motion. She was so close. So ready. And she didn't want it yet. She wanted to enjoy him.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked in a panic as he ceased motion and looked at her face and then her body.

"Okay... More...Oh god...Please more!" She begged as she thrust her hips up to him. Derek smiled as he pulled his hard, slippery wet cock out and slid it back in with a little more force than he had been using. "Faster...Please faster..." She begged as she squeezed his ass hard.

"Oh god, Mer...Oh god!" Derek cried out as he felt her unique wet folds tightening around his hard cock. "Fuck yes, baby... Fuck yes! You are amazing..."

"Oh Der...Oh god... I'm almost there. I need you so bad, Der. So...Oh my ...Oh..Oh...Oh god..." She cried out as she felt it hit her like a wave, a short pause followed by strong contractions, wracking her body.

"Oh god..." Derek grunted simply as he released deep inside of her, spraying her walls with his hot cum. Their fluids mixed and poured out with abundance as Derek ceased motion and kissed her chest softly, sucking on her plump nipples. "So good, baby..."

"It was..." Meredith agreed as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She felt him pull out gently and lay beside her. Now they could sleep. And they would sleep well.

-----------------

Derek laid his head on Meredith's chest. That was his favorite place to be. He felt her long fingers and manicured nails running through his soft hair. He loved the way her nails felt on his scalp. He cherished these moments. Any moment with Meredith was worth cherishing. Everything about her made him happy. And he was determined to always have happiness.

"So of all the places we have been, where would you want to go, Derek?" Meredith asked softly as she looked at him. "Or somewhere new... I don't care. But we need to get away. I need to get away. I just- I want that back. Me and you. I want that innocence that we once had."

"Wow... That was... Deep." Derek chuckled as he looked up at Meredith. "Innocence... I don't think we ever had that." He laughed as he looked into her green eyes.

"You ass! I was trying to be meaningful. And serious. All that. And you... You ruined it." She pouted as she looked into his sparkling blue eyes. They both started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. "Seriously... Wherever you want. We just need to get the hell out of here."

"Let's go back to where it all began." Derek told her as he thought about it. He would never forget making love to her that first time. It was the most amazing experience he had ever had in his life. The world stopped that night.

"The Rivera." Meredith said with a smile. "I love it there. It's perfect. I miss it." Meredith agreed as she looked down at him. "I need to get some arrangements made, but I think that would be great. We don't have class on Friday. We could leave on Thursday and come back on Sunday night."

"This sounds perfect, Mer." Derek agreed as he leaned up and kissed her softly.

"I need to take a shower. And you need to go to your own room." She told him as she pushed him off of her. "You have class, and I have to find Tony so that he can take me."

"You know how much I hate this, right?" Derek asked with a frown as he looked up. "Not being able to see you. Not having you next to me. I hate that."

"Oh... Quit whining, Derek. No one like a whiner." Meredith told him with a smirk.

"Oh... Now that is a lie. Someone likes a liar. You like a liar very much." He told her as he laid over ever and kissed her softly. Meredith moaned and closed her eyes as she felt his tongue slide into her mouth. She regretfully pulled away and pushed him.

"I do. Now go." She giggled as she pulled her naked body out of the warm bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door.

Meredith walked into the shower. As she looked around, she didn't think about the night when she scrubbed her skin raw trying to wash that man off of her. That was a distant memory. She pushed it out as far as she could, trying to forget it all. She pretended it never happened, and she was happy with that. As she washed her body, she thought about how great it would be to get away. Just the two of them.

"Oh yum..." Meredith said as she sat in front of the strawberry covered waffle that Sofia had made for her. "It looks good."

"I know you love strawberries, Meri." Sofia said with a nod as she poured even more of the berries onto the waffle.

"I do." Meredith agreed as she looked up at the old woman. "Tony is around, right? He knows he has to take me?"

"He knows. He went off to do something, but he said he would be back in time." She told her as she wiped a dish dry. "So have you decided where you and Derek are going?"

"To the riviera. I love it there." Meredith explained with a smile as she took another bite, full of heavy cream. "That is where- Never mind." Meredith muttered, realizing that she almost told the woman that was where she and Derek made love for the first time. She looked down, avoiding the prying gaze that was upon her.

"That is where you and Derek started all of this..." Sofia pointed out with a smile. "Meri... You forget! I was once a young girl. Somewhat like yourself. And I am not stupid. Do you think I never questioned all of those vacations you went on? And your intimates... I have seen all of those. You are not the best at hiding things. I never said anything. At first, I thought you were having an affair with a married man. And then I saw you... With Derek... That was my confirmation. You are young. You deserve to be happy. And you are the only one that knows what you want." Sofia explained as she poured Meredith another glass of juice.

"Do you think he is my forever?" Meredith asked frankly. She had always wondered if Derek was going to be the man she would be with forever. She knew he would be, but at the same time, she wanted an outside opinion. And there were only two of those she could get. And one would tell her exactly what she wanted to hear.

"I think... I think that your father has a plan for you. But you are the only one that knows how to live your life. You do it, Meri. You do what you want. But you must remember what I told you that first time I saw you with him. Derek is a nice guy. A great man. And if things went sour, he is the one that would have the short end of the broken stick. You not only have to worry about yourself, but him too. And your father knows how you are going to end up. He knows what he expects of you." Sofia explained. As much as she didn't want to admit it, it was the truth. Thatcher Grey reigned supreme. And that meant that Meredith would be doing as he said.

"I don't care. If I have to... I will always have Derek. As long as I he will have me, I will have him. Even if that means sneaking him into my room after my husband goes to bed." Meredith said sadly, wondering just what the plan really was. It didn't matter. No matter what, she would have Derek. Always.

------------------

Meredith walked down the hallway at Parma. She felt like everyone was looking at her. She hated that feeling. She hated being the center of attention. She wished she could blend into the walls like a wallflower. No one was looking at her. But she always wore the badge of shame. She had a reason to be shameful. She was a drug addict.

Tony followed behind her. She really wasn't sure why her father kept him around. He truly was a bad guard in every sense of the word. Half the time he was looking at whatever nice piece of ass that walked by. Today was no exception. Meredith saw it. It made her sick. She knew if she ever ever in real danger, that would be in for her.

"Hey, Meri..." She heard a familiar voice say as she rounded the corner. She looked up in shock to see Calvino. She hadn't seen him since he refused to bring her drugs. All that was behind her, she told herself as she stopped walking, Tony running right into her back.

"Hey, asshole!" Meredith spat as she spun around. "Maybe if you were doing your job... Instead of chasing tail!" She told him angrily as she glared into his eyes. It made her mad. It was getting increasingly worse, she was no longer safe with him in her mind.

"God, Meredith... It was an accident." He said frankly as he stood there. He looked up at Calvino. He looked vaguely familiar to him. Tony stood out of the way, making sure he listened.

"So how are you?" Calvino asked her as he looked into her eyes. He could tell she was straight. He wasn't really sure what happened, but he heard that Dante fell off the face of the earth. He could only assume it was Thatcher Grey who had part in that one. Thatcher had done an excellent job and nothing had been leaked to the press, or anyone else for that matter.

"I'm good. Really good." Meredith told him as she looked up. She nervously shuffled her books in her arms, trying to avoid anything that could be uncomfortable. She didn't want him to ask her. At this point, she wasn't positive that she would say no.

"You're clean. I can see it. In your eyes... That's great. That stuff will kill you, Meri. I don't ever want to see anything happen. It's just not worth it, you know?" He asked as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed simply as she thought back. It was Calvino who had her start all of this. She didn't know any better. All it was, was a hailstorm of self-loathing misery. "It's bad."

"Well, I have to get to class... But it was nice seeing you." He told her with a nod as he walked away. Meredith stood there for a second. She wished she could go back and change everything. She didn't want to carry this around anymore.

"Are you done for that day?" Tony asked her as he made his presence known. He could tell that Meredith was slightly unnerved from talking to the man. He brushed it off as he waited for her response.

"Yeah... Let's go." Meredith agreed as she walked down the hallway and towards the door.

The paparazzi rushed around her like a storm. All they ever did was ask her questions. She hated it. They asked her how she was. If she was feeling any better now that she was out of the hospital. She brushed them off as she made her way to the car. She didn't want to say a word. Not a thing. Right now, all she could think about was the house in the riviera. That was where she wanted to be.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked as he pulled out of the parking lot at Parma and began to drive down the road. Meredith was off in another place. She was thinking about coke. She was thinking about that perfect high that never lasted long enough. She was in a zone, telling herself she could never go back, no matter how badly she wanted it. "Meri... Are you okay?" Tony repeated, louder this time.

"What? Oh... Yeah. I'm fine. Why?" She asked as she glanced up. She chided herself for not hearing him. She didn't want him to hear of think things and then go rushing straight to Derek.

"You seem upset. Maybe a little distracted?" He suggested as he looked back at her in the rearview window.

"I'm fine." Meredith stated simply. It was a lie. Such a good lie. The truth was, at this moment, she wanted to rush back to the school and beg Calvino to give her something. Anything that would make her feel better. But she didn't need it. What she needed was a vacation with Derek. That was all she needed.

"If you say so." He muttered, not believing a word of what she said. He sighed as he drove the car. The truth was, he really didn't care what was bothering her. His only job was to get her from point A to point B. Other than that, she was on her own.

Meredith remained silent for the rest of the car ride. She couldn't wait to get home. She couldn't remember if Derek's class was a late one. She was hoping not. She was praying not. At this moment, she needed to see his face so that she could fight what wanted to take her down so badly. She held her breath as they drove up the driveway. She needed to walk in and see him. She had to. As soon as Tony pulled the car to a stop, Meredith jumped out and walked inside. A wave of relief washed over her as she looked up the stair. Blue eyes. The world what good. He would get her through another day.

**Okay... WOW.. I messed up royal and left a big chapter out a couple back. I am so sorry... FIxed now!**


	85. Good Times

Meredith looked over at Derek. Derek was standing in the kitchen in his jeans. Meredith looked at her ass and smiled. That was her ass. No matter what, that ass was hers. Hers to have and to hold. And to bite if she felt the need. She smiled as she walked up and took a firm grab of each ass cheek.

"Whoa there!" He spat as he looked back at her. "Getting frisky?" He questioned with a smile as he kissed her cheek.

"Maybe." Meredith told him happily as her hands crept around him and touched his chest.

"And do you think that will get you out of cooking?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he stirred the rice on the stove.

"Hoping." Meredith grumbled as she looked down at the rice. "I was hoping..."

"Well, you hoped wrong." Derek told her with a frown as he pulled her around and placed her in front of him. "Stir." He said with a smile as he handed her the spoon.

"This is stupid. I think there are people that do this... For a living, you know..." She said quickly. Derek looked at her and shook his head in disgust. She was now acting like the Meredith Grey that he didn't want to know.

"There are. They are called chefs. Not slaves, as you sometimes call them. And can you believe it, Mer? There are actually people in this world that cannot afford to have chefs. What's worse... They can't afford food." Derek told her as he watched her stir.

"Don't be an ass, Derek." Meredith spat as she turned around. "Do you think I don't know about world hunger and all of the suffering that goes on?"

"Well, I will quit being an ass, if you do. But it's not your fault you were born the princess." Derek chuckled as he waited for her rebuttal.

"Hey... I didn't ask for the crown. But if it fits, I am going to wear it!" She told him as she spun around and faced him. Derek shook his head and smiled. Meredith had her flaws. That was what made him love her so much. Even if sometimes they drove him nuts.

"That is so typical of you." Derek joked as he leaned in and kissed her softly. "So what does my princess want?" He asked her as he looked into her green eyes. He could not pull himself away no matter how hard he tried.

"The princess wants tequila." Meredith told him with a smile. "A shot. Or five." She explained as she pointed. "And I think that you, Prince Derek shall have some scotch."

"Okay... Don't ever call me Prince Derek. All I can think of is Prince." Derek told her with a nod as he looked at her. He could see the confusion on her face. "You know... Let's go crazy... Little red corvette... Never mind. Just uh... Derek is good." He laughed as he pecked her on the forehead and walked away.

"But I really like Prince Derek!" She shouted as she looked down at the rice. She had no idea if it was done. She had no idea what she was doing. She was mimicking what she had seen everyone else do. She giggled when she felt his hard cock press against her ass. "I think the little prince has awoken." She muttered as she felt him rub against her. She heard him grumble in her ear. "Okay, fine... We'll call you Duke Derek."

"Uh... No." Derek said as his face turned red. "That uh... That sounds to much like douche." He told her as he chuckled. Meredith scrunched her nose at the thought. He was right. That was too much like douche.

"Yeah... I think you have a point. Okay your royal hardness!" She laughed as she ran her hand over his jean covered hard cock.

"There you go." Derek said with a smirk. "You shall call me your Royal Hardness." He told her with a nod. His cock was begging for her, but they needed to finish cooking the dinner they were preparing. "Shit! The rice..." He said as he looked down. He caught it just before it started to burn. "Throw that pineapple in there and just keep it warm. I'm going to start the chicken." He told her as he walked towards the french doors with the chicken in his hand.

"Okay." Meredith muttered as she poured the pineapple into the pan and stirred. She had no idea how he just walked away when he was hard. The man had control. More control than she did. "Okay rice... Stay warm." She laughed as she looked down at it and waited for him to come back.

Meredith stood in the kitchen and looked at him. This was normal. It was perfect. It was everything that she wanted it to be. Or at least it felt like it. She loved everything she had. And she did know that people couldn't just walk out and get anything that they wanted. Life could be hard. And she did like the easy one.

Meredith watched as Derek walked back into the house. She didn't even know to appreciate a man who cooked. She didn't know to appreciate most of the qualities that Derek had. Meredith watched as Derek placed the food on the table and came over to help her with the rice. This was a normal as Meredith would get. And it was pretty damn normal.

--------------------

Derek laid back on the bed. Meredith had given him strict instructions to stay there in the bed. He wanted to listen, but the curiosity was getting to him. He had to know what was going on. Just as he stood up to check out what was going on, she walked in. Derek felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn't breath.

"Holy shit..." Derek muttered as he looked at her.

He could feel his hard cock rising inch by inch as he studied every part of her body. He looked at the swell of her breasts over the black satin bustier. The lace up front have him a peek of flesh all the way up The sides were tied tight, but left room to see the glowing skin beneath. His eyes traveled to the simple black g-string that was barely covering her soaking wet pussy. The thigh high stockings accentuated her long legs, and of course she had on a pair of Christian Louboutin heels.

"Have you been bad, Derek?" She asked as she placed a foot on the chair against the wall and looked at him trough hooded lids. Her makeup was perfect. Just a little too much, her long dark eyelashes turned him on

"Should I be?" Derek asked her as he stood there. He fought the urge to blow right then and there. He fought the urge to not pound it right there in front of her.

"I think you should be." She told him with a giggle as she watched. "Do it, Derek... Show me how bad you are. Show me what you can do with that big cock of yours." She said as she sat down on the chair and crossed one long leg over the other.

"Do you want me to do this?" Derek asked as he ran his finger over the tip of his cock.

"Do that." Meredith agreed as she felt herself heating up in anticipation of his thick veiny cock in her core. She loved how it felt when it pressed her walls to the brink, stimulating her every nerve. "Do it... Stroke yourself." she said as she licked her lips in anticipation. She wanted to see his broad hand stroke his member until it shot out it's creamy-white cum.

"Oh, God... Mer..." He moaned as he watched her run her hands over the swell of his breasts. Derek hand ran the length of his long shaft using just enough pressure. He closed his eyes for a second, imagining her wet hot pussy surrounding him. "Fuck..."

"Faster, Derek... Let me see you do it faster!" She told him with an exuberant giggle. She couldn't get enough of it. It wasn't the same at their usually hardcore fucking sessions, but it was worth it. Well worth it.

"Oh my fucking..." He groaned as he tightened his hard harder around his shaft and looked into her bright green eyes. He wanted to slam his cock into her core until she cried out his name is pure pleasure.

"Oh god, Derek... Pump it harder! Pound it!" She cried out, getting a rise just watching him. His hand stroked so smoothly over his hard meat as he grunted and groaned. "Oh god... Oh god..." She cried out with enjoyment.

"Fuck... I'm cumming... I'm cumming..." He yelled loudly as he felt the blood pump harder and faster. Meredith squealed loudly as she watched his white load shoot out in spurts. She wanted to taste it. She had the overwhelming drive to lick the head of his cock and lick it until it was dry. "Oh..." Derek sighed as he laid his head back and dropped his head. Meredith smiled as she saw Derek laying there completely spent, with his own cum on his chest.

"Fun?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him. She was ready for her own turn. She was ready to taste her own cum.

"Your turn. I want to watch you, Mer... Show me." He told her with a dirty smile as he looked into her eyes.

Meredith smiled as she stood up from her seat. Her panties now had the telltale wet spot from her own arousal. Meredith looked at him before she pulled off one of her Christian Louboutin heels and placed her leg up on the chair. She slowly and seductively rolled her thigh-high stocking down her leg. She made sure not to watch Derek as she did it, her long slender fingers working their way down her leg. She slowly did the same to the other and laid the stockings over the chair.

"Oh god, Derek... What should I do know?" She pouted as she played with the strings of her bustier. Derek watched as more and more of her satin flesh became exposed. The swell of her breasts was enough to make him rise once again.

"Take it off... No! Take off the panties." He told her with a nod. Meredith returned his nod with a meek one of her own.

Derek watched as Meredith hooked her fingers over the g-string and slowly pulled it down her legs. She smiled as she looked down at the wet panties in her hands. He gently flung them to Derek. She only felt her core get hotter as she watched him lift them to his nose and smell her unique scent that turned him on.

"Play with your clit, baby." Derek told her with a smile as he looked at her.

Meredith smiled as she sat down on the chair and spread her legs. Derek had the perfect view of her plump little clit and her pink wet core. He could only imagine his cock sliding into it with perfection. He wanted to taste her. Her skin. Her cum. Her mouth. He felt himself begin to rise as she rubbed her clit so methodically. Up and down. Side to side. Round and round. She delved her fingers deep into her core and pulled out two glistening fingers.

"Mmm..." She moaned as she stuck them in her fingers, sliding her teeth across. "Mmm... So wet, Derek... So wet." She repeated as she began stroking herself.

"Faster, baby... Faster." He told her with an exuberant nod. He cock needed her and he was denying it. "Oh god, Mer... Get it done, baby... Get it done!" He told her as his mouth watered and his cock pulsated.

"Oh... Oh...Oh...OH! Oh god, Derek... Oh yes... Oh god, yes!" She cried out as her body started to quiver and shake and her uterus started to contract. Derek smiled as her eyes rolled back and she dropped her head. He could see the sweet cum pouring out of her, begging for a taste. He couldn't take it. He had to taste her. He jumped up from the bed and knelt down in front of her, sucking the free flowing juices.

"Mmmm..." He moaned as he licked her clean. Meredith moaned as she came down from her high and looked at him. "Now you need to ride me..." He told her with a seductive smile. And oh would she ride.

"So this ride..." Meredith muttered as Derek grabbed her hand and dragged her weary body over to the bed.

"Yes?" Derek asked as he looked back at her with a smile on his face. This bed that he laid her in had only good memories. And now he was determined to add to those. He laid down beside her and looked into her bright green eyes.

"Is this going to be a rough ride, or a soft pleasurable ride?" She asked with a giggle. She felt Derek grasp her tightly and pulled her onto his lap.

"How about both?" Derek asked her as he looked down at her perfectly trimmed pussy sitting on his bare chest. He could feel the stickiness of the remnants of her sweet cum on his skin.

"I can do both." Meredith told him with a smile. "But right now... I just want that big cock of yours inside of me. That is all I want." She told him with a smile. Derek ran his hands up the bustier and grabbed her breasts softly.

"Honey, there is nothing I would rather have than you around my cock." He told her as he helped lift her up onto his iron rod. Meredith's eyes closed as she felt him fill her up. He slid in smoothly topping off at the brink.

"Mmm... Oh god." Meredith groaned as she felt his thick shaft inside of her tight wet little core. "You feel perfect." She told him as she remained there on top of him.

"We..." Derek told her with a nod as he grasped her hips tightly. "We feel perfect. Together." He said as he moved her him, letting her know that he was ready for her.

"Yeah... Oh god, yeah..." Meredith agreed as she rocked her hips ever so slightly, feeling the resistance of his cock in her tight space. "Touch my clit..." She moaned as she rocked a little harder on his cock and let out faint moans. She needed him to please her. She needed him to make her feel like a woman.

"Oh god, baby... You are so tight." Derek groaned as he rubbed her clit with the pad of his thumb. Meredith squirmed around at his thumb on the most sensitive spot on her body. "You like that?" Derek asked with a grin as he looked into her eyes.

"Oh god yes!" She whimpered as she closed her eyes and felt his touch on her skin. Derek's fingers nimbly started to work on her bustier. Derek smiled as he he watched more and more of her skin become exposed.

"Fuck, Mer." Derek moaned as he watched the bustier fall off onto the bed. He ran his hand over the soft flesh of her abdomen. Meredith arched her back and cried out as she placed her hands on his chest and began pumping up and down, sicking down and pulling up. Her fluid slid around his cock and make friction a non-issue. "You are so warm and soft."

"You are so big and hard. Oh god... Its should be a crime. A crime to have a cock this big. Oh god, Derek... Oh god you big fucker." Meredith screamed as she bounced around harder and faster. Derek grabbed her swaying breasts firmly in his hand, hearing her cry out in pleasure.

"I love you, Mer... Fuck, I love you!" Derek said with a smile as he watched his big cock slid in and out, completely covered in her slippery-wet fluid. It turned him on like nothing else to see him filling her up and providing her with pleasure.

"Oh...Oh... Derek... I'm cumming, Derek! I'm cumming!" She cried out as she went faster. Derek leaned up and grabbed a nipple, squeezing it firmly between his teeth. Derek grazed the diamond point with his tongue and gently sucked it. Derek ran his hand down her side and touched her wet bush as he slid in and out. His fingers went to work on her clit. "Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!" Meredith cried as she felt her walls tighten down. She felt the contractions build in her core radiating pleasure through her body. She closed her eyes as she felt Derek's cock pulsate and begin shooting his hot seeds into her core, washing her walls like a white waves on the sandy shore.

"Oh god, Mer... Oh god... Oh my fucking... Fuck." Derek gasped as she fell on his chest in exhaustion. They remained connected, looking at each other through hooded eyes. Meredith felt the tiny beads of sweat on his chest mesh with her own. He was her love. She was his. Nothing could tear them apart. Even if it tried.

**Wrist is still bad... I will be away this weekend. Don't expect an update until Monday. :(**


	86. Revelations

Meredith had always hated returning home. But this time it wasn't so bad. This time she knew she would be busy with school. She and Derek were in a good place again. It seemed that they were actually back to where they were supposed to be. She knew she had made mistakes. She knew she let her life spiral out of control. She had just lost all hope. And foolishly enough, she lost sight of Derek on her journey.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, waiting for her tense up. He knew how rough it was on her.

"I'm okay. I really am." She told him with a smile. "I have exams this week, and I have so much to study I can't think about anything but that." She told him frankly.

"You know you can't fool me. Everyone knows that Meredith Grey is the smartest female in Parma." Derek told her with a smile. He purposely said it that way, seeing if he could get a rise out of her.

"I highly doubt that." Meredith told him frankly. "But if she was... I think she would be the smartest person. Not woman." Meredith pointed out, making sure that he knew that she had heard what he said.

"Ah... See, there is the problem. There is a smart man. A very smart man." Derek told her with a nod as he looked over at her.

"And that man... Let me see... Would his name be Derek Hanson?" She giggled as she looked at him, their eyes locking.

"That sounds about right." Derek told her with a nod and a smile as he put his eyes back on the road.

Derek thought they had a good time in the Riviera. When it first started out, he was worried. Her laying in the bed worried him. He knew that she was always a satisfied person. Even when she wasn't happy, she was content. But that first day, she was blue. He didn't like it. He took note of her behavior. She never once went to the pool. He wanted to take a swim so badly, but he didn't out of respect for her.

"So what do you have to study for?" Derek asked with a smile, thinking he could help her.

"What don't I have to study for?" She asked as she shook her head. She knew she should have been studying while they were in the Riviera, but there was no way she could pull herself away from Derek. They always seemed to end up the same way. Tangled up in the sheets, sweaty and satisfied.

"Well, I could help you..." He suggested as he drove down the road, nearing the mansion. He knew how he helped. He knew what happened every time he tried to help her study. If no one was home, they were in her room for about five minutes before clothing was off and they were once again tangled in the sheets.

"Yeah... I know how you help. And believe it or not, I really do need to study this time." She told him with a sigh as she rolled her eyes.

Derek shook his head and smiled. He always claimed that she was insatiable, but he was just as bad. Even if they tried to study in the same room, they would look at each other. Looking would lead to eye fucking. Eye fucking would lead to them both rushing of to the nearest undisclosed area and ripping their clothes off. They definitely had a slight problem with boundaries. Their own, or each other's.

"Welcome home, Ms. Grey. Mr. Hanson." Cristoforo said with a smile as they walked in. He quickly scooped up their bags. Derek shook his head. He felt as if he were on the same level as Cristoforo, possibly lower. He didn't understand why the man had to be so formal with him.

"I'm going to head upstairs." Meredith said with a nod. Derek watched with his eyes as she made her way up. 

She really was worried about studying. When she was doing coke, her grades went down. They didn't go way down, but they were below acceptable. She wanted to carry a 4.0 or higher, and she was close except for the one class. She was so jittery she couldn't even focus at the time. Her instructor knew it, and now she was bending over backwards to prove him wrong.

Meredith grabbed out her books and her ipod. She always listened to the music as she read. Derek didn't get it. He needed complete silence. He thought she was insane to be able to focus with the sound in her ears. She swore that it helped her. As she began reading her books, she lost her focus. Her mind started to drift.

Meredith started thinking back to past few months. As much misery as it all caused, she still thought about that fine white dust that seemed to make all her problems disappear. One little snort and she was in a place that was splendid. Euphoria took over and she filled herself with pure pleasure. She wanted one hit. She just wanted a taste. She closed he eyes and imagined it on her tongue. That sweet numbness.

"You look happy." Derek laughed as he looked in at the smile on her face.

"What?" Meredith said as she pulled the ear buds from her ears.

"I said you look happy." Derek pointed out as he looked at her smile.

"Oh... Yeah... I just uh... Love studying." She told him with a smile. As she looked into his eyes, it all left. For the moment, she forgot about what she wanted so badly.

--------------------

Meredith sat in the back of the car. Derek had class, so Tony was driving them both and he would audit Meredith's class while Derek was in his own. Meredith didn't like it when Tony was in class with her. She had always thought that he had a bit of an immature streak in him and she found it incredibly annoying. She didn't understand why he didn't accept the resources her father have him. He could have a good education, but he chose not to. And when he was with her, she knew that he was just checking out women and thinking about himself. 

"Tony... Why don't you get a life?" Meredith asked frankly. She had always wondered why he didn't get a wife and kids and focus on something else. He was still a horny old bachelor.

"I have a life, Meri... Following your spoiled ass around." He spat as he looked into the mirror. Meredith couldn't argue that she was spoiled. She knew very well that she was. Privileged was more her cup of tea.

"I am not- Okay, yes I am. And I didn't mean that in a bad way. I'm just saying. Why didn't you have a family?" Meredith questioned honestly. She knew that she would never have that. But that didn't mean that she didn't want it.

"Do I look like the kind of guy that would have a family?" He asked with a chuckle. "I am not a family man. Not me. Some guys are, and some guys aren't. And me, I will never be there. Now Derek, I'm sure he is. I see him have about two point three kids. He will live in the states, in a nice suburb. This is your family man, right here." 

Derek had never talked to Meredith about it. She had no idea what his hopes and dreams were. They talked about how they would always be together, even if they had to hide. But they never talked about what he really wanted to do. He knew that she said assumed her life was planned out for her. He was sure she never even tried to make any plans.

Derek always had plans. He always assumed that he would have kids. He always wanted to be a father. His family was into the family life. He had grown up with big dinners on Sundays and getting together on the holidays. He was a family man. Tony was right. And he had no idea if Meredith even considered that fact. He knew that there was a good chance that he would never have that. Not if he had to be her closet lover. The thought made him sick, but he would take what he could get.

"Are you a family man, Derek?" Meredith asked simply. It seemed simple, but it was really a loaded question. She wanted to know what his aspirations were.

"Um." Derek muttered as he looked up at her. He was nervous. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to answer the question. Finally he drew in a breath. He would do what came naturally. He would answer the truth. "Well, yes I am. I grew up in a very tight-knit family. It seems only natural that I would have children. There is nothing more amazing than creating life with someone you love..." He trailed off, avoiding her stare.

"Yeah." Meredith agreed softly as she looked out the window. "How many? Kids, I mean... How many kids do you plan on having?" The whole thought made her sick.

"I would love to have at least three. Three is a good number. The more you have the more help. They seem to be able to support each other. Being an only child is very lonely." He explained as he looked at Meredith.

Meredith always wondered what it would be like if she has siblings. She wondered if it would have made a difference. As she thought about it, she realized that she really doesn't get along well with other girls. She was too spoiled to share her things. And she knew that if her father had a boy, she would have been forgotten completely. So she decided that being an only child really was a good thing.

"Not as lonely as you would think." Meredith said frankly as she nodded.

Meredith went quiet as she looked at her hands. She wondered if what she was doing was the right think. Now she knew that Derek had things he wanted to do. He wanted to become a surgeon. He wanted to become a father. Three kids. The perfect family. A quiet neighborhood without flash bulbs and paparazzi. She knew she would never be able to give him that.

"So... You should be going then." Meredith spat. She couldn't believe she actually said it out loud. She sighed as she looked over. "Home, I mean. You don't want to stay in Italy. You need to find a nice american girl who can give you that life you want. Maybe after you are done with med school you can return home. That is less than a year..." Meredith said with a frown.

"I like Italy. I don't plan on going anywhere." Derek told her frankly. He didn't understand why she was acting the way she was. She was defensive and pushing him away. He didn't like the feeling at all. Not one bit. "I am staying here for-"

"Why? I mean... You just said what you wanted. Family men go to their family. They don't stay in foreign countries. They go home. It would seem to me that you would want to get your ass home, Derek.. You should be with your family, planning your own family!" She said in a huff. Tony and Derek both looked at her like she was insane.

"God, Meri... What the hell is going on?" Tony asked in shock. 

"He just said... Oh fucking forget it!" She yelled as she threw her hands up. "I want silence now!"

"You heard the princess." Derek joked as he looked up at her.

"Fuck you! Fuck you both!" Meredith yelled loudly as she looked away.

Meredith sat there in frustration. She was mad. Mad at Derek. But she really had no reason to be mad at him. He did nothing wrong. All he did was tell the truth. She was really mad at herself. She was mad because now she knew what he wanted. He wanted a family and she was holding him back from that. She was keeping him from his family and from creating one of his own.

Derek looked at Meredith in confusion. He didn't understand why she few off the handle. He didn't get why she decided that she wanted him out of there and she wanted him out of there now. Then it hit him. She was feeling guilty. All of the things that he told her he wanted, were things that she could not give him. He frowned as he looked up at her. He could see that she was really upset.

"Okay..." Tony muttered in the uncomfortable silence as he pulled up to the building. "Another fun day at Parma." Tony moaned as he put the car in park and climbed out. Meredith rolled her eyes as she opened the door and walked into the hailstorm that was the paparazzi.

Derek tried to get Meredith's attention, but she refused to look at him. She knew him well enough to know that he would try and find someway out of it. It wouldn't want her to know how he felt. It was obvious that he was now going to try and change what he meant. Meredith shook her head and she thought about it. She really as holding him back. He would never have that with her.

"Are you okay, Meri?" Tony asked as they walked into the lecture hall and found a seat in the back. Usually Meredith sat in the front, but today she decided to sit in the back.

"I'm fine, Tony. Why would you think I am not?" Meredith grumbled as she grabbed out her book and sat back. The truth was, she was far from okay. In her head she had two options. Either tell Derek that she was going to let him go. Or keep him and he would be miserable. It seemed like a no win situation to her.

"You were fine... And then you snapped. You talked about family and you just... Snapped." He told her with a frown. "Oh my god..."

"What?" Meredith asked quickly. She was terrified that Tony was going to realize that she was so upset with the situation with Derek. There would be only one reason for her to be upset with Derek. Because she loved him.

"You... You want a family." Tony pointed out with a frown. He wasn't really sure what Thatcher had planned at the moment, but he did know that he did have plans for her.

"What! No... I- No. I just- Derek he is a liar. I mean, he contradicted himself within a matter of minutes. That stuff makes me mad." Meredith told him with a frown. "I don't like it one bit."

"Oh." Tony muttered, unsure of what else to say. "I think Derek... I don't know about him. I thought he was only staying a year, and here it is, almost four years later and he is still here." Tony said with a shrug.

"It's the college. Why would he go home? He stayed here, got paid an ass-load of money to work, and his med school is being paid for. I would say it is a winning deal. But he doesn't have a ton of Medical school left, so I am sure he will be going when he is done." Meredith said with a huff as she watched her professor walk up to the front of the class.

Meredith sat quietly in the classroom. All she could think about was Derek and what he would be missing out on. She thought about what they say... If love was enough. If love was enough, they would be together forever. If love was enough, there would be no boundaries. If love was enough they would have their happily ever after. But love isn't enough. And now she was wondering what was.

"Ms. Grey?" The professor said as he walked up. The class was already over. She absorbed like a sponge, but she had still been distracted over thoughts of the future.

"Yes?" Meredith asked, unsure of why he was coming up to her. She knew that she had been doing and excellent job.

"I just wanted to say, I am glad you are back on track. When I saw you slipping... You are a very intelligent woman. I know that you have to work ten times harder, just so you can prove them all wrong. I just wanted to let you know, I see it. And I know your other professors see it. We are all proud of you. You make a wonderful addition to Parma." He told her with a bis smile. Everyone had always said he was the biggest jerk. She didn't see it. He was always nice to her.

"Thank you." Meredith said in shock as he smiled and walked away.

"So... What do we do? When is Derek's class over?" Tony asked as he looked up at her.

"He has another hour. We'll wait for him in the study hall." Meredith said simply as she grabbed her bag. She hated going in there. Everyone was mean to her. She knew they gave her dirty looks and talked behind her back. They were so envious they were green. Meredith and Tony sat down at a table in the corner. She knew they were looking at her. She knew it. Just as she opened her book, she heard a voice.

"Mind if I join you?" She heard the male voice say.

**Review please...More things are coming soon. Questions need answered, and things need to change.**


	87. A Friend

Meredith looked up in shock. No one ever talked to her. They never came up and started a conversation with her. It was like Meredith Grey didn't exist. When she first came, they said she was getting special attention. They said her father as paying everyone off. And then they realized that that wasn't true. Then she was the smart girl, and no one wanted anything to do with her after that. Either way, she was screwed.

"Uh... Um... Okay." Meredith muttered as she looked up at the boy. He had blonde hair and light blue eyes. She recognized him from her organic chemistry class.

"I'm Andre." He said with a smile as he shook out his hand. Meredith looked down at his hand and quickly stuck out her own.

"Meredith." She said with a smile as she shook his hand firmly. Her father always said he hated a man that shook his hand like a fish. She was a woman, maybe she should do it daintily. Nonetheless, she shook it with a firm grasp.

"Yeah... I kind of already know who you are." He said with a chuckle as he looked at her hand. "But it's nice to meet you."

"You too." Meredith agreed as she sat there and looked into his eyes. 

"I need to study... And you looked... Alone." He told her as he looked into her bright green eyes.

"Yeah, I need to study too. These exams are going to kill me." She pointed out with a frown.

It felt great to have someone to talk to. She felt so ostracized at Parma. No one knew she existed. She was the most talked about person in all of Italy, but amongst them, she was invisible. Everyone loved Derek. He never told her that, but she had seen how they talked to him and gathered around him like he was a star. It hurt her feelings, but she would never tell him the truth.

"So... Would you like a soda or something?" He asked her as he looked at the machines and then back at her.

"No... I'll get it. What would you like?" Meredith asked as she stood up.

"I'll have a cola." He said with a smile. "Don't you have people? To do those things for you..."

"No." Meredith said frankly. "I have people that help and protect me. But I do not have slaves." Meredith told him with a frown. "That is a nasty rumor..." Meredith said with a sigh. That was just one more thing that people believed about her. Meredith crossed the room in her Prada heels, ignoring the looks from everyone. Tony watched her from the table.

"She isn't like they say..." Tony said frankly as he looked up at Andre. "She is a nice girl."

"Yeah?" Andre asked, unsure of what else to say.

"She's a good friend. If you are loyal to her, she would die for you. People don't give her a chance. It's easy to hate her for who she is." Tony explained as he looked up at Meredith, who was walking back towards them.

"Here you go." Meredith said as she handed him a soda and sat down with her own water.

"Grazie." He replied with a smile as he accepted the soda and opened the can. "So... What are you planning to do... I mean in the future. What are you majoring in?"

"Well, I am majoring in Biochemistry, then I am going on to Medical school." Meredith explained as she took a sip of her water.

"Whoa... Seriously?" He asked in shock as he looked at her. "I mean, not to say that you can't... I mean, you are smart enough. But you are- You're Meredith Grey. If you want to be a doctor... How will you be?"

Meredith looked at him and frowned. It was like he asked her the most off the wall question. But at the same time, she knew that it was true. His question was an honest one. It was going to be hard, if not impossible to function in a hospital, as Meredith Grey. Meredith felt a sickness in her stomach as she considered how things could go.

"Well, I guess I will deal with that when the time comes." Meredith said with a shrug as she opened up her book. Andre looked at her and nodded.

So... What about Bardhan-Sengupta Phenanthrene Synthesis?" Andre asked as he read the book in front of him.

"What about it?" Meredith asked simply as she looked up.

"Do you understand it? I don't get any of this shit!" He said with a chuckle as he looked down at it.

"Of course I do... Here, let me help you." She said as she scooted over and started pointing at the book and explaining.

Derek walked into the study hall in shock. He looked over at the table. He immediately felt red in the face. Meredith's chair was dangerously close to another man's chair. She was giggling and pointing to the book in front of her. He quickly clenched his jaw and marched over the table. Self control can be so hard to have. Especially when all you see before you, is red.

"Uh hmm." Derek cleared his throat as he walked up to the table and looked down. He wanted to punch the strange man square in the jaw as hard as he could.

"Oh! Derek!" Meredith said quickly as she pulled her chair away from André's. "Um... Andre... This is Derek. Derek, this is Andre. He is in my organic chemistry class." Meredith explained quickly as she looked back and forth.

"Andre... It's... Nice to meet you." Derek said as he stuck out his hand begrudgingly.

"Derek... You too... You are the boyfriend?" He asked as he looked between the two of them.

"Boyfriend? Oh! No...No... Derek is my guard. Like Tony. But Derek is my main guard." Meredith explained as she looked at Derek.

Meredith was shocked. She saw a mixture of anger and upset in Derek's face. He looked jealous that she had been talking to someone. It hurt her feelings as she stood there between the two men. She felt like she just now found a friend, and now Derek was taking that away from her. She would love nothing more than to tell Andre who Derek was. She wanted to scream it. She wanted everyone to know. 

"Oh, I see..." Andre said with a nod. "So I guess you will be going now?" He asked with a frown as he looked into Meredith's green eyes.

"Yeah... I think so... But maybe you could come over sometime before the exam? I could help you out with your chemistry." Meredith explained with a smile as she looked at the man.

"I bet you could." Tony muttered under his breath as he looked at Meredith and Andre. Derek gave Tony the death glare at his comment. It took all he could to not run over and beat him in the head for it.

"That would be great. You have no idea how much I would appreciate that." Andre said with a big smile as he looked up at Meredith.

"No problem... I guess I will see you later." Meredith told him as she gathered her books in her designer bag. Andre nodded and smiled as he walked away with his bag over his shoulder.

"Tony... You could go pull the car around." Derek suggested, trying to get rid of the man. Tony looked at him with an irritated face and walked away. Derek shook his head. He wasn't sure why Tony would care. It wasn't anymore work than if they followed him out.

Meredith didn't look up at Derek as she packed her books in the bag. She pulled them out several times, trying to get them just right. She knew his eyes were boring holes into her. She could feel it. She could feel his jealousy and anger as it seeped out of him like a pungent sweat. He was seething as he stood there, and there wasn't much he could do about it.

"What was that?" Derek asked throatily as he leaned towards her.

"What was what?" Meredith asked innocently. On her end, any conversation or interaction she had with Andre was completely innocent. But as she stood there, she couldn't help but feel like Derek needed to get a grip. She was allowed to have friends, and she was allowed to have as many friends as she wanted. Boy or girl. Man or woman.

"What was what..." Derek mused as he chuckled and shook his head. "I saw the body language, Meredith. Legs crossed, facing him. Your thigh was almost on top of his leg. And you were giggling. It was your giggle. So, I don't know what you were doing, but I saw it." Derek explained in a huff as she picked up her bag and walked right away from him like he wasn't talking to her at all.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Derek. Maybe you need to drop the sociology and psychology books and get a grip on life. I don't know anyone who would notice such unimportant and trivial things such as the direction of a leg or a laugh." Meredith said as she giggled and brushed him off as if he was insane.

"It was a giggle. And I can tell anything by your giggle. And that was your flirty giggle. So is that what you are doing now?" Derek asked frankly as he followed her down the hallway. Her long legs made big sweeping strides as she attempted to escape his prying.

"What? Flirting? Oh yes... I walk around all day and imaginarily flirt with complete strangers. It's a hobby. I love it so much..." Meredith said sarcastically as she flung the doors open and walked through them. Derek rushed through, trying not to get hit in the face.

"No, Mer... This is- I know what you are doing. You are trying to push me away because you think that you can't make me happy. That is bullshit, and you know it. Mer, you ware the love of my life. Any hopes and dreams I had... They don't matter. I will make my own with you. You are the love of my life. You are the one I need. i don't care what I have to do to keep you... But damn-it, Mer... You aren't going anywhere. I am not going anywhere. I will not let you push me to protect me. That is my choice, not yours." Derek told her frankly as they rushed up to the BMW X5.

"Derek... When are you going to realize it's not all about you. No one likes me. And to have someone notice, was great. And I don't really give a shit what you say or think. I see you walking around. You have friends. There is a line of girls that follow you around like dogs. But that is okay... You know what, take one of them!" Meredith spat as she climbed into the car. Derek stood there in a shocked silence. She was really trying hard to push him away this time.

Nothing was said in the car. Derek obviously couldn't talk to Meredith in front of Tony. Anyone who had a portion of a brain could feel the strain in the air. It was so thick, you couldn't saw through it with a chainsaw. Derek and Meredith were both in a bad position and they were both realizing it really quickly. Derek looked over at her and she looked away. And now she was unreasonable.

Derek wondered who the man was. The man that he wanted to kill. The man that should have had his face slammed against the table just for looking at her. To say he was jealous was almost humorous. He was so much more than jealous. Irate? Maybe a little. He wanted to stand in public and piss all over her just so people knew. She was his.

Meredith could tell that Derek was jealous. She found it almost laughable. He was actually jealous of her and another man. She had no interest in Andre other than as a friend, but she was loving that Derek saw the potential. Maybe if he saw the potential, he would run away and leave her be. He would run away and go start his family and find the happiness that he deserved.

"Okay... See you later." Tony muttered as he pulled up to the front door of the Grey mansion and came to a stop.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked at him.

"I have some errands to run for Sofia and some of my own shit to do." Tony said with a shrug as he looked over at her. "So I am dumping you off."

"Thanks." Meredith grumbled as she opened the door of the car and stepped out. She slammed the door hard and stalked up to the house. "Open the door for me." Meredith demanded as she stood there, arms crossed.

"Your arms aren't fucking broke." Derek said with a chuckle as he stood there, refusing to open the door. "Do it yourself."

"Fuck you. Open the door." Meredith spat as she glared at him.

"This trying to push me away shit... It is annoying as hell. And treating me like your slave is laughable. There is only one place where I am a slave to you, and if you don't knock off your shit, I won't be there either." Derek told her frankly as he looked into her eyes.

"Well, too bad for you, then. I don't really care. Whatever I need, I can do myself. Open the door." She said as she looked at the door and then looked at him.

"Boy... It sure is a nice day to be outside..." Derek muttered as he stretched his arms.

"You are a fucking asshole!" Meredith growled as she looked at him.

"You... You are- Who is he? Do you want to fuck him, Mer? Do you want to feel that tiny cock inside you? Is that what it is..." Derek breathed angrily as he got close to her ear.

"Oh yes, Derek... But the thing is... It's huge!" She laughed in his face. "Look at you... All jealous..."

"Ms. Grey! Do you want in?" Cristoforo asked as he opened the door.

"Yes!" Meredith snapped as she huffed loudly and walked in. "At least someone knows what they are supposed to be doing around here!" She said as she glared at Derek and marched up the stairs.

Derek shook his head as he followed behind her. No way was he doing to let her get away with that. He could feel his vein bulging in his neck. He clenched his jaw tightly as he went one heavy step at a time. He wanted to knock her clean out for her snide little comment. It seemed the old Meredith Grey was rearing her ugly little head in an attempt to push Derek towards something he didn't necessarily want. As much as he said he wouldn't get angry and he would let it slide, he was having a hard time doing that.

Derek marched right in her room and looked into her angry eyes. He was just as made as she. He quickly shut the door behind him. They may have to yell quietly, but they were having this out, and they were having it out now. Meredith threw her things around, trying to ignore Derek's stare. She didn't want to confront this issue. She should have known better than to just think Derek would accept it. She should have known that he would never just come home and pack his bags. 

They both stopped moving and looked at each other. They were ready to boil over. Meredith let out a growl. Derek huffed. He was ready to dig his toe into the earth like a bull. He wasn't leaving until she saw things his way. He was done with the pushing away nonsense and he was going to do something about it right away. He had to nip it in the bud before it got out of control. He stood there and braced himself. There was a storm coming. And he knew it.

"You have no reason to be mad..." Derek told her with a smirk. "I should be mad."

"You should be mad?" She shouted a she stormed towards him. Derek began to laugh heartily in her face, only making her angrier. "You asshole! What should you be mad about?" She asked angrily. He laughed as her harder. He loved it when she got mad. "Don't laugh at me!" She yelled as she smacked him hard across the cheek.

"That was a bad idea, Mer." Derek told her as he shook his head.

"You don't tell me!" She shouted as she slapped him again and laughed. "I do what I want. Mr. Jealously. Vaffanculo! Vai in culo!" (Fuck it! Fuck off! Fuck you!)

"When are you going to learn to not use your fists?" Derek snapped as he grabbed her arms and forced her up against the door with a hard thud. She quickly began thrashing her body around as she attempted to stare him down. She glared into his blue eyes, forgetting why she was doing it. "Not so tough now..." He asked with an evil smile.

"Oh god... Fuck!" She yelled as she ripped her arms away and wrapped them around him, hastily covered his mouth. Derek let go of his grip, allowing her to wrap her hands around his head and play with his curls. He felt her tongue dive into his mouth and fight his for power. She tasted sweet, too sweet. She was a bitter pill to swallow, but he liked his daily dose of pain.

"You are-" Derek started as he dragged her across her room and threw her down on the bed. The soft linens crushed under her slight frame. "Did you think you were being cute? Talking to him..." Derek asked with raise brows.

"Maybe." Meredith growled as she clawed at his clothing. She ripped his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. "You- You... Ah!"

She was like and animal as they began ripe each other's clothes off. Meredith's jeans flew across the room along with Derek's. Derek hovered his body over hers in animalistic fashion and glared into her eyes. For once, he was dominate and she needed to know that.

"Bastardo." She growled as she clawed his back and bit his shoulder. "You don't rule me... No one rules Meredith Grey. No one!"

"I'm the boss. You are under me right now..." Derek laughed as he ran his fingers along her wet pussy. "You want my cock. And maybe I won't give it to you. Maybe I will let you stay dripping wet. Maybe I will watch as he play with your own little cit!" He said with a shrug as he flicked her clit with his thumb and then sat up.

"No!" She screamed. "No!" She shouted as she lunged towards him. 

"You, Meredith Grey... Do not own me." He said with a chuckle as he continued on his way.

"You rat bastard!" She yelled as she jumped on him from behind, pummeling him down on the soft bed.

"Ah!" He yelled as he felt her feather weight on his back. "You are so heavy. How can I resist your power? Oh my...Oh my..." He joked as he felt her on top of him.

"Il tuo cazzo è minuscolo!" (Your dick is tiny.) She spat in his ear. "And I may have to bite it off."

"You would be so lucky to have my cock in your mouth..." He told her angrily as she began bitting him on the flesh of his back. "You wish..."

Cristoforo walked into the kitchen and looked at Sofia. She looked back at him. They both heard it. It was loud. Meredith was yelling. They would hear rustling around. they could hear Derek yelling. Sofia knew ell enough what was going to happen. She looked at Cristoforo with serious eyes.

"You will keep your mouth shut." She warned him as she pushed him against the counter. "Or you will never get this again." She told him frankly as she rubbed herself against him.

"Yes, ma'am." Cristoforo said as he felt the woman grind her pussy against his hardening cock. "Oh my..." He muttered as she stuck her hands down his pants. He heard the squeak of Meredith's bed as she rode Derek. That was the last he heard. They were all in their own little worlds.

"No...It is you who wishes..." She said with a smirk as Derek collasped. "Damn-it...Fuck me!" She yelled as she rolled over and spread her legs. Derek looked down at her hot pink core.

"Like you fucking deserve it. The way you act... You spoiled rotten princess." He said nastily as he rolled over onto her and drove his rock hard cock into as hard as he could. She let out a cry of pain as he hit her hard, driving in over and over again.

"Ouch... Fuck... Oh god!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "You are a real prick!"

"This is a real prick... You should know!" He yelled at her. "You can't handle it?" He questioned with a smirk.

"You don't know hard. This is... Fuck! This is a... Ah! A joke!" She shouted as she clawed crescent marks deep into his back flesh.

"Fuck you-" He shouted as he felt the pain in his back. She quickly bit his shoulder and clawed at his ass. That only fueled his fire as he drove into her with angry force.

"Oh god... That is... Oh God!" She yelled loudly as she grasped his ass cheeks and rocked her hips with his motion. "Harder...Faster..."

"Ah!... Fuck." Derek yelled as he felt his cock pulsating deep in her wet core. "Fuck...I am ready... What the fuck did you do?"

"Oh..oh...oh...oh...OH!" She yelped as she felt her walls crash down on his cock, milking it into a rock hard pulsating member. Derek groaned at her moist heat surrounding him.

"I'm cumming... Fuck... I'm already..." He yelled as he pounded into her, ignoring her orgasm and worrying about his own. "Oh...Fuck!"

They both panted heavily as they laid there. Meredith let her head lay back on the bed and struggled to breath. She could feel Derek's cock still deep in her core, shrinking as he came down from his high. His heart was beating just as hard as hers. He finally let out a groan and pulled himself out of her and rolled over.

"Fuck." Derek spat as he laid on his back.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him.

"I think we need to talk." Derek told her with a sigh. He really didn't want to. Not now.

"I think you're right." She told him with a sigh as she shook her head.


	88. Options

Meredith laid on her back and looked at Derek. They did need to talk, but she had no idea what to say. She was so frustrated with everything. It wasn't necessarily Derek. It was the situation. It was the extenuating circumstances that affected them both. She was feeling pressure, and there wasn't even pressure on her. She was feeling like the world was collapsing around her, and she was foolishly trying to hold it up.

Derek looked into her eyes. He was tired of her trying to make the decisions. She needed to realize that he needed to make his own decisions. What he did was up to him. He did things because he loved her. It was his choice if he wanted to stay in Italy and be her closet lover for all eternity. The sooner she realized that she didn't control everything was the sooner everyone would be happy.

"You! Andre is... I just met him!" Meredith said as she sat bolt upright and looked at him. She was mad. She was mad that he got so defensive about a man that didn't mean anything in her book. "He is in my organic chemistry class. He stopped over to introduce himself. No one notices me, Derek. And that was nice. I need a friend. Matt is my only friend, and he has a life." She said sadly. She really was missing Matt.

"You have me. I'm your friend, Mer." Derek explained with a frown. It hurt his feelings. He considered Meredith his best friend. She was the one person that he did trust to share his secrets with. "You are my best friend..."

"Derek... I love you. You are my lover. I love you. But I need friends. I need more than one friend. No one at Parma sees me. They look over me like I'm not even there. They pretend I don't even exist. So when Andre came up, it was like my birthday. Someone finally noticed me and treated me like a human being." Meredith told him as she stuck out her bottom lip.

"Oh Mer... It's just... You are my girlfriend, and no one can know. Matt knows, and Sofia knows. And who cares, you know what I mean? But when we are out, and I see guys looking at you, it makes me sick. It's even worse when they make comments to me. They have no idea that they are even doing it, and that is bullshit. So yes, when I see you talking to a guy and I can't even mark my territory, I do get a little pissed." Derek explained as he looked at her in the eyes. He was expecting a hug or a kiss. Instead, her ineffectual fist came flying at his arm.

"I am not your territory!" Meredith shouted as she glared at him. "You cannot- You do not own me. No one owns me. It is bad enough that my father thinks he does. And truthfully, he probably does own me. But for you to say you need to mark me... NO! I do not need to be marked. I am me. And I make my own choices. You don't get to decide anything for me unless I tell you you can." Meredith told him frankly as she looked straight into his eyes.

"You're right." He agreed as he looked into her eyes. "I know you are your own person. I do know that. But I am a man. And men are competitive bastards. And I want my girl to know she is mine. And I want every guy to know that you are mine. And that can't be. So there you go. I suffer. But that is fine. I'm sorry I was an asshole." Derek said with a deep sigh. He knew that their efforts were fruitless at this point.

"Just... Andre is a friend. I think... I don't even know him. But I think that he is a friend." Meredith said with a sigh. "I want to have one ally at that school. Just one. You have people that follow you around. Everyone loves you. And I am Meredith Grey. I am someone that no one talks to. And for once, it was nice. It was so nice." Meredith told him with a frown.

"It's hard for a guy. You just... I know guys. They are generally after one thing. And before you say it, no... I am not saying that he is. I am not saying that at all. I know you are so much more than a pretty face and a piece of ass. But I feel horrible. Seeing you with a guy... It goes through me like a dull knife." Derek explained. "I know Matt. And maybe this guy is just as great. But until we know, expect me to be weary."

"I get that. I do. Whenever I see you talking to a girl, I want to kill her. So... I guess I won't be friends with him. I love you enough to forget all about it. I respect you and I respect our relationship." She said with a smile as she looked into his eyes. "So it's fine."

"It's not fine. You... I trust you, Mer. It's not you I don't trust. It is them. Because guys want one thing." Derek said as he shook his head. "And you... You need to stop this running my life bullshit. It is my life, Meredith Grey. If I want to stay here, I am staying here. I will not have you telling me anything. Do you understand me? I am in this." Derek explained as he looked into her eyes.

"I know you are. I just- I don't want to be your biggest regret. I don't want to be someone that you feel you are stuck with or obligated to. People have dreams. I dream about being a surgeon. I don't want to be held back. My father always holds me back. And you... I don't want to be the force that keeps you from your dreams. Promise me you will not let me be." She said as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

"I am my own person. But I won't. I will always do what I want to do. And you are not holding me back. You are holding me right where I need to be." He told her as he pulled her naked body close to his. He loved the way their flesh felt against one another's. Meredith sighed at his touch. "I have to look into internship possibilities this week... Will you be okay if I leave?"

"Of course." Meredith told him with a nod. "This... It is good stuff. You are amazing. I mean.. You are on your way. I am so proud of you." She told him as she leaned in and kissed him softly.

"You are on your way. And you... You will be even more amazing." He told her with a nod. He always knew she would be.

Meredith jogged down the path through the property. It wasn't the same when she didn't have Derek. She liked having Derek to run with. It wasn't just the impromptu romp in the dirt. It was the conversation. It was the together time. That was what she liked. And now she was jogging down the dirt path. And she was wondering what exactly Derek was planning to do. She knew he couldn't be an intern and a guard. Something was going to bend. And she knew if he tried to bend it, it would have to break.

Meredith walked the long stretch to the house to cool herself off. She looked up at the house. She never really took time to look at the house. It was beautiful. It was so beautiful on the inside, but the people inside were a complete mess. She was hoping that would somehow change. She had a feeling it never would. She had a feeling things wouldn't change until something drastic happened. And she was hoping that whatever it was wouldn't be major.

"Meri... Please take your shoes off at the door." Sofia said as she looked at the clumps of dirt on them. Meredith sighed. A few years ago, she would have never done that. But now, she was more willing to help Sofia out. Sofia kept a secret that was very dear to her.

"The path was pretty muddy from the rain last night." Meredith said with a nod. She quickly shoved the shoes aside and walked through, pulling off her jacket and tossing it aside.

"When is Derek going to be back?" Sofia asked as she picked up Meredith's jacket and hung it on the hook.

"A couple of days, I think. We didn't really talk about it." She explained as she looked up at Sofia. Meredith saw his mouth moving, but at the moment, she had been completely distracted. What, she didn't even remember.

"Oh... I see." Sofia said with a smile and a nod as she watched Meredith walk away. She was happy to see that Meredith had gained some of her weight back. She was still think, but she looked healthier than she did before.

"Anything good to eat?" Meredith asked her father as she walked in. Meredith looked at her father's help. She didn't like that they made themselves so comfortable in her house. It was like they thought they owned the place. She didn't look down on them, but it seemed they had lost their respect for anyone.

"You know Sofia gets. If she knew we were in here, she'd shoot us. That is one woman that I am terrified of." He joked as he looked over at his daughter. Meredith nodded as she opened the refrigerator and grabbed a yogurt. She walked over to the silver wear drawer and grabbed a spoon. She looked up at the three men eating like slobs.

"You know, you really should think about getting a life. You aren't hogs and this isn't a trough." Meredith said frankly as she stood there. The men looked in her like she was insane and immediately sat upright in their chairs and acted as proper as they knew how.

"Well, I think I am going to start taking applications for Derek's position soon." Thatcher said with a smile as he looked up at Meredith. Meredith looked at him in shock. She never thought about the Thatcher Grey aspect of it all.

"What do you mean?" She asked in shock. She could feel her stomach tightening at the thought of Derek leaving.

"Well, Meredith... Internship is demanding. There is no way that Derek will be able to keep up with it all. But it was a nice ride while it lasted." Thatcher said frankly. Meredith felt the anger boil inside of her. He had no right. He had absolutely no right. Meredith felt like it was a personal attack. She felt like he was deliberately sabotaging her.

"But Derek..." Meredith had to drop it. She knew she had to drop it because if she didn't, things would get very suspicious. "You're right." She finally said. "Derek's starting his internship. And I will be starting medical school..." 

Meredith took a bite of her yogurt and immediately felt sick. It wasn't the yogurt making her sick. It was the laugh. She heard her father laugh. He was laughing at her. He was laughing at her hopes and dreams. It made her sick. The one thing that she wanted in the world was the one thing that he wasn't going to let her have. It was bad enough that he wouldn't let her, but it was even worse that she was laughing at her like she was a huge joke.

"Why are you laughing?" Meredith asked as she looked at her father. She wanted to pummel him. She wasn't a joke. She was amazing. She didn't get why he couldn't see that?

"Oh, Meredith..." He chuckled as he stood there chewing on a cookie. He ate like a horse and she wanted to shove the cookie down his throat. "You can't do that. There is no way..." He laughed as he shook his head. Meredith looked at him. She was ready. Ready for war.

"What do you mean, I can't do that?" Meredith growled as she looked at him. She didn't care if their help was right there. At this moment, she wasn't going to let Thatcher Grey walk all over her. She wasn't going to let him piss his name on her dreams.

"You can't. End of story. End of conversation. End of thought." He said as he grabbed a cookie and walked away. He troopers quickly followed behind him as he walked towards his office. Meredith's heels clicked loudly as she followed after him.

"No! NO! This is not the end. I don't care, Daddy. This is not up to you! This is my fucking life." Meredith screamed as she stood at the entrance. She was tired of him making her look like a fool. She treated her like she was an object.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey. You will not talk to me like that!" Thatcher growled as he spun around. With Meredith in her heels, they were eye to eye. She glared into her father's dull gray eyes. To her, he was just a man. He wasn't a powerful man. Just a man.

"No, you will not keep treating me like shit. You treat me like I was left on the side of the road. You control me and treat me like shit. And you know... I hope I was left on the side of the road. If that were true, maybe I would have a family that loved me. Instead of a power-monger, asshole of a father. Please tell me I'm not yours. Please tell me. Please." Meredith said as she looked into his eyes. She knew that it was true. She was his daughter. She never knew the feeling of love. And deep in her heart, she wondered if it would be worth trading everything in.

"Oh Meredith... Sometimes I wish it were true. But no, Meredith... You are mine. And you... You cannot do this. Period." He said as he shook his head and walked away.

"This is not up to you, Thatcher!" Meredith screamed causing everyone to look. Meredith had never called her father Thatcher. She always had enough respect for him to call him dad. Thatcher turned once again and looked her in shock. "I will be a surgeon. You can't stop me!" She screamed as her face turned red.

"You will never make it." He laughed as he looked at her. He didn't understand why she couldn't just accept her fate and move on. She had to push and fight the whole way. She had her mother's will.

"I will! I scored incredibly high on the MCATs. And I am at the top of my class. I will make it. I am smart. And I have drive. And even if you want me to fail, I won't. How does it feel, daddy? How does it feel to have no control?" Meredith taunted as she looked her father in his cold hard eyes.

"I know you are smart enough, Meredith. You are a brilliant girl. That was never the question. No, that is not an issue. But Meredith... Do you honestly think that you can make it? Do you really think anyone in the world would want Meredith Grey cutting them open? Of course not! They want a surgeon. They want a doctor. They don't want a pretty face. No matter what, they want a qualified individual. They don't want Meredith Grey, the superficial beauty queen. They want an outstanding surgeon. It isn't you. It's the circumstances." He told her frankly.

Meredith felt the tears well up in her eyes. He was right. To a certain extent, he was right. And Andre had questioned that too. Now she was wondering how she could do it. The paparazzi follow her everywhere. There would be no way for her to work with the around. And everyone would think her father paid her way. They would never respect her for the hard work and effort she put into her life.

"I- I...Just- Why?" Meredith said as she looked at him. She didn't understand why this had to happen to her.

"Meredith... You need to let his go. You need to let go of all of this. You are beautiful. You are an amazing woman. You should be on a man's arm, just being you. You should be having a good time, sipping cocktails. You don't need to work on a human body to be respected. You don't need to cut to feel like you are achieving something. You need to take on your true roll." He told her. He wasn't comforting. He was keeping his distance, explaining what he thought.

"What is that? My true role..." Meredith asked as she let a stray tears fall down her cheek.

"To be Meredith Grey. To just be. You are a trophy wife." Thatcher told her as he looked into her eyes. "You should go to dinner parties and just be. You need to accept your fate, Meredith. It is time for you to give up this medical dream nonsense." He said as he shook his head at her.

"I- I don't want that. None of it. I don't want to live that way. You may think that is my path, but it is no. I am Meredith Grey. And I will achieve what I want!" Meredith yelled as she spun around and ran up the stairs.

Meredith ran into her room and slammed the door. Her soft bed moved as she threw her light weight on it. She was so near giving up. She felt sick. She felt like such a failure. She just wanted to live her dream. She needed it. And now she was losing Derek. She was losing her dream. She was losing her life. There was only one thing that could save her, and he was gone. As she laid there, she contemplated the second option.


	89. End It

Meredith paced back and forth in her room. If it were possible to burn a hole through her persian rug, she would have. Track marks could definitely be seen on the light side from her feet going over and over it in her hasty stride. She was alone in that room. No one was going to be running up to talk to her. And she needed to talk herself down. And it was so hard to do when you really wanted something. Next to impossible.

Meredith continued to walk as she thought about it. Thatcher was right. No one wanted someone with celebrity status chopping them up. They would never take her seriously as doctor. It wouldn't just be the patients. She knew that her fellow interns would never give her a chance. The other students at Parma weren't giving her an inch, and they weren't even her competition. No one was ever going to take her seriously. She was a joke. To the people at school. To her father. And to herself.

Meredith needed Derek. She couldn't call him. She couldn't pull him away from something that was so important to him. She had already been more than selfish and was regretting it everyday. She already pressured him in every way. She pushed him to the limits and expected a great deal of sacrifice in return. She couldn't call him. No matter how badly she needed him, she wouldn't call.

"Mer... You have stop this shit." Meredith muttered to herself as she stopped and sighed. Her stomach was flipping and flopping at the thoughts that were going through her head.

Her father called her a trophy wife. To her, that was one of the most hurtful things he had ever said. She knew he thought it, but she never thought he would be so point blank about it. She didn't want to be thought of as a nice accessory on a man's arm. She wasn't arm candy. She wanted to be successful and make a difference in the world. She didn't want to be a rich socialite who didn't have a grasp on reality. She knew she wasn't completely there yet, but she was on her way.

"Ms. Grey..." Meredith heard a voice say from outside the door. It wasn't Cristoforo. It wasn't a familiar voice. She was positive it was one of her father's guards and they were the last people that she wanted to see. Anything to do with her father made her totally and utterly sick to her stomach.

"What?" Meredith snapped angrily as she stood and looked at the wood door. She had no reason to snap at him. She knew that. They were her father's stooges. They were robots for a man with far too much power.

"Sofia said your lunch is ready." He said quickly. Meredith listened to his words. She wondered if he was one of the ones that was rude to her. Well not to her. In general. Acting like a slop hog.

"You know what... Why don't you fuck off!" Meredith shouted angrily. She heard the man scurry away. Her anger and irritation came in waves, and she was finding it harder and harder to control herself.

Meredith sat in the antique arm chair and laid her head against the wall. She thought about the coke. She thought about how sweet it was. She thought about how it seemed to take away any pain that she was feeling. It was her ultimate pleasure. It made life worth living. The minute that it took it's effects, she would free fall into a vat of pleasure beyond explanation. She seemed to forget what happened after she fell.

"Fuck!" Meredith shouted as she stood up quickly.

There had to be some around. There had to be a little bump to get her through her troubles. She needed just a snort. A tiny insignificant snort. Something to take the edge off of the sharp knife that was to her throat. Meredith climbed under her bed and began looking. She knew she had hid little bits everywhere to help her get through in an emergency.

"Where the fuck is it?" Meredith screamed loudly as she pounded on her bed. She quickly flipped the mattress off and shouted when she found nothing.

She was near insanity as she ran into the bathroom and began dumping out the drawers. She just needed a taste. It was so close that it was killing her. She let out several desperate cries. She couldn't take it. She was going crazy thinking about how close it should have been and how far it really was. Meredith began tossing things around in the bathroom, glass jars falling, things crashing in the shower.

"Oh my god... Oh my god..." Meredith cried as she collapsed against the wall and held her knees to her chest. She felt like her life was ending.

Meredith sat against the wall and prayed for the end to come. She wished she had just let go when she overdosed. She wished it was all over. She wished she could be done with her life and at peace. She was so tired up running straight uphill and getting nowhere. She was tired of everyone thinking she was never going to amount to anything. And that she was shallow and selfish. She was tired of the judging. She was tired of the pressure. She was just tired. She just wanted it over.

"Meri..." Sofia gasped as she walked into the bathroom and looked around in shock. She couldn't believe the destruction that was present. "Oh, Meri..." She said softly as she bent down next to the crying girl. She wasn't a girl anymore, but she would always be a girl to Sofia.

"I can't take it anymore." Meredith cried in the woman's arms. "I can't breathe." Meredith sobbed against her side.

"I'm here. I'm here." Sofia reminded her as she held her close.

Meredith sighed as she felt the woman hold her tight. She needed that. She needed someone to hold her and tell her that she would be fine. She thought about Derek. She couldn't let him down. She couldn't throw away what they had. As she closed her eyes, a faint smile crossed her mouth. She had him. She would always have him.

Meredith grabbed out her books. That was all she knew to do. All she could do was throw herself back into her books. The tiny reminder was still hanging over her head. She was still thinking about the coke. If someone walked up to her and offered her a tiny taste, there was no way she could refuse what she needed so badly. So now she needed a distraction. She needed something to take her mind off of it. And that had to be her schoolwork.

Meredith couldn't leave her room. She knew that Sofia was watching her like a hawk. She found it a tad bit irritating, but there was nothing she could do about it. She had to be on her best behavior. She needed Derek, but Derek wasn't around, so she wanted the next best thing. She wanted it so badly, she couldn't even read her books. She wanted it so badly that she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She couldn't breathe. It wanted her and she wanted it.

i_Meredith walked into the house. It was nice. It was clean. She knew that she had to meet Dante there to get what she needed. She was so desperate, she was willing to do anything for just a taste. She looked around for him. He said he would be waiting for her, and she saw him nowhere. He was always waiting._

_"Dante?" Meredith yelled as she walked around. "Dante, are you here? I need some." Meredith yelled. She was getting desperate, wondering if he was just being a tease._

_"In here." Dante yelled loudly from another room. Meredith rushed forward. She needed to find him. He led her to what she so most desired._

_"Where... Oh." Meredith said as she walked in and looked at Dante. He was standing in front of his desk with nothing on but an evil smile. He had too much power over her. This had become a habit. This had become a normal day. _

_"What do you want, Meri?" Dante asked with a chuckle. He was so good at taking her over. He was so good and making her do what he wanted. He was the boss and she was the unsuspecting victim. Her mind had been polluted into thinking that this was worth it. Her self-worth was gone a long time ago. It walked right out the door with Derek Hanson._

_"I need it." Meredith said in a panic. She always panicked. She was always worried he wouldn't have what she needed. She knew she couldn't go on without another hit. She couldn't go on without a taste._

_"This?" He asked as he stepped aside and revealed a mountain of snow white cocaine on his mahogany desk. "Is this what you crave, beautiful?" He asked as he pointed._

_"Ye- Yes..." Meredith responded with a hearty nod as she looked into his eyes. "Please?" Dante looked at her and chuckled. He loved his power._

_"You know what to do..." He groaned as he grabbed his penis in his hand and gave it a good stroke. Meredith nodded her head and ambled over, crawling to her knees. "Good girl." He told her with a smile._

_It was such a despicable position, and yet she was more than willing to do it if it meant she would get what she wanted. She was far too gone to realize what she was doing was shameful and dirty. Everyone in the world had forgotten about Meredith Grey. She had lost it all a long time ago. She ran the family business into the ground. The last time she heard about Derek Hanson, he was more than happy in the States with his wife and child. She should have known better than to ever think she could make him happy. She was worthless._

_"Oh god, Meri... I swear you get better every time." Dante said as he pulled his cock from his mouth and looked down at her. Meredith wiped her mouth and rose to her feet, awaiting her reward. Dante nodded and allowed her to walk over to her prize._

_"Oh yes..." Meredith said with a smile as she placed her face into the pile. She loved it. She needed it. She longed for it. She didn't want to die. She wanted to live. She wanted to live in the pile. But the way she was living her life... She was better off dead./i_

Meredith gasped as she opened her eyes. She could feel the white powder choking the life out of her as she gasped for air. She needed fresh air. She jumped out of her bed and ran to the balcony. She felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't believe she even imagined that scenario. She couldn't get it out of her head that she could sink that low. She looked sadly down at the tainted pool. She longed for the days when she could do laps to relieve her tension.

"Meri... Dinner!" Tony yelled from the door. Meredith sighed. She couldn't believe she had slept that long. Last she remembered, it was barely lunch. She slowly ambled across her room and opened her door.

Meredith rubbed her stomach as she walked down the hallway. She was actually really hungry. She had only eaten part of a yogurt. Just as she hit the marble staircase, she heard a voice. It was familiar. It was haunting. She looked down and felt a knot form in her stomach. She met the could hard eyes of Trevor. She was looking into the eyes of her rapist.

"Meredith... Trevor is going to join us for dinner." Thatcher said with a smile as he looked up at her. Meredith hated that about her father. He had the ability to pretend that everything was fine. He pretended that there was no fight between them earlier in the day.

Meredith swallowed hard. Trevor made her sick. Her former father figure was looking at her. He had a slightly devilish grin playing upon his lips. He was undressing her with his eyes. She could tell by looking at him that he was reliving the moment. She knew it was something that he didn't regret. As she stared at him, she could tell, if given the chance, he would have a replay.

"Oh." Meredith croaked out. She couldn't look at him, but at the same time, she couldn't not look. She had to be ready. She had to be on alert.

Meredith found it next to impossible to swallow down the saliva in her mouth. Her throat went dry and her heart beat quickly. She was scared prey. She was sending off the scent of fear from her pores. And Trevor was ready to pounce on her. He was ready to suck the life out of her once again. He was ready to leave her battered, bruised and broken. Meredith's only hope was that when he did, this time he would just kill her and get it over with.

"Hello, Meri..." Trevor said with a smile as she walked down. Meredith didn't say a word as she passed. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She could feel every nerve in her body sending off electrical pulses. She was terrified. "Not going to talk to me?" He breathed on her neck. It was like a dragon. His flames were licking her flesh. He was ready to take her out. And she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to slay him.

"I hope you are hungry, Meredith." Sofia said as she brought in Meredith's favorite tomato and cream sauce pasta dish. Meredith looked at the woman. She was praying Sofia could read her mind and save her from the hell and pain that she was feeling. Instead she was alone. It was so dark and cold in her newfound position. She just wanted to fall. It was so much easier.

"Oh... Yeah." Meredith lied as she took her seat.

Meredith couldn't even think of eating as she looked at the food. This was stuff she loved, but now it made her sick. The thought of sticking anything in her mouth made her ill. All she could think about was Trevor's disgusting tongue sliding into her mouth and tasting her. All she could think about was his penis in her core. All she could think about was the dream of Dante and what she had been willing to do.

"Meri... Is it not good?" Sofia asked with a sense of paranoia. Meredith could see the hurt in the woman's eyes. "Is something wrong with it?"

"It tastes fine." Trevor said with a nod and a smile. "Doesn't it, Meri?" Trevor questioned as he looked over at her. Meredith felt his hand grasp her thigh. It was just tight enough to let her know that he was in control, but soft enough to let her know that he wanted her.

"Fine." Meredith croaked out. She could barely speak. She could hardly breathe. She felt like she was dying. "It's- It's good." She cried out, trying not to begin bawling.

"Are you okay, honey?" Sofia asked again. The woman was seeing that something wasn't right. Meredith looked terrified for her life as she sat there silently. She was scared, she could see it in her eyes.

"Fine." Meredith repeated without looking up.

She looked at her food and attempted to place a bite in her mouth. She needed Derek. She needed him and he wasn't here. It was like some kind of torture. He was off trying to work on his future, and she was stuck trying to take on her past. The food tasted wonderful, but as it slid down, it felt like opinion. She couldn't move. She couldn't react.

"So how is class going, Meri?" Trevor asked with a smile. Meredith felt his hands move up to her mound and graze it gently.

"Fine." Meredith whimpered as she felt the tears pooling in her eyes. She could not let them fall. She could not let everyone know that she was in distress. Meredith felt him grasp her tightly. She couldn't take it. It was boiling over. She was suffering. She was a vicious animal and he was poking her with a stick.

"I want to fuck you again..." Trevor whispered in her ear as he leaned over to grab the bread on the table.

That was all it took. Meredith decided right then and there that she wouldn't be a victim anymore. She couldn't be a victim. She had to fight because no one would fight for her. She looked around tech table, planning her attack. He was done. He was never hurting her again. She quickly grabbed the bread knife off of the table and raised it up. Everyone looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

"If you ever touch me again, I will kill you. I will fucking kill you!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she held the knife to his throat.

"Meredith... What the hell are you doing? Drop the knife!" Thatcher demanded as he looked at her.

"How does it feel to lose your power? How does does it feel to be so close to losing it all?" Meredith asked with a smile.

As she held the knife to his throat, she felt so in control. She felt great. All of her endorphins were surging as she she stood there the blade pressing so tightly against his throat. She was in control. She was the boss. She didn't look away from that blade. She never thought it would feel so great. She held the power. The power to take his life. And to end her own suffering.


	90. Stereotype

Meredith felt the surge of power through her body. She felt great. She felt amazing. She was telling him. She was showing him. She held his life in her hands and she never felt more amazing in her life. It was karma, but it was instant karma. It was karma in her own hands. She pressed the knife against him as she ignored their pleas for her to stop.

"Meredith... Meredith Elizabeth! Stop!" Thatcher yelled as he rose to his feet. All of the guards rushed in and the raised voices. Everyone stood there and looked in shock.

"How does it feel?" Meredith asked Trevor with an evil grin. "Tell me... How does it feel?" She growled as she looked into his cold eyes. "Answer me, you fucker!."

"You don't want to do this." Trevor told her frankly. "You are making a big mistake." He growled as he looked at her. "You have lost your mind. You have completely lost your mind! You are crazy... Too far gone now. No one will help you. No one can."

Meredith felt the tears burning her eyes. He was making her look like she was crazy. He wasn't willing to take any of the blame. She felt sick as she looked at him. He was making it sound like it was all her. She couldn't take it. She felt like such a failure at everything. If she had just fought harder. Maybe if she had worn a one piece bathing suit. Maybe if she had tried harder. She couldn't take it.

"Meredith... You need to put down the knife, honey." Sofia told her with a smile. "Please, Meri." Sofia stared at the girl in shock. She was so worried about her. So worried about why she had fallen over the edge. "Let's talk. Everything will be okay. You don't need to do this. Things are okay."

"No... He deserves to die." Meredith said as she looked at him. "He will. He will die." She told them as she fell into a trance. "Today you will die." She warned him.

Meredith stood there and thought about it all. She felt so worthless. She felt at the end of her rope. She had been so happy before. She was at the height of her glory with Derek. They were going on vacations. They were succeeding in school. And now she was a mess. Ever since that say she had fallen so far and so fast. She felt like she could never come back. She was ruining Derek, she was ruining herself. She needed to end it. He couldn't hurt anyone again. She would make sure he couldn't. And she wouldn't either.

"Tony... Stop her." Thatcher said as he looked at his best guard. Tony look at him in shock. He didn't think she would do it. "Tony. STOP HER NOW!" Thatcher yelled as Meredith pressed the knife into Trevor's neck. She smiled as she watched tiny droplets of blood trickle down. She needed more pressure. Just as she went to make a nice, deep slice, she felt someone grab her hand.

"Stop!" Tony yelled as he ripped the knife out of her hand and tossed it. Meredith cried out as she looked around. It hit her just how close she was to killing a person. She fell to the floor and began sobbing. "Get him help..." Thatcher said, motioning to Trevor, who was in shock. Thatcher quickly waved everyone out of the room. Sofia looked at him and hesitated, and finally walked out with her head down.

"He raped me... He raped me..." She cried as she laid in a puddle on the floor. "He raped me..."

Thatcher looked down at his daughter. All he could feel was anger. He was angry with his daughter. He couldn't believe that she was laying there like a victim. He was disgusted with her. He was tired of her weakness. She was supposed to strong. Thatcher felt angry as she laid there, looking pathetic and making a fool of herself.

"Get up, Meri. Get up now!" He yelled as he looked down at her. "Get your ass up."

"Daddy..." Meredith cried as she laid there. Thatcher walked over and gripped her arm tightly, ripping her to her feet. "Daddy..." Meredith cried as she looked into his eyes.

"You won't do this. This is bullshit. No way will I have it. No way." Thatcher warned her as he looked into her eyes. "You aren't going to stand her and play innocent. I know everything. Trevor told me everything the day after is supposedly happened. You cannot stand here and be a whore and think nothing will come of it." Thatcher growled as he looked into her eyes.

"He raped me, Daddy..." Meredith sobbed, barely able to hold herself up.

"Bullshit. He told me. You seduced him. He was in a moment of weakness and you seduced him. Do you know what it is like when you know your daughter is a whore? I walk around here, knowing you are a little slut. For months, I have to think about my daughter fucking my best friend. You make me fucking sick, and I don't feel sorry for you. You are worthless, Meredith. Worthless." He told her as he shoved her away. "I can't even look at you. You're lucky you didn't kill him. Then I would have had to get rid of two bodies." He shouted as he walked out.

Meredith felt her legs collapsed as she crashed to the floor. It was all over. She felt like she lost it all. Everything that ever mattered to her was gone. Her father didn't believe her. He didn't care. Maybe she was worthless. Maybe she was a whore. She felt Sofia bend down and hold her close. She had someone, but it was too late. Meredith Grey was already gone. Gone forever.

"Meri... What happened?" Sofia asked softly as she stroked Meredith's hair.

Meredith went silent. There were no tears. There was no talking. There was nothing but silence. Meredith laid there. She was dead. Dead in heart and dead in soul. She gave up. There was no reason to fight anymore. There was nothing to fight for. She knew there was no point in saying anything. She told her father. She finally got the nerve to say something, and it got her nothing. He called her a whore and said he was ashamed. She was tired of it. Tired of it all.

"Meri... I need you to talk to me. You are my little girl..." Sofia whispered as she leaned down to her face. "I have known you since you were little. You don't hold knives to people's throats. You are not a violent person. I don't understand what happened. I can't guess. You need to tell me, Meri. You need to tell me." Sofia told her with a frown.

"I'm fine." Meredith said frankly as she sat up.

It was a lie. She felt like her whole life was a lie. Her father never cared about her. He never thought about her. And now he thought she was a whore. She didn't understand how he could take the work of his friend over the word of his own flesh and blood. It made her sick. He never cared about her. She had no one. No one at all.

"You are not fine!" Sofia said quickly as she swatted Meredith's arm. "You can tell me."

"I guess I'm just crazy." Meredith pointed out as she rose to her feet. "I have lost my mind. Along with everything else."

"Oh, Meri... I will never believe that. You need to talk." Sofia said as she grabbed her arm and stopped her. Meredith gave her a glare and Sofia quickly released her grip.

"I don't need to talk. I told you, I am fine." Meredith said with a fake smile as she walked out of the dining room.

She didn't see her father there. He was no where around. She wasn't surprised. In the end, she wasn't shocked at anything. He was nasty. He spit his evil and he walked away, leaving her in a mess. She was thinking that she was better off dead. She would have been better off left somewhere. Left by a river in a basket. Anything but growing up living in a lie. Anything but being in that place with such a crude hateful man and his iron rule.

Meredith walked up the marble staircase. She needed to figure something out. She needed relief. She had to stop the pain that was taking her over. It was taking her over. It was slowly and painfully creeping up her body like a choking vine. It was sucking the life out of her. For the first time, she decided to fight for herself, and it came back on her ten-fold. She was done. She was ready to succumb to whatever it was that waited her.

"Hello...Meri..." Meredith heard as she walked into her room.

Meredith looked up in shock at Trevor. She swallowed the lump down in her throat. He was in her room. He was ready to hurt her. She saw the darkness back in his eyes. He was out for the kill. She had outed him. Even if no one believed her, she out him and now she was going down. He would punish her for thinking she could take him out.

"Stay away from me." Meredith said angrily. She would hurt him. If it came down to it. It it was between she or him, he would be rolled up in her persian rug and dragged out the front door. "I will kill you."

"Sure you will." Trevor said with a grin as he looked into her eyes. He could see the fear. She was trying to be strong, but there was fear in her eyes. "You will do nothing of the sort." He told her as he walked over and grabbed her. "You won't..."

"Have you looked in the mirror? If they didn't stop me, you'd be dead right now." Meredith growled as she backed away from him. "I would have filleted you like a fish."

"Uh huh..." Trevor told her as he walked towards her. "You know you liked it. I mean... I know you are ashamed of that. But you did enjoy that little fight you put up. And I know you have been thinking about it. I know you want it again. I will even be a little rough if that is what gets you hot." Trevor told her with a smile as he walked towards her with a more open stride.

"Fuck you!" Meredith shouted as she spun around and took off. Just as she reached her doorframe, she felt his grasp on her. "Please..." She whimpered as she fell to the floor. "Not again."

"You like it, Meri. Don't lie to me." Trevor told her as he flipped her hard onto her back. "And your father... He doesn't care. He believes me. He knows you are a whore." He laughed as he began working on his jeans. "Go ahead, scream... I dare you." He seethed as he looked into her terrified eyes.

"Please don't... Please don't..." Meredith cried as she closed her eyes and tried to pull herself into the fetal position.

"What the fuck?" Tony said angrily as he walked by. He was in shock as the sight before him. Trevor looked like he was attacking Meredith. He couldn't believe it. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Teaching this liar a lesson." Trevor said with a grin as he pulled away from her.

"Get the fuck off of her. Now!" Tony shouted as he shoved him back. Trevor chuckled as he stood. They all knew he held much more power than Tony. Trevor shook his head and walked out. He was too nervy. He didn't care. He knew that nothing they said made a difference.

"Meri... Are you okay?" Tony asked as he helped her up. Meredith looked into his eyes. Tony saw nothing. Emptiness. The abyss. "What can I do? What... Anything..."

"I need you to take me somewhere. Now. I need to go now." She said in desperation. "Please."

Tony looked at Meredith. He wasn't sure what she wanted, but he had a feeling. He was at a loss as to what to do. He could take her to wherever it was she needed to go. Or he could leave her. Either way, he was feeling bed about out. He didn't want to tell her no. He didn't want to deny her. Not after what he had just witnessed. And yet he knew that it was going to be a bad mistake. Bad.

"Where, Meri?" Tony asked quickly. He didn't want to look at her. He wanted to look away. He didn't want to know.

Tony finally looked up at her. He felt sick. He felt sick to his stomach. She looked horrible. What he had just witnessed made him sick. The thought of Trevor on top of her made him think about every thing that he ever said that had been out of line. He was feeling horrible about his little comments that most likely set her over the edge. Just the little things. And he never realized how badly he had been to her.

"Just... Somewhere. A place I need to stop somewhere. Can you take me Tony? I know I boss you around and generally treat you like shit. But I just... I need this. I really need it. I need it so much." Meredith told him with a frown.

"Okay." Tony reluctantly agreed as he looked into her eyes. "Okay. I will take you." He told her with a broken smile. He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. He had to do it because he was worried. He was worried that if he didn't take her, she would wind up dead. He knew that the coke would kill her. But a knife would do it quicker.

"Thank you." Meredith said as she choked back tears. She didn't want ti resort to it, but she had to. She was drowning, and that was her life raft. She knew that Derek didn't understand it. No one did. But it saved her. It pulled her from the darkness. That was what she told herself. It had never been farther from the truth. It actually pulled her into the darkness. There was no pulling out. Never.

"Where to, Meredith?" Tony asked softly as he looked over at her. She was sitting in the back of the BMW suv that he was driving. She looked worried and distracted as she looked out the window. Tony let out a breath before he asked again. "Meredith... Where to?" He asked again, a little louder this time.

"Oh... Yeah... In town. Bologna." Meredith said with a sigh as she fumbled through her purse. She didn't have anything. None of her usual things. Any drug paraphernalia was gone now. Meredith laid her head back, occasionally spitting directions out to Tony. "There. Right there." Meredith said as she pointed out the house. Tony hit the breaks and pulled up.

Meredith was nervous. She shouldn't be here. She didn't even call him. This was his personal home and she was there. She needed it too bad. She was mad that they dumped her off and left her to die. But now, all she thought about was the coke. She could let it all go if it meant that she could get a hit. She quickly walked up to the gate and buzzed.

"Yes?" She heard Dante say quickly. She knew he could see her in the camera.

"It's Meredith... I know I shouldn't be here... But I need some. I need it really bad." Meredith admitted as she stood there in the rain. She was a mess physical and mentally.

"Meredith... You shouldn't be here. You know better than to come here." Dante said coldly as he looked at her through the monitor. "But I knew you would be back. I knew it." He told her with a chuckle.

In her right mind, Meredith would never let him chuckle at her. But in this moment, she was in desperation. She was needing something that only he could give her. She would do anything for the magic that he could hand her. The magic that made her okay. The magic that made life bearable. So there she stood at his mercy.

"Please, Dante. Please... Just a hit. Please?" Meredith begged as she stood there. She was already shaking in anticipation. She needed it. She really needed it.

"Oh, Meredith... Like I said, I knew you would be back. Come on." Dante said as he buzzed the gate open.

Meredith walked up the sidewalk. She looked at the house. It was so nice. Not just a simple house. The lawn was perfectly manicured. It seemed the drug dealing business was more than lucrative. As she walked to the door, it opened slowly. She looked into his brown eyes as she stepped inside. He smiled at her. He knew. He held the power. All of the power.

"So... What do you want?" Dante asked as he held up a small bag in front of her. "Do you want this?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yes... Yes please." Meredith asked as she looked into his eyes.

"Oh, Meri..." He laughed as he handed her the bag. "Such the stereotype."

**Yeah... That sucks! REVIEW!**


	91. Out To Kill

Derek wasn't on her mind. He wasn't there because she was not thinking clearly. She should be thinking about him, but she wasn't. He was always there for her. He was the only person that gave her unconditional love, and yet, nothing. She gave him nothing in return. She worried about her own selfish habit and walked away from the support that she gave. She was her typical unreformed self that denied everyone. Except herself.

Meredith laid out her line on his countertop. She didn't bother asking if it was okay. She was Meredith Grey, and to her, anything she did was okay. Dante wasn't opposed to her doing whatever she wished. She intrigued him. The girl who had it all, and yet had nothing. He watched as she snorted her line up her nose and smiled. It didn't even hit her yet, but someone everything was once again right in the world.

"Good?" Dante asked with a smile as he ran his hand down her back and rested it on her ass. He liked her tight ass, and he was sue someday he would get into those jeans. She was worth the wait. He could wait it out.

"Good." She agreed as she looked up at him, waiting for her surge of pleasure. "Really good."

"You have been away too long." He said with a smile as he looked into her eyes. Meredith nodded in agreement. She had been away too long. Things had been great and now they had come crashing back down. This was a much easier way to deal with the pain that took her body over.

Meredith didn't sit and think about things lately. She wasn't using her brain. She used it for the necessaries like school, but she wasn't pondering life's small discrepancies. She had been so far gone in a fog of confusion and addiction. The normal everyday thoughts that used to flow in and out were now stuck in the filter. She never wondered why Dante wasn't punished for his hand in her overdose. Nothing ever came of that. She didn't question it. But she should have. She really should have.

"I have been." Meredith agreed, trying to decide on whether to take another hit or not.

"Yes you have... And I wouldn't, baby. You need to take it easy. It's coming. Give it time." He told her as he rubbed her back gently. Meredith didn't fight his touch. She stood there and waited for it. She waited for the feeling to come into her body. Dante watched as her eyes dilated and a smile crossed her face.

"So good..." Meredith said with a smile as she closed her eyes and leaned back against the counter. "Fuck yes..."

"I'm glad you like it." He told her as he leaned his body against hers. "So you want some?" He asked with a smile.

"Of course." She told him as she pulled away and grabbed her purse. "How much?"

"How much do you want? This is pretty pure... A small hit will get you good. As you just experienced..." He pointed out as he looked into her eyes. Meredith looked down at the floor and then back up at him.

"An ounce." She finally said with compunction. She really was ashamed at the large amount that she wanted. She wanted more so she wouldn't have to come back. Not that she was a champion at rationing it to herself. She could barely keep herself from diving into the whole pile.

"An ounce?" He asked in shock. "Are you sure..." He asked, not that he really cared. He was in this for the dollar and the dollar alone. An ounce was a hefty load for anyone. especially someone of her size.

"Yes. How much?" She asked as she dug in her purse for the cash to pay for her contraband. She was carrying a large amount. She had to be sure she could get what she needed.

"Two." He told her with a smile, cutting her a slight break for buying quantity. Meredith nodded and dug in her purse for the two-grand needed to get her what she wanted. Guaranteed happiness.

"Thanks." Meredith said as she threw the cash on the counter and grabbed the stash that he cut for her. Meredith stuffed it in her Gucci bag and walked away.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked with a smile as he walked beside her and smacked her on the ass. Meredith looked over at him and glared. Dante's eyes got wide and he dropped his hand.

"Yes, I am." Meredith said frankly as she walked to the door. "If I need something else, I will be in touch." Meredith told him was she opened the door and walked out.

"Nice doing business with you!" He joked as he watched her walk to the car. Meredith opened the back door of the car and climbed in. Meredith shook her leg as Tony looked at her. He knew she was high and he was kicking himself for being an enabler. He felt guilty that Trevor almost took advantage of her and he didn't see it before. This was his way of helping her.

"Are you ready to go home?" Tony asked as he looked back at her. Meredith looked at him through dilated eyes . Meredith smiled and nodded her head. She was zooming now.

Derek climbed in his car. He loved the soft leather interior. He loved the way the steering wheel felt in his hands. He loved the way it handled, so much better than his old truck at home. He loved his car. But it wasn't really his car. Everything that he had was owned by Thatcher Grey. He hated it, but he had gotten over that a long time ago. He knew there was no way he would ever be able to compete with the man as far as finances were concerned. No one could. People in the world couldn't even touch him in that aspect. He had made far too many successful business ventured legal and illegal. Derek would never would be able to compete. Not going into the medical field.

Derek hadn't talked to Meredith. He wanted to call her every day. He wished he could call her everyday. He was hoping she would but he knew she really couldn't. She was always on his mind. He had felt pretty confident leaving her home. She was doing well and she was back into the swing of things and back to her normal life. He knew that they walked a fine line as far as being ousted to Thatcher. He knew that really, they could be checked on at any moment. He never knew what was bugged and what wasn't.

Derek was satisfied with Hesperia Hospital in Modena. It wasn't too far away from Bologna. He liked it there. He thought he could be happy at the hospital. Three years ago he would have never imagined that he could speak fluent Italian and consider working in an Italian hospital. He still wasn't sure how they would make it work. He had no idea how he was going to handle doing an internship and working for Thatcher Grey. He didn't want to think about it. Not at all.

Derek pulled up to the gates of the Grey mansion. The feeling he had the first time he drove in those gates was a distant memory. It was long gone now. It was a feeling of fear and unpreparedness. He never could have prepared himself for this job. It was a job that he really wasn't fit for, but all of the pieces fit together. He was so glad that they did. This job allowed him to meet the love of his life. A girl who happened to be the richest woman in the world, and quite possibly the last girl he would have ever seen himself with. But then again, you never know. Love creeps up silently when you least expect it.

Derek parked the car in it's spot in the garage. The house seemed quiet. All he could think was that Thatcher wasn't around. The car that drove him from place to place was missing. That meant he was either out and about in town, or they had taken him to the airport. Derek was hoping for the latter. Derek walked into the door and looked around. It was eerily quiet, and he got a cold feeling through his veins as he walked through.

"Oh... Derek." Sofia said with a smile as he walked in. He looked at the woman. She looked slightly more weathered than before he left. She looked slightly worried. A little tired. She looked unhealthy.

"Sofia... How have you been?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes.

"Oh... Good." She said half-heartedly as she looked at him. As she looked into his baby blue eyes, she couldn't tell him. She couldn't break it to him that Meredith had fallen back into her trap. She knew it would break his heart. "How was the internship search?"

"It was good." Derek said with a smile as he looked at her. Her eyes were sad. Beyond sad. Maybe a little hurt and slightly cut off. "Where is Mer?" He asked with a smile, knowing that no one was around.

"In her room." Sofia explained. It was killing her. She had no idea how to approach the situation. She had no idea what to do.

"Good... I can't want to see her. You have no idea how much I have missed that girl." Derek told her with a nod and a smile as he spun on his heel and rushed away.

Derek didn't like the look that Sofia had in her eyes. It was so mixed up. He was hoping that it wasn't her health. He would hate to think that something was wrong with her. She was a pretty decent mother-figure to Meredith, and he didn't want her to lose her. He quickly rushed down the hallway and threw his bag on his bed before he heading to her room.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he tapped on her door and then pushed it open. He was shocked as he looked around. It was a mess. Everything was everywhere. She was sitting in her chair, her leg bouncing and her head moving to the music on her ipod. He looked at her eyes and walked up.

"Hey!" Meredith squealed loudly as she jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. Derek didn't even have a chance to speak as she smothered him his with hug and a soft kiss on he lips. When she pulled away, Derek wanted nothing more than to look into her eyes. And when he did, he was more than disappointed.

"What the fuck?" He asked as he looked at her. She was fixed and dilated. She was high as a kite in the spring sky. "You're fucking high."

"Oh... Derek!" She giggled as she leaned in and kissed him hard. Derek was in shock as she slid her tongue into his mouth and tasted him. He quickly pulled away and grabbed her shoulders.

"What the fuck? I can't fucking leave you!" He said in disgust as he pushed her away. "I can't believe you did this." He told her as he threw his hands up and walked away. He couldn't even look at her. It all made sense as he thought about the look in Sofia's eyes. It was Meredith. She had been worried about Meredith. "What the hell?" Derek growled as he looked at Sofia. Sofia dropped her head and let a tear fall from her eye. "What happened to her?"

"Things happened... I don't... It was bad." Sofia said as she began to cry. Derek looked at her in shock. Things happened. Like what?

"What do you mean, things happened? What kind of things happened?" He asked in shock as he looked at her. He wanted to know everything, and he wanted to know everything right at that moment.

"I don't know... I don't know..." Sofia cried out with a gasp. She could still see Meredith standing at the table with a knife.

"What happened? I come back and Meredith is high! She was fine when I left. She was fine..." He said as he glared at the woman. She held all the answers. "Tell me everything... I need to know."

"She went nuts. Meri went nuts. She attacked him. She took a knife and she was going to kill him. Tony stopped her... It was horrible. She was going to slit his throat. She was going to kill him." Sofia said as she began to whimper. Tony stopped her... He stopped her. And then... Thatcher... He talked to her and that was it." Sofia told him as she looked into his eyes.

Derek couldn't grasp what the woman was saying. She was all over the place. She couldn't seem to get it all straight and out of her mouth. From why he understood, Meredith tried to kill someone with a knife, and Thatcher talked to her. He stood there, mulling it over, trying to figure out what she meant.

"I don't get it..." Derek told her with a nod. "Please, explain it. Think about what you are saying, and explain it all." Derek told her with a nod. He had to get to the bottom of this mess, and he had to now. Sofia looked up at Derek and nodded. She drew in a deep breath and composed herself.

"Meri came down for dinner. She had been fine. No problems. She came down and walked into the dining room. She was acting different. Tense, scared. She sat down next to Trevor and she just wasn't right. All of a sudden, she jumped up and grabbed a knife. She asked him how it felt to be close to death. Tony had to stop her. She was going to kill him. She would have killed him..." Sofia said as she cried. "His throat was bleeding. He was going to be dead. Thatcher had us fix him up and he talked to her. I don't know what was said, but when I came in, she was on the floor, sobbing. That was it. That was... And now this." She told him as she looked at the floor, not letting him see the tears running down her cheeks.

"Who is this Trevor?" Derek asked. He could feel the anger growing. He had an idea who Trevor was, but he wasn't going to jump the gun. Derek waited for an answer, that never came. "Who is Trevor?"

"Trevor Danielson is... Like a father to her. She snapped. She just snapped... He is like a dad. She has known him her whole life." Sofia explained as she looked at him.

Derek looked up at her with a frown on his face. He had an idea. He knew who he was. Deep in his heart, he knew that Trevor was her rapist. He knew that that was the reason for freak out. It made him sick. She was forced to sit beside him at dinner. He could not even imagine it happening. Tremendous guilt washed over him as he thought about it. He should have been there. He should have been around to save her.

"Where is he?" Derek asked out of anger. He taunted her. He came back here and he taunted her. Now he was going to die. He needed to die.

"Trevor... I don't know. I think he is staying in town." Sofia explained with a nod. "Why... What is going on?" Sofia asked with confusion as she looked at her.

"I need to go out." Derek said frankly. "I will be back." He told her as he spun around and began to walk off.

"Derek... Where are you going!" Sofia shouted as she ran after him. "Derek... Why? What is going on?"

"Don't worry about it, Sofia. You don't need to know." Derek told her as he rushed into the garage and shut the door.

Sofia stood there in shock. She knew that Derek was upset and angry. She knew that he was planning something. Her stomach knotted up. Something had happened that she didn't know about. Something big had happened and she was in the dark. She wanted to know, but she was afraid. She was afraid of how bad it was. And what Derek was planning. She didn't want to see him make a mistake.

Derek drove down the street with anger surging in his veins. He was going to kill the man that hurt Meredith. He was going to kill him for ever making her feel an ounce of pain. He had ruined her life, and now it was time for him to pay. Derek thought about it as he drove in anger. He violated Meredith. He made her suffer. He changed her forever and she would never be the same.

Derek pulled up to the finest hotel in Bologna. He knew that was where he had to be. He was a madman as he walked in. He wasn't even sure how he would get up there. He was sure he was in the penthouse. He was sure that he too had guards. He made his way to the elevator like he belonged there. He went up to the top floor and was shocked when he saw no one. He made his way down the hallway and banged on the door. She was never the same. And now, he wouldn't be either.


	92. Hurting Herself

Derek banged in the door. He was out of his mind. There was no common sense left in his head. Common sense would have been a great thing. Common sense would have told him there could be a roomful of guards on the other side of the door. Common sense would say he could be walking into a bear trap. No matter what, he had one thing on common sense. He was angry, and a might bit insane.

"I'm coming... God damn!" Trevor said angrily as he walked towards the door. Derek could hear the heavy footsteps of a man on the other side of the door. He was hoping that his was his room. He was going on faith. He really had no idea. This may not even be the right hotel. But he knew. He just knew. "What is the big hurry?" Trevor snapped as he opened the door.

As soon as the door opened, the two men looked at each other. Derek knew he had the right room. He remembered seeing him with Thatcher Grey at the party. It was definitely him. He looked into the cold eyes of the man. He was in his forties. He was good looking and suave. He was a man who got what he wanted. Derek stared into his cold eyes and looked in. This man took advantage of Meredith. He committed the worse possible crime against a woman. He changed Meredith all the way down to her soul. He took things from her she could never get back, and replaced them with feeling she would never get rid of.

Trevor looked into Derek's blazing blue eyes. They weren't blue. They were red. Trevor knew who he was, but he had no idea why he was there. Trevor looked at the angry man in confusion. He looked like he was out for blood. His jaw was clenched and his fists were ready for a fight. Trevor backed up a step as he looked at him. Derek stepped forward, intimidating the man. It was all over for him. All over for good.

"What are you doing here?" Trevor asked as Derek made his way in without being invited.

"You rotten mother fucker!" Derek yelled as he stepped up. Before Trevor could say a word, Derek's fist meant the side of his head with fury. Derek watched as the man collapsed to the floor, grabbing his face in shock.

"What the hell was that?" He asked as he scrambled to his feet. Derek was ready for swing number two if need be.

"You ruined her life!" Derek screamed as he kicked the door shut and locked it. No one was going to come in and save this rotten bastard from his fate.

"Who's life? What the hell are you talking about?" Trevor asked as he looked at the crazed man.

"Meredith... You took everything from her! Everything!" Derek shouted as he shoved him. Trevor looked as him and shoved him back.

"Meredith... That little whore! What did that slut tell you?" Trevor asked with a chuckle. Derek felt the anger run through his veins in a fiery river. "She is a lying tramp. Whatever she got, she asked for." He laughed as he shook his head. "And boy did she enjoy it..."

"Fuck you..." Derek screamed. "You are lying! You lying son-of-a-bitch! Meredith did not ask for it. She is... She is a great person... She is... You killed her. You took everything away that made her her!" Derek screamed as he got into his face.

"She is a whore. Open your fucking eyes... God, even her father knows she is a whore!" Trevor told him with a grin. The grin was nasty. Condescending. That was all it took.

Derek firmly grasped the man. It took all of his strength, but he lifted him high and tossed him like a rag doll. Derek watched as he crashed through a table, splintering it into pieces. The man laid there, stunned as he looked up at Derek, who was coming in for the kill. He attempted to scramble away, but before he could, Derek was on top of him. Derek took swing after swing at the man's face and head.

"You took everything from her!" Derek shouted as he beat him in the eye socket. "She will never be the same!" He yelled as he grabbed his shoulders and beat his head against the pile of wood beneath them. "You ruined her life!" He screamed as he pounded on him.

"I didn't..." Trevor yelled as he looked at the crazed man. "I didn't hurt her..."

"She can't trust! She can't fucking sleep!" Derek screamed as he threw Trevor's body up and down on the table. "You killed her!" Derek screamed, ignoring the blood that was pouring from the man's head and face.

Trevor looked up at Derek. He had no idea why this man would care. He had no idea why he was here defending Meredith. He did know that lying was doing nothing. He knew that telling Derek that she was a whore and saying she wanted it was only getting him beat to death. As he looked at Derek's red eyes, he decided that he needed to get away. He had to fight the man off. He rolled away with all of his strength and jumped up, looking through the blood.

"Oh... I don't think so!" Derek screamed as he ran at him, shoving him through the glass balcony door. Trevor looked up at Derek as he laid splayed out on the tiny pieces of glass. "You need to die... Today... You need to die. You killed her... And she should have killed you." Derek screamed as he kicked him over and over in the ribs.

Derek couldn't control himself as he continued to kick the man. He wanted him to die. He wanted him to suffer. He wanted him to know that his life was near over, and he wanted him to know why. Derek kicked over and over again, watching as Trevor began coughing up blood onto the mess of glass and cement. As Derek looked down at the man, every kick was harder than the one that proceeded it. He was killing the man. Every time he kicked him, he did it for her. Once more time for every ounce of pain she felt. And then it hit him. He wasn't a killer. He wasn't Thatcher Grey.

"Please! Please!" Trevor pleaded as he looked at Derek. He knew he was minutes away from meeting his end. It was more than apparent in Derek's eyes that he was ready and willing to take the man's life if need be. "Please..."

Derek stood there for a minute. He made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. But today, he made the biggest one of his life. He almost went too far. He almost took a man's life. Derek had never let himself get so angry. He wasn't a violent man. He wasn't the type of man that was out to kill. Meredith did that to him. She drew him in and made it impossible for him to think straight. She made him worry about her. She made him possessive.

"Please..." Trevor said as he coughed up blood and spit it out. Derek looked at the man laying in the fetal position, full of pusillanimity. He was a shameful, despicable sight.

"Did you do it?" Derek asked in disgust. Disgust for the man before him, and disgust for himself. "Did you rape her... You need to tell me the truth. If you want to live... You won't lie." Derek told him as he bore holes into the man.

"I- I- She was there... We all know Meri... She is gorgeous. And every time I saw her, she was more beautiful than before. I was like a father to her... But at some point, I crossed the line and I quit thinking that way." Trevor explained as he dodged the issue and laid there, holding himself.

"Answer the fucking question. Did you rape her?" Derek growled as he looked straight into the man's eyes, ignoring the blood that was caked on his face and coagulating.

"She looked so amazing... I couldn't help myself. I did it... I tried to fight the urge... I couldn't. I raped her." Trevor said as he began to cry. "I crossed a line... A line that I can't ever go back over." Trevor said as he sobbed. "I know I hurt her..."

"You are a pathetic piece of shit." Derek told him coldly as he looked at him. "You are a worthless human being that doesn't deserve be be happy. You don't deserve shit. You are so remorseful... Is that why you taunted her at dinner? Because you felt so terrible for what you had done..." Derek pointed out, thinking about what Sofia had told him, and what he had pieced together.

"I have fucked up... Over and over..." Trevor admitted. "I hurt her... She was innocent and I hurt her." Trevor told him as he cried. "Please don't kill me. Please..."

"You aren't worth it. Unlike you, I have a conscience and you would be right there in front. I'm not like you. I don't hurt people. I don't cause pain for no reason. I'm not a killer. You may not have killed her body, but her soul... You took that. You killed her heart ad soul. She would rather be dead now." Derek growled as he looked at him.

"I did... She didn't deserve that." Trevor agreed as he looked at the man who was holding all of the power. "I... I can't go back."

"You're right... You can't. But you can tell Thatcher the truth." Derek told him with an approving nod. Trevor looked up at him in shock.

"Thatcher chooses to believe the worst in Meredith. I could tell him, but he wouldn't believe me. He doesn't want her to succeed, because she is better than him. She is smarter and more compassionate. She is what he would want to be if he was human. Telling him won't help anyone." Trevor told him frankly as he looked at him.

"If you think for a second about telling anyone about this... You will die. You may think I am a peon, but here is the thing... I have nothing to lose. Not one thing. So if you say I was here, I will kill you. I will make you suffer. I will make sure that it takes you days to die. And don't think surrounding yourself my bodyguards will so a bit of good. It will not. And you deserve pain for the rest of your life." Derek told him frankly. He looked around. He couldn't stop his anger. He needed to show her. He saw a large cement urn with a plant in it. He quickly flipped the heavy tuscan urn on his leg. He heard a loud crack and looked down at the man.

"Ahhh!" Trevor screamed as severe pain consumed his body.

"Think about me when it rains." Derek growled as he tossed the man's phone at him and walked out.

Derek rushed down the stairwell. He wasn't going to risk taking the elevator. If he had any common sense, he wouldn't have taken the elevator at all. He was sure there weren't cameras, but then again, he had been so irate, he wasn't sure about anything. He darted down the stairs, two at a time. He had to get out of there and he had to do it now.

As soon as Derek got in the car, he broke down. He laid his head back and let the tears fall as he sobbed heavily. He couldn't believe he had just caused that much damage to another human being. He knew that if his mother had seen what had just happened, she would have been ashamed. She would have cried. She would have said she needed to pray for him. He had transformed into someone else. He would never be the Derek Hanson that everyone knew. He was madman who was capable of causing the worst damage.

Derek had so much going through his head as he sat there. He couldn't move. He was almost a killer. He was scared of himself. He was scared of what he was capable of. He was scared that Meredith wouldn't pull herself out of the mess that she was in. He was scared that he couldn't stick with Meredith through her fight. He was terrified that Trevor was going to find him and kill him. He was scared and he needed to figure something out. For both of them.

Derek knew he had to go back to the mansion but he had no idea how. He had no idea how he could function. All of his life, he had been a peace keeper. Just like anyone, he would get mad and have the urge to fight, but he wasn't that guy. He always said you could use your words. His mother raised him to use his words. And now he had let her and himself down. He felt like a failure when it came to the morals that he was brought up with. He felt like a failure at life.

Derek finally started the car. He was praying this didn't come back on him. He was still outside the hotel, and if Trevor had called police and alerted, they could be there soon enough. He chose to believe that the man wouldn't say anything. At this point, he had nothing to lose. He had lost it all. Meredith was the love of his life and she was gone. Everything that made her her was gone. And now he had no idea how to get her back. She had fallen back into the trap. It was normal for users to regress, especially when they were faced with the mess that she was in. In his heart he knew the worst thing that could happen to him would be to end up dead, and it was a huge possibility.

Derek had no idea how he would pull Meredith back out of this mess. The first time was hard enough. The first time was only because she was in the hospital and almost died. The intravenous fluids running through her veins had taken the drugs out quickly. It wasn't the physically addiction and withdraws from cocaine that were the killers. It was the mental addiction. It was her mind screaming at her that she needed it. Even when she definitely did not need it.

Derek pulled into the garage of the mansion. He had no idea if Thatcher was here. He didn't care. He really didn't care. At the moment, he didn't even want to see Meredith. At the moment he wanted to hide his head in shame for the pain he just caused. He had always said that things like this were to to dealt with by the police. Unfortunately, Thatcher owned everyone. This truly had been the last resort to make the man pay for the heinous crime he committed.

Meredith climbed out of the car in a daze. It wasn't until he neared the door that he realized that his hands were caked with blood. He looked down at shock, this was a true intimation of what he had just done. He quickly snuck out the back door and to the faucet on the back of the house. He looked around, seeing no one around. He watched as the clearwater trickled out and the deep red blood from his hands ran pink and into the earth.

"Derek!" Sofia said loudly as she rushed him. The poor woman had been thinking about where he was. She was truly worried that he was going to commit a crime that would come back to haunt him. She didn't know if he had an inkling of what he was potential facing himself with.

"Hello, Sofia." Derek said with a smile as he looked at her. As with Meredith, he was now learning to be a master at producing a faux smile. He thanked god that he had the sense to rinse the man's blood off of his hands before he gave her the soft hug that she was requesting.

"Is everything okay?" Sofia asked questioningly as she looked into his blue eyes. Derek stared into her brown ones. If they had been the eyes of his mother, he would have never been able to deceive her, but being the older woman barely knew him, he could get it past her without a problem.

"Everything is great." He lied. Things were better and worse all at the same time. He loved and hated life. He made someone pay only by being deleterious to himself.

"Where did you go?" Sofia asked as she looked at him. Derek was bewildered that the woman asked him such a frank question. Maybe any other day he wouldn't have minded, but at the moment, he did. He couldn't tell her that he almost beat a man to death.

"Oh... I just had some running to do." Derek told her with a smile as he went to walk away. I will be down in a bit." Derek said as he disappeared upstairs. Thatcher was no where in sight, but Derek didn't care. He was not there to be with Meredith. He wanted to run. He needed to run. He quickly changed himself into shorts and a tee shirt and headed down the back stairs to avoid the prying old woman. He knew. He knew that she knew. But he would never admit it. Not to anyone.

Derek burst out the door. He wasn't going to do any stretches. He wasn't going to waste his time. He needed to run. He had to get the hell out of there so that he could survive. He needed to run. He was running from himself. He was running from the pain that was in his heart from what he had just done. As eh blasted into the wooded area, he ignored the pain in his chest and lungs. He was pushing too hard, too fast, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything.

As Derek got farther in, the thoughts consumed him. The blood. The gore. All he could see was the man's cold eyes. It made him sick that the man had been with his Meredith. Her father. A man that was like a father took advantage of his in the worst way. He knew the man deserved the beating he got but it didn't make it any easier. It only made it harder. He hated the way he felt when a man got something he deserved. He hated that any of this had to take place. He was mad at Trevor. He loathed the man. But Trevor wasn't the victim. Derek wasn't the victim. There was only one. That was Meredith Grey. And at the moment, she was victimizing herself.


	93. Bad Stuff

Derek laid with his head back on the pillow. He had been avoiding Meredith. It wasn't because he didn't love her. The love that he had for her was extreme. It was never ending. It was all consuming. And that was what made it so hard for him. It killed him to see her trying to kill herself. He knew that forcing her to quit would do nothing. She would either resent him or she would refuse. Derek took in a breath as he laid there. He had all the time in the world to think.

Derek still wasn't okay. He didn't go to sleep and wake up fine. The sting of what he had done was still preeminent in his head. He still couldn't seem to drop it. No one would ever know what he ad done, no one would ever be able to pass judgement. But other's judgement didn't matter. It was his own. He was the one that was most displeased with himself. Just as he closed his eyes, he heard his cellphone ring. He frowned when he looked at the caller.

"Hello?" He said softly, waiting for his mother to answer. He didn't want to talk to her. He was afraid to talk to her.

"Derek..." Linda started softly. Derek sounded tired. She picked up on that right away. She decided to let it pass for the moment. "How are you, my son that never calls his one and only mother?" Linda asked with a chuckle as she waited for an answer.

"I'm good, Mom." Derek lied into the phone. He was grateful that she couldn't see his face. If she could see his face, she would know that he quite the opposite of his little falsification.

"You don't sound fine, Derek Michael. In fact, you sound a bit blue. What is going on?" She asked frankly. She was worried about him. She never saw him, and her only lifeline was his voice coming out of her phone.

"Nothing. I'm just tired mom. I have a lot going on it school. And I have been going to hospitals. I need to figure out where I am going to do my internship. It's just been a every long week and I clearly need a break." He told her as he shook his head. He wondered if his mom could telepathically see the blood on his hands and the shame on his face. He had to keep reminding himself that he did it for her. For Meredith.

"What do you mean?" Linda asked with a gasp. She never realized what he was doing. It never hit her that he wasn't planning on returning home. He was staying there. She had always assumed that Italy was a short term stint and he would be back. Even after almost four years, she was sure he would return to her. "What do you mean, Derek? Looking at hospitals... You aren't coming back?" She asked as she cried loudly. Derek could hear his mother choking up as she began to cry softly.

"Oh, mom... Don't. Please don't cry." Derek begged as he sat up in the bed and held his hand to his forehead. "Please... This is- Please do not cry." He told her as he closed his eyes. He didn't have to be there to see her face to know exactly what she was looking like. She had lost one son to drugs, and now she was losing her remaining to Italy.

"Please? How can I not cry? this was supposed to be a short stint. You were going there to get the money for medical school. Just a couple of years. Now you have stayed for medical school. For Christ's sake, I haven't seen my son in almost three years! And now you tell me that this is it. You tell me that you aren't coming back. What is so goddamn important that you can just dump your family off?" She shouted loudly. She never yelled, but at the moment, she was yelling. She was begging. She was pleading. She needed her son to come home and she had no idea how to get that across to him.

"I'm- Mom! I am not dumping my family off. Why do you have to make this harder than it already is? Why do you have to do this, mom? This is something I want. Instead of being happy for me, you are chastising me for doing what I want. Italy makes me happy." Derek said loudly. He never raised his voice to his mother, but at the moment, he felt as if he needed to.

"If Italy makes you happy, then explain to me why you sound so sad... I have no idea what is going on with you. I don't know if you are happy. I don't know if you have met someone. I don't know if you are eating enough... I know nothing about you. You have been gone so long. And now you tell me that you aren't coming back. Do you know how much that breaks my heart?" She asked as she began to sob.

Derek listened to his mother sob. It broke his heart. She was crying and he couldn't help her. He couldn't wrap his arm around her and offer comfort. He knew the woman had enough tragedy in her past to last several lifetimes, and now he was adding to it. Now he was breaking her just a little bit more. He had no idea what to do. He should run. Common sense would say to run home far and fast. It would say he needed to get away from Meredith and forget. He couldn't. He couldn't leave her.

"I'm so sorry, mom. You have no idea how much it hurts me to hear you cry. You just- No idea. But if you love me, you will be happy for me. This doesn't mean I will never see you against. This just means that I am staying. I will come home to visit you. And I have money saved up. You could come here for a visit. Please mom... I need you to say this is okay. I need your approval." Derek begged. He couldn't have one more thing on his conscience.

"I hate this... I just.. You are my little boy. But at the end of the day, I need you to be happy. And I would never feel right if you came back home and you were unhappy. I'm- It;s okay, Derek. I mean it. I'm not contemptuous. I just... I want your to be happy. But I need to see you. And you need to keep in touch." Linda told him softly. She knew she couldn't be selfish. She needed to let her son fly.

"Thank you, mom... You have no idea." Derek said with a sigh. "Thank you so much..."

Meredith wasn't looking for Derek. She wasn't seeking him out. That bothered him. That hurt him. He would never admit it, but it did hurt. He was feeling bad because he had no idea what to do, or how to save her. He loved her so much all it did was cause him anguish. And he hated her so much, it did was cause him anguish. He was disgusted with her. When he saw her face, he just wanted to go insane. He wanted to scream and cry. So he stayed away from her. And she stayed away from him.

"Derek..." He heard on the door. It was Meredith. She was at the door. He was praying she didn't want an easy lay, he wasn't in the mood. The man with the insatiable sex drive was turned off by dilated pupils and a nasal drip.

"What?" Derek asked coldly as he looked at the door. He wasn't in the mood to be nice. He wasn't in the mood to enable her.

"Can I come in?" Meredith asked softly as she placed her hand on the doorknob. Derek sighed. He wanted to tell her no. He wanted to tell her that she needed to take a long and far hike over a cliff and into shark infested waters.

"I guess." Derek finally responded. He actually enjoyed being mean to her. Being mean made him feel better. He almost killed a man for her. For her, and she was still playing her old games and acting like life was grand. Life was grand for Meredith Grey in her haze of cocaine and the occasional tequila shot. "Yeah... Come in."

"What's going on?" Meredith asked with a smile on her face. As Derek looked at her, he wondered how long it had been since her last line. Not too long, she was still happy and zooming.

"I'm trying to study." He snapped as he picked up the book. It was a lie. He was trying to avoid her. He didn't want it to be fine. He didn't want her to be fine and happy thinking that he was okay with the way she was treating herself.

"Oh... I was wondering if you could take me shopping." She said as she sat down on his bed. It was such an uncomfortable place for her to be. It wasn't the place where they made love. It was the place where Derek slept. Alone.

"No. Ask Tony." He snapped churlishly as he sat there. He was too rude. He couldn't believe he was talking to the love of his life that way. She was hurting him so badly, he couldn't see straight anymore. He had no idea how to stop the pain. No idea whatsoever.

"Derek... What is wrong with you? I don't want Tony... I want you." She told him as she slid her hand up his leg and dangerously close to his crotch. "I need you to... Please, Derek?" She asked as she looked up at him with a sly smile. Derek clenched his jaw. He wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to fall for her games.

"No, Meredith. I am studying. You need to ask Tony. He is here. Ask him." Derek told her as he buried his face in the book and ignored her.

"What is wrong with you!" She shouted a little too loudly. "I just want to spend some time with you..." She told him with a frown as she rubbed his leg. "You don't want to spend time with me? You don't love me anymore?" She asked in almost a whimper. Derek was not going to feel sorry for her.

"I love you, Mer... God, I love you." Derek said as he looked into her green eyes. "And that is why this kills me." Derek told her as he looked away. He couldn't look at her anymore. It was killing him. She was killing him. He loved and hated her, and she was sucking the life from him.

"What kills you?" Meredith asked as she looked at him. "Derek... What?" She asked as she looked at his face. He would not look her in the eyes. He refused. "What are you saying?"

"I can't do this. You make me sick. To look at you, makes me sick. All I see is a shell. I know you were raped, but the love I have for you should be enough. You chose to be an addict, and that makes me sick. I can't stand to be around you. I can't take it anymore. You are sucking the life out of me. You are my brother. So please, get out of my room. Just- Get the fuck out of my room." Derek said as he pointed to the door. It broke his heart that he had been so cruel to her, but he had to.

"Derek! No... No! No! I can't lose you! I can't. I'll stop. You want me to stop, I will stop!" She sad quickly as she jumped up and got close to him. Derek quickly stood up and Meredith wrapped her arms around him. "Please... Please!" She begged as she looked into his eyes.

"Oh god, Mer." Derek said as he shook his head. He was disgusted with himself. He hated himself for being so weak. He needed to show her, and he couldn't. He couldn't deny her what she needed. "Damn you... Damn you for making me love you." He told her as he pulled her head against him. He was no fool. It wasn't that easy. And she was just pacifying him.

"I love you, Derek... No matter what, that will never go away." Meredith said with a smile. She was right and he knew it. But that didn't mean that it would make it. It didn't mean they would survive. It just meant that their love would last, even if they didn't.

Derek couldn't stop the love hate feelings. He couldn't stop the feelings he was having towards Meredith. They were never ending. The love he had for her went way down into his core. It was immense and strong. It never ended, but it was becoming clear to him that you could love someone and still hate them. He had felt that way before. He felt that way about David. And he would always have a boatload of guilt following him around.

Derek walked downstairs. They were technically okay, but they weren't. It was actually quite the opposite. He had just accepted things at the moment. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he found it impossible to do or think about anything else but how much he cared for her. She had that way of taking his anger and diffusing it.

"Hey Tony." Derek said with a smile as he looked up at him. Tony was in the kitchen making himself a sandwich, and surprisingly, Sofia was watching this.

"Derek... How are you?" Tony asked as he looked over. Derek looked at the man. He generally didn't ask him how he was. Derek looked at him wondering if Tony needed to be asking him. He felt a bit edgy as he stood there.

"I'm... Okay... And yourself?" Derek asked with hesitation, wondering what he was going to say. Derek quickly grabbed the bread that Sofia had baked and the lunch meat.

"I'm fine." Tony said with a nod as he stood there. Derek heard Meredith's light footsteps creep up from behind. She had a soft walk that was very distinguishable. Especially in her heels. "But I hear Trevor isn't..."

Derek felt sick. He felt like a rug had been pulled out from under him. He couldn't breathe. He was waiting for Tony to say it. He was waiting for Tony to say that he had nearly killed the man. He felt his stomach knot up. This is not how he thought it would end. He was at least hoping that Sofia and Meredith would be left with a good image of him. He was hoping that he would die in an alley or at the bottom of Lake Garda all alone. It was not how he wanted to leave this world. Not at all.

"Trevor..." Derek trailed off. He didn't pretend that he knew the man. He didn't pretend that he didn't. He stayed in a neutral zone. As soon as the name Trevor was uttered, Meredith rushed out of the room. Derek looked at Tony, trying to stay in the middle and not say a word, good or bad.

"Yeah... Apparently he was beat to fuck the other day." He said in shock as he stood there, spreading his mayonnaise on the bread. Derek noticed Sofia's piqued attention.

"Oh man..." Derek muttered, not saying anything good or bad. He didn't want to. He couldn't say a word either way.

"He is beat up. He has a broken leg, broken ribs. Punctured lung, and he was coughing up blood. Broken jaw. They really fucked him up bad. A group of guys. I mean bad. It's really bad. Whoever did that, man they did it right." Tony said with a nod. He looked at Sofia and Derek with a shocked face.

Derek listened to those words. They. He kept saying they. That meant not him. Tony had no idea that it was him. He felt a bit of relief when he realized that the man did not tell that it was Derek who tried to kill him. He drew in a breath. No Lake Garda for the moment. He could breathe somewhat easier, but that didn't make things perfect. Not by a long shot.

"What the hell did he do?" Derek asked as he spread the mayonnaise on his own sandwich. He was praying he really was in the clear. Sofia pretended to dust around the kitchen, but the little old woman was not convincing. Not by a long shot.

"I guess it was a bad business deal. He screwed someone, most likely." Tony told him as he looked up. Yeah, Derek thought, he did screw someone. But it wasn't that. It was rape and there was a huge difference between the two. "Well, that's what Thatcher said. And Mr. Grey has a price on their heads. So whoever it was... Their asses will be nailed to the wall. He'll mostly likely do a Giovanni on them."

"A Giovanni?" Derek asked as he looked at the man. He wasn't sure what it was, but it sounded quite painful. "What the hell is that?" Derek asked as he looked at him and then around, seeing if anyone else was around.

"That was... It's when he cuts the balls off and makes them eat them. Usually he lets them live. It really depends." Tony said with a shrug as he looked into Derek's eyes. "Usually if they get medical attention, they are okay. They are just without balls for the rest of their lives." He told him as he ate his sandwich.

"Good to know." Derek groaned as he cut his sandwich in half. He could feel his balls being cut off with a rusty knife. He was praying they would use a nice sharp ten blade, but he was sure they wouldn't. He was sure it would be as painful as it could be.

"Thatcher is pretty ruthless." Tony explained, as if everyone didn't know. Everyone knew that the man had no morals. He did what he wanted when he wanted and he didn't care who got wiped out because of it.

"So I have heard." Derek told him with a nod and a smile as he walked out. He decided that he would eat his lunch in his room while he studied. It was much safer that way. He didn't want to talk. Not about anything.

"He saved your ass." Tony pointed out with a chuckle as he followed Derek with his eyes. "I mean... You were all over their security footage. Luckily Trevor explained how you were dropping off the paperwork that he had left here. Thatcher got rid of everything before the police could see it. You owe the guy... Even if you were innocent." Tony shouted after him. Derek stopped in his tracks and turned around.

"Oh..." He said as he looked at him. "That all happened on the same day? I had no idea..." He lied. He was getting too good at lying. "Wow... Luckily I wasn't implicated." He said with a relieved nod as he walked off. He felt sick. Yes, the man may have went along with the story, but he somehow felt that wasn't the end of it. Not close.


	94. Everything Changes

It seemed like everyday was the same. Derek had actually thought he could do it. He thought he could accept her. He thought he could accept the addiction. He couldn't. Every time he looked at her, he saw David. And when he saw David, he saw red. David killed his father. He sucked the life from his mother. David was the enemy. But really, it was cocaine. Derek had deep-seated contempt for the drug that ruined lives.

Derek walked down the back stairs. Tony was gone with Thatcher out of town. It was nearly time for Sofia and Cristoforo to go home. That meant it would just be them. This time it would just be Meredith and Derek. The last time that had happened, it was hell. The last time it happened, she overdosed. Derek looked up at the little italian woman as he walked in the kitchen. They both felt the same way. Horrible.

"I know..." Sofia said with a nod as she looked up at him. She was in disgust. She was so angry with Meredith that she couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't... I just can't." Derek muttered as he looked away. They were having a hard time looking each other in the eyes it was so bad. Neither knew what to do.

"You have to help her, Derek. You are the only one that can help her. You need to." Sofia begged. She rushed over to Derek and grabbed him tightly. "Please, Derek... Please!" She cried out as she laid her head against him.

Derek wasn't powerful. He didn't hold weight in any way, shape or form. He couldn't stop her from doing anything. She was Meredith Grey and if she wanted something, she would get it no matter how she had to. He felt terrible as Sofia laid herself against him, expecting him to help Meredith. She was expecting him to step up and save the world. He didn't want to tell her that he couldn't. He didn't want to tell her that he was too weak to do anything.

"I... I don't know how, Sofia. I have no idea how to save her. She doesn't want to save herself. If she doesn't want it, I can't help her. No one can." Derek explained as he looked down at the woman. "I would love to make everything okay. If I could tell her to stop and she would, believe me, I would do that. I just can't do anything for her. I can't save her. I'm so sorry." Derek told her with a nod.

"That's fine, Derek. That is fine." Sofia snapped angrily. It was obvious that the woman didn't believe him. She was mad that he wasn't trying harder. She was mad that he had given up. "I'm leaving." She said as she tossed her towel down and rushed out

Derek stood there, dumbfounded. He didn't even know what to say to that. He didn't know how to explain to the woman that this was the way it worked. She hadn't been there, and he had been there. He knew what it was like to watch someone fade away. He didn't want to watch Meredith fade, but he wasn't sure how to prevent her from doing so. He was convinced that she was even more addicted than his brother had been. He was sure that she was more far gone than anyone could ever see. Derek needed to talk to someone. Someone who knew.

"Hello?" Mark answered quickly. Derek could tell that he was busy. He immediately felt guilty for calling to vent his problems to his friend.

"Hey, Mark." Derek said softly. He was now wondering of he shouldn't have even bothered calling. "Are you busy?"

"No... Nope, not at all. What is going on?" Mark asked quickly. He could tell his friend was in distress. He could tell that his friend was more than upset.

"I just- It's nothing... How are things with you?" Derek asked, trying to get the focus off of himself. It wouldn't work. Mark never fell for that.

"Oh no... Something is up with you. Spit it out." Mark said quickly as he drove down the road. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing, really... I was just thinking about David. I'm just... Fuck him. That asshole. Look at what he did to us." Derek growled as he stared off at the wall. He hated him brother and loved him all at the same time. He felt horrible speaking ill of the dead, but he was angry.

"David was... It wasn't his fault, Derek. I mean... It partially was. He did it. He could have asked for help. Instead of asking for help, he kept on. I'm not even sure he knew he had a problem." Mark pointed out. "But Derek... You guys were close. I know it was hard on you, but you need to let it go. Especially for mom. She called me crying. She is so upset that you have chosen to stay there."

"I know she is." Derek said with a frown as closed his eyes and held his head. "I wish I could do something... I just... Hell if I know. Shit, I may be coming home." Derek said dim wittingly. He immediately regretted saying that to him. He couldn't go home, although he was really thinking he wanted to.

"Coming home? Wait a second... What the hell is going on? You love that girl... You are talking about David and your mom. And now you want to leave. What is going on, Derek?" Mark pried as he thought about it. He knew how dedicated Derek was to Meredith. "What is going on?"

"Oh, Mark... You can't say anything... I mean- Fuck. I can't take it. Mer, she is... She is addicted. To coke. And I don't know if I can hang on. She has tried to get off of it. She overdosed once. And I can't take it. I keep thinking about David. She makes me sick. I love her and I fucking hate her." Derek grumbled as he thought about it. "I just... I think I want to run. Everything is telling me to run. Even if I love her..."

"Derek... God... I hate saying this... But David fucked you up. And... You need to be careful. I know you love her, but maybe you should just walk away. Maybe it is time to walk away before she kills you." Mark told him friend quickly. "Just... Walk away."

Mark's words rang through Derek's head. Walk away. As he sat there with his head in his hands, he wondered if he even had another option. He really didn't. He had no other option. She was hurting him. Mark had been around when David overdosed. He knew what it did to Derek and to the family. He knew the hell that is caused and still did. Mark knew. And Mark was giving him excellent advice.

Derek sat in the chair. He wasn't sure what to do or how to play it. He needed to get out of there. He needed to do something. He couldn't sit there and do nothing. He had to make a move one way or the other. He had to do something to save himself. He had to to something. He was just afraid of what he was going to do. Whatever it was, it was going to be drastic.

As Derek walked up the stairs, he knew he had to do something. He had to talk to her. He had to look at her one last time before he walked out. He had to make sure that it was really what he wanted to do. He had to walk away from her. The thought mad him sick, but he knew that it was the only way. He walked passed his own room and to hers. He didn't care what she was doing, he was going in.

"Mer..." Derek said firmly. He didn't want to give her the impression that they were okay. He didn't want her to think is was a friendly conversation that would end in sex. Derek walked to the bathroom. He felt a knot in his stomach as he pushed open the door. She was there, ready to take her line. Just as she had been many times before.

"Derek!" Meredith said in shock. She was afraid. She knew she had screwed up my the look in his eyes. She was supposed to be trying. The rail in front of her said it all. She wasn't trying. She wasn't trying for him and she wasn't trying for herself. "Derek! It's not- It isn't what is looks like!" She spat quickly as she pulled away.

"Really? I looks like you are ready to take a line of coke up your nose. I guess I am wrong, right?" Derek asked in shock as he looked at her. He was so full of disgust he couldn't take it. He wanted to shove her face in her precious powder. He wanted her to breathe it in until it choked her out.

"No, Derek... It's... I need it." Meredith finally growled as she looked into his eyes. He could tell that she was still coked up from her last line. She was screwed up and already taking another hit. She disgusted him. "I need it. Just... Just leave me alone! God, in your eyes, I can't do anything right. I don't know why I even try." Meredith said as she looked away.

"I don't know why you try either." Derek told her as he shook his head. "You disgust me, Meredith Grey. You make me sick. I saved you. I saved you and what do you do to repay me? You try to kill yourself again. Well, if that is what you want, fine!" Derek yelled as he glared at her. He wanted to toss her blow around the room. He knew that wouldn't make a bit of difference. He was so angry, he didn't even pay attention to the coke anymore. He couldn't blame it. He blamed her.

"You don't know what it is like, Derek! You have no fucking idea! Everything is so easy for you. People love you. I have to fight. I have to fight for everything. I close my eyes and it's all right there. The rape and Trevor. You- You just work here and make way too much money. You are pathetic. You have a mom who loves you. What do I have? I have nothing!" Meredith growled as she looked at him.

"I am so tired of this. Coke is not an outlet. You don't have an excuse. God, Mer... You drive me fucking crazy! You have no one... You had me, Mer. You had me all along and what did you do? You forgot. You forgot who you were. I don't know you. I don't know you, Meredith Grey. My Mer... She is gone." Derek yelled as he shook his head.

"Your Mer was weak. I'm strong. I'm stronger. She couldn't deal with anything. I tried to stay that way. It didn't work. Not even close. this is so much better." She told him as she looked at her line. It needed her so badly. And she needed it. It was killing her.

"I'm done. And I know I told you last time that I was. But this time, I am serious. This is it. I can't trust you. I don't know who you are. We are done, Mer. Forever. I'm gone. Have a nice life." Derek said as he spun around. He was marching out and never looking at her pathetic face again.

"You're leaving?" She asked as she looked up. She didn't think he'd really do it.

"Yeah... I'm leaving. Tell your father... Never mind. I will tell him myself." Derek told her as he shook his head. He was done. Done with her. Done with addicts.

Meredith was angry. She didn't like him thinking he could tell her what to do. Who did he think he was anyhow? He was giving her ultimatums. It was not his choice. She was in her own person and it was not his choice what she did. If she lost the power to do as she wished, she lost everything. The thought made her mad. He thought he could rule her. He could not.

**bIf you just walked away**

**What could I really say?**

**Would it matter anyways?**

**Would it change how you feel?/b**

Meredith stayed there in shock. As she sat there with her line in front of her, she felt completely sick. It hit her hard and it hit her fast. Derek was leaving her. There was something different about this time. The time before he was angry with her. The time before he was just walking away to cool of. But this time, things were different. He wasn't angry. He was done. He was walking away from her. The look in his eyes was of repulsion. He had no feelings about it. There was no fighting because he had decided there was nothing worth fighting for.

Derek rushed into his room. He wasn't worried about packing perfectly. But he was worried about getting everything. He needed to make sure it was all there. He wasn't returning this time. He quickly lifted the phone to his ear and called for them to gas the corporate jet. Thatcher always said that it could be used if need be. If there was an emergency, he was free to use it. This was an emergency. He had to get away from her. This was it. He had to leave to save himself from a downward spiral. He didn't have the strength to watch her kill herself.

**bI am the mess you chose**

**The closet you can not close**

**The devil in you I suppose**

**Cause the wounds never heal/b**

Derek shoved the last thing in his bag. He looked at it sadly. It was nearly four years of life that he was walking away from. He looked down at the Cartier watch on his wrist and walked to the dresser. He couldn't keep it. He wanted nothing that would remind him of her. He slid it off of his wrist and placed it on the dresser. It looked so sad and lonely, there by itself, discarded because of it's ties. Derek took one last look around the room. A room he would never see again.

Meredith stayed there, looking at her line. She wanted nothing more than to take it up her nose. No one was home. She could take the line and succumb into pleasure. Something was holding her back. She felt like she couldn't do it no mattered how hard she tried. She stared at the line in shock. She needed it, but she didn't. She needed it, but she couldn't. She couldn't take the line up her nose when she knew that she was losing things quickly. They were slipping.

**bBut everything changes if I could**

**turn back the years, if you could**

**learn to forgive me then I could**

**learn to feel/b**

Derek took one last look around the house as he walked down the marble staircase. Leaving was so much different than when he came. The memories of her sweet smiling face haunted him. She was so confused and young when he met her. She had all the assets to be everything that everyone wanted to be, but she chose to throw it away. As he walked to the garage, a tear slid down his face. He wondered if he could have changed a thing. He wondered if he could have steered her in the right direction rather than letting her fall so hard and fast. Either way, he was walking away. He never wanted to know.

**bSometimes the things I say**

**in moments of disarray**

**succumbing to the games we play**

**to make sure that it's real/b**

Meredith pulled herself away from her cocaine. She needed to see it. She had to see him drive away from her and from a life that they had made. It was a dysfunctional lie of lies and desiccate because of their circumstances, but it was a life. She ran over to the window in the guest room across the hallway. It faced the front of the property and she would be able to see anything that was going on. She was shocked when she looked up. He was pulling out through the gate. He was leaving her.

**bBut everything changes if I could**

**turn back the years, if you could**

**learn to forgive me then I could**

**learn to feel/b**

Derek sat in the seat of the car. He wasn't the kind of guy to cry. He never cried. At the moment, he was crying. He was walking away from everything that he ever loved. He loved her so much he couldn't take it. He loved her so much she sucked the life out of him. That was why he had to get away. He had to escape from her. He had to go home, back to where it all began. Back to his roots. He had to get in touch with himself. He took one last look at the mansion and at his life.

Meredith quickly ran to his room She had to see it for herself. She had to see that he really had gone and left her all alone. As she looked in, she gasped. The room looked the same at it always had. The room liked like it had never been lived in. She rushed over, seeing something shiny on the dresser. Tears filled her eyes as she looked down at his Cartier watch. A gift that had been from her. He left it. He left her.

**bWhen it's just me and you **

**who knows what we could do**

**if we can just make it through **

**the toughest part of the day/b**

Meredith rushed back into her bathroom. She stared at the powder that taunted her. it was taking over her life. It was ruining everything. For being such a good friend, it was pushing away everything that she knew and loved. Derek would be gone forever. The one person that she needed would be gone forever. She needed him like she needed air and she had pushed him away for good. She saw it in his eyes. He was done with her. He was done with her for good.

**bEverything changes if I could**

**turn back the years if you could**

**learn to forgive me then I could**

**learn how to feel, then we could**

**stay here together and we could **

**conquer the world if we could**

**say that forever is more then just a word/b**

Meredith looked at the powder. It was not going to do this. it was not going to take her life from her. She wasn't going to live for it anymore. She needed to deal with it. She had to deal with her life and her mess. Cocaine wasn't going to save her. Cocaine was just masking her pain and letting her hurt worst without her even realizing it. Cocaine was the problem and she had to stop it. In a fit of disgust and anger, Meredith swiped her hand across the tray, sending the powder flying like a crisp white snow. She was done.

Meredith ran down the stairs as quickly as she could. She couldn't lose him. She needed him so that she could live. She rushed over to the key rack and grabbed a set of keys. She made her way to the garage, hitting the lock button to see which car mad noise. She smiled as she looked at the little black Porsche, she could drive that. As she got behind the wheel, she took in a breath. Finally Meredith Grey was fighting. For herself. For her love. She had to fight. She just hoped that too much hadn't changed.

**bIf you just walked away **

**What could I really say?**

**Would it matter anyway?**

**It wouldn't change how you feel.../b**


	95. Something Has To Give

Meredith drove out the gate of the mansion. Common sense was gone. She wasn't thinking about how anyone could see her and tell her father. She wasn't thinking that she had in essence stolen a car, and was now chasing a man she wasn't even supposed to have feelings for. Her mind wasn't thinking. She was in another place. She was in a distress. She knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't at least let him know that she loved him and that she needed him.

Derek pulled up to the airstrip. It seemed so melodramatic. It was like a movie. It was like a pathetic movie that no one wanted to watch. It was the end. He had never thought he would be able to walk away. But he had to walk away. He had to get away from her and her craziness. He had to get away from the addiction that was dragging her down and out.

Meredith drove to the airstrip. She knew where it was. She had been there thousands of times. She was always there going from one country to the next. Amazingly, she wasn't nervous as she drove. It had been a long time, but she hadn't forgotten. And she was so desperate, she wasn't even thinking about the danger involved.

Derek took one last look around Italy. It was beautiful. Months ago, he was thinking it would be his home forever. He loved it there. And now he was leaving. He had to leave. He couldn't stay there with her in pain. He had to escape and save himself. He would miss it, but it was time to leave. It was time to move on. She gave him no reason to stay. So he stepped on and said goodbye.

Meredith drove up to the plane too quickly. She slammed the brakes as she pulled alongside the BMW that Derek had used. She didn't see him around. It was only safe to assume that he was already on the plane. She never paused as she jumped out of the car and ran towards the private jet. Just as she near, the steps started to go up.

"Wait! Wait!" Meredith screamed as she ran towards the jet. "Please! Stop!" She yelled as she watched them go up. As they went up and disappeared into the plane, she dropped to her knees. She would never forgive herself.

"Ma'am?" She heard someone yell. Meredith looked up in shock to see a man standing there from inside the plane.

"Oh my god!" Meredith screamed as she climbed to her feet and ran up the stairs. She looked at the man, and he at she. He nodded softly and quickly turned and walked down the stairs.

"Meredith!" Derek said in shock as he looked into her eyes. He quickly jumped up from his seat. She came. He was in shock that she came. And she didn't look freshly high, he could see it in her eyes.

**bHold me now I need to feel relief**

**Like I never wanted anything**

**I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to**

**I'm so ashamed of defeat**

**And I'm out of reason to believe in me**

**I'm out of trying to get by/b**

"Oh god, Derek." Meredith whimpered as she looked at him. It broke her heart to see him there, so ready to walk out of her life for good. She never thought he would leave her, but it was more than clear that he would. She rushed over to him and laid her head on his chest.

"Oh, baby..." Derek whispered as he held her. At that moment, his heart broke and guilt came over him. He needed to leave her, but he couldn't. He was amazed that he had let himself get that far.

**bI'm so afraid of the gift you give me**

**I don't belong here and I'm not well**

**I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living**

**Right on the wrong side of it all/b**

"I'm sorry, Derek. I am so sorry. I am... Oh god... I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much. You will never know. I make myself sick. I am sick. I came so close..." She sobbed as she looked at him. Derek looked down at her and brushed the hair from her face.

"Meredith... I-" Derek started. He stopped himself. He couldn't tell her. What he wanted to tell her was that he was done. He was done with her and her lies. As he looked into her bright green eyes, he knew he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't break her.

**bI can't face myself when I wake up**

**And look inside a mirror**

**I'm so ashamed of that thing**

**I suppose I'll let it go**

**Until I have something more to say for me**

**I'm so afraid of defeat**

**And I'm out of reason to believe in me**

**I'm out of trying to defy/b**

"Derek... I love you..." She cried as she looked up. "And I know what you are thinking. I know that you are thinking that love isn't enough. But it has to be. It has to be enough. You are everything. You are all I think about. I need love to be enough, because... I can't do this on my own. And the only thing that will pull me out is our love. Our love and you." Meredith told him as she touched his face with her hand.

"Meredith... I- I can't do this." Derek told her frankly. He couldn't take it anymore. Not any of it. He had to be honest about it. "David... I can't life through it again. Not with your lies. Not with the coke. I can't and I don't want to. I told you, I am done." He told her with a frown.

**bI'm so afraid of the gift you give me**

**I don't belong here and I'm not well**

**I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living**

**Right on the wrong side of it all/b**

"No... No, Derek! No... You can't give up on me now. Not when I am this close. I have been horrible. I have lied to you. I hurt you. I have been so cruel, and I knew it was hurting you. I was so worried about myself and my own addiction, I never stopped to think about how it was affecting you." Meredith cried as she looked up at him. She needed him to be there. She needed him to believe her.

"How do I know that you aren't just trying to pacify me again? How do I know that you aren't saying this and three days later you will be back to it. I can't live life at the end of a yo-yo, Meredith. No way." Derek told her with a nod. "I can't."

**bHold me now I need to feel complete**

**Like I matter to the one I need/b**

"I don't want you too. I have a problem. I can't just- I need stop. It is killing me. It is masking my pain. I can't stop, but I want to. I am an addict. You are right. It has sucked all of me out and left a shell. It's all I think about. It is a crutch. I need you, Derek. I need you to help me out. I can't stop without you. I need you to help me stay away." Meredith told him as she pulled away and looked him straight in the eyes. Derek smiled as he looked at her. She was being straight with him.

"What if I can't help you? I can't stop you. You are your own person. You need to do it for you." Derek told her with a nod and a smile.

**bI'm so afraid of the gift you give me**

**I don't belong here and I'm not well**

**I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living**

**Right on the wrong side of it all/b**

"I don't want to be an addict anymore. I want to be your lover. I want to be your friend. I want to get back what we had. you are the love of my life, and I can't lose that. Not again. I need help. I need to get away. I need to get away from this life. I need to get away with you. I don't mean on vacation, Derek. I mean forever. We need to... Let's just fly away. Leave this life behind. I can't stay here. All I need is you... You and to forget all of this." She told him as she looked into his blue eyes.

"Oh god, Mer..." Derek said with a smile as he pulled her close. "I can't leave you. Even when everything in my body is telling me to. You can't hurt me again. You can't lie. You are killing me. I will not survive this again. Not again. You don't realize the damage you are doing. You are killing me." Derek told her with a frown.

**bNow I'm ashamed of this**

**I am so ashamed of this**

**Now I'm so ashamed of this**

**I am so ashamed of me/b**

"No more... I need help. This time... I want to change. For you. I want to get better for you. I need your help. I wasn't kidding... Let's just- I want to fly away. Please, Derek... Rescue me. Save me from this place. Please?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"I love you, Mer... And I will save you. I am here." He told her with a smile as he kissed her head. He needed to figure something out. He had to save them both. And he had an idea. It was drastic, but it would work.

Meredith felt perfect wrapped up in the moment with Derek. Everything seemed just right. She could feel his love transferring onto her. She never wanted to lose that. She never wanted to forget what that felt like. Their lives may be a mess, but in that moment she felt solace. She felt great, and she needed it to stay that way.

"Here is the plan. Listen quick, we can't hang out in here. You brought me something I needed. A gift for my mother. I was going home to see Nancy. It was looking like she was having another cancer scare. I will stay on the plane and you will go home. Just before I take off, I will take a call that you will send. It will be my mother saying that it is unnecessary to come and that Nancy's results came in. You go home, and I promise I will be there as soon as I can. Don't wait too long to call me." Derek said with a nod and a smile as he kissed her on the forehead and walked away.

"Okay." Meredith said with a smile as she walked away. Meredith felt a surge of adrenaline through her veins at the thought. Derek was leaving. He was staying with her. "You are good to go, guys." She yelled as she walked down the stairs. "Mr. Hanson left something behind." She told them with a nod.

"Have a good day, ma'am." The guys said with a smile. She was sure they didn't know who she was. Her hair was up in a messy knot and her clothes were a mess. She did not look like Meredith Grey.

"You too." Meredith said with a nod as she walked over to the car. She felt so strong in that moment. She felt like she had a purpose. She was saving she and Derek. Meredith drove the Porsche away at a much slower speed than she had come. When she reached the end of the airstrip, she looked back, seeing the jet crawling away. She quickly pulled out her cellphone and dialed his number.

"Mom? What's going?" Derek asked quickly, happy that she was doing things right on cue.

"Derek, sweetheart..." Meredith giggled as she drove along. "Shit.. I have to shift." She said as she dropped the phone. SHe quickly shifted into third gear. "Okay... No need to come home. The love of your life wants to make a new life with you. She loves you, knows she has problems and wants you to love her for all eternity." Meredith said with a smile.

"Okay, mom... I think you are right." Derek replied with a smile. "Okay... Talk to you later. I have to stop this flight." Derek said loudly as he jumped up.

Meredith felt wonderful as she drove down the road. It was like new fresh air was filling her lungs. She felt like she and Derek could do anything. As she drove along, she did feel some guilt creeping in. She knew that he had been heading home to his family. She knew that was where he deserved to be. She also knew that she couldn't stop on her own. She knew that if he left, that was it. She would go right back.

Meredith pulled the car right into the garage. She was praying that no one saw her. She was praying that her little adventure would stay under wraps. It seemed the paparazzi had followed her father this time around. She went from being their muse, to nothing at all. She was dull and lifeless, and she honestly didn't care. Meredith rushed upstairs. She had a new strength and she wasn't putting up with her own nonsense anymore. She quickly grabbed towels and walked into the bathroom. There was coke everywhere and she was getting rid of it.

Meredith worked on her bathroom. She threw water down and soaked it up with the towels. She didn't know how to clean, per se, but she did have an idea. She just kept soaking up her thousands of dollars in stash and wringing it out in her tub. A month ago, she would have gladly licked the floor and the bathtub just to get a hit. She was stronger now, and she wasn't backing down. She needed to fight for Derek while the fighting was good.

Meredith threw the dirty towels in the laundry. Instead of throwing them in her basket, she actually walked them down to the laundry room. She didn't want the temptation. She knew that if she left them there to dry, she may be tempted to shake them out and lay herself a nice line. She knew it would be a struggle, but she also knew she had to fight for it. She knew she would win in the end. Especially with Derek by her side.

Meredith laid down on her bed. Derek wasn't there. She was actually feeling a little paranoid. She was wondering if Derek was doing this on purpose. She was wondering if he really was going to leave her. She knew he loved her more than anything, and she didn't think he would leave. At the same time, she was wondering if he said it just because he couldn't tell her no. She thought maybe he really was done, but didn't have the ability to tell her that it was over for good.

Meredith felt the tears sting her eyes. She was in pain. She was in pain because she was wondering if it really was over and she was too dumb to see. It seemed like everything was weighing her down and she couldn't move. She couldn't walk. She couldn't run. She was having a hard time even thinking about it. She knew that if Derek left her for good, she may as well drown. She didn't want to live. And if he did leave, she may not even try anymore. She let the tears fall as she sobbed. He should have been there by now. He wasn't coming.

"Hey..." Derek said as he walked in quietly. He dropped his bag on the floor and rushed over to her. He could feel the distress in the room. "What's the matter, baby?" He asked in a panic. He was wondering if she had already fallen off of the wagon.

"I didn't think you were coming. I thought you were done. I would understand... It would kill me, but I would understand if you left. I deserve it. I deserve everything that is coming my way." Meredith sobbed as she felt Derek lay down with her and wrap his strong arms around her tiny body.

"No... No, Mer... This is- All of this is unfortunate, but you don't deserve any of it. I can't believe you would even say that. God, it makes me sick. This just... Things happened and you haven't dealt with them. You did what you could." Derek explained as he kissed her softly. He hadn't told his mom he was coming, and he was glad that he hadn't. Meredith looked up at him with soft eyes. He was looking into her soul. And she broke. Right there, she broke.

"I- I- I was raped. I was raped and it was horrible." Meredith screamed out. "I begged him to stop and he wouldn't. He was my dad. He was a better dad than my dad. He was nice. He always sided with me. I trusted him. I trusted him forever. I couldn't- He just- And I- It made me sick. I fought. I tried to hurt him but he was too strong. It hurt my body, but it hurt my soul worse. Finally I gave up." Meredith cried out as violent sobs took her over. She couldn't take the pain anymore. She needed to get it out and she needed to get it out now. "I know I shouldn't have given up... I was weak! So weak. I just... I thought he would stop. He didn't. He acted like I wanted it. I didn't want it, Derek! I promise. I didn't. All I could think was that he never loved me. The whole time, the whole time I was growing up was leading to that moment. I couldn't- I couldn't move on from that. It has crippled me... I can't- It takes my breath away. I will never be the same..." She said as she laid against him. Derek didn't speak. He stroked her hair softly as she continued her story. She needed him, and he would be there. "He denied it. My father... He said I was a whore and I did it willingly. He said it was my idea! He believed Trevor over me... I can't do it, Derek! I can't stay here. I can't do this. I can't! I need to get out of here. I need to be free! I need you to save me! Say you will save me from them all!" She begged as the sobs came. Derek had to concentrate to understand through her cries.

"I will try to save you. I am trying..." Derek told her with a nod. "I have an idea. But it isn't a joke. And when we do it... We have to really do it." He told her with a nod. Meredith looked up at him and nodded in agreement. They had to do something.


	96. Proposition

Derek was sick. He was wondering if he should even consider putting his plan in motion. He wasn't even sure how to start a plan like he was brewing. He knew that he had to do something. He could see in Meredith's eyes that she was fading fast. Life was taking her over. He had to stop the sands of time for they took her under like quicksand. That meant drastic measures. Sure he had read about it in the movies, but this was real life.

Derek paced around. As far as he knew, there had been no repercussions for their actions. Thatcher never questioned Derek's going home story. He believed every bit of it. And no one had pieced together that it had been Meredith who came to the airstrip. All of the employees thought that it was some other employees of Thatcher Grey's. No one ever saw Meredith not primped up and strutting around in her heels. To see her with dirty clothes and a messy appearance was not customary and not noticed..

Derek needed an ally. He knew only two people in this world that he trusted completely. One was Matt, and the other was Mark. They were the two guys that he knew would go to bat for him. He knew that he could trust them with all of his deep dark secrets and now he would have to entrust them with both of their secrets. Derek rushed outside. He wanted to be free from the house when he talked to Matt. He didn't want to risk anyone hearing.

"Well if it isn't the illustrious Derek Shepherd..." Matt said with a chuckle as he answered the phone. He hadn't heard from Meredith and Derek in far too long. He was actually wondering if something was going on. "What's up?" Matt asked as he sat down at his desk.

"Too much..." Derek said simply. He wasn't even sure where to start. He had no idea where to start or what to do. "You wouldn't even believe the shit that has been going down." Derek responded as he sat down on a big rock.

"Is everything okay? I mean, I have to admit... I was really beginning to wonder. I figured it was fine because you haven't called. But then again, you didn't call last time when things weren't fine. I have to admit, every night I lay down, I think about that night and I wonder." Matt said with a frown. It was true. He always thought about Meredith overdosing. It was an experience that was most traumatizing. It was something that rocked his world and made him realize that life could be even crueler than he ever though.

"That night will haunt me forever." Derek said with a sigh. It was something that still caused him to wake up in cold sweats. It was something that changed him forever. "But to answer your question... Everything is... A mess." He told him and then paused. Matt didn't say a word. He knew that Derek would get it out when he was able. But then Derek didn't. He didn't say a word.

"Is it Thatcher?" Matt finally asked, unable to take the suspense any longer. He heard Derek take in a long deep breath. It wasn't good. Not good at all.

"Thatcher... Trevor... Everyone." Derek said in a huff. "I mean... She can't go on like this." Derek spat. Matt looked at him in confusion. He wasn't making sense. He was, but he wasn't getting to the point.

"Yes..." Matt agreed, trying to get him to come out with it. "What is going on, Derek? Is Meredith having problems?" Matt asked. Meredith was like his little sister and he worried about her non-stop. Even when they would go moths without speaking, she was always on his mind, as was Derek.

"Meredith couldn't deal. I thought she had, but she didn't. This rape... It took her to the limits. She pretended she was okay, but she wasn't even close. She was such a mess. She has been holding it in for an eternity. I mean... That fucker was like her dad and he went and did that to her. Who the fuck did he think he was? He fucked her up in the head. I mean royal. He fucked her for a lifetime. All she needed to do was cry and she never got the chance to do that. This is just fucked, man. It is completely fucked." Derek shouted as he sat there. The hard stone didn't even bother him. All her could do was think about the mess they were in.

"I know he did, Derek. What he did was so unfair. Mer.. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve it one bit. If I could go back, I would. I wish I could help her." Matt said with a frown as he looked at the stack of paperwork before him.

"She fell, Matt. For the last month, Mer has been coked up out of her mind. I had no idea what to do. I know I said I would call you... But It was such a mess. And now... She is done. For once in her life, she is done. I mean done done. She is over. I think she is. She finally cracked. She told me about that night. She begged me. She begged me to get us out of her and out of that mess. She quit the coke and admitted she had a problem. She begged me to get her away." Derek explained as he looked up at the clear blue sky. "She wants away from here..."

"She- You didn't call! You said... Derek, you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own. What the hell were you thinking?" Matt asked with a frown. "And... What did you... What are you doing for her?" Matt asked as he ignored the knot in his stomach.

"I- I have an idea." Derek said with a sigh. His heart was racing. He had no idea if it could even be done. No idea. But he was hoping it could. They needed it to be able to be done. "Meredith and I... We need to die."

"You need to die? Derek! Have you lost your fucking mind?" Matt gasped as he sat there. The papers he had pushed around were now in a messy pile, his focus completely on his phone call. "What the fuck? A joint suicide..." He shouted loudly, thankful that his office door was closed. He was mad. He couldn't believe that Derek was even suggesting killing themselves and ending it all. At that moment, he was thinking that Derek Hanson was the worst thing that ever happened to Meredith Grey.

"No! Not suicide. I mean figuratively. Shit... This is insane. Never mind. Forget I said anything." Derek muttered in frustration. He was going out on a limb. He had lost his mind. To come up with crazy nonsense like that, surely he had lost his fool head.

"No, Derek... What were you talking about?" Matt asked with hope. He was just glad to hear that Derek wasn't planning on offing them both out of desperation. He was hoping that there was really something okay going on. "Just... Tell me." Matt said with a sigh.

"Mer is... She cannot go on like this. I mean, she really can't. Every time she tries to save himself, she is dragged back through the mud And Thatcher thinks she is a whore. He has blamed everything on her. In fact, he had gone so far as to make her feel like he almost lost his friendship with her rapist. Her fucking rapist!" Derek screamed, thankful he was out in the middle of nowhere.

"That is wrong. And... Mer should never have to go through this shit. Thatcher is a poor excuse for a human being. He disgusts me in ways I can't even explain. The man should suffer a horrible death." Matt said frankly.

He had always told himself that if he met up with Thatcher Grey in a dark alley, it may not have an outcome. He could almost deal with Thatcher trying to steal his company. He could almost deal with the way he treated him. It was Meredith that suffered. It was Meredith that he had wronged over and over. He would have to make Thatcher pay for the harm he caused to an innocent girl. To his friend. To his sister.

"I hate him. He makes me sick. And this... It is becoming harder and harder to pull myself away. It is impossible to look that man in the eyes and not want to kill him. I want to hurt him. And that is why... Meredith and I need to fake our own deaths. I know it sounds drastic. Believe me, I know. It's insane. But it is the only thing I can come up with. It is the only thing that I can think of that will get us out, free and clear." Derek said quickly. He knew it was off the wall and impossible. He was really hoping that Matt would agree with him and he could put his crazy plan to rest.

"Wow... When you said that you and Meredith had to die, I never thought that was what you meant. I mean... Wow." Matt said in a stunned silence. He had no idea what to say to that. It was the most insane plan he had ever heard. "Well... I guess- You have a point." Matt said in shock. He was surprised that he was agreeing with this insane thought. "There is no way that Meredith will ever come out of there alive. Now dead, yes. I think she could come out of there dead. I can't even- He had plans. She was going to marry a business associate. She just needed to be high society and be a place where the assets could hide. I can tell you honestly that she was never going to be allowed to make it through med school. She would never become a doctor. Thatcher made that quite clear. Meredith has no future. Not in the way that she wants to." Matt told him frankly.

"I was afraid of that. Right from the get go, I was afraid that she had a planned life and didn't even know. Everything you are saying just confirms that. I mean, Meredith never had a chance. She never stood a chance of surviving her father. It makes me sick, Matt. It makes me fucking sick. And this plan is insane. I know that. I do. But I have to do something. If we run away, he will find us. But if we die... How can he think otherwise?" Derek asked as he rubbed his face with his hand. "I know... It's crazy."

"No... I mean, yes, it is insane. But being who this is, and what we are talking about... This is really your only choice. Man, I hate to even say or think this, but I don't think it is that far off. I know people. I mean... This is not cheap. I am willing to help you in any way that I can, but this has got to be done right. There can't even be bodies. But there has to be bodies. You realize this won't happen overnight, right?" Matt asked as he thought about it. His adrenaline was pumping. He was ready for it. He was ready to do something good.

"I know that. And I know there will be expense. All of this will have to be ironed out. We are talking about the rest of our lives. We aren't talking about a couple of months and we pop back up. We are talking about doing this, and doing it right." Derek said firmly. "We are talking about forever. This is something that cannot be uncovered. It has to be without a shadow of a doubt." Derek added. "So, are you with me... I know it is a lot to ask, but I have no one else to ask..."

"Derek... You have been a great friend. You are an honest person. You have never done anything wrong to anyone. And most important, you love her. And I know you are doing this for her. Of course I will help you..." Matt said with a smile.

--

Derek rushed upstairs. He wanted to tell Meredith everything, but at the same time, he had nothing to tell her. He had no idea what they were going to do, but he knew the plan was in action. At least the plan to make a plan was in action. As Derek walked in her room, he looked at her. She looked tired, but peaceful. He loved to just look at her. Even if she was just laying there doing nothing, he loved to look at her.

"Hey..." Meredith said softly as she patted the bed and rolled to her side. "Come lay with me." She said softly as she looked into his sapphire blue eyes.

"I think I can do that..." Derek agreed as he gently shut the door and clicked the lock. He wasn't sure where Sofia and Tony were. He didn't care. He just wanted to lay with her. He just wanted to look into her eyes. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he laid on his side and scooted inches from her body.

"Good..." Meredith told him with a nod. She let out a soft yawn and closed her eyes for a second.

"No yawning, baby." Derek pointed out as he kissed her forehead softly. "If you yawn, then I yawn. It is contagious you know." Derek pointed out as he let out a yawn. "How are you really feeling? Are you wanting it?" He asked as he looked into her eyes.

"A little bit. Not bad. But yes, a little bit." Meredith agreed with a nod. Derek grasped her leg and pulled her thigh up, pulling her own leg over his. "I will be okay. I have you here. You are the one I need." She pointed out with a smile as she looked into his eyes. She couldn't pull herself away. She needed him. She needed to know he was still there for here. "I love you, Derek... I missed you."

"I missed you too, Mer. More than you will ever know." He told her as he leaned forwards and kissed her softly. "You have no idea."

"Make love to me, Derek." Meredith whispered softly as she looked into his eyes.

Derek watched as Meredith licked her lips seductively. She bit her lip as her eyes met his, melting green and blue together. Derek leaned forward and ran his tongue over her lips. Meredith pushed into him and parted her lips, allowing his tongue to slide into her mouth. Derek traced her teeth with his tongue, relishing in her familiar, sweet taste. It had been so long, but he hadn't forgotten any of it. Her tongue frantically followed his, begging him to play with her. Derek rolled her over and covered her body with his as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Oh..." Meredith moaned as she pulled away gently. Derek was concerned until he realized what she was doing.

Derek looked into her eyes as she began unbuttoning his shirt. He leaned as she slid it over his shoulders and pulled it off. Derek leaned back and pulled off it white tee as she leaned up with him. He quickly pulled her top over her head, kissing her when he tossed it aside. Derek laid with her and began taking his own clothing off.

He looked at her perfectly naked body. His eyes followed her curves. Her breasts were perfect, just right for her frame. He loved her tiny navel with it's precious gemstone. And her long legs topped it off. He loved it all.

Meredith smiled before she laid back on the bed. She rolled onto her stomach and crawled onto her hands and knees. She felt Derek crawl onto the bed. He was there and he was ready. He was ready to take her whenever she gave the approving nod.

"Perfect, baby... Perfect." Derek told her as he ran his hands down her curves. "So perfect..." He muttered as he ran his fingers along her wet slit. He knew she liked it this way. He could hit her g-spot and get deep penetration.

"Come on, Der." She moaned as she parted her legs as scooted towards him.

Derek rubbed her clit softly as he neared her. H e placed his cock at her slit and teased her. His cock bobbed in anticipation. He knew she hated it. She would get so mad, she nearly spat. It always went the same way. More ended the same way. She made him take her with force. S he pushed into him, not being able to stand the wait.

"Oh..." She said, taken by surprise with her own action. Derek's cock slide freely inside of hot core, lubricated by her ample wet juices.

"Shit, Mer... You were more than ready." He said with a chuckle. "It has been way too long."

"Uh huh..." She moaned as she felt him slide in and out, teasing her clit with his finger. "You know... I have been bad. I had naughty, naughty dreams about you last night."

"Did you?" Derek asked with raised brows. She wanted to be spanked.

"I did. I think I deserve pushishment. Maybe a spanking would suffice?" She said meekly. Derek pulled out and whacked her hard.

"Ow!" She spat, being prepare, but still shocked. "That was not nice."

"And you didn't want it?" Derek asked as he felt her tiny pussy growing tighter and tighter and his discipline.

"No, I- Ow!" She yelled as he did it again, over and over. Her juices only flowed heavier at the sensations.

"You want it." Derek said with a nod, feeling her begin to cum. She was dripping her white cream in anticipation for her discipline. Derek felt guilty. It was their first time back together and he knew it should be softer. Nonetheless, this was what she wanted.

"Oh god... Derek... You're cock... It's- Huge. Pulsating. Big thing...So bad. Oh! God... I'm cumming. Fuck me! Harder. Pump it faster. Oh...Don't stop. Oh, don't stop, Der...Ah! Ah! Oh..." She cried loudly as she buried her face in the pillows and drew in quick gasping breaths. Her head went into a fog as she felt her walls milking him. Derek continued to drive into her. She couldn't feel him pulsating against her own strong contractions. He was struggling to continue through her tightness.

"I'm cumming, baby. I'm cum- Oh..." He grunted as he picked up the pace and sucked her back. Finally, he ceased movement and felt himself spill into her core. Derek pulled out and rolled to his back. Meredith collapsed face first and didn't move. They laid there panting heavily and moaning. Derek finally mustered up the strength to rub her back gently.

"Did you decide what we are doing? Do you have a plan?" Meredith moaned sleepily into the pillow.

"Something like that." Derek said with a sigh. "Something..."


	97. On Board

Meredith laid back and thought about his words. Something. So apparently he had been thinking about it. She wondered how much he had been thinking about it. She wondered just what he was thinking. The reality of it all wasn't really setting in. She was so used to everyone letting her down that she didn't take stock in change. She assumed they would fantasize about it and eventually it would fade off like everything else had her whole life.

"Something?" Meredith asked as she looked into his eyes. She was hoping for a grand plan that she could throw herself into. A distraction, even if it would not last.

"Yes... Something." Derek grumbled. Their plan was so off the wall, he wasn't even sure he wanted to tell her. He was sure that she would laugh. He knew she wouldn't take it seriously.

"What is it?" Meredith asked as she rolled on top of Derek's sweaty chest. She laid her head on it, listening to his soft heartbeat. It was rhythmic. It calmed her. Derek gave her a look and Meredith shook her head. "I need to know what this plan is if I am going to be a part of it." Meredith told him with a giggle. "Do you not trust me?" She asked as she pecked soft kisses on his chest.

"Of course I trust you." Derek told her as he rubbed his hand over her back. Her skin was perfectly soft and smelled sweet. He loved her unique scent of flowers and sweat. He never thought he would like the smell of sweat, but she smelled wonderful. "I think we need to fake our own deaths. I know it sounds insane, but I think your father would find out of we just ran away." Derek said with a sigh. He was waiting for her to laugh. He was waiting for her to at least react to the crazy plan he had come up with in desperation.

Meredith laid there and looked at him. She didn't think it was crazy. She actually thought about it herself. She had thought that it was truly the only way to escape her father's clutches. She had no idea how to put a plan like that in motion, but she was willing to try. She was willing to do whatever she had to to be with Derek. She had nothing to lose. And she never sat and thought about how much he really did stand to lose whole trying to help her.

"I think you are right. My father doesn't want me to be happy. There isn't a question in my mind that he wants me to suffer. And I think if you tried to do anything other that what you are doing, you would suffer too. I think we are screwed, Derek. I'm here. I am onboard. Whatever you think we need to do, I trust you. If we need to jump through hoops, we will. I will. Whatever we need." Meredith told him with a smile.

Derek was shocked that she was so willing to go along with it. Then again, as he thought about it, if he had been in her position, he would be too. He knew that she was a caged animal. There weren't many ways to get her out. She had been trapped so long, she was desperate. She was a bear in a trap. She was ready to chew her own leg off just to get free. That was why he was so willing to save her. That was why he would do it even if it meant he was going to lose a lot.

"So how will this work?" Meredith asked as her light green eyes looked into the worried ones of Derek Hanson.

"I have no idea." Derek admitted as he rubbed his face. "I talked to Matt, and he is thinking about a plan, but nothing is set in stone." Derek explained. He looked at Meredith looked at him in shock. She couldn't believe he called Matt. She wasn't upset, more surprised than anything.

"You called Matt? And you told him?" She asked quickly. Derek opened his eyes wide. He thought Matt was their friend. He trusted him. As he looked at her, he was wondering if that may have been a mistake on his end. He was really hoping not.

"Well, yeah... I mean, he is our friend. I trust him. And I don't know anyone else. I mean, let's face it... This is not something you walk around talking about. I have no idea how to get this plan rolling and I think two heads were better than one." Derek told her as he watched her facial movements. Her chin jutted into his chest as she used it for a prop.

"No... No, I agree. I just... Matt is nice, and he doesn't need to get stuck in the middle of this. He doesn't deserve it, you know? I just don't want him to get into trouble for anything stupid that we might do." Meredith said sadly as she rolled her head to the side and closed her eyes. "But we need someone. And I do not trust anyone else."

"Neither do I." Derek agreed as he closed his own eyes. He only trusted two people in this world and that was Matt and Mark. He had been around enough to know that people were often out to get you. "But Matt is good. I have a feeling he will help us. I think he can figure something out."

"Good." Meredith agreed with a smile. "We need it." She told him as she pulled the blankets up over them and closed her eyes. They would figure it out, she knew that. She just didn't want to wait forever.

--

Derek needed to call Mark. He had to have another person on his team. He didn't want too many people on his team, just enough to make sure that they won. He was so unsure about what to do or where to go next. It seemed like his mind was everywhere. It wasn't as if you decided to die tomorrow and you did it. They had to plan and they had to plan right.

"Have you talked to Matt?" Meredith asked as she sat down in the study with her school book. She hadn't even thought about school. She had put in years. She wasn't far from obtaining her biology degree, and she never though that she may lose that all.

"No. He said he would call. I don't want to pressure him, you know? He knows people and he needs time to talk to those people. He doesn't need me on his back." Derek told her with a nod. He didn't want Matt to think he had to help. And he especially didn't want him to think he had to rush. Rushing is when mistakes are made.

"You're right. You know me. I want it and I want it yesterday." She told him with a frown. She was so used to being able to go get whatever she wanted, no matter what it was. And she wasn't able to go to the nearest boutique and buy a new life. "Just... Do what you can." Meredith said with a smile as she laid back in the chair and started reading.

"I am. Believe me, I am." Derek told her as he pulled himself from his chair. Derek wasn't sure how Mark could help them. The only thing he could think of what getting them settled in the US. They were definitely going to need a place to live. There was one more reason Mark needed to know, and it was a big one. He was going to have to be there for his mom.

Derek walked outside to use the phone. He grabbed a seat by the pool. He looked at the crystal blue water. It was so clean and calm. The water never rippled anymore. The pool was never used. Derek knew that Meredith wouldn't swim again as long as she lived. As inviting as the pool was, Derek would never get into the water feeling his own guilt. So there it stayed, calm, cool, lonely and most of all, tainted.

"Hey... This is Mark, just leave it." He heard Mark's voice say. Derek contemplated leaving a message. He drew in a deep breath and decided to.

"Hey, Mark... It's Derek. Just... Uh... Just call me." Derek stammered through the message. He never stammered. Ever. He was hoping that Mark wouldn't pick up on it. Then again, what was the difference, he would know the story anyway. Derek drew in a breath as he climbed to his feet. He had been brave. He had been ready. Now he wasn't even close. Just as he reached the french doors, he heard his cellphone go off.

"Hello?" He asked as he walked towards the chair that he had recently abandoned. He was surprised at how cold it got. It was cold fast. He sighed as he absorbed the cold into his body. He would have to toughen up anyhow.

"Hey... What the hell is going on? You don't sound too great." Mark pointed out as he sat back on his chair. He was still in the same apartment. The only difference was that he had moved Derek's stuff into the basement of the building and moved his girlfriend in. He knew he couldn't tell him that, but Derek couldn't expect him to wait forever. Especially when he made it clear that he wasn't coming back anytime soon.

"I'm fine. I really am. I just... I need to talk to you about some shit and I'm not even sure what to say." Derek told him as he avoided saying it. He didn't want to say it. He knew once he did, it made it real.

"Well, just say it." Mark said frankly. Derek was not this person. Derek was straightforward. At the moment he was not being himself. At the moment, he was being a fool. Mark could only think one thing, Derek was terrified of what he had to say. "This is unlike you. Just say it."

"I need a big favor from you..." Derek told him with a sigh. "I need you to take care of mom." Derek said regretfully. It broke his heart to say it, but it was reality.

"God, Der... I know you are staying there, but you will be back." Mark said with a chuckle.

Derek felt a knot form in his stomach. The guilt was overwhelming. He actually felt sick over it. He fought the urge to retch. He couldn't do it. He couldn't take it. He was talking about killing his essentially mother. She already lost one son, and he was going to take himself from her. This kept him laying in bed awake for nights. He wondered if this was what he wanted to do. There wasn't a question in his mind. He had to. If she knew he was alive, there was too much of a chance that their cover would be blown. Derek couldn't bear the thought of Thatcher killing Meredith because his mom found things out. He had to make sure she would be okay. She knew Mark was like a brother. If Mark could be there, he would feel better about what he was doing to her.

"Mark... If something happened to me... You would be there for her, right?" Derek asked softly. He hated even asking that. It made him ill. Asking if he could be a replacement. He knew in his mother's heart, no one could be.

"Of course. God, Derek... You act like you are dying!" Mark said with a laugh. His laughter slowed as he realized Derek was not joining him. His first thought was that Derek was sick. Derek was dying. He couldn't imagine telling Linda Hanson that her son was dying.

"I just... I need to to be there. I know it will kill her, but it has to- You need to be there with her. After David and Dad... She may have a hard time. I know she will have a hard time..." Derek told him as he closed his eyes. He didn't want to say it out loud.

"Derek... What the hell is going on?" Mark asked in a panic. "It sure as hell sounds like you are dying." He had no idea how true it was.

"I'm just saying... If anything ever happened to me, I expect you to take care of her. She pretends she doesn't need a man, but she does. And I don't think it would be as hard for her, because I haven't been around much lately. She has pretty much learned to live without me, so I think she will be okay. But Mark, she will need you to be her rock. Promise me that you will do it. I need to know beforehand. I can't go into this not knowing. It's hard enough as it is." Derek rambled as he talked to Mark. Leaving his mother would kill him. Purposely letting her think he was dead was a cruel trick indeed.

"What is hard enough as it is? Damn it, Derek! Just fucking say whatever it is you have to say. I have to admit, you are really starting to piss me off here. You are not the avoiding type, and here you are, all over the fucking map. Figure it out." Mark said angrily. He didn't like that his friend was stammering and making somewhat of a fool of himself.

"Things are going to happen, Mark. Huge things. Things that aren't going to make sense. Things that are going to upset mom and my sisters. And this phone call will make all the sense in the world once they do happen." Derek told him quickly. Derek was losing his nerve. He wasn't wanting to tell his best friend what he was doing. It wasn't because he didn't trust him, it was because he was afraid he would try to talk him out of it. That was what he was afraid of.

"Okay. I need you to just tell me what is up. This clock and dagger, smoke shit is crazy. I just want to know what exactly it is you are planning." Mark growled as he sat back. He was finally getting angry.

"Fine. But before I tell you, I need you to agree that you will not try to stop me. This is set in stone. There is no going back on this. And this isn't some funny bullshit, either. This is serious and no one can know. I don't care who it is, or how much they torture you, they cannot know." Derek explained as he sat back. The reality of telling Mark was setting in quick as he was getting worried about how he would react.

"Okay... Whatever it is, man. You are my friend, I won't fuck you. Man... You know so much of my shit." Mark said with a chuckle. He knew that Derek held a great many of his secrets. He had no idea just how insignificant his were compared to Derek's.

"I swear to god, Mark. If I ever found out that you leaked what I am about to tell you, I would fucking kill you. And I don't mean as a joke. Unfortunately I know what I am capable of and you would fucking die a horrible death. I'm not kidding man. You will have a forked penis and no balls..." Derek said with a sigh. He had to make sure his friend knew just how serious it was. "I am not coming home... I'm coming to the US, but I am never coming home. Meredith and I... We are going to die. Not literally. But to the world, we are going to die. As in dirt nap. As in dead. And mom can't know otherwise." Derek told him frankly. He was waiting for Mark's dramatic response.

"What? Are you- I hope you are kidding!" Mark said with a laugh. He wasn't sure why he was laughing, he knew that Derek was not kidding. What he said was very much not a joke. "Holy shit... Have you lost your mind? You are going to do this over a girl? You are going to let yourself die over a girl? This is ridiculous This will kill your mom! You are- You know what... I have no right. I mean... I know you Derek and I am sure you are doing what you have to do." Mark said with a frown. He always knew Derek was honorable, he just had no idea how honorable.

"She is living in hell, and I can save her. But it isn't just about her. She is the love of my life. Life without her is not life. I will do whatever I have to to be with her. If that means hiding away and being dead, so be it. So I just need to know one thing... Are you on board? I will need your help, but if you can't give it, I will get it elsewhere..." Derek told him frankly. He had made his decision and he really didn't care what Mark had to say about it.

"Yeah... I'm here. I will help you however I can. If you think this needs to be done, then it does. If you are convinced this is the only way, I will accept it. It will kill mom, but I'm sure you already thought about that. I'll be here however I can. I just... You have to remember... I am losing my best friend in all this. But if this is what you want... I'm here." Mark said sadly. It kind of was like Derek was dying. And he would.


	98. For a Reason

Meredith stuffed her bag full of clothing. She didn't feel like packing and Sofia was busy. In her mind, she could just buy new clothes when she got to Dublin. Matt had business there. They were all going to meet up, minus Mark and talk about the game plan. Derek had never been to Ireland, so he was overjoyed. He knew that it really wasn't a vacation, it was more of a business trip, but nonetheless, he was ready to see a new place.

"Meri?" Sofia said as she walked into the room. "Ah! You crazy girl! Look at you... You can't pack your clothing that way. I know you know better." She spat as she rushed over to the luggage and began pulling things out.

"Oh... Sofia... You know I can't do this stuff." Meredith said with a frown as she plopped down on the bed. "I don't know how."

"Oh no... Definitely not." Sofia laughed as she pulled all of the clothing out and laid it aside. "It's not as if I never taught you. I know that you can do it, you just choose not to." Sofia said as she shook her head and went to work. "You have all these nice clothes..."

"Sofia... Do you like it here?" Meredith asked as she propped herself on her elbows and looked at the older woman.

Meredith always wondered. She had never really cared, but she did wonder if Sofia really liked to work here or if she had to work here to make a living. She never really asked the woman about her life. She never asked if she had a family. She had and idea by the things that her father had said, but she never cared enough to really know the woman.

"What do you mean, like it here?" Sofia asked as she began placing Meredith's items in her bag. Meredith stared at her for a minute before she reiterated.

"I mean... You are here all day, everyday... I mean, do you hate every second of it? I know the money is good, but is it worth it?" Meredith asked frankly. The older she was getting, the more she was realizing that the world was suffering. She knew that there was poverty. She knew that people were working their fingers to the bone. But yet, she never wanted to have to do it.

"I do... I enjoy this job. You are my family. Tony, Mr. Grey, and you. I enjoy coming here everyday. At first it was work, but once I got used to it, I liked it." Sofia pointed out with a smile. "Coming here is like coming home."

"That is good." Meredith agreed with a smile as she looked at her. She never realized how happy Sofia was with her job and working at the mansion. Thatcher was so nasty, she never thought that anyone truly wanted to work for him. But then again, Sofia rarely saw him. And everyone knew that she ruled the house. No one could change that.

Meredith wanted to say it. She wanted to spill everything that they were planning. As she looked at Sofia, she felt bad knowing what she was planning. She knew that Sofia did care about her, but at the same time, she also assumed that some of it was necessary because she was paid to. She wondered what would happen when she left. Deep in her heart, she knew. No one would even notice.

"So why are you going to Dublin?" Sofia asked as she looked up. She assumed that Meredith and Derek wanted to get away on a sex vacation. She knew that they were sexual beings that had absolutely no issues with libido.

"Matt will be there... I like to visit him." Meredith told her frankly. "We never get to see him. And Derek has never been to Ireland. He needs to see as much of the world as he can." Meredith explained. She knew that once they died, all of their fun little vacations would stop. In her mind, life would be a vacation. It would be if she were with Derek.

"That should be nice." Sofia agreed with a smile. She was almost done packing, but she went just a touch slower. She didn't want this to end. She liked her time with Meredith. "I'm so glad that you are doing better, Meri... You really don't need that poison in your body. You have Derek and that boy loves you." Sofia said with a smile. She knew that Derek had undying loved for Meredith.

"He does." Meredith agreed as a smile covered her face. She knew that he did love her more than anything in the world.

"What happened, Meri?" Sofia asked with a frown. She wanted to know. She knew that something was off when it came to Meredith and Trevor. "What happened that made you start that stuff?"

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked up at her. She was hoping that this would never come about. She was hoping she would be able to stave this conversation forever.

"Meri... I saw it. I was there. I have known you almost your whole life. You didn't snap for no good reason. There was a reason. What happened baby? You can tell me..." Sofia said softly as she rubbed her head. "What happened?"

"Nothing... He just made me upset. I'm okay. I was okay. No big deal." Meredith said with a smile as she closed her eyes. "I was a drug addict because I wanted to be." She lied as she turned away.

"You don't want to talk about it. That's okay. You are allowed to not want to talk about it." She said with a sigh. "But if you ever do, I am here. And I don't know what happened, but you're okay now." Sofia said with a smile as she rubbed Meredith's hair. "You sleep... Your things are packed and ready to go. You should sleep until it is time to leave for your flight." Sofia said softly as she pulled herself away and shut the door. Meredith heard it click gently. As soon as she heard it click, it was her sign to let it go.

Sofia stood outside her door. She heard Meredith's loud sobs fill the room. She wanted nothing more than to rush in there and save her. She knew it would do no good. She knew that Meredith would either pretend that nothing was wrong or she would shut down completely. She didn't understand why she was crying. She didn't understand what was wrong. She knew that Trevor had been like a father, and she couldn't imagine what he had done to upset her so. And then she thought about it. She wondered if he knew something about Meredith's mother.

Sofia knew nothing about Meredith's mother. She never had. It was clouded in mystery. As much as she tried to find out, she was quickly cut off by Thatcher. Everyone knew you didn't talk about the woman. Sofia actually wondered about the woman. She wondered just where she was. More importantly, she wondered who she was. She thought back to the first time she met Meredith. And the first time she ever asked who the woman was.

i_Sofia drove up to the mansion. She had driven by it for years, but had never been inside. She was hoping the new owner would soon be her new employer. She needed a good job, and she heard that the man moving into the mansion was on his way to the top of his game. Anyone who could by a house that cost as much as she assumed that one did, they had to be doing well. She pulled her rickety old car up to the main gate. She needed this job and she needed it badly._

_Sofia never expected to see a home that looked the way this one did. She didn't have a lot of money or culture, but she could tell that the things contained in that house were worth a lot of money. She saw antiques and heirlooms that she was sure cost more than her home and anything she owned. As she looked up, she saw a famous painting. She wasn't sure what it was. She would later find out that it is the painting, The Massacre of The Innocents. She would never know how symbolic it was that a man like Thatcher Grey owned and hung that painting proudly._

_"Mr. Grey?" Sofia asked as she walked up to the man. She assumed he was Thatcher Grey. He looked like Thatcher Grey. He looked clean cut and powerful._

_"Sofia?" Thatcher asked as he shook the woman's hand. She was a short, sturdy little italian woman with a happy smile and an honest face. "Nice to meet you." _

_"You too, Mr. Grey." Sofia said as she sat down in the chair he pointed to. Buttery soft leather. It was divine beneath her._

_The interview went like any other interview. Thatcher was a kind man, but always made sure that she knew he was in charge. Sofia was nervous but she was bound and determined to get this job. All she could do was be herself and be honest. She didn't have many credentials, but she had enough. She could do this job, and Thatcher Grey would give it to her if it was the last thing he ever did._

_"Ahhh... Meri..." Thatcher said with a smile as he looked at his little girl walking into his office. "Meri... This is is Sofia. She is going to work here... If she wants to." Thatcher said as he pulled his daughter close. "Say hello."_

_"Hello." The little girl said as she looked up at the woman. Sofia smiled as she looked at her bright green eyes. She was used to seeing a sea of brown, and those green ones were amazing._

_"Well hello there..." Sofia said with a grin as she looked at her. Meredith was bold. She wasn't afraid as she looked Sofia square in the eye. "How are you today?" Sofia asked as she looked at the girl._

_"Good." Meredith replied softly as she looked at the woman. She wasn't scared, but she was quiet. She didn't seem to talk unless you coaxed it out of her._

_"Meri... Why don't you go outside and play?" Thatcher suggested as he looked down at his daughter. Meredith's eyes lit up and she nodded exuberantly. She looked at if she never got to play outside and it was the best thing in the world._

_"Okay, daddy... Loves." Meredith said as she pecked a kiss on his cheek and ran off. Thatcher's eyes followed his daughter as she bounced away._

_"Where is her mother?" Sofia asked as she watched Meredith make a complete exit. She didn't knew the circumstances and didn't want to upset the child._

_"We don't talk about her mother. Her mother is no one's business. And I mean no one." He reiterated firmly. Sofia nodded her head. She could tell that she was seconds away from overstepping her bounds. "So, would you like the job?" Thatcher asked quickly._

_"Yes...Oh yes, of course." Sofia agreed with a nod. She knew that this job was going to be difficult, and it wasn't even going to be the job that was./i_

Sofia listened to Meredith cry. She was no longer the little girl that loved her daddy. She was a broken girl that had been beaten down over and over again. Sofia's heart broke for her. There was nothing she could do to fix the damage that the Grey name caused. She touched the door softly as she walked away. She would never know what hurt her so, but the more she thought about it, she was sure it wasn't one thing It was everything.

--

Meredith awoke from her sleep. Her eyes were dry and she could feel the tear stains on her face. It soon rushed back to her exactly what it was that got her upset. She knew she had to let it go for Derek. As tempting as it was to fall right back into that trap, she couldn't do it. Sofia had no idea what she was saying when she had said it. She didn't know she would upset her so, and Meredith knew that. That was why she remained silent until she could get her tears out. She didn't want to tell the woman. No one needed to know. She was just too ashamed.

"Mer... It's time to go." Derek said as he tapped on the door. He didn't want to rush in. Tony was home and he couldn't risk him knowing anything. Not at this stage of the game. Not when they were getting close. "You need to get up."

"I'm coming." Meredith told him as she pulled herself out of her bed. She hadn't been covered, she was laying atop the bed linens and now she was feeling the familiar chill that came along with not moving your body for a long period at a time. Meredith let out a yawn as she opened the door.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, not only seeing the chills, but the tear stains too. Her face was red and splotchy from her crying. "You look cold, and upset." He said with fear. He couldn't do anything about it. He knew that Cristoforo was on his way to retrieve her bags.

"I am, Derek. Don't worry." She said with a nod and smile. Derek nodded his head. All he could do was agree with her, even if he didn't believe her. "I just... I am okay. I'm going to freshen up. Send Cristoforo in, I will be ready in a moment." She told him with a broken smile.

Derek wondered if she was really going into the bathroom to get high. He would know the second he saw her face. He could see the telltale white powder rings. He would watch her swallow down her familiar nasal drip. He would hear her customary sniffling. He knew he should trust her. She had promised him big thing. But in the back of his head, he never knew. It really did scare the hell out of him. He didn't want to lose her. To the drugs. Or to death.

Derek walked down the stairs. He had already loaded his own bags and was ready to go. They were driving themselves and someone was to come to the airport and fetch their car. He was glad that he would be driving her. It was the perfect opportunity to just be around her. He knew she was jittery, but he also knew that his calm nature affected her and put her at ease when she was upset.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked as she opened the car door and climbed in. If he looked into her eyes, he would know she was straight. He was praying she wouldn't avoid his gaze.

"I am." Meredith said as she turned and looked at him square in eyes. All Derek could do was smile. She was straight. She was high. She wasn't under the influence. He was happy. Maybe their was hope. Maybe she was realizing that she had to deal with her pain and not mask it.

"Is everything okay? You looked upset earlier..." Derek pointed out as they drove away from the mansion. She looked tired and he knew that she had gotten a good nap. He was sure that it was just the emotional windfall that she was always in.

"I am okay... I just- Sofia was asking questions." Meredith told him as she looked away. She didn't even want to think about it, but she knew he deserved to know. She knew that if she wasn't open with him, nothing good would come of it. "She was asking questions... She was asking about Trevor." Meredith said with a frown.

"Oh, Mer..." Derek said softly as he grasped her hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, baby. Are you okay?" He asked with concern. He didn't like that he had to worry about her, but he did. He worried about her nonstop.

"I am... I didn't tell her. I just- I couldn't... When I talk about it, it makes it real. I don't want it to be real, you know? And with- I just... I can't talk about it. I don't want to. She doesn't need to know everything. She doesn't need to know that I was hurt. I have you. No one else ever needs to find out." Meredith said with a smile as she touched his leg.

"Maybe you are right." Derek agreed as he grabbed her hand. "That man, he deserves to die for what he did to you. And... You are stronger than that. You are stronger than him. And you will be okay, Meredith. I have your back. I always have your back." Derek told her with a smile as he drove along.

Derek would always have guilt for letting Meredith be raped. He knew he couldn't save her, but in the back of his head, he always wished he had. He should have been there to kill that monster. He should have saved her from the trauma she was going to endure. If he could have saved her, everything would have been okay. The one thing Derek didn't realize, was that by him not saving her, he changed their lives. He couldn't see it now, but by letting it happen, he saved them. If things hadn't gone the way they were, they wouldn't be escaping the mess that was their lives. They would have stayed forever in that mansion. Maybe Meredith being raped... Maybe it happened for a reason.


	99. Thinking Things

Meredith was happy that she would be seeing Matt. She loved Matt like family. He was one of the only guys that she felt like she could just be herself around. He was one of the only people that she could be around and not feel ashamed because she was an addict and let it get to far. She knew that no matter what, Matt would not judge her. She loved Matt because she could trust him. And so could Derek. And that meant a lot.

"Is Matt already supposed to be here?" Derek asked with a smile. He knew that Matt had been in town on business for awhile.

"He said he would be." Meredith told him with a smile as he drove the car down the road. Derek was getting very adaptable as far as driving went. She could take him to any country and he seemed to figure what to do fairly easy.

"Good." Derek agreed with a nod. They needed to get away. There was no question about that. Even if Thatcher didn't know things, Derek could still feel tension in the house. He was looking forward to figuring out their plan and just getting away for awhile. "You look tired..." He pointed out with concern.

"I'm okay. Really, I am..." Meredith told him quickly. The truth was, she was exhausted. She didn't let him know just how concerned she really was over this little mess they were planning. She had so many unanswered questions. She didn't want Derek to know that they kept her up all night and kept her from sleep.

"Are you just saying that?" Derek questioned with a frown as he grabbed her hand. He knew her better than she thought. "It looks like it is a Meredith moment." He told her with a smile. "And you know what that means..."

"I really am. I'm tired, but I will be fine." She lied as she sat her head back on the headrest of their luxury sedan. "I just need this vacation. We all do." She told him with a nod. "I have big projects due in class in two of my classes."

"Well, you need to work on things while we are here." Derek told her with a smile, thinking that was her problem. "You can do it with a clear head and a fresh mind."

"That will be great." She told him as she drew in a breath. He really didn't have any idea. That was good. She didn't want him to carry the worries that she was now carrying on her back. Her mind was never clear nor fresh anymore.

"Well... I think this is it." Derek told her as he went down a long stone driveway. A smile crossed his face as he looked up. It was beautiful. He couldn't get over it. He was learning that he really like Ireland. He loved how green and alive everything looked. He knew it wasn't always that way, but he liked it nonetheless.

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"It is." Meredith agreed as she looked up at the older home. She had been to enough to know that it probably wasn't as old as it looked. It was modeled after some of the older castles in the area. That suited her just fine. She found that the older ones were always drafty and cold.

Meredith was happy that they were going somewhere else. Thatcher Grey had no ties to this home or to the owner. This was a home that Matt was contemplating it's purchase. Meredith always felt that when she was in a home where Thatcher had control, that she could not be safe, When she was younger and naive, it didn't bother her. The last few years had taken their toll and she was getting far too wise. She wished she didn't know the things that she now knows. She wished she was in the dark. But that would have never kept her safe.

"Well, it doesn't looked like he is here." Derek pointed out as the pulled in. Derek didn't even notice that there were absolutely no paparazzi around. They seemed to have fizzled out. If either of them put much thought into it, they would be wondering why exactly that was.

"No... It doesn't" Meredith agreed as she looked up. She was sure Matt was just out for a bit and would be right back. She was hoping the home was unlocked, but not thinking about how unsafe it could be if it was not.

"Matt will never buy this." Derek pointed out with a chuckle as he looked around. There was nothing wrong with the house, but something was definitely missing.

"Why do you say that?" Meredith asked with a frown. She gave Derek a dirty look. It felt as if he was trying to peg Matt. What Derek didn't realize was that Matt was growing older now. He was getting to a point in his life where he wanted to settle down. She always knew he was that guy. Somewhat like Derek. "It's a fine house. I bet he loves it..."

"Oh... The house is fine. But there is a problem. No garage." Derek said with a chuckle. Meredith quickly joined him. They both knew that Matt had an affinity for cars and would need a place to put them.

"Well, I''m sure he just wants this as a vacation home. He loves Australia." Meredith pointed out. Derek nodded. For the first time since he had arrived, he was feeling a bit jealous of the good life. He knew it would be expensive to change their identities. Now he was wondering if they would ever be able to have anything great.

"Ah... Speak of the devil." She said as she saw a Porsche drive in. Derek sat there and wondered. There was a difference between the two of them. He was sure she never realized the financial worries. And if she did, she may think differently about the whole thing.

Meredith stood next to their car. She smiled as Matt approached. He had class. Meredith loved that about him. He seemed to know just the right thing to say. He always looked amazing. He thought about life and what was going on. He seemed to face his problems head on. At least with him, she knew what she got. No matter what it was all on the table. There were no secret meanings to anything. It was just him and her, speaking honestly.

"Derek." Matt said with a nod as he walked up. They rarely man hugged. One of the rare times they did that was when Meredith was in distress at the hospital.

"Matt... How are you?" Derek asked with a smile as he looked at him. To him, this trip was not about vacation. This trip was going to be business. He had to figure out some major things while he was there.

"I am fantastic." Matt told him with a smile as he walked over to Meredith. Meredith always lit up when Matt talked to her. He treated her like a normal everyday person and she always appreciated it. "And Meredith... I missed you, mate." He said with a smile as he pulled her close. "Are you doing okay?" He whispered into her ear.

"I'm good." Meredith responded softly as she nodded. She wasn't great, but away from the house and her father, she felt a lot better. She was nervous about everything they were going to talk about, but she knew they had to do something.

"That is wonderful." Matt told her quickly. "You will be okay." He whispered into her hair. He though back to the first time he met her. She amazed him. He just wanted to get back to that. He wanted her to see how great she was. He knew that she had lost a part of her and she needed to get it back.

"I have Derek. You are right, I will be fine." Meredith agreed as she pulled away. She looked up to see Derek getting their bags out of the trunk. Meredith drew in a breath and walked over to the car. She could help get the bags. Years ago, she wouldn't even consider it.

"Here... Give me a few." Matt said with a smile as he put his hands out. "Wow, Meri... This is light packing for you. Are you okay?" He joked as he looked in the trunk. She just had two bags. Normally she would have two bags of shoes. He could see in her eyes, she just didn't have the zest she used to. Things didn't matter. He knew she just had to get free.

"Hahaha." Meredith muttered as she shook her head. The truth was, Sofia had packed her bags. She wasn't even positive what was in there. She really didn't care at the moment. As long as she had something to cover her ass, she would be fine. She wasn't planning on leaving the house.

"We have it all." Matt said with a nod as he looked at the trunk. Meredith quickly shut it and grabbed the keys he was offering her. "I locked it. Luckily I showed up. You weren't waiting long, were you?" Matt asked as he watched Meredith open the door and push it out of the way for them.

"We just got here." Derek assured him as he walked in. They all looked around as the door opened. This was nothing like what Matt had in Australia. He had a bachelor pad. He had an ultra-modern apartment. This was way different than what she had seen him in before.

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Meredith liked how traditional the house was. She liked fine furnishings. As she looked around, she realized the house was older than she had imagined. Just from the outside, she would have thought maybe a hundred years. She could tell by the intricate woodworking and attention to detail that she was far off. She quickly walked along, taking it all in. She had learned to appreciate the finer things in life. Or at least, she knew what was fine and what was not.

"How old is this?" Meredith asked as she looked at Matt. "When was it built?" She clarified as he climbed the stairs with Derek. She remained on the first floor.

"It was built in 1174." Matt yelled down. Derek's eyes got wide. He had never been in such and old home. He really paid attention as they walked up. The house truly was amazing. Derek followed Matt down the long hallway and to their bedroom. "Don't break the bed... It's an antique." Matt joked as Derek walked in

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"Funny." Derek said as he shook his head. "Honestly, these days, it isn't like that. Mer has lost her zest. She just- I'd imagine you can see it." Derek said with a knowing shrug. Matt looked up at him and shook his head.

"She isn't the same girl anymore. That bastard... He took things from her. I just hope... This needs to be okay. We need to make this work. I think you can bring her back. I think you are the only one that can." Matt said in a firm voice.

"I hope so. Someone needs to bring her back. I can't take it anymore. I know she is trying... But she breaks my heart." Derek told him frankly.

"We'll get her back... I know we will." Matt told him happily. He truly believed it. That made all the difference in the world.

--

Meredith laid down on the sofa in the drawing room. She wasn't fond of the furniture. Namely, the sofa. It wasn't comfortable. It was pretty, but it was not comfortable. Meredith laid her head back and closed her eyes. She needed to rest. She just felt like her body needed sleep. She tried to relax, taking deep breaths in and out. She listened to the stillness of the house. She had no idea where Matt and Derek were, but she was sure they were fine. And she was just way too tired.

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Derek and Matt walked into the drawing room and smiled. She looked so peaceful as she lay there. Her hair was resting around her face and her head rested softly on the pillow. The only thing that wasn't peaceful was the loud sound coming from Meredith. Her snores were filling the room like an air horn in a bay.

"Wow... She is tired." Matt said in shock as they stood there overtop of her. She didn't flinch as they stared holes in her with their eyes. "And thin... God, Derek... Does the girl eat?" He said as he looked at her thin frame and frowned.

"The coke takes a lot out of her. She has a really hard time getting the weight back on. I mean... Maybe it is stress, but I swear, the pounds just melt off of her. She's been eating, but she is way too thin." Derek agreed as he looked at her stick thin legs and her skinny arms.

"Well, she is getting back. She needs to get away from this shit. I mean permanently. She needs to get out of it all. Away from her father. Away from Italy. She needs a fresh start. And you were right... There is only one way for her to get that. She must die." Matt agreed as he looked down at her. It seemed so daunting, and at the same time, so easy.

"I should take her to the bed to rest. She will wake up with a horrible crick in her neck." Derek said with a frown as he looked at her laying there with the stiff pillow. "I'll be back down." He explained as he scooped her up.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she looked up at him. "What are you doing?" She moaned as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I am taking you up to bed. You need to rest." Derek pointed out as he began to walk with her feather-lite body in his arms. Matt watched as Derek climbed the stairs and disappeared. They really did need help. "You rest..." Derek told her as he laid her down on the soft bed linens that he had pulled back earlier. "I will be up in a bit."

"Okay..." Meredith agreed sleepily as she laid her head to the side and closed her eyes. Derek shut her door softly and jogged back down the stairs. He needed to talk to Matt about this. It was now or never, and plans had to be made.

"I think... We need to get down to business." Matt said with a nod as he began his walk towards the study. Derek followed behind. There were so many unknowns. He had no idea what was going to be happening.

"I don't even know where to start." Derek admitted as he sat down in a chair and looked up at Matt, who followed his lead. "I just- This is so big. The picture is so big. I feel like I am inches away from the movie screen and no matter what I do, I can't see the whole picture. The big picture is all that matters, and there are just so many unknowns." Derek admitted as he looked off into the other room.

"I have no idea how you are feeling. I mean... I can only imagine. You are the one that is losing the most. Mer, she will be losing things, but you came from a tight-knit family. You are the one that will have to live with deceiving them. I am not trying to talk you out of it, but these things... You will need to make sure that you are completely okay with them." Matt explained. "And you can't just sit here and tell me that you are. You need to really sit and think about it. You have a week here, and you need to use it. It's free of the pressures of that damn house."

"I have thought about it. Fuck, Matt... It has kept me up all night, every night. I think about it nonstop. I know what I want to do. I do... But I will humor you, and think further. It won't make things any easier. But sometimes you have to go for the greater good. My family is tight-knit. That is why they will be okay. Mer... She won't be okay if we don't get her out of here." Derek told him with a nod and a smile.

"I know that, Derek. I just... I am looking out for her. I am looking out for you, too. But I am looking out for her. And if you are going to have animosity in five years, that will do neither of you any good." Matt told him with a smile. "I know you are thinking I'm nuts. I know you are saying to yourself that you could never hate her, but you have no idea. Things change..." Matt told him as he poured himself a bourbon. "I have things in order. I have talked to a person. This can be done, and it can be done well. But you both have to be committed. Everything has to be right there at the top. You can't wait around and then decide that you made a mistake. I'm not trying to be an ass... There is- This will involve a lot of money, and a lot of effort. You need to make sure this is really what you want." Matt told him as he handed him a glass of bourbon. Derek drew in a breath. He did stand to lose a lot. And he would be killing his mother. Who did he love more? Could he chose?


	100. Getting Nearer

Derek and Matt left it at that. Matt was insisting that Derek think about it. Derek didn't bother arguing. There was no thinking. All he had done was think. It was never ending thinking about what was going on. They weren't talking about taking another one of their vacations. They were going to be cutting themselves off from everyone they knew, permanently. That was going to be it. There would never be another family reunion. There would never be another Christmas. There would never be another anything as far as his family was concerned.

Derek laid in the bed and stared at the ceiling. All he could think about was the decisions that were in front of him. He had so much to face and he wasn't sure how he could of wood. Derek listened to the sounds of the house. He didn't believe in any unnatural entities. There was nothing in the house. Even if he did hear footsteps. Derek drew in a breath and pulled himself out of bed. He needed a bath. He needed to relax.

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Derek watched as the water poured into the tub. He knew that taking a bath wouldn't do him a bit of good. He couldn't think any better in there than he could in the bed. He needed to do something. He didn't want to toss and turn in the bed with Meredith. He didn't want to wake her up. He knew that wasn't fair.

Meredith laid in the bed and looked over. Derek's side was ruffled. She knew he had been there. She drew in a breath and pulled herself out of the bed. It seemed as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. She hated that he was feeling so bad. She had no idea just how bad he was feeling. She had no idea just how much he was losing. He was losing so much.

"Hey..." Meredith said in shock as she stumbled into the bathroom. Derek was laying in the deep bathtub with his eyes closed. She was happy to see him relaxing. She knew he didn't do it too often.

"Hey..." Derek replied with a sigh as he watched her walk over to the toilet. He showed respect and looked away. He loved that girl more than anyone would ever know.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she walked over to the tub and climbed to her knees. She looked into his conflicted eyes. She placed her hand on his cheek and cocked her head, a trick she learned from him.

"I am." Derek lied as he looked at her. He hated lying to her bright green eyes. He almost knew she could tell he was lying. They could look into each other's souls. They were connected so deeply. That was exactly why he had to do it. That was why he had to go through with it.

"You are not. But that is okay." Meredith said with a smile as she placed her hand in the warm water. "You can no be okay. You're allowed." She explained.

"You want to join me?" Derek asked as he sat up slightly, welcoming her in.

Meredith looked at him and nodded. She climbed to her feet and peeled off every scrape of clothing that she had on, leaving them in a pile. Derek admired her soft ivory skin and the way her curls laid on her shoulders. She was his perfection. His Meredith. She slowly lifted her long slender leg, placing one toe in the water. It was just a touch too hot, but once she got used to it, it would be perfect.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Meredith asked as she laid her back against Derek's back. Tonight it wasn't about sex. Tonight it was about being together. Meredith was somewhat shocked that Derek's flaccid penis remained flaccid. She knew for it to do that, he had to be upset.

"I don't know." Derek admitted as he grabbed the wash cloth and ran it over her chest. He didn't want to throw his worries on her. He didn't want her to second guess. Once she did, he would. "I just want to make sure this all works out."

"You don't think it will?" She asked him with a frown. She had all the faith in the word. She didn't even know what the plan was, but she knew that they would be okay. He would protect her.

"I just want to make sure this is what you want." Derek told her with a smile. "I don't want you to decide that in five years you miss your life. We can't come back once we leave. If we came back, your father would kill us both." He told her firmly. She needed to understand that they were both risking so much.

"I won't Derek! I won't." She said quickly. She wanted him to understand that she was in it. She couldn't stay with Thatcher. She couldn't remain in that hell. She couldn't be exposed to Trevor and his comments. She couldn't let herself fall victim to him again. "I can't stay in Italy. I can't see Trevor. I can't be a prisoner. I just want away. I want away with you." Meredith told him with a smile as she turned and looked at him.

"It's not going to be as easy as you think. And I do want you to think about it. I don't want to hear you say you want to do it until you know all that it involves. You, Matt and I need to sit down and really talk about what has to be done. We need to figure out what we stand to lose, and what we will gain." Derek told her as rinsed her body with the hot water.

"Okay." Meredith agreed. "I think you are right. But I am ready for anything." Or so she thought.

--

Derek knew that Meredith didn't completely understand what dying entailed. To her, it was just a game. To her, they would be on vacation. He knew that he wouldn't be able to make her understand. He could try to prepare her, but she would have to experience it herself. She would have to live the life to understand just what was going to happen and what it would include. He knew that she thought she was ready.

"Okay." Matt said with a sigh as they all sat down. Meredith fell back in yet another uncomfortable chair. She longed for a nice, thickly stuffed leather chair. "I think we need to discuss this further." Matt told them with a nod and a smile.

"We do." Derek agreed as she looked up. They needed to at least get the framework up for the plan. They had to have an idea of what they were going to do. "So what exactly is the plan?" Derek asked. He was leaving it up to him.

"Would you like a drink?" Matt asked, knowing that this kind of conversation required something to calm their nerves. It was sensitive. It was something that involved many emotions, most of which were not in that room.

"Scotch, if you please." Derek said with a smile. He knew that Matt always had the finest scotch. It went down smooth and was just the trick. Matt smiled as he pulled himself to his feet and poured two glasses of the amber liquid.

"Meredith... Tequila, I'm sure?" Matt asked as he looked at her. Meredith sighed as she looked up. She wasn't in the mood for tequila. That wasn't something that she could sip on over conversation.

"Actually, I's like to have some wine, if you have some." Meredith told him happily. Derek looked at her with surprise. She never sipped wine. She would have a glass of wine with dinner, but rarely did she sit down and sip wine.

"Of course I have wine." Matt explained as looked at her. "Red or white?" He asked quickly. Meredith drew in a breath and thought to herself.

"I'll have white tonight. Some sort of Riesling." She told him with a nod. She wanted something different for a change.

"I think I saw a nice Austrian Smaragd Riesling in the cellar." Matt told her with a nod. "Nice and full... Little more alcohol." Matt pointed out as he walked away. Meredith frowned. Things didn't feel right. She felt like she was watching life pass her by.

"Are you okay?" Derek questioned as he looked over at her. He motioned for her to come over and sit next to him on the sofa. She slowly pulled herself up from the chair and sat down next to him. She felt his arm wrap around her softly.

"I'm okay." Meredith told him with a nod as Matt walked back in with a bottle. He walked over to the small bar and poured her a glass. Meredith accepted it with a smile and took a sip. For some reason, everything felt surreal to her.

"Thank you." Derek told him with a nod as he accepted the scotch from his hand. Matt nodded in return and took his own seat across from them.

"I have talked to my guy. This can be done, and it can be done well." Matt told them frankly. He decided he just needed to get it all out in the open. They needed to talk about what exactly they wanted to do. "We considered several different deaths. Car accidents, drowning at sea. I think the best one would be a plane crash. That is the one that almost guarantees that no one will question it." Matt explained as he looked at them. Derek did not flinch, but Meredith looked confused.

"I think you are right. If we were to drown, you would either need a body, and have none. Or you would have to say that the bodies were consumed. I think Thatcher would question that. That leaves too many loopholes." Derek explained, grasping what Matt was saying.

"Exactly. And the same thing with a car accident. There would have to be bodies. Unless it was a fiery crash, there is no way to hide it. I think that would be a real problem." Matt explained as she still studied Meredith. She was silent and seemed to be off in her own little world. "Are you listening to this, Meredith? This involves you too."

"I am." Meredith told him with a nod. "So our plane will crash?" She asked trying to wrap her head around it. She couldn't imagine a plane crashing.

"I would." Matt told them with a nod. "The explosion alone should do significant damage to the bodies, rendering them unidentifiable." Matt explained. "It could go one of two ways. Thatcher will either be distraught and bury Meredith and send your remains home to your mother. Or he will be angry and not believe or accept it. If he goes that way, there will be DNA tests. At that point, you would be caught, but we would be sure to have you well enough hidden and you would have a good start on him. I am hoping that he won't test, but it could go either way." Matt explained. Derek was taking in everything he was saying and understanding it. Meredith was listening and grasping it, but not realizing how much work it would be.

"So you are saying that we could be caught? If he does DNA test, he will come after us..." Meredith said in a panic. She was realizing how much of a risk they were taken.

"Yes... He every well could." Matt admitted. That was a scary thought. They did not want that man after them. "Generally in an explosion like that, there will be no remains. We have everything covered as far as that is concerned." Matt explained as he looked up. "We have a pilot who is willing to fly to plane. Not as a suicide mission. The plane will be in distress. It will begin to lose altitude and he will jump. He will also be looking for a new life." Matt told them with a nod.

"And what about bodies? I know you said there will no remains, but there could be. I mean, my father will look. And if there is nothing, he will no. He will not stop. He will know." Meredith said in a panic. Now her wheels were spinning. Now she was wondering what they would do. Matt needed to realize that her father would stop at nothing to get to the root of anything. He had the means and the man power to do it all.

"Well, we did cover that aspect, and I am sure that you don't want to know the details." Matt explained. He actually thought the less they knew about the actual event, the better.

"I want to know the details!" Meredith said quickly as she looked at him. "If I am in this, I want to know." She told him as she looked between the two of them. She didn't want surprises. She wanted to know exactly when and where everything was going down.

"Mer... Matt is right. I mean, if you know things, and this goes down in bad way, you could be implicated. And do you really want to lay in bed every night and wonder what happened. Do you want to think about just how the plane went down. Do you want to wonder if the pilot made it out. This is stuff that will haunt you. I know and have seen things that have never left me. You don't want it, Mer. I promise you that." Derek told her as he rubbed her hand. Meredith clenched her jaw and looked away. Even if he was right, she did not like it one bit.

"Fine." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "I don't really get why we are talking anyway. I mean us. All of us. It seems as if this is a boy's club and I am not allowed to hear a word of what goes on!" She grumbled as she glared at him.

"Oh, Mer... It is not like that. We are just trying to protect you!" Derek told her as he ran his hand down her cheek. "We need to protect you. Someone does. You have gone through his whole life alone. This is what it is about. This is me protecting you. This is Matt, protecting you." Derek told her as he cocked his head. Meredith nodded her own head and smiled in agreement.

"Derek is right, Mer. He really is. Anything that is sensitive to this. you should stay away. Just for your own protection." Matt explained as he looked at her. "Now... Is there anything you want to know? Do you have any questions?" Matt asked Meredith specifically. Derek was glad, he wanted her to think she had some say in the matter.

"Well, yes." Meredith said with a quick nod. "I would actually like to know how I am supposed to become a surgeon. How is Derek going to become a surgeon? I mean, he has gone through almost 8 years of schooling, and now he will lose it all..." She said sadly.

Derek had thought about it. He didn't want to say a word, but he had thought about it. He was worried. He thought about the fact that his dreams were going to disappear. Everything that he had always wished for would be gone. It made him sad, but he had to do it. He would sacrifice whatever he had to, for her. He knew that if he had to chose between the two, he chose a life with here. Even if he was working at the nearest fast food restaurant.

"Oh no... You guys won't lose anything. In fact, we have that planned out. You will have your degrees. They will be in your new names, but you will have them. I know that you haven't completed it all yet, but you are nearly to the end. We will pick out universities from the states. We will have everything made up. Bogus records. Professors names. I mean, we can do this..." Matt said frankly as he looked at him.

"What if we end up working with someone that we were supposedly in class with?" Derek asked with a nod. He could only imagine the horror.

"We will make sure it is a large university. You guys can do this. You can be surgeons. But you will never be able to be world class surgeons. You will never be able to get your name and face out there." Matt told them both. They both frowned, butt they knew that it was better than nothing. They would better be mediocre than nothing at all.

"We understand." Derek agreed after looking Meredith in the eyes. This was all about their love. That was all it was. They needed to be together, no matter what. They always would be. They could face missing out on some of their dreams. As long as it was each other's ams that they slept in, nothing else mattered.

"We just need to be together." Meredith agreed with a nod. "I just- I can't live without Derek. I can't do it." Meredith told them as she started to tear up. Matt could see how close to the edge that Meredith really was. He was sure that if Derek wasn't holding her by her shirt, she would be over the cliff by now.

"I know you can't, Mer... That is why we will make this work. It is going to cost a lot of money. I mean, a lot. We are talking about making full identities here. And not crummy ones. I am talking about the real deal. We just need to think of some names. but I will tell you, I think this can be pulled off. your father has no reason to suspect anything." Matt told them both with a nod. it was true. He dropped the idea of Meredith and Derek having a relationship a long time ago.

"That is true." Meredith agreed with a nod. "And he hates me so much, I don't even think he will care. I think he will be glad to be rid of me." She said sadly. She knew in her heart that it was the truth. Derek looked at her with a frown. "Don't look at me like that, Derek. He doesn't care. The only people that care are in this room." She told them with a nod. Too bad she forgot about the little italian woman who loved her dearly.

**So Derek is going to be giving up a lot more than Mer...**

**Sorry guys! I have been busy with the new site, and life in general. I looks like I will be updating here like every other day. Yeah, life sucks. But do you know what improves life? Reviews! I'm sure of it.**


	101. What to Do

Meredith was confident in their plan. She didn't know anything better than to be confident. She was sure that Matt and Derek had the plans worked out and knew exactly how things would go. She was trusting them both with her life, both new and old. And yet, she had no idea how much confidence Derek lacked. Derek knew what they were up against, and he was a realistic man. He knew just how badly it could go down. But he also knew how great it could be. He chose to keep the great in focus.

Meredith looked at Derek as they lay in bed. She needed him emotionally, and yet, he seemed somewhat absent. She didn't realize how much this affected him. To her, he was walking away from his family, but it was no big deal. She couldn't crash what family was. So to her, his sacrifice wasn't that great. Derek's sparkle was gone. At the moment, that ever-present sparkle that remained in his eyes was gone. She was praying that it would come back. She needed it to come back.

"I love you..." Meredith whispered as she rolled over onto him. She knew how to ease his pain with physical touch. She was accustomed to that. She was good at it.. "You know that, right?" She asked as she straddled his hips with her thin legs.

"I do." Derek agreed as he reached up and rubbed her shoulders. Meredith smiled faintly at his touch. She needed his touch like air. It was validation that he loved, and knew she was alive. After years of nothing, she needed to know she was loved. She needed the validation. "And I love you too." He told her as his soft hands reached up and stroked either side of her face.

"Make love to me, Derek." Meredith said softly as she reached down and pulled her own shirt over her head. "I need you to make love to me. I need to know that you love me. I need to know that you care..." Meredith whispered as she tossed her shirt to the side.

"You know I care." Derek said as he ran his hands down her nude sides. He loved the way her soft skin felt under his hands. He ran them up and reached around to the clasp of her bra. Her lacy bra fell down her arms and laid there. Derek smiled at her pale white flesh and her soft rosy nipples. "I love you. I care." He said as he pulled the bra off and leaned forward, taking the bud into his mouth.

"Are you worried about this?" She asked as he sucked gently, nipping the tender flesh with his teeth. "I mean, honestly, are you worried?" She questioned.

Derek looked into her eyes. He wondered if she really wanted an honest answer. He was betting not. Meredith Grey had lived an odd life. She was so used to hearing what she wanted and needed. The cold hard truth could be too much for her. At the same time, he knew that she would need to get used to hearing the truth, no matter how bad it was.

"Only a fool wouldn't be worried." Derek told her frankly. She looked at him in shock for a second, and then nodded her head. Derek trailed soft kisses down her chest and sucked her gently.

"We will be okay, right?" Meredith asked, this time with concern. It was the first time she had shown concern in this situation. At least real concern.

"If the plan goes well, we will be fine." He explained as he rolled her pants down. Meredith pulled herself up and allowed Derek to take them off fully, dragging her panties with them. Meredith sat her body on Derek's clothed one. "But we have things to work on." He explained as he leaned forward and pulled his shirt over his head.

"Like?" Meredith asked as she laid down on him and kissed his chest softly. Meredith's hard nipple jutted into his rock hard chest, her tender breast flesh laying softly. Derek quickly rolled her onto her back and pulled his pants off.

"Like your accent." He laughed, knowing that Meredith had a very heavy Italian accent. She knew english well, but she spoke Italian better, and she definitely had the accent. Derek laid over her, between her legs and teased her soft opening with his manhood.

"My accent?" She laughed. "What do you want me to sound like, and american?" She teased as she attempted to use her best american accent. She was failing miserably.

"That would be good, yes." Derek explained as he slowly slid into her core with a satisfied smile on his face. He pulled in and out gently, wanting to be soft with her. "You have to sound american." He told her as he kissed her chest. "Meredith Grey needs to not be Meredith Grey anymore." He explained as he held himself up with one hand and tease her clit with the other finger.

"Oh... Oh god, Derek! Oh god!" Meredith cried out. She was ultra sensitive today, and he was nearly driving her over the edge. "Oh god... Just keep doing that." She groaned as he teased her clit as fast as he could with his finger. "Yes... Yes... Yes..." She cried out, feeling herself clamp down. This was fast, but they had all the time in the world. All night long, to so it over and over.

"Oh god... Oh god, Mer." Derek grunted as he quickened his pace, feeling himself over the edge. "Oh fuck, yes... You are...I'm ready... I'm cumming already."

"Oh god... Oh god!" Meredith whimpered as she felt her walls clamp down. Her body twitched uncontrollably as her orgasm washed over her in heavy waves, rendering her unable to move. She laid back and listened to Derek mew and groan as his orgasm washed over.

"Oh yes...Mer...yes...Uh." Derek grunted as he did one final thrust into her core, shooting his hot seeds inside. Derek laid on her chest, so happy to be there. At that moment, he realized it was all worth it. All the fight was worth it to have her.

"Wow...That was good." Meredith said in her best american accent.

"And that... You just now... Keep that up, and no one will ever know." He said with a smile. They could do this. They really could.

Meredith laid on her back. She and Derek's love making never tired her out. But these days, it did. It seemed that they had been out of shape for such important activities and now they needed to build themselves back up. At least they knew that getting back there would be great fun, and an activity they would enjoy. Meredith panted loudly as the sweat dripped down her temple. Yes, she was a lady, but this lady could sweat.

"You are so beautiful." Derek told her as he pecked soft kisses on her flesh. He loved the taste of her salty skin. Salt that came from the love that they had made. "I love you so much." He told her with a smile as he trailed over her abdomen. "And you have a way of clearing my mind." Derek explained as he licked her gently.

Meredith ran her fingers through his dark curls. She loved to massage this scalp with her long fingernails. Her perfectly manicured nails were great for that. Derek had the perfect fair. It was one of the things that had attacked her to him. That and his amazing eyes. They were the perfect color, just dark enough, but not too dark. He was perfect for her. Everything she ever could have wanted.

"So do you feel better?" Meredith asked as she caressed his face with her hand. He had a bit of stubble. She hated it, but she would let it pass. She wouldn't give him a hard time. She could hardly expect him to jump right up and shave.

"I do." Derek agreed as he cocked his head and laid it on her stomach. This was the first time that he realized that his dream could eventually become a reality. Maybe they would have the family and the normal life. "And you hate the stubble, I know." He said with a chuckle as he rubbed it over her sensitive skin, causing her to roll her abdomen and squeal.

"I do hate it. But that's okay." Meredith said with a smile as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. They were perfectly natural laying together. Their naked bodies felt perfect, connected soft flesh, in harmony.

"You are rumbling..." Derek pointed out as he listening to the loud sounds of her stomach gurgling and talking. "You are a hungry girl..."

"I worked up an appetite!" Meredith said with a smile. "You worked me hard." She added with a soft giggle.

"And are you complaining?" Derek asked with a raised brow. He knew that she she enjoyed every minute of what they were doing. There wasn't much that they did together that wasn't enjoyed. The life they had been living had made them come to appreciate their togetherness.

"I am not. But do you know what I would like?" She asked, knowing that he knew what she was talking about. They were in tune and no one could bring them out of the perfect co-exsistance they had made.

"You want a peanut butter and jelly, fried, of course." He told her with a smile as he lifted his head. "And we shall get one, but you, my little american, must help." He told her as he pulled her to her feet. They both looked around. they could not go there naked. They needed to put on something. They quickly grabbed robes and slid them on. Derek found her incredibly sexy. He knew there was just flesh under her red satin robe. With each step, her long leg escaped through the slit.

"I must help?" Meredith said in her best american accent. She looked up at Derek and saw the smile creeping up. He was ready to laugh. "What?"

"Nothing... You just... You sound like an american with the worse freaking italian accent. You sound like you work at Mama Rosa's pasta house." Derek laughed as he looked at her.

"Not nice!" Meredith spat as she looked over. They both walked down the stairs, laughing happily. At the moment, they were in a good place. They were in the perfect place.

"I'm teasing. You just need to practice." Derek told her as they walked into the grand kitchen and looked around. A house this size needed a full kitchen staff. Derek was just hoping the necessary ingredients were there. "Now let's see..." He said as he looked through the well-stocked cupboards.

"I do, you are right." She agreed as she looked at him with a smile. She watched as Derek pulled things out, one by one. This was the best she had felt in a long time. She had been sexed. She had been loved. She had everything she needed.

"Let's not forget the butter this time!" Derek said with a laugh as he handed it to her. Meredith giggled and nodded as she started to go to work. He had taught her so well the first time. She spread the butter in a thin layer after he had cut them with a glass.

"So what are we doing here?" Matt asked as he stumbled in sleepily. Meredith looked up at him and smiled. He was such a nice guy and she adored him.

"Making food, wanna help?" She asked with raised brows as she looked at him.

"Nice job, Mer... Very american!" He told her with a wink, referring to her accent. "Little miss america." He teased. Derek and Meredith laughed. She would make a good american. "So what are we making?" Matt asked as he watched Derek flip the small round sandwiches on the pan.

"Peanut butter and jelly." Derek explained as he watched Meredith doing the job so well. It was the only domestic thing she could do, but she was so proud of it. In Derek's mind, someday she would be donning an apron and spatula.

"That doesn't look like peanut butter and jelly to me. It looks like some sort of hybrid." Matt teased as he looked at the round fried sandwiches. Meredith was filling them and then cutting them out with a cup. So simple. "I think I will pass." He said with a nod as Derek placed one on a plate.

"Oh no!" Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "You have to try one bite. Everyone tries one bite." She told him as she shoved it in his face. "Come on! One bite." She told him as she held it there. Matt pulled away and shook his head no.

"It looks gross." Matt told her with a frown. Meredith greedily ate hers down, looking over at Derek. She wanted more. They weren't very big and she could down several of them if her need arose.

"You are the one that is missing out." Meredith told him frankly as she picked up another, took a big bite and smiled. "Mmm..."

"Peanut butter and jelly are peanut butter and jelly. The peanut butter should be peanut butter. Not runny and warm. And the jelly, it should be cold." Matt said with a nod.

"Well, I can tell you, this is the best sandwich in the world, and you are seriously missing out." Meredith told him with a smile. "And I think I will cry. If you don't try it, I will cry." Meredith fake pouted as she looked up at him. "Please?"

"Fine." Matt said as he rolled his eyes. "I will try your crap sandwich." He told her as he grabbed it from her hand and took a small bite. Meredith watched a pleased smile creep up on his face. "They melt together." He pointed out as chewed and swallowed.

"It's good, right.?" Meredith asked as she watched him finish it. He nodded happily as he grabbed another off of the plate. Derek frowned. They were eating them as fast as he was making them and he wasn't getting anything.

"It is good." Matt told them with a nod. "So...have you done any thinking, Derek?" Matt asked as he walked to the refrigerator. "Milk, anyone?" Matt asked as he pulled the carton out and grabbed three glasses from the cupboard.

"That sounds great." Meredith agreed as she looked over. She felt Derek's hand run down the small of her back and rest on her ass. It was a sign of affection that she enjoyed. She liked his touch.

"Thinking about what?" Derek asked as he looked over at Matt, who was pouring three glasses with precisely the same amount in each.

"Your name." Matt told him as he carried two glasses in one hand and one in the other. "You need to figure out what your name will be."

"Well, I haven't talked about it with Meredith." Derek explained as he looked at her. He wanted her in on whatever decision was made as far as that was concerned. "And I guess I should."

"We have to change our names?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked at them both. She knew it, but it never sank it. She wasn't going to be Meredith Grey anymore. She wasn't sure who she would be.

"Well yeah... Of course you have to change your name." Matt said with a laugh. "But not your first name. You both have american names. I think you can stay Derek and Meredith. Thank god your father name you what he did. If he had given you a strong Italian name, it would have been a problem."

"Oh..." Meredith said with a nod and a smile. At least they had that. She couldn't imagine not having her first name. She would have been living in a confused fog. She would have never known anyone was talking to her. "So just our last names."

"No." Matt said frankly as he looked at her. "Last name." He told her with a nod as he looked at her. Meredith looked at him in confusion. One name. "You will be married. you will share the same name."

"Married?" Meredith and Derek said in shock as they looked at each other and then at him. "What do you mean, married?" Meredith asked as she looked at Matt.

"Well, I think it would be easier if you shared the same name. If you were already married, you won't have to deal with that later on. I mean, going through the paperwork. You both will have your own identities, but I think this would be better. The guy I talked to agreed that having a marriage and setting it back several years will help throw off suspicion. So you two will be Meredith and Derek whoever." Matt said quickly. He looked between them both. "Will that be a problem?" Matt asked as he looked at Meredith.

Meredith was in shock. She never put any thought into this. She never thought that they would be anything more than what they were at that moment. She never considered that she could become his wife through this adventure. She drew in a deep breath and thought about it. What did she want to do? What did he want to do? What should she do? What should they do?


	102. Good Shepherds

Derek looked into Meredith's eyes. He could see her fear. She was afraid of what Matt was saying. In Derek's mind, they were always going to get married. There wasn't a question that she would be his wife. It wasn't something they had discussed because they weren't there yet. But now, it seemed they were being pushed in that direction. Now he was wondering what was going on in her head. Now he was wondering what he should say or how she would respond.

"I didn't think this would be a problem." Matt said with a frown as he looked up at her. He looked over at Derek, waiting for a response. Derek and Meredith remained silent as they thought. "Is it?"

"Um..." Derek muttered. He wasn't the guy who stammered or waited to speak, and yet, in this moment, he could not.

Meredith stood there, unsure of what to say. She finally decided that she had to think about it. She really had to think about it. She had never not imagines marrying Derek. It was always in her mind. It was more of a fantasy than a reality. It was something that she dreamed of, but was sure would never happen. Now that it was on the table and a reality, she wondered what she should do about it. She wondered if she should agreed. She loved Derek and that was all that mattered. She loved him enough to be his wife.

"It's not a problem." Meredith finally said as she looked up. Derek looked at her in shock. He was surprised that she said that. She said it wasn't a problem. In other words, she would be his wife.

"It's not?" Derek asked her, waiting for her to change her mind back. He was so afraid of being denied. He didn't want her to deny him.

"No. I would love to be your wife, Derek." Meredith said with a grin as she looked up. Derek smiled as he placed the last sandwich on the plate. He quickly pulled her into and embrace. "I love you, Derek" Meredith said as she looked up and pecked him softly on the lips. Just as she went to pull away he put his hand behind her head and pulled her in closer. Meredith moaned as she felt his tongue slide into her parted mouth.

"Hey now!" Matt said loudly as he cleared his throat. "I know this a special time. I know that you are newly engaged and all..."

"We are. Oh my god... We really are engaged. Kind of." Derek said as he looked at her. Derek looked around and smiled. He saw it. The perfect ring. Derek grabbed the twist tie off of the counter that was used to tie the bread shut. He smiled as he fashioned it into a make-shift ring. "Meredith Grey..." Derek said as he climbed to one knee. "Will you marry me?" He asked as he held the ring before her.

"Yes!" Meredith squealed as she put her finger out and Derek slid the ring onto her finger. "Yes!" She said as she fell on him, pushing him to the floor. "Of course!"

"Derek... You are the corniest fucker alive." Matt said with a chuckle. "I have to admit, I am impressed. I would have never though of that." Matt said as he watched Derek pull Meredith into another marathon kiss. They seemed so perfect together. Matt wished Derek could have gotten her a real ring. He knew that Derek could never afford what Meredith would want. He wondered if he should help him out. But at the same time, he knew that Meredith knew he didn't have money. He would talk to him later about it.

"I love you, baby." Derek told Meredith with a smile as she pulled away. Meredith smiled softly as she sat up and pulled herself to her feet. Derek watched as she looked at her makeshift ring.

"What do you think?" Meredith asked as she flashed it in front of Matt. Matt smiled and grabbed a piece of bread from the pile of scraps. He balled it up and pushed it onto the ring. "Looks like a good four carats to me." Matt joked as he looked down at it.

"Hey!" Derek said as he looked at the ring. "You know I will get you a ring, right?" Derek asked her as he looked at her with a smile. "A real ring. This was just unexpected." Derek explained as he looked at her with a frown.

"You don't have to get me a ring, Derek." Meredith said with a nod and a smile. "I don't need a ring. I have all this jewelry. I can just- You can give me something I have." She said with a nod as she looked at her hand. "And this is the best ring I have. This one, right here." She said as she held it out in front of him.

"Ah... If you say so." Derek said with a head shake as he looked at her. He would have to get her a ring. Not yet. He didn't want the record of it, but he would get her a ring.

"So what do you say, the future Mrs. Derek..." Matt started as he looked between them both.

"Shepherd. Meredith and Derek Shepherd." Derek said with a nod and a smile, hoping to get an agreeing nod from her. Meredith smiled softly as looked into his eyes. "My grandmother's name. She was so proud of it. It was lost when she married my grandfather. She loved that name. So what do you think?" Derek asked as he looked into her soft green eyes.

"Dr. and Dr. Derek and Meredith Shepherd. It's perfect." Meredith told him happily. "I love it."

"So this is big." Matt said with a nod and a smile as he looked at them both. "Let's see, we have a proposal, milk, peanut butter and jelly... How much better does it get?" He asked with a smirk as he took a bite of his sandwich and followed it with milk.

"Hey... You forgot my ring!" Meredith said as she flashed it before him. "This ring that I love." She explained as she examined it.

Derek would never understand how much it meant to her. It may be a piece of metal and plastic. It may be a meretricious object. But to her, it was worth the world. That was Derek. He did things that were thoughtful. He made her a ring when she had none. Instead of telling her he would get her one later, he fashioned one. She would forever keep it close to her heart. She had to. It was the most meaningful thing she owned.

"Yes, of course... The ring." Matt agreed with a grin as he looked at both of them. He didn't want to razz Derek too badly. He didn't want Derek to feel bad about it.

"Derek... You made me a wonderful snack." Meredith said as she walked over to him and placed her soft lips on his. Derek listened to the muted moan pour from her vocal chords as he slid his tongue into her warm sweet mouth. He placed his hands behind her neck and held her gently. He could taste peanut butter and jelly on her as he slid his tongue against her teeth. Derek pulled away, pecking kisses her lips two more times before he ran his hand across her cheek. "You made me a wonderful snack... And now... I will give you something in return..." She breathed into his ear. "I'll be waiting..."

"I'll be up in a minute." Derek told her with a grin as he looked into her eyes. Meredith nodded as she walked away, shaking her ass slightly. Derek watched as she disappeared, leaving him with the strongest sense of need he had felt in a long time.

"Wow... If I knew that twist ties did that, I would have started a collection a long time ago." Matt said with a chuckle. "I'm kidding, man. But really... If you want to buy her a ring, I will buy it. I will help you out." Matt said with a nod as he looked at him.

Derek drew in a breath. He made a lot of money for someone with his background. He was taking home twenty thousand dollars a month. He had no costs, with his living expenses and schooling covered. He sent home two thousand a month home to his mother, and he kept the remainder in a safe. He hadn't used the bank, not trusting it. This was a foreign country and he wasn't accustomed to it. The eight hundred and twenty thousand dollars he was hoarding was still well hidden. He could easily buy her a ring if he wished.

"I have the money, Mark. I don't want to go out and buy a ring. That is far too suspicious." Derek explained quickly. "And I know that we need to talk about the financial end of this deal. I don't expect your help. I don't expect you to absorb the cost of this endeavor. I know it will cost a lot, but anything it costs, I will pay you back." Derek told him with a nod.

"We will iron out the financial aspects later. Don't concern yourself with that." Matt told him as he watched Derek wash the few messy dishes that they had created. "Don't you think you should be getting your ass upstairs. I think you are getting some, and I know I wouldn't be balking." Matt explained with an exuberant nod.

"I'm going... I am going." Derek told him as he placed the last dish in the cupboard and threw the towel to the side. "Thanks... For everything." Derek told him as he went to walk out of the kitchen.

"Have a good time." Matt told him with a chuckle. At the moment, he was jealous. At the moment, he wished he was rushing upstairs to get some. He was not. But that didn't mean there wasn't anyone.

Derek rushed upstairs. He never knew what was awaiting him. She always did something that made his cock rise. He walked down the hallway of the old house and pushed their door open. A grin covered his face as he looked at her. He drew in a breath as he felt the immediate reaction of his cock, beginning to rise. Meredith was laying on the bed in pink print satin flyaway babydoll and a matching g-string.

"Holy shit..." Derek said as he undid his robe and let it fall. A salacious giggle escaped Meredith's lips as she looked at Derek's iron member standing on end. She laid back and spread her legs for him. "Holy shit... I fucking need you." He told her as he rushed over and climbed on the bed, covering her body with his.

"Oh god, Derek... I want you. I want you so badly." She moaned as she looked into his deep indigo eyes. They were a touch darker when desire took over his body. He lost all control, becoming animalistic when she dangled all that she had before him.

"Not as badly as I want you." Derek told her with a smile as he looked into her eyes. He put one knee on either side of her leg as he played with the tie in the front of her babydoll. One single ribbon was keeping him from what he wanted. He gave to a gentle tug and watched as it fell to the side, revealing her firm, plump breasts. "You are amazing." He told her as he leaned down and took as much of her breast in his mouth as he could. His tongue swirled around and around her nipple as he nipped and pecked.

"Please, Derek... Make love to me." Meredith said softly as she looked him in the eyes. "Now... Make love to me now." Derek smiled as he slid off her g-string and tossed it to the side. He rolled onto his back and pulled her onto him. He wanted her on top. He wanted to be able to feel and touch her. Derek quickly grasped her body and helped her slide onto his cock.

Meredith could feel his thick hard cock fill her void. She spread her thighs farther, making room for him. He grasped her hips tightly as she rocked forward and backward on him. She closed her eyes and threw her head back as he leaned forward and took her nipple into his mouth. Derek sucked it gently, teasing it with his tongue.

"How do you like that?" Derek asked as he thrust upward into her, causing her pain.

"Oh god..." She spat, feeling the pain, quickly erased by the feeling of his thumb on her clitoris. "Oh god... Right there!" She shouted as she ground her pussy against his thumb.

"Not so fast." He told her as he pulled his fingers out and smiled. Meredith could feel his fingers run up and down her body as he continued to trust into Meredith while she rocked round and round on his big dong.

"Oh come on! Come on..." She begged as she fucked him frantically, ready to feel him release. "Oh god, oh god!" She cried out as she bounced over and over again. Derek took ahold of her bouncing breasts and squeezed them tightly. She clenched her jaw and squeezed her inner muscles, stimulating him. She heard him let out a loud groan at the added tightness.

"You are so good, Mer... You are such a- Fuck!" He spat as he felt himself ready to cum. "You are getting it!" He warned as she started pumping harder and harder, letting out quiet moans.

"Oh god... Oh god! Thank you! Right... Keep that up!" She begged as she continued her same motion. She felt herself on the edge. One more rock and she was going to soar over the edge. "Oh god... There... Oh my... Oh my... Oh...GOD!" She cried out as her walls contracted violently and her vagina and uterus followed suit. Her cum released and flooded his cock, slipping down.

"Oh god, Mer... Fuck yes!" He spat as he shot his seeds into her core. Meredith sat aboard his iron stick and look down at him. His eyes are glazed over. They both looked through slits as Meredith ceased motion and let their bodies flow.

"I think we will make good Shepherds." Meredith said with a smile as she down at him. Derek smiled as he looked into her bright green eyes.

"I think you are right." Derek agreed as he pecked an exhausted kiss on her soft lips. "And I love you." He told her as he pulled her head to his chest. "So much..."


	103. Buying the Ring

Derek was spent after his night with Meredith. He wasn't sure who was more worn down, him or her. He was assuming her because it was already late in the morning and she was still filling their large room with snores. He smiled. He couldn't help but love it. She didn't do it all the time, but she definitely had her snore moments. They were moments that would keep the average man awake in fear. In fear of the beast that was after them.

Derek gave her a soft peck on the cheek and pulled himself out of bed. His kiss did nothing to disturb her, but he knew it must be done. He always kissed her when he left their bed. He never knew when it would be their last. He hoped and prayed that it would be when they were both so old they could hardly function. He knew with the loss of both his brother and father, that you never really knew. You never knew how quickly it could all go wrong.

"Hey... I'm surprised you're up before noon." Matt said as he looked up from his coffee and the newspaper. "That was some hardcore fucking last night. I warned you not to break the bed. You didn't, did you?" Matt asked with a frown as he looked at his friend.

"No, we did not break your bed." Derek said with a frown. "But that chair in the corner, it didn't fair too well." He joked as he looked at Matt's shocked face. "I'm kidding. We broke nothing." Derek reassured him.

"Okay." Matt said with a nod as he watched Derek pour himself a cup of coffee. "If I decide to not buy the place, I would hate to have to explain how the furniture was broken in a fuck-fest." He said with a chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

"Yeah... I can see how that may be a slight problem." Derek agreed as he sat down and sighed. "So what do I do?" Derek asked as he looked over. Matt looked at him with a puzzled face.

"What do you mean?" He asked quickly. "Do about what?" He questioned as he shook his paper and sat it down. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just wondering what to do about Mer... I have saved my money. That isn't the issue... It's just- What do I get her? What the hell do I get the girl who can have any piece of jewelry in the world? I can't get anything too extravagant, it will be noticed. And if I get her something that came out of a gumball machine, that isn't worth a damn either." Derek explained as he looked up. "I have no idea."

"That is a tough one... I say you just let her keep the one she has." Matt teased as he looked at Derek. Derek didn't seem too amused. "I'm kidding. I have no idea. You make excellent points, and I have absolutely no knowledge to offer."

"I would love to get my grandmother's ring. I know that my mother would never part with it. Not knowing that it was going to Meredith. I mean, she doesn't even know her. And I could never tell her- No matter what, I cannot get that ring. I'm going to have to buy her one. Probably two. One for when we are poor, and one for when we are rich. You know, playing the game..." He said with a frown.

"And when do you plan on doing this?" Matt asked frankly. He knew that Derek couldn't walk into the nearest jeweler and flash twenty grand without someone wondering what the hell he was up to. "I mean... If you want to go, I will go with you. But I am sure they will wonder why two guys are in there buying rings." Matt said with a nod.

"I think you are right. I will just let it slide for now. Maybe later I will go into town. No one knows me here." Derek pointed out as he looked up. "I don't know... I will figure something out." He told him with a nod.

"Well, whatever... If you want me to come along..." Matt said with a smile as he looked at Derek.

Derek was unsure of what to buy her. He wanted to buy her anything she wanted. He just had no idea what she wanted. It seemed to him that she actually hated jewelry. It had become something that her father threw on her. It was a replacement for love. Jewelry meant nothing to her. He was hoping that a ring from him would mean something. He needed it to. He knew it would break him if she turned her nose up at it.

"Maybe you can come with me later. Although, I am not sure if we should leave her again. Do you remember what happened last time?" Derek asked with a chuckle when they remembered Meredith going to the mall on her own.

"You make an excellent point. We will figure something out." Matt said with a nod as he sipped his coffee. "So... Apparently you tired her out."

"I think I did." Derek said with a nod as he drank his own coffee. Derek grabbed a muffin off of the table and took a big bite. "I will let her sleep..."

"You really should." Matt agreed as he looked up and nodded.

There were so many things that were going to be happening. They knew that life wasn't going to be a picnic. They would always be on-gaurd. They would always have to be watching themselves. They would have to transform into someone else. It was the simple times like this that they needed to just be. Soon enough, they would be living very differently. Derek wanted to let Meredith live her life. What she would go through, would be a shock to the system.

--

The plans would be ironed out. They had gotten somewhat farther in their endeavor, but they all understood that it would not happen overnight. Derek and Meredith couldn't leave tomorrow. They had to figure when the plane would take off. They had to make sure that all ends were tied up, and there was no suspicion. They had to make sure the financial aspects of it all were figured and that they would be able to move forward.

Derek was going to foot as much of the bill as he could. Matt had money set aside that was meant for nothing in particular. His company was doing well and he had funds hidden in places that no one knew about. He had enough money to last him a lifetime. He gave to many charities, but Meredith's and Derek's charity was far more important to him than any other he could conceive.

Meredith sat at the table in the quaint restaurant. Derek was off getting a ring. Meredith had no idea that those were his plans. He said that he had to do some things in town. He wanted to get gifts for his family and send them home. It was meant to be goodbye gifts of sorts. It would never replace him, but he knew it was a good gesture, nonetheless.

Matt knew what Derek was up to, but he used it as an excuse to have a personal lunch with Meredith. There was rarely a time that they were alone and could talk. It wasn't as if anything they said couldn't be said in front of Derek. It was just that Matt liked to have that one on one time with her. She was like a sister and a love all at the same time. Matt would always have a love for Meredith, but he knew that it was Derek who was hers, and she was his. There would never be any denying that.

"You look nice." Matt said with a smile as he sipped his water. When he was out, he either chose water, a manhattan or bourbon straight up. Those were the only choices in his book. Meredith looked up and smiled. There was something about a compliment from Matt that warmed her heart.

"Thank you." Meredith replied as she looked across the table. She looked at him through long lashes and bright green eyes. She had worn a nice fitted dress and her favorite heels. That was Meredith Grey. She knew nothing else. "You are too kind."

No, you are just that beautiful." Matt said frankly. She was that beautiful. She had been raised proper. He didn't come across many ladies in his life, but Meredith was a true one. She could be a bit snobbish at times, but Derek seemed to keep her in check and that was a very good thing. "You know, it won't be easy." He told her as he looked into her eyes.

He knew that Derek had told her, but he wanted to tell her too. It didn't seem fair to him that she could get thrust into a life she didn't understand. He knew that even with all the preparation they were giving her, she would never understand what it was to not be able to go out and buy just what she wanted. That was what a lifetime of Thatcher Grey's money had taught her, and it would most likely take a lifetime to un-teach it.

"What won't be easy?" Meredith asked as she took a crouton and popped it in her mouth. They had the most amazing croutons that were made from fresh bread. She found them incredibly addicting and had been eating them non-stop the whole time.

"This life. This new life that you and Derek are planning. It will not be easy. Not by a long shot." He explained as he too grabbed a crouton. They were garlic flavored and he knew that Derek would not thank him for that.

"I know that." Meredith said frankly. She was tried of them acting like she couldn't handle it. They were acting like she needed to be treated with kid gloves. She knew that she could handle it. Or at least she thought she could. "I know that it won't be easy, Matt." She said in a low growl. Matt could tell she was getting defensive. He could either press forward or draw back. At the moment, he wasn't sure which to do.

"I know you think you are prepared, but it isn't like you think. No more Prada, Meredith. No more Gucci. Those damn red soled shoes you love... No more of those. It will be normal. You don't know normal. You can't tell me you know, because you can't. And Derek loves you so much, he will kill himself to make you happy. That means that you will need to try. No matter what. Even when you are down as low as you can imagine and you aren't sure how it could possibly go back up, you need to try. Do you understand me?" Matt asked. It would kill him to know that Derek was unhappy because Meredith was unhappy. He wanted them to both live out long happy lives. Not lives of regret.

"Matt... You don't know me. You guys... You think everything is about the designers. I thought you were different, but apparently you are not. You are so concerned that I can't live without my fucking shoes. Do you know what I can't live without? Derek! I can't live without Derek. So for you to sit here and say this... It makes me sick. It makes me feel like I am worthless. I love Derek. I am willing to jump through hoops for the rest of my life if that is what I have to do. I will do it. I swear I will." She told him as she started to tear up. She was genuine. Derek was her love and she was willing to do anything for him.

"Okay. I believe you. And Mer... I know you better than that. I know the real Meredith. I just want to make sure you understand. I don't want you or Derek to trap yourselves in a life that you will hate." Matt told her as he grabbed her hand. The waitress brought up their sandwiches and sat them down.

"I have faith that we will be happy. We will be happy." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at him and nodded. "All of us will."

--

Derek drove down the unfamiliar streets. He had heard that there was a jewelry store in the area. It was supposed to be quaint, but hold some of the finest jewelry around. He didn't know the streets but he had gotten quite adaptable to driving in different countries with different conditions. He drove the rental car through town, looking around intently. As he neared the middle of town, he saw just what he was looking for. He quickly parked the car in front of the shop and look up.

Derek climbed out of the car and looked around. He was praying that no one noticed him. He didn't need a swarm of paparazzi pummeling him and taking pictures. He and Matt decided that if that did happen, he was to make it appear as if he were a decoy for Matt. Matt didn't care if it came back on him, he could handle it. Not to mention, Derek was sure that Matt did have a woman. He could tell by the way he had been acting. Matthew Tomlinison seemed to be attached.

"Good day... Is there anything I can help you with?" An older Irishman asked as he looked up at Derek. Derek smiled. This man seemed like the type of person who just ran this store and didn't have much to do with the outside world. He probably knew nothing of Meredith Grey or the frenzy that surrounded her.

"I'm just looking, thank you." Derek said with a smile and a nod as he walked through the store. It was small, but they seemed to have some really expensive and fine jewelry.

Derek walked along, knowing that the old man's eyes were upon him. It didn't seem as if he thought Derek was going to steal anything. It was more like he wanted to help. He couldn't wait for the moment when Derek would ask him about a piece and he would get the chance to show his expertise. Derek eyed the man and looked back down.

"I'm looking for something nice." Derek finally said, feeling that he needed to acknowledge him.

"Well, we have many nice things here." He told him with a smile as he walked over. Derek watched the man who walked with a slight limp head over and stand before him. "Do you have any certain thing in mind?"

"I am looking for an engagement ring. Something nice. Possibly antique." Derek explained as he looked outside, seeing if anyone was watching. He saw no one and was glad of it.

"We have some very nice antique rings. Some with a strong Irish influence. Some have been bought from the families around here. Some were bought at estate type sales. Now what size ring are you thinking about? Carat-wise..." He asked as he led Derek over to the case of older rings.

"Over a carat, but not huge. She has a dainty hand and doesn't need a huge ring. It needs to be nice. I want quality." Derek explained as he looked down. "What about this one?" He asked as he pointed to a beautiful ring in the back.

"Oh yes, this one... This ring is very old. It came from one of the most influential and prominent families in the area. The family faded off over the years and I ended up with the ring." He told him with a nod as he pulled it out. Derek looked down at it and nodded his head. He grabbed it from the man's head and examined it.

"It is very nice." Derek agreed with he looked at it scrupulously. He moved it back and forth, looking at it in the bright light. The diamonds were crystal clear and beautiful. He could tell the ring was old, but it was also in excellent shape. "So tell me about this one." Derek told him as he handed it back.

"Well... You can see it has a splendid round brilliant diamond in the middle. This ring has a tantalizing flash of its own, it stands apart from all the others in the case. You noticed it first for a reason. Placed high in the center, the diamond stands out, but not too much. It is a white colorless round diamond weighing 1.28 carats and displaying a superb eye clean VS-2 to SI-1 clarity. This remarkable stone has an equally amazing cut, giving it extraordinary fire and scintillation above most other stones its size." He told him with a nod.

"It is very nice for being so old." Derek agreed as he continued to stare at it. He was enjoying the man's enthusiasm.

"Accenting the quality of this centerpiece are similarly matching side baguette diamonds, weighing 0.30 carats and sharing the same color, VS-2 to SI-1 clarity as the round diamond they accompany. Within the exqusitely detailed miligrain edged filigree 18 karat white gold mounting are an additional 0.24 carats of round brilliant diamonds giving the ring and overall weight of more than a half carat and an incredible flash from every direction. This ring is very precious to me. I have had it a long time. Many people like it, but can't make the commitment to it. This ring is meant for a beautiful woman who can carry it well." He told him as he placed it back in the display.

"The woman who's hand this will go on... She is very beautiful. And she means more anything in this world. She deserves the best. She deserves something as unique as she is. How much for that ring?" Derek asked frankly as he looked down at it. He was getting her that ring. Period.

"That ring... Is forty five hundred euros." He told him with a nod. Derek drew in a deep breath. That was over seven thousand united states dollars. She was worth it, but he couldn't get over how much that was. She was worth it, and if that was what he thought she would like, that would be it. He couldn't give her the ring his grandmother wore, but he could give her one that meant a lot to someone. That ring needed her.

"I will take it." Derek said frankly as he pulled out his wallet.

"Really?" The man asked in shock. He was surprised that this man had the money for such a grand ring.

"She is worth it." Derek told him as he handed him the moment. Now he just needed to figure out how to give it to her.


	104. Marry Me

Derek was giddy about the ring. He had never been happier in his life. He was so afraid that he wouldn't be able to find her what she wanted, but he was certain he had. Meredith liked things that meant something. That was her thing. She was tired of the precious stones from her father. They didn't mean anything. They were just replacements. They were nothing. But this ring, he was hoping that she could appreciate the meaning of it.

"So I will be back later." Matt said with a nod as he stood in the kitchen. He could smell the food in the kitchen. Derek was making lemon pepper chicken. He knew that Meredith had spoken about it. It was something that she had once but had never forgotten. He decided to add some rosemary for a twist.

"You can stay, Matt." Derek pointed out as he stirred the wild rice in the pan. Derek didn't really want him there, but he didn't feel right abut pushing him out of his own home.

"Are you kidding me?" Matt asked with a laugh as he looked out the back door and then at Derek. "You are proposing tonight. A real one. I think you two deserve to be alone for that." Matt told him with a nod as he turned around. "This business dinner needs to be done. Bumping it up a day works perfectly." Matt explained as he grabbed his keys and walked towards the door. "Good luck, although you don't need it."

"Thanks, Matt." Derek said with a smile as he stirred the rice. Meredith was laying outside on a chair. It was an abnormally warm and sunny day and Derek insisted that she go out and enjoy it. When she would lay out in the sun, that was the only time he got to see her in a bikini. That broke his heart.

"It's nice out, isn't it?" Derek asked as he walked through the emerald green grass and laid a blanket down. Derek waved to her and then sat down in it.

"It's a perfect day." She told him as she climbed off of the chair and laid on the blanket with him. Derek laid on his back and Meredith laid her head softly on his chest. She loved the way he felt beneath her. Whenever they laid like that, she felt completely safe. She looked up at Derek, seeing his eyes were closed. "You know... I still feel the same... About you. I still feel the way I did when I first saw you. You pulled me in." Meredith told him frankly.

"I knew I wasn't allowed to love you, but I couldn't stop myself. It wasn't the Meredith Grey frenzy. It wasn't and infatuation with your looks. I knew there was an amazing woman in there that was just looking for love. You just needed someone to understand you." Derek told her with a smile as he stroked her hair. Meredith moved her eyes up and looked at his wrist. It finally it her. His watch. She had never returned it to him. Meredith quickly jumped up. Derek looked at her in shock, grunting at the pressure she had put on his abdomen.

"I'll be right back!" She yelled as she took off, her bare feet relishing in the soft turf. She ran as quickly as she could to the door and reached for the handle.

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked as he looked up. He was worried that he had done something to upset her. He sat up and waited for her response.

"It's fine! I'll be right back." She said as she disappeared into the house. Derek shrugged his shoulders and laid back on the blanket. The warm sun shown on his face, taking him to a state of complete relaxation. Derek closed his eyes and listened for her to come back. She was so light and airy, he didn't even realize she was there until she laid against him.

"What did you do?" Derek asked as he opened his eyes, seeing a big smile on her face.

"This." She told him as she grabbed his hand and placed his Cartier watch on his wrist. "You left it... It is a gift, Derek. A gift that was never meant to be returned. I bought it for you because I love you." She explained as she adjusted it. "I never want to see you without this watch." She told him with a nod.

"Okay." Derek whispered as he pulled her against him. Her skin was so soft next to his. He could feel the warmth radiating off her golden skin. "I will never take it off again."

"Except in the shower." Meredith pointed out as she nuzzled into him. "You shouldn't wear it in the shower."

"I won't." Derek laughed as he kissed her head. Derek traced his fingers along her soft abdomen, teasing her navel. He played with her white gold belly ring, a trail of seven diamonds and rubies dangling softly. "You are going to have a funky tan spot her teased."

"I will not." She laughed as she smacked him playfully. "I love you, Derek." Meredith said with a smile as she rolled onto his chest.

"I love you too, Mer." Derek told her with and agreeing smile. Meredith leaned down and kissed his softly on the lips. Derek gently slid his tongue into her mouth, licking her gently. Meredith let out a moan, tasting him, tasting her. She slowly pulled away, Derek still sucking on her lip.

"Make love to me, Derek..." She whispered softly. Derek smiled. They did that so well.

"How can I not make love to you?" He asked as he rolled her gently onto her back. Meredith laid back, her hair sprawled out around her head. The sun kissed her golden skin and made her eyes sparkle. "You are so beautiful." Derek whispered as he leaned over her and kissed her chest softly.

"I need you, Derek." Meredith said softly as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Derek helped her sit up as he gently undid her bikini top, tossing it aside. Derek took one of her plump nipples into his mouth and tongued it gently. Her rosy bud became hard and erect as he pinched it with his teeth and distended it from her body. Derek finally released it and rubbed his soft cheek against it's hardness, a smile crossing his face. He was careful to do the same to the other one, giving it pleasure as he had done the first.

Derek ran his hands over her flat abdomen. He loved the way her soft skin felt beneath him. He couldn't fight the urge to lean down and kiss it softly. His tongue trailed down as he sucked on her navel, taking the ring into his mouth and playing with it gently. Meredith placed her hand on his head and shoved him down towards her pussy. She wanted his tongue in her pussy. She wanted to take long and slow licks on her clit, stimulating it with his length.

"You want me to taste your pussy, baby?" Derek asked with a grin as he looked up at her. Meredith moaned and nodded her head. Derek played with the tiny ties of her bottoms and let it fall back. "What do you want me to do?" Derek asked as he feathered his hand over her soft bush.

"Mmm... That." She told him as he slide his finger along her wet slit, teasing both sides. "Oh yeah... That." She told him frankly as he stuck it in her vagina and wiggled it around.

"You like that, Mer? Do you like me to touch you there?" He asked as he pulled his finger out, taking a long lick of her wetness. Meredith watched as he sucked it, lapping up every bit of the succulent juice. "Would you like me to do that with my tongue?" He asked with a smile as he took his place between her spread legs.

"Oh god, yes... Derek! Please! Please suck my clit?" She begged as she thrust her hips up. She was needy she needed him. She needed him to tease and taste her.

Derek buried his face into her pussy, taking on his job with gusto. He took one broad lick up her lip and one broad lick down, taking both sides in. Meredith moaned and mewed as he placed his tongue inside of her vagina and licked and flicked as far in as he could, coating his tongue with her creamy white goodness. Derek took to flicking her clit quickly, swirling it around and around. He pursed it lips, wrapping them around her labia and running his tongue up and down over it.

"Oh yeah... Oh yeah... That is it... Oh god... I'm going to- Don't stop. Right there. right there!" She cried out as she rolled her eyes back and squealed. Derek smiled as he felt her vagina begin to pulsate and her fluid run smoothly. He stuck his tongue inside and began sucking hard, milking her dry as she contracted over and over again. He felt her legs fall and her body go limp as she let the orgasm drain her dry.

"Good?" Derek asked as he looked up at her, she was completely spent, eyes closed.

"Good." She agreed as she let out a deep breath. "Very good."

"Good. Now I am ready to make love to you. That is what you requested." He pointed out with a smile as he looked into her eyes. Meredith nodded her head weakly as she looked up at him. Derek undid the button on his jeans and slide them off along with his boxers. He pulled his polo shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Meredith smiled at the sight of his perfect hard body, ready to cover hers.

"Yes... Make love to me, Derek." She whimpered as she opened her legs for him, spreading herself wide. "Show me how much you love me."

Derek smiled at her words. He could never show her how much he loved her by making love to her. He wasn't convinced she would ever know how much that was. It was so much that not even he knew how much it was. He grasped himself and ran his cock along her wet slit, going into her vagina at the perfect trajectory. He looked at the satisfied smile on her face as she felt her walls spread wide for his thick member. Meredith wrapped her legs around his and smiled.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she felt him slide in and out so gently. Every thrust was filled with her love for him. He was her everything, and she his. Meredith grasped the cheeks of his perfect hard ass and squeezed, encouraging him to go deeper. Derek took her note and slid in, filling her to the brink. "Mmm... So good... So good, Derek... Oh..." She moaned as she ran her hand up his back and scraped her nails gently.

"You are so amazing, Meredith. You are amazing." He reiterated as he leaned down and took her lips into his mouth, sucking hard. He could taste her strawberry lipgloss on his tongue and he slid it between her lips and grazed her tongue with his. Meredith rand her fingers through his hair, scraping her nails on his scalp, hearing him moan, matching her moans. Derek pulled away and dug his hands on the ground, picking up his pace.

"Oh yes... Yes! There... Oh god, yes... There it is... There!" Meredith cried out as she felt his hit her g-spot, stimulating it. "Yes...Yes...Yes..." She cried out as her fluid allowed his to slid faster, eliciting screams from them both. Derek felt his member in the verge and began nipping her chest in anticipation.

"Oh...Yes, Mer... Yes!" He cried out as he felt her walls clamp down and his own throbbing member on the verge. "Fuck... Fuck..." He moaned as he felt her flood his cock with the sweet juices of her pussy. At the warm sensation, he released a warm load deep into her core, spurting over and over again. They both laid back and closed their eyes, the hot sun pouring on their bodies. Peace and perfection.

"Dinner!" Derek said quickly as he jumped up. He remembered that their food was close to being done. Sex had a way of distracting him. Especially sex with Meredith.

"Mmm... What?" Meredith asked as she opened her eyes. She thought they were coming down from their highs. She didn't realize it was time to wake up and be exuberant.

"I'm cooking dinner and... Yeah. You stay here. I will come and get you. You relax." He told her as he pulled his shirt on and jumped up, dressing the rest of himself.

Derek rushed into the house. He wanted everything to be perfect. He had been spending the whole time driving home thinking about what he was going to do. Derek quickly cooked the rest of the food and lit the candles. He knew she had been to many fine restaurants, but he wanted to try and make it as nice for her as possible. He was sure none of the guys she ever dated treated her like this.

"Derek! It's getting cold out there." Meredith said as she stood at the back door. Derek smiled. He was sure it was getting cold. He wasn't sure if she had dressed, but even if she had, she was wearing tiny scraps of nothing.

"You can come in... But you need to stay out of the kitchen. And you should get dressed." He added as he thought. He wanted her in a dress. This was one of those times when he wanted Meredith Grey in one of her famous designer dresses.

"What should I wear?" Meredith asked lightly from the other side of the wall. Derek raised his brow. He didn't want to spoil it. He had put a lot of thought into it and he didn't want to ruin it all by telling her.

"You wear whatever you think I would like." He told her happily as he finished up the food. He placed the main course on dishes and set them in the oven. Derek grabbed the bowls of salad and placed them on the counter.

"Okay." She told him as she trotted up the stairs. He feet were so light he could barely hear her. He couldn't wait for everything to get moving. He couldn't wait until they were in the US and they could live a normal life. He couldn't wait to see her barefoot and pregnant, huge with their children.

Derek went through the checklist in his head. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be impressed. He made sure that everything was prepared just as it was supposed to be. Derek leaned against the counter in his mint green and white striped polo shirt and waited for her to come down. He was hoping it wasn't going to be too long. Knowing her, it would be.

"Is it safe to come in yet?" She asked from the other side of wall. She wasn't sure why he insisted that she stay away from the kitchen. She didn't think she was that horrible.

"Go ahead to the dining room." Derek said softly as he grabbed the salad and walked towards the dining room. He chose to seat them across from each other, at the longs sides of the table. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes when they dined. Derek walked into the dining room and smiled.

"You look beautiful." He told her as he sat her salad down in front of her, and leaned down, kissing her softly. Derek looked down at her perfect purple cocktail dress. It was knotted in the center, flowy and showed off her every curve.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up at him with her bright green eyes. "It looks good." She told him as she waited for him to sit down. "So this is different... You cooking."

"I cook. I just never get a chance to cook for you..." He told her as he looked into her eyes and smiled. He was planning on cooking for her for the rest of her life. He was planning on having dinner on the table every night.

"Well, I like it when you cook for me." Meredith said with a smile as she looked over at him. Derek looked into her eyes. The candle lit danced on her face, lighting her her face softly.

Meredith and Derek went through their dinner, Meredith falling in love with Derek's chicken. She cut the boneless skinless breast into tiny pieces and lifted it delicately to her mouth. She took a small bite of the rice and let out a faint moan. She was shocked at how well he cooked. She was forever surprised by the skills that Derek seemed to posses. Everything he did surprised her. She seemed to be able to fit in anywhere or change when he needed to. He was amazing that way. Meredith took one last bite of her chicken and pushed the plate away. She was stuffed.

"Mmm... That was great, Derek." Meredith said with a faint smile as she looked down at her nearly empty plate and over to his completely empty one. "So... This was... Unexpected." She said, having a feeling that he was up to something.

"I hope you have room for dessert." Derek said with a smile as he stood from the table and grabbed their plates. Meredith smiled as she sat there. She was hoping for cheesecake, but she was sure that he couldn't make that. Meredith's eyes lit up when he walked out with two slices of dark chocolate cheesecake.

"You made cheesecake?" She asked in shock as she looked down at it. "I never thought..."

"I didn't. I bought it." Derek told her with a frown. "From the bakery in town. Supposedly the best in the area." He told her as he watched her take a bite. A smile crossed his face as he listened to her moan.

"Wow... This is amazing." She told him with a smile as she looked up through her long eyelashes.

"Mer..." Derek said as he looked up at her. He was getting nervous. He was scared. They already decided that they were getting married, but this was different. He was asking her because he wanted to. He was asking her because he wanted to. Because he wanted to spend every minute of every day with her. "There is a- There's a reason we are here... A reason that I cooked... A reason..." He said as he started to panic. Derek quickly stood from the table and walked around. Meredith's eyes got wide as she watched him get down on one knee.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped as her eyes lit up and she looked at him.

"Meredith... I have- Shit. I have loved you forever. The first time I looked into your eyes, I knew that it would be you and I forever. I felt like I had met someone amazing. I felt like I met my other half. Meredith... I know that we are already doing this, but I want to do it because I want to. Meredith Grey... Will you marry me?"

"Oh... Derek! Yes! Yes! Yes, I will marry you!" Meredith squealed as Derek slide the antique ring on her finger. "Oh my god... It's amazing. Derek, you are- You're amazing. And perfect. And I love you... Oh god do I love you."

**Daily updates on my site... I haven't had time to get full chapters up. Thanks for reading.**


	105. Trying To Be Normal

Meredith kept the ring hidden. They both agreed that it was okay to keep it away from everyone's view. It didn't mean anything that she couldn't wear it. It meant more that she said yes, and that he was in her heart. She kept it tucked away in her purse. She loved the ring, and especially the history that came along with it. Even more than that, she loved that Derek gave it to her. It meant more than he would ever know.

"You look happy!" Sofia said with a smile as she looked at Meredith. Meredith and Derek had gotten home late in the night. The plans were made. Even dates were decided.

"I am." Meredith agreed as she took a bite of the eggs that Sofia placed in front of her. She liked fluffy scrambled eggs with cheese on them. "I really am happy." She added as she took a bite of her buttery toast with fresh strawberry jam. There wasn't much that Sofia couldn't do or make.

"Did you have a good holiday with Derek?" She asked with a faint smile. She knew that the forbidden lovers needed to get away occasionally. She wasn't sure how they held it together so well.

"I did." Meredith agreed with a smile as she sipped her tea. "It was good. I think we needed it." She told the woman. She felt comfortable telling Sofia things. She felt like Sofia was on her side.

"I don't know how you two do it. The love you share... I just don't know how." She said in disbelief. "I guess you make do. I just... I hope that someday you can have everything you ever wanted." She mused as she washed the dishes.

Meredith immediately felt guilty. She didn't want to keep it from the woman. She was actually worried about how Sofia would be when she was gone. She drew in a deep breath and thought about everything from her past. Sofia hadn't always been so kind. She was never rude, just distant. Meredith wasn't sure if it was Sofia, or if it had been her all along.

"Yeah. I guess... I just- As long as we get vacations, we will be okay. I guess I have just accepted my fate." Meredith said sadly. It was a lie, but she had to lie. She had to lie to make sure that she covered not only herself, but Derek too.

"It shouldn't have to be that way." Sofia said frankly as she looked into her eyes. Meredith nodded her head and looked down. "But, with the hold your father has, you should just... I hate to say it, but you should accept it." Sofia told her with a frown.

"I don't think anyone should accept anything." Meredith said frankly. "But... I know. I do know. And my father... I just have to accept it." She told her with a frown.

"You can't help the cards you were dealt. Everyone thinks you have the perfect life. If they only knew. There isn't much perfect about what you have, is there?" Sofia asked with a sigh. When she had moved in, that was what she thought too. She had thought that for a long time. That was until she watched Meredith get bullied over the years. Until she watched Thatcher doing and taking whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

Sofia seemed to really understand. That was what bothered her. She thought about telling her. In that moment, she thought about spilling her guts and telling her the truth. The thing was, Sofia was a major player. If she were convinced that Meredith were dead, the whole world would be. And Meredith wasn't sure how good of an actress Sofia was. And she would never find out.

"I am fortunate in many ways." Meredith muttered as she looked off. She felt someone come into the room. Derek walked up silently, looked around and then gave Meredith a soft kiss on the neck. "So many ways..."

"So many ways what?" Derek asked as he pulled away and looked up at Sofia. She knew that he was going to be asking for breakfast and she was ready and waiting. She enjoyed cooking more for Derek than anyone. He was the one that really seemed to appreciate it.

"I'm just... I'm lucky." Meredith pointed out as she took one more bite of her toast and pushed it away. "I am very lucky. To have you... And Sofia. I'm just- Lucky." She told him with a sigh as she looked around, expecting Tony to rush in. It seemed he always did. And if he weren't so painfully dumb, he mostly likely would have caught on a long time ago.

"I think we are all lucky." Derek said with a smile as he looked at her. He truly felt lucky for ever meeting Meredith. She was everything to him. He couldn't imagine being back home in Maine, dating Ruby, and stuck in some job that her father gave him.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Sofia asked nicely as she looked at him. Derek smiled. It was always the same answer. He was so predictable.

"Whatever you make me will be fine." Derek told her. It was his usual line. Sofia knew that if she ever met Derek's mother, she would love her. The woman did a phenomenal job raising a gracious and kind son. Derek was the total package and it didn't surprise her one bit that Meredith fell in love with him. He was her opposite, he was her compliment.

"You are too easy." Sofia said with a smile as she looked at him. Sofia pulled out the exact ingredients that she had for Meredith.

"So what is on the agenda today?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. Meredith smiled softly as she sat back. She loved the way he would look at her. She never questioned his love when he looked at her.

"Well, I have class." She said frankly as she looked up. She was excited for class, but she was was more excited for the future. She knew she was getting somewhere and she felt so accomplished.

"Is Tony taking you, or am I?" Derek questioned. It was his day off of class, but he had a ton of work to do. He really needed to get some studying done and occasionally Meredith's professors would frown if they say him with his own book open.

"Um... Well, I know you have a lot to do. You need to study for that big exam. And I was going to do some shopping afterwards." Meredith explained as she looked up at him. "I don't think you want to join me for that."

"Um... If I had a choice, no. Take Tony. Let him be the one to suffer." Derek said with a big laugh as he looked up, seeing Tony walking near.

"Why are you laughing?" Tony asked with a questionable look on his face. Derek smirked. He loved getting to Tony. It was a big challenge. He would see just what he could do to the man.

"No reason." Derek said with a shrug as Sofia placed the plate of eggs before him. Meredith smirked, she knew what he did to Tony. She did the same thing. He never had a chance.

"I need you to take me too class. And then shopping. I need you to take me shopping." She told him with a smile as she looked up. Tony looked down at her and grumbled. He should have known that was what it was all about.

"Oh... Wonderful." He said with a frown as he took a fork full of eggs. "How I love my job." He groaned as he looked at the three of them. They had all gotten used to his whining. Meredith used to growl at him that he was lucky that he had a job at all, but it seemed to do no good.

Meredith sat on the stool. She too had been thinking of ways to get money together. She had been squirreling it away. She would say that things cost more than they did. She had been paying cash at stores and buying less than she was saying. She was trying to help Derek. She didn't want him to stress out about money. She knew they couldn't have the world, but if she took some of her father's money, she could have it a little better than he imagined they would.

--

Thatcher Grey didn't seem to notice the missing money. Tony didn't seem to notice that while she was shopping, she wasn't really ending up with much. It seemed that many years of purchasing had made a huge difference, and when Meredith Grey supposedly blew ten grand at a boutique, that was average. So Meredith would get the cash from her father and she would set it aside, waiting for that inevitable rainy day.

"I'm getting nervous." Meredith admitted as she ran alongside Derek on the path. This was the only time when they could talk. Out in the woods was the only place that Derek knew they weren't at a potential for being bugged.

"About what?" Derek asked as he looked over. His face looked upon her face. She was tense. He travelled down to her chest, watching as her breasts bounced heavily. Her tight shirt covered her hard flat abdomen, and her long legs made great strides. He loved to watch her run.

"This. All of this. I mean... What if it doesn't work? What if he knows? What if he catches us? I'm so worried about it, I can't sleep." She told him frankly. As the day neared, she was getting scared. She was terrified that Thatcher would find out and kill them both.

"Meredith... it will be fine. You have to remember... Ninety-nine percent of these people have no idea about us. And they aren't going to suspect anything. You think so because you know. the first thing that goes through your mind when a loved one dies is that they're dead. you don't sit there and assume they offed themselves or made up and elaborate fake death." Derek told her with a chuckle

"I know... I'm just scared. I mean- Okay, maybe my father will be upset and grief stricken. How long will that last? He will dig. I am sure he will." She told him with a frown as she looked into his eyes.

"And if he does, he does. The worst case scenario is that he realizes we faked our deaths. And then what? Then he will look for us. We will be so far ahead before he realizes. And finding us... Do you know how hard that would be? Meredith... We are free and clear here. I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it." Derek told her with a frank nod.

"Okay... So if he realizes... Then he will come after us. Then what?" Meredith asked with a frown. She needed to say these things because they were going through her head like crazy.

"He will not. And I have Mark and Matt. They are working on this. There is no way he would ever find us. Mark already has a place for us to live. We will be fine. This will be great. And no one knows. Mark, Matt, the pilot and the man that helped Matt get all of this. No one knows and that is why it will work." He told her as he came to a stop. "We can do this..."

"Yeah?" Meredith asked as she looked into his eyes. He relaxed her. She really believed what he was telling her. "You're sure?"

"I am sure. Mer... You let me worry about things. You don't need to be worrying. Matt and I- We have this, Meredith Elizabeth." He told her as he stroked her cheek. "We have this thing whipped."

"You just middle named me." Meredith said with a giggle as she realized that he did. "Who do you think you are, middle naming me?" She asked with a raised brow. She was so hooked into him. She couldn't pull herself away even if she fought her hardest.

"Um... I think I may be the love of your life. I think that may be who I am." He teased as he leaned towards her. Derek wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her close. Meredith let out a precursory moan as she felt his fingers tangled in her hair. Derek leaned in and pressed his lips against her cherry flavored ones. He licked her bottom lip and sucked it in gently. Meredith parted her lips and allowed his tongue to slide in and taste her. She played with his tongue as he forced it in and out, running along her teeth. Meredith pulled away, Derek continuing his suction.

"I think you may be..." She panted out of breath. "The love of my life..." She added with a nod as she looked at his plump, swollen lips. Derek leaned back in and pulled her close again. Meredith leaned back and let Derek push her up against the tree. She could feel his hard erection pressing against her leg as she pressed her thigh against him for stability. She rubbed his erection, eliciting moans from him.

Derek could feel the need growing as his cock rose. It had a way of begging for her like a dog for a treat. No woman had ever turned him on so much in his life. It wasn't just sex. It was the emotional connection that they had. After having Meredith, he decided that he would never have just sex again. He would only make love to the love of his life for all eternity.

"What the-" Meredith gasped as she pulled away, hearing a cracking branch. They both looked around, seeing a small animal scurry away. Meredith panted in a moment of panic. She was convinced they were caught. "Shit... That was- We can't do this." She told him with a frown. She felt bad, but she was terrified of being caught.

"You know..." Derek said as he pulled away. "That's okay. Soon enough, we won't have to sneak around. Soon enough, we will be able to fuck wherever we want. And I can wait. It's not worth the risk." He told her as he kissed her cheek. "Let's run... I'm sure I can still run your ass into the ground."

"Sure you can!" Meredith spat as she tore off. They would have it all, soon enough.


	106. Moving Forward

Meredith looked around her room. She had a bittersweet feeling consuming her heart and soul. She wished there was another way. This room had been hers for as long as she could remember. She remembered when she would be forced to go to be when she was a child. She used to get so angry. She remembered her teen years when the door would slam over and over from her fits of anger. And she remembered the times that Derek made love to her in her bed. She went from dolls to music to boys in that room.

**I wanna be, i want everything**

**I want everything**

Meredith would never admit her feelings of apprehension to Derek. He seemed to have none and she did not want to change that in any way, shape or form. She wished that they could stay in the house and in Italy. She was so comfortable and safe there. She knew it. She knew her people. She wished her father weren't so cynical and judging. If it wasn't his way, it was no way. If he could just change his ways, they could all be happy.

Meredith laid down in her soft bed, feeling the tears come to her eyes. She couldn't tell him. She could not tell him. He had invested so much into this. He was willing to sacrifice everything he knew. He was willing to let his mother think he was dead, and she wanted all of her things. She wanted to hold onto her broken home and broken memories. So she sobbed.

**Buried way beneath the sheets i think she's having a melt down**

**Finding it hard to fall to sleep she won't let anyone help her**

**The look on her face, A waste of time**

**She won't let go, Gonna roll the dice**

**Losing her grace, Starts to cry**

**I feel her pain when i look in her.**

Derek stood outside her door. She was crying. Not crying, sobbing. It broke his heart. he wasn't sure why she was having a meltdown within those walls, but it was breaking him. She was in so much pain, and he didn't know why. He started to feel sick. He was praying that she wasn't having second thoughts about their plan. Derek drew in a breath as he put his hand on the doorknob. He needed to talk to her. He was her comfort and he needed her to know that he was there. All he wanted from her was honesty.

**Somewhere she is on the streets trying to make things better**

**Praying to God and breathing deep**

**Gotta break this long obsession**

**The look on her face a waste of time**

**She won't let go gonna roll the dice**

**Losing her grace, Starts to cry**

**I feel her pain when i look in her.**

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he pressed the door, hearing the click. His fingers fumbled at the lock, hearing it snap into place. "Meredith..." He said again as he walked over to the bed. He could see her shoulders shaking.

Meredith didn't hear him when he first walked in her room. As he said her name, she heard his voice. She didn't make an attempt to stop crying. It was too late at this point. He knew she was doing. He was going to worry. She saw no point in bothering to stop herself. She let her shoulder shake and the tears fall as she buried her face in the pillow.

"Honey... What is wrong?" Derek asked as he kissed her head. He liked to show her affection. He liked for her to know that he was there for her. He never wanted her to question his love.

**I wanna be, i want everything**

**I want everything**

**I wanna be, i want everything**

**I want everything.**

Meredith didn't answer. She didn't even know how to answer. She had no idea what to say. Did she tell him the truth? She couldn't do that. She wasn't even sure what the truth was. She had no idea what she wanted or what she wanted to say. She wanted everything on a silver platter. She wanted the best of both worlds and she needed to chose a world. Derek was her world. She had and wanted to chose him. But that didn't mean the choice didn't make her sad.

As Meredith laid there, feeling Derek stroking her back, she thought about the coke. She would never go back to that white powder that pulled her in. It was her ultimate pleasure. It was a perfect orgasm whenever she needed it. She could have it and orgasms. It made her life so perfect. That was what she had told herself. Now she knew she could never go back to it. No matter how badly she wanted to go back to it, she couldn't. Cocaine was her lover. Cocaine was her supreme pleasure. She loved it, and yet it had a fierce bite and she chose not to go back to it.

**If i had everything would i Still wanna be alive?**

**Oh wanna be high**

**If i had everything would i Still wanna be alive?**

**Oh wanna be high.**

"Mer... Just talk to me. I just need you to talk to me. Whatever it is, I can handle it. I can. But you need to tell me. Pour it on me. I'm a good listener, baby. But I can only be a good listener if you give me something to listen to." Derek said softly.

Derek was terrified of her shutting him out. He couldn't think about what happened last time she shut him out. Last time she shut him out that was the end of it all. Last time she shut him out she sunk so far and fast he didn't even have a chance to grab her hand. He couldn't risk her falling again. He would do whatever he had to do to hold her tightly. He would be forever holding her tightly.

"Please, baby... Talk to me." Derek begged as he stroked her hair. He would rather have yelling and screaming than silence.

Meredith laid there and thought about a life without Derek. She thought about what it would be like if she were trapped in the house for the rest of her life. She could only imagine being married off and forced to have kids that she didn't want. As she laid there, she thought about the dark path she could chose. She needed to chose to go to the light.

**Now and then she talks to me**

**And sometimes writes me letters**

**The look on her face a waste of time**

**She won't let go gonna roll the dice**

**Losing her grace, Starts to cry**

**I feel her pain when i look in her.**

"I just... I'm so scared that we won't make it." Meredith finally said as she looked up. "And I know it is selfish of me, but I am so blue. I know my life has been hell here, but I have so many memories. And you are letting go of so much more that I am. I feel so guilty even feeling this way. I just- I want both worlds. I can't have both, I know that. I'm not backing out of this. I'm not. I want this. I do want this."

"You have every right to be feeling these things. Mer- I felt the same way, and I have been away from home for over three years. As much as you hate it here, it is what you know. You are comfortable here. You will be this way. Just know that I am here, and I will protect you. I will protect you. No matter what happens, you have me. I'm not going anywhere." Derek told her as he leaned down and kissed her on the head.

**I wanna be, i want everything**

**I want everything**

**You know I wanna be, Yeah i want everything**

**I wanted everything everything**

**Your eyes, never close your eyes**

**And open up your mind**

**Oh and baby you can have everything**

**Your eyes, never close your eyes**

**And open up your mind**

**Oh and baby you can have everything**

--

Meredith opened her eyes. When she had closed them the night before, she hadn't put to much thought into the fact that it would be her last night in her bed. She was so tired and worried, she wasn't even thinking straight. She didn't put any thought into taking one last smell of her pillow. Or running her hands over the surfaces that she would never touch again. She just slept. And she could never get that last night back again.

"Meri..." Meredith heard at her door. It was Sofia. Meredith looked over at her clock. It was only nine in the morning. Sofia had no reason to be waking her up.

"I'm up... Come in." Meredith said softly as she pulled the covers to her chin and laid her head back. The soft egyptian cotton grazed her bare skin.

"Derek said the flight was moved up. You are leaving at one instead of three." Sofia explained as she walked in. "So I wondered if you wanted me to pack your bags?"

Meredith looked up at her in shock. She hadn't thought about that. She hadn't thought about packing. She needed to pack. She needed to pack the things that she didn't want to leave behind. She felt the tears wanting to come out of her sad eyes. She wanted to cry one tear for every good memory. And a tear for every designer shoe would be good too.

"No... I think I will do it." Meredith told her with a smile as she looked at the little woman. She wanted to cry a tear for every day that she would never see Sofia again. Five years ago, she would have never thought she would be crying tears for Sofia. "I can do it this time."

"So what are your plans... In Paris?" Sofia asked with a smile. Meredith looked into her eyes. She was paranoid. At that moment, she was sure that Sofia knew. She took in a deep breath. She had to keep her cool. She had to breathe.

"Shopping. Shopping and getting away from here." Meredith said with a nod. The truth was much different. A fuck-fest in the hotel, mostly likely. Then they would shop, not that Meredith could keep any of her goods. And then they would make the great escape. They would supposedly get on one plane but they would really get on a regular flight heading to the United States with their new identities.

"You deserve a break from here. I know it is not easy living a lie. I know your father makes your life hard. I know you have a lot of worries and a lot of stress. Paris will be good for you." Sofia agreed as she kissed her on the head. Meredith watched as she walked out. As soon as the door clicked, Meredith's flood gates unleashed and she began to sob.

Meredith threw her covers back and rushed into the bathroom. It was so hard to walk away. She had no idea how Derek was doing it. She knew he was so close to his family. She knew that him dying would kill his mother, and yet he was willing to do it for her. Meredith flipped the water on in the bathtub and climbed in. She needed to relax. She needed to drown out everything and just be for a moment.

Meredith thought as she soaked in the hot water. She fantasized about what the United States would be like. She had been practicing hard to learn to speak the language. Derek schooled her whenever they were alone, and she was beginning to catch onto it rather quickly. Meredith thought about the house they would live in, and the hospital they would work at. Her smile brightened as she thought about it. She would be a surgeon. She would get to be a surgeon.

Meredith stayed in the bathtub and lowered herself down, immersing her shoulders. She would never lay in the bathtub again. That was the tub with her special jet. That was the tub that she grew up in, Sofia helping her to wash her hair. That was where she shaved her legs for the first time before she realized that waxing was her forte. That was tub that she would soak in after sex with Derek. That was the tub that she collapsed in after Trevor raped her. Meredith shuddered as she thought about Trevor. She quickly pulled herself from the water, needing to get out.

Trevor raped her. He took everything from her and her father didn't care. She hated him and she hated her father. She hated everything that had to do with this house and Italy. She was doing the right thing. She had to get away. She had to get out of that house and move on with Derek. She had to let go of Italy and her childhood. She had been remembering the good. Now she was thinking about that bad, and that was all it took to make her realize that she had to get out.

Meredith spent a great deal of time culling her clothing. She had to take the things that meant the most to her. Derek agreed to let her have one of his bags so thats he could take as much of her beloved clothing as she could fit. Meredith went through her Prada and Christian Louboutins, picking her favorite pairs. It would have been so hard had she not been so angry. She was so angry with her father that all she wanted was out, even if she had to leave things behind.

Cristoforo quickly grabbed Meredith's bags and walked them down stairs. Meredith walked down the marble staircase, her hand gently grazing the handrail. Derek looked up at her. She looked just the same as she did the first time he saw her. Just as radiant. Just as perfect. She was amazing and she always would be.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked as he looked into her green eyes.

"I'm always ready." Meredith said with a smile as she looked into his blue eyes. With him, she was.

**As I have said in the past, if you want your daily dose, go to my site. It's listed on my profile. I update daily there.**

**Review please!**


	107. Lucky For Love

Meredith laid back on the bed of their lush hotel room. The Four Seasons. They always stayed in the Fours Seasons George V when they stayed in Paris. It was the Empire suite. Meredith knew that Derek liked the skyline and Eiffel Tower views. She did things for him. There wasn't much in this world that she hadn't seen. There wasn't much that got her excited. So she did it for Derek. She wanted him to have a chance to experience the things he never would have been able to.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as he walked into the bedroom and looked down at her. Derek smiled at her perfect body laying gently on the linens. He hair laid around her head like spun gold and her eyes laid heavy and tired.

"A little tired." She admitted as he laid down next to her. "Just a little."

"Flying will do that to you." Derek said with a nod. "Just imagine what the flight to the US will do. You know there is no bed. No room. You have to stay in your seat." Derek explained as he brushed her cheek with his large hand.

"I know that, Derek. I'm not an idiot, you know. You treat me like I don't know that life can be hard." Meredith said with a frown as she looked into his blue eyes. They reminded her of the sea just as the sun came up. Not bright blue, dark. Just the perfect shade of dark.

"Meredith, if you think having the luxury of flying across the ocean to the United States is hard, I feel sorry for you." He joked as he looked at her. Meredith rolled her eyes and he shook his head.

"That is not what I meant." She pouted as she rolled to her side and looked into his eyes. Meredith ran her hand down his side, gently falling from his hip to his groin and running his cock.

"You are so amazing, Mer. I look into your eyes and I see everything. I see my past, present and future right there." Derek told her as he pointed to her eyes. Derek leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, pulling away quickly.

"You are so getting laid for that comment." Meredith told him as she unbuttoned his shirt. "I think you deserve it. You have been on your best behavior lately. You deserve something..."

"If this is what good behavior gets me... I will always be on my best behavior." Derek said softly as he pecked a kiss on her head.

"I would hate to show you what happens if you are on your worst behavior..." She said with a grin.

"I think that is for another day." Derek told her with a nod and a smile. "This is good enough for me." He said with a smile as she pulled his shirt off.

"Good. This is what you are getting." She said as she leaned up and pulled her shirt off. Derek unclasped her satin bra and let it fall. "I can't wait for tour new life. With you..." Meredith said with a nod. "Just you and I."

"Yes." Derek agreed. "You and I..." He said as he pulled off his pants.

"Perfect. No hiding. No secrets." Meredith agreed as she looked at him in his boxer briefs. "You look ready." She told him as she pulled off her panties. "More than ready."

"I am always ready." Derek said with a grin as he pushed her back down on the bed. Derek dropped his boxers quickly in a pile on the floor. "Always ready for you."

"I like ready. Raring and ready to cum." She told him with a grin. Derek laid over her and looked at her hair sprawled around her head.

"I know you do." He said with a chuckle as laid above her. "And I am raring. And you..."

"Oh god am I ready..." She moaned his thick cock lingered above her. "Fuck... Just- Do me..."

"How can I not? How could I deny that beautiful face?" Derek asked as he ran his hands over her.

"Mmm... I am so ready for this." She said with a smile as she slowly straddled him. "Oh god... You are so perfect." Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his chest. "You are so hard... God... So hard. Everywhere! Hard chest. Hard cock. Hard ass..." She shouted as she grabbed his cock. "And big..." She moaned as she grasped him tightly and stroked him with force. "Big thick cock."

"Oh..." Derek gasped as she held her hands on his big cock. Two hands. Not even he could do two hands. But she mastered it perfectly with her long purposeful fingers. "Just... Come on, Mer..." He spat as he grasped her hips. "Get on me. Ride me. Now." He demanded as he held her tightly. Meredith nodded at his urgency. Derek lifted her up on his hand cock as she released the grip on his cock. He drew in a deep breath as felt the tightness of her walls. She was always tight. "Fuck." He shouted. "You're tight. Too tight." He spat as he thrust into her.

"I'm trying." She moaned as she spread her hips and rocked. "Oh..." She muttered as she grasped what she could of the headboard. "Oh... Derek... God." She cried at his size. "I think you have gotten bigger."

"Babe, you are too fucking tight. This is... Hard. You are too tight I can't even get you." He spat as he thrust into again. She cried out as his force. "Definitely not working here." He repeated as he rolled her over and threw her on her back. "I need to be the boss."

"God, Derek... What is wrong with you?" Meredith asked as he pounded into her with force.

"You are tight... Spread your legs." Derek told her as he pushed them apart. "I'm showing you how big I am."

"I am spreading..." She whined. "It hurts... Damn."

"I'm- I'm sorry." He said as he pulled out slightly. He slowly stroked her clit with his finger. "I didn't mean to be so rough. I just... See you and I have that need."

"Oh god... Oh god." She whined as her body reacted to his touch. "Oh...oh..."

"There you go..." Derek moaned as she began to relax. "Oh..." He moaned as his cock slide deeper.

"Oh... Derek!" She cried out as he fingered her clit, while sliding in and out. "Oh god... I'm cumming quick." She yelped as he continued to thrust into her with force. He was needing her. She was in shock at his haste.

"Cum. Just do it, cum. Cum and I will make you cum more." Derek told her quickly.

"I'm cumming. Oh god, Derek. I am. I am... OH! Oh... Fuck... I... It... OH..." She moaned as she laid her head back and panted.

"Oh god, Mer..." He yelled at her strong contractions. Her uterus and vagina doing their job. "Fuck... Cum again, Mer...Show mw that you can cum for me again." Derek spat as he stroked her throbbing clit.

"I can't... I can't... I- Oh... Oh...oh...oh... You... You... Fuck!" She yelled as she flooded him again.

"You are fucking amazing!" He yelled as he quickened his pace. "Fuck... I just want to fuck you all night!" He yelled as he felt his orgasm coming.

"Oh god... And you can. Tonight and forever." She yelled as she felt him spray into her hot core.

"Fuck yeah... Fuck." Derek spat as he pounded her several times before stopping and collapsing. Meredith could feel the force of his heart on her chest. They were both beat. They both put in so much effort. This was the rest of their life. They were starting now.

--

Meredith stood in front of the mirror, putting her makeup on. Derek never understood why she wore it. She had natural beauty, and she did not need it. In his opinion, it was too heavy, like a mask that covered her true self. He shrugged it off, knowing that it would actually help them out. She would have to go au naturale when they went to the US. In his opinion, he looked so much younger and stunning.

"You don't need that." Derek told her as he walked up behind her and warpped his hands around her, pulling her close.

"You are so funny!" Meredith giggles as she looked at him in the mirror. He was in his boxers with a huge grin. He actually seemed happy.

"You really don't, Mer. You are so stunning." Derek told her as he kissed her cheek. "Besides, you won't be, soon enough." He added. Meredith gave him a look of shock, not understanding what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked as she looked at him. Derek only smiled as he nestled his head into her neck. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't actually think you can leave here looking like Meredith Grey, right?" Derek asked with a frown. "You can't go to the US like you. They may not know you well, but they will know you." He added with a nod.

"But- What do you mean?" She asked in a panic as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was quite fond of her light honey colored hair and her makeup. She was thinking he was wanting a frumpier version of her.

"Well, I'm thinking you need to get a wig. When we get home, you will need to cut and die your hair. I'm thinking brown. And you will definitely need to tone your look down a little." Derek explained. "Chanel earrings and Christian Louboutins will not cut it." He pointed out as he looked into her eyes.

"First of all, I can't believe you know the names of my designers. And secondly, Derek, I can't walk around looking like I came out of a ghetto." She stated. Derek laughed heartily at her comment. She was obviously trying to be American, but the way it came out was more than hilarious. Not only did she say the grossly mispronounced, but she used it in the wrong context.

"I was thinking more along the lines of something more... I don't know... Maybe some acid-wash torn jeans and flannel?" Derek said as he pictured Meredith in that style.

"You are an ass! I don't know what that means, but you are a jerk! I know it can't be good." She added as she began putting her makeup on again.

"It's not, Mer. And I don't expect that. But you can't walk around the way you do. You are far too glamourous." He explained. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want to fuck your brains out in your Prada behind closed doors." He said with a smile as he kissed her again.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, you horny ass." She said with a giggle as she took one last look in the mirror and turned towards him. "You really are great... You know that, right?" She asked as he pushed her against the counter and pinned her with his hard body.

"Yes... I guess I always did know that." Derek laughed with a grin, knowing it was true. "But I think I know someone else who is pretty damn great too."

"Yeah? And who is that?" Meredith asked with a raised brow as she cocked her head, mocking his signature motion.

"Hmm... You?" Derek suggested as he ran his hands down her sides and rested them on her hips. "I think you are pretty damn great, Mer. It feels good. Having you by my side... It feels so right." He explained as he leaned in and kissed her soft lips.

"Yeah, I always thought it would." She added playfully. "So... Are there any big things you want in Paris? I'm buying. I think you should get something." Meredith suggested as she looked down at her watch. "You already have a watch, but I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Knowing you, I think you will figure something out. Although I don't think I need anything, Mer. I really don't." Derek said with a smile. "I just need you. You are all I have ever needed. You and a roof. Or a car. I could live in a car if I was with you." He told her happily.

"You should get something. I need to get you something. It's the only thing I can do for you. I don't know much about anything else. I can't make things... Or say things... But I can buy you things." She told him with a frown. She felt like she had nothing to offer him.

"Mer... I don't need things. Just having your heart is enough for me. Besides, you can do things. You can do things so well." He told her with a wink. Meredith shook her head in a playful disgust. "Not to mention, you can't but me anything. I don't have room in my bags. Someone already filled those up with all their stuff!" He teased, knowing he offered her his bags.

"You are such a jerk... And so lucky I love you." She told him as she rested her head on his chest. "And I do."

**It's coming soon!**


	108. So Close To Freedom

Meredith and Derek spent their vacation in the usual way. Sightseeing and shopping by day, and screwing all night. It was hard to stay normal, knowing that their lives were about to change in a big way. Meredith only thought about their new live. She didn't know it, but she was seeing everything through rose colored glasses. In her mind, she was only seeing the good at this point. Derek was more realistic. He knew that there would be times when she wished she hadn't done it. He had no idea how unprepared for that he really was.

Meredith paced the room. It was the night before they were going to create this life changing event. She couldn't seem to relax no matter how hard she tried. Over and over she would ask Derek for reassurance, and over and over he would give it to her. She was terrified of what might happen. She wasn't terrified of their life in the US. It was getting to that point that had her so scared.

"It's fine, Mer." Derek said with a nod as he looked at her. She looked down at the bags. Two sets of bags. One set would be blown up and the other would be sent on the commercial jet that they would be taking to Massachusetts. "Everything will be fine. you just need to relax, baby."

"I know it will be fine, Derek. But that doesn't seem to make me stop worrying." Meredith explained as she walked to the window and looked out. "I'll never see it again, will I?" She asked as she looked up at the Eiffel Tower. "I will never see the Eiffel Tower again." She muttered as she stared the light up structure.

"Oh, Mer." Derek said with a frown as he walked over to her. He placed his hand on the small of her back and kissed her temple. "Probably not. I think once we leave here... I think we should just stay away." Derek explained.

He knew that Meredith loved her grand vacations. There weren't many people that could go anywhere in the world that they wished. She wasn't going to be one of these people anymore. Soon enough she wold be living a normal, if not conservative life in the town of Fall River, Massachusetts. Meredith had been accepted into Dartmouth, and he was sure that he was getting and internship at Saint Anne's hospital.

"It just makes me sad. I will miss it. This was the city. This was my city of hope." She said sadly as she looked at him. Derek frowned. He knew why it was.

"You always thought your mom was here." Derek remembered as he looked at her. "You pretended she lived here because she hated Italy." He told her as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb.

"I did. I can't believe you remembered me saying that." Meredith said in disbelief as she looked at him. "I always did think she was here. It was just so glamorous. I was sure that she was the most beautiful woman in the world." Meredith explained as he rested her head on his chest.

"First of all, I remember everything you tell me... Including that special jet in your bathtub that you discovered when you were a kid. And your mom... If she looks anything like you, she is the second most beautiful woman in the world. I am looking at the most beautiful woman in the world right now." He pointed out happily.

"Derek... Did you take classes? Did you take classes to become the most charming man in the world?" She asked with a smile as he looked into his eyes.

"No... No classes. I think I was just born this way." Derek told her with a wink as he leaned in and kissed her softly. Meredith moaned as she felt his lips match perfectly with hers. It was a soft sweet peck that meant the world to her.

"I bet you were." Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed his head with her hands. She scratched his scalp with her long nails, something she loved to do. It was her sign of affection.

"You should cut those." He said with a nod. Meredith looked down at them and frowned. "You just... You have to transform." Derek explained as he looked at her.

"Why don't you have to? Why am I the one that has to change my ways. I am what I am and you are asking me to be something I definitely don't want to be. I don't want to be some frumpy girl who doesn't brush her hair." Meredith pouted as she pulled away from him and walked away. Derek followed her into the room and watched as she dropped face first onto the bed.

"I'm not asking you to be frumpy. Just toned down. I don't have to change. The world doesn't know me. The world won't spot me. And I know of no one in Massachusetts." Derek said with a nod as he sat on the side of the bed and rubbed her back. "And Mer, I expect you to brush your hair." Derek told her frankly. "I really actually want you to brush your hair."

"Fine. But there are a lot of people in the world who have their nails done." Meredith explained as she looked down at them. "And this wig." She groaned as she threw it on. It looked like her real hair, just a much darker tone and ironing board straight, but it fit well. Her eyebrows were darker than her hair, so it looked alright. Meredith would have to make a more permanent change to her hair once they got there, but for the trip, it would work.

"Things just have to be this way for awhile. We will get settled in, and it will all calm down. Don't worry about that. You have a well known face, and this is the only way. Unless you want to push it off and have surgery." Derek explained as he looked at her.

"I trust you, Derek. If you say we can do this, we can. We will. Tomorrow, we will change forever." She said with a deep breath. Tomorrow they would.

--

Derek looked over at Meredith. She was in a black dress and her favorite Christian Louboutin heels. Her hair was perfect. That was part of her rouse. She had to look the part so that when she dressed down, no one would even notice her. Derek watched as she picked at her food. She wasn't eating. She hadn't eaten a bite. She was pushing it from one side of the plate to the other. She was nervous. She was so nervous he could feel the tension coming off of her.

"Mer... You need to eat." Derek said with a smile as he looked across the table. Meredith looked up and frowned.

"I can't, Derek. I don't feel good." Meredith said frankly as she dropped her fork. She quickly jumped up from the table and ran across their suite. Derek could hear her retching in the luxurious bathroom. It broke his heart that she was physically ill. He placed his silverware down on his plate and walked across the room.

"I'm sorry, Mer." Derek said with a frown as he held her hair back and ran his hand down her back. "You will be alright, Mer. I promise you, you will be okay."

"I'm so scared." Meredith stated as she wiped her face with the towel. "I'm just- I'm sorry, Derek. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to- I'm not trying to bring you down." She finally said as she sat down at the makeup table and played her head in her hands.

"It's natural for you to be scared, Mer. It's okay. I just want you to know that I am here. I am here and I am not going anywhere. I will protect you. No matter what, I am there." Derek told her as he ran his thumb across her cheek. Meredith nodded her head faintly and attempted a broken smile.

"I know that, Derek. You are keeping me together more than you know." Meredith pointed out with a sigh. "You have no idea."

"Shit." Derek said quickly as he looked down at his Cartier watch. "We need to go. It's time to go." He said in shock. Now he was getting a little jittery. He was now hoping that everything would be fine.

"So what do we do?" Meredith asked, already knowing the plan. She knew everything. Every second. She knew it all, but she was still worried. "There is a handler, right? He will check our bags?" She asked as she looked at the two sets of luggage.

"You just follow me, Mer. Follow me." Derek said with a smile as he looked at her. There was a small team of trusted individuals. There was no question that they would stay loyal to Meredith and Derek. The had to. They had no choice.

Meredith nodded her head as she looked him in the eyes. She had a large Gucci bag that had everything she needed it in. She had her change of clothes and her wig. She had wipes to take her makeup off. She had tennis shoes to replace her Christian Louboutins. It was a tragedy. The shoes and the bag would be going into the trash. Thousands of dollars would be thrown away.

Meredith and Derek watched. They watched as the bags were taken away. They were leaving one set in the room. That set would be retrieved after they left. That would be the set that would go with them. They were rather beaten up and tattered looking. They were definitely not the designer bags that Meredith usually carried around. They walked down the hallway and rode the elevator in silence. Everything was silent. The car ride silent. They did not speak.

"Ms. Grey." The pilot said as Meredith stepped on the plane. It was the private jet. Their jet. Meredith was unsure of the exact details of what would happen on this jet, but Derek assured her it would be okay.

"Hello." Meredith replied with a nod. She knew he was in on the whole plan, and somehow that made her a bit more relaxed. She knew that he would be jumping from the plane seconds before it exploded. She was wondering how close it would really be. They couldn't let it be known that the pilot left the plane. If it lost altitude, that would be a dead ringer. He had to keep a perfect balance. Derek had told her not to worry, and she decided she wouldn't. "I'm scared." Meredith whispered under her breath as she looked over at Derek.

"It's okay." He replied as he watched the trolley near. Derek looked over at her and squeezed her hand, signaling her to get up. Meredith and Derek slowly got up from their seats and went down the aisle way. Derek knew just the spot. He opened it up and they looked down into the escape hatch of cargo hold. "Let's go." Derek told her as he went down. Meredith looked at him with panic in her face. "It's okay, Mer... Let's go. And shut that." He told her as he descended and waited for her. He looked up, getting a nice panty shot, but deciding it was not the time or place for a comment.

"What if-" Meredith started as she began going down the ladder. She had never been below before. She looked around in shock, not paying attention to what she was doing. Meredith gasped as she felt her foot slide of the metal rung on the ladder. Derek instinctively reached up to help her as she fixed her shoe. She went down as quickly as she could, looking up at the open cart of the trolley. It had a canvas cover and it zipped shut. Derek motioned for her to get him, him following behind. "Oh..." Meredith breathed out as Derek zipped it shut and they crouched down.

"It's okay." He reassured her. They had gotten off of the jet. There was so much more to do. "You need to change. Let me see the bag. We need to hurry." Derek pointed out as he grabbed the oversized bag from her.

"What?" Meredith asked in a panic. She thought they would at least be able to change in the restroom. It never dawned on her that they would be seen going into the restroom. "Right now?" She asked quickly as she ripped out the tee shirt that she would be wearing.

"Right now." Derek repeated as he pulled off his polo shirt and exchanged it for a tee shirt. Meredith raised a brow as she looked at The Clash tee shirt he was now donning. Meredith quickly grabbed the makeup wipes and began swiping her face nervously. Derek sighed as he grabbed it away and gently rubbed her face.

"I'm so nervous." She told him as she pulled off her Christian Louboutins and traded them for a pair of Nike tennis shoes. She quickly laced them up and frowned as she looked at the shoes that would soon be seeing the trash.

"I know you are. It's okay." He told her as he gave her one last wipe and leaned in, kissing her on the forehead. "Hurry up."

"Okay." Meredith said quickly as she turned around. Derek unzipped her dress and pulled it off of her shoulders. She did her best to crouch and stand, pulling it off. Derek chuckled when she pulled on a plain babydoll tee shirt. "I'm hurrying." Meredith groaned as she worked on her jeans. Derek took a peek through the small hole in the cart, seeing that they were nearing the dump spot.

"Put your wig on. Mer! You need to hurry, come on!" Derek said loudly. He didn't want to scare her, but she needed to pick up the pace. "Come on!"

"I'm trying!" Meredith said as she began to cry. She threw her hair into a tight bun and pulled her wig on. Derek quickly went to straightening it. As he looked at her, he knew that no one would ever guess. She was still beautiful, but she was not glamourous. She was now a natural beauty.

"There." Derek said with a nod as he threw everything in the bag, pulling out the canvas purse that she would now be carrying.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked as she looked down at it. It didn't say Gucci. It wasn't Coach. It was something else. It was not what she wanted. Derek gave her a look, and she drew in a breath. "Fine." She told him as she shook her head.

"Now we are ready." Derek said with a smile. Meredith dug through the bag, riffling around. Finally she pulled out the hair gel.

"Not quite!" She told him with a giggle as she poured a massive amount in her hands. She rubbed it in his hair and began spiking it up.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked in shock. Meredith laughed evilly. If she had to look like a fool, he could follow suit. "What are you doing to my hair?"

"Making it look good. Very unlike you." She teased, using his words against him. "Now you look good, Derek Shepherd!" She said with a smile.

"As do you, Meredith Shepherd." He told her as he leaned in and kissed her. Meredith placed her hands behind his head and pulled him close, feeling his tongue snake it's way into her mouth. She let out a faint moan as he ran along her teeth, sucking gently. They both got wide eyed as they cart came to an abrupt stop.

"I guess we're doing this." She said as she pulled away.

"We are." Derek agreed as he waited for something to happen. They both looked up as the cart was unzipped. They were praying it was the man that is was supposed to be and not the police or security.

"Come with me." The man said with a nod as they rushed. "Hurry." He told them as he began to job through the building. Meredith and Derek began to jog, looking around nervously. "The cameras are down for two minutes. You cannot be seen in here." He added.

Meredith could barely breathe as she ran. She was so scared of what was going to happen. She was scared that something would happen and they would be caught on tape. She felt Derek's hand brush her back with his hand to offer her comfort. She needed comfort. She needed to know that they would be okay. Derek looked down at the bad.

"We need to toss this." He told the man as they ran alongside him. The man looked at the bag.

"Toss it there... The compactor. It goes off every thirty minutes." He told them as he pointed. Meredith drew in a breath as she tossed the bag hard and heard it thud inside. "Okay... Down that hallway. You must hurry. The cameras are all down in the sector all the way inside of the airport. Go down that hallway and to the left. There is a door that only opens from this side. You will come out where the restrooms are. Good luck." He said as he spun around and took off running.

"Oh my god." Meredith cried as she ran behind Derek. Derek grabbed her hand and dragged her along, knowing they were pressed for time. Their hearts were beating, wondering if they would be caught. Finally they made it to the door and Derek slowly opened it. He smiled when he saw no one there.

"Go in the bathroom. Take a breath. I will be down there waiting." He told her as he dropped her hand. She gave him a terrified look and shook her head no. "Go. I will be there. We are okay." He told her as he pointed. Meredith agreed with a nod and walked into the ladies room. Derek walked down the hallway. So far, they made it.


	109. On The Plane

Meredith walked into the ladies room. She had never been more terrified in her life. She was so scared, she couldn't even breathe. She felt a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach that would not go away. As soon as the door shut behind her, she rushed to a stall. She was sick. Meredith slammed the door behind her and retched into the toilet. She felt like she was dying. She felt like the next step she took would be off a cliff and into the abyss.

Meredith pulled herself straight and walked out of the stall. She prayed that Derek was right. She was putting all the trust she had into that man. She was hoping that he really was as smart as she knew he was. As she stood in front of the mirror, she looked into her own eyes. She saw pure fear. She was praying that no one else would see it. She quickly splashed some water over her face and dried it with a paper towel. She made sure her wig was straight before she opened the door. She was a new woman.

Meredith walked down the hallway, seeing people walking all over the place. She felt her chest tighten up. She was ready to panic. This was truly the first time when she had been in such a big place and not been noticed. It was scary and liberating all at the same time. No flashbulbs. No people wanting her to sign things. No prying questions. Just people. She looked up and spotted Derek sitting in a chair reading a magazine. He looked like any other person. He didn't look like he had just ran off with the richest woman in the world and faked his own death. He just looked like Derek.

"I thought maybe you fell in. That or you ran away from me." Derek said with a chuckle as he looked into her eyes. He could tell she was scared. He expected nothing less from her. Meredith faked a smile as she looked into his eyes. Her eyes travelled to his hair. She had to giggle he looked so young and wild. So unlike Derek.

"No. I just... I needed a minute." She told him with a smile as she drew in a breath. Derek felt his hand move as she drew in a huge breath. He never took his hand off of the small of her back. He knew it reassured her. "I'm okay." She told him with smile. "When do we have to get on the plane?" She asked as she looked at the monitors. She was so frazzled she didn't know which end was up. She had known the whole plan, but now she didn't know anything.

"We need to head that way." Derek told her with a nod and a smile. "Are you ready?" He asked as he cocked his head.

"As ready as I ever will be." She pointed out as she began to walk with him. "I thought I would be okay. I'm just- Not regretting! Scared. Just scared." She pointed out with a head shake.

Derek understood her fear. He knew that she had a lot to lose. If Thatcher found out about this, he knew that he would be a dead man, no question. He was unsure of what would happen to her. He was fearful for her. There were much worse things in the world than death for Meredith Grey. He was just hopeful that they would never find out what those things were.

"Our bags." Meredith said in a panic as she looked around. She needed her bags. She needed the precious items that she chose to pack and bring with her in her new life. She was worried. "Where are our bags?" She asked quickly.

"They are loaded, Mer. That was part of the deal. Don't worry, they have been checked." Derek told her firmly. She was starting to panic. He didn't need panic. He didn't want panic. That would never work.

"Okay." She said softly. He could tell she was seconds from losing it. Derek came to a jerking stop and looked into her eyes.

"We are fine. Look at me! We are fine." He reassured her as he rubbed her cheek. "I would die for you. I would never put you in danger. Right now, no one even knows we are missing. We're fine." He said with ease. Meredith nodded her head as she took a breath. Derek could tell that she was relaxing.

"Let's go." He said as she walked off quickly. Derek smiled as he took a huge step to keep up with her. She was on a mission. "I have no idea where I am going... But we are going." She said firmly as she marched to the security stand.

"That is where we are going." Derek said with a nod as he followed her. They both emptied their pockets and walked through the scanner with no problem. That was just one more relief. "We need to go to 209." Derek told her as he pointed to the numbers.

"The tickets are in this busted ass purse, right?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the ugly canvas purse that she detested. She felt like she had gotten it out of the trash.

"Yes... They are in there." Derek replied with chuckle. "...In that busted-ass purse. Very American. I'm proud." Derek said with a smile. "Here we go." He said as he walked up to the counter. Meredith grabbed the tickets out and handed her everything they needed. She looked over their ids, passports and the tickets then smiled.

"You can go ahead and board." She said with a smile as she pointed to the gate.

"Let's go." Derek said with a smile as they walked down the hallway. It was time. They were leaving. They were getting on the plan and starting their new life. "It's time." He said softly into her ear as he brushed his face against her hair.

Meredith followed Derek. She would follow him anywhere. She would follow him into the depths of hell if that was what she wanted from him. She trusted him. Even when she had fear in the back of her mind, she did trust Derek. He would take care of her. He would protect her. He always had. Even if he wasn't truly a bodyguard when he started the job, he was now. He was always on high alert as far as she was concerned.

Meredith looked around the plane and frowned. This was not what she was expecting. She saw seats. Many seats. Seats that were right on top of each other. These weren't the plush buttery leather seats that she was accustomed to. She was used to a seat that would swallow her whole and envelope her body. She wasn't used to coach. She looked over at Derek, who seemed unfazed. She had no idea how he couldn't be just as disappointed as she.

"What is this?" Meredith asked under her breath. "What is this, Derek?" She questioned as she paused and looked around. The plane was huge and full. The seats were on top of each other.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked as he looked around and then at her. He knew what she was referring to, but he was planning on not saying a word about it. "What's wrong?" He asked with a faint smile. He couldn't hold it in. He was finding humor in her obvious discomfort. She had a lot to realize and it was going to come sooner rather quickly.

"Your seat numbers?" The flight attendant asked as she looked at them. Meredith and Derek looked at what they had, soon realizing there was a huge problem.

"No... No, this isn't right!" Meredith gasped as she looked at hers and then Derek's. His seat number was different. The seats were definitely not together.

"Is there a problem?" The flight attendant asked as she looked at the pair. Derek could tell that Meredith was very close to losing her cool. He knew they couldn't have that.

"These seats aren't next to each other... Our seats were supposed to be next to each other. We- We need to be next to each other." Derek said with a frown. The woman looked at him with raised brows. "We're newly weds. We just... I want to sit next to my wife." He explained with a smile.

"I'm sorry, Sir. We can't do anything about that. You should have been more specific when you ordered your tickets. Regulations prohibit us from changing seats. If anyone other than the person who is supposed to be in your seat is, we can get into trouble. It's a security issue." She said with a shrug.

"What! No! I will not accept this! My fa-" Meredith started loudly. Derek looked at her with wide-eyes, knowing she was going to say it.

"Her father was a pilot... Meredith, I told you, that doesn't matter. The lady said there was nothing she can do. It will be okay." Derek told her as he rubbed her arm. "A flight across the ocean isn't years. Nine hours isn't forever. We have a long time." He told her as he rubbed her hand. Meredith scowled angrily. She didn't like this. She needed him and now she would be alone.

"But- Fine..." She replied as she shook her head. She was angry, but more so she was sad. She wanted to cry in that moment. She couldn't imagine after all they had just been through, that they would be stuck apart for nine hours. She didn't want to be stuck next to someone she didn't know when she was so scared. "Okay." She finally said with a frown.

"Where are our seats?" Derek asked as he looked around, waiting for the flight attendant to show them.

"Right this way." She said with a smile as she led them along. Derek gave Meredith an apologetic look and let her go first. She felt his hand on the small of her back and felt a little more at ease. "Mrs. Shepherd, this is you. The window seat. I'm so sorry about this." She said with a frown as she pointed to the seat. Meredith looked at Derek and nodded, clutching her canvas purse close to her body. "Mr. Shepherd, you are in the aisle. The end seat." She told him. Meredith looked. He wasn't far away. He was just far enough that she couldn't talk to him, but close enough that she could see him.

Meredith nervously looked around the plane that she didn't want to be on. She hated it. It wasn't plush. It wasn't comfortable. It was her own personal hell at the moment. It was where she didn't want to be. She knew she had to be. It was for the greater good. She needed to be on that plane so that should could move on with Derek. Meredith laid her head back and closed her eyes. It was impossible to relax, but she was going to try. She needed to try. She had no idea what was going to go on when they got to Maryland.

Meredith waiting for the last passengers to board. She was actually getting mad. There was no one next to her. She didn't see why Derek could come sit there. She shook her head and started to close her eyes again. Meredith drew in a breath and laid her head to the side. All of a sudden, she felt someone smash her. Her eyes flashed open and she looked over. Her eyes widened as she saw an overweight man sitting next to her. Meredith scoffed as she looked away. He was pressing into her and she didn't like it. She was quick to pass judgement. She rolled her eyes at the man, wondering how he could let himself go.

"Hello." The man said with a smile as he looked over. Meredith knew that off the bat she did not like him. Not at all.

"Eh...Hey." She muttered rudely. It was going to be a very long flight.

Meredith pushed herself against the wall and closed her eyes. At the moment she was feeling so angry. She was angry at the world. She was angry because she should be at her mansion with Derek. In a perfect world, she would be able to stay there with the love of her life with no judgment. In a perfect world, her father wouldn't want to kill every man she ever loved. In a perfect world, she wouldn't be sitting in the hard seat on a packed plane, with a different name and identity.

"Would you like something to drink?" The flight attendant asked Meredith as she walked up. Meredith ran her tongue around her dry mouth and looked up. She needed tequila. She needed it so badly. She knew it was a bad idea. She did not need to be getting drunk and making fools of them.

"I'll have a soda." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at her. The flight attendant asked the man, who agreed that a lemon-lime soda would be perfect.

"So where are you from?" The man asked as he looked over at her. Meredith froze. Where was she from? She forgot. She felt her stomach knot of as she began to panic. Where was she from? Where was she from? She had no idea where she was from. "Someplace in Italy..." She pointed out.

Meredith's eyes got wide. She had already forgotten to mask her accent. She felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach as she looked around. She couldn't breathe. She had no idea who she was supposed to be, or what she was supposed to say. Meredith stared at the man's eyes and then glanced at Derek. Derek's eyes met with hers. They pulled together like magnets. She felt a calm in that sea of blue.

"What? I'm sorry... My husband- Over there. We are newly weds." Meredith explained as she looked down at her finger. It was bare. "I took my rings off for security." Meredith said in her best american accent as she pulled them out of her new purse.

"And why isn't that man sitting next to you?" The man asked in disgust. Meredith sighed softly.

"Well, for some reason, we didn't get tickets together. And apparently it is a security issue." Meredith told him sadly. The man shook his head and looked at the two of them.

"Oh no... We simply are not having that." He explained. "I will take his seat. If there are any problems with that, I'll deal with it. Your husband is going to sit next to you." He told her with a smile as he looked into her eyes.

"Sir, I appreciate that, but really, it's not a problem." She said with a nod.

Meredith felt guilty for judging the man. He was a nice guy and she was quickly realizing that she should not have taken such a stand with him. He was nothing what he looked like, if that even mattered at all. She had been so used to the people that she was raised around, that she didn't really know how to act with the general public. She watched the man get up and wave Derek over. Derek waved his head and nodded his head no, but finally agreed and came over.

"I know, right?" She asked Derek in shock as she and Derek both nodded thankfully.

"He insisted. I'm not sure how long it will last, but I'm glad to be over here." Derek said with a smile as he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Meredith smiled faintly as she looked into his eyes. "I love you, baby." He told her softly.

"I love you too, Der." She agreed as she grabbed his hand and closed her eyes. "Oh yeah... Where are you from? Where am I from?" She asked as she looked into his eyes.

"New York, remember? Not New York City, Tupper Lake. Small town." Derek pointed out as he kissed her. A place we can never go to because they will know we don't belong!" He told her with a big nod.

"I forgot. I was in such a panic, I couldn't even think." Meredith said with a nod as she looked at him. Derek rubbed her hand, helping her calm down. She softly closed her eyes and laid her head to the side. She needed to relax.

"This isn't your seat." Meredith heard the flight attendant say as she came back with the two sodas. Meredith's eyes opened and she looked over at Derek. Derek took in a breath and looked at the attendant.

"That man said to talk to him." Derek told her as he pointed across the plane to him. She let out a loud huff as she marched over to the man. Derek and Meredith watched as they argued back and forth quietly. Meredith and Derek looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Meredith's stomach began to knot at the thought of Derek not sitting with her. Derek squeezed her hand, letting her know that it would be okay.

"You can stay here." The flight attendant said in a huff as she walked past. Derek looked at Meredith, seeing that they both picked up that she was very peeves. The man looked back and winked at the pair. Derek leaned over and kissed Meredith softly on the lips. Meredith let out a huge sigh as she laid her head to the side. Derek didn't relax until he heard her snore. That was when he knew she was okay.

**Sorry it took so long!**


	110. News

Derek was shocked that Meredith slept for so long. She was asleep like a log. Derek loved to just watch her. He was praying she didn't do something stupid like pop awake and start speaking Italian all over the place. Derek stared at the movie on the screen. He wasn't sure what it was. Some medical movie. He was so distracted, he couldn't even think about watching a movie. He was sure that they were safe. He knew it, but they he was scared.

Derek watched in shock as the screen changed. He felt his stomach drop to the floor. It was the news. It was the plane. They were covering the explosion. Derek looked around as people began to gasp. A few began screaming and crying. He looked around in shock, seeing the reaction of the people that he had never met. They were torn up.

"Oh my god!" Someone shouted as they stared at the screen. "She's dead! She's dead!" She wailed as she rushed up to the front of the plane, getting close to the screen.

Derek felt sick. It wasn't for himself. Meredith. If Meredith saw how these people were reacting, she would panic. He knew it was only a matter of time before she would wake up and see all of this. They were already walking a fine line, and now this would send her over the edge. He watched as she moaned and stretched. This was not good.

"Did you sleep well?" Derek asked as he leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"I did. I was so tired." Meredith muttered softly. Derek smiled, realizing that she had spoken english, not Italian, and with a vert small accent. "Hmm..." She moaned as she looked around. She looked at the people who were obviously in a panic. She looked over at Derek, and then at the screen. It hit her like a ton of bricks. "Oh my god!" Meredith cried as she looked up at the screen. It was an amateur video that they were looping of the plane exploding over Lake Garda. "Derek!" She cried as she buried her face in his shoulder.

Derek stroked her hair as he watched it in a trace. He felt sick that they had to see this. He knew it would happen, but he never realized it would be like this. His fingers entwined in her hair as he looked down at her shaking shoulders. The flight attendant walked by and looked down. She frowned too. It seemed that a great many were affected by it, even if they never knew Meredith Grey.

"It's sad." She said as she looked down. "She was so young." She added as she shook her head.

"Were there any survivors?" Derek asked as he looked up at her. He had to try to throw off suspicion.

"Did you see that explosion?" She asked in shock. "No... They are saying three victims, no survivors." She pointed out with a sigh. "The pilot, the bodyguard and her. It's just such a tragedy."

"It is... I cannot even imagine." Derek told her with a nod as she walked away.

"Oh, Derek." Meredith cried as she looked up into his eyes. "It's so terrible! I never realized I would have to see it! I never wanted to see it!" She told him with a frown. "Why?"

"I'm sorry, Mer... I know." Derek agreed as he rubbed his thumb on her cheek. Meredith pursed her lips as she attempted to stop the tears from flowing. "I know, baby. I wish you didn't have to see this." He told her as he kissed her forehead. "We had to do it. We didn't have a choice, baby. We did not have a choice."

"I know. I know, that. I'm not sorry we did it. I just- I never thought that people would care. I didn't think that me dying would upset the people I don't even know." Meredith pointed out as she looked around. There were people that were unfazed by the recent news, but there were others that seemed unconsolable. "They look so broken hearted..."

"They are. People loved you, Mer. But me... I love you. I love you so much. And- You're okay. You couldn't stay in that house. You couldn't continue to suffer like you were. You had to get away from them. I'm sorry, baby. I wish you never had to experience this." Derek told her as he rubbed her head. A flight attendant walked by, and Derek looked up. "Can we get two bottles of tequila?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Of course." She said with a smile as she walked away. Meredith looked up at Derek, thankful that he ordered it for her. She watched as the woman walked back with her alcohol. "Here you go." She told them as she handed the bottles.

Derek watched as Meredith opened the bottles. She sat in her chair and stared at the screen sadly. Derek watched as she tipped the bottle back, drinking one after another. She needed it. Derek knew that she needed something to calm her down.

"I needed that." Meredith agreed with a nod.

"You did." Derek told her as he rubbed her hand. He knew that she did. She really did.

"It's all going to be okay, right?" Meredith asked Derek as she looked into his blue eyes. He was always so sure about everything and she was always so unsure.

"Of course it is." Derek said with a smile. He felt just as guilty as she was, but he couldn't let her know that. He had to put up a front for her.

"Derek!" Meredith said quickly as she stared at the TV. She was feeling ill. She felt like her insides were being ripped out. That was before she made the realization. That was before she figured it out. She watched as they looked it again and again. This was not good.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked at the side of her head. "What's the matter, baby?"

"Oh no... Watch." She said as she began to whimper. Now she really was sad. She couldn't believe it. "The pilot!" She choked out before she dropped her head and cried. "Derek... He's dead. He didn't jump out. Derek... He's dead!" Meredith said quickly. Derek looked up, she was right. He was supposed to jump out. The amateur video had looped and looped and he never jumped out.

"Oh no..." Derek muttered as he stared. She was right. He never came out. Derek couldn't believe it. The pilot didn't make it out alive. He felt such a feeling of guilt wash over him. It choked him. A man was dead because of something they did. It was never supposed to be that way. No one was supposed to die. "Shit..."

"Derek! Is he... Dead?" Meredith whispered as she looked at the side of his head. He slowly turned towards her and frowned. "He didn't make it out... Did he?" Meredith asked again, as if she hadn't already. She was hoping for a different answer. She was hoping it would change. She was hoping Derek knew the plan and it had changed.

"I don't know, Mer... He was supposed to jump out. He was supposed to get out. I don't know why he didn't." Derek said frankly as he looked into her eyes. "I don't know..." Derek stated again.

"I can't take this, Derek. Now a man is dead because of us." Meredith told him as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"No, Mer... We were helping him out. He was trying to escape just as we were. His plan failed. We didn't kill him. We had no part in killing him. Things happen. We had nothing to do with this." Derek told her with a nod.

"I know. I do know that. But that doesn't make it any easier." Meredith pouted. "I still feel just as bad."

"I know you do. And honestly, so do I." He admitted as he laid his face against her head.

--

Thatcher Grey sat at his desk. He was knee deep in negotiations. The truth was, there were rarely negotiations at all. It was generally Thatcher bullying and forcing his way into taking over someone's company. If they wouldn't see it his way, then he would make them. He would bring the company to it's knees, him being the only means to bring it back. He was a master at his games. Thatcher Grey knew just what he was doing. He knew what to expect. He thought he did. That is, until the unexpected thing happened.

Adriano felt a sickness in his stomach the minute saw it. He wasn't sure how it was on the television without everyone knowing. The family was sitting there doing their own thing, and the world was watching a tragedy. It wasn't just a tragedy, it was their tragedy. It was his boss' daughter. It was Meredith Grey. The heiress. The princess. She was everything. Now she was dead.

"Oh my god..." One of the guards said in shock as he looked up. It was all over the TV. looping over and over again. It lacked taste. No class. People were ogling the death of Meredith Grey lie she was some insignificant nothing that just happened. "Adriano... You have to tell him."

"I can't tell him!" Adriano said in shock as he looked at the other guards. "This is- Oh my god!" They didn't cry. The truth was, none of them really cared about her. She was pushy and spoiled. They couldn't possibly care less if they tried. The problem is, it was their boss. What affected him, really effected them.

"You are the only one that can. He values you the most." One of them said quickly. Adriano huffed. Next to Tony, that was true. But he would rather one of the insignificant nothings be in charge of it. He didn't want Thatcher Grey to remember it as he who was the one to deliver the worst news of his life.

"I don't care if he values me the most. I don't give a shit! I'm not going in there and telling him this. Where the fuck is Tony?" He asked angrily as he looked around. "Why can't he do it?"

"Tony went to town." The man explained with a shrug. "Someone needs to tell him. He will be really pissed off if he finds out that we are just hanging here while his world is getting flipped."

"You don't understand... He will- This will be bad." Adriano finally settled on as he looked around. "I can't be the one to go in there and tell a man his child is gone." He added.

"Someone has to... He deserves to know." A guard spoke up from the back. Adriano looked around at the men and sighed. The world was devastated, and get they were not. They had grown cold to life through Thatcher Grey. And now, they were going to see a man break.

"Fine." Adriano said in a huff as he spun around and walked towards the office.

He had never been so scared in his life. He felt like they world was crumbling around him. He was going to be delivering the worst news he could ever deliver. He knew that Thatcher Grey was beyond cold, but at the same time, he knew that losing his daughter would affect him. Most people would assume that Thatcher would be more upset about a lost business deal gone wrong. He had a feeling the man would melt. He was sure of it.

"Mr. Grey." Adriano said as he tapped the door of the office with his knuckles. His knuckles burned. It wasn't from the force of the knock, it was from the fear. It was from the feeling of worry that was overcoming him. "Mr. Grey?" He asked again, hoping to receive an answer.

"What?" Thatcher said, somewhat nastily. That only unnerved Adriano more than he already was. That only made him ready to run the other way. But something stopped him. It was that smile. It was a smile that he rarely saw. Somehow, it was a picture in his mind. He would never see that smile again. A life had been lost.

"Mr. Grey... I need to speak with you." He said with a great amount of regret in his voice. They had all been arguing about who would tell him. They hadn't been concerned that Meredith Grey was dead, they were concerned that life maybe wouldn't have been so easy for them. It made him sick. If he had a daughter and he lost her, he had no idea how he would go on. No matter how vile Thatcher Grey was, he did not deserve it. Not in the least.

"I'm busy writing this up right now." Thatcher said firmly. He wasn't as nasty as he generally was, but at the same time, he wasn't being nice either. "Don't you people have respect when a man says he's busy?"

"It's important, Sir." Adriano said quickly. He felt sick as he thought about it. He would have to look him in the eyes. He would have to see the man break down.

"What could be so goddamn important that you have to bother me?" Thatcher spat.

"Sir, I really need to come in." Adriano said from the other side. "It is imperative that you let me in." He told him frankly. He couldn't blurt out that she was dead fro the other side of the door.

"Fine. Come in." Thatcher said harshly. Adriano walked in and stood across the room, looking at the man who was so focused on his work. "Make it fast. I am a busy man. Time is money. You don't think I got all of this by sitting around, do you?" She asked, receiving no response. "What is the problem?" Thatcher asked quickly.

"Sir... It's your daughter. There has been an accident." He said quickly. There was a pause until it registered in Thatcher's head. Thatcher quickly looked up as his heart stopped. What could it be?


	111. Meeting Friends

Thatcher looked up at the man in shock. An accident. His daughter was always making trouble for herself. He was tired of cleaning up her messes. She was his daughter, but he was so tired of her lack of irresponsibility. This was just another one of those times when she said the wrong thing to the wrong person. He was sure that it was just more pathetic Meredith Grey drama.

"How much is it going to cost me this time?" He asked as he shook his head in disgust. He looked up at Adriano, who had a sad look on his face. He couldn't figure out why.

"I'm so sorry, Sir." Adriano said as he looked at her. "I'm so sorry... She is gone. Meredith is- She's gone."

"What do you mean, gone? What the hell has my crazy daughter done this time?" Thatcher asked quickly as he signed his name on a paper. "She is such a fool sometimes."

"Sir... I don't think you understand. Your daughter... She isn't gone... She is dead. There was an accident. The plane exploded." Adriano said regretfully.

"She is dead."

"What the hell are you talking about? Have you lost your damn mind? My daughter is fine! She isn't dead. The plane is on it's way! Why are you doing this?" Thatcher asked as he glared at the man.

"I'm sorry, Sir." He repeated. He had no idea how to explain it to Thatcher. It was a sensitive situation on it's own. That coupled with the fact that Thatcher seemed to be in denial, made it almost unbearable.

"Oh my god!" They both heard Sofia scream loudly. Thatcher quickly jumped up from his desk. He crossed the room faster than anyone had ever seen him move. Adriano was right on his tail as they crossed the house. "No! No! Oh god, no!" She screamed as she laid on the floor and cried.

"Sofia, what is going on?" Thatcher asked in shock. She had always been formidable, and right now, she was completely vulnerable.

Thatcher looked at Sofia, and then up at the television. It was in that second that he was scared. Never once in his life was Thatcher Grey scared. He was in that moment. That was the moment that he realized that Adriano had been making perfect sense. It was the moment that he realized that it was true. His eyes were glued to the screen as he watched it. It was huge. A huge explosion. A fireball on the sky. It was his daughter's plane. His daughter was dead.

"No... No... No! This can't be! She is fine. Meredith is fine!" Thatcher said as he gasped for air. He felt a tightness in his chest that would not go away. He quickly dropped to his knees and attempted to breathe. "Get me the goddamn phone!" Thatcher screamed as he stayed on the floor.

"Oh my god..." Adriano said as he rushed to Thatcher's office and grabbed his cellphone. He quickly sprinted back to the man. He was a broken man. A man on his knees, both figuratively and literally. It was a sad sight. Through all the pain and suffering he had caused, he was getting it back ten fold. This was his karma. "Here, Sir." Adriano said as he handed the man the phone.

"My baby..." Sofia cried out as she shook. She couldn't pull herself up if she tried.

Meredith was like a daughter to Sofia. Sofia laid there and rocked as she watched the screen. She didn't care if all who were around her thought she was weak. She didn't care that she was looking like a fool. She felt like her heart had been ripped apart. All the memories of her and the little girl that grew into a woman, were running through her head. She loved Meredith Grey, and she wondered if Meredith really knew that before she died.

Everyone sat there in silence as Thatcher screamed into the phone. Those who were able to think rationally could see that Thatcher was in distress and denial. He wouldn't admit what they were telling him. He continued to scream that they had made a mistake. He felt that they had gotten the planes crossed and Meredith was really alive somewhere out there.

"What's going on?" Tony said as he walked in and looked around. He looked at the screen. Meredith's name was plastered all over the screen and they were shooting pictures up of her on the screen. He looked at that and then he looked at Sofia, who was obviously torn up. "Oh my god... It can't be." He said quickly as he looked into Sofia's eyes. She nodded her head.

"She's dead, Tony. She's dead and I never told her how much I cared. And you... All you did was taunt her. She's dead, and you were cruel to her!" Sofia screamed out as she hit him in the chest. Tony felt a tear run down his cheek. She was right, all he ever did was taunt her, and she would never know that he really didn't mean it.

"I can't- She's gone... She can't be." He said as he shook his head. Thatcher Grey looked up and slammed his phone on the floor, watching it smash into pieces.

"She's dead." He said with a clenched jaw. If the man was cold before, he was even colder now. If that was possible. The man shut down. Now he really was ruthless.

--

Sofia was inconsolable. Her heart was broken and it was obvious to anyone that looked at her. Everywhere she went, she thought about Meredith. It seemed that everything came back to her. She was everything to Sofia. Sofia's life had revolved around Meredith. It was up to her to give Meredith whatever she needed, and at the moment, she was broken.

"Sofia..." Tony whispered softly as he rubbed her back. He had no idea what to do for her. He was just as heartbroken as she was, but he couldn't sit there and watch her anymore. "It's okay." He told her quickly. It was a lie. He knew that she was not okay. He wasn't okay. They were never going to be okay.

"It's not okay. It is not okay! The last thing I said to her... Do you know what it was?" She asked quickly as she looked him in the eyes. Tony looked down at her and shook his head no.

"No... What was it?" Tony asked softly, waiting for it to be some sort of nagging. Meredith had forever been complaining about Sofia's incessant nagging.

"I don't know. I can't even remember. I have been thinking about it nonstop. I have been drilling my head. I can't remember. All I can do is cry. I can't stop crying because all I think about is that she died, and who knows what I said to her. Was it mean? Does she hate me?" Sofia sobbed as she covered her face.

"Oh, Sofia... It's- None of that matters. She isn't thinking about that. She is in a better place. Where she is, she is happy. She isn't whining about the last thing you said to her. Then again, she is Meredith." He laughed. Sofia gave him a glare. He had thought it was funny. He knew even in death, Meredith could appreciate his ribbing.

"She was never happy. Everyone deserves to be happy once in their life. She was never happy." Sofia pointed out as she shook her head.

"She was happy. I know there were times in her life when she was happy..." Tony trailed off as he thought.

Sofia nodded and smiled. It was true. There was a time when she was happy. She was happy whenever she was with Derek. As tragic as it was, Sofia was almost grateful that Meredith died alongside Derek. She couldn't imagine Derek and Meredith being apart in life or death. At least she knew that no matter where Meredith ended up, she was with Derek. She was unsure of what she thought came along with death, but she was certain Derek was holding her hand and brushing her hair away like he always did.

"Why don't you go to her room..." Tony suggested, knowing that it would make her feel better. That would make her feel closer to what was so far away.

"Yes... Her room needs to be cleaned." Sofia said frankly as she walked off in a fog. She was only willing to accept death when she needed to. At the moment she did not need to and she was unwilling.

Sofia opened the door to what seemed to be another world. It felt different. It felt as if she was walking into the past. It was a place frozen in time, untouched by reality's cruel games. She couldn't help but walk around, placing her hand on every surface, feeling the things that Meredith once held so closely and so dear. Her hand reached the Derby Silver Nouveau Repousse antique hair brush. She could almost feel Meredith's touch.

Sofia looked into the closet, seeing Meredith's favorite shoes. She knew that Meredith held her shoes so dear. There were so many things that meant so much to Sofia. She knew that deep down in her heart, Meredith did appreciate everything she had. Maybe when she was younger, she wasn't so appreciative, but as she grew older and was lead by Derek, she realized all she had. Even if it wasn't completely true, Sofia chose to believe it.

It is funny how once someone is gone, you chose to remember only the good. It's not true with every person and every situation, but it happens most of the time. If people could just let things go in life, the world would be a much better place. All the hatred you feel for a person seems to dull. Maybe it is because that person is no longer around to fight. Perhaps it's because you realize how foolish the whole situation was. You never realize what you have until it's gone, and you never think about it while it's in your face.

Meredith never really did anything to hurt Sofia. She may have treated her like help most of the time, but she never intentionally hurt her out of spite. Sofia knew that Meredith had grown to lost her, just as she had grown to love Meredith. It was a mother daughter relationship that never was and never would be acknowledged. Sofia was mourning the loss of her daughter, even if she wasn't blood related. She was heart related.

Sofia walked over to the bed and collapsed in a pile of tears and sadness. The cool linens felt heavenly on her skin if she chose to feel them. They were unused and untouched. Sofia had cleaned the house completely including Meredith's room when she left for her trip to Paris. She would always regret it. She could no longer smell the sweet flowery scent that was Meredith Grey. She laid there and cried, not feeling anything but pain. That is until she was caught.

"What did I tell you?" Thatcher screamed as he looked at her. All she saw was red in his eyes.

--

Meredith and Derek held their breath throughout the whole flight. The thing was, they were dead. People weren't looking around believing it was a lie. It wasn't as if they were searching for the missing survivors. There were no survivors. That was one thing they had said on the news. Absolutely no survivors. It broke Meredith's heart because all she could think about was the dead pilot. Derek was upset about it, but at the moment, he was far too selfish. At the moment, he was in it for himself and Meredith.

"Welcome home, baby." Derek told her softly as they stood up. Meredith closed her eyes as she felt a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Derek." Meredith told him softly. She always wanted him to know. She knew that he gave up a lot by going along with their plan. He was the one that had to deceive so many people that meant so much to him.

"I know you do." Derek told her with a nod as he grabbed his small carryon bag, along with hers. "And I love you just as much. Probably even more." He told her with a wink as he grabbed her hand and walked down the aisle way. "Thank you again." Derek said to the man who gave up his seat so that they could sit next to each other.

"Not a problem." He told them with a smile as he grabbed his own bag.

Meredith was nervous as she came off the plane. She had never been to the United States. That was the one place that Thatcher Grey would not allow her to go. She never understood why, but she assumed it had something to so with her past. She knew she was American, but she had no idea what state she was from. Her father always used the excuse that he had many enemies in the US. She never knew. She just assumed it was true.

"So... How are we getting to our house?" Meredith asked as they began to walk off of the plane.

"Apartment... It's an apartment. And Mark is picking us up." Derek told her with a nod as they walked into the busy airport. Meredith was used to chaos involving her and it was hard to not expect a crowd. A tiny part of her was disappointed, but she chided herself for being so foolish.

"Do you think that is safe?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked up at him. "Having him-"

"Hey, man!" Mark said loudly as he looked up at his best friend.

Meredith quickly looked up in shock. Mark was not what she expected him to be. She could believe that he was a manwhore that used women. She could see in his eyes that he knew exactly how to get what he wanted from any girl. She was shocked at his masculine rugged exterior. His chiseled jaw was perfection. He was wearing a shirt that showed off the definition in his shoulders. He was definitely someone she could go for. But she had Derek, and Derek was more than enough.

"Hey!" Derek said happily as they gave each other a quick man hug and a pat on the back. "How have you been, man?" Derek asked, almost forgetting about Meredith, who was standing there feeling like a fool.

"Good." Mark said with a smile. "I saw it... On the news. This is bad." Mark said frankly. He had no idea how Derek's mother had reacted but he was sure it was not good. That was his biggest problem with all of this. Linda Shepherd had suffered more than enough.

"I know. Believe me... I know." Derek agreed as he looked at him. He was feeling nauseous and torn up inside over the mess.

"Nice hair, by the way." Mark teased, looking at the spikes that Meredith had created on the top of his head.

"Mer did it... Oh my god! Mer! I didn't forget you, baby." Derek said quickly, remembering that he had forgotten her. He quickly looked over at her and frowned. "Mark... This is Meredith. Meredith, this is my best friend, Mark."

"It's nice to meet you." Meredith told him as she placed her hand out for him to shake it. Mark quickly pressed his lips on her hand.

"It is a pleasure meeting you." He replied as he looked into her eyes.

Meredith Grey had been a woman that Mark had been focusing on for a long time. Every time he saw her in a magazine, he couldn't stop himself from either looking at it, or buying it. Meredith Grey had been a woman that he had obsessed over for a very long time. As he looked into her eyes, he realized that she was just as beautiful as he had imagined she would be.

Derek didn't like the way his friend was looking at Meredith. He knew Mark well enough to know that Mark knew what he liked in a woman. Mark would lay down with anyone that would let him, but there were certain women that pulled him in. Mark had a woman set in his mind. He was searching for her, and until he found her, he was playing around with any girl that would give him the attention he so badly wanted. It was Mark that wanted the attention from the women. As Derek looked at Mark and Meredith he could see it playing out. Meredith was a challenge. He wasn't even looking at Mark. But Mark was. Meredith was a fighter. She didn't have any interest in Mark. The sooner Mark realized that, the better.

"So... Are we ready?" Derek asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I am." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed Derek's hand and began to walk off.

**Mark... Damn him. Usually I make Mark a good guy. Usually.**


	112. Not Happy

Meredith stayed silent as Derek and Mark talked. Apparently the two had a lot to talk about, considering that Meredith was unable to get a word in edgewise. There was no way she could talk. The thing was, Derek didn't even think about including her in their conversation, because he was sure that she had no idea what they were talking about. Little did he know that he was really hurting her feelings. She was already feeling like she had been cast aside and forgotten. At least at home in Italy, she had control. She always had somewhere to go. Here she was dependent.

"Your chariot." Mark said with a smile as he walked up to a Dodge Ram truck. Meredith looked at him in shock. It was a truck. The only time she saw trucks, they were being used as maintenance vehicles at the house. To her, a truck was not an acceptable form of transportation. "What?" Mark asked as he looked at her. She was obviously having some sort of issue with his vehicle.

"Is something wrong, Mer?" Derek asked as he looked up at her. He and Mark tossed the bags in the back of the truck. Meredith watched as her precious luggage was tossed into the truck bed as if it didn't matter. It was laying back there with leaves and everything else that had landed inside. Her clothing was being treated like trash. "What's wrong?" Derek questioned.

"Nothing!" Meredith huffed as she walked away. Mark looked at Derek and shrugged his shoulders. He knew women, and he had a feeling that this one was particularly unreasonable.

"What's wrong, Mer?" Derek asked as he followed behind her and placed his hand on the small of her back.

"Nothing! Can we just get in this... Ghetto wagon!" She spat as she opened the door. Mark and Derek looked at each other. They couldn't help it. They had to laugh.

"Oh my god, Mer!" Derek laughed as he doubled over.

"Shut-up! Let's just- We need to get to our house." She said as she opened the door and jumped in.

"You are in so much trouble, man." Mark mouthed as he looked over and then climbed in.

"So how long do I have to ride in this piece of... Merda!" Meredith spat as she looked over at Mark.

"Not long. Believe me... I will be going as fast as I can!" He said as he fired up his truck and tore out of the parking lot. "And I have a feeling you just insulted me!"

"Oh... If I were in the insulting mood, I would say... Vaffanculo! Leccacazzi! La sua mamma è come una bicicletta tutti prende un giro!" (Fuck you! Cocksucker! Your mom is like a bike: everyone gets a turn!) She growled nastily.

"Oh my god! Mer! Mer... You have to make a conscious effort to be nice." Derek warned as he looked at her. "You- You can't be rude to people."

"Fine." Meredith said, avoiding argument. She was not liking Mark at all. She didn't like the way he looked at her, and she was going to refuse to be nice to him.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he rubbed her skinny thigh. "It's okay... I'm just saying." He said with a frown. Meredith looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"This is all easy for you!" She spat as she turned away. It was easy for him because this was his home turf. It was easy because english was his first language and he knew everything there was to know about the US. She had to come here and speak a different language with a fake accent. She had to change. He did not.

"Easy for me?" Derek asked in shock as he looked at her. He was astonished that she would even say that to him. He couldn't hold it back. As much as he wanted to, he could not. "Oh, Meredith! How I would love it if it were easy for me! You left people you didn't give a shit about! I had to leave my mom! My family thinks I am dead. People that care about me, think I am dead. My mom had lost her second son, along with her husband. So you just keep your damn mouth shut! It is not easy for me. In fact, it is hell." Derek snapped. Mark looked at the two of them. Derek had been to harsh, knowing how Meredith was. Meredith quickly covered her face and began to sob.

"People care about you! It's not my fault that no one loves me!" She cried out. Mark looked over and then straight ahead. He didn't want any part of this mess.

"Mer... I love you! And Sofia... She loves you. Just- I'm sorry. That was nasty. I never should have done that to you. I never should have said those things. You didn't make me do this... And I don't regret it. I'm sorry. There was no reason for that." Derek told her as he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her on the head. "I love you."

"I love you too." Meredith replied as she looked up at him.

"Well ain't that sweet?" Mark asked as he looked at the pair. "A perfect match!"

"Yes. We are." Derek said, being seriously about his foolish comment. "Meredith is my perfect compliment." Derek said as he rubbed her head. She was.

Meredith didn't say a word as she pulled herself together. She was upset now that she had heard Derek's true feelings. She felt guilty for even feeling sorry for herself. She knew that Derek was truly the one that was suffering and missing out. That didn't seem to matter. Occasionally, her selfishness took precedence over anyone else's feelings. She was sad for Derek and for herself. There was no way that she could have prepared herself for what was to come. She knew it would be bad, but she had no idea how bad. Not until she started to experience it all.

Derek felt immense guilt for what he had said to her. He never felt like more of a jerk in his life. He had to say it. Maybe not had to, more like couldn't help it. It had been boiling up inside of him for awhile. He regretted being so harsh, but at the same time, he knew that she really needed it. Meredith Grey needed to be bullied and pushed to the breaking point occasionally.

"How far to we have?" Meredith asked innocently. She was originally going to ask him how soon because she wanted out of his ghetto wagon, but she looked at Derek and decided against it.

"Not far." Mark told her with a nod as he looked over. Meredith saw him looking at her through his peripheral vision. He had been doing it the whole trip. It didn't really bother her, seeing as she was used to the whole world looking at her all of the time.

"Good, my legs are getting stiff." She said with a sigh as she rubbed them with her long slender fingers.

"Oh yes... Apparently my chariot is not comfortable enough for you." Mark said with a laugh. "Oh yes... It isn't a chariot. It's a- What did you call it?"

"I believe she called it a ghetto wagon." Derek snickered as he looked over. He gave her a smile as her face turned red. Even she was embarrassed of her comment.

"Wow. Who taught her english?" Mark asked with a hearty laugh. Derek had done quite a good job teaching her, but it seemed that certain words had stuck in her vocabulary. She had her favorites and she was using them.

"I did! And I would say I did a damn good job. You can barely tell that she has an Italian accent." Derek pointed out proudly. If she thought about it, she could contain it pretty well.

"I speak good english!" Meredith said quickly as she looked over at Mark. She was more than ready to go to battle with him.

"Yes, you do." Mark humored her as he shook his head. He tried not to, but he definitely had an attraction to her. He knew that she was his best friend's girlfriend, and yet, he couldn't stop looking. She pulled him in. She was so much more than the two-demensional image from the magazines. She was much better, and he couldn't help himself.

--

The US was much different than Italy in Meredith's eyes. It smelled different. It looked different. It felt different. As the drove along, her eyes never left the things they were passing by. Things that she had never seen. It amazed her. She wasn't sure what to think or say. She just watched as Derek and Mark talked about the past. The neighborhoods varied more than she ever realized. Some were nicer, others were not. As they drove along and average american neighborhood, she frowned. This was not what she was used to.

"We're here." Mark pointed out as he pulled up in front of a modest apartment building. It was more of a duplex, with four apartments inside.

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked up at the brick structure. It was not what she was expecting in the least. She expected something larger. She expected something that wasn't on the street. She expected a lawn or at the very least, a modest patch of grass. She saw none of that before her.

"This is it." Mark clarified, wondering if she hadn't grasped what he had said.

Derek looked over at her. It wasn't hard to spot the overwhelming disappointment in her face. As he looked up at the building, he was satisfied. It was just as nice, if not nicer than the one that he and Mark had shared. Derek felt his heart sink as he looked at the side of her head. She wasn't happy with it, and he could see it. He wondered if he could make her happy. Would he ever be able to give her what she wanted.

"Is it okay?" Derek asked, actually hoping she would lie to him. He needed her to lie. He needed her to act like it was all okay.

"Um... Yeah." Meredith said with regret. "It's great." She lied. Derek knew she was lying, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

Meredith expected there to be window boxes with flowers in the very least. Even the poorer neighborhoods of Italy had beautiful flowers and well maintained fronts. This was so plain and drab. Everything seemed to blend together. Everything was just so ordinary. She sighed as she glanced up and down the street, looking at her new neighborhood. Not so impressive. Not in her eyes.

"Okay... Let's check the place out." Mark suggested as he reached into the bed of the truck and began grabbing bags. Meredith scowled as she saw leaves and debris all over their luggage. "Oh." Mark muttered as he brushed it off.

"Let's go." Derek said with a smile as he walked towards the door. He quickly opened in and let Meredith in. Meredith's eyes got wide as she saw a door to the left, a door to the right and a narrow staircase in front of her.

"Straight up and to the left." Mark told her with a nod.

Meredith felt the need to cry as she climbed the staircase. Not marble. It was something else. It was some kind of plastic. She wasn't sure what it was. Either way, it was cracked and falling apart in some places. It was not clean, seeing as there were leaves collected in the corners and dirt marks all over. It was putrid mustard yellow. She didn't know much, but she knew it was dated.

"Oh! Here's the key." Mark said as Meredith hit the landing. It was tiny, barely enough room for two skinny people to stand on it at the same time.

"Oh... Thanks." Meredith muttered as she grabbed the key from his hand and put it in the lock.

"Home sweet home..." Mark muttered as she pushed the door open.

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Meredith sighed as she looked around. All it took was one look around and she saw it all. She smiled slightly, realizing that is was a joke. She knew this couldn't be all of it. She knew that there had to be more just around the corner. She didn't say a word as she walked through, looking at the overstuffed dark blue furniture. It was clean, but that was it. Just clean. It was tiny. Her room at home was bigger than the whole thing combined.

"Where is our part?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Derek.

"What?" Derek questioned as he looked into her eyes. He was confused at what exactly she meant.

"Is this for the help?" She asked frankly. Mark looked at her in total and utter shock before he started laughing heartily. Derek looked at them both, unsure of what to make of it. Meredith's face never changed. She was serious.

"You're serious?" Mark asked in shock, seeing her straight face. It broke Derek's heart that she was serious. He felt as if he had failed her.

"This is our apartment, Mer. This is it. This is what we could afford..." Derek said sadly. He felt genuinely bad for her.

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"Oh..." Meredith said as she continued on. She held back the tears as she made it to the bedroom. There was only two rooms. The bathroom and the bedroom. She slowly opened the door and looked in. It only took her a second. She walked to the bed and collapsed in tears. Home sweet home.

Meredith didn't want to feel the way she felt. She felt immensely guilty, but at the same time, she couldn't hold it in. It was overwhelming. She went from being insanely rich to living in a one bedroom apartment. The apartment was clean, but it was tiny. Meredith felt sick as she laid there, sobbing on the bed that offered little comfort. It wasn't her bed. None of this was hers. Not in her heart. She knew she was hurting Derek, but she had no idea how to stop herself.

"Wow. You do realize that it is going to be nothing but pain and misery connected to this girl from here on out, right?" Mark asked with a chuckle.

Derek looked at his friend in shock. He couldn't believe he just said that. It wasn't as if it weren't hard enough as it was. From where he was standing in his new living room, he could hear his sobbing. Not crying. There was no question in his mind that she was sobbing her heart out. As he looked at his friend, he only felt anger. He felt anger that Mark was criticizing and writing off something that was not a joke.

"Fuck you, Mark. It's not fucking funny." Derek growled as he looked his friend in the eyes. "She has gone through a lot. More than anyone should have to go through. So just- Fuck you!"

Derek walked off from his friend. He was so disgusted. He was disgusted with Mark for being insensitive and basically pointing out exactly what was going to happen. In his heart, he knew. He never wanted to admit it. He was angry at Meredith because she wasn't happy and he was almost sure that he would ever be able to make her happy. Derek was having quick and serious regrets. He was worried that this was all a mistake. He was worried that it was all going to come back full force.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he walked into their new room. It wasn't bad. He looked at it, knowing the sheets weren't of high thread count. He knew that the pillows were not fluffy enough for her and the paint was maybe lacking in hue. "Oh, Mer..." He said as he laid down next to her on his stomach.

"I'm sorry, Derek! I'm trying. I'm really trying!" She told him with a frown as she whimpered. "I know you did all you could." She added as she looked into his blue eyes.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay." He told her with a nod and a smile.

"No. No, it's not okay! It's not even close! You are hurt. I can see it in your eyes that you are hurt. I am mean and worthless. I am unappreciative." She frowned as she looked up. "I know that. I know it and I can't seem to help myself."

"It's okay Mer... Really, it is." He repeated. He may not believe it, but his love for her was too strong and deep. At the end of the day, all he thought about was her happiness. She was the only one that really mattered. "I just- If I could, I would buy you a mansion. If I could, you would have everything you ever wanted. I can't. It took most of our money just to get us here. We still have to pay for your med school and all our daily expenses. Mer, we can't stretch the money any farther than we are." He told her sadly.

"I understand." Meredith said as she tried to dry her tears. She rolled to her side and stared into his eyes. She felt so bad. Bad for being nasty to him and bad for herself. "Where is Mark?" She asked, realizing that he was not around.

"Who gives a fuck." Derek muttered as he pulled her close to him. He was beyond mad at Mark. He didn't have to agree or accept what was going on, but at the very least, he should have just kept his mouth shut.

"Derek! He is your friend..." Meredith trailed off as she looked at him in shock. She was shocked that he was writing his friend off so easily. "You don't have to- He is your friend. Don't worry about me. It's okay if he doesn't like me." She added as she drew in a breath.

She knew that Mark was going to have opinions on the situations that had arisen. She was sure that he was against it. She was sure that he held things against her because Derek had to leave his mom and family behind. She already had her own guilt feelings, and she didn't really want to add him to it. She knew she didn't have a choice. Mark was in the middle of the muddle in a big way.

"Mer... Mark likes you. Why would you say he doesn't like you?" Derek asked her sadly as he looked into her eyes. Meredith didn't say a word as he ran his hand across her cheek in a loving way. "Mark likes you."

"He thinks I am a spoiled bitch. I've seen it before, Derek. I have seen people look down at me. I've noticed all my life. It all started with Sofia and Tony." She told him with a sigh. "I can accept it."

"No, Mer. You will never have to accept that. Mark likes you... He really does." He added as he pulled her into his chest and stroked her hair. They both closed their eyes and began to drift off to sleep.

Derek didn't think that Mark didn't like Meredith. He assumed her was indifferent or at the very least, he liked her by proxy. Derek was not concerned with Mark. In this big picture, Mark meant nothing. The problem was, Derek didn't even realize exactly how much Mark meant. He meant too much. Far too much.

Mark stood in the living room for awhile, expecting his friend to come back. After awhile, he realized that wasn't happening. He had been left out on his own. Mark looked down at the bags and shook his head. He was leaving. He was going to his own home an hour away. But he would be back. He always came back.


	113. Panicked and Alone

Derek left Meredith there on the bed. She had fallen sound asleep, more from emotional exhaustion than physical. He knew that the last week had weighed heavily on her and now she was dealing with the aftermath. He was a bit out of it, but at the same time, he was dealing. He had done everything he could to prepare himself for what was to come. He had to if he was going to make it through.

Derek walked out to the living room and looked around. This was their new place. It was modest at best as compared to the Grey mansion. He was more than happy with it. It was everything he had expected Mark to find. Meredith didn't seem to understand that they couldn't grab a huge townhouse, even if they did have the money. The money had to come from somewhere and they had no where to prove it was from.

Derek pulled their bags into their room and looked around. There was ample space for their clothing in the closet and bureaus. Mark had done a good job furnishing the place for a man. At first he would assume that Mark's girlfriend had done the designing, but he knew better. Mark wasn't holding onto girls these days. He was moving from one to the next. From one bar to the next, picking up and taking home whatever he could find. He wasn't keeping anyone around long enough to help him.

Derek looked around, realizing that they were missing some major staples. They had most of the major things. They had furniture in the kitchen, living room and bedroom. They had bathroom and bedroom linens. They had the stuff they needed to live, but they were missing major things. Derek soon realized that they had no food. No real toiletries. Nothing that they really needed. As he looked at her sleeping, he wondered if he should go. He knew she was a sound sleeper. He was sure it would be fine.

Derek grabbed a piece of paper and gave her one last look. He quickly scribbled a short note that he would be heading down to the store for some things. He placed it on the counter and opened the door, locking it behind him. Little did Derek know, when he shut the door, the wind caught the note, sending it flying onto the floor, and under the sofa.

Meredith felt a chill come across her body, waking her up abruptly. She quickly sat up, completely disoriented. This was not her home. It wasn't even close. These weren't her ultra soft sheets. This wasn't her comfortable bed. This was somewhere else. And then it hit her. She was in the US. She was here with Derek. She frowned softly as she threw her feet over the bed and let them hit the floor.

"Der?" Meredith said softly as she walked out of their room and into the only other room there was. "Derek?" She repeated as she looked around.

Her heart stopped. He wasn't there. Panic set in as she wondered where he was. She wondered if her father had found out. She wondered if one of his men had dragged Derek away, ready to kill him. Meredith felt her breath leave her body. There was no oxygen. Derek left her. He left her all alone, with nothing. Meredith began to sob heavily. She was alone. She was all alone in the world. She quickly remembered the bathroom. Her face lit up and she ran to it. When she peered inside and say no one, she felt sick. She felt so scared. She felt like anyone could come in and kill her. She was sure that someone had taken Derek. She was sure of it.

Meredith crawled into the bathtub and pulled her knees to her chin. It was over for her. She couldn't handle it. She felt like a little kid who had been left. She felt a wave of nausea wash over her as she sat there. She couldn't control it. She couldn't stop it. She sat there as she vomited all over herself, over and over again. She just laid there, smelling of her own excrement, in tears.

Derek walked into the apartment. He was expecting her to be on the sofa watching TV. He was expecting her to come out and greet him. He sat the bags down and walked into the living room, hearing nothing. He walked into the bedroom, and didn't see her in the bed. And then he heard it. It was the faint sound of her crying. Derek walked into the bathroom and looked at her in shock.

"Mer..." He uttered softly as he looked down at her. "Oh my god..." He said as he smelled the stench of vomit hanging in the air. "Oh god..."

"I- I- I thought you left me..." She cried as she looked up. Derek's heart broke at the sight of her.

"I could never leave you, baby." He said as he knelt down and pulled her close. He didn't care that he was covering in her vomit. "I went to the store. Didn't you get my note?" He asked as he looked into her bloodshot eyes.

"You didn't leave one." She cried out as she rested her head against his chest.

"I did. On the counter. I left you a note. I would never leave you, Mer. Never." Derek told her as he kissed her head. "Never." He said as he pulled away. "I love you..." Meredith looked up at him and nodded her head. "You need a bath." He said as he helped pull her shirt off. "I will take a shower with you..." He told her as he helped her stand up. He didn't realize how hard it was. He couldn't leave her alone.

"I'm sorry, Derek." Meredith apologized as she whimpered softly. She was a mess, and she could smell the stench from her own vomit hanging in the air. "I- I'm so sorry." She repeated as she unzipped her jeans and let them fall to the floor.

"It's okay, baby. It's not your fault." Derek told her with a frown as he looked at her. There was so much fear apparent on her face. She was terrified. "I never thought... I did leave a note. I'm not sure where it went, but I left a note. I left it on the counter." Derek told her as he threw his clothing on the floor and turned on the hot water.

"It wasn't there... And you weren't there. I thought that was it. I thought you left me. I never thought you would leave, but you weren't around. After I realized you wouldn't leave me, then I thought for sure that my father had gotten to you. I was so scared, Derek. I don't think I ever would have left this bathtub." She told him with a nod. Derek grabbed her hand and helped her into the shower with him.

Meredith was so upset, she didn't look around. She didn't point out that she had never in her life been in a shower that doubled as a bathtub. She didn't notice that they shower was some sort of plastic, and not what she was used to. At the moment, she was just happy to have Derek with her. At the moment, she wasn't fretting about the conditions of her new home.

"Meredith, I would never leave without leaving something. And you better bet, if your father found us, I wouldn't go without a fight." Derek told her as he ran his hand across her cheek.

"I know. I guess... I guess I was irrational." Meredith agreed as she laid her head against his chest as closed her eyes. She wasn't in there to bathe, she was in there to relax.

"No. You were scared, and for good reason. I guess you just need to trust me and trust that I would never leave you." He told her as he ran his hand over her wet head.

Meredith felt so at ease against Derek's strong chest. She felt like everything was right in the world. She felt like no one could touch her there. It wasn't as if she were in a tiny apartment in New Hampshire. She was in her grand shower in Italy. She could feel the spray of the soft water on her body as she stayed in the perfect spot. Everything was right. That was, until the water got cold.

"What the heck?" Meredith said in shock as she pulled away. "Derek, what did you do?" She asked as she looked around. The water was cool, and becoming unbearable quickly. "Derek!" She shrieked as she used him as armor from the cold spray.

"Shit!" Derek muttered as he flipped the water off. He knew that Meredith was going to be having a fit about this. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you turn it off?" Meredith asked as she shivered hard in the shower. Derek looked at her with a pathetic face. It was as if she had never been in cold water in her life.

"Because we were out of hot water." Derek explained as he stepped out of the shower and onto the bath mat. He quickly grabbed her a thick cotton towel, knowing it wasn't half as lavish as she was used to. Not to mention, he could tell they were new and not as absorbent as they would be after they were used a few times.

"Out of hot water? How can we be out of hot water?" She asked in shock as she looked up at him. She didn't understand the concept of running out of water.

"Well, it's in a tank. And the tank has run out." Derek told her with a smile as he helped her out. Meredith furrowed her brow as she thought about it.

"So our water just sits there, in a tank? It's not fresh?" She asked with a frown. Derek returned her frown. He never should have said it. Now she would refuse to bathe in water that wasn't fresh.

"Well, yes. But that is how it is everywhere." Derek explained as he began drying off and looked away from her.

"Oh." She muttered softly. She was not happy about it. She wasn't happy at all. She shook her head and followed his lead, drying off her body. "What is wrong with this towel!" Meredith whined, realizing it wasn't absorbing much.

"It's new, Mer." Derek sighed as he looked up. Meredith pursed her lips and decided not to say another word. She could tell that he was already feeling bad about the whole situation.

"I think I'm ready for pajamas." Meredith said with a sigh as she held the towel around herself and walked into their room. She looked down, seeing there were no suitcases. "Der-"

"It's in the dressers." Derek shouted from the bathroom. Meredith smiled as she opened them, seeing that Derek had unpacked their things. She could tell that he was trying to make her happy. He was trying to do whatever he could to make her happy. She knew she had to try to be more appreciative.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she pulled on a pair of panties. "Thank you... I know you are trying." Meredith told him as she looked up at him.

"I love you, Mer. I just want you happy. I will do whatever I have to to make sure that you are happy." Derek told her with a nod. "You are everything to me. I think you know that." He told her as he walked over, just a white towel slung around his hips. "I live for you..." He told her as he walked up to her, placed his hands on her face and pressed his lips gently onto hers.

"You are a good man, Derek. And I love you too." She replied softly as she laid against him. "And I hope you are a cooking man! I'm hungry." She told him with a giggle.

"I think I may be." He told her with a nod. "There is definitely a chance..."

Derek smiled at her. He knew she wasn't completely happy, but she was trying. Trying meant more to him that anything else. Trying meant that she loved him. He knew that was no way that he would ever be able to give her what she had before. Thatcher Grey was the richest man in the world, and even tycoons who had been trying for decades, could not touch him. Derek was just hoping that she would be able to be happy without the material things she had grown accustomed to.

"So what sounds good to you?" Derek asked as he looked into her bright eyes. She looked slightly hopeful and satisfied.

"Um... That stuff. The stuff that you make in the pan. Not with the peanut butter, the stuff with the cheese." Meredith said quickly.

Derek had to smile. It was so simple, and yet she did not know it. If it had been some french dish that most of the population had never heard of, she would have know the name right off. When it came to something very american and very easy, she had no idea. Nonetheless, grilled cheese was more than simple to make, and he could do it for her.

"Grilled cheese?" He suggested as he looked up at her with a smile on his face. Meredith's face immediately lit up.

"Yes! That's it. Grilled cheese. And fries." She added. Derek had learned that she had a slight addiction to fries. It was more than slight. If they passed a McDonald's she was there.

"Now fries... That may be difficult." Derek said with a sigh. "I almost bet there isn't a deep fryer here. If you want good fries, we really need a deep fryer." Derek pointed out with a frown.

"Well, let's go buy a deep fryer." Meredith said as she began to march towards the door.

"Whoa there, honey. It doesn't work that way. We can't just go out and buy things. We will just make them in a pan. They just won't be as good. Okay?" Derek said as he began pulling pans out of the cupboards and getting things ready.

"Yep." Meredith agreed as she stood there and watched him intently. Derek pushed the bread and the butter towards her. She knew her job. "I'm a good butterer." She said with a nod. Derek just smiled. "Say it!"

"Honey, you are the most wonderful butterer in Massachusetts. Maybe even the world." Derek mocked as he leaned over and kissed her.

"I think I might be." She told him as she smoothed the butter on, pretending it was a scalpel.

"Okay, butter queen, give me that bread." Derek said with a smile as he accepted it and placed it on the pan. "One or two?" He asked as he looked at her, knowing that occasionally she would eat four of the peanut butter sandwiches.

"Um... Two is good." Meredith said, knowing that her stomach had been growling for hours. She hadn't really eaten on the plane, deeming that food inedible. If it wasn't made by a chef, she wasn't eating it. Apparently now Derek was a chef.

"Good. You look hungry." Derek pointed out as he looked over at the fries. "You haven't really eaten today. In fact, you ate nothing. You threw up your breakfast and you didn't eat on the plane." He pointed out with a frown.

"It was ick, Der. Really ick. I have no idea how you did it. My shoes would have tasted better. Even these running shoes." She said as she pointed to them. Derek looked down and laughed at her humor.

"Someday, your standards will change." He pointed out with a smile. "Things won't be so ick anymore. You will need to lose that high priced italian palate of yours." He pointed out with a nod. Meredith smiled and shook her head as he placed everything on their plates. "Here you go." He said with a smile as he handed her the plate. "Would you like a soda?"

"Water would be fine." She pointed out as she took a bite of her sandwich. "Mmm... This is good, Derek. You are a chef."

"I definitely wouldn't say that. And soon enough, you will be cooking." Derek pointed out as he sat down across from her. She had a look of shock and disagreement on her face. She was telling him that there was no way she would even consider cooking. "Don't give me that look. You can and will, Mer." He told her with a nod.

"Hmm... There has to be a way to solve this. Sex definitely sex. You cook, you get sex. I cook, I get sleep." She told him with a big nod. She knew she could overpower him.

"You say that like you don't want sex yourself." Derek pointed out with a nod. He knew her well enough to know that she couldn't go long, no matter what she threatened.

"Eh... Maybe you are right." Meredith agreed with a sigh as she shook her head and looked away.

"So tomorrow... You need to go to Dartmouth and get everything straightened. Are you ready?" He asked as he looked up. By the look on her face, he would take it as a no.

**Review, please!**


	114. The Lesson

Derek could feel her shifting. Over and over. No matter what, she could not get comfortable. He had been going through it for hours. He didn't want to grumble about it, but the truth was, she was keeping him awake. It was their first real night in the apartment, and she was tossing and turning like a fish out of the water. Just when Derek would close his eyes, he would feel her moving again. He drew in a deep breath. He needed to just relax and ignore her.

"Ahh!" Meredith finally groaned as she sat upright as punched her pillow.

"What's the matter?" Derek asked. The truth was, he was thankful to have the chance to ask her what her problem was. Maybe now they could talk about it and move on.

"These sheets are ridiculous. I mean, they feel like sandpaper. And this pillow... It is all flat and just- Ah! Derek, how am I supposed to sleep like this? I feel like I am sleeping on a cactus and my head is resting on a board." She groaned loudly as she threw herself down and huffed.

"Mer... These sheets are fine. Really, they are. I don't see what the big deal is. And the pillow... It could be worse, Mer. You could have no pillow at all." He suggested with a sigh. He found out quickly that that was the wrong answer.

"Are you kidding me?" Meredith asked in shock as she looked over at him. "This has to be a joke. Where are the real linens?" She asked as she jumped up and flashed the light on.

"Mer! Turn that off." Derek groaned as he covered his eyes. "Come back to bed. There are no others. And really, these aren't that bad. You just have to not think about it." He told her with a sigh as he waved her back over.

"How can I not think about the tiny needles piercing my skin?" She growled as she looked down at him. "I am in pain here! Physical pain!"

"Oh, give me a break." Derek laughed as he rolled over and covered his head with the blankets.

"Oh! Oh! I will give you a break, Derek!" Meredith shouted as she jumped on the bed and pummeled him. Meredith happily pounded on Derek playfully with her pillow as she took out her frustrations. "You do you like that break?" She giggled as she continued to hit him.

"Okay! Okay! Stop!" Derek shouted as he pulled himself up from the fetal position and threw his hands up in retreat. He watched as she three her body down on the bed and huffed loudly, showing her disgust. "You are a bully, Sweetheart." Derek told her as he rolled over, covering her body with his. "Maybe the bully needs to be bullied?" He asked as he rubbed his body against hers, making sure she could feel his hard cock against her pussy.

"Oh... Maybe." Meredith moaned as she felt the sensations, teasing her whole body. Derek smiled as he looked at her face. He could tell that the sheets were the last thing on her mind at this point. Right now, she was thinking about cock. He knew he could make her think clearly. Or was it fuzzy?

"Mer... You are wet." Derek said softly as he ran his hand over her panty clad mound. He could feel the wet spot forming in the middle. That was her wanting him, and he wanted her just as badly. He knew what is was to have that tight pussy surrounding his thick hard cock.

"For you, Der... Only for you." Meredith moaned, unable to wait any longer. She needed him inside of her, and she needed it now. Meredith grasped at her panties, getting frustrated that they weren't coming off quickly enough. Derek quickly grasped them and ripped them off, hearing the thread tear.

"There we go." Derek said as he tossed them to the side and laid over her. Meredith felt him ramming his cock into her clit, sending her over the edge. She was so sensitive and needy, it wasn't going to take long. "Oh yeah..." Derek moaned as he felt the head of his cock at her entrance. He quickly slide inside her tight space and let out a groan. "Oh god yeah... This is- I'm going to be quick. I'm sorry, baby." He apologized as he looked into her eyes. Meredith smiled softly.

"I'm good... I'm good." Meredith nodded as she she looked at him. He had his hands on either side of her body, driving in and out. Meredith grabbed his shoulder with one hand, and rubbed her clit with the other, helping it along. "Oh god... Deeper." Meredith moaned as she felt his running in and out. Meredith tilted her hips, feeling him hit her g-spot hard. "Oh god!" She cried out as she felt it. "Oh yeah...Oh yeah!" Meredith panted as she felt her core tighten around him. She felt his hard member pulsating deep within.

"Oh god yeah! Fuck!" Derek grunted as he pounded her as hard as he could, coming to a screeching halt as he filled her with his hot cum. "Oh god..." Derek sighed as he looked down in her eyes, blowing softly on her chest.

"Yeah." Meredith muttered as she laid there with her eyes closed. Derek pulled out and rolled over onto his back. He looked over at her as she laid there silently. He didn't say a word, enjoying the silence. That was until he heard her soft snores. She was finally asleep.

--

Meredith awoke to a wonderful smell. Breakfast. She loved the smell of breakfast. It was one scent that she rarely smelled in the Grey mansion. The home was far too large for the scent to carry through to her room. Occasionally, if Sofia was cooking something with many spices, it would waft through, hanging heavily in the upstairs. Thatcher always hated it. He said the scent of food was good during dining, but he did not want to smell it afterward.

"That smells good." Meredith said happily as she bounced into the kitchen. Derek loved to see her bounce, and no, it wasn't just her firm perky breasts bouncing up and down. It was her playful spirit. And her smile. Her smile made him feel like no matter what, the world would be okay.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked with a smile as he looked into her sparkling green eyes. She was wearing a tee shirt and not much else. He was unsure if she had panties, and then he remembered that he had ripped them. That was his answer.

"Starving." She admitted as she rounded the countertop and stood next to him. Meredith made sure that she was touching him softly.

"So... Let me see." Derek said as he dropped the spatula and grabbed her arms. "Well, honey, you look fine. I see no rash. No bumps. No red. Those bastard sheets must not have been too bad." Derek said with a chuckle as she pulled her arms away.

"Ass!" She spat as she glared it him. "I don't like it. They are rough. They just are." Meredith said with a frown.

"Well, wait until you are sleeping in an on-call room. They are a lot rougher than that. In fact, they are like sand paper." Derek told he frankly. "You poor baby. You will suffer." He said as he petted her on the head.

"Funny." She muttered as she rolled her eyes. "They were fine. They just...Weren't ideal." She explained as she walked away. Derek had to smile as he watched her disappear. "Nice ass, sweetheart!" Derek shouted as he watched her walk away, hints of her ass cheeks poking out from the hem of the shirt.

"You are such a dirty man!" Meredith shouted back at him as she tugged her shirt down and walked to the bathroom.

Derek and Meredith shared the perfect breakfast. Well, in her mind it was perfect because Derek made it. After Derek suggested it, Meredith took a shower. She was unhappy about the length of hot water she had, but she dealt with it. She didn't complain or say a work to Derek. Instead she decided to get dressed and so her hair like she normally would. She soon realized that she didn't have any makeup or anything to do her hair. She huffed loudly as she let it fall wet on her shoulder. She grabbed a pair of her favorite jeans, and slid them on. She followed it by a nice top and a pair of Prada heels.

"Uh... Mer?" Derek asked as he watched her walk out, looking like a million and a half bucks.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked, using her best American accent. "What is wrong? You are giving me a funny look." She said as she looked down at herself, wondering if she had something on her shirt.

"Nothing, honey. Nothing except you look like Meredith Grey!" Derek said quickly as he looked at her. "Your wig, Mer. You have got to wear it. Or I have to dye your hair. You can't look like that. You just- Mer, you can't look like that." Derek said quickly. "You are wearing shoes that cost more than some cars." Derek told her with a sigh.

"Derek! I love these shoes." She said as she twisted her foot and looked down with a smile on her face. "I need to wear them. They look perfect with this top." She said as she looked down.

"I'm sorry, baby. You can't wear that." Derek said frankly. He was wearing a faded Rolling Stones tee shirt and here she was dressed to the nines. "And your hair... You don't have to be to Dartmouth for awhile. Why don't we go to the store and get some dye. You need to change it so you don't have to do the wig thing. You go put on tennis shoes" He told her as he looked at her heels and shook his head.

"But I want to wear these." She told him as she walked up and pecked him on the cheek.

"You wear those, and we both end up in Garda. How does that sound? Cement filled Prada is all the rage, I hear. Especially in Thatcher Grey's book." He said with a chuckle.

Meredith looked up at Derek. He was right. She forgot how easily it was for her to be seen. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk it for him, or for herself. She could never live with herself knowing that she put Derek in danger over something stupid, such as shoes. She drew in a breath, and nodded her head. She would do as he said. He really did know best.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he watched her pull on her shoes.

"I am." Meredith agreed with a nod as she tied her laces. "Now let's go to the store. I have never been. Not really." She said quickly. Derek laughed. He was going to be taking her virginity in so many ways.

--

Derek watched as Meredith sat silently in the passenger seat of the car. Derek knew this wasn't what she was used to. She was used to buttery soft leather and music flowing softly from the speakers. At the moment she was sitting in a basic car with no amenities. Derek was loving every minute of it. He loved seeing her have to be a normal person. He knew she was having her moments of hating it, but at the same time, he knew she could handle it.

"This is such a little car." Meredith pointed out as she ran her hand across the dashboard.

"It's not a bad car, Mer. I know that it isn't a BMW or a Mercedes. It's a Honda. It's not perfect. But you know what? It gets us where we are going." Derek told her with a smile as he looked over.

"Yeah. I guess you are right. So when do I get to drive?" She asked with a grin. Somehow the car wasn't mattering so much. Now the need to drive was so much more important. "I'd really like to drive, you know." She pointed out.

"Oh would you?" He teased as he shifted the car. Mark had gotten a good deal on the car because it was a stick shift and not everyone could drive one. The woman that had owned it before was unable to drive it and had it sitting in her garage over the last few years. "You know this isn't Italy, right? You have to be legal here. That means you will have to take that New York license of yours and trade it in for a New Hampshire one."

"Oh..." Meredith muttered as she spun her wedding ring around on her finger. That was her new habit and she did it often. "Well, I'd like to do that as soon as possible."

"I bet you would." Derek told her as he parked in a spot in the large parking lot in front of the grocery store. "We're here."

"I gathered that." Meredith said under her breath as she swung the door open and jumped out.

Derek widened his eyes and watched as she marched away from the car. Derek could watch her walk all day. He could tell my the way she strutted that she had more class than any woman he had ever seen in his life. He was proud to have her on his arm, even if she could be a pain in the neck more often than not. That was true love.

"So what do we need?" Meredith asked as she walked in and looked around with wide eyes. Derek smiled at the new look in her eyes.

"Hair dye, remember?" He asked with a chuckle. He knew she was purposely trying to forget. She was a beautiful blonde and Derek knew that she didn't want to change that.

"Oh yes, of course." She grumbled as she rolled her eyes. "How could I possibly forget that?" She grumbled as Derek grabbed a cart and began walking. Meredith looked around with wide eyes at all of the simple things that surrounded her.

"Do you want to push?" Derek asked as he put the cart in front of her. Meredith nodded her head and grabbed the cart away from him, pushing it eagerly. Derek weaved in and out like a professional as she walked down the first aisle. "We need meat." Derek said as he pointed. Meredith quickly rushed that direction.

"Lobster." She said happily as she walked towards the seafood. Derek drew in a breath. He knew they wouldn't be able to afford the meals that she was going to want all of the time. "I wonder if it is Maine lobster?"

"Either way, we can't afford it." Derek told her frankly as he pulled the front of the cart, along with her. "We need ground beef and chicken."

"Oh." Meredith replied as she watched him pick up the packages. She had no idea how he knew what to choose, but he seemed to have some sort of knowledge about it.

Derek pulled the front of the cart again, going down the first aisle. Meredith looked at every item that passed her by. She had never been able to chose. Sofia always got the things she liked, and they never lacked for anything that they wanted, but it was so different to be able to chose. Meredith was quickly realizing that she enjoyed it. Derek was walking down the aisles, choosing things they needed for meals. Meredith was filling the cart with junk.

"Okay... I am thinking like a light brown for your hair. What do you think?" Derek asked as he stood in front of the boxes of hair dye. Meredith scowled at him, knowing she didn't want to do this to herself. She had a stylist. It seemed now, Derek was her stylist.

"I guess." She said with great regret in her choice. Her stomach was feeling queasy. She was so unsure of the whole situation, standing there in her dark wig feeling quite unhappy.

"Oh, Mer... It's not necessarily forever." Derek told her with a frown. "Some day you will be able to keep your natural color." He told her with a nod.

"Yeah. Not forever. I mean... It's not like I will be able to ever be myself. It's not like I won't be Meredith Grey in ten years." She said as she grabbed a box of hair dye and began reading it. She was reading angrily, shoving down box after box.

"No. You won't be. You will be Meredith Shepherd. Just as you are now." Derek told her as he leaned over and kissed her. He could tell that she wasn't happy with him. Not at all. "Oh hell no!" Derek said quickly. "Seriously, Mer?" He asked with a raised brow.

"What?" Meredith asked quickly as she looked up at Derek. Derek had an expression of shock and maybe a touch of amusement. "What?" She repeated after getting no response.

"That!" Derek said loudly as he pointed at the cart. Meredith looked inside the cart with a furrowed brow. "That is what I am talking about!" He stated boldly.

That was what he was referring to. In that, he was meaning the cart full of junk food that she had stocked up on as they made their way down the aisle. She had a full cart like someone who had never had food in their life. She had a cart full of chips, cookies, candy bars and any other snack food one could imagine. Derek felt bad, but they couldn't take it all. They just couldn't afford it.

"This food?" Meredith asked as she looked at it. She didn't see anything wrong with it at all. They needed food. She didn't see what the difference was between what she had chosen and the food that Derek was throwing in. It all did the same thing, filled them up.

"That is not food! That is junk. That is sugar disguised as cookies. Those are chips, Mer. Grease in a bag. You are begging for aortic plaque. You can't eat that crap! We are poor. We need food that is good for us, along with being economical." Derek explained as he grabbed an abandoned cart and began fishing out all of her goods. "Forget this shit!" She spat as he finally decided that it was too much work and that what he had picked out would be easier to transfer into a new cart.

"What is the difference, Derek?" Meredith asked as she threw the things she chose in their new cart. As she threw it in, Derek threw it back out.

"The difference is we don't have three dollars for a bag of chips, Mer." Derek growled as he looked at her.

"But this, will fill us up as much as this!" She growled as she whipped the salad out. "And I would much rather have this!" She shouted as she threw her chips in their cart.

"And if it were your choice, you would be walking around in your damn red shoes and driving a Mercedes. If it were up to you, we would be living in an alley, because you would have spent all of our money already!" Derek growled as he looked at her.

"I hate you." Meredith growled as she threw her chips down and walked away.

Derek watched as she walked away. He didn't take it to heart. He knew that she was in a bad place. She had no idea how to act, not being herself. He knew that she did not hate him, not even close. She was just being her usual princess self. It was something that she was quickly getting used to. He was hoping that she would outgrow it, but at the same time, he wasn't expecting that to happen.

Derek shook his head as he watched her march out the door. She was going no where fast. He had the key and the doors were locked. Once she got out there, she was stuck. Derek was smarter than her. He knew what he was going to do. He took his time as he walked through the store. He would put everything that he chose back, and he would take what she wanted. They would live on the junk that she wanted, and they would see how far they got.

"Did you find everything you were looking for, Sir?" The checkout woman asked as she looked up at him.

"I guess so." Derek muttered as he watched all the junk that he couldn't stand, rolling down the checkout and through the scanner. It was ridiculous and he couldn't imagine how he was going to feel after eating it.

"Are you having a party?" She asked as she looked at the variety of all of the same type of food. Derek watched as the grand total came up. He shook his head. He was being foolish even going along with this.

"I wish. No, I am not having a party." Derek said with a sigh. "I wish I was having a party. No, this is a lesson. Don't ask. Just be glad you aren't in my shoes." Derek said as he nodded her head and accepted his change. He grabbed the many bags and walked out the doors.

Derek felt his stomach knot up as he looked at the car. Meredith was leaning there, against the car. It wasn't that she looked absolutely stunning. She always looked stunning. It wasn't that. It was the two guys that were right there talking to her. He wished he had bought meat. Frozen meat. The better to beat them with. He would have to beat them off, he was sure of it.

"Mer..." Derek coughed as he walked up. He was so jealous. He was jealous that a man was even looking at her.

"Oh! I guess we have to go! It was nice meeting you." Meredith said flirtatiously. The men smiled and winked as they turned to walk away. Derek shook his head and shoved everything in the trunk. He couldn't believe that they were so nervy to flirt with his woman. "So did you get everything you needed?" Meredith snapped as she climbed in the car and looked away from him.

"Oh, I got what we needed, Mer. Don't you worry." Derek said with a laugh. It would be fun to se just how much she liked junk food day in and day out. This was her lesson.


	115. Lesson Learned

Meredith sat back on their sofa. She didn't like the sofa. It was too hard. There wasn't enough cushion to it. She didn't mind the way it looked. It looked so much better than it felt. She always sighed as she sat on it. If Derek was there, she would cuddle against him and forget about the fact that she could actually feel wood. She never knew that a sofa had wood in it until she fell back on that one and nearly broke her hip.

She knew what Derek was up to. She wasn't sure whether she should go along with it, or fight him. She decided to not say anything for the moment. She felt ill. Literally ill. All of the pop, chips and candy she had been consuming was sitting in her abdomen like a rock. She would never admit to Derek that he was right. She had such a taste for meat at the moment, she could barely take it. She would even consider eating it raw if need be. She needed protein before she died.

"Do you want some chips?" Derek asked as he pulled away. He purposely let her fall back hard. He wasn't being mean, but at the same time, he was. He was angry with her because she wasn't caving and he was dying. He needed steak. Or chicken. Even the nasty food that he hated in France. He would gladly take some of that.

Meredith looked up at Derek. The truth was, she was starving. She was so hungry that she could swear she was minutes away from her back hurting. Yes, it was going to hurt because her belly button was surely rubbing against her spine. She could eat some chips, but that thought made her sick. She knew that her spit felt greasy from all of the oil. She regretted it. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid.

"No, no chips." Meredith said as she looked at the TV. The thought of ships made her want to blow up. It was as if the chips had grown legs and were now ready to fight her. She was ready to fight the greasy little potatoes.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" Derek asked as he sat down and leaned back. he would never tell her that when he was out working on his internship paperwork, he had grabbed a chicken breast sandwich, grilled of course, and a garden salad. Maybe it was cruel, but he had to. And at the time, she hadn't been close to cracking.

"No! Okay? NO! I hate chips. I hate chips and candy. I need meat, Derek! Meat. I would do anything for meat. Or salad. Yum, lettuce. Right now, I would eat lettuce plain. Or a tomato. I love tomatoes. And cheese. Real cheese. Not that cheeto cheese. I am talking provolone. Aged swiss. Smoky cheddar. Cheese. And steak. Bloody red steak and lobster. I would kill for those things, Derek!" She cried as she laid back against her hard sofa and placed her hand on her stomach.

"So... Would this be Meredith Grey saying I am right?" Derek asked smartly as he tossed the chip bag aside.

"I hate you! I hate you, Derek Han- Shepherd! Derek Shepherd, you are a jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!" She cried out as she shook her head and rolled her eyes. She folded her hands across her chest and stuck out her lower lip in true Meredith Grey fashion.

"You love me, Meredith Shepherd. You love me so much you can hardly take it!" Derek told her with a smile as he pulled her over to him. Meredith melted against his body. She felt perfect there, even if she did feel the overwhelming urge to smash him into pieces.

"Okay. It may be true. But Derek, the next time you decide to teach me a lesson..." She started with a sigh. "Just... Don't. Please don't. I would rather you just be right and neither of us suffer." She told him with a frown.

"So, are you hungry? How about some pizza. It's junk food, but we wouldn't have to leave the house." Derek pointed out with a shrug. He had been out most of the day, and didn't really feel like heading out to a nice restaurant. Not to mention, pizza was much easier on their strapped bank account.

"Pizza... Hmm. Okay. Pizza is good. But I want meat pizza. All the meat they have. Plus extra cheese. And vegetables. Everything they have. And salad. I need a greek salad with extra feta cheese. Can we get that, Derek? Can we please?" Meredith begged as she looked up at him with her soft doe eyes.

"Of course we can, darling. Of course." Derek told her as he climbed up from the sofa and walked to the kitchen, getting the number for the nearest pizza place. Meredith sat on the sofa with a self-satisfied smile on her face.

"I just don't know how you did it, Derek! I don't know how you, the heath nut made it all that time without cracking." Meredith mused as she looked up at him. It only took her a second to realize that he hadn't. She could always tell when he was lying by the tiny smile that formed on his face. "You didn't! You ass! What did you have?" Meredith spat as she looked over at him with a clenched jaw.

"Chicken sandwich. And... A salad." Derek said with a wince. He knew it was coming, and it did. He felt the throw pillow hit him in the side of the face. He deserved it.

"You deserved that, you jerk!" Meredith spat as she glared at him. "I can't believe you had real food. That is so unfair. I have been sick, I mean literally sick. I have been eating crap, and you are out eating meat. I can't believe you have done this to me." Meredith said as she shook her head.

"Well... I hate to say it." Derek told her with a shrug as he looked at her and started to laugh. "But I did tell you so." He added as he shook his head at her.

"You did." Meredith pouted as she laid back and wiggled her nose. "You were right, Derek. I will remember that. Don't worry. It's on my list. Derek is right. Right about everything."

"A touch condescending?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. He knew Meredith very well, and she was really irritated at him. The difference was in the Grey mansion, she could scream at him and run off. Here, she was stuck no matter what. Here, they were equal in the power that they held.

"A touch." Meredith agreed as she laid her head back. "I think I need a hobby. This apartment is small, and I get bored." She told him in a huff. She felt that this was surely the closest thing to prison.

"You will need no hobby once you start school, Mer. You won't even have time to think." Derek explained. He knew she was in for a wake up call. College was hard, med school was a whole different ball game. She wouldn't even have time to think. And then when he started his internship, it would be even harder.

"I was fine in college. I did my work, and I... Chilled." She said with a giggle. "I'm not a genius, but not an idiot. I can handle things. I mean, I'm sure it is hard and all, but I don't think I won't have time to breathe." Meredith said with a laugh.

Derek shook his head. If that was her line of thinking, she would make it nowhere fast. There was not a question in his mind that everything she did at Parma was her. But if she had mad a mistake, he was sure that Thatcher Grey would pull her out. It wasn't like that anymore. She had to pay for her own things. She had to work for what she wanted. She was in for a rude awakening. All he could do was sit back and watch it come.

"Yeah. Maybe you are right, Mer." Derek said with a shrug as he heard a knock at the door. He quickly jumped up and rushed over, knowing it was there pizza. He was looking forward to eating it, even if it was considered a snack or junk food. Anything but chips and candy. Derek smiled at the man and handed him a few bills, including his tip. Meredith had no idea how much they really had to conserve when it came to money.

"Mmm... Pizza!" Meredith said happily. She had never had American pizza. She quickly grabbed the box from Derek's hands and placed it on the countertop. Her eyes got wide as she looked down. "This isn't- But I don't care. It looks yummy!" Meredith said in shock as she ripped a slice out of the box. She took a huge bite and yelped loudly. "Ahh! It's hot." She said as she tossed it back in the box and ran for water.

"Yes, pizza or any food for that matter, is generally hot when it is delivered." Derek told her as he shoved her piece of pizza to the side and away from the others. "And you really should use a plate." He said frankly as he tossed it on a paper plate and shoved it over. Meredith furrowed her brow and grabbed it.

"Thanks." She said sharply as she grabbed the plate and threw salad on it. She didn't look at Derek. For some reason, she felt a huge amount of tension between them. She grabbed her salad and walked away.

"So... Are you ready for Dartmouth?" Derek asked as he sat down next to her.

Meredith sighed. She was ready, but the truth was, she was sad. She liked being at the top if the game. She liked being the one that everyone looked at and admired. Walking into Dartmouth on Monday as Meredith Shepherd was like walking in as a nobody. She missed her fame. She couldn't admit it to Derek, but she missed being the sexy Meredith Grey that had an entourage a mile long.

"I am." Meredith said with a shrug. "Everyone seems nice there. It seems like a nice school."

"It is a great school, Mer. Of the ones that Mark chose, I thought that one would be best. I just want you to have every opportunity to be successful. I think that you will do well there. And hopefully, I will get my internship." Derek said with sigh.

"When are you going there?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him. She hated being alone more than anything. At least at the mansion, she had constant companionship if she wanted it. At the apartment, all she could do was stare at the wall or watch TV.

"Tomorrow. I think I will drop you off at Par- I mean Dartmouth, and then I will head over. I will pick you up when your classes are over." Derek explained as he took a bite of the meaty goodness and chewed slowly.

"So you aren't coming with me?" Meredith asked in shock. It never hit her that Derek wouldn't be joining her in the classroom anymore. She was so used to having him by her side.

"I'm not your guard anymore, Mer. I mean, I am always your guard... But it's time for you to start doing things on your own." Derek explained. He knew that she was going to have to get more independent if she was going to make it.

"I understand." Meredith said in a near whisper. She felt a knot in her stomach. She was afraid. She was terrified. All of the confidence she once had was long gone.

--

Meredith sat on the sofa and watched TV. It was the last night before things really started to change for them. She knew things were going to change, and yet she wasn't ready. She pretended she was, but she wasn't even close to being ready. It had been enough to change her looks and her accent. Now she would have to hold up a lie in front of a group of people that she would be spending time with everyday. She was nervous that she wouldn't be able to hold it together.

Derek looked at Meredith out of the corner of his eye. She was deep in thought. He hated when she was like that. He knew that the thoughts that flowed in and out were not like his. His were thoughts for the future. Surely, hers were full of worries and stress. Meredith didn't know how to let things go, not that he could judge. He only pretended to let things go.

Derek knew that if Meredith was having thoughts and worries, that would only make her day tomorrow harder. He drew in a breath. They needed so many things. Meredith had always been active. They were either in school, or on vacation. The spent weeks in Europe. The went jogging. Meredith had been a huge clubber. Now she was stuck in an apartment to do only one thing. To think.

Derek leaned over towards her. He needed her, and he was sure that she needed him just as badly. Derek gently moved her hair out of the way as he ran his tongue against the soft flesh of her neck. She tasted sweet. It was a taste that he wouldn't forget for the rest of his life. It was something that consumed him. She was the vine that wrapped him, not the other way around.

Derek slid his hand over her thigh, slowly creeping between. He needed to feel her need. He let his hand move to the place where it always instinctively went. He felt the warm moist heat, right through her jeans. He was sure that her pussy was wet and ready for him. He had the ability to make her warm and wet from just a simple touch. He wondered if it had always been like that. He wondered if she got wet from a touch in the beginning. He wondered if she would sit there in front of her father and drip cum because he had been near.

"I want you, Mer. From the feel of things... You do too." Derek moaned as he sucked on her flesh, pulling it into his mouth.

"Oh god, Der." Meredith moaned as he pulled her far thigh and lifted and slid her onto his lap. It only took her a second to realize that his hard cock was pressing against his zipper. Apparently his need was just as strong as hers. She was sure the blood flowing in his cock was strong enough to split that zipper and enter her. "I need you inside me." She groaned as she rolled her eyes back.

Derek lifted his hips, teasing her with his hard cock. She was extra sensitive and he knew it. All he had to do was place pressure on her clit, and he could send her almost over the edge. There had participated in grinding sessions that were more than lucrative. Meredith let out a moan as the feeling taking over her nerves. Derek grabbed the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head, tossing it aside. She smiled when he realized she was not wearing a bra and her perky breasts were staring straight at him.

"Oh yeah, baby." Derek grunted as he shoved his face deep in her cleavage and took a soft bite of her flesh. Meredith sucked in a breath, forcing her chest into his face. She could feel his tongue sliding between, tasting her so gently. Meredith gently rocked her hips, causing him to rise even more. Derek placed his hands on her sides and gripped tightly. "You are so perky. Young and perky..." Derek told her as he rubbed his five o'clock shadow against her hard nipple.

"Do me, Derek. Please, just do me..." Meredith moaned as she grabbed her own button and undid it, and then she played with the zipper and sliding it down. Derek smiled as she watched her pull away from him and stand on front of him.

"Strip for me..." Derek muttered as his eyes darkened and he watched her through hooded lids.

Meredith let a tiny smile form on her lips as she stood before him so sultry. She placed her hands on the waist of her jeans. Derek licked his lips as she slid them down slightly, showing the strings of her tiny g-string. She giggled softly and pulled them back up. She watched as Derek's face turned to disappointment. She smiled again as she slowly slid them down and let them fall around her ankles. Meredith lifted her leg high in the air and sat it on Derek's shoulder.

"Is this what you want, big boy?" She asked with a smile as she slid her leg closer, making sure her her pussy was in the perfect range.

"Don't tease, Mer..." Derek said as her pussy laid before him, a wet spot in the middle of the innocent paisley pattern. He slid his finger along her thigh, and then underneath her panties, feeling the heat of her slick folds. "You tease me... I tease you." He said as he fingered her clit and then pulled away.

"Oh god... Fuck me!" Meredith shouted as she pulled her leg down and ripped her panties off, just as he removed his own clothing.

"There we go." Derek said as she climbed aboard his lap, spreading wide. Meredith felt him ramming his cock into her clit, sending her over the edge. She was so sensitive and needy, it wasn't going to take long. "Oh yeah..." Derek moaned as he felt the head of his cock at her entrance. He quickly slide inside her tight space and let out a groan. "Oh god yeah... This is- Oh yes..." He moaned as he looked into her eyes. Meredith smiled softly.

"I'm good... I'm good. Oh god, I am so fucking good!" Meredith nodded as she she looked at him. He had his hands on her hips, driving in and out as she ground on him hard. Meredith grabbed his shoulder with two hands. "Oh god... Deeper." Meredith moaned as she felt his running in and out. Meredith tilted her hips, rocking backward, feeling him hit her g-spot hard. "Oh god!" She cried out as she felt it. "Oh yeah...Oh yeah!" Meredith panted as she felt her core tighten around him. She felt his hard member pulsating deep within.

"Oh god yeah! Fuck!" Derek grunted as he pounded her as hard as he could, coming to a screeching halt as he filled her with his hot cum. "Oh god..." Derek sighed as he looked up in her eyes.

"Yeah." Meredith muttered as she sat there with her eyes closed. That helped. It definitely helped.


	116. Thorn

Meredith stood in front of the mirror. Derek had helped her dye her hair the night before. As she looked at her darker locks, she frowned. She actually hated it. It wasn't her. It made her feel uncomfortable like she was in someone else's shoes. She felt like she had been dumped out and left to be alone. Derek was there, but it just didn't feel right. Nothing felt right to her anymore.

"Mer... Are you ready?" Derek yelled from the living room. She had been standing there for a long time. As she looked over at the clock, she was shocked at the amount of time it had been.

"Yeah." Meredith said in a monotone voice. She wasn't ready. It was more like she was terrified. She had never been sent off on her own, and she couldn't imagine doing it. "I'm coming." She moaned as she spritzed on some cologne and walked out.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he watched her walk out. She was in her tennis shoes and jeans. He had warned her that she needed to stay casual. Everyone may be on high alert at the beginning. Eventually she would be able to phase somewhat into her old self.

"I am." Meredith lied as she grabbed her books and shoved them in her bag. Her nylon backpack was nothing like the leather messenger bag that she had carried around Parma. She sighed as she lifted it and threw it over her shoulder.

"You're not happy, are you?" Derek asked as he looked up at her. Meredith put on her best fake smile and looked into his eyes.

"I'm happy." Meredith said as she grabbed her purse and followed him to the door. The truth was, she wasn't even close to happy. She was actually really sad. She would never tell Derek because she didn't want him to feel worse than he already did. "I can't wait to go to school." She added as she began her descend down the narrow stairs. When she got halfway down, she noticed someone coming in.

"Hi." The man said quietly as he walked up and passed her. It was if he had to say it. Meredith turned and watched as he went along on his way and never stopped walking. Derek smiled as he jogged down the stairs and out the door.

"People in America are not nice." Meredith said frankly as she walked towards their car. Derek looked at her and frowned. She had been out two or three times and she had already formed a solid opinion.

"That is not true." Derek said as he looked over. "You can't base your thoughts on one man that walked by." He warned as he opened her door. Meredith frowned as she sat in the car and stared straight forward.

The ride to the university was silent. Meredith was resentful of everything that was going on in her life. Derek knew that she was extremely unhappy with life at the moment. He had come to expect it. He knew that what they went through was a major life change and that they chance of it going smoothly was very slim. Derek pulled up to the building she was to go in and stopped.

"I will pick you up right here at three o'clock, okay?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. Meredith sat there in her seat, spinning her ring and nodding her head. She was moments away from complete panic and Derek had no idea.

"Okay." Meredith moaned as she opened the door and climbed out. She felt her adrenaline begin to pump through her veins. Her heart was beating so quickly she couldn't take it.

"Mer?" Derek said loudly as he watched the door begin to close. He watched as it slammed and she walked away. "I guess that means no kiss..." He muttered as he watched her walk away from the car. His heart broke as she disappeared into the building. He knew she was upset.

Meredith breathed quickly as she walked through the door. She felt like she was going to pass out. Everything seemed to be swirling around as she panted. She had no idea where she was supposed to go. She looked around, trying to focus on the letters in the walls. She needed to get there. She had to get there. She looked at the paper and then around. She had no idea. No idea.

"Do you need help?" A tall blonde asked as she walked up, seeing that Meredith was in a panic. Meredith stood there with the paper in her hand, just staring. "It's right down that hall, first room on the left." She said with a smile as she pointed.

Meredith smiled and nodded, unable to get words out of her mouth. It was impossible. She stood there in silence until the girl walked away. Meredith was finally able to force herself to take a step. Meredith walked slowly, seeing that the girl was right, and the room was there. She opened the door and looked in at the room, stuffed with people. A few looked up at her as she walked, looking for a spot in the back. She was able to get one off somewhat by herself.

"You can do this..." Meredith told herself as she sat down. She looked around at the room. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing. They knew where they were going. She was so confused. Meredith finally let the floodgates open. She couldn't hold it together. She began to cry silently as she sat there all alone in the world. "Who are you kidding? You can't do this."

Meredith felt the sweat start to bead on her head. Breathing was becoming harder and harder for her. She stared forward, gasping silently. Her hands and body were tense as she looked around the room, wondering why no one else was freaking out like she was. She watched as papers were passed around for the students to fill out. The girl next to her handed her the stack to pass on and she just held them, looking down.

"Yeah, the rest of the class would like to stare at them too." The boy next to her said. Meredith jumped when she felt his hand on her arm. She quickly ripped one away and tossed them to them, watching as the flew all over the place. "What the fuck was that?" The boy snapped as he glared at her.

"I'm so sorry!" Meredith cried out as she dropped to the floor and helped him pick them up. She was barely breathing, and then gasping when she would remember to take a breath.

"Are you okay?" The man asked as he looked at her. It was obvious that she was in distress. She had been to school before, but this was different and she was so alone.

"Uh huh." Meredith agreed as she shook her head quickly. She was so far from okay, but she couldn't say anything. Her biggest fear was that everyone would know who she was and where she was from. "I'm fine." She added in her best american accent.

"Okay." He said with wide eyes, knowing it wasn't true. He could tell that she wasn't going to open up to him.

Meredith stared at the paper. All it wanted was basic information. Basic information, and she was unsure what to put on it. She looked at it and finally grabbed a pen from her nylon backpack. As she began writing, she realized that she had written Meredith Grey as her name. What's worse, she had put her address from Italy on the paper. Meredith felt the tears welling up as she realized she had outed herself. Now she had to figure out how she would fix it. She felt so scared as she stared at the paper, wondering of she should scratch it out. As she looked around, watching everyone filing out their forms, she had no idea what to do.

"Is everything alright?" The boy next to her asked as he looked at her half filled out sheet and the blank look on her face.

"Yes, I just put my former address." Meredith said swiftly as she looked at it. She watched as he bent down, finding one of the dropped sheets on the floor. Meredith put her hand out and accepted it graciously. "Thank you." She said with a sigh of relief.

"Not a problem." He answered as he continued on. Meredith inconspicuously looked at the card in her bag with her name and address on it. They had recently gotten a phone but had yet to get the internet or a computer.

Meredith was grateful that she was able to get another sheet. As she sat there, sure that everything on the paper was correct, her confidence began to grow. She was feeling a little less overwhelmed and a bit more like she was on top of her game. Meredith listened as the instructor spat out what the class would be about and what needed to be done. She wrote everything down in her notebook with confidence. By the end of the class, she was feeling quite well.

"You seem better than you did in the beginning." The boy said with a smile as he looked at her. Meredith smiled faintly as she looked him in the eyes.

"I am. I was just nervous." She admitted as she stood up, unsure of where she was to go next. "I'm Meredith, by the way."

"Andre." He said as he stuck out his hand. Meredith shook it happily as she grabbed out her schedule. "Where do you go next?" He asked as he looked at her paper. "Oh yeah... That is on my way. I can walk you there if you'd like?" He asked as he put his hand on the small of her back and led her out.

"Thank you." Meredith told him as she walked down the aisle way and towards the door. "This is just so new to me."

"Yes, it is like that whenever you transfer." He told her as they walked down the hallway. She felt so at ease with someone on her side. At first, she was sure he was the most rotten person in the world. Now she was feeling like he could actually be a friend. "Well, here is your class." He told her as he pointed at the door. "I suppose I will see you on Wednesday."

"Yes." Meredith said with a bright smile as she looked him in his brown eyes and then at the floor. "Thank you so much."

"Like I said, not a problem. You have a good day, Meredith." He told her as he touched her arm and then walked away.

Meredith smiled as she walked into the room and looked around. Somehow she wasn't so intimidated. She looked around the room at the faces. Some were the same ones that were in the other class. She looked to the right and saw the smiling face of the blonde that had helped her earlier in the day. The blonde happily waved her over.

"Sit with me!" She said as she patted the seat. Meredith sighed. Someone was actually being kind and wanted her around. "I'm Izzie."

"Meredith." She replied as she looked over at her. "Thanks for... Letting me sit here."

"Don't thank me. You just look like a friendly face." Izzie replied as she looked around. "I hear this professor is nasty. Really nasty." She told Meredith with a sigh.

"Oh joy." Meredith replied. It didn't matter. She felt like she had a friend. She felt confident. Now she could handle it. She really could.

--

Meredith was feeling much better after her classes. Things didn't feel perfect, but they felt better than okay. She felt like she could breathe. There were little things that she didn't like. There were things that she wasn't used to. Ways that people were acting and their little quirks. She felt uneasy, but yet, she still felt okay. At least in Italy she had an identity. Here she was no one and she had no idea how to act.

"So..." Izzie said as she sat down next to Meredith, who was waiting for a ride from Derek. She felt like she had been waiting forever, when in reality he was only two minutes late.

"Oh, hey." Meredith said with a smile as she looked over at Izzie. Meredith noticed right away that Izzie was simple. It didn't take much to make her happy. She was the complete opposite of Meredith. "I'm just waiting on my ride."

"Oh, I see." Izzie said with a smile as she let out a sigh and leaned back far. Something shiny quickly caught her eye. "I'm so tired... Oh my god! Look at that ring! I didn't notice that before!" She said as she grabbed Meredith's hand. "I had no idea... you're married?" She asked in shock.

"I am." Meredith said with a nod. She was, but it didn't feel like it. In fact, she felt like she had been cheated. She never got the grand wedding that she dreamed of through out her whole childhood. She was sure that her father would marry her off to one of his rich clients or business associates. Even if that was the way it would play out, she knew it would be a wedding to remember. Now she had nothing. She had rings, and that was it. She never got her fantasy.

"It's a gorgeous ring. So how long have you been married?" Izzie asked as she looked at her and then back at the ring.

"Just over a year." Meredith said, barely remembering her lie. She did not know the date, and she was praying she wasn't asked. "He is great. Derek is- He's great." Meredith said happily. Her smile only grew as she saw Derek pull up. "And here he is. I have to go. Thanks, Izzie. Thanks a lot." Meredith told her as she jumped up and ran to the car, opening the door and climbing in.

"Hey." Derek said as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Meredith smiled faintly at the feeling of his soft lips on her warm face. "How was it?"

"It was okay. It wasn't great, but it was okay." Meredith replied as he drop out of the lot. "How was your day?"

"That's all I get? It wasn't great, just okay? I was expecting a huge story. I got nothing!" Derek said as he feigned disgust. "I guess the fact that you survived was good enough, huh?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"It was okay. I mean, I don't know anyone. I guess it will get better. It was okay, Derek. just take my word for it. How was your day? What happened at St. Anne's?" She asked as she placed her hand over his. Derek loved it when she made efforts towards the little insignificant gestures that were so significant.

"It was good. I got all of the paperwork done in human resources." Derek told her as he drove along. "It's a really nice hospital, Mer. It can be really hard to get into. I was really lucky." He explained with a smile.

"You are brilliant, Derek. Of course you would get in." She explained as she looked around the unfamiliar area. She took Derek's lead when it came to being anywhere outside the apartment. She was always uncomfortable in public anymore. "You will be this amazing surgeon that no one will ever forget."

"Mer... You will make it." Derek said as he pulled up in front of the restaurant. "I can see it in your eyes. Right now, you think it would be easier to just give up. It's not." Meredith looked at him in shock. She had no idea how he knew it, even if lately it had been true.

"I won't give up, Derek. Even when I want to, I won't. I know I have you to make me move forward." She admitted as she looked up at the small diner. She had never seen anything so casual in her life. "Why are we here?" She asked as she started to open her door. She was hungry, but she wasn't sure she wanted to eat in a hole in the wall.

"We are meeting Mark for lunch. He's going to be doing his internship at General." Derek explained. Meredith couldn't help but smile. Mark Sloan was an ass and she was glad he didn't make the cut.

"Oh." Meredith said simply as she proceeded to climb out of their car. Derek grabbed her hand as they walked towards the door and walked in. It wasn't much to look at, but the burgers were supposed to be out of this world. "This is... Nice."

"There he is." Derek said as he walked them to the table. "Hey. I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right out, Mer." He told her as he motioned for her to sit at the counter. Meredith lifted herself up in the stool and swallowed hard.

"So how have you been?" Meredith asked nervously as she looked over at Mark. Something about him made her uneasy. She drew in a breath, waiting for his answer.

"I'm good. And you- You're good. All I have to do is look at you to see that. My god, Meredith. You are so much more beautiful in person. Amazing... I think you know it, don't you?" He asked as he brushed her leg. Meredith clenched her jaw. Mark Sloan was nothing but trouble. He was going to be around for far too long. Forever a thorn in her side.


	117. First Day

Derek had noticed Meredith didn't sleep well, but he didn't say a word. He didn't want to make things worse, and he knew that sometimes that was exactly what happened. She would toss and turn, sleeping for short spurts at a time. When she did finally fall asleep, Derek was then awake. He knew she had things on her mind, and he had things on his mind too.

"You looked tired, Mer." Derek said as he watched her walk into the kitchen. The truth was, he was probably more tired than she was. He was used to her complaining and she now made up enough for both of them.

"I am." Meredith groaned as she sat down at the table and laid her head on her arms. She could probably sleep better now that she had the whole night long. "I am so tired."

"You barely slept last night. Is everything okay?" Derek asked as he sat a plate of scrambled eggs and toast down in front of her. Meredith grumbled loudly as she lifted her head and looked at the food. She was too tired to eat, but she knew that Derek had made the effort.

"Yeah, everything is fine. It's just the bed or something." She muttered as she grabbed the fork off of the table.

Derek stared at Meredith. He knew she wasn't happy. He was hoping that he could hold out until she was. He knew there would be a day when they would have the things that they wanted. He would get them financially secure. Maybe it wouldn't be a fraction of what she had, but at least they would be able to be comfortable. That was all he wanted. He loved her so much, he just wanted her to be happy.

Meredith didn't want to tell Derek what was wrong. There was so much wrong, and she knew his patience was growing thin from her complaining. She couldn't tell him that Mark made her so uncomfortable that she couldn't stand to be around him. She didn't want to whine about the fact that the light from the street came right into the window and into her eyes. Or that they sheets were still rough and the bed felt lumpy. She didn't want to tell him that she hated the apartment and she considered it total and utter hell.

"What's wrong with the bed?" Derek asked with a frown as he sat her coffee down in front of her. She wasn't even making her own coffee anymore. It was like she let him do everything and had just slid away.

"Nothing. It's fine." Meredith said as she lifted the coffee to her nose and drew in a deep breath. She took a long sip and closed her eyes. "I don't have class today." She remembered as she looked at the clock. She wished she did. The apartment got more than boring.

"You know that my first shift is twenty-four hours. I will pick you up and take you tomorrow." Derek explained as he sat across from her and took a bite of his eggs. He wasn't liking that he was going to have to leave her, but that was part of his internship. It was something he had to do. If he was ever going to be anything, he had to take these steps.

"Oh... A day. A whole day and night." Meredith said as she realized that he would be leaving for work and not coming back. She was going to be all alone and it made her completely sick. She couldn't admit it to him, but she had no idea what she was going to do.

"The first day is the worst. Right now, I have to prove I can hack it. This is not some pleasure cruise. They try to make it hell for us." He told her with a frown. "I don't know how I'll ever make it." He admitted. The truth was, he was already exhausted, and he hadn't even gotten there yet. The thought of trying to learn and pay attention was way too much.

"You can do it, Derek. Do you know why you can?" Meredith asked as she looked at him. She had to smile at his casual attire. He was wearing the jeans that hung perfectly on him. She knew the other girls at the hospital would be looking.

"Why can I?" Derek asked with a sigh. He was praying she would offer something inspirational. He was so worried about leaving her. he was almost worried enough to scrap it and stay home with her.

"Because this is your destiny. Since the first time I met you, you weren't Derek the bodyguard. No, you may have been my guard. You may have been Derek, the hot guy. Or Derek the pain in the ass. But really, you were always the doctor. I knew you would be a brain surgeon. Even if you weren't there yet, I knew you would get there. I have faith in you, Derek. you will do this. You will do it well." She said with a smile as she looked across the table at him.

"Thank you, Mer." Derek said as he drew in a breath. His eyes glanced up to the clock and got wide. He had to leave. "Shit! I have to go. Are you good? Are we good?" He asked in a panic.

"We are great. Have a great day, okay?" Meredith asked with a smile. She didn't feel like she was good, but she had to be. Derek leaned down and kissed her. "I love you."

I love you too, honey. You have a good day too, okay?" Derek asked as he grabbed his bag. "I'll be thinking about you." He said as he rushed to the door and walked out. Meredith looked down at her eggs. All alone.

--

Derek was supposed to be happy. The first day of his internship was supposed to be full of anticipation and feelings of accomplishment. Instead he was full of worry and guilt. He felt horrible that she had to sit at home while he was at the hospital. He knew she was already having a hard enough time adjusting. Now all he would be able to so was wonder what she was going to do when he was away. He worried about what kind of trap she may fall in when she was sad.

Derek pulled up to his new workplace. He was so concerned about everything. He had a solid foundation of his past. He knew just what he was supposed to say and when. Somehow, he was still concerned that mistakes would be made and people would figure out that his whole past was filled with a pack of lies and nothing more.

Derek walked into the entrance of the hospital. He was already told what floor he was to be on and where. That didn't keep his eyes from scanning everything nervously. He was so unsure of himself. A man that was always so sure f everything he said and did was now worried. What if someone attended the same medical school that he supposedly did. These things were on his mind like nothing else.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your lives." He heard the chief of surgery say as he approached the group. He was late. As he looked down at his watch, he quickly realized it. He silently scolded himself. He should have left the apartment much earlier.

"Are you Shepherd?" The chief asked as he noticed the man come from the back of the group. Derek swallowed hard and looked up at him.

"Yes." Derek said almost silently. "I'm sorry I was late the-" Derek started making excuses as he looked at the man in fear.

"Don't make excuses! I will never tolerate excuses!" The chief said loudly. Everyone looked up in shock, at the man's firm demeanor.

"Yes, sir." Derek replied with a hearty nod. Derek sulked back to the back of the group and remained silent. He was already sure he was low on the list of favorites.

"He is rough." One of Derek's fellow interns said with a frown. Derek nodded his head in agreement. He could tell that he would never be able to step out of line in this hospital.

Derek followed the other interns through all of the regular protocol. There was so much to remember. There were so many procedures that he knew so well, and yet if he was asked in that moment, he would fail miserably. Derek made a mental note of where the laboratory and the on-call rooms were. He couldn't forget anything for fear that he would have someone breathing down his neck.

"So who is your resident?" One of the interns asked as they walked into the locker room to change for their shift.

"Garza." Derek said quickly. He looked around at some of the somber faces around him. It was obvious that they knew something he did not.

"Oh man. At least we will suffer together. "I'm Davis, and I think you're Shepherd, right?" He asked quickly. Derek nodded his head yes.

"What's so bad about Garza?" Derek asked with a frown as he looked around at all of the others that knew. They just knew.

"He is horrible. I mean horrible. I heard last year, one of his interns literally pissed their pants in the OR. They were doing a splenectomy, and that was it. He made one wrong move. Garza screamed. He has this nasty scream. So anyway, Garza screamed and that was it. He has this deep scream that will literally take the life out of you. So, he screamed and the intern emptied right there in front of everyone. Garza told him to get out, and he never came back. I guess he went into research or something." Davis said with a frown. "I mean, it's a pussy thing to do, but at the same time, I can see how it happened."

"Yeah. I guess so." Derek said with a sigh. Not only did he have to worry about Meredith being home alone, but now he had to worry about himself at work. Derek pulled on his scrubs and attempted to ignore the sick feeling that was forming quickly.

"Well, I say we all make a pact that we will do this. No matter what, we are going to make it through this hell." Davis said as he tossed his clothes in the locker and slammed it shut.

"I'm not going anywhere." Derek agreed with a nod. "I am in this for the long haul." He wasn't giving up. He had never been one to give up easily. If he had been, he never would have changed his identity and came to America with someone that he would get killed for stealing away.

"We are going to do this." Davis said with a nod and a smile.

"Shepherd, Davis, Little, James and Black. Get your asses out here and get to work!" They heard someone yell, they were sure it was Garza. Derek looked around at his fellow interns. He was in so much trouble.

Derek felt sick as he looked around. Rarely was he a nervous person, but his resident had him in fear. He thought for sure that the man would make his life hell. Derek was feeling overwhelmed. Tiny thoughts were creeping in. Maybe Italy would have been the better bet. Maybe a lifetime of secret meetings with Meredith would have been better than where they were at now.

"Don't bother trying to talk to me. I don't care to talk to you. You are here to work and learn. Keep your eyes open and your mouths shut. The only time I want to hear sound come from your mouth is if you are asking a question that means something. No stupid ass questions. You guys need to use your brains." Garza shouted as he looked his group over.

"Shepherd, you go to the pit. I already don't like you." Garza said as he pointed down the hallway. Derek looked at the group, seeing the shock on their faces.

"Yes, Sir." Derek told the man with a nod as he turned on his heel and walked away.

If Derek had learned anything from his father, it was that you don't give up. His father was one of the most moral, most respected men in the world. He always said if someone didn't like you, you just kept on being yourself. That was Derek's plan. He would continue to go on, doing everything that his resident expected of him, with a smile on his face. The man would either continue to hate him, or Derek would grow on him.

"Where do you need me?" Derek asked as he walked down to the pit and looked around. It was obvious that they were more than busy and he was definitely needed.

"Are you kidding me?" The nurse asked as she looked around. "Grab a curtain. We don't have time for stupidity around here." Derek nodded and frowned. It seemed that everyone in the hospital was sour.

"Okay." Derek agreed as he walked over to the curtain and grabbed the chart.. "Hello there... I'm Dr. Shepherd." Derek told the woman as he walked in. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"Are you stupid?" The woman shouted as she held up her arm. "Do you not see the huge shard of glass in my arm?" She growled and she pointed.

"I'm sorry. I'm new." Derek admitted. "But I will get this cleaned up right away." He said as he read her chart. "We will need to pull out the glass, debride the wound and stitch it up."

"Oh..." She trailed off as she looked down at it. "And you know how to do this?" She asked as she looked into his eyes.

"With all due respect, ma'am, I'm a surgical intern. Stitching up a wound is a minor procedure. You have nothing to worry about." He told her as he grabbed the supplies on the tray. "I know how to do this."

"You sound unsure." She pointed out as she held her arm on the tray for him. "I don't need some idiot doing this for me." Derek looked up at her. He knew there would be patients like this in his future, but he never thought his first one would be a pain in the neck.

"I went through medical school just like everyone else." Derek pointed out as he went to work. Derek decided that he wasn't going to play into her game. He was going to stay professional and do his job like he was there to do. He knew if he let every patient get him down, he would never make it as a surgeon. "Okay." Derek said as he put a bandage over the wound and stood up, snapping his gloves. "You are good to go." He told her as he signed her chart and walked away. Derek was quickly seeing why so many surgeons were jerks.

"Keep working. This isn't a pleasure cruise." A nurse told Derek as he stood there in a momentary pause. Derek looked at her with a furrowed brow. He had only taken a break. Didn't she know that surgeons reined supreme?

"I'm going." Derek said quickly as he walked towards another curtain. He looked in to see a teenager laying back on the table and a panicked mom at his side.

"My son is dying!" She shouted as Derek walked in and looked at her. "My son is dying and you rotten bastards leave him here to suffer. We have been here for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes! He is suffering."

"Calm down, Ma'am." Derek replied softly as he walked over to the boy. "Now what seems to be the problem here?" Derek asked softly as he looked over the chart in his hand. All signs pointed to appendicitis. He knew he needed to do a a physical exam and then get some blood work done.

"We already told triage. And the nurse. It's all written down, right there in front of you. Are you an idiot?" She growled loudly. Derek continued to looked over the boy and ignore his mother.

"Where is the pain?" Derek asked the boy. He could tell the patient was just as annoyed with his mother as Derek was. Derek rubbed the boy's abdomen, probing gently. He watched as his patient's flushed skin turned pale white, the blood draining from his face.

"Oh god!" The boy shouted as he got into the fetal position and began screaming. Derek looked at him, knowing that with his symptoms that it was most likely appendicitis and there was a possibility of rupture. "Make it stop!" The boy screamed loudly.

"Oh my god! You're hurting him! That's it! I will not tolerate this. You're going to gave a lawsuit on your hands!" She threatened. Derek sighed as he looked at the woman. He wondered if it would always be like this. Maybe he was not cut out.


	118. Fights

Derek had never felt more satisfied in his life. He was pulled into the emergency appendectomy. He had flown through like a champ. All of the other interns watched in awe from the gallery. Rarely did an intern get pulled into a surgery and actually be allowed to help with the procedure. Derek hadn't made one mistake. Even his resident was impressed, although he would never admit it.

"That was amazing!" Derek's fellow intern, Jake Davis said as he walked up. Derek nodded and smiled. He couldn't lie. He felt so accomplished it wasn't even funny. He felt like he was on top of the world, and no one could stop him.

"It was. You would never believe how it felt." Derek admitted as he walked down the hallway, letting out a huge yawn.

"Shepherd! Back to work." Garza, his resident barked as he saw Derek walking so confidently down the hallway. "There is no time for rest. The pit needs you." He shouted as he pointed in the direction.

"Man, he really doesn't like you." Jake Davis pointed out as he walked along. "I mean, I have been walking around doing nothing, and he hasn't said a word to me." He pointed out with a shrug. Derek took in a deep breath and shook his head. He wasn't really sure what he did wrong. If he knew one thing, it was that hospital politics were not something an intern needed to get involved with. Especially on his first day.

"Yeah, well... What can I do?" Derek said as he brushed it off and continued on his way, leaving Jake behind.

Derek made his way back down to the pit. He knew the only way he would be able to prove himself was if he worked harder than anyone else. He was exhausted, but he knew he had to maintain his workload and a good attitude. He wasn't going to fail over one jerk resident. It would do no good to whine and act out against Garza. He obviously did his job well, or he wouldn't be there.

Derek went through the workload with a smile on his face. He was learning quickly that he could charm the older ones with his good humor, and tease the younger girls with his smile. Normally he wouldn't do that, but it was all about keeping the patient calm and happy. Derek went through a myriad of cases, most of them mild, and many sutures. He would just smile, knowing that the sutures would benefit him when he was closing up in surgical operations. He would have the edge.

Finally, Garza was merciful enough to allow him some rest. Derek stumbled towards every on-call room on the floor, finding not one empty bed. In that moment, feeling like his body was dying, he couldn't help but feel a little hatred for his fellow interns, resting so peacefully. Derek shrugged it off, heading to the basement. As he looked at the gurney against the wall, he could swear there was an aura of white light around it. As he laid his head on the pillow, he didn't even get a chance to look at the wall before him. He was already out.

Meredith couldn't pull herself out of bed. She hadn't pulled herself since he left. She had no reason to. She had no reason to get up. There was nothing to do. There was nothing waiting for her. She had already done all of her work for her classes and Derek was not around to entertain her. She obviously couldn't just go out and do something when she didn't even know where anything was.

Meredith could smell Derek faintly on the sheets. They smelled good, but at the same time, she was beginning to smell the old sweat and dirt from their recent romps, and from her night sweats. Meredith was not sleeping well, thinking about the new world that she was in. She wasn't sleeping well as she laid and wondered about what was going on back in Italy. She thought it would be so much easier than this. She closed her eyes and let the silent tears fall.

i_Sofia was laying on the bed. She was so broken. There was no picking her up from the place she was in. She was too far gone. Meredith watched from a far in shock. She should tell her. She should scream it out. She should rush to her side and tell her it was all a lie. Meredith wasn't dead, she had been hiding. _

_"I need to tell her." Meredith whispered as she looked over at Derek. Derek's eyes got wide as he looked down at her. _

_"No!" He seethed as he looked down into her eyes. Meredith felt chills go through her body. He was so deep and sure of himself. He was cold as ice._

_"Derek, she is in pain." Meredith whined, not being able to take the pain that she she was seeing. She could feel her heart breaking as she looked at the woman, hunched over on her bed. "I have to..." Meredith said as she started to walk towards her._

_"No!" Derek growled as he ripped her arm back. Meredith drew in a gasping breath at the sharp pain she was now feeling in her arm. "You do that, and we will die." He told her loudly._

_"Meredith? Derek? What the hell?" Thatcher growled as he grabbed them both. Meredith knew, she was dead./i_

Meredith sat up gasping for air. It was true, if her father ever found out she were alive, both she and Derek would be dead. Meredith sat there, in a cold sweat, fearing so much. She wondered if it would ever happen. Would he ever find out?

--

Derek struggled to walk to his car. He hadn't known exhaustion until he worked in the hospital. It had been a twenty-four shift with a short twenty minute nap. When he had laid his head down on the pillow, he thought for sure he was going to get some rest. Imagine his surprise when his pager buzzed him awake. Of course he stumbled to attention and went right to work.

As Derek drove down the streets of New Hampshire, he almost wondered if he was a danger to the citizens, driving in suck a half sleep state. Derek felt his eyes drift off as he sat at the stoplight. Finally he jerked awake when he heard a loud beep from a car horn behind him. His foot immediately went to the gas and he was off again.

Derek looked at the stairs before him. They looked so daunting. He didn't want to lift his tired legs to take each creaky step. As he made it halfway, he checked his watch and looked in shock. She was going to be late. He quickly walked faster, taking hold of his reserve energy that he had been holding onto, something he didn't know he had.

"Mer. Mer, are you ready?" Derek said loudly as he opened the door and looked into the silent apartment. "Meredith!" Derek said again loudly as he threw his bag on the floor by their uncomfortable sofa.

Derek walked through the apartment. It was cold and dark. He could smell the scent of stagnant air. The windows had not been open in a long time, he could tell. Derek half expected to hear the shower running and was in shock when he rounded the corner of the tiny hallway and saw into their dark room. She was still asleep.

"Meredith!" Derek said loudly as he walked into their room and ripped the curtains open. "What are you doing?"

He looked down at her in shock. It was obvious that she had not left that bed since he had left. Her hair was a greasy mess, matted along her face. He could see the drool that had poured out of the corner of her mouth, and the bits of sleep in her eyes. She looked terrible. Her face was swollen. It didn't take long for him to realize that she had been crying, and she had been crying a lot.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she rolled over. She looked up at Derek. She could tell the night had been rough for him, just by the way he looked.

"You need to get up for class." He told her frankly as he looked at the clock on the wall. She was late, but she would still make it if she got moving right away.

"I'm not going." Meredith muttered as she pulled the blanket over her head and rolled away from him.

"The hell you aren't." Derek snapped as he ripped the blankets off of her and looked at her in shock. She hadn't gotten out of that bed. He was sure she hadn't even eaten. "You are going to class!" He said as he grabbed her arm gently. "Do you know what we have gone through to get here? Quit being ungrateful and get your butt up!" Derek spat as he helped her to her feet.

"You're an ass!" Meredith spat nastily as she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. Derek stood there in shock, although he shouldn't be because she always threw tantrums. Derek sighed as he walked over to the bed and collapsed. It was so tempting to just stay there and let her have her way. He knew someone had to hold the power, and it would have to be him.

"Damn, Mer." Derek said to himself as he took in a breath of the sheets. "Fuck." He said as he jumped up. He laughed as he stood up. Like he could expect her to pick up on any of the domestic duties. He quickly ripped the sheets off and tossed them aside. He looked up as Meredith walked out, completely naked. "Damn, Mer." He repeated, but this time to her face, referring to her nakedness.

"I was so mad, I forgot clothes." She groaned as she walked over to the dresser and pulled on a g-string and matching bra. She quickly slapped on jeans and a top. She ran her fingers through her hair and turned around. "Let's go." She groaned as she walked away from him. Derek raised his eyebrows and followed her, somewhat hurt that she didn't ask about his day.

"You will make it on time." He said as they walked out and down the stairs, climbing in the car.

"I need to get waxed. I am prickly." She told him as she sat in the silent car. Derek looked at her in shock. He wondered if she was serious.

"We don't have the money for that. I will go to the grocery store today. I need to do laundry today and get some food. I thought you would at least change the sheets, if not wash them." He complained as he glanced over.

"So you will take me to get waxed when my class is over? I probably don't need an appointment." She said, ignoring everything he had said prior to her previous statement.

"No, Mer. We don't have the money for it. I will buy you a razor at the grocery store." He told her with a nod. Meredith looked at him, completely flabbergasted.

"I'm not using a razor." Meredith said angrily as she shifted in her seat, turning away from him. "No way."

"That's fine. Once the hair gets so long, it's almost soft." He told her sarcastically. Meredith clenched her jaw as he pulled up to the building.

"You are an ass, Derek. An ass!" She shouted as she jumped out and slammed the door. Derek shook his head. She had to get better. She had to.

Meredith stomped into the building like her legs were jackhammers. She was attempting to rip up the concrete outside and the floor of the university into rumble. She should have been slightly nervous, but she was so upset, she couldn't even think about what she was doing. She walked down the wide hallway looking only forward. She didn't even notice the faces of the people that were watching her walk so angrily.

"You don't look good." Andre said as he walked up to her. Meredith quickly turned her attention to him and realized that she had been in an anger fueled zone.

"I'm fine." Meredith snapped quickly as she continued to walk. She soon realized that she had been rude to one of the few people that had been willing to reach out to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped." Meredith said with a sigh.

"It's okay. And I think it's safe to say, you are not fine." He told her as they walked towards the class that they were in together. "I'm here. I'm a good listener. That is, if you want to tell me." He told her with a nod.

"I don't want to talk about it." She grumbled. It only took a second for her to realize that maybe she did need to vent. She didn't have to tell him everything. "You know what? Maybe I do! Maybe I do need to vent." She told him as she took her seat in the lecture hall. She managed to get the exact seat that she had gotten earlier in the week.

"Vent away." He told her with a supportive smile. "Don't hold back, I'm sure I will be doing the same to you at some point."

"It's merda!" Meredith growled before she realized that she had just used an italian expletive. She drew in a breath and continued, hoping he wouldn't catch it. "I mean, I can't shave. Is it really that hard? I mean, I will cut my leg off. And it doesn't last! I hate it. There is no reason I can't go get waxed. And- You probably don't really care about any of this. I'll shut up now." Meredith said exasperatedly.

"No... No. I'm the ventee. One of the responsibilities of the ventee is to listen. No judgement. Just listening. Sometimes offering advice. Go on, venter. Go on with your bad self." He teased as he looked at her slightly curled dark hair.

"It's fine. And foolish. I guess. I guess it's foolish, although I have to admit it is really bothering me!" Meredith growled. "I just- It's the one thing I want, and he says we don't have money. It's just one thing." She said with a sigh.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I have no idea about your situation. If you don't have the money... You can't get blood from a turnip, you know? Maybe- Well, maybe you should get a job? Do you have a job?" He asked as he looked at her. He could tell by the look on her shocked face that she did not have a job.

"A job?" Meredith asked as if she had never heard the word in her life.

Meredith stared at him with perplexing look on her face. She had no idea what he was talking about. How would she ever manage to keep a job when she was in medical school. Besides, she had never had a job in her life. It was Derek's job to provide for her since she had no one else. All that money that they had taken should surely be around. There was no reason they couldn't afford even just a few splurges.

"Yeah, you know, maybe just a couple hours a day. Or even just a few days a week. I work nights cleaning this office building. It takes me a few hours, but it helps with the bills. You could maybe take a job as a waitress. Or at a coffee shop. Something. That way you would be contributing, and you would be able to do some things for yourself." He told her, almost knowing she had never heard it before.

"A job..." Meredith mused with a sigh. She was in interested in his job. Not even close. "I don't think so." She finally settled as she turned away and opened her book.

"Oh." Andre said in shock. He was actually offended that she threw his advice so quickly into the wind. She did not care what he said.

Meredith didn't say a word as the professor came in and looked around the class. Meredith's many years of being spoiled and pampered were showing up brightly. She thought that everyone should support her. Andre avoided looking at her, feeling a slight bit of animosity. It wasn't taking him long to realize that she was a privileged woman, who wasn't happy unless it was her way.

"Class was good." Meredith said casually as she stood up from her seat and looked over at Andre. She could see a slight bit of anger in his eyes, but she chose to ignore it, wondering why he was being the way he was.

"Yeah. Good." He told her as he tossed his bag in his book and went to walk past her.

"See you later?" Meredith asked as she watched him walk to the door. She was almost hurt that he didn't walk with her to her next class.

"Yeah, sure." He told her with a sigh as he opened the door and disappeared. Meredith stood where she was and looked around at the empty lecture hall. It didn't take her long to realize that she had made a mistake. She wasn't sure exactly what she had done wrong, but she knew it was something.

Meredith trudged down the hallway, thinking about what had happened. She still had a hard time noticing when she was in the wrong, especially when it was because of her spoiled behavior. To her, it was only natural to act that way. Meredith felt sad as she walked down the hall by herself. She was just hoping that Izzie would be there. A friendly face would be nice.


	119. Really Trying

Meredith sat at the kitchen table with books laying out before her. She was so deep in thought, she wouldn't hear or feel the building fall if a large bomb had been tossed into one of the apartments on a lower floor. Derek tried to feed her several times, all in which she waved him off and told him to let her be. He was able to get a bottle of water down her throat, but that was only because he almost placed it in her mouth for her.

"Mer." Derek said as he walked into the kitchen. Her hair was a mess, looking as frazzled as her face. He had offered to help her study time and time again, with no avail. She said she could handle it, not wanting his help. "Meredith Elizabeth..." Derek sang out as he bent down and placed his face next to hers.

"Busy." Meredith sang back as she flipped another page in the book and grumbled loudly.

"Look, you have been at this all day and-" Derek started. Derek was talking as quickly as he could, knowing that she would soon cut him off and begin spitting out something in return. He was right. Just as he began to continue, she started.

"And I will continue you. You don't become the best in your class from not studying. If that was the case, everyone would be a doctor, and the quacks would all have Harper Avery's." Meredith spat quickly as she shook her head, scoffing at his stupidity.

"Enough!" Derek shouted as he swept up his books and began tossing them into her bag. He looked up at the shocked look on her face.

"Wha- What?" She gasped as she tried to rip them back, even though Derek was already beginning to zip up the bag.

"Go get dressed. Something casual. We are going out. You need to let your brain rest, Mer. I mean, if you keep on at this pace, all you will do is burn out, believe me." Derek said with a nod.

Meredith looked at Derek. She knew he had been there and done that. Arguing with him about something like this was absolutely fruitless, seeing as he was always right. She knew that if she fought him, she wouldn't even be able to study if he returned everything back to it's place.

"Fine." She grumbled as she pushed her chair out from the table and stood up. "Where are we going?" She questioned as she stood there, arms folded against her chest in a defensive manner.

"To our friend's house." He explained as he walked into the bedroom, Meredith right on his tail.

"First of all, we don't have friends. Secondly, why?" She asked as she plopped down on the bed, her mind finally catching up with the inevitable stupor that came along with over studying.

"To answer your first question, we do have friends. And to answer the second, because we both need this." He told her as he pulled on a tee-shirt and a casual button up shirt. "Go get ready." He told her as he smacked her lightly on the butt. "You don't need to shower, but I know you will. Just make it quick, okay?"

"Shower. Oh yes... Shower. With that damn razor." She grumbled.

Derek couldn't help but laugh. He quickly collapsed on the bed, letting his hearty belly laugh fill the room. He thought about the first time that Meredith came home, only to find an expensive razor and the finest shaving cream sitting on the bathroom vanity. She had come out of the bathroom, gasping loudly in disgust. Derek had laid there and listened as she grumbled and yelled about severing her own leg off, only to have stubble because the shave wasn't close enough. Derek shook his head that night when he ran his hand down her ultra smooth leg. There was no difference.

"You do that, babe." Derek chuckled as he laid back on the bed and shook his head, making sure she heard the loud chuckles.

Derek laid in the bed, listening for something and heard nothing. He could only hope that she was finally getting the hang of the not so pampered lifestyle. He laid back pleasantly and though about all of the great things that he was sure was to come for them. He knew they would have a house and a family and everything they ever wanted, minus the unlimited funds she was used to.

"Let's go." Meredith sighed as she came out of the bathroom. Derek didn't know how long it had been, but it had been long enough for him to fall into a light sleep.

"Already?" Derek asked as he stood up and laughed at her. Meredith rolled her eyes and took one last look in the mirror.

"Yes. Already. So... Just where is it we are going?" Meredith asked with a raised brow as they walked to the door. Derek chuckled. He knew that Meredith was finally getting used to this lifestyle. He wasn't sure how she would react to a whole group of immature americans. They would see.

"I told you, we are going to a friend's house." He told her again as they drove down the street in the little car. "Jake is one of the other interns in the program." Derek pointed out as he continued on. The plan was to just hang out at Jake and his girlfriend's house with some of their friends.

"Oh." Meredith muttered. The truth was, she had been so deep in school and books, she couldn't name of of the interns that Derek worked with. She always nodded her head as if she was listening and didn't hear any of it. "That should be fun." She thought.

Meredith laid her head back against the headrest. Her soft hair laid against her neck, offering a soft pillow as she thought. Maybe Derek was right, a night out would be a good idea. She though about finally having it better. She could lean back on their friend's plush sofa and sip some wine. She hadn't had fine wine in a long time and she was shocked that she even wanted it.

"This will be good." She said softly as she glanced over at him sleepily. Finally all of the studying she had done in the last two months had caught up with her as she closed her eyes and attempted to rest.

"We're here." Derek told her as he pulled up in the road, in front of a house. Meredith looked up at the house. It was much larger than her apartment, but still very small in her standards. It was dark out, and she couldn't see the landscaping, but in her mind, it was absolutely perfect. "Are you ready?" He asked as he looked over at her. Meredith nodded happily as she sat there, waiting for him to open her door.

"I am." She nodded as she sat there and watched him step out and walk around the car, placing his hand on the door handle. "Thank you." Meredith replied as she placed her Prada shoe on the sidewalk and placed her hand in Derek's.

"You'll be fine. You have me." Derek whispered in her ear as she stood beside him. He looked at the beautiful glow of her skin in the moonlight. She hair was so soft and perfect as it bounced with her every step.

"I'm not scared." Meredith said as she marched up to the door with him. Meredith wasn't scared because she was expecting to be sitting on a sofa, swirling a glass of wine and talking about the finer things in life. Surely she had it worse than anyone in the city. Surely her home was the shabbiest in existence.

Derek knocked on the door and waited. He was getting to know Jake pretty well, but he also knew that Jake was struggling financially. The boy had grown up on the wrong side of the tracks and was attempting to become successful.

"Hey, man!" Jake said with a slap on the shoulder. "Welcome! And you must be... Meredith. I have heard a lot about you." He told her as he shook her hand. Meredith gasped when he pulled her into a hug.

That was when the horror started for her. She looked around the house. It was much larger than her apartment, she was right about that. It had that going for it, however it was not plush. Meredith looked around in shock at the dark orange carpeting. She felt her stomach roll as she looked at the sofa, which had a tear in it. None of the furniture matched. Nothing fit. It all looked dated and dirty. She looked over at Derek, and he looked away, knowing what she was doing. She could do this.

"Yep. I'm Meredith." She said as she pulled away and tried to breathe calmly. "And you are Jake." She added with a sigh, seeing Derek was not going to save her.

"Yes, I am. It's nice to meet you." Jake told her. "Hey, Kate. They are here." He shouted as he looked towards what she assumed was the kitchen. Meredith watched as a skinny redhead came walking out.

"Hi, I'm Kate. You are Derek and Meredith?" She asked as she shook both of their hands.

Meredith felt so uncomfortable. She was trying to do it for Derek, but it was hard. In her mind, she was in a cesspool. The truth was the house was very clean, it was just that everything inside was older. Meredith looked around, knowing she had to go to the bathroom, but not wanting to even go in there. Meredith stood there uncomfortably as a few more people joined the crowd. Everyone seemed so happy and comfortable. Everyone but her.

"You can sit down." Kate said as she rose to give Meredith her seat. Everyone was sipping on their drinks. Meredith wanted nothing. She didn't drink beer. Anything else they had would have to be drank out of a glass and she wasn't going there.

"Actually, I think I need to use the restroom. Where is it?" She asked as she looked around.

"Down the hall and on the right." Kate said as she pointed. Meredith scurried off and away from the group, needing to relieve herself both physically and mentally.

"I'm sorry." Derek apologized as he looked around. Meredith was not being social, in fact she was acting as if she were better than the whole lot of them. "She is just shy and nervous."

"Or a snob." He heard someone say under their breath.

"Maybe we should just go." Derek said as he rose to his feet. As much as he wanted to stay there and socialize, he was not going to put up with people giving Meredith a hard time. And he definitely didn't want her to be miserable.

"No, no. You should stay." Jake said, not wanting his friend to feel bad about the uncomfortable situation. Derek looked around, spotting who he assumed was the one that made the comment.

"No, it's fine." Derek muttered as he waited for Meredith. He wondered if it were true. Maybe she should have stayed in Italy. She could never fit in. Never.

Meredith looked around the bathroom. She was in shock. The bathtub, sink and toilet were all brown. Everything was dated. She couldn't do it. She couldn't live this way anymore. She had thought she could endure anything for Derek, but she was beginning to think she was wrong. She was beginning to think that the best thing she could have done was to let him go. Now they were both suffering.

Meredith looked in the mirror at her face. She was thiner, paler. She didn't look healthy. Maybe part of it was not getting to lay around the pool in the bright Italian sun. Maybe part was the lack of manicures and expensive shoes. Maybe it was Sofia's cooking, that was something she really missed. As Meredith looked at herself, she realized she owed Derek. She owed him so much. He had pulled her from in edge far too many times. She would be dead by now, and even though she missed all of that, it didn't matter.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked as he watched her come down the hallway. Meredith looked at him in shock.

"Ready for what?" Meredith asked with a smile. She had to do it. It had to work, she had to make it work for Derek.

"I thought we should probably get going." Derek said with a sigh as he looked up at her. He was a fool to think this was going to go any other way.

"Oh! So soon? We just got here. I was starting to relax." She lied as she looked around. Everyone looked up at her in shock, surprised by her quickly attitude change. "Actually, I was thinking about taking you up on that drink." Meredith said to Kate.

"Oh! Okay..." Kate said as she looked at her. Meredith sat down in the spot that she had abandoned. Derek sat down and gave her a perplexed look as he grabbed her hand. He was wondering just what had changed her attitude. "What would you like?"

"Um... I guess just some soda water." Meredith said with a shrug as she looked at her. "You know what, tequila. I'd love a shot of tequila." Meredith said with a big nod. She hadn't had it in far too long. "That is, if you have it."

"Of course!" Jake said as he sprang to his feet. "We have tequila!" Meredith and Derek could both tell that he was relieved that the tension was gone. Meredith knew that this was going to make Derek more than happy.

"That's great!" Meredith replied as she watched him disappear. Jake walked back in with a bottle of midline tequila and a shot glass. Meredith and Derek sat there as he poured it for her and handed it to her.

"Here you go." He said as he handed it to her. Meredith smiled as she accepted it. Derek sat there happily, feeling like maybe like could go on the way he had imagined.

"Thanks." Meredith replied, trying to use her best american accent. She sat back and held it while everyone watched. Finally she realized that they were waiting for her to slam it down. Meredith lifted the drink to her lips and threw her head back as she let the burning liquid slid down her throat like lava. "Whew!" Meredith shouted loudly. Everyone began to cheer.

"Wow." Jake said in shock. "I have to admit, I kind of thought you were joking. I never expected you to slam that bitch down." He said as he high fived her.

"Oh... Mer can drink. You have no idea!" Derek said, almost proud of her. He was proud of her finally coming out of her shell, not necessarily because she downed a shot of tequila. "She can out drink me." He said as he watched Jake pour her another shot.

"Don't take it if you can't handle it." Jake said, almost egging her on. Meredith laughed heartily, something Derek rarely saw her do. "I have a feeling Shep may be right..." He said as he handed her the shot.

"Oh, he's right. I have had a lot of practice!" Meredith boasted. If it came down to it, she probably couldn't come up with a quick explanation as to why she had a lot of practice. Staying out in Italian nightclubs was not really fitting with what they had told everyone.

"Look at that ring!" Kate said as she grabbed Meredith's hand. "It's gorgeous! How long have you been married?" She asked, feeling more at ease with them.

"Just over a year." Derek chipped in as he thought back to their lie.

Derek sat there as the girls dished. Meredith was obviously far superior in everything they were talking about. Besides the poor life, Meredith was well rounded, more than he had realized. She knew so much about fashion that the other girls just sat and listened in awe. The guys sat around talking about the hospital, as if they didn't live there anyway.

"Shoot... We should get going, it's late." Derek said, completely sober, having not drank since they first arrived.

"Well, thanks for coming!" Everyone said as they walked them to the door. Meredith gave everyone slight hugs as they walked out. Derek grabbed Meredith;s hand.

"It was great. Thanks for inviting us!" Meredith said as they walked off.

"Thank you." Derek said, grateful that she was being so open.

"It's was good, Derek. You were right. It was good." Meredith said with a smile as she leaned over and kissed him softly.


	120. Uh Oh

Meredith stood at the counter and looked down at the pill packet. She frowned as she held it empty in her hand. She was all out, and she had no idea how she was going to get more. The medical insurance at the hospital wasn't that great and it hadn't kicked in yet because of a paperwork mistake. She drew in a deep breath and frowned. They would have to be extra careful.

"Morning, sunshine." Derek said with a smile as he walked in. He was exhausted from his recent hours at the hospital. Derek walked up and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Oh. Yeah. Good morning." Meredith mumbled, feeling slightly distracted and nervous.

"What's the matter?" Derek asked with a frown as he looked at her. He could tell that she was distracted over something. "Are you okay?" He questioned as he placed his hand on the small of her back.

"Um. Yeah, I guess. I'm just... I'm out of these." Meredith said as she placed the empty packet in his hand. Derek looked down at it with confusion. He never paid attention to what she was taking and not taking. He figured that was her business.

"What's this?" Derek asked, but quickly realized what it was when he looked at the many empty pockets. He flipped it over and nodded. "Oh. Oh..." He muttered as he placed it down on the counter. "I guess we need to get some more of those."

"Yeah. That may be a problem, seeing as I need to see a doctor to get them." She pointed out. Sometimes the most obvious things skipped Derek's mind. Derek had been assuming that she could just call in a refill.

"Well, how did you- We have been here two months. How did you get enough for all this time?" He asked frankly.

"Well, I guess that was the only thing I was thinking about. Before we left I called the doctor and explained to them that I had lost the first package. They had no problem giving me another refill. Birth control isn't really a controlled substance." Meredith explained as she looked him in the eyes.

"This is true." Derek agreed with a nod. "Well, I will talk to human resources today. They need to figure this insurance thing out. This is getting ridiculous."

"It is." Meredith agreed. She knew she was going to need an exam before she could get anything. "I will need an exam. I don't want an exam. It's no fun and I was so used to my doctor and this is just- Ahh! I hate being a woman." Meredith growled as she looked at him.

"Well, you could go downtown. I could check around. Like the free clinic." He suggested as he looked up at her. Meredith looked at him with a horrified expression.

"I hope you are kidding! No way am I going to some dirty clinic. No way. We just won't have sex." She said, standing her ground. Derek knew that not every clinic was dirty. He also knew that arguing with her would do no good.

"Okay. I'll get a box of condoms today." Derek said with a sigh as he poured his morning coffee. "We will just use those until you get the pills." Derek said with a nod.

"It's not that easy, Derek. It's going to take thirty days and just- Never mind. Nonetheless, this is just a pain!" Meredith growled as she threw the package down. "Just don't forget the condoms, okay? And i have to say, I'm not that happy about that either. You know they aren't foolproof." She said as she rolled her eyes and chugged her coffee down, feeling the sting of the too hot liquid burning her tongue and throat.

"I know this, dear." Derek said with condescendence. Meredith frowned at his patronization.

"Well, I need to get my license. When are we going to do this? This needs to be done..." She said as she scoffed at him.

"Yes, dear. My, aren't we in a mood this morning?" He asked with a chuckle. He knew that when she acted like that he had to just let her go and ignore her foolish behavior.

"Yes. Yes I am. We are getting nothing done. You shouldn't be up this early. The only reason you are up is because you have to take me to school. If I drove, I could drive." She explained with an edge on her voice.

"You make a point. I'll tell you what, we will go work on that today." Derek said, pacifying her. "After I pick you up, we will go to the license bureau."

"Okay." Meredith agreed with a bit of satisfaction in her voice. She wasn't going to complain about the fact that she didn't get a fake license like Derek did. Derek wasn't going to say a thing. He didn't want to tell her that he thought a bit of legal driving practice would be a good thing for her.

"I promise you, we will make it there today. I know it's been eating away at you. I've just been so busy. Don't worry, Mer, we will get there. We will get to a little more normalcy." He told her as he kissed her forehead. Meredith nodded in agreement. They would get to a normal. Whatever that was.

--

Meredith was ready to let loose. She had been working hard in all of her classes. She was putting forth more effort than anyone else. She was succeeding and right in the top of her class. She was also realizing that she was killing herself in an effort to be the best. It was time to relax. She needed it, and Derek needed it.

Meredith placed her hands on the set of keys that laid on the countertop. She had passed her driving test with flying colors. It seemed that all of the illegal driving that she did in Italy had finally paid off. She passed her written, Derek having drilled her non stop every time they went somewhere. The maneuverability was simple in their tiny Honda. She had driven some much bigger luxury vehicles before that one.

"Am I driving?" Meredith asked, her eyes glittering at the thought. Derek smiled and let a light chuckle escape him. She was like a sixteen year old who just got her license. She still enjoyed driving. To Derek is was a bother. It was something that he may have enjoyed it he had a fun car to drive.

"You can drive if you want." Derek replied as he stuck his wallet in his pocket. He looked up at Meredith, making sure that she was ready, and then around at the apartment. "Are you ready to go?" He questioned as he walked beside her and placed his hand on the small of her back.

"Yes, I am." She agreed, clutching her bag close to her body and walking out the door. It was a Coach bag. They weren't her favorite, but this one she liked. The best part about it was that there were many knock-offs she was seeing around. She could tell the difference, but most people could not.

Derek laid his head back against the headrest as Meredith drove. He trusted her enough to close his eyes. He knew he had been through the worst of it when he had taught her to drive in Italy. She wasn't bad and the only habit he wished she would stop was the jack rabbit starts and the fast stops. As he laid back with his eyes closed, he hoped for some much needed energy. It had been a tough week at the hospital for him and he was hoping to unwind, but not fall asleep.

"We're here." Meredith pointed out as she jabbed Derek with her elbow. She had taken a nap in the middle of the day, feeling that she really needed it.

"Huh? Oh..." Derek moaned as she sat up and looked at the house. Derek was comfortable there and it seemed that Meredith was getting better about it. She was willingly going over and that seemed like a step. Meredith popped the trunk and opened her own door. "What's in the trunk?" Derek asked as he looked back.

"We can't come over and drink and not ever bring anything with us." Meredith said frankly as she climbed out of the car and walked around to the back, grabbing a bag out of the trunk.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Derek agreed as he followed her up. Normally he would have helped her carry it, but his brain wasn't even working correctly. Derek raised his knuckle to knock on the door and looked up, seeing the door open before he got to the wooden door.

"Hey, guys!" Kate said as she looked at Meredith and Derek. They could barely hear her over the loud music that was playing in the background. Meredith looked around at the swarms of people filling the living room and the rest of the house.

"Hey!" Derek and Meredith responded. Derek felt himself perk up slightly as he looked around. He was worried that Meredith was going to panic. That was until he looked over. She looked to be in her element. Apparently he had forgotten about all of the wild parties she had taken part in. Luckily Derek knew that Jake would never allow drug use. He didn't even want to think about that.

"We brought some alcohol. It's time we paid you back." Meredith said as she handed her the bag full of tequila, vodka and bourbon. She didn't get any scotch, thinking that no one here would want it, and she knew that was a money limit. If she did get any, she would get the good stuff for Derek.

"Oh... That wasn't necessary! You have been here what- Twice?" She asked as she grabbed the bag. "Nonetheless, thank you! Whoa..." She muttered as she looked in the bag. Meredith didn't skimp. She had bought the good stuff. "You didn't have to-"

"It's not a problem." Meredith said as she followed her in. "Besides, Patron is my favorite. Silver is good, so I got it." Meredith explained as she stood at the counter and poured herself a shot. She smiled as she took a breath in. "Der- What do you want?"

"I'm just going to have a beer." He muttered as he looked around.

"No. No, no. No beer for you. Here, have some bourbon." She said as she poured some bourbon in a plastic cup. "This will get you started..." She told him with a big nod. Derek smiled lightly. He had to loosen up. She was trying, he had to too.

"Thanks, honey." Derek said as he took a sip. He was glad that she had bought the better quality stuff, although he had consumed the cheap stuff more often than not, minus the days when he was residing in Italy. "Good." He told her with a smile as e wrapped his arm around her.

"Now... Let's get this party started!" She shouted as she made a whooping sound. Derek raised an eyebrow. And they had thought she was quiet and polite.

--

Derek knew he should have kept a handle on her, but he couldn't help it. She was funny. She was hilarious. She was completely free and happy. She was finally at ease and peace with herself and her surroundings. Perhaps it was the bottle of tequila she was downing. Derek was having his own fun, but he was letting her have just a touch more. Derek leaned back against the countertop and watched as Meredith danced. She was free moving and happy.

"She is beautiful." Derek said in a low voice to himself. He looked up to see Jake leaning next to him.

"She seems to have opened up. That's great." Jake said with a smile on his face. He did not like Meredith the first time he had met her, but she was quickly realizing that she was not as she seemed.

"It is. This is...the real her.." Derek said with a nod and a smile. "She really is bold. I guess she is a little out of her element. She is used to being around people she knows." Derek told him as he took a scan of the room, seeing some of the guys in the room looking at her. He wasn't going to worry, he knew who she was coming home with.

"Come dance with me, Der!" Meredith shouted across the room as her body swayed to the music. Derek watched as she climbed on the coffee table. His eyes got wide, wondering if anyone was going to have a problem. He quickly realized where they were and he joined her.

"I don't dance, Mer." Derek said as he approached her. Meredith giggled softly as she looked down at him.

"You do if you love me!" She insisted as she grabbed his arm. Derek looked around nervously. His nervousness quickly went away as he realized that most of the people in the house were toasted and had no idea what was going on. "You do love me!" She said loudly as he climbed up there and began to dance with her.

Meredith and Derek danced on the coffee table through three songs. It was at that time when Meredith realized that the bottle of tequila they had been sharing had run dry and she had nothing left. Derek climbed down on the floor, wobbling as he helped Meredith down right after him. They both made a crooked path to the kitchen for more liquor. Derek saw no tequila and the saddened look on Meredith's face. He grabbed the bourbon and held it up, watching the smile on her face grow. It was acceptable.

"I'm horny!" Meredith giggled as she fell into his head, attempting to whisper in his ear.

"Really? I think I can do something about that." Derek suggested as he pulled her arm. Meredith followed behind him, putting up no resistance. She watched as everyone danced and partied around them. "Let's go in here." He suggested as he pulled her into a room and shut the door behind them.

Derek and Meredith shimmied out of their clothing as they crossed the room. It was funny after so much to drink, Meredith was quite a bit less worried about the conditions or sanitation of the house. Meredith was only concerned with the feeling of Derek's thick cock in her pussy. Derek stumbled to the bed, pulling her down with him. Meredith giggled loudly as she fell onto the bed linens, leaving her clothing in a trail on the floor.

"I need you so bad!" She told him loudly as he began kissing his chest. Derek ran his fingers through her hair. "So... What do you want?" Meredith asked as she trailed her lips down his chest and to his hip. Meredith grabbed his balls in her hand and began massaging. She let her hand trail, taking his cock in her hand and stroking it gently, pushing down at the same time.

"Not necessary." Derek said as she went to put her mouth on his hard cock. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew they wouldn't last that long.

"Are you sure?" She asked as she looked up, her green eyes meeting his indigo ones. Derek nodded his head and smiled. "Okay." Meredith agreed as she straddled his legs and moved her way up. "Oh yeah. You are so hard!" She squealed as she straddled his lap and smiled.

"Just...ride me, babe. Get on." Derek said firmly, the smile on leaving his face. His velvety head begins dripping pre-cum. Meredith grinned as she ran her thumb over it, watching it smear around, feeling the warm fluid on her soft skin.

"I can't wait. I need you." Meredith said as she slowly sank down on his cock. "Oh!" She gasped as she felt his thick cock slide into her inch by inch, pressing her walls far apart.

"Damn, you were ready, weren't you?" He asked with a smile as he looks into her eyes. "I think I hear gushing." He teased her as he looked down at her ample fluid spreading around.

"I guess I was." She told him with a giggle. "I'm always ready for you!" Meredith boasted loudly.

"Oh God... You feel so good. So tight and wet. I'm going to cum pretty quick. I swear your pussy is tight as hell tonight. Must be the liquor." He moaned. She knew if it felt good to her, it must have been even better to him.

"You are so thick, Derek God, did you freaking grow or something?" She asked as she felt him move closer to her cervix. "Oh my... Oh... Cum for me, Derek. Please?" She asked, feeling herself getting to her climax abnormally quick.

Meredith continued to bounce on Derek's iron hard cock as he took a breast firmly in each hand, massaging and squeezing. Meredith placed her hands on his chest, using it as an instrument in her riding. Meredith began riding quicker, needing her orgasm to come.

"Faster, Mer, faster." Derek grunted as he thrust himself upward into her. Meredith quit rocking and let herself go with the motion he was now providing.

"Oh." She groaned. "Oh yeah... Oh... Cum for me, Derek." She begged, once again.

"Damn, Mer... I'm almost there. I hope you are close, baby. I can't hold it much longer. Fuck, I'm going to fill you so fucking full!" He warned. Derek smiled as he felt his cock released deep inside of her. He closed his eyes and she rode quick, trying to chase her own.

"Oh God, there it is! Oh my! Oh my! Oh..." She gasped as she felt her walls begin to tighten down and strangle his cock hard. "Oh, oh, oh!" She shouted loudly, no one being able to hear her in the house over the music that was blaring. "Oh God, there, there...OH!" Meredith cried out as she dropped down onto his chest. Derek laid back for a minute, feeling the sparks.

"That was good, huh?" Derek asked her softly. Derek got a puzzled look on his face as he looked at her. "Mer? Mer? Oh..." He said as he realized she was out. It only took him a minute to follow suit.


	121. The Truth

Meredith sat on the toilet with the stick in her hand. it couldn't be right. No way could this be correct. She took the test to humor herself. Sure she had missed a period, but she blamed that on lack of birth control and a change in her cycle. She had been feeling fine, other that the occasional fatigue, but she blamed that on studying too hard and constantly running around trying to get everything done in one day.

"Oh my God..." Meredith trailed off as she felt the feeling leave her legs. She was frozen. Her stomach was no longer in her abdomen, it had taken residence elsewhere. Her heart was beating out of her chest and ready to explode. "How could this be?" She asked herself. And then she thought back. She knew just how.

i_Meredith laid there with her eyes closed. She didn't hear a sound, other than Derek's loud breathing. It was post-alcohol breathing. A snore. There was always a snore present when Derek had passed out the night before. She laid there in silence, not wanting to open her eyes. She could feel the warm sun on her body, and she knew it wouldn't feel so good to her eyes._

_"Mmm..." She heard Derek half-snort as he rolled over and grunted. Meredith wanted to open her eyes, but it seemed just fine with them closed. "You awake?" Derek asked as he rubbed her arm gently._

_"Yeah." Meredith said in a crackled voice, feeling a burning sensation in her throat. She had to blame it on the tequila, it burned going down, she knew it had to do something to her delicate flesh. "I mean, kind of. I am kind of awake. But I don't want to be." She added as she opened her eyes halfway and rolled to him._

_"Me neither." Derek groaned as he rubbed his face and held his hand over his eyes, protecting himself from the sun._

_"Oh my God." Meredith moaned as she looked around and realized where she was. "We're here, Derek. Oh my God, we passed out."_

_"Oh shit." Derek grumbled as he sat up and held his head. "I think it's okay. This is their guest room, but we should get out." Derek pointed out as he climbed out of the bed. _

_"Oh no, Derek." Meredith gasped as she looked around. "We- Oh no." She repeated as she looked at herself. She knew what she looked like post-messy sex, and that was where she was. Meredith looked down at the dry cum on her leg._

_"What?" Derek asked as he pulled up his boxer briefs and then his jeans. "What's going on?"_

_"We- No condom." She said in shock as she stood there. She couldn't believe they had made such a stupid mistake. "We fucked with no condom. We didn't use a condom!" She said as she looked around, unsure of what she was going to do next._

_"Oh fuck!" Derek said in shock as he pulled his shirt on. "It's okay. I'm sure it's okay. I mean it was just one time." Derek pointed out. Meredith looked at him and drew in a breath._

_"Yeah. It was just one time. What are the chances, right?" Meredith asked as she pulled her clothing on. She just wanted to get home and take a shower. She felt disgusting, knowing what was all over her and that she had slept on a stranger's bed._

_"Yeah. I mean... Probably not. I mean, definitely not. It will be fine. Don't worry about it, Mer. Just... Don't worry about it." Derek tried to reassure her as he watched her dress. "Look at me." He said as he grabbed her face gently and looked into her eyes. "It will be fine."_

_"Okay." Meredith whimpered as he kissed her softly. She sighed as she looked into his eyes. He always offered her comfort. "I love you." She told him as he grabbed her hand and opened the door, walking out._

_"Hey, sleepy heads!" Kate said as they walked out. "Did you sleep okay?"_

_"Um, yeah. I'm sorry that we fell asleep..." Meredith apologized as she looked at them all. "We didn't-"_

_"I would rather you stay here than drink and drive. A bunch of people crashed here last night. They all left already." Kate said with a smile. Meredith listened, but she was distracted. Her stomach was flipping. She had no idea what to think. Was Derek right? She had no idea./i_

Meredith sat there and looked at the stick, thinking back. She had thought a bit about it, but Derek had been able to dissipate her fears. Now she knew for a fact that her fears were well warranted. It the worst time possible, she was pregnant. Meredith slid off the toilet in a puddle of tears. She felt like she was breaking down. She felt like the air was being sucked from her lungs. She felt like life was over for her and Derek.

They were struggling. They could barely pay their bills. They had some saved funds, but they didn't tap into them no matter what. Meredith was actually thinking about getting a job. She had come to accept that she was never going to have everything and if she didn't put an effort in, they would sink. Now she wondered how they would take car of a baby when they could barely take care of themselves.

"Mer, where are you?" Derek called as he walked into the apartment. Meredith began to sob. How would she tell him?

Derek panicked as soon as he heard it. It was her muffled cries. He could hear her trying to stifle herself. He wanted to run right in there, but at the same time, he knew she just had to cry. As much as it hurt him, he knew that Meredith wasn't one-hundred percent happy with her life. Sometimes she just had to cry. Sometimes she just had to let it out.

"I don't know how we will do this." Meredith whispered to herself as she laid there with her eyes closed. She was waiting for Derek to rush in. She had heard him come in in the apartment, but that was it. As she laid there with the cold tile on the side of her face, she felt a wave of nausea come over her. She quickly leaned over the toilet and retched. This was just a portion of what was to come. "Oh God!" She groaned as she wiped her face and fell back.

"Are you okay, Mer?" Derek asked as he cracked the door open. It only took him a second to smell the stench of vomit wafting in the room. As he glanced around, he saw it on the countertop. His stomach dropped as he looked at the test. He didn't need to read it, he knew. "Oh, Mer." He moaned as he dropped to his knees and held her hair back as she went in again.

"Oh Derek! What are we going to do?" Meredith asked as she fell back on her butt and leaned her back against the bathtub. "We aren't ready for this! We have no money. And we are busy. We can't- This is too much. What do we do?" She asked him quickly as she gasped for breath.

"What do you mean? We do it. We just do it." Derek said firmly to her as he looked into her eyes. Meredith dropped her head and looked at the floor.

"No, Derek... What do we _do_?" She asked again. She was too ashamed to even look into his eyes. "With it. Should we-"

"Don't even say it out loud, Mer! You know how I feel about that! And Mer, don't you dare say it!" He shouted loudly, causing her to react with a jerk. "We will not kill our child. Have you lost your mind?" He screamed. He watched as Meredith began to sob. He quickly pulled her into his lap.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I'm just so scared, Derek. So scared. I don't know how we will handle this all. I don't know how we will be able to do this." Meredith cried as she laid her head against his chest. "I would never do it. Never. I'm just- How did this happen? It's not fair!" She said as she held her stomach.

"I know it's not fair. It isn't. But you know what? It's our mistake. Not really a mistake. Not a mistake at all. A blessing. It is a blessing. We created a life together. I know it will be hard. I'm sure we will struggle. But we will do this, Mer. We will do this." Derek told her as he kissed her on the head gently. "I will be here. We are talking about doing this together. There is nothing we can't do together."

"Really?" Meredith asked with a ray of hope in her eyes. "Do you really think we can do it?"

"Mer, we can do it. This is great. This is amazing. I can't believe it! I'm going to be a dad!" Derek said with a huge smile on his face. "I'm gonna be a dad..."

"You are. You're going to be a dad!" Meredith said as she wiped her eyes and smiled. The look on Derek's face was enough to make her heart soar. She couldn't believe that it was happening. They were going to be parents. It may have been a mistake, but Derek was right, it was a blessing.

Derek looked at Meredith. He knew that Meredith would make a wonderful mother. She may not have seemed like mother material, but he knew that her heart was was huge. As Derek stroked her face, in the back of his head, he was hurting. His head was sore at the thought of his own mother. She would never know her grandchild. This was part of this situation that left a sour taste in his mouth.

Meredith could tell that Derek was blue. He had a smile on his face, but underneath there was something else. She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought that he was upset about all of this. He was acting okay, but she was wondering if he was just just putting a front up to make her happy.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she looked into his eyes. She felt the tears beginning to sting her eyes as panic washed over her. "Derek, what is wrong with you? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Mer. I am okay." Derek said as he rubbed her arm, trying to stave off her worries. "I'm fine."

"No. No you aren't, Derek. You aren't okay. How can you sit here and lie to me like that?" Meredith asked as she stood up and got defensive. "I thought we built everything on trust?"

"Mer... It's fine. I'm fine. Believe me, I'm so happy about this." Derek told her with a smile. "I am fine. It's just- I'm sad about my mom. It's just- This is my child. Our first child, and she will never know him or her. It hurts, but it will be okay."

"I'm so sorry, Derek." Meredith said as her face fell to the floor. "I didn't- My dad doesn't matter to me. I guess never thought about your mom. I'm so sorry. If you want to- We can try. We can talk to her. We can meet her and let her be in our lives. We can try..."

"No. No, we cannot risk it. It's okay, Mer. Don't feel guilty about it. We made this decision. I knew that this would be an issue eventually. This is part of our choice. This is what we have to deal with. It's okay, Mer. It will be okay." Derek said as he pulled her close. "Let's go! We are going to celebrate." He told her with a smile.

Meredith was happy when Derek said they needed to celebrate. It made her feel less like they had made a mistake, and more like it was the best thing to ever happen to them. As she stood there before him, she couldn't help but feel sad. She never realized how close he was to his mother until they left Italy and came to America. She was realizing that he was closer to his mother when he was far away. Now she wasn't that far from them, and she would never even know it.

Meredith imagined the joy Linda would feel if she knew her son was going to have a child. Meredith though about it. Even though she had never met the woman, she could see her smiling face. She could imagine how they would tell her over a home cooked meal. She could see how happy everyone would be. And then she thought about who she could tell if they were in Italy. She could think of only one person. She would tell Sofia.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked as she looked at her red eyes in the mirror. She knew she had to take a shower and at least look presentable.

"Somewhere nice." Derek told her as he placed his hand on the side of her face. Her skin was so soft and his touch made her feel so perfect. She felt like she could melt and become one with him. "Let's take a shower." Derek suggested as he pulled off his shirt.

Meredith looked at his chiseled chest as she took off her own clothing. Derek was losing weight. He looked good, but she could see that the long hours at the hospital were definitely taking their toll on him. She didn't know much about cooking or preparing anything, but she made a mental note to pick up some things at the grocery store that she could send with him to the hospital.

As Derek stepped in the shower, he looked at his wife. He almost felt bad about that. She was his wife, but at the same time, he knew she really wasn't. She was just on paper. She was never fortunate enough to have the ceremony and the dream wedding she always wanted. Derek knew that one day they would have it. Someday he would marry her for a second time. This time, it would be the real one.

"You are so beautiful, Mer." Derek told her as he watched her wash herself. This was one of the few times when he didn't look at her in a sexual way. All he could do was look at her abdomen. All he could do was think about their child. Derek watched the water run down her body. He couldn't help but sneak up and run his hands over her.

"You're going to be a dad." Meredith said softly as she turned her head and looked into his eyes.

"I am." He agreed as he placed his hands on her now flat abdomen, knowing it would be growing soon enough. "When the insurance kicks in, you are going straight to the best OB/GYN we can find."

"I love you, Derek. And I want you to know that. I may be a pain in the ass all of the time, but you mean more to me than anything. I will never stop loving you. Never." She told him as she laid her head back against him.

Meredith and Derek stepped out of the shower. It seemed that for the first time, Meredith was realizing that everything she needed was right in front of her. She never knew that she could be so content. She was still worried about money, and school, and how she would handle medical school and a child, but she had a life inside of her. She had an innocent child growing and awaiting the day when it could meet it's parents.

Derek smiled as Meredith stepped out of their bedroom. He wished he could give her more of what she had. He wished she had her dressing table and all of her fine things. The smile on her face took his inferior feelings away. She looked gorgeous in her brown floor length dress. It was so light and airy, perfect for the kind of evening it was. He dark hair laid on her shoulders. He would never get used to it. She was a blonde. She would always be a blonde.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked softly as he placed his hand on the small of her back.

"I am." Meredith agreed as she brushed her hair away from her face and smiled at him. "I'm anxious to know where we are going." She stated as they walked towards the door. As Meredith reached for the knob, Derek did too, their hands touching gently.

"A man always gets the door for his lady." Derek pointed out as he opened it and motioned for her to go through. Meredith walked slowly don the stairs, knowing her heels were a bit much. When she hit the landing she stood and waiting for him to open that door. She had to giggle at Derek, she needed no lessons to know how a lady should act.

Meredith and Derek took the drive to Hanover slowly. Derek wanted to just breathe in her air. They didn't need to talk, they just needed to be. He wanted a special quiet evening where they could get a taste of the good life. He didn't want her to miss what she had, but he knew it never hurt to be reminded of it. Derek pulled into the parking lot of The Daniel Webster Room, located inside the Hanover Inn. He knew it was one of the finer restaurants in the area.

"We're here." Derek said as he placed the car in park. Meredith smiled as she looked up. She was in the mood for something simply divine. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that it would be exquisite and the look of contentment would never leave Derek's face. It should be a fine evening, and it was.


	122. Uneasy

Meredith had never seen a more proud look on Derek's face. He had been absolutely beaming. She knew that he wished he could run home and share the picture of their child with his whole family. They both knew it would never happen. Derek's insurance finally kicked in and now Meredith was fully covered and able to go to all of her scheduled appointments. Derek and Meredith walked down the hospital's hallway. Derek was on break and Meredith had to return to class.

"Let me see!" Jake said as he walked up. He was supposed to be running labs but he was more concerned about his friend's future child.

"Here she is..." Derek said as he held out the photo. Meredith gave Derek a puzzled look, wondering why he thought it would be a girl.

"She?" Meredith questioned with a raised brow. " Last time I checked, we had no idea if it was a boy or girl." She teased as she stood there. Derek gave her a smirk.

"Oh, it's a girl." Derek told her frankly. "I know it's my little princess."

"Now this is a change. Normally it is the dad wishing for a boy. Derek wants a girl." Jake said with a chuckle as he studied the sonogram picture.

"Derek just wants a little girl to spoil." Meredith pointed out with a giggle. "And that will just be trouble." She muttered as she thought about their current lack of funds. She knew that Derek would want to give thri daughter everything that she wanted and he couldn't do that.

"Of course he does." Jake said with a chuckle. "Well, congratulations!" Jake said exuberantly. "I have to go before Garza comes after me. Congratulations again!" He said as he marched off and away from them.

"I love you so much." Derek said with a grin as he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. "I wish we could just go home and lay in bed." He told her with a sigh, knowing he wouldn't be home later.

"We are doing this now so that it will be better later." Meredith pointed out as she pecked him on the cheek. "Eventually everything will be great. Eventually it will be just as it seems.

Derek nodded as he watched her walk away. He wished he could believe that. He really didn't. He believed that they would be happy, but he also believed there would be a void left in their lives, more so in his than in hers. He knew that they would be successful, but would it be worth it? He wondered if she knew how busy they would be after she got out of med school. He wondered if she had any idea what it was like to be a resident or an attending. He doubted it.

Meredith drove the streets to Dartmouth. She was getting ore and more familiar with the neighborhoods that surrounded she and Derek. Derek had no qualms about letting her drive around in their car. He had been thinking about acquiring another one, but he wasn't sure they could afford another car or the insurance that went along with it.

"Hey there!" Meredith heard a voice say from behind her. She wasn't sure who it was, but it sounded vaguely familiar. Meredith stopped in her tracks and turned around only to see Andre's smiling face.

"Oh, hey!" Meredith said happily as she let the smile cover her face. "How are you?" She asked as she juggled her books in her arms. She didn't have many, but she could swear that her invisible baby bump was getting in her way.

"I'm great. This class is killing me, but I'll survive." Andre replied with a shrug. Meredith liked Andre and she would never be rude, but she didn't think the class was hard at all.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." She lied as she looked over to the other students that were passing them by. Her eyes quickly drifted to the large clock in the center of the lobby. If they didn't get moving quickly, they would be late. "We're going to be late!" Meredith said quickly as she spun around, hoping he would come too.

"So how are you? I am so frazzled over the crap that coming up, I never even asked you how you are." He apologized as he looked into her eyes. Meredith looked at him with her own wide eyes and covered her mouth.

"Sorry." She choked as she rushed off to the nearest restroom. Andre looked at her in a panic, wondering if he had said or done something wrong. He quickly chase after her, not knowing how he was going to help, but knowing that he had to do something.

Meredith rushed into the bathroom stall, not even shutting the door behind her. Andre watched as she retched into the toilet, holding her stomach tightly. He could see the green look on Meredith's face as she stood up and wiped her face.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he looked at her, knowing she obviously was not okay.

"I'm- I'm- I'm pregnant." She said as she looked into his eyes. She looked back into his shocked ones. She wasn't sure why he was so shocked.

Andre looked at her in disgust.. He thought she was smart. He had actually spent many nights awake thinking not only about her, but about how she was the greatest competition for him in their class. He was actually looking forward to a bit of friendly competition. He had thought she was unbelievably attractive, but at the same time, he was more than willing to respect the fact that she was married. Now he was just disappointed.

Meredith looked at him. She was having a hard time deciphering what his face was trying to tell her. She could almost swear that he looked angry. She felt a chill run up her spin and spread across her shoulders. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end in a mixture of shame and fear. She wasn't fearful of Andre, himself. She was more fearful of what was going through his head. Meredith wrapped her arms around herself, her soft cashmere sweater clinging to her body.

"You're supposed to say congratulations!" Meredith scolded as she looked at him. She considered him a friend. They may not spend a bunch of time together, but they knew each other. They both had each other's cellphone numbers, but they never called. Their friendship was more on a school only level.

"Oh. Yeah. Um- Well, congratulations." He said in a monotone voice. He didn't really catch that he was throwing out a ton of negativity at her, just in the tone of his voice. Meredith, however, knew that he was mad. It hurt her feelings.

"That was full of joy." Meredith said with a sigh. "And you are in the ladies room. We should probably... Get out." She said quickly as she walked past him and grabbed her bag off the floor where she had dropped it, along with her books.

Meredith felt a bit betrayed as she walked along. She walked quickly so as to avoid Andre, who could possibly be trying to catch up with her. She never looked back as she flung the door open and took her seat. She watched as the professor's eyes looked up at her. He knew she was late. His eyes glanced up as the door opened for a second time, Andre making his presence known.

Meredith did not acknowledge Andre as he took his regular seat alongside her. She ignored his eyes on the side of her face. She wasn't going to give him the time of day. Meredith looked down at her notebook as she listened to the professor. She quit looking up at him when she realized that people continually looked back at she and Andre.

"Must be a lover's quarrel." Meredith heard someone throw out. She rolled her eyes. She didn't like that people were saying those things. Especially when it was so untrue. If anything, she and Andre were barely friends.

Finally, after many minutes of silence, Meredith heard Andre's voice softly speaking in her ear.

"So how far along are you?" Andre finally asked. He had sat there, realizing that he had been a touch rude to her. To him, school was life. He had a hard time realizing that it may not be that way to everyone.

Meredith scoffed as she turned away. She didn't even want to answer him. She wasn't going to answer him, whether he was trying to be nice or not. Meredith was actually surprised at how put out she was with Andre. She felt somewhat betrayed, as if he thought that her having a baby was a bad thing. She had finally come to grips with the fact that she was having a child and she should be happy. Now Andre was making her feel like it was more of a curse than a blessing.

Meredith listened to the professor as well as she could. It was next to impossible when she had so many thoughts breezing in and out of her head. It was like everything was a big distraction and she couldn't think straight. When class was dismissed, she stood up, turned away from him and walked out.

"Meredith!" She heard him yell after her as she walked out the door. She hated the attention that it was getting her. She was admittedly an attention whore, but at this moment, that was the last thing that she wanted. "Meredith!" He said a little louder as he weaved in and out of the crowd, trying to catch up to her.

"What?" Meredith snapped as she turned around quickly, him almost slamming into her. "What do you want, Andre? Just say it. Tell me what you want!" She said angrily.

"I'm sorry. I guess I reacted in the wrong way." He apologized as he looked into her eyes. Meredith gave him a disgusted look. "It's just that- You're beautiful. And smart. And don't take this the wrong way, but I thought you would beat us all out. I didn't see you taking the mommy road. Now- How are you going to do it? Med school is hard enough without dragging a kid around with you." He warned her as he shook his head.

"First of all, this is none of your business. Me having a baby means nothing to you. It doesn't affect you in the least. And it won't hold me back. I'm married, Andre. I have a husband who loves me and will bend over backwards. I swear if you say anything about this being a bad thing... You can kiss my ass." Meredith growled. "Toc de merda." (Piece of shit.)

"What?" Andre said in shock as he listened to her. As she walked off, she was spewing angry words in another language. He had no idea what she was saying, but it didn't seem very nice. "Wait. I'm sorry! I am." He said as he ran up behind her. "If anyone call pull this off, it is you, Meredith." He told her with a nod. Meredith sighed and nodded in his direction. "So how far along are you?"

"Ten weeks." Meredith said with a smile. Andre returned a smile in her direction. "It scared the hell out of me, but I love Derek. This is- It's meant to be." She told him happily.

"You will make an excellent mother." He told her with a smile. She smiled back. She really hoped so.

Meredith sat in her seat in her next class. She was terrified that this would hold her back. She hadn't even thought twice about it until Andre had said something. Of course it had crossed her mind, but she wasn't too concerned after Derek had reassured her. Now that someone from the outside had questioned it all, she wondered if they were right. Was Derek just being selfish. Not that him wanting to keep his child wasn't selfish at all.

Meredith sat there and choked back her vomit. Today was a particularly intense day as far as morning sickness was concerned. The only problem was, it wasn't morning sickness, it seemed to be an all day sickness that never ended. Meredith caught Izzie looking at her as she turned green. She was trying everything she could think of to keep it from coming. She couldn't vomit in class and she couldn't run out either.

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked softly as she leaned over. Meredith was careful not to make too much movement that the professor would see. This professor was definitely a little more strict than any of the others. She knew that if she spotted a weak link, she would try to take it out.

"Uh huh." Meredith groaned as she placed her pen to the paper once again and started taking notes.

"Okay..." Izzie muttered, not believing her. Meredith sighed as she gave up on the notes and tried to rest without openly resting. She worked hard on her breathing, going in and out slowly and rhythmically.

"Oh thank god!" Meredith groaned as she jumped up from her seat as the professor released them. Izzie watched as Meredith exited the door, her packed bag in her hand. Izzie tossed everything in and jumped up to run after her.

"What's wrong with Shepherd?" She heard someone ask her as she rushed off. Izzie had an idea, but she wasn't going to say a word. She shrugged her shoulders as she walked away from everyone briskly.

"Oh..." She heard as she rushed into the bathroom. She wasn't sure how she knew she was in there but she just did. Meredith was in the first stall, sounding like she was dying.

"Oh, honey..." Izzie moaned as Meredith walked out, tears streaming down her face, looking like she had just went through a war. "How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks." Meredith admitted as she walked weakly over to the sink. She knew she had to wash herself up if she was going to go back out and possibly face someone she may know from her classes.

"Congratulations!" Izzie said in her usually bubbly tone. Meredith was shocked at Izzie's genuineness. She really seemed excited about it.

"Thank you." Meredith told her with a weary smile as she patted her face dry. She had cut down on her makeup and she was able to rinse her face with water without looking like a total freak. "I'm- I know this is going to make it a million times harder. I know it will put me behind everyone. Derek and I- We are looking at this as a blessing." She explained as she shifted her heavy bag over her shoulder.

"Come on..." Izzie said as she grabbed Meredith's hand and pulled her towards the door. Meredith looked up at her and finally agreed to be drug along behind her. Once the door opened, Izzie dropped her hand and just walked alongside her. "Where is your car parked?"

"Lot C, why?" Meredith asked as she walked slowly along with Izzie, a few straw people watching her as she went.

"I'm taking you home." Izzie pointed out as she grabbed her arm in a friendly was and pushed the doors open. "My god, your husband is a doctor... Are you on anything for your nausea?" She asked in shock, wondering why she wasn't.

"No. It wasn't too bad, I guess. Maybe it is just stress." Meredith said with a shrug. "And you can go home. I am fine. I can drive him. Besides, you have no way to get home. It's fine, Izzie. Really, just...go home." She told her once again.

"Nonsense." Izzie told her, not taking no for an answer. Izzie grabbed Meredith's keys from her hand and pushed the unlock button, and opening Meredith's passenger door for her.

Meredith felt her stomach knot up as they drove along. She spat out directions, but she was close to flipping out. She was embarrassed. She didn't want Izzie to see where she lived. She didn't want her to se the hole-in-the-wall. She didn't want her to sit on that wretched sofa that they owned. She didn't want her going in the bathroom that was so small they could barely turn around. She didn't want her to see the tiny rooms. She almost wanted to cry at the thought.

"Right here..." Meredith said as she pointed up to the building where she lived.

"Oh... You live here? This is a really nice area!" Izzie pointed out as she opened her door and got out. "Geez..." Meredith looked at her with shock on her face. If this was nice, then where the hell was she from?

"Oh." Was all Meredith could get out as she looked up and down the street in shock.

"Let's get you upstairs. You need to rest. I will take care of you, Mer. I'll study while you rest. See this is working out great! I need to study." She said as she grabbed Meredith's bag and they walked up the steps slowly. Meredith raised her brows. That was not the reaction she expected. Then again, they weren't inside yet.


	123. A Friend for Me

Meredith felt butterflies in her stomach as she opened the door. She knew that it hadn't been transformed overnight. She knew that she wasn't going to open the door to lavish marble floors and brass fittings. She wasn't going to look up at the "Massacre of the Innocents" painting that she would be seeing if she was back in the mansion in Italy. She was walking into a modest apartment in the U.S., not a mansion in Bologna.

Meredith watched Izzie's face as she opened the door. She was in shock. Izzie didn't seem at all fazed by it. In fact, she actually had a smile on her face. Meredith drew in a breath and pushed the door open a little harder, inviting her in with her body language. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe Izzie wouldn't laugh at her.

"This is really nice!" Izzie exclaimed as she walked in and looked around. The apartment had wasn't a fraction as nice. She was living on her own and she could barely afford medical school, let alone a nice place to live. "Wow..."

"Really?" Meredith asked sheepishly as she looked around. It wasn't much, but it was clean and in good condition. Everything had been updated and it did look modern. "I mean, yeah, it's our home." She said with a sigh.

"It's really nice. My place is- It's crapola. I mean, I'm lucky to have a place at all, but I couldn't afford much, you know? But this is nice, and a good neighborhood." Izzie told her as she pulled off her shoes and walked around, not being nosy, just looking.

"Do you want something to drink?" Meredith asked, remembering that she must be a good hostess. "I have water, cola soda, orange juice and um...looks like a beer." Meredith said as she shoved things out of the way, making sure she hadn't missed anything. "Can't drink the beer..." She muttered. Not that she even liked beer, she was more of liquor drinker. "Me, not you." Meredith giggled as she patted her stomach.

"Yes, you have a little Shepherd in there." She said with a smile as she cocked her head and looked at her. "And I'll have a cola soda, as you call it." Izzie said with a giggle. "I have never heard anyone call it that. We call it pop. Or Coke. Or Pepsi. Where are you from?"

Meredith froze. This was a question that she always had issues with. How to answer? It wasn't as if she had an automatic response. Derek seemed fine with it, but she always stumbled and paused, trying to remember just what she had to say. Meredith felt her heart beat rapidly as she reached for the cola. Her hand was shaking as she placed it on the countertop. She had to think of something, then it hit her. She knew where she was from. She remembered all the drilling that Derek and Matt had done to get her to remember.

"What was that?" Meredith asked, pretending she didn't hear her.

"Oh, I was just wondering where you are from? Like where you grew up?" Izzie said as Meredith put three ice cubes in the glass, making a clinking sound.

"Oh! Yeah- Um, Tupper Lake. It's in New York. Small town." Meredith explained as she looked up at her and smiled. "Where are you from?" Meredith asked, making conversation and taking it off of herself.

"I'm from Chehalis. It's in Washington State. I actually grew up in a trailer park." Izzie told her frankly. Meredith looked up at her in shock. She almost felt stupid. She had never known anyone who grew up in a trailer park. In fact, until they were driving on the outside of town, she had no idea what it was. Meredith had asked Derek what the small buildings were. She couldn't imagine living in a box like that.

"Oh..." Meredith muttered, unsure of what to say to her.

"I'm not embarrassed. I guess I just don't have that gene in my body. I was just another kid in the trailer park, you know? Most everyone I went to school with lived in a trailer park. None of us knew the difference. I guess I'm just proud of myself. I was one of the ones that succeeded. I made it to med school!" Izzie boasted as she sat down in the chair.

"That's amazing." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at her. She couldn't help but like Izzie even more. Something about her made Meredith happy. She could see Izzie's pride in herself. She wished she had that much pride.

Meredith felt a little sick in her stomach as she laid back on the sofa. Izzie had a reason to be proud. She came from nothing and made something of herself. Meredith knew that while she had to work to get where she was, she still didn't have to worry about the same things that Izzie had to. She wouldn't be paying back loans, or worrying about where she would live. Or at least she didn't think she would. Meredith wondered if her mom would be proud? She knew her father wasn't proud. She knew that she probably didn't even cross anyone else's mind. Meredith also couldn't help but think that Derek looked down on her from time to time, knowing that she was just a spoiled rich girl.

"I bet your parents are proud." Meredith pointed out as she drew in a breath and laid her head back.

"I think my mom is. I mean, I know she is. She just- We don't always see eye to eye." Izzie pointed out with a sigh. "What about you? Are your parents proud?" She asked as she looked at Meredith. Meredith wanted to cry.

Meredith felt a lump form in her throat. She felt sick. She felt her heart beating quicker than it ever had before. At the same time, her heart felt like it was going to drop and stop beating all together. She knew what the story was. She knew what she was supposed to say, no matter what a lie it was. It was a lie, or at least as far as she knew it was a lie. At the least it was a partial lie. She would never know what happened to her mother. As the years went on, she had the sinking suspicion that her mother was not in Paris, nor would she ever be in Paris.

"I don't know." Meredith said as she looked away, not wanting Izzie to see her eyes misting over. "I just- I don't know." She repeated as she pulled the throw blanket she had on the arm of the sofa over her body. She was hoping that she could hide under the throw and disappear forever. She knew that wasn't going to happen.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Izzie asked as she looked at Meredith. For a split second she was feeling guilty. She was feeling like maybe it was wrong to pressure Meredith at all. She wondered if Meredith was adopted and didn't know who her real parents were. Izzie was realizing fast that she really didn't know much about her newfound friend.

"I just don't know if they are proud." Meredith said frankly as she mustered up all of her strength and pulled herself together. Izzie looked at her, getting more confused than every. "They're dead. My parents are dead." She said as she lowered herself down into the sofa, never having thought it felt this big. She was thankful that it was attempting to swallow her whole. She was hoping it would.

"Oh my God! Meredith, I am so sorry. If I knew... I would have never asked you." Izzie said as she swallowed hard and looked at the floor. She was waiting for Meredith to breath out into tears, It didn't come. "I'm so sorry."

"It was a car accident. It just- Not expected." Meredith lied as she felt her eyes mist over. A tiny tear escaped her eyes. It was a tear falling for a life of lies, it was a tear falling for the mother she never knew. It was a tear falling for Sofia, who she left behind. It was a tear for the life that may have been a living hell, but she still missed. She would lay awake at night and wonder if she really was the masochist that she thought she was. "It was horrible... I can't- I just can't-" She gasped as she looked at Izzie and then looked away. She closed her eyes and was shocked when she felt Izzie's arms wrap around her.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. There was something about Izzie's arms around her that made her instantly relax. She felt like everything was okay. She felt that same comfort that she had received from Sofia. For a short moment, Meredith closed her eyes and she was home. The odd thing was, it wasn't home. It was the perfect home that she imagined. It was a home with Sofia and her mother. It was her mother that she imagined, not ever having seen a photo of her. It was the perfect place. No words needed to be said as Meredith closed her eyes for good and drifted off to sleep. She was tired and for the first time in a long time, she was relaxed.

Izzie looked down at a sleeping Meredith. She was shocked that she had fallen asleep so easily. Izzie knew pregnancy took a lot out of a person. That coupled with the fact that Meredith was carrying around the stress of medical school. Izzie knew that Meredith could handle having a baby and going to school. She knew if anyone in their class could, it would be her. Izzie sat down on a chair and grabbed her book, looking up at Meredith one last time, she wondered what her closet of secrets was.

"I'm home..." Derek sang out as he walked into the apartment. He had to have a firned drop him off. When Meredith hadn't picked him up, he was concerned. It only grew when she didn't answer her cellphone.

Derek was shocked to look up and see Meredith sleeping, a throw over her body and a cup of tea sitting at her side. There was a blond sitting in the chair reading a book. Izzie quickly looked up and him and sat her book down, standing up.

"I'm Izzie Stevens. I go to med school with Mer. She wasn't feeling great. I brought her home in your car. It's the pregnancy. The first two months can be rough as far as nausea is concerned. That with med school and she is feeling pretty rough. Anyway, it's nice to meet you." She said as she smiled and stuck out her hand.

"I'm Derek. Derek Shepherd." Derek clarified as he stuck out his hand and shook hers. Derek was feeling exhausted himself. As he looked at Izzie, all he could think was that he needed to dump the blond and take Meredith to bed. The thing was, it wasn't sex he wanted. He wanted to take her to bed do they could both sleep for days. "I'm Meredith's-"

"Husband." Izzie chimed in. Everyone knew that Meredith was married. Some people had seen glimpses of Derek as he had dropped her off to class. The rumors flew, of course. The biggest rumors was that she was married to a rich old man. The other was that she was married, and she and Andre were having an affair. Izzie knew better on both accounts and she was fairly certain that Meredith had no idea that people even said those things. "Yeah, I assumed that's who you were." Izzie said with a giggle as she looked at him.

"She really is tired..." Derek muttered as he walked up and stroked her cheek. He was shocked that she didn't wake up and spring to attention. "Normally she would wake up." He pointed out as he kissed her softly. "I didn't know she had told people at school that she was pregnant. I was actually expecting her to try to hide it." Derek told her frankly.

"This wasn't planned?" Izzie asked. As soon as the words came out, she and Derek both realized she had overstepped her boundaries. Derek looked at her, basically telling her he wasn't answering, with his eyes. "Well, I'm sure some of the professors are going to make it rough on her, just in principle." Izzie told him with a frown.

"Well, I'm ready for that. I really don't think she is." Derek explained. As he looked at her tired face, he immediately felt overwhelming guilt. They should have never had drunken sex. Today, he was seeing what consequences really were.

"I'm not sure she is." Izzie agreed as she looked at Meredith, who was sleeping soundly on the sofa. "I think sometimes she just sees the good. I was shocked that she was so willing to tell me that she was pregnant. I swear in med school they pick off the weak. They are going to look at her as a weak one."

"That is true." Derek said sadly as he looked at Meredith, who was completely out. He felt sick, having helped put her in the situation that they were now in. "Has she eaten?" Derek questioned, knowing that if she got busy, that was the first thing that she forgot to do.

"No. I made her a cup of tea, but that is all she has had since I've been around." Izzie explained, feeling like she had done a bad job taking care of her. She was hoping that Derek didn't think she was a bad caretaker. "I guess I should have made her something. I mean, I was planning but then she fell asleep..."

"It's fine. I'm home for the night. I'll make sure she gets something. So... How did you get here?" Derek asked, not seeing a car in the visitor's parking spot.

"Oh... I insisted on driving her home. In her car. I didn't think she should be driving. She was really nauseous and she looked so weak. I hope that was okay. I'll just call for a cab." Izzie said with a sigh as she looked around. She hadn't planned ahead as far as how she would get home and now she was feeling rather stupid because of it.

"No. No, I won't have you call a cab. I'll take you home." Derek said with a smile as he looked down at Meredith. "Mer... Meredith." Derek said as he bent down and kissed her softly. "Hey, baby."

"Hmm?" She asked as she lifted her tired lids slightly. "Yeah?" She asked as she looked around, looking at Izzie in shock. It took her a few seconds to remember why Izzie was there.

"You rest. I just wanted you to know that I am taking your friend home. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" He told her as he kissed her forehead. Meredith nodded her head and closed her eyes.

Derek and Izzie left the apartment, leaving Meredith sleeping peacefully on the sofa. Meredith was feeling as if she could not catch up on her rest. She was constantly exhausted and she was getting tired of it. She was feeling completely worthless. She wanted to be able to help out more, but when it came down to it, all she wanted to do was sleep. Just as Meredith went to roll over she felt a wave of nausea wash over her.

"Damn it!" She growled as she pulled herself up and rushed to the bathroom. She quickly dropped to her knees and began retching in the toilet. "I hate this!" She growled loudly as she began to cry.

She knew her emotions were getting out of control. The doctor had explained about all the changes her body was going through, along with the hormones that were all over the map. She found herself snapping at Derek for no reason, and then she would feel immediately guilty about it. Meredith laid her head back and cried as she waited for more nausea. She let out a relieved sigh when she felt it pass. She slowly climbed to her feet, feeling the cold tile beneath her. She grabbed the mouthwash and rinsed the rank taste of vomit from her mouth.

"Oh! There is someone here." She heard Mark say as she nearly walked into his chest. Meredith felt her heart beat loudly. Mark had walked into the apartment and she wasn't even sure how she didn't notice.

"Mark! What are you doing here?" She asked in shock as she backed away from him. "How did you get in here?" She growled, feeling the anger boil. Even if the door had been left wide open, and she knew it hadn't been, he should have never just walked in.

"I have a key." He pointed out as he dangled it in front of her face. Meredith felt her jaw clench as she stared at his keys. "Derek thought it would be a good idea for me to have a key. In case you lost yours, or there was an emergency." He pointed out with a smile. Meredith almost wanted to knock his teeth out, although she was unsure why.

"First of all, I would never lose my key. I am far more responsible than that. And secondly, you have no right to just walk into our home. I may have been naked. I may have been sleeping. I don't know who you think you are. You can't just show up here. You aren't welcome." She said frankly. She was suddenly not concerned that Mark was Derek's best friend. He was rubbing her the wrong way.

"I was kind of hoping you would be naked." He said with raised brows as he gave her the quick once over.

"You are sick! Don't look at me like that." She shouted, looking him straight in the eyes. "You know what? I think you should leave. I think you should leave until Derek gets back. That's what I think. So... Get out!" She said as she gave him a shove towards the door.

"I don't think that would be very wise of you, Meredith Grey." He said as he warned her. Meredith looked at him in shock. He used her name.

"It's Shepherd." She warned as she felt the fire rise up inside of her. She was ready for a fight with him.

"That's what everyone thinks. But I know the truth, Meredith. Don't you forget that." He told her boldly. Meredith felt a lump in her throat. What did he want?


	124. A Visit

Meredith never said anything about Mark. It would wake her up from sleep, but she wouldn't say why. He would enter their apartment and she would shudder, always going unnoticed by Derek. Meredith learned to hate Mark Sloan with a passion. With his advances and threats, every time he was coming around, she felt sick. She hated him. She hated him more than her father. She hated him more than anyone.

"I have to go, I'm late." Meredith shouted as she placed one hand on her swollen abdomen and the other on the set of keys. Derek had managed to get another car. This one was definitely more beat up and was immediately referred to as his car. Meredith refused to ride it and and she had taken over their other one.

"Don't work too hard, okay?" He asked as he looked at her in her tight little dress. His only solace was that she was sure no one would be hitting on her. It was more than obvious that she was taken.

"I'll try not to." Meredith replied as she kissed him softly. "They shouldn't be too busy. The afternoon shift is nothing like the morning." She told him with a nod. Meredith worked afternoons at the diner when she had days off of school. On her school days she would work nights. Derek felt so guilty. She insisted it was fine, she wasn't doing too much. He didn't know how it couldn't be too much.

"What time will you be home?" Derek asked as she grabbed her purse. He was shocked that she was so willing to work, although that was not how it was in the beginning. Her first days still haunted him. She would whine and cry about it. She didn't seem to get the concept of work. She was sure that everyone hated her, and of course the outfit was inferior and itchy on her skin.

"I shouldn't be too late. After you are gone, of course." Meredith said with a frown. They hadn't had sex in forever and she couldn't remember the last time they laid down and fell asleep together. Meredith shut the door behind her and slowly walked down the stairs.

Meredith pulled up to her spot in the diner parking lot. She didn't know much about the fifties, but she liked the music and she was realizing how fun it was to be in that era every time she walked in the door. She loved the jukebox and the countertop with it's napkin holders. In her mind, this was just fun.

"Hey Mary!" Meredith said as she walked in and threw her purse in the back. She quickly pulled on and apron and put her hair up.

"You look bigger every time I see you!" Mary said in shock as she looked at Meredith, Meredith gave her a playful scowl, not liking that her size was increasing.

"Thanks." She said as she rolled her eyes and walked away. She knew Mary was just playing but she was still getting self conscious about her new full figure.

"Oh honey, It's great. Just imagine how you'll feel when you have that baby Shepherd in your arms. It will be worth everything." Mary shouted from the back, gathering her things to go home.

"Oh yes... Imagine... Little Shepherd." Meredith heard a sarcastic voice say from the other side of the counter. Her eyes got wide as she looked up at Mark. "Won't that be cute..." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith growled under her breath. She didn't want anyone to know that Mark was a problem.

"I came to visit you. You know, get some pie." He said as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. Meredith felt her stomach churn as she looked into his cold eyes. It took all of her strength to not grab the napkin holder and crack him across the face.

"You are not welcome here." Meredith seethed as she walked away from him. She watched as a customer walked in and sat down at the end of the counter. "How can I help you today, Sir?" She asked sweetly.

"Just a slice of pie, love." He said with a smile. "What's on the list today?" Meredith giggled, it was the same everyday, other than the occasional holiday pie.

"Okay, chocolate creme, blueberry, cherry, pineapple, coconut creme, pecan, lemon, apple, blackberry, and peach." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at him.

"I'll have peach, because you are such a peach." He said with a wink, not meaning anything by it. "Whipped cream too, doll." He told her as she sashayed away. That was the only way Meredith Grey knew how to walk.

"Oh, he gets to eat, huh?" Mark asked as he watched her walk away to get the pie. Meredith thought for sure he would have gotten the point and left. He usually did by then.

"You should leave. You aren't welcome here." Meredith said in a sing song voice as she walked by.

"That would be discrimination." Mark said as she continued on. Meredith sat the man's pie down with a smile and walked back by.

"Separatism. Separating the assholes from the normal people." She said as she walked by to get a coffee cup from the back. Mary hadn't restocked underneath the counter. When Meredith walked back out with the tray of cups she frowned. He was still there.

"Oh come on...Meredith." Mark said with a smile when she walked out. Meredith felt her stomach knot up. She was getting better at dealing with Mark, but he always made her uncomfortable.

"You can go." Meredith groaned as she grabbed the cups off the tray and placed them below the countertop. Her other customer smiled as her when he realized she was going as fast as she could. "It's coming, sir." Meredith told him as she flipped the cup around on her finger and walked to the coffee pot.

"Thanks, Peach." He told her as she sat the coffee down in from of him with a small bowl full of creamers.

"Anything else?" Meredith asked as she cocked her head like Derek and looked around. She was hoping that Mark had crept out of the diner. When she looked over her shoulder, he was still there.

"Is he bothering you?" The man asked as he looked at her. Meredith tried not to let the fear fill her eyes. The truth was, she was terrified. She wasn't sure why she was so scared, it couldn't get any worse. As she looked at him, she sighed, thinking about how Derek would feel and all the possible answers to what she would tell him. She had to stay silent.

"Nah, not really." Meredith told him with a shrug. "So, anything else? I know that pie is huge, but it's not that big. If you want something else, I'd be more than happy to get it for you." She said with a nod and a smile.

"No thanks, Peach. I hope you don't mind me calling you that... You are just so adorable. Remind me of my wife when she was young. Don't worry, it's not a pick-up line. You're just cute, zooming through here, pregnant and light on your feet. And that guy, if you want rid of him, I'll get him out. He the baby's dad? Ah, never mind, that was inappropriate." He told her as he stabbed another bite of his pie.

"It's okay. He's not the baby's dad. I'm married." Meredith said as she pulled her ring out of her shirt, hanging from a chain. "I'm terrified to lose it, it's one of a kind." She told him as she waved the ring from side to side.

"That is great." He said with a huge smile. When he first started talking when he came in, she was sure he wanted to pick her up. Now she was shocked at how happy he was that she was attached. "So you are with the dad... Married... I just, not to judge, but so many girls do it on their own. It's refreshing to see someone who isn't." He told her with a nod as he drank down his coffee and shoved the mug towards her.

"More coffee?" She asked as she grabbed his cup. He nodded his head no and put his hand up. "And I can't imagine doing it alone." She admitted as she raised her hand and rested on her stomach. "It's just- Amazing. Do you have kids?"

"No, my wife couldn't have them. We contemplated adoption, but she just couldn't do it. I always thought that was her selfish side coming out. What difference is it? She wanted to be a mom, you know? Either way, no, I don't have any kids." He said with a frown. "Oh... Crap, Im going to be late! Have a good day, Peach."

"You too." Meredith replied with a smile as she picked up his plate and cup. "Don't work too hard." She added, having heard people say that all the time.

"I won't. And if you need me to get rid of that..." He pointed to Mark, who was obnoxiously looking at the menu. Meredith nodded her head no and walked away with the dishes. She didn't even look in Mark's direction as she walked back by to swipe the countertop. She was shocked when she saw the money for his bill, plus a twenty dollar tip. She and Derek really needed that money and she was elated.

"So?" Mark whispered in her ear. Meredith jumped as she realized he was behind the counter with her.

"You have to get out! If the cook sees you." She growled as she looked around. Mark rolled his eyes and walked away, but took his spot behind the counter again. "What do you want? Food, I mean!" She clarified as she stood there angrily.

"Hamburger and fries. Oh, and a coke too." He told her with a nod. Meredith scratched it on her pad and stuck it on the clothespin hanging across the little window.

"Order up." Meredith shouted to the cook, who she saw sitting in the back, reading a book. She couldn't help but wonder why he couldn't be there to see Mark. Mark was always around, and it was obvious she didn't want him to me.

"So, Mer... How do you like working? I bet you'd much rather be back in Italy. Shoes, clothes, chocolate... Your pool." He muttered as he gaged her reaction.

"I hate you, Mark Sloan. I will hate you for as long as I live." She said as she looked at him in the eyes. She felt disgusted every time she looked at him. She felt so horrible. She felt like she should die.

"Forever is a long time, Meredith. Forever is a long time... Someday, you will wake up." He told her with a smile. Meredith just glared. What did that mean?

Meredith just stood there. She had to absorb the words that made absolutely no sense. Forever was a long time. She was sure she would hate him forever. In fact, there was not a question in her mind that she would hate him forever. She felt more hatred for him than she ever did for her father. The fact that she was feeling that way made her shudder. Was she a terrible person? She had to think she wasn't.

"Yes, it is. And at the end of the world, I will still hate you." She said as she walked away. She didn't understand why he couldn't just leave. She didn't understand why Derek couldn't be there to protect her. She found herself hating the world very quickly.

"Wait a second, hon... I have an order to put in." He said as he watched her walk away. Meredith froze in her spot, feeling the anger boil. Once he ordered something, she'd never get rid of him.

"You are not welcome to eat here." Meredith muttered under her breath, hoping the cook wouldn't hear what she had said.

"Honey, you need to serve me. I could point it out to your boss. How do you think they would feel if they found out you were refusing customers?" He asked as he grabbed a straw from the holder and spun it on the countertop. "Imagine... No paycheck, with a baby on the way..." He pointed out as he shook his head in shame.

"What do you want?" She growled as she looked into his dark eyes. "To eat! what do you want to eat?" She clarified as she took in a breath and pulled out her pad and pen. She had already put little hearts and her name on her bills. She was really wishing she hadn't. She did not mean that with him.

"You... I mean a cheeseburger and fries. Oh, and a shake. Strawberry, Miss Shortcake." He said as he looked up. Meredith went on as if she hadn't heard him.

"Lettuce, tomato, mayo, pickles and onion?" She asked as she looked at him as if he meant nothing to the world. "And how do you want that cooked?"

"Well done, just like you." He teased as she wrote it down. "And put whatever you want on that." He said with a nod as he watched her write. Meredith shook her head and walked away as she placed the order on the clothespin and walked away.

Meredith angrily pulled out the ice cream from the cooler beneath the counter. She wanted to kill him. She literally wanted to hurt him. She didn't understand why he had to do this to her. She knew that if he life was going to be filled with this, she didn't want to live it. She was thinking that Italy wasn't that bad. Now it was too late to go back. She had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Here." She growled as she slid the shake at him. She was praying it would crash into him and splash all over his shirt. She wanted the cold mixture to end up in his lap.

Meredith said nothing as she rushed away. She had to pee, something that always seemed to happen on the minute. She would swear it was every ten minutes that she was going, even if in reality it was not. Meredith rushed into the bathroom and went. She was fine until she walked to the sink to washed her hands. As she looked into the mirror, she was realizing she couldn't take it. She backed up against the wall and began to sob. How would she ever live with herself? It was getting harder every day.

"Order!" She heard someone yell loudly. She was realizing that she had been in the bathroom far longer than she thought. She sighed as she pulled herself up off the floor. She wondered if she could fake something in her eye. She needed something to excuse her red swollen eyes. It was a fat chance that something got in both eyes. She was screwed.

"I'm coming!" She yelled as she placed a cold wet paper towel over her eyes and stood there praying it would go away. She waited as long as she could before she walked out of the bathroom and grabbed the food. She never even looked at Mark as she sat it down.

"Why the crocodile tears?" Mark asked as he watched it food side across the counter.

"Why, Mark? Why? Seriously, you bastard?" She cried as she looked at the floor. "I can't go on this way. I can't." She whimpered as she stood there. "I don't even know how."

"Oh, honey... It will get easier." He told her with a smirk. She wanted to make him pay. It was in his court. How would it get easier? Maybe for him. It already was easy for him.

"Yeah. Maybe someday I will sleep at night without feeling like I should stab myself repeatedly. Maybe some night, I will be able to give my husband a kiss and have nothing on my mind. No, no I won't." She said sharply. "There is no forgiveness."


	125. Call Him Out

Meredith sat on her bed in a daze. It had become part of her day to see Mark. She didn't know how he would swing it. He was an intern just like Derek. Not only that, but his hospital was farther away. She knew him and he was an arrogant ass. Even as an intern, she was sure that he was pushing everyone else around. The thought of Mark at all made her stomach knot up. Meredith's stomach had knotted up in the past, but Mark made it the worst. He sent her in a mental frenzy.

The open tub of cocoa butter sat on the bed. She knew there were much better products, probably even much more expensive products, but that is what Derek insisted on. He had heard his mom talk about it over and over again. She appeased him, knowing that in some way, it made him feel connected to his mother again. She had to admit, the butter made her skin ultra soft. The open tub sat there as Meredith stared at the wall, not thinking of anything. She was just feeling guilt.

Derek stared at his wife. She didn't even notice him standing in the doorframe. She was acting so oddly lately. He had no idea how to put his finger on it. It just wasn't right. She was there, but she wasn't. He had been expecting something different. He was expecting mood swings. He was expecting cravings. There was nothing. She was just absent.

Derek walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt his touch. Derek was in shock at her tenseness.

"Whoa, honey. What was that?" He asked as he rested his hands on her shoulders and looked at the back of her head.

"What? Oh... I was just thinking. I'm fine, Der." She said with a nod as she looked back. It hit her hard and fast that she needed to try to relax. She knew he knew something was up.

"Are you okay, honey? You are so tense." He said as he kneaded her shoulders in shock. He couldn't believe what she was holding on her shoulders. He was sure that it was the weight of the world, although he wasn't sure why. "What's going on?" He asked softly.

"Nothing." Meredith replied as she took in a breath and sighed. "Just tired, I guess." He said with a shrug as she grabbed the cocoa butter and twisted the top on. She could feel the love through Derek's hands. The only problem was, she wondered if she deserved that love. she was sure that she did not.

"Maybe you need to quit the diner, Mer." Derek suggested with a nod. "I mean, you aren't that far off from giving birth. You will pop behind that counter." He told her . The truth was, they weren't comfortable but they were okay and if she had to stop working, they could handle it for awhile.

"No, Derek I like it there. I'm fine." She told him firmly. Even if Mark did come in, she liked the job. As she thought about Derek's words, she felt a shiver crawl up her spine, the baby wasn't that far off. He was right about that, and she wasn't ready.

"You smell so good, baby." Derek said as he kissed her neck gently. Meredith always melted when she felt his tongue on her neck. She melted at his touch. She let out a sigh as his arms enveloped her and rubbed her swollen abdomen.

"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she closed her eyes and laid her head back. She wanted Derek to hold her in his loving arms and never let go. Maybe there she could feel better, even though she was sure she would not.

"Oh, baby... I've missed you." Derek said as he ran his hands down her sides and began to slide her pants off. They were cottony soft under his fingers. "I want to take you just like this." He told her, knowing her abdomen got in the way everywhere else.

"Yes." Meredith agreed as she kicked off her pants and panties, letting them fall to the bottom of the bed.

"Let me get naked. He wants you bad." Derek said as he looked down at his hard cock. He hadn't tasted her in so long and he was more than ready for her. As he shimmied out of his pajama pants, she scooted backwards. "Oh no you don't." He said as he stopped her.

Meredith felt a piercing pain of fear shoot through her. She stopped in her tracks, her heart beating quickly. He was going to dump her off the bed. this was all a game. He knew and now he would pushes her. She tried to breath as she waiting for the aftermath.

"I want you out of that shirt." He said softly. Meredith quickly let out all the breath she was holding. "I want to touch those boobs." He said with a chuckle. Even Meredith managed a chuckle, they were swollen and she had never had such big ones in her life. "Oh yeah." He said as she pulled her shirt off and he snaked his hands underneath. She pulled the fabric off and he ran his hands over her nipples, squeezing gently. "I want to feel you." He told her as he grasped her sides and pulled her up and onto his cock. As Meredith sank down she wondered how she would do it.

"Mmmm...." She moaned as she closed her eyes and drew in a breath. It felt good, but it also felt full of guilt. She couldn't believe how bad she felt. She didn't know how things went on. She had no idea how people could handle it and actually do it willingly.

"Is that good, baby?" Derek asked as he thrust up into her. He noticed quickly that she wasn't doing the work. She was sitting atop him like a hood ornament while he struggled to get her weight plus baby around. She wasn't into it.

Derek knew the baby was distracting her. He knew that she was terrified of giving birth and how they would handle it all. He was scared, but he also knew he could do anything he needed to. He would ensure that his family was taken care of. The baby was on it's way whether they were ready or not, so they had might as well be ready. Derek couldn't do anything about the birth, that was all on Meredith. All he could do was support her, and no matter what, he would be there going that.

Meredith sat atop Derek, but she wasn't there, She was everywhere. She had more things going through her head than trains through Grand Central Station. She had worry all over her face. She was sure Derek could see it, she was just hoping he wouldn't point it out or think too much into it. It wasn't like the situation was obvious. Everything was well hidden. Mark may stalk and obsess over her, but when he was around Derek, he acted like she didn't exist.

"Mer, are you okay?" Derek finally asked. He could tell she wasn't into it. He make be a strong man with a hard cock, but you can only keep it hard for so long when you know someone isn't isn't it. Meredith didn't answer as she stared off in her trance like state. "Mer... Honey?"

"Wha- What?" Meredith asked as she looked up in shock. She could tell by the look on his face that he had been talking to her. In face, it looked like he had been talking for longer than she had even noticed. "What, babe?" She asked as she looked down.

"Here." Derek moaned as he gripped her hips tightly and lifted her off of him.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she and her huge baby bump fell to the side and rolled onto her back. "Derek, what's going on?"

"You're not. into it, Quite frankly, I'm not either." He said as he grabbed his boxers. Meredith watched as his penis started to go flaccid. She had never seen it do it like that. Not that easy, without coming for her.

"Derek..." Meredith said in shock as she looked at him. He felt her stomach churn. Maybe he knew. Maybe he was trying to trap and trick her like a caged animal. She was afraid to look down and see if her foot was in the trap. If it was, she wasn't sure whether she should gnaw off her own leg, or whether she should do something about it, like tell him.

"No, it's okay Mer. I know you are all stressed out about baby. Not only do I know that, but I know that no matter what I do, you will still be stressed out." He explained. Meredith sighed. She could look down, she was not in a trap. False alarm, it was just branches around her feet.

"I'm sorry." Meredith said as she laid her head back and covered her eyes with her arms. She couldn't stand to look over at him and do this anymore.

"It's okay. I'm here, Mer. I know that doesn't help a ton. I know you are still scared, but I am here. I will always take care of you, no matter what." He told her as he rolled over and laid his head on her belly. She wondered if no matter what would still stand if he knew. She was sure that it would not.

"I know, Derek." She told him with a nod as she looked up. His hopeful blue eyes were so happy. It was baby and she knew it. He was elated that he was going to be a father. "Oh!" Meredith gasped as she laid there, feeling baby inside of her.

"Oh my gosh, that was so hard!" He said in shock as he looked at her, wide eyed and full of pride. "What a boy!" He said happily as he kissed her stomach.

"I think that your "boy" wants something." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. He seemed so convinced that it was a boy. She just had to giggle. "Barbeque chips." She told him with a nod, what's better is that she knew they had some in the cupboard.

"Then my boy, and his mom will get what they want." He told her with a smile as he jumped up and rushed to the kitchen. Meredith rubbed her belly as she waited for him. Their baby had a calming affect. When she thought or the baby and talked to it, she didn't think about anything else.

"Here you go..." He said with a smile as he brought her a bowl. Meredith accepted it and shook her head. "What?"

"You should have brought the whole bag." Meredith laughed as she shoveled them in as quickly as she could. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe she could just be okay. Maybe once the baby was born, it would stop. Maybe.

"Damn, Mer." Derek said in shock as he watched her eat. She was starving all of the time. He knew the baby was consuming a ton of her energy, but he wished she would eat fruits and vegetables instead.

"I'm hungry, Derek. Are you really going to complain to me? Are you? I mean seriously! I am carrying your child. If I want chips, you will get them. And if I want them fresh, you will make them." She declared angrily. Derek looked at her in shock. All she was doing was making him angry.

"Oh will I?" Derek asked loudly. He was already exhausted from the many hours at the hospital and now she was trying his patience. "Maybe I'm not your damn slave, Meredith!" Derek said as he stood up above her.

"Testy are we? Derek! You are such as ass! Ahhhh!" Meredith shouted as she shoved the bag aside and it fell, causing chips to fly all over the floor. "Oh great! Fucking great. And like I can pick them up with this huge fucking stomach you caused." Meredith growled as she shook her head.

"Damn it!" Derek shouted as he got on the floor. "If you weren't having a temper tantrum, this wouldn't have happened." He said as he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Here..." Meredith grumbled as she handed him the trash can. Derek looked at her with confusion and shook his head.

"What is that for? These chips are still good. The floor is clean." Derek told her frankly as she sat it down. Meredith scoffed loudly and looked him in they eyes. "These chips are fine."

"The floor is dirty, Derek. No way am I eating shit off the floor. I would never have to put up with this in Italy. If I were in Italy, Sofia would be making me whatever I wanted, not treating me like I'm second rate and deserve nothing." Meredith said as she teared up and clenched her jaw.

"First of all, we aren't in Italy anymore. Secondly, Sofia would do that for you because she was your servant. She was paid to do things for you. Sofia was sweet, but the dollar was more motivation than being kind to you. And don't even bitch to me about Italy! You wanted to leave there just as badly as I did. You are a person, Mer. God knows I love you, but here you are no better than anyone else." He shot as he tossed the chips in the bag.

"I hate you, Derek Hanson!" She growled as she ripped the bag from his hands, tossing it in the trash and stomping off. Derek was in shock, she called him his real name.

"Mer..." Derek sighed as he watched her walk away.

Derek sat down on the floor and sighed. He was exhausted and being a jerk, and she was overly emotional and acting irrationally. In other words, they were a terrible match at the moment. He tried hard to be there for her, but it wasn't always easy. Sometimes he felt like all he did was serve her and he let himself suffer. He would never admit it to her, but he was just tired all the way around, even a touch tired of her.

"Wow... What is going on in here?" Mark asked as he walked into their apartment. Derek had given his friend a key just incase he needed to get inside in case of emergency. Little did he know, it was the worst idea he had ever had.

"Meaning?" Derek snapped as he looked up. He wasn't in the mood to put up with Mark's smart ass comments.

"Meaning I heard yelling the minute I walked into the door downstairs. Are you and your lovely wife fighting?" Mark asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Derek rolled his eyes and leaned back against the sofa. "And was there a war with chip bombs?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Derek admitted as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. He's never admit it, but he was even letting himself go. His hair was a touch too long, and it even felt dirty. He didn't like what they were turning into. "Mer just go upset. And I'm tired. I'm fucking tired, Mark. She doesn't even see it, but then again she wouldn't. She can't help that she was raised this way. She knows nothing. No common sense in that girl's head." He said, and almost immediately regretted saying it.

"Do you ever stop and think that maybe you made a mistake?" Mark asked honestly. Even if he did have his own ulterior motives, he truly wondered. "You know, it is okay to admit that you made a mistake. It's okay to say that you screwed up. Not everyone lives happily ever after"

"What the hell are you saying, Mark?" Derek asked sharply. He did not like the way Mark was sounding.

"I'm saying that you can take the princess out of the castle, but you can't take the castle out of the princess. She isn't going to change, Man. She isn't going to change ever. I'm not trying to be shitty. I just want you to realize it before you go to far." Mark pointed out quickly.

"She's pregnant, Mark, I think it has gone too far." Derek said quickly. He really couldn't believe his friend was saying all of this.

"Kids can grow up with separated parents. They do it all the time. At least then you could be happy." Mark said with a shrug.

"Oh yeah... And just who will take care of her? I stole her away from Italy. She can't go back. No one knows. She couldn't survive on her own." Derek told him quickly. He couldn't believe the conversation was going this far.

"She is a pretty girl... She will find some rich fool. Come on, man, unload her while you still can. She will never make you happy. You are delusional. You just think you're happy, but I can see the suffering. You shouldn't be living this way." He said as he looked at Derek. He wondered if he was getting through to him.

Meredith laid in her bed. It seemed no matter how hard she tried, she could not keep her emotions in check. She knew that occasionally the evil words that she spat at Derek were warranted, but most of the time they were not. Meredith rested her arm on her swollen abdomen and sighed.

"I do love you, baby.". She said with a smile. It was true. She had no idea how she loved something that she had never really seen or touched. She did. And she was feeling the strong maternal connection.

Meredith looked around her room. The walls were white. They had talked about painting it, but it seemed neither of them found the time. Meredith felt like she lacked skills in everything but spotting a pair of last season Prada's on someone in public. Meredith shook her head, hating this place. If Derek ever really knew what hwe plans had been for children, he would really hate her.

It seemed Meredith Grey had dreams of having children. The only difference between her dreams and everyone else's were that she dreamed of nannies and boarding school. She would love her children from afar and on occasional holidays. Her perspective had changed some since being with Derek and in the US, but she was still concerned about doing it all.

Meredith crawled out of bed in her usual way, rolling until she could swing her feet to the floor. It was time to do her regular ho hum apology to Derek. It seemed that every time she went to do it, she felt like more of a heel than the time before. When her feet hit the floor, she groaned. They were actually hurting her. She sat on the chair in the corner and took a second to rub them. As she sat in the silence, she could swear she heard Mark's voice.

"Damnit!" She said angrily. It was enough that he tortured her at work, now he was going to come here to her house? Meredith felt her stomach tighten, a reaction to the nervous feeling that was overtaking her. "Why? Why does he have to come here..."

Meredith opened her door. She had to face him. He needed to know she wasn't intimidated by him or his threats, even if she had been. Oh how she wished she had been braver. The mistakes she had made would haunt her for a lifetime. She wished she could go back, but she could not. It was all on her record. Not the public one, the one in her conscience.

"Oh... Hey." Meredith muttered as she walked out. Dered's back was to her and she was sure to give Mark the death glare. Mark just gave her an innocent smile, all his secrets and lies hidden behind his teeth.

"Did you have a good nap, babe?" Derek asked as he turned around and smiled. Somehow that smile just didn't seem right to her. She shook her head, knowing her emotions were jumbled in her head.

"Yes. I guess I was really tired." She stated, half truth, half lie. "And what are you doing here?" She asked Mark with a glare. At the moment, she was almost ready to call him out.


	126. Time

Meredith sat in class and thought about all of it. She thought about everything that she had endured in the last year. She was huge with baby. she was married and yet life seemed do messy and confusing to her. That day with Mark was present in her memory. It was the only one that was so close. She had been steps away from taking him down. She was going to call him out to his best friend. She was going to tell Derek.

She was going to tell Derek, but the one thing that stopped her from telling, was Derek. That day she had looked into his eyes. All she could think about was his cold dead body. She was sure that was what she was going to see if she outed Mark. Her father would kill him in the most brutal way. She too would pay, of course. She could handle that, but what she could handle was Derek. And she was sure she would be made to see him dead. Her father would torture her for a lifetime, and that image would haunt her for one.

She knew Mark wasn't a friend. Friends don't do that. Friends don't turn on each other and go after each others spouses or lovers. Mark did that and it made him the scum of the earth. If anyone was a friend, it was Matt. She missed him so bad. She thought that if she could just call him, everything would be okay. At the same time, that was a huge risk. That could out them in a second. Nothing was right. She was surrounded by bad friends and bad choices. She missed Matt. So that day in front of Mark, she shut down and didn't tell Derek anything. Somethings are better left unsaid.

"Did you hear any of that?" Andre asked as Meredith sat there, deep in thought. Meredith looked up quickly, looking up from the trance that she was in.

"Hear what? Oh! Yeah. I was listening." She lied as she sat back and sighed. She was tired and didn't feel like doing anything. She had a shift at the restaurant and she wasn't ready for that

"You were not listening. Are you nervous about the baby?" Andre asked as he looked at her. He could tell she was just worn, but most of that was the stress of work and school.

"No. Not really. I guess I am ready for the baby. Derek spent all weekend working on the nursery." She said with a sigh as she took his hand and allowed him to pull her up.

"I bet that was exciting. Chicks like to decorate and all that." He said with a nod as he towered above her. Meredith's ankles couldn't handle her usual heels anymore. She had pushed it to the limit and fallen up the stairs at home. She would never tell Derek that happened. She knew he would be angry with her and upset.

"Oh yeah." Meredith answered in a monotone voice and tugged her tight fitting maternity top down. "They cancelled my next class so I'm going." Really she had been lucky. She told them she would be in the diner when she was supposed to be in class. She was glad they cancelled, the last thing she needed was trouble because she missed a class. She would be doing that when she had the baby.

"Would you like me to walk you to your car?" Andre asked with a smile as he opened the classroom door for her.

"No, you have another class." Meredith said with a nod. "You can't be late. And I'm fine, really I am." Meredith said with a sigh as she stood there. "I will see you later."

"Have a good day. Don't work too hard." He told her with a smile as he watched her walk off. He had no idea how she did it all. And the thing that surprised him the most was that she just didn't seem like the kind of girl that should be doing that kind of work.

Meredith drove slowly to the diner. She was just feeling that she needed to be alone. She listened to the radio and took the longest path there. She was praying that Mark wasn't going to be there. She couldn't handle that today. She felt so tired and worn down. She couldn't listen to his threats. She couldn't hear is innuendos. As she pulled into the lot, he smiled. It was busy, but she didn't see that truck anywhere. With her luck, she was hoping he was in class. Anywhere put by her.

"Hey Roz." Meredith said as she walked in. The place was packed and she knew she needed to get right to work. She had never seen it so busy.

"Hey, Mer. Damn girl... Are you sure you will fit behind the counter?" Roz asked as she looked at her.

"Funny." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "I'm not that big. And I feel fine, okay?"

"I know, Mer... I was just teasing. Hey, can you get that table in the corner. I have been trying, but damn, it's busy!" She shouted as she rushed by with milkshakes in her hand. Meredith quickly grabbed her pad and pen.

"Water." She reminded herself as she grabbed a glass of water and took it along. Meredith felt her heart stop as she looked at the table. The glass of water nearly slipped from her hand. She was sure it was him. It was him. She saw Tony sitting in the booth. They had found her. Meredith felt her whole body seize up. She felt like the world was crashing down around her and she could do nothing to stop it. Her body felt numb, as id she couldn't move. It felt like she was standing in place forever. In her mind, it was an eternity. In reality, it had only be a few seconds. In slow motion, they water began to slip from her hand as the pad of paper left it's spot wedged between her elbow and her body, falling to the floor.

She knew his hair. It was his hair. Tony was here and a chill crossed over her body. Derek would be dead. No, no he would not. She would tell Tony that Derek did die and she did not. She would tell him it was all her idea and she pulled it off. She didn't know if it would ever be believed, but that is what she would say. While thinking all of these thoughts, she decided it was too much. It wasn't happening. She couldn't leave Derek forever with his child. Meredith gasped as she felt a sharp pain slice across her abdomen.

"Ahh..." She moaned and se slide backwards on her feet and sat the glass on the counter. It was too much and she had to get away.

Meredith rushed to the bathroom. That was a spot where she could deal with her pain and hide from Tony. Common sense wasn't kicking in that she would be leaving her job and her shift at the busiest time. The only thing on her mind was panic from many things, including the fact that she was having contractions. Meredith walked into the bathroom, remembering to lock the door. She quickly hit the wall and slide down in pain. It was ripping across her and she didn't know why.

"Oh no!" She cried as she held herself. Tony was out there, and she was sure that she was going into labor. There was no way she could go out there and announce it, bringing attention to herself. Roz was a loud mouth, and everyone in the diner would know in a second. Meredith let the tears streams down heavily as she rocked back and forth. Her cellphone was in her purse in the back. She couldn't even call Derek.

"I'd be nice if someone would take my order." The man in the corner booth said as he sat in the booth and shouted to Roz, who whizzed by.

"Your waitress is on her way. Mer! You need to get this corner table." She shouted. "Where are you?" She asked as she looked around.

"Order up!" The cook yelled as he looked through the window and slid the plate out.

"I'm coming!" Roz said quickly as she rushed up. "Hey, have you seen Mer?" Roz asked as she looked around.

"Not here, is she?" He asked. "No, scratch that. There is her purse." He said as he glanced over to the small table in the back. "Not out there?" He questioned as he looked around. "Maybe she's in the can." He muttered with a shrug. "I gotta cook." He said as he walked away. Roz looked at the bathroom door, seeing it was closed.

"Damn. What a time to have to pee." She said, expecting Meredith to bounce right out. Roz quickly rushed pass the door, and took her order out. It seemed every second she tried to get to the door, she was pulled away. "Damn it! That girl has to get out here. I can't do this." Roz said as she marched to the door. "Mer, honey. Are you planning to work today?" She asked. She asked sweetly, but there was an edge in her voice.

"Ahhh!" Meredith cried out as she sobbed. Roz looked at the door with wide eyes. Something was wrong. That was the sound of pain.

"Honey, are you okay? Open the door!" Roz said as she twisted the door handle, feeling it not move. "Honey. you're scaring me. Please, open the door!" Roz said quickly.

"Ca- Can't!" Meredith gasped as she felt a contraction rip across her. Meredith couldn't think about anything but Tony outside the door and the fact that her baby was on the way. She could wait him out. She could avoid him until after he left. She could do it, she told herself as she breathed through the pain.

"Honey! Please, open the door. Are you okay?" She asked loudly, alerting some of the patrons.

"What's going on?" A large man asked as he ambled over to the door. "Is there a problem?" He questioned, sensing her fear.

"She's in there! Something is wrong. Something is wrong and she's preg- Oh my god, Mer! Are you in labor?" She shouted as she looked at the man in horror.

"Do you want me to open the door?" He asked her quickly as he looked at her and the door. By this point, many of the other patrons had walked up, along with the cook.

"Bust it open." Mo, the cook said as he looked at the door. "Get her out of there." He said as he heard a muffled cry. The man nodded as he wrenched the handle back and forth.

"I'm going in. Hey! You in there.... Get away from the door!" He yelled. Meredith looked over, they were coming in.

Meredith didn't know what she was more in a panic about. Perhaps it could be her death sitting outside the door in a booth. Then again, it could be the fact that their baby was on it's way and there was no way that she could stop it. Meredith panted as she laid against the wall, feeling the emotional and physical pain. She was not ready to be a mom. As long as the baby was inside her, it wasn't real. Now suddenly it was all too real. It was coming and she knew there was no stopping it.

"It's okay, honey. We're coming in." Meredith heard Roz shout. She felt immediate anger in her body. She didn't want them to come in. Did they not know that they were endangering her and Derek's life? Of course they didn't.

Every time Meredith closed her eyes because of the pain, she saw Derek's cold dead body. She knew her father had ways of making death the most painful, long lasting experience. She had never witnessed it firsthand, but she was sure that Derek's would be the most gruesome that he could think of. Then again, he may be so angry, that a simple gunshot to the head will be his forte. She prayed it would be quick. She would do what she had to to protect him, but she it come to that, she prayed they would both die and quickly.

"Ahh!" She heard as splinters of wood began to fly across the small bathroom. Meredith felt the tears rush as she looked up. Why did they have to come in? Why?

"Oh honey! Are you okay?" Roz asked as she bent down and grabbed Meredith's head. Meredith wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to tell her just why she wouldn't unlock the door. "Is the pain bad? Is that why you didn't open the door?" Roz asked as Meredith began to pant.

"Uh... Huh..." Meredith groaned as she closed her eyes, willing it all to go away. Her heart raced quickly as she thought about the man outside the door.

"They're here." Meredith heard someone say. She paid no attention to what they were talking about. She was in such a fearful place. She decided it was best to just pretend she had disappeared into the wall, rather than facing everything in front of her. "She's in here." Meredith heard as she watched the paramedics come in.

Meredith closed her eyes completely and listened to the sounds buzzing around her. She wasn't helping them. She wasn't going to tell them what was going on. She wasn't going to aid them in Derek's slaughter or her own personal demise. She said nothing as everything discussed what was going on. She felt them pick her up and put her on a gurney. Her eyes peeked open, knowing that if she was going to meet her death, she wanted to see it. She was shocked as she looked up at the man. It wasn't Tony. He wasn't even close. She felt like such a fool as she looked around.

"Ah..." Meredith groaned as she felt a strong gush of water coming out of her.

"Her water broke. Honey, are you okay?" They asked her as they lifted her into the ambulance. Meredith didn't answer. She wasn't ready for a baby. She wasn't ready for any of this. "Can she speak?" He finally asked Roz, wondering just what was going on. He had heard a few groans, but that was it.

"Yes, she can speak!" Roz said, as if she was offended that they asked that. "Mer honey... Why aren't you talking to me?" She asked as she looked into Meredith's painful eyes. "I don't know what is wrong."

"Her vitals are okay." The paramedic said as he looked to see where she was at. "She is close to delivery."

"Where are you taking her?" Roz asked as she looked around, trying to gauge the direction they were heading.

"Saint Anne's." He said quickly as he monitored Meredith.

"That is perfect." Roz pointed out as she grabbed Meredith's hand. "Her husband is an intern there. "Do you hear that, Mer? We are going to Saint Anne's. We will be going to Derek, honey. It will be okay." Roz reassured her. Meredith nodded her head. She was so shared. This was all too much. She wasn't ready to be a mom.

"What do we have?" She heard someone say as the doors whipped open. She listened as they explained stats and everything else. She knew what they were talking about it. She knew what was going on.

"Meredith!" She heard a panicked Derek say as he rushed up.

"Derek!: Meredith screamed in a mixture of pain and joy. She felt better. He was here. He would help her get through. She would be okay if he was there to save her. She could do this and she didn't feel so alone.

"Who is this?" Derek's resident asked as he checked her name again. "Is this a relative?"

"No! No... This is. Oh god, Mer. You will be okay." He said as he leaned down and kissed her. "She is my wife." He told his resident quickly. "And she is- She's in labor. I'm going to be a dad." He shouted as he realized what it all meant. "I'm going to be a dad." He sighed as he followed the gurney. He wasn't listening to anything as he ran beside her and held her hand. The baby was coming. The baby was coming and he was going to be a dad. Was he ready? He had to be.


	127. Baby

Meredith thought it would never end. Even if her labor was going unusually quick for a first time mother, she swore it was going on for all eternity. Of course she was throwing in a few hatful statements at Derek as she felt contractions. All her hatred went away as soon as she felt the epidural kick in. She hadn't wanted the epidural. In fact, she had yelled quite loudly that they were not putting that needle into her, no way. Finally the pain got strong enough that she didn't care what they did, as long as they made it stop.

"Almost there. Another push." She heard the doctor say. The truth was, she was out of it. The emotional and physical stress had her completely exhausted. She had worn herself out at the diner, just worrying about what was to come. Her impending death had sent her over the edge.

"I know you're tired, Mer. You can do it honey. I have faith in you." Derek said with a smile as he wiped the sweat from her brow and kissed her gently.

"Okay." Meredith agreed as she drew in a breath and bore down. Derek felt his hand go numb as she squeezed even harder than she had before.

"You're clearing the shoulders." The doctor said with a smile as he looked up. "Good job, Meredith. You are doing a great job." He told her with a nod, signifying that she needed to push again. Meredith felt the tears well up. It was always just one more push. When would it be no more? When would it be done?

"Come on, Mer. Come on, baby." Derek said again, knowing that she just wanted it to end. He was feeling so bad for her. It wasn't that she was weaker than any other woman. It was that she was Meredith Grey. As much as he loved her and as much as he dreamed about it, he always wondered if she would have ever given him children. She was just too pretty and too perfect to go through the hell that it was. Derek drew in a breath. Her giving birth to his child only made him love her more.

"Ohhh..." Meredith cried out as she gave one last push. She immediately heard the first cry of her child. Tears poured from her eyes as she heard the sweetest sound ever. That was her child. Her daughter.

"Congratulations! It's a girl." The doctor said with a smile. Derek quickly dropped Meredith's hand and rushed to see. Meredith felt a bit of a sting at his absence, but she knew that he was excited. "Are you going to cut the cord, Dr. Shepherd?" He asked with a smile. Derek nodded his head exuberantly.

"Yes. Yes, of course!" He said with a huge grin. "Oh my God, Mer. She is beautiful. She is perfect, honey. Absolutely perfect!" Derek said as he looked at his daughter with adoration.

"I want to see her." Meredith said softly. She watched as the doctor placed her on her abdomen. "Oh, Derek." She said as she sobbed, looking at her perfect daughter, crying softly. "I love her. I love her." She cried as she touched her softly. "She is so tiny..."

"I know, Mer. I know." Derek agreed as a tear slid down his cheek. He looked over at the doctor and nodded. It seemed like such a big deal to him. He was cutting his daughter's tie to her mother. He was cutting the life support that she had needed from day one. It felt so final, and yet he knew there would always be an invisible bond between the two of them. He knew that that bond was much stronger and important that the cord her was going to severe. "You are so perfect." He muttered as he cut the cord. He watched as the doctor grabbed her and walked away.

"Where is she going?" Meredith asked in a panic as she struggled to sit up.

"Calm down. They are just checking her out. She is fine. They have to clean her up. Oh, Mer.. She id perfect. God, she is so perfect. Breathtaking." He said with a smile as he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. Meredith nodded and shut her eyes for a second. It seemed like a second, and then the nurse was bringing her daughter back to her.

"Would you like to try to nurse her?" They asked as they looked at her. meredith nodded softly. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to nurse her. She was hoping her baby would want her milk. She was worried that she wasn't good enough for her daughter. Her daughter really was a princess.

"Will she?" Meredith asked nervously as she looked up. She needed it to work. The nurse nodded softly as Meredith laid there, unsure of how much time had gone by. "Okay... Let's." Meredith agreed as she took her daughter in her arms, her heart melting on the spot.

"She is perfect." Derek said as they spent a quiet moment by themselves, their daughter nursing quietly. "She needs a name." He said quietly, not wanting to disturb her. "We didn't know... And now... Well, she's a girl." Derek said with a smile as he kissed his daughter and then Meredith.

"Cara." Meredith said without hesitation. "I love that name. Cara."

"Cara... Cara Sofia." Derek said with a soft smile. Meredith's face lit up. It was perfect. How could they not name her after Sophia, the only mother figure Meredith had ever had?

"Cara Sofia." Meredith said softly to her daughter. Even in all her happiness, her heart ached. She missed them. Even her father. At this moment, it just seemed that they should be there.

-------------

Cara was sleeping softly as Meredith laid in her bed. Derek was sitting in the chair being quiet as a mouse. She was sure that he thought she was asleep and she wasn't telling him otherwise. She had so much on her mind. She was worried that they would struggle, but at the same time, she knew they would. As much as she worried, a sense of calm was over her along with it. Seeing her daughter, she knew she would do whatever she had to to take care of and protect her.

"So where is this rugrat?" She heard an all too familiar voice say loudly.

Meredith felt the bile rise in her throat. She felt anger surging deep within her veins. She felt the need to strike like a poisonous snake. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to jump up and strangle his throat. She wanted him to die right in front of her, while she happily watched him suffer. She would not have him around her child. She would protect Cara to her death. Mark would never touch her. Not her or her precious newborn.

"Don't you touch her!" Meredith screamed as she jumped out of the bed and went after him.

"Meredith!" Derek said in shock as he lunged over to grab her. Before Meredith could reach him, she fell over in pain, not realizing that her body was still reeling from shoving the seven pound child through her vagina.

"Ah... Ah..." She cried out as she felt her head go fuzzy with pain. She drew in several deep breaths and rolled her eyes back.

"Oh my God! Mer, are you okay?" He asked her as he carried her back to her bed. Meredith nodded as she laid her head back. Mark, can you leave us alone?" Derek asked as he looked up.

"Of course man. Control your attack dog." He said in shock as he backed out of the room.

Mark stood in the hallway in shock. All the times that he loitered her. All of the times that he threatened her. All the times that he made her feel meek and tiny, he never saw her react that way. A wave of panic rushed over him, wondering if she was going to say anything. Mark didn't want her saying anything to Derek. He thought about rushing in there and somehow putting a stop to it. Then again, he knew that Derek was his best friend. Mark would believe him over Meredith, he was sure.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, seeing that she was no longer in physical pain. Now she just seemed to have a permanent scowl on her face.

Derek stared at her, waiting for a response. She didn't seem like she was going to response. Derek wondered just what made her act so insane. She had known Mark since they moved here. Derek had known Mark for an eternity. It didn't take a fool to see that he was a good guy, and a good friend. He didn't understand what would make her want to hurt him. Why was she acting like she had lost her mind. He almost wondered if her hormone levels had gone completely out of whack. Maybe he should suggest that to her doctor?

"Meredith... What was that?" Derek asked as he grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. Meredith winced in pain as she shifted her weight to make herself more comfortable. "Are you okay?" He gasped with concern.

"I'm okay. I just gave birth, Derek!" She snapped, immediately feeling guilty for being so nasty to him. She quickly drew in a breath and closed her eyes. "I'm okay." She said more calmly. "I'm alright."

"What the hell made you react that way?" Derek asked quickly. He wasn't being cross, but there was a slight edge in his voice.

Meredith wondered. She had no idea what to do. It seemed like this was the time to come clean. This was when she was supposed to pour her heart and tell him everything that had been stewing for so long. Her stomach was tense and sore, a mixture of nerves and giving birth. She felt the need to cry, a result of emotion and hormones. As she looked into Derek's deep blue eyes, all she say was fear an joy. This was the most important day of his life, and she couldn't ruin it for him. She couldn't steal his joy.

"I panicked. I have no idea. I just love her so much. I don't know what came over me." Meredith said as she shook her head and lied. She felt terrible for lying, but in her mind, it was necessary.

"It's okay. It happens." Derek told her as he stroked her hand. "You have a lot going on. A lot has happened. It's natural." He told her as his fingers ran through her hair and he leaned up to kiss her. "I love you. And I'm ready to show my daughter off."

"What?" Meredith asked, quickly realizing what he meant. "Oh..."

"Mark... You can come in." Derek said with a hefty smile. "Come in and meet my daughter." He said as his friend entered. Meredith watched as he walked in. She had to hold it in. She had to hold it in for everyone.

"Ah... There's the little monster." Mark muttered as he walked over and looked down at her.

"It's she beautiful?" Derek asked, such the proud father as he stroked the top of her head and smiled. He would never forget how soft her light hair was, or the way she smelled. She smelled like a baby, so fresh and clean.

"I gotta say, there is no denying her... She has your nose." Mark spat with a laugh. Mark knew that the baby's nose was one of the last things to form when they were young. There was no way of knowing who's nose she would have, even if it was just a tiny button, probably more like Meredith's.

"Screw you, Mark." Derek said, somewhat defensively as he rolled his eyes. "She is beautiful. I don't need confirmation from you." He spat as he picked her up. Derek knew that Cara wanted to rest, but he just couldn't help but want her in his arms. "You're perfect to me, Cara Sofia." Derek told her with a kiss on the forehead.

"She is beautiful, Man. She looks like her mother." Mark said with a wink. Meredith felt her stomach churn. She felt sick as she saw him close to her daughter.

"She is perfect." Derek agreed with a smile as he handed his daughter to her mother.

"Hey baby." Meredith said with a crackled, tired voice. "How is my girl?" She questioned as she kissed her softly and pulled her away. Her daughter closed her sleepy eyes. "Derek, can you get me some apple juice and graham crackers?" She asked softly.

"Sure. Just push the nurse call button." He said, not wanting to leave his daughter, even for a second. "She will get it for you." He muttered, waiting for Meredith to push the button herself.

"Oh yes, Derek... That is the way to make friends with your staff. I think it would be a good idea. Let's piss off the nurses. Your daughter will be here when you get back." Meredith snapped as she looked up at him.

"I would listen." Mark said with a nod, knowing that lactating mothers could kill if they were angry enough. "You should try not to piss of the mother bear." He added with a nod.

"Fine." Derek said, obviously irritated and put down. He wanted to spend every waking minute with his daughter, soaking her up and basking. He loved her more than anything, and he couldn't understand how strong her felt.

"I'd say he was pissed off." Mark laughed as he looked at her. Meredith clenched her jaw, happy that she had her daughter in her arms to protect her. "Now we can spend some time together. I knew you sent him away for a reason."

"No, Mark. Not for the reason you think." She said with a growl. "You listen, and you listen now... You will never touch her. You will stay away from her, and from me. This is over, and it's over now. If you mess with me, I'll kill you." She said nastily. She meant it.


	128. Blue

than anything, and he couldn't understand how strong her felt.

"I'd say he was pissed off." Mark laughed as he looked at her. Meredith clenched her jaw, happy that she had her daughter in her arms to protect her. "Now we can spend some time together. I knew you sent him away for a reason."

"No, Mark. Not for the reason you think." She said with a growl. "You listen, and you listen now... You will never touch her. You will stay away from her, and from me. This is over, and it's over now. If you mess with me, I'll kill you." She said nastily. She meant it.

**Chapter 128: Blue**

Meredith sat back in her class. She was worried about her baby, wondering of Derek was doing okay. They were on a tight schedule., he was due to go in just and hour after she arrived home. She knew that he was on-call, even if he wasn't admitting it to her. It made her stomach churn that he baby might end up getting toted around the hospital while she was sitting in class. Money was so tight, she knew they couldn't afford a sitter at the moment. The thing was, she would quit. Derek was dead set against her suggestion, but she could do it. Her baby was far more important than being a doctor. She never thought she would feel that way.

Mark was gone. She still couldn't believe it. She thought he would forever be a thorn in her side. Nothing shocked her more than the day she was sitting on the sofa, watching a medical drama and nursing Cara. She heard his creepy deep voice that day and she immediately felt sick. Little did she know that in her sickness, he would be delivering the best news of his life. He announced that he was transferring to a hospital in California. Mark Sloan was going to be on the other side of the United States! It wasn't as far as she liked, seeing as she had been wishing for hell, but it would do for now. Now she was free of him and his threats. Mark had taken his innuendoes and checked out.

"You're thinking about your kid, aren't you?" Andre asked softly. Meredith quickly snapped out of it. Sure, she had been thinking about Cara, but it quickly transferred to her fear of Mark. She hadn't been listening to her class, not at all.

"A little, yeah." Meredith said softly, not looking away from the professor, who was eyeing her. They hated her. She knew it. They hated her because she had a baby and that was all she thought about. In fact, one of the professors said they thought she could be great, but according to them, she ruined all of that.

"It's natural." He told her with a smile. She saw the smile play upon his lips, barely curling the sides. She was surprised that he was being supportive of it all, but at the same time, she had threatened him with the end of their friendship if he was not. It was a forced support.

"Yeah." She agreed as she purposely looked away, trying to convince her professor that she was the innocent one and Andre was speaking mindlessly to her. She had to get out of that class the minute it ended. No confrontation for her. Meredith glanced down at the baby picture in her folder. She was proud.

"Okay, class, I'll let you out. It seems quite a few of you are a bit distracted. I've kept you over anyhow." He said as he looked around. Meredith never even paused. It was every man for himself and she wasn't waiting for Andre.

Meredith absorbed as much as she could of her class, but towards the end, she was just worrying about getting there on time. She was already fifteen minutes later than she should be. There was going to be enough time for her to swap the baby and maybe give Derek a kiss. She was trying to to adjust, but it was hard. Caring for Cara by herself was a challenge, but a rewarding one at that.

"I'm home!" Meredith shouted as she rushed in. She knew Derek couldn't be late and she swore they kept them over, solely to torture her. The minute she yelled it, regret filled the room with a baby's loud cry.

"I just got her down, Mer. She was sleeping so well, and now... Ah." Derek said with irritation. It was obvious that his morning with Cara wasn't the best morning. "Oh well, your problem now." He said as he rushed by, grabbing everything he needed as he went.

"Did you feed her?" Meredith asked as she threw her bag down and walked towards him. He shook his head and rolled his eyes as he walked across the roll, feeling the rug roll under his feet. He hated that rug and someday it would trip him. Most likely it would be the day he was late to work. Then he would break his leg and be home. He was quite pessimistic these days.

"No, Mer... I let her starve." Derek said as he shook his head. "I like to starve our daughter. Besides, when she sounds off, you know she is hungry. She is like her mother, give her what she wants, or her wrath will take you down in an instant." He explained as he grabbed his bad. "Oh yeah... Love you." He muttered as he stopped in his tracks. He could feel her behind him. If he didn't give her a kiss, he wouldn't be able to concentrate all day. This had happened before, and it made for a horrible shift full of guilt, especially when he couldn't call her. Of course when he arrived home it was apparent that it hadn't affected her in the least. "Love you."

"Love you too." Meredith agreed as she kissed him softly. "Have a good day. I'll see you later." She told him with a smile.

"Okay, love you." He repeated for a third time as he opened the door and walked out, his feet making loud sounds on every stair until he hit the floor at the bottom. Meredith listened as the door opened at the bottom, she was waiting to hear him leave. Cara was silent, she knew mama was there and would give her what she wanted.

"Well, Cara... Looks like it's just you and I." She told her baby as she walked over. She liked it, but she wished Derek was there. Life was too busy and she missed her husband.

Meredith bent down and kissed her daughter. She loved the way the little girl smelled. She smelled fresh and unique. Meredith felt terrible for it, but she hadn't bathed her very often. She was so worried that she would hurt her. Every time she got up the nerve, the little girl began to wiggle around, scaring her half to death. Derek had larger, steady hands that seemed to hold his daughter just a bit safer. As Meredith sniffed her head, she knew that Derek had bathed her today. She felt slightly bad. Eventually, she too would have to take care of her.

"Are you hungry, angel?" Meredith asked her daughter as she sat down on the sofa with her and laid her head back. "At least that's one thing that I can do for you!" She boasted as she bounced her daughter gently. "Daddy can give you a bottle, but what I give you is fresh, little girl!"

Meredith lifted her shirt and nursed her daughter. This was their special time. The connection that she felt was unsurpassed. She felt like her daughter had the same unconditional love for her that she had for her. She missed her husband so much, but at least she had her daughter, she would tell herself. The truth was, she was so tired, she didn't even have the energy to give to Derek. Part of her knew that if he were home, she would just be arguing or picking fights with him.

"I will never leave you, darling. I love you so much. I just can't see how my mom left me. I could never do that to you. I love you so much. The thought makes me sick." She said with a sigh as she shook her head.

Being older and wiser was teaching Meredith many things. First and foremost, she was questioning that her mother ever loved her. either the woman was dead, or she was cold hearted. Having escaped from Italy and hidden her identity, she was learning that when you love someone, you do what you have to. Her mother had not. That was, unless she had perished. If she had, Meredith's knew at just who's hand. Her father's.

"Oh, you look so tired." Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed her little girl's cheek. She knew the baby needed to burp, otherwise she would be a mess. "Do you want to lay back down?" Meredith asked as she flipped the t.v. on and laid her daughter against her chest. "Mama is going to sing you her favorite lullaby." Meredith told her daughter as she sang softly.

_[i]"__Stella stellina (Star, little star )_

_la notte si avvicina: (The night is approaching:__)_

_la fiamma traballa,(the flame is tottering,__)_

_la mucca é nella stalla. (The cow is in the cowshed.__)_

_La pecora e l'agnello, (The sheep and the lamb,__)_

_la vacca col vitello, (the cow with the calf.__)_

_la chioccia coi pulcini, (The hen with its chicks.__)_

_la gatta coi gattini;(The cat with its kittens;__)_

_e tutti fan la nanna (and all are sleeping)_

_nel cuore della mamma!" (In the mother's heart!)[/i]_

"Sofia used to sing me that. What do you think, little princess? Do you like it?" She asked softly. "Sleep softly, honey. Sleep well." Meredith drew in a breath as she watched the t.v. and held her sleeping daughter. Meredith sat there for a long time, just soaking up her daughter. Everything about her amazed her, right down to her little toes and fingers. "Mmm... I'm hungry." Meredith muttered to herself. She knew she needed to eat more, since she hadn't been doing well with it. Not to mention she was breast feeding and that took more nutrients that she was used to producing. "I need to eat." She told herself as she stood up, baby in arms. Meredith made a spot on the sofa surrounded with pillows and laid the baby down. "Mom will be right back." She said quietly as she made she the sleeping baby was secure.

Meredith walked in the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards looking for anything to eat. She finally settled on macaroni and cheese. She needed the extra calcium, and it was something that she rarely had in Italy, only eating the finest foods. Meredith placed the water on the stove, walking over to get a drink out of the refrigerator.

"Juice. Juice will be good." Meredith agreed with herself as she poured a large glass of juice and took a sip. "come on, water...boil." She muttered to herself as she watched it. "An effing watched pot never boils." She reminded herself. Finally the water began to bubble. One air bubble was enough as she poured the noodles in. "Okay, Cara Beara." She said as she walked over to the sofa.

Meredith's veins filled with ice. Panic took over her body like a silent fog. She was frozen, and yet she needed to be doing something. She should be reacting, but instead she stood there, completely motionless. If anyone saw her, they would be disgusted and shocked. She was helpless, only because she wasn't helping. Meredith stared at Cara. She was blue.

"Oh my god!" Meredith shouted as she quickly scooped her baby up, attempting to breathe life back into her. "This can't be happening." She cried as she thought about what she had to do. She knew. Derek had taught her, and she knew exactly what she had to do. Meredith laid her baby down and began to resuscitate her. "Oh thank you!" Meredith cried out as she heard her baby let out a whimper. "Oh god, thank you." She sighed as she checked her over in panic.

Meredith fell back on the sofa. She was having a hard time breathing after her experience. She was sure that her baby was dead. Dead because of her negligence. She felt like the worst mother in the world. She needed to tell Derek about this, but she knew it would just add to the pile of doubt he already had. She knew that in his mind she was just a disappointment. That hurt her more than anything. She only had to look into his eyes to see it. She didn't measure up to the fantasy that he had created in his mind.

Meredith was sitting in silence, just listening to her baby's steady breathing. She had a healthy pink color in her face, giving Meredith the reassurance she needed. Just as her breathing started to relax, from her panic, she smelled something. Meredith gasped as she looked up and saw fire in the kitchen. She wasn't sure how, but she saw flames and smoke around her stove and beginning to fill the kitchen. She scooped Cara up and ran into the kitchen to put it out. She had no idea how to put it out with a baby in her arms.

"Hello!" Meredith heard someone shout to her. She couldn't even look, too much was going on. She was too worried about the fact that her apartment was burning to the ground, or darn close to it. "Oh my god!" She heard Izzie's familiar voice yelling, sounding just as panicked as she was. "Meredith, the house is on fire." She said as she quickly went to action, trying to get it out.

"Don't you think I know that?" Meredith shouted as she looked up and watched, Izzie taking over the job. Izzie seemed to know what she was doing, and Meredith surely did not. Cara began crying as she realized that her mom was upset. If her mom was upset, there was reason for her to be too.

"Wow. How did that happen?" Izzie asked as she looked at the water all over the countertop and stove. The kitchen was a mess, but the fire was out and everyone was safe.

"I- I- I don't know..."Meredith said as she began to cry. She felt panic. She almost burned the house down and killed her baby in one day. She felt her stomach churn as Cara continued to follow her lead. "I can't- I can't do this... I'm so tired." She said as she shook her head and began to sob. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can't do this. It's too much. Way too much." She gasped hard as she rocked back and forth.

"Meredith! Meredith! Calm down. This is okay. It's all okay." Izzie said as she rubbed Meredith's back. "You are young. You are young, and tired. This is normal, honey. It all got poured on you at once, but you're okay." Izzie told her with a smile.

"I'm sorry." Meredith apologized as she rubbed her baby's back and held her close. "It's okay, Cara. It's okay, honey. You're okay, mommy's okay. We are all okay." Meredith told her daughter. Cara whimpered a few more times before she sniffled. "This is terrible. This is just terrible." Meredith told Izzie. "I'm just having a hard time. It's really hard."

"Of course it is." Izzie agree with a nod. "Look, you are young. You're in Med school, which is hard enough as it is. What's worse, you have a baby and you are working at a diner. Meredith, you are working your ass off. I think anyone that knows you, thinks you are amazing. We are all shocked that you are going on, trudging through it. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it. You just have a lot on your plate, and that is okay. It is okay to be tired and make mistakes. No one will hate you for it." Izzie explained as she looked her in the eyes and led her over to the sofa, sitting Meredith down.

"I just do it. I do it for her. I do it for Derek." Meredith explained as she sat back on the sofa and held Cara, knowing that the little girl would soon fall asleep.

"Have you thought about a sitter?" Izzie asked. She knew that telling a new mother that was like a slap in the face. "I know you can handle it. If you didn't have to, you will feel better. You will feel that the time between you and Cara is better. And of course, you will have more time with Derek." Izzie suggested. She could tell by the look on Meredith's face that Meredith wasn't receiving her idea too well.

"We just- Money is way too tight." Meredith admitted, half full of embarrassment. She wouldn't even ask him. She suggested it before, but she wasn't giving up again. She needed to prove to him that she was worthy.

"I know it is... I know that. But you won't have anything if you run yourself into the ground. I know money is tight, but I think you guys could do it. You really need to talk to Derek. Maybe the hospital has daycare. Mer, you need to do something, okay. At least talk to him. I just don't want to see you suffer, and I doubt Derek wants to either. Promise me you'll at least talk to him about it." Izzie said as she looked at her with pleading eyes and a sigh.

"I will. I need to." Meredith agreed. She would talk to Derek. She really needed to. She couldn't handle the load.


	129. Quiet

Meredith looked at her house. It was a complete wreck and she had no idea how to deal with it. It was too much, and she didn't even have the effort in her to bend down and pick up the toys that were strewn across the floor. She was exhausted and no one seemed to notice. She swore Derek didn't have rose-colored glasses. No, his were contacts, that would explain why no one could see them. No one could see his never ending bliss in a house full of hell.

"Mommy! Stugar." Francesca said as she ran up to her, sugar all over her, and in her hair. She could see the tiny glistening crystals all over her body.

"Oh my God." Meredith said as she drew in a breath through her nose and tried not to cry. The kids had gotten into the canister of sugar. Meredith quickly ran into the kitchen and gasped as she saw Cara and Quinn playing in a mountain of sugar.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Cara asked as she drove one of Quinn's trucks through it. "It's like snow." She explained, as if her mother couldn't figure it out.

"No kidding! Do you think I can't see that?" She said angrily. "Why? Why? Why?" She asked as she fell to the floor and began to sob. "I can't do this..." She gasped.

"Mommy." Cara said in shock as she rushed over. "Mommy... What is wrong?" She asked as she bent down next to her sobbing mother. "Mommy! What is wrong?" She asked again as she began to cry with her. Quinn and Fran quickly rushed over and laid next to their mother, who was now on the floor in the fetal position.

"We'll clean it up, mom! We will clean it up!" Quinn cried as he began to panic. They knew their mother got upset occasionally, but never like this. At the moment, she was a complete mess and they were afraid. They didn't know what to think.

"Mommy... We're cleaning it." Cara cried as she ran over and grabbed the broom and dustpan out of the closet in the corner. "Frannie, come help!" Cara begged as she sobbed. Fran ran over to the pile of sugar and began helping as best as she could.

"I can'ts do it." She cried as the sugar moved across the floor, not sticking to the towel she was trying to use.

The kids worked in a panic, trying to get it done. Quinn and Francesca couldn't grasp the seriousness of the situation, but Cara had an idea. Cara always knew when her mom was upset, but generally, she decided to ignore her mother's plea for help and go on her merry way. Today she felt a sense of urgency, as if the world was ending. Right now, Cara was afraid. She watched as they successfully got the biggest amount of sugar in the trash can.

"Quinn... You clean this up with water." She said as she handed him a wet towel. "I'm gonna call dad." She whispered into his ear as she snuck off to another room. Cara tapped her foot nervously as she listened to the phone ring and ring. She didn't know much about how the hospital worked, but she knew there were times when her mom couldn't get ahold of him and vice versa.

"Hello?" Derek said as he answered the phone, eliciting a sigh from Cara. It was relief, he dad would come and fix this all.

"Daddy... You need to come home. Mom is on the floor an she's all upset an she is crying. We were bad, daddy. We were real bad an she's real upset." She said as she began to cry.

"Let me talk to mom." Derek said quickly as he felt his body tense up. He always knew that there would be a time when she would freak out really bad, and he knew that time was here. He shouldn't have let it get this far.

"No, daddy. She doesn't know I called you. I'm scared, daddy. I'm real scared. Can you come home? Please, come home." Cara begged as silently as she could.

"I'll be there in a minute." Derek said with a nod as he tossed his charts to the side. He was leaving. He couldn't leave things like this. He was worried about his wife and children. It wasn't right, none of it was. He didn't blame Meredith, but at the same time, he was upset. His children shouldn't be going through this. He knew it wasn't good for them mentally. He knew that she couldn't break down like this.

"Daddy's on his way." Cara said softly to her two younger siblings as she walked into the kitchen. She felt somewhat at ease as she walked in and saw the sugary mess cleaned up. "He's on his way." She saw the relieved sighs and smiles covering there faces. They would all be okay. And hopefully their mom too.

Derek rushed home, not sure of what he would find. He would admit to himself, and only himself, that there were days when he expected the worst. As much as it hurt him to think about it, a small part of him always questioned that she really wanted kids. The longer they went on, the more he wondered if she did it to pacify him. Some days he felt like he was running himself ragged just trying to get it all done in a day. At the moment, his career was taking off. He was making amazing strides in the medical world, with a huge clinical trial going on. The other doctors in the hospital were worried about vacations and shoes. Him, he worried about what state his wife would be in today.

Meredith laid on the floor and sobbed. She say the little feet of her children rushing around. Slowly, she began to think about things. Her children were wonderful. In an instant, she felt sick. Sick with herself, sick with her thoughts. She was contemplating foolish things. As she laid there, she thought about how precious they were, and the way she felt when she was pregnant with them. They were the light of her life and she cherished them. She couldn't do this. She couldn't do this to her angels, even if they did act like monsters.

"Mer..." Derek shouted as he walked into the silent house. "Meredith! Cara, Quinn... Frannie, baby." Derek said as he looked around. His heart quickly melted as he looked at her, sitting on the sofa with their children.

"Derek... You're home early." Meredith said in shock as she looked up at him.

If Derek hadn't known better, he would think that this is how it always was. He soon began to wonder about how it was daily. He wondered if this happened often, and he just didn't know it. He wondered if she had these episodes often, and then snapped out of it before he could see what was going on. Derek quickly had a river of doubt flowing through him. What was really going on behind the perfect house they seemed to live in?

"Mommy's better." Quinn said frankly as he looked up. Sometimes the small child took the commanding role, pretending that he was to take care of the house when his father was away. It was far more of a burden than a small child should have to carry.

"Is she?" Derek asked with a half-smile as he walked around the back of the sofa and looked at his wife. "Are you, Meredith?" He asked her with a sharp tone, catching on his words.

"I'm fine." She said simply, ignoring his edge, and acting like everything was okay. "Are you guys ready for lunch?" Meredith asked as she stood up and walked away from Derek, leaving him and his interrogation in the living room.

"Yeah!" They shouted as they jumped up and followed her to the kitchen. Derek watched them, seeing how unfazed they were, but he wondered if they really were.

Derek couldn't help but feel a bit of uncertainty. He was mad at his wife, whether he should be or not. He couldn't let her get away with her nonsense. He couldn't let her damage their children and not even get scolded for it. He wasn't going to let her run him down like she was. He wasn't going to chance his kids growing up hurt or confused.

"Meredith, I need to talk to you. Kids, go play." Derek said frankly as he walked in, ready to take charge. Meredith was cutting bread in shapes for grilled cheese.

"They are okay." Meredith said quickly, knowing if the kids left the room, there would most likely be a fight. She wanted to keep them in there. "They don't have to leave."

"Nope. We are talking about this." He said under his breath as they left. Once he heard the television on, he decided it was safe. "My children called me to tell me that their mother had come undone. How do you think that makes me feel? How do you think that feels to them? They are small children, Meredith! They don't need to have these worries. It's not fair to them! They don't know what's going on. Cara has an idea. She knows that whatever comes of it can be bad. Why else would she call me? Damn you, Meredith! Don't ruin them! Don't ruin their childhood." Derek ended quietly, realizing the words he said were too harsh. He looked at her face, remembering the kid he had met in Italy. She was just a little girl in her own head, not catching up to where she should be. He had to be careful with her. "I'm sorry, honey. I am. I didn't- I just don't want you to do something you will regret. I know you were raised differently. I know you don't know sometimes. That's okay. It's okay, Mer." He told her as he pulled her close and hugged her gently. "It's okay because I am here for you."

"I'm so sorry, Derek. There were just so... They were out of control and I have no idea how to handle it. I have no idea what to do when they act that way. It hurts! I don't know how to make them listen. They make me so angry at them. I love them, but damn-it, they are horrible. I can't even take them places and their teachers hate having them in class. We have to do something!" Meredith cried out as she looked in his eyes.

"You're right. We do. We will, Mer... I promise you that we will do something." As mad as he had been, it all went away, She was right. They were bad kids. They needed help before something happened that everyone would regret.

-----------

Meredith stretched back on the sofa and smiled. It was her kids that were causing the huge smile on her face. It wasn't really them, it was their behavior. They were quiet. They were kind. They were actually listening. They were respectful. They had listened to her all day, and now as a reward, they got to watch an hour of cartoons before bed. She was expecting that bedtime would also be uneventful, as it had been for the last couple of months.

"You guys have ten more minutes." Meredith warned as she took a sip of her water and let Francesca nuzzle into her side. Frannie was supposed to be in bed already. Meredith couldn't help but let it slide when the girl's bright eyes looked into hers.

"Mooommm...." Quinn whined as he looked up, hoping to stretch it another couple of minutes. He tried every night, and every night he was unsuccessful.

"No. If you ask again, you are going to bed right now." Meredith warned him as she shook her head. Like she could complain, it was so much better now than it had been.

"But if I ask in a few minutes it won't be right now anymore. I can't go to bed right now in a few minutes." He said smartly. He was far too much like his father, smart but full of nonsense and shenanigans.

"And just for that, bed now. Goodnight, Quinn." Meredith said as she pointed. He tried to talk back but she raised her hand and pointed to the door. She wasn't having it, and he admitted defeat as he trudged away with a sour face.

"He's mad." Cara pointed out with a smile, almost happy that her brother was upset. It meant she was higher up on the proverbial list that was oh so important in her head.

"Yeah, well... It happens." Meredith said with a shrug as she looked at the clock. "And Fran, it's bedtime for you too." She pointed out as she stood up. Fran never fought it, she would get right up and head to the bathroom. "I will pull the bed back and meet you in there."

The bedtime routine in the Shepherd house was so much better than it had been. Meredith didn't feel like she needed Derek there anymore. In the past, there had been times when she would be heading to bed and the kids would still be awake. She shook her head in disgust at how their children ran them around like Meredith and Derek were the the kids and the children were the parents. It was pretty sad, and Meredith was glad that they saw the light before it was too late.

Meredith poured her small glass of wine and sat back on her cushy sofa. This was her routine. Since the children listened, she could do it now. Derek was supposed to be home around nine and it was almost that time. She needed a little downtime after a busy day. It was a rare time when she actually lived a normal day, not being in the OR for hours and hours. She could admit that she actually liked days off sometimes.

Meredith smiled as she looked around her clean house. In the past, it would have been a mess. Many times she would wake up in the morning to bowls of cereal and food caked on the floor. Occasionally, she would find things ground into her precious end tables and sofa. Her children had no idea how much these items meant to her, having had such inexpensive and cheaply made stuff in their apartment. It got them by, but now was the time to live a little better. Se had to tighten back down, now that they had the kids in a more expensive school and with a better babysitter. As much as she hated spending the money on that, she liked that she could actually have a little of her sanity returned to her. She would never tell Derek, but she somewhat hated giving the money away when it meant she couldn't shop at her favorite boutique. She liked shoes, plain and simple and she hated that she couldn't spend the money freely.

"Hey." She heard Derek say as he crept up and kissed her neck.

"Hey." Meredith said, not having heard him walk in. "How was your day?" She asked, knowing he was under a lot of stress at work. She saw the bags under his eyes and the stress on his face every night.

"It was... We need this." Derek said with a huge grin as he looked into her eyes. He was holding a bottle of wine. Expensive wine, and she could spot that a mile away. The perfect exlixir. Why did he get expensive wine, she wondered. She could see the sparkle in his. He did something. Derek Shepherd did something great.

"What did you-" Meredith said as she looked and waited for a response, her heart beating quickly.

"The Shepherd Method. They agreed! Mer! They actually agree that I am on to something. Of course it had to be tested and- They took pictures, the whole shot. I'm going to be in the JAMA!" He said, almost not believing it himself.

"What?" Meredith said in shock as she looked up at him. "You idiot! You fucking idiot!" She spat angrily. "How could you do this?" He looked at her dumfounded for a second. She was angry.


	130. Big Mistake

Meredith felt her jaw clench and strain. She could feel the blood rushing to her head as anger began to take her over. How could Derek be so stupid? She was full of disgust, thinking about everything that she had sacrificed. Derek had made her tiptoe. He made her memorize a life that was not her own. She even had a trash can full of lies in her children's bedrooms. They didn't know who they were, not who they really were. They had no grandparents. How sad it was in school when they shared family trees, theirs being full of lies and sadness. And now Derek was endangering all they had worked for.

Meredith walked into the crisp air. She couldn't be in the house, and she knew if there was going to be a fight, it needed to outside and not where the children could hear. She couldn't explode in that house knowing that all of the glassware would shatter in her wake, along with her kids. She was so mad, she wanted to turn around and smack him. She shook her head as she angrily stalked out of the back door, her feet pounding on the wood deck. She could hear his heavy footsteps behind her. She was silent. Until the door shut.

"How could you? How could you?" She said as she whipped around and glared at him, red in her eyes and ice running through her veins in a cold river from her heart. "How could you do this?" She asked as she shook her head.

"Do what?" Derek asked frankly like she had gone insane. What he had done wrong, he had no idea. "Succeed?" He said angrily, aimed straight at her. "Is that what bothers you? I succeeded and you have not yet? You are a resident, Meredith. You are not going to get where you want to that quickly. You are amazing, but it takes time. You should be happy for me. I can't say I'm surprised. Envy always did suit you." Derek said as he scoffed as looked at the far corner of the yard, focusing on anything but her.

"Fuck you, Derek! Fuck you!" Meredith shouted. "Do you think I really care? I don't care that you are succeeding! But how could you? How could you bring attention to yourself when we have worked so hard to cover it all up? How could you do this. We agreed at the beginning that our careers as doctors would have to be ordinary. Now you are bringing attention to yourself!" Meredith said as she began to cry. "I have wanted so much. I have wanted to do so much and I have never been able to. Now you have risked my life, and what's worse, the life of our children. I just don't understand. We have gone without and for what? For what? For us to end up in the bottom of Lake Garda." Meredith spat as she turned away and leaned over the rail of the deck.

Derek felt his stomach churn. She was right and he had never taken it into consideration. At the beginning of the trial, he was just trying to satisfy Richard Webber. He was trying to pretend he could do something amazing. He wasn't sure it would work, but in the off chance it did, he knew it would help Seattle Grace and give him a guaranteed career. He felt like a heel, endangering his family. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Meredith... Oh my god, Meredith." He said with a sigh. "I am so sorry, baby." He told her as he rushed over and put his arms around her. "That- I didn't expect this. I didn't think I could actually do it. And the it snowballed. Richard had people in there so quickly I didn't even realize. I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry." He apologized as he turned her around. Meredith lifted her head slightly and looked up at him.

"I was so careful. I am so careful. No matter what, I don't step out of line. Never, not once. And you have done this! It feels like it was all in vain. It was all just a waste. I can only hope that he spares them. They don't deserve the same fate that we do. They have done nothing wrong. They are just innocent babies." She said as she began to sob heavily in a panic.

"No Mer... No! Don't think that way. Don't think that. We will be fine. i will never let anything happen. It's just the JAMA and dear God had I used my head, I would have never let this happen. He won't see it Mer. He won't read a medical magazine. He has no reason to. And I don't look the same. God knows I have aged. I have aged and I'm not the same. It would be okay, Mer. I promise it will. I'm so sorry, honey. So sorry! I will protect you. When have you ever not been able to count on me?" He asked with a worried look as he looked into her red tear rimmed eyes.

"I trust you, Derek. I trust you. It's just... I trust you." She said with a sigh as she let all her stress go. She had to relax. There was nothing they could do but wait. It would be okay. She trusted Derek. She had to.

Derek looked down at Meredith's cold nipples. The way they jutted at her shirt made his brain swirl. He couldn't help but gently walk her back towards the railing of the deck. He needed her, and he needed her badly. Meredith grunted as she felt the wood hit her back with a jar, Derek not realizing that he had pushed her that hard. Derek raised one of his warm hands and ran it down her chest, feeling her nipple against his palm.

"You are beautiful, you know." He muttered as he tweaked a nipple with his hand, seeing her writhe in pain. "So beautiful."

"Oh Derek..." She moaned as her eyes rolled back slightly, feeling the pain that shot through her core, only bringing her to another level of pleasure. "Oh God..." She sighed as she laid her head back and let her hair cascade. It was now her original color, no more dark. The world of Meredith Grey was forgotten. Her legacy gone so quickly.

"I want you, Mer." He warned her as his hands ran down her sides, feeling the gentle curves of her waist and hips. Meredith squealed quietly as he cupped her ass cheeks and squeezed. Meredith leaned up and took his lips against hers.

"Are you planning on doing anything about that?" She asked as she puled away from his mouth, drawing in a breath and then pressing her lips passionately against his. She pressed harder as she opened her mouth slightly and hooked her teeth into his bottom lip.

"I may have to." He told her as he pulled away, his flesh staying between her needy teeth. She was in control, even if by a little bit. Derek took his hands from her ass and ran them down along her hip, tracing her pelvic bone. He smiled as he squeezed a hand between her thighs. "You are getting wet." Derek said happily as he felt the warmth between her legs.

"What did you expect?" She asked as she felt his fingers wiggling around through her jeans. She felt the heat riding deep in her core, radiating through her wet folds. She did need him. It was a deep lingering need that needed to be satisfied.

"Nothing less." He admitted as he pulled his hand out, abandoning her warmth and feeling the sting of the cool air on his hand. This was heavy jacket weather, but somehow they both were unfazed by the cool air. "I want you, and I want you now." He told her as his hands run up under her shirt. A smile covered his face as he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. Gravity was still being kind to his wife's breasts even after breast feeding their three children.

"Oh God, Derek!" She yelped as he squeezed her nipples and rolled them between his fingers. "Do it, Derek.... Do me! Please." She begged as she thrust her hips against his crotch, feeling his cock pressing hard against his jeans. He needed it as much as she did.

"You asked for it!" Derek said as his hands quickly went to the button of her tight jeans, easily getting them undone. "You're going to get it." He warned her with a nod as her jeans slid down after a push from him. A smile crossed his face as he saw her white and light blue v-string panties. He quickly hooked them and slid them down. "So how wet is my girl?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Wet." Meredith moaned as she slid her shoes off and kicked her jeans away. Derek greedily placed fingers into her wet folds and smiled wider with satisfaction. "Do me..." She whimpered as she felt his fingers teasing her. "Give me your cock." She begged as she spread her legs wide.

Derek didn't say a word as he grabbed her and turned her around, not being gently about it. Meredith was a willing participant as she bent herself over the rail of the deck and spread her legs out. She could hear Derek's zipper go as he released himself. A smile and a sigh of satisfaction covered her face as she felt him rub his hard cock against the cheek of her ass. She would have taken it anywhere he placed it but she was thankful when she felt him run down and rub the opening of her pussy.

"Do it!" She begged as she felt his bobbing against her opening. She frantically tried to get in just the right position to get it the way she wanted it.

"Calm down, honey." He told her with a smile as he placed her where he needed her. He heard a gasp escape her lips as he thrust up into her hard. He laughed at her extreme wetness, leading the way into her hot and burning core. He gently pulled in and out, feeling the pressing to explode knocking on the door.

"Oh yes, Derek. Yes! Harder... Faster..." She begged as she aided him by thrusting backwards. "Oh god!" She shouted as she felt his hard thick cock going in and out as quickly as he could, him out of breath as he pushed it to the limit. "Oh... I'm there! Oh god, I'm there Derek. Oh... Oh.... Oh.... Oh...." She panted as she felt it hit and release.

"Yes, Mer...." Derek panted as he felt her walls pressing against his cock in a rhythmic dance. He went silent and stopped as he felt the pressure blow, shooting spurts of his sticky warm cum deep into her, his orgasm playing with hers, meshing perfectly. "Yes..." He sighed as he remained inside her and bent over her body. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Derek." She moaned as she felt his cum sliding down her leg in abundance. The mixture of the warm cum and the cool air tantalized her. And we will be okay... It will all be okay." She told herself. Eventually she would convince herself that was true. She just had to try not to think about it. What were the chances anyway?

Meredith and Derek went to bed early. They hadn't been that wild in a long time, and as soon as they were finished, Meredith's first thought was that one of the children had seen. She was thankful when they did a check before bed, seeing all of them sound asleep and nestled under their blankets. Meredith never had a problem sleeping next to Derek. So was looking forward to tomorrow. The kids would be at school, she had the day off and Derek would be working. Now she could work on her project.

Everyone was gone from the house, the morning going uneventful. Meredith was grateful that her children were able to act like civilized human beings, unlike the craziness that they embraced before. Everything going on in her life was going though her head until she stopped and looked at the computer screen in shock. There it was. There was no mistaking it. Meredith sat in shock while her mind went to another time. A time when life was different. She had forgotten it, but at the moment it was vivd.

_[i]Meredith trotted through her new castle. That was what she referred to it as. It was a castle and she was the princess, not that it wasn't true. She was just happy to finally be in a fairy tale. She heard her shoes clicking across the floor, just as she imagined Cinderella's did when she ran from the castle to catch her pumpkin. She loved that sound. It made her feel special, as if she were always walking with a purpose._

_"Daddy!" Meredith shouted, her tiny voice not even coming close to filling the walls. _

_All they had was a couple of guards and no help. There was no maid service, that was yet to be done. Thatcher knew that he had to be very selective about who he chose to take care of his home and his daughter. This was not a joke. He was going to rule the world and he wanted to make sure that those who were with him, would always be with him. He needed to trust his help with their lives._

_"Daddy!" She giggled as if she were playing hide and seek. She quickly ran into the office._

_Meredith ran into the huge office and gasped. She couldn't grasp what she was seeing, but it terrified her. He was burning things. He was right in front of the fireplace burning pictures. She looked as a face melted away, embers spreading across and turning into ash. She knew that face. She didn't know how, or exactly who, but something in her heart told her that it was her mother.[/i]_

Meredith looked at the screen. It wasn't the same picture, but it was the same face. After years of searching, she was sure she had come to something. Sure, she had heard of Dr. Ellis Webber. Little did she know, Dr. Ellis Webber was once Ellis Grey. She was sure that she had found her mother.


	131. The Meeting

Meredith didn't tell Derek. She didn't utter a word. Her first thought had been to call him at work and say it so fast that he would never understand what she said, all while she was pacing around their office. She didn't do that. She stopped herself. She had just chastised him the night before for getting his picture in the Journal of American Medicine Association. She wasn't going to tell him that she was trying to contact her mother, possibly outing herself to the world. She knew that her mother wouldn't do that. No mother could be that cruel. It was going to be a heartfelt reunion and hours of the explanation and solace she needed so badly.

All of her excitement quickly faded as she thought about what she already knew. She knew that there was a hospital dinner that accompanied Derek to every fall. It was important to Dr. Webber, and now she realized why. She knew, but it didn't really matter, nor click in her head. It wasn't dedicated to his wife, the woman she suspected was her mother, it was dedicated to another person. It was a person she had never heard of, but she remembered the speeches of the last several years, Dr. Webber always referring to his wife. His wife. Her mother. A woman who suffered from the reason for that evening and the others. A woman who suffered from Alzheimer's disease.

Her mother had no memory. And with that realization, she felt sick and depressed. All these years, and now there was no hope. She remembered at the dinners how she would hear people talking. Apparently at some point Ellis had to move into the nursing home. Richard had nearly killed himself trying to care for her but there was nothing he could do. She required too much work. As Meredith thought about everything she remembered that Richard and Ellis had a daughter. She had a sister. She had a half sister walking around. She had even seen the beautiful girl with her light cocoa colored skin and deep brown eyes. She had been in the same room with her and never knew who she was.

"How can this be?" Meredith asked herself as she sad there, only sadness in her eyes and heart.

Meredith wondered if she would have been happier finding out she was dead. Years the woman had been fine, and still no answers. Her mom lived a life without her. She wondered if she missed her. Or if her father had forced Ellis away. She wondered so many things. She knew that if she left Francesca, she wouldn't be able to go on. Let alone have another family like she never had one before. Her anger grew. Ellis went on, seemingly unfazed. She was quickly feeling anger towards a woman she didn't know, for reasons she wasn't even sure existed.

She had to know, and she had to know now. She quickly grabbed the telephone book and began looking. She wasn't sure that she even knew the name of the place where her "mother" was living. She was hoping it would pop up in bold lettering and begin flashing. It didn't, and nothing seemed to. She sighed as she felt the tears welling up. Her mother wasn't in Paris. She was in Seattle Washington, having lived a happy life with her family. Somehow that hurt more than anything. She moved on, without her.

"Hello, I was thinking I wanted to visit Ellis Webber today, how is she?" Meredith said sweetly as she sat there at their desk. She had used that line over and over, everyone saying there was no one there with that name.

"Let me connect you with her nurse." A sweet voice said with a smile. She didn't know how, but she knew the woman was smiling.

"This is Sharon." The nurse said when she answered the phone. Meredith's eyes got wide. Her mother was there. She found the place.

"Um... Hi. My name is... Meredith. I work at Seattle Grace. Actually under Dr. Webber. And um... Well, I'd like to come visit Mrs., I mean... Dr. Webber. I am studying Alzheimer's. And well, he knows I'm coming." Meredith lied, immediately regretting it. She would be caught, she was sure of it. "I was just wondering what state she is in today."

"She is actually doing fairly well. In and out. But if you come around lunchtime, you will have the greatest chance to see her as close as she gets to lucid." Sharon said with a smile. "Should we be expecting you today?" She asked with a hopeful voice.

"Um... Yes." Meredith said quickly as her heart beat. What was she doing?

Meredith felt sick as she walked around in a panic. She always had Derek for everything. Usually she would call him and everything would be okay. Not today. She wasn't dragging him into this. She couldn't risk making trouble for all of them. The last thing she needed was her mother knowing who she was and saying something to Richard. This was the first time when it came to her that she was really happy that her mother had Alzheimer's. She didn't know who she could trust. At least whatever Ellis said could be written off as nothing.

For a split second, Meredith considered talking to Richard. Maybe that would soften the blows that she may have coming to her. Sure she had known his for a few years. She knew him well enough to run to him in case of a medical emergency. He was always a touch more than her chief, and she and Derek thought highly of him. At the same time, she knew how much money changed people. She wondered if things would change if she told him who she was. She wondered if he would try to seek fame for his hospital by outing her to the world, and even worse, her father. That was when she realized she couldn't take that risk.

"What do I wear?" She asked herself as she stood in her room, staring at the bureau. She didn't know. meredith always knew, but right now she knew nothing. This was uncharted territory for her.

It didn't take her long to toss on a sweater, jeans and heels. She was running out of time, and the truth was, she didn't even care. She wondered if it was a bad idea to go there, now that she was in the car and halfway en route, she was realizing that she was still angry with her "mother". She was bitter, already making up the story in her mind. It of course included that fact that her mother didn't want her and didn't fight. At the same time, she knew her mother couldn't really fight a mogul like Thatcher Grey. She just didn't know what to think.

"You have to pull yourself together." Meredith warned herself as she walked up to the building.

Her stomach was knotting up. As she opened the large doors, ignoring the beautiful landscaping and fresh flowers everywhere, she felt worried. She wondered if the nurse had alerted Richard. She wondered if he had already put two and two together and was on his way to getting her. For a second she wondered if Thatcher and his men would be there to nab her. She felt panic as the second large door slammed behind her. She was trapped.

"Can I help you?" A kind looking woman asked as she walked up.

Meredith felt like a child in a huge world. She felt like it was all swirling around her. She looked around, wide eyed. Her mother was in there somewhere and she wondered if she could even pick her out of a crowd. The place was beautiful and cozy. She was thankful, even if her mother didn't love her, that Richard had cared enough to put her in a nice place. The fireplace looked welcoming as Meredith felt a chill go down her spine. That would be the perfect place to have a reunion, or whatever it was they were going to have.

"Um... Yes... I'm here to see- I'm here to see Ellis Webber." She managed to get out, air rushing past her lips in a rush.

"Oh yes.. You called?" She asked, Meredith nodding her head yes. "Right over there." She said as she pointed to a chair, right by the fireplace. Meredith gulped. There she was.

"Is she- Is she okay?" Meredith asked nervously as she looked across the room and then back up at the nurse.

"She has been better, then again, she has been worse. I don't think I need to explain that to you, seeing as you are studying the disease." The nurse said with a smile. Something in the way she said it, made Meredith know that there was nothing going on as far as anyone catching on to her lie.

"It's not a real case study. I'm just a resident. I can't technically get anywhere with this, but it is something I'd like to study. I'd like to try to find a cure. Something, anything." Meredith said softly. She never really had an interest in it, but now she was just unsure.

"I know what you mean. It's a terrible disease. A terrible disease affecting so many. Dr. Webber is young. Younger than you would expect. And... I support your efforts." She said with a smile as she patted her arm and then walked away.

Meredith felt herself shaking as she walked over to her. She was literally shaking in fear. Fear of what, she did not know. Fear of the unknown. Fear of unhappiness. Fear of rejection. She was afraid that the things Ellis would say. She felt completely sick, wondering why this woman, so frail in her mind was passing such a shadow over her.

"Dr. Webber?" Meredith asked as she walked over next to her and looked down. The woman's sticking light eyes caught her immediately. She looked empty, just what Meredith didn't want to see. She was hoping for a good day, and that looked out of reach.

"Don't bother me, I'm busy." Ellis said as she sat there, busily doing nothing. "Are you my intern?" She barked as she looked up. Meredith drew in a breath and nodded. "I'm not letting you cut, don't ask. Maybe if you are lucky, I'll let you close. Depends on if you are worthless or not. I'm a busy woman. I have three other cases on the schedule." She said sharply.

"Oh, of course. You are a busy, talented woman." Meredith said quickly.

She looked at the woman, so unsure. She thought that she would know her. She thought there wouldn't be a shred of doubt that it was her mother. Now she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure that this woman gave birth to her. She seemed so cold and unmotherly. She seemed like a woman that had no maternal instinct. Meredith felt the need to tear up as she looked at her. She just didn't know. She didn't know anything. Was it all a waste of time? Who was she? And really, who was Meredith Grey?

Meredith sat and watched her mom pretend to do surgery on a book. Maybe she wasn't her mother, maybe she was. She didn't know what to think. She listened as her mother sparingly threw out medical advice and procedure ideas. She listened as the woman went on, like she had no idea who she was. Weren't mothers supposed to know their kids? Wasn't there an instinct that was supposed to kick in the minute you were in the room with your own flesh and blood?

The more Meredith sat there, not only being badgered by her mother, but not learning anything, the more she wanted to push it. A small part of her knew that she had nothing to lose. She was beginning to think that she should ask questions, rather than just wait for answers when no one knew what she wanted. She had to do something. She had to and she had to do it underhandedly.

"So I haven't seen Thatcher around lately." Meredith said simply as she held her faux surgical instruments, including pens and markers.

When Meredith looked up, she saw a certain look of shock on Ellis's face. Ellis looked angry. She looked really angry like Meredith had said something totally and completely offending. In that moment, Meredith knew this was her. There was no question in her mind that this woman was her mother. This woman gave birth to her, and didn't even know who she was. In an instant, Meredith knew she didn't want this woman to be her mother. No way.

"Excuse me?" Ellis gasped in shock. The woman was still out of it, but she was in the timeframe that would help Meredith the most. Even if she wasn't lucid, she would be helpful.

Meredith looked at her, wondering whether or not she should push it further. She wondered whether or not she could figure out the mystery, and let Ellis fill in the details. As she thought about it, the more she decided that she didn't care about what Ellis said or did, and she did have Alzheimer's so anything she said would be written off.

"Thatcher.... He hasn't been around the hospital. You know, your husband." Meredith added, taking a huge chance.

"I know who my husband is, you twit!" Ellis spat quickly. "As if I would forget the man that insists on bleeding me out. He is such a fool... Such a fool. He wants all my money. I work hard and what does he do? Sits on his ass, and pretends he knows what he is doing with this investing foolishness. It's gotten ridiculous. Now I just give him money to keep him out of my hair." Ellis grumbled. Meredith was actually surprised that she was being so frank. She knew it was most likely out of anger.

"Oh... That sounds fruitless." Meredith said, trying not to laugh. She knew that in the end, he won out. He must have made some good choices to get him where he was. At the same time, her stomach churned, knowing that the foundation of everything she had, was started with her mother's money.

"Yes, absolutely. He won't work. God, I'm tired of this. He sits on his ass, dragging her around. He refuses to let someone else raise her. I see no reason why she can't go to daycare. She doesn't need a parent with her. He could get a job and throw her in daycare." Ellis pointed out. "Kids are fine with daycare."

"Are you talking about Meredith?" Meredith asked sheepishly as she looked up at her mother's cold, confused eyes. Even in her confusion, she was dead set on the story she was telling.

"Of course I am. She is a product of her father, plain and simple. That girl's head is full of clouds and won't ever be anything else. Halfwit, like him." Ellis said coldly. "I wasn't ready for her. I'm a surgeon for God's sake. Why did I have to be cursed with a child?"

Meredith felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Searching for her mother brought her somewhere she didn't want to be. Her mother didn't love her. Her mother resented her, that was more than obvious. She felt a cold chill come over her. She just wanted to leave. She wanted to get out of there and never go back. She wanted to hide away forever. If her own mother didn't love her, who would? She felt like a mistake, and now talking to Ellis, she knew she was.

"Where's Sasha? She should be home from school..." Ellis said as she looked around frantically. "God I love that girl. She is such a good kid. She'll be going places. Just like Richard, tons of drive." Ellis said with a smile.

"Who's Sasha?" Meredith asked with a worried half-smile. Who was Sasha... She didn't really even have to ask. She had an idea. She knew.

"My daughter, of course!" Ellis snapped. Now Meredith really wanted to cry She wasn't good enough. It wasn't about having a child. Meredith had just been the wrong child.

"Oh dear, look at the time. I must be going!" Meredith managed to get out as she jumped up. She didn't even slow down as she marched across the lobby and out the door, not listening to her mother yelling at her. Her mother wasn't yelling what she wanted to hear. There was no "Meredith, come back... I love you!" She was yelling about walking out in the middle of her surgery. Meredith wanted to scream back to her, "Who is the half-wit now? You're doing surgery on a book!"

Her stomach was knotting up. She felt sick. She couldn't stand the feelings she had. She felt so inferior in her mother's eyes. She didn't want to be alive, but she didn't want to die. She was in a middle area. A zone where she was in a painful numbness, if that was possible. She didn't want to go home, but she had nowhere to go. She had a family that loved her, but she still felt alone. She felt so useless. Maybe it would have been best to never find her. At least she wouldn't be feeling this way.


	132. Memory

Meredith's hands griped the wheel tightly as she drove home. She didn't know whether to cry or scream. She didn't know what to do, so she did what came to her. Meredith began to scream as loud as she could. There was something about letting the stagnant air that had been trapped in her lungs for so many years, that made her feel better. She screamed until she couldn't anymore. She screamed so loud, she was sure the windows were going to crack.

Sasha. That name rang through her ears and in her mind. She knew the girl. How could she meet her own sister so many times, and not even know who she was? Her stomach rumbled, thinking about how many times she had literally been close enough that their arms touched. Her hair stood on end, remembering the mocha skinned girl with her deep brown eyes. She was beautiful, and she seemed to be the light of her father's life. And as it seemed, her mother's too.

Meredith rushed in her house, tear streaming down her face. She felt so sick. All those years she thought her mother was in Paris, and now she found out the truth. Her mother had moved on without her. Her mother remarried and had a child, not seeming to mind that her daughter was with her father. Meredith pulled out the casserole dish and slammed it around, she had to cook dinner, and the truth was, all she wanted to do was hide in a closet, laying in the fetal position.

Meredith didn't notice that her children and husband had walked in the door. She didn't notice that Derek was standing in front of her. She didn't notice that her cellphone had rang and went to voicemail more than anyone could count. She just didn't notice. But she was going to. She was going to notice rather quickly.

"Meredith!" Derek said as he stood there, hand on his hips. It looked to her like he had been standing there for while. He had, she just had no idea how long it really had been.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked grumpily. She had attitude, and she had no reason to be mad at him. This was all her fault. It quickly came to her what had happened. She forgot to pick her kids up from school. Her phone buzzed busily, completely filled with panicked voicemail, wondering just where she was.

"Where have you been? The school called, the kids were crying. We've all been trying to call you for an hour. I had to leave the hospital in a panic. You are lucky I wasn't in surgery. I don't understand what is going on? I thought you were laying dead somewhere and here you are, sitting on the sofa. What the hell, Meredith?" He growled as he shook his head.

"Um... I guess time got away from me." Meredith said with a sigh as she stood up and looked around. "Oh... I bet the mac and cheese is done." She said as she rushed into the kitchen and pulled the oven open. She was expecting to see it completely dried up and ruined. She sighed as she saw that it was golden brown and bubbling in perfection.

"That's it? I know you can't say that. Not to me. Your phone was going off when I came in. It's been going off. I could understand if it was on silent. What the hell is going on with you, Meredith? You were doing so much better. You hadn't slipped up in so long." Derek said, disappointment in his eyes.

"What's for dinaw?" Francesca said as she ran up to her mom. Meredith smiled as she looked down at her perfect little girl.

"Mac and cheese with broccoli and chicken bits." Meredith said as she poked her daughter's belly gently. "Mommy's sorry she didn't pick you up, baby. It won't happen again." She said softly as she hugged her.

"K wet's eat." She said happily, so easily forgiving her mother for her shortcomings. Meredith shook her head and looked up at Derek, seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

"Come on kids! It's time to eat." Meredith said as she looked around. She heard Cara and Quinn stomp down the stairs, shoving each other all the way.

"Wash your hands." Meredith said as she began to set the table. Everyone sat down at the table while she remained at the sink, staring out the window. She sighed as she thought about all of it. Her mother never loved her. She never kissed her. She never cooked dinner. Sasha got all that. All Meredith wanted was love. She never had love.

"Mommy can I have juice?" Francesca asked as she looked up. Meredith didn't listen, too far in her fog.

"Mer..." Derek said a little louder. Meredith snapped to attention quickly.

"What?" She asked as she spun around. She realized that she was being beckoned as she always was. Her focus quickly changed from the doom she was feeling, to serving her family.

"Frannie wanted juice." Derek said softly as he looked back down at his plate.

"If you were listening, you'd know. You're such a bad mom!" Cara said angrily. She anger was pent up. Frustration had built as she waited for her mom to pick her up from school. She was so embarrassed as she stood there, waiting for their car with her siblings. She was so mad at her mom, and it finally boiled over.

Meredith gasped when she heard her seven year old say something beyond hurtful. In that moment, the emotional floodgate opened, and the tears poured out. She felt as if she couldn't breathe. How could her daughter say something so nasty. They didn't know what a bad mother was. They were so ungrateful. They had a mother. They had a mother that loved them. She had nothing. She had nothing and sacrificed for them. Meredith took in a breath and spun around.

"Well at least you have a mother!" She spat angrily through her teeth. "At least I love you. That's more than I have from my mother! You brats are so ungrateful!" She yelled. Meredith gasped as it hit her. Grief took her over as she ran off through the kitchen and upstairs.

"I'll get the drinks." Derek said softly. He heard it. More than I have. Not had. His eyes widened. There was more to this than he knew.

Derek drew in heavy breaths as he stood in the kitchen, bracing his hands on the countertop. He knew his children needed drinks, but truthfully, he needed a moment to himself. Derek knew he couldn't just walk out there. There was something major going on in his wife's life. If he had to guess, he would think that she found out some information about her mother. She had always hoped she would find her, but they knew they couldn't look. They couldn't risk actually finding her. They couldn't risk outing themselves to the world. It only took him a second to feel like a complete jerk. She wasn't allowed to look for her mother, but he was allowed to get pictures in medical journals.

"Hypocrite." He said to himself as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. He was disgusted. Disgusted with himself for his selfishness. "Juice, Derek, juice." He reminded himself as he pulled out the raspberry grape juice. It was such a smart choice for kids, knowing it stained like no other.

Derek grabbed the glasses, and Frannie's special plastic cup. A much safer version for her, along with Dora the Explorer on it. He knew she would be growing out of that stage soon and it was nice to bask in it for awhile. His youngest, and most likely is last, was still an innocent child. Derek poured the older kid's glasses, filling them two thirds of the way, and moved on to Frannie's. Just as the liquid hit the cup, it flipped, sending juice all over their sparkling clean countertop.

"Shit!" Derek spat as he shook his head and scoffed.

He didn't need this and he was hoping Meredith didn't hear him. As he watched, the juice ran all over the countertop, it's dark pool running down towards the edge. It had to be the unevenness of the older house. And there it dripped, onto the floor and the light blue rug beneath the sink. "Damn it!" He growled as he grabbed paper towels. Meredith hated using paper towels, saying the environment was already in peril. This was not a moment for a nice white dishtowel. He quickly sopped it up and went to work. His life was already feeling out of control, and somehow this mess just made it so much worse.

"Here... I'll be right back." Derek said as he sat their juice down, leaving his food and heading back to the mess. Derek quickly wiped the floor and scooped up the rug, taking to out to the laundry area and getting the stain out. He realized the grape juice stained towels were in the trash. He knew Meredith would worry about something so unimportant so he decided to take the trash to the can in the garage. For a spoiled rich girl, Meredith did learn to be somewhat domestic. It was necessary, as she was accustomed to living in an complete sanitized and perfect household. She didn't need to flip out over this.

As Derek walked into the garage, he sighed. He looked at the bright red Mustang before him. It stood for so much. It also made his stomach knot up. And overwhelming feeling of guilt came over him, literally slumping his shoulders. He tossed the trash in the can and sat down abruptly on the step. As he looked at that car, he thought of all the times he doubted her, and that was the worst one. That was the one that almost ended it all.

[i]_It had been stressful for Derek. The hospital was a mad house, and he was under pressure. The chief expected everything to be done quickly and perfectly, there hospital having amazing reports and safe yet speedy turnover. They were constantly testing and culling them, picking out the best. He just kept telling himself that this would make him an amazing surgeon with a great drive and work ethic. That was what it was, even if it was killing him._

_Usually Derek would deposit his paychecks on Friday. The truth was, he was tired and the day had been hell. He didn't do it often, but damn it, he needed a drink. He was heading out with Dr. Black, his good friend. Everyone would be there and it would give him a chance to vent with the others._

_"I have to stop by the ATM." Derek said quickly as he headed to his car. He wanted them to know he was coming, but that he wouldn't be right there. He didn't like using the debit card. It seemed Meredith didn't know how and he had over-drafted them many times, causing a cash only rule. If it wasn't in their hand, they didn't spend it._

_Derek stood in the rain at his bank's ATM. He hated doing it, but he couldn't break the rules without feeling bad about it. There were rules for a reason. Derek quickly went through the screen, huffing when he realized that he accidently chose their savings account, rather than checking. He shrugged as he punched the inquiry button and then selected the option to go back to his checking account. He grabbed the piece of paper and shoved it in his pocket, going on with his withdraw. After grabbing the twenty dollars cash, his limit for the evening, he ran to his car in the rain. Derek started the car and flipped on the light. He smiled at the checking account. They had enough to clear the bills. He tossed it down, then remembered the savings account slip. He quickly glanced at it and tossed it aside. It only took a second to realize._

_"What the fuck?" He shouted at himself as he stared at the amount. Twenty dollars. Twenty dollars, not the over twenty-five thousand that was supposed to be there. Derek angrily crunched up the paper and tossed it to the seat beside him._

_To say he was driving fast was an understatement. For a millisecond, he wanted to kill her. He knew where the money went. He knew he couldn't trust her. He was going to pummel her. He was going to shoot her. All they had worked for, and where was it all? He was sure he knew exactly where it went. He knew. he was certain. Up her nose, that's where. _

_"Meredith!" Derek screamed as he ran in the door, letting it slam into the wall with such force that the family photo she had just hung, fell to the floor with a crash. Glass flew and he didn't even turn to look. "Meredith!"_

_"Yes?" Meredith said as she walked out. She gasped as she looked at his blazing eyes. He looked angry enough to kill.[/i]_

_[i]Meredith felt fear go through her. In all the years she had known Derek, he was never like this. She only felt love with him, and right now she felt death. She was concerned for her safety. He looked irate. He looked like he was ready to kill. As he came at her with fury, she quickly backed up, falling over the edge of the sofa. She felt her hip slam into the the floor as she hit the floor with a thump. It only took her a second to scoot backward and attempt to get up, Cara screaming in the background._

_"Wha- What's going on?" Meredith asked as she finally climbed to her feet. She felt her breath leave her lungs as he hit the wall, Derek's arms on either side of her, his angry eyes looking into hers._

_"Are yo fucking kidding me? I should have known! I know you would go back to your whoring ways! How could I be so stupid. Where is it, Mer? Where is it?" He screamed. "Up your nose? I knew you would do it again! I cannot trust you!" He said angrily._

_Derek was overreacting and he knew it. He was overreacting, but then again, he was angry. Everything they had was gone. Everything they needed was gone and she was the only one that had access to it. She took it and he knew it went up her nose. He had fought this for too long. It was a battle and he wasn't doing it again. they had a daughter now and she wouldn't grow up with a drug addict mother who would leave them in poverty. He would toss her to the street before that would happen._

_"What? Where is what?" Meredith sobbed as she tried to protect herself. She really thought he would hurt her. "WHAT?" She screamed, feeling scared and angry. Her baby was crying and she felt all the anxiety of the world in her._

_"The money! Our savings! You took it. You took it!" He yelled as the veins in his head bulged out. "I want you out. I want you out of this apartment. I'm not having this." He said as he backed off and shook his head in disgust._

_Meredith gasped when she realized. The money was not gone. She felt so sick as she thought about it. She was hurt. She was beyond hurt. It was something that took over in her soul. She felt lost and betrayed. She always trusted Derek and she thought she had that from him. She shook her head as she walked into their room. She wasn't staying. At the moment, she didn't want to be around him, no way._

_Derek sat on the sofa, shocked at what she did. She didn't deny taking the money. She didn't deny that it went up her nose. He wasn't going after her as she packed, he didn't care that she was leaving. He betrayed her in the worst way. She made him sick at her lack of willpower and willingness to throw everything away. He sat back thinking about how great a drink would be. He didn't want to feel the pain he was feeling at the moment._

_Meredith sobbed as she filled bother her bags and Cara's. They were leaving. She wasn't sure where they were going, but they were leaving. If nothing, everything they did to leave Italy taught her to survive and she could. Meredith went into the nursery and held a carrying Cara until she fell asleep in her arms. She and her child were leaving their home and their family. The little family was now broken. _

_Meredith placed her in her carrier and quickly walked out into the living room, passing Derek. Her arms were heavy with bags as she walked towards the door that was already open, thanks to Derek. She made a grab for her purse, surprised that Derek said nothing, let alone did not look up. She was going to say nothing, and she wasn't going to shut the door to his apartment._

_"Where the hell do you think you are going?" Derek growled in shock as he realized that she had their daughter in her hand._

_"You told me to leave, I'm leaving." She said as she shook her head. She went to turn away when she felt his hand on her arm._

_"No, no you are not. Not with my daughter. No way." Derek said, convinced that she was a drug addict. His child would not be going with a drug addict. "You can't raise her like this. You blew our money. You blew it right up your nose." She said in disgust._

_"You bastard!" Meredith growled as she looked him dead in the eyes. "I'm leaving and you can't stop me. She's my daughter and I gave birth to her. I carried her for nine months, you can't take her." She screamed as Cara began to cry._

_"She stays, Meredith." He warned as he shook his head and grabbed her arm. Meredith sat her carrier down._

_"You will not take her!" Meredith yelled as she shoved him. Derek went to grab Cara and Meredith saw red. He would not take her daughter. No way. She looked at him and only felt anger as she swung her arm back. She was in shock as her fist collided with his jaw, sending him to the floor._

_"Oh my god! You hit me!" Derek said in shock as he looked up. Meredith tried to look through teary, blurred eyes as she sifted through her purse. _

_"Here you bastard!" She yelled as she threw a set of keys at him. "Happy birthday. The money would have been in the account tomorrow." She said as she grabbed Cara and walked out. Derek looked down at the keys. It had a Mustang symbol on it. He suddenly felt a sickness in his stomach. It didn't go up her nose. She bought him a car.[/i]_

Derek shuddered at the memory. He needed to talk to her. He needed to comfort her no matter what was going on. He had made mistakes. That memory reminded him, he had to be there for her.


	133. Friendship

Derek pulled himself to his feet. His shiny red Mustang meant so much to him. He never saw it coming. The guilt he felt for assuming the worst would haunt him forever. He never in a million years expected her to buy him a car. Especially that car. His wife was an excellent investigator. She had found his father's car. She got him the one that his mother had to sell to keep the family going. It meant so much to him, and even more since she bought it back. Little did he knew that she had snuck away with some jewelry in Italy, having it for when they were in a tight spot. She say it fitting to buy him the car just when he needed it.

"Daddy, are you going to eat?" Cara asked as she looked up and saw her dad in the kitchen.

"I need to talk to Mom right now. Do you have it down here?" He asked, hoping his daughter could handle it and remain a mature little girl. In the past he would fear a food fight, but not right now. She had gotten so much better.

"Yes, dad." Cara said with a smile as she took a bite. Derek sighed, letting out all of his frustration. He was almost sure that his wife had been lying or was lying to him now. He had to make sure that he didn't get angry. It was apparent she was already upset.

Derek could hear her light cries as he walked towards their room. He felt so sorry for her, and their children. The kids knew something was going on, and she was more than upset. It wasn't fair for anyone in this situation. Meredith never had a normal family life and Derek did. Now Derek was denied his mother and family, as Were the kids. The kids had nothing. Cara had pointed out that she was the only kid in her class without any grandparents. That broke his heart. She had a grandmother who loved her and she didn't even know it.

"Mer?" Derek asked as he walked softly in the room and climbed on the bed with her. Derek draped his arm over her and kissed her head gently. "Talk to me baby." He whispered into her hair.

"Oh Derek." Meredith whimpered as she looked at him, her eyes full of tears and her hair matted to her red face. "I have a mommy." She cried out. "And she doesn't even want me! She never did!" She sobbed. Derek felt sick. That was what he always feared. Rejection.

"Oh honey." Derek whispered as his heart broke. He wasn't really sure what was going on, but it was killing him. She was terribly upset. He could only assume that she had talked to her mother, or someone close to her. He wouldn't say anything about possibly breaking their cover. It was honestly the last thing on his mind. At the moment, she was in pain and all he wanted to do was absorb it from her body and feel it himself. "What happened?" He asked quietly as he rubbed her head and looked into her eyes.

"Derek..." She whimpered, not able to even explain. She felt like she was going to collapse. The pressure on her chest got heavier and tightened until she couldn't breathe.

"Meredith, I need you to talk to me honey. Please talk to me." He said as he cocked his head. "Whatever it is, I am here for you." He told her gently. Derek helped her sit up and cradled her face in his hands. "Did you talk to your mother?" He finally asked, hoping for any kind of answer, seeing as she was not speaking. Meredith nodded her head and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"It was horrible, Derek." Was all she could get out as she gasped for breath. "Terrible." She added as she laid her head against his chest.

"Just get it out, Mer. You need to get it out, baby." He told her, knowing that keeping it in would do nothing but cause her more pain. "No matter how bad it is, I am here. I will help you."

"She didn't want me, Derek. She didn't want me. She has Alzheimer's. She goes in and out. She was- She talked about my dad. She hated us. She hated both of us. She thought we held her back. All she cared about was being a doctor. She is Dr. Webber, Derek. Ellis Webber! I learned about my own mother in Med School and- Oh my God. I just- I never expected this. What about Paris, Derek? She was supposed to be in Paris." Meredith said as she cried softly. Derek was glad she was getting it out, she needed.

"I know, honey." Derek said, trying to comfort her as best as he could.

"She was supposed to be in Paris. Instead she was in Seattle, remarried and had another family. I have a sister. Sasha is my sister." Meredith gasped as she looked him in the eyes.

Derek shuddered. He technically worked for his father in law. They were so close to danger. They were right in the middle of everything. He didn't know what to think. It was such a mess.

"Oh... Wow." Derek said, nothing better to say. He didn't know what to say. He was working with his chief daily, especially since they were working on clinical trials. Richard wanted to know everything that was going on. He was convinced his hospital was going to be on every medical magazine and publication there was.

"I just- I don't even know what to say or think, Derek. This is all so much. It's so much." Meredith said as she sat up and shook her head. "I never thought it would be like this. I'm not sure what I thought it would be, but I was sure it wouldn't be this." Meredith admitted, wishing she hadn't dug it all up.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I know when you thought about this, this scenario wasn't the one you expected." He told her, feeling so sick in his stomach for her. He never wanted her to feel pain. He never wanted her to know what this was like. "I never would have guessed-"

"I know, Ellis Webbed. So much of Med school surrounded around her. She was reachable, but not. She was recent. I mean, I thought I could challenge her in some way. Now I don't even want to. My mother is a famous surgeon and what does that mean to me? It means that even now, I am still a failure to her. Even now, I won't ever know her. She never wanted me, Derek. I didn't want to know that. She was terrible to my father. He tried and she just-" Meredith gasped as she tried to finish her thought.

"I know, honey. I know." Derek said, sympathetically as he tried to soothe her.

"No, Derek! No you do not know." She said angrily. She took in a breath and looked back up at him. I'm sorry, Derek. I beg your pardon. You just don't know. It's one thing to have a parent die. It's another to have one not want you." She growled, her anger manifesting inside of her.

"I'm sorry. You are right." He said simply. He was angry at her for snapping, and seemingly not feeling any remorse for the hurtful comment she had just made. "It seems it wasn't you though. It sounds like she really disliked your father. I don't think it was you, Mer."

"I just- She was busy. She was busy and he had his head full of what she called "nonsense" She said he was foolish. Look what became of him." Meredith said, actually feeling proud of her father for once.

"It kind of sounds like-" Derek started in shock. "I hate to even say it, but it seems like he protected you. He took you with him. As busy as he was, he took you with him. If anything, that should make you happy, Mer. Does it?" Derek questioned as he looked at her.

"Yeah. I have to admit, it kind of does." Meredith said, agreeing with him. "What I can gather, he actually wanted me with him. He took me because he cared enough to not leave me with her. Derek, do you think my father actually has a heart?" She quickly asked, almost looking surprised that he may have.

"Meredith, I have never questioned that your father has a heart. I think he just buried it. I never knew why, but from what you have said, this may be the reason." Derek told her, almost looking at Thatcher Grey in a different light.

"It still doesn't change things." She told him frankly. "He is stall a bastard. Still a killer. Still a really bad person. Nothing changes that." Meredith said with a shrug. "It is what it is." She said simply.

"It is." Derek agreed. "Are you okay? Do you feel better?" He asked, hoping she did, not only because he wasn't sure how much more he could do for her, but because he didn't want her to suffer when there was nothing he could do.

"As good as I can. We need to go downstairs. I can't leave the kids down there." She told him as she pulled herself up. She knew she had to pull herself together. "What the hell do we tell them?" She asked him with the most pathetic look on her face.

"We can't tell them anything, Mer. They will think we are liars. That never helps anything." He told he as he rubbed her shoulders. He didn't want the kids to ever doubt that they could trust their parents.

"Not now. Not now, Derek. But I do feel like they will need to know. What does lying do? It hurts everyone involved. The truth always comes out, Derek." Meredith said with a sigh, wondering why she was feeling the way she was. She was feeling like there was something she didn't know. Like something was coming.

"You are right. But Mer, I'm sure there will be a time. They are too young now. Eventually we will tell them. They are kids, they don't need the worries that we have. Kids are innocent and naive, but they still worry." Derek told her as he grabbed her hand and kissed it softly.

"You're right." Meredith said as she walked with him. She wondered if and when her kids would be worrying. It was sooner than she thought.

--------------

Meredith went on. She had become a master and going on. She waited a few weeks before she went to see her mother. She had actually convinced herself that she would never go back. It took her awhile until she got curious again and would take another visit, hoping for a miracle turnaround, not only with her mother's memory, but with the way she felt about her daughter. It never came. Ellis always maintained the same things.

Meredith felt a tremendous amount of pain every time she heard the name Sasha. It took her while to accept that her mother just loved the other girl more. She didn't know why that was. The only thing she could figure was that Ellis really and truly loved Richard, while she had never cared for Thatcher. Sasha was a product of the lover her mother shared with the man she adored. That made her appreciate Sasha more than Meredith. It took Derek a bit of effort, but he finally convinced Meredith to forgive Sasha. She couldn't be angry at the girl because her mother loved her. Everyone deserved to be loved.

Meredith was thankful that Richard hadn't been alerted of her visits to the nursing home. She almost thought that Richard had little to do with Ellis. The more she poked and prodded, the more information she got. She couldn't really blame Richard. She knew he was busy and a hospital life seemed to take everything over. There had been a couple of times when Meredith would arrive to see her mother, only to see Sasha sitting there in the middle of a visit. Her stomach always flopped. It was always so close. She didn't want to be caught.

"Coming!" Meredith shouted as she walked towards the door. She wiped her hands on her jeans, a bad habit, but one she picked up when Cara was young and messy.

She was in the middle of baking. She hated baking with a passion, but she knew her children loved it. Not to mention, early in the marriage she found that if she wanted things, se had to make them to save money. It also helped that Izzie had been and excellent teacher.

"Just a- Hey." Meredith said with a smile as she opened the door warmly. "How are you? I was just in the middle of chocolate chip cookies." Meredith explained as she looked up at her sister. She wondered how it was Sasha didn't have a clue. At the same time, she didn't know until she stumbled upon it.

"I'm great... Okay, maybe not. Did you say cookies?" Sasha said as she tossed her coat on the rack and walked to the familiar kitchen. "I think I need them."

"What's going on?" Meredith asked with concern as she followed her little sister. She was beginning to feel protective of her and wasn't sure why. "Are you okay?" Meredith questioned.

"I quit." Sasha said frankly with a shrug. "I just- Quit." She said again as she took a huge bite of a fresh, warm cookie. "Mmmm.... These are great!"

"Thanks. Now what are you taking about? What did you quit? What are you giving up on?" Meredith asked quickly as she began to panic. Everything was cause to worry in her opinion.

"That's just the thing, Mer. That is just the thing. I didn't just quit. I quit a long time ago and it's finally starting to get to me." She told her with a nod. Meredith was concerned. And truthfully, she wasn't even sure how she and Sasha connected. It just happened one day at the hospital. They started talking, and Meredith felt she needed family, even if they didn't know who she was.

"Just tell me. Damn it. Your code is driving me nuts." Meredith admitted as she huffed. She wanted to know. Was it her mother? Richard?

"I quit school. I don't want to do it. I hate it so much. I haven't told them... But Mer, I'm not going to be a doctor. I don't want to be a doctor. Anything but a doctor. I have been lying. My father doesn't even know. I just- It's too much. To lie to him everyday it too much. And then my mom... I know she doesn't know better, but at the same time, maybe somewhere in there she does know? I just can't take the stress. Or the pressure. I'm not a liar. I know if I tell them, they will be upset. My dad will be so angry. I just want to do what I want for once." Sasha said as she let out a huge breath and frowned.

"Tell him. I know it will be hard.. But this is your gut, Sash. You need to do what you need to do for you, okay? You will feel so much better. It will be hard at first, but once you do it, you will feel so much better. Lies will get you no where. You will just end up feeling worse than ever." Meredith told her sister as she grabbed more cookies from the oven and placed her hand on her sister's back. "I'm here for you. It's your life, don't forget that. In knowing that, you also need to be truthful."

"Thanks, Mer. You are so right. I guess I just needed to hear someone that I trust say that." Sasha said with a smile. Meredith sighed. Someday she would have to take her own advice.


	134. Scared Stiff

Meredith was pleased to hear that her sister took her advice. As much as Richard was hurt over it, it only took a couple of weeks before he was over it. And two weeks after that, she was enrolled in school for graphic design, her true passion. To Meredith, everything seemed right in the world. She would still visit her mother, trying to come to terms with it all. She had a mother who didn't want her, but still in her heart, she didn't believe that. She actually believed that her mother was just so cold and callus, she herself didn't realize her true feelings. Perhaps it had been a fantasy, but it helped her deal.

Meredith took in a breath of the sweet fresh air. It filled her lungs and refreshed her soul, something they needed after the long winter they had endured. It had been full of abnormal snowfall and cold temperatures. Derek hadn't even wanted to ride on the ferryboats like he had always enjoyed. She was so fortunate to have such a wonderful husband and great children.

"Mommy, wanna lick?" Francesca asked as she held her cone. Meredith looked down at the bubble gum flavored ice cream dripping on the cone.

"No thanks, baby." Meredith said as she scrunched her nose. She looked at Quinn and Cara, who were not even offering their cotton candy and superman favors. "How is the cotton candy?" Meredith asked Cara as she went to grab it.

"No! You have your own!" Cara yelled as she swatted at her mom. Meredith turned away and shook her head. She was playing around, but Cara took everything so seriously. She would never say it, but she swore her daughter sat on a stick when she was young. In other words, she had a stick stuck up her ass. Meredith shuddered, wondering if she was that way when she was younger. She hoped not.

"Have it your way." Meredith said in a huff. She looked up at Quinn, who was offering his. "No thanks, buddy. Mommy is happy with her strawberry cheesecake flavored." She told him as she raised her hand, feeling her phone vibrate. "Busy." Meredith said, knowing it was Derek.

"Okay, busy usually means sex... Or ice cream. Since I am here, and you are there... I'm thinking ice cream?" He asked, knowing his wife was an ice cream addict.

"Yep." Meredith replied quickly. "What are you doing?"

"Coming there. I'll be there in a second." Derek said cheerfully. Meredith could hear the traffic in the background, along with the happiness in his voice. He was in a hurry for a good reason.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked with a giggle. She wasn't sure why, but she had reason to feel that she should be excited.

"You will see." He told her quickly. "See you in a few minutes." He added as he hung up the phone.

"Okay." Meredith said to herself as she sighed. Maybe Richard was giving Derek a raise. He was a good surgeon, and in her mind, he deserved more money. Richard was being cheap. Once Derek got more offers on the table, she would encourage him to move. Now that his name had been in the JAMA, she was sure that his excitement was from that. Just as she shoved her phone back in her pocket, she looked up, seeing his car pull in. "That was fast." Meredith said quickly as she shouted to him.

"I'm fast." He told her frankly as he walked up and kissed her.

"Want a bite, daddy?" Cara asked with a sickeningly sweet smile. Derek smiled and took a bite of her cone. Cara never did that to Meredith. Not ever.

"So tell me." Meredith said quickly, wondering what had Derek so excited. "Tell me what's up." She repeated, hoping he would kill off her curiosity.

"Well..." Derek started as he walked her over to the bench that Quinn and Francesca were sitting on. "Richard gave me a raise." He told her with a toothy grin. "And we have a huge case coming in. A huge case. I have been doing craniotomies forever. Finally something I can stretch my surgical muscles with. Richard is pretty excited... It's huge. I think.... I think it's a career builder."

"Or breaker." Meredith added, a chill going up her spine. She could only imagine. If this case was huge and he didn't do well, she worried that he would lose his job. Richard was so wrapped up with making Seattle Grace the best in the Northwest, he forgot that his doctors were humans.

"Yeah, I guess." Derek said, trying to ignore her pessimism. Meredith imagined the worst, as always. Derek, he was an optimist. This would be good. Now the question was, what would it be?

--------------

Meredith walked through her house, so thankful that it was quiet. She liked it when the children were asleep and she could have some time to herself. She worked long hours at the hospital, and her feet and body thanked her when she was home doing nothing. The home doing nothing was made even better when the kids went to bed and she could sip some wine.

"Oh you rotten children." Meredith said as she grabbed up the toys that they left laying around the room. "Could be worse, Mer... Could be so much worse." She muttered to herself.

She was thankful that they were so good. She couldn't imagine having the troubles that they were having before. She couldn't deal with them running around like wildfire through their home. After a quick check into each of the children's bedrooms, she walked towards the master bedroom, ready to collapse on the bed and sleep for what she hoped would be days.

"They are all asleep, and if all goes well, I will be in a few minutes." Meredith said with a sigh as she sat down in the arm chair next to the armoire.

"Hmmm... You just want to sleep... Nothing else?" Derek asked with a hopeful grin, hoping she would rather participate in his activities, rather than her own.

"Um, no. I'm thinking I want sleep. Rest. Not more physical activity." Meredith pointed out with a nod. "Comfy pajamas, not lingerie." She added for extra measure.

"You are no fun." Derek complained as he laid his head back. He quickly began his own plans to get what he wanted. "The big case...It's big." Derek said nonchalantly.

"Yes... The big case that you won't give me any details about... Yeah, I'd imagine it's a big case, Derek. Why are you- You shit!" She gasped, jumping from her chair.

"I would really love you on this big case with me." He muttered, threatening her with his ammo.

"And what do I need to do to get on this case?" She asked with raised brows as she headed over to him with a seductive smile playing on her lips.

Meredith shimmied out of her clothing as she crossed the room. Derek's eyes got wide, knowing that he was getting just what he wanted. He wasn't going to waste time with this one. He had been thinking about her all evening. He wanted her and he wanted her bad. Derek ripped his clothes off, his hard cock not wasting time as it rose for the occasion.

"I need you so bad!" She told him loudly as he began kissing his chest. Derek ran his fingers through her hair. "So... What do you want?" Meredith asked as she trailed her lips down his chest and to his hip. Meredith grabbed his balls in her hand and began massaging. She let her hand trail, taking his cock in her hand and stroking it gently, pushing down at the same time.

"Not necessary." Derek said as she went to put her mouth on his hard cock. Derek knew he wouldn't last through that. He wanted to cum inside her, and he wanted to right at that moment.

"Are you sure?" She asked as she looked up, her green eyes meeting his indigo ones. Derek nodded his head and smiled. "Okay." Meredith agreed as she straddled his legs and moved her way up. "Oh yeah. You are so hard!" She squealed as she straddled his lap and smiled.

"Just...ride me, babe. Get on." Derek said firmly, the smile on leaving his face. His velvety head begins dripping pre-cum. Meredith grinned as she ran her thumb over it, watching it smear around, feeling the warm fluid on her soft skin. She missed their sexual escapades, even if she had enough on her list to write a book.

"I can't wait. I need you." Meredith said as she slowly sank down on his cock. "Oh!" She gasped as she felt his thick cock slide into her inch by inch, pressing her walls far apart.

"Damn, you were ready, weren't you?" He asked with a smile as he looks into her eyes. "I think I hear gushing." He teased her as he looked down at her ample fluid spreading around.

"I guess I was." She told him with a giggle. "I'm always ready for you!" Meredith boasted loudly. "Now you just need to give me what I want."

"What is that? A good fuck?" He teased. Meredith glared at him, knowing that he knew. "Oh God... You feel so good. So tight and wet. I'm going to cum pretty quick. I swear your pussy is tight as hell tonight. I have missed it." He moaned. She knew if it felt good to him, it must have been even better to her.

"You are so thick, Derek God, did you freaking grow or something?" She asked as she felt him move closer to her cervix. "Oh my... Oh... Cum for me, Derek. Please?" She asked, feeling herself getting to her climax abnormally quick.

Meredith continued to bounce on Derek's iron hard cock as he took a breast firmly in each hand, massaging and squeezing. Meredith placed her hands on his chest, using it as an instrument in her riding. Meredith began riding quicker, needing her orgasm to come.

"Faster, Mer, faster." Derek grunted as he thrust himself upward into her. Meredith quit rocking and let herself go with the motion he was now providing.

"Oh." She groaned. "Oh yeah... Oh... Cum for me, Derek." She begged, once again.

"Damn, Mer... I'm almost there. I hope you are close, baby. I can't hold it much longer. Fuck, I'm going to fill you so fucking full!" He warned. Derek smiled as he felt his cock released deep inside of her. He closed his eyes and she rode quick, trying to chase her own.

"Oh God, there it is! Oh my! Oh my! Oh..." She gasped as she felt her walls begin to tighten down and strangle his cock hard. "Oh, oh, oh!" She shouted loudly, no one being able to hear her in the house over the music that was blaring. "Oh God, there, there...OH!" Meredith cried out as she dropped down onto his chest. Derek laid back for a minute, feeling the sparks.

"That was good, huh?" Derek asked her softly. Derek got a puzzled look on his face as he looked at her.

"Am I on the case?" She asked with exhaustion. Derek shook his head and smile.

"I can't say for sure.... But I can say I wouldn't worry too much about it." Derek told her with a nod. "Richard chose the best intern.... Need I say more?" Meredith grinned, her spot was sealed.

------------------

Meredith was nervous about the case that was to come. She knew that Derek had to pull a lot of strings to get her on it with him. With that came speculation of favoritism, rather than picking her from the group for her skills and knowledge. To prepare for what she knew was to be endured, she had been researching as much as she could about this particular procedure Derek was going to be following. Even if it was in the developing stages, she knew that she could basically copy his knowledge through notes, and of course asking him as many questions as he could handle.

Meredith wasn't the only resident that was going to be on the case. They were going to have a whole slew of doctors on the case, but they wouldn't be joining unless it was necessary and when the case got more in-depth and challenging. Derek could only speculate what could be done, without running a gamut of tests for himself. If he learned one thing, it was that everything has to be rerun for him to get the newest and most up-to-date information. They were told very limited information about the patient, just given basic information. Meredith knew it was someone high profile. She even had her speculations that it was a certain well-known aged actor that had collapsed at the most recent awards show. She couldn't help but get butterflies in her stomach knowing that she could be working on a star.

After all the excitement of being Meredith Grey had fizzled out, she was nothing. Once she changed her identity and came to the U.S., no one knew her. And now that years had passed, stardom and famous people were exciting. She missed being able to mix with the stars and high life in Italy. So now to her, if she was meeting up with an award winning legend, she was excited.

"What's all that?" Meredith's fellow resident, Cristina Yang asked as she sat down.

Meredith had gotten somewhat used to having Cristina around to bother her. And that was what she considered it. She wasn't competition, as Yang was dedicated to cardio, and Meredith wanted to do anything but that. Meredith couldn't help but like Cristina, just because she was so rude and bossy. As long as she wasn't in her face, it didn't matter. They would occasionally hang out at the Emerald City Bar, across from the hospital. She was a good friend when it came down to it, but she couldn't share everything. She couldn't do that with anyone.

"Um... Nothing." Meredith responded as she tucked it under her arm, not wanting to share her information, or that she had a huge case she knew she would be on.

"Doesn't look like nothing!" Cristina said as she went to snatch the files away from Meredith. Meredith held them tightly and turned away.

"It's nothing!" Meredith snapped. "Okay it's not nothing... But it is nothing. I've just been doing some research. Really just trying to show Derek up. But I'm not showing anyone! I do not want to let everyone know. If I fall on my face, no one will be there to see me." Meredith lied as she looked at her friend.

"I can respect that." Cristina said as she shrugged it off, not seeing it as a threat.

"Hey, I need a cafe mocha... How about you?" Meredith asked as she stood up from her seat.

"Oh... I think I need Chai." Cristina said, agreeing that she would come along. Meredith was actually happy about it, knowing it would keep her distracted and less nervous. "So what does this research pertain to?"

"Um... The brain." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

"No shit. Never mind. It's not like I care amyhow. I have no interest in the brain. It's all about the heart." Cristina scoffed as they made it to the coffee cart.

"Oh yes... The heart, All about the heart." Meredith laughed. "I need a large cafe mocha. She would like a large spiced chai." Meredith muttered. "And no, I'm not paying for you, cow." Meredith muttered as she pulled out the two-twenty-five for her drink.

"Cheap ass." Cristina groaned as she pulled out her money. Meredith laughed.

"Oh come on... Sal Rubinstein's daughter needs a loan from moi?" Meredith asked as she looked up. Meredith rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Funny.... Funny." Cristina said, shaking her head. While she appreciated her stepfather, she still thought her was no doctor. Not like she was. Not a portion of what she would be.

"Oh shit!" Meredith said as she looked up at the clock. She had two minutes to get to the conference room for what was supposed to be a casual meeting with the patient. "I'm late! See you..." Meredith said as she grabbed her hot coffee and ran up the stairs, hoping it would be faster. Meredith ran until he got to the door and then paused, not sure what she would see. She drew in a deep breath and double checked the clock in front of her. It was time. Derek told her to be on time, showing Richard how eager she was to be on the case.

Meredith placed her hand on the cold door handle and turned it slowly. As the heavy wooden door opened, she never expected what she saw. Right then and there, her heart stopped.


	135. No Way

Derek looked up at his wife. She had the same panicked look on her face that he had had on his. She was pale as a ghost, looking like she was ready to tip over as she swayed back and forth. His stomach knotted up, at her fear, mixed with his own. He too was feeling like he was at the end of the rope, unable to hold himself up. He was done. So done. He had been in that room only seconds before her. He had been called into an emergency, and was late to his own consult. And how he wished he had been pulled into anything. Even a burning jet, like he was supposed to.

Meredith stood there like a lamb before slaughter. How sad it would be when her soft white wool was covered in her own blood. What a tragedy. A tragedy that was well deserved. Maybe not well deserved, as death wasn't deserved. But in her case, it was most likely going to happy. She though of herself. And then her focus changed. It shifted. Her children. What if she lost her babies?

"Don't hurt them! Please! Please don't hurt my babies! They are innocent. Oh god they are so innocent. Oh Derek, what have we done?" Meredith screamed as she began to lose it. Derek watched in shock as Meredith dropped to her knees. "Please, daddy! Please don't kill my babies. Please don't!" She begged loudly.

Derek drew in a breath as panic filled him. His children. He felt just the same as her, although the reality hadn't hit him until she had said something. He could see his own head detached from his body and laying in some random place, perhaps buried with his gruesomely mangled body. But not Meredith. Not his wife, that made him sick. What was worse was his children. Their sweet innocent faces looked up at him in his mind. Frannie with her magic eyes. Cara with her precocious nature. And of course Quinn, who thought he was so tough. He was no match. No match. Not for the terror that was to come.

Derek stood there in a silence. Things should have been easier. They should have been different. He knew that this day would go bad. He had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that morning. He assumed it was just because it was high pressure. High profile case would surely equal high pressure.

_[i]Derek looked over at his sleeping wife. She still had an hour, and he was going to let her have it. He knew that she had been busy studying. He kept telling her that she didn't need to, but she insisted. That was Meredith, always prepared._

_As Derek sat at the kitchen table, slowly taking in one bite of Muesli at a time, he felt a ping in his stomach. It was nervousness, but he wasn't sure what he was nervous about. Perhaps it was the very high profile patient that was coming solely to the hospital for him. That was surely the source of his butterflies. The milk dripped from his mouth and onto his lucky shirt. So obviously a bad sign, and he knew it._

_The day didn't improve as he lost a patient in surgery and his patient from the day before had complications. Meredith seemed to be chipper. She apparently had no ill feelings, although he was sure it was his own inferiority complex. Sure, Derek Shepherd wanted to make a name for himself, but now that he was getting somewhere with it, he felt unsure. Why couldn't he go back to the simplicity of being a resident? He knew Meredith wasn't taking or thinking of her residency as simple. Then again, she didn't know what it was to have things fall on her shoulders. She had an attending to do that for her._

_The feeling didn't go away all day. Eating lunch was difficult. Difficult he did not know why. The whole time he sat there, completely alone, he wished his wife was there with him. He was sure that Meredith was hiding away in a corner of the hospital, taking on her own inferiority complex._

_Derek felt sick as he worked on his patient with complications. Now he was going to have to be late for Mr. High Profile. That scared him. At the same time, it made him look like he cared. Yeah right, High Profile was probably obsessed with himself and wanting Derek to come at his every whimper. He couldn't be too bad, Derek thought, taking age into account. At the same time, he didn't know. He knew nothing. Limited health information. That was it._

_The walk to the conference room was slow. He was late, but he dragged. He would never be good enough for this case. Seattle Grace was great, but not top notch. Richard wanted it to be top notch. He wanted Derek to be the tool to get it there. That was a lot of pressure. Too much pressure. Enough to make him feel worthless. Derek turned the handle, trying to think confidently. He walked in, looking up, ready to face anything._

_Or so he thought. He looked up to cold gray eyes. Cold eyes that scared him. Cold eyes that had threatened him in the past. Cold eyes._

_"Holy..." Derek said with wide eyes as he gasped. The one person he had been hiding from was there. The one person that put fear in the depths of him was there. Thatcher Grey was there. Thatcher Grey would kill him.[/i]_

Meredith looked up at her father with tear pooled eyes. She felt sick to her stomach. She felt insurmountable pain and worry taking her over. She knew that her life, her children's life and her husband's was in this vile man's hands. A man that had shown so few people mercy. Meredith felt like she was teetering on a cliff, and she wasn't even going to stick out a hand to be saved. Meredith dropped her head and looked down at the floor.

"Meredith?" Thatcher said as he placed a soft firm hand underneath her chin. Meredith looked up when she felt his hand lift her heavy head. Heavy with worry, heavy with fear. "Meredith...." He trailed off as his lip began to tremble. "You're alive..." He mumbled in shock as the tears began to fall from his eyes. "I thought I had lost you. ...Forever." He said in a whisper as he dropped to his knees and took her in his arms.

"What is this?" Meredith mouthed to Derek, fearful that an attack would come from behind.

"Don't trust him." Derek mouthed back, knowing that Thatcher Grey could be slyer than anyone. For all they knew, he would whip out a letter opener and cut them to pieces.

"Daddy?" Meredith whimpered as she began to breakdown. She felt herself succumb to his embrace and let her emotions take over.

Everything hit her, and it hit her hard. She missed her dad. As vile and evil as he was, she missed him badly. She had spent her whole life with him, and he was what she knew. He was her family. Meredith began to cry with him, knowing that she had felt as if a piece of her was missing for a long time. After all that Derek had gone through, she could never tell him that she was missing Italy and her family.

Derek felt a bit sick as he looked at his wife. If this wasn't genuine, than she was going to be in a world of hurt. Derek prayed silently that Thatcher Grey wasn't going to turn on his only child. Thoughts ran through his head as he imagined Thatcher in the family, something he wasn't sure that he wanted. He wondered if he really ever wanted his kids exposed to this man. Derek brought himself back to reality with a sudden draw in of air into his lungs. He was beginning to soften up and trust this man, and of all things in the world, he knew that was not the thing to do.

"Let me get this straight... I have had Meredith Grey on my staff?" Richard finally said, not able to get over it. My stepdaughter... He thought to himself. How had he been so in the dark?

Meredith didn't respond to Richard's question. She was so used to her dad answering everything for everyone, that she kept quiet. For a second, it actually came to her. Did she really want to be outed? Was she ready fro everyone to know that she was Meredith Grey? She wasn't even sure she knew what that meant. She wasn't convinced it would change anything and the truth was, it would change everything.

"Meredith Grey has been on my staff, and I didn't know?" Richard asked again, more thinking aloud rather than asking a question. His stomach churned slightly. He knew the little girl. He and Ellis had been having secret rendezvous for awhile before Thatcher exited her life. Thatcher had no idea about any of Richard and Ellis' affairs, but Richard had spent more time with the little girl than he cared to admit. He was actually shocked that he didn't figure it. He was surprised that he hadn't felt anything. He wondered if Thatcher knew about Ellis, or Meredith for that matter.

Richard wondered if he had been made a fool. He wondered if Meredith knew just who he was. What if she had come to Seattle Grace on purpose. He knew that no one had known about his affair with Ellis. They had been so careful that none of the other staff had figured it out. If there had been one thing that Ellis was good at, it was keeping her ducks in a row.

Richard looked at Thatcher. Being the richest man in the world, along with a ton of power, he was sure that he knew Ellis' wearabouts. That meant he had to know that Richard was her husband. He wondered if that was the reason that Thatcher came to Seattle Grace, to make trouble. They all had an awkward silence between them. Thatcher knew that there was a mess before him. Now Richard knew that Meredith was alive. His daughter was alive, and he had been made a fool of. He couldn't have that, no way.

"You listen, and you listen good." Thatcher said, taking the commanding role, something he was so used to doing. Richard's eyes got wide as Thatcher stood up and got close to Richard's face. "I should hope that this hospital has an amazing privacy policy... If it does not, you will never see a hospital shut down so quickly. Your career will be over. And not only will it be over, there will be no legacy. You will be slandered. There will be nothing, and I repeat nothing, left of you." Thatcher warned, the vein in his head popping out.

"Of course, Mr. Grey. I understand completely." Richard said with a nod as he realized just how serious Thatcher Grey really was. He was a force to be reckoned with. He was actually surprised that Ellis had never experienced any backlash.

"I figured you were a man with enough sense to understand the seriousness of this matter." Thatcher said frankly as he clenched his jaw. "I would appreciate it if you would give me a moment. I will call for you when we are ready to discuss the real reason that I am here." Thatcher said as he waved him to the door.

Meredith looked at Derek, who returned the look. The look of a prey animal. They were certain that they would be dead, and Thatcher would pay Richard off and make Seattle Grace a premier hospital. A win-win situation for both of them. Yes, Meredith was certain that this was bad. After all, her father was a snake. A man that couldn't be trusted under any circumstances.

"Um..." Meredith said, reverting to her childhood. Although she was much older now, he was a child in her father's shadow forever.

"Now what's this you say about babies?" Thatcher asked as he looked Meredith in the eyes.

Derek never took his eyes off of Thatcher. He knew that he would do whatever ha had to to save her. He had to be ready to take drastic measures. the lack of attention he was getting was unsettling to him. He would feel much more at ease of Thatcher would at least yell at him. Some sort of acknowledgement would be better than silence. Silence is what the angriest people have. They don't react right away, but when they do, it's lethal.

"Please, daddy.... Please!" Meredith said as she stood there, tears once again pooling. Surely her dad, the predator would be able to hear her panicked heart racing on her chest, ready to explode. "Don't hurt them..." She whispered as she looked at the floor.

"Hurt them... Meredith, I could never hurt your children...my grandchildren." He said as he got close to her. "My how beautiful you are. You have taken care of her." Thatcher said, finally acknowledging Derek. "I would never..."

"We... It was... You just don't understand." Meredith said as she began to cry. She had no idea how to explain it. She didn't want to tell him the truth, but there was no knowing what he knew already. "I know that we- I just- And now- I know you are angry. I know you are angry. Please, I'm so sorry..."

"Oh god, Meredith.... I just- I'm not angry. I'm grateful! You are alive. You are alive. I can't be mad, because you are here. No matter how mad I could be, you are here. I can't be mad, and let me tell you why..." Thatcher said quickly.

Neither Derek or Meredith had any idea what Thatcher was about to tell them. It seemed as if he really wasn't mad. It seemed as if in some way he was at peace with things. In fact, in all her life, Meredith had never seen her dad so calm and collected. Behind is even grayer hair and eyes, so saw a more relaxed face. The bags under his eyes and the wrinkles he once carried were gone.

"I'm dying, Meredith." Thatcher said with a sigh. It wasn't a sigh of relief. It was a sigh of contentment and acceptance. "I know it, and I've known for awhile."

Meredith immediately felt sick to her stomach. Of course he was dying. She knew he was because the patient was. She had read up on his case over and over again. She knew his condition was fatal almost every time. Before she had faith that it would go the right way, but now that she knew it was her father, dread filled her plum full. He was a dying man. A dying man that had accepted his fate.

"No..." Meredith said quickly. How could he accept it? "No! You are not dying." Meredith growled, sounding somewhat like a father she had learned so well from.

"Honey, it's happening." Thatcher said as he stroked her hair.

"No... Derek will save you. Derek can save you." Meredith said with a big nod as she looked over at Derek, who was looking like he didn't have so much faith.

Derek didn't know what to say. The truth was, he didn't have a lot of faith left in him. Before he knew the patient, he knew it was a risk. He never thought that it would be someone he knew. Not only was it someone he knew, but it was someone he feared. He knew coming into the case that it was risky and that he had to explain the risks. Now he didn't want to.

"Oh, Meredith... Ever the dreamer." Thatcher said with a smile. A smile. Meredith was shocked that her father, of all men, was smiling. "Although I have to say, it wasn't all dreams. You are doing exactly what you wanted. I can't help but be proud of you, even if it wasn't how I thought it should be." He said with a nod.

Everyone looked at the door as it opened slowly, revealing Tony. Meredith looked up in shock, seeing the shock on Tony's face. Everyone stayed silent for a second as they watched the wheels spin madly in his head. It was obvious that he had no idea what was going on. No idea at all.

"What the fuck is this?" Tony finally said, anger in his voice. Meredith was surprised, she was expecting a hug at the least. That was definitely not coming. At least it didn't look that way.

"It's okay, Tony." Thatcher said quickly, knowing how Tony could fly off the handle.

"I don't understand. What the hell is going on?" Tony asked, pressing for an answer. "What the hell is going on?" He shouted, almost in a panic. "You're dead! You're dead." He said as he marched towards Meredith. Meredith felt herself tense up, not knowing what was coming. "You died..." He said as he leaned into her and began to cry.

Meredith stood there, wondering if she had gone insane. Either she was going insane, or everyone else was. Her father had accepted her deception. Her father accepted her pulling from his rule. And now Tony was here, crying on her shoulders. One of the coldest men she knew, besides her father, was breaking down. The world was definitely coming undone.

"I think it's a long story." Thatcher said with an overwhelmed look on his face. "I'm exhausted." Thatcher admitted as he leaned back in his chair.

"Well, as your doctor... Or at least having seen your medical records, I think it's in your best interest to get some rest." Derek told him as he walked up to Thatcher, seeing the redness in his face.

"Okay..." Richard said, entering the room, and obviously uncomfortable.

"Dr. Webber... I think this meeting can resume tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit tired, and I would like to catch up with my long lost daughter." Thatcher said quickly. "I will be taking her with me. I'm sure you don't need her for the rest of the day?"

"Of course not." Richard said with a nod. Derek felt a panic rise and spread throughout his body. There was no way Meredith was going with Thatcher. No way.

"She isn't going." Derek said, taking a stand. "Not without me." Thatcher raised one eyebrow. Derek looked him straight in his eyes. He wasn't having it.


	136. Grandpa

She didn't go. Meredith never went with Thatcher alone. Derek couldn't understand it. Meredith wasn't getting it either. The man that used to be the biggest control freak in the world, was giving up his reins. Meredith was unsure that he had actually given them up, maybe more loosened them. Thatcher, Meredith, Derek and the rest of the necessary crew, which Meredith wondered if they were really necessary, were settled in at her house.

Her house. Meredith looked around, knowing her digs were not as they were in Italy. Not only that, they were not what Thatcher was used to. A small part of her was embarrassed, not realizing that Thatcher was once just as she was now. He was what she came from. He was once a simple man, with a plan. And now he was so much more. Meredith and Derek had a nice, older home. The wood accents and touches of a happy family made it more precious and beautiful than anything she could have hoped for.

Derek felt uneasy with Thatcher in his house. At the same time, the man was weak. Physically, Derek knew how sick he was. Emotionally, he could see some wear. Meredith dying had done something to that man, changing him from what they remembered. His hair was now thinner, and his face weathered. Everyone sat in an uncomfortable silence, and then something was said.

"I would like to stay here. It feels... Good. I'm comfortable here. I can feel the sense of happiness and family in these walls. Your mother and I... We had a house like this. I say house, not home, as your mother makes it impossible for anything to be a home." Thatcher said with a nod. "I know you know. I never wanted you to know... About her. Do you understand just why I have never said anything? Why I was so adamant that you never see or know her?" Thatcher asked with a nod. Meredith looked up, unsure how to answer. "Is she the reason you came to Seattle?" He asked frankly, wondering just how long she had known.

"You... Know?" Meredith asked meekly. She wondered if her father had known that she was her. It only took her a second to remember his reaction at the sight of her... He had not known.

"Meredith, as much as I want to forget that woman existed, I cannot. Of course I know where she is and has been. I loved her. I would have never married her. I would have never created you. Not if a part of me did not love her. When we first left, I didn't keep tabs. But once I got somewhere in life, I got curious. I also wanted to keep you the hell away from her." Thatcher said, every word shallow and slow as if it were work to speak. "She just... I'm sure you know. I'm sure you have found out the hard way."

"I have." Meredith agreed with a nod. Part of her did not want to go there. To drudge up the past, was too much with what she was already dealing with. "I know..."

"I'm sorry, honey. I am truly sorry." Thatcher told her with silence following. Everyone was uncomfortable. No one wanted to speak. Meredith looked at her hands. Derek felt a tightening over his whole body, along with fear. He could never take on everyone who was in that house, no way.

"So you are staying here?" Tony said, questioning what had been brought up earlier. "I believe it's safe.." He added, knowing that no one was concerned about where Thatcher was, and if they did, there was no trail.

"I'd really like to." Thatcher said, confirming what he wanted. He looked at Meredith's shocked face. It wasn't that she didn't want her father there, she was just unsure that she was ready for that.

"I really... I don't think you would be comfortable." Meredith said, not acting as if she didn't want him there, just being honest.

"Honey, once I take my drugs, I'm out so fast you could throw me on a cot." he said with a chuckle. "I just feel... I think I need to be here. With you..." He said softly. Meredith nodded her head slightly, so much going through her head. She had to let him stay. She couldn't turn him away. Not only was it not right, it made her nervous to deny him. Then it hit her, and it hit her quick.

"They don't know." Meredith finally said in shock. How could she possibly forget this not-so-minor detail?

"What?" Thatcher finally said, Derek looked just as puzzled as he was. "Who doesn't know?"

"The kids." Meredith said in horror as she looked at Derek. They did not know.

Derek felt a ping in his throat. He was choking inside at the thought. He had lied to his children. They had lied to their children. Oh how he wished it had been different. He wasn't even sure how they would explain it, especially to the little ones. They couldn't possibly tell them the true story, which make Thatcher look like the most vile man in the world.

Meredith wasn't worried about all of her children. She was mainly worried about one child. This particular child was constantly out to challenge her. This child seemed to cause her more hell than any other. Meredith was always trying to bend over backwards for Cara. Anything to make the girl happy. Nothing seemed to make Cara happy, unless one hundred percent of her father's attention was on her. Meredith knew that her relationship with her daughter was strained, even if the girl was just a child. An now the thought of more strain made her sick. Cara would never forgive her.

"The kids don't know they have a grandfather?" Thatcher said, a definite sound of disappointment in his voice. "I guess they wouldn't." He muttered as he thought about it. "What about... Derek's.... Family?" He asked.

Since the minute Thatcher had seen that his daughter was in fact alive, that was his first thought. He wondered if Derek's family knew that he was alive. He actually assumed that they helped them not only carry out the plan, but had been helping them set up their lives. He couldn't help but feel angry. Angry that his daughter had tricked and betrayed him. The truth was, he was more angry at himself, as he was the reason she left in the first place.

"They don't know. No one knows." Meredith said calmly. Thatcher could read his daughter, and she was telling the truth. "God, Derek... What will I do about Cara?" Meredith asked with a sigh, and a bit of exhaustion in her voice.

"Cara?" Thatcher asked as he looked at her. He knew she was speaking of one of the children, but he didn't know them.

"Here." Derek said as he stood up. He felt so uncomfortable and unsure with Thatcher in his house. He had to do something. Maybe a nice gesture would help. So that's what he did. "These are our children... And your grandchildren." Derek said as he held the album in his hands and walked over. Derek sat on the sofa next to Thatcher.

"Oh... Wow." Thatcher said as he took the album into his hands, looking at the family photo on the front. He immediately saw how happy they all were.

"This is Cara." Derek said as he flipped the cover, revealing pictures of Cara with Meredith when she was born, and as she got older.

"Cara Sophia." Meredith clarified, making sure that Thatcher knew the little girl's middle name. That name meant a lot. It helped her deal with what she had lost. "Half the time she hates me, but she is a good kid." Meredith said as she looked at Derek, and then at Thatcher.

"She doesn't hate Meredith... She is just very much like Meredith." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Oh... That explains A LOT." Thatcher said, joining Derek in laughter. "I'm sorry, honey, but this will be a lifetime struggle... It has been for us." Thatcher joked, Derek joining in, louder than before.

"Hey! This isn't right! You guys ganging up on me." Meredith said as she pouted. "And incase either of you are confused, I really am MAD." Meredith grunted as she stood up and walked away.

"Yes, Cara is a spitting image of that woman." Derek laughed as he shook his head.

"I feel sorry for the man that gets her.... If that's a fact!" Thatcher joked back. Derek shook his head, agreeing with the man. Derek actually agreed with him, and found him funny. Apparently the world was off it's axis. "Go talk to her... If there is one thing I know, she won't stop until peace is made."

"Ain't that the truth." Derek nodded as he stood up and walked away, leaving Thatcher to leaf through the photo album. He knew that he could talk to Meredith, and everything would be fine. He just didn't know what to think about all of this. If it was true, and if Thatcher was making his peace, this is just what they needed. Meredith needed to make peace. For herself, and for her children.

Derek walked into the kitchen, where Meredith was leaning against the counter. Just as he stepped behind her, she hung up the phone and turned around. Derek frowned as he looked at her face.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he raised his hand to her face.

"Tina is dropping the kids off. They will be here soon, Derek. Our kids will be here, and they will demand to know who Thatcher is. They will be... So mad, Derek. They are going to be so mad." Meredith said as she pulled away from him. "Don't... Just please, don't." Meredith said quickly as she turned. "This doesn't fall on you, this falls on me. All on me. Especially with Cara. My god, Derek... Sometimes I wonder if she is even my daughter." Meredith muttered.

"Oh, she is your daughter, all right. There is no disputing that." He laughed as he shook his head. "I think I heard your father say he wanted tea. I'll get it. You go show him the pictures."

"This is weird, Derek... It's just, weird." Meredith admitted, not sure of what to say or do.

"Dying people have a different perspective of things, Meredith." Derek explained, knowing what it was like. He had seen it too often, in all specialties. Dying people were different. They learned to appreciate the small things.

"I know, Derek... I know that." She snapped as she walked away from him. She wished it were the day before. If it were the day before, she'd have packed her kids up and ran like hell. She wasn't scared of Thatcher, she was scared of the kids and everything else.

"They are beautiful, honey." Thatcher said with a smile as he handed her the book. "Especially that Francesca. Wow, she is just... So soft and precious. You can see into her soul through those eyes." He told her quickly. "When will you be expecting them home?" Thatcher asked quickly as he looked at his watch.

"Very soon... Which is why I need to- They can't all be here. It's bad enough that you will be surprising the kids... If they see all this men, it will terrify them. Not only that, but I don't have enough room for them all to stay. If you are staying, you have to trust that you can stay. And only you." Meredith said as she laid down the line.

"That is acceptable." Thatcher agreed with a faint smile. "And honestly, I'd like to meet my grandchildren... Alone. Or as alone as I can be." Thatcher added, knowing his daughter would never allow him to be alone with them. Not yet.

"I'm glad you agree. And they will be home, very soon. You really need to- You guys need to get out of my house. This is hard enough as it is." Meredith told them as she looked up.

"I'll call the hotel. And I will contact you later in the evening." Thatcher said quickly as he pointed at the door. All of the men nodded and quickly left the home. "You're nervous." Thatcher pointed out as he patted the sofa next to him.

"Cara...She and I- She will be really upset. And they all- I should have never lied. Never... But what do you tell children?" Meredith said, more to herself. "I could never ask them to- Lie.... I guess I could have told them you didn't live here. There is so much I could have done." Meredith realized, seeing that being dead, didn't always mean you didn't come back. That pertained to both she, and her father.

"It is what it is. All you can do, is deal with what you have. Right now, you have a mess. I have not a doubt in my mind that you will be just fine." Thatcher said, offering support.

"Oh, it looks like the kids are here." Derek said as he placed Thatcher's drink on the end table nearest to him. "Here we go." He muttered, feeling the same dread that Meredith was feeling. "Maybe I can catch Tina before she gets out of the car." Derek added as he rushed outside.

"You are strong... You never would have been able to pull off what you did.... I may be angry, and hurt. At the same time, I'm just grateful that you are indeed alive. But, as sick as it may be, I'm proud. You proved yourself. You are much stronger than I ever thought you were. I always wanted you to be a strong woman, I guess I just never let you become that. I was so busy molding your life, you turned into a robot." He admitted, his voice full of regret.

"Mommy!" Francesca and Quinn shouted as they ran towards her. "I had so much fun in stool! It was the bestest! Me and Jeremy... We are- He's my friend. We colored and played an-" Francesca said as she was quickly interrupted.

"Who are you?" Cara said snobbily as she looked up at Thatcher. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

"Dat..." Francesca said as she looked up at him. "Dat's our grandpa."


	137. Words

Meredith laid in bed next to her husband. It had been a long night. A long night that was just too much for her. She wanted to lay right there, never moving, and let sleep take her over. Sleep didn't take her over. And juding my her husband's shifting alongside her, sleep wasn't taking him over either. There was no way they could sleep. Not after this. Not after so much had happened.

"Today was...." Meredith started, looking over at Derek. She needed to talk to someone, and her husband seemed like the best person.

"Bizzare?" Derek asked, knowing that it was how he saw the day.

"I was going to say terrifying, but bizarre fits just as well, I suppose." Meredith said with a sigh. She felt Derek turn towards her. Meredith heaved her tired body and rolled onto her side. Her green eyes melted with Derek's as she looked at him. They needed not to speak to communicate, but she wanted to. She needed to. "I just can't sleep."

"You are not the only one." Derek agreed with a nod.

Derek pulled his egyptian cotton sateen sheets. They were an oddish tan color, something that Meredith had been obsessed with. He never said anything, because it seemed to keep her on an even keel, to decorate the house. The tan was just another new fad in home decorating. He teased her, saying his didn't want to sleep on brown sheets, which only elicited a howl from her, explaining that they were safari tan. Derek laughed, they didn't live in Africa, or anywhere near a safari. Nonetheless, they were sheets, they were soft and he liked to sleep on them, no matter what color they were.

Oh how Derek wished that the only thing they had to fight or worry about was sheets. Now there were so many worries. The crazy thing was, he wasn't worried about what Thatcher was going to do to them, he was worried about what would happen to Thatcher. Derek was no fool when he agreed to take on Thatcher's hopeless case. He knew there was a chance that he could help, even if it was small. But now that it was a family member, and Meredith's father, things were different. He wasn't sure that Meredith even realized the sad reality of it all. Her father would die.

Meredith looked at the wrinkles on Derek's face. If you asked her, she would swear the amount doubled since her father came to Seattle. Of course they did, in a split second, they were both certain that death was the first thing to be served on their plate. Either that, or they would be served on that plate. Either way, Derek had canyons on his face, and she was praying the would smooth. Her husband was beginning to look like an old man.

"Do you think... Cara will come around?" Meredith asked Derek.

"Yes, Dear, she will be fine. She is just upset. You know Cara. You know how she is." Derek said with a smile as he hugged her gently, pulling her into his chest.

Meredith shuddered at the memory. Cara was cold. In many ways, she reminded her of her mother. Not Meredith, of course. Her mother's mother. Ellis. Cara was cold and calculated as Meredith had learned that Ellis was. Maybe Cara had a drop of Thatcher in her too. As wonderful as her dad was seeming at the moment, Meredith did not forget the good old days, which were much less that good. Cara had been rude. She refused to acknowledge Thatcher once she learned who he was. It all ended with Cara screaming something about hating her mother and stomping off. Meredith never spoke to her again, she left that to Derek. Derek talked to the girl, but Meredith knew there was no peace in her home.

It was Francesca who stunned everyone. Meredith's reaction was not one of happiness. At first, it was one of anger. She of course jumped to the first conclusion she came to. Her first thought was that Thatcher had seen them. She assumed he had known where they were and had been watching the children. After a quick course of yelling and anger, both confirmed that they had never seen each other. Francesca just had that feeling, she said. Like a tingle, she explained it. Maybe Meredith looked like her father. Perhaps the child course see the resemblance. Meredith did not know. All she knew, was that her heart melted when the little girl had climbed into her grandfather's lap. Soon after, Quinn joined her, sitting on the sofa, very close. The kids never questioned anything. There was no hatred, no assuming their parents were liars. Not from down there, it was all up in the bedroom. Meredith let that leave her mind as she melted onto a puddle of joy, her children and her father looking happy. Normal, almost.

Meredith drifted asleep in her husband's arms. So much for talking. After thinking about the good parts of the day's events, she needed not to talk. She needed to drift off and relax. She must have felt safe, she was out like a light.

------------------

Meredith felt like she was in a fog. Waking up in her own home, knowing her father was a few rooms away from hers made her head spin. She didn't know whether to get him up, or let him sleep. She wondered if his goons would be marching in the front door like a swat team on the attack, knowing that would put fear in her children for the rest of their lives. Meredith wasn't due to go into the hospital until later in the afternoon. She liked it that way because she could get her kids off to school. Getting the kids to school seemed like a chore lately, something that she enjoyed, but didn't usually go as smoothly as she wished. Today she would be doing it on her own, Derek having had left in the middle of the night for an emergency operation

Meredith stood in the kitchen. She didn't have to get her father up, he had shocked her with his presence when she came into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table reading the "Seattle Times", and sitting coffee that he had apparently made himself. She didn't think that he could do anything without Sophia, and now she was proven wrong.

"Good morning." Thatcher said as he glanced up at her. Meredith smiled weakly and poured herself a cup of coffee. She wasn't sure which brand Derek bought this time around, but it was robust as she took a sip of it black.

"Good morning." Meredith muttered as she swirled in her favorite creamer and sugar, just enough to take the powerful edge of the coffee. Derek had been going in spurts, switching off on on, unsure if he was a coffee drinker or not. "Would you like breakfast?" Meredith asked as she looked across the island at him.

"Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble... I can have someone pick me up or something." He said, sounding quite pitiful.

"Dad, I will make something. Actually, today is french vanilla french toast day. We make it when Derek isn't here. He doesn't know that I substitute natural vanilla ice cream for syrup. The kids love it." Meredith said with a smile as she sat down at the table.

"That sounds wonderful! If it wouldn't be too much of a bother..." Thatcher replied as he flipped the pages. Meredith nodded her head and took a sip of her coffee. "Your paper is good, although I'm used to having about six sitting in front of me." He laughed.

"Not here... I occasionally read. It's Derek who enjoys the paper." She admitted. "And as far as breakfast... The kids will be up in a few and I will make it." She explained as she grabbed the comics sections and shook it smooth. Both remained in a silence, comfortable in each other's presence, without speaking. "How is she?" Meredith finally said, very quiet and poignantly.

Thatcher didn't need to say a word. He knew just who she was talking about. He wondered how long it would take her to speak about it. By the way she had acted when it all went down, he realized how close they were.

"Sofia is okay." Thatcher said in response, nothing attached to his words. "She is... It was hard on her. And I think- We just made it. We all made it together."

"I'm- I didn't think it would make a difference." Meredith said with meekly as she hide behind her paper.

"How dare you!" Thatcher said as he ripped the paper from her hands, tossing it aside. "Not make a difference... I can't believe- I loved you, Meredith. I do love you. I know I wasn't a great parent, but damn-it, I loved you! And for you to think it wouldn't make a difference- We were devastated! The house was cold- Sofia, she cried in silence. She would breakdown at the tiniest suggestion of you. She cleaned and- And then- I was a mess. I knew it was my fault, but I ignored it. I ignored it all. And then- She screamed. She screamed at me. She blamed me. It wasn't until that day... That was the day that I realized that it was my fault. You were dead because I didn't make life bearable for you. I see that now. And the- With him- What he did to you... He did it, I know this. I'm so sorry, Meredith. It should have never been this way." Thatcher said as he climbed up from his chair and made his way to her.

"I'm sorry, daddy." Meredith cried as she melted in his arms, the first time that she could remember feeling love from her father.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. And I am the one that should be sorry. I'm just glad that you are here with us. Because now I have a shot. I just want you to know you are loved, honey. You are loved, and always were." Thatcher explained as he stroked her hair, feeling the hair stick to the tears on her cheeks.

"Grampa!" Francesca said as she bounded towards him. "Lemme sit!" She said as she motioned for him to sit down, so she could climb on his lap. Thatcher of course sat immediately. "Mommy, are you okay?" She asked with concern.

"I am now, baby... I am now." Meredith repeated. Then she walked in. Trouble. "Good morning ladies and gentleman." Meredith said lightly, looking at her children.

"Morning, mommy." Quinn grumbled as he sat down in his regular chair, looking half asleep.

"Good morning, Cara." Meredith said softly as she looked up at her grumpy daughter. "Are you ready for french toast?" She questioned not only her Cara, but her other two children.

"Yay!" Francesca said happily as she bounced on her grandfather's lap just a tad too hard. She looked up as he grunted and quickly settled down.

Meredith didn't say a word as Cara sat down at the table and waited to be served. Meredith didn't want the confrontation. The truth was, her daughter intimidated her more often than not. She was always trying to avoid a fight, not wanting to put anymore strain on their relationship than what was already there. Meredith knew it was pathetic that she somewhat feared her child, but it was what it was.

Thatcher sat in his seat, slightly in shock. He never thought his daughter would be intimidated by anyone, let alone her own child. It was more that obvious that Cara could be quite a handful. As he had noticed, just being around them for a short while, his daughter had become quite passive. He could see why she was doing it, but at the same time, he didn't think it was her best idea. He thought she should take a more head on approach with her daughter.

"Cara, I think your mother was speaking to you." Thatcher said curtly. He wasn't sure that was the right step to take, but he was angry. He was irritated and he knew someone had to call her on it.

"Dad-" Meredith started in shock. No one ever really stood up to the girl.

"You aren't my grandpa! You aren't my dad! My mom told me we don't have a grandpa and grandma!" She said angrily as she jumped up and took took off through the house.

"Oh my god." Meredith said softly as she shook her head. It was getting worse and worse. "That girl exhausts me." Meredith said as she went to talk to her.

"No, you make breakfast. I have her." Thatcher said with a nod as he picked Frannie up and sat her on the floor. As he walked off, he heard the little girl take his seat.

Meredith went on making breakfast. She had a knot in her stomach, wondering if he was going to make it worse, rather than better. For once, she had to trust that her father would do the right thing. As she thought back, there were times that her father took excellent care of her. There were times when she was young that he offered her comfort. She sopped the mixture up with bread and went about her business, waiting for slamming doors and yelling. Instead, she heard nothing. She topped the french toast off with ice cream, and shock came over her when Cara walked up, hugged her and sat down.

Meredith didn't say anything as they all ate their breakfast in silence. Everyone was shocked that Cara was being kind, and without the extra topping of attitude that she greeted everyone with. They all soaked up the happiness and calm in the air like sponges. Yes, everyone was at peace until Meredith looked up at the clock.

"Oh my god, We're late!" Meredith said in shock. The kids got wide-eyed and jumped up. Everyone quickly threw their dishes into the sink and rushed around. "Did, I will drop you off." Meredith said with a nod. "You can get Tony and then... I will see you later. There...You know." Meredith said quickly. The kids just met their grandfather. She didn't want them to know that there was a possibility that he may not be around.

"Okay... We're ready." Cara announced as she and her siblings marched down the stairs. Meredith smiled. Her daughter was being both kind and helpful. It was some kind of miracle. Whatever Thatcher did was what she needed. What they all needed.

"Okay!" Meredith replied exuberantly as she handed the children their lunches, grabbing her purse, keys and her father. "Let's go..." She added as she rushed the children out the door and began to pull it shut. Just as she heard the door click, she also heard the phone ring. "Crap... No time." She said quickly as she jogged down the steps, assuming they would leave a message.

Little did Meredith know, she really should have listened to the message.

"Mer... Pickup... I've tried calling your cell, it goes straight to voicemail. I hope you- Don't come. You don't want to come to the hospital. It's bad... It's a real mess." Derek said in a half-panic.

Yes, Meredith should have answered.


	138. Outed

Derek stood on the balcony looking at the sea of people at the doors. He had no idea any of this was going on. Late in the night he was awoken from his deep sleep, needed for an emergency case. He went from the operating room, to the on-call room, and back to the operating room, seemingly like he was busy forever. He never knew, and somehow, no one told him.

They were there for his wife. Somehow the world knew that not only was Meredith Grey alive, but she was in Seattle. Specifically, Seattle Grace Hospital. Derek had been calling Meredith in a state of panic for what seemed to be longer than it was. She was not answering, and he didn't want her to come to Seattle Grace and meet up with the mayhem he was seeing.

Derek felt angry. He could now see why people acted so irrationally. He wanted to go out and hurt every person that was snapping shots and encroaching on his life. Maybe people didn't know it was his life, but it was. He couldn't imagine how these people knew. As important as it was for Thatcher to keep his visit to Seattle strictly confidential, Derek was positive that Thatcher had not leaked anything.

"What the hell?" Richard said as he rushed by and slammed to a stop. "What is that?" He asked, seeing the people. As fast as news spread at Seattle Grace, they were both shocked that they hadn't heard about this before seeing it for themselves.

"I- I don't know." Derek finally settled on. "It's- They know." Derek added with a sigh. "About Meredith. They know that she is alive, and here." Derek said, almost angrily. "How the fuck?" Derek shook his head and walked away. "This is my wife! This is my life!"

"Derek, I'll do something. Theses people have to get out of here. Just wait until the Chief of Staff finds out. Patients can't even get in the doors. This is never going to work, something has to be done." Richard agreed. There was no way that they could have this kind of chaos around when people were trying to get healthy. "I'm just not sure where to start." He said as he stood there, doing nothing.

"Webber!" Richard heard someone whom he knew too well yelling behind him. "What have you done?" He said quickly. Richard turned around, seeing his Chief. He didn't even say anything to Derek as he rushed to his boss, wondering what was going to come of this.

"I'm not sure what is going on..." Richard stammered, a trait that was very unlike him. Then again, this situation didn't happen often.

"I'll tell you exactly what is going on! All hell is breaking loose. You have a dead person as a resident. Not only is this person not dead, but she's a goddamn celebrity! How the hell could you not know this!" He shouted as he looked down, security posted at the door, trying to keep out reporters. At the moment the cutthroat paparazzi weren't out there ready to attack. He knew they were coming, they always did for things like this. "I should have your job for a mistake like this." He muttered as he stared off, not hearing is phone.

"Sir- Your phone..." Richard said with a nod towards the phone chiming on the waist of his pants. There his phone hung from a cheap leather belt.

Richard watched as he Chief walked away, taking his call. He could hear the man's quick and sharp voice. He had no idea what was being said, but he had to assume it had something to do with the situation, as he could see the man's hands waving wildly as he spoke, his voice raising his notes, filled with anger.

Richard knew he was in trouble. His body tightened and his throat choked up. Sure he had made a decent living, but he wasn't ready to retire. The nursing home that Ellis was in was not cheap. He was amazed at how quickly the money turned to dust when she was there. He needed his job, for the money, and his sanity. He began to sweat, feeling the beads press against his collar, that was growing too tight. He was soaking his dress shirt, feeling all of his fear, leaking out, only being replaced by more fear.

"Richard, you genius!" His Chief said as he rushed up to him. Richard couldn't even grasp the change in his temperament. It seemed that something had changed, and in seconds he would know what.

"Chief?" Richard asked in astonishment as he looked at the man's deep blue eyes, full of promise and something more.

"We have a celebrity here! Not only that, we have her father. The world's most wealthy man has come here for treatment. People are getting referred her like madness. If it's good enough for Thatcher Grey, everyone wants in. This hospital is making it's way to the top. Great job, man. Keep up the good work!" He said with a smile and then a slap on the back. Richard stood there in shock as he drew in a breath. He went from zero to hero. What did that mean?

-----------------

Meredith was feeling accomplished, having gotten her kids and her father where they needed to go. As long as she didn't hit bad traffic, she would get to the hospital in plenty of time. Her kids seemed to make her late more often than not. She wasn't really pushing buttons, as far as that was concerned, but she didn't want to, either. Meredith grabbed her coffee, taking a sip and smiling as she saw that there was not a sea of passenger vehicles before her. Maybe the day would go as well as she hoped it would. Just maybe.

Meredith didn't notice that her phone was was off. She didn't hear the accumulating voicemail, from Derek in a moment of panic. She was so busy with her morning routines, she didn't realize anything. Her phone was usually on. Occasionally she has found that one of the children, although she couldn't pinpoint who, would turn her phone off to keep her from spending too much time on it.

"What the hell?" Meredith muttered as he pulled into the parking lot at the hospital.

What she saw, was mayhem. What she saw was chaos and confusion. She wasn't sure what was going on, but whatever it was, it was big. The whole front entrance to the hospital was filled with news vans and reporters. Her eyes got wide, hoping that no one realized that Thatcher Grey was being treated at the hospital. She quickly brushed that off, knowing better. She had to assume that Richard had gotten his wish and had made some stride or another in the medical field. He was like a predator, stalking the doctors until they did something great.

"Oh God." Meredith groaned as she grabbed her bag and coffee. She wasn't looking forward to heading through the mob of people, but really, she had to.

Meredith was walking merrily on her way. She was content that her father was going to get some help, and her children were all speaking to her. It was the first time she felt at ease since her father stormed into Seattle and took her life by storm.

"One step at a time." Meredith muttered to herself, a soft mist dampening her soft skin and her jacket. "That's how I'm going to-"

"There she is!" Meredith heard someone scream. If she hadn't been so busy looking down at her one foot after another, she would have never realized that the storm of people was actually headed for her. They were there for her!

"What is- Oh my God!" Meredith shouted as they circled around her. Meredith dropped her coffee and it splashed on the wet concrete, forming a mocha colored puddle around her white shoes. She quickly felt the panic that came along with all of her younger years. The familiar tightness in her chest was haunting her. She couldn't form a rational thought if she tried, let alone a sentence.

"Meredith- What happened to you?" They yelled, shoving microphones in her face and snapping shots. "Did you fake your own death?" They shouted.

"I-" Meredith started, not even planning to say anything. She wasn't even sure she could say anything if she knew what to say. They were speaking so quickly she couldn't answer a thing.

"Why did you fake your death? Did you father force you to? Have you been in Seattle all these years?" They shouted, one after another, pushing and grabbing her.

"I-" She started again, feeling like they were tearing her apart. Her body, now a carcass from the fear, was being picked upon like a dead animal laying in the desert. She hadn't felt that helpless in years.

"Are you really a doctor? Is it real? Is it fake? What about your bodyguard and the pilot?" They yelled, making Meredith even more sick. They were bringing up Derek. The last thing she wanted was Derek in the middle of it all. She didn't need him feeling the way she was.

"Get off of her!" Derek shouted as he rushed to the middle of the crowd, pulling out his wife. Meredith felt herself go limp as Derek placed his arms around her, filling her with much needed comfort. She was no longer listening to the yelling, she was listening to his heartbeat. "No comment!" Derek yelled as he pushed and shoved, getting through the doors and security.

"Oh, Derek!" Meredith said as she felt everything go black. She never thought she would be in that situation, and neither did he.

"What is going on?" Cristina shouted as she rushed up and leaned down to check her friend.

"We need a room." Derek said as he scooped her up. They had a lot of explaining to do, to a lot of people.

Maybe Meredith knew that what she was surrounded by was neither fun, nor simple. There was a reason that she laid in the bed of an empty exam room and didn't flash her eyes open. Nothing ever seemed to come easy for she and Derek, and this was a perfect example of that. They had been trying to live a happy, normal life and her father showed up. If that wasn't bad enough, now the whole world knew where she was. This was not how she saw this all planning out. In fact, Meredith Grey was becoming rather accustomed to being a plain, ordinary person.

"Mer, honey?" Derek whispered as he rubbed her cheek gently. He was trying to avoid Cristina's piercing eyes on his skull. It was one thing to have them on his skull, it was another to look her in the eyes.

"What exactly is going on here?" Cristina pried as she stood there, hands on her hips in her usual dominating state. Derek continued to ignore her, not in the mood to deal with her attitude problem.

"Meredith...." Derek whispered into her ear. Derek smiled as Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she looked straight into his eyes. "Hey, baby... How are you feeling?" Derek questioned as he stroked her hand.

"What- Why am I here?" She asked in a panic, quickly realizing what had happened. "Oh my God!" She said in shock. "Oh my God, Derek, they know we are here!" She said as she shot up, sitting bolt upright.

"Yes, Mer, they know." Derek whispered softly into her ear. He didn't want Cristina to know what he was saying, not that it mattered, everyone would know.

Meredith felt that all hope was gone. After all that they had been through, all that struggle, and now the world would know. She was feeling too sick and worried to think about the true reality of it all. Her life would return to what it was. The paparazzi would be all over the place, and Meredith would once again be a prisoner. Meredith was only thinking about Derek and what this was going to do to him. There were no words and she wouldn't speak a word right now.

"How is she?" Richard said as he buzzed in the room merrily. He was far too merrily for Derek or Meredith's comfort.

"I'm okay." Meredith said quickly as she looked up at Richard. "I'm fine." She lied, so far from fine. Meredith shivered at the situation, it causing goosebumps to form on her pale skin. She could feel the hospital's rough paper covering against her scrubs. Right now she wanted to be home and that was the only place she wanted to be.

"Good. Good." Richard said with a smile. "You guys are the best thing that has ever happened to this hospital. We have doctors calling from around the country. Neurologists. People are requesting you, Derek. They are saying that if Thatcher Grey comes here, then this is the place to come. I have to say, this is great!" Richard said with a slap on the back for Derek and a stroke on the arm for Meredith.

"What am I missing here?" Cristina asked quickly, feeling like she had been in a cave and the world had evolved around her without her knowledge. "Your VIP is Thatcher Grey?" She asked in shock. Meredith could see her getting angry. Not so much angry because Meredith had a VIP case, more angry that Meredith lied and told her she was doing research for nothing. "You had a VIP who happened to be.... The richest and most prominent man in the world, and you didn't tell me."

"Oh, that's not what's so exciting. He's also her father. If- This is great...We will become a celebrity hospital." Richard boasted, only seeing the recognition coming that he deserved.

"Wait- What? You are- You're Meredith Grey? Oh my God... How could I not notice this? You are- Oh my God. You're that pathetic twit that used to stumble around and go on about your money and how you care so much about poverty. You're a joke. You couldn't have even made your way through med school. Did you buy your way through? I wonder what everyone would think about that?" Cristina snapped, not worried about how she was making Meredith feel. She felt betrayed and she was not going to reward Meredith for it.

"Are you questioning my employee's credentials?" Richard asked snappily. He was irritated that Cristina seemed to be threatening Meredith. He needed Meredith and Derek to put Seattle Grace on the map.

"I'd just like to know when celebrity started meaning more than the medicine. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want some bobble-head working on me." Cristina yelled as she walked out.

"Cristina! Wait, you don't under-" She stopped, knowing Cristina couldn't hear her.

"Don't worry, I will deal with her." Richard said quickly as he rushed out, fearing Cristina would make a mountain out of a molehill. Meredith sighed as she laid her head back. This had become more than she could handle.

"I want to go home Derek. I don't care about anything.... I just want to go home." Meredith said as she closed her eyes and shook her head.


	139. Mama

Normally, after a month off of work, Meredith would be climbing the walls and attempting to claw her way out. Not this time. This time what was outside her house was far worse than what was on the inside. She and her children were now prisoners in their own home. Derek was the only one that would go out and battle the press, only to be followed to the hospital and hounded there.

Meredith hadn't talked to Cristina since the drama that ensued. Cristina was too proud to apologize, and Meredith was too angry to even speak to her. Everyone was angry, it seemed. Sasha was no longer talking to Meredith. It had been a day from hell, now a month behind them now. It seemed that Cristina jumped down on her, and then moments later, Sasha was doing the same thing. The only difference was Sasha was more emotional and hurt. She, unlike Cristina, deserved an apology. Meredith betrayed the trust that they had shared.

The family now had a guard posted at the door. Someone had to keep the paparazzi off the lawn. When they first found where she lived, they were nearly climbing in the windows. Meredith thought that they would lose interest, and most of them had, but there was a small few that stuck around, sitting in their vehicles, lying in wait.

"Mama... Tell me 'gain why we have to be in the house." Francesca said as she walked up to Meredith, who was sitting in the chair.

"Because mom lied... Big surprise." Cara said with a groan as she rolled her eyes.

"I've had about enough of you! Go to your room." Meredith said as she pointed to the stairs. Cara quickly arose. Little did Meredith know that the girl was hoping to end up in her room anyhow. She didn't like hanging out with her baby sister or her brother. "And for the record, when you get older, then you can say something. You are not near old enough to say a word about this." Meredith said frankly as she scowled at the girl and then looked away.

"Mommy... How come you and Cara fight so much?" Francesca asked sweetly. Meredith wanted to say because her big sister was a bitch. She almost thought she deserved a smack, or even worse for saying. She couldn't help it though, her daughter was rotten and they would never see eye to eye. Whatever Thatcher had said to her that day was wearing off. Meredith wished that is wasn't.

"Because Cara is a "handful." Quinn said with a shrug. "Well, that's what everyone says." He added.

"Cara and I just see things differently." Meredith said with a sigh as she picked up the violet crayon and began coloring the flower on the page that Frannie was working on. She didn't do a lot of coloring when she was a child. She was more interested in following her father around, she remembered that.

Meredith's mind slowly drifted away, thinking about the family she had torn up. Now she was seeing just why her father had been the way he had been. Even though Meredith denied that anything was awry in the bathroom, her father still fired the man, and what she suspected, probably killed him. Although it wasn't right, she could see why he would be protective, after the way her mother ended up being. When Meredith "died", so did the checks to the surviving family he had. When she left Italy, he memories of that terrible situation were left there too. She was glad, but something sparked that memory, bringing back some good ones too.

"Okay, chicken strips for lunch." Meredith muttered. She felt kind of guilty that she was taking the easy road and popping frozen fried food in the oven. With the situation as it was, she wasn't feeling like doing much of anything, and the lack of time away from home was driving her insane. She didn't care what she had to do, she was going back. They would let her back to work.

Meredith was deep in thought. She was remembering her favorite scents of the hospital. She needed to go back. At this point, she would happily take over the nurses duties. Meredith had always been kind to the nurses. Without them, the hospital would be in a total and utter mess. Just as she slammed the rack in the oven, she heard Quinn.

"Mommy! I hear yelling outside." Quinn shouted as he ran over towards the window.

"No! No, Quinn. Stay back." Meredith said as she rushed over. Just as she made it to the window, she heard a knock at the door. She knew the guard was out there, so she wasn't worried about answering it. She slid the lock and placed her hand on the cold knob.

"Oh my..." Meredith gasped as her eyes got wide.

"How dare you!" She heard loudly, followed by a crack to her face.

Meredith quickly gasped and held her face. A person that she had never met before just struck her square against the cheek. She may not have met her before, but it only took Meredith a second to realize that is was Derek's mother who had hit her so hard. She would have know by the steely blue eyes that the woman possessed. They had the same intensity as Derek's. Although the woman had just hit her, she would almost dare to say that the woman didn't have a mean bone in her body.

"You- You-" His mother gasped as she tried to speak. Meredith stared in shock as the woman began to break down before her. "You- Where is he?" She said weakly.

"Derek is at work." Meredith said with a sigh. At this point it was best to just admit defeat, rather than deny or argue. She knew that the way things were going, they wouldn't stay good. Everything would fall and crumble eventually.

"Derek... Derek, my son. My son, Derek is at work?" She asked as she stumbled backward and landed on the sofa. Meredith's eyes got wide as she walked over quickly to check his mother. There was no way something could happen to her on her watch. She would feel far too guilty. "Not.... Dead..."

"Take in deep breaths." Meredith said quickly and calmly. Her scared children weren't on her mind. They were standing against the wall, looking in shock. Quinn was beginning to understand what was going on. Francesca had no idea, but she was holding onto her brother for dear life.

"I'm okay." Carolyn finally said as she sat up straight. "I just- I saw on the news. I saw on the news and I never even thought twice. Something told me in my heart that if you were here, he was here. I was taking a chance and- Damn you! Damn you!" She cried out. "You took my baby from me! You took my boy!" She began to sob in Meredith's arms.

"Kids... Can you go to your rooms?" Meredith asked softly as she looked up at the two. "Everything is just fine." Meredith said with a convincing nod. "I need to speak with this nice lady."

"Are those- Of course... Look at them!" Carolyn said with a big smile. "Oh how they look like Derek's father..." She said as Meredith nodded for them to leave. "Oh dear." She muttered as she looked at Meredith's face. There was a definite red mark across her cheek, the imprint of a hand. Meredith grasped her cheek, feeling the heat rise and lick her hand. She watched as Carolyn jumped up and rushed away. Meredith stood up and followed her to the kitchen, where she was getting into the freezer.

"I'm okay." Meredith said quickly as Carolyn came at her with a bag of frozen peas.

"Nonsense." She said as she looked around, opening up a drawer and pulled out a towel. Carolyn wrapped the peas with the towel and held it up against her face. Meredith sighed. The soft linen that she used to dry the crystal glasses that were served when they rarely had a gathering at her house was soothing against her skin. "Now that we have you on your way... Where is my son?" She asked simply.

"He's at work. And Mrs. Hanson... I don't know where to begin. I don't know what we would have done otherwise. We were going to die, I was sure of that. I couldn't risk his life. If we could have done it any other way, we would have. Oh what a mess. What a terrible mess." Meredith said, quickly and jumbled as it pour out of her mouth.

"Work..." Carolyn said as she trailed off. It occurred to her that she didn't know what work was. She had no idea what her son did. She knew nothing about him. As she looked around their house, she didn't know what to think. It wasn't outlandish my any means. It was actually simple. She had to believe that her father hadn't been in on their fake death scandal. One would think if he had been, they would be living a bit more lavishly.

"Perhaps I should call him?" Meredith said nervously.

"Yes... Perhaps you should." Carolyn said bluntly. She didn't want to be mean, but the hurt of this deception was really more that she would stand. She couldn't believe after all they had been through, that he would do this. Her son overdosed on cocaine and died. Shortly after, her husband hung himself. And then Derek "died". It nearly sent her over the edge. And she was sure he knew it would.

"I will." Meredith said as she pulled her cellphone out. She was scared to do it, although she wasn't sure why. All she could think about was the unbelievable mess she was in. It was a mess of lies. Her children would never believe a work their parents said again. Meredith quickly pushed send and turned away.

"Hey babe. Is everything okay?" Derek said happily. She had no idea how he could be happy at this point. The world was in turmoil.

"Derek... You need to come home. Home, now." Meredith said. "Your um... Your mother is here."

Derek could not have heard his wife correctly. His mother was at their house? No way. Not only did she not know where they lived... She had no idea that they were alive. He felt a chill go up his spine and then back down. He was fearful of only one person. Actually it was two people, the more he thought about it. Thatcher Grey. And Carolyn Shepherd.

"My mother? Did I hear you correctly?" Derek asked as he leaned back against the countertop. He felt the ledge hit his back. He wouldn't even know that it hurt. Not right at that moment.

"Yes, Derek." Meredith said, slightly irritated. "Your mother is here... Now get your ass home!" Meredith hissed as she said it under her breath and then looked up at Carolyn and smiled.

"Okay." Derek said simply as Meredith hung up on him. Derek drew in a breath, gasping for air. Meredith was mad, for good reason. Now he had another to fear. He now had to go home to Meredith and Carolyn. Add in the kids and he had a mess on his hand.

Meredith leaned up against the counter and closed her eyes. She was sure that Carolyn was looking at her, but there was no way she could look back at the woman right now. She actually wanted to hide underneath the sink like Randy from a Christmas Story. Maybe no one would realize she was gone.

"I'm not even sure what to say." Meredith said blankly. "I have no excuse. Even if I could come up with one, I'm sure it would be a waste of time. I have kids upstairs that hate me. I have a huge mess on my hand. Right now, I hate myself more than you could, believe me." Meredith admitted as she looked up. "My responsibility is to my children. Believe me, I don't want to explain this to them. At least now I can halfway come clean to them. Only because I'm forced, of course. I'm not a good enough mother to have made this right from the beginning." She grumbled as she began to walk away.

"If there is one thing I know, Meredith-" Carolyn said calmly as she looked up and went to reach for Meredith. "It is that there are two of you. Two parents. Don't take this blame on yourself. Your children will be okay for a few moments, and Derek can take his role beside you." She offered as she stood there.

Carolyn was so angry at Meredith. In fact, during the trip to Seattle, she was thinking about the ways she could kill her. How could that spoiled rich bitch take everything that meant something to her? She hated Meredith Grey on principle. For killing her son, or not killing her son. For keeping Derek in Italy for all that time. For being alive. For making her son love her.

"Mother, I can explain." Meredith and Carolyn both heard from the front door. Meredith knew he was stupid This just confirmed it. He was going straight to excuses rather than what he should be doing, just apologizing profusely. He apparently didn't know what would work with his mother.

"Really, Derek?" She asked as she sobbed while standing before him. Derek gave Meredith a look, Meredith offering him no comfort. She already felt as if she was the whipping boy, she was going to offer absolution to him. "Really? I'd like for that. I'd like for you to be able to tell me why you purposely broke my heart." She said angrily.

"Oh mother!" Derek said as he rushed over and held her from falling. He felt so guilty in that moment, realizing that she was suffering and had been for many years. He was shocked at how frail she felt. She felt like she had been through war and famine. She felt so unlike his mother who was always pleasant, and always in good flesh. "I'm so sorry. I can't even explain right now." He said simply. He couldn't explain at the moment.

"I saw the news. It was all over the news." She gasped. "The whole world knew you were here before I was. The world knew and I knew nothing. I have never been so goddamn angry in my life. And hurt. And- I hated you, Derek. Part of me wondered if she staged it all and you really had died. Deep in my heart I always wondered if you were alive. No remains is what they said. There were no remains. Do you know what that did to me?" She asked as she shouted.

"Mom, there is an explanation. Now is not the time. I know it should be the time. I know you deserve one. But right now, I just want to be grateful and happy that I can once again see you. Life got very crazy and we did what we had to do. I am apologizing for hurting you, but I can't say I would do it any differently. I could not do it differently. For that, I am sorry. I will explain. There is an explanation." Derek said as he kissed her forehead. "Meredith, where are the kids?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Upstairs. Upstairs, Derek. I have no idea how to tell them they have more family. They will never trust us. Never." Meredith said as she began to whimper.

"If I could say one thing to comfort you... It's that kids are resilient and understanding. And parents too, it seems." Carolyn said with a weak smile.

**In case you haven't noticed, I have been really busy. Updating has been hard and I'm sorry for that!**


	140. Meeting the Enemy

"But I- I thought we didn't have any?" Francesca said with confusion.

That was when it was hardest. It was hardest for Meredith when Francesca questioned her. She was used to the other two children always being disappointed in her, but not her girl. Meredith affectionately referred to her as "her girl". She was her baby, and definitely her last. When it came to explaining, Meredith didn't like it, not one bit.

"Okay..." Meredith said quickly and seriously as she looked at Derek, along with their three children. Derek had tried explaining it over and over again. It did not good. They understood, but they didn't. "Mommy and daddy- We said the things we said because we didn't want to hurt you. Life was different and you are much too young to understand. We're so sorry."

"So we have a grandma and a grandpa now?" Asked Quinn with a hopeful smile. As far as family was concerned, they were used to not having any. Quinn was excited at the prospect to be more like his friends.

"Yes-" Derek started. They knew that at this point in their family, the kids wouldn't fully comprehend anything they were saying. There was no way they could tell them that their grandfather may have wanted to kill them in the past.

"Okay." Quinn said with a smile.

"So this is your mommy, Daddy?" Cara said. Meredith scoffed as she looked over. Of course, Cara would fall in love with Derek's mother immediately. Perhaps Meredith's father wasn't as charming or trustworthy, but it had nothing to do with that. Meredith wasn't upset that Cara lover her father more, she just wondered why she always had to be the fall guy.

"Yes. Grandma Hanson." He clarified. Dear God he hoped his children didn't ask him why he adapted a different name.

"I want to meet her." Cara said boldly as she rose from her bed and stood up, stretching her shoulders square.

"Yay!" Frannie said as she jumped off the bed. Meredith and Derek exchanged glances of agreement. They were both hoping all would go well.

"I'm going to call dad... Maybe he wants to have dinner. Not to mention, it's all a mess- Let's just... Let it roll downhill. At least we know it's coming this time." She said with a shrug, knowing that the meeting of Thatcher and Carolyn would be interesting, to say the least. She would blame him for everything, they were both sure. Maybe she would have Derek's temperament and just stay silent.

Meredith was thankful that things went the best they could. Carolyn was happy being with the children. Meredith was filled with remorse as she watched the children showing off their toys, picture and sharing stories with their grandmother. What had she and Derek done by keeping them apart? For a moment, she wondered if they did the right thing. At the moment, the children were a barrier, keeping many people from going head to head. Cara latched right onto her new grandmother, which made Meredith very happy. Hopefully she would be less resentful. Hopefully.

Carolyn sipped her tea. Derek smiled. Meredith sat on the edge of her seat. Her father was on his way with pizza and salad. Pizza, salad and hopefully not war. Neither she nor Derek had pulled Carolyn to the side and told her she needed to keep her mouth shut. At the moment, Meredith was wishing she had. She wasn't sure what she would have said, but it would be better than wondering if something would explode. Like the house.

"So-" Meredith started, trying to get a word in between the constant chatter of her children. "My dad is on his way.... With pizza." She added, hoping to get a reaction from her new mother-in-law.

"Your father?" She asked, eyebrows raised. Meredith shuddered as she thought about a screaming match in front of the children. She was hoping they both had enough sense to not do that.

"Yes." Meredith said plainly with a firm nod.

"Yay! Grandpa is coming." They said as they bounced around. She saw the sting in Carolyn's eyes. She had no idea how long Thatcher had been in their lives, but Meredith could tell that she was upset about it.

"Oh." Carolyn said sadly with a frown. "Oh..."

Meredith felt guilt more than she ever had in her life. Oh how she wished she could change it all. But there was nothing she could do to change it. It was what it was. And it was happening. It all came crashing down in her mind as the door handle turned.

"Grandpa!" The kids shouted as they jumped up and ran over. Thatcher had recently taken to buying the children candy. It was definitely a way to win them over. Meredith agreed that it was okay, if it was just a small piece. Meredith couldn't deny the children cola flavored Goleador. It was always a favorite when she was young.

"Not until after dinner. You know your mom will get mad." He said as he discreetly snuck candy to each of the children. The children quickly stuck it in their pockets and looked up at Meredith like they were doing nothing wrong.

"Not unlike your business dealing, father." Meredith said with a smirk as she grabbed the pizza and the big plastic bowl of salad. She would have made a salad herself, she thought. She was feeling like a failure all over again. She could have at least made dinner.

"That was fair." Thatcher agree with a smile as he followed behind her. Thatcher hadn't even noticed Carolyn siting in the living room. He was so focused on his daughter and her family, they were all that he noticed.

"Tony! Tony do the coin trick!" Francesca begged as she looked up at him with her bright doe eyes. Meredith heard him mention something about waiting until after they ate. The kids were now accustomed to Tony trailing along with Thatcher.

"Oh! Oh my... Carolyn!" Meredith said as she whipped around, seeing Derek leading his mother into the large family kitchen. "Carolyn... I'm so sorry." Meredith said with a frown, realizing her mistake. "Dad... Dad, this is Derek's mother, Carolyn." Meredith said as she introduced her.

"Oh how very nice to meet you. You did a wonderful job raising your son. You must be very proud that he had grown so successful in both his career and family life." Thatcher said in a grand gesture, leading her towards the pizza.

"Why yes, I am." Carolyn said happily. "And please, call me Carol."

Meredith and Derek exchanged glances. Derek half wondered what his mother had consumed before she made the bold approach to their front door. She seemed absolutely smitten with Thatcher Grey and that was a rarity for Carol Hanson. No matter, Derek was just happy that his children didn't have to witness a war in their kitchen.

"Francesca, you know you don't like sausage. Don't waste, honey." Meredith said as she watched her little girl argue with Tony that she wanted sausage while Cara told her she only liked cheese. "I wike sausage, mommy." Frannie said boldly.

"It's not nice to talk that way. And you can take it, but you have to eat your salad and that piece of pizza before anything else. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." Meredith said as grabbed her daughter's plate, along with a small bowl of salad. "Where would you like to sit?" Meredith asked as she walked towards the large kitchen table. Derek had been smart and put the leaf in the table when everyone seemed to be gathering in their home.

"In da middle." She said as she pointed to the table. Meredith pulled out a chair between Carol and Thatcher. "No, Mommy in the middle. I want to sit up there. That way I can see everyone!" She said as she spread her arms wide and dramatically in a span covering the room.

"You silly goose! You can't sit on the table." Meredith said with a giggle. "Here, grandma and grandpa would love to have you there." She explained as Thatcher and Carol both agreed. That was good enough for Francesca as she climbed up.

"What delightful children you have raised." Carol commented with a smile as she glanced up at their parents.

"Oh... Oh my." Meredith snorted loudly with laughter. Derek quickly joined in. The kids ignored them, especially Cara, who knew just why they were laughing.

"Why are you laughing, son?" Carol questioned with a half-chuckle herself. "I was being serious."

"I bet you were." Derek agreed with a nod. "But I have to tell you... Your darling grandchildren weren't always darling. It took and army to reform them." Derek admitted, thinking back when his children didn't listen to anyone.

"I don't believe a word of it!" Carol said as she shook her head. "These children are just darlings! I can't wait until Nancy meets them. Oh she will just love them so much. The whole family will!" She exclaimed.

Meredith had to admit, at the moment it was great. It was to know that there was a family to fall on. They had gone on for so long by themselves. She couldn't wait to have support and dare she think it, a break. As she looked at Derek, she had to smile. He really needed this and everything just felt right. Maybe her worse fears weren't really the worst that could have happened. It didn't feel like it. The fear was gone. They would be fine.

------------

It was all decided. Thatcher would stay in his hotel, and Carolyn would be staying in the guest room. Thatcher had been staying with them quite a bit, and Meredith knew he was comfortable but at the same time he wasn't. She could see that her father hadn't been feeling as good as in the past. In fact, she could see his health declining more rapidly than she thought it would. She was so thankful that he was meeting with a doctor tomorrow.

Tomorrow was going to be a busy day. Meredith was finally going back to work. She had a long talk with Derek in private. He agreed it was time. Not to mention, Carol wanted to spend some quality time with the kids. The tutor was coming the next day to school the children. That was yet another thing for Meredith and Derek to do, they had to find a good school for their children to attend. Somewhere where the paparazzi wouldn't get away with their games.

"Your mom is happy... And you are avoiding her." Meredith stated softly as she stood in their bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth. Derek always hated when she would let the foam drip, not to mention she was not sounding like anything he could comprehend.

"What?" Derek asked, obviously annoyed by her. Meredith huffed and pulled the toothbrush out.

"Your mom is happy here. And you are avoiding her." She said slow and clear in a most exaggerated tone.

"Yes- Yes I am. I have no idea how to even- It's been a long time, Meredith. I'm sure she has expectations." He said flatly.

"She's your mother. In fact, she seems to be a very forgiving mother. Just be yourself." Meredith told him with a not before she spat and rinsed her mouth. Derek was already done with his ritual and was just staring at her in the mirror. "It will be fine." She added as she lifted her shirt off and stood before him. Derek couldn't stop the feeling he had. Instinct, you could call it. His jeans tightened. His penis rose. He needed her.

Meredith stood in front of Derek as he walked up and kissed her neck. He was taking charge, and she was going to let him be. In her mind, that was the way it should be. They hadn't had enough of this. She moaned as his tongue slid along her flesh. His fingers ran over her soft flesh. He smiled as he took her in. All his. His perfection. His wife.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world." He told her as he pulled her pants down and let them fall to the floor. There she stood in her plain black bra and panties, so simple and elegant. Her ran his hands down her sides and over her hips.

"Oh... Derek." She moaned as his mouth attacked the soft flesh of her cleavage. She may not look they way she did when they were in Italy, both so young, but she was his and always perfect in his eyes. Derek ran his hands down her back and unclasped her bra. It slid gently down her arms and fell to the floor. Derek's hands instinctively went to her chest and rubbed her gently. She moaned as her nipples turned into hard peaks under his soft hands.

Derek pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side with hers. Meredith ran her hands over his muscled chest and smiled. She closed her eyes and mentally pictured every single inch of his body that she knew so well. Derek slid her panties over her hips and let them fall to the floor. He walked her backwards to the bed, where he laid her back. His boxer briefs were discarded as he stood before her. Her body was splayed out over the bed sheets, her hair softly laying around her head. Derek had turned the bed back, she thought. She was glad he planned it. They needed this, mother-in-law in the house or not.

Derek climbed onto the bed and hovered his body over hers. It felt so good to be in control. It felt perfect to lay over her, knowing what was to come. He cock twitched hard, knowing what was going to be happening. Knowing that it would soon me nestled deep into her core.

Derek leaned to the side and let a smile form as he ran his hands down her soft flesh. His hand rose over the mounds that were her breasts. Her nipples were hard and ready for him. His hand travelled down her abdomen. He traced his fingers around her navel and made his way to her mound. His fingers ran over her softness and delved into her wet slit. She was ready for him. More than ready.

"Just make love to me, Derek." Meredith said softly as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

She wanted it nice and slow. Soft and gently. Full of passion. Derek nodded as he pecked soft, loving kisses up her body and to her mouth. He touched her soft lips as he hovered over her body. Meredith spread her legs to the sides as Derek laid between the, his cock ready for her. She felt it's head bump her clitoris as it twitched in anticipation.

"Oh..." Derek muttered as he stared into her eyes, sliding his thick and ready cock deep inside of her.

It never felt better. So warm and tight. His bare cock buried inside of her. Uncovered and natural. Derek looked into her green eyes as they both laid there, feeling their bodies connected so deeply. Meredith let out a faint moan, which Derek knew. He nodded as he pulled out gently and slide himself back into her.

"Oh... Honey." Derek moaned as he pushed and pulled in and out of her warm core.

"Oh...Oh..." Meredith moaned as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. "You feel so good." Meredith moaned before his lips covered hers and his tongue mimicked the motion of his cock.

"Oh...Oh... Oh..." Derek groaned and grunted as he pushed and pulled, feeling her body tense up and tighten ever more.

"Ah! Ah!" Meredith cried out as she felt her walls clamping down. His thick cock pressed her walls back apart. "Oh! Oh, God, Derek! Harder!" Meredith yelled as she neared the edge.

"Fuck, Mer... Fuck!" Derek shouted as he thrust into her hard. "Oh, god." He grunted. "You are tight... Shit... I'm cumming, baby." He yelped as he went through the motions faster and harder in anticipation of what was to come.

"Oh, God, Der! Oh! Ah! Oh!" Meredith cried out as her walls clamped down and began pulsating. Derek drove harder and faster, milking her strong orgasm.

"Oh! Oh..." Derek groaned as he stopped pumping and sprayed her walls with his hot cum. Their fluid mixed as they both laid there in a sweaty mess. Meredith smiled as she looked at him. Derek laid back on her and listened to her heart. "I love you."

"Oh Derek.." Meredith sighed softly. She missed the simplicity of their lives before kids. She missed the spontaneity. She missed being young. She could miss it all she wanted, but it was gone. She would never be disappointed with what she had, though. Three amazing children with the man she loved. And oh how she loved him.


	141. Hard Truth

Meredith felt weird the whole morning. It was strange to her that she got to go back to work after all the time off. Sure, she was pining for the hospital the whole time she had been him, but once five a.m. called to her, she could have easily changed her mind. But she did not change her mind. Instead, she woke up early and ate her breakfast in silence, she and Derek. Mrs Hanson agreed to take care of the children and the nanny wouldn't have to come. Meredith wasn't liking the nanny so much anymore. In fact, during the single visit she had, after the big news, Meredith was sure she couldn't be trusted.

Meredith ignored her white knuckles on the wheel. Now was not the time to be nervous. She had so much going on today and she had to be at her best. She had to set aside that they world knew. She had to set aside that there would be a big and final meeting with another consulting neurosurgeon, along with a neurologist for her father. It was a stressful day and she had to be at one-hundred percent for her patients.

Meredith felt consumed when the rush happened. Several paparazzi swarmed her car, making her feel like she needed to gasp for air. She couldn't believe this was happening. She knew why they were interested before. When she was younger she was a source of drama and foolishness. Now she was just a boring doctor/mom/wife. No one was going to get any entertainment there. Not unless Cara snapped at her and Quinn and Frannie began running wild.

"I just- I would like to go to work." Meredith said as she grabbed her bag and rushed forward. "In peace." She added as she rushed ahead, wondering why they were following so closely.

"Are you going to be doing surgery today?" Someone yelled loudly. Meredith knew that answering them only egged them on more.

"I'll so whatever I'm scheduled to do." Meredith said quickly as she rushed to the front entrance. Derek had told her the hospital had calmed down in her absence. They had plenty of cases, but none of the chaos at the doors. It seemed as if she had brought that all back. Meredith flashed her tag as she walked in, letting the lone security guard check it. Surely he would need backup, she thought as she proceeded.

She could feel the ogling eyes on her as she took the steps. She was not in the mood for a cramped elevator. She wasn't in the mood for anything, she was finding very quickly. Her mood had been tainted by the people trying to pry into her life. For some crazy reason she was expecting a nice realizing day at work. As relaxing as it could be.

"Hey, Chief." Meredith said as she walked by and headed towards the locker room. She thought of him as nothing more than the chief. She had learned that in order to work with him, she had to think that. He couldn't be her mother's husband. He couldn't be the one Ellis ran to instead of Meredith's father,

"Ahh... There is my little star." Richard said with a smile. "I have a full load for you- For everyone. You and Derek have made this hospital the go-to place." He boasted. "Derek is already in the O.R. Are you ready to cut today?" He asked with a hopeful grin. Meredith knew that he didn't generally allow people right in the O.R. after a break. Then again, they were abnormally busy.

"Of course I am." Meredith said with a nod. The truth was, she had no idea- Just no idea what it would be like.

Meredith could feel the coolness of the locker room as she walked in. She wasn't sure if the room itself was cold or if it was the ice in the veins of the people around her. She had never felt so chastised in her life. She immediately felt like she did not belong there and it made her sick. She felt so unwelcome her heart sank. They all lost hope in her, along with whatever confidence they had.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either." She heard someone say behind her back. She dropped her head and prayed that they didn't see the tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm sure she paid her way through. A twit like her couldn't do it on her own." Another said. Meredith couldn't take it anymore. She either had to stand up and fight or she had to fall. She had to do something.

"I can't believe you people." Meredith growled as she spun around. "You are pathetic. I could understand this if I were in a room full of interns. You guys are residents and you are talking about me like I'm not even here!" She shouted. "If you have something to say to me, say it and say it now. I'm not going to work with you guys talking behind my back. No way."

Meredith stood there as they all looked at her in shock. The air was getting cleared and it was getting cleared now. When she said that she wasn't going to work with them, she didn't mean she was leaving. No, she would drive them off. There was no way she was going to get pushed down. She was Thatcher Grey's daughter and never did he fall.

"Okay, so none of you piss ants have the balls to say anything. I'll say it. I will lay it on the line. You will be respectful to me. Do you know why? I worked just as hard to get here as you did. I went to school. I worked my ass off. I did not get a free ride. I may not have the student loans that you guys have, but my schooling, my credentials, they are the same as yours. I put in hours. Not only did I put in hours, I put them in hard like you did. No one knew I was Meredith Grey. I was just a normal person. And here at Seattle Grace, I was happy. I was a normal person. Do you know what I am now? Ostracized. All my life I just wanted to be a normal person, fitting in and not standing out. I had that, and now it's gone. We don't have to be friends, or even talk. But please, respect me." Meredith demanded before she looked around at each face, including her former friend's in the back. She finally turned around and pulled her scrub top over her head.

"Give her a break." Meredith finally heard Cristina say loudly. She was shocked. She never thought she'd hear Cristina stick up for her. Not as angry as she had been. "She is- She is a good doctor. Why are we questioning that? We have seen her work, before we knew who she was. Now that she has a name attached to her we have devalued her." Cristina scolded as she looked at them all.

Meredith put her shoes on, trying not to react. It seemed that everyone was now humbled. They were silenced and embarrassed. They were ashamed of their actions. No apologies were said, instead everyone meekly left the room, wishing they had said nothing at all. Meredith felt proud that she did finally stand up for herself like a true Grey.

Meredith tied the laces to her shoes, thinking about how she would confront the rest of the hospital, especially the nurses. She wondered how much Derek had been hearing and putting up with. A part of her felt guilty. He had done nothing wrong and she was sure that he was hearing more than his fair share of gossiping and backlash. Meredith heard soft footsteps and looked up, thinking that everyone had already left the room. She looked up and was shocked to see Cristina's brown eyes.

"Um..." Meredith said quickly, unsure of what to say. "Thanks." She uttered with raised brows.

"Yeah, yeah." Cristina said as she shook her head. "I'm over it.... Just- Don't let it happen again." Cristina said quickly.

"Let what?" Meredith asked with a laugh.

"Ha... I guess now you can't really be not being someone even more famous, now can you?" She asked with a roll of her eyes. "Let's go... This hospital is busy."

Meredith and Cristina walked in silence towards the board. Meredith felt all out of sorts being at the hospital. Time away took its toll and now everyone was right there, staring at her like she was an alien or someone that they have never seen before. Even if everyone was staring at her, she was thankful that she had her friend beside her. Cristina's support meant more than anything at this point.

"Okay- So I was rich. I mean, am... My father is Sal Rubinstein. Anyhow, yeah. What was it like? I mean like that- I remember seeing you in magazines but I was in that funky stage, rebelling and everything." Cristina said meekly. Meredith was actually shocked that Cristina was saying anything about Meredith or her past. Or at least the manner of how she was asking. "You know what- Never mind. I really don't care."

"It was horrible. I will leave it at that. I wouldn't have- Let's just say you wouldn't have known me as the me that you know me as if I wasn't unhappy over there... Got it?" Meredith asked, knowing what she had said was somewhat jumbled and confusing.

"Let's see... I wouldn't have known you as the you that I know you as if you weren't unhappy over there... Yeah, I got it." She said with a nod. "I'm just surprised that you aren't as dumb as you seemed on T.V. No offense, but you weren't exactly someone that I was looking up to or aspiring to be." She said with an honest head nod.

"I wasn't someone I would look up to either back then. I guess I was being stupid and acting out for attention. A cry for help or something. I just wanted to be normal. Not be hounded or anything. At the same time, I craved attention. It was pathetic." Meredith said with a sigh. "Oh shit... Pit." Meredith muttered as she looked down at her beeping pager.

"Later." Cristina muttered as she studied the board intently. She had a decent surgery coming her way, and she couldn't wait to crack it open.

Meredith rushed down the hallways of the hospital. She was actually feeling like she was running, something that being in a house too much would cause. She felt slightly winded as she jogged past everyone and towards her destination. She wasn't sure what was waiting for her, but no doubt it would be fun and exciting.

"What do we have?" Meredith asked as she looked up at a very confused looking intern.

"I think we have a case of appendicitis." He said with a groan as he walked her towards the patient and explained what the symptoms were. Meredith nodded in agreement and acknowledged his diagnosis. She knew that you had to with interns. Everyone else wanted to break their spirits but she knew that wasn't the right way. "This is Dr. Shepherd. She is the real doctor." The intern said in a mocking tone to the patient's mother. Meredith knew what his mocking was about. The woman was obviously not wanting a baby working on her son. An intern wasn't good enough.

"Hello." Meredith said simply as she looked at the boy. He was an older teen, and seemingly in good health. She imagined he was on the football team of something. Her suspicion was confirmed when she saw his varsity jacket in a chair by the bed. "I'm Dr. Shepherd, I'm going to examine you." Meredith said as she walked to the side of the bed.

"He already examined him." The mom said cockily as she looked at Meredith, boring a hole in the side of her head. "He, that doctor, the young one, that is, thinks it's appendicitis. I do not think it is, seeing as the appendix isn't even on that side." She snapped, obviously irritated for whatever reason. "I was a candy striper. I know these things. My uncle's mother was a doctor, you know..."

Meredith ignored the woman and went on with the examination. She wasn't going to be bothered with this teen's mother. He was nearly 18 and she was being obtrusive and annoying. It was one thing for a patient's family to be concerned and worried, but another to be argumentative. She nodded and shook her head as she looked at the intern.

"You look familiar..." The mother said quickly. Meredith groaned in her head, this was not something she needed. She didn't need more acknowledgment than she was already getting. She didn't want to be noticed.

"Dr. Williams.... Do a blood test and abdominal ultrasound." Meredith said quickly as she looked at him. He nodded his head and walked out. "Okay, Dalton, all signs are pointing to appendicitis. It needs to come out. Contrary to your mom's belief, you appendix is on the correct side. Depending on the test results, we will most likely be taking you into surgery. Don't worry, I prefer to do it laparoscopically. It's a routine surgery and you will only need a full cut depending on what it's like in there." Meredith said quickly, wondering how soon it would be until the woman realized. She seemed deep in thought and not really paying attention to what Meredith was saying. This was the time that she should be hanging on every word.

"Awesome! I need surgery?" Dalton asked happily. "That is so cool. Is it going to be all bloody? Can you tape it for me so I can show the team?" He asked with enthusiasm.

"I know!" The woman said quickly as she stood up. "I know who you are! And you are not touching my son! No way! I want someone else!" She insisted loudly. Meredith frowned. She didn't need this.

"Um- Um..." Meredith stammered as she stood there. On a normal day, she wasn't one who stammered. This wasn't a normal day. This was a day when she wasn't feeling like herself. Her confidence was slowly slipping.

"Mom! What are you talking about? Sometimes you are such a nut." Dalton said as he rolled his eyes. "I swear, she is always doing this. I was so glad when she quit having anything to do with my school. It was embarrassing, having her around all of the time."

"Dalton- Don't you- This is her! She has been on the news. She is that spoiled rich girl that ran away from home. Look at her... You were watching it with me just the other night." She urged as she pointed at Meredith, almost poking her eye out she was so close.

"Oh my god! You are... Awesome!" He said as she sat up just a little too quickly. He let out a loud grunt. "I'm okay!" He said quickly as he held his side. "I'm alright. And I say we let her do it, Mom. Damn, you were hot. I mean not to say- You just- You're still good looking" He finally settled on, realizing he was hurting Meredith's feelings. It was true. She wasn't young anymore.

"Dalton, shut up!" She said as she gave him a glare. "This is not happening."

"Ma'am... With all due respect, I did complete college and medical school. I am just as qualified as any resident in this hospital, if not more qualified." Meredith said frankly. "If you insist, I will find another surgeon. That's not to say it's a waste of time and effort. I would do a fine job on your son. Just because you consider me a "celebrity" doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm doing." Meredith told her with cold hard eyes. She didn't want to be considered overly emotional along with everything else.

"I insist. I insist on another doctor." She said as she clenched her jaw. There was nothing more she could do. She was not wanted and forcing her service onto someone would only make matters worse.

"Very well then. I'm sorry you were unhappy with me." Meredith said with a frown and a nod as she turned and walked away.

Meredith wanted to cry as she walked away. Never had she been told that she incapable. Not like that. Not to the point that she was turned away. She couldn't stand that someone thought so little of her and insisted she left. Meredith thought for a split second that maybe it would have been more lucrative for her to buy her way through school. It would have been much easier, to say the least. As she walked through the hallway, no one would dare to say a word. The look on her face was nothing to mess with.

"I'm going in." Meredith growled to Patricia as she passed her desk. The look came across her face, but it wasn't enough to stop Patricia.

"No! Dr. Shepherd, you cannot do that. I don't know who you thin you are! Just because-" She snapped as she jumped up. Meredith ripped the door open and looked at Richard, who looked up from his paperwork in shock. "Chief I tried to stop her. She is out of control."

"Patricia, you can go. I have this." Richard told her with authority as he waved her off. She was a great guard dog and secretary, but he wasn't in the mood. She silently left the office with her head down. Meredith may have noticed if she wasn't so angry. "What brings you here?" He asked quickly. "Obviously something has you fired up."

"I have a patient in the pit. He's in need of a appendectomy. His mother won't let me preform the surgery because of my supposed celebrity status. So I guess you need to find a new surgeon for them. He needs to get into the OR soon. He is pretty tough, but he needs it. It's close to rupture." Meredith stated as she spun and walked away. She didn't wait for an answer because she couldn't stand another moment. She wasn't even sure why she went to the chief's office. Especially so dramatically.

Meredith rushed into the bathroom and threw the stall door open. She quickly bent over and retched into the white toilet before her. She was not weak. She was not weak. She felt the vomit rise and spill until it couldn't anymore. Meredith dry heaved, feeling her throat burn as her head spun. She was worthless at this point. What good was she if no one would have her? She was not weak. Not weak, she told herself. But sometimes even the strongest, really need to be weak.


	142. Fate

Meredith sat on the edge of her bed. It was getting harder and harder to get herself going. Derek was long gone, and she had encouraged him to go. The children were at school, not having much of a care in the world. They were now going to a fancy and safe private school. Thatcher was off doing only God knew what. And Carol was home. After so long she decided to go back, half considering moving to Seattle to be close to them. At the same time she wanted to be with Nancy. She shared with Derek that she had a feeling that if she left Nancy, the cancer would come back. It was always in her head. So yes, Meredith sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands.

_[i]"It's not the end of the world, honey." Thatcher said softly. Meredith wondered just how in the hell he could say that? It was the end of the world. The end of her world._

_"How can you say that?" Meredith gasped. She thought he would be sympathetic. Maybe he was being, but it didn't feel like it. It felt like he was laughing at her. He was mocking her because she failed just as he always said she would. He always said she didn't have the drive. She tried to prove him wring. Unsuccessfully, it seemed. "It is the end of my world... All that I have worked for." Meredith trailed off, staring out her kitchen window. Everything seemed so dark and dull. It was her world that was dark and dull._

_"Just because you can't work there, well, it doesn't mean you can't work anywhere." Thatcher told her with a nod. Now she could see that he was being genuine. She could see it in his eyes. He was sad, sad for her._

_"Oh yeah, Dad..." Meredith muttered sarcastically. "Another hospital is really going to hire me. I am me... Damn-it! I am me. I don't want to be Meredith Grey. I have worked so hard to be someone else. Now all of my work... My credentials mean nothing. It all means nothing because I am a disturbance. Patients hate me. No one will let me treat them. And the danger to everyone...." _

_"Oh Meredith, it's not that bad." Thatcher told her softly as he placed his hand on her shoulder._

_"Oh god..." Meredith said as she turned away from him and took a gasping breath. "You didn't see it... I understand! I understand why they wouldn't want me around."_

_Meredith remembered that day. She was standing on the balcony with Derek. They were having casual conversation when they heard the screaming. Apparently the paparazzi had been filled in on a story. It happened to be a story that had absolutely not truth to it. Unfortunately it was a story that had fired them up so much that they rushed the doors when they saw her. They ended up running down and older woman and cracking her rib. Someone's test results had went flying. And there was one person still in a coma. It seemed to insane. How could so much happen so quickly? Had she not seen it, she wouldn't have believed it. _

_After patients started getting injured, she had to be let go. Richard was upset about it, she could tell. He really didn't want to let her go. At first he used her as a money maker and a claim to fame, but eventually it hit him that in a way they were family. She was part of a woman that he loved. She knew he didn't want to fire her, but no one would come to a hospital where there was so much chaos. No one wanted to get better at a hospital where they had the potential to get hurt worst than when they came in. _

_"I will get your job back. I will make this right." Thatcher told her with a nod. He could do it, too. There was nothing in the world that could stop him when he was on a mission._

_"No, dad. I don't even... I don't want my job back. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted. I don't want to do more harm than good. I took the Hippocratic Oath. I just... I'm done." Meredith told him with a shrug. She had given up._

_"Oh, Meredith." He said softly as he held her against him. Her soft tears fell gently on his shoulder. "Oh Meri..."[/i]_

Meredith sobbed as she thought back. Maybe her dad should have fought. Maybe she should have let him. God knows she wasn't exactly happy where she was. In fact, she was so miserable she didn't know what to do. She had to do something. She had to get her mind off of it. One thing was for sure, it was over. So over.

Meredith didn't hear her father come in the house not so silently, turning his key loudly in the lock. One would have thought she would have noticed, seeing as quiet was no longer a strong suit of his. Especially as he hit stair number five, the creaker. Frail legs and creaking stairs were generally noticed. She could see it. It was just one more thing for her to deal with. Her father was failing fast. He was getting sicker by the day. She realized soon in the battle that the less she knew the better. It have been wrong, and maybe even felt wrong, but she had to for her sanity. Many times she felt like a terrible daughter, having nothing to do with her father's health or medical decisions. She really disappointed herself with her increasing mental instabilities.

Thatcher crept up the stairs. He needed to get some paperwork out of the room that he had taken over. After Carol had left, he began staying at the house again. There was something about the simple room with it's patchwork quit and homey feel that gave him a sense of calm. It reminded him so much of the house on the water that he had grown up at. He remembered sailing with his father and spending his childhood days just gazing out across the water at the small island in the middle. The island had technically off bounds, according to his parents. They always said the sunbathers were there during the day and the children in the area need not bother them. Then of course towards evening it was the troublesome teenagers. As expected, Thatcher eventually became a troublesome teenager. Nothing his parents could fault him on. He was just a normal boy, sharing a six pack with some buddies and talking about girls. As he looked at that soft and cozy quilt, how he wished he had enjoyed it more. How he wished he had savored every minute of that gaze upon the water.

Thatcher sat on the quilt, almost mimicking his daughter in the room just down the hall. How sad she was, and he did not know. Maybe he knew, but he also didn't know how bad. He thought about his own past and how every single experience in his life molded him into who he was today. Even he knew in his heart he had been quite ruthless. In fact, he was sure there was a special place in hell for him. As much as it should scare him, it did not. He actually felt more of a loss. A loss for not enjoying his life as he should have, with what he felt as so little time left. If he had only appreciated Meredith more for who she was. There would have been so many happy years filled with grandchildren and bliss. Instead he focused on picking off company after company, ending with nothing. Just a pile of money, more than could fill his house. But still, money did not buy happiness and he had proved that over and over again.

Pictures of Thatcher's parents filled his head. How he missed them. Perhaps if he had kept things in focus, he wouldn't have turned himself into a monster. His mother with her soft face and light hair cam into his mind. She had always been beautiful. It was a natural beauty, much like his daughter. She knew that she was gaining wrinkles and she had always been content with them. She earned them, she believed. His father was always kind and noble. He was a person that you were proud to know. They were hardworking, never stepping on people and stomping them into the ground to get on top. They were nothing like their son. They were people that had values. People that everyone respected. Thatcher loved them so. But it all changed that fateful day. The day they were killed was a day that changed him forever. If good people like them had to die, why be good?

"Damn." Thatcher muttered to himself. He tried not to indulge in his own self-misery. He tried to force that all in the back. He tried to forget that it ever happened. In his head, he had fallen from the sky. But he had parents. He had the best parents. "Where is that daughter of mine?" Thatcher said softly as he stood and realized that he hadn't seen her yet. He pulled himself up, hearing his knees crack and feeling his tired muscles ache. Going down the hall quietly, she saw her silhouette in her bedroom. His heart sank as he looked at her, so quiet and so sad. He wished he could help her, but he didn't know what to do. He also felt like he shouldn't do something. He knew that she had worked hard to get where she was. She had the fighting spirit of her grandfather. She would fight for what she needed. Handouts were neither necessary or wanted.

"You are a Grey." Thatcher said with a firm voice as he walked into her room. Meredith's head popped up. She was startled but at the same time, he could see her lack of fear. Her lack of worry, or even caring was simply gone. She was listless and dark.

"What?" Meredith asked as her voice cracked. Her voice sounded harsh just from the simple fact that she hadn't talked in hours. She had no reason to talk and she really didn't want to.

"You are a Grey... And we Greys- We are fighters. We don't have to fight dirty. We don't have to be nasty. But we do have to be happy. We do have to have self-worth. Meredith, you are worth a lot. To your husband.. Your children... To me. You got where you are today all by yourself. Believe it or not, I also got where I am by myself. We are fighters. And you- It may seem hopeless, honey, but it will be fine. You lost what you wanted. You lost what worked so hard to have. But it will change form. It will be fine. You can make it work, you just have to be inventive. This is not over. This is not the time to give up. Be a Grey. Take your name and fight the fight." Thatcher said frankly as he opened the curtains and let the sunlight it.

"I don't know... I don't know where to go from here." She admitted with a frown.

"But you will honey. Give it time. You will know what you need to do. But for now, pick yourself up. Wallowing does nothing. And you, dear, you can be doing something." He said with a raised brow. Meredith allowed a small smile to cross her lips. How she wished she wasn't meeting this insightful man for the first time in her life.

"Hmm..." Meredith said with a content sigh. "Well, I guess I need to make dinner." She told him with a nod.

Thatcher looked at her in shock. She had done a one-hundred and eighty degree turn in minutes. He had just poured his heart out and given her the best advice he could come up with. Sure he was happy that she seemed to snap out of the funk she was in, but he at least expected something in return. At least some good heartfelt conversation. Instead he was sitting on her bed, and she was long gone. She always did had a way of snapping back.

As Thatcher thought about it, that was when he made the big decision. He was going to fight. Not only was he going to fight, but he was going to like like hell. It seemed he had a lot to fight for. He had a daughter who needed support. He had grandchildren who needed love. He had a family. For the first time, he really felt the love of a family, something that had been missing since his parents died.

Meredith pulled out the ground sirloin from the refrigerator. She had to cook. She had a family that deserved to be taken care of. Derek was working hard to support them and the kids needed a safe and secure home to grow up in. Yes, she was going to make a good home cooked meal. Even if it wasn't going to be healthy, it would taste like home. It was much needed comfort food for them all.

"You're cooking?" Thatcher asked as he sat on the stool at the counter. Yes, she had told him, but she was a bit surprised. They had been eating take out about as much as Thatcher ate it when he was traveling.

"Yes, daddy. I can cook, you know." Meredith said with a smile as she pulled out her ingredients. "Actually, I used to cook quite a bit more. I guess it fluctuates depending on how busy I am at the hospital. Well, was. How busy I was at the hospital. I won't be there anymore." She muttered as she stared off.

"Meredith..." Thatcher said softly, ready to talk her down from the ledge so to speak.

"I'm fine. Really, I'm just fine. You are right... Things just- Things happen." She admitted with a pursed smile. "You can't really control it. I guess you have to roll with the punches. People lose the things they love all of the time. I'm just fortunate that I have what I need. I have my family. My family is number one."

"I'm glad you have life in perspective." Thatcher told her happily. "So this motherly thing... Did it come to you naturally?" He asked, wondering how much not having a real mother affected her.

"I don't know. If you ask Derek, he would probably say I was good. I can say that there is a reason Cara doesn't love me." Meredith told him sadly. He could see how it hurt her that her daughter wasn't close to her. He knew that Cara did not hate her, no matter what she chose to think.

"Honey, that girl doesn't hate you." Thatcher told her frankly. "In fact, that girl emulates you. She is a spitting image of you, my dear. I don't think it's hate, she is just spoiled as hell."

"We just don't see eye to eye. And Derek says the same thing; We are so alike that we clash." Meredith admitted as she finished browning her beef. "I did spoil her. I just- I never wanted her to question that I loved her. And then when I had Quinn and Fran, I think she felt abandoned. I never ignored her. She just didn't understand that a crying baby was my prime concern. I guess there were times when I could have let them cry."

"Life is short." Her father said in a long drawn out sigh. "Too short. But not so short that this won't work itself out. You two will be just fine."

Meredith agreed with the fact that life was short. In fact, she couldn't believe how quickly things had gone. Tempus Fugit. What she liked to add was "Whether you're having fun or not!". She still felt like that young girl on a ferry boat with Derek. So free, the spray from the water on her face. Not a real care in the world, just causing trouble and loving every minute of it. It had been a fight to get where she was now. Thinking back, she had no idea how they struggled through it all.

"We're home!" Derek said loudly as he walked into the front door. The kids ran through the house loudly, burning off their after school energy. She knew they hated their new school. They were adjusting, but they missed their old friends.

"Shoes!" Meredith belted out as she heard the kids shoes pounding on the wood floors. They knew that they had to removes them at the door. Meredith believed it kept the house much cleaner. It was obvious that Derek had been letting the rule slip. She couldn't blame him, she was pulling the weight for everyone lately.

"Mommy's up!" Frannie yelled happily. At that moment, Meredith realized that her kids had picked up on her depressed state of mind. There was no way they couldn't pick up on it, seeing as she had been spending most of her time in bed.

"Mer... You're up. And you cooked." Derek said in shock as he stood in the kitchen holding containers of chinese food. "We don't need this." He said happily as he placed the chinese in the refrigerator. "So- You are... Okay?"

"Things change." Meredith said with a smile as kissed his cheek. "It's just time for my life to change form, that's all." Derek smiled and kissed her softly. It was good to have her back.

**I got married- That's why no updates!!**


	143. Just Like Mom

Derek watched in shock. He had been watching in shock for some time. She was so unlike herself. Okay, maybe not so much unlike her former self- But she was definitely unlike her post-America self. She was designing. She was redecorating. She was shopping. It wasn't the money that she was spending that had him so unnerved, it was that she had changed into a whole different person. He wasn't sure that he liked it, but if she was happy he could cope.

"I definitely like this." Meredith stated as she stood in front of the mirror in the corner of their newly painted and decorated room. "I love the yellow.".

"Which yellow?" Derek asked dumbly as he looked at her. "The yellow on your feet or the walls?"

Derek hated the yellow on the walls. Every time he walked into their room he imagined the French's mustard factory. He was sure that was the color that the employees, along with himself, grew to hate. He wouldn't tell her he hated it. He wouldn't tell her that every time he went into their room to sleep he felt more awake than tired. It wasn't in a good way that he felt awake. It was more of the burn his eyes, he may drown in a vat of mustard kind of way. And by the way, he now couldn't eat the stuff.

"The shoes- And the room. I love it all!" She exclaimed as she tapped her toe on the floor.

"Not as much as I do." Derek said sarcastically under his breath.

"What's that?" Meredith asked. Half hearing something, even if she was in her own little world. She did a half turn, checking herself out in the mirror. Derek just smiled at her, knowing how she was.

"It makes me feel so can-do!" Derek said stumbling over his stupid repetition that was not one. He was hoping that she hadn't been paying attention to what he had said either time.

"What does that mean?" Meredith question, half ready to listen to his explanation.

"It makes me happy, baby. That's all." He lied with a smile. Meredith rolled her eyes and pulled her shoes off.

"You are so full of it, Derek." Meredith groaned as she grabbed a pair of strappy sandals and slid them on her freshly pedicured feet. Derek watched as she admired herself, something she had never had a problem doing in all the time he had known her.

"You know, Mer... When I said- When I agreed with your dad about the change in plans... Well, this isn't exactly what I thought was on your mind." Derek told her with a frown. She may have passion, but it isn't helping anyone. "I thought you would choose something more... I don't know- Humanitarian." Derek said with a sigh, he knew a storm would come from that statement.

"What? Did you think I was going to do something medical, Derek?" She snapped as she looked at him.

"Well yes, I did." He said with a shrug. He didn't know what else to say. He wasn't sure that her current activities were good for her mental stability. Meredith was a doer and if she didn't do, he knew it would come back to haunt her.

"Well you know what, Derek? The medical community fucked me up the ass. And not in a good way." She growled as she spun around. "I'm sorry if I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I will be damned if I am going to draw blood at the blood bank or stitch up some charity cases. I'm a goddamn surgeon. I don't even need to explain to you..." She told him as she stood up and walked in the bathroom and shut the door.

"Meredith..." Derek said to the closed door. At least she hadn't slammed it. "I just want to make sure you're okay." He explained as he listened closely.

"I'm fine, Derek. I just came to the reality that I can't have what I want. So guess what, I want something new." She told him as she opened the door.

"I just want you to be happy." He told her as he pulled her close. Meredith rested her head on his shoulder and let out a long deep breath. "That's all I ever wanted."

"Derek, I'm happy. When have I ever not been happy when I'm surrounded by shoes?" She asked with a giggle as she closed the boxes and stacked them up. Derek let out a half smile as he watched her. She was becoming the shallow girl that she once was. She was reverting. He wondered if there was anything he could do... And would she want him to?

-------------------

Meredith sat outside Cara's school. She was going to attempt to have a mother daughter day. She knew that she and Cara needed it because their relationship was so distant. Half the time when she talked to the girl, she felt inferior. She wondered if everyone had felt that way when they were with her when she was a child. Part of her felt guilty, wondering if she was as terrible as she considered her daughter.

Last night Meredith had been up late. She was worried and had been worried. Cara acted out so much. She was so hateful for a child her age. Meredith hadn't ever known what she could do to make her happy. Sure, when she was a baby, Meredith just fed and held her. Now it was so much different. Meredith knew it had to stop because if it didn't, it would just show the younger children how being bad was acceptable in their household.

Meredith smiled as she walked into the school and saw her daughter, sitting in the office. Her light colored long hair and soft kin made her look radiant. She was such a natural beauty. She was sitting in the office not because she was bad, it was because of her celebrity status, or maybe more of her mother's celebrity status. They were always looking for the paparazzi vultures to come after them.

"What are you doing here?" Cara asked with a sour face as she looked up at her mother. Meredith frowned, all of Cara's natural beauty disappeared when she made a face like that.

"I'm picking you up." Meredith stated simply as she looked her daughter in the eyes. Meredith couldn't bear Cara making her look like a fool in front of everyone.

"Oh. Well couldn't Daddy come get me?" She asked as she looked up and sneered at her mom. "Or Danny? Anyone but you." She told her snottily, referring to the bodyguard that was there to watch over her.

"No, there happen to be times when I would like to spend time with my daughter." She said frankly as she grabbed Cara's book bag. "I thought maybe we could do some shopping..."

"I don't shop." Cara stated as Meredith nodded to Danny that they were ready to go.

Danny was hired as a guard for Cara. Quinn and Francesca shared a guard because they were younger and rarely had the urge for freedom. Derek and Meredith mulled the issue over time and time again. They both agreed that as parents and adults, they could care for themselves. As much as they hated that their children had to be treated specially, they also didn't want to take a chance with their safety. With her father's expertise in that subject, they easily found Danny and Brian, brothers in the same business. There hadn't really been a security issue, other than the occasional overbearing paparazzo.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she walked to the car with her daughter, thanking god that the school had a secure parking lot. She knew better than to believe that Cara didn't like shopping. The girl had gone with her grandmother and everyone else. Everyone except her, it seems. She wished her daughter would get over the ridiculous attitude she had. Meredith prayed that Fannie never discovered the contradictive attitude that Cara possessed.

"Every girl likes shopping." Meredith told her daughter as she pulled the seatbelt over her shoulder. Meredith heard her daughter huff as she too snapped her seatbelt in place. "I know you want to get new clothes."

"Fine. Whatever." Cara muttered as she looked out the window, waiting for the flashes. Damn her mother for being famous. Now she couldn't even see her old friends or do anything she wanted. She hated it. She hated every bit of everything.

"Yeah, whatever." Meredith agreed as she pulled into traffic. This was going to be a shopping trip she'd never forget.

Meredith was silent in the driver's seat. She didn't know what to say in the uncomfortable silence. She wasn't even talking to Danny. Danny nor Brian ever talked unless they were spoken to. She was sure that it was just their professional manner. They were more focused on their job than casual conversation, which she knew she should be grateful for.

The same things always went through Meredith's head when she was alone with Cara. Number one was if she was this sullen now, how would she be a couple years down the road? She hadn't even hit her teens yet. She knew that she and Derek were in for a boatload of trouble. She wouldn't tell Derek, but she had thoughts of sending Cara off to school. Far, far away where someone else could deal with her.

"Okay, we're here." Meredith said with a smile as she looked up at the small boutique. She was always finding unique items in the store and she liked to help out the little guys.

"I don't understand why I need new clothes." Cara said as she pulled off her seatbelt and looked back at Danny in the sun visor mirror.

"And they say you are just like me." Meredith chuckled quickly. She was definitely not like Meredith if she didn't need new clothes. Meredith quickly walked to the store, ignoring the paparazzi that were shooting pictures from the street corner. She was sure that they would get that perfect unflattering shot of her behind.

"Hello, Meredith." Sonia, the store owner said as she looked up at her favorite customer. She was now an even more important customer, seeing as she was famous.

"Sonia... How are you today?" Meredith asked as she began looking over the merchandise. "Oh, this ring is gorgeous!" Meredith exclaimed as she looked at the turquoise ring in front of her. "And this necklace. It's so unique."

"This one is." Sonia said as she held up the necklace with two sterling silver sparrows carrying a ring which holding a vintage watch movement. "I just got that in. One of a kind."

"Wow... And so inexpensive." Meredith nodded as she took it into her hand and smiled. She was definitely going home with that find. "I will take this, but I have to say, I'm actually here for my daughter. Cara needs some new clothes and some mother/daughter quality time." Meredith said softly as she spoke to the owner. They both looked up at Cara, who was flipping through racks of clothes.

"Is this the one?" Sonia asked discretely. Meredith and Sonia had talked time and again about the older "difficult" one that was at home. Meredith nodded in agreement. "Ok then." She said happily as she rushed over to Cara. "So what do you have in mind, Little Miss?"

"Layers are in right now." Meredith told her daughter as she lifted up a plain tank top. "Whatever you want.... You can have it." Meredith told her. Meredith wasn't intentionally trying to buy her daughter, but if it worked in her favor, she wouldn't be too disappointed.

"Really, Mommy?" Cara said with a smile. Meredith wasn't sure if it was a genuine smile, or one of mischief. The girl smiled as she lifted up a shirt on a hanger, suggesting it her her mom.

"I like that one. Let's have Sonia grab some others and you can try them on. What do you think?" Meredith asked as she placed her hand on her daughter's back and lead the way.

"Okay." Cara said with a grin as she walked into the back of the store. "Can you help me?" She asked as they walked in.

"Of course I can." Meredith replied exuberantly. Her child was actually treating her with some respect.

Cara was obviously having a great time with her mother. Something changed in her as Meredith helped her try on the new clothes. It never hit Meredith like it did that day. Cara was obviously starving for attention. It seemed the youngest ones always came first, and that wasn't even enough, seeing as they had both been doctors with busy schedules for nearly all her life.

The afternoon was filled with smiles and happiness. Meredith didn't even realize how quickly the afternoon was going by. Before she knew it, it was past dinner time. Cara had gotten a bunch of new clothes and shoes, of course. Meredith wanted so badly to buy her little girl a pair of pumps but she knew that Derek would skin her alive, putting a child in heels. Cara was now at the height of style with her new haircut and cute jewelry. Maybe Cara really was a princess like her mom.

"You guys are home late." Derek said in shock as Meredith walked in with her little girl and bags of goodies.

"Mommy and I went shopping an I got my hair cut an I got jewelry an it was so fun daddy! I love you mommy!" Cara said as she hugged her mom's waist. "You're the best."

"That's great, honey. Why don't you put your new stuff away now?" Derek asked with a smile. Cara smiled back and nodded as she grabbed her loot and headed upstairs. "What is this?" Derek said as he pointed to his daughter going up the stairs. "You are out all day buying her stuff? And you got her hair cut. What are you trying to do?"

"What do you mean, Derek?" Meredith said with a little chuckle. "You're acting a little...foolish."

"You got her hair cut without asking me. And now you have bought her things and she's your best friend." Derek said unhappily.

"I got her hair cut without asking you? Seriously, Derek?" She laughed. "Oh my god... You are jealous!" She laughed again, finding amusement in his absurdity. "You are jealous of this... Today. My daughter is spitting evil at me all of the time. She is nice to me, and you are jealous. Oh how that makes sense." She muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"You have Francesca." He mumbled, almost immediately feeling stupid for saying it. Derek looked up as Meredith looked at him. Her mouth was agape as she listened to what came out of his mouth.

"What do you mean, I have Francesca? I have three children. We have three children last I checked. We, Derek. All three kids are yours." Meredith explained quickly. She never not thought of Cara as hers, even if Cara did cling to Derek more than her.

"It's just- Frannie runs to you. You are the light of her life. And I had that with Cara and Quinn a little. But Frannie loves you more. And it was nice to have Cara. We had a special bond and I feel like you are taking that from me." He told her sadly. "I shouldn't have said anything. I guess it sounds stupid."

"No, Derek. I understand. I do understand. I don't want to come between you and her. I just don't want her to scowl at me. I want her to at least be able to stand being in the same room. And Frannie loves you just as much as me. I think she just wants to give you and Cara space. I don't think you are at risk to losing her to me. There is no fight here. I love all my children the same. I carried them all inside of me. Cara still thinks of you as her daddy. She is just now starting to think of me as her mommy. And I'm a mommy she wants today. Please let me bask in that, just for awhile." Meredith said as her eyes teared up.

"Oh, Mer... I'm sorry. I just- You are right. You are right all the way around." Derek told her as he grasped her face and kissed her gently. "Now let's go see what Cara collected today." He said with a smile.

"Oh believe me, she will love that. She is... More like me than I knew." meredith told him with a nod and a feigning look of shame.

"Oh save us all!" He teased as he led the way to their daughter's room. She was right, they had three beautiful children. Together.


	144. Worry

Meredith stared at her father. She stared at him because she couldn't believe what he was saying. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, not by a long shot. She and Derek had discussed everything that had to do with his case. After a long stretch of shopping and redecorating, reality came back, shocking the hell out of her. She and Derek had spent a good amount of time the night before. She finally got up the nerve to get the truth out of Derek. What were the odds? What did he think?

"I just don't understand!" Meredith cried out as she looked at her father in the eyes. She wanted to cry but she needed to be strong. Meredith's fingernails dug into her own flesh as her tension rose.

"This could work, Meredith. It could." Thatcher said to dead ears, Meredith didn't want to hear a word of it. "Meredith, do you hear me?"

"It will never work! Derek said it wouldn't work!" Meredith shouted, thanking God that her children weren't around. They didn't need to hear their mother so upset.

"Derek and I had a long talk and that isn't what he said to me." Thatcher told her simply as his eyebrows rose with surprise. "In fact, he seemed to think it was the best option."

"That's a lie! He said it was slim. Last I checked, slim is not a good option. This is foolish. So stupid. Do you not know that you have a family? How can you be so reckless with your life?" Meredith asked quickly as her frustration continued to rise.

Meredith quickly thought back to her conversation with Derek. Maybe he didn't use the word slim. Maybe it was more a taking a risk. At this point, she wasn't sure exactly what it was but she did know that when he said it, she thought it was a bad idea. She didn't think it was worth the risk, not when he could possibly get better with medication. Or at least that was what she was thinking and hoping. Surgery seemed so drastic, especially the kind of surgery they were talking about. Meredith didn't like the idea of someone playing in her dad's brain. Especially if that someone wasn't her talented and successful husband, who she trusted her life with and that of her family. Instead it would be another doctor. It was going to be some guy she barely knew. Sure his credentials were good, but she barely knew him.

"Meredith, you know me. I am not a person to lay around and be helpless. I have built my life being a strong man. I am not strong when I am like this. I can't go on like this. The medication makes me sick, it makes me weak. Some days I don't feel like getting up. They say that I will only get worse. And if this medication doesn't help I will end up a puddle of mush. I won't be able to do anything on my own. After that, my mind will go on. Meredith, would you want to end up that way? And really, would it be worth it having me around? I would be like your mother, only worse. And then I would die. There would be no hope. If I'm going out, I'm going out fighting!" He told her frankly.

Thatcher had spent much time dedicating thought to this issue. He couldn't back down, he felt too strongly about it. Meredith looked him in the eyes. She knew her father far too well. He was going to do what he wanted, no matter what. There was nothing she could do to change her mind. As strongly as she felt it was a bad idea, what could she say? At the end of the day, she knew it was his decision and not her own.

"Well... I guess that means you're going for it then." Meredith said with a sad and delayed sigh. "You're going to have the surgery."

"Yes- I am going to have the surgery." Thatcher told her with a nod. As sure as he was, for a second he was feeling sorry. He was feeling guilty. Just a pinch. Just enough. "I just want to be me. I either want to be more, or I don't."

"You mean you want to be you, or you'd rather be dead." Meredith muttered. She understood, but not completely. She didn't know because she hadn't been there.

"Precisely." Thatcher told her with a faint smile. The smile was meant to give her hope, but instead she felt that he was being condescending.

"Mer?" Meredith heard Derek say, coming from the downstairs. She heard the loud stomping of a herd of children along with his voice.

She didn't want to go down there. She couldn't act normal, and she didn't want to tell her kids. She didn't know how she would tell them, or if she even should. How could she explain that their grandpa choose death. Maybe not death exactly, but he chose to take a huge risk with his life. She knew Francesca would never understand. Cara would probably get it. Meredith didn't want Cara to get it. She didn't want her to have to worry, or even worse, feel the pain if the worst case scenario played out.

"I'll go down." Thatcher told her as he made his way towards the door and walked through. He glanced back over his shoulder as he reached for the door. She wasn't looking and he knew why. She just couldn't.

Meredith laid back on her cream colored duvet cover and stared at the ceiling. It felt cool on her now burning skin. Burning because every nerve ending was firing. All of the heat in her body was coming to the surface as her insides burned with a mixture of emotions. She felt the chills come over her, goosebumps forming as she began to get the chills. It seemed even her body didn't know how to react. She knew Derek would come up, and she was actually hoping that he would not.

Thatcher walked down the loud staircase, it's old steps creaking with every step. That staircase had kept him awake in the first week or so that he had been in the house. And he always thought it would wake everyone up when he hit stair four coming up or down for the ice water he so craved. As he steeped to the floor, he looked up to see a frown on Derek's face. He didn't have to ask to know what was going on.

"So you told her?" Derek asked with a frown. He almost didn't want to face his wife. He knew she would be upset. Hell, he was expecting her to hate him.

"Yes- She knows." Thatcher confirmed. They had talked about but he was sure Derek had no idea how bad it was really going to be. "She's upset... To say the least." He admitted, feeling bad for even telling her. Even Thatcher Grey had enough of a conscience to not leave his daughter in the dark.

"I'm not even sure what to tell her. She will say I am to blame for everything. It will be all my fault." Derek said solemnly. "But don't- I gave you advice. Now I have to deal with the repercussions." Derek told him with a sigh as he climbed the stair. He winced as he stepped on number four. She would definitely know he was coming after that creak.

Derek knew when he gave Thatcher the advice that he would make Meredith upset. She had more or less told him to lie. She was perfectly willing to see her dad go through a battery of treatments and medication, only to fall somewhere down the road. Derek didn't see the point in that. He agreed with Thatcher. It was worth the risk to have the surgery. Men seemed to get it, and women didn't nine chances out of ten. Now Derek just had to do the hardest thing on the world. He had to go in there and admit that he went against her and gave her father the medical advice that he thought was best. The cold knob his hand was one wasn't a tenth as cold as her shoulder would be, he knew that.

Derek walked into the room. A small part of him was ready to be on the defensive. He was ready to tell her the truth. The truth was, he gave her dad medical advice and it was what he believed in. It was advice he stood beside and believed in with all his heart and knowledge, especially with the situation. He knew his wife believed that he should lie, and he didn't and wouldn't. Meredith had her back to him, and part of him was glad that she did. At least there wasn't the telltale shaking of her shoulders, a sign that she was crying. Maybe she was in shock. He didn't want her to be in shock.

"Meredith-" Derek started. The minute the words were out, he regretted even saying anything. The uncomfortable silence sometimes felt better than the yelling that would come in it's place. "Mer, I-"

"I'd really rather you don't speak." She said curtly as she whipped her head around. Derek watched as her soft light here spun right along. Her eyes bore into his, a sign of pure anger. "It seems that you have a problem with your mouth."

Sometimes Derek wished she didn't talk. God, he loved her, but sometimes he wondered who she was. Sometimes the words she said cut like a knife through his heart. Her tongue was a whip that it seemed even she couldn't always control. At the moment, he wasn't sure if he should even talk to her. He wasn't so sure that she was able to be consoled. The truth was, once she started acting this way, he felt less sorry for her, and more like she was the obnoxious teen he has met when he was young an naive.

"I think you have a problem with your-" Derek stopped himself. God help everyone if he continued his thought. He wouldn't expose his kids to her ranting and it just wasn't worth it. "Look, Mer... I did what I thought was right. I gave your father the medical advice that I would have given to any other patient. Hell, you would have agreed with my advice if it was anyone else. And this- This is not between you and I. It comes down to this decision is your father's, and no one else's. You need to take a step back and realize how you are acting. I do not think your father will do well going into surgery if you are acting this way." Derek told her frankly. "Patients do better with support, as you well know."

"Oh, Derek." Meredith said as her pouty lip stuck out. She was feeling like a complete waste. "You are so right." She said as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry. You are right. I'm trying to be okay. Okay, I'm not- But I should. I know that much, I should be trying to be okay. I sit here and think about it and in my head I know it's what I would chose for myself. I couldn't go on feeling weak and worthless. I don't know how I could expect that from him..." She said with a breath as she tried to get more air in her lungs. "You are- Derek, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know how I would go through a day without you." She told him as he sat down next to her. Meredith's head gently fell on his shoulder.

"It's the same way with me, Meredith. You are my air. Sometimes when I am away from you too long, I just can't breathe." He told her as he kissed her forehead.

"So you love me, despite my many quirks?" She teased. "And the fact that I am a total and utter huge pain in the ass." She said, waiting for him to retort.

"You may be a pain in the ass, but you are my pain." He said as he pulled her back on the bed with him.

"I know you can't really say- But do you think he will be okay?" Meredith asked. She knew the stats on any high risk surgery. It was a dumb question, but really she just needed comfort. She needed someone else to say it was okay so it really could be.

"No, I can't say. But I think he has a damn good shot." Derek told her with a smile. He did think that her dad had a good shot. He did think it would be okay. He was hoping that she would agree; Meredith's negativity could be hell for anyone around her.

"Good." Meredith agreed as she slowly closed her eyes. Mental stress could be a killer. At the moment she was tired. She was tired and had the comfort of the man she loved. She would be okay.


	145. End of the Road

**Chapter 145: End of The Road**

Meredith sat in the cold room that was the waiting area. She originally was going to sit out where everyone else had to sit. She never did realize just how hard it was to sit out in the middle of everyone. Families of surgical patients were right there in the open. No walls to hold them in and support them. No quiet area to worry, or to grieve. There was none of that. Anyone could walk right by you. They didn't identify with your situation because they didn't know what that situation was. They didn't really care if you were crying, or upset or worried. Nothing really mattered and the sense that people just didn't have any compassion anymore was overwhelming. Yes- Meredith was going to sit out there with everyone. That was until the paparazzi came.

Now she wasn't sure how she felt. The cold existence of this room was just as cold as the open area she had left. At least with the large room, there were people to study as they went by, consumed in their own lives. She had never really been able to watch people. She was always rushing out of a driven car into a store or restaurant. People had always been watching her and ever since she was "free", she now watched them. Now she was in the cold room with it's cold water color painting. They weren't even real watercolors, just prints in matching frames, meaning nothing. Maybe some people looked at them and found comfort or thought that they were beautiful. They were not beautiful. How she longed for her art gallery that was the house in Italy.

"You know, Mer I'm here." Derek said, offering her a hand. "I'm here and you aren't- Well, you aren't really taking advantage of it." He muttered with a sigh, his words trailing off like a stream through the soft, quiet, forest. He felt now that he should have remained silent. He could feel her tense up. She always did when she was stressed out and anyone said or did anything that affected her.

"If I want to use your support, I will. Right now, I really don't want it." Meredith groaned. "I would honestly be a lot more content if they would just let us watch. I mean, why cant we just watch? I don't understand!" She squealed, making a nurse peek her head in to make sure all was okay.

"Is everything okay in here?" The nurse asked meekly. Meredith ignored her and continued on with her rant.

"I mean, what would it hurt? Nothing, that's what." Meredith continued with a shrug.

"Everything is fine. Thanks for asking." Derek told her, at least acknowledging her existence, unlike Meredith. "Dr. Shepherd is just getting loud."

"Oh..." The nurse said with a nod. "Well it looks like Mr. Grey is doing okay."

"Well, unless you you are here to tell me that my father's surgery is not only done, but looking like it was a success, please leave." Meredith snapped. Derek looked at the nurse, and she at him. She quickly scurried off, not wanting to feel anymore of Meredith's wrath.

"That was uncalled for and unnecessary. She was just trying to be nice." Derek said, not stopping for her to react or say anything. "I for one, think that you watching would be a very bad idea." Derek said frankly. "You know that policy says no family in the gallery. Not to mention, you aren't missing out on anything, the gallery is closed." Derek told her with a sigh. "You would be a bigger ball of nerves if you were watching."

"Yeah, yeah." Meredith muttered, half listening. She was right, no matter what he said, she knew that for sure. "Oh my god.... Four more hours of this." She muttered. Four hours and she was already at her wits end.

Derek was not wanting to be with his wife. He knew that sounded terrible, but it was true. He wanted to get out and take a breath. He wanted to go round on his patients and grab a coffee from the cart, maybe even take it outside and feel the Seattle rain on his face. He surely didn't want to be here in this room. He couldn't even move in the room. He felt like he needed to call his mom, or anyone. Anyone he could talk to. Meredith was silent, and every time he moved, she would get agitated.

"Mer..." Derek trailed as he looked up. She glared at him and scowled. "I know you- Am I doing any good here?" He asked frankly.

"You want to leave." Meredith grumbled. Not that she could blame him. She too, wanted to run far and fast. She wished she meant something to this hospital. She wished she had patients and friends. She had nothing. She had been gone too long and now she was considered an outsider.

"No, Mer. It's not that I want to leave... It's just- I have this feeling you don't want me here. I can't say anything to make you feel better. I'm just as nerved up as you are and sitting here doesn't help me." He admitted. He was sure it made him somewhat lower on the good husband list but it was just how he felt.

"Just go." She uttered as she placed her head in her hands. "Just go. I'm not made. You are right, I need to stew and I do that best in my own pot." She told him with a weak smile and a nod to the door. "If I need you... Just go on." She told him as her closed her eyes. She felt Derek kiss the top of her head and she let out a gentle sigh.

"I just don't know." Meredith said to herself as she sat there all alone. She didn't even care that she was alone. There were times she needed Derek and times she didn't. Right now, she didn't. "This has to be okay."

"It will be fine." She heard a familiar voice say as he walked into the small room. She looked up and smiled slightly as she saw Tony's face.

"Hey." Meredith told him quietly. "I sure hope so. I really hope do."

"Well, you're the doctor." Tony said frankly. "You are the one that would know. Out of the two of us, I mean." Meredith knew that when it came to anything medical, Tony knew nothing.

"Yeah, I guess so. It's one thing to be in there cutting. God- I miss it so much. It's unreal. You are there, you are in control. The feeling you get when you are saving a life is so amazing. It is the greatest high. So much better than- Well, you know." Meredith said, not wanting Tony to elaborate on her former drug use.

"You know, it amazes me. I guess I never gave you the benefit of the doubt." Tony told her regretfully. "I always thought of you as the shallow girl, Meri. No offense. I knew you were smart, but I didn't think- Damn, I'm making this much worse than I was trying. I mean, I'm proud of you Meredith. You did a good job. And you did it all on your own. You didn't use your dad's money and power. This was all you."

"Thank you, Tony. It means a lot, you saying that." Meredith told him. "I just wish- I wish I was still a surgeon. I guess that is just a dream gone past."

"No, Meredith... If you want it, you can have it. Haven't you proved that to yourself yet? Hell, you have proved it to everyone else!" Tony told her with a smile.

Meredith had to agree. Maybe she had given up on her dream just a little too quickly.

"You're right." Meredith agreed as she leaned back and shook her head. It didn't even dawn on her that she had gotten her mind off of the terrible thoughts of her father and her worries. It all felt so clear to her suddenly. How could she give up so easily? She had obviously been a fighter all along, and here she was, giving up.

Tony looked over at Meredith. She looked happy for a moment. Her face was soft and relaxed. Her skin was flawless, even if it was lacking makeup. He was so used to her being glamorous in Italy and now he was seeing some of her natural beauty. She looked stress free. Looked. Just for a minute. Tony watched as the color in her face drained. Her blood disappeared, leaving her face the color of a pure white sheet. He quickly glanced up and saw a doctor standing there. He had a feeling this wasn't good. He didn't know why, but it wasn't good.

"No." Meredith muttered, her chin quivering.

Meredith felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach. It was too soon. The surgery had hours to go. It was way too soon. She couldn't get air as she sat there and dropped her head between her knees. Too soon. This was her father's surgeon standing before her. It wasn't a nurse. They weren't giving an update. He had left the side of the surgical table because her father was dead.

In that moment, Meredith felt like everything that kept her alive was vaporizing. She felt like her insides were turning back and losing all the color and life they once possessed. All of her greatest fears were coming true. She went from hating her father and doing everything she could to get away, to being fearful that if her father ever found her he would kill her, and then to the fear that she would be without him. The last fear came true. Her father was now dead. Her world felt so cold. So empty and so cold.

"No... Please don't say it. Just- I know. I know why you are here and I don't want to- Oh God. Please don't explain. He's dead. Just go." Meredith told him as her face turned to stone. She couldn't feel because it would make her so sick. She couldn't bear the truth.

The surgeon hadn't come across someone acting quite the way she was. He was used to people screaming. He was used to crying. He was not used to this silence. Not the way she was at the moment. He wasn't even sure what to do next. Quickly Tony stood up and walked the surgeon out of the room.

"She is in a bit of shock..." Tony said, lack of a better statement. The truth was, he too felt sick. Thatcher Grey, as ruthless as he was, was like a father and best friend. He was everything. Thatcher and his world was all Tony knew. Everything he had done and experienced had been with this family, and now the patriarch was gone. He wondered what this meant for him. "...and so am I."

Derek felt his heart drop at the words that were just said. Thatcher Grey was dead. His wife's father was dead. His father-in-law. A man that he gave medical advice to. He felt sick. All Derek could do was shake his head and jog away, running to his wife.

"You don't want to go in there." Tony said as Derek rushed up. "She doesn't want to be bothered."

"Fuck that." Derek said as he shook his head and shoved Tony aside. "I know what is best for my wife."

Derek wanted to cry. It wasn't that he was sad. Sure, he was plenty sad. It was that his wife looked so empty. She wasn't outwardly crying. She was just sitting there, staring at the wall. He had been there. He would never forget the day he lost his father. It was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that he remembered most. It was a feeling of emptiness. He knew what it was to never get something back. His brother. His father. And now there was this.

"Oh Meredith." Derek said as he sat next to her and placed his hand on her leg. She was leaning forward and just staring. He couldn't talk to her. He wouldn't. It would do nothing. She needed this time. She needed to be silent and in her own head right then.

Time was what she needed. Time it seemed was the ultimate healer. When he learned of the deaths of both is broth and father, it could never be worse. He thought he'd never go one. He had wondered at the time how one could go on? It was almost a feeling of guilt that took him over. Guilt because he had been there. He was left. He would be the one to feel the warm sun. He would get married. His brother would never get to feel the joy that is holding your first child in your arms. He would never find love. His father was the one that guided him. He had shown him everything he knew. He had been a constant. Even when Derek felt he had made huge mistakes that couldn't be undone, his father showed him that it would be okay. His father had made him what he was. IT broke Derek's heart if she was feeling a fraction of what he had felt. But time had helped it. It would help her too.

"Oh my god." Meredith said as she started laughing uncontrollably. Derek looked over in shock. Now she was laughing.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes. She looked completely and utterly happy.

"It's a joke. It's a joke. He is fucking with me. He is fucking with me like I fucked with him." She shouted as she jumped up. It all came clear to her. This was the ultimate revenge. It was the world's biggest practical joke.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked at her. Surely she had gone insane.

"Oh come on, Derek. It was perfect. Flawless." She told him as she ran out the door and towards the operating room. "He is just getting us back. Getting us like we got him. He never did like to lose!"


	146. Bad Dreams

Meredith couldn't sleep. She wouldn't sleep. She was too busy making plans, she told Derek. She had so many plans to make. Derek quickly realized that she had no plans to make. She was busying herself with nothing. Thatcher had made any funeral plans long before he even got sick. Thatcher had always been a planner, through and through. He always told Meredith he had to have his ducks in a row. There were no plans that Meredith had to make.

"Here, Mer." Derek said as he held the pills out in front of her. "You need these, baby. You really need to sleep."

"I don't need to sleep. I have things to do. I. Do. Not. Need. To. Sleep." She growled. "That is the last thing I need."

The truth was, she didn't want to sleep. Sleep brought bad dreams. Sleep scared her to death. Sleep was her biggest fear at the moment. Sleep reminded her of things that she didn't want to remember. She had tried to sleep the day she came home from the hospital and she couldn't. She only woke up in a cold sweat.

"It will be okay, Meredith. You need your rest. You aren't eating or sleeping like you should be. You are going to get weak." Derek told her as he rubbed her back. "Come on..." He told her as he held his hand out with the pills and a tall glass of much needed water.

"Fine." Meredith sighed. She was almost sure he would just shove it down her throat and this was just so much easier. "I need enough though. I don't want to wake up right away. Okay?" She asked with a raised brow.

"Okay." Derek agreed. He knew she was afraid to sleep. He had seen her wake up. When she did, it broke his heart. She looked like a lost little girl. She had looked like a lost little girl since the day her dad died. He didn't even feel that he could mourn. He had to be strong for her. "Sleep well." He told her as he tucked her in, not bothering to change her out of her clothes.

Meredith felt a soft kiss on her head just as she closed her eyes. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was her father's cold body. Cold. Dead. Gray. He looked like his name. The first time she had went in, he was laying in the OR. He looked alive. He looked like he could sit up and laugh his fool head off at the joke he had played. He wasn't alive. The surgical team had pulled all the tubes and wires, leaving him for Meredith to see.

Meredith felt sickened, haunted by that vision. She thanked god that she was alone in the room. Derek had come in but she had politely asked him to leave. She felt that she needed to be alone with her father. The minute he left the room, she laid her head on her father's cooling chest. So badly she needed it to be a joke. So badly she needed him to lift his hand and pat her back like he did when she was little.

In that OR, all alone, the thoughts of childhood were forefront. She remembered only the good. It had all been locked up for so long. He was right, he did love her just as he claimed. She remembered how sad he looked when he had to leave her as a little girl. She wasn't thinking about his threats and punishments. She wasn't thinking about the fear he had struck in both she and Derek's hearts.

It seemed that she couldn't come to grips with it. Derek had finally pulled her away after they had to clear the OR. They couldn't leave Thatcher in there when there was a full board, even if the surgery was hours shorter than they thought it would be. Derek pulled her away, Richard saying how sorry he was. He wasn't sorry and she knew it. He was just sorry that it wasn't a success. He was sorry his hospital wouldn't be in the JAMA. He was not sorry for her loss.

Meredith and Derek had went home, only with Meredith to sneak away later. It could still be a joke. She couldn't believe he was dead. So she jumped in her car and snuck away. She had to see that he was really gone. Her mind kept building hopes as she drove towards the hospital. What a surprise it would be. She almost deserved the cruel trick he had played on her.

Suspense built inside of her as she crept down through the tight basement corridors. She was feeling empty, the reality coming to her that her father very well could be in there. In fact, it was most likely and she knew it- She had seen him dead. She drew in a breath as she walked towards the morgue. It was locked. She had to slide her card and she didn't want to. Sure, she was glad there was no one there, but she also didn't want Richard to know she was there and alert Derek.

The feeling that she felt when she opened the door and slid his body out was overwhelming. His cold hard body laid before her, eyes closed but so obviously not asleep. The chills ran down her spine as she crumbled to the floor. That was what made her wake up in a cold sweat. That image. And that was why she didn't want to sleep.

------------

Derek was glad that Meredith had slept. He had checked her time and again through the night. At some points she looked like she was resting peacefully, then she would start to whimper and at one point she was sweating. He knew how she was feeling, every single bit of it. He didn't know how to help her, other than being supportive. She had learned to be strong all on her own, there wasn't much that she thought she couldn't handle and this seemed to be one of those things.

Derek wasn't sure what they were doing as far as her father's funeral was concerned. It seemed she didn't really talk about it, and he was afraid to bring it up incase it would upset her. He sat at the kitchen table, wondering what to do. Thankfully the kids were still asleep. Meredith had been very absent as far as they were concerned, not that it wasn't expected. Derek drew in a breath and grabbed his phone, dialing the only person he knew to call.

"Hello, son." Carol Shepherd said happily. She was always glad to hear from her son, no matter what was going on. It seemed Derek Shepherd had the ability to make everything better. That was mostly likely because she was sure she had lost him for all those years. She wouldn't let a day go by without appreciating that he was indeed alive.

"Hi, mom." Derek said in a monotone voice. The truth was, he was sad. He was feeling Meredith's pain and there was no way around that. His fingers flipped the teaspoon he had used to stir the sugar in his coffee. He never used sugar but today it seemed like it was needed.

"What's wrong, Derek? What is wrong?" Carol asked with concern. He sounded like his puppy just died and she didn't like it one bit. When Derek hurt, she hurt plain and simple. It had been that way since he was a little boy.

"Thatcher died, mom." Derek said solemnly. Truthfully, he had just plain forgot to tell her. He had been so concerned about Meredith, there wasn't much else going through his head. He knew that she had a fondness for Thatcher and that made his forgetfulness ten times worse.

"What?" Carol asked in shock as she fell to her seat. She had really grown to like Thatcher. In fact, she saw him as someone she could be happy with. For a split second she fantasized about living out the rest of her life with him. That was all it was, a fantasy. She quickly realized that it would be too much for the whole family, especially Derek. "What do you mean? He was going to be fine. He was having the surgery. He was ready. He had plans..."

"I'm surprised you didn't hear- I was so wrapped up. Meredith is a mess, mom. A real mess. She had all these feelings of guilt and hell- I just don't know. I thought for sure you heard it on the news. Everyone knows. I should have told you sooner. It's just Meredith is a wreck and I never leave her side." Derek explained. He could tell but the edge on his mother's voice that she hadn't known, and it hurt him although he was glad it came from him.

"I don't watch the news anymore." She said sadly as she stared at her paisley tablecloth. "And I guess this is why..." A sigh escaped her lips. "I'm just so shocked. He seemed like such a nice guy. He was really trying. God was he sorry for how he had treated Meredith. He was so sorry. I hope she knows... I hope she knows how much she meant to him." Carol told Derek. She wasn't even sure what to say, so much was going through her head. She felt like she genuinely lost a friend. "When is the funeral?"

"I don't even know yet." Derek admitted. "I don't know when the funeral is- I'm afraid to ask her. She is so upset, I'm afraid to ask." Derek said as he admitted his fears. He quickly got quiet as he realized Meredith was standing before him. He could just feel her presence, something he had always been able to sense.

"I'm not a fucking china doll, Derek." Meredith snapped. Derek looked at her in shock, feeling like now he had just upset her more. "The funeral is in two days. We leave tomorrow on the jet with dad." She told him frankly as she poured her coffee. She looked like the wrath of God, hair a matted mess in her day old clothing.

"To Italy? Tomorrow?" Derek asked, surprised that it didn't hit him. Of course Thatcher would go back to Italy. He would be buried in the cemetery on the grounds.

"Yes, Derek. Tomorrow." She responded as she felt queasy. She didn't want to do this, but it seemed life went on, whether she wanted it to or not.

**I have been unwell and that is why I haven't been updating. I am trying!**


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